#im so sore all over but its so worth it

[felixcosm]

"Just a little walk" I said at like 5am today. "Just to listen to the new commentary episode. It doesn't have to be so long."

Well, five and a half hours later I've listened to the new commentary episode, the new patreon feed drops, finished my relisten of season 8 and a whole bunch of w.bg ost tracks.

I swear this podcast activates something in me

[genderqueerdykes]

disabled intersex trans lesbian needs help saving up for rent while recovering from gallbladder removal surgery

hello, my name is equinox. im a multiply disabled intersex trans lesbian who had to get an emergency surgery to get its gallbladder removed on the 16th of October. i was unable to keep down food and was dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous, and on the verge of passing out which forced me to go to the ER to get an emergency surgery. i had to spend 4 days in the hospital while getting this surgery. apparently, the surgeons could tell just how badly it was affecting me just by seeing how things looked on the inside

i have to rest for about 4 weeks to properly recover. i cannot do much walking, lifting, bending, or most other physical activities during this time. my abdominal muscles and organs need time to recover, so i'm mostly bed bound for a month while my body heals. fortunately the surgery went very well and so far i'm having no complications with recovery. it's worth noting that i cannot over exert myself right now to make sure that the recovery period continues going smoothly

i need help saving up for rent, as my ability to work and even promote my own posts was being hindered drastically by the pain the stone stuck in the neck of my gallbladder was causing me. currently i need to not exert myself and to sleep when needed. my rent is only $178/month thanks to having been accepted into a housing program for severely disabled people. currently this and a small order i need to place from the grocery store for some things to aid in my recovery (throat lozenges to help with the sore throat caused by the breathing tube used during surgery, toilet paper, etc.) are the only things i need help saving up for. thanks to everyone who reads, shares and support, i cannot thank you all enough for all the help

$0/$178

if you're interested in helping, you can do so the following ways:

cash app: $glitterGraphix pay pal: glittergraphicnightmare @ gmail .com chime: $Equinoxian venmo: $Equinoxian

[lighthouseshepard]

I know you just had top surgery - how was it? How was the healing process? I’m scared to death of surgery but I desperately need these off

HI NYX!!! ok im gonna try and be as brief and concise as possible because theres honestly quite a lot i could talk about but! heres some thoughts under the cut

so honestly as someone who has had a few surgeries in the past for other medical issues - this ranked VERY low on the pain scale. maybe a 4/10 tops at its worst (although i do understand everyone is different). the surgeon kept telling me "many people do not find this operation particularly painful" and i did not believe him one bit until afterwards. i had prescription pain medicne and antibiotics to take, but honestly i only needed the prescription medicine for about 3 days, and then after that i was fine with tylenol. after a week really i didnt need to take anything consistently, it was here or there if i happened to start moving around too much.

the worst part for me overall was the BANDAGES. after you wake up youre gonna be wrapped within an inch if your life with ike 2 inches of gauze and tape and an ace wrap holding it all together. if you have drains (which i did) you can't shower until they're out and the bandages come off, anywhere from 5 to 7 days usually. mine was 7 days and i was miserable. the drain emptying wasnt that bad tbh, someone helped me the first 2 times and then i was able to do it myself afterwards. if youre bad with blood or bodily fluids then youll def need someone to help you there. the drain removal process, to be completely honest, was. also bad. it lasted maybe five seconds per drain but i didnt breathe right like they told me to and had a vasovagal reaction and passed out. i dont say this to dissuade you! but it was not pleasant

the main thing probably is gonna be stiffness and soreness. you literally won't be able to do anything with your arms for at least a few days - its bordering on 2 weeks for me and im just now able to pull a shirt over my head without stiffness. you DEFINITELY will need someone to help you with basic tasks those first few days, getting food, getting dressed, etc. some ppl get bruising on their chest just from the skin being manipulated and etc but surprisingly i havent had any bruising yet?

also!! again some places differ, but mine was a same day surgery. after a few hours of waking up i was able to be bundled into the car back to the hotel. youre gonna be really groggy but i was able to walk just fine, albeit very slowly with help. the surgery itself was the blink of an eye to me. i remember them putting an o2 mask over my face and then i was OUT. seconds later i was being dragged up out of unconscious well by the nurse's voice.

ill say too, i 100% understand the nervousness and fear. the 2 weeks leading up to the surgery were like. awful andnsnjf. i was so anxious and terrified of the pain only to find it genuinely was not that bad at all. you know the this too shall pass lighter i have. i slept with that clutched in my hand the entire night before surgery. it was very much a "do it scared" situation and having those things of comfort and reassurance whatever they are to you can help immensely. and i did do it! and the relief i felt a week after when i finally got to see made literally all of it worth it. theres still healing to go (i took a month off work also) but im taking it very slowly and trying not to rush enjoyment of this body c: most of the healing process has been letting the body do its natural work and being patient with it, a thing i am usually not. i still have to dress the area for another 2 weeks maybe, but then i can start scar care!!!

[shaynawrites23]

For your 200 follower celebration!

💋: I'd like one with with Sirius black! And the number... 58!!!

Congratulations to you on hitting 200! That ought to be a big achievement! I love your work BTW! Keep going!

Show Me

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Prompt: moving around while kissing, stumbling over things, pushing each other back against the wall/onto the bed

Word count: 678

Warning: suggestive content, implied smut

A/N: im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox forever 😅 trying to stretch my writing muscles by doing a few blurbs before i write the longer requests, thought i'd clear out my inbox while im at it! whoever you are, anon, i thank you for the support and i hope you enjoy the drabble if you see this!

It started as a date. You haven't seen your boyfriend in some time, and the moment your schedules aligned, Sirius declared in his usual fashion that he was taking you out on a date.

In hindsight, you should have known it would end this way, and... maybe you wanted it to. You're dressed in the outfit he loves so much on you, smiled so innocently at him when he came to pick you up and ignored the way his breath hitched the moment he laid eyes on you. Or... well, Sirius believes you're only pretending not to notice.

He hasn't been able to keep his hands off of you all evening. A hand on your back, fingers tracing shapes on your thigh before he forces himself to let up on you slightly, hand reaching for yours, stealing a kiss every chance he gets... even as you leave, he has an arm around your waist, holding you close, smudging a kiss to your hairline paired with softly murmured words you don't catch.

And now...

Now, his lips are on yours before you've even entered your apartment; you're still blindly fumbling for your keys and have to push him away, just for a moment, else you're sure you'll be standing outside all night. He looks confused for a moment, and hurt, but then you're flinging the door open, tugging him inside with you by his belt loops, and the pieces click.

He kicks the door shut with his foot. You barely have time to register the dull slam of the wood before he's pulling you into him—or maybe you're dragging him closer by your hand on his collar—and he's groaning out a "fuck, so fuckin' pretty, darlin', my gorgeous girl-" before your mouths meet again, hot and greedy and wanting.

Sirius backs you up as he kisses you, strong hand gripping your hip. He knows the layout of your apartment well, too well for the way he bumps you against the corner of the dining table to be anything but carelessness. To his credit, he apologizes when you wince, hand moving to soothe the sore spot, but you've already forgotten about the incident, too lost in the way he's kissing you.

God, how you love his kisses. He has a way of kissing you so sweetly, moreso than you expected of a man like him, and that sweetness isn't lost even as his kisses turn deeper, hungry and impatient. Sirius kisses you like he wants you, like you're special, makes you feel like you're valuable, like you're worth it, and... and of course he does, you're all those things to him-

You're not given time to dwell on it, though, not with the way he's filling every corner of your mind. Sirius has quite the personality, too much for some, but you love him all the more for who he is. And right now, he's your breathtakingly handsome boyfriend who's leaning over you, pressing you onto your bed as he settles between your legs, and now your breath is catching in your throat.

"Merlin, look at you. My stunning girlfriend. Most attractive woman I've ever seen," he breathes when he pulls back to simultaneously catch his breath and admire you. You look like a work or art to him, a goddess, with tousled hair and kiss-swollen lips, panting and reaching for him like you miss him even though he's right there. He obliges, his weight pressing you further into the mattress as his teeth graze your pulse, his mouth kissing its way back up to yours. "Bet you did in on purpose, tryin' to test my restraint... darlin', don't you know what uou do to me when you dress up all pretty like that?"

Breathless and not about to admit you chose your outfit with him in mind, though you're certain he knows, you only shrug, and you feel his lips quirk into a smirk just under your jaw.

"Oh, gorgeous, I'm gonna show you just what it does to me."

That he certainly did.

[lovelettermemes]

MOMENTS FROM THE GROUPCHAT.

💌 a sentence meme collection of comments made in the groupchat collected for roleplay purposes. adjust as necessary!

"how do i choose between horny and violence???"

"task manager please. but task manager is my fingers."

"I am anticipating the noodle."

"liquid alcoholic marzipan, what could go wrong?"

"y'know what? fuck it. quiche."

"if i dont piss on the moon, who will?"

"i thought me getting a sore throat was my voice finally changing but no-- it was man flu".

"i feel like i'm being waterboarded."

"everyday i am teased with a cheese wheel."

"don't autocorrect my oxford comma!"

"you nearly killed me, you have to face the consequences!!"

"little worm little worm. fluffy pink little worm. you can live in my head rent free."

"father, it has been a week since my last sporticus fancam."

"i want to choke you until you DIE. … in the cute way!"

"you said motivate you, not don't lie to you."

"you don't know the wrath you're invoking, i'm on hormone therapy!"

"full offense meant, you're full of shit."

"i make the milk, you drink the milk!"

"so i think i emasculated him. all in a days work!"

"i wouldn't just dab."

"you have teeth, dipshit, they came free with your fucking xbox!"

"leave my husband's wife alone!!!"

"alright. let's venture forth or whatever the fuck they say."

"i was actually thinking of bringing pocket sand from the desert-"

"i will not be bested by a piece of elasticated string!"

"i can't even kill a vibe!"

"can i give you more money so you love me?"

"i got too cocky with my fists."

"i do it all for the little dissociation laughs!"

"just brand me a slut so i can get on with dinner."

