#im sorry I have to write this down somewhere i will delete this later once I write it somewhere else

[dixiedingo]

I'm going to ficking walk off the plank and into bed oh my god why do I always immediately fold at the whitest of men.

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon, it makes me really happy and comforts me that you enjoy reading what I submit. It makes me really happy to write all of this and finally be able to tell someone my ideas. Thank you so much.

At first he kept trying to deny the father figure role, but when one night Jackie had a nightmare and came to him and ended up calling him dad, he stopped denying it and accepted it. And once he accepted it he did basically adopt all of them. Jackie and Grievous are literally chaos incarnate most days. They regularly love to prank the contestants and just act insane. Ran and Jackie just kind of hang around eachother, like Ran could be reading and Jackie training and they'd enjoy eachothers company. They do sometimes nap next to eachother, or play card games (which is a rare instance where Ran gets (playfully) rilled up and competitive). Grievous and Ran bonding sadly gets interrupted when Ranbob suddenly drops in, but before that Grievous would try to talk to Ran about what book he's reading and just try to make conversation with him.

Oh the height difference definitely remains. And its both terrifying and hailours to new people. It's even better when it's a 2v2 fight because Jackie has a habit of just climbing Ran like a monkey gym and sitting on his shoulders and its terrifying.

Well, since the drinking age is 3, I personally think the age limit is like 14 or something close. I believe I made their ages as Ran is 19 (almost 20. Maybe 4 months away), Jackie is 16, Watson is 30 something, Grievous is 22, and Ranbob is 28 (Ran is younger than his brother by 9 years) I have written down all their ages somewhere (and the ages where the events of Mizu took place) and if I got any wrong I will submit another ask with their ages. The other gladiators have managed to keep good relationships with most of eachother. A few like Grievous and Genevieve are close, Edward, Levi, and Watson are drinking buddies. Lagguis sadly isn't as involved cause he is sick and can't vist often at all. (I think I got everyone. Tell me if I missed anyone please, I cant check cause whenever I exit tumblr, tumblr deletes everything in my ask :') )

I dont have many rules for the Pit rn but I do have, no injuries that could cause long term or chronic damage, no sabotaging opponents, no teaming unless its a team round, no blackmail or anything of the sort to force an opponent to forfeit, and in order for a battle to end due to forfeit both sides must agree to it. But the Pit in general is a lot of things, there's fights for money, fame, and positions (like general). There's tournaments meant for nothing other than to show skill and just to fight your heart out. It's open to anyone above 14 and anyone under 80, to people from Subbin to those just passing through.

And there are different battles in the Pit, theres singles, the ones we saw in the Tales of the SMP episode. Teams, where teams of 2 battles against eachother. Free-for-all, where literally everyone fights against eachother. And Ion battles, battles where there are super powered weapons (like flame 2 iron sword. Or strength 3 potions) that spawn in the area at random. Typically Ran and Watson work best toghere, as their strategists and plan everything with back up plans, and they always call out warnings and watch eachothers back so its incredibly hard to actually hit them. And Jackie and Grievous work best toghere, with the two going insane and often taking people by surprise with their unmeasure and randomized movements and attacks.

At the start Ranbob was completely under Dreams thrall, not being able to really think for himself and even foregoing self care. When Ranbob starts to become himself again the fishermen are more than confused and hesitant, with Cletus especially stating multiple times that it may just be a trick. So it takes a while but Isaac actually is the one to suggest maybe it isn't a trick, and has to do with the mask that was found. This is later confirmed when the mask is brought to the group and Ranbob has a massive negative reaction that sets him back to how he was when they first met him.

Im honestly not sure yet, I think I want it to be a 'lets never go back' type thing but im not positive yet.

I dont have a solid backstory for the fishermen, but I know I want a little bit of it to tie to the story. Do you have any ideas for their backstory or nah? I do know I want them to have met eachother while they where in unfortunate situations and because of those they got family level close.

Ranbob doesn't take the little space well at first; staying outside when able too, even though that really upset Benjamin; and Ranbob has no idea how the outside works and has no idea how to read the weather or what he can and cant eat, but hey the enderman boi is trying his best to make up for everything he's done. And trying to build his own house to not impose on the fishermen (much like Ranboo did with Techno), but Benjamin wouldn't accept that and kept dragging him inside. It wasn't that hard for Benjamin, Isaac, and Charles to get used to Ranbob, already being used to sharing a small house, it was more Cletus with him refusing to leave Ranbob alone even for a second because he doesn't trust Ranbob at all.

The two groups actually get along surprisingly well! They like eachother and Watson once said, "It was like a family reunion. Or like long lost siblings finally found their way home."

I am once again not sure! Originally I planned for them to stay in Subbin and in the Pit. But the more I think about it the more boring that is and more I like the idea of the groups traveling toghere in the world.

I like this question! So enderman travel in groups called hauntings right? I personally headcanon the enderman in this group are basically family, biological or not. And ever since Ran and Ranbob lost their family they lost their haunting, which can be mentally damaging to a enderman. Once Ran found Waston, Jackie, and Grievous and started hanging around them more, he started feeling a connection ot them he hasn't felt on a long time. He's claimed them, as his haunting, his family. And he'll defend them with his life against anyone and anything. And then suddenly Ranbob came in, a enderman that should be part of his haunting but isn't, a enderman that killed his previous haunting. So Ran is incredibly defensive over his group, and is trying his best to keep Ranbob as far from his haunting as possible, to protect them.

Now Ranbob also got a haunting, his being Charles, Isaac, Benjamin, and even Cletus. So Ranbob is also defensive over his family. But unlike Ran, Ranbob still considers his brother as part of his haunting, his family (and yes, Ranbob did think Ran was dead when he first chased him out years ago, so he's shocked and relieved that his baby brother is still alive). And he sees how his family gets along so well with Rans family and then starts to even consider Rans haunting part of Ranbob's. Basically Ranbob has a big heart and is willing to accept almost anyone into his family, no matter what they've done.

Yep, the reason Porkius is so interested in Ran is because he's an enderman hybrid. And no one else is a hybrid expect for the two brothers (and Porkius, with him being a piglin hybrid).

Porkius is excited! He's excited to see what happens and is more than happy to agree to help as long as he is kept in the loop. Though unless he's directly asked to be involved he prefers watching from a distance at whats happening. Just so he doesn't get mauled by a pissed off enderman.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes (its late) and its so long! Im probably going to try to shorten them.

I’m glad you’re happy, it’s a nice thing to feel. Your ideas are really cool, and I hope I’ll get to see more of them in the future.

Now, can I simply say how adorable so much of this is? Jackie going to Watson when he had a nightmare, the Rans being protective of their groups, Jackie climbing Ran? I love that, it’s very heartwarming and cute, and it made me smile.

So Watson wasn’t really sure what to do with his new title at first, hm? And then Jackie called him dad? How’d he feel about that? How’d Jackie feel about the slip? Or did he even notice? He’s parenting them all, he’s gonna have a dad voice and everything. How do the adopted ones feel about him embracing it?

Jackie and Grievous, two people to truly fear when they wish to cause havoc. Tremble before them. Do they prank people, or do they just become absolute madmen on the battlefield? Or something else. Honestly, anything with these two just instantly makes me amused. 

Jackie and Ran being chill buddies. very nice. Ran getting competitive over card games is a funny thought. Does he win often? Does Jackie? What kind of card games do they play?

Rather sad Ran and Grievous bonding is interrupted, but it’s nice to hear Grievous trying it. Hopefully they’ll get there someday. 

Oh my god, it’s the height difference. Jackie getting on Ran’s shoulder sounds absolutely terrifying. Imagine being some poor new guy pitted against these gremlins and the short ones climbs on the tall ones shoulder-both look absolutely gleeful with the destruction they’re about to wreak, and you already know you cannot outrun them. 

Jackie...Jackie...he’s da youngest. He’s small, and young, and you have no idea how much I’m laughing at this. I don’t even know why, it’s just really, really funny to me. Probably something to do with what a complete force of chaos we all know this boy is. Oddly fitting, but hilarious. How does Jackie feel about this? 

How do the others? Are they a bit more protective over him? Does Ran like to flaunt his three years more over him? 

Grievous and Genevieve are buddies! Very nice, they seem to have a good dynamic. Watson, Edward, and Levi also being close? Very interesting, has a lot of potential. I bet they share a lot of funny stories.

So we’ve established the basics of The Pit. Doesn’t seem too bad, for a fighting arena, to be honest. Seems pretty popular, actually. Do the gladiators live there? In the palace? Or do they just have a house somewhere nearby? What kind of establishments and areas are around? Food places, stores? 

So Ran and Watson are the scariest team because of their strategy, and Jackie and Grievous are the scariest team because of their randomness? It checks out. I’m curious though, how do the other combinations work out?

Ranbob sounds like he has a less than fun time here, and the poor guy could really use some closure. What’s he like, free from the influence of the mask? He seems pretty close to Benjamin, so at least he’s got that going for him. Though he and Cletus don’t seem to have the strongest bond at first. How is that resolved?

And how does Ran feel about his brother’s new haunting, after everything? I imagine that he’s at least a little bit unhappy with it, for one reason or another-and there’s quite a few reasons for him to pick from.

How did that house-building attempt go, between Ran never being above water, and probably never building a house before? I can’t imagine too well.

Some ideas for backstory, well, hm. Isaac seemed dressed a bit fancier than the others, perhaps he comes from a richer family than the others? That’s about all I’ve got for now, sorry. 

It’s nice to hear they got along, who clicks the easiest?

Possible road trip? Always fun.

So, the enderman hybrids have adopted their respective groups as their hauntings. You’ve mentioned Ranbob’s pretty cool with this, how does Ran feel? Obviously, he’s less than pleased with Ranbob, but what about the fishermen? Protective Ran and Ranbob! How protective exactly? Is it subtle, or overbearing at times? Actually, how do their instincts lead to them interacting with their groups overall?

Porkius must not see Ender hybrids too often, if he’s so interested in them. It’s nice that he’s willing to help out though, and his concern is valid. I wouldn’t want an angry enderman hybrid after me either. 

Are hybrids not overly common, then, if there’s only Ran, Ranbob, and Porkius around currently, or are they just not mentioned a lot?

Thanks for the ask, a lot of it made me smile. I enjoyed reading it, and I hope you’ll be willing to send more when you have the time.

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[cabin-13]

u said self indulgent nico hcs?? 👀👀

ajkdsjkkj when I say self-indulgent, it’s Self-Indulgent and i pretty much ignore richard’s canon / haven't reread the books from either series in a long time nor have i read toa but if ur really interested... (long post ahead, sorry!)

nb nico is top tier 

goes by he/they pronouns 

touristcore aesthetic that’s slowly encroaching into e-person territory

he’s The Blueprint

likes thorn from the hex girls (even the reboot ver.) but digs dusk’s look more

how is this related u may ask?

yeah, i answer

idc abt canon so he and drew are bitchy friends and drew rags on his appearance constantly while brushing his hair but throws in self-care tips btwn loving insults

nico: you know im not a boy right

drew: doesnt change the fact you look like a wet rat, sweetie <3

i will forever stand by reynico being (platonic) soulmates and im gonna b extra self-indulgent and say they were friends in previous lives too and that’s why they vibed w each other so well <3 

speaking of previous lives, well.... heh..

(no but really, this hc is kinda embarassing but , if u want elaboration uhhhhhhhhhh)

i know nico only has like. a 5th grade education but i like to think he would be a good student ... if anything i think hades would at least homeschool him with the ghosts of (famous) teachers ??? he seems to be naturally curious and he’s kind of a smart ass (not in a mean way) in canon idk

polyglot nico! polyglot nico! polyglot nico!!!! he becomes the go-to translator at camp ( like he isn't already sjkjskjdk) 

yes he would know asl. why? bc i said so and rick needs to include include some hoh/deaf characters within the greek/roman pantheon <3 (if there is, not counting hearthstone from mcga)

leo finds out abt nico knowing spanish bc he once snorted at a joke he said and now leo won’t stop telling him shit like “¿cuál es la fruta que más se ríe? .... la naranja, ja, ja, ja --”

ironically has the best hair at chb (rick once said the di angelos had silky hair in the titan’s curse i think + reyna said something abt his hair too in boo ?? i'll have to check...) once he cleans up and the aphrodite kids are seething

nico’s hair starting to gray at a young age is also an interesting concept ! i think tumblr user fuocogo drew something ft that and it stuck with me

really self indulgent but he’s roman at heart (maybe even Literally. i read somewhere that an italian fan said the di angelos fit the desc. of modern day romans better than venicians ?? if i find it, i’ll link it >>>)

 i like to think his family are legacies of victoria seeing as he’s always one of the key pieces / an important informant for winning both wars ... plus his grandpa was a diplomat and uhhh idk where I was going w this ngl

speaking of family, I need to know if the di angelo bloodline no longer exists assuming maria was an only child and there was no mention of any other di angelos aside from her parents ..? i like the idea of nico finding out that he has more family tho !!

also I would love it if rick cleared up where and when he met maria pls and thank u <3

I MISS BABY NICO’S PERSONALITY SM ... which is why i propose that whenever one of his friend’s see his eyes sparkling and arms waving while he babbles abt whatever topic, they think it’s really cute !!!! like !! keep talking !! 

 he gets embarrassed when he sees his friends smiling at him but it kinda makes him a bit teary eyed bc it’s been so long since he was able to talk abt his interests without being shut down / forcing himself to keep quiet because he felt like he was being too childish/annoying

what im saying is that he should be able to act like a kid bc he is one !!!! he's 14 !!!!!

he either has the cutest laugh or the weirdest laugh and it strictly depends on who ur asking

i feel like he sneezes like a kitten...............he sneezes and everyone whips their head around to look at him and he’s never wanted to dig a hole and put himself in it more than now

i like the imagery of tinkling bells being associated with him so im gonna sayyy he would have a necklace with a little bell (something like this kinda ??) and yes, leo would’ve made it for him as a joke kinda but not really

valdangelo (either as a friendship or nah) is underrated

like ur telling me this kid has a metal dragon and builds the coolest things ever and nico doesn't even think it’s a little bit cool ?? nah. rr did them dirty.

the kids at camp love him and i won't take no for an answer

he brings out ye ol’ mythomagic figurines to explain/show them the monsters and gods of the greek pantheon

it’s a win-win situation bc he gets to babble abt his hyperfixation and the kids get to learn abt what they're gonna get into in a way that’s better than the camp orientation film (since nico’s literally the only one who’s seen it ((but i think the stolls wanted to check it out too ??)) )

they give him a “camp’s best counselor <3333” mug and he cries abt it to reyna and hazel

yes he’s wearing an unusual amount of friendship bracelets no he's not gonna take them off shut up

unfortunately im team short!nico bc i want 2 see him get engulfed by the hugs his sisters (yes this includes reyna) and friends give him !!! 

he wears demonia platform sneakers / doc martens (and converse but that’s p much a given) thank you <3

piper/nico friendship ... I Need It

they borrow each other’s clothes constantly

leo and them clown on jason  and jason is Suffering but he loves them all so it’s ok 

piper could probably carry nico 

nico stress bakes 

yeah

he and clovis become good friends and hang out in the dream world and u know what, im gonna say they’re cuddle buddies too. clovis seems like he would give nice hugs !

im a sucker for nico having friends from different pantheons too !!! also becoming sort-of friends with gods/immortals of different pantheons !!

the underworld demigod discord gc is cursed; one moment they're all talking abt how they're pretty much fated to stay in the underworld while they're both living and after they die but the next moment someone says they want a hug and a chorus of “yeah...”’s follows.

nico was a momma’s boy most definitely 

speaking of which, i like to think that while him and bianca looked like their dad and mom respectively, it would’ve switched when they got older ?? idk

autistic nico ..... rick make it canon and not btwn the lines......

idk how to explain this one bc it’s just Plain Weird but . i feel like . nico would like?? hang out under his bed ??? maybe i’ll draw a pic or something and edit this later sjjdjkddk

this is just me projecting but he hates looking at mirrors / seeing himself in photos bc the person he sees doesn't match the person he sees in his head ?? if that makes sense ??? like he doesn't look like the nico he used to be bc of how much his appearance changed ? idk

uhhh he sometimes hallucinates, esp when he was in tartarus and in the month after coming out of the jar

maybe i’ll elaborate on this later ..

i need more annabeth and nico friendship pls...... both of them like/liked percy and now he can't stop getting clowned 

HOWEVER.... if I see one more “not his/my type” joke im going to delete my tumblr

speaking of which, i have a conspiracy theory abt Things, but i don't wanna get my ass sniped into next tuesday

introvert leo forcing himself to be the group comedian even though he’d much rather be with machines and extrovert nico who pushes ppl away so he doesn't get hurt but desiring the company of another type vibes. im not gonna elaborate.

his latest hyperfixation is pokemon and his favorite pokemon are gengar and skitty, but jirachi and mimikyuu are close seconds

has a crush on N Harmonia  and a bunch of the male gym leaders no im not gonna elaborate

this isn't a hc but. rick u really gotta stop writing abt ppl automatically distrusting nico because of his appearance / godly parent (although some were kinda warranted based of their personal history even though nico still pulled through in the end)  im getting tired of reading abt ppl wanting to like. hurt him or Actually hurting him for stuff he didn't have control of sjkjsjkdsjkdk (like wtf happened with frank when hazel got poisoned?? I thought frank actually liked nico ahjkjsjkf) 

uhhhhh that’s p much it ??????  sorry for the long ass post .. maybe i’ll write abt him more if ppl really want me to...

[dylshoney]

when you’re ready

 requests:  maybe a shawn fic based on “when you’re ready” but you’re not the girl he sung about? and the girl shows up 10 years later and tries to get him back and you guys have been together for like 3 years and it just causes insecurities ?? does this make sense?? (love your work btw❤️)

Hellurrr! I have a request, if you will? TW Anxiety Attack Like if the female!reader has an anxiety attack because she thinks she's not good enough so Shawn helps her and holds her?

a/n: this was my first time trying to write angst (cause im usually an optimistic ass bitch) so if its bad just lie and scroll post ahahaha but i wanted to try and @superiorsoph sent this request in and i couldnt resist. im sorry i didnt follow it exactly, but i hope you like it love.

warnings: language, angst

“Stay still!”

 You hear him say for the umpteenth time, but you pretend not to hear him, twirling around in the dress, laughing and shaking your hips.

 He makes noises of disgruntlement and soon you hear the shutter of his camera go off, the flash blinding you for a few seconds, but you don’t care. You glide over to the full-length mirror on one side of the store and smile at your reflection. He was right, the dress is gorgeous.

 You push down the fabric, loving the smoothness under your fingers and twirl once more. You can see Shawn roll his eyes in the reflection, but you can see the hint of a smile threatening to peak through. He places his camera back in the casing and walks over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, leaning down to press his head on your shoulder.

 You’re both silent for a moment, just staring at the pair of you in the mirror. You hum, your head falling back into him, “I think we found the one.”

 “I told you I’d be useful,” he tuts, pinching your hip. You flinch, turning around to smack his chest, “You only just started being useful. The past hour has been torture.”

 He’s laughing, the beautiful crinkles on his face making your heart melt but you love teasing him, so you can’t give in just yet, “Trying on twenty dresses definitely wasn’t necessary.”

 “No.” He agrees, smiling down at you with a shit- eating grin. “But we had to test all out options, didn’t we?”

 You shake your head, turning back around to see yourself in the reflection, triple-checking that this was the right choice.

