#i love just rambling about stuff like this
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looks like sugar ļ½”š¦¹Ā°ā§
a/n: writing someone this naive and clueless is lowkey painful but so the person Rafe would want! please interact
ārafe drug use
summary:: naive!reader goes to a hang out at toppers with some friends but rafes doing something, something white and twinkling.
It wasnāt your scene, not at all, and you honestly wanted to go home and just hide under the blankets and giggle ridiculously with Rafe, but as soon as you saw the bottle of beer touch his lips, you couldnāt say anything.
Ā
Toppers Place was nice, really nice, of course.
Ā
It was pretty chill for a kook party, with you standing with some girls you didnāt really knowāyou were more interested in stealing glances at Rafe, then smiling and looking at your feet.
Ā
I mean, who wouldnāt heās wearing those jeans that were a little too big on him and a white shirtātotally simple but not too you, and his rings that caught your eyes, mhm, they feel nice when he...
Ā
you shake your head.
Ā
After sipping on a beer you werenāt totally into, you decide to make your way over to Rafe and his friends, in which you lean over the back of the couch just staring at him as he was facing away from you, almost lost in thought just at the site of him.
Ā
They were a little rowdy, which kind of made you a little scared.
Ā
You werenāt paying attention at all.
Ā
Topper was rambling about something but nodded his head towards behind Rafe, which made him turn around to see you.
Ā
You instantly grinned. āHey sugar, whatās wrong, hm?ā God, he spoke so softly your previous apprehensions were goneāit made you want to fold. You shake your head and try to look past him.
Ā
He took your hand and pulled you round to his side, pulling you next to him with your legs hanging over one of his You lean up to his ear and whisper, āWhat are you guys doing, angel?ā
All you could see sprawled across the table was some beers, money, and something white.
Ā
Rafe presses a kiss to your cheek and nibbles on your jaw lightly with a smile, which gave you immense butterflies. āNothin' sugar, itās just something to keep me going, yāknow?ā
Ā
Well, you didnāt know, āUm, can I tryāIāve had enough of those girls." You whisper to him and wrap an arm around his neck as one of his snakes around your waist, tracing idle patterns on your stomach and thighs.
Ā
Rafe had to hold back from laughing. āMhmm, as much as Iād love to see what this makes you do, thereās no way sugarāā You just didnāt get it. You glance back down the powder, scrunching your nose up. āWhat is it? ālooks like sugar, or that sour stuff on those lollipops I like, hm?ā Rafe was sure you were joking by now, but he sees that twinkle in your eyes, and the way you stare at him, which tells him otherwise.
Ā
āYou know what I want to do, sugar?ā I want to take you home, so just sit there and look pretty while I finish up.ā He then presses a kiss to your cheek, which means you couldnāt help but smile and nod, and he did exactly that. Ten minutes later, you were getting carried out of their giggling and legs swingingāheās irresistible.
Ā
who knows..
#fluff#rafe x reader#drew starkey#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe fic#rafe outer banks#outer banks#obx#rafe obx#naive girl#fluff fic#drew starkey x y/n#boyfriend#viral#please interact#outerbanks rafe#rafe x you#sweet#jj maybank
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Hey girl! Do you happen to have an Ao3 account? I love reading your fics but tumblr doesnāt alway load offline. Just wondering! Thanks! :)
AO3: TheSarcasticKnight
I know what you're thinking.
"JJ, how are you gonna log in on a random Sunday morning after not being on Tumblr in literal months and then casually answer a question about your AO3 username like it's nothing??"
I'm unhinged. That's why. And also I finally made the effort to recreate my password so I could successfully log in b/c I totally forgot it and then was lazy for literal weeks anyways
Sorry I haven't been on. Tumblr is a whole new landscape I don't even recognize and from the looks of it I've missed some drama, but it's fine I'm here. I answered a few direct messages left for me, and if you sent me an ask in the last 6 months (or however long it's been time is an illusion) just know that I read through all of them just now and I love you too š„° It means so much to me to know that people were thinking of me. It just warms my little heart.
Admittedly, the chances of me updating some of the stuff on here is slim to none just b/c I'm still super busy with my day job and other projects so I do apologize for that š«£ I may go back and read some of my old work. That does the trick sometimes. I'll read what I forgot about, get super into it, and then get super pissed when I reach the end and realize it hasn't been updated (despite being the author who hasn't updated it) and then somehow I have enough juice to get something (that exact scenario actually just happened on AO3 with an older series of mine).
Anyways, I'm done rambling. Just know that I love you. I know the world is crazy and life is hard and it's exhausting to keep pushing through the same battles again and again, but you are an incredible soul and you are so strong and you are not alone. š©µ
#asks#one of the asks from months ago#was someone telling me I stole another author's work#but the author I supposedly stole from#was just a different account I owned#couldnt stop laughing#thank you for looking out for me though#I felt like a scooby doo villain but when you pulled off the mask it was just me under it again#surprise!!
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Mars i fear i may be dying of the plague. I have coughed blood into my sink twice now and my throat feels like I gave really aggressive oral to a scrubdaddy spongue.
Do you have any priest au thoughts/scenarios/rambles to sooth a troublde lad such as mysrlfšš
hemo. as a guy who has also coughed up blood somewhat recently. it may be time to go to an urgent care and make sure itās nothing serious. thereās a pretty nasty pneumonia going around rn and if that IS what it is the sooner you get those antibiotics the faster youāll recover.
as for priest au stuffs: the election kinda killed my creative flow (weāre ballin but weāre stressed) BUT iāve been trying to flesh out hajimeās backstory a bit for the the past few days so hereās some bullet point brainstorming on that :D
check under the cut for the goods, as per usual ^_^ tw for mentions of child abuse, and also a general warning for priest au-typical horny talk and homophobia
iāve been thinking abt hajimeās childhood/past a lot, partially bc i donāt feel fully confident writing him until i have the details of his backstory fleshed out. i think his dad was more of the aggressive āno son of mineā type of homophobic, where his mom was more of the āhate the sin love the sinnerā type of homophobic. itās clichĆ© maybe but like. traditional catholic family values yanno. his family does differ from traditional catholicism in one way though: hajime is an only child.
i donāt think hajime was ever The Manliest Man growing up. yeah he was strong from helping on the farm, but he never felt the need to flaunt his masculine attributes. he never wanted to impress girls, he never initiated an arm-wrestling contest, and once he hit teenagerhood he quit wrestling with his friends altogether. when his friends asked him why he never roughhouses with them anymore, he tensed up and mumbled something about it being āweirdā and āimmature.ā
he showed a lot of delicacy towards nature as well, a trait he carries into adulthood! rescuing turtles from roads, gently rehoming bugs, taking care not to step on wildflowers, that sort of thing. he was teased for this growing up :( heād be compared to a disney princess and the like or just be called a pussy for Caring About The World Around Him. while he still loves nature and knows thereās nothing wrong with that, he does get embarrassed if his gentleness is pointed outā heās anticipating some sort of reprimand.
