#im so low. so so so low. keep trying to fix it and everything breaks more

[jedlknight]

so goddamn lonely so goddamn isolated just spent the weekend w extended family after a funeral and we went out to lunch and out of 16 people not one would talk to me bc they all had other conversations they’d rather have and it’s not like i didn’t try to participate in the conversations but when i spoke they literally all just ignored me so like what’s the point. stayed at my aunts house and my uncle seemed like he was avoiding my dad and i and my aunt was busy around the house and didn’t spend any time with us and my cousin who i lived with who i was once close as a sister to and who i was once really good friends with her was around for just a few hours and she was so distant the whole time and she never responds to texts anymore or anything and I haven’t even done anything!! I don’t know what i did wrong!! everybodys leaving and it’s not just them it’s my only friends in state who both moved away and out of state within three weeks of each other and it’s my friend who suddenly is flighty as hell because she has a new guy and it’s friends who have gotten busier with work and only have so much time and it’s everybody everybody everybody and I’m trying so hard to keep up with communicating with them but I can’t seem to keep anybody in my life and i cant fix it

and i need to move out of my parents house bc living with them is so suffocating and I’m tired of being at the whims of their moods but i can’t move out of my parents house bc everything is too expensive and i can’t manage to get a full time job and i feel so inherently unloveable and useless and like i’m going to rot away in this goddamn bedroom that ive hated since i was 17 fuck. my anxiety is so bad i’m getting worse and worse about being comfortable in public everything is worse everything is bad

sorry just . bad night bad night bad night

[iwanty0uu]

How would aot boys react to reader saying she want a break and goes to sleep on the couch

Ony :

- “Baby girl what’s the matter?” He asked as he wrapped his hands around you, nuzzling into your warm body on his bed, his dark features enhanced by the blue light of your phone. You didn’t respond which earned a poke in the hip from him. “ You dont wanna talk t’me? What i do?” You hummed in response, scrolling through his following and his liked posts, all the girls that you felt looked better than you.. the insecurity started to get to your head. “Hey Ony..I think we should take a..you know..brea-” You heard the bed creak beneath you as he straightened himself up. “Y/n.. don’t play with me. You not deadass. How you finna be upset with me and not tell me what I did so we could fix it?” He said, his tone changing in frustration and confusion, but internally, he was afraid.. “Ony I dont wanna agrue nd I can tell Im just gonna make this worse.. I’ll sleep on the couch for tonight” You mumbled softly. “Like hell you will, the fuck. You gon talk to me whether u like it or not and if i gotta read your notes app to figure out who or what the fuck got in my baby’s head I will.” He grabbed your face peppering it with butterfly kisses.

• “We’ll figure it out together girl”…

Armin :

Armin was very observant, so when he noticed your distance, he panicked and it bothered him for days. “Love?” He asked from the living room, slowly entering making sure not to invade your space. You looked up in response turning your phone off to give your boyfriend your full attention. “ I got your text.. about, you sleeping on the couch tonight and stuff, n I don’t know if this is because mood swings or if its something that I did or if its something that you’re upset with me about not saying that I have to be the center of your life and emotions and everything because I know that you work really hard in school and-” He paused abruptly collecting his thoughts. He averted his eyes from your now concerned gaze. You never knew it would affect him this much. “What I’m trying to say is.. I got you chic-fil-a and a new blanket to make you feel better.. and hopefully we can watch a movie and talk about it?

• “I’ll give you your space but I’m only a call from our bedroom away okay?”…

Connie :

The ping of the basketballs in the gym echoed in your ears. You watched as your boyfriend got a little too friendly with his personal trainer who you weren’t jealous of, but you simply weren’t fond of her. Who would want their man getting touched up on by a girl for lord knows how long.. but Connie assured you that the only reason she’s here is because his usual trainer broke his arm and in three weeks, he’ll be healed enough to get back in action.He wanted to ask if you wanted to join him for the day but your energy was low so he let you be.. All was well until you were facing the window in the car, being less talkative than usual. The sun retired for the day and the sky was dark, “I’m gonna sleep on the couch tonight”… “ No ur not..”… “You cant tell me what to do..”…. “ k .”

11:04 pm

You felt a sudden jerk, which made you open your eyes skightly, and a pair of hazel eyes met yours.“Hope you got all the space you needed girly..you wont see her training me again tomorrow, she was annoying anyways..”

• His plump lips met your temple as you nustled into his neck, “night”…

Jean :

You never knew when to stop playin. You set up your phone in the kitchen to record your boyfriend’s to your little “prank”.

8:15 pm- jean comes home

8:30- jean showers after greeting you

9:25- jean lays on couch

9:28- “Jean baby.. I’m gonna sleep here tonight..I need some space..”

9:30- “Back in my day, when the women needed space, they’d sleep with the oxen and mules..so”

You stared blankly at his unfunny joke, walking into the kitchen keeping deadpan eye contact, revealing your phone. “It was a prank fucking old ass man.”

• “Oh aii…”

HOPE YA LIKED IT- 𝓵𝓮𝓵𝓮 <3

[emilys-bangs]

heey!! i found your blog recently and I’ve been obsessed 🫠so im joining your celebration with “LYRA” …. “stay” is personally one of my favorite gracie songs so maybe something based on this lyrics “Could you hold me without any talking?We could try to go back where we started I don't even have to stay” perhaps could be hurt/comfort?

Aww hey and welcome!! Hope you enjoy your time here ;) btw I read this and literally went yes yes yes yesyesyes so ty!!!!

Join my celebration here

Word count: 1k (not a blurb….oops I got carried away)

A knock on the door forces you from your perch on the couch.

It’s late. You’re not expecting anyone, so you cautiously look through the peephole; dark hair floods your vision, contrasting against pale skin tinted yellow from the hallway lights.

It’s Emily.

Your heart lurches suddenly and you pull open the door, her late appearance making you forget that technically you two aren’t supposed to do this anymore. Not after Paris and secrets and an ocean of lies.

But still, you can’t stop yourself from letting her back in.

“Emily?”

“Hey.” She says, and her voice cracks. Her eyes meet yours and you find endless brown drowning in a pool of unshed tears, shining in the low light of your hallway. The sight of her here is so familiar, but not like this, not with her lips trembling and the sleeves of her sweater pulled over her hands. “I just—”

Her voice breaks again and she bites her lip, her eyes leaving yours to latch onto the floor. A small sound escapes the back of her throat, something like a pained whimper.

It sets off a trained reaction in you.

You’re across the threshold of your apartment before the tears spill down her cheeks, pulling her in and fitting her head under your chin just as they start to drip off her jaw.

There’s no buildup to it. No low sniffling or a rough clearing of her throat. Emily sobs into your chest; deep, hiccuping sobs that make her breathe in short gasps. The sound makes your heart wrench painfully, her pain just as easily igniting your own. In an instant everything is forgotten, everything except the fact that you love her and she loves you—despite everything. 

“I’m here.” You kiss her messy ponytail, closing your eyes against your own tears. 

She clings to you as you shuffle back into the apartment and close the door, one of your arms still wrapped tightly around her. Emily’s tears soak your shirt, her short nails digging painfully into your waist as you try to shush her.

“I’m here, baby,” you rasp through the lump in your throat. You try to tighten your grip around her, try to briefly put back the jagged pieces of who she once was. “I got you, Em.”

The only response you get back is a sniffle as she inches closer under your jaw, seeking to bury herself under your skin. Her grip is almost painfully tight as she keeps herself anchored to you through the turmoil in her mind. You want to ask, want to know what it is that’s going on so you can fix it, but some part of you knows this is irreparable damage reaped from the ghosts of her past.

So you just hold her through it. You hold her and keep an arm tight around the nape of her neck, your fingers slipping into her ponytail as you keep her so close the ragged movement of her chest rattles your own body. She’s shaking—trembling hands and wobbly knees and stuttering breaths—so you lift her up, ignoring the ache in your lower back as she clings to you tighter, her face buried in your neck as you carry her to the couch.

She curls into your lap. Time ticks by—how much is unbeknownst to either of you—and Emily’s sobs begin to slow. You keep an arm over her waist and one under her shoulders, soothingly rubbing her back as she starts to take in deeper breaths. They still stutter and catch in the back of her throat, but at least now you’re not worried she’s choking.

You’re doing nothing but wiping away the endless tears from her cheeks, occasionally pressing a kiss to the top of her head. By the time her breathing slows, her eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks are flushed with tear tracks.

Still, your heart twists in unimaginable ways. You give her a small smile and wipe away the last of the salt from her skin. 

Emily leans into the touch, her head falling on your shoulder as her hand links with yours. The feeling of your intertwined fingers is still the same. Of course it is; all the change has been on the inside.

Emily’s nose under your jaw breaks you from your thoughts. She’s breathing softly now, her exhales escaping in warm puffs against your skin. 

You unlink your fingers and rest your hand on her waist, squeezing lightly, “Stay here, I’ll go get a towel.”

She fists your shirt tightly. “Don’t—”

“I’m coming back,” you whisper. “Just a second, sweetheart.” The nickname slips effortlessly as you kiss her forehead, an action so familiar you could do it in your sleep. 

Reluctantly, Emily slides off your lap. The weight of her warmth on top of you falls away, and you give her another small smile as you get up off the couch.

You pad to the bathroom and grab a small towel. As you’re wetting it under the sink, you hear Emily’s footsteps behind you. Turning off the tap, you turn, the wet towel held in your hand as you cup her jaw.

Beneath the fluorescent lights, her skin is blotchy. Though she doesn’t look at you, you know her eyes are bloodshot as you gently swipe the towel over her cheeks, wiping away the remnants of the tears. 

Emily closes her eyes. Her fingers hook into the band of your sweatpants as she swallows, her damp lashes casting shadows on her cheeks.

None of you say it, but your actions are loud enough.

I love you.