"once more, a white boy changes my vocabulary."

"am i in an enemies to lovers relationship with my cartilage?"

"so, not only was it a crime of passion, it was phallic!"

"abdication. or death. which is a form of abdication, i suppose."

"we got through an entire bag of dirt!"

"when i'm about to die, it will not be a crow that is the omen, but a seagull."

"i will take the wet blanket to mordor."

"please, my self worth is based on grades and academia, the assignment is all i know, all i have."

"wouldn't it be funny if i was an alien?"

"it could have done with another pair of hands, but its a one person job if i'm the only one doing it."

"don't cite the deep magic to me, i'm liam neeson."

"when you look at the big picture, and kitchen witchery, onions are a basic human right."

"no-one's allowed to go to the aquarium without me, i am the fish!"

"i think it should be illegal for your eyes to pulse!"

"i'll be sat, what am i gonna do, faint?"

"i'm the bullet bill now."

"i wanna be mischief, i wanna be a creature!!!"

"frankly if my participation trophy could always be a hot goth death omen i would never miss another sports day again."

"a thousand words being communicated through this stare…. none of them good."

"i can make him worse, and I will!"

"you know, that little bit of RSD that comes with murder?"

"i've done worse things in my metaphors than boil frogs!!"

"whenever someone walks over my grave I always assume it's jesus."

"i said i was a gold digger, i didn't say i was a good one!"

"before i say anything i need you guys to promise not to do this-"

"please don't kill me, im busy."

[ms-nesbit]

Sweet home chicago (jason todd x afab!reader)

chapter one

Rating: 18+

Warnings: eventual smut, swearing, father figure dick grayson, skater tim drake, sad jason todd :(

Summary: dick and tim trick jason into taking a vacation in chicago. There, he meets someone he hopes to never forget.

Note: im sorry for dipping, yall. I really had some important things to take care of.

ao3

Amber and rose peeked through the hedge between the array of buildings on Michigan Avenue. Jason blended himself with the sea of tourists and chic aristocrats. He didn’t necessarily stick out like a sore thumb, as there were a few Chicagoans dressed casually like him; even in the late-November evening, he sported his signature red hoodie and straight fit jeans, tattered and dirty near the hem. No matter what, he wanted to appear mildly stressed, only mildly, so as to not draw more attention to himself than his six-foot-four frame already did.

He wondered how he got here. Was it the phone call from Dick, or the two dozen from Tim? Could it have been neither, and he perhaps wanted to rush the plane during the busiest season, nudged in a lousy middle seat between an obnoxious preteen and a middle-aged woman watching poorly edited, extremist conservative media? To be fair, Jason treated himself to Portillo’s once he left the airport - a well-earned reward for not lashing out at the self-absorbed individuals beside him.

He stepped briskly, moving in sync with the less-anxious of the crowd toward the shopping district notoriously named Magnificent Mile. On his left ear, he heard the excitement in the tune of indistinguishable conversations and the season’s final water taxis boarding; in his right, a wireless earbud, softly playing his childhood favorite, Diana Ross and the Supremes.

Once he reached the other end of the bridge, he strolled to the sidewalk in front of Tribune Tower, pulling his phone out and indiscreetly sending a message of his coordinates to-

A call. “As much as I love the smell of fish, garbage, and the crooked CPD, why did you and Tim want me here?” Jason was more curious than upset, but he’d rather not disclose his true feelings to his brothers.

“C’mon, Jay, it’s the Windy City! You ever been to Chicago?” Dick asked. “Beautiful everything here. Tim’s at the Van store up the street, and I’m grabbing a slice of pizza across from ya. You wanna come over and get a slice, grumpy? You get a little hangry sometimes.”

Jason sighed, and his stomach grumbled in response to the offer. “Alright, but I’m not goin’ outside. I sat next to some wackjob on the flight who sounded like she needed to be in the looney bin, and I’m not lookin’ to make friends.” As he spoke, he quickly turned his head before dashing across the busy street, waving off a car blaring its horn at him. “What’do’ey have?”

“How about you see?” Dick approached Jason, smiling mischievously. Jason ended the call, moving his eyes to Dick’s hands behind his back. “Guess what I got?”

“Dick, I’m not in the mood for games-”

“Ta-da!” Dick shifted in his coat, revealing a white box with a drawn pizza and the name Lou Malnati’s on it. Jason pretended like his mouth didn’t water at the smell of grease and garlic. “I had ‘em make a classic cheese with those square slices. How about we sit down on the riverfront and talk?”

And talk. No matter the temptation, be it a buttery, gooey pizza right under Jason’s nose, he still believed it wasn’t worth the compromise of having to make more than small talk with others. “Listen, Dickie, as much as I appreciate the offer, I don’t think I’m ready to talk about-”

“Dude, this isn’t about Artemis, if that’s what you’re about to say.” Dick shrugged in his beige peacoat, a piece of his thick, navy, knitted cardigan spilling from his waist. “I just want to, y’know, see if you want to go to this thing tonight.”

Jason cocked a brow in his theatrical manner. “So you and Tim badgered me, had me fly all the way to goddamn Chicago, all to just talk over some overpriced pizza?” Around him, he felt the glare of customers, but he doubled down, giving them knowing looks. “I’ve been here. Want a real place? Go to the goddamn place off Clark and Dickens. You’ll thank me later.”

Dick rolled his eyes, already tired by Jason’s heels in the sand. “Always gotta be a drama queen. Just…come with me. I’ll explain once we’re out of earshot.” His voice was hushed, signaling Jason to follow suit. They walked together to the riverwalk, sitting on the cold high-risen edging. Dick delicately opened the lid of the box, revealing the savory American delicacy and motioning for Jason to take the first slice.

Once Jason reached for the slice, taking his first bite and stretching the rosemary-seasoned cheese from its bed atop the crust, Dick began. “Tim and I were thinking that the three of us could use a break.” Jason grumbled indistinctly into his pizza slice, swirling the string of cheese around his tongue in a tight noose. “Bruce has been a handful lately - I mean, he always is - and I think it would be a good lesson for him to finally be on his own instead of taking us for granted, y’know?”

Jason nodded, rearranging his food to one side of his mouth so he could speak with the other. “You do know that Bruce is probably better off without me, right? Since I-” he swallowed the food, kissing the excess sauce and garlic from his teeth, “leave a ‘pretty big mess’, as he says.”

“You also help. Gang-related crime decreased about 37 percent when Red Hood regularly patrolled, and the Gotham Gazette did a poll, based on before and after Red: thanks to Red Hood, 6 out of 10 female Gothamites feel safe walking home at night, compared to the 3 out of 10 prior to Red Hood’s introduction.”

The statistic surprised Jason. He was used to the smearing from Justice League’s best, so it was nice to hear a compliment for a change. “And Timmy’s on board with this?” He didn’t hesitate to take a second slice, while Dick left the pizza untouched.

“He was the one who coined it.” Dick looked out at the river, mildly put off by Jason’s shameless eating habits. “We were patrolling one night and he just said it out of the blue. I get it, though.” He pursed his lips, staring wistfully. “I couldn’t tell you before because then you wouldn’t agree to it.”

Dick was right: when he’d offer to take Jason in after they reconciled, Jason refused. Though not Bruce’s blood son, Jason was comparably stubborn, sometimes surpassing the Dark Knight. “And where are we gonna stay?”

“That’s the best part.” Dick finally reached for a slice, folding it in half and dipping a chunk into his mouth to cut from the slice. “Tim hacked into Bruce’s business travel account and used some of his points to book a stay at some fancy place called Waldalf…lemme check.” Dick reached into his peacoat pocket and pulled out his phone, checking the reservation. He continued to chew, as did Jason, and Dick leaned over to show Jason the reservation email. “Astoria. It’s a couple of blocks here, I think. Worst case, we can just use a taxi or Uber there or something.”

“I’m banned from using Uber.” Jason said nonchalantly, squinting at the details on Dick’s pristine phone screen before looking the name up for himself. “I can walk as long as I can have another slice.”

Dick blinked at Jason blankly before glancing at the remnants of the pizza. “Take the small one right there.” Removing a wrinkled, discolored restaurant napkin from his back pocket, Jason snatched the slice with an asymmetrical, genuine smile, now holding a slice in each hand. Dick bit his tongue in his mouth to keep himself from laughing. If he hadn’t held a slice in his, he would have snapped a photo to send to the family group chat. “We’re already checked in, so just bring whatever luggage you have with you.”

Jason looked up from his slices like a deer in the headlights. “Sorry, I didn’t think to bring anything other than the usual.” With a slice, he vaguely gestured to his dirty clothes.

“I was…expecting that.” Dick chuckled lightly. “I brought you some clothes so you could go out and enjoy yourself for a change.” He spotted Jason’s eye roll. “You’re in your twenties, for crying out loud. Enjoy yourself! Make a friend. Would it kill you to just live?”

As Jason shook his head, a few strands of grey fell from his messily combed back hair and onto his forehead. “What, is coming back from the dead and seeking vengeance to blood-thirsty psychopaths not living?”

“No, it’s not.” a voice came from the other side of the riverwalk, by the bustling street: a lanky-built male, wearing a beige Santa Cruz sweatshirt and dark jeans, strolled on his skateboard toward the brothers. “And by the way, Jason, you look no different than the bourgeoisie skimming the racks at Urban Outfitters over there.” Jason’s frown dropped at Tim, already bugged by him. “Me and Dick were basically wanting you to, y’know, socialize like a normal human being. I know you’re an introvert, I get that, but you’ve gotta, y’know…converse.”

 Jason stood from the platform, brushing the suggestion from his broad shoulders. “Jesus, and you wonder why I don’t want to hang out with you guys.” he made an excuse and walked back toward Michigan Ave, finishing his slices along the way.

“By the way, Dick.” Tim nudged Dick with his elbow, showing him a photo of zoomed-in Jason, a few minutes earlier, smiling goofily with his two slices of pizza pie.

Dick erupted into laughter, doubling over and nearly knocking over the box.

-

“You got the terrace suite?” Jason muttered in blustering shock. “Bruce is going to be so pissed.” His lips stretched into a wide smile.

