#im so serious i am talking from personal experience

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Phullo there, I’d like to ask you a question! I hope I won’t be such a bothersome.

So, I’m planning to write a story about Laughingstock and since I find your storytelling very pleasing I figured it’d be a great idea to ask for your advice about the writing!

My Idea in general for this story is just Howdy taking a day off from working in his bodega. And basically, he’ll be just wearing normal clothes.. shocking truly.

And thennn, Barnaby and Howdy accidentally stumbled into each other’s path. They later then of course had a very long conversation that lasted until evening maybe.

Of course there’ll be some fishy moments like them looking at each other with goggly eyes and other cheesy romantic nonsense- but it’s just mainly them having their usual conversation with a ‘couple’ of jokes here and there. It’s supposed to be a sweet memory for them to remember basically.

So, what I’m really trying to ask you for is- how the heck do you start a story exactly and not make it into just the dialogues? Like, I want my story to be kind of long but I’m afraid it’ll be just them, y’know, talking and I really don’t want it to be boring.. therefore, I really need your help.

I am so sorry if it’s such a bad timing considering the fact that you just had an interview which I am very proud for you for that! Even if it didn’t go as expected at least you did good half of it.

Soo, yeah! I’d very much appreciate your advice and I am sooo sorry that this was soo long!!! And again, a bad timing too.. but hey if you got any time, please consider answering. Thank you..

Also any response yet? On the interview of course.

hmmm... in my experience and Knowledge Accumulated Over The Years via reading And writing... the best place to start is to just drop in. no story introduction, no "it was a dark and stormy night", just Start. it sounds like your story begins with Howdy taking the day off, so maybe kick off with him getting ready / choosing an outfit, or w/ him reflexively almost opening the store before he stops and chides himself for almost forgetting that he's taking the day off

to combat the dialogue, maybe detail him leaving the bodega to go into the neighborhood. what does he see? hear? feel both physically and mentally? is there anyone else out and about? set the scene! ive been struggling with this too lately since i haven't seriously written in a while and i haven't been reading actual books

WHICH! IMPORTANT TANGENTS!! read well-written books, Not fanfic! im not saying dont read fanfic ever or i'd be the world's biggest hypocrite, but also read actual books. it's important to study how published authors write, how stories are structured, dialogue and action. because these books have more often then not gone through a Rigorous screening process. multiple drafts, beta readers, publishers reading it with great scrutiny before agreeing to publish - of course there are exceptions, but a lot of books are the highest quality they can be, and will outshine most fics. because, and i say all of this as good things, fics are unregulated. most dont have beta readers. a lot are from amateur authors new to the scene. there will be spelling mistakes, weird grammar & sentence structure, etc - most fics have Entirely different writing styles from each other. so if you only read fanfic, That is what your brain will learn, and it's gonna be harder for you to write. published books have less variation in styles, and the styles are subtler. there's less spelling mistakes if any, so your spelling will improve. your internal vocabulary will expand. even if you don't consciously study what you read, your brain will pick up on & internalize patterns, how action works, how dialogue works, how to structure a story, all that good stuff. if you want, i can recommend well-written books! i've been an avid reader since... like, ever. i've got recs galore! you can tell me your preferred genre & literary interest and i'll probably have something for you! and if you're not big on books, well... get out of your comfort zone lmao, books are fucking awesome and i guarantee there are plenty out there that you would love.

and when you're writing dialogue, intersperse it with little actions or the main povs' internal dialogue. if there's a natural lull in the conversation, explore that lull! what do the characters do in this moment? what's going on around them? sprinkle bits of setting in so that your reader knows where they are and what's going on.

plus, exploring the non-dialogue sections of your story can, and often will, spark inspiration in your brain for scenes and actions to fill out the story if you want it to be long (but also! if you just want to write the scene of their conversation, that's the beauty of fanfic - there's no requirements. do whatever you want lmao). when Howdy is going into town, maybe Wally calls him over for a quick pose - does Howdy say yes or no, and how does that decision change the story? maybe Julie invites him to join her in a game, or Eddie stops to talk to Howdy about him being out and about. maybe there are some complaints over the bodega not being open. what's the lead-up to Howdy and Barnaby running into each other? do they literally run into each other? what happens when they do? those are just a few possibilities of many!

remember, when you're writing, you're that story's god. you can do literally fucking anything. you decide what the characters do, where they go, what happens in their world. that mindset should help you bolster the plot instead of just "these two characters have a conversation", yk?

i hope this helps!

[spikeyjo]

also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks

[forehead451]

stream of consciousness type deal.

[sans-enjoyer]

Inanimate Insanity Episode 16 Spoilers!!!!

its been like, two days since episode 16, and people are already arguing about Mephone's age. He is a child, and this didnt come out of nowhere guys, he's always BEEN a child:

^post from 2018!! 5 YEARS ago!

^Brian reposting art (amazing art btw<3) where Mephone is described as a CHILD and drawing in a childish way.

^Brian saying that Mephone is so young he doesn't even know how to SPELL.

Now; heres some stuff ive been hearing in argument against him being a child.

"Cobs is infantilizing him." I agree with this to a certain extent, he is acting like Mephone is a child who cant comprehend anything like an abusive parent. but thats where it stops. Children can ALSO be infantlized! But aside from that, Cobs even says; "I forgot how young you are!" Parents don't say that to their adult children, because it makes no sense unless Mephone is a child.

Secondly, why would Brian and Justin be doing the same thing? They say he's young!

"He has an adult voice." Robots don't hit puberty! This means nothing. Unless youre saying that the creators implied hes an adult because hes voiced by an adult, well i'll have to refer you to the images above.

"He hosts an entire show." Arguably not very well, also again, he's a robot, and also, theyre on an island! its not like you need a permit to film on a random island in god knows where. Any child can "host" a show if they have enough determination, general knowledge of how they work, and equipment, and would you know it Mephone has all three! He knows how they work because he watched them in meeple, and he can generate any equipment he needs.

"He's a robot, he doesn't have an age." True..? sort of...? But the thing is, being legally defined as a child is based off your mental capacity. Children arent as mentally/emotionally intelligent as grown adults, because they don't have the life experience nor the capacity to be. Mephone barely has ANY life experience, he grew up in Meeple, and then started the show immediately after leaving. And obviously, in Inanimate Insanity (and all object shows), robots are almost always sentient beings, unlike real life.

"He's much more mature than a child, especially one that couldn't spell." Debatable! First of all, he thinks things like 'going to jail for one day' and 'the calm down corner' are terrible punishments, like children. If you tell a child to go sit on the stairs for 5 minutes and frame it as a punishment, they will take it as serious as anything else. Secondly, he literally decided to make a random species of bat.. things? fight to the death because they ate his four month old ice cream. No mature person would do that... Thirdly, abused children ACT more mature than others because they HAVE to be. Abused children are not ALLOWED to act like children. They have to be mature for themselves because who else is going to be? Who else is going to take care of you when your parent doesn't? But that doesn't mean they arent still a child.

So now we tread into questionable territory. Is it okay to deny the idea that he is a child at all costs, just so you can ship him or sexualize him? There is really no other reason why you would deny that he is a child.

Now obviously; lets not harass anyone who has drawn ship art of him or sexualized him in the past. This stuff was not commonly known, most people thought he was an adult. But if you look deeper, he isn't.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, if anyone reads this far (￣^￣)ゞI know I usually only post art, but this is an important topic to me as i am very hyperfixated on Mephone4 i swear i can't control it guys!!

Feel free to make any counter points, im open to discussion, but i am also very set on this opinion. Have a good day everyone!!☆

[metamatar]

hope it's okay to ask, but do you have any advice for like. internalizing that self harm and suicide aren't really helpful

obvs this is all personal, so depending on your personal beliefs and the dimensions of depression it may not apply. im sure some of this can make it worse for you personally. reader beware etc. im sure this is terribly revealing of what my problems are. but i can't ignore you.

for self harm my advice here is more harm reduction bc i think the internalisation of that not being useful to you is way more specific to why you harm and needs like. work.

for suicide, because i think fighting both takes different tactics and some of these are things that work temporarily:

relief from anguish is a feeling. you have to be alive to experience a feeling. even if you don't remember that feeling and don't feel capable of it what if you stuck around to see it? it would be transcendent.

you want out from something. think about drastic decisions you can take before killing yourself that can change things that fuck you up. drop out of school? quit your job? start living on a friends couch? break up with your partner? trans your gender?

suicide closes off any other possibility. it is a very loud scream of autonomy but it will be the last time you get to make a decision. is that truly enough autonomy for you?

you have wanted to die before. you have not wanted to die before. your feelings are complicated and contradictory. you cannot entrust your whole life to them.

be curious about your future. im serious. i've changed so much by now from the limiting self i was when i was 15 and couldn't imagine being 18 and now im beyond 25 and im curious what i'd be like at 35. bargain. to see those years. i mean maybe you'll be cured which is a fun fantasy but i don't really believe that. maybe you'll be worse. but which? and how? the wikipedia summary of your life is not the life experience. the texture of your anguish changes too.

consider survival more valuable to your self worth. it matters. you had to do it anyway but you did it so it still matters. yeah you cracked a bit but you can be proud of being alive.

now, more controversially before you kill yourself, consider making it worse. indulge self destruction some other way. do something inadvisable that's less permanent.

and now, after endorsing self harm as a means of avoiding suicide and making everyone mad. stuff i've internalised to do less self harm:

i am the only person in the world responsible for me. choose less harm. the doctors won't choose less but i will.

same stuff about making one drastic change.

just one thing make it safer? then do it safer. you can look this stuff up on forums.

pick a replacement behaviour that you think is slightly better. do it. fail it. do it again. force yourself to over indulge in it while the haze passes.

you kind of have to sit with the things that hurt you that the self harm soothes and try to change them. sorry. do it slowly and do it excessively and keep trying.

i am not the only person in the world who does this. read about it talk about it and keep it held in your heart that this is something about yourself that you feel the need to change. i like art about it.

fighting it a little is giving you a fresher newer self back. do you like them? don't you want to meet them?

relief is not contentment. wouldn't contentment be even more transcendent?