“Stay with me tonight,” you whisper, because you know she won’t be brave enough to ask. Emily’s hands tighten on the waistband of your pants. You swipe the towel under her eyes, catching the remaining salt. “Please?”

Her bottom lip trembles, but no more tears escape past her closed lids.

“Okay.” Emily rasps.

Even when she falls asleep, she’s curled tightly around you.

taglist: @suckerforcate @sickoherd @lextism

[portgasdwrld]

📂 Ace + Aftercare

Featuring: Ace x fem!reader

Warning: NSFW fluff ??, suggestive, established relationship

Note: I need him 👩🏻‍💻

Ace’s body collapses on top of yours as he reach his high, riding it out by slowly thrusting in and out of you. His cum dripping out of your pussy, sticky skin and heavy breath is how you like sex with him.

His low moans are muffled in the crook of your neck as you softly moaned his name, letting your fingers brush his nude torso, up to his wavy hair. Nose pressed against his warm skin and eyes closed, you let your body enjoy the intimacy with the person you loved.

You feel him slowly come back to his senses as he pushes himself up, now sitting between your legs as he’s looking at the mess he made. He smirk satisfied to see you like this, all his.

-You like what you’re seeing?

You tease him noticing his smirk and the way his hands rubbed against your thighs. He nods with a shy smile as he props himself next to you after sliding out his soft dick out of you. You roll over, now resting your head on his chest. You stare at his freckled face wondering how pretty he was. His hair was slightly wet from the sweaty session you two just had and it just made him look so much hotter to your eyes.

His gaze shifts to you as he wrap his arm around your shoulder holding you tightly. He grins and kisses you forehead.

-Im so sleepy, but I gotta clean the mess I made.

He mutters with a yawn while playing with your hair mindlessly. You chuckle and push yourself away from him agreeing. An arm supporting your torso up, you use your free arm to slightly tap his torso cheering him up to bring a wet towel.

-Let’s go big boy, your cum is still dripping out of me.

-Oh yeah ?

He cocks an eyebrow with a teasing smile. He quickly wrap his big arms around your body and pull you into him to give you plenty of kisses on your face, your neck, your lips.

-Aceeee

You whine as you two laugh through the whole scene. His sweet giggle ringing in your ears as he finally let you go and watches you fix your hair while you throw him an unserious disapproving look. One of his hand trail your nude thighs slightly going up not breaking the eye contact he has with you, his mischievous grin growing more and more.

-Im exhausted, dont start it.

You warn him while pushing his hand away that was few millimetres away from your pussy. He pouts giving you his best puppy eyes, but your simply roll your eyes.

-You know it’s not gonna end if we keep going, baby

You try to resonate him as you kiss his soft lips.

-Sounds better than sleep on my watch

He retorts with a cocky grin. You lay down again pushing the sheets over your body with furrowed eyebrows.

-I wanna be able to walk tomorrow babe…

-Fair enough?

He concludes with a chuckle. Your boyfriend brushes his hair out of his face as he sit on the bed, now stretching his arms. He gets out of bed and quickly wore his boxer that was laying on the floor. He leaves for few minutes before coming back with a wet towel. His lips curve when he sees you waiting for him with a smile.

You remember teaching him what was aftercare, because the poor guy was so lost when you first brought it up. He never had a serious relationship before you, so he never had to think about those type of stuff. Even though, he finds it tiring at times when all he wants to do is collapse in your arms and sleep, he knows it’s important for you and honestly it make the whole act a lot better.

You push away the sheets, opening your legs letting him clean you up. He softly rubs the warm towel against your core and your thighs making sure to clean everything. You watch him do as you relax to his touch once again. You let your head fall on the pillow until he exclaimed that he was done.

He happily jumps back in bed laying his head on your breast letting your arms this time wrap him up. He loves being the small spoon after sex. It makes him feel all safe and loved. You chuckle at his childlike attitude and peck the top of his head, letting your fingers caress his broad shoulders.

-Ace?

-Mmm?

He hums with his eyes closed. God, he’s so pretty. You brush your thumb over his soft cheek and smile to yourself.

-I love you so much

You whisper earning him to open his eyes and look up to you, locking his eyes with yours.

-You do?

He asks mostly to make sure, than anything else. Your eyes soften as you kiss his forehead. A giggle left your mouth, because he was asking you this like you don’t tell him everyday how much you love and care about him.

-Of course I do, big idiot~

-I love you too

He mutters while resting his head comfortably on your chest and closing his eyes again. You watch his lips creep into a smile before you two fall asleep embraced in each others warmth.

[gustavsbrainneuron]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ5 minutes.

ㅤㅤ2010 Gustav Schäfer × male reader.

Warnings: smut, a LOT of teasing, just Gustav teasing you on his birthday because he's horny and so are you.

Author's note: i'm sorry but IM A WHORE FOR THIS MAN. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIMYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! english is not my first language so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes. 😈😈 ENJOYYYY

You woke up, your eyes slowly opening and trying to get used to the sunlight streaming through the windows. Gently, you moved your head, looking over your boyfriend's shoulder; Gustav, who was completely hugging you, making it difficult for you to look around better. You looked at the clock on the nightstand, the hands clearly marking 9:27. Today wasn't exactly a normal day, it was Gustav's birthday and you both were going to a party later on, but you wanted to go out and do some shopping - for both of you, maybe food? Clothes? A little gift for your boyfriend?

You came to the conclusion of buying a little bit of everything and then moved, trying to gently break Gustav's hug without waking him up. "Mmmh.." Gustav grunted in a long and huskily way as soon as you tried to break the hug, the muscles in his arms pressing against your back, not letting you leave. "Come on, I want to get up." You spoke quietly, not wanting to alert him but still trying to get out of the hug, his grip only increasing more, his arms going down to your waist, keeping you trapped against him. "Nooo..stay here." He protested quietly, his face moving closer to burrow his face into the crook of your neck, hiding his view of the light that invaded the room shared by the two of you. "I want to go out and buy a few things, it'll be quick, I promise." Your voice made it obvious that you had a smile on your lips; After all, Gustav was always very clingy and that was always one of the most adorable details about him. "But what if something happens to you? What if you don't come back??" He questioned, his hands trailing their way to the small of your back, bringing your body closer to his - if that was even possible, his lips finding the warm skin of your neck, kissing exactly where your pulse quickened. "Just stay here for five more minutes, please?" Gustav said before you could answer his questions, just wanting you close to him for as long as possible. "Firstly, of course I'll come back, silly! And secondly, yes but just for five minutes, okay?" You laughed softly, tilting your head to the side, giving Gustav easy access to kiss your neck as much as he wanted. "Thank you, love. You're the best." Still holding you close, Gustav changed positions, sitting with his back against the headboard and adjusting your waist to straddle him, wrapping his hands around your back, hugging you to be closer to him. You two stayed like that in silence, enjoying each other's presence, until Gustav broke the hug, his gaze looking down, meeting your gaze. "What?" You questioned in a low voice, still looking at him, your right hand going up to his hair, fixing the strands that were messy from his deep sleep during the night. "Nothing. I just want to make the most of these five minutes." He murmured, his face lowering gently, his tongue parting your lips, initiating a calm kiss. "I want to make sure I'm still top of mind when you're out there shopping without me." Gustav said muffledly against your lips, not wanting to break the kiss. He gently explored every corner of your mouth, making sure to make that kiss last a long time, but you were both running out of air, so he had to break the kiss, both of you taking a deep breath as soon as a light pop echoed through the room and the kiss ended.

"I'll be thinking about you the whole time, Gustav. You don't have to do all this - but I'm not complaining either." Your hands went to Gustav's chest, keeping yourself supported there, against him. "Good." He said, a satisfied hum vibrating from his chest to your hands. "But I can't help myself," he brought his face closer to yours again, only stopping when he was very close, looking into your eyes. "Every minute we spend apart is torture for me...so when we're together, I just wanna soak up every second." With that, Gustav pressed a lingering kiss against your lips before tucking his face into the column of your neck again, breathing your scent in deeply. "Mm..you smell so good."

In response, you couldn't help the passionate smile that escaped your lips, letting him place his face in your neck, enjoying his warm breath against your skin. "I love you so much." You murmured, unable to contain the way your heart seemed to fill with love for him. Gustav smiled against your skin, one of his hands trailing down, passing over your chest, stomach, abdomen and then; stopping on top of your thigh, giving the skin a light squeeze. "I love you too, Y/n. More than words can say." His fingers traced a pattern against the skin of your inner thigh as he placed open-mouthed kisses on your neck. "Can I...make you feel good before you go?" Gustav pulled away from your neck, only to be able to look into your eyes, his gaze full of hope and lust, his own arousal evident through the thin fabric of his shorts. "Please, baby. Just a quickie?"

"I better go now, love." You answered him, a little hesitant just because you didn't want to make too much of a mess on the bed, not in the morning. Gustav sighed, understanding but still wanting to persist a little. "Please?" He murmured huskily, his touch staying firm on your inner thigh. "Just let me touch you a little bit." His voice was almost desperate, he couldn't contain the desire that pulsed through his veins. "It doesn't have to be anything crazy...just enough to tide me over till tonight." Gustav's fingers slipped under the hem of your pants, teasingly grazing the elastic band of your underwear. "Please, Y/n."

Trying to make the decision to accept or not, you looked down, seeing the way the boy in front of you used his fingers to play with the edge of your underwear, the sight making you aroused. "Okay. Just be quick, okay?" You accepted, your gaze rising to rest on Gustav's gaze again.

