#i love just rambling about stuff like this
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girlyrafe Ā· 1 day ago
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looks like sugar ļ½”š–¦¹Ā°ā€§
a/n: writing someone this naive and clueless is lowkey painful but so the person Rafe would want! please interact
āŒ—rafe drug use
summary:: naive!reader goes to a hang out at toppers with some friends but rafes doing something, something white and twinkling.
It wasnā€™t your scene, not at all, and you honestly wanted to go home and just hide under the blankets and giggle ridiculously with Rafe, but as soon as you saw the bottle of beer touch his lips, you couldnā€™t say anything.
Ā 
Toppers Place was nice, really nice, of course.
Ā 
It was pretty chill for a kook party, with you standing with some girls you didnā€™t really knowā€”you were more interested in stealing glances at Rafe, then smiling and looking at your feet.
Ā 
I mean, who wouldnā€™t heā€™s wearing those jeans that were a little too big on him and a white shirtā€”totally simple but not too you, and his rings that caught your eyes, mhm, they feel nice when he...
Ā 
you shake your head.
Ā 
After sipping on a beer you werenā€™t totally into, you decide to make your way over to Rafe and his friends, in which you lean over the back of the couch just staring at him as he was facing away from you, almost lost in thought just at the site of him.
Ā 
They were a little rowdy, which kind of made you a little scared.
Ā 
You werenā€™t paying attention at all.
Ā 
Topper was rambling about something but nodded his head towards behind Rafe, which made him turn around to see you.
Ā 
You instantly grinned. ā€œHey sugar, whatā€™s wrong, hm?ā€ God, he spoke so softly your previous apprehensions were goneā€”it made you want to fold. You shake your head and try to look past him.
Ā 
He took your hand and pulled you round to his side, pulling you next to him with your legs hanging over one of his You lean up to his ear and whisper, ā€œWhat are you guys doing, angel?ā€
All you could see sprawled across the table was some beers, money, and something white.
Ā 
Rafe presses a kiss to your cheek and nibbles on your jaw lightly with a smile, which gave you immense butterflies. ā€œNothin' sugar, itā€™s just something to keep me going, yā€™know?ā€
Ā 
Well, you didnā€™t know, ā€œUm, can I tryā€”Iā€™ve had enough of those girls." You whisper to him and wrap an arm around his neck as one of his snakes around your waist, tracing idle patterns on your stomach and thighs.
Ā 
Rafe had to hold back from laughing. ā€œMhmm, as much as Iā€™d love to see what this makes you do, thereā€™s no way sugarā€”ā€œ You just didnā€™t get it. You glance back down the powder, scrunching your nose up. ā€œWhat is it? ā€”looks like sugar, or that sour stuff on those lollipops I like, hm?ā€ Rafe was sure you were joking by now, but he sees that twinkle in your eyes, and the way you stare at him, which tells him otherwise.
Ā 
ā€œYou know what I want to do, sugar?ā€” I want to take you home, so just sit there and look pretty while I finish up.ā€ He then presses a kiss to your cheek, which means you couldnā€™t help but smile and nod, and he did exactly that. Ten minutes later, you were getting carried out of their giggling and legs swingingā€”heā€™s irresistible.
Ā 
who knows..
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theidiotwhowritesthings Ā· 2 days ago
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Hey girl! Do you happen to have an Ao3 account? I love reading your fics but tumblr doesnā€™t alway load offline. Just wondering! Thanks! :)
AO3: TheSarcasticKnight
I know what you're thinking.
"JJ, how are you gonna log in on a random Sunday morning after not being on Tumblr in literal months and then casually answer a question about your AO3 username like it's nothing??"
I'm unhinged. That's why. And also I finally made the effort to recreate my password so I could successfully log in b/c I totally forgot it and then was lazy for literal weeks anyways
Sorry I haven't been on. Tumblr is a whole new landscape I don't even recognize and from the looks of it I've missed some drama, but it's fine I'm here. I answered a few direct messages left for me, and if you sent me an ask in the last 6 months (or however long it's been time is an illusion) just know that I read through all of them just now and I love you too šŸ„° It means so much to me to know that people were thinking of me. It just warms my little heart.
Admittedly, the chances of me updating some of the stuff on here is slim to none just b/c I'm still super busy with my day job and other projects so I do apologize for that šŸ«£ I may go back and read some of my old work. That does the trick sometimes. I'll read what I forgot about, get super into it, and then get super pissed when I reach the end and realize it hasn't been updated (despite being the author who hasn't updated it) and then somehow I have enough juice to get something (that exact scenario actually just happened on AO3 with an older series of mine).
Anyways, I'm done rambling. Just know that I love you. I know the world is crazy and life is hard and it's exhausting to keep pushing through the same battles again and again, but you are an incredible soul and you are so strong and you are not alone. šŸ©µ
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mars-ipan Ā· 17 hours ago
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Mars i fear i may be dying of the plague. I have coughed blood into my sink twice now and my throat feels like I gave really aggressive oral to a scrubdaddy spongue.
Do you have any priest au thoughts/scenarios/rambles to sooth a troublde lad such as mysrlfšŸ™šŸ™
hemo. as a guy who has also coughed up blood somewhat recently. it may be time to go to an urgent care and make sure itā€™s nothing serious. thereā€™s a pretty nasty pneumonia going around rn and if that IS what it is the sooner you get those antibiotics the faster youā€™ll recover.
as for priest au stuffs: the election kinda killed my creative flow (weā€™re ballin but weā€™re stressed) BUT iā€™ve been trying to flesh out hajimeā€™s backstory a bit for the the past few days so hereā€™s some bullet point brainstorming on that :D
check under the cut for the goods, as per usual ^_^ tw for mentions of child abuse, and also a general warning for priest au-typical horny talk and homophobia
iā€™ve been thinking abt hajimeā€™s childhood/past a lot, partially bc i donā€™t feel fully confident writing him until i have the details of his backstory fleshed out. i think his dad was more of the aggressive ā€œno son of mineā€ type of homophobic, where his mom was more of the ā€œhate the sin love the sinnerā€ type of homophobic. itā€™s clichĆ© maybe but like. traditional catholic family values yanno. his family does differ from traditional catholicism in one way though: hajime is an only child.