[twoa-plus]

it’s 2:00am and this is more of a character thing than a genuine theory but *claps hands for the drama* same coin theory. what if both of the stans are bill

or like. a parallel to him. like i said this isn’t a super serious theory i’m mostly just back on my character analysis bs lol

so i haven’t gotten to talk abt this much but i am a firm believer in that there is not a superior stan. from a personality perspective this is obviously entirely subjective, but i mean that there isn’t a superior one when it comes to their objective traits and how useful they are

ford is. ford. i don’t really have to say anything here he’s super smart can play the piano or whatever etc etc. however one thing that i will say that i think is important here is that i am like. 99% sure this man has a higher tolerance to The Horrors than other humans do. dude spent 30 years in that portal and came out pretty much the same level of crazy, and we all saw what happened to fiddleford. i know fidds saw bill take off his exoskeleton or whatever but u can’t convince me that ford traveled the multiverse - with all sorts of monsters and non-3d dimensions and god knows what else - for 3 decades and didn’t see some shit that would make anybody else lose it. like at this point u could tell me this guy could have a casual conversation over tea with cthulu and be fine and i’d believe u

as for stan - and i mean this in the absolute best way possible i love this guy - he’s like the world’s most charismatic cockroach. he’s fantastic with people and just straight up refuses to die. for the first point i don’t just mean this in the conman way, when it comes to the people that actually matter stan always manages to win them over in some way or another (soos, wendy, the kids, ford, etc) and one does not simply survive for a decade on the street without needing the occasional favor from someone who actually likes you. “oh but rico-“ man when u’ve been living as a homeless criminal for a decade and the list of people that want to kill u consists of 1 person and the government u’ve done pretty damn well. anyways as for the cockroach point, he’s alive and has his memories. i don’t even have to say much here stan went through all of That, lived through the series itself including The Literal Apocalypse, metaphorically (something something people are just a collage of their life experiences) died at the end of it all and then came back to life. that’s hardcore as hell man. in a less literal interpretation of the “refusing to die” bit, he’s also just. insanely determined. the biggest example is ofc him never graduating highschool and yet teaching himself god knows how much math and science and whatnot over the course of 30 damn years because he just refuses to believe that he can’t save his brother. stan pines is a force of nature i swear

[additional note while im already ranting about this guy, im not a personal believer in the “stan is just as (academically) smart as ford” theory. first of all i feel like this entire theory is kind of rooted in the idea that he has to be/be on the same level as “the smart one” to have value, which is an idea that the stans’ entire backstory is based around criticizing, and i think stan has something just as if not more valuable than freakish intelligence - raw fucking grit. he wasn’t the one to open the portal back up because of some intellectual advantage, he was the one to open the portal back up because he wanted to, god damn it, and best of luck to you if you’re gonna try and stop him.]

anyways as for the same coin thing, everybody knows the stan part. his casual references to the impending apocalypse, “you’ve been buying gold, right?”, him being such a good conman, etc etc. while i’m already ranting about stan’s determination, bill’s got that too - he’s been trying for like thousands of years to take over the world and he just Won’t Stop. point is there’s a lot of character traits they share

(i know in the original same coin post a pretty major point is stan not making a deal with bill, but i think that could probably be pretty easily explained without the need for divine intervention. the only times bill makes a deal with someone without them summoning him first is after he’s kind of left on a loose end with gideon, and everyone knows stan wouldn’t fall for his lies in the first place)

bill also shares a lot of traits with ford, though. both have some kind of physical anomaly (bill’s eye & ford’s hands), both can see/understand things others of their species can’t, they’re both egomaniacs (listen i love ford but the guy has issues), etc. u could even argue that, at least at the time they meet, they have some kind of connection through their loneliness

so. with the theory of “bill was reincarnated to make up for what he did,” what if it wasn’t just stan? what if he was split in two, and his “reincarnation” is both of them? they’re flawed enough to make it a lot harder for either of them to take over the world (ford’s lack of social skills & stan’s lack of freakish academic knowledge), and they have something bill doesn’t - each other.

bill is alone. that’s his whole problem. he killed everyone he loved, treats everyone new he meets like shit, and now he’s Like That. throughout it all, the one thing the stans have always had - even if it was just in their memory - is each other. “oh but ford-“ shhhh. shhshhshshshhsh. shut up. ford has Problems but i genuinely don’t think he ever stopped loving stan. love is weird, first of all, and secondly he clearly never stopped trusting him. no matter what he might say about stan being a liar or a conman or whatever, who’s the one person he goes to when he’s forced to admit he needs help? ford is a weird guy and has an… odd way of showing it but he loves his family just like the rest of the pines and i will die on this hill

i’ve been writing this for over an hour straight and i think my brain is melting but i’m sure at this point u get the idea. both of the stans, together, serve as a parallel to bill, and the one thing they have that he doesn’t is love. that’s what killed him.

something something killing an interdimensional dream demon with the power of friendship and this gun i found

[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?

[thatdeadaquarius]

Genshin Sagau (?) Isekai Brainrot - Language

I've seen like ONE small kinda related Genshin Sagau/isekai idea for this but I wanted more of it so BAD

It’s not the most interesting thing in the world, it’s about our modern vernacular vs. Teyvat's flowery speech

Pls feel free to expand on or add to this pLEASE TAG ME IF U DO IM STARVING OUT HERE :)))

So I saw someone write like one sentence abt this (can’t remember who :( sorry I’ll update if I find them ) or like a brutally honest version??

But I also took inspo from how fucking wordy and long conversations that are in Genshin, even with ppl like Xiao (the rude boy that he is) or even Tighnari who gets to the point pretty quickly

It goes smth like:

So, all of Teyvet, (esp ppl like Zhongli 💀 u know the ones) talk,, flowery.

Like, the whole Pride and Prejudice style speaking, euphemisms, metaphors, for some characters (or Npcs) its full on POETRY. 

Lookin’ at you Kazuha.

.

And going off of any variation of you being the Creator, (or otherwise an older mythical being?), they could have this thing where the older a deity/mythical thingy is, the simpler the speech. 

Kinda makes sense to them y’know? The older beings are serious, commanding, intimidating

And nothing says "I'm ancient as fuck and powerful as fuck" like simple blunt speech.

And being closer to the literal creation of the world, language would understandably be less complex (I’m assuming it’s the same as in human cultures in our world's history)

Like literally look at our fantasy typical stories, plenty of them have a dragon or ancient god that speaks in extremes, like so flowery its a metaphor, or so bluntly its startling (ie, "Be not afraid." "I am all powerful." etc etc)

And so, ancient powerful being = direct/blunt speech

..

…

...Y'know,, almost like our modern vernacular.

Like, part of some of our modern day comedy is purely based on a sentence being delivered bluntly for impact

Hell our ads and videos and content in general we always want to get to the point, to say things simply

So with this in mind, even if you try to deny being the Creator, they might still think you are, or at least a more minor ancient deity/creature

 .

(like the Seven Sovereigns/Phanes/Shades/etc. for example would sound eerily modern or at least easy for you to understand bc of this trait lol)

(Also I'm just assuming u know Genshin lore enough to know what I meant by that ^)

____

So, I love the AU where you just,, hitch a ride with the traveler like Paimon bc u start at the "beginning of the game",

And with every person you meet, you're like, "Ok, no, I promise this is just how my country/world speaks, it's not like that, I'm not some ancient deity…" 

And They're all like 🤨🤨🤨 "Well, fine traveler and companions, why does your speech sound so simplistic and sharp? Surely, you do not expect me to truly believe you.."

You: "Please I just talk like this, I'm a regular human."

Them: "Alright, if it is as you say,, you wish to not experience being "known" yes? Fear not, I will keep your secrets close to my chest."

You: "No, for the last time, that's not-" 

.

And it just keeps happening, lol

.

(srry I tried my best at emulate Genshin language + flowery speech idk how to do it)

.

Like maybe you would just sound weird or like a foreigner speaking y’know in simpler sentences bc they don't know the language as well as native speakers, at least that could be how you sound to NPCs and ppl who don’t know abt simpler speech meaning

.

...But the Adepti? Zhongli?? Barbatos maybe??? Even the Aranara??? Those who are old enough to maybe have heard how older beings speak or at least have knowledge of how they should speak/sound??

You couldn’t have predicted how shocked their faces were the second you opened you’re mouth… 

Sumeru scholars would freak tf out i stg, as soon as you meet Haypasia, she's already losing it, first the Irminsul progress, now this ancient being/Creator?? Girlie thinks its a sign lmao

.

(I’m an Aether lover, and also bc I think Lumine looks badass as Abyss ruler, so I’m gonna go with Aether for traveler sorry Lumine mains love yall T-T)

.

You, and Aether being equally confused at first pLEASE 😭 

lets say he speaks a little more fluffy than you at least, after all I’m assuming bc of the outfit that he’s from a fantasy-like place, and his replies can be a little fluffy like Teyvat’s residents, so he kinda fits in, kinda like everybody assumes he's just from another country when he gets to a new nation (at least that’s what I think happens??)

.

Like after (maybe Diluc?) Lisa, Kaeya, Venti, and Jean (who I think would all be knowledgeable, thru diff means, about this enough to maybe recognize the simpler speech = ancient god thing)

ALL reacted shocked as hell at hearing you talk, and would probably explain (or Paimon before then?) in that infuriatingly roundabout way, that you would usually skip a couple dialogue boxes just to avoid bc yOU ALREADY GOT THE POINT or alternatively WHATS THE POINT HERE?? JUST SAY IT, WHATS THE COMMISSION/QUEST FOR/WHAT DO I DO??

(Those blue highlights be savin my impatient life, and i actually like lore stuff 💀)

.

Oh that’s also another frustration. For you.

.

It would drive me crazy if I had to wait like,, 2-3 minutes for ppl to explain what they ate for dinner or sm shit

Like, now imagine that’s everyone, about everything.

You don’t know how anything gets done in battles or wars, like you need faster communication for that right??💀

.

Anyway, you, Aether and Paimon decide you just gotta not talk when you first meet people or like,, make sure you're gonna be around that person for a while so you don’t have to possibly get someone over the shock of your speech every time you guys talk to people 😭 that'd be so miserable I can already tell,,

Like at first, every convo ya’ll have had with people who recognize that direct speech trait as a thing, would take at least 10 minutes to finish talking about it/being shocked,,

It got so old so fast.

.

(Like I already can’t communicate that good with ppl irl bc I misunderstand them, or they do me, or they just dont get what I mean, and as my friends put it, which I think would fit here for any language shenanigans we go thru in Teyvat, "A Shakespearean level of misunderstanding, hilarious but such a downward spiral to watch, it just gets more and more ridiculous as it goes on...")

.

On another note, making fun of someone would be so fucking funny,

I’d like to give myself the benefit of the doubt that many characters, after getting used to your speech, would generally understand you (even if they always notice it, like an accent) and would actually rlly love hearing insults or even just generally how you would put things

(like maybe treating this almost like those vids of ppl with non-native english speaknig relatives/parents and its the most hilarious thing to watch them, usually get pissed 😭, at their kid, if u dont know what I mean look up on tiktok or smth)

And You just come off like those insults where you dont even use cuss words, you just like, drag queen read them into never showing their face again, and you did it in so few words!! 