 “You have to delete those photos, you know?”

 “No!” He sounds almost offended. “Those are memories, there’s no way I’m getting rid of that.”

 “But I look horrid,” you pout, blinking innocently.

 “Don’t give me that face,” he shakes his head, “They’re all blurry anyway.”

 You grin victoriously, winking at him, “The music in here is just too good – I couldn’t resist.”

 He pauses for a moment, raising his finger to the ceiling, eyebrows raised. You focus on the sound of #Selfie by the Chainsmokers, your ears getting hot as you begin to nod slowly, “It has a nice rhythm?”

 He shakes his head, but you’re already dancing again – thankful that there was no one else in the store on an early Wednesday morning.

 “If you dance like that tonight, I’m going to pretend I don’t know you.”

 You ignore him, taking his large hand into yours and spinning into him, his laughter getting louder as the two of you stumble around together.

 The music changes to Troye Sivan’s Dance to This and you squeal a bit, getting overly excited as the two of your start shouting the lyrics at the top of your lungs. You can see the nice sales associate trying to contain her giggles as she pretends not to watch you, but you don’t care.

 You’re watching Shawn. Your eyes never leaving him as he throws his head back, laughing as you mess up the lyrics. His hands pull you into him, your chest hitting his as you begin doing some sort of heightened version of a slow dance. His hands are warm against you, sending a current of energy through your body.

 You’ve never smiled wider in your life, your heart clenching as he places a kiss on your forehead and you can’t believe that you’re still so in love with him after two years of being together. It’s never stopped being butterflies and sweaty palms with him – you’re body reacting to his touch like it was the first time.

 Everyone around you recognized that as well, even the sales associate as she checked out the dress a few minutes later. You two are adorable, how long have you been engaged?

 Shawn had squeezed your hand extra hard as the two of you tried to contain your giggles, explaining to her that the ring on your finger was a promise one. But Shawn made sure to add that he was hoping to fulfill that promise soon.

 You felt like you were on cloud nine, leaving the store with a flutter of butterflies in your stomach. You knew that Shawn was it for you, never once doubting that he was the person you were going to marry.

 You just didn’t expect that maybe; you weren’t it for him too.

 *

 Later that night you found yourself at yet another event with Shawn, wearing the pretty red dress and smiling widely as people approached you.

 You were happy to find that you could easily recognize and talk to many people, a stark comparison to how you were when you had just started going out with Shawn. You were more confident now, excepting that you belonged next to Shawn, that if you stood up straight and acted like you were meant to be there – people would believe it too.

 You were sipping a Shirley temple, bopping your head lightly to the beat of the song radiating through the room, talking to Lina – the daughter of a famous record producer. She was probably your closest friend related to the industry, but she was usually too busy to attend these kind of parties – so you were taking in every second you could get with her.

 “Ok look at Marsha,” Lina lifted her chin, motioning to a woman a few meters away from you, “She’s about to go talk to Roger. For the sixth time tonight.”

 “No way.” You shook your head, cringing as Marsha started making her way over to the older man again. “He’s said no to her single like a million times already.”

 “Have you heard it?”

 “No.” You paused, “Wait? Have you?!”

 She snorted, “I wish I didn’t.”

 “Come one!” You threw your head back, “I would have paid to see your reaction.”

 “I can perform some for you, if you’d like?”

 You were quick to shake your head, but she was already going.

 “If I could fly … I would never leave you dry ….”

 “Stop! Please!” You were bent over, holding your stomach as you tried to contain your laughter. She was so off pitch that you were tempted to cover your ears.

 “Maybe we could last forever ….”

 “I don’t know what sadder,” you heaved, “The song – or the fact that you know it by heart.”

 “She made me listen to it six times!”

 “That sounds like – ”

 “Excuse me.” You turned around at the sound of the voice, feeling a light touch on your shoulder. You were greeted with the sight of a beautiful blonde staring at you with a small smile.

 “Hi.” You were quick to return the grin, trying to figure out if you remembered her from somewhere. She looked oddly familiar.

 “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for Shawn?”

 You smiled, “I can go get him for you. Give me just a second.”

 “Thank you so much!”

 You found Shawn in the back, talking to someone you recognized to be very important, but his eyes lit up and he was on his feet the second he saw you.

 “Hey angel, everything okay?”

“Hey,” you nodded as he wrapped a hand around your waist pulling you to the side, “There’s someone looking for you.”

 You took his hand in yours, leading him through the mass of bodies in the space, over to where Lina and the stranger were waiting.

 “Hey!” Your tone was light as you called out to her, “Found him!”

 She turned around, an expectant look on her face before her eyes finally settled on your boyfriend.

 “Kate.” Shawn’s voice was laced with shock, a smile gracing his features as he let go of your hand and shot forward to hug her.

 You made eye contact with Julia from behind them, her light ones wide and looking at you with something you could only describe as sheer worry. You tilted your head, trying to understand what she was mouthing to you.

 “It’s been so long.” You could hear Shawn say as they pulled apart, his tone laced with something you didn’t recognize.

 “It has. You look amazing, Shawn.” Now that was something you did recognize.

 You placed a hand on Shawn’s back, his eyes wide as he turned back to look at you, almost as if he’d forgotten you were even there.

“Kate,” his eyes were back on her immediately, “This is y/n, my … girlfriend.”

 You hated the hesitation in his voice, but you didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, smiling gently at her, “It’s nice to meet you.”

 “So, how do you two know each other?” Julia stepped forward, sipping on her drink as her narrowed eyes trained on Kate.

 There was a moment of reluctance, which definitely didn’t help with your unease.

 “We go way back.” Shawn finally said, Kate, giggling in response. Your smile faded. So they went way back. That was definitely code for used to date.

 You hated the jealously that flooded through you. Your stomach clenching as your boyfriend continued to stare at the girl with an unrecognizable look.

 Everyone was silent for a moment, Shawn’s eyes not leaving Kate, something you weren’t too happy about. You were used to being the center of his attention. And you felt selfish the second those thoughts filled your mind.

 “What are you doing here?” He asked, the wide grin never leaving his face.

 She smiled for a moment until her eyes traveled over to you and the expression faded, “I uh – was hoping we could talk?”

 You didn’t like the look she was giving you, and you definitely didn’t like the sound of that. But Shawn was nodding and not even a second later he was turning to you, “I’ll be right back.”

 You didn’t respond, he didn’t give you the chance to. He was already walking away, hot on her heels.

 “What the actual fuck.”

 You didn’t know how to answer. So instead you turned over the bar, immediately ordering four shots, making Lina talk them with you.

 You had hoped that the alcohol would ease your nerves, but instead, you found yourself pacing in the bathroom, your head spinning as you tried to explain to Lina what was going on in your mind.

 She did her best to try and calm you, easing your mind that it was nothing. Shawn loved you. It didn’t matter that he was slightly tipsy. Alone. And talking to his ex.

 You trusted him with everything in you, but you didn’t trust the look in Kate’s eyes. And the look in his.

 Shawn came back a half hour later, his eyes bloodshot and begging you to leave with him. You didn’t hesitate to agree, taking his outstretched hand and following him to the car.

 You were both silent for a few moments but there was unspoken tension hanging in the air, your hands folded in your lap – trying to figure out how to phrase your words.

 “Are you going to tell me what happened?” You finally blurted, hating the way his hands tightened on the steering wheel.

 Shawn was silent for a few seconds, before he cleared his voice, “Everything’s fine. Kate just wanted to catch up.”

 You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue. “How long were you together for?”

 You could see him tense again, his shoulders tightening, “We weren’t. Almost though.”

 “What happened?”

 “I don’t know. She wasn’t ready, I guess.” His tone was clipped; sounding like he had uttered those words millions of times before. You could feel your breath catch in your throat.

 She wasn’t ready.

 You replayed those words in your head a million times before you could finally utter something else. “When was the last time you saw her?”

 Shawn could sense the uneasiness in your voice, the unfamiliar tremble as you tried to calm your breathing.

 His hand was quick to take yours, twisting it out of the clasp in your lap and holding it in his tightly, “Baby –”

 “I’m just curious – I know there’s nothing to worry about I just –” your voice was higher than normal, Shawn’s hand tightening around yours.

 But he was silent. Staring straight ahead at the stoplights. The bright red glow illuminating his impassive features.

 “There is nothing to worry about, right?” You found yourself saying.

 “Of course not.”

 Your heart was in your stomach, and you suddenly felt like there was no room in the car – no air.

 “Shawn,” you whispered, “Did something happen?”

 He swallowed again, “No.”

 You were both silent for the rest of the ride home, Shawn’s hand holding yours – the only thing stopping you from falling apart.

 The second the car parked in your driveway, you let go of him and jumped out, not waiting for him to follow – speed walking to the front door. Your hands were shaking as you tried to stick the key into the lock, your blurry eyes making it hard for you to focus.

 “Y/n – ”

 You could hear Shawn coming up behind you, but the door burst open just in time – saving you from having to look at him, “I – I have to go to the bathroom.”

 You could hear him shout something back but you were already sprinting up the stairs and into your shared room, shutting the door behind you and bolting into the bathroom.

 You were shaking, pulling your phone out and googling the one thing on your mind since the second you heard it.

 The lyrics to Shawn’s When You’re Ready showed up on screen and you tried to calm your breathing, scrolling for a moment before your tears began collecting again and you were sobbing.

 You gripped the sink, your breaths choked up as you tried to control your heart rate.

 You could feel a tightness expanding through your chest, like a weight that was pulling you down. You were on your knees before you had a chance to blink, your hands wrapped around your dress as you tried to get a grip on yourself.

 Moments passed but your breathing wasn’t picking up, you tried to blink away the tears, but they kept flowing as your shallow breaths increased.

 You stood; your head spinning at the sudden movement, making you fall back and steady yourself against the sink. A jewelry box slid off at the impact, falling and smashing on the floor.

 You flinched back at the noise, your ears registering a muffled yelling from behind your door, but you couldn’t make it out. You didn’t understand any of it, your chest heaved as you fell back onto your knees, sounding like you were chocking on air. Black spots began to cloud your vision, the room starting to spin.

 Arms wrapped around you, pulling you back into a hand chest, but your mind was too cloudy to process any of it.

 “Breathe – ” you could just make out his words, “You’re having a panic attack.”

 “I can’t I –”

 Shawn spun you into him, on his knees before you, his hands cupping your cheeks as he placed his forehead on yours. You tried to make out the golden color of his eyes but you couldn’t focus on anything but the tightness in your chest.

 “I need you to listen to me, okay?” His thumbs were lightly massaging your jaw, “You’re going to inhale for me on the count of three.”

 “1.. 2.. inhale.” You obeyed, your chest filling up with air as you shook in his grasp.

 “Now exhale,” he said, his voice shaky, “Now again.”

 “Inhale…exhale…inhale….exhale.”

 It was working, your mind slowly clearing as you focused on the sound of his voice.

 You sighed easily for the first time in a while, your eyes finally opening and meeting his tear-streaked ones.

 You pulled away from him immediately, falling back onto your butt as you crawled further away, the cold tile the least of your concerns.

 “You – you.” You heaved, trying to catch your breath, “You wrote it about her.”

He tilted his head, looking like a devastated, confused puppy, “Angel I don’t know –”

 “When you’re ready! You wrote it about her, didn’t you?”

 Shawn blinked, a single tear falling from his eye as he crawled over to you. You flinched, scooting away until your back hit the wall.

 “Y/n I –”

 “The song was written four months into our relationship.” You sniffled, wiping your nose on the sleeve of your dress, not caring about how much money you had spent this morning. Now, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

 “You had said that Teddy wrote most of it. That it was a spur of the moment thing. That none of your songs were based on anyone until you met me.”

 He was silent, tears streaking down his cheeks as he tried to catch his breath, “Baby –”

 “You were waiting for her. This entire time. Weren’t you?”

 “No!” He tried to get closer, but stopped at the expression on your face, “No! I love you, I –”

 “Cause ain't n –nobody like you. F- familiar disappointment every single time I do.” You began to recite, your hiccupping sobs making it hard to understand.

 “Y/n. Baby, please let me explain – ”

“Every single night my arms are not around you. My mind's still wrapped around you.” You shut your eyes, your entire body shaking as you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to figure out how this was happening to you.

 “Baby, tell me when you're ready.” You opened at the sound of a choked sob coming from the other side of the room. Shawn was on the floor, his head between his hands as he sobbed, shoulders shaking.

 You were silent, trying to stop yourself from rushing over to him and holding him in your arms – something you had grown so accustomed to that now you felt like you were having an out of body experience.

 “Do you still love her?” 

That wasn’t what you had planned to say, but you needed to hear it. You needed to know if the last two years were a waste, if the ring on your finger had ever meant something to the boy you thought was going to be yours forever.

 Shawn was silent, his shoulders slumping as he threw his head back.

 “Shawn?” Your voice was sterner than it had been all day.

 “I – ” Another wrecked sob flew through him.

 You covered your mouth as you felt your chest close up again. Shaking your head, you took a deep breath – you were not about to have another panic attack right now.

 You gripped the vanity to your left, using it to pull yourself to your feet. Your mind went hazy from how fast you rose, your head already pounding from how hard you’d been crying.

 “She told you she was ready, didn’t she?”

 All Shawn could do was nod, his eyes not opening as he placed his head back in his hands – his elbows on his knees as he started crying again.

 You threw your head back, urging yourself not to cry – but nothing could stop the whimper from flying out of you, your eyes shutting again.

 Everything was silent again. For a few moments, you hoped that he would say something. That he would get to his feet and explain that everything was a misunderstanding – that he would take you in his arms and hold you, telling you that you were the one he loved. The only one he loved.

 However, things weren’t that simple. They never were with Shawn. But never before had you doubted where you stood with him.

 “I – I can’t do this.” You found yourself saying, his head snapping up – bloodshot eyes meeting yours.

 He was on his feet before you could blink, “No. Y/n – let’s talk about this, please.”

 You hesitated, before shaking your head. It was too late for talking now. You had waited for him to act and he had left you dry.

 “You need to figure yourself out before we can do that Shawn.” You spun the ring on your finger. “I can’t be with you if you’re not a hundred percent sure about me.”

 “I love you.” His voice cracked, a single tear traveling down his sculpted cheek again.

 “I love you too.” You sniffled, taking the ring off your finger – Shawn immediately flinching back, “Please. Please don’t leave me.”

 “You lied to me. You used me as a placeholder for her. You still love –”

 “I don’t. I don’t.” He was shaking, his hands coming up to fold behind his head, “It was a spur of the moment, baby – ”

 “I know you, Shawn.” You were tired, and he was delirious. You couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, and you were afraid that if you kept this up any longer – he could convince you to stay.

 “Call me when you figure everything out. And then we can talk.”

 You placed the ring on the counter, the clang of it hitting the marble making Shawn flinch again, but you didn’t let yourself get phased.

 You took one long look at him, before turning around and walking out of the bathroom – and ultimately the house.

 He didn’t call after you once.

__________________________________________________________________

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December Dates

Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.

R E Q U E S T

my friend: seventeen + cute

A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz

-----

Alright

So no gifs

Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap

S. Coups

Das better

hi header

I might delete u later if i get on a pc

But firsT seuNgcheEolL

*deep breath*

Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does

N now u are on aa date with him

WoWw

So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake

Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves

THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC

then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside

ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand 

cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing

Also warmth

pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold

Then like a gentleman

will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW

AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR

HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care

He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home

Rapid fire frikin snow granades man

Course iz all a bita fun

Then he'll let u win

Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce

Also he soft for u gross

Then once that's done he'll start laughing

Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline

But because he thinks himself so funny

When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"

AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow

"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh

U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass

U stomp away

He laughs and goes after u

His hot breath is visible 

and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind

U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"

Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."

"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"

"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again

"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"

Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left

Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme

Jeonghan

Yiz

Unlike cheol

Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm

Leave the cold for someone else

But get warm together

I mean

Wink wINKkkkk

Jk gtfo

This is a wholesome headcanon

Git warm he would gladly

So u know what dat means

CUddlEs

Imagine cuddling jeonghan

BoIii

It's da holidays

Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep

Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in

Gurl if ya do

Let me stress out

If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han

GUrL

Wathu doin????

AnYWAY

ITz u and him right

Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right

Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses

EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES

IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME

it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh

So like ur sitting down

N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring

Right right right

Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"

But also ur always hungry

Cause who isnt tho lol

ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP

but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo

N ur like

aww wat a needy ho

"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"

"Eat laterrr, i need u now"

He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over

Securing an arm on your  hip so u wont go

U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u

"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"

He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap

"I dont want toooooo"

U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip

But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest

"You're so needy," u note

"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"

"Touché"

Joshua

Okay

Get this

Joshua and gingerbread houses

He probably used to build one growing up

And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with

Congrats u filthy animal

So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need

And so much more

Im talking chocolate bars

Shipped cream

Candy canes

Busicuits

Edible glitter

Gum drops

Shrek 1 2 3 4

Is there a four

Im too lazy to google it

And omg u so special to him he loves u so much

Screw u

He wants to share the love with the carats

So he vlives it all

And at first ur shy

Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u

Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship

AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG

so

Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"

(':

N ur like ok cos i love u sm

But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*

So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it

Except u dont

Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way

Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules

"Stop eating the marshmallows!"

"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"

"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"

ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl

And it excalates

fooD FIGHT

U smear cream on joshuas face

He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head

U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is

"A sexy graham sandwich"

"Ew no wrong answer," u reply

Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off

*cough cough cough moron cough cough*

Jun

Imma bout to yeet

Junhui is also feeling nostalic

super soft super baby

And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there

he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!

And whiney needy cuddles also yay

Moving on so

Will it be good?

Damn straight

itll be fikin delish

Will you try to to help him

Of course u gotta help ur man

But like duh

u have eyes

And seeing him all focus and busy and hot

Is really distracting

So like ur as useful as a broken button to him

He doesnt mind tho

He thinks ur cute

Also lovng the attnstion

But the thing about not helping

Not really

And being distracted by a cutie pie

Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like

he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right

And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"

And then BaaaaM

U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it

Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything

And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"

"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"

"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"

Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor

You frown, feeling useless

Both of u pick up ur mess

Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand

u picked up the last of the potatoes

"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"

"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"

Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"

You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace

Hoshi

AlrighT fam

I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi

He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"

So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u

So u do

U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion

And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"

And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss

ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms

Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right

But hoshi brings u to the mall

To instead join the couples dancing contest

Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction

He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"

You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."

Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"

And then u break into a big uwu

"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"

He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"

So you both participate in the contenst

Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors

Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps

He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us

Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit

And all he really cares about is having a good time with you

Aleight

But admitedly

He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner

Were not the two off you

i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt

Who else could trump that

But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world

and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"

You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"

Soonyound and you turn to each other

He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"

"I thought you'd never ask"

Wonwoo

LiNda

I hope you're ready for wonwoo 

Because i sure as hell am not 

So in case youre wondering 

Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you 

Prolly at midnight hi fam 

Again i dont make the rules 

Well just a btw Almost every 

Christmas tradition is pagan 

Like the tree 

The wreath 

And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM 

SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy 

For not wanting to continue them on 

i mean sure u can give new meaning to things 

But you wanted none of that

 Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house 

Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo 

Wonwoo doesn't mind 

He thinks its cute 

Because it is a cute date idea 

Youtube tutorials 

Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all 

Yeah 

so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded 

You're glueing some popsicle sticks 

He's water coloring some designs in 

Youre pulling on the tape dispenser 

It's all going great 

"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"

 "They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo." 