i donā€™t think hajime was ever The Manliest Man growing up. yeah he was strong from helping on the farm, but he never felt the need to flaunt his masculine attributes. he never wanted to impress girls, he never initiated an arm-wrestling contest, and once he hit teenagerhood he quit wrestling with his friends altogether. when his friends asked him why he never roughhouses with them anymore, he tensed up and mumbled something about it being ā€œweirdā€ and ā€œimmature.ā€
he showed a lot of delicacy towards nature as well, a trait he carries into adulthood! rescuing turtles from roads, gently rehoming bugs, taking care not to step on wildflowers, that sort of thing. he was teased for this growing up :( heā€™d be compared to a disney princess and the like or just be called a pussy for Caring About The World Around Him. while he still loves nature and knows thereā€™s nothing wrong with that, he does get embarrassed if his gentleness is pointed outā€” heā€™s anticipating some sort of reprimand.
been trying to think about hajimeā€™s gay awakening. i imagine once he hit puberty he started having vagueā€¦ thoughts. they werenā€™t attached to anyone but he kept it secret anyways since Lust Is A Sin and Masturbation Is A Sin Too and heā€™s not interested in growing hair on his palms or going blind (he later finds out that those are myths, but for now he heeds the tales), nor is he interested in the scolding he would get from his parents if they found out. from there we have two main options as i see it.
option A: in a parallel of the magazine he finds in Jabberwock, teen!hajime comes across some sort of gay porn. itā€™s completely accidentalā€” he finds a mag or some other paraphernalia in a log or something, opens it, Realizes what is is, looks around for witnesses, and quickly stuffs it into his jacket. heā€™s not even sure why, but he knows heā€™s curious. as soon as he gets home he hides it between his mattress and his bedframe, and that night, when heā€™s sure his parents are asleep, he grabs a flashlight and starts to look through it. he doesnā€™t understand why heā€™s so fascinated until he realizes: heā€™s breathing heavily, hot in the face, absentmindedly rubbing his thighs together, and, most incriminatingly of all, heā€™s the hardest heā€™s ever been in his life. mortified, he shoves the magazine back under his mattress and tries his best to forget about what he saw, tossing and turning as he tries to calm down and go to sleep.
option B: hajime is really close with one of his peers. theyā€™re childhood friends, and theyā€™ve gotten along great forever. at some point, though, hajime starts feeling weird around him. not BAD weird, butā€¦ heā€™s nervous, and his skin seems to buzz whenever they touch, and his heart flutters when he makes his friend laugh, andā€¦ he canā€™t make sense of it all. not until he wakes up one night from a particularly vivid dream, chest heaving, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his sheets soiled with the evidence of his subconscious sin. he realizes whatā€™s going on, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he does his best to ignore it, but it haunts him.
we could also combine these options and say both of these things happen, but idk yet. i like the loneliness of the porn but i also like the guilt of having to talk to your close friend and pretend you arenā€™t feeling confusing and frightening things for them.
hajime lives at home until his early adulthood, when he is Caught. if we went with option A for his awakening, then he comes home one day to find The Porn sitting on the kitchen table, its pages now crinkled from years of viewing, and his heart sinks into his stomach. heā€™s not sure how they found itā€” maybe his mom was cleaning his room and lifted his mattress? but it doesnā€™t matterā€” they Know now, and he has no way to explain himself.
if we go with option B, hajime is caught with that ā€œgood friendā€ of his. he had snuck in via hajimeā€™s bedroom window, at a time they both were sure hajimeā€™s parents would be asleep. unfortunately, hajimeā€™s dad comes up to his room (hajime never learns the original intent of this visit) and opens the door to find his son, hair and clothes a mess, with the neighbor boy straddling his thighs, hands clearly paused in the middle of lifting up his sonā€™s shirt. itā€™s silent for a bit, and the tension in the air is so heavy hajime feels like he can barely breathe. still, he breaks out of the stupor first, muttering a quiet ā€œyou need to goā€ to his friend without breaking eye contact with his father. the friend gets the message and bolts, leaving via the same window he came from. hajime is now alone with his father, so guilty and scared that he feels nauseous.
regardless of which of these events occurs, the outcome is the same. hajimeā€™s father responds first, yelling and berating. hajime is terrifiedā€” heā€™s seen his dad mad, but never like this. never shouting obscenities and vile words at him. when told to explain himself hajime stumbles over his words, eventually landing on some variant of ā€œi donā€™t know.ā€ eventually, his father decides words arenā€™t punishment enough, and hajime gets the shit beat out of him for the first time in his life. he tries to defend himself, but heā€™s never been much of a fighter, and he doesnā€™t want to hit his dad, self defense or not. when his father finally storms off, his mother comes near, her eyes brimming with tears. she holds her arms out to hajime, tells her baby to come here. hajime, aching and bruised and perhaps with a freshly broken nose, collapses into his motherā€™s arms, silently crying into her shoulder as she pets his hair. she holds him close, rocking them from side to side, before she speaks. ā€œoh, hajime, darling,ā€ she starts, voice thick with tears and love, ā€œiā€™m sorry. weā€™ve failed you, havenā€™t we? thatā€™s why youā€™re doing this to us.ā€ hajimeā€™s stomach curdles at those words, and he quickly excuses himself, washing the blood off his face in the bathroom sink before he locks himself in his room.
regardless of the guilt he carriesā€” he knew he was sinning, after allā€” hajime knows he is no longer safe at home. his father had never beat him like that before, and he doesnā€™t know that he would be able to walk away if it happened again. he doesnā€™t want to leave his mother, but he could tell that she was disgusted by him, too, her words still echoing in his mind. so, hajime packs as many of his things as he can fit into his suitcase, and the next day he leaves town, never letting himself look back. he job hops for a bit before he manages to get his house in Jabberwockā€” he got really, really lucky with the price of the property.
hajime hasnā€™t talked to anyone from his hometown since he left, and while he still has his parentsā€™ landline number memorized, he doesnā€™t dare call. his dadļæ½ļæ½s probably disowned him, anyhow. sometimes he wonders how the people he grew up with are doing, but he canā€™t bring himself to go back. itā€™s not home anymore.
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demigod-shenanigans Ā· 2 days ago
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Would it be very mean of me to say that while some of these are off some of them are actually spot-on? ^^
I do actually kind of want to ramble but itā€™s no fun if I just tell you a bunch of stuff in advance so Iā€™m just gonna comment on two specific fairly minor things: I did, in fact, check what Jason was wearing when he died, and yeah, 13) is exactly what you read it as. Piper saw Jasonā€™s reaction and he was a little too chill about the breakup with a little too much understanding in his face. And then they never got to talk about it! :)
Also donā€™t worry about potentially telling me how to write my fic, this is the one time Iā€™ve pretty much plotted the whole fic out before starting to write it so Iā€™m pretty set on what I will and wonā€™t include! So if I were to take something from one of your comments itā€™d probably be fairly minor.