As soon as you gave Gustav consent, he didn't hesitate. He quickly tugged your pants and underwear down enough to free your hardening cock, wrapping his fingers around its length. "Mm, you're already leaking" Gustav grunted, feeling the slick pre-cum coating his palm as he began to stroke you. "You get worked up so fast for me." His other hand grabbed your hip, holding you still as he picked up speed, jerking you off with focused intensity. Leaning down, he captured your lips again in a desperate, sloppy kiss. You responded to the kiss, trying to reflect the same desire as him, your hips shaking slightly, thrusting forward a few times, wanting more contact with his hand. Very low whimpers escaped your lips, his skilled hand working magic between your legs. "So-mmh...good." you mumbled against his lips, your voice dripping with need. Feeling your soft whimpers and words vibrate against his lips only spurred Gustav on even further. Gustav held your waist firmly, his fingers marking your warm skin, not letting you move in his lap. Suddenly he broke the kiss, trailing kisses down your neck, marking you with his desire. "I'm making you feel good, eh?" He said it more as an affirmation since he knew you were feeling good. You nodded quickly as he left marks over your neck, his strokes getting faster, rougher as he felt precum start to pool in his hand. The sight of it made him even hornier, his member throbbing and marking his shorts even more, but he wanted to just focus on your pleasure, ignoring his own arousal for now.

Your whimpers started to get louder, echoing throughout the shared room. You still stubbornly trying to move your hips, giving small thrusts forward, feeling more of his hand. "Don't move." He scolded you firmly but not unkindly, his voice making it clear that he didn't want you moving to try and get release faster. And who said you listened? You moved your hips again, pushing forward, making Gustav 'click' his tongue on the roof of his mouth, visually irritated, stopping as soon as you tried to give another push with your hips, leaving you on the edge. "Nonono..I'm sorry. I won't move again. I promise." You whined, your shaking hands running up his body to his broad shoulders, squeezing his muscular skin gently.

"Please..ngh! Pleas-mmh!" You whimpered loudly, your eyes rolling back as his thumb circled over your sensitive tip, smearing your precum over it before sliding back down to resume his pumping. "That's more like it. Who's going to make you cum so hard you see stars, hm?" He teased, making slow up and down movements on your dick, just wanting to "torture" you more and more. But you didn't respond, blabbering any words to him, your chest rising and falling quickly. Gustav was not satisfied with your lack of response, so he moved his hand up your cock, teasing your tip again, this time very slowly, almost as if he wanted to keep you on the edge forever. This made your body twitch slightly, pleasure coursing through your veins, which made you open your eyes and look into his eyes, tears slowly forming in your eyes. "Pl-pleeeaseee....a-aha....mm..you!..you are going to make me..cum." you said the sentence desperately and quickly, your hips shaking subtly. A wicked smile spread across Gustav's face at his desperation, his movements became quick again, his fingers moving up and down your cock. "That's right. Come for me." He demanded, using one hand to continue stroking your member quickly and the other hand to circle your tip again, wanting to quickly send you into an intense orgasm.

Your mind went numb, you closed your eyes tightly, eyebrows furrowed and then..everything seemed to hit you with such a strong intensity that it made the tears that were gathering in your eyes begin to fall slowly as you released small spurts of cum onto Gustav's hand and onto his and your clothes, your head almost instinctively going down for his chest; where you kept yourself "hidden" to process the pure ecstasy that was coursing through your body, your muscles relaxing as the waves of pleasure passed through you.

Gustav still continued moving his hand, wanting to prolong that sensation for as long as possible, enjoying the sight of you coming apart on top of him. "That's it. You did a good job, liebe." He praised, opening a admirable smile on his lips. When you came down from your high, he gently began peppering kisses all over your face, making sure you were okay. "Are you okay? Was it too much?" He asked you, holding your chin to make you look at him. "I'm okay, don't worry. I loved it." You replied, giving him a shy smile, your vision still a little blurry from the pleasure that had passed through you. Your boyfriend sighed in relief, still a little suspicious that you weren't okay, even though you confirmed that you were okay.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep! I'm sure. I love you. ^_^"

"I love you too. <3"

"..."

"......Sooooo... can you help me too? It's quick..I promise." He smiled awkwardly, looking at you as he pointed down, his member staining his shorts with pre-cum, which made you let out a low laugh and nod to him. "Of course, Gustav. Can't let my birthday boy without his release too, hm?"

The shopping was definitely for later, as this morning looked like it would be a veeery long one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BOYFRIEND I LOVE HIM SMSMSMSMSSMM !!!!!!!!!!!

[malarkgirlypop]

Love BoB and love your works! If you feel so inclined to help me…I would love a fix it fic where the reader somehow gets Muck out of the foxhole before they get hit in Bastogne. I just want to feel ok again. Just did my rewatch of Breaking Point 😔

I just want to feel ok again (Skip Muck x F!Reader)

So lovely @i-guess-im-hecking-gay came up with this amazing idea of a "fix it fic". And you know what I actually do feel better after writing this. So I hope you all enjoy not being sad.

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters.

if anyone wants to be tagged in my work please let me know.

“Will you scoot over!” I pushed back against Skip who had fallen asleep half on top of me. 

“Skip!” I said in a hushed yell. I was supposed to be watching the line but that was hard when my body was being dragged back down into the hole by his dead weight. 

“Huh? What?” Skip yawned sleepily stretching his arms over his head. 

“Warren Muck if you don’t get your ass off me in two seconds, I will knock you over the head with my gun.” I whispered angrily at the man. 

“Aw Y/N I love it when you get all mad.” Skip teased poking me in my sides. 

“Would you quit it!” I slapped his hand away trying my best to focus on my task at hand. How I had ended up on the other side of the world sitting in a foxhole in the freezing winter, I had no idea. 

Skip and I had known each other forever. Two peas in a pod our mothers used to say, but I thought it was more, I was stuck in the pod with the most annoying pea in the world.

When Skip told me he had signed up I had marched right over there after him and done the same. See I was the stronger out of the two of us and I couldn’t let my friend get beaten up without me. 

Luckily enough we were sectioned in the same Company, I had written a strongly worded letter about how much of an asset I would be to the team. I think they had let me join as a joke, not taking me very seriously. But I proved them wrong nonetheless. 

So now here I was being half squished by my idiot friend in the middle of freezing cold woods on a standoff with the Germans.

“Stop fighting!” I was tackled from the other side as Penkala dove into the hole. 

“Alex!” I cried trying to get out of the dog pile the men had squashed me into. 

“I am trying to hold the line would you fuckers piss off!” I huffed in annoyance trying to keep my eyes on the misty scene before me. Not like I could see much anyway, the snow and mist hung so low I could barely see the ground 5 paces ahead of me.    

“Alex come on, the girl has a serious job to do.” Skip teased trying to get his cold fingers under my scarf where I was somewhat warm. 

“Yeah, she’s big and scary and going to kill a bunch of Germans.” Penkala tried the same move from the other side. I tightly scrunched my shoulders up to my ears to try and prevent the menaces from getting to my ticklish neck. 

“You are the worst holemates in the world! Where’s Luz and Malarkey when I need them?” I fended off the two idiots who tried their best to tickle me to death. 

There were plenty of times where I thought I was going to die in this war, and I’m ashamed to say one of them was when Skip and Alex had pinned me down and tickled me so hard I thought I was going to suffocate.

For however annoying the pair were together I loved them deeply. Penkala reminded both Skip and I of our younger brothers, easy to tease and get into mischief with. And Skip, well Skip was the only person I could truly bare my soul too. 

We had been through it all, thick and thin, good and bad. All. Most of my early memories were with him, his bright smile and hearty laugh. 

He was everything good in the world. He brought joy to so many, he made an impact on people, made friends so easily, everyone back home knew his name and had a story or two to share about him. 

Skip was kind and thoughtful. He never made anyone feel left out, the best guy. I was glad he chose me to be his person. 

“Need saving?” Luz asked from a squat outside the foxhole. 

“I do!” I reached out for his grasp. 

Luz chuckled, taking my hand and dragging me from the hole. The pair whined and groaned as I slipped out from between them. 

“You’re on watch now, behave!” I pointed at the pair of them like a school teacher reprimanding  her class. 

I headed to the back of the line with Luz. We arrived just in time as lunch was served to the soldiers taking their breaks at that time. 

We ate quickly and in silence, too hungry to talk. I sighed leaning back against the tree we had perched in front of. 

“I miss my mother’s cooking.” I said in a melancholy tone. Imagining the flavourful dishes my mother whipped up for us. 

“Same. This just doesn’t hit the spot.” Luz nodded, pushing away his empty plate. 

“Hey, stop complaining about the food! If you don’t want it, don't eat it.” Joey the chef complained. 

“Joey, we aren't complaining. Just wanting things we can’t have. Like a bed. God I miss my bed.” I groaned, I tried to not think about things from home, made me more sad and miserable than I already was. 

“I miss heaters.” Luz sighed. I nodded in agreement. 

“Baths.” I whined, the thought of sinking my cold bones into the hot water made me want to cry. 

“Oh stop, Y/N, you'll make me weep.” Luz covered my mouth, but his eyes crinkled at the sides. 

“Let’s head back. Those men probably have gotten themselves killed, their a liability together. 

“Tell me about it!” I laughed, getting to my feet and hauling George up, so we could make our way back to the front.

—-------------------------------------------

My teeth chattered together so hard I was sure the Germans could hear the clacking from across the field.

“I don’t think my toes are still attached.” Penkala shivered next to me.

“Is my nose still there?” Skip asked, patting around his face trying to find his bright pink nose.

“Yes your nose is on your face, don't worry you can’t miss it.” I laughed as he jabbed me in the side. 

“Oh you think you’re so funny?” Skip sneered teasingly. 

“I do! I am! Aren’t I Alex?” I looked over to Penk with raised eyebrows egging him on to agree with me. 

“No! I’m not getting in between a lovers quarrel.” Alex held his hands up in surrender. 

“Oh!” I groaned.

“Alex!” Skip scolded the man elbowing him in the ribs. “How many times do we have to tell you, we aren’t lovers!” 

“Sure, sure. You say that everytime, but I have a sense for these things ok!” We rolled our eyes at the man.