He plopped onto the sleeper sofa, sprawling his limbs out to relax. Dick assigned Jason to the couch (“Finder’s keepers!”), while Dick and Tim each slept in their separate rooms. “We already received a warning about how you’re dressed, Jason, so if you could please promptly change into something more appropriate, I’m sure this stay would be more enjoyable for all of us.” Dick managed to remain calm while conveying, despite the fatherly-level of disappointment underneath his skin.

Heeding Dick’s advice, Jason made his way to Dick’s room, where he opened up the luggage Dick neatly packed for him: a pair of dress shoes, two pairs of socks and boxer briefs (all red, for continuity’s sake), along with a lightweight, tightly knitted sweater, t-shirt, long-sleeve undershirts, and two pairs of slacks (one beige, one black). Jason sighed halfheartedly, bummed by the array chosen for him. He knew, of course, it was his responsibility to select his own attire, but of course he’d forgotten it, lost in the chaos of his everyday life; Dick anticipated Jason’s reaction, and packed something nonetheless, and although grateful, Jason still hesitated to express it.

While Tim and Dick explored the depths of downtown, Jason immersed himself into the room, quietly exploring the channels that Astoria offered.

Knock, knock. “Housekeeping!”

Jason yelled back, “Come in.” while munching on a bag of corn chips on the couch, eyes lasered on the television screen.

The housekeeper, wearing a black and sky blue uniform, pushed his trolley in. “Are you enjoying your stay, Sir?”

Jason shrugged. “My ma was a housekeeper for a bit. Don’t worry about the ‘sir’ stuff, it’s all good.” The response was new to the employee, who stood for a moment before excusing himself to clean the bathroom and bedrooms.

“Sir,” the housekeeper returned, gripping the trolley behind him with a single hand. “Would you mind vacating the room while I clean, or should I return if you are…busy?”

Jason looked at the chip crumbs on his hoodie before looking back at the housekeeper. “I’ve no problem leaving. I’ve gotta change, so I’ll go the other room. Could you just lock the door when you leave?”

“Absolutely, Sir.” the housekeeper said before Jason shut the bathroom door, slacks and sweater in hand.

—

Stepping out from the courtyard of the hotel premises, Jason wandered down the corner, unable to prevent himself from making grotesque faces at the high-end stores nearby. The breeze chilled the skin on his face to the point where it eventually felt like he was kissed by needles, and he unlocked his phone to find a place to settle down and (hopefully) eat. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed an approaching blotch of yellow and blue, to which he immediately hailed down. A taxi parked along the curb, and Jason hopped in. “Could you please take me away from here? Some place with some good food?”

The driver gave Jason a look of uncertainty, pondering before nodding and starting the meter.

Jason sat back and relaxed as giant metallic letters standing proudly on top of clear, godliness glass storefronts began to disappear, one by one, until they were replaced with bulletins and signs, and tented storefronts matched with painted, worn down brickwork.

He exhaled in relief. Despite living with Bruce and his luxurious lifestyle, the unspoken language of wealth was still foreign to Jason. He didn’t understand why the affluent would whisper, and why evil would poison their tongue and burn away at their heart once their financial wealth accrued.

After slipping the taxi driver a couple of hundred dollar bills, Jason abruptly left the vehicle, reading the name of the restaurant to himself. “Like the song…?” he asked the driver, who nodded.

“Different spelling, different things.”

Jason inhaled nasily, chest rising. “Alrighty, thanks, man.”

The driver nodded once again before waving and merging back into traffic. Jason entered the restaurant and was instantly greeted with sweet and savory notes, causing Jason’s stomach to cramp in pain. He walked up to the counter, so clean that he could almost make his reflection out, and waited for an employee to serve him. While he waited, he studied the menu: sandwiches, soups, and more appetizers to choose from. He chewed on his bottom lip, distressed when deciding between pasteles (mix of plantain mix and meat, wrapped in a banana leaf) or mofongo (stuffed plantain).

“When you’re ready, I can take you.” A voice notified him as he stood like a bronze statue before the menu.

He didn’t take his eyes off the photos above the counter. “Sorry about this, I’m a first timer - what are your pasteles filled with?”

“Usually pork or chicken, but we make them with cheese now since there are some vegetarians.”

“Could I have just pasteles, one with cheese filling and one with chicken?” Jason asked.

The clerk pressed a button on the register, which was a tablet with a brightly lit screen. “Sure thing. Anything else?”

“Yeah, and…pastellitos de guayaba? Can I have that, too? And water.”

The clerk pressed the screen a few times, noting down Jason’s order. “Of course. For here or to go?”

Jason finally tore his eyes from the menu to look at the clerk, and his mouth fell open at the sight of the clerk: hair was tightly curled, coiled from their roots; lips plump and glossy, appearing much more enticing to Jason than the food he ogled at.

“Here.” he stuttered, feeling heat rise up to his neck. The clerk smiled at him, and they placed their hand on their wide hip, bringing Jason’s eye to it.

“It’ll be ready in a bit. We’ll bring it to your seat, yeah? Sientate.” They motioned with their nose at the dining area, a selection of polished wooden chairs and tables to choose from.

Before he could ask for their name, the clerk rushed to the kitchen of the restaurant, repeating his order to the rest of the staff. Jason watched them walk away, their bottom half swaying in the leggings they wore, before he realized his leering and chose an empty seat and table near the colorful mural.

Thoughts rushed to the tall man’s head, some impure ones welcoming themselves for the first time since he and Artemis parted. Their relationship was, in short, complicated, and neither of them were fully transparent toward another, leading to the inevitable diffusion of the once-kindled fire; it didn’t break Jason’s heart, but rather disappointed him, and he felt that his fate of inescapable loneliness was encapsulated.

The clerk reappeared from the kitchen, holding two plates of food. They walked past Jason, ignoring whatever eye contact he attempted to make at them, and attended to the table diagonally from his. “Y te quedas a tu mama, ok?” They spoke warmly but sternly to the couple, before leaving with a grin. “And you,” they pointed at Jason, “your pastellios should be ready in one to two minutes, okay?”

Jason nodded frantically, popping an optimistic grin. “Can’t wait.”

“I know.” they winked at Jason before turning back around and walking through the revolving door leading to the kitchen. Jason felt something distant in his stomach. Perhaps hunger?

In a few minutes, the mysterious clerk returned, holding what Jason hoped was his food. When they arrived at his table, settling the plates down delicately before handing him cutlery and a glass, he beamed first at the food, then at the beautiful clerk. He didn’t know which he was more excited for. “Thank you!”

“Not a problem.” they returned his smile, eyes glistening at him. “Our chef is working on something else for you to carry out, free of charge. Can’t let you starve out on us, right, big guy?” their eyes briefly scanned Jason’s figure, which caused Jason’s cheeks to flush a bright pink.

They’re hitting on me, the fuck. “Thanks! I was hoping maybe I can come back, get your name?”

“Oooh, I like the sound of that.” their voice dipped an octave, and Jason swore he felt his pants tighten under the table. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “How about I save you the trouble and tell ya now, that way next time you can take me out for dessert?”

Jason smirked at them, slowly checking their figure out before focusing his attention back on their eyes. “Sure.”

“It’s y/n.” they purred, reaching their hand to rest on Jason’s bicep. Their skin was soft, yet calloused. “And you are…?”

“Jason.” he grinned. “Sorry, I’m new at this.”

“Don’t worry.” they assured. “I’m here if you need anything. And if you decide to take me on that offer, my number is in the check right there.” they pointed to the black checkbook beside the plates of food. Jason’s skin was burning under their touch, and when y/n had to leave, Jason felt a twinge of sadness when they retracted their hand.

Unraveling his cutlery from the napkin, Jason made sure to make an important phone call before his vacation ended.

[cumulo-stratus]

Spencer Reid x fencer!Reader

(GIF NOT MINE)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Male!reader

Description: reader is a fencer and is competing in the 2023 mens saber nationals and spencer invites the team to cheer on his boyfriend. (Could be read as ftm) (Also spencer is like low key autistic in this)

CW: slight swearing

A/N: i am a saber fencer, and i have been for years lol, so dont worry abt any mistakes in technique although its not gonna be accurate of an official tournament because it just makes more sense for the plot. (but if yall have any questions feel free to ask in the comments!), and tbh this fic is completely self indulgent lol, bc i couldn’t find anything like this so i decided to make my own :)

(NOT FULLY PROOF READ)

3rd person POV:

The days was finally here, after months of training and practicing for hours every week. There were so many nights Spencer had seen you walk through the door so tired and sore that you coud barely stand too many times to count. But it was all worth it, because today, Y/N Y/L/N was competing for wold champion.

Spencer decided to surprise his boyfriend by showing up with the whole team, decked out in French flags, showing their pride for him and his team. Y/Ns first semi-final bout was starting soon, and spencer was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he and his friends filed into the reserved seats for people related to the fencers. Spencer starts rocking in his seat and Derek looks over at him and says “hey pretty boy, you seem pretty excited, but you’re gonna fall out of your seat if you keep rocking like that!” With a wink. Spencer looks down shyly and says “Sorry, im just excited for his first bout.”

“Dont worry about it genius, im just teasing.” Derek responds. Then Rossi speaks up with “Am I the only one who’s confused as hell on what a bout is?” Small laughs erupted from the team at Rossis comment. Spencers eyes light up as he gets ready to tell him all about what he learned in his research of fencing. “A bout is combat between two fencers in competition. When score is not kept, friendly combat between two fencers is referred to as an assault. A single bout can go to 5, or 15 depending on the situation.” Spencer stated as if he was citing a book, because he probably was.