Again thanks for taking the time to write this out! As a writer I love speculative stuff like that!! And in some contexts especially further into fics itā€™s really really helpful re: telling me whether Iā€™ve set up certain things well or itā€™ll feel like they came out of nowhere
The choiceless hope in grief
Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.
But the gods arenā€™t done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.
This time, Leo decides heā€™s done just taking the Fatesā€™ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworldā€¦ well, itā€™s probably not even the most reckless thing heā€™s ever done.
The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.
And after the life heā€™s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.
Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.
Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k
Rating: Teen and Up
So! *claps hands together* Iā€™ve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until Iā€™m completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! Iā€™m only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and Iā€™d rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!
A couple of important notes before we start:
-TW for suicidal ideation. Itā€™s less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of ā€œIā€™m doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesnā€™t, my death is an acceptable consequenceā€, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think youā€™re not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.
-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they donā€™t really interact positively as a couple (honestly they donā€™t interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that theyā€™re still together for a little bit.
-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.
Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover
It wasnā€™t a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jasonā€™s funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldnā€™t silentlyā€”or as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.
Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried heā€™d regret this laterā€”his refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.
But Leo remembered his motherā€™s funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his motherā€™s death had been his fault. Leo couldnā€™t stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.
He also didnā€™t remember his motherā€™s funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. Heā€™d stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as heā€™d been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didnā€™t need any of Apolloā€™s shitty oracles to know Jasonā€™s death would be exactly the same.
At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.
Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.
Leo wasnā€™t a coward. It wasnā€™t that he didnā€™t want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell heā€™d risk the other.
With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing.Ā 
For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.
Heā€™d spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again.Ā 
Heā€™d talked Calypsoā€™s ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. Heā€™d thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that heā€™d probably get yelled at, but heā€™d also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. Heā€™d thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldnā€™t breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.
Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldnā€™t feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasnā€™t sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.
They didnā€™t talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldnā€™t anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.
Even if theyā€™d wanted to talk about what had happened, Piperā€™s dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldnā€™t think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldnā€™t stop fidgeting.
Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldnā€™t eat. He hadnā€™t skipped a meal in foreverā€”heā€™d been homeless and unsure when heā€™d even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldnā€™t afford toā€”but he couldnā€™t even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state heā€™d left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadnā€™t even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.
Had Leoā€™s help made any difference at all? Had anything heā€™d done in his life changed things even slightly?
Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fellā€”for him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But heā€™d refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.
He wasnā€™t sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didnā€™t fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leoā€™s machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning.Ā 
It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but heā€™d been traveling for hours and fighting before then and heā€™d cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piperā€™s breaths, until finally, those went, too.
~~~~
It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual.Ā 
Instead, he dreamed of his time on theĀ Argo IIā€”of one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world.Ā 
It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn.Ā 
This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but theyā€™d grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and theyā€™d taken turns storytelling.Ā 
And Jason hadĀ bragged.Ā So much. But he hadnā€™t even had the decency to brag aboutĀ himselfĀ like a normal human being. Instead, heā€™d talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person heā€™d ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering heā€™d metĀ everyone else on their team.
And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew.Ā 
Jason didnā€™t seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked.Ā 
ā€œLeo took on three Cyclopes by himself.Ā Three!ā€
ā€œDude, stop!ā€ Leo had laughed, shaking his head. ā€œI know Iā€™m incredible and youā€™re blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you werenā€™t even conscious for that part.ā€
ā€œStill happened, though.ā€ Jason had beamed at him. ā€œYouā€™re amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadnā€™t been for you. You guys shouldā€™ve seen him.ā€
It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly heā€™d messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasnā€™t the type. Heā€™d looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.
So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.
ā€œSorry, Pipes, but Iā€™m pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. Itā€™s the fire powers, Iā€™m afraid. Iā€™m just too hot to resist,ā€ Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jasonā€™s other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.
~~~~
Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes andĀ rememberingā€¦Ā that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. Heā€™d had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.
Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what theyā€™d been back thenā€”the three of them together and happy andĀ whole,back before theyā€™d realized what the prophecy really meant.Ā 
He wanted to stay wrapped in Jasonā€™s arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actuallyĀ beĀ the person Jason was bragging aboutā€”this invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved peopleā€™s lives.
But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasnā€™t ready to die just yet.Ā JasonĀ had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.
Leo wasnā€™t exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life heā€™d promised. But he wasnā€™t thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second heā€™d seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didnā€™t want that.
The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now wasĀ not think.Ā 
By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.
It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.
They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasnā€™tĀ thatĀ bad.
While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldnā€™t have to sleep on the floorā€”this seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place heā€™d ever sleptā€”Leo asked Piperā€™s dad if he could help with dinner.Ā 
Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. Heā€™d been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea.Ā 
Considering how long heā€™d been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation.Ā 
ā€œYou might want to try a sharper knife,ā€ Leo suggested, which made Piperā€™s dad look absolutely mortified. ā€œTry not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piperā€™s been traumatized enough for one week.ā€
The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didnā€™t laugh, but at least it didnā€™t seem like heā€™d be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.
Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadnā€™t gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.
ā€œWell, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. Thatā€™s already an improvement.ā€
ā€œYeah, Iā€™m basically a cooking expert,ā€ Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.
ā€œYou and Piper went to school together, right?ā€ Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didnā€™t have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. ā€œYou and her and Jason.ā€
ā€œYeah. We went to Wilderness school together.ā€ Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies theyā€™d already told Piperā€™s dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. ā€œThen all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.ā€
Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leoā€™s opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piperā€™s dad could do was appreciate it!
ā€œIā€™m glad youā€™re here now, with everything thatā€™s happened. Piper was really upset when you left,ā€ Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. ā€œThe last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.ā€
Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piperā€™s dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ā€˜breakupā€™,Ā the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.
ā€œFuck! Ow!ā€ he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. ā€œJason and Piper broke up?ā€
The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? Theyā€™d been happy together.
Surely, Piperā€™s dad had to be talking about something else.
To Leoā€™s shock, Tristan nodded.
ā€œA while ago, yes,ā€ he said, but he didnā€™t go into detailsā€”possibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. ā€œWe should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?ā€
ā€œNo, the cuts arenā€™t that deep,ā€ Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. ā€œSorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.ā€
Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.
ā€œWhat happened?ā€
ā€œIā€™ve been bested by a stupid potato,ā€ Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake.Ā ā€œOw.ā€
ā€œStop that, dumbass!ā€ Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. ā€œSink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?ā€
Tristan didnā€™t seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.