been trying to think about hajimeās gay awakening. i imagine once he hit puberty he started having vagueā¦ thoughts. they werenāt attached to anyone but he kept it secret anyways since Lust Is A Sin and Masturbation Is A Sin Too and heās not interested in growing hair on his palms or going blind (he later finds out that those are myths, but for now he heeds the tales), nor is he interested in the scolding he would get from his parents if they found out. from there we have two main options as i see it.
option A: in a parallel of the magazine he finds in Jabberwock, teen!hajime comes across some sort of gay porn. itās completely accidentalā he finds a mag or some other paraphernalia in a log or something, opens it, Realizes what is is, looks around for witnesses, and quickly stuffs it into his jacket. heās not even sure why, but he knows heās curious. as soon as he gets home he hides it between his mattress and his bedframe, and that night, when heās sure his parents are asleep, he grabs a flashlight and starts to look through it. he doesnāt understand why heās so fascinated until he realizes: heās breathing heavily, hot in the face, absentmindedly rubbing his thighs together, and, most incriminatingly of all, heās the hardest heās ever been in his life. mortified, he shoves the magazine back under his mattress and tries his best to forget about what he saw, tossing and turning as he tries to calm down and go to sleep.
option B: hajime is really close with one of his peers. theyāre childhood friends, and theyāve gotten along great forever. at some point, though, hajime starts feeling weird around him. not BAD weird, butā¦ heās nervous, and his skin seems to buzz whenever they touch, and his heart flutters when he makes his friend laugh, andā¦ he canāt make sense of it all. not until he wakes up one night from a particularly vivid dream, chest heaving, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his sheets soiled with the evidence of his subconscious sin. he realizes whatās going on, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he does his best to ignore it, but it haunts him.
we could also combine these options and say both of these things happen, but idk yet. i like the loneliness of the porn but i also like the guilt of having to talk to your close friend and pretend you arenāt feeling confusing and frightening things for them.
hajime lives at home until his early adulthood, when he is Caught. if we went with option A for his awakening, then he comes home one day to find The Porn sitting on the kitchen table, its pages now crinkled from years of viewing, and his heart sinks into his stomach. heās not sure how they found itā maybe his mom was cleaning his room and lifted his mattress? but it doesnāt matterā they Know now, and he has no way to explain himself.
if we go with option B, hajime is caught with that āgood friendā of his. he had snuck in via hajimeās bedroom window, at a time they both were sure hajimeās parents would be asleep. unfortunately, hajimeās dad comes up to his room (hajime never learns the original intent of this visit) and opens the door to find his son, hair and clothes a mess, with the neighbor boy straddling his thighs, hands clearly paused in the middle of lifting up his sonās shirt. itās silent for a bit, and the tension in the air is so heavy hajime feels like he can barely breathe. still, he breaks out of the stupor first, muttering a quiet āyou need to goā to his friend without breaking eye contact with his father. the friend gets the message and bolts, leaving via the same window he came from. hajime is now alone with his father, so guilty and scared that he feels nauseous.
regardless of which of these events occurs, the outcome is the same. hajimeās father responds first, yelling and berating. hajime is terrifiedā heās seen his dad mad, but never like this. never shouting obscenities and vile words at him. when told to explain himself hajime stumbles over his words, eventually landing on some variant of āi donāt know.ā eventually, his father decides words arenāt punishment enough, and hajime gets the shit beat out of him for the first time in his life. he tries to defend himself, but heās never been much of a fighter, and he doesnāt want to hit his dad, self defense or not. when his father finally storms off, his mother comes near, her eyes brimming with tears. she holds her arms out to hajime, tells her baby to come here. hajime, aching and bruised and perhaps with a freshly broken nose, collapses into his motherās arms, silently crying into her shoulder as she pets his hair. she holds him close, rocking them from side to side, before she speaks. āoh, hajime, darling,ā she starts, voice thick with tears and love, āiām sorry. weāve failed you, havenāt we? thatās why youāre doing this to us.ā hajimeās stomach curdles at those words, and he quickly excuses himself, washing the blood off his face in the bathroom sink before he locks himself in his room.
regardless of the guilt he carriesā he knew he was sinning, after allā hajime knows he is no longer safe at home. his father had never beat him like that before, and he doesnāt know that he would be able to walk away if it happened again. he doesnāt want to leave his mother, but he could tell that she was disgusted by him, too, her words still echoing in his mind. so, hajime packs as many of his things as he can fit into his suitcase, and the next day he leaves town, never letting himself look back. he job hops for a bit before he manages to get his house in Jabberwockā he got really, really lucky with the price of the property.
hajime hasnāt talked to anyone from his hometown since he left, and while he still has his parentsā landline number memorized, he doesnāt dare call. his dadļæ½ļæ½s probably disowned him, anyhow. sometimes he wonders how the people he grew up with are doing, but he canāt bring himself to go back. itās not home anymore.
#ask#hemo#priest au#come get your lore dump! this time itās Sad Mode#do heed that tw though. i get a little intense in this one#sorry hajime i keep putting you through the wringer. in my defense itās compelling as shit#poor guyā¦. bruised and bloodied and shaking like a battered shelter dog#i like how a backstory like this sets up hajimeās personality. he was taught to be disgusted by himself#and he knows for a fact that letting word get out about his sin leads only to pain#so of course heās secretive and self-loathing and all that jazz. of course heās easy to manipulate#it also makes the church an even greater place of refuge for him#bc for one. father komaeda is going to Save him. he wonāt need to be disgusted#and secondly. a church is safe and sacred. father komaeda wonāt let anyone hurt him. heās not in danger there#i also wanna draw some level of parallel between hajimeās father and Father Komaeda. partially bc of the shared title#and partially as a reference to the catholic family power structure and how that applies to other dynamics as well :]#i think itād be fun if komaeda raises a hand to put on hajimeās shoulder and hajime Flinches. thatās yum#anywho hope this was satisfactory. feel better soon hemo get urself a cough drop
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Would it be very mean of me to say that while some of these are off some of them are actually spot-on? ^^
I do actually kind of want to ramble but itās no fun if I just tell you a bunch of stuff in advance so Iām just gonna comment on two specific fairly minor things: I did, in fact, check what Jason was wearing when he died, and yeah, 13) is exactly what you read it as. Piper saw Jasonās reaction and he was a little too chill about the breakup with a little too much understanding in his face. And then they never got to talk about it! :)
Also donāt worry about potentially telling me how to write my fic, this is the one time Iāve pretty much plotted the whole fic out before starting to write it so Iām pretty set on what I will and wonāt include! So if I were to take something from one of your comments itād probably be fairly minor.