Finally the lights over the audience dimmed and the lights come over the strip. And then the 4 fencers came out of the back in their whites with blades and masks raised in the air. When Y/N finally comes out last, the entire team cheers and yells and whistles at the top of their lungs, even though the team got a few weird looks for their enthusiasm they didn’t care. And when Spencer and Y/N made eye contact Y/N blew him a little kiss, and spencer practically melted. “Ooh! Looks like pretty boy over here's got heart eyes for his little boyfriend!” Said Derek teasingly and spencer gets even more flustered. But theyre conversation is cut off as the first 2 fencers come out onto the strip, and the team got excited looking for your French flag patch and imposing Ukrainian coach who they’d heard a lot about from Spencer, (who’d in turn heard from you) but failed to find it, and they realized since there was 4 semi finalists there would be at least 1 bout without you in it. But the profilers still watched the bout intently, amazed at the ref calling points for seemingly simultaneous touches, with spencer explaining what the refs thought processes most likely was as they watched. And finally the bout came to a close with the Hungarian Aron Szilagyi losing 15-12. And then came out Y/N, ready for his first bout of the day. He was facing Ziad El-Sissy from Egypt. After about 10 minutes of hard fencing the score was 14-14. And after a small break and talking to his coach, Y/N walked back up to his en garde line and shook his arms out and took a deep breath in before going to en garde position. "En garde! Prêt! Allé!" And you burst forward convincing your opponent that your were going to attack, so in return they lunged forward with a double advance lunge. But you knew that's what he was going to do, so you made him fall short with a couple retreats before pushing him to end of the strip and striking with a quick and strong lunge to the chest. The crowd went wild at your attack and the referee called the point, " attack touché, point!" With their left arm raised towards you. You had won the bout and you were so happy. After meeting with your coach taking a water break and watching the next bout, it was your turn again. This was your chance to win, and become the national champion. The team went wild when they recognized the familiar patch on the young mans knickers and the imposing Ukrainian man standing off to the side. Y/N was facing Sandro Bazadze from Georgia. At first he was losing, bad. You could see spencer and the rest of the team sitting quietly watching in the hopes that the score would improve. It was currently 10-4 and you were down, but slowly you started gaining back points. A feint attack here, a quick sharp attack in the middle, a long attack down the strip with a sharp lunge to finish it off. And suddenly the score was 13-12, you. And with every point you won, spencer and his friends cheered louder.

The score was 14-13 and you just needed one more point, the audience fell silent as the ref called, “en garde, prêt, Allé!” And you sped forward with your arm starting to extend, and then you pounced into a lunge and the referee called halt, to the crowd it looked like a Simultaneous. But as soon as you heard the word you stopped and immediately came closer to the edge of the raised strip where the referee was standing slightly below you, your mask off to the side, discarded and forgotten in anticipation for the call. And as you and your opponent discussed with he referee, spencer began to wring his fingers so tight it was hard to tell if any blood was getting to them, he seemed more nervous than you. But finally the referee took a step back and announced “attack, touche, point!” With their arm raised above their head to their left. That was your side, it was your point. Spencer jumped up and start he’d cheering loudly with the rest of the crowd as you jumped and started crying tears of joy as you hugged your opponent who you’d known from your old days at junior Olympics. Spencer could believe it, he was so happy for you that the muscles in his jaw hurt from smiling so big.

(TIME SKIP)

Spencer's POV:

I had watched the medal ceremony and I couldn't wait to see Y/N. I decided to meet him in the locker room area before he went out and got crowded by people. I just wanted a moment alone with him and I was gonna get it.

when I walked into the room y/ns back was turned to me while he took off his lemme (pronounced le-may) and all that remained where his whites. I walked up behind him quietly and hugged his waist while snuggling my head into his neck despite his sweatiness

y/ns POV:

I felt arms snake around my waist and immediately knew it was Spencer. "Bonjour mon Cherie. Qu'est ce que tu fais ici? Tu n'as pas besoin de m'embrasser au fait, je suis très en sueur Chérie." (Hello my darling, what are you doing here? You don't have to hug me by the way, I'm very sweaty.) I said with a smile in my mother tongue as I was to tired to remember speak in English. But Spencer didn't mind, he knew French anyways. "Ça c'est bon mon amour, Tu as fait un incroyable, et tu mérites un câlin" (it's okay my love, you did amazing and you deserve a hug) Spencer responded while turning me around and unzipping my jacket for me. I kissed him and mumbled a "merci" as he pulled it off my shoulders and folded it up to put in my bag. After placing down the carefully folded jacket he lifted his head and placed his lips on mine. I could smell the faint scent of coffee and the paint he had used to draw the flag on his face. I licked his bottom lip asking for entrance as our lips danced together in sync as our tongues danced to their own tune, we were making out.

(Back with the team)

"What is taking them so loong?! I have a figurine of them fencing I had specially made!" Complained Garcia as she held up the figurine that had yet to be given to y/n. "mama it's a couple in a locker room what do you think they were doing?" Derek said with a sly smirk. "Ughhh I don't need that image in my head right now!" Replied the technical analyst just as y/n and Spencer walked up to them continuing their conversation in french forgetting about the language barrier between them and the rest of the team. "Ce dernier point était incroyable cependant!"(that last point was incredible though!) spencer said. "Je sais! Je pensais que j'allais le perdre!" (I know! I thought that I was going to lose it!) you responded. Hotch cleared his throat loudly and looked at the young pair. You both looked at each other looking like they just been caught. “Déso- sorry!” (Sor-) you apologize. Morgan just shakes his head and chuckles. Finally Rossi speaks up, “well it seams like congratulations are in order.” And starts to make his way over to Y/N for a hug but gets stopped partway there. Y/N put his hands out in the universal signal for stop, and said “thanks for the congratulations but i think everyone should stay at least a couple feet away cus i am stinky! I dont wanna kill anyone’s noses”

“That didnt seem to stop pretty boy over here” said Derek with a smirk gesturing to his mussed up hair and smudged face paint. Both spencers and Y/Ns face turned bright red as the rest of the team laughed at the teasing.

(Small time skip)

After lots of congratulations, good jobs, high fives, and handshakes from the team The group started walking out to their cars after deciding to meet up at a pizza place for celebratory dinner afterwards and Y/N decided to lean on his boyfriends shoulder after his knees buckled multiple times in just a few minutes (istg this happens to me all time after fencing and especially after tournaments). When they got to the car and sat down with he bag in the back, Y/N fell asleep almost as soon as he sat down. Spencer looked over at his boyfriend and admired him in his candid state. “World champion…” mumbled spencer to himself with a small smile, he was just so proud of y/n. And spencer thought about that the whole ride back to the hotel.

The end… :)

[dirtybitfic]

Reality pt.3

(I didn't proofread cause it already took me long enough to finish this so if there are typos I'm so sorry)

I wake up feeling extra warm and comfortable , I blink open my eyes and look down to see arms around my waist . I cant help the smile that spread across my face when I remember who's is beside me in bed . I try my best to stay still so I don't wake him up . sadly the second I made even a peep Misha ran over and jumped onto the bed attacking me with kisses and waking him up in the process. I couldn't help the giggles that escaped when I saw matts face when Misha played on him licking his face non stop. "Misha Misha calm down baby " I say as I try and get her off of him . " Sorry I tried my best not to wake you up but evidently someone had other plans " I say laughing as I pet Misha.

" It's okay I down mind being woken up by dog kisses" he says smiling and giving Misha head scratches. I could barely control myself when I heard his morning voice. His voice is hot as fuck already but this ... ooh this is so much better. "I was gonna go down and make some breakfast , does anything sound good to you?" I ask him while getting up and going to my closet to grab a sweatshirt. "mmm I don't know bacon sounds pretty good " he says while stretching " Alright bacon I can do that ... you like pancakes ?" I say and he nods " Any specific type , I usually makes blueberry and chocolate chip" I say and he smiles " I love chocolate chip pancakes " he says and I nod " Sounds good ill be down in the kitchen so take your time getting up " I say and he nods.

I just finished up cooking breakfast . I made pancakes, eggs, bacon , sausage and cut up some fresh fruit . He walks down stairs smiling " Smells great in here" he says and I smile . We both plate up what we want and sit down. We eat mostly in silence just enjoying having each others company . We decided it would be nice to take a little hike close by and see one the waterfalls .

I just got dressed and fed Misha , I would take her but this hike is a bit dangerous for dog especially with the waterfall and slightly wet surfaces. We hopped in my car and made the quick 20 minute drive . We talked about random stuff like childhood memories and funny moments.

The hike isn't too hard but its definitely not easy , we both had to stop and take breaks from time to time but I just kept telling him once we got to the waterfall it would all be worth it . " So do you hike out here a lot?" he asked and I shook my head " Not that much anymore , when I was younger I did . My parents loved to hike and in high school it was a fun place to go with friends but now not so much" I say and he nods " I get that , I used to love taking long walks and hikes with my family or just by myself to clear my head but I guess i've just gotten busy and don't have the time anymore" he says and I nod " Growing up sucks huh" I say and he laughs " Yeah id give anything to be a carefree kid again" he says and I laugh " Same "

The second we reach the waterfall we sit and catch our breathe taking in the view. " It really is beautiful" Matt says and I look over watching his face contort with emotions as he takes in the surroundings. " Yeah it really is" I say looking away from him smiling.

By the time we got back to my car my feet were cramping and my entire body was sore. " The view was beautiful but fuck I'm exhausted" Matt says laughing and I join in " Yeah , I think I need an ice bath with how sore I am" I joke and he laughs . We get back to my house and I go up to my room grabbing a change of clothes to wear after my shower . Matt comes in flopping down on the floor laying there while Misha laid next to him wagging her tail. " Im gonna hop in the shower " I say to Matt and he nods . I wrestle with myself in my mind on if I should invite him in with me or not . I finally just blurt it out " Do you want to maybe - u-um join me" I say more as a rushed question . He looks at me smiling widely " Yeah you want me to?" he asks in a deep teasing tone , I try my best to not sound stupid " Yeah I- I mean only if you want to you don't have to" I answer quietly avoiding eye contact feeling super fucking nervous. " Id love to" he says standing up and walking over to me . " wait really?" I ask and he chuckles " Yes" is all he says before he grabs my arm and pulls me with him into the bathroom.