Penk always went on that he was a love guru and could tell when people were made for each other. 

I mean when he first met us he assumed we were married, even though we told him numerous times that we weren’t. 

“I have a gift and you will thank me for it later.” Alex declared adamantly.

—--------------------------------------------------

The Germans didn’t hold back on their onslaught of artillery. The amount of bombs they dropped onto our line was horrific. Countless men were dead and many more injured. 

I watched as they carted away Toye and Bill, their legs mangled and hardly attached as they passed me by. 

“This is hell.” I muttered to myself as Skip, Penk and I walked back to the foxholes to clean up the debris from all of the shellings. It was time to dig in again, make more covering for our holes.

“It will be over soon. They are talking about having an attack on Foy sometime soon. Then we will be outta here!” Skip wrapped his arm around my shoulders giving me a gentle squeeze. 

I sighed leaning into his embrace, it seemed to be one of the only things that brought me comfort. That he was here with me and that we had each other. 

Night fell quickly, but somehow the men still had high spirits, even after all we had seen. I guess it wasn’t good to dwell on the bad when we knew there could be even more coming. 

We huddled in a small circle as Luz told us stories from the previous bombing. 

“You fellas know I got no reason to bullshit you, right?” Luz says, as we chuckled. 

“Yeah, right.” Skip says sarcastically. 

“Look, I’m not gonna bullshit you. This is what I saw. It was so unbelievable, you might not believe me. So you-know-who comes running up to Lipton. He’s got no helmet, no gear, no nothing.” Luz tells us. “Ah, 1st Sergeant Lipton, you organise things here, and I’m gonna go for…help.” Luz mimics Dike’s voice. “I need to go polish my oak leaf clusters.” The men and I burst into fits of laughter. I shook my head wiping the tears from my eyes. 

“No way that is real!” I was shocked.

“All true, I swear on my life.” Luz put his hand over his heart and lifted the other into the air.   

I heard someone clearing their throat, we all straightened as we looked behind George to find Lip. 

We all suppressed our laughter, biting our lips and clearing our throats, pretending we hadn’t been up to no good. 

We all knew that Lip doesn’t like us to bad mouth Dike, he says it brings down morale and it’s not helpful. It’s true but you gotta rant sometimes especially about Dike. I grin at the man as he gets called away by Lip. 

“Alright fellas.” Luz looks sheepish as he turns to go talk to Lip. 

“Goodnight, goodnight all.” Don says as he makes his way back to the foxhole.

“Night!” I called to Don waving as he walked away. 

“Alright roomies!” I gathered the two men under my arms as we made our way back to the hole. 

“Penk do you think you could try to not snore tonight?” I asked cheekily, earning a side-eye from Alex. 

“How about you don’t fart.” He retorted. I gasped in shock.

“I do not!” I defended myself against the false accusations. 

“Do too!” Alex poked out his tongue at me. 

“Oh my god, you two need to be separated.” Skip said wrangling free from my grasp and pushing in between Penk and I. 

I stumbled forward, looking down at my worn out boots I noticed the issue. The laces of my boot were untied. I bent down out of Skip’s hold, the pair paused noticing I wasn’t with them. 

“You guys go ahead, I won’t be long.” I shooed them away. 

Normally tying laces was an easy task, but in sub zero degrees with frozen fingers it took a little longer than normal. 

I cursed, pulling my gloves from my hands, the night air had a stinging bite. I tried to rub some warmth back into my freezing digits but it was no use. I fumbled with the laces trying to get my fine motor skills to work in the chilling temperatures. I finally got the bunny into the hole and pulled them tight. I paused as a sound pierced the quiet. A sound that sent shivers up my spine. 

Whistling. 

I didn’t even get time to lift my head to gauge where the sound was coming from exactly before the first shell hit the ground with an almighty boom.

The shaking of the ground was constant as more explosives ripped the trees apart around me. 

The dark night was now brought to life with bright bursts of light. 

“Shit!” I hollered, trying to get to my feet. I need to be in a foxhole not crouching out in the open. 

I got to my feet, trying my best to stay on them as I sprinted back towards the foxhole and I was sharing with the boys. 

I could see them in front of me, they hadn’t made it to the hole either. Why were they not in it yet?

“Y/N get moving, come on!” Skip screamed at me, ushering me to move faster. 

The men were faster than me, I could barely stay on my feet. I crashed to the ground again, cursing wildly under my breath. 

I looked up, from deep in the pitch black sky I could see a shimmer. A black glossy object descended quickly. 

It was only a split second of glancing its trajectory, but it seemed like it was heading straight for our hole. 

The hole the Alex and Skip were both b-linging for.   

“Stop! Wait! Guys!” I screamed, getting to my feet as quickly as possible.  

But the pair didn’t turn to look at me, my voice probably couldn’t be heard over all of the explosions and the ringing in our ears. 

I dashed towards them both, Skip more ahead than Penk. 

Time seemed to still. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my veins and the ragged breaths that left my mouth. I was so close to them, but so far at the same time. I dug my heels in, willing my body to go faster, to work harder.    

I finally reached Alex, I harshley shoved the man off to the side. He flew through the air landing on the hard ground. Penk seemed to be confused but I couldn’t stop in my crusade. 

Skip had reached the hole. 

“WARREN!” I screeched, the man paused before he jumped into safety. Turning to look at me.

I flung my body towards him, hands outstretched. I collided into Skip, knocking him off balance. The force of my tackle pushed up both off to the side, landing adjacent to the foxhole. 

It was barely a second before said hole was hit. A blinding light blasted us as we clung to each other, we could feel the hot explosion on our skin and hear the sizzling of our exposed skin. 

The bombing continued on, but we couldn’t collect ourselves enough to move. So we held each other tightly begging for the rain of shells to end. 

“Holy fuck!” I heard from above us, some of the soldiers stood around gawking. I leaned back, my eyes quickly glancing over Skip. He appeared to be all intact and alive. 

“Are you guys alright?” Luz asked, pulling us apart. We nodded both in shock. 

My eyes darted around, I sighed in relief, there still lying in the snow was Alex. 

“Y/N you saved my life!” Skip said, pulling my attention back to him. 

“Yeah.” I nodded. 

“What do you mean, ‘yeah’? You risked your life to save me.” Skip stared at me in awe. 

“Of course I would. I love you. You would do the exact same thing for me.” I said as if it was a simple chore. 

“I love you, Y/N, so much.” Skip moved towards me, embracing me in his arms. Skip pulled back and before I could say anything else he pressed his lips sweetly to mine. A kiss that was filled with so much love it made me melt even in the freezing cold.  

“And that boys is how I saved your Father.” I smiled at the two small children who sat in front of me wide eyed.   

“Mum, tell it again!” They begged. 

“No, it is time for sleep.” I bent down kissing their heads and tucking them up tightly into bed. 

“Please Mumma!” The youngest asked sweetly. Before I could shake my head no, the other joined in. 

“Yeah Mum. One more time. Please!” He sprung out of bed, and flew towards me. Landing in a heap on his younger brother’s bed. 

“Are you two behaving for your Mother?” Skip voice entered the room. 

“Daddy!” They cried in unison, both jumping up to rush to their father. 

“Warren! I was trying to get them to sleep.” I scolded him, but the grin on my lips didn’t play into the facade. 

“What story did she tell tonight boys?” Skip asked the pair. 

“How she saved your’s and Uncle Penk’s lives.” The older child grinned up at his father. 

“Oh yes your Mother loves to tell that story.” I rolled my eyes at my smiling husband.

“Should she tell it one more time?” He asked the children. 

They agreed enthusiastically, scurrying back over to their beds and sliding in under the covers. 

“One more time and then bed.” I reminded them. Skip climbed in beside the youngest, while I laid with Elmer. He rested his head on my chest and I started the story again from the beginning. 

“Will you scoot over!”

[millswaffle]

safe haven

you and levi have had many hardships in your relationship. But the hardest time was when the female titan first showed up. Seeing all of levi's squad being swatted like files was the hardest sight you have ever witness. What made it even harder was seeing the look on your husband's face as he looked at the bodies of his comrades. After the raid, you saw levi looking over the bodies. Your heart pained at the sight and all you wanted to do was hold levi close to you and let his vulnerability show. You silently walked towards him and place your hand gently on his shoudler. He doesnt look at you, but instead he places his calloused hand on yours, squeezing it three times. It takes everything in you not to let the tears burst from your eyes. But you hold your front and let the silence and warmth of each others hand comfort you both. After retreating, back home, all the pressure finally reaching its tipping point. You quietly slip into yalls room and wait for levi. You slip off your boots and loosen the leather straps that hug your body. Your body sits tiredly on the edge of the bed, letting your head hang low in your hands. That's when you hear the door creak open and quielty close. You lift your head slowly and your eyes meet your staggering husband. Your heart breaks seeing him like this, the last time you saw him like this is when he lost Farlan and Isabel. You open your arms and he falls right between your legs. You wrap your arms around his head, pushing his head more to your chest. He grips your thighs and silently cries. Letting the tears role down his cheeks, and letting his body relax more into your comfort. You hold unto his body, constantly placing kisses on top of his head and trailing them down to his face. "I know my love, I know. I'm here. Always and forever." Those words roll off your tongue like honey. The promise your making him in this moment, is a promise your going to keep. No matter the cost. As night rolls in, you both are in bed on yalls side. Levis body flush against yours. His head snug against your chest, his left arms drapped around your waist, and his legs tangled up with yours. Silence fills the room, as neither of you have said anything. The silence is comforting and comforting. No words need to be spoken. Levi gently slides his hand to your hip and squeezes three times. You smile and kiss his forehead. " I love you too."

hi my loves! Its mili!! I havent posted in SO SO long cuz ive been unmotivated 😭 plus im still trying to fix my tumbler 🙇‍♀️BUT have this story ive had in drafts for a bit! Hope u enjoy and feel free to leave any story ideas!🌷

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, reading your posts made me realize I’m likely an INFJ in a terrible loop. For the last 6 months i’ve been reading about mbti I thought I was INTJ, and every test i tried said it too, but i didnt and still don’t understand Fe vs Te, even after reading your posts. But INFJ in a loop sounds a lot like me. So let’s go with that.