Again thanks for taking the time to write this out! As a writer I love speculative stuff like that!! And in some contexts especially further into fics itās really really helpful re: telling me whether Iāve set up certain things well or itāll feel like they came out of nowhere
The choiceless hope in grief
Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.
But the gods arenāt done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.
This time, Leo decides heās done just taking the Fatesā bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworldā¦ well, itās probably not even the most reckless thing heās ever done.
The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.
And after the life heās lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.
Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.
Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k
Rating: Teen and Up
So! *claps hands together* Iāve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until Iām completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! Iām only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and Iād rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!
A couple of important notes before we start:
-TW for suicidal ideation. Itās less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of āIām doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesnāt, my death is an acceptable consequenceā, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think youāre not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.
-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they donāt really interact positively as a couple (honestly they donāt interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that theyāre still together for a little bit.
-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.
Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover
It wasnāt a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jasonās funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldnāt silentlyāor as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.
Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried heād regret this laterāhis refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.
But Leo remembered his motherās funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his motherās death had been his fault. Leo couldnāt stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.
He also didnāt remember his motherās funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. Heād stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as heād been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didnāt need any of Apolloās shitty oracles to know Jasonās death would be exactly the same.
At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.
Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.
Leo wasnāt a coward. It wasnāt that he didnāt want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell heād risk the other.
With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing.Ā
For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.
Heād spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again.Ā
Heād talked Calypsoās ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. Heād thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that heād probably get yelled at, but heād also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. Heād thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldnāt breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.
Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldnāt feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasnāt sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.
They didnāt talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldnāt anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.
Even if theyād wanted to talk about what had happened, Piperās dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldnāt think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldnāt stop fidgeting.
Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldnāt eat. He hadnāt skipped a meal in foreverāheād been homeless and unsure when heād even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldnāt afford toābut he couldnāt even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state heād left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadnāt even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.
Had Leoās help made any difference at all? Had anything heād done in his life changed things even slightly?
Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fellāfor him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But heād refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.
He wasnāt sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didnāt fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leoās machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning.Ā
It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but heād been traveling for hours and fighting before then and heād cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piperās breaths, until finally, those went, too.
~~~~
It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual.Ā
Instead, he dreamed of his time on theĀ Argo IIāof one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world.Ā
It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn.Ā
This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but theyād grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and theyād taken turns storytelling.Ā
And Jason hadĀ bragged.Ā So much. But he hadnāt even had the decency to brag aboutĀ himselfĀ like a normal human being. Instead, heād talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person heād ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering heād metĀ everyone else on their team.
And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew.Ā
Jason didnāt seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked.Ā
āLeo took on three Cyclopes by himself.Ā Three!ā
āDude, stop!ā Leo had laughed, shaking his head. āI know Iām incredible and youāre blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you werenāt even conscious for that part.ā
āStill happened, though.ā Jason had beamed at him. āYouāre amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadnāt been for you. You guys shouldāve seen him.ā
It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly heād messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasnāt the type. Heād looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.
So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.
āSorry, Pipes, but Iām pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. Itās the fire powers, Iām afraid. Iām just too hot to resist,ā Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jasonās other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.
~~~~
Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes andĀ rememberingā¦Ā that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. Heād had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.
Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what theyād been back thenāthe three of them together and happy andĀ whole,back before theyād realized what the prophecy really meant.Ā
He wanted to stay wrapped in Jasonās arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actuallyĀ beĀ the person Jason was bragging aboutāthis invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved peopleās lives.
But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasnāt ready to die just yet.Ā JasonĀ had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.
Leo wasnāt exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life heād promised. But he wasnāt thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second heād seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didnāt want that.
The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now wasĀ not think.Ā
By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.
It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.
They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasnātĀ thatĀ bad.
While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldnāt have to sleep on the floorāthis seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place heād ever sleptāLeo asked Piperās dad if he could help with dinner.Ā
Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. Heād been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea.Ā
Considering how long heād been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation.Ā
āYou might want to try a sharper knife,ā Leo suggested, which made Piperās dad look absolutely mortified. āTry not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piperās been traumatized enough for one week.ā
The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didnāt laugh, but at least it didnāt seem like heād be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.
Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadnāt gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.
āWell, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. Thatās already an improvement.ā
āYeah, Iām basically a cooking expert,ā Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.
āYou and Piper went to school together, right?ā Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didnāt have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. āYou and her and Jason.ā
āYeah. We went to Wilderness school together.ā Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies theyād already told Piperās dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. āThen all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.ā
Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leoās opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piperās dad could do was appreciate it!
āIām glad youāre here now, with everything thatās happened. Piper was really upset when you left,ā Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. āThe last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.ā
Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piperās dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ābreakupā,Ā the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.
āFuck! Ow!ā he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. āJason and Piper broke up?ā
The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? Theyād been happy together.
Surely, Piperās dad had to be talking about something else.
To Leoās shock, Tristan nodded.
āA while ago, yes,ā he said, but he didnāt go into detailsāpossibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. āWe should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?ā
āNo, the cuts arenāt that deep,ā Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. āSorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.ā
Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.
āWhat happened?ā
āIāve been bested by a stupid potato,ā Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake.Ā āOw.ā
āStop that, dumbass!ā Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. āSink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?ā
Tristan didnāt seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.
āNot exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but Iāll get the first aid kit from the car. Iāll be right back.ā
āDo we have to do the soap?ā Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. āHow do you even know this stuff? Are we sure youāre not secretly an Apollo kid?ā
āI know this stuff because Iām friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,ā Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. āYou shouldnāt be around knives when youāre this distracted.ā
āI can usually cook just fine when Iām distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,ā Leo said defensively. āIs that the Mist messing with him?ā
That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.
Piper shook her head. āWe really did break up. That was a few months ago.ā
Leo felt his jaw hit the floor.Ā
āWhat the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed soĀ happy.ā
āI know, but-ā Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?
Leoās mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. HeĀ knewĀ that.
But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and heād never get to see him again.
āIs it alright if we do this somewhere else?ā Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.
āOf course. It might be easier to patch him up when youāre both sitting down, anyway.ā He turned towards Leo. āThank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.ā
Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetablesāDemeter, probably?āand gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.
~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didnāt break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dadās room when heād lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.
āIt wasnāt because of me, was it?ā Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. āPlease tell me it wasnāt something like, I donāt know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think Iād actually have to blow myself up again if it was.ā
He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didnāt feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friendsā relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.