They're amazed and oh, 

you've become the John Mulaney of Teyvat 

(Bad examples include:

Fontaine inventor: "...And I shall call my invention, crocks!"

You: "I wouldn't even be cremated in those." ) 

*Aether crying laughing in the background bc he never knows what you’re gonna say next, and Paimon's jaw dropped so hard

JFC this post is so long sorry, I probably will spam with a Part 2 but let me know if you’re interested in hearing more anyway!!

Thanks for reading this rambling!!

Or send in asks abt this 👀

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[anemoiashifts]

how tiktok failed the shifting community

& how shiftok keeps you stuck idk what to call this. 🫶🏻

to make this clear, i do not hate tiktok. i dont hate people on tiktok who want to shift. i dont have a problem with people on tiktok talking about shifting.

this post is not about anyone specific. ive sold a shifting journal on amazon. which may seem hypocritical though ive never made a promise that it will make you shift & its not supposed to.

!! this post isn’t an excuse to push all the communities problems on shiftok. much like the animal crossing community pre-new horizons, as communities grow bigger, its expected to bring some toxicity with it. problems exist in all corners of the internet & in certain groups.

however, there is a specific issue within the shifting community that involves tiktok & that is the integration of money & profit being made off of people’s desperation.

shifting was / can be presented as this alternative “safe place” & escape for people with serious mental illness that consist of not wanting to be living this life anymore. & that’s fine on its own. everything we do is a form of escapism like readings or watching tv. as long as it’s healthy, it’s harmless. ive touched on permashifting & sv!c!d4l ideation before but id like to piggyback off of that point.

to clarify for everyone new: i am not against perma-shifting. i am against some of the langue that is used around it. you don’t need to k!ll yourself to shift. this is what im speaking about.

when you have an audience that is deteriorating & only going through the motions of life, when your only desire is to get out of the situation you are in, is it extremely easy to profit off of vulnerable people. this fact paired with tiktok — where you get paid & your income is dependent on engagement — it becomes overwhelmingly clear why pushing out content that keeps their audience within arms reach of actually shifting. it’s more profitable if you have an audience of people who can’t shift & want to as opposed to an audience of people who can shift & don’t need validation from exterior sources. it becomes easy to ignore people’s struggles if that’s what you’re making money off of. there is a lack of a healthy viewpoint & balance within some parts of the community.

calling back to 2020 when shiftok was in its infancy, there was a lot of “pov” & storytime style content. there is nothing wrong with wanting to share your experiences but making “entertainment” is arguably much, much easier & profitable. keeping that in mind, why i believe the practice of shifting is so seemingly popular amongst a younger demographic is because it brings fandom spaces together. it’s one thing to watch a show & obsess over fictional characters & read fan fiction but to live alongside your favorite character & be equal with those you idolize, it can sound very appealing. keeping shifting as entertainment style content, it makes it no different then fanfiction & oc’s. again !! i have no problem with people speaking about their experiences / wants for when they shift but the issue is when people only focus on that & it becomes a numbers game.

i hold no issue with people selling their labor in any community but when you sell something with the promise to “make you shift” is when it becomes problematic. when you sell false promises & empty hope, you are also banking that your audience is desperate enough to cling to anything that reminds them of what they want. it speaks to how the creator views their audience to an extent & id argue is aware of the dozens of (mostly) children expressing their negative worldview that displays an unhealthy mentality.

this is why i don’t do general readings as frequently & personal readings at all anymore. quite honestly, it’s easy engagement. while not my intention, people often change their perspective & “make” things fit their situation. i hate hate hate to say this but in desperation, you can make a sign out of anything. this is not me trying to take away the feeling of internal knowing. to give this thought weight, i remember a while ago i posted a reading that was & has been channeled from a person in my desired reality. the comments were flooded by “i know who this is from” & “this is from this person in my dr”. i clarified in the video — the very first slide — that this was from a specific person & everyone completely ignored that fact to fit their beliefs. if you find meaning in something that’s great but when something is explicitly stated as one thing don’t manipulate it to fit yourself if it’s not truly meant for you. not every reading is supposed to resonate. by forcing it to it removes the intimate aspects of what is truly just for you. if everything has meaning, nothing has meaning.

circling back to my idea before, readings & “this message was meant for you content” does open the floodgates to tell their audience what they want to hear for the sake of growth, profit, engagement. yes, there are some readings that don’t pander to a specific group of views but those “stop scrolling this was meant for you, he’s thinking about you, if you see this letter or number it’s a sign & you should be expecting a phone call or someone to reach out to you soon” readings that come up on your fyp are eight times out of ten for engagement purposes & to tell you what you want to hear by using generic langue to make profit. no, not all readings are set up this way and not everyone thinks like this. there are plenty of people who don’t do it for money or attention. even if people did it for money, some people hold issue with that while others don’t. the like it or not, just make sure you’re doing it in a way that’s not making peoples mental situation worse & giving others false hope.

while not reading based, this sounds familiar when we acknowledge “shifting symptoms”. early on, people seemed to take them as being close to shifting & literally feeling the process of you becoming apart of your desired reality. now we know, all those tingles & twitched are only your body checking to see if you’re asleep. the name becomes very mis-leading when you take into that content.

the tldr of this post was when you intertwine spirituality & profit in spaces where people are desperate for something that feels larger then them, people’s actions can put bad tastes in people’s mouths. looking at tiktok, views = money. when numbers are given to people who have shifted & deemed influencers (because that’s how tiktok was pretty much designed) it becomes easy to see why some idolize to be like these people’s — “they shifted & i didn’t, they seem to have everything figured out, they must be better at it then i am, they must be special & not like the rest of us.” it creates a cycle of self doubt, unfortunately, while keeping you in the same “i can’t shift” mindset while these same people are selling a piece of them that you seemingly “lack”.

[jbird-the-manwich]

I was talkin to a friend about covid yesterday and like... I haven't seen a lot about it lately but talking about it got me thinking about how absolutely fucked up and freaky, in hindsight, my last bout of covid was, like... if you've not had it/been asymptomatic, I love that for you, but like... seriously. do still be doing the masking if you can, avoid crowded places with poor ventilation as you're able, try to keep a handle on not letting strangers breathe directly on you, etc. I got the shit last year, before thanksgiving, KEPT it till this spring, (long covid) and it fucking sucks.

Like. It SUCKS. it SCARY sucks. I had nausea, chest pain, tachycardia, extreme weakness and fatigue... like... I had OG-covid, back in 2020, and another couple bouts in the years since then, but that last one? that particular Covid was not fucking playing with me.

That shit tried to kill me. I had a fever so high I was having delirium. I didn't experience any weird horniness, like in the meme, personally, but I did have weird SCARY neurological symptoms, I was so nauseated I wanted to die, the fever (which was recurrent, and intermittent, at 104f, for *months* off an on) had me acting fucking weird, I'd get nauseus, then super aggressive and fighty, had episodes of extreme confusion, not being able to remember simple words and phrases, (I don't mean standard adhd either I mean I could barely talk coherently at times, when I wasnt fucking losing my shit rambling about nonsense) random crying spells, tremors, inability to stay awake, It affected my memory, my ability to walk, and still affects my basic levels of strength and ability to do shit.

for real the shit is serious. I went to the hospital and my tachycardia was so bad the nurse pulled my sister aside (who is not authorized to receive any information, btw) and told her not to let me leave the hospital because they thought I was going to have a heart attack. Cuz my heart rate was so fucked from the fever. I was fucking holding on to walls and shit, could barely walk, I was taking phenergan so consistently it straight up stopped working, and I'm negative, now, but like... I lost 20 lbs by the end of it. No shit. from 151 to 129. and I'm still not entirely better.

I'm still having memory issues, I barely remember the last year aside from bits and pieces, and the fatigue is fucking unreal. like. I was *stout*, pre-covid, and had a pretty solid vocabulary, and now I feel like half my brain is missing. my energy levels are on the upswing, but that's taken months, and I'm still not half as strong as I was before I got that last round last year, so like... I know not a lot of people are masking, and very few people are still talking about it, out and about, but like... seriously. it is real. It is fucking debilitating. it can affect your goddamn brain.

Do try to avoid getting that shit. I would not recommend it. As diseases go? It's a total bitch. wear a mask if you can. I was a *very* fit, quite strong 30-something, built like a brick shit house, and I lost almost *all* of my muscle mass, and it feels like I got *extremely fucking dumber*. I had projects I was working on, and I don't remember how they were supposed to go together. in the span of less than a year, cuz fuckin covid set up in my (vaccinated) body and was like "oh, I think I'll stay". So yeah. not a hot news topic, right now, anymore, but... for real. It is still there, and it will fuuuuuuuuuck your whole shit up. I am *still* having to have blood panels run, pretty much every doctor I see is just like. "huh. Well that's... pretty shitty..." And I mean im very lucky. I'm alive and mostly undamaged, barring a couple things, but yeah. It is for real still a thing and will totally wreck a whole ass year, if it takes a mind to, so... try to avoid it, where you can. Get vaccinated, if you're not, wear a mask, if able, and don't listen to the people that aren't taking your safety into consideration in their rationale for not taking it seriously as a potentially debilitating disease, particularly if you have any kind of pre-existing risk factors, including previous covid infections. I don't wanna scare anybody but like... the shit is real and it will lay you low, is, I guess, is the point I'm trying to make.

[yuukei-yikes]

is it ever explained anywhere in the kagepro media what is Haruka's condition? tried to look into the kagepro fanwiki what it was but it just says "[...] implied to be cardiovascular". You got any clue?