Wonwoo gives an apologetic look. 

For a moment u two dont speak 

And then you both brust into laughter 

"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!" 

And do you get your badly painted slowflakes 

Your wolf drawing 

"That's a wolf?" 

"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?" 

The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas 

And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members 

in personalized ugly sweaters 

And placed them all over the place 

You look around basking in the glory of ur craft 

Its all very colorful 

And crafty 

And looking like a child made it 

Then like an imbecile 

U break into laughter 

"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom" 

U end up roasting yourself 

Making fun of your sloppy handwork 

And wonwoo watches u 

with adoring eyes

 "I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper 

You recive it from him and break into a smile 

"Is this us?" 

Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"

For a moment u believe him

But then he breaks out into laughter

Woozi

Boi imma fite u

Christmas carols

Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo

But listennup

Im not about to maypke it crackier

so back to christmas carols

Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song

So its around 8pm at night

Jihoon has is guitar

and ur just chilling right

and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing

but then from the floor he was sat on

he turns to you on the couch

And pats ur leg

"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"

You squeak and jump of the couch next to him

"Duh dummy!"

And he starts singing

He's talking about stars and warmth

He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco

The  he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was

Next thing you know ur  crying

because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY

also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you

Dont u just

Then jihoon catches you and panicks

"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"

"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"

JIHOON CALms down

But u crybaby cant stop crying

and of course jihoon panicks again

So he starts singing some other Christmas song

And then u start crying about poor rudolf

And remember regina george

But then eventually you calm down

And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms

Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas

DK

 Liz gittit

Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world 

And since he 

And u u forgetful ass 

Forgot to go shopping for presents 

You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip! 

Hurrah! 

But it was too eady for u two 

Like wtf 

Gift giving Is suuch and easy task 

And shoping a day before Christmas 

pshhhhhhh 

Its a heartbeat

 "Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins 

You knit your brows deeply at his words 

And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring 

So being the smarter one in the relationship 

"Uh no??" 

Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas" 

"???? Whyyyyy?" 

"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine" 

So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get 

You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping 

Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer 

Tbh its super stressful 

wtf 

what kind of date is this 

Only morons would do this wtf 

Both of you got shoved constantly 

There wasnt really much space to move around 

And there wasnt really anything to choose from 

But hey guess what 

Seokmin found some really cool gifts 

"Daheck did u get that shirt?" 

"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"

You on the other hand got like ok gifts 

I mean theyre not bad

 But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek 

It was no contest.  

Seokmin defo won 

"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow" 

"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???" 

"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho." 

U roll ur eyes 

Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?" 

"Uhhhhhhhhhh" 

You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look 

"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home" 

He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks 

"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home" 

Which he does 

And when u get back 

He says he forgot something in the car

then comes bzck 

And then forcefully turns u around 

Ur about to protest

But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u 

"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"

"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek 

"Merry christmas jagi" 

Mingyu  

You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu 

uh and super lucky like fu-- 

BUT TODAY 

Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall 

Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree 

Wow 

You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets

 and the sparkliest streamers 

"I have a vision," u explain 

Mingyu nods in understanding 

U and him lift the tree into the living room 

And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up 

Its all rly chill

 You lot are chatting about whatever 

He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff 

U put on some Christmas tunes for flare 

And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other 

Yall shake ur butts 

and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself 

Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u

 and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are 

Except hes holding it over his head 

N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there 

So u step on his foot 

And punch his stomach 

And he bends down in reaction 

In pain

Soz

He was asking for it

U steal the decor back 

Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully 

*instert pikachu meme here* 

N then u get back towork 

Or i mean take a break 

And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk 

And then u get back to work 

"ok nows for the star" 

U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance

getting that star up ther 

with his longass arms 

He turns to u "u dont wanna put it" 

BOI 

u suck in a breath 

"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL" 

He give a face, "there are ways" 

"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"

AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW

 Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders 

"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face 

Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto

but he stands 

with u on his shoulders

and walks to the tree 

"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!" 

Wow its ur fault again

And screaming u put the star on 

And mingyu putz u down 

"Okay that was stressful" 

U punch him in the gut again 

The8  

Minghao is super tired 

But super looking forward to spending time with u 

So u defintely go on a date 

But its of the lazy movie watch variety

Im talking all the chesey romance movies 

Set in december 

that has like mistletoe kisses 

And snow scenes 

And also those holiday specials

 For catroons 

And non cartoons 

Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit 

You pull out the laptop 

And get on netflix 

There's popcorn on 

And hot tea 

Or whatever the hell 

Its all just very warm 

and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket 

Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh 

"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--" 

But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep

 U coo and let him obvi 

taking unflattering pictures duh 

But also cute ones because 

#couplegoals 

He doesn't sleep through all the movies though 

You end up watching non christmas themed films too 

Like toy story4 

OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING 

PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG 

"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt 

U feel ur cheeks brun at that 

but no he cant have that 

"I thought i was always cute" 

He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly 

U laugh at his reaction 

"Of course you're always cute" 

"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter" 

"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter" 

"Were u always this gross?" 

Seungkwan 

Okay 

before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member 

i would first like to say i know 

and  that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas 

and took u to a fancy restaurant 

Ok ur welcome 

But like even if it werent fancy 

U'd still like it 

cause holy guacamole 

imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around

Jsut being so head over heels

and super in love with the cutie

Groooossss 

LinDA 

The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u 

so he stops mid conversations 

just to take ur pic 

Its kinda annoyig 

but kinda cute 

"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"

 "No go on, im just talking ur picture"

 Literally the bst hype man alive 

Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u 

And will make u pose for aethetics 

He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place 

n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee" 

And then oml  

Some moron tries to hit on u 

and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool 

would he actually do it i mean 

Like 

prolly Not 

but then again he looked really mad 

So u calm him down 

and u go bzck home 

And the cuddles 

"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"

 "Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"

U smile and he takes another candid phto of u

"Broooooo!!"

 "Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress" 

Vernon  

okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter

So he's like 

"Lets do a hot choco review" 

And buys 897 types of hot choco 

Or like ten 

wtf eight hundres pluss is too much 

So ur like okay i like hot choco 

and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive 

"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf" 

Yall make like ten cups of hot choco 

and is chaotic 

Idek how u could get injured 

But hey 

It wasnt even the hot water invovled 

but the wrapping of the choco powder 

"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron" 

U get him a bandaid

"Ya! I am not" 

Yall start reviewing anyway 

*insert try guys eugenes voice* 

Im rihght

 Ur wong 

Shut up 

After trying the first onw 

Ur like wow dis is good 

the second was even better 

The third one u hold

then u realized there were eight more cups 

And that u made so

much 

so u were like "omf there is too much "

then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest 

But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"

Then ur like 

"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco" 

n vernon was like 

???? 

"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD" 

SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT 

MIX THE REST IN 

REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups

 Shrug it off 

and get a cup of the hot choco mix 

"Tastes like corn" 

"Bish dafaq" 

Dino 

Yikes 

so 

Chan is a dumb ho 

and got himself sick at Christmas so 

nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas 

and its just you and him staying at home 

U personally dont mind 

but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"

 but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is 

So you stay home and take care of him 

and all he can do is complain about everything 

about the cold 

his runny nose 

The lack of taste of the food

 His head ache 

The fact his bed is hot 

And that fact that u have to take care of him 

And treat him like a baby 

"I am not a baby" 

"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby" 

"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs" 

You make him some hot cocoa 

And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again" 

"Babybabybabybabybaby" 

Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu" 

"Well das on u" 

And then u end up going ona glaring contest 

Chan ends up giving it to u anyway 

"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity 

U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter 

And then u end up crying because hes super soft

N ur super soft

And gahhh u love him so much

 Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u  

U sniffle and wipe ur eyes 

"Who's the baby now, cry baby" 

You snarl and pinch his side 

And now i say

This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed 

merry CHRISTMAS 

ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY 

TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah

Support me on ko-fi

[shslstraws]

Hello! Hope your days going well, I’ve been looking around and see your ✨beautiful art✨, and I curious to see your ideas/headcanons of your dr ships? I always like to see people’s interpretations of them^.^ (also your valid for top Saihara cuz I’m a Power-bottom Ouma enthusiast and-)

Hello! My day(s) have being going wonderful, thank you for asking! I hope you are doing well too, thank you very much for this ?? Like I’ve always wanted to discuss my ideas and headcanons, so thanks for this,, a blessing,, 

I’m one hell of a multi-shipper but I’ll discuss my big damn ships. WHICH IS TWO, I REALIZED JUST WRITING ONE OF THESE, I WROTE SO MUCH THAT I CAN’T EVEN WRITE ABOUT MY TOP 5. SO HAVE TOP 2 

Oumota (my fav ship)

Reading some of golden-redhead’s fic; Nobody Said It Was Easy (one of my fav Oumota fics btw), I do like to confirm that Kokichi and Kaito moved into an apartment with each other. Basically, vr au, just started to live with each other due to the fact that they let each other see with their masks down at the end, and they seem to grow an understanding of each other. They eventually become friends then to lovers, I always love that trope. 

Kokichi bought a galaxy printed blanket for Kaito, on his birthday, and he thinks it’s an eyesore sometimes. But the look on Kaito’s face when Kokichi spots him snuggle up with it, Kokichi doesn’t ever regret buying it. (Kaito just really thinks of Kokichi when he snuggles up in the blanket btw, I drew them in the blanket actually!)

For a loooong while, Kokichi suffered from ptsd nightmares when they first moved in, Kaito just couldn’t leave him like that?? He invites Kokichi to like,, sleep with him in his bed, after a month of living together, and Kokichi just teases him. But he silently goes in that night, Kaito finds out in the morning, since he wakes up early, but says nothing of it for the both of them. (It just becomes a habit) 

Kaito is actually afraid of loud noises? Like, REALLY loud noises. Due to ptsd triggers to the loud slam of the press and the awful noises that was also with it. Thunderstorms are the worst. Kokcihi notices this and feels kinda lost, he doesn’t know what to do but wants to help. Kaito tries to keep it together during these times, but Kokichi can see right through him. At first, he’d try to joke around and tease at him, just to make Kaito feel normal and back to reality. It eventually doesn’t work and Kaito is stuck in that moment of time, so Kokichi silently starts forming circles on his hand to keep him grounded. Just like how Kokichi goes to Kaito’s bed after a nightmare, this becomes a habit and they say nothing of it. 

They don’t say anything to each other about these acts of kindness bc they don’t know how to react to it? Maybe still in the mindset that they HAVE to hate each other. But they get over it, and once in a relationship; Kokichi begins to make small talk as he rubs circles in Kaito’s hand. And, of course, they both decided to finally sleep in the same bed instead of separate beds in separate rooms. 

Of course, they tease each other and pick at each other everyday. But since they started dating, it’s just more in a loving matter?? Although Kokichi will be like, “ewww, Momota-chan is trying to flirt with me, disgusting” 

For my version of a VR AU,,, I kinda want to go a different route for Kokichi; career wise. I love seeing fitting jobs for him in fics like, actor and such. Excellent ideas and I love them! But I want to be different bc IDK I JUST DO BE LIKE THAT. And wanna make Kokichi a psychologist? Just once he recovers from his trauma, and helps Kaito deal with his, he just feels like he can be good at it? Which was laughable when he first told Kaito, but then he saw Kokichi was serious and was like, “oh shit, you’re dead set on this.” And Kaito becomes proud of him, so supports him through it. Kokichi is still a little shit but only to those that are not his patients, of course. 

I actually did concept art of Kokichi as a psychologist, since I got a request to have my take on older Oumota, I’ve been putting so much work into the concept so then I can make the perfect drawing, but here’s psychologist!Kokichi 

Yes, he gets glasses. He was so whiny about it when Kaito found out Kokichi’s sight wasn’t the best as it was before. So after FORCING him to go to an eye doctor, Kokichi pouted when he got his first pair. Kaito just found it cute. He normally wears contacts though, only wear glasses, “to look professional”, even then, he doesn’t wear them as much. HE REALLY DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE KNOWING HE WEARS GLASSES. He hates them. Kaito gets very excited when he sees his boyfriend with them; he took a picture when Kokichi didn’t notice until the picture was taken, and the doof left the flash on, so Kokichi chased him around the apartment demanding him to delete it. And Kaito is laughing and having his phone in the air high so he can’t reach it. (But Kokichi eventually gets it off his phone, from a surprise kiss) 

Although Kaito HATES being what the game made him to be and what he thought everyone expected him to be, he was afraid to even consider to pursue being an astronaut for real. He was afraid that he fully lost himself if he were to “give in”. But he learns that he wants to be an astronaut, not because of the false memories given, but because he wants to in this life. His life. His decision. 

Both study hard in university when pursuing their chosen careers, both procrastinate a lot. But eventually one or the other will try and get them back to work. Or if Kaito is working too hard, Kokichi will try and lighten him up and get him to take a break. Very rarely, Kaito will have to do the the same with Kokichi. 

OH MY GOD OKAY, NOW ONTO THE OTHER SHIP 

Saioumota 

Shuichi basically had a crush on both of them, he didn’t know how to even confess. NONE OF THEM DID BC THEY’RE MESSES. 

So, going off VR AU again, afterwards Kaito just decides that they all are going to live together. And Shuichi was okay with that, Kokichi was like, “haha okay, since you can’t seem to get enough of me” but was honestly relieved inside that he had somewhere to go. 

Few months were awkward for Kokichi, especially since Shuichi and Kaito started dated. He just felt like “the third wheel” and wanted to move out, but he had no where to go. So he was in this cycle in his mind for awhile. 

Shuichi tries multiple of times to get Kokichi to join them on many occasions, but again, Kokichi didn’t want to be that third wheel. 

Kaito DOES have feelings for both Shuichi and Kokichi, but was most unsure,for the longest time, about how he felt with Kokichi. It took Shuichi’s talks to finally get him to understand and comes to terms, damn, he’s also in love with this rat. 

It was when Kokichi didn’t come home for about a week, that Kaito confessed when he just suddenly came back. Of course, he was shouted at  Kokichi and they got in an argument, and just everything that was buried blew up there and then. Shuichi just comforted them both after the argument with his gentleness. 

They ALL just started dated afterwards, although it was hard for Kaito and Kokichi to become closer. Kokichi easily warmed up to Shuichi first, since he just always felt closer to the detective? He was just on edge for awhile about if Kaito’s feelings were true. But he warmed up to him eventually. 

For a long while, Shuichi would be middle spoon (haha) since Kokichi’s and Kaito’s uncertainty. But once Kokichi warmed up to Momota, he just scooted himself between the two of them during one of their cuddling sessions. Kaito looked dumbfounded and then looked at Shuichi like he just earned the trust of a stray cat. Like, “LOOK, SHUICHI, HE’S TRUSTING ME” silently with a big dumb smile. 

After then, Kokichi loves being the centre of attention for both of them. He loves being middle spoon but also let’s Shuichi be middle too bc he loves cuddle him. 

Their usual dates are to a nearby park, mainly if they need a breather from any stress, one of them will suggest or just force them to go to the park. And they all know that it means that they just want to the best for each other. 

Shuichi is usually the one to come home and find a mess of the apartment from Kaito and Kokichi. And gives them a “really?” look as they point fingers at each other. 

Kaito eventually gets a job, Shuichi was the first to get a job to support them, but that left Kokichi alone. And he was so clingy when they got back, he demanded SO MUCH ATTENTION once they came home. And whined about being bored all day without them. 

When they all have their bad day, they just cuddle up together and take a nap and just relax. Although Kaito will be the one to try and cheer them up later in the night by stargazing. 

Shuichi loves talking about the novels he reads to his boyfriends even though they don’t know what he’s talking about most of the time or understand, Shuichi knows but really appreciate them just taking interest in something so small. It means so much to him. 

Kokichi is the last one to wake up in the morning, and Shuichi and Kaito always debate to wake him up before they go to work. He’ll whine if he doesn’t get a goodbye from them and he’ll whine just out of grouchiness of being woken up. So it’s always flip a coin and it’s always, “it’s your turn, Shuichi” “Kaito, it was my turn yesterday” 

SURPRISE THEY GET MARRIED AND MOVE INTO A NICE HOUSE LATER. And they also get a dog,, 

AND THAT’S THAT, IM SO SORRY BUT HERE’S ALL MY HEADCANONS, TAKE ‘EM 

[yoong-seok]

Ring, Ring

Pairing: yoongi x reader, romantic or platonic, up to you! 

Genre: Fluff, comfort

Word Count:  1362

Warnings: This does bring up/deal with panic attacks and anxiety attacks. 

A/N:  Hi! I haven’t posted in a long time mainly bc I kept writing, editing, deleting, and so on. This took two months...and even now I’m not fully satisfied, but sometimes you just gotta let things GO. I’m thinking of having a lil mini-series? with each of the members. It’ll be called Ring, Ring! I hope you guys enjoy, and as always any critique is welcomed! (also im sorry if there are still some mistakes!) I want to also shout out to @versigny !!! I had asked her if I could use a line she had used in her fic bc I loved it so much and it tbh inspired this and she was sooooo nice and kind. Pls follow her (but u prob already do bc her writing is beautiful). I didn’t end up using it, but her kindness is just something I have to thank her for!

Within the expanse of your bed, you feel cold. As you lay curled up, head bowed down, legs brought up your stomach in a loose fetal position, your teeth chattering and your heart feeling lonely. Growing up, you had the comfort of your loved ones. From summer vacations with your cousins, piling on the beds, sharing blankets and jokes; to winter holidays, fitting too many onto a small loveseat as you opened any gifts and shared stories. You never once felt alone. The warmth and love had always washed over you, and you’ve grown so used to it.

But, now, you’re all alone. Far from your family with a new house in a new city, a new job, and a new life. It’s overwhelming. The emptiness of your house is suffocating. You take in each breath from your nose, the icy air stinging as it travels down to your lungs and back out again. Tomorrow, you were going to walk around and acquaint yourself with the new surroundings, but you don’t want to. You want to go back home. Back to warmth. Back to your family—their love and reassurance. Back to-

"Hello?" you hear. As you calm down, you notice you’re sitting against the bed frame, phone in hand. Briefly, you check the screen to see who’s on the other side of the phone.

"Yoongi," you try to breathe out, but the panic attack still hasn't left your lungs, so you barely choke out the 2 syllables.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" his voice is gruff, laden with concern. You don’t even know what time it is, but the sky absorbs the aura of lights from the city. "Hey, it's okay. You’re at your new place, right?  I'll be there in 5 minutes. Do you want me to stay on the line until I get there?" You shake your head and croak out no. "I'll see you soon."

You hang up and only then do you notice the time: 2 AM. He was sleeping, and you woke him up because you didn’t know how to be alone. How stupid. Your breathing became ragged. Hiccups falling between every few breaths. You wipe your tears harshly and quickly go to your call logs to call Yoongi back. Tell him he doesn't need to come over. You're sorry, you shouldn't have disturbed him, he has a full schedule tomorrow and he needs as much sleep as he can. Yet, as the ringing continues, you know that he’s already on his way.

You’ve known Yoongi for nearly half your life. The two of you had met in high school. As a lonely freshman, you walked around during lunch period, trying to find somewhere to eat. You decided to sit next to the music classroom. Finishing your sandwich, you heard someone playing the piano from inside the room. You peeked through the small window and saw the back of the blue suit from the school uniform. The soft notes of Fur Elise were playing before he stopped and began playing a piece that was unfamiliar to you. It sounded good. He was really good. The lunch bell rang and he turned, seeing you staring at him. You quickly threw your lunch in the trash and ran to class, feeling your face grow hot.