When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.
āI actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadnāt gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasnāt until we realized we wouldnāt find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I didā¦ā Her voice went very quiet, and she still didnāt look up at him. āI realized I wasnāt happy in the relationship. I donāt think I ever was.ā
āHow did I not know that?ā Leo wondered quietly. āI justā¦ you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?ā
Piper shook her head. āIt isnāt your fault. I was telling myself IĀ wasĀ happy for a long time. Itās almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it upā¦ I love-ā her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, ā-loved Jason, but not like that.ā
āPipes, Iām really sorry.ā Leo squeezed her shoulder. āThat sounds like it was super hard for both of you.ā Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadnāt even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasnāt like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leoās unending list of epic screwups heād never be able to make up for.
āJason wasā¦ well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didnāt get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybeā¦ā But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasnāt important. āIt was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didnāt care about him.ā
And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried.Ā
āHe knew you cared,ā he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. āYou love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, evenĀ IĀ know you love me, and we both know Iām a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.ā
āI missed you so much,ā she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.
āOh, Iām about to make you regret saying that,ā Leo said, forcing himself to smile. āIāll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.ā
āYouāre annoying as hell, but youāre still my best friend.ā He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. āI donāt know how Iād do this without you.ā
And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasnāt sure anyone could blame him.
~~~~
For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.
Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsendāif not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.
He helped cook, too, and Piperās dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went onālike muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.
It was mostly goodālistening to Piper reminisce about trips sheād taken with her dad and where sheād gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they werenāt unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.
The first time they tried hikingāLeo didnāt evenĀ likeĀ hiking, heād spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himselfāthey got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasnāt an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack.Ā
They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.
āA human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels werenāt talking to us,ā Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout āPlease ignore Leo!ā loudly from the branches of the tree sheād been climbing.
The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.
āWhat in the world are you doing up there?āĀ
āTrying to get a better vantage point,ā Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. āWeāre hopelessly lost.ā
āWell, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. Iām Shel,ā the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.
Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. āThat was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but youāre cute, so Iāll allow it.ā
āOh yeah, Piperās got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,ā Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.
āYou guys need help getting back?ā
āPlease, yes,ā Piper said immediately. āIt turns out weāre both garbage with maps.ā
āMaybe you just need a tour guide next time,ā Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasnāt even mad about being the third wheel for once. Heād give herĀ so much shitĀ about this later.
And he did. And then Piper properly came out to himāno label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this.Ā
Which was how Leo realized heād apparently never told Piper he was bi.
Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.
Well, at least they got to hug about it now.Ā
~~~~
It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.
The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with.Ā
This wasnāt exactly news. From what little LeoĀ didĀ remember of Wilderness School, theyād spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piperās dad kept canceling their weekend plans. Theyād both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as theyād been able to cheer each other up, that hadnāt really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadnāt had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!
Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jasonās school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again.Ā
It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jasonās favoriteāseriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?
Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piperās dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.
Leo had spent a long time exactly like thisāpretending everything was normal and okay when it wasnāt either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then heād started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.
His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.
But other than that, it was mostly good.
Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.
āāā
Chapter notes:
Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.
I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully youāll enjoy the whole journey :)
I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jasonās funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrantās Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!
Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think thatās okay.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!
List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)
#Also I will say one of the things from this list that isnāt included in tchig will probably be a oneshot at some point#weāll see#Tchig
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Ā«Justice of those pure of heartĀ»
ADA x reader hcs because why not?
WARNINGS! : Dazai being Dazai, mentions of alcohol and war in Yosano's part
FEAT! : Atsushi; Dazai; Kunikida; Yosano x gn!reader
ā Atsushi Nakajima į¢
į¢ He asks Yosano for advice; it doesnāt matter. Presents? Yosano has to say they fit the occasion. A nice day in a park? Yosano makes Atsushi check the weather forecast. She saved dates.
į¢ Atsushi would buy plushies as gifts. He started doing it after he saw how much joy they brought to Kyoka and they became his go-to gifts for everyone.
į¢ Atsushiās ability lets him turn into a tiger, tigers are felines, felines sleep for about 16 hours a day. Therefore, Atsushi too sleeps for 16 hours (and has a tiny kitty plushie he got from Kyoka <3)
į¢ Atsushi once scratched you. It was an accident. It didnāt even hurt. But this chazuke loving boy cried for half an hour because he āhurtā you.
į¢ You once took him to the Zoo. He started rambling about chameleons. He just loves them. His love for them can be explained in two ways: 1. He wants to blend into the background like them, so that he can forget what heās been through, so he can be like everyone. 2. They're just cool.
ā Osamu Dazai šÆ
šÆ Jokes that he would love to commit suicide with you, but I feel like heād stop you say youāre uncomfortableā¦ maybe brings you some flowers, to Yosanoās recommendation, he bought with the money he āborrowedā from Kunikida as an apology.
šÆ Has a small crab plushie Atsushi and Kyoka gave him and used it to pinch your cheeks or places it on your head when heās bored.
šÆ Do NOT fall asleep near him, unless you want to be turn into a bandage mummy, because personal space is not a concep in Dazaiās vocabularyā¦ at allā¦.
šÆ You cannot look at this man and tell me he wouldnāt blow in your ear to annoy you, Kunkida and/or Chuuya.
šÆ Dazai may have on this goofy and careless personality, but the one time he was actually sad and brought to tears was when he told you about Oda. poor Oda
āDoppo Kunikida ā
ā Kunikida had a hamster as a kid. He started liking math because he would count the amount of seeds it ate every day.
ā Kunikida on the note of his math teacher past, he gave Kenji math homework once, but had to explain it with cows.
ā Kunikida gets mad if you arenāt organized, heāll tidy up of course, but not without commenting and giving you sour looks.
ā Once asked Yosano for advice on what to wear to a date and ended up with a wardrobe full of clothes. Heāll never do it again.
ā Kunikida is almost blind without his glasses, he once tried to hug you without them and ended up hugging a door.
ā Akiko Yosano š
š Watches M*A*S*H* every chance she gets as a way to cope with her childhood. Please watch it with her. Itās an amazing show. The show screams Yosano. (I feel like her favorite would be Colonel Potter. Heās 100% the guy she would have wanted to work under. she cried during the last episode, not wanting the show she resonated so much with to end.)
š Yosano sleeps with her socks on and has an unholy big collection of them, most of them have Japanese sweets on them or random stuff she bought with Kyoka or Naomi.
š Drunkenly confessed what happened during the war once. She spat out everything. The pain drowned in liquor, everything now just a foggy memory of abuse and injustice. She took the hair pin off that day.