SORRY FOR THE SUPER LATE ANSWER i have been Crazy busy and Crazy going through it. hope it's still helpful!

anyway!!! neither haruka or takane's conditions are outright stated, and are only mentioned as a heart disease and a sleeping disorder. even haruka and takane themselves don't know much about each other's diagnosis, and seem to know the basics of it. i always liked this detail because it's like they didn't want to ask each other too much about it, since they know what it's like to be constantly interrogated about it.

yaaay ill talk about takane even if u didnt ask but i promise its to make a point

with takane, the general consensus is that she's got specifically narcolepsy, because her symptoms are described with enough details that narrow it down to what it could be. she randomly falls asleep, and is extremely tired/sleepy all the time. when she dies... supposedly kenjirou had... poisoned her? but that's not stated anywhere im pretty sure it was just a popular headcanon (im so lazy to go check gang sorry. but i am pretty sure it's not mentioned also when tf would he have done that) however takane was extremely accelerated from running and her epiphany, and as soon as she falls she says "no way im having an episode rn" like she immediately knew what was happening, so it seems like cataplexy is also something she experiences. basically narcolepsy is... like spot on described and shown.

instead, for haruka its much less clear. like you said, he's only described to have a heart disease that's very serious and sends him into cardiac arrest erm kind of often, and it's also genetic because his mom had it and died from it. that's... it! there's never been popular headcanons on what it could be. unlike a sleeping disorder, a heart disease can be caused by a million different things and still have the same result (heart attacks). meanwhile sleeping disorders are a little bit more specific so takane's is easier to deduce.

haruka's illness could be many things, but my personal headcanon has always been arrhythmia. to be honest i decided on this hc as a teen bc it was the only heart disease i knew at the time so i kinda ran with it LOL but ive done some more reading later on (not extensive studies of it... just random google searches) and ive still landed on arrhythmia being my headcanon because it's also genetic, and there are different types of arrythmia, some being really really scary... not that arrhythmia in itself isnt scary tbh. its the irregular beating of the heart, so a heart attack can literally happen any moment!! scary as hell. but that's also why i think it's fitting, like even a sneeze could make haruka jumpcut scene to an ambulance.

these are some old hcs of mine but a more recent one is haruka getting treatments and surgeries post str. despite awakening eyes keeps haruka alive, it doesn't Cure him, but makes him strong enough to stand these treatments he wasnt suitable for before, increasing his lifespan. so even if awakening eyes doesnt cure him, it definitely helps him live.

so post str haruka is still very much a regular patient to the hospital and both him and takane continue to be medicated for life

[tannieastrology]

Capricorn Venus-Learning To Love, Love🤎🧸

☕️ How I imagine a love for Capricorn Venuses one day- Something REAL. Something that warms your heart. Someone to just come home to.

Kinda a personal story<3

☕️🧸First off people who have Capricorn Venus or Venus aspecting Saturn how did yall meet yalls partner and how would you describe your experience in dating? Let me know your experiences down in the comments!

☕️🧸Some common themes- unrequited love, being unable to catch feelings, work/school focused, unsatisfying relationships, liking people for years, low self worth, having to go through many obstacles, strong souls, gracefully age.

☕️🧸My Venus is in Capricorn in the 3rd house conjunct Jupiter, Pluto, and POF and trines my Virgo Saturn in the 11th. All of my friends are older and I actually met my friendgroup because of my older sister and find it difficult to make friends regularly. I also mostly hangout with older people but when it comes down to dating I am very inexperienced even though I know im only 16.

☕️🧸Like ive never talked to anyone and when I like someone ive had a pattern of liking them for like 2-3 years( my venus being in the 8th degree of scorpio). I also dont get approached alot and while I do have guys approaching me here and there theyre never my type.

☕️🧸Like I LOVE classy men but guys my age just arent like that it kinda bums me out. Watching people easily get into relationships ever since I was a kid and being able to attract anything they want in love matters made me really think I was ugly for the longest time.

☕️🧸For one I literally was a ugly duckling from elementary to middle school and I didnt really go to a school where indian features were appreciated(a majority of my school is hispanic and black). I always kept quiet about my crushes because I always thought no way they could like me?

☕️🧸It wasnt really until this year(my sophmore year) where I realized I have grown sooo much as a person. Beauty wise and personality wise. The way my Venus has impacted me the most was friends because of the relationship of my 3rd and 11th house. I lost friends, was lied to, and backstabbed and eventually made me realize that I wasnt the problem. The people around me are just vain. This made me go into depression for a while but also made me reflect on my relationships.

☕️🧸Eventually I thought why do I deserve any less? And yall dont understand this was such a turning point for me because it made me cut off so many unnecessary people in my life along with raising my standards within my relationships which is EXACTLY what Capricorn Venus should learn to do if they feel theyre relationships arent satisfying. Not just friends but in romantic interests too. Like I actually have boundries for myself but I will say that I lost alot of my innocence when it comes to love. The biggest thing for me personally is that I grew into myself but it took a longer time for that to happen for me compared to my peers but man sometimes people be hyping me up and I just dont know how to deal with it because I grew up ugly LMFAO.

☕️🧸Saturn here will force you to be patient and learn alot of valuable lessons for not only romantic love, but also friendships and familial relationships. Because one thing ive noticed is that these people are very sweet, soft hearted, and always wanted to fall in love, but as they got older they had unsatisfactory in those experiences and come to take the stereotype of being “cold” when in reality you just come to realize that people are disappointing. With time ive noticed we age well and we meet more serious people as we get older but you just have to deal with immaturity for a little while until that happens. All in all Capricorn Venuses will get what they deserve and I PROMISE you will be fine asf when u get old so hang in there.😘

If I were to give you a love based on a movie itd be this one<3

I really hope yall enjoyed this I wanted to give my insight on it so here I came🥰

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 13

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

SUMMARY: You moved to Seoul to start over after a bad experience, and everything seems to be going well, you even manage to work for HYBE. You discover, however, that you owe them almost a billion won, money you don't have and don't know how to recover: but don't worry because Hybe itself offers you a solution.

Your body in exchange for paying off your debt.

Do you accept?

TRAILER 1

TRAILER 2

PREVIOUS CHAPTER:

FIRST CHAPTER:

The truth is that I am not immune to Niki's charms either, but I have to resist. I don't do it for Heeseung, I do it because it feels right.

"Niki...do you really want things to be like this between us?" I ask him, motionless, as he continues kissing my neck, my shoulders, cupping my breasts with his large hands.

"Why? - He pauses for a second, laughing. - Did you think it would go differently?"

The driver must really be a pervert, the way he keeps glancing at me from the mirror. Okay, I have to keep calm but mostly I have to talk some sense into him: beyond all that, he's a kid, I don't feel comfortable at all.

"Noona - he says, lifting his gaze to me - I'll be good... I won't treat you like Heeseung or Sunghoon, can you just trust me?"

How does his voice, so dark, say things like that while he has the expression of a sadist printed on his face? Fucking Riki, you put me in serious trouble.

"It's not that. You're too young..."

He trails off, annoyed. "But excuse me, in your country in what year do you come of age?"

I look at him surprised as I reflect. "Eighteen..."

"Then it would be perfectly legal!"

"Im not worried about the legal thing right now - I sigh in frustration, adjusting the neckline of my shirt - if you want to force me to do it I will, but know that's not what I want."

Will it end like it did with Heeseung? Will I give in to the next temptation with Riki as well? I hope not, I'm already in a lot of trouble.

"Noona... I think I will force you. But it bothers me that you would then be angry with me."

Is he serious? Heavens, I really can't find his face cute now. "R-Riki...it's not easy for me to refuse you either."

He crosses his legs, huffing and looking offendedly toward the window. "Then don't do it."

"Really..."

"Anyway, don't think you've won. - He says and I'm very puzzled. - I never lose."

I smile tiredly, perhaps it is true that this is all a game, everyone plays their own personal game, everyone makes choices that inevitably affect the course of history, everyone follows a strategy. Perhaps the only one who has not implemented any strategy is me.

"Riki, am I pretty? - I ask him after a few minutes of silence. - Why do you want to sleep with me? Honestly...doesn't it bother you to know that I have also been with your friends?"

Niki doesn't even turn around, just sighs. "I am not like them, and they are not my friends."

It breaks my heart to hear him say such things, he is different from the little boy in I-Land, he is dark as a forest at night, it is not only his deep voice that makes me think so. Looking at him closely, even though he almost turns the back of his head to me, I can see that his face is sad.

"Has he always been like this?" It comes naturally to me to ask.

The japanese boy sighs again. "I've never forgiven them, so I guess so."

Oh no, my heart is broken in earnest now. His voice... Is so sad, his beautiful eyes are so sad. My chest is trembling, my body is shaking, and honestly I feel my eyes are wet too, it's crazy. I dry them immediately, I don't want him to see it.

"The point is that you allow them to do everything to you - he says, turning to me - but with me you hide behind the nonsense of age."

"You haven't answered me - I try to keep my attention, before losing myself in desire. - Am I pretty? Is that why you want to... do it with me? Or is it because you think it's your right?"

"What do you care? - He asks annoyed. - You can't refuse anyway."

"Then why did you stop?"

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Can I continue?"

"N-No. I mean, if I can't refuse why don't you force me?"

"Noona - he interrupts me, in a very serious tone - stop saying these things, it's already hard. - He points to his erection with his eyes. - I'm not even a patient type."

I cough nervously, looking away since I've blatantly looked in the direction of his cock. "I-I don't think you're that kind of person, I mean this..."

"Just because I was nice to you a couple of times? - He asks again amused. - Don't get any ideas, I only let it go because we're coming soon. I told you noona, I never lose."

I petrify, I freeze, I paralyze. Did I really assume that Riki... or rather, Niki, was different from them? Did I really underestimate the fact that he is still and always a man?

I spontaneously think about telling to Heeseung, but maybe that's not a good idea. Even if this kid acts like this, I'm sure the boys in the band hurt Riki a lot, and that's why I'm angry with them. They should be united, helpful, kind to the younger one, a foreigner to boot!

After a while the driver stops, Niki gets off for about five minutes, which makes me think it was a somewhat questionable encounter, partly because the boy keeps a plastic bag in his jeans pocket when he returns.

I know because he pulls it out after the car starts up again, stuffs it into his boxers in front of me.

"Riki! - I feel like calling him back, spontaneously. - Don't tell me that..."

"Don't worry about things that don't concern you, and try not to tell your friend."

"Of course I wouldn't! What do you think? I care about you all."

The japanese boy turns to me, smiles as if almost pitying me. "Even though we are all so horrible?"

Unfortunately, yes.

"I'm sorry if you've suffered over the years." I say suddenly, completely heartbroken.

He looks at me in silence, perhaps not expecting it.

"You know, I've thought many times that if I could have made a wish I would have asked to go back to the day I arrived home, however, now . - I smile, bitterly - I think I would ask that everyone had treated you kindly. Maybe because deep down I knew it too."

I'm sorry Riki, you who were just a hyperactive kid, with eyes full of passion, drive, and lots and lots of talent. You who were always so unique, so positively eccentric, you didn't deserve this.

Nobody deserves this.

I would like to caress his face and hug him, but I don't want to misunderstand. I really, from him, don't want anything.