ā€œNot exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but Iā€™ll get the first aid kit from the car. Iā€™ll be right back.ā€
ā€œDo we have to do the soap?ā€ Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. ā€œHow do you even know this stuff? Are we sure youā€™re not secretly an Apollo kid?ā€
ā€œI know this stuff because Iā€™m friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,ā€ Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. ā€œYou shouldnā€™t be around knives when youā€™re this distracted.ā€
ā€œI can usually cook just fine when Iā€™m distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,ā€ Leo said defensively. ā€œIs that the Mist messing with him?ā€
That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.
Piper shook her head. ā€œWe really did break up. That was a few months ago.ā€
Leo felt his jaw hit the floor.Ā 
ā€œWhat the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed soĀ happy.ā€
ā€œI know, but-ā€ Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?
Leoā€™s mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. HeĀ knewĀ that.
But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and heā€™d never get to see him again.
ā€œIs it alright if we do this somewhere else?ā€ Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.
ā€œOf course. It might be easier to patch him up when youā€™re both sitting down, anyway.ā€ He turned towards Leo. ā€œThank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.ā€
Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetablesā€”Demeter, probably?ā€”and gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.
~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didnā€™t break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dadā€™s room when heā€™d lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.
ā€œIt wasnā€™t because of me, was it?ā€ Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. ā€œPlease tell me it wasnā€™t something like, I donā€™t know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think Iā€™d actually have to blow myself up again if it was.ā€
He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didnā€™t feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friendsā€™ relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.
When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.
ā€œI actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadnā€™t gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasnā€™t until we realized we wouldnā€™t find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I didā€¦ā€ Her voice went very quiet, and she still didnā€™t look up at him. ā€œI realized I wasnā€™t happy in the relationship. I donā€™t think I ever was.ā€
ā€œHow did I not know that?ā€ Leo wondered quietly. ā€œI justā€¦ you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?ā€
Piper shook her head. ā€œIt isnā€™t your fault. I was telling myself IĀ wasĀ happy for a long time. Itā€™s almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it upā€¦ I love-ā€ her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, ā€œ-loved Jason, but not like that.ā€
ā€œPipes, Iā€™m really sorry.ā€ Leo squeezed her shoulder. ā€œThat sounds like it was super hard for both of you.ā€ Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadnā€™t even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasnā€™t like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leoā€™s unending list of epic screwups heā€™d never be able to make up for.
ā€œJason wasā€¦ well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didnā€™t get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybeā€¦ā€ But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasnā€™t important. ā€œIt was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didnā€™t care about him.ā€
And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried.Ā 
ā€œHe knew you cared,ā€ he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. ā€œYou love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, evenĀ IĀ know you love me, and we both know Iā€™m a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.ā€
ā€œI missed you so much,ā€ she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.
ā€œOh, Iā€™m about to make you regret saying that,ā€ Leo said, forcing himself to smile. ā€œIā€™ll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.ā€
ā€œYouā€™re annoying as hell, but youā€™re still my best friend.ā€ He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. ā€œI donā€™t know how Iā€™d do this without you.ā€
And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasnā€™t sure anyone could blame him.
~~~~
For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.
Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsendā€”if not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.
He helped cook, too, and Piperā€™s dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went onā€”like muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.
It was mostly goodā€”listening to Piper reminisce about trips sheā€™d taken with her dad and where sheā€™d gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they werenā€™t unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.
The first time they tried hikingā€”Leo didnā€™t evenĀ likeĀ hiking, heā€™d spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himselfā€”they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasnā€™t an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack.Ā 
They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.
ā€œA human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels werenā€™t talking to us,ā€ Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout ā€œPlease ignore Leo!ā€ loudly from the branches of the tree sheā€™d been climbing.
The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.
ā€œWhat in the world are you doing up there?ā€Ā 
ā€œTrying to get a better vantage point,ā€ Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. ā€œWeā€™re hopelessly lost.ā€
ā€œWell, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. Iā€™m Shel,ā€ the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.
Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. ā€œThat was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but youā€™re cute, so Iā€™ll allow it.ā€
ā€œOh yeah, Piperā€™s got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,ā€ Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.
ā€œYou guys need help getting back?ā€
ā€œPlease, yes,ā€ Piper said immediately. ā€œIt turns out weā€™re both garbage with maps.ā€
ā€œMaybe you just need a tour guide next time,ā€ Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasnā€™t even mad about being the third wheel for once. Heā€™d give herĀ so much shitĀ about this later.
And he did. And then Piper properly came out to himā€”no label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this.Ā 
Which was how Leo realized heā€™d apparently never told Piper he was bi.
Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.
Well, at least they got to hug about it now.Ā 
~~~~
It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.
The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with.Ā 
This wasnā€™t exactly news. From what little LeoĀ didĀ remember of Wilderness School, theyā€™d spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piperā€™s dad kept canceling their weekend plans. Theyā€™d both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as theyā€™d been able to cheer each other up, that hadnā€™t really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadnā€™t had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!
Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jasonā€™s school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again.Ā 
It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jasonā€™s favoriteā€”seriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?
Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piperā€™s dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.
Leo had spent a long time exactly like thisā€”pretending everything was normal and okay when it wasnā€™t either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then heā€™d started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.
His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.
But other than that, it was mostly good.
Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.
ā€”ā€”ā€”
Chapter notes:
Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.
I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully youā€™ll enjoy the whole journey :)
I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jasonā€™s funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrantā€™s Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!
Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think thatā€™s okay.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!
List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)
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cutmyheadoffplease Ā· 1 day ago
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Ā«Justice of those pure of heartĀ»
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ADA x reader hcs because why not?
WARNINGS! : Dazai being Dazai, mentions of alcohol and war in Yosano's part
FEAT! : Atsushi; Dazai; Kunikida; Yosano x gn!reader
āžœ Atsushi Nakajima į—¢
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į—¢ He asks Yosano for advice; it doesnā€™t matter. Presents? Yosano has to say they fit the occasion. A nice day in a park? Yosano makes Atsushi check the weather forecast. She saved dates.
į—¢ Atsushi would buy plushies as gifts. He started doing it after he saw how much joy they brought to Kyoka and they became his go-to gifts for everyone.
į—¢ Atsushiā€™s ability lets him turn into a tiger, tigers are felines, felines sleep for about 16 hours a day. Therefore, Atsushi too sleeps for 16 hours (and has a tiny kitty plushie he got from Kyoka <3)
į—¢ Atsushi once scratched you. It was an accident. It didnā€™t even hurt. But this chazuke loving boy cried for half an hour because he ā€˜hurtā€™ you.
į—¢ You once took him to the Zoo. He started rambling about chameleons. He just loves them. His love for them can be explained in two ways: 1. He wants to blend into the background like them, so that he can forget what heā€™s been through, so he can be like everyone. 2. They're just cool.