He looks deeply into my eyes as he slowly starts taking his shirt off , I decide to do the same . You couldn't cut this tension with a knife. Im so nervous but also buzzing with excitement. Once we're both topless we start on getting our pants off , I take off my bra after and once were both in our underwear we both take a moment to soak in each others bodies. The way he looking at me is making me so nervous, he looks like he wants to eat me alive.

We both finally take off our underwear and step into the shower turning on the hot water and letting it cascade down us. I have a large shower with multiple heads so we're both getting soaked by water. I take my body wash off the shelf but he stops me before I can lather myself. " Let me " he says and I smile letting him lather me in my Carmel apple scented body wash . He slowly steps me back so the water can rinse off the suds. He hands me his body wash and I practically squeal in excitement . The amount of times I fantasized about shit like this is crazy and now... its reality . I take my sweat time lathering his body feeling every muscle and digit of his body. He rinses it off then grabs my shampoo again doing it for me . I tell him to only do the roots and about half way down and he listens but he comments that its stupid not to shampoo all of the hair , I explained to him why I don't shampoo the ends ... to be honest I don't think he understood but I think he just acted like he did to make me happy. He conditioned the ends like I told him and I rinsed it out.

I took my time shampooing him , it was difficult because he's taller than me so I had to be on my tippy toes. He noticed I was struggling so he scooped me up and held me up as I wrapped my legs around him. " Better?" he asks and I smile and hum "Mhm" I say and I continue lathering in the shampoo. What u least expected him to do was take one of my nipples in his mouth. " Matt" I gasp as my hands falter . He grips my thighs tighter as my head slightly leans back and I let out a whimper. He pulls off with a slight sting of his teeth dragging on my nipple . " Sorry I couldn't resist they were in my face" he says with a smile . He steps back into the water and I help rinse the shampoo out .

I cant help the smile that spreads on my face when I feel the tip of his dick graze my pussy. I haven't seen it yet but I have a feeling its not small . After the shampoo is all out he doesn't put me down he keeps me held up . " You look so hot with wet hair" he says and I laugh "what why?" I ask and he shakes his head " I don't know it just looks good" he says and I smile . " You gonna put me down or?" I question and he shakes his head again " Nope I like you right here" he says before taking my other nipple in his mouth making me gasp. He flicks his tongue and sucks on it making pleasure course through my body.

" fuck matt" I whine and he comes off with a pop " Feel good?" he asks with a smirk I nod my head quickly letting out a whine . He sets me down and turns off the water. I step out grabbing my towel then handing him his. The second he wraps his around his waist he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder making me laugh. " what are you doing?" I ask mid laugh " Taking you to bed" he says in a deep voice making my laughs stop . I wanted this , him, for so long and I still haven't registered that it truly is happening ... and not just in my head.

He lays me down on the bed hovering over me , I wrap my arms around his neck bringing him in for a deep kiss. His lips are soft and his tongue warm and he explores my mouth with it making me moan into the kiss. He postings his body right in-between my thighs . The kiss turns from slow and warm to hot and needy . I cant help the moans that escape my mouth as my hands roam his body. One of his hands slowly trails down to my thigh making me whimper into the kiss. He pulls away and starts kissing and sucking on my neck. Im whining and whimpering under him as his hands slowly slides its way closer and closer to my dripping wet pussy. He slowly starts kissing down as he uses his other hand to undo my towel thats around me . He kisses all the way down until he reaches my pussy . I watch him intently and his eyes meet mine and his tongue flicks out meeting my clit making me gasp . He smiles before he goes in licking and sucking so skillfully , i'm panting and moaning and my head drops back and my back arches. " M-matt feels so good" I moan and he groans into me making me twitch. He starts sucking harder on my clit making me moan out loudly as my hands move to his wet hair.

He slowly enters a finger into me making the pleasure even more heightened . " Ahh f-fuck matt oh god" I moan as my legs start to tremble and I feel myself getting closer to release . " Taste so sweet , I always knew you would" he says as he adds another finger in making me gasp and my face to contort in pleasure . " You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?" he asks with a smirk on his face and I moan " Yes yes fuck im s-so close" I moan and he goes back to licking and sucking my clit . My legs are shaking and slowly tightening around his head and my fingers are tugging tighter on his hair . " Matt oh f-fu please don't stop " I whine and his fingers move faster making my entire body tremble and my toes curl and I fall over the edge screaming his name as I come undone all over his face and fingers.

" Thats it good girl" he groans as he watches me come undone for him. I slowly come down and his fingers finally stop moving as he slowly slides them out. I watch him as i'm breathing heavily , he slides his fingers into his mouth sucking my juices of making me moan . " Did so good for me" he praises making me smile and blush. He slowly moves back up my body . " Gonna let me make you feel good?" he asks in a sultry voice , I nod " Yes please matt" I say in a needy tone and he smiles.

" One thing though" he says and I furrow my eyebrows " What is it?" I ask and his eyes getting darker " I like to be in full control and ... I want you to call me sir . is that okay with you?" he says and I smile "Yes sir" I say in a slutty voice making him groan . " You have no idea how long i've wanted to do this " he says and I smile " same" I say and he smiles.

" I'll go easy at first but the second you adjust I won't be easy " he says and I nod " Okay" I say and he nods. He slowly takes off the towel form his waist and I get the first look at his dick. This is going to be painful I think to myself , he's long like very long and thick . " Hey it's okay" he says as i'm guessing he can see the panic on my face . I take a deep breathe and fully lay down . " Ready?" he asks and I nod . I feel his tip slip up and down my folds making me sigh . He slowly starts sliding in making me gasp . He's stretching me so much and its only the tip . " I know I know , deep breathes baby " he soothes me and I try my best to relax . The more he slides in the more pain spreads through my body. " M-matt it hurts" I whimper as my hands grasps his bicep tightly . " I know sweetheart I know i'm going as slow as possible" he says in a sweet tone . After a couple excruciating minutes he's fully in and the pain is lessening .

Ive never felt so full in my life , I always fantasied about him being big but not this fucking big. At first I felt like I was being ripped in half but now i'm feeling so much pleasure in spots i've never felt before. " Fuck you're squeezing me so tight" he groans making me smile . " Think you can handle me going a little harder ?" he asks and I nod " Use me Matt I can handle it " I whimper and he immediately starts pounding the fuck out of me . I cant help the moans and screams I let out , he's so deep I feel like he's in my chest . " FUCK OH- S-SO DEEP" I literally scream out as he hits so deep I squirt out of nowhere and my legs begin twitching and trembling . " Atta girl " he says and he holds me down by my hips somehow going even harder than he was before . Im fully unable to speak at this pint the only thing that leaves my mouth are squeaks , moans, whimpers and screams as he continues to make me squirt all over him so many times I loose count .

Im becoming so over stimulated and i'm shocked with how much stamina he has . Ive never gone for this long , i'm not comparing but my body feels like it about to shut down any second . " Fucking you dumb with my big cock huh" he says smirking proudly as he watches tears fall down my cheeks . " Y- yes -- s... sir" I choke out In a scratchy voice . " fuck " he groans as I feel his dick start to pulse in me . " You're gonna cum with me " he demands as his fingers rub circles on my swollen clit making my entire body tremble and my hip to lift off the bed . " I - c- cant ... to - to much " I gasp as his fingers add more pressure " You're going to do as I say " he says in a demanding tone that makes me shiver . I whine in protest as my body try to get away from him . He grips my hip so tight its going to leave bruises " come on I can feel you pulsing " he says and I whimper . " MATT" I scream as I come undone , I fully stop breathing and my body convulses and curled into his . He releases into me with a low groan as he holds me close to him .

I finally catch my breath and fully collapse onto the bed , I can barely open my eyes and i'm breathing do heavily its all you can hear. " Shh its okay its okay" he says as he slowly pulls out and lays down pulling me onto him soothing my back . Crazy how he can go form rough as fuck and dominate too sweet and calm the next second . I relax into him as tears still fall from my eyes and my breathing starts to slowly go back to normal. My entire body is shaking and my pussy is pulsing from the abuse it just took from his huge dick.

After probably and hour i've calmed down and my body has stopped trembling . " Let's get you cleaned up" he says before picking me up and bringing me to the bathroom . He sets me on the toilet so I can pee and starts a bath for me . I finish my business and slowly stand stumbling over to the tub . He helps me in and then gets in behind me letting me lean back into his chest and he soothes my hair. " You doin okay?" he asks quietly " more than okay" I say smiling and he pulls me closer keeping his arms wrapped around me.

We lay in the bath comfortable in silence letting the water relax our muscles . " You ready to get out and go to bed?" he asks and I nod sleepily . He helps me out and drys me off before we both climb into bed fully naked not having the energy nor really wanted to put on clothes. He turns off the lights and pulls me close .

I fall asleep within minuets feeling his warmth wrap around me like a blanket of comfort .

I genuinely cant believe this I say reality right now , I wanted this man for years and I finally have him . I will also say that older guys do it better which I fully expected but tonight really showed me that its true. I cant wait to see where this all goes but for now i'm happy .

Her you guys goooooo! I finally got my shit together and finished this part !