š Yosano took you shopping, Kyoka tags along, of course you had to pay for everything. And if you didnāt Iāll pay for Yosano and Kyoka happily . Before you know it itās already late, the bag is full of random stuff, like scented candles and even more socks.
š Yosano reads romance. A lot of it. She became the ADAās romance counselor. So you better be good at preparing dates or sheāll pout a little.
š¦¹× āĖā¹āYay~ Thank you for getting till the very end~ A part two will come with the other ADA members.įš¦¹× āĖā¹ā
#bsd#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#bsd atsushi#atsushi nakajima#bsd kunikida#bsd yosano#yosano akiko#bungou stray dogs yosano#yosano x reader#atsushi bsd#atsushi x reader#atsushi x you#kunikida doppo#kunikida bsd#kunikida x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#dazai bsd#dazai x reader#dazai x you#bungou stray dogs kunikida#kunikida x you#atsushi headcanons#dazai headcanons#kunikida headcanons#yosano headcanons#foxgloveās works
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Welcome to the Advent Calendar 2024!
Didn't make it to Secret Santa due to lack of time? Don't worry! This year, there will be a complementary event called "Advent Calendar" where you can spread your love for the series without sticking to a schedule!
What is an Advent Calendar? Traditionally, an advent calendar is a special type of calendar that counts down the days until Christmas Day, starting from 1st December.
How do I participate? Simply create a Tumblr or Twitter post with the activity indicated for the day and use the tagĀ #TnBAdvent24, and we'll reblog/retweet it!
Do I have to participate every day? No! The point of this side event is for you to spread your love for the series without the pressure of a schedule like in the Secret Santa! You can participateĀ anyĀ day you want: one, two, ten, all of them! Your choice!
Can I participate in the side event if I joined the Secret Santa? Yes! This event is entirely free, so that you can participate at your leisure.
If I missed an activity from a previous day, can I still post it? Yes! Just use the tag we'll reblog/retweet it! We just suggest that you don't use an activity scheduled for a later date and wait until the indicated day to publish it.
Happy creating!
See below the cut for the text version of the activities indicated
1stĀ - Start reading a Fanfic (emphasis on start, no need to finish it the same day)
2ndĀ - Create a NEXT power
3rdĀ - Which Proverb would make for a good episode title?
4thĀ - Share your favorite piece of official art
5thĀ - Post a WIP (This can be any work-in-progress related to T&B, a merch collection, a shrine, a cosplay, art, MMD video, ita bag, progress of your read-through of the manga, that stuff!)
6thĀ - Share your Favorite Tiger & Bunny-related song (This means any song made for Tiger & Bunny specifically, including character songs and music used in the episodes and credits)
7thĀ - Re-watch any episode of Tiger & Bunny (and then feel free to post a review of it)
8thĀ - What do you want Tiger & Bunny to collab with next? (Collaboration in this context is a collab with another property, such as a company like Sanrio, a store chain like 7-11, restaurant/fast food chains, games, and similar)
9thĀ - Make a fancast for a hypothetical Live Action Adaptation of Tiger & Bunny
10thĀ - Share a headcanon - new or old - that you have
11thĀ - Share an instance of "Tiger & Bunny Spotting" you've seen IRL (T&B Spotting is seeing things like their colours or associated animals-theming in unexpected places. Pets can count for this; If it's not your pet, ask for permission before posting.)
12thĀ - Come up with a food or drink themed around a character. Actually making it is entirely optional!
13thĀ - Come up with an 'Alternate Universe' (AU) plot. You don't have to write anything beyond a plot synopsis or roles.
14thĀ - Ramble about your favorite character or pairing!
15thĀ - Share either a "hidden Gem" fic, or your favourite fanfic! Maybe it's both?
16thĀ - Pitch a Season 3 or Third Movie plot
17thĀ - Post a meme you really like, or make a meme from scratch
18thĀ - Share your favorite OR your most wanted piece of Tiger & Bunny Merchandise
19thĀ - Tell us about your favorite Villain
20thĀ - Picture/Write about yourself as if you lived in Sternbild
21stĀ - Assign a song you like to a character or a pairing
22ndĀ - Share your favorite piece of fanart! Make sure to credit the artist, or repost the art directly through reblog or retweet or similar features.
23rdĀ - Share your favorite piece of trivia about any Tiger & Bunny character
24thĀ - Tell us what Tiger & Bunny means to you
25thĀ - Free Day! Happy Holidays!
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Choices fandom appreciation shoutouts
This event is so so so lovely and I really want to join in hehe. I'm not great at expressing my thoughts/feelings and stuff but I really wanna try because I'm really thankful for all of u guys!! :)
When I first posted on this account last summer I honestly expected I'd probably post a few things and dip again because I usually don't get much attention on social media platforms. And also wasn't sure if anyone would really vibe with my approach to characters and stories hahaha š.
But instead people were so nice and I felt so welcomed and like 'oh wow people seem to actually enjoy what I do??' And I had so much fun reading the tags left on reblogs of my art and stuff. And alongside that it has been soooo fun to see everyone elses posts and characters and leaving my thoughts on those as well (and slowly getting less shy about it too šŖ). And I even started reading fanfic for the first time in my life hahaha.
I feel like I'm rambling but I just really want to say all this haha, it's been so fun being on here! I love drawing everyone's characters and other requests and will keep doing that (like pleeaase dont be shy, I love drawing everyone's characters) because it's fun and it's also kinda how I say 'thank you' for all being so nice to me!! So yeah thank you all for making me feel so welcome the past months! :)
Especially as someone who usually has trouble making friends and putting myself out there due to shyness it means a lot!
Under the cut I'll also put some messages directed at separate people, I'm fighting the lil voice in my head that's shy about this but you guys all deserve to hear it hehe, even if I'm kinda ass at expressing myself like this
But even if not mentioned/tagged I appreciate everyone who supports me/my work so much and I love seeing you guys in my notes!!
@lovealexhunt In the short time I've been here I've noticed you do so much for people and this fandom! I've loved all the fics you wrote that I read so far and love how you write Mal and Daenarya together (and the vampire au OOOO). She's so fun and I loved drawing her interacting with Ripley and will definitely do it again sometime!! And I'm also still so obsessed with the geometric Ripley art and I thought it was so sweet of you to draw that for me aaaa
@lilyoffandoms I always love seeing your art on my tumblr feed and your designs for your mc's!! And I'm still sooo in love with the Ripley drawing you did and that really made my day back then because it was a total surprise too!! In general all the art you've done of my characters has just been awesome and made my day every time!!