My auxiliary function is suffering. When I’m outside I have this tendency to observe people, the room, their behavior and enjoy dwelling in it, as if I’m reading a novel. It bothers me when someone says or acts rude, when a man bothers a woman like a creep.

In my head i’m so criticizing of other people. And if i’m not criticizing, im acting as if i can read everything about another person. I know this sounds horrible and very narcissistic, but i want to be honest to fix myself. And I know i’m doing this overthinking in social situations to defend myself by acting as if im superior.

But i just observe, i never interact. I havent talked to a single person in my class in university, since im a few years older (24 in a room of 21yo people). Even though i know if i want to socialize thats the right place. I start thinking: if i talk to them, they will get to know me, they will find that i failed or that i dont have a lot of my shit together, and then i will be judged. So why bother. And i know that its so flimsy and stupid. I only made one friend in my old uni before changing courses.

This is not only at university btw. I dont go out in the evenings, or try to meet new people, because i literally have no fucking idea of how to do it without looking like a misfit. My old friends are all very distant now, and while I know many people everything I never really dated, and while i have this insane void of emotional intimacy, i keep rationalising every attempt of experiencing life. I live in a shell.

And the fact i haven’t dated and i’m 24, is so scary. I’m not even ugly or that uninteresting or without hobbies, because people told me the opposite many times, but i dont know why i cant come out of my shell. This is not only about dating, but in general. Im always distant emotionally and end up thinking about it instead of living it. Because im a grown man scared of being judged for my smiles,tears and my love.

I think i have some trauma issues from my teens, when i talked to a girl on facebook for 2 years listening to her problems because i liked her, without ever approaching her irl (because i was a scared teenager idk why). It was a one way thing. I was basically her diary in human form. When i told her my feelings it was too late. After that i ended in a 1 yr depression, and it definitely marked me as a person. I never really opened myself emotionally with anyone else after. Maybe this is not even trauma, it actually feels demeaning to call it as such when other people have suffered more.

This post is a mess. Maybe im just overthinking, and you’ll probably read this and think i need therapy and/or im mistyped . But I really want to break these chains, and hearing an insight from someone who understand people very well could help.

------------------------

If I understand correctly, the main problem is you are closed off and unable to open up. It sounds like you are very afraid of socializing, most likely because you are afraid of being hurt by other people's negative judgments of you (it is a common problem related to unhealthy Fe). There are several factors that may be contributing to this problem:

- Low Self-Worth: You exhibit oversensitivity that arises from using other people's judgments to define your identity and/or determine your personal worth. If you're always worried about how you're being perceived, then you will of course feel anxious about interacting with anyone you're unsure about. This makes it very difficult to meet new people and expand your social circle.

- "Mindreading": You presume to know what others think, without any evidence, easily jumping straight to the worst case scenario. This is a defense mechanism that gives you a false sense of control, as though you're preparing yourself for the worst to happen. As such, you manage to talk yourself out of socializing, losing every opportunity to learn and grow socially.

- Unresolved Past: You've had negative relationship experiences in the past. When you don't resolve negative feelings, learn the right lessons from them, and consciously put the past behind you, you will take the past and project it into the future, expecting it to happen again. This means you are out of touch with reality because you never treat people as NEW people and give them the benefit of the doubt. You assume that people are out to hurt you and you build walls of protection, which conveniently prevents anyone from knowing you and getting close enough to want a relationship with you.

- Lack of Social Skills: It's hard to feel confident when you're incompetent. Even if you were to work up the courage to meet new people, it sounds like you would still lack the skills required to develop the relationship. Immature INFJs often suffer in relationships because of unrealistic ideas and/or unreasonable expectations, which is often related to faulty reasoning patterns (Ti loop). Social skills are called "skills" because anyone can learn and improve them. If you care about being a better version of yourself, you have to be honest about your deficits and apply yourself to learn the knowledge and skills that you need to move forward in life. See the recommended books on the resources page.

While it's possible to work on these issues on your own, it's the more difficult path to take. When you have a serious problem like social anxiety that prevents you from living the life you hope to live, then, yes, it is best to reach out for professional expertise and assistance. People aren't born knowing everything, so everyone needs help at some point and there is no shame in getting it. As long as you keep trying to convince yourself that your needs don't matter or that your problems aren't as serious or serious enough to warrant attention, you will continue to dig your own grave of unhappiness. How long do you want to go through life with these problems weighing you down and holding you back?

[fictionfixations]

Trials of Change / Naruto Fic (Fic Rec)

summray:

Haruno Sakura made a promise. Looking in the eyes of her Shisou and the reanimated Hokage, she took on the most important mission of her life.

Go back in time and try to prevent the 4th Shinobi War.

Now, Sakura is back to her 5-year-old body, with all the knowledge and haunting memories of the future. She vows to keep her precious people safe and stop certain events from happening, without altering the timeline too much. The trials her emotions and logic put her through have her questioning her very existence, but for the sake of peace, she has to push forward. No matter what.

---------

off topic but i am tired and sometimes i hate the panic button on opera gx cause i just accidentally hit f12 and then everything closes and i get a moment of absolute panic of 'oh shit MY TABS'

and then i remember i just need to hit it again to bring it back (man. the first time i discovered this i remember panicking like 'WTF DID I PRESS WHYD IT CLOSE NOOO' and my hand alignment to keyboard was off so thats why i ended up int he f's anyway. and it came back thankfully but oh my god)

----------

so talking about the fic now

time travel. its not where character is op and fixes everything (although those are enjoyable in their own right)

this is more like. character has all this knowledge (but also doesnt know some stuff or like how things happened)

but also they're. a child. so they dont have the power they had when they were older, so its tough

also i can confidently say this is one of the fics that for one, didnt just make me sob. but i sobbed so much i had to take a break. and then i got distracted and came back feeling better and less like i want to cry every second (and then i wanted to cry again but oh my god im running low on tissues)

this is just book one though so theres more. im gonna hceck it out in a second but. go give it a shot if you like naruto fics and time travel.

[dot-hpg]

Um so it's Family Time for the holidays and of course that means I can't stop thinking abt this wip. Wrote it all very fast ages ago and never got further because hurting them is so much easier than making it feel better after (im sorry)

So here's some proof that I still go here with some lovely hypervigilance induced panic :))) I want to add more and maybe I'll post it on ao3 when I do, but this one was so personal that I had to not look at it for months after I spilled it all in a night and I still don't know how to fix it

it's basically Joey and a panic attack + mentioned bad past home life, and I promise his friends want to help but the comfort doesn't really show up yet. I just wanted to post it idk

word count 1k

enjoy ??

[break]

Joey knows. He knows he’s safe now. He knows he isn’t back there. He’s at Corey’s, and he hasn’t been There in a long while. Doesn’t have to go there ever again.

He knows his friends, and he knows they know. Knows they’ll protect him, as they have before.

They would never hurt him, no matter how angry they get. They sort their problems out differently. I mean, they’re still a rowdy bunch and he knows that it can get loud. He knows that doesn’t always have to mean fear. He’s learnt that, with them.

So he knows he’s safe in a bed that feels more his own than his last one, even if it’s in Corey’s house. And he knows he should have nothing to fear.

But right now, he’s woken up to the sound of raised voices, and that side of his brain hasn’t even had the time to blink. The noises are straight down his spine, tugging his eyes open and pulling the wires in his muscles.

No time to rationalise, it’s all how his body trained itself without him even noticing.

The sounds that yanked him from sleep by the scruff of his neck clamour in his ears. They’re from beyond these walls, but somehow that makes it so much worse, because he’s just waiting for them to arrive here, not knowing what the problem is yet but knowing something is happening and he has to keep alert. Try to prepare.

It’s still dark so maybe they’ll think he’s asleep: check. Gotta keep that up by staying still. Quiet.

Which is sort of difficult. If his body wanted to be practical and keep him laying low from the danger, why is it simultaneously sending shocks of panic that won’t let him rest? He’s struggling to catch his breath before he’s even started holding it, oh my god they’re going to hear him-

He draws his knees to his chest, desperate to shrink. Pushes his face into knees and pillow, gasping short breaths, wishing his lungs would just stop altogether.

A shaking hand fists the duvet, itching to pull it over his head. But he has to keep an ear out, and his breathing is making it bad enough. Bad enough that each sound of voices feels half like it’s from his imagination. It’s through a wall after all, and he always breathes at the wrong second and it drowns it out so maybe the person behind the voice is calmer than he hears it, distorted until its shrieking echo has him rocking.

He's rocketed straight from sleep into a hyperventilating mess, each sound another jolt of white hot fear through him.

He doesn’t feel safe. He’s in a room but it doesn’t feel like his, even the duvet piled around his frame leaves him feeling exposed.

It’s not Corey’s house anymore. He doesn’t know, or stop to think, about whose house it is, because the feeling is the same. The lack of control, the wishing you could scream back or lock the door, and that it would somehow keep them out.

But there’s nothing he can do to stop it, stop them.

He’s been waiting for the footsteps, and when they come it’s like everything rushes to him at once. His hands bound, dropped into a nightmare. You can close your eyes and wish and wish because every step closer feels wrong and you don’t want someone who makes you feel like that any closer, someone who poisons the air with their wavering voice and puffy eyes.

But that won’t stop the slam of the door or the moment they step over, when that voice snaps and cuts. And you have to take it. Even though you can’t.

Because this is their house, and their walls will always reel you in to a distance they can grab. A distance they can leer at you with their hands around your throat.