"Thank you. - He tells me after so many seconds that I thought he would never speak again. - Thank you... for noticing."

Oh no, I can't contain the tears, it's obvious but I don't want him to see me cry, so I simply turn away. I wipe them away but they keep coming out, I feel like a fool, my heart explodes and it's like it's clamped around a vice.

"Noona, don't cry. - Says Riki, grabbing my shoulder. - I'm not so good-looking if I start crying too."

I look at him, wow... he managed to make me feel better in just one second. "In my opinion, you're handsome even if you cry."

The boy sketches a half smile before wiping the tears on my cheek with his thumb. "Let's hope you never find out, I always want to be handsome in your eyes."

Oh no. He can't take advantage of the fact that I am so vulnerable to get to his ends! If he says things like that, he's no help at all.

"Noona, I want to tell you the truth - he sighs as if he is about to say something unpleasant - this will not change today's plan."

"Huh?"

"I think you're a nice person - he says, stroking my cheek and smiling - I got that impression right away. I expected you to scream, to cry, but you remained composed."

I stare into his eyes briefly, then have to look away or my chest will explode. "I did it because I was ashamed since I met you all under these circumstances, not because I am a good person."

"Shy people who feel ashamed - says the boy, smiling sadly, - I don't remember them since I've been in this environment."

What is he getting at? And why is it that while he is telling me things like this, he keeps claiming that he will go ahead with his plan? With his intentions?

"Then why do you want to do it anyway?"

"Cause you aren't pretty, you're beautiful noona - he says, as if it were obvious - we are colleagues. You may have already forgotten because those idiots tormented you, but you are here to help me get better... physically."

I swallow upset. "However..."

"Having fun together won't stop us from becoming friends, if that's what you want. - Sigh Niki. - I told you, I like you as a person too, but I can't and won't give that up."

What is he saying? Can it really be done? Could we become friends anyway? No, that's not the point! Riki suddenly caresses me, again, this time, however, I shudder and back up in my seat.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful not to make you fall in love with me." He says, laughing.

"We're here." The driver speaks for the first time, and I must say he has the voice of a mature man indeed.

The singer looks out the tinted window and nods. "Yes, should be here."

"Who are we having lunch with, Riki?" I ask then, puzzled.

He laughs again and my doubts increase. "You'll like it."

"A-Are they celebrities?"

"Does it seem possible that I hang out with ordinary people?"

Oh no, then they really are.

After the driver parks in the club's private parking lot, which I have only seen from the outside, he gets out of the car to open the door for Niki. I get out, too.

"Mr. Nam - Riki seems to scold him after getting out - first you open the door for the ladies."

The man coughs, looking annoyed. "I thought you wanted to do it."

The young man does not respond and sets off, I follow him and see that the driver remains leaning against the car, he is not coming with us and it was obvious, but I don't know why this surprised me. Maybe because he looks just like the secretary of the young CEO of a kdrama.

"They cook japanese here. Do you like sushi?" He asks me as we go upstairs.

I look around surprised, everything is lavishly decorated, plus the customers all look like rich people. They are wearing designer clothes, they are beautiful and groomed like celebrities and maybe some of them really are, I feel like a fish out of water, also I feel very embarrassed to show up dressed like that.

"Don't you like it?" He asks me again, after a few seconds, as we wait for someone from the staff to vacate to greet us.

"Huh? N-No, I love sushi!"

"Really?"

I nod awkwardly. "I've always been fascinated by japanese culture, since I was obsessed with games, anime and manga as a kid, I wanted to know more about Japan."

He doesn't say anything, just stands watching me in silence until the beautiful waitress arrives. "Mr. Nishimura." She says, in a shy little voice, looking at him spellbound.

How can I blame her. Niki notices her only after a few seconds, as if she is reflecting on what I said. "Ah... yes, there is a reservation Choi, it should be room 7."

She nods, not giving me a glance as she waves for him to follow her. As we walk through the corridors of this beautiful place, I can't help but look at the wonderful paintings on the walls, they seem to date back several centuries and look like originals, given how preciously they are kept in these glass cases that cover them.

"It's been a long time since we've seen it. We're really glad...I'm really, really happy too..." smiles the girl, as enthusiastic as a fan.

"Have the other two arrived yet?" Riki asks, brutally ignoring her words.

I naturally hit him on the shoulders. "Yah! Didn't you hear what she said?" I scold him.

Niki stops and stares at me, not angry but confused. "What did I do?"

"She said something you should have thanked her for." I explain, in front of her who, however, looks at me irate.

Now I'm the one wondering what I did wrong.

"H-how dare you? - She tells me, I am genuinely shocked by this. - N-N-Not... you mustn't allow yourself!" She just says, I can tell she's too nervous to even speak, maybe because in front of Niki, but I didn't quite understand what I did to offend her.

"Excuse me?" I ask confused.

"I don't... I don't need d-your help. Mind your own business."

Now I slap her across the face. No, okay, calm down Amanda.

"Are you done, Shinhye?" Riki asks, surprising me.

He knows her name, and his tone is very informal. "W-who is she? She's n-not even famous."

The boy snorts impatiently. "Will you accompany us or shall I have someone else call?"

Yes, the two know each other. I look at Riki surprised he snorts again.

She resumes walking in silence and eventually accompanies us to

Room 7, a private room. When she walks away, I see Riki nervously scratching the back of his head before entering.

"Have you been with her?" I ask him.

"A few times."

"But she's like 30!" I become alarmed, like a worried older sister.

"She's cute, though, isn't she? And I like older girls anyway." He says, leaving me petrified as he opens the door.

The situation obviously could only get worse: I see Yeonjun and Soobin sitting at the table, yes, them, from TXT.

He had said he didn't want to harass me, like the others, but that's exactly what he just did. He comes in, I stay in front of the door, he notices, looks at me and laughs.

"Noona, won't you come in?"

"W-Why them?" I just ask.

"Did you really think you were twisting everything just to make Heeseung happy? Noona, don't think of stupid things - he says, still laughing, sadistically. I feel naked right now. - I will always treat you well, but don't ever think you can be his. He's won a little too much, hasn't he?"

He.... really is a crazy kid.

It's not because of Heeseung that I said no to him, but why don't I deny it? Maybe because deep down, that's why, too? The point is that I just wanted to spend time normally with him... but since they are there, knowing that I am a host, I just can't do that. But Heeseung? Why is he talking about him?

Heeseung is not a nice person. I don't like him. It's not for him that I'm doing this but...

"I have nothing to do with him." I tell him through clenched teeth.

He smiles. "Do you know how many people in Korea have his number? - He pauses briefly as if to give me time to think about it, I lower my gaze in confusion. - I don't think he's really interested in you, though.... surely he wants to take possession of you, your body, and just for fun even your heart."

It hurts me what he says, but it shouldn't. "But what are you saying, Riki?"

"I'm doing this for your sake. You don't know him, he will always ask more of you."

I don't understand any more, my head is spinning. Even though we spoke softly, on the doorstep, I'm afraid those two heard us. Soobin is busy on his phone, but Yeonjun looks at us amused.

I feel really anxious.

"Although it won't seem real to you, given what's going to happen - says Riki, looking toward his friends - you're safe with me noona. If you trust me, you'll have more fun."

"Riki..." I don't know what to say.

"Are you two done? What, you don't want to have lunch with us?" Yeonjun calls us right back.

I sigh and prooced, defeat. I sit between Niki and Soobin, voluntarily putting myself far away from Yeonjun, who, however, is standing right in front of me. I try to look away, I'm not even listening to the conversation, I haven't even said hello.

"Did you bring her with you?" Cuts Soobin short, putting down his cell phone.

"Aren't you happy?" Riki smiles, carefree.

Yeonjun sensually curls his lips as he turns to me. "And are you happy?"

"Not at all." I reply, annoyed.

Heeseung may be a bastard, and he probably hurt Riki, but whatever Yeonjun is no better than him. Someone who enjoys rubbishing each other's insecurities with the intention of humiliating him cannot be a good person.

"How nice, you look different from last time." Soobin comments, drinking some water.

I lift my gaze annoyed but also inevitably honored to hear him say that, damn, he's really nice too. "There's no mask now, so I can be myself." I admit, bitterly amused.

"What masks? Are you saying that because you are a host?" Yeonjun asks.

Niki doesn't care for the conversation, looking over the restaurant menu. "Yes, now..."

"Isn't that a good thing? - He interrupts me, the boy from the other band. - This way you don't have to pretend you don't want to fuck with all of us. If you want to, we can just do it."

I look at Riki terrified but he doesn't give me a glance, and this not only annoys me but also worries me a lot. What does he mean? Isn't this going to be an ambush like Heeseung's?

"What do you want to eat, noona?" The japanese young man asks.

I look at him confused, he doesn't look at me but seems serene. "I would like to go home."

"During my shift, I choose what to do." He replies, relaxed.

I swallow terrified now, look at Yeonjun who is smiling, Soobin too! Why am I standing here? Why has the situation become so strange? What should I do now?

"R-Riki..."

"Noona trust me, nothing bad will happen to you." Having sensed that I am uncomfortable, that I am worried, he tries to reassure me failing miserably.

"Riki, I don't like... this." I tell him, my voice trembling.

"I'll have sashimi! All kinds." Exclaims the blond, Soobin, delighted.

"Do you like sashimi, noona?" Riki asks me again, looking at the menu.

I don't answer. Damn. Although my mouth keeps trying to reason with him, my mind, my belly, wishes for him to continue. This situation, unnaturally erotic and above all unbelievable, makes me horny.

"You should try ramen." Yeonjun says.

I swallow again, my mouth dry. I try to pour myself some water but Soobin anticipates me, grabbing the pitcher for me and pouring it into my glass. I thank with a quick nod, looking down low.

"Call me oppa, like you did to Yeonjun last time." Says the TXT leader.

is sobin, right? lol

I mumble offended, I won't. I don't even remember saying it. "No thanks?"

"You scared her - Soobin laughs, looking at his friend, "she was a fan of ours before you scared her."

Yeonjun smiles, shifting his gaze to the open menu on the table. "Instead, I think Heeseung has her stocky, that's why she's so nervous."

"Can't you keep it out of your talk?" It comes naturally to me to ask.

This time Niki lifts his gaze, and he doesn't look pleased. He looks at me, then snorts and returns to the menu. "No need to get worked up, noona. Nothing will change."

What does that mean? I know that even if I asked he wouldn't answer me directly, and I'm really still convinced that I'm going to refuse whatever is offered, but...seriously, it's hard while sitting at Yeonjun, Soobin, and Riki fucking Nishimura's table.