The next time you saw him was later that day when you were waiting for your mom to pick you up. You were staring at your phone and didn’t notice him walk next to you.

“You were outside the music room, right?” his low voice asked. You jumped slightly. Your ears grew warm as you recognized the face.

“Um...yeah. Sorry…” you mumbled. He said nothing for a moment, and you feared that he would make fun of you.

“Why were you sitting alone for lunch?” he asked. You looked up at him, but he kept his eyes forward.

“Oh, um, I’m a freshman. I don’t have friends, yet...” you answered him, slightly shocked that he was keeping a conversation with you. He paused again.

“Did you like it?” he asked in a softer tone. “Not Fur Elise...the other thing.”

“Oh yeah! I didn’t recognize it, but it was really good.”

“It was uh....” he sighed, “It was my own song. I’ve been working on it for a while.” Your eyes widened.

“No way! It was so good. It sounded beautiful! I don’t know much about music, but it was really pretty.” He finally looked down at you and you found yourself mesmerized by his brown eyes, and beautiful pale skin. And he let out a small smile. You found yourself smiling back at him.

“My name is Yoongi.” He sticks his hand out for you to shake.

“I’m ____.”

The doorbell rings through your apartment. You get up from bed and open the door.

He’s in sweats and a stained t-shirt that is likely from the laundry basket. A light black jacket covers his frame. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his black hair was sticking out in all directions. He walks inside, arms reaching out to a hug. The jacket and t-shirt have residual cologne, a musky scent with a mix of something you couldn't place...kimchi?

"Hey, I'm sorry. I was already driving when you called and it was on vibrate, I didn't hear it or see it until I got here," he says, the gruffness from earlier still lingering. “Are you okay?” Why is he apologizing? You’re the one who called him in the middle of the night, woke him up, made him worried enough to drive to your apartment. He has nothing to apologize for, you did.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry for worrying you and waking you up, I bet you have work tomorrow,” you mumble into his shirt, the sound of your voice muffled.

“Psshh, no. I was already up,” he says. You give him a knowing look. He tries to keep a straight face but gives up after your continued glare. “Okay, so I was sleeping, but don’t be sorry. I’m glad you called me.” You groan lightly into his shirt and mumble out another apology. "Let's go to bed," his voice barely reaches your ears. You nod noticing your lack of energy. You lay down and he sits against the headboard. He's being so kind and patient, not forcing you to say anything or asking any questions. It reminds you of how nurturing he is. You don't deserve him.

"I just got so overwhelmed," your voice is soft, yet the cracks from the panic attack are still reminiscent. You stare at the ceiling. He hums. You turn and face him. Instinctively, you burrow into his chest.  Yoongi lightly wraps his arms around you before speaking,

"Do you want to talk about it?" You deeply breathe in his hearty scent again. Your eyes flutter shut. Home.

“I’m just so alone," you begin to ramble. "I always had friends or family with me, but now, I’m by myself and I don’t know anyone here, and I’m so scared to go out and have to experience everything all alone. It’s too much for me.”

Yoongi is silent.

"I know you don’t want to hear me say that you’re not alone…I hated it when everyone said it to me…” You realize he probably went through a similar experience when he first moved to Seoul so many years ago. “Everything feels so scary. And it seems like you’ll never fit in.

“But, you’ll make friends. You’ll meet people. You think you’ll feel lonely forever, but I promise it won’t.” He lifts your head. The deep coffee of his eyes stare into your soul. You feel vulnerable. You feel naked. "And you have me and the boys. You can always call us.” He smiles, looking into your eyes. Feeling the original comfort of warmth, love, and reassurance, you smile back.

You don't know how to respond or what to say. Yoongi brushes his lips against your hair and you grip onto him. The change wouldn't happen overnight. Not much will change over the next few weeks. But, you feel safe knowing that Yoongi is by your side for the unknown future.

[laufie]

here’s a fun story about a creepy dude/stalker i had. it was a strange situation at the time, and i realize in hindsight i should have been much more scared, but it’s been over 10 years so i can just laugh about it now. it doesn’t describe anything traumatic or graphic, but it’s quite eerie.

anyway, i was about 15 or 16 years old at the time, and it had been just over a year since i moved to canada from ukraine. i still used vk (russian equivalent of facebook) frequently to chat with friends, and had an inside joke in my bio about taking LSD. i wasn’t actually taking anything, as i said it was an inside joke.

out of nowhere, this russian dude sends me a pm about how if im really taking LSD i should be able to name some specific formula or dosage or something. i explained to him that it was an inside joke and i know next to nothing about the drug itself, and he laughed it off. we started talking because i noticed it said on his profile that he currently lived in new york, which was a place i’ve always dreamt of visiting. we ended up talking every day about random things, mostly his love of new york and the array of recreational drugs he does.

he didn’t seem dangerous. he never talked about heavy drugs like heroin or meth, and was heavily against them. he was russian of course, as he was in new york only temporarily, so i felt a sense of connection to him, since i was still overcoming the cultural shock of moving to canada. to my mind at that age he didn’t seem like he had any bad motive. he didn’t ask especially prying questions, he was always nice and well-spoken, and enjoyed philosophical discussion. he gave off a vibe of a trustworthy person, which is a note of positivity that would have persisted throughout this whole story...

had he not been 7 years older than me. an important detail that slipped through the cracks at the time - he was 22 when i was 15. i knew he was more mature than me, but as far as i remember, i never actually got to find out his age back then. in hindsight of course, aside from the glaring age difference, he did give off red flags. calling me much more mature than other girls my age was perhaps the most glaring one. at the time. and of course, the constant glorification of drugs.

mind you, this was more than 10 years ago. the internet was a different place at the time. there was no tumblr or twitter or adults that grew up using the internet to tell me to be careful as a minor. people did whatever they wanted to and got away with it. so naturally, i didn’t catch any of the red flags, neither was i even on the lookout for them in the first place.

skip forward nearly a year, my mom knows a lot about this guy, since i’m quite open with her about, well, everything. my mom has always been my best friend. that summer we were planning a 3 month long trip home, to ukraine. him and i thought it would be cool to met up, since by now he was back home in russia. for reference, ukraine is to the far left side of russia, whereas this guy lived on the polar opposite side, on a piece of russian land that is right above japan. he would have to fly across the entire russia to see me. russia. you know, that massive thing? he was perfectly fine with it. i convinced my mom to let me meet him, and she said only if he stays at our place. naturally.

he came for only a couple days. our apartment back home is quite small so with my mom and constant family guests, there was always a pair of eyes on him. it got a little bit strange eventually. he was touchy, but not in an inappropriate way at all. i’m sure it’s not due to his personal decency, and rather because he would most definitely get caught. he would try to hold my hand, or brush my hair off my face, pat my head. things like that. it didn’t go beyond that. but to me, at the time, it was a grown adult man doing it to me, which gave me an unsettling anxious feeling.

on his last day he wanted to go out because he wanted me to try a drug that he had been talking about the entire time i’ve known him. i would prefer not to go into what it is, but it has a heavy hallucinogenic effect that lasts for a very, very long time. naturally he told my mom he just wanted me to show him around, and i was in on the lie. i was curious. my mom was always very strict with coming back home right on time, so we promised her we will be home by 10 pm.

we went out at around 5. and it lasted longer than he promised. way longer. we came home at 3 am. despite the hallucinations being quite heavy and mind-boggling, the effect of the drug didn’t make me feel “out of it”. my perception of time and space was obviously very skewed, but i knew who i was and where i was, and what was happening around me. he didn’t try anything. there wasn’t even as much as an attempt. except, well, when i realized what time it was i rushed home so fast that i was not going to stop for anything. so i’m not sure. maybe the night wasn’t over in his mind yet, but it was in mine. i felt bad for my poor mother who had been worried sick since 10 pm. it was pitch black outside so i went home through a well-lit road that has a lot of cars. now that i think about it, i may have unintentionally saved myself from things getting worse.

i only stopped when we were outside my apartment, because i wanted to focus as much as i could before going in. he sat down on the bench and beckoned me to sit next to him. and he kissed me. i dont remember how exactly it happened but it just kind of did. i went along with it and didn’t say anything after, i went inside the apartment building like nothing happened. it was odd. i didn’t know what it meant, but i also didn’t care, because i wanted to see my mom as soon as i could, ad it was the only thing on my mind.

one look in my eyes and she knew everything. she told me to go to bed. i don’t know what she told him. i’m not sure she said anything. the next morning she asked me if anything happened. i assured her that i was safe. and then he was gone. she didn’t say anything to him. she just dropped him off to make sure he actually left.

after that we didn’t really talk nearly as much. we tried to keep in contact but honestly, i wasn’t as drawn to him anymore. eventually, out of nowhere, he posted some really mean and rude comments under a bunch of my pictures, and i ended up deleting him.

now for the creepiest part. nearly 4 years later we plan another trip to ukraine to visit family. i have some medical conditions with my spine that i needed to get very uncomfortable and painful massages for. my health is one of the main reasons why we took trips back home often. one day about a week or so into my trip i was leaving my apartment to get into a taxi to go to one of those massage appointments. i exit the building and there he was. sitting on the bench and just looking at me. 4 years later. not a word. across russia.

even though it was bright afternoon and a lot of people were out, i was overcome with dread. i awkwardly told him “sorry, i have to go somewhere” and rushed to get into the taxi. he didn’t say anything, just kept looking. on my way back from the massage i called one of my close old friends that worked in the UKR special forces. my mom wasn’t home and i did not feel safe returning. he picked me up and drove me home, and came in with me, all the way into the apartment, the guy wasn’t there anymore. i made my friend coffee and told him about this guy. he promised to drive by once in a while to make sure he isnt hanging out here at odd hours.

later that day at around 8 pm i got a text from an unknown number. “so, are you scared of me now?”.

i closed all my blinds and curtains, locked both entrance doors, and told my female friends not to come visit me, because he knew their faces. yes, i was scared. i was really scared. he didnt say a word to me in 4 years, somehow found out about my trip and just showed up. i wasn’t sure if i wanted to cry or scream. i knew i had to get rid of him somehow. so i responded, making up a story about being really sick and needing constant treatment, and that i made plans with all my friends to leave tonight to go to another city for 3 weeks.

he was angry with me and very upset. he expected a happy reunion i guess. i was very polite to him and apologized, saying i felt bad he traveled all this way only to be told this. he started writing really cryptic things. “i know a secret how to cure any illness of yours, you don’t need doctors, it’s like a code, you plug it in and you become anything”. “i came here to cure you because you’re the only person it will work on”. “i went to your page to ask your friends if your plans are true, but you have them hidden. why don’t you trust me anymore?”

among this he called me. over and over. between every message, a missed call i refused to pick up. eventually i broke down and asked him why is he acting like this. to which he said “because you are the only woman in the world i will ever be able to love this much”. i told him i was with someone and have been for 2 years, and to leave me alone. after a handful more cryptic messages, he stopped for a while. and ended it in a plea to forgive him. i didn’t respond to anything beyond the confession.

thankfully i had no contact with him since then, and as far as i know there have been no attempts from him. however, i don’t use russian social media anymore, and none of them are linked to any of my active “american” accounts, so to speak. so there is no way for him to find me. if you ever wondered why i never make my real name public and always go under aliases, this is largely why.

[sunny-jac-blog]

Take It Out On Me (Modern Barlyle)

hey guys! ok so this was originally inspired by a song i love (Take it Out On Me - Florida Georgia Line) but i kinda changed some things around a bit ?? idk have some barlyle ft. nervous kicked puppy phil

also pls don't hate me i love carlwheeler a whole lot but the only way it would make sense and to have them break up pls forgive me (also i am so sorry for not having cuts im only on tumblr mobile love yall sorry for long posts ack)

Word Count: 1.5k

__________________________________

“What’d she do this time?”

Phillip shrugged as he pushed past Phineas, who had been holding his apartment door open. He had been getting a lot of visits from Phillip recently, to talk about Anne, and something she did or said or made him feel. Mostly, they had been good, but recently things had been tense, and Phillip hadn't come to Phineas's apartment in two weeks.

When he saw the tear streaks on Phillip's cheeks, he knew that there was no getting better.

“She-... She broke up with me, Phin. Last week. I tried convincing her we could work through it, but--” He took a deep breath, shaking his head. “She… she said that she would rather end things and go back to being friends. Which I'm fine with, don't get me wrong, I don't care, as long as she's still in my life, but--”

“--You still have feelings for her,” Phineas finished, and sighed. “I'm sorry to hear what happened, Phillip… Why so suddenly?” He glanced over and bit his lip as he walked to the couch, gesturing for Phillip to sit next to him with a sigh. He moved the remote away as the younger man crossed the room, sitting with his arms crossed.

“She told me that she had other things that she needed to focus on first, and she needed to focus on herself more right now. And- And I get that, and I agree, because she's been kinda distant lately, so I'm completely fine with this. It's just… It’s the fact that I can't get over her. I can't get my mind off of her, no matter how hard I try, and I know I shouldn't be upset that we broke up, but… I-I can't help it.” Phillip sighed, running a hand through his hair as he shook his head. He looked up at the ceiling and crossed his legs.

Phineas gulped. He thought for a moment, and shrugged. “Well, Phillip, I… I wish I could say it gets easier, but breakups can be kind of hard…” He sat up, looking at him with a sympathetic smile. “What you need is a distraction. Get some of your friends, go- go on a roadtrip or something, maybe hit a few strip clubs, hook up with someone new. It doesn't have to be a relationship--”

“You know I'm not that kind of man, Phineas,” Phillip sighed. He stood, shaking his head. “This was a mistake, I should go, I'm sorry.”

“Wait, Phillip,” Phineas sighed and stood, tugging his wrist gently. As he looked down at Phillip's wide eyes, he couldn't help but gulp. Phineas found himself taking a slow step forward, sliding his hand down his arm. He chose his next words carefully. He let out a soft breath, and clasped Phillip's hand.

“Let me be your distraction.”

There was a moment of silence. Five seconds. Phillip seemed to be unresponsive, thinking something over. Phineas started to pull his hand away. Phillip gripped it tighter, took his free hand and grabbed Phineas's red t-shirt, and roughly tugged him down into a burning kiss.

Instantly, Phineas's was pulling Phillip closer, one hand on his hip while the other threaded through Phillip's hair. He pulled back from the kiss long enough to look into his eyes, and leaned down, gently kissing Phillip's jaw.

Phillip let out a soft groan, his hands resting on Phineas's chest. “Phineas, what-- What are we doing?” He asked breathlessly, and quickly pulled back, looking up at Phin with a nervous gaze. “...I- I can't do this, not now, I'm sorry,” He whispered, looking at him for a few moments more, before hurrying to the door, quietly closing it behind him.

_______________________________________

The next time Phillip saw Phineas, it was a week later. He hadn't left his apartment since going to Phineas's, and after that kiss, he was terrified. Terrified that Phineas would be pissed at him, terrified that he would get hurt again so soon.

And, most importantly, he was terrified of how the kiss had made him feel. For that brief moment, the kiss made him feel as if he was on top of the world, all thoughts of Anne vanished from view. Truth be told, he couldn't stop thinking about it, about him. Phineas was on his mind when he woke, and was the last thought Phillip had when he drifted off to sleep.

He had been writing non-stop since the kiss, and now had five drafts for five different “stories” that would never be seen by the public. That morning, around four a.m., he opened a new document on Google docs, shaking as he typed.

‘His lips were a blazing fire, leaving me burned in their tracks. He had caused me so many feelings that I knew I couldn't deny, and while intoxicated under his kiss, I was powerless. Even now as I lie awake, my mind goes back to the one encounter we shared, and I feel all over again. I love him.’

He stared at the words on the screen. Slowly, he deleted the last three words of the paragraph, shut his laptop, placed it off to the side, and went to bed.

_______________________________________

When they finally saw each other again, it was a chance encounter. Phillip had been at a coffee shop alone, staring at his laptop as he attempted to read through some critic's views about his latest published work. Since quitting the play scene and joining Phineas's lesser known entertainment company, Phillip hadn't been doing much writing, but that had all changed recently. He scoffed as he read a particularly harsh line, glancing up as the door opened.

When he saw Phineas walk in, he froze. Phin glanced around, spotting him and hesitating before walking over. He sat in the seat in front of Phillip, gulping. ”Phillip, we need to talk.”

One. Two. Three.

When phillip opened his eyes again and saw Phineas there still, he nodded and rubbed his forehead. There was no way he could run away now- he had to figure out this mess.

“Can we talk somewhere private?” Phillip asked with a sigh, standing. “My apartment is a few blocks away. Let's go.”

The walk there was silent. Phillip refused to speak, and Phineas didn't know what to even begin to say. Once at the building, Phillip walked inside, gesturing for Phineas to follow. He walked to the elevator quickly, before going to the eighth floor.

His apartment was neat. Stylized. It was decorated in shades of gold, red, black and white, and looked extremely classy. Phineas didn't know what he expected, but it wasn't that.

And he surely didn't expect Phillip to push him against the door, pull him down, and kiss him.

He had no complaints about either realization.

As he kissed back, Phineas wrapped his arms around Phillip's waist, pulling him closer. Phillip ran his hands through Phineas's hair, down his sides, up his arms- he wouldn't stop touching him, as if he were making sure that he was even real.

Phineas slowly pulled back from the kiss and took Phillip's fidgety hands, looking down at him. “Is- Is everything alright?” He asked softly.

“I couldn't stop thinking about you. I shouldn't have left, Phin, I--... I'm sorry,” Phillip murmured as he looked up at him. He looked almost vulnerable. Like he was afraid that Phineas would laugh in his face and leave.

“Phillip,” Phineas started, gently cupping his cheek. “you don't have to apologize. I understand.”

“I know, it’s just- I don't know, you make me nervous.” Phillip mumbled. He slowly walked to the couch and sat down, and Phineas followed. Phillip could've sworn to see a smirk on his face, and he gently whacked his shoulder, rolling his eyes. “Don't laugh at me, Phin.”

“What- I'm not laughing! I'm not laughing,” He smiled at Phillip, rubbing his shoulder. “Don't hit me.”

“I can hit you if I want to hit you!”

“Phillip. You're the size of a kitten.”

“I hate you.”

“They why did you kiss me, hm?”

Phillip started to respond, but he groaned and rubbed his forehead, a slight grin on his face. “Will you shut up? I kissed you because-... Because, I, uh… I like you, I think.”

“Well, it's about damn time,” Phineas murmured, grinning as he pulled Phillip closer. At this point, Phillip wa as almost on top of him. Phillip cupped his cheek and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips, before pulling back with a wide grin.

Phineas raised a brow. He smiled up at him, resting his hands on Phillip's waist. “What's that grin for, hm? Are you planning something?”

“...Does your offer still stand?”

“My- My offer?”

Phillip looked up at him and smirked softly. He leaned in closer, their lips barely touching, his fingers playing with the hem of Phineas's shirt as he whispered, “Will you be my distraction, Phin?”

Phineas only chuckled and pulled him in for a deeper kiss, deciding that maybe he could get used to this.