They’ll keep you in arm’s reach too, so they can ask you why you’re overreacting. Why you’re still upset. Why the waterworks, huh, just come here. Come here come here and the walls don’t budge so you can’t say no even though you don’t want to touch them-

“Joey?”

Nononono he doesn’t know what he’s done. He can’t remember at all, his mind’s grey and body’s locking him in. He’s shaking, but he can’t break out. There’s nowhere to go anyway. He battens down the hatches and waits for what’s coming, the bullets to break through the holes that never healed from the last time.

“Shit, Joe-”

The voice is quieter, but closer.

Joey’s paralysed for a blink, short-circuiting with the panic of not wanting anyone closer, before his legs manage some kind of miracle. They feel robotic, but manage to shove him back and into the corner. The jerky movement forces a whimper from his mouth, squeezing its way between his stunted breaths.

He stubbornly tugs his blanket up around him. Refuses to look up, though his jaw clenches from the feeling of someone getting nearer.

And he doesn’t want to look up because that sounded like Corey. Someone who shouldn’t be this scary, but here Joey still is, fighting with the air he’s breathing and whining like a fucking baby.

He wants to press his hand against his mouth, but he makes it stay put, curling so tightly into the blanket he can feel his nails through it, digging at his palm. He bites down on his lip, bites down on everything. He’s already beating himself up for not getting a lid on it, but pressing it down only makes the pressure shoot out through any crack it can find.

His body’s fighting back, he can’t help it. Can’t help the shaking of his muscles, which tighten, crunch him up smaller.

The bed dips and that’s when he knows he’s too far gone. Slipping down that chasm where it feels like no way out, just panic driving itself and dragging him along for the ride. Swallowing him right back to places he never wants to go back to.

He doesn’t want to be There, but he can’t open his eyes either. Maybe it would help – so why isn’t he fucking doing it?

His breath is noisy through his clenched teeth, but it doesn’t feel like it reaches anywhere near his lungs.

It nearly drowns it out.

“…to me, Joey. Listen. No one’s angry, yeah? Can you hear me?”

[anandasamsara]

i guess im in a new low for my depression

im kind of afraid of going outside. its not really fear, but its uncomfortable to think about getting out of the house and i feel like i dont deserve to??

which tangles with the "there are relatively good things happening between the bad ones, but the good things happening arent the ones that should be happening, so i cant feel good about them"

like, i guess my parents are actually really divorcing this time, which is the bad thing, but ive been able to get a few conventions down for the next two months, which should be good, but what i actually need to happen is a real job that i can use to pay rent if/when my dad goes away, which is both bad and good, bc i dont actually want a job bc i dont feel like i can put up with any more stress, but i do want dad to leave bc its been impossible with him here, so i need the job...

my anxiety has also been manifesting as rashes and acne bc the feeling isnt enough anymore for my brain to let me know there are things wrong all around even tho theres not much i can do about it other than worry

i also dont feel human bc i dont want to deal with everything, i dont want a job, i dont want to feel, ive been sleeping for like almost 15 hours per day, havent washed my hair in two weeks and dont feel any motivation to keep going

im trying tho, but the only thing that makes me feel a little bit better is thinking about the big convention thats coming up in july, but i know i shouldnt be thinking about it bc i need a stable job and income to pay the bills, and then it stresses me out and i feel burnt out and not wanting to exist

and then i catch myself thinking on how much better my mom's life would have been if i wasnt born, and then i blame my parents for everything bc i sure as hell didnt ask to be here and have to deal with expectations in a world that will never be accomodating to any of my limitations that i only learned i had after becoming a legal adult bc i was the gifted child and never had to think about it before

and this limitations keep surprising me still bc now i cant keep up with my friends for most things, i cant lift much weight even tho my arms can take it, i cant go up anything steeper than a 20° angle without struggle, cant be on my feet for more than 4 hours a day, and if its cold or too hot it goes down to 2 hours max, if i get cramps on my left leg it can take up to 3 days to get better and who know wht can happen if i fall down stairs again. theres a hook holding the bone in place, and if i break it, no idea if it can be fixed

and im still called lazy, or irresponsible, or someone has the guts to send me a job offer of babysitter or tell me that if i have to leave the post grad to be a cashier in a supermarket, that's life for me

i did leave, i cant afford it and it was turning out to be an awful place with awful professors

i was counting with the conventions to keep the post grad and try to go back to therapy, but this is the second month with none and as i get desperate, i also get hit repeatedly with my own limits and my own self worth that says i only have my body in this life so i shouldnt sacrifice it, but then i know i wont have much choice soon, so again, why am i even here to start with? i did not sign up for this, i do not want to be here

[sirswooshnoodles]

Image descriptions: many many tags:

#as a jeweler: DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE #if thats actual garnet. why would you do that to it #if it isnt: ill kill you for lying #but from the photos alone: that isnt silver

#thats some mystery metal shit that you dont want touching your skin because why does it look like its rusting

#when silver us dirty even from soldering it doesnt ever look luke that

#AND ANOTHER THING! that prong setting? not even fully closed half those prongs are barely touching that stone that shits gonna be wiggling-

#and wobling scratching up that stone and being a nusiance to keep clean PLUS its gonna get caught on everything

#ALSO from the look of the stones in all of them #theyve been touched woth heat and are damaged. dont buy damaged stones theyre gonna break eventually

#but anyway those almost def arwnt garnet. from the look of the other settings id say a shitty quality cubic zirc because those are - #settings you can only do by casting (or gluing them in like costume jewelery)

#whoch makes me wonder what castong house would stoop That

Low

#all the canadian ones wont even take ur order without proof of professional trainin

#okay im done i gotta go to work

#sorry laz im back #THE VISIBLE SOLDERI G GOD

#i would have been ripped to shreds o the solder job alone if i tried to present that as even a first attempt at a prong setting

#WHY DIDNT THEY CLEAN THE FUCKING SOLDER BLOBS

#its kne thing if ur setting is fucked but to be visibly VISIBLY a shitty rush job with no clean up work #come ON PEOPLE

#this os all im going to think about for the next 7 hours of my shift i

‹now it

#its. so poorly made

#like they went throigh the effort of goving a fairly decent effort in the photography. AS IF THE WOULD HELP THE SLAPPED TOGETHER BULLSHIT

#im just #im astounded

#if this was practice work i wouldnt bat an eye

#BUT THATS THE FUCKING FINISHED PRODUCT #THATS WHAT THEYRE SELLING

#i would be too ashamed of the piss poor craftsmanship to even consider selli g that with my name attatched #im just. im just. why are they so dirty

#did you not even try to clean them nameless etsy seller????

#you can see the spots where they filed and sanded. but they didnt bother to clean anything. why is it so crusty

#they could be just ok. but there is ZERO finishing work done #like they skipped the most intensive part of the process #you cant just skip finishing work man

#like even if you dont polish them you dont have to polish them #but you need to clean. you need to tske off the solder blobs and you need to clean whatever scum is stuck to your metal

#laz tell me one thing what kind of metal are they advertising this as i need to know

#prev. the metal on all listings is Sterling Silver

#STERLING????? I THINK THE FUCK NOT

#first off. thats too dark to be sterling. SECOND. STERLING AT NO POINT STARTS TO LOOK LIKE THAT NO MATTER HOW DIRTY #it looks also like those have never NEVER seen a pickle pot let alone some soap and water

#sterling at no point becomes slightly yellow

#not even nickle silver (a common alloy people try to pass off as sterling) looks like that after soldering and nickle silver looks gnarly-#before you pickle it and do your finishing on it. like thats not even nickle??? unnamed etsy seller i have questions

#like. are they intentionally and willfully decieving people? or were they lied to by a supplier and dont have the training to know that??

#Also. the second to last ring. baby girl why is the metal itsself cracked. who hurt you

End of tags

Next image is a stick figure holding a box of popcorn with a speech bubble saying “damn”.

End descriptions.

I believe all these tags are from the same person but who isn’t shown so I’m not 100% sure.

Note: typos in the tags are from the photos I didn’t feel like fixing them

kinda obsessed with these, clearly beginner, rings on Etsy being marketed as garnet when i'd bet money that they are glass

the metal work is. certainly better than what i've ever made, so i don't want to speak to harshly. but uh. um.

[tkeyahwrotethis]

Like a Virgin, Touched for the Very First Time

It may seem like I talk a lot but I'm actually a GREAT listener because people LOVE to talk about themselves. I really get to know people by listening. & believe it or not, even the silence can be loud. What people choose to share vs keep private is telling.

I joined group, for single moms. I'm just an observer right now, all the main characters are very loud and want to be seen and heard and feel important. I'm here for it. I don't want to just blurt out what's going on with me & my daughter to everyone. I like to talk to one or two people personally.

But I can't get one of the main character mom's outta my head. I learned something new from her today. "The Madonna Complex"

*Break off into groups of 2 and get to know someone today*

We sit down in a corner I have a little snack and a sprite

We start with small talk...

I'm like hey girl what's up what do you do for work? how old are you? how old is your baby, and vice versa, I'm not really ready to talk about my babydaddy but I'm here for you if you wanna talk about yours. & she was.

"We met about 3 years ago and we just started as friends. It was slow and we really got to know each other. Trust was really important to me because I had been burnt in the past. He was perfect, thoughtful, and romantic. He was so easy to be with. After we both got tested for STD's & everything was good, we started living together and I got pregnant shortly after. We got engaged and he just made me feel so special and beautiful like his perfect little family and his prize wife and mother of his child. He didn't want any more children and he got a vasectomy, he didn't ask me to alter my body in any way and I thought he was selfless. One night after putting baby to bed he was watching TV on our bedroom TV so I just watched Netflix on his iPad. my curiosity got the better of me so I started going through his iPad and I'm not sure why because we were so happy and our family was so perfect I really had no reason to snoop.