āžœ Osamu Dazai š“Æ
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š“Æ Jokes that he would love to commit suicide with you, but I feel like heā€™d stop you say youā€™re uncomfortableā€¦ maybe brings you some flowers, to Yosanoā€™s recommendation, he bought with the money he ā€œborrowedā€ from Kunikida as an apology.
š“Æ Has a small crab plushie Atsushi and Kyoka gave him and used it to pinch your cheeks or places it on your head when heā€™s bored.
š“Æ Do NOT fall asleep near him, unless you want to be turn into a bandage mummy, because personal space is not a concep in Dazaiā€™s vocabularyā€¦ at allā€¦.
š“Æ You cannot look at this man and tell me he wouldnā€™t blow in your ear to annoy you, Kunkida and/or Chuuya.
š“Æ Dazai may have on this goofy and careless personality, but the one time he was actually sad and brought to tears was when he told you about Oda. poor Oda
āžœDoppo Kunikida āœŽ
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āœŽ Kunikida had a hamster as a kid. He started liking math because he would count the amount of seeds it ate every day.
āœŽ Kunikida on the note of his math teacher past, he gave Kenji math homework once, but had to explain it with cows.
āœŽ Kunikida gets mad if you arenā€™t organized, heā€™ll tidy up of course, but not without commenting and giving you sour looks.
āœŽ Once asked Yosano for advice on what to wear to a date and ended up with a wardrobe full of clothes. Heā€™ll never do it again.
āœŽ Kunikida is almost blind without his glasses, he once tried to hug you without them and ended up hugging a door.
āžœ Akiko Yosano š“Œ
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š“Œ Watches M*A*S*H* every chance she gets as a way to cope with her childhood. Please watch it with her. Itā€™s an amazing show. The show screams Yosano. (I feel like her favorite would be Colonel Potter. Heā€™s 100% the guy she would have wanted to work under. she cried during the last episode, not wanting the show she resonated so much with to end.)
š“Œ Yosano sleeps with her socks on and has an unholy big collection of them, most of them have Japanese sweets on them or random stuff she bought with Kyoka or Naomi.
š“Œ Drunkenly confessed what happened during the war once. She spat out everything. The pain drowned in liquor, everything now just a foggy memory of abuse and injustice. She took the hair pin off that day.
š“Œ Yosano took you shopping, Kyoka tags along, of course you had to pay for everything. And if you didnā€™t Iā€™ll pay for Yosano and Kyoka happily . Before you know it itā€™s already late, the bag is full of random stuff, like scented candles and even more socks.
š“Œ Yosano reads romance. A lot of it. She became the ADAā€™s romance counselor. So you better be good at preparing dates or sheā€™ll pout a little.
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š–¦¹×‚ ā‚ŠĖšāŠ¹ā‹†Yay~ Thank you for getting till the very end~ A part two will come with the other ADA members.įŸš–¦¹×‚ ā‚ŠĖšāŠ¹ā‹†
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tnbsecretsanta Ā· 4 hours ago
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Welcome to the Advent Calendar 2024!
Didn't make it to Secret Santa due to lack of time? Don't worry! This year, there will be a complementary event called "Advent Calendar" where you can spread your love for the series without sticking to a schedule!
What is an Advent Calendar? Traditionally, an advent calendar is a special type of calendar that counts down the days until Christmas Day, starting from 1st December.
How do I participate? Simply create a Tumblr or Twitter post with the activity indicated for the day and use the tagĀ #TnBAdvent24, and we'll reblog/retweet it!
Do I have to participate every day? No! The point of this side event is for you to spread your love for the series without the pressure of a schedule like in the Secret Santa! You can participateĀ anyĀ day you want: one, two, ten, all of them! Your choice!
Can I participate in the side event if I joined the Secret Santa? Yes! This event is entirely free, so that you can participate at your leisure.
If I missed an activity from a previous day, can I still post it? Yes! Just use the tag we'll reblog/retweet it! We just suggest that you don't use an activity scheduled for a later date and wait until the indicated day to publish it.
Happy creating!
See below the cut for the text version of the activities indicated
1stĀ - Start reading a Fanfic (emphasis on start, no need to finish it the same day)
2ndĀ - Create a NEXT power
3rdĀ - Which Proverb would make for a good episode title?
4thĀ - Share your favorite piece of official art
5thĀ - Post a WIP (This can be any work-in-progress related to T&B, a merch collection, a shrine, a cosplay, art, MMD video, ita bag, progress of your read-through of the manga, that stuff!)
6thĀ - Share your Favorite Tiger & Bunny-related song (This means any song made for Tiger & Bunny specifically, including character songs and music used in the episodes and credits)
7thĀ - Re-watch any episode of Tiger & Bunny (and then feel free to post a review of it)
8thĀ - What do you want Tiger & Bunny to collab with next? (Collaboration in this context is a collab with another property, such as a company like Sanrio, a store chain like 7-11, restaurant/fast food chains, games, and similar)
9thĀ - Make a fancast for a hypothetical Live Action Adaptation of Tiger & Bunny
10thĀ - Share a headcanon - new or old - that you have
11thĀ - Share an instance of "Tiger & Bunny Spotting" you've seen IRL (T&B Spotting is seeing things like their colours or associated animals-theming in unexpected places. Pets can count for this; If it's not your pet, ask for permission before posting.)
12thĀ - Come up with a food or drink themed around a character. Actually making it is entirely optional!
13thĀ - Come up with an 'Alternate Universe' (AU) plot. You don't have to write anything beyond a plot synopsis or roles.
14thĀ - Ramble about your favorite character or pairing!
15thĀ - Share either a "hidden Gem" fic, or your favourite fanfic! Maybe it's both?
16thĀ - Pitch a Season 3 or Third Movie plot
17thĀ - Post a meme you really like, or make a meme from scratch
18thĀ - Share your favorite OR your most wanted piece of Tiger & Bunny Merchandise
19thĀ - Tell us about your favorite Villain
20thĀ - Picture/Write about yourself as if you lived in Sternbild
21stĀ - Assign a song you like to a character or a pairing
22ndĀ - Share your favorite piece of fanart! Make sure to credit the artist, or repost the art directly through reblog or retweet or similar features.
23rdĀ - Share your favorite piece of trivia about any Tiger & Bunny character
24thĀ - Tell us what Tiger & Bunny means to you
25thĀ - Free Day! Happy Holidays!