[cityofimagines]

I Got You – Tyler Down x Reader

Request: (hey everyone its maria so basically im the worst & accidentally deleted the request so idk the exact wording but basically an anon asked me to write an imagine where the reader has a crush on tyler & he walks in on her masturbating & moaning his name & then they have sex ayeee)

A/N: who let me run a blog when im this much of a mess  but yeah to this anon im sorry i accidentally deleted your message & i hope i did what i remembered of your request justice !! but this is my first legit smut on this blog so i hope you like it 😛 all the tyler girls boutta be SHOOOOOK (including myself)

Warnings: SMUT

Having a crush on someone is a rollercoaster. Some days you have this undying urge to curl up under a big blanket and cuddle with that person all night long, and other days you can’t help but imagine yourself writhing and moaning underneath them.

Today you were thinking of the latter.

Your crush on Tyler Down was no secret to anyone. By this point even Tyler had an inkling as to what your feelings towards him were. You were at that stage where every time you saw him, your heartbeat would quicken, your insecurities would increase, and the blush on your face would darken.

Right now you were home alone, thinking of him. Specifically what it would feel like to have his body pressed up against yours, his lips exploring every inch of your skin, and his sinful words making you shiver. All of these thoughts were rushing straight to your core.

You removed your clothes from the waist down and laid down on your bed. You pressed a teasing finger to your clit and your whole body tingled.

You sunk farther down into your pillows as your eyes closed. The images in your head became more vivid as your pleasure increased. You were so lost in trying to hit your release that you even slightly surprised yourself when an unexpected, “fuck Tyler” spilled out of your mouth in a moan.

Your eyes shot open, and you stopped for a minute to think of what just happened. But once you convinced yourself that it was fine and he would never find out about this, your brain automatically went back to your fantasies.

You had no concept of anything in this moment except for what Tyler’s imagined lips and hands were making you feel. His name continuously rolled off your tongue throughout your session.

It wasn’t until you heard a very familiar voice scream out “OH MY GOD” that you snapped out of your thoughts. Your first task was to immediatly grab your sheets and cover the very exposed parts of you.

You opened your eyes barely to look at the scene happening in front of you.

“I’m so sorry. So sorry uh- oh my God. I’m so sorry. I’ll come back. I didn’t- oh my God. Fuck. Wow. Oh my God.” There was the one person in the world you equally wanted to see and didn’t want to see in this moment. There was Tyler, standing facing the opposite way from you in your doorway, math book in hand. 

Your clearly forgotten “study session” you had both planned for this time after school today slowly creeped to the front of your mind. “Shit.” You whispered to yourself.

“I’ll come back. I’m so fucking sorry.” He stuttered out.

You had a crazy idea form. You weren’t sure if it was your head or your hormones talking, but before you could figure it out, you blurted out a, “NO WAIT.”

He backed up all of the two feet he had walked down your hallway. He was still facing the other way, and you weren’t mad at that. In fact you weren’t sure you would ever be able to face him head on again if this didn’t work out like you had just planned it.

“Why don’t you...” Your heart suddenly began to pound quite audibly in your chest. “Help me.”

You saw Tyler stiffen. “Like...” He trailed off.

“Yes. Come here. Help me.” You don’t know where this random surge of confidence was coming from, whether it was your arousal or your brain, but either way, it worked.

Tyler slowly turned around. Seeing his bright red cheeks, messy hair that he ran his hands through too many times, and unbelievably kissable lips made your stomach flip. 

He moved his math textbook that was conveniently placed over his crotch onto your desk across the room to reveal his very apparent boner. 

“How much did you see?” You asked slowly. 

“Enough.” He replied, smiling slightly. There was a pause. “Are you sure you want this?” 

“Yes. Never been more sure.” You said. “What about you...?” 

“Oh my God...yeah! I mean...yes I...” He ran his hands through his hair again. “I’ve really liked you for a really long time.” Hearing those words from him made fireworks explode in your stomach. Your smile deepened. 

“Get over here then.” You said. He quickly walked over and sat down on your bed. He crashed his lips to yours in a needy kiss. Your moans began almost immediately. This was everything you wanted. 

He moved his lips down to your neck. Your hands ran through every curly strand of his hair– not leaving any part of him untouched. You began to tug on the bottom of his button down, signaling that you wanted it off. He obeyed and started unbuttoning it from top to bottom to reveal his lean, but still toned abdomen. Your hands ran up and down his chest and abs as you made out, causing him to let out some moans. The sounds went straight to your heat, and you could feel yourself becoming wetter for him by the second. 

Next he tugged on the hem of your shirt. “Can I?” He asked. 

“Go ahead.” You said. He gently pulled your shirt off and threw it somewhere unknown on the floor. Desperate to get things moving, you undid your bra quickly. You let it slide off your shoulders delicately before throwing it across the room as well. 

“You...are so...beautiful.” Tyler said between kisses. His hands made their way to your breasts and squeezed them lightly, earning another moan from you. 

After more making out, he laid you down on the bed and hovered over you. “You okay?” He asked. Him asking for consent so many times melted your heart. How did you get this boy? You felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

“Yes Tyler. This is absolutely perfect.” You replied. He leaned down to kiss you again. As this happened, you felt him rub his still clothed crotch over your exposed one. 

“Take it off.” You whispered into your next shared kiss. He then undid his belt, never once breaking eye contact with you. He took off his pants and underwear and his boner slapped up against his stomach; clearly grateful to be free of the confining material. “Need you.” You breathed out. 

“Don’t worry. I got you.” He said. You felt him rub the tip of his cock against your slit, only increasing your desires. He pushed inside you slowly.

“Fuck Tyler.” You looked up to see him smirking at the familiar phrase, except this time it was actually about something real. “That feels amazing.” You continued.

“Feels so fucking good.” He added. 

He began to thrust into you at a slow pace, allowing you to get used to the feeling. As time went on, his thrusts became harder and faster. 

“Oh my God (y/n) I’m close.” He groaned.

“Me too. Fuckkk.” You said. Your hands rubbed up and down his back, attempting to bring him impossibly closer to you. His head was buried in your neck. 

“Fuck. Oh my God. I’m gonna cum.” He said in a strained voice. A few seconds later, you felt him release inside you. He let out a series of whimpered moans in your ear, which only pulled you closer to your release. Once he came down from his high, he focused solely on you. 

He started to rub fast circles on your clit. “Cmon (y/n). Cum for me baby.” He said. His words pushed you over the edge more than anything else. After a few more seconds, you released all over his hand, legs shaking and screaming his name through your clouded bliss. 

He made his way back up next to you on the bed when you came down. “Fuck.” Was all you said. 

He laughed. “That was like...really good.” 

“It was.” You nodded in agreement. You rolled over so you were facing him. 

He rolled over as well. “What do you say we do that again sometime?” He whispered. “Except next time you’re my girlfriend?” His blue eyes seemed to sparkle as they looked at you.

“I’d absolutely love that Tyler.”

[mongniel]

danny with a chance

member: kang daniel genre: fluff, sonny with a chance!au summary: daniel got casted in a comedy show that films on the same lot as your popular drama. warning: alcohol a/n: this was supposed to be for day two of @deepdickdaniel birthday week, but i had to rewrite it because it got deleted... i also wasn’t feeling too good the last few days so... :( now im writing this as im rewatching sonny with a chance

part one / two

once daniel got casted, he couldn’t wait to leave busan for this comedy show, so random.

he’s been watching this show since forever and when they started taking auditions, he just had to try.

now, he’s in seoul living his dream, taking in the air of ‘fame’. 

meanwhile, you were an actor/actress of a really popular drama airing. 

and how you guys met.... well....

you thought daniel was some fan that got into the cafeteria somehow in a ridiculous referee costume, which was for a skit (yes, let that sink in).

he came up to you all bashful and went on how he couldn’t believe you were in front of him and that it was weird to see a celebrity.

you obviously kindly smiled but... how did he even get here?

"oh my god. i watched the movie you were in last year. i can’t believe you’re in front of me right now.”

“ha..ha... thank you.”

“i’m daniel! i’m part of the cast of so random. i’m in costume right now. i’m not in this outfit because i want to... but can i get a picture with you? please?”

now, it made sense. the tacky outfit, the overly excited vibe. he was from so random.

“y/n, come on,” your co-star grabbed wrist as he tried pulling you away.

“sorry, daniel. we have a short lunch break today. maybe next time.”

“that’s fine! i should’ve guessed that you were busy.”

the following times you interacted with daniel though weren’t so great. the cast of so random were notorious for not really liking you.

it was something about your show getting better ratings and how it wasn’t even good.

yeah, you didn’t really have a good impression of daniel when you saw him in the circle of people trash talking about you.

you honestly thought he was so fake for trying to get a photo of you and just standing there listening to all the shit talk you were getting.

so the next time daniel approached you, you gave him the cold shoulder.

“hey! it’s me, daniel. do you remember me?”

you eyed him, head to toe and just pursed your lips.

“sorry. i don’t.”

there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes, but he just shrugged it off.

“oh, well, i wanted to get a photo with you last time and––”

“sorry, i’m really need to be somewhere, but nice to meet you.”

okay, you really didn’t mean to sound so bratty, but you were offended he thought he could come up to you again.

later on, so random actually got more and more popular and because of daniel?

you were... stunned. like why the fuck him? then you hear your co-stars talking about him and you genuinely don’t get why he’s so popular?

the following time you see him was at an a-list celebrity party. you weren’t really a party person, but you know, your manager thought it was a good thing to go, for like press and stuff.

daniel caught everyone’s attention and he seemed quite active when it came to dancing (he was good at it too)

you tried to ignore him but it was kind of hard since everyone was talking to or about him. apparently, he’s the next “it” celebrity.

“do you see his shoulders? i really wish i could lean on them?”

“you’re looking at shoulders? his legs are so long... i’m swooning.”

yeah, your co-stars are talking about him again. 

you licked your lips as you tried chugging down another drink. 

with your luck, you bumped right into kang daniel himself.

you really didn’t care how popular he was getting. if he was part of a group that talked shit, you didn’t want to be around him.

“y/n! hey, you’re at the party.”

“hmm, yeah...”

daniel didn’t understand why you were so indifferent with him. he genuinely was trying to be nice, but every time he tried, you just wanted to shoot him down.

he really didn’t want to believe that you were a snob celebrity because he has seen you talk to other people normally, even strangers. so what was wrong with him?

“are you enjoying the party?”

“a blast...” you sounded way more sarcastic than you wanted to.

“do you... not like me?”

now if it puts it like that, you kind of felt bad. he sounded innocent and genuinely concerned.

luckily for you, your co-host come by your side to greet the rising star, using you as their gateway.

“y/n, i didn’t know you know daniel.”

“i don’t really...”

they were quick to ignore you and start talking to daniel. he entertained them with a pretty smile and cute squinty eyes, but you really forced yourself to believe that he wasn’t as good of a guy as he seemed.

“i’m going to get myself some shots... excuse me...”

luckily for you, that was your way out and you didn’t see daniel for the rest of the night.

a week went by and you were on the set of your show. you were getting ready for your scene when you see daniel with your your show’s executive producer and your manager.

you really didn’t have a good feeling about this... especially when they were making their way towards you.

“y/n, honey. this is kang daniel. he’s on the show called so random. he personally sought out for me and your manager, asking if you could guest star on so random for a skit he’s in.”

you swear you were going to bang your head against the mirror.

“i’m sorry... what?”

then daniel cuts in like the smooth guy he thinks he is, “i actually binge watched your show earlier this week and we wanted to do a parody. i just thought it would be funnier if the actual star of the show was on it.”

“...why would i be on your show?” you legit squinted at him.

your manager placed her hand on your shoulder, gripping onto you tightly. you knew she wanted to take up the offer.

“daniel, we’ll definitely think about it. actually, i’m sure we’ll say yes. right?” she glared at you. 

“right.......”

“hey, you really don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, y/n,” daniel waved his hands in front of him, “it won’t be fun if you don’t want to do it.”

“fine. i’ll do your show. one skit, right?”

“yes! yes. just one skit. it’ll be great.”

"one condition.... i get to see the script before i give any real answers.”

[byunrelatable]

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass!(5/11)

Last Chapter 

Next Chapter

October

Facebook messenger:

Akane: I think I’m getting somewhere with Ryoga.

Ranma: Should you really be messaging me during class? Don’t you think I might be trying to pay attention?

Akane: You’re playing tetris, like you do every class, because you’re just that lame.

Ranma: And you are somehow taking notes and im-ing me, because you are just THAT lame.

Akane: It’s called multitasking. I’m earning a degree, and breaking off my engagement at the same time.

Ranma: So when is this guy gonna challenge me again? ‘Cause it’s getting too cold for this shit.

Akane: He’s coming along. He’s recovered physically, now I think he needs just another little confidence boost and he’ll be ready to go again.

Akane: I have a plan.

Ranma: I have to make a fool of myself, don’t I?

Akane: No. Just make a mess of your next challenge. Almost lose.

Ranma: You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes.

Akane: You’re right. All I can see is the porn on your tumblr dash.

Ranma: I follow a lot of artists. It’s artistic nudity!!!

Akane: It’s tentabulges, Ranma.

Akane: Grow up and get ready to throw some fights

Genma’s phone———— > Ranma’s phone

Soun and I are coming for the

parent day thing to get my car

back.

                                                                                         Cool. I’ll tell everyone        

                                                                                         you’re my gay uncles.

No, you will not. I was thinking

we could spar. If you win you

get a cheat day.

                                                                                            You’re on.

Kuno’s phone——->Nabiki’s phone

Nabiki Tendo, are you the person

to whom I should submit my

desire to challenge Ranma?

                                                                                       I can tell you’re Kuno

                                                                                       but I have no idea how        

                                                                                       you got this number.

Sister. Has a friend who has a

friend.

Where do I submit?

                                                                                        At my feet.

You keep thr box is there?

                                                                                       Are you okay?

I go my head hit. Mmmask broke.

Remembered I had to tallk to YOU.

                                                                                       Where are you?

Health cenydr cengwe cen

                                                                                    Do you have a concussion?

                                                                                     Kuno?

Kodachi’s Journal:

My only brother!

Twisted as you are

I believed you to be impervious from harm

And guarded against deceit.

But it seems you are as many faced as a hindu god

Yet as weak as a mere mortal.

I have no words for what I’ve seen

or rather i am brimming with unsaid words

But you are deaf to them

(Cause you’re asleep. And I have to sit here at your desk and make sure you can wake up and it’s tedious as fuck and I should really get you to do something for me after this, once you explain why the fuck Nabiki Tendo was the one who told me you had hit your head again. I really can’t figure out how to make a poem about that. I mean, what the fuck? Why was she at the health center, her face all pinched and weird? Then she saw me and she was like, okay, this is everything I know about concussions cause my dad runs a dojo and blah blah blah and I had to sit there for like an hour as she explained everything that the nurse would then spend, like, another hour saying. AND I’VE ALREADY DONE THIS ONCE THIS YEAR. Why does it take so long to say, he needs to rest but not too much? UUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH)

My brother is not impervious without his helmet.

Without him I won’t be either.

Nabiki’s phone———->Ranma’s phone

Kuno may have a concussion, but

he wants to duel you.

                                                                                           Again???

I don’t fucking know. Now you’d be

dueling for Akane instead of his

sister’s honor or whatever, right?

                                                                                I mean, he must have a head

                                                                                injury if he wants to take me    .                                                                               again.

Dude…Shut up.

                                                                                            What?

I was scared, okay? Only for a

minute, but I was really

freaked out when he was

texting me gibberish.

Goddamnit, Tatewaki Kuno

is MINE. The only person

who gets to kill him is

ME.

                                                                                       Jesus christ, Nabiki.    .        .                                                                                      And you tell me I should  .                                                                                      get therapy.

You should.

                                                                               Bet we could get a group rate.

From: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Ryoga,

You haven’t written in a while, is everything alright? You’re making friends, right? I mean, you’re not lonely, are you? You aren’t always great at being social. I know. I had to practically drag you out of the library and shove you into that booth at Ronnie’s for our first date. Of course, later, I really loved that unlike a lot of my friends boyfriends, you weren’t a skirt chaser. You never looked at another girl.

I totally botched the Creamfield bake-off. By the time the buzzer went off the only thing that was done was me. Three weeks of perfecting that custard and it didn’t set. The humidity, I suppose. Or maybe it was me. My cooking has gone completely off the rails. I can barely make a proper sponge turn out. It’s like I’ve been cursed.

Of course, this happens from time to time. I just hoe you’re doing better than me.

Best wishes,

Akari.

——I feel like I’m just missing/something whenever you leave/You’ve got all the ingredients/except you needing me

Mousse’s phone——> Shampoo’s phone

Are you really not going to come

home until Thanksgiving break?

                                                                                    Yes.

We’re literally an hour away.

I’ll make the drive.

                                                                Look. I have a boyfriend, and he’s going

                                                                 overseas for winter break, so I have to

                                                                 make the most of our weekends.

You? A boyfriend? That’s

rich.

                                                                                     So’s he. And British.

Oh, yeah, and I’ll never see him

because he’s always in England?

At least I don’t lie to you.

                                                                I’m not lying. I could ask him if he wants

                                                                 to come over for Thanksgiving break.

Sure. When he respectfully

declines you should consider

coming home this weekend.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: Ryoga, I need you to text this number and say you would love to see us for Thanksgiving break, but you’re going to be in England.

Ryoga: But I won’t be. I have to stay with my mom upstate.

Shampoo: Sure. Say that. Hell, that’s more believable.

Ryoga: Wait, could I stay with you over the break?

Shampoo: No, you have to see your mom, remember? Why wouldn’t you want to see your mom?

Ryoga: We’ve never been close. Not in a bad way, she’s just never around. I don’t really know her.

Shampoo: Didn’t you come here to be closer to her? This is your chance!

Ryoga: Actually, I came here because…I don’t know. I was looking at college applications and Akari wanted us to go together, and I love Akari, but…

Shampoo: But you needed to bond with your mother!

Ryoga: No, I was thinking about how, when I was a kid my parents dragged me from here to kingdom come because of their jobs. Then they split and my dad took me to England. Then one day this girl kind of decided I was her boyfriend, and then she wanted to decide the rest of my life.

Ryoga: I felt like I had never chosen anything for myself. So I made the craziest decision I could. A choice no one would have made for me. That’s why I’m here.

Shampoo: Touching, riveting stuff, Ry-Ry. Really. You should write a book.

Shampoo: TEXT THE NUMBER.

To: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

Of course there aren’t any other girls [deleted].

Akari, I would never cheat on you. I know you were being a little flippant in your last e-mail, but I’m serious. There are pretty girls here, of course. There are pretty girls from the end of Africa to the tip of Antartica, but I would never touch a single one if I was dating someone else.

I’m sorry to hear about the bake off. Maybe you should make something you never make so that even if it isn’t perfect you won’t be able to tell.

There was a lot of excitement here today. Long story short, one of my friends and her boyfriend [deleted] friend [deleted] and my roommate got thrown in a pond. It was terrifying. Everyone thought they were going to die, or catch pneumonia and then die.

I’ll tell you the whole story when we see each other over winter break. Sorry I won’t be home for the Thanksgiving break they’re giving us (can you imagine?) I want to spend it with my mom. We’ve really been getting on together.

See you soon

Ryoga

Akane’s Diary:

Today was…not a good day.

You’d think a day that ends curled up writing in your diary with someone’s head in your lap would be pretty decent, but so far this is the nicest thing that has happened.

Well, that and the fact that there were crepes at breakfast. You know how in Catcher in the Rye the school always served them steak before the parents showed up, so that if their parents asked what they had eaten for dinner last night they would say steak? Well damnit if it isn’t true. The food was fantastic today: roasted potatoes and cheesecake and chicken tenders and a beef roast. And a crepe bar.