He had many many messages to phone numbers but no saved contacts. I checked them, all the women asking "Do you need me tonight" " Do you need company tonight" ESCORT SERVICES! My perfect husband is seeking out escort services, I'm sick to my stomach. he seemed so perfect for all these years. We had sex OFTEN he was always so sweet and attentive to me we always made each other cum. im so confused is he some kinda nymphomaniac??? I dig a little deeper he's only paying women for anal sex. all these women he's having hardcore anal sex with them and paying them money for it.

(now personally, i'm thinking to myself, that nigga is a booty warrior, sis, you dodged a bullet tf? but I can see the pain and the hurt and the betrayal so I just quietly keep listening)

I threw that iPad at him and this nigga is staying at MY HOUSE so I got up and immediately headed to the closet to pack his shit I feel like I floated there I was not even thinking clearly I was in SHOCK I was completely blindsided. Then he actually had the audacity to justify his behavior. He claimed he was using them for only one thing- anal sex. I'm his wife and the mother of his child. They are just whores for anal sex it means nothing. He would never treat the mother of his child that low. He thought he was doing a good thing. Madonna complex. Sex workers are there for this reason and it's not an affair. He's apologized and tried to fix things and tries to see his kid but he will never have access to us again. I know he's hurting but I'm hurting too, what do I tell my family? his family? our child? I've blocked him on everything and he keeps trying to contact me. I just want to move on, I thought I could trust him, but he disgusts me."

I hug her and we begin showing each other pictures of our families, hers a once happy trio, mine of me and my daughter. I told her at least she tried to have a family and was almost a wife and maybe over time he will change & you can still get your fairytale because in his own twisted way, I think he still loves you.

I give a little about myself, I tell her my situation is so small compared to yours. I barely know my child's father it was a one-night stand from a random Tinder hookup & we never spoke again. I'm just trying to get child support now but that's about it. We never had a family dynamic or a relationship. We were never in love. But you had love with your ex-fiance, I think time might heal this situation between y'all.

She is convinced it's over ... but who knows.

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

hi hi hii sorry ive been a bit busy but i love talking to you <33

ooh gift giving day is coming closerrr i lowkey hope you like yours ajsjfjdjc

fun fact: i listened to story of us for the first time today?!??? i know im crazy ajdjejsjd such a fan i am

alsoo while we are on the topic of my little pony ajdjrjs whats your favourite character?

herbal tea is soo good and chamomile tea after a hard dayy soo reall unfortunately i cant function properly without coffee so i prefer coffee ajdjfjsjf but tea is definitely more calming and probably more healthy for me lmao

see, i would pick master any instrument bc im not a sporty person andjdjs im more into music been learning it since i was 6 and i own an acoustic guitar which i would love to be able to play barre chords on but tbf the main instrument id like to master is ELECTRIC GUITARSSSS omg im obsessed w electric guitars theyre absolutely loml any character that plays them will forever be my favourite character electric guitars are SO HOT sorry im very passionate abt them i would love to be able to play some sick riffs on an electric guitar (also they just overall look so cool omg akdkejsjd) ive always wanted to learn electric guitar since i was a kid or like a bass 😍😍

anywayss amdjeksjd what would you pick? and my question for you: if you could pursue 3 careers what would they be? (if you dont mind sharing) alsoo cats or dogs? and sky blue or baby pink?

-swiftie spring exchange anon

Hello again! Is ok, no need to apologise! I'm enjoying talking to you as well! (Also low key shocked you only just heard that song the other day?? I swear it was everywhere at one point XD)

I'm sure I will like mine!! I am stressing over if my person will like theirs tho XD

My favourite MLP character is Rainbow Dash, but I'm a fan of Applejack too. I like the dynamics Applejack has with everyone, whilst with Rainbow Dash I think she's just super cool. How can I not love a rainbow pegasus??

Pfft sometimes coffee confuses me because everyone I know who drinks it seems to drink it for the caffeine...do people actually like coffee itself, or is it the caffeine? I'm mostly joking but also very confused XD And ooh...honestly electric guitars are very cool. I don't know why but they're just always associated with cool for whatever reason?? Electric instruments fascinate me however. Like what we make electric vs what we don't...imagine an electric violin. Or a flute. A recorder XD Idk but basically I can see why you'd pick that!! It's really cool you can do the guitar! I am terrible with music (I tried to learn the violin as a kid...I broke part of it on the very first day, panicked, and tried to fix it with superglue. It...sorta worked, enough so that I managed to just keep quiet about it until I turned 18 and was well away from consequences regarding breaking it lol.)

I think personally I'd like to go sports, but opportunities are low where I am, so it feels a bit wasted :( So maybe music? Ideally sports, especially anything that lets me go super fast. ALSO I want to be able to swim. And currently I uh cannot. And keep failing at trying to learn. Oh well.

Okay so 3 careers...I feel like I'm gonna be a bit vague here. First is my ideal career of "something that helps children with special educational needs". Whether that's like, support in schools, or making sure schools provide the right support, idk. Second...probably something medical? When I was younger I had wanted to study medicine at uni. I did not in the end but yeah! Helping out in the medical industry would be fun. And third...an animator! I've not got the patience for it tho XD What about you??

And cats!! I have two, one of which is sleeping beside the computer and the other is currently climbing over the keyboard and trying to sit on my arms. She is very helpful (sarcasm) but I love her so she gets away with everything XD You? And unsure on the pink vs blue...probably blue? In general I prefer warm colours to cool colours, but if I look around I have more blue things than pink things so maybe blue is the exception?

And last but not least, my question to you: of the four elements, air, water, fire and earth, which would you most like to be able to control?

[ozziebaker]

I'm scared

I've been through and seen enough in my life that it has left me numbed to the sheer violence and tragedy of it all. I've thought for years now that when the time comes, I'll be ready.

It wasn't some macho bravado bullshit, it really felt that way. And the things that have happened, I reacted that way. I hate to say it, because it sounds so cheesy and like... I'm not trying to seem cool i swear I'm being real right now, im in such a bad place that I've no energy or care to try to seem cool. So I'll say it like it is because it's my truth:

I've stared into the eyes of death, and I've felt nothing.

especially after that accident in 2019, when the towing was picking up the truck I was driving after it smashed into the wall... I was looking at the twisted metal. and as a mechanic, i KNEW what kind of force it took to do that. I KNEW, and i had other people tell me... that i was lucky to get out with nothing. nothing.

And i think that's when i knew that something was very wrong with me. because i didn't care. i looked at the wreck, and i knew that i couldn't give a fuck if i had died inside that thing.

literally four hours later i was back on the road. i didn't stop. because it didn't matter - my life didn't matter. and when two weeks later the spare truck caught fire inside the cab, while i was driving, my sincere reaction was annoyance. Life man. it keeps getting in the way.

I've been close to death, and i stayed calm, i did what i had to do and i survived. but the stakes were so low. it didn't fucking matter to me

but now. im scared. i think for one of the first times in my life, I'm really fucking terrified. because this isn't some job, or an accident, or some stupid idea of mine. it's me. I'm going to be the one to take my life. and I'm scared because i know that I'm capable. i know that my actions won't be a cry for help, or an impulse decision. it'll be a carefully executed maneuver. I'm a fucking mechanic ain't I? i know how to build, how to modify, how things function. i know how to properly attach a rope and how thick it has to be so it doesn't break and i know how to calculate for the drop.

and it's terrifying. to share my body, my skills, this obstinate and ruthless mind, all that made me a good technician, someone who gets. the. fucking. job. DONE. to cohabitate. with someone who can and probably will murder me. myself.

because he's weighted the pros and the cons. he's looked at the data: years of memories and experiences. and he's come to the conclusion that it's just not worth it. it's too much pain, too much humiliation, too much compromise. he thinks it's enough. he thinks it's been enough for awhile now. and he's a solutions guy. he has to act, thats what he's been trained for his entire life. fix things.

i can't be fixed. I was born defective. came off the assembly line with faulty parts. and you know what mechanics do when the diagnose a piece of machinery with a manufacturing defect? they scrap it.

I'm scared. I'm so alone and there won't be anyone or anything that can stop me. And I'm so fed up and so tired. I know that there's a way to end the pain. to dix this situation. i know i can do it.

And suddenly, i don't want to die. I want to hang on, please, I'm begging, just give me something, anything to hold on to

but i cant find the thing. everything keeps slipping through my hands. and im scared because i can feel the patience running out, and i dont know when but soon, soon it's going to be too late.

[callsign-rockstar]

Rulebreaker - R. Floyd x fem reader

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

An ex-aviator has very strict rules with herself about dating pilots. She was still working with them though, and between her job as a flight analyst and strategist as well as being a waitress at the Hard Deck on weekends, she sees a lot of them. One night, however, a specific pilot draws her attention and she is on the brink of breaking the rules for him ;)

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

pairing: robert 'bob' floyd x fem!ex-aviator

word count: 2.4k

warnings: none really, maybe mentions of past cheating (not bob) and mentions of alcohol.

requested by: @cfvgbhndun

a/n: hey guys! this was another request (I love ur requests seriously) and im so excited to say that I loved writing it so much that this will be split into 3 parts (I think, I just dont wanna make one post super duper long and I really wanna expand upon this one). anyway, I really hope y'all enjoy this hehe

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

The bar was quiet and alone. Lunchtime had just passed and the Hard Deck always closed for a couple hours before opening at 5:30 sharp for the night. Penny was out with Amelia trying to fix something or another on their boat, and y/n found herself humming her favorite song while wiping down tables and putting chairs in their place. Penny had profusely apologized for having to leave her alone for an hour, but the truth was that Y/n loved both Penny and Amelia as her own family, so she really didn’t mind. 

After serving 12 years in the navy, she had decided to go into the inactive reserve. She worked at the Top Gun offices as a flight analyst and strategist during the week, as she still adored everything about strategizing in the most efficient ways possible. Weekends, she went to the Hard Deck to work the nights after visiting Top Gun and dropping off treats for everyone in the morning. There was no real reason she needed to be there in the mornings, but she just really loved her co-workers and all the people at Top Gun, so it was something that all of them looked forward to on Saturday mornings. 