@choicesmc I love what you do with all your mc's, when you make picrews for them, the artworks I've seen you do for them and all the info you share about them, you're so so creative!! I love all your writing a lotttt, especially the shorter ones you've been posting lately!! I rly enjoy talking to you in dm's a lot, if it ever seems like I don't it's just me being shy haha š. I also love the tags you leave when you reblog my art and when you point out stuff you notice :)
@sapphoschoices Thank you for so often sharing my posts!! And in general always supporting people and sharing their work! I love all the edits I've seen you do and hope you'll keep sharing more hehe. I also read a fic by you for the first time last week and really enjoyed it! Made me wanna replay Desire & Decorum..
@rosesnink Thank you for letting me borrow your mc's a few times when I wanted to draw interactions! I had so so much fun writing back and forth about Rex and Brienne after I posted the art of them together hehe, I always love to see other people with orc mc's in general. I also really like the gif edits you make and your fics I've read so far!
@aria-ashryver You were one of the first people in the fandom who started sharing and commenting on my art and thanks to that I ended up not justĀ posting a few things and dipping forever like I expected hahah. I always really enjoy reading through the tags you leave on the art I post!! I finally caught up to SICSIG a while ago and it was sooo fun seeing what you did with Immortal Desires and all the extra lore and stuff and I can so clearly tell so much love went into it. And your sprite edits are also always so amazing aaaa.
@cadybear420 Thank you for often sharing my posts I really appreciate it hehe. And thank you for letting me draw your mc's a few times, I had sm fun with it haha. And it was really fun talking about Ripley and Evie interactions. I really enjoy your edits, you're so skilled aaa!! I also enjoy reading about your mc's a lot + how you write gnc characters and gnc mĆf romance.
@gaiuskamilah I loveeee your art a lot and love seeing it on my feed!! I also really enjoy reading your thoughts on books, characters, themes in books etc. You make me wanna replay BloodBound so bad (and I definitely will do that soon)
@hsslilly-blog I'm sooo obsessed with your art you have no idea. You're rly funny and I rly enjoy seeing your posts on my feed. I really really love how you write characters, like they just feel so real, it's super inspiring!
@mydemonsdrivealimo I really really enjoy your art and everything you share about Jensen and Bryce. You're likeĀ The Bryce Mutual to me, anything you say about him is basically canon to me lol. Thank you for letting me draw Jensen a while ago it was SO fun aaaa
@peonyblossom
Thank you for the cover redraw ideas you sent when I asked for ideas, I had sooo much fun drawing the Alpha cover with Kalani and Channing!! I enjoy the bits you share about your mc's and oc's a lot too!
@choicesfandomappreciation
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I have SO many thoughts about everything and they are in no kind of order yet, so here's just some quick little bits in the meantime!
I am not normal about any of these characters!
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers#me just staring at the ceiling thinking about anime characters#if i start talking about the big stuff now it's going to turn into a huge rambling mess so in the meantime#i did not get sebek (yet) (i need to contemplate my gems...) but i did see his groovy#he is just full-on cinderella-sparkles bibbidi-bobbidi-booing into that armor! magnificent.#and i really don't have enough words for how much i love tiny malleus. he is perfect. he is precious. he is everything to me.#he knows who his dad is no matter what some crusty dead talking ectoplasm blobs say#(man no wonder lilia's got hangups if THAT was the general attitude he was getting)#('eww you got your dirty bat cooties on the prince' go sit in the corner with mrs. rosehearts you absolute garbage)#(...i did kind of love that lilia started to wake up because the senate said one nice thing to him)#(and he immediately was like 'this is not reality')#(sounds about right)#on a lighter note i was just. SO charmed by the little throwaway about āØdragon lord consort esteemed diplomat revaanāØ#who picks the vegetables out of his food and hides them under the tablecloth#everything i learn about this man makes me like him more. he was SO dumb.#now we know where malleus gets it from i guess#also unrelated but once again the fact that i named my mc tamago has had unintentional consequences#tamago take the tamago and tamago tamagao tamago#frikkin love that when yuu gives the egg back you can just be like 'i love him. this is my baby now.' 100% accurate.#also yuu continually referring to malleus as tsunotarou even to the senate = amazing. yuu really has NO self-preservation or awareness.#they fit right in with everyone else#<- see what did i tell you. huge rambling mess.#and i haven't even BEGUN to talk about MELEANOR -- (is dragged offstage by a hook)
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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.
[id in alt text]
#legend of zelda#loz#twilight princess#loz tp#i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it#it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy#but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble:#i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way#to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present#link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face#and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up#you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way#the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually?#fan art#my art#project stuff#and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!!#especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them#a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt#i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time
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Hey maybe a group of creatives deciding that they want control over their content and don't want to waste time and resources begging for ad revenue is like. A good thing
#lav rambles#watcher#its literally just what dropout did#i understand being upset at having to get another subscription#but did yall watch the video?#this is something theyre excited about#that will allow them to make more and better shows#and youtube just wasnt working for them anymore#like honestly id rather have a couple small subscriptions to companies i love#and want to support#than get their stuff for free with countless ads that hinder their creativity and freedom
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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis
Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but Iām jumping into the fray. I think thereās a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so itās sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.
Falin cares too little :
A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and Iā¦ Donāt agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.
We do see her worrying about what people think of herā¦ ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didnāt matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. Thatās why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; itās always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.
Laiosā words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, youāre great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, Iāll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, sheād follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, sheād follow him to the ends of the world, and thatās what she did.
She didnāt care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesnāt even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parentās directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I donāt think the motivation is people pleasing, rather itās being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that itās as simple as that, mind you, but letās talk about this for now.
Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). Theyāre the ones sheās devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didnāt care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.
What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think thatās the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we canāt tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that sheās in there, we just donāt know at what degree), that we donāt know her enough to be able to tell when sheās at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.
And this is whatās very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. Sheās so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he canāt read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see thatā¦ Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesnāt care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who sheās speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they donāt cross her mind then of course sheād be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesnāt make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isnāt exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see sheās ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me thereās this aspect to her that she isnāt as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and thereās something interesting to that.
People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so sheās friendly and hopefully thingsāll be smooth sailing. Itās easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you donāt care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesnāt do what she does because she lovesĀ them, but becauseĀ sheĀ loves them.
One situation thatās interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what Iām trying to get at, is Shuroās proposal to her. Iāve seen people saying she hesitated because she didnāt feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I canāt say no, I donāt want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but itās actually canon in the Adventurerās Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didnāt feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but itād have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense sheād want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, thereās even a bit on it on Laiosā Adventurerās Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, itās an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brotherās needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldnāt she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?
So her hesitance was "yeah thatās convenient for me, but where itās everything to him and heartfelt Iām able to be detached because I donāt care about it that muchā¦ Can I do that? Iām not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though itās not what youād expect, isnāt it?