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rjschoicesstuff Ā· 3 days ago
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Choices fandom appreciation shoutouts
This event is so so so lovely and I really want to join in hehe. I'm not great at expressing my thoughts/feelings and stuff but I really wanna try because I'm really thankful for all of u guys!! :)
When I first posted on this account last summer I honestly expected I'd probably post a few things and dip again because I usually don't get much attention on social media platforms. And also wasn't sure if anyone would really vibe with my approach to characters and stories hahaha šŸ™ˆ.
But instead people were so nice and I felt so welcomed and like 'oh wow people seem to actually enjoy what I do??' And I had so much fun reading the tags left on reblogs of my art and stuff. And alongside that it has been soooo fun to see everyone elses posts and characters and leaving my thoughts on those as well (and slowly getting less shy about it too šŸ’Ŗ). And I even started reading fanfic for the first time in my life hahaha.
I feel like I'm rambling but I just really want to say all this haha, it's been so fun being on here! I love drawing everyone's characters and other requests and will keep doing that (like pleeaase dont be shy, I love drawing everyone's characters) because it's fun and it's also kinda how I say 'thank you' for all being so nice to me!! So yeah thank you all for making me feel so welcome the past months! :)
Especially as someone who usually has trouble making friends and putting myself out there due to shyness it means a lot!
Under the cut I'll also put some messages directed at separate people, I'm fighting the lil voice in my head that's shy about this but you guys all deserve to hear it hehe, even if I'm kinda ass at expressing myself like this
But even if not mentioned/tagged I appreciate everyone who supports me/my work so much and I love seeing you guys in my notes!!
@lovealexhunt In the short time I've been here I've noticed you do so much for people and this fandom! I've loved all the fics you wrote that I read so far and love how you write Mal and Daenarya together (and the vampire au OOOO). She's so fun and I loved drawing her interacting with Ripley and will definitely do it again sometime!! And I'm also still so obsessed with the geometric Ripley art and I thought it was so sweet of you to draw that for me aaaa
@lilyoffandoms I always love seeing your art on my tumblr feed and your designs for your mc's!! And I'm still sooo in love with the Ripley drawing you did and that really made my day back then because it was a total surprise too!! In general all the art you've done of my characters has just been awesome and made my day every time!!
@choicesmc I love what you do with all your mc's, when you make picrews for them, the artworks I've seen you do for them and all the info you share about them, you're so so creative!! I love all your writing a lotttt, especially the shorter ones you've been posting lately!! I rly enjoy talking to you in dm's a lot, if it ever seems like I don't it's just me being shy haha šŸ˜­. I also love the tags you leave when you reblog my art and when you point out stuff you notice :)
@sapphoschoices Thank you for so often sharing my posts!! And in general always supporting people and sharing their work! I love all the edits I've seen you do and hope you'll keep sharing more hehe. I also read a fic by you for the first time last week and really enjoyed it! Made me wanna replay Desire & Decorum..
@rosesnink Thank you for letting me borrow your mc's a few times when I wanted to draw interactions! I had so so much fun writing back and forth about Rex and Brienne after I posted the art of them together hehe, I always love to see other people with orc mc's in general. I also really like the gif edits you make and your fics I've read so far!
@aria-ashryver You were one of the first people in the fandom who started sharing and commenting on my art and thanks to that I ended up not justĀ  posting a few things and dipping forever like I expected hahah. I always really enjoy reading through the tags you leave on the art I post!! I finally caught up to SICSIG a while ago and it was sooo fun seeing what you did with Immortal Desires and all the extra lore and stuff and I can so clearly tell so much love went into it. And your sprite edits are also always so amazing aaaa.
@cadybear420 Thank you for often sharing my posts I really appreciate it hehe. And thank you for letting me draw your mc's a few times, I had sm fun with it haha. And it was really fun talking about Ripley and Evie interactions. I really enjoy your edits, you're so skilled aaa!! I also enjoy reading about your mc's a lot + how you write gnc characters and gnc mƗf romance.
@gaiuskamilah I loveeee your art a lot and love seeing it on my feed!! I also really enjoy reading your thoughts on books, characters, themes in books etc. You make me wanna replay BloodBound so bad (and I definitely will do that soon)
@hsslilly-blog I'm sooo obsessed with your art you have no idea. You're rly funny and I rly enjoy seeing your posts on my feed. I really really love how you write characters, like they just feel so real, it's super inspiring!
@mydemonsdrivealimo I really really enjoy your art and everything you share about Jensen and Bryce. You're likeĀ  The Bryce Mutual to me, anything you say about him is basically canon to me lol. Thank you for letting me draw Jensen a while ago it was SO fun aaaa
@peonyblossom
Thank you for the cover redraw ideas you sent when I asked for ideas, I had sooo much fun drawing the Alpha cover with Kalani and Channing!! I enjoy the bits you share about your mc's and oc's a lot too!
@choicesfandomappreciation
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egophiliac Ā· 11 months ago
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I have SO many thoughts about everything and they are in no kind of order yet, so here's just some quick little bits in the meantime!
I am not normal about any of these characters!
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#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers#me just staring at the ceiling thinking about anime characters#if i start talking about the big stuff now it's going to turn into a huge rambling mess so in the meantime#i did not get sebek (yet) (i need to contemplate my gems...) but i did see his groovy#he is just full-on cinderella-sparkles bibbidi-bobbidi-booing into that armor! magnificent.#and i really don't have enough words for how much i love tiny malleus. he is perfect. he is precious. he is everything to me.#he knows who his dad is no matter what some crusty dead talking ectoplasm blobs say#(man no wonder lilia's got hangups if THAT was the general attitude he was getting)#('eww you got your dirty bat cooties on the prince' go sit in the corner with mrs. rosehearts you absolute garbage)#(...i did kind of love that lilia started to wake up because the senate said one nice thing to him)#(and he immediately was like 'this is not reality')#(sounds about right)#on a lighter note i was just. SO charmed by the little throwaway about āœØdragon lord consort esteemed diplomat revaanāœØ#who picks the vegetables out of his food and hides them under the tablecloth#everything i learn about this man makes me like him more. he was SO dumb.#now we know where malleus gets it from i guess#also unrelated but once again the fact that i named my mc tamago has had unintentional consequences#tamago take the tamago and tamago tamagao tamago#frikkin love that when yuu gives the egg back you can just be like 'i love him. this is my baby now.' 100% accurate.#also yuu continually referring to malleus as tsunotarou even to the senate = amazing. yuu really has NO self-preservation or awareness.#they fit right in with everyone else#<- see what did i tell you. huge rambling mess.#and i haven't even BEGUN to talk about MELEANOR -- (is dragged offstage by a hook)
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somnimagus Ā· 1 year ago
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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.