It would have tasted a lot better if I hadn’t been panicking the entire time dad and Nabiki and I were eating lunch. Kuno and Ranma were going to duel at 1:45 (Kuno figured it was when the dining hall would be the most packed so no parents would catch them), and I had to make sure Ryoga showed up and saw Ranma slipping. I wonder if Kuno arranged for the duel to be today because he knew his father would be busy?

Anyway. So I’m sitting there wolfing down my potatoes and half listening to my dad tell me about how things are back home, when Genma Saotome plopped down at our table.

Plopped is not the right word for it. Genma is explosive. He plunks down, tossing his keys onto the table, where they smack into and almost topple my milk glass, then throws one arm over the back of his chair and places the other on the table, taking up as much space as humanly possible before he says, “ ‘Kane, do you know where Ranma is?”

I keep eating. Genma never figured out my deadname, or doesn’t remember it, or maybe just says ‘Kane because he thinks it will get a bigger rise out of me. I don’t know. But I don’t dignify taunts with a response.

Nabiki stabbed a bit of her roast and said, “I can’t imagine why you think Akane would know.”

“My car keys were on his bed-do any of you lock your doors?-but I can’t find him. I’ve been texting him and he knew we were coming, so he must be hiding.” Then Genma laughed that awful laugh of his. Super loud, but grating instead of infectious like a good loud laugh should be. “Scared to take on his old man. Can you imagine?”

“I’m sorry, dad,” I said, standing up and pushing my chair in, “Can you hang out with Nabiki for a bit? I told a friend of mine I would help him study.”

“Didn’t you just finish midterms?” My dad said with a sip of milk, “I thought that was why this was scheduled for today, so you wouldn’t be too worried about class.”

“Yeah, he thinks he really fucked up, so we were going to go over some stuff to calm him down. It shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

My dad shrugged. I call him pretty regularly, so it wasn’t like we had a ton of catching up to do. I think he really came to get Genma’s car back and seeing Nabiki and I was just a bonus. “Alright. I’ll be with Nabiki till dinner, then I’m leaving.”

Nabiki made an interesting face, which may have had something to do with all the contraband in her room, but I couldn’t help her. I had to run down to Ryoga’s room and tell him to watch the duel today.

“Isn’t this a re-run?” Ryoga asked, without looking up from his computer.

“That’s why I want to see it. I’ve heard Kuno intends to win this time.”

“Good for him.”

Obviously Ryoga did not see this as the rematch of the century, so I changed tracks. “Please do this with me, I need some time away from Ranma’s father.”

That got his attention. “Ranma’s father?”

“Yeah. He came down with my dad and is stuck to his side and he’s-“ I made vague hand gestures. I mean, there are words for Genma Saotome, but they are best barked in German, not whined in English.

Ryoga shrugged and stretched and looked around for his jacket. “I guess if you need a break that bad…This won’t take long right?”

“Nope.” I said, although I assumed it would be longer than the last couple of duels. If Ranma was going to fuck around and almost lose it would probably take a while to put on a good show.

Then again, I feel like Ranma has been dealing with these fights faster and faster the colder it gets. He does not like shivering.

We get to the expected spot by the lake and Ranma and Kuno are there, and they’ve decided to wait until two to start, since a lot of people apparently wanted to come to this one. I don’t know how Nabiki gets the word out about these things, but she sure does a good job of it.

Ranma kept checking the clock on his phone, then regretting it and stuffing his fingers back into his pockets.

Ryoga asked me if I was cold like five times, but I was staying warm making faces at Ranma, trying to convey how badly I wanted them to JUST START ALREADY. Ranma says I looked like I was trying not to sneeze.

Finally it was either two or Ranma was really sick of waiting, because he asked for someone to count down from three.

“Should only one of you have a sword?” I said before anyone could start counting.

Ranma gave me a cocky grin. “I can handle him, and his wood. Count us in, darlin’.”

Considering what happened later I feel pretty stupid for blushing at that.

As soon as I said ‘three’, Kuno lunged. He is not a subtle fighter. He refused to go on the defensive. To be fair, his sword did give him a much bigger reach, but it also gave Ranma some time to play up how weak he had gotten. He was slow and wobbly, barely dodging Kuno’s swings, and when he jumped out of the way he couldn’t stick his landings. He didn’t even try to attack, as though Kuno was too fast for him.

“Is he hungover again?” Ryoga whispered to me.

“I don’t think he’s been training.” I whispered back. It was hard to keep a straight face as I said that. I would bet my sister-hell, both of them-on Ranma running, stretching, and lifting weights everyday. Ranma doesn’t do cheat days, and he does not skip leg day.

But he was putting on a good performance, staying just ahead of Kuno, but close enough that even I thought he might lose.

Which meant Kuno thought that too, so he got even more reckless, and in one ill-timed swing and a well timed kick, he was down for the count.

“Goddamnit,” He said as he got up off the ground, “I came here to defend Miss Tendo’s honor. I think of her—“

“Is that the best you can do?”

I froze. Not that I wanted to hear Kuno talk about my porcelain flower or whatever weird metaphor he was about to get into, but I’d take him over Genma Saotome any day.

“Run home to mommy, you fucking pansy.” Genma said to Kuno as he took Kuno’s place in the center of the unofficial ring.

Kuno looked shocked. I don’t think anyone has ever taken that tone with him. Sneering and cruel. Even Nabiki can’t talk like that, like her words are made of splinters.

Kuno drew himself up to his full height. “I take unction at your tone-“ He looked Genma up and down, and made his distain clear before he graciously added, “-sir.”

“And I take unction at you still being in my ring.” Genma went to shove Kuno and Kuno dodged, just as Genma knew he would. Kuno took a sharp kick to the stomach, and though he walked out of the ring with his head held high, he had a look on his face that said he would much rather have doubled over.

“You see?” Genma said, turning to Ranma. “That’s how you deal with a guy like that. None of this wobbling all over the place. Who trained you, kid? ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

“Who the hell are you?!” Ryoga yelled, pretty freaked out.

Genma glared at him. “Genma Saotome. I thought I was Ranma’s teacher, but he clearly hasn’t learned jack shit.” He looked from me to Ryoga and smirked, “This the friend you were helping, Akane?”

“How did you even get here?”

He shrugged. “Heard some kids talking about a duel. I figured Ranma would be around.” He turned to address the crowd at large. “Shows over, by the way. Ranma and I have some family business to settle, so I suggest you all move along.”

I don’t think anyone wanted to be around Genma a minute longer than they had to. I actually had to grab Ryoga’s coat to keep him still. I wasn’t going anywhere. I could see Ranma over Genma’s shoulder, stock still, head down, centering himself. He was preparing for a serious fight. I wasn’t about to leave him alone in it.

Genma saw we weren’t leaving and decided to ignore us. “Might as well have you count us in,” He grunted at me. He took off his coat and tossed it to the side. The man is getting into his fifties, but he is still packed with muscle you can see right through his shirt.

I counted them in, but after I finished they just circled each other. They went around and around, waiting for the first move.

I don’t want to write what happened after that. I’m a little queasy just remembering it. I had thought for a minute that it would be like when my dad and I sparred. Fun and fast, me showboating a little and desperately looking for the upper hand as my father carefully blocked me and sent quick hits my way. My dad’s always gone easy on me—no, my dad always protected me. He could have thrashed me soundly, but he didn’t, because what kind of a sick fuck would do that to their own kid?

Not that Ranma wasn’t giving as good as he got, mind you. He’s been training with his dad his whole life. Still, every time his dad landed a hit I would gasp and grab Ryoga’s sleeve. Genma may have taught Ranma how to dodge, but he’s not as good at taking a punch, and Genma played to that.

I don’t know why my stomach clenched every time Ranma got hit. Maybe it was because it was his dad, and there is something about watching someone’s parents beat them up that makes me viscerally ill. Maybe it’s because I used to be scared of my dad. Not that he had ever threatened me, but, well, Genma’s the worst, but judging by the people dad used to hang out with, he wasn’t always the nicest person, either. There was no telling what he was going to do when I came out.

He cried. It was the last thing I was expecting. Questions, I think. Shock and a long string of questions.

Instead he burst into tears and kept talking about my mom. He didn’t make a lot of sense, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I poured a bowl of potato chips and cracked open a beer for him. Kasumi usually cooks when people are sad, but that’s about the extent of my culinary skills.

Anyway, at some point my dad calmed down a little and said, “I’m sorry, Akane. When you have kids all you want for them is the best life possible. Then their mothers pass away, and they tell you things like that, and you know their lives are going to be that much harder.”

So I said, “You know, by you being okay with this you’re making my life a lot easier already, right?” and we shared a smile, and for a minute there I felt really good, like everything was going to work out.

I don’t know what Genma said when Ranma came out to him, but for some reason while they fought I started trying to imagine it. Every scenario I came up with made me madder and madder. Chest shaking, vision blurring mad. Rage. I wanted to plough my fists into his chest. I wanted to crack his skull like a cinder block.

That was when Ranma bounced off a tree and flew towards his father. It would have doubled his power if he’d actually hit his dad, but a move like that gave Genma plenty of time to react.

Genma threw Ranma into the lake.

I screamed.

Both Ryoga and Genma jumped.

I think I was screaming words?

Genma blocked as I ran past him.

You ever jumped into a half-frozen pond? Rage can’t keep you warm in there. I swear my heart stopped for a minute. By that point Ryoga was screaming too. Although he was screaming my name and telling me to stop and that he would call security or whatever.

I can’t swim, but I can tread water a little, and that’s all you really need to drag a guy out of a shallow lake.

For a minute Ranma lay on the shore and I kneeled there, shaking and gasping, and thinking, At least if I throw up it’ll be warm.

“We have to get you in a hot shower,” Ryoga said as he tried to pull me to my feet.

“Blankets,” I gasped. My chest was doing that awful thing where you shiver right down to your spine, causing your ribs to vibrate against each other. “A hot shower could put us into shock.”

“Is that what’s happening to Ranma?”

Ranma didn’t look good, but aside from his lips being blue, he didn’t look bad, either. Just dazed. He waved a hand limply and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but his teeth just chattered so loudly it seemed theatrical. A skull shouldn’t make that noise unless someone is clacking it’s jaw together and reciting shakespeare.

Ryoga helped him up and the three of us staggered to the closest dorm, which was Ryoga and Ranma’s.

Once we were in their room I told Ryoga to go get the pile of blankets on top of my dresser, and tell Nabiki and dad what had happened.

By the time he left the room Ranma had his shirt off and was fumbling with the edge of his binder. Between his numb fingers and the water plastering it to his skin I was the one who had to wrestle it off of him. While Ranma rummaged around for another clean shirt I stripped off my tights, and discarded them next to his binder.

“Do you have a shirt I could wear?” I whispered. The last thing you would expect ice water to affect is your voice, but it closes off your throat like a fist.

Ranma didn’t say anything. He went over to his closet and dragged a big flannel robe off the top shelf.

For a few minutes it felt like a locker room after pe in highschool, both of us carefully moving around each other and pointedly not looking at anything in particular. Except instead of heading off to biology we had to sit there on Ranma’s bed, waiting for Ryoga to come back with all my stuff.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Ranma said as he wrung his hair out in a scratchy white towel.

“I thought your heart might have stopped or something.”

“It wasn’t that cold.”

“I guess.”

I toyed with a loose thread on the robe. I was also wrapped in the comforter off Ryoga’s bed, but underneath my skin still felt cold and clammy where it overlapped.

“Where’d you pick up that blanket thing?” Ranma asked, passing me the towel. “I thought for hypothermia you were supposed to get naked and share body heat.”

I snorted. “Sure, Ranma, but I don’t have a pile of pretty naked people on my dresser.”

“You could if you wanted to.” Ranma said with a wink. I would have laughed if the wink hadn’t made him wince.

“Did he have to hit your face?” I said, softly, as though that would make it less awful.

Ranma touched the spot where he would soon have a shiner. “Well, yeah. I left it open.”

I wanted to scream for a second. Tell him that was the worst thing I had ever heard, but what could he have said? Like it was his fault his father was disgusting.

“Stand up.” Ranma said, and I got off the bed. He gently took Ryoga’s comforter from me and spread it over his bed. Then he climbed back into the bed and scooted over so there was room for me to join him.

I stood there for a minute, weighing the desire to be warm against my desire for things to not be even more awkward, when Ryoga returned with the blankets, my clothes, and my family. He also had this book. I had forgotten I shoved it between the folds of the blankets till it fell out as he unfolded one.

Nabiki immediately ran over and cradled my face in her hands, demanding to know what had happened. I told her while dad checked Ranma and started layering him with blankets. By the time he was done all that stuck out was Ranma’s hair. With all those blankets on top of him, and his hair half red and half black with his roots coming in, my bed looked like we were putting on a production of  the Princess and the Chile Pepper.

Then dad made me get in the bed and worried over us for a little longer, asking if we needed anything, if we were getting warmer, until he had to go get dinner and go home. He kissed us both on the forehead like we were sick kids. Which I guess we were.

Nabiki promised that she would make sure we were okay, and saw him out. On the way they bumbped into Kodachi Kuno of all people, who showed up with two plates full of food from the dining hall. She was all blushey and stuttery, and it was kind of adorable.

Maybe Ranma will go out with her someday. It might be cute.

Don’t tell Ranma, but he’s kind of cute when he sleeps. He doesn’t look like he’s about to start a fight. Slack-jawed and innocent, like everyone else.

Right now I’m sitting up in bed with Ranma’s head on my thigh, and Ryoga typing something at his desk. It’s not just warm, it’s downright cozy in here. I’m probably going to fall asleep like this, because I am far too comfortable to move.

Although lying down would mean moving Ranma’s head.

I’d have to touch it.

I bet his hair is really soft.

No, wait, it got bleached to put the red in.

(It’s really soft).

Ryoga’s phone——->Mousse’s phone

Hey, it’s Ryoga. I’m coming

over with Shampoo for

Thanksgiving. How is that

going to work? Are you

going to pick us up? what

time? Where?

                                                             Who is this? How do you

                                                             know Shampoo?

Well, we met cause I’m

friends with her room

mate.

                                                             Are you the boyfriend she

                                                             was talking about?

Sure. Why not.

                                                             Shampoo’s grandmother will

                                                             be horrified. Let me ask her

                                                             what she thinks.

Mousse’s phone——-> Grandmother’s phone

Grandmother, Shampoo

wants to bring a boy

home for Thanksgiving

break!!!

                                                               How nice. I’d love to see what kind

                                                               of boy could capture her heart.

                                                               Wild as a horse, fickle as a cat.

                                                               Let’s see the man who’d propose

                                                               to tame her.

Grandmother, it’s disgust-

ing!!! They may be having

sex! They might have it

under your roof!!!

                                                              Easy on the exclamation points, son.

                                                              I wouldn’t mind some great

                                                              grandchildren!

                                                              Now stop texting and get back here.

                                                              This lemon chicken won’t deliver itself!

Mousse’s phone——->Ryoga’s phone.

Lot outside the girls dorm,

Friday, four pm. Don’t be

late. I will leave without

you.

A small white spiral bound notebook with ‘Ranma Saotome’ written along the top edge of the cover in block letters with a black sharpie.

I always thought diaries were just plot devices, but Akane actually keeps one and she’s a lot better adjusted than me, so I thought I’d try it for a while.

I’ve never slept with a girl before. Ukyo and I had sex, but that was always in the middle of the afternoon, or in a parked car, or whatever. We never slept with each other.

I guess what I’m really thinking about is that I woke up with a girl. It was weird. I didn’t see Akane the second I woke up. I was staring at the ceiling, one leg and like twenty blankets hanging over the edge of the bed. I was trying to remember the dream I’d been having or some other dumb shit like that, and then I turned over and was nose to nose with Akane.

She looked different with her hair all messed up and pillow creases on her face. She’s usually perfect. Hair tucked back, just a teeny bit of make up, pressed dress. She looked kind of funny drooling on my pillow.

Then she woke up and I freaked out. I mean, all I did was freeze up, but I was sure she was about to scream at me or something.

She smiled. This big, goony smile, like she’d just buried her face in a dog’s belly or had a sip of sweet, creamy, hot chocolate.

“Hey.” She whispered.

“Hey.”

She has huge eyes. Huge and dark with super long lashes.

“You feel okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. You?”

She stretched her arms over the head, pressing her palms against the wall. Then she went back to smiling. “I feel way too relaxed. I have like two essays due this week.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah. We’re taking the same classes.”

I think I blushed. My face definitely got warmer. I’m a fucking idiot.

“Ranma,” Akane said, and the way she was looking at me was soft and intense at once. Cow eyes? I don’t know. Like a soap opera. I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant, or maybe start crying.

She touched my face. The crest of bone just under my eye. I’m not sure what the word is for something like that. Intimate, maybe. It felt like the most intimate I had ever been with someone.

Then she broke it. Whatever that moment was. She sat up and stretched again, and said, “I should really get to the library and start on that Ottoman essay. I hate research essays. I can never get good sources.” She climbed over me and started gathering up all her stuff. Including a little black book.

“Is that your diary?” I asked, because for some reason I needed to keep talking.

She frowned and shoved it under her coat. “It’s nothing. Make sure Ryoga doesn’t forget my quilts when he comes over.”

Then she left. I’m sure it was a diary, so I figured I would try writing stuff down too and dug out this notebook.

I think this top blanket here is homemade. I think most of these are. They look knit or crochet or something. I wonder if Kasumi made them.

Well. I wrote everything down and I still feel as crazy as ever. I’m gonna go for a run. That always does the trick.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: I JUST GOT MY COSTUME!!!!

Ukyo: Cool. I’m in class.

Shampoo: I LOOK SO GOOD!!! THERE’S THIS HUGE PARTY AT SOMEONE’S HOUSE OFF CAMPUS. YOU, ME, BANGING COSTUMES, DRINKS, DANCING, BOYS? GIRLS? INSANITY!!!

Ukyo: I did bring my costume from last year…

Shampoo: YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

Shampoo: Should I invite Ryoga?

Ukyo: I think he’d like that

Ukyo: But he has to wear a costume. Tell him it’s mandatory!

Facebook messenger, Royga:

Shampoo: PARTY!!! YOU ME UKYO DRINKS DANCING MAKING OUT!!!

Ryoga: When?!!

Shampoo: HALLOWEEN! YOU NEED A COSTUME!

Ryoga: Shit. Where would I get a costume?

Shampoo: Oh, baby, do I have you covered.

Ryoga: Can I bring Akane?

Ryoga: Wait, can I do the masked man thing?

Shampoo: You’ll have a mask alright.

Ryoga: No, I mean, the thing where we meet at a party and she doesn’t recognize me and I talk to her and she falls in love with me, and the next day I reveal myself!

Ryoga: This is brilliant! Shampoo, thank you so much!!!

Shampoo: wut.

Shampoo: Nm, you are going to look so hot in this costume you probably will score with Akane.

Kodachi’s Journal

All Hallows Eve

The most wretched of days

When man’s sins run amuck

Lust in the corner with the slutty nurses,

Gluttony lurking by the candy bowl,

Sloth hidden in the cheap hoodies and ski masks

Pride catching on the sequins and cardboard

Of those most fanciful designs

Envy trailing just behind them

Greed stretched across the faces of those

Who would make a quick buck

On shoddy material and cheap sugar

And wrath

Anywhere you don’t expect

Waiting to spring out at you

On the only night of the year when a murder in a ally

Might be performance art

I’m staying in my room,

Windows barred

Poker drawn

Netflix blazing.