I can always ask Heeseung for help, but should I? Not to mention that if he knew, Sunghoon would never stop annoying me. What to do? What to do?

A good-looking young waiter enters the room; he is here to take orders. They all seem calm as they list the various dishes, but when the young man turns to me who haven't even opened the menu, they all seem to get a little tense: maybe they're afraid I might accuse them in front of this guy?

No, I'm not that crazy.

After all....

"What do you want to eat?" Riki asks me.

"I'm not hungry." I answer, annoyed. Actually, in the heat of thinking about sushi, sashimi, uramaki.... yes, I'm actually lying.

"Make a tasting course of everything - Soobin says confidently - do you like sashimi? Caviar? Or do you prefer cooked foods?"

"I...I like raw fish." I admit, under my breath, pouting.

I see out of the corner of my eye Yeonjun chuckle. "Yes, make it a mostly raw fish course, but put in some other stuff too. Some carbohydrates, the chef knows what we like."

"What would you like to drink?"

"I want this - says Yeonjun, pointing to the menu - two ... or three?" He asks the rest of the table.

"Make that two of those and a Brunello di Montalcino." Riki says, surprising me since it is an Italian wine and he even pronounced it right.

"I'll be right there." Says the waiter finally making a respectful bow before leaving the room, I stay staring in this direction for a long time.

"Have you ever tried it?" The japanese boy asks me.

I was sure it was a coincidence, but perhaps not. "What? The wine?"

"Yes."

"Why? Are you Italian?" Soobin then asks.

"Yes, it is." Yeonjun replies.

I glare at him. "I didn't even know it existed, however, I understood the name to be italian."

"I suspected so, since it costs two million won."

The blond boy, Soobin, glares at him. "Are you buying?"

"What cheap hyung." Riki mutters.

"They'll take a while, right? - Yeonjun suddenly asks, especially catching the attention of the other two. He picked up a pack of cigarettes, put one between his lips, and now looks at me. - I'm still not hungry... I should get some exercise?"

"Why don't you have a joint, t-then?" I wanted to sound tough, I wanted to sound stubborn and strong, but I ended up stuttering, making him laugh.

By now I can no longer misunderstand, I realized that everyone only thinks of one thing but deep down I don't even criticize them. When what's around you is beautiful, you want to appropriate it, you want to follow your instincts, and I understand that well since I find it really hard to resist these three, but...

Am I one of these things? In this life, can I simply be myself and not have to pay terrifying consequences?

I'm afraid not.

Yeonjun takes a long drag from his Marlboro Gold, then blows the smoke in my face. "Do you want to smoke?"

"No..." I sigh, but why do I keep answering him?

"Yah, don't smoke with the windows closed." Soobin moans and coughs, getting up from his chair.

I look at Niki, who is also looking at me. "What's up, noona?"

The blond man continues to approach, Yeonjun has also stood up, and they both come toward me. I get up too, backing away spontaneously, my body knows it's in danger.

"W-What are you doing?"

"In Italy you greet each other with kisses, don't you? - Laughs Yeonjun, who has already reached out and grabbed my wrist. - We didn't greet each other properly."

"Riki! - I call to him, as Soobin grabs my other wrist. - What are they doing? What do they want?"

"Just saying hello." He says, in an amused tone.

In the backpack my cell phone suddenly and providentially rings, and there are two possibilities: either it's Ester, or it's Heeseung. I should hope it's the latter, but in a way, as Yeonjun looks at me with thinned eyes and Soobin smiles sensually at me, maybe I hope it's Ester.

Riki gets up and without asking permission takes it, but doesn't look inside the bag. He sticks his hand in it until he finds it, but he shouldn't anyway.

"Star...boy? - He asks, amused. - Is that how he marked himself?"

"But who? The asshole?" Yeonjun also asks, laughing.

Soobin has suddenly placed his lips on my neck, tickling me, but I am forced to clench my thighs to put pressure on my pussy so as to stimulate it. I am horny and don't really react lucidly.

"Should I respond?" How the japanese amuses himself.

Even the little friend, the oldest of them all, is just amused. "No, we'll call him back in a while so he can hear."

It is a proposal, it's a very lucid plan. These-these guys are sadists, I feel like I'm inside a video game, it's like a confusing, random sea battle, with a good dose of stupidity.

Soobin licks my fucking earlobe, I'm shaking.

"Come on. Call me oppa."

"N.. - I try to say, but just then Yeonjun starts squeezing my nipple with his index finger and thumb, turning it, as if playing with it, my knees almost give out though. - Stop..."

"Shall I push him away?" Soobin whispers in my ear.

What is it with this guy today? I really find him irresistible.

"Yah! I'm even older, you can't do anything."

Soobin chuckles, then with his lips bites my neck as his hand slides between my thighs. "Ah...you're also wet...then it's not true that you don't want to."

Niki laughs, I want to kill him but I'm not lucid enough to focus on that as Soobin is using his fingers on my clit, while Yeonjun licks, bites, and sucks my nipples.

"Aish... noona, you are so shameless." Says Riki, hearing me panting because of these two.

How nice, I love the scent of their skin, their hair, I love how we have different touches...similar to Heeseung's and.... Sunghoon... maybe?

Soobin is actually a little more delicate, but thinking about it and that's how I imagine it is to do it in a normal way with Sunghoon. Elegant, irresistible.

"Y-You like whatc... ah! - I exclaim, when Soobin slipped a finger inside me, fuck...it's...I simply want more and more. - Watching.. w-while.. I being fucked?"

Oh fuck. Riki Nishimura, this gorgeous guy, he bites his lip in front of me and I feel like I'm losing control, especially after I see him touching his crotch, swollen, visibly swollen.

"And you like to have everyone use you? All the time?" He asks, as his cock becomes more and more evidently outlined.

Soobin laughs, Yeonjun too. "You are all... pigs."

"But you are the sluttiest." Says the older man, biting my ear.

I gasp as Soobin sticks his second finger in.

"Now I'm going to call Heeseung hyung. - Riki laughs, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling out something extraordinary, perhaps the most legendary creature ever spotted: an anaconda. - Talk to it, you can even tell it everything."

"R-R... Ri... - I can't speak, Soobin's hand vibrates like sex toys, I feel like I'm going crazy, and then Yeonjun is practically undressing me. - Ri...Riki.... no..."

"Noona - he says, moving closer. - You should understand me."

"N-No I don't understand you!"

"Let's make him despair a little since he likes you so much."

"He... - I gasp, already tired, I don't know how Soobin can maintain this pace without getting tired -- He..he doesn't...like me..." I say that my voice trembles unnaturally.

"Of course not - Riki replies - he only targeted you because Sunghoon likes you." He says this with such serenity.

"Really?" Yeonjun asks, breaking away from my skin.

"Yes, he has really lost his mind."

But what is he saying? He hasn't understood a thing. No...even if Heeseung is terrible, it can't be as he says, and it's not true that Sunghoon likes me, it's not true that he has lost his mind. It doesn't make sense, but I'm too involved.

"But... R...Riki..."

"But isn't Sunghoon dating Wonyoung? He seemed like a jerk but I didn't think so with girls too." Soobin asks, equally quiet as his hand automatically moves like a crank.

"Indeed it's strange." Admits the japanese man.

"We can still call him, though." Remember Yeonjun, what a bastard.

In my almost unconscious state, I didn't even notice that Niki has.... Niki beat all his hyung, for sure. His... dick.. is really long, big, he could grab it with both hands and it still wouldn't cover him.

It can't be that serious, I'm obviously dreaming.

These damn idols. Who designs them like this?

Niki picks up my phone, however he notices that has to enter the code and looks at me. I am still in the hands of these two who use me as they wish, while Yeonjun has lifted my shirt and now, favored by Soobin who has finally stopped his hand, pulls down my shorts skirt.

Fuck, I am completely naked, on my breasts and between my legs, in front of their ravenous eyes, the idiotic eyes of two horny men. I must be an idiot, too, because I damn well am one, too.

"Please Riki, don't call-ah! - I gasp, after Yeonjun sticks his head between my legs, starting to lick me really intensely. Oh my god. - Don't... Don't..."

"If you don't want him to find out - says the little bastard boy, masturbating shamelessly in front of me - don't moan."

I know, I'm a horrible person, he's just a little boy, and I shouldn't even have the thought to look at him, to watch his tense expression as he bites his lips, emitting small, guttural breaths of pleasure.

"What's the code?" He asks in concentration.

"N..I won't tell you!" I gasp, desperate, as my knees now give way in earnest because of Yeonjun, but they both hold me up so that I don't fall.

"You don't want me to tell them to go hard, do you?" He asks, smiling as he continues to touch himself. Jesus.

"Ri...ki... you said...t-that..."

"You should call him." Soobin proposes, as he kisses my neck and is so good at it.

"Maybe I should."

"N-No!" I try to say, again, but Yeonjun is eating me up, squeezing my buttocks to get closer to his face, and it seems really impossible for me to resist him now.

My humors are running down the sides of his mouth, he is not disgusted, in fact he continues with more eagerness. I can't help thinking about when Heeseung did it, the way Yeonjun touches me is very similar to his, but less aggressive.

And Soobin, too, who uses his lips to bite and kiss me, never coming close to my lips, can't help but remind me of Sunghoon, who wouldn't kiss me until the very end last night.

Riki smiles amusedly. "You're enjoying this so much, aren't you, noona? You make me feel jealous."

He says this as Yeonjun sticks his fingers in, continuing to lick. "A-Ah... Riki..." I call out to him, but I don't know what I want to say.

He looks at me in silence, then starts the call.

He puts it on speakerphone, brings it closer to me. Heeseung doesn't answer right away, he lets it ring three times as I try to compose myself terrified, but also unable to push Yeonjun away. No, I don't want to and should not point this out to him.

Maybe Niki is right, and he is faking it, but if not, knowing about Yeonjun and me would really hurt. I don't want to see him sad, even if he's just pretending to be sad.

"Where are you? - The older asks after taking the call.

Niki mumbles, it makes him laugh to look at me. He pulls the phone closer to me, I breathe as quietly as possible. - Yah, did you call me not to talk?"

Niki sneers but when he meets my gaze he seems to become strangely serious. "Hyung, why did you call Amanda? And why did you give her your number?" He asks him, continuing to touch himself.

"Does it concern you? Where is she?"

"Here, next to me." Says the younger.

Soobin chuckles, but fortunately Heeseung doesn't seem to notice. "Why doesn't she answer me? Put her on."

"Noona, Heeseung wants to talk to you." He says, as if nothing is wrong, bringing the cell phone closer to my mouth.