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greenieflor Ā· 7 months ago
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Hey maybe a group of creatives deciding that they want control over their content and don't want to waste time and resources begging for ad revenue is like. A good thing
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fumifooms Ā· 6 months ago
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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis
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Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but Iā€™m jumping into the fray. I think thereā€™s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so itā€™s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.
Falin cares too little :
A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and Iā€¦ Donā€™t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.
We do see her worrying about what people think of herā€¦ ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didnā€™t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. Thatā€™s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; itā€™s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.
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Laiosā€™ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, youā€™re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, Iā€™ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, sheā€™d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, sheā€™d follow him to the ends of the world, and thatā€™s what she did.
She didnā€™t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesnā€™t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parentā€™s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I donā€™t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather itā€™s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that itā€™s as simple as that, mind you, but letā€™s talk about this for now.
Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). Theyā€™re the ones sheā€™s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didnā€™t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.
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What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think thatā€™s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we canā€™t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that sheā€™s in there, we just donā€™t know at what degree), that we donā€™t know her enough to be able to tell when sheā€™s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.
And this is whatā€™s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. Sheā€™s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he canā€™t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see thatā€¦ Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesnā€™t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who sheā€™s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they donā€™t cross her mind then of course sheā€™d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesnā€™t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isnā€™t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see sheā€™s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me thereā€™s this aspect to her that she isnā€™t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and thereā€™s something interesting to that.
People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so sheā€™s friendly and hopefully thingsā€™ll be smooth sailing. Itā€™s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you donā€™t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesnā€™t do what she does because she lovesĀ them, but becauseĀ sheĀ loves them.
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One situation thatā€™s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what Iā€™m trying to get at, is Shuroā€™s proposal to her. Iā€™ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didnā€™t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I canā€™t say no, I donā€™t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but itā€™s actually canon in the Adventurerā€™s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didnā€™t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but itā€™d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense sheā€™d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, thereā€™s even a bit on it on Laiosā€™ Adventurerā€™s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, itā€™s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brotherā€™s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldnā€™t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?
So her hesitance was "yeah thatā€™s convenient for me, but where itā€™s everything to him and heartfelt Iā€™m able to be detached because I donā€™t care about it that muchā€¦ Can I do that? Iā€™m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though itā€™s not what youā€™d expect, isnā€™t it?
And central to my analysis, where Iā€™m going with this is, I feel like thatā€™s the thing with her character, that she doesnā€™t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didnā€™t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didnā€™t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didnā€™t seem to care about how theyā€™d experienced her choices.
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So itā€™s a tendencyā€¦ And itā€™s not that she doesnā€™t care, itā€™s just that the way she measures whatā€™s good for the ones she loves isnā€™t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). Itā€™s an overt but quiet kind of care, itā€™s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.
So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuroā€™s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because sheā€™s thinking about reciprocity, about if itā€™d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And thatā€™s a big part of her character isnā€™t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.
Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, sheā€™d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurerā€™s Bible explanation was released midstory, so Iā€™m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didnā€™t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesnā€™t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasnā€™t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what Iā€™m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuroā€™s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.
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And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? Itā€™s rather layered, because canonically she wasnā€™t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and weā€™re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isnā€™t being mistreated (though doesnā€™t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough sheā€™s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when sheā€™s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chiefā€™s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.
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She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.
And this sort of understanding is part of why I think sheā€™d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when sheā€™s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think itā€™s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. Sheā€™s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuroā€™s proposal, doesnā€™t want to lead him on? Sheā€™ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesnā€™t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.
We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think thatā€™s here too. She doesnā€™t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesnā€™t change that she doesnā€™t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, itā€™s just that sheā€™s learned growing up that she doesnā€™t have much agency.
Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. Sheā€™ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, sheā€™ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when heā€™s pushing her away (because he doesnā€™t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved themā€” And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didnā€™t notice the ostracization she suffered.
Sheā€™s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didnā€™t try hard to rectify the dogsā€™ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.
So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someoneā€™s presence isnā€™t something you ask for, itā€™s something thatā€™s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you canā€™t ask them to stay or to come with.
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Sheā€™s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so sheā€™s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didnā€™t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.
And still, itā€™s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasnā€™t that Iā€™d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I donā€™t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but Iā€™m sorry that youā€™re so much more upset about it than me". Itā€™s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.
Itā€™s the autism itā€™s the aroace of it all, itā€™s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, itā€™s the feeling like youā€™re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. Iā€™m not joking btw it isnā€™t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm youā€™re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you wonā€™t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about itā€¦"
Soā€¦ Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I donā€™t think she actually cares about people all that much. Iā€™d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesnā€™t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well itā€™s pretty straightforward really, sheā€™s not all that social and doesnā€™t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but itā€™s not as much likeā€¦ A conviction or goal. Sheā€™s too laser focused on a select few people. "Itā€™s not that theyā€™re bad people, they just arenā€™t interested in humans."
And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isnā€™t her whole world or that she isnā€™t the kindest soul out there then youā€™re saying she doesnā€™t care at all or sheā€™s evil. And thatā€™s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but itā€™s not in a way thatā€™s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they donā€™t have the same logic as her, donā€™t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if Iā€™m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isnā€™t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.
And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, thereā€™s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. Thereā€™s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason Iā€™ve chosen this angle is I feel itā€™s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falinā€™s character arc as Iā€™ll go over throughout the next sectionā€¦
So.
Not feeling as much as she should. Andā€¦ā€¦. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?
You canā€™t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.
Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when sheā€™s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to justā€¦ Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. Thatā€™s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.
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Thereā€™s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, andļæ½ļæ½ Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falinā€™s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragonā€™s wasnā€™t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. Sheā€™s stripped of her agency consistently, and soā€¦ Itā€™s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.
Personally, I think freedom is Falinā€™s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.
And if you think Iā€™m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laiosā€™ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, itā€™s something thatā€™s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.
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Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, itā€™s always been Laiosā€™ curse.
Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, butā€¦ On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks itā€™d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If thereā€™s someone you donā€™t like, you can gobble ā€˜em up in one bite. If you could fly, youā€™d be able to leave this village right now." Itā€™s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.
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But youā€™ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesnā€™t want to leave knowing theyā€™ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laiosā€™ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isnā€™t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isnā€™t to stay and see how well his friends will live, itā€™s to go. Itā€™s to leave. Itā€™s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. Itā€™s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didnā€™t, or not caring and wishing you did.
In the end, itā€™s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. Itā€™s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying theyā€™ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while theyā€™re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what itā€™s like to have what sheā€™s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.
No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if youā€™re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when youā€™re a beast and you can justā€¦ Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because youā€™re at the bottom of the hierarchy, youā€™re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.