Ranma’s Diary

I’m so glad I threw together a costume this year.

There was this really big party, which Kuno of all people clued me in on, cause he was eating breakfast with his sister, and they were talking about how neither of them wanted to go to this big party (although once I got there…well, that’s none of my business), so I asked around and kicked my costume making into high gear.

I had a cape. It was rad.

I don’t regret the costume, but I’m not sure how I feel about how I acted. Bad. But what kind of bad?

Okay, lemme unpack this.

I go to the party. It’s intense. Huge house, filled to the brim with loud, angry, horny, sweaty college students, most of them wearing masks. You walk inside and you get a contact high. I danced for a while, found some people I see at the gym a lot, and that really cool guy who is probably keeping me from failing math, but then I thought, ‘I need a real buzz’, and even I wouldn’t blame myself for having a few sips at a party like this.

Cause I wasn’t Ranma Saotome who has to watch his weight and stay hydrated.

Nah. I was BATMAN.

So I get a beer, and as I’m opening it I bump into someone, and it’s Zelda. And who hasn’t wanted to hit on Zelda? So she says, “Can you grab me one?” and I pass her the already open beer and say, “As you wish my liege,” except I said it in a batman voice.

And do you know what she fucking says?

She laughs and says, “I love that voice.”

“Oh really?” Which is lame, but I said it in the voice, so it was all good.

“Yeah,” And she looks at her beer, and then takes a swig, and I can tell she’s a little embarrassed but she says this anyway, she says, “Batman is really sexy. Not like I want to marry him and deal with his issues, but, I get why Catwoman is always throwing him up against walls.”

Which meant she was calling me sexy.

So I say, “Don’t you think Link might get a little suspicious when the heir to the throne has black hair?”

And I thought she would say something about at least pointy ears running in the family, but instead she got a little closer and said, “I think Link’s busy banging that Zora girl.”

And I said, “Good, because his princess is going to be in another bedroom.”

Which is when she shoved me a little, you know, playfully, and said, “Slow down. Let her majesty finish her beer first.”

When she shoved me I could feel how strong she was. Like, it was probably a challenge for her to not knock me into the drink table. Fuck that was hot.

So we go into the kitchen and talk, me still totally doing my batman voice because I am not about to drop a good thing when I have it. She was pretty cool. We didn’t talk about much, just school, and video games, and comics, which was all in between me flirting with her as hard as I could.

Then she finished her beer, and she put it down very slowly and she said, “There is a trampoline out back, but no one is out there because they think it’s too cold.

Like many college boys, I would gladly freeze my nads off to kiss Zelda.

So we go outside, and there was some light from the stars and the kitchen windows, but where the trampoline is it was pretty dark. We bounced onto it, and kind of rolled around a little before we got into a good kissing position, with her on top and my mask shoved up to the top of my head, and we got a lot of short, stuttery, laughing kisses, and it was great

For like five seconds, before I smelled it.

I mean, there was the weird rubber plastic smell of the trampoline, and me, and my sweat, and the rubber of my mask, and the cheap fabric smell of at least one of our costumes, but then her hair slipped out from under her wig, releasing the scent of her perfume and shampoo. Something in my brain short circuited and I was back on Akane’s bed with ten quilts on top of me, instead of on a trampoline with Akane on top of me.

I keep thinking I should have known somehow. Even with the wig and the make up and yelling over the music, some part of me should have known I was talking to Akane before I was tongue deep in her.

So then I panicked and shoved her off of me, and for a second she was lying there on the trampoline, and I was sitting up panting, because what the fuck had I done?, and she said, “Are you alright?” and it was so exactly her voice, it was so so obviously her, because who else could sound that worried about some rando she was making out with on a trampoline?

I ran. Tore through the garden, jumped a fence, and I was gone.

I can’t tell her. Maybe she doesn’t hate me as much as she used to, but this would just bring all those shitty memories roaring back, right? She would be pissed and betrayed, and no matter what I said about me having no idea until that second, she would never believe me.

Okay, so that’s decided. I just won’t tell her about it and it’ll be like it never happened.

Ranma, that is a great plan.

Latest post from fuckboisgetmoney.tumblr.com

A picture of Nabiki’s legs in sheer black pantyhose and sky high red heels. The picture ends just as the curve of her thigh becomes her ass, and there are some huge pink feathers curling over the top of her thigh.

#her name was lola…. #I still love this costume

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. A selfie of Ukyo in an Ichigo costume, with five more pictures of her huge replicas of Ichigo’s two swords. #shit you can’t get away with in highschool!

4. A neon colored deluge of artfully arranged candy wrappers

3. A photo of Shampoo looking adorable as Sailor moon in her “by the power of the moon” pose. Then another of her leaning against her bed, boots sprawled out in front of her, looking far more relaxed than Usigai ever did.

2. A picture of Shampoo putting her hair up in sailor moon buns. Her hair has already been parted and now she has gathered half of it in her hand, strands spilling out between her fingers. Only half her makeup is on. Red lipstick, but naked lids. You can just see the bright orange cover of Ukyo’s phone reflected in the mirror she’s using.

1. Read more

———————————————————————————————-

I think that was the most….eventful Halloween I’ve ever had.

It was a really cool party, and some guy asked me if I knew knife tricks, and fuck if I’m bringing TWO swords to a party and not knowing any tricks. I was having a really good time, and drinking mildly spiked soda, so I had a little buzz, I had a little sugar rush—and that was when I saw him.

Tuxedo Mask.

He was leaned up against the kitchen doorway, and he could not have looked more perfect if he tried. I went right up to him, stuck a sword in his face and said, “You have to meet my friend.”

Even Tuxedo Mask doesn’t argue when Ichigo Kurosaki has him at knifepoint. I mean, Ichigo is totally winning that fight.

I must have dragged that guy over the whole house, but we could not find Shampoo. He was getting more and more impatient, but I kept insisting that he had to meet my friend.

Then we were in the backyard. Just us and some dark shapes, and the flickering lights from the kitchen.

“Was this a joke?” Tuxedo Mask asked me.

I think a lot of things happened at once. Running all over the house caused my sugar high to crash, and I think I’m a weepy drunk, and I felt so stupid. I saw this guy and suddenly I’m writing a romance novel in my head. Like he and Shampoo were going to see each other, their eyes would meet, and they would fall madly in love. It just seemed so perfect.

I’m such an idiot. I had thought that for some reason Halloween could make love real, but something like love isn’t going to start existing because of matching costumes.

I started crying, and I think that freaked Tuxedo Mask out a bit.

“I’m sorry!” I blubbered. “I swear my friend was here dressed as Sailor Moon!” and then I think I said that stuff I just wrote about love and halloween.

Instead of running for the hills, which I would have understood at that point, Tuxedo Mask said, “How can you not believe in love?” Which was properly Tuxedo Mask-y, but not what I wanted to hear.

“Love isn’t something worth believing in.” I snapped.

“But it’s apparently worth grabbing strangers at parties. I don’t know how long you’ve known this girl, but already you seem to love her very much.”

That made me stop crying for a minute. I squinted at him, trying to see past his mask and the shadows of the backyard. I hadn’t noticed before, but he wasn’t wearing a domino, like the real tuxedo mask. His mask covered almost everything but his mouth.

He gave me the hanky from his pocket, and patted my head, like he wasn’t sure how to comfort humans. That thought made me laugh, and then his hand slipped a little and cradled the back of my skull. The atmosphere between us shifted. It wasn’t romantic or sexual. It was that feeling when someone touches you at a spot where your skin is stretched thin over your bones and your body asks you if you should smash their skull in before they get yours, or if you can relax.

I relaxed.

It was so comforting I almost forgot all that stuff about love and destiny. Right then it just felt good to have a cool breeze on my tear tracks and a kind person touching me.

Tuxedo Mask smiled, and swept towards the kitchen door, saying, “I see my job here is done.”

It took me a minute to get it, but I yelled before he went back inside, “You didn’t do anything!”

I hadn’t stopped laughing when Shampoo found me.

To: TKuno

From: NabikiTendo

Thought you might like to look at these before I send them to the dean. Do you think I should edit them a little or just send them as is?

Attachment: Two photos. One of Kuno, who is clearly himself, even in a loose kimono and face paint that makes him look like an opera mask. He’s in a poorly lit dining room, standing in front of a beer pong game, although it’s not clear if he’s playing or not.

The next one has Nabiki sitting on his lap in a showgirl outfit that is mostly feathers and a leotard. His paint is a little smeared, and he looks like he would fall over if the chair he was sitting on didn’t have a back. He doesn’t have an arm around Nabiki’s back, as courtesy would demand since she is sitting sideways, because he is holding both her drink and his own. Quite enough evidence for the kendo team to cut him for failing to adhere to the guidelines of the club.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What do I have to pay you?

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

You don’t. I will release these photos whenever I see fit.

You’re paying back my sister in fear and stress and wondering when your life will be ruined.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What did I ever do to your sister? Didn’t I fight for her honor recently.

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

If you hadn’t gone prying into my sister’s life she never would have been forced out of the closet.

Stew on that while you wonder if I’ve already sent the photos to your father.

P.S. I can’t believe you thought I didn’t recognize you. You deserve it all for falling for that ‘do you work out?’ line.

MY DIARY:

Dear Diary,

Today I did something I am deeply ashamed of.

I went to Nabiki Tendo on my hands and knees and begged.

I have never felt less dignified in my life than I did, my nose not one inch from the worn linoleum of her floor, breathing the scent of fear and regret (which was remarkably similar to fruity perfume and sweaty feet).

“Kuno, babe,” She said, drawing the word out like she was a gangster from an old movie, “There is nothing you could give me that I want more than this.”

“Please, Nabiki Tendo,” I said, trying to meet her eyes, only to see her silhouette against the fluorescent light, “Do not take kendo from me. It has given me everything.”

She shrugged, “You did this to yourself.”

Which is shamefully true. I did go to a party and partake in alcoholic beverages underage, of my own volition.

And, what Nabiki Tendo doesn’t know, is that this is was a ritual of mine. It is the one night of the year I do foolish things. I drink, and I speak in a throughly ungentlemanly way to young women, although I try to refrain from being a lout, and I get to pretend I am one of the great samurais from my dramas.

For the last three years it has been the perfect way to relax and resist doing something even more foolish.

I got cocky. That is all I can say. I saw Nabiki Tendo, and I panicked, of course, but when she did not seem to recognize me I fell right into her trap. I thought it would be my little secret. Whenever Nabiki Tendo berated me I could think, ‘Ah, but little do you know that you once sat in my lap and pressed your cleavage into my chin with a gusto I have never known before’. The cleavage part is still true, but I am too concerned about losing my scholarship, status, friends, and the codes I live for to enjoy it.

“There must be something I can offer you.” I tried, once more, “I would run around campus naked, I would destroy your  enemies, I would give my father a dressing down in front of the entire school. Please do not do this to me.”

Nabiki Tendo was sitting in the swivel chair at her desk as I knelt before her, and she swiveled to the side so she could place her ankle on my shoulder. Her toes are absurdly long and painted devil red. The woman is related to demons, mark my words.

“All I want is to see you doing this for a little while. Then, whenever I get bored, I’ll send the pictures in. I mean, you can come in here every night and do this whole spiel, and whenever I get tired of it you can do it for your dad.”

At that I rose swiftly and dramatically, an action whose drama was somewhat lessened by the fact that it threw Nabiki Tendo backwards and she smacked her head against the wall and I had to make sure she was alright before I could continue. (Take it from a man who has sustained many, head injuries are no joke).

“I see you leave me no choice, Nabiki Tendo, since you will not accept my offer of a fair trade, I will have to create an unfair one.”

“The fuck does that mean?” She said as I turned on my heel to leave, sounding utterly uninterested in my threat.

“It means,” I replied over my shoulder, “That I shall have to find something horrible about you and create mutually assured destruction.”

Nabiki Tendo snorted and turned back to her computer. Her parting words to me were, “Using cold war terms won’t make you any scarier, buddy.”

Now I must do something even more shameful than groveling at Nabiki Tendo’s feet: I must find out something about her that is so awful she will give me those photos back in the hopes that my knowledge will never being released to the public. This is not the sort of errand I ever wished to dirty my hands with, but now it is the only thing to be done.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: You never told me how Halloween went. Did you get to seduce Akane Masked Man Style?

Ryoga: No. I never told you because it didn’t work out like I’d hoped. I did see Akane, but she seemed distracted, and since I couldn’t tell her who I was she got bored with me and left.

Shampoo: :( Boo. I was really rooting for you guys. Guess there’s nothing left to do but ASK HER OUT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

Ryoga: You do not get to yell at me—you encouraged me! Also, YOU ARE CONSIDERING PROPOSITIONING YOUR ROOMMATE, SOMETHING WHICH NEVER ENDS WELL!!!

Shampoo: I am not! I mean, I would ask her on a date LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, but she doesn’t do dating anymore. After one bad breakup! I broke up with a guy I was young and stupid enough to think I was in love with, and yeah, he’s still hanging around, and yeah, I’m going to have to spend most of Thanksgiving break with him, but, like, I moved on.

Ryoga: How bad was it?

Shampoo: It wasn’t bad. Just stupid. It was really stupid. We were dating, like, our whole lives. I don’t know why. It was one of those marriage proposals on the playground things, and I never started to dislike Mousse or feel like we were growing apart, or like being without him would be better than being with him, but we were in our senior year and he basically said, “When do you think we’ll get married?” and I realized that all I ever wanted Mousse to be was some guy I dated in high school.

Shampoo: So I dumped him.

Ryoga: Okay, so, basically, it was nothing like what happened to Ukyo, yet you’re comparing it to what happened to Ukyo.

Shampoo: Okay, it wasn’t the same thing, but it wasn’t a clean break, either. You’ve had a rough breakup before, right?

Ryoga: No, but I’m probably due.

Shampoo: Well, trust me, a bad breakup does not suddenly make you aromantic or asexual. It may make you wish you were, but it doesn’t, and Ukyo needs to understand that she isn’t automatically going to get hurt because she puts herself out there again.

Ryoga: Would you care this much if you weren’t interested in her?

Shampoo: She is a wonderful person, and she is doing the world a disservice by acting like she murdered love and must forever repent for her sin.

Ryoga: She would not like that analogy.

Shampoo: Tell me you haven’t noticed how pretty she is. Or how nice or sweet or funny.

Ryoga: She is very sweet. She has a nice neck when she puts her hair up.

Shampoo: Very random compliment, but I’m glad you understand.

Ryoga: Careful, you don’t want me turning into your competition.

Shampoo: Don’t get greedy pretty boy, I know you’re already trying to juggle two girls at once.

Ryoga: 1. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT??!! 2. Do you really think I’m pretty?

Shampoo: Dude, we’re friends on facebook. I got a ‘you have a mutual friend’ notification, and you may have scrubbed your profile, but your girlfriend sure didn’t.

Shampoo: Also, obviously you’re pretty. Although I should probably be calling you dirty boy, or pig boy or something, since you think you can have all the girls.

Ryoga: Oh, god, please don’t tell Akari. I’ve been meaning to, the time just hasn’t been right.

Shampoo: Not that I actually want to be involved, but what you should really be worried about is me telling Akane.

Akane’s Diary

Do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate, do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate do not watch the dark knight trilogy bec

To be fair, I’m mostly bored. Everyone is exhausted, because if they’re not worrying about finals they’re still burnt out after Halloween. Meanwhile I’ve got all my homework done, and it’s just not worth it to freak out about finals before Thanksgiving break. Refusing to worry about finals until it’s over is what Thanksgiving break is for.

Still, I shouldn’t go looking at everything batman related like that’s going to bring this guy back, or explain what the fuck happened.

He was nice. Like, he recognized the absurdity of making out on a trampoline, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t trying really, really hard. That was sweet, that earnestness.

I don’t know. I spent like an hour with him. It’s stupid, building him up as this perfect guy, but I can’t help it. I know he was fun to talk to, and even with my Zelda armor digging into my shoulders I felt comfortable with him, but because I know nothing about him I can fill in the gaps with whatever I want. I can pretend he’s an only child, and he won’t freak out when I tell him I’m trans, and he likes the idea of being married and having kids, but probably only two, because he understands I think it’s good for a kid to have a sibling, but two is plenty, and….

See? Too easy.

Maybe he’s in a relationship and a wave of guilt hit him.

Or maybe he remembered he had to feed his cat.

Or maybe he had an anxiety attack.

Or maybe I’m going to watch the dark knight trilogy because between that and thinking about this guy all night I should probably chose the option that’s easier on my sanity.

From TKuno

To: Dean

Sir, as one of your students I would like to bring to your attention that another student, Nabiki Tendo, has been selling contraband out of her dorm room and has probably made thousands selling alcohol and other drugs to minors.

Sincerely,

Tatewaki Kuno.

From Dean

To TKuno

Kuno, why did you put this in a email? Is this a prank? Nabiki Tendo has been accused of this several times before, but her room has never turned up any contraband materials, nor has anyone every given us any proof that she sells contraband.

You wouldn’t be trying to harm another student for some petty reason, would you?

From Tkuno

To Dean

I’m sorry, that was foolish of me. I know that Nabiki Tendo is not the sort of person who would be caught doing things like that. I was being thoughtless. I will consider my words more carefully next time.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Is it true that you can compile an account of another person’s life for a fair price?

From Ghostunkugi

To TKuno

All social media accounts, anything on public record related to them in anyway, and any thing else that seems interesting. 150

Shadowing, 100 for a day, 650 for a week

Photos +50 dollars every day. 150 for a full week.

Confidentiality assured, unless you murder someone and I have to talk to the cops again.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Just the first option for now. I will throw in a bonus if you can find any potentially life ruining information.

From Ghostunkugi

To Tkuno

One of those jobs. I get it. [Paypal information] Please pay in a prompt manner. Due to school I probably won’t have a complete file until after Thanksgiving Break.

Kodachi’s Journal

I fear that that which I once loved

That flower that bloomed so boldly

Is wilting in my hands.

Now that our yearly cycle has spun us into

Those brief six weeks

When we all pretend to care about

Peace, love, and good will toward men

(even our families)

It makes me realize that the spring of our love

Gave way not to a passionate summer

But to the bleakness of a winter without you

Ranma

I trace your name on fogged windows at my gymnasium

But I worry I have sucked all strength from it

Like a sweet drained of it’s syrupy filling.

I shall take my time in repose

With my father and brother

And wrapped in their tenuous, florid, masculine embrace

I recall that all men appreciate a swift hard strike when they least expect it.