Lova ya 🫶🏼💋

@imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @sturniolonmc @blahbel668 @sturnxp

[caluski]

again, a brief moment of self-reflection :-)

turning a little older yet again, i think its funny to see myself changing still. i wont lie that my life feels that much different from what it used to be - but other than boring things such as employment or housing or the lack of relationships, something has perhaps shifted in a bit quiet way, one you usually notice upon retrospection much later.

i think im still pretty much a hopeless romantic, in that stupid, proud, dramatic way that makes me absolutely fucking insufferable. everything must be either grand or tragic. obviously, its not a bad thing in itself, but it does make me far too self indulgent for my own good. i know i have to learn patience towards others, and domesticate my solitude, otherwise soon life will drive me even madder... there is a lot to reconsider when it comes to what i expect from life and people in my life, even if it feels like i overthought everything to death and back already.

the big goals for 29th year is definitely going back on meds. or should i say, finding meds that actually work for me. theres a lot that i want - such as moving out and becoming independent, having a stable job i dont have to worry about losing, or finding companionship in my daily life - but i want to be realistic just once. last year, i remember finding out about the layoffs right before summer ended, and i thought - my next job will be the one that fixes everything. obviously, its not, not yet at least. even the minimum wage aside, im annoyed with lots of aspects of it, so its far from perfect. i wish i could land a safe, corporate job that pays enough to keep me afloat on my own, but, well.

but like, other than all my actual flaws, i dont think my attempt to romanticize everything is that bad in itself. it does make good-but-normal things seem far too good to be true (like having friends, being loved, having a safe home - how can it ever be real for me, if its so beautiful???), but other than that, i do like the way it makes me feel. i like treating every coffee like the biggest blessing of the day. i like how good music makes me tear up. i like it when days are so good, theyll feel like a dream when i look back at them. i just have to keep it under a little bit of control. i have to get used to the thought that the world is not out there to cater for me, that i am not in fact the center of the universe, that everything goes on no matter what. i always liked the thought of being not the main character of life, but more of a best friend or love interest; youre still there, you can participate, you can be significant if you put your mind to it, but the world wont stop for you. also, i do like the sentiment of someone's main purpose in life being both giving and receiving of love. i might lack the brains and beauty for much more, but love, i think everyone is capable of, no matter what - and it includes me, in the end.

i want to spend more time taking pictures and listening to music. going to cafes and having long walks. i want to try going back to drawing. i wanna get better at writing - god, if this wall of text alongside all my other silly little posts arent a proof of that...... - which of course, means reading more, too. i wanna hear more live music. local, or maybe the big performances, if artists i like come over to warszawa or kraków or something. also, i wanna travel a little more. even if just to sit in a local cafe and watch the traffic. i wanna visit żmija (if youre reading this, i swearrrrrrr im not trying to invite myself over - but maybe if im in kraków or something, we could see each other closer to your home. which could also be fun because its such a big city, so much to see, so many cafes to experience. maybe a gay bar to visit? are there any worth dancing in?). and i do wanna continue collecting vinyls - slowly, as they are so costly, but still. and i do wanna become more outgoing, i want to take more risks, even if it leaves my stupid little heart sore and exposed.... rejection is inevitable, right? and i do want to catch up with romantic experiences, too. i want to feel something for someone again, even if its one-sided and desperate and miserable. but i miss it so badly, so so badly. i want to have someone to pour out my affection on - consensually. i want someone to want to be loved by me as i am, with all this mess of loud, intense feelings, without being freaked out. or maybe getting freaked out in a good way.

anyway. such a gloomy day calls for love & food playlist promo. have a good evening everyone! mwah

[ryndicate]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ  A Drop in Time

Fate does not grant death to the weary.

Vampire!Megumi x reader (fem body/pronouns)

notes: me looking at my notes for the next chapter and grinning. i cannot begin to tell you how fun it's going to be. thanks to my beta reader once again! this chapter is a bit shorter than the last but it is v important to moving the plot forward! and yes we actually speak to Megumi in this one im just gonna get that out of the way right now lol.

warnings: vampire lore drop! nothing else that I can think of. Enjoy!

By expanding, you are consenting to viewing adult/dark content, and all warnings listed above. 18+ Minors DNI

Blog rules/DNI

⋆⁺₊⋆ Ch. iii. ☪︎ Masterlist ☪︎ Series Warnings ☪︎ Ch. v ⋆⁺₊⋆

You have odd, hazy recollections of food and water passing your lips, but nothing is clear. 

You feel groggy and unfocused when your eyes finally open and don’t immediately close again. Sitting up is not a simple affair, your back aching and backside sore. You must have been asleep for some time. Your arm still throbs, but it’s duller than you’d expect. You glance down at the bandaging and resist the urge to peel it off and inspect the wound. There’s no way of telling how much or little it’s healed; the risk of aggravating it to sate your curiosity isn’t worth the pain that could follow.

You give a curious stare at the small fireplace on the opposite side of the room. You’ve heard warnings of not lighting fires underground. No one else is here with you, and you don’t know whether to feel relief or unease; before you can decide the door scrapes open.

Satoru slips through the doorway and his eyebrows raise at the sight of you sitting up. “Lambkin is finally awake, is she?”

You don’t answer him, picking at the cloth of your covers, eyes downcast.

He crosses the room and seats himself at the edge of the bed, noting the way you shift away from him.

“I’m here to remedy a mistake I made,” he begins with a grin, one that quirks in annoyance when you speak before he can continue.

“Why aren’t I dead?” you ask dully. “Did the prince die anyways? Did you fail to heal your master’s illness? Does that mean– does that mean I can go home?” Your throat is thick with unshed tears as a wave of longing and hopelessness crashes over you.

Satoru is silent as your shoulders shake, tears starting to streak down your cheeks, and you don’t dare to look up to see whether his beautiful face spells amusement or disdain. You can’t bear him right now.

“Allow me to explain your purpose here, Rumi,” Satoru says gently.

You hate that he’s making an attempt at comfort, even more so that it’s working. Your tears ease, and your hiccups slowly settle before you blink watery eyes up at him.

“It was never so that you would die here. You are Prince Megumi’s fated match.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means that you are priceless now.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

Satoru huffs in annoyance. “I’m trying to tell you that you are safe. Your life is promised.”

“Satoru, you’re making it worse. Again.”

You look to see Megumi standing in the doorway and your breath catches. He looks so different now. His skin seems to have life in it, his hair looks like black silk, and the way he walks as he steps into the room is filled with a power you don’t want to think too deeply about. He’s leagues away from the deathbed you last saw him on.

“Rumi.”

You shudder as he says your name, but you can’t stop yourself from meeting his eyes. They’re a softer, deeper green than your horrific memories supply to you. Focused, intense…but calm. There’s none of the anger you expect; nothing insidious, nothing that should make you feel like a mouse in front of its hunter, but you still can’t relax.

“Satoru did nothing to explain why you were brought here,” Megumi begins.

“Taken.” His lashes flutter as he blinks in surprise at your interruption. You have no spine to back up your words but you say it again anyways softly, eyes averted. “I was not brought, I was taken.”

“Right. You were taken here because that night in your village, I discovered you as my blood match.”

“What is a blood a match?” You finally look at him. He’s sporting an annoyed expression that seems at home on his regal features.

“You humans would like the word soulmate,” Satoru cuts in with a cheeky grin.

Your mouth falls open in surprise, but before you can speak Megumi gives a low curse. “Those two things are not comparable, Satoru! You know this. Stop trying to make a mess of things.”

Eyeing the prince warily, you wait for him to take a deep breath and continue. “A blood match means nothing more than my immortal body happening upon the perfect source of sustenance. So perfect that it will never accept anything less than perfect ever again as long as I draw breath. I fell ill because I was not aware a match had been made, and I suffered the misfortune of consuming lesser blood. Thankfully, Satoru figured out where the match occurred, and that is why you were br—taken. He had to.”

The more he speaks, the more you feel darkness crushing in around you. As transparent as his words appear, something within you whispers that he is hiding something. You choose to believe it. “This cannot be real. There is nothing about this in the texts!”

“This is one of our race’s most sacred bonds.” Satoru crosses one leg over his knee and rests back in the chair. “It’s not for humans to know and make a mockery of in those ridiculous books you humans pray to.”

“Satoru, quiet.” Megumi glares him into silence before turning back to you. “I would like to formally apologize for the manner Satoru showed you on the way here. Had I been of sound mind when he left I would not have allowed such treatment.”

“I don’t believe you,” you whisper, clutching the blanket closer, covering your shoulders as if you could hide yourself from them. The bottom line is that he is a vampire. Sense requires that you reject him without reservation. “I don’t believe any of this. I won’t. What you’re saying is impossible. What you’re saying means…” I can never leave this place. 

The prince sits quietly and waves Satoru down when he stands sharply from his seat. 

“I understand that this change is new and strange. Unsettling. But it is inexorable. As much as I wish otherwise for the both of us, I can do nothing to change this and neither can you. We must submit to fate.”

“This is your fate, not mine!” you spit at him with a sudden ferocity that you didn’t know you possessed. “I am not one of you, I do not need this match, and I don’t need you! I would sooner die than be raised as cattle.”

Satoru is soft, eerily calm in his words as he reprimands of your outburst. “Do not speak to him like that, lambkin. Do you need a reminder of what I’m capable of?” Your body shudders in recollection and you shrink away from the taller vampire, but Megumi rises to meet him. 

“If you cannot remain silent, then leave us. I will not say so again.” When Satoru sits again, Megumi sits on your bed at your side. It takes every ounce of will in your body to not scramble away, but you find the courage to meet his eyes.

“I have no intention of treating you like ‘cattle’, as you chose to put it. You will live well here. You will be treated kindly, and Satoru will learn his manners. You will live in excellence and want for nothing I am capable of providing for you. In exchange, you simply must provide for me. I have no other choice in this matter. Starvation is not an option for me.”

“For you? Is it an option at all?” you ask, quiet and filled with spite.

“It has been chosen by others in the past, yes. But for me, I choose to live,” Megumi returns evenly. “I have obligations that must be met. I’m trying to make you see sense, Rumi. I would rather you choose this to make it easier on yourself. But if you choose to force my hand, then so be it, because there is no other way. I cannot allow myself the death you demand of me.”

“So,” your throat warbles with emotion that you can’t hold back, wet frustration, “You want me to choose to stay, but you won’t let me leave?”

“Yes.”

“How is that any different than being cattle, or your prisoner if you so hate the word?” you demand, voice cracking as you begin to inch away from him.

“How is it not?” Megumi’s eyebrows furrow, and a broken part of you wants to laugh at the frustrated confusion on his face. His form leans towards yours denying your retreat inch by inch, but the intense focus of his gaze makes you wonder if he’s even conscious of his approach. His emerald eyes are burning. “I’m offering you a comfortable life, one without end that would hold very few discomforts. Why wouldn’t you choose this? Why make this harder than it must be?”

He’s opening his mouth to say more but your heart has closed to him, exhausted of this nightmare, of the way he speaks down to you no matter what scrupulous intent he might think he has. “If you really have to ask such a thing…then you are more of a monster than I thought you were.”