I bite my lips hard as Yeonjun uses his two fingers to make me enjoy more and more, I can't even move freely because Soobin is sucking my breasts, kneading them.

"Where are you?" Heeseung asks again, as I do not answer.

I breathe through my nose, but it's hard to contain the moans, it's hard to speak normally. "At...lunch..." I whisper, avoiding as much as possible to expose my real voice.

"Why are you talking so quietly? What's going on?"

"No ... it's just t..that ... - I bite my lip even harder, because Yeonjun has started sucking my clitoris and seriously, it's wonderful, but I can't do that to Heeseung, so I force myself. - It's all... good..."

"Where are you? Don't make me ask again."

"I don't know... - fuck, a really suspicious sigh comes out of me, he seems to notice since he remains voluntarily silent - what's its name..."

"Is Niki doing something to you? You had... You had said..."

"What had you said?" Niki then asks.

"No! N-No, isn't...anything!" I say this before plugging my mouth, with both hands, Yeonjun continues but Soobin has moved away to unbutton his jeans.

No, it can't end like this, not again. But I don't want Heeseung to hear either, I don't want him to know, no matter what.

(Wow... his dick is really impressive, too.)

"Really? Can you swear that Niki is not touching you now?" He asks, in the tone of someone who sounds really nervous.

"T-To swear!" I reply in a rush, after all, it's true.

Heeseung remains silent several seconds, then sighs. "When... when are you coming back?" His voice is different, it sounds like-he believed me.

Although I am literally losing consciousness because of Yeonjun, I still have an ounce of energy to be pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He... he believed me, even though I technically did not lie.

Niki pulls the phone away from me, looking annoyed. "I'm hanging up hyung, have a nice day." Then he ends the call while looking at me expressionless.

I look away. "Are you... - panting, tired - happy?"

"Not much - he snorts, watching as Soobin grabs my wrist to bring it closer to his arousal. - That's enough now, hyung."

"What?" Soobin asks surprised and also amused, he has already started using my hand to masturbate -- wow, that's really thick.

"You got it, that's enough now."

"But if I haven't even come." He answers very, very honestly.

Yeonjun doesn't give a shit, he keeps devouring me and I keep enjoying because of him. He seems to have found a taste for it.

The waiter who has been taking orders enters the room, along with a cart. He does not immediately notice what is going on at the edge of the room, but when he does, he is paralyzed.

"No knocking?" Soobin asks, visibly irritated, looking him seriously in the eyes as he pleasures himself with my hand in front of him.

"I-I apologize. It was not my...intention...I'm very sorry. I'll leave now!" He says, bowing.

Riki watches him in silence a few seconds, then smiles. "You're here now, finish your work."

This choice pleases the two boys very much, as while the young waiter is setting up the table, casting curious but also frightened glances at me, the two singers continue to blatantly harass me. Soobin uses my hand to enjoy, Yeonjun offers me his tongue to do the same, all while I just can't contain myself.

Even being watched and humiliated like this, I enjoy it. It's terrible.

"Noona stop moaning like that - says Riki, biting the corner of his mouth in amusement - you're getting the waiter hard too."

He changed his mind quickly, the little boy.

When the staff boy is done, he quickly heads for the exit but Soobin, who didn't seem to be focused on him at all since he keeps looking at me, groping me while physically forcing me to masturbate him, calls out to him.

"You're not going to say anything, right? - He asks him. - You're not even to look at her face, understand? That way you'll forget it right away."

"A-absolutely yes sir."

"Good, now get out. "

He executes and I see Riki observing his hyung quite surprised. "That's enough now, though."

"What?" Soobin asks again.

Yeonjun also pulls away this time and I feel like I can catch my breath. "What?" He also sidles up.

"It seems to me that noona has come enough." He says, as if it were a very normal speech.

"Wait, is that what you meant?"

Yeonjun wipes his mouth, covered in my humors. "No, I want to fuck her."

"Don't think about it." Sighs Riki, quietly moving closer to me and putting my clothes back on.

I feel like I'm about to collapse, to pass out. I am rehearsed by the intensity of the pleasure Yeonjun and partly Soobin have given me, but I am shocked, to say the least, by this unexpected turn of events. Niki..... no, Riki changed his mind.

Did he do it for me or for him? Certainly not for Heeseung. What if he saw this coming from the beginning? No, he couldn't have known things would turn out this way... he couldn't have done it for me. It's a strange thing to "give" to someone.

"What the fuck?" Complains Yeonjun, who has been kneeling until now and getting up has taken to stretching.

"Sorry noona, were they too rough?" He asks, in that deep voice of his.

I take a step toward him, unintentionally, but he opens his arms, as if he is giving me permission to access them and it appears to me as a solid wall to lean against, I am clearly flattered and shaken by this. I want to hug him but.... maybe I shouldn't.

"Are you tired? You can lean in." He tells me.

I swallow as I stare at him probably looking exhausted. "Don't be nice to me, Riki."

He twists his lips, as if considering what to say. "I will be because I want you to be nice to me."

Damn kid, your words... they make me feel good, and because of that, I feel terribly bad right after. Riki you are absurd, I just don't understand you, but even so... I seriously collapse in his arms.

He holds me, he's solid, but he doesn't hold me. To me, that's fine too. After all, it's already too much anyway.

"Why did you make them stop?" I ask with my face resting against his really wide, really hard chest.

"I didn't think it would bother me. Right now, though, I just want to fuck you alone. I want be the only see you, noona."

I flinch away, me speechless. "Riki!"

"Don't lie noona - he comes closer this time - I saw how you were looking it all the time, you can't wait to ride on it too, can you? - He touches my ear with his lips, I can hear his fucking giggle echoing in my fucking brain, while of course, the blood is pumping hard in my veins. - You were being enjoyed by two others, but you were only looking at my cock. You've never seen one like that have you?" He says this and then walks away, serenely.

"Y-You really are a pervert, you know that?" I look away embarrassed, how did I sustain him the whole time while he was saying those things?

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, you just happened into the wrong dorm."

Yes, I noticed.

today is my birthday so i am giving you a present: post today and not tomorrow! hahahah sorry

more polling, although the same question... since we are further along in the story, i wonder how if the initial percentage has changed

the ending of the story is already decided, and i already have the plot for the next ff

NEXT CHAPTER:

[drysaladandketchup]

hi! sorry you can absolutely delete this if u don’t feel like answering or anything cause this is kind of vent-y (?) and isn’t like… actually a question but i am SO annoyed at some hockey fans and how they decide to treat leon. i am german and i live in america and the way leon gets treated in fanfictions and hockey discourse gives me serious flashbacks on how i am treated here. ik leon speaks perfect english but i wish people remembered that that’s still his second!!! language!!! it’s not his native language!!! sometimes he will come across differently then he actually is!!! his words will get twisted and he will be misunderstood because it’s not his native language!!!! every time he’s described as pissy and arrogant and rude (in a genuinely rude way) a vulnerable german kid living in america dies… 😔😔😔 and then the mattdrai fanfictions (admittedly i have not read that many because im just a not a big fan of the pairing but it was one of the main ships that got me into the fandom) i just hate that he seems to be so villainized (?). i might be biased (i am) lol but i am soo sick of it rrrr sorry sorry this got way too long. you just spoke about it before so i felt like you might understand where i'm coming from. peace

Oh my dear anon, people continuing to personify Leon as arrogant, emotionless, and rude is becoming my villain origin story. I'm happy to vent alongside you. I have talked about this before, and it does still bother me when I see it. Because I'm biased too. I love this guy haha.

Just for context, I'm Canadian, born and raised, and as of yet haven't lived in another country where I've had to fluently speak a second language or adjust to a culture I was not raised with. So I am by no means someone who can speak on that experience. But I'm sorry you've faced that kind of judgment.

I've written my thoughts on this subject before, here and here, so I'll try not to rehash everything I've said in the past. But as you say anon, I do think Leon is woefully misunderstood. He himself has said he thinks he's misunderstood, and that he comes off as too direct at times, that it's, 'probably the German in me.' He speaks English perfectly well, very fluently, and he's been living in Canada so long it would be weirder if he wasn't culturally affected and adjusted in some way. But he's still very much German; socially, culturally, linguistically. You don't just lose one entirely just because you've been exposed to and entrenched in another.

Sometimes he says things that can come off differently in English than probably intended, or at least that are easily misinterpreted by a North American audience, but that's a far cry from being 'pissy', as he's been branded by fans and media alike (also as an aside even people speaking their first language get their words mixed up and twisted sometimes, so I think we should just cut everyone some more slack when speaking maybe?).

And look, admittedly I've called him bitchy at times in my tags, as a joke, because yeah like literally any other person on earth, sometimes he says or does something that is snarky or poking fun or off-brand humour. But that's not inherently bad, nor is it inherently German. That's just part of his personality, a singular behaviour in a singular moment. I don't genuinely think he's an angry or aggressive or mean person. I think he's literally just a human being with multitudes.

His occasional tone of voice or his sometimes blunt way of speaking or his sarcastic sense of humour--things that could at least in part be because of his being German but are also not at all exclusive to or ubiquitous among Germans--is why some people make him out to be this aggressive or mean-spirited person, but like... obviously that is not only not true if you pay even an ounce of attention to him beyond a few choice soundbites and clips, but it's also insulting in general. As you say, people assuming the worst of you simply because of differences in communication or expression is the farthest thing from okay. Insinuating that he's brutish or emotionless or rude because he's German is obviously bigoted. It's xenophobic. Not to mention, as you said, it just makes it that much harder for other Germans to approach this audience without fearing they'll be judged the same way.

Now, obviously I don't know the guy personally, I only know what of him is public, but he seems like the farthest thing from rude or standoffish or arrogant. He really isn't any different from any other player (skills not withstanding), but for some reason he doesn't seem to get the same leeway between his on-ice persona and his off-ice persona, or from one instance to the next. For some reason, he's held under this microscope and reduced to his 'worst' moments more than a lot of other players I've seen. He does anything without a smile on his face or makes even one joke or comment that's less than flattering (or falls flat due to language differences), he's immediately made out to be a bad guy.

And to touch on mattdrai, which I do love a lot--and it's okay if it's not something you're into anon, you don't have to justify what you do or don't like :)-- I've said before that I think Matthew and Leon aren't always written very true to life. And I totally agree with you that the issue I sometimes see with Leon's characterization is that he is written like he's arrogant and lacking in emotion (at least outwardly), sometimes even acting like some overly-aggressive bully, and that's just so far from the reality that we know. And yes, some writers, like some fans, actively point to the fact that he's German to explain that. As if that's just how all Germans are, by nature of being German. Which, as I said and as you know anon, is so many kinds of wrong and horrible.