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I think sheā€™s on autopilot. I think sheā€™s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and itā€™s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) Itā€™s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And thatā€™s what is weaponized when sheā€™s a chimera, that instinct sheā€™s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesnā€™t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesnā€™t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because sheā€™s trained it to take as little place as it could.
Falin cares too much
She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.
So youā€™re probably seeing the duality Iā€™m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often donā€™t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesnā€™t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.
In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. Sheā€™s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, itā€™s text, in the response to Shuroā€™s proposal extra no less. And sheā€™s so laser focused on her most loved people that sheā€™s fine with being callous and risking othersā€™ lives, even.
Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.
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Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.
And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with herā€¦ Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her tooā€¦ In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way thatā€™s not palatable. But she doesnā€™t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasnā€™t for a while now, and thatā€™s great.
Notes & nuance
Iā€™m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. Itā€™s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but thereā€™s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "itā€™s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldnā€™t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falinā€™s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, itā€™s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I canā€™t just pull it up whenever itā€™s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurerā€™s Bible profile if you havenā€™t already.
I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didnā€™t seem to mind others ostracizing her, itā€™s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid sheā€™s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leaderā€¦ Thereā€™s one istanxe of her caring actually, and itā€™s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laiosā€™ said it and as I rambled Laiosā€™ words are her world, but actually itā€™s ambiguous. Itā€™s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, thereā€™s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other handā€¦
Her Adventurerā€™s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falinā€™s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesnā€™t like being called cute over it, but thatā€™s not how she wants people to see her. She doesnā€™t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.
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Hereā€™s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts donā€™t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe itā€™s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didnā€™t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ā€˜troublesomeā€™. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.
And on the topic of appearancesā€¦ A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurerā€™s Bible profile) itā€™s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."
Imo the thing is, I donā€™t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for othersā€™ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but thatā€™s not personality wise itā€™s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like thatā€™s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesnā€™t know what she wants because everything sheā€™s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesnā€™t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesnā€™t ask things from people and doesnā€™t hope for more, hope for better. I donā€™t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her itā€™s less ā€˜appearing stoic to fit in moreā€™ and more ā€˜yeah iā€™ll just chill until Iā€™m needed or something activates my enthusiasmā€™. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you canā€™t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."
And speaking of passivityā€¦ I want to speculate about Shuroā€™s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we donā€™t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuroā€™s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I donā€™t think it was as simple as ā€˜she wanted to say yes for convenienceā€™. Logically itā€™s what would have been best, but itā€™s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesnā€™t think sheā€™ll get proposed to again, itā€™s that self-effacing tendency that yes itā€™d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isnā€™t in it, because if itā€™s convenient then thatā€™s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man alsoā€¦ Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldnā€™t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falinā€™s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.
AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much sheā€™s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but sheā€™s for sure there & influencing the dragonā€™s action to some degree. Having a dragonā€™s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but thereā€™s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, thereā€™s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly thereā€™s the Adventurerā€™s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that itā€™s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, itā€™s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, sheā€™s described as Thistleā€™s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so Iā€™ll reign myself in and just mention it again. Sheā€™s still at the heel of someone, only now itā€™s someone who doesnā€™t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that itā€™s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think thatā€™s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isnā€™t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.
Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.
But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc weā€™ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "Iā€™ll lay down my life for you" point? Iā€™m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isnā€™t it cool?" gestures of showing things to herā€¦ Itā€™s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe itā€™s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same timeā€¦ I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. Iā€™d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but thereā€™s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.
Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo importantā€¦ Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didnā€™t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you havenā€™t seen each other in a while or when theyā€™re alone, and yes thereā€™s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin wonā€™t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same wayā€¦ I hope Iā€™m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they donā€™t know if thatā€™s allowed, if theyā€™re going about the social interaction the right way, if theyā€™re allowed to ask that out of someoneā€¦
Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didnā€™t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falinā€™s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldnā€™t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course sheā€™d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).
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A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcilleā€™s world, Laiosā€™ is at the center of Falinā€™s, and I tend to agree.
Itā€™s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course thereā€™s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but thereā€™s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.
I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think thereā€™s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I donā€™t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ā€˜If you die do it somewhere where I canā€™t seeā€™ styleā€™ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I donā€™t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isnā€™t needlessly against ghosts. And Falinā€™s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because itā€™s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whateverā€™s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.
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Iā€™m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falinā€™s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laiosā€™ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.
Conclusion
Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.
Tldr: Falin doesnā€™t care all that much, sheā€™s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesnā€™t really care because thatā€™d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but itā€™s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: sheā€™s canonically very genuinely kind, but itā€™s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. Sheā€™s passive, and softspoken because thatā€™s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the olā€™ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. Sheā€™s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but thereā€™s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. Thereā€™s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falinā€™s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.
Sheā€™s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and thatā€™s it donā€™t hope for more donā€™t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how sheā€™s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)
Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.
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I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it
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Thatā€™s it, ty for reading. Even if itā€™s a bit of a mess, hopefully youā€™ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.
Hereā€™s my spotify playlist for her if youā€™d like
Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-loveā€™s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.
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#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we donā€™t#get that many moments with her. So thereā€™s ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me#As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it#Iā€™m doomed. Iā€™m getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#analysis#character analysis#meta#autistic reading#aroace reading as well. Sort of. Itā€™s mentioned#The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity youā€™re expected to#As always this is just my interpretation blablabla#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor#Laios touden#heā€™s here too bc they are an unit#If youā€™re not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falinā€™s character u are missing an opportunity imo#Fairyā€™s child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised sheā€™s hard to fully pin down#Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laiosā€¦ Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out#Iā€™d like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. Iā€™m not satisfied by the level of clarity#Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles#Crazy style#I give a TLDR at the end if youā€™d prefer. It doesnā€™t have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think
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babacontainsmultitudes Ā· 4 months ago
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RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.
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lazylittledragon Ā· 3 months ago
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hi i'm unw el l
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donelywell Ā· 7 months ago
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February 29- March 2 2024
The first time Sonic went Super in Road Trip wasn't exactly as stunning to Tails as other au's and stories.
Tails is like maybe 5 here (I'm not actually that organized on the timeline for this au yet, I'm getting there though, things are getting in order.) and he wasn't forced to grow up and be a hero in this au. So he's a bit more childish than canon Tails because he doesn't feel as pressured to mature and grow up fast. Plus, he genuinely thinks Sonic is going to die and this is the last time he see's him, so tears are bound to come down.
Part 1
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opikiquu Ā· 7 months ago
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these 2 gonna drive me insane
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bamsara Ā· 2 years ago
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
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