Whatever he was about to say dies on his tongue at your whispered words. Megumi grits his teeth and his eyes harden into a stony glare that has you trembling in fright. Though his demeanor has turned sour he says nothing to reprimand your insult, his head whipping to the side to pin his gaze on the walls. He exhales sharply through his nose, and then he speaks. The words that follow point in the same direction, towards the stone, as if you were beneath even that.

“You are not permitted to leave this room. In a few days I will move you somewhere better suited. Food will be brought to you, and no one will come near you but Satoru and myself until I have selected a trusted pool of servants. I will come to f—to visit—at least four…” He glances at you speculatively, his eyes trailing up and down your form. His lips tug down. “Three days a week.”

A whimper tugs its way up your throat. You try to kill it, but what little sound does escape sounds even more pitiful than if you had done nothing. 

“It seems we’ve overwhelmed the little lamb. Maybe we should let her rest.”

You give Satoru an empty glare that he does not even bother to receive, his icy blue eyes settled on his lord. A bitter and sinister feeling rears its head within you as you wish once more that you had been successful when you shoved him from that cliff. After all he has put you through, what little he could be held accountable for is to acknowledge you. But he does not look your way as he waits for Megumi to speak, so instead you turn your back on them and settle back down into the bed, pulling the covers as high up as you can without covering your head, though the urge to do so is strong. Your actions grant you their attention and despite how you felt just moments ago, as everything said settles into your mind, you suddenly want nothing more than to escape their shared gaze burning into your back as Megumi quietly agrees to retire.

Thankfully after a few more moments of silence their steps finally retreat towards the door. Neither bid you goodnight. You wonder if it even is night. It’s impossible to tell the mark of the sun so far beneath the ground, and you wonder if you’ll ever see the sun again.

The door closes behind them with a finality that you feel in your bones, but as much as you wish to let yourself fall to the relief of sleep something in you bids you to sit up and swing your legs from the bed to the floor. You can feel right away how stiff your legs are, swallowing a groan of discomfort as you rise. You move carefully towards the door, your poor legs doing their best to bear you after what feels like days of no use. As you grow closer, you realize you can still hear their voices. They seem to be conversing, rather heatedly.

You press your ear closer and listen.

“You heard her. She will never agree to such a thing. And if he discovers her, then there is little I can do.”

“Maybe you ought to consider wooing her, prince.”

“Unnecessary. I have no interest in her affection, I simply need her here.”

“And at the moment she has no interest in yours, but what human makes such a change in their lives—willingly—over mere friendship?” Megumi doesn’t answer and Satoru continues insistently. “Show her love. Make her want to stay. Make it so she cannot imagine life without you, that death is only a worse fate because she would no longer be at your side. You don’t have to mean any of it, but you must make show. It is fair strategy.”

“Do you understand how tedious of a lifetime you are asking of me? To enact such a farce? And until when? Time does not move among us so fleetingly,” Megumi demands in a sharp hiss. “And when she discovers such a theatric? What then? This is no solution.”

Satoru counters promptly. “If she doesn’t choose this, if you cannot make her choose this, then for you, my prince, time is finished altogether. I will not allow that.” His voice has taken on a manic tone that you well recognize. It chills you to the spot, forcing you to listen even when the mere memory of his magic has you aching to return to the sanctuary of your bed. Your mind turns to static as Satoru continues to insist upon his stance; if you weren’t so exhausted you know you ought to be taking his words to memory, but it is so. You want to rest. It’s only when the prince cuts his advisor off that your mind returns to you, 

Megumi’s voice becomes icy and you wonder at the prince himself that he does not cower nor balk from an entity like Satoru. “I have heard your counsel. I am done speaking of this. I will hear it no more.”

You slink back to your bed and silently pour out your misery into the pillows. Your fingers twist into them in horrified realization and your heart almost shatters as you come to realize that your mother's pelted blanket is no longer the softest thing you've ever touched. You can't help but wonder just how much this place is going to steal from you.

a/n: ch. 4 and we talked to our ML!! Are we proud of me yet?

Reblogs and kind comments incredibly appreciated <3

© All rights reserved to @ryndicate. Do not modify, translate, or repost.

[fajcit]

I’m so sore all over, i need to cbd my body down. Leaving for the airport in 8 hours, i surprised i’m not anxious to travel. I’m crediting it to using a nylon backpack (instead of purses and totes) and finding cheap at airport parking instead of ubering to and from, there is NOTHING worse than the uber lyft pickup maze at lax. Sometimes when it surges its like 150-220 to get home, like . .. some of the cars ive been driven home in before are worth 200 dollars themselves lmfao. Bitch im calling kelley blue book.

[cosmobrain00]

embarrassingly genuine of me to have this on main but. u ever care for someone so much it’d somehow feel odd to ever put any label or word on it. care or like or love or even adoration doesnt really do bc they never tell the whole story yk? same with anything else really, saying u feel a deep fondness for someone or trying to convey the specific type of warmth u get from them just leaves u sorta gesturing aimlessly n pretty frustrated bc what do u Mean i cant get others to understand that ache in my chest when i think of them thats not even really an ache n. again, u get stuck trying to say this or that n it never cuts it, even if ur the most well spoken person on the planet if u dont find urself suddenly becoming an ineloquent mess ovr trying to describe someone u hold dear in ur heart, r u really doing it right? anyways long ass winded way to say im immensely enjoying my wonderful day out on this v special occasion w my one n only husband rex (“well arent u only engaged?” shove a sock in it u dont get it🙄). gen feeling like the luckiest person on this forsaken rock bc HOW did i get someone as amazing n genuine n perfect as this, aka three words that don't even begin to describe who he actually is because the dictionary is sorely lacking when it comes to this. honestly just someone tht gets me wanting to desperately live out tht fantasy of opening up ur fave person n crawling inside n living right next to their bloody beating heart bc even when ur right beside them its Still not enough. its tht feeling u get when u meet someone n when u get to know them one day ur suddenly hit with the realization of "wow. this was my missing piece all along!!" because i truly feel evryone is born w a person shaped hole in them n life is just one long journey of finding them n finally being able to feel whole at the end of the day. am i being corny w the whole "u complete me" bit? maybe but i think im beyond caring abt that now LMAO. truly something else tht i was able to find my person this early on n im just over here always wondering what the hell i did to deserve someone as lovely n charming as this. watch me pull out a whole list of his good qualities n the paper just keeps unraveling n fills up the entire room im in. n i could do this embarrassing schtick all day baby. i love u when ur gone i love u when ur here i see u in everything no matter what, n truly evry day of misery was worth it bf this since it meant it was all just leading up to meeting u, etc etc. n still none of this rlly even covers it, ive been a writer for years n this whole thing is me realizing u are the one thing that stumps me, someone who ill never be able to put into words properly<3

happy bday ml🫶

[virgilthepoet1029]

Why would you lie?

It’s been waiting for this moment

Sitting in the corner

Just out of sight

Just out of mind

But always in my peripheral anxiety

It’s been hibernating

It was awake when we first met

It sat with me on our calls

And held my hands as I typed messages to you

It laid at my feet while I ate lunch with you

But you promised

(You didn’t promise. I believed.

Believe.

i believe you i believe you i believe-)

You said that you wouldn’t stop

That you wouldn’t be like them

That you wouldn’t let it happen again

And I trusted you

So I put it into hiding

I made it sleep in my closet while we talked all night

Hands tied up, and mouth gaged so it couldn’t reach me

And wrap it’s cold fingers around my neck

And silence my voice

But I’m afraid it’s broken free.

It was slow at first.

It chewed through the fabric I had over its mouth

I could hear the whispers through the door

But I ignored it

Then it picked the lock I had left

The door barley creaked open

But it was enough

I could make out its black and distorted shape in the sliver of light that was let in

And it was watching me watch you

Then its hands

Slipped through the shackles I had painstakingly placed

Red and sore and full of anger

It snuck out of the closet

Walked down my street

And found me in my class

Stood in front of my desk

And suddenly I stopped hearing what my professor was saying

Something about the 4th declension?

The 5th?

I can’t recall

Its ice hands had covered my ears until all I heard was the ringing and my own heartbeat

I’ve been waiting for this message for awhile now.

I didn’t know what else to say

What else do I say?

I always knew.

Do I start screaming?

Do I start crying?

Do I say I told you so?

I didn’t know what it wanted from me

Other than to watch me suffocate as its claws moved to my throat

I have been here before, my friend

I. Always. Knew.

I was not caught off guard

I was not angry

I am not angry still

But what am I supposed to be feeling?

I feel nothing

No no

Not nothing

Nothing implies that it’s numb

It’s numb in the way your fingers go numb after they’re too cold

You can still feel them

They buzz

And sting when you touch them

Empty might be a better word

There’s a late night couch sized hole in the pit of my stomach now

And I fear it will never be filled again.

At least not like it was before

“I’ll still come over… I just can’t stay super late anymore.”

And what if I sleep better knowing you’re downstairs?

What if I say I don’t have nightmares when I know you’re there?

What if I say my chest feels heavy knowing that I want you here

And you want to be here

And yet

You’re not.

Tunnel vision was setting in now

As we talked in vague terms

And sent our grief through “yeah” after “yeah.”

I’ve never been good at letting people go

Or letting things change

And I’ve grown quite attached to you.

But I know how this story ends, brother

It is unfair of me to ask you to jeopardize anything

For my sake

And I don’t expect you to.

I would not be surprised if you text me one day

A paraphrase of the test I got almost three years ago

I can’t talk to you anymore

I’m really sorry about this

Etc etc

Maybe you throw in an inside joke

You’re much more poetic than they ever were

Would you do that for me?

When you disappear?

Don’t rush it like them.

Don’t make it abrupt.

Don’t try to sweep the past several years under the rug.

Please.

I beg of you

Let me sleep in your arms one last time before I lose you.

(I should’ve stayed.)

I can still feel its hands

The grip isn’t as tight now

But only because it won

It broke skin

And the poison that spills from its claws

Dripped into my veins

And is now coursing through my body.

I try to believe you.

I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying

(Why would you lie?)