Yes yes he does dumb things on the ice sometimes and he and Matthew (and others) have exchanged shoves and whacks and chirps over the years. But again, if folks watched literally anything with Leon outside of those moments, they'd know that those are incidents, not his whole personality. I'm not over here pretending like he's never done anything wrong or questionable or stupid, but who hasn't? He's not a villain for that. Just like he's not perfect. We're all human.

Oof sorry anon this response got away from me a bit lol. Sorry if this got a little off topic, but I am nothing if not someone who rants and rambles. This topic drives me nuts; I can only imagine how upsetting and frustrating it is for you, as a German living in America.

But my ask box is always open for venting <3

[caffeinated-and-annoying-bard]

Dude I am going thru a sixteenth-life crisis (smaller than quarter-life crisis) right now I do not know what to do. I’ve FINALLY figured out after much deliberation that i have the fattest crush (dangerously close to love) on my good friend (we met almost a year ago and have been inseparable since [this is a vast improvement for me considering that i had known my ex for all of two and a half weeks before we got together for the first time]) but i have no clue if she’s into me like that at all (shes bi so im not worried about if shes into girls or not). We have a super close and affectionate friendship because we’re both just like that and im a super tactile and physically affectionate person with my friends, so we’re always holding hands or sitting pressed up against each other or hugging or leaning on each other or whatever. AND we use pet names for each other (just pookie and honey) but like in a half serious half joking way yk. AND when i spent the night at her house we fell asleep in her bed cuddling and we were so close and i dont know if im reading too much into it or not AND we went with a couples costume of Fred Casely and Roxie Hart from Chicago to the harvest dance at my school AND people tell us all the time that we have to be a couple or that we need to start dating immediately but she doesn’t really like those jokes bcs of how prevalent they are with us. Please help i am so confused.

Alright alright alright first rule of the crisis: do not panic (it's a bit of an oxymoron, but HEAR ME OUT) your body feels like it's being chased by a tiger. It is not being chased by a tiger. Make sure it gets the memo, because you need it up and working for Smart Decision Making and when you panic the logic part of your brain shuts down COMPLETELY (for optimising faster, running-from-tiger decision making)

Breathe in, breathe out. The tiger is not here in the room. I know the thought of making a friendship awkward (I don't even count losing a friendship for your case, seems pretty much impossible at the point) it's very, really, truly, genuinely, honestly, and all of the y words for "a lot"; fucking scary. But she isn't going to bite your head off, so think with the brain, not with the adrenaline pumps, alright??⁉️⁉️⁉️?? [shaking you by the shoulders] EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. HIGHSCHOOL CRUSHES ARE VERY IMPORTANT BUT ALSO VERY DUMB SO,IF IT TRULY MATTERS TO YOU: KEEP THE "IT'S YOUNG LOVE AND VERY DUMB. THAT'S WHY I CAN AFFORD ENJOYING IT AND LOVING NOW" QUOTE IN MIND !!!!!! ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

🌄i'll be using colours and emojis so it's easier to keep track of the text because this'll be a long message and I know the brain hates those.

Now, I'm not exactly the romance Cassandra (although I've felt like it for almost 2 years now, with the romantic problems my friend Abril manages to collect (like pokèmon) and whatnot), i'm one of the "feels lonely even wi5h friends"-est guy you'll meet, and remember i'm the guy who hasn't told his best friend of 6 years he capital-l- Loved him for almost half of it. But it's way easier to think about solutions when you're not involved, so I'll do my best to give decent advice ‼️‼️‼️💥:

1. Starting from the bottom: (‼️‼️it COULD be just wishful thinking, be warned, but keep in mind that i'd also be uncomfortable and ashamed if my friends kept making shipping jokes about me and my close-friend-whom-i-do-indeed-dig-a-bit, (talking from experience) for a number of reasons, up but not limited to: "what if they don't like me and they find out i like them through this and everything goes to hell", "I don't like Feeling Exposed", the classic "it's none of their business to meddle in my relationships", and "it makes me feel objectified, like a character being shipped for the enjoyment of others" so i wouldn't take her feelings about the shipping jokes for a rotund no

2. I'd recommend to evaluate: YOU are a very physically affectionate person with all of your friends (moreso with her, but that's not relevant to the scientific method), but is she?? Does she hug and hold hands and use petnames and shit with other friends of hers? (please take into the equation people with whom she has been friends for as long as you, to be more precise) please come back to the classroom to share your results. I am positive she's also very touchy-feely with YOU, from what you've said,but does she ever initiate it with other people?

My usual method is "write everything down in a scientific table like a madman and make a spreadsheet at 2am" but i wouldn't recommend it unless you genuinely have no idea.

3. Good and heavenly Mary are all wlw this oblivious????????? (joking, it's just that YOU GUYS WENT AS THE MURDERER-AND-MURDERED COUPLE TO A DANCE).

4. I do not think it's a lost cause. Worst case scenario, she's in denial and/or very oblivious.

If you want to find out, I recommend to gradually level up the flirting WHENEVER YOUR FRIENDS AREN'T AROUND BECAUSE THAT'LL MAKE HER FEEL EXPOSED OR WORSE, THE LAUGHING STOCK

Maybe start with small gifts? Paper cranes and plausible deniability are my favourite pick but you know her and I don't, so go on, tiger skeleton‼️‼️it will drag on a bit but after she becomes used to it you can start making paper rings and hearts or something. WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING YOU NOTICE

If your experiments start giving positive results, and if any of you is good at makeup, ask her to do yours/ask to do hers and sit very closely until she starts to see the inherent romanticism of being a canvas/making of you friend's face a canvas

I am not joking the tension is insufferable even when you don't like-like the person doing your makeup i can promise that much‼️‼️

If none of this gives results, I recommend the Víctor Muñoz (your obedient servant)method: pining until you die🤝🤝👍‼️‼️💥💥🗣️🎉

Nah, more seriously: I do believe you have a strong shot, and wish you the best of lucks! Don't panic, she won't hurt you! Just evaluate, write down, science. Science it up until you have a girlfriend.

Loser out,

Val

[biggie-chcese]

ranking rain code lets plays on how much i enjoy/would recommend them

hi did you know i am incredibly autistic about this game and have watched, in full, several lets plays of it? and im still going? haha yeah im normal. anyway here goes... all lets plays ive watched from best to worst:

#1 Highest recommendation: JustOneGamr. ESPECIALLY for people who are going in blind. im so serious. it's the best way to experience as much of the game as possible without playing it yourself. They go through all of the content, side quests, gumshoe gabs, profiles, DLC, and even most of the flavor text. it's also a no commentary run, which i personally see as a massive boon because they aren't influencing your opinions of the game

#2: Pixel Partners. they've got real good vibes and they actually do the side quests. it's also fun to listen to their theories and see their reactions. they're one of the few who dont spend their time complaining and give more valid constructive criticisms than others. they also have the funniest reaction to the chapter 5 reveal

#3: JohnAwesome. his humor sometimes isn't particularly for me but boy is his lets play enjoyable. also has lots of positive vibes and is generally pretty entertaining. i dont remember if he does side quests but im pretty sure he does. he will easily make chapter 4 even more gut wrenching thanks to a very specific kind of incompetence on his part, which in hindsight is really funny

#4: NyanCave. they're pretty fun and also have great vibes! i like their chemistry a lot. they have some pretty good theories and good jokes, but they will spend a lot of time on responding to chat donations. this is fine like get that bag kings but if you're impatient like me it might get annoying after a while lol. it's especially bad in chapter 5, where the tension dies because of their waifu fight donations

#5: NicoB. I was never really a NicoB fan because he's a bit too loud and high energy for me, but his rain code lets play is still pretty good! he seems to have fun playing the game and even has a few good jokes. i think he does the side quests which is a plus but i could be misremembering. i still quote "and now back to yuma crackhead" to this day so there's that

#6: Faz Faz. This another no commentary run but for people who are in a rush. they go through the game as quickly as possible. frankly, i think these kinds of lets plays are not as good as the ones that go through the sidequests, but hey, it's there if you just want the main plot and gumshoe gabs

#7: Save Data. I don't recommend this one to people experiencing rain code for the first time because they will talk over the cutscenes and dialogue and that will get annoying. they also complain quite a bit about the same things over and over which can also get tiresome (im sorry guys i do Not care about graphics as much as you do). however, they're really funny and it's good for a second or third experience of the game. "this city..." is a highly prevalent vocal stim for me thanks to them. they will shit on on the game often though, so if you really love rain code and dont want to hear that, then avoid this one lol. but you do get to see my art at the end of their vids! that's pretty cool!

#8: Rat Attack. i straight up don't recommend this one. it's easily the worst one i've seen and that's sad because i really love their pngtuber avatars. they're not finished with the game yet and that's probably because they spend so much time ranting and yapping about everything else, or just concocting the most baffling theories known to man and spending wayyy too much time on them. you will also hear a lot of unfunny halara gender jokes sorry. sometimes they are funny in other ways but it's honestly not worth it unless you're like me and keep watching out of obsession for the game.

that's all the ones ive watched in full (so far)! here's a couple others i haven't seen in full but have seen small parts of:

Weeby Newz - she's got some fun reactions from what ive seen and is pretty funny too. i have only really watched her play chapters 4 and 5 though, so i cant give a full opinion. i dont care for yakou fathero as a concept though and she seems pretty heavy on that, but if you like that you may enjoy her let's play. i may go back and finish it soon!

CurtStreamy - genuinely very funny from what ive seen though in chapter 5 his whole crew has a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of makoto's character, which can be a little irritating. either way, most of it is great but his live chat sucks. i still need to watch the rest in full to form a full opinion

CrystAAHHL - ohhh she did Not like this game lmao. she is a based makoto enjoyer though. i only watched the highlight reel though i think watching her full streams would just make me tired. i personally dont like watching lets plays if the person playing isnt having any fun

JazzyGuns - unfinished but she is really funny and has good vibes. if you can cope with her probably never finishing the game then go for it

khee chu - im still in the process of watching this one in full but it's fun so far. i will say CHECK OUT KHEE'S MERCH AND SHINIGAMI X JUNKO ART!!! THE ART IS RLY CUTE!!!!

and that's everything! there's other lesser known ones out there but im just one guy i cant watch em all despite how determined i am to do so </3 above all else i want people to get the game but like, yknow, some folks dont got $60 to spend on a game lol. anyway have fun and happy watching!