[birdysnow]

Who is your favorite OC? Pls share their backstory I must know👀

to be honest it’s totally Devon. I’ve had him sinceee about the 6th grade, and he’s been concrete since about 7th grade (I’m almost a junior!). He’s so important to me :’). Whenever I feel sad I just work on him or write about him and it cheers me up real fast. 

haha his backstory is a loooong, complicated mess. I literally went on an 1.5-2 hour rant about his backstory at a sleepover once, it was ridiculous how long it took for me to talk about him. I actually wrote a response for this ask yesterday, but it got deleted I hate my life. It was soooo long because I wrote it in the way I speak. You’re probably getting a lot more than you bargained for :’). I’ll put it below the cut so everyone else doesn’t suffer. 

im gonna use bullet points bc i like them and theyre shorter

note: universe is like. sci-fi. there’s space stuff you know

full name: Devon Mateo Westmore

born: August 16th 

a leo!!! do with that what you will

as far as parents go, they’re kinda dicks basically

Devon was a complete accident and he’s kind of treated as such

they’re pretty neglectful?? they really dont give a crap abt him frankly

they’re more interested in making bank with their jobs and turning up

has a sister who’s like graduating or smthn. she’s old. her name’s Lucía. 

she also could give less than a crap about him and had a similar experience with their parents; just wants to be free and have no attachment to this rando baby 

is a total Problem Child™ during school because of his messy life, just wants attention and love really but never really gets it

universally hated by teachers all his life

high school is especially rough he is a disaster

he’s basically like party all day every day bitches bc is parents are never home/probably wouldnt reprimand him for going out anyways

he drinks a lot, does drugs 

he bangs a lot of people irresponsibly. A LOT of people.

is a player tbh he will flirt with anyone. very pansexual. 

makes a lot of (bad) friends 2 fill the Void™ and does a lot of illegal things

anyway fast forward to when he’s like 17-18 and school’s like yep time to graduate!! and hes basically like

but he does graduate in order for the story to move forward

but now he’s like careers????????

all he’s kind of enjoyed is music throughout high school but he’s like thats not what i want to do. 

yolo, he probably says to himself one day. I’ll just join the military and become a space pilot because thats what I wanted to do when i was 8

so BASICALLY i haven’t figured out how I want this space military to work but he ends up in like an academy (he’s like around 19ish) or smthn 

this is where he starts to like chill tf out tbh

he discovers that he likes this a lot?? and he’s like dedicated to it???

a lot of like. coping happens and he has to figure out what kind of person he wants to be and recover™ himself

but yah he does well and he ends up being valedictorian nice going m8 

basically if you’re #1 in your class you get the opportunity to go to this like. school/training thingy. and it’s very exclusive but if you like graduate from their you’re like. set 

its like harvard except you could die there 

yolo, he thinks in yet another life decision he really shouldn’t be taking lightly. I want $$$$ so i’m about to make that place my bitch

he does not make that place his bitch

he suffers so much

by the end of the year/2 years he’s there, he does pretty well

He makes a bunch of good friends, and he gets a ton of experience. he’s really good because of it, as to be expected

while there the top of the class is this girl and her name is Adella

shes my daughter

Devon likes her but she’s like super stand-offish and he’s a party kid so he’s like

“hard pass.”

but he has like mad respect and he thinks she’s chill

the feelings mutual

anyways like RIGHT before they graduate she gets recruited to this special program because she’s top of the class and like disappears he never sees her again

sike

but not for a while at least……………

so like fast forward he’s like 23 maybe

he’s got a good job, he’s living it up really?? he’s just like pretty happy all around he has a life, an apartment, friends

he gets an email from this girl and she’s like yo

I’m Tamara, my mother passed away recently but I discovered that our parents are apparently siblings?? I never knew I had a cousin, I heard you live in the area and I was just wondering if you wanted to get to know each other 

and hes basically like damn if i’m about to pass up this chance!!!!!!!!

Tamara works as a programmer literally one (1) city away 

basically they just?? end up getting along really well?? Devon spends a lot of his off days hanging out with her

he’s so ecstatic to finally have someone who’s his family like she treats him like a little brother

probably Tamara also has a younger sibling, their name is Calix. they work as a doctor and dont see Tamara often but the two are close regardless

they’ll be important later but for rn they’re not relevant

anyway, at some point they make plans for Devon to meet Tamara and he ends up at her work

and she’s chilling with this guy who is absolutely

fucking

gorgeous

Devon’s sure he died, right there, behind a goddamn cubicle,,

he’s frantically trying to think up something suave to say (are you the only tennessee no– wait–) when Tamara notices him

she introduces him to her hot friend, his name is Shay

Devon tries to play it cool

“Hey would you mind if Shay came w–”

“NO NOT AT ALL I WOULDNT MIND”

they go out for lunch

he chills out a little bit on the way enough to be his usual self

Shay mistakes flirting for good-natured joking

Devon suffers

They exchange numbers 

cue pining 

Shay continues to be oblivious

He has to be told point blank by Tamara whos like “Please, for the love of all that is good, fuck him go on a date with my cousin.”

“Has he been asking me on dates every time he takes me out?? every time??”

I love Shay so much u dont even know

Shay is basically a really pure and happy person, literally nothing can get him down ever he’s just trying to live his best life

he’s everything to Devon, he’s so sunshiney and nice and Devon has just been through some stuff and his life is going well and now he has been blessed with this beautiful, perfect boy….,,,

it’s not like Devon has never dated anyone before, most of his relationships have been purely physical but he’s been in romantic relationships w people

but this is like. it he knows it. 

they date for about a year, everything’s fantastic

and then

things are heating up politically, and Devon’s in the military so they need him somewhere else

right now everyones living in like?? around india somewhere and they need him in like. canada.

hes understandably upset

he’s gotta move. acROSS THE GLOBE.

he’s not going to break up with bae but they’ve got to talk through this like Adults™

so they talk through it

and Shay’s basically like

“fuck no, i’m moving with you idiot

did you think you were just going to move away from me bench?? sike”

they move in together

I used to have their apartment layout drawn up on homestyler but they reset the system and it’s gone into the void so i’ll have to remake it :’)

so now they’re moved in which is super great everything is popping

remember Calix? they’re relevant again

basically, Calix has been dating this girl for a while now and they’ve gotten serious but their relationship is not working out because she is a mess tbh and they love each other very much but they are not good for each other

Calix isn’t emotionally receiving or helpful he’s very blunt so they end up splitting up because she doesn’t need a relationship  

Said girl is Adella

Adella is a mess basically

the program she was recruited for made her very successful, very well known in her field and in a lot of ways, among common people

but downside is there was a lot of government dirty work she was kind of pressured into doing

there’s also a lot of hush hush skirmish’s that have been occurring that she had to stop

she’s been struggling with depression for a lot of her life and she has PTSD so when her contract is up she decides to take a break™ 

her and Calix’s relationship kind of falls apart but she’s friends with Tamara and she’s like I need to leave somewhere and get out of this messiness, i’m going to move back home (Canada)

Tamara is like

LIGHTBULB DING DING DING

she doesn’t think that Adella shoudnt be on her own, she wants someone to supervise her and make sure she doesnt accidentally starve or smthn

she has the best intentions but she kind of tricks Devon and Shay tbh

“Hey you guys got an apartment with an extra room?? Can you take in my friend for a while, she’ll pay rent, she has a job she’s just trying to find a nice place to live but she needs to move to the area rn”

the two of them are like “yeah sure lol sounds legit tammy we ly

Adella shows up on their doorstep with the intention to live there for like 2 years

cue Shay internally flipping his shit over this lowkey celebrity whos going to LIVE in HIS APARTMENT DEVON DID YOU CLEAN THE KITCHEN

Devon is not phased 

he knows Adella from school so he’s just kind of like hey its u whats banging girlie

he basically just treats her like normal and she is so appreciative 

basically they become SQUAD i love them and thats the beginning of my story and thus ends background 

i’m sorry this was so long i tried so hard but i got carried away. double sorry for taking so long I have like 3 end of school projects due rip me

Thank you so much for asking!! I can’t tell you how much it means to me :’)) If you made it this far through my story I applaud you. thanks for reading!!! Feel free to message me if you have any questions 

[janetoryim]

Word’s out: I’ve committed to attending Yale University in the fall to pursue my Master in Public Health!!!

TEXAS FOREVER

For anyone who talked to me during the process, you know how anxious I felt throughout the whole process.

DISCLAIMER: ANOTHER LONG POST SORRY WILL EDIT LATER

// GRE, APPLYING, DOUBTS //

Back in October, I had a life crisis/mental breakdown and finally committed to pursuing graduate school instead of medical school. It took a lot of humility and sacrifice to give up on a dream that I had for so long. People kept asking, “Well, why didn’t you just apply to med school? Why give up before you get a no?” (background: I completely switched. Like I no longer desire to become a physician.) // READ MORE ABOUT THAT TIME HERE!

Throughout the whole process of applying to grad school, I faced a lot of doubt: what if I should have just applied to med school? What if I go into public health and have a rude awakening that I hate it? What if I don’t get in anywhere? How will I do on the GRE?

I felt really anxious because all of my close friends were getting full time job offers that they really wanted & they knew where they were going to live geographically the next year. But there I was, just figuring out my life, in the middle of first semester of my senior year of college.

And so literally a month after I decided to switch to this life path, I took the GRE on November 16th and started my first week at my new part time job, and two weeks after that on Dec 1st, I had applied to my first three programs. By December 31st, I finished applying to all 8 programs, all out of the state, struggled to finish my senior thesis, and had some personal stuff to deal with. That season was absolute madness.

The doubts didn’t stop. More than half of the programs I was interested in required a minimum of 2 years, public-health related work experience, so I couldn’t even apply to a lot of programs. And once I submitted and paid for my applications, I realized that some of my “back-up” choices were actually really prestigious. For example, I applied to one of the best health policy programs (George Washington University) as a back-up, but when I heard that it’s one of the best I began considering if I should apply to other programs, like UT/A&M.

But God is just so incredibly faithful.

With my GRE, I spent half a week in Houston to “study” for it, but really I just hung out with people. I walked into that exam not even knowing the format of the exam tbh. You basically get your scores right away (except for the writing portion), and once those numbers popped up, I stared at the screen for a long while because I performed a lot better than I expected. A couple of weeks later, I got my writing score, scoring in the top 7% of the nation on that portion of the exam. (HAHA THANK YOU, UT COLLEGE OF LIBERAL ARTS. I guess all of those incredibly lengthy literary reviews and thesis papers paid off?)

And less than a week after I applied to GWU (the health policy program I mentioned), they gave me my first acceptance!

I couldn’t believe it. I remember the overwhelming joy that took away my doubts. It confirmed that I was, in fact, going somewhere, and that I made the right decision to choose public health. I messaged so many people, and I felt so supported as my friends and family celebrated with me. More than those things, though, I heard a strong voice of the Lord telling me,

“Janet, have peace. Do you not trust me? Didn’t you say that you knew that switching to PH was from me? Why do you doubt? Why are you worried? I am the Lord. I am faithful. Believe that I am who I say that I am.”

// THE ADMISSIONS PROCESS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS //

As time went on, I God proved faithful again and again.

At one point, I considered applying for a joint degree at Yale to get my MPH and my M. Div (Master of Divinity, a professional ministry degree). I emailed and later called the Director of Admissions to talk about it, and she was so excited for my passion for public health and my desire to understand God’s heart for the field! Though I ultimately ended up not applying for the joint degree, the Director of Admissions continued to follow up with me and even sent me personal emails to congratulate me on my acceptance and to give me contact information of others in the joint degree, just in case I wanted to talk to them!

And then I was invited to interview for UPenn, my dream undergrad school during a conference I was attending LOL.  A week later, I got my second acceptance. There’s a really long story behind this one, but this acceptance led to a lot of greater things and emotional healing regarding my family, in ways that I didn’t even know I needed healing.

I then received my acceptance to Boston University, another top 10 program, and they also gave me a $20,000 merit scholarship!!

As I received these acceptances, I grew more and more selfish and ambitious. I joined this forum that in which a bunch of people posted their stats & their acceptances/timelines of their decision. I began comparing myself to them. The newness of the acceptances wore off, and honestly, I became really impatient. At this point, I had heard back from all of my “backup” programs and was waiting on the “dream schools”. The most commonly used phrase that came out of my mouth was, “I just wanna knowwwww.” (To my friends: IM SO SORRY. I was so annoying but thank you so much for staying patient and walking me through this journey ugh im so lucky wow.) I stopped praying, I stopped thanking God. Instead of praying, “God just lead me to where you want me,” I prayed, “God, just give me an answer.” “God, why is it taking so long? I just wanna know where I’ll be next year.”

I hated it. I constantly felt so impatient, anxious. This pit in my stomach never just got bigger and bigger. I constantly checked my email. literally. every. 5. minutes. Each day felt so painstakingly long.

A couple weeks later, it happened. I got into Yale!!! I literally dropped my phone outside of CLA after class. I told EVERYONE. My parents almost didn’t believe me. I got so excited I LEGIT DELETED THE EMAIL. I Googled how to un-archive emails on my phone HAHA. Imagine getting the email, deleting it, refreshing your inbox, and then it not being there?? I honestly thought I was just imagining things.

About a week after that, I got into Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, one of the best programs. Then, I got into the one that I thought was impossible: The Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. Literally ranked #1, and has been for decades.

I couldn’t believe it.

But life is just so twisted. As I received these acceptances from literally the TOP ranked programs in the nation, and possibly the world, I didn’t thank God, the only One who made it possible. Like y’all. I had a 3.2 GPA when I applied. I didn’t deserve it. I really didn’t.

Then I started to feel guilt. I felt as though I should have trusted God a lot more in the process. I should have prayed not only at the beginning of this whole adventure, but throughout. At that point, I felt just so spiritually dry and far away that more than excitement and worship, my response was pure guilt. And I knew that this guilt was not from the Lord. It just got worse when I realized that it affected my personal life–my friendships, my ministry, my discipleships.

[[Eventually, I heard back from Brown and Harvard, which I didn’t get into. But honestly that’s totally ok because it made the decision-making process so much easier.]]

// ADMITTED STUDENT DAY VISITS //

So because I wasn’t seeking God for clarity, I visited three programs for their Admitted Student Days: Columbia, Johns Hopkins, and Yale.

Super brief, but those visits gave me a lot of clarity. At Columbia, I realized that it was an amazing program, but not for me. I felt very affirmed though and was really glad that my brother’s there for his MPH.

For JH, I came in thinking that I would hate it, mainly because of the stereotypes that I had: that JH was full of competitive people who only cared about research. Long story short, I ended up loving it and getting to spend time with my best friend while I was there. I really really enjoyed the visit, and basically made the decision to attend in the fall.

But something kept me wanting to visit Yale. Maybe it was b/c I just wanted to get out of UT. Maybe it was the Ivy League name. Maybe it was b/c it gave me another opportunity to visit brudder Yim. Regardless, my parents didn’t think I needed to visit b/c it seemed like I was just so set on Hopkins.

But God really wanted me to visit Yale.

A couple of people know this, but I literally almost missed my flight for that visit. The boarding time was at 8:20AM, BUT I WOKE UP AT 8AM???? UM HELLO IM A MESS. I sped down I35 and got to the gate by 8:30, before my boarding group was even called up HAHA. Thank God I woke up and that I didn’t run into anyone or anything and that no police were around omg.

Overall, this visit made me super torn between JH and Yale, so I came in wanting clarity, but came back more of a mess than when I left. And let’s be real: I was SUCH a mess when I left HAHA.

// DECISIONS AND COMMITTING //

And so literally on the plane back, I started this extremely crazy excel file, comparing course schedules of the two, weighing pros and cons, planning out my 2 year plan at both. I spent the next couple of days perusing the websites for both and figuring out what I would get involved in. I stalked literally hundreds of people on LinkedIn to gauge what the future could look life for me if I went to either institution.

Run-down of each:

Both

Small cohorts (15-20 at JHU, ~25(?) at Yale)

Financially about the same

Baltimore & New Haven felt similar to me tbh

Grad student ministries

 JHU:

Baltimore, proximity to D.C. Really interesting place to study populations.

Lots of parks nearby, campus next to the harbor

Hipster and cool vibes

#1 program

Curriculum super rigid, but I would enjoy basically every class in my proposed 2 year plan LOL

THE leading public health institution in the world

Endless opportunities to work with the leading public health professionals, whose office is probably just down the hallway

75% tuition cut the second year

Very hands on/practical courses

2 internship opportunities: one domestically in the summer, 1 internationally in the fall (can carry over to the spring)

I already know of pastors and other contacts that could help me grow spiritually

INTENSE courseload: 18-22 credits per QUARTER omg

I would grow a lot as a student and in time management/discipline here. I would be trained as a highly effective public health professional in basically any field.

Yale

More theoretical/research-focused courses

BUT I get to take any course from the entire University. Like I could take Systematic Theology from the Divinity School, I could take classes from the #7 business school in the nation, the #1 law school in the world.

Flexible curriculum

More established connections with organizations around the country/world, but not necessarily in PH

Access to the Yale network, not just the YSPH network

Only 1 internship opportunity (summer)

50% off of tuition through scholarship/grants

No prior knowledge of churches/personal contacts in the area that would help me grow spiritually

Honestly, I had all of the facts. I had all of the answers. But at the end of the day, I felt like I was comparing apples to oranges, and I felt paralyzed because I was afraid of making the wrong decision.

But one of my friends put it well: When I weighed the pros and cons, they were about equal. I just needed to figure out what I wanted, and to commit.

I finally began to seriously seek the Lord and His heart for this time. I heard a voice loud and clear saying,

“Janet, more than the right/wrong decision, I want you to remain full of joy and worship in the process.”

And that’s exactly what I needed to hear. I was letting fear cripple me from making a decision–fear of the JHU curriculum, fear of lack of job prospects if I don’t go to JHU, fear of moving away, etc. etc. etc.

And as others prayed for me and listened to me, God covered me with this immense sense of peace that put me in a place to listen intently to His voice and His alone.

Once I sought out God’s heart, the decision was so easy. I began to realize that with JHU, there are SO many perks. Like why wouldn’t I go?? It’s #1! But I would go for very selfish reasons–to simply further my own career, to grow as a student, to more easily fulfill my dreams and ambitions. But with Yale, I was already thinking of ways I can start outreaching to my fellow classmates/professors/the community. I had a Kingdom mindset already. That was the biggest indicator for my commitment. I also started to see that maybe not having many contacts there would be better for my own faith–to become more independent, and seek growth and Truth individually. And I know that I’ll continue to have a community from back home that will keep me accountable with this.

How people think I feel about leaving UT

How I actually feel

—

Most people probably may think that I made the *wrong* choice. But I don’t. I’m definitely not saying that Yale is a terrible program. It’s amazing. And I’m so so SO incredibly blessed and humbled to be able to attend–with financial help! But What I’m trying to hone in on is that my life is not my own. I serve a God who is so faithful when I am far from it. I am loved by the Father who lays everything out in front of me and blesses me when I least deserve it, even when I turn my back on Him. I worship the Gracious Redeemer who blesses even my mistakes. I follow the Lord who calls me to things bigger and better than myself, One who uses a broken vessel like me for His glory. 

As I meditate on what God has planned for me in this upcoming life stage which seems so far away right now, I hope you will meditate with me on this passage:

“Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.  This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:6-9

So friends, if you got to this point, thank you so much. I just kind of word-vomitted for an hour haha. Special shoutout to the friends that walked me through this whole journey: Christina for trying to listen as we worked out every TTH, Charlotte for always encouraging me and listening to me rant, Alyssa for your caring heart, Andrew for walking with me and being able to empathize as we journeyed through decisions together, Ethan for your insight and analyzing mind, the prayer warriors who at Luke 4:18 ministries, Lina/Jenny/Vicki/Bianca who listened to me during discipleship even if we didn’t get to read the Bible/pray as much together, and the Pastors (PG, P. Art, Pastor Steve) who texted and FB messaged me and prayed for me and asked me for updates. And anyone else I forgot to mention!! Really you are all so special and made me feel so supported and loved and cared for throughout this whole intense journey. Thank you for being in my life, and I hope that we will continue journeying through this mess called life together with joy and in worship! (:

Ok but before I leave I gotta graduate please pray that I pass all of my classes LOL

When You Give Up #1 for #14 Word's out: I've committed to attending Yale University in the fall to pursue my Master in Public Health!!!