I’m trying to believe you when you say

“You’re worth fighting for you know that right?”

“I’m not going away though”

“I can’t lose you man. I can’t. I just can’t.”

“I’m not them.”

“I think you under estimate how much Im willing to lose for you.”

Well of course I do

I’m worth nothing

I know it

And they knew it

(You’re not them. You are not them.)

I do not expect you to lose anything over me.

I don’t want you to lose anything over me.

I cannot be the cause

Not again.

Please

I can’t do this again.

I love you too much

It’s watching me right now

While I’m typing this

I can hear it whispering what to write and what not to

Dictating every word I’ve spoken to you for 48 hours now

I’m trying to let your voice be louder

And sometimes it is

Sometimes I bleed enough to get the poison out

And I can hear you for a moment

But it’s never fully out anymore

I can’t trap it back in my closet

It won’t fall for my tricks anymore

It’s grown too self assured

I’m sorry.

[starkissedblade]

💸💸💸💸💸

this is me just talking abt money and random stuff veeerrryy boring but i bought a pair of shoes a couple months ago for $200 and i have only wore them once i just stare at them and think about my bad spending decisions and i know i will start wearing them soon because they’re the only platform shoes i have but they’re also the most expensive shoes ive ever worn & i just die a little inside i need to get over it tho but i also thought of getting new walking shoes since ive had these ones for 5 yrs now (tbh i think the 200$ shoes r the only ones ive bought 4 myself new like all my shoes which is like only my everyday walking shoes, a pair of docs from hs, & a pair of flip flops i dont have many shoes & all were bought for me by someone else like yrs ago) and my feet r starting to get sore wearing them everyday but i think i might just buy new soles instead like these shoes still have traction.. cuz i need to buy a hair dryer and diffuser cup thing soon because im tired of air drying my hair and i want to make my wavy/slightly curly hair look presentable on the regular and not just occasionally and i need to spend money on that instead!!! but also will i do that??? i just put it off lmao it will probably be months before i actually buy something for that why does everything cost moneyyyy i feel like every day im making bad money decisions but i haven’t been That bad like 9/10 i use the stuff that i buy all the way. im physically stopping myself rn from dropping 40 something on this thing that a lot of ppl say really actually helps their cystic acne which ive had constant problems w. but i cant just do that. its 40!!!! instead i need to buy travel liquid containers that are smaller than 3 oz online cuz they usually only have big ones at walmart and i don’t need them to be That big i never do anything beyond a carry on because checked baggage is Expensive and it stresses me out on top of the expensiveness Anyway u can only have like a sandwich baggy sized thing w liquids in a carry on which is sooo annoying 😒 anyway there’s like $100 worth of stuff this yr that ive got that ive actually Really regretted like at the end of the day the new shoes r worth it for me because i’ll wear them until they break. i get so stressed over not using more than a third of the alcohol based mouthwash i got in feb because it burnt my mouth too much i get stressed over the cerave gentle cleanser i got but then it’s not what i need liked i needed the salacylic acid one instead so now that one just stares at me in its largely unused glory like i worry tooooo much but it’s also kind of good worrying because it keeps me in check cuz it makes me quadruple check if i really need something… but i do usually keep my impulse spending to the thrift which is usually a good thing. i bought a cool hat a couple days ago for a couple bucks but my head is too big :(( i need to look for a place that’ll give it away for free im done w giving stuff to goodwill or other places i just want ppl to be able to get clothes w out paying for it i hope that theres something like that around here. anyway i need to buy a really small point pen tomorrow to do this art thing for Father’s Day cuz my smallest point pen went dry yrs ago and this is the first time im picking up doing something like this in yrs like it’s for Father’s Day tho so i feel like it’s justified. and then i’ll need to get T in the next month 🚬 which has been 140 recently cuz i my state doesn’t cover it in insurance. at least insurance covers blood draws and my doctor doesn’t charge for messaging online abt stuff, so. and at least medicaid in my state covers some dental because ihave that appointment next month. and then ill be paying close to $200 for a flight ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh at least its not more than that ig. at least cheap allegiant flights r a thing . im so lucky in so many ways financially because of my mom step dad being so nice to me basically buying a car 4 me at 18 and letting me live w them rent free etc like idk how i got here i am still not used to it really i feel like its gonna be

pulled out from underneath me soon or something

[alwysgood]

I feel so heavy right now.

And I woke up from a dream where all my insecurities played out.

The dream started off with Lorenzo,

and I watched as he spent time with his family and had fun.

I watched and cried and woke up feeling empty, less than, angry, and hurt.

I fell back asleep and I dreamt of Mayhem, and watching him and his smile and seeing him, more tattoos, a new motorcycle- he looked happier, and it made me feel bad about myself and left out.

I took a chance on the relationship with Lorenzo even when I knew better, and now I just feel like I was right all along, he's just going to run back to his ex.

This is a sore subject for me because it makes me feel like Im not good enough.

My mind is playing tricks on me and I feel sad and angry and upset and hurt.

But the truth is I dont know everything.

Though I can assume what is happening, I do not know that for the truth.

And even if it is, who cares? That is not a loss.

Lorenzo cheated on me with MULTIPLE women.

Lorenzo is a liar.

He is manipulative.

He is mean.

He is unkind.

He is selfish.

And his heart is ugly.

IF Lorenzo went back to Courtnie, that isn't my loss.

Its his.

I was kind.

I was supportive.

I was nice.

I was selfless.

I was all good things.

I got a great new job,

I pay all of my own bills,

I have my own house,

I am focusing on God,

and I am constantly trying to be better-

For myself, my future husband, and my family.

I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT.

And I know I am worthy.

The same applied to Mayhem.

I do not know what is happening in his life, but what I do know is that he is truly unhappy.

He may look good, or give the illusion he is doing well, but I know him, and I know as his birthday is approaching, he is struggling.

What I feel is not a fact.

I do not know what I dont know,

anyone can portray happiness on social media,

but I know that both of these boys were never truly happy,

And they never will be because they do not want to do the work to be.

Both Mayhem and Lorenzo may be attractive, but that is all they have to offer.

My worth is eternal, and what I bring to the table is irreplacable.

What are the facts?

The facts are I made the right choices by choosing my self respect over a man.

The fact is Mayhem and Lorenzo destroyed the relationship.

The fact is their poor choices DO NOT reflect my value or worth, it just shows how they feel about themselves.

These boys are insecure.

Thes boys are jealous.

These boys will repeat what they do not repair as we have seen with Mayhem.

And even hen I thought Mayhem was doing well, God avenged me, and he will continue to do so as needed with Mayhem AND now Lorenzo too.

I am beautiful outside, and in my heart as well.

My childlike humor and love of the little things makes me fun and quirky.

My loving heart to help others and be kind is unique, and not everyone has that in this cruel world.

I work hard for what I have thanks to God.

My home is spooky and warm and awesome.

I am blessed and will continue to be.

God, I am struggling, but I ask that you help me when I am sad.

Thank you for loving me when I dont love myself, and I pray that I do what you need to receive more blessings.

Thank you God.

[alukaforyou]

hooooly fcking shit i have to tell yall smth nuts, WARNING there r semi detailed mentions AND A PIC of HUGE SYRINGES / NEEDLES

oookay so last month nyc got a heat wave and it was SO hot i was a sweaty gorl and not happy abt it, like hate summer too?? and then i remembered watching korean tv and these celebs were talking abt how they got underarm BOTOX cuz that stops you from sweating??? and i was like huh should i try that? but after doing some research, its not permanent. like hello im not gonna spend $ and have needles in my PITS for it to last a few months u kno?? but then i found this laser thing called miradry which is permanent, like its mainly used to treat hyperhydrosis which i dont even have so i thought the results would be stellar for regular ol' me right?? and they make it sound soo painless like "u can do it in ur lunchbreak and go back to work!" bruh u absolutely cannot go back to work after this LMFAO so i went to this veteran nyc med dude to do it today and HOLY SHIT IT HURT LIKE A MF-ER LIKE ACTUALLY WTF

so before they can go in w the laser they have to numb ur whole ass pit by injecting numbing fluid(?) which also protects ur nerves ok got it. i was expecting like. a normal shot right? hell no. so first i think they prelim numb u with a normal syringe shot business it was fine. BUT THEN THEY TAKE OUT THIS SHIT?

i swear to GOD it was the biggest mfing syringe i have ever seen in my LIFE i wish i took a pic so u guys can believe me, the needle was THICK AS FCK and also like TWICE as long as the pic above like for real it was at least a 4 inch needle i wish i was exaggerating but it was comically long & big i was like what the f? obvs i couldnt SEE what was going on but it FELT LIKE the whole 4 inches was going INTO my skin over and over again cuz u have to inject that fluid all over everywhere it was sooo crazy, the doc was basically f*king my armpits with this needle, AND!!!!! THEY PUT 3 FRICKIN SYRINGES WORTH OF FLUID!!! ON EACH SIDE??? HELLOOOO!!!!!!! from a scale of 1 to 10 that was a solid 15 😐😐😐 the actual lasering part wasnt bad, it felt like a crazy hard pinch with HEAT in some parts but i was so taken aback by that needle action, the laser part was negligible. i was such a champ for it tho like didnt even bat an eye outwardly, the tech was like wow ur the first person i've done that didnt even flinch. yes i didnt show it naruto ninja style but that was nuts yall u guys rly Did That LOL

needless to say, since a FCKTON of fluid is in my damb PITS they are sooo swollen, like the upper inner arm, the pit itself, underneath it nxt to ur b00b its frickin whack over there 😐 like tell me how my armpits have jiggle physics. thats full of water babey!!!! oh my god they are sooo sore and painful kms the hubris of it all i shouldve been ok w a normal amount of sweat LOLOL like appropriate levels for the heat but dambbb i rly tried it🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀 yall there needs to be a disclaimer do NOT get this shit done UNLESS u ACTUALLY have excess sweating that is actively ruining ur daily life because rn it feels like my armpits are in LABOR :) i just paid 2.3k to torture myself, but since its done & all, i hope im an armpit-sweatless bitch for the rest of my life