And central to my analysis, where Iām going with this is, I feel like thatās the thing with her character, that she doesnāt feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didnāt mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didnāt seem to get why it was such a big deal, didnāt seem to care about how theyād experienced her choices.
So itās a tendencyā¦ And itās not that she doesnāt care, itās just that the way she measures whatās good for the ones she loves isnāt the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). Itās an overt but quiet kind of care, itās doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.
So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuroās proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because sheās thinking about reciprocity, about if itād be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And thatās a big part of her character isnāt it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.
Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, sheād been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurerās Bible explanation was released midstory, so Iām hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didnāt react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesnāt remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasnāt finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what Iām saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuroās proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.
And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? Itās rather layered, because canonically she wasnāt aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and weāre not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isnāt being mistreated (though doesnāt ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough sheās very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when sheās worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chiefās daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.
She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.
And this sort of understanding is part of why I think sheād notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when sheās careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think itās a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. Sheās not sure wether to accept or reject Shuroās proposal, doesnāt want to lead him on? Sheāll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesnāt feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.
We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think thatās here too. She doesnāt get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesnāt change that she doesnāt want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, itās just that sheās learned growing up that she doesnāt have much agency.
Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. Sheāll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, sheāll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when heās pushing her away (because he doesnāt want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved themā And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didnāt notice the ostracization she suffered.
Sheās always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didnāt try hard to rectify the dogsā misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.
So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someoneās presence isnāt something you ask for, itās something thatās bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you canāt ask them to stay or to come with.
Sheās used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so sheās learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didnāt want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.
And still, itās the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasnāt that Iād feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I donāt regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but Iām sorry that youāre so much more upset about it than me". Itās the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.
Itās the autism itās the aroace of it all, itās the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, itās the feeling like youāre somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. Iām not joking btw it isnāt uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm youāre uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you wonāt feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about itā¦"
Soā¦ Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I donāt think she actually cares about people all that much. Iād argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesnāt mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well itās pretty straightforward really, sheās not all that social and doesnāt see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but itās not as much likeā¦ A conviction or goal. Sheās too laser focused on a select few people. "Itās not that theyāre bad people, they just arenāt interested in humans."
And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isnāt her whole world or that she isnāt the kindest soul out there then youāre saying she doesnāt care at all or sheās evil. And thatās actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but itās not in a way thatās quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they donāt have the same logic as her, donāt show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if Iām making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isnāt uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.
And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, thereās absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. Thereās enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason Iāve chosen this angle is I feel itās more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falinās character arc as Iāll go over throughout the next sectionā¦
So.
Not feeling as much as she should. Andā¦ā¦. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?
You canāt tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.
Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when sheās dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to justā¦ Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. Thatās what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.
Thereās excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, andļæ½ļæ½ Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falinās choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragonās wasnāt done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. Sheās stripped of her agency consistently, and soā¦ Itās very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.
Personally, I think freedom is Falinās own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.
And if you think Iām going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laiosā wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, itās something thatās consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.
Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, itās always been Laiosā curse.
Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, butā¦ On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks itād be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If thereās someone you donāt like, you can gobble āem up in one bite. If you could fly, youād be able to leave this village right now." Itās a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.
But youāll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesnāt want to leave knowing theyāll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laiosā care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isnāt to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isnāt to stay and see how well his friends will live, itās to go. Itās to leave. Itās to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. Itās again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didnāt, or not caring and wishing you did.
In the end, itās Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. Itās a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying theyāll get themselves killed, that time is passing while theyāre away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what itās like to have what sheās never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.
No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if youāre a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when youāre a beast and you can justā¦ Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because youāre at the bottom of the hierarchy, youāre now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.
I think sheās on autopilot. I think sheās on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and itās partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) Itās familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And thatās what is weaponized when sheās a chimera, that instinct sheās been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesnāt matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesnāt mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because sheās trained it to take as little place as it could.
Falin cares too much
She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.
So youāre probably seeing the duality Iām talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often donāt recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesnāt care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.
In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. Sheās undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, itās text, in the response to Shuroās proposal extra no less. And sheās so laser focused on her most loved people that sheās fine with being callous and risking othersā lives, even.
Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.
Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.
And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with herā¦ Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her tooā¦ In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way thatās not palatable. But she doesnāt care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasnāt for a while now, and thatās great.
Notes & nuance
Iām struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. Itās difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but thereās this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "itās ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldnāt fit well in other places but are interesting for Falinās character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, itās just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I canāt just pull it up whenever itās relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurerās Bible profile if you havenāt already.
I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didnāt seem to mind others ostracizing her, itās easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid sheās bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leaderā¦ Thereās one istanxe of her caring actually, and itās about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laiosā said it and as I rambled Laiosā words are her world, but actually itās ambiguous. Itās only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, thereās no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other handā¦
Her Adventurerās Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falinās struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesnāt like being called cute over it, but thatās not how she wants people to see her. She doesnāt want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.
Hereās a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts donāt seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe itās more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didnāt keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ātroublesomeā. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.
And on the topic of appearancesā¦ A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurerās Bible profile) itās just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."
Imo the thing is, I donāt think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for othersā sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but thatās not personality wise itās needs and wants wise. And I do feel like thatās the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesnāt know what she wants because everything sheās done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesnāt change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesnāt ask things from people and doesnāt hope for more, hope for better. I donāt think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her itās less āappearing stoic to fit in moreā and more āyeah iāll just chill until Iām needed or something activates my enthusiasmā. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you canāt be useful the next best thing is being convenient."
And speaking of passivityā¦ I want to speculate about Shuroās proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we donāt know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuroās proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I donāt think it was as simple as āshe wanted to say yes for convenienceā. Logically itās what would have been best, but itās not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesnāt think sheāll get proposed to again, itās that self-effacing tendency that yes itād be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isnāt in it, because if itās convenient then thatās more important than her feelings on the matter. Man alsoā¦ Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldnāt get with Shuro, but imagine how Falinās whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.
AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much sheās master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but sheās for sure there & influencing the dragonās action to some degree. Having a dragonās foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but thereās Falin calling out to her brother Laios, thereās the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly thereās the Adventurerās Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that itās her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, itās interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, sheās described as Thistleās guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so Iāll reign myself in and just mention it again. Sheās still at the heel of someone, only now itās someone who doesnāt care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that itās suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think thatās part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isnāt unlike the care she gives the ghosts.
Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.
But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc weāve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "Iāll lay down my life for you" point? Iām so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isnāt it cool?" gestures of showing things to herā¦ Itās the only way she knows to ask, or maybe itās the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same timeā¦ I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. Iād usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but thereās a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.
Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo importantā¦ Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didnāt mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you havenāt seen each other in a while or when theyāre alone, and yes thereās potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin wonāt be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same wayā¦ I hope Iām making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they donāt know if thatās allowed, if theyāre going about the social interaction the right way, if theyāre allowed to ask that out of someoneā¦
Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didnāt see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falinās actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldnāt see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course sheād see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).
A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcilleās world, Laiosā is at the center of Falinās, and I tend to agree.
Itās fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course thereās how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but thereās how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.
I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think thereās an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I donāt really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. āIf you die do it somewhere where I canāt seeā styleā interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I donāt vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isnāt needlessly against ghosts. And Falinās sudden mace hits are fun to me too because itās not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whateverās needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.
Iām working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falinās dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laiosā is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.
Conclusion
Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.
Tldr: Falin doesnāt care all that much, sheās very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesnāt really care because thatād require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but itās more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: sheās canonically very genuinely kind, but itās more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. Sheās passive, and softspoken because thatās just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the olā mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. Sheās shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but thereās also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. Thereās a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falinās case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.
Sheās sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and thatās it donāt hope for more donāt ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how sheās not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)
Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.
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I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it
Thatās it, ty for reading. Even if itās a bit of a mess, hopefully youāll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.
Hereās my spotify playlist for her if youād like
Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-loveās important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.
#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we donāt#get that many moments with her. So thereās ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me#As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it#Iām doomed. Iām getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#analysis#character analysis#meta#autistic reading#aroace reading as well. Sort of. Itās mentioned#The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity youāre expected to#As always this is just my interpretation blablabla#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor#Laios touden#heās here too bc they are an unit#If youāre not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falinās character u are missing an opportunity imo#Fairyās child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised sheās hard to fully pin down#Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laiosā¦ Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out#Iād like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. Iām not satisfied by the level of clarity#Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles#Crazy style#I give a TLDR at the end if youād prefer. It doesnāt have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think
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RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.
#I fucking loved this episode but also FUCK- OH UH DON'T READ MY TAGS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED YET CAUSE UH SPOILERS LOL#dndads#dungeons and daddies#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#dndads s3 ep 5#tony collette#ebenezer white#[breathes]#TONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK#choosing to believe there's a chance they save him#I REALLY hope they save him#please these tags were gonna be me rambling about how I'm so ready for him to accidentally become an actual spy#and how Ebenezer is just one more person I need him to have homoerotic tension with#BUT NOW WHAT#Anyways poor Will but also not poor Will cause it was REALLY funny how much everyone was screwing with him this episode zkbfeskgzl#stupidly it was the moth bit that got me the most and particularly Matt describing its journey lmao#Somehow- like I knew the Trudy stuff was gonna be dark but somehow it was even darker than I imagined like fuuuuuck#Also sounds like the people who theorized there'd been an og human Trudy were *probably* right?#Heh. But was it a normal death or was she *murdered* dun dun dun#*Very* excited for Kelsey's boxing match#Francis UH OH GOD??#the two scoops line was perfect though#what else what else... No I'm just caught on that ending now god DAMN it I don't care if they pull some cheap shit to save him#oh actually I know exactly what I want out of this but I'll make a separate post about that one sec lol#undescribed
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hi i'm unw el l
#ramble#he is truly the guy of all time#i can't wait to find out if his eyes are purple for a Reason or if he's just a special boy#the dichotomy of 'what could happen there's 37 more books'#and 'oh god there's 37 more books worth of stuff'#disclaimer i didn't know a LOT about canon forgotten realms but 3 pages in i was like#ah. that's why minthara is Like That#there's an essay in my head somewhere about how i'm never judging a drow character again because it's LITERAL CULT MENTALITY#tl;dr i love it. it's bonkers 90s fantasy and i am Here#imagine the ascension i felt when i opened the book and there was a MAP#thank god for the death of cringe bc i'm so much happier embracing that i'm a big fuckin nerd and not too cool for dnd novels#every time i start reading again after not having time i remember why if fuuucking LOVE BOOKS
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February 29- March 2 2024
The first time Sonic went Super in Road Trip wasn't exactly as stunning to Tails as other au's and stories.
Tails is like maybe 5 here (I'm not actually that organized on the timeline for this au yet, I'm getting there though, things are getting in order.) and he wasn't forced to grow up and be a hero in this au. So he's a bit more childish than canon Tails because he doesn't feel as pressured to mature and grow up fast. Plus, he genuinely thinks Sonic is going to die and this is the last time he see's him, so tears are bound to come down.
Part 1
#roadtrip!sonic au#sonic the hedgehog#super sonic#dadnic#miles tails prower#tails the fox#sonic fanart#wholesome sonic and tails wednesday#Okay- I'm gonna ramble a little bit about the dialogue and behaviors here you can skip the other tags if you're not interested#First- Sonic immediately tells Tails that he's fine first before asking if Tails is okay. This isn't Sonic putting himself first-#-but him trying to comfort Tails because even if it's cheesy- Tails will only feel okay if Sonic is okay.#Apparently it calms children down if they listen to their parents heartbeat (melts my heart when I remember that) so Sonic put-#-Tails close to him not only so he could hear that Sonic is alive- but also to try calming him down a little more.#Small thing I started incorporating way too late- Sonic will call Tails Big Guy if the kit is smaller than him and-#-Little Guy if the kit is larger than him.#Sonic changed his pattern color to be blue like Tails' eyes after he points out that they are both yellow (it's not colored here-#- but you probably remember that Super Sonic has golden fur.)#Sonic is constantly rubbing a thumb on Tails' hand as a comforting gesture.#That's my ramble- I know it's just pretty bare bone stuff that anyone reading might get but I freaking love explaining stuff (I gotta stop)
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these 2 gonna drive me insane
#^ positive i love them i love them i love them i love them#as if im not already insane for them . Sighs#honkai star rail#honkai sr#hsr#hsr dr ratio#hsr aventurine#dr ratio x aventurine#ratiorine#aventio#my friends getting sick of me i KNOW it but i just CANT STOP TALKING ABT THEM#<- my justification for like 7 posts in 2 days.#ā
arin rambles#i woke up in a cold sweat after having a dream about them its getting absurd.#No THE NOTE joke this time (im giving everyone a break since i bring it up every 7 seconds)#Pleaseā¦talk to me about themā¦ i will listenā¦..#we should make dr ratio more of a dork#dork-tor ratio#i need to stop rambling in my tags i look insane#Nvm i refuse. Not when it comes to aventio. i refuse to be silenced .#āstop talking about ratio and aventurineā NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.#ā
arin makes stuff
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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