Her earbuds were in and she danced around the bar, strands of her hair falling out from the low bun she had gathered it into so she could get things done without it in her face. She went into the kitchen, making sure everything was in order for when the cooks came in. It wasn’t necessarily her responsibility, but she always liked to help out the people and places she really cared about.

A tap tap at the glass paned door that led to the terrace prompted her to open it for Penny. Whenever she was alone in the bar, Penny adamantly urged her to keep the doors locked so she would feel safe being in there alone. It was a precaution that both of them agreed on, but the security personnel also happened to be amazingly comforting to her, so she never exactly felt unsafe anyway. 

Because she was a flight analyst, she had been working with Vice Admiral Simpson the past few weeks to come up with ways to fly a mission that she had been told was highly classified. Because of that, she didn’t really know what was up with it, and she didn’t know that a few familiar faces would be turning up later that evening. 

“Hey Penny! How’s the boat?” Y/n asked.

“We were able to get it up and running with a little help from the mechanics,” replied Penny, walking into the Hard Deck and taking off her sunglasses with one hand. The other was letting down her hair which had been in a ponytail, considering the heat of the day. The way the bar seemed alive even with only three people in it never ceased to amaze Y/n, it seemed magical, and that’s why she kept coming back to California, specifically here. It all seemed laced with magic, a normal naval town with a little bit of glitter dusted around every corner.

“Need help with that?” asked Y/n, seeing Amelia sitting down at a table with a physics textbook. 

“Yes, actually. We have a test next week and this stuff is just going in one ear and out the other,” replied Amelia with a smile.

“Penny, I finished cleaning the floors and dusting the stuff on the walls. Also, I pulled out the stepladder to do a bit of dusting for the things on the ceiling and pushed in all the chairs. Aaand I went into the kitchen to make sure everything was in order for when the kitchen staff came in,” said Y/n, making sure Penny heard the things she’d done so she had a justifiable excuse to help Amelia for a while.

“You know I only asked you to sweep and make sure the chairs were tucked in, right?” Penny asked with a smile.

“I know, I know. Just couldn’t help myself,” replied Y/n.

“You, Y/n y/l/n, are an angel,” said Penny, giving Y/n a hug before going back to her bar and leaving Amelia with her.

��So you have a test on aerodynamics next week?,” asked Y/n, glancing at the open textbook that sat in front of the girl. Amelia nodded, a little worried.

“You came to the perfect person for help! This will be a piece of cake once you see it like this…” began Y/n.

After about 45 minutes, Amelia understood. She still needed some practice, but she was doing much better than the day before when she could barely understand the words coming out of her teacher’s mouth.

“Thank you, Y/n. You don’t know how much that helped!” said Amelia, throwing her arms around Y/n’s neck.

“Any time, honey!” said Y/n with a laugh. There was only about half an hour left until opening time, so Amelia needed to be taken to her friends house. 

“I’ll drive her, Penny,” said Y/n, seeing how the other employees were coming back and Penny clearly had a lot on her plate to organize.

“Thank you,” Penny mouthed to Y/n, after giving a goodbye hug and a kiss to her daughter.

“Come on, Ames,” said Y/n, opening the front door of the Hard Deck.

Hopping into Y/n’s car, Amelia practically begged to put the top down.

“Please, Y/n/n! It’s the weekend! And it’s so fun when the top is down,” said the girl.

“Can’t say no, top down it is!” exclaimed Y/n with a smile.

The might not have physically looked like sisters, but they sure acted like them. They were singing in sync, smiling as the sun was setting and the wind was blowing in their hair. It was scene pulled straight out of a movie and neither of them could have asked for a better 15 minutes.

Somewhere not too far away in a small apartment, Robert Floyd was getting ready to head to the Hard Deck. He had just gotten out of the shower, wiping off the fogged up mirror in his bathroom while securing a white towel around his waist. He grabbed his glasses and put them on, finding his attempts to push them higher up the bridge of his nose unsuccessful because his face was still damp and the bathroom was very humid. He opened the door that connected the bathroom to the bedroom to try and get the steam out of the bathroom, even opening the window above the shower to get some air flow. A thin layer of sweat was beginning to form on his body, making him feel slightly frustrated because he had to be out the door in 20 minutes max if he wanted to make a good impression on his flight mates and be there early. 

After pulling on his khaki uniform and fixing his name tag, he combed his hair to perfection and gelled it back so it would stay in place all night. He sprayed on his cologne and brushed his teeth, making sure to look as put together as possible for tonight.

Y/n pulled into the side parking lot where all the employee spots were, backing her car into one of them. She opened the door that led into the kitchen and made her way into the Hard Deck.

“Evening, everyone!” She exclaimed, waving and all the cooks.

She was in a little bit of a hurry because Penny probably needed an extra pair of hands to get everything in order.

“How was the car ride?” Penny asked.

“It was great, Amelia is seriously the best,” laughed Y/n.

“You need any help?” she asked.

“Um, I would love for you to help me by just relaxing for a sec. You’ve been helping out all afternoon and it’s gonna be busy tonight, so I’d rather have you rest for a couple minutes and just relax before the show begins,” Penny said, patting her on the back and sitting her down at the bar.

Y/n knew there was no point in arguing, so she sat down and said hi to everyone who passed by.

The bar began to fill up with people, familiar faces greeted the staff and new ones walked in with looks of fascination. The Hard Deck always had that effect on people, one of wonder and a certain belief in its magic.

Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell was definitely not one of the people Y/n expected to see. They had seen each other over the years at naval events and had worked on some projects together, but she certainly didn’t think he’d be back here. Especially not after that one time he came to teach her Top Gun class and was fired, like, the next day.

“Captain Mitchell! Long time no see! What brings you down here?” she asked him.

“Very nice to see you, y/cs! I’m down here because I really messed up this time. You’ll find out soon enough,” replied Pete with a long sigh and a tired but sincere smile.

She was far too busy to continue talking to him, taking orders from her designated area of the bar, so she waved at him and went back to work. She and the rest of the servers had a good system going in which a group of two or three servers each took on a different sector of the bar. It worked out great for them because it wasn’t as overwhelming as having to walk around the entire place taking orders. 

All her questions about Pete’s strange comment were answered when she saw a guy in a khaki uniform walk into the Hard Deck. She couldn’t help but follow him with her eyes. He was very handsome and she couldn’t deny it: that neat hair was begging to be messed with and those gold frame glasses just needed to get lost in a pile of clothes beside a bed. Preferably hers.

She hadn’t really registered he was a pilot until she snapped out of her daydream and noticed her bottom lip was between her teeth. She had a strict rule against getting with aviators, ever. After years of dealing with them and their douchebag attitudes, she’d learned to not make that mistake again.

Her first serious boyfriend was a boy she met in the naval academy. She was actually in love with him, but he shattered her heart for the first time by completely ghosting her after months of dating. Then, another pilot had cheated on her, and so on. Pilots loved the thrills in life and thought they were the smartest people on earth, but none of them knew how to handle something as fragile as a heart. She thought it was ironic and even a little funny, because they were able to flawlessly fly those jets, operate such majestic beasts with scary precision and yet they didn’t know what to do with a person who’d placed their soul in their hands. But she was over them and knew she couldn’t make that mistake again.

As the evening progressed, she continued to see other aviators pour in through the doors of the Hard Deck. None had pulled her eyes the way that the very first one did, and even though she kept minding her own business, she honestly couldn’t get him out of her head.

All the sudden, she heard Penny’s voice call out for her.

“Y/n, will you help me out here? I need to go check something in the kitchen and I can’t leave the bar here alone,” she explained.

“Of course I will! Take your time,” she answered.

Slipping in behind the bar, she pressed down her black skirt flush against her thighs, sighing and taking the orders of people around her. One man who frequented the bar and was very nice asked for his regular, asking Y/n how she was doing.

Then, a not so familiar face popped up behind her. He waited patiently to be served, and Y/n turned around to meet the gaze of the aviator she’d had her eyes on ever since he walked in. She practically sank into his deep blue eyes, trying not to seem like she was falling deeply into them. The smell of a fresh but not overpowering cologne spilled over the bar and pulled her senses into him even more. She was already drowning in him and he hadn’t even said a word. 

“Hi! Can I have a… a beer please?” he asked. She could tell he was nervous, and obviously he wasn’t very good at hiding it, hands fidgeting and looking for something to occupy themselves with. 

“Of course,” replied Y/n. She could see he was about to set his phone down on the bar. She debated whether she should warn him and decided she should so as to save him an embarrassing first impression on the rest of the pilots. But mainly, it was because she really did like him and she really didn’t want to see his pretty face riddled with shame.

“Careful! Penny wouldn’t let that slide and I certainly will not either,” she said, pointing at the wooden sign.

“Oh, thanks! That would have been terribly embarrassing,” he said with the most gorgeous smile Y/n had seen. It was taking her every muscle to hold back, she wanted so badly to kiss him right then and there. But the battle scars she had from boys like him, who started out sweet and then turned bitter were already one too many. So she turned around and poured a beer from the tap before she had time to change her mind.

“Here’s your beer, lieutenant,” she said, returning the smile and noticing a pink color rising on the man’s cheeks. Pulling rank on these pilots that were all at least a little bit full of themselves always worked, even if they were barely just lieutenants still. 

A quick thank you and he was gone. Penny was back and Y/n decided she needed a second outside, alone. She noticed the stark contrast between the noisy inside and the quiet outdoors. She could hear the muffled sound of people talking, the laughter and the music. She didn’t, however, notice a certain aviator’s eyes following her as she walked outside. If anything, this was just a fun way to pass the time while the aviators were in town. But nothing more… or that’s what she hoped, anyway. She couldn’t make any promises about not breaking the rules for this pilot.