#im so happy for them but ik its never gonna happen to me

[double-gs]

.

[snekdood]

You fucking idiots dont fucking get it. ive been taking care of plants since i was 14. Ive tried FUCKING EVERYTHING. Fungus gnats are just apparently gonna exist around me no matter what i do or try, apparently just like these yerfs who also seem to be breeding like maggots.

[nomairuins]

sighhhhh made an entire schedule for an imaginary 3mo baby. and wrote down a bunch of notes about how to take care of my imaginary 3mo baby. but then i got rly sad bc i started writing notes about how im going to be working 8 hours a day 5 days a week during the majority of the babys awake time and now im a bit sad . whatever

[cumulo-stratus]

Protector

Pairing: spencer reid x male!reader

Summary: after an unsub tries to hurt y/n, spencer steps in.

Warnings: cannon typical violence, talk of not being able to breath, Lemme know if theres anything else!

flufftober day 17: protective

A/N: were gonna ignore the fact that im skipping day 16 (im a touch avoid et autistic and the idea of a massage makes me so uncomfortable and i just couldnt write guys im sorry 😭) also ik i kinda ghosted yall on fics for like a couple weeks buuttttt (haha butt) i just got super busy with school, but its started to calm down again, i got all the presentations and tests out of the way so ill have more time to write after school. thx for being understanding <3!

Y/n fit the unsubs victims almost to a T- and y/n knew that. He knew that with no other options at this point, he would have to go undercover to bait her. And Spencer knew this- but it didn't mean he was happy about it. Y/n knew Spencer had abandonment issues- and tried his best to comfort Spencer, reminding him that both, and the rest of the team would be waiting close by incase anything happens. 

"Spence- I'll be okay, I'll have Morgan, Rossi, and prentiss in there with me-  and I'm sure we can convince Hotch to let you go undercover in the bar so you can be nearby."

"Good- I need to be there incase something happens." 

Y/n sighed and looked at Spencer- his eyes full of care for his boyfriend, nad gave him one last reassuring kiss before leaving spencer on his own for. a minute and rejoining the team to go over the plan one more time, just to be safe. And to ease spencers mind. 

y/n was sat in front of the bar in the extremely crowded pub, wearing fancy clothes, giving the appearance of wealth. The woman they were trying to catch believed that men didn’t deserve money, and she was punishing them for having it by torturing and killing them. Y/n was hoping they would be able to arrest her before she gets to the torturing part of her routine. He zoned back into the present  when he heard someone approach him. She was dressed in a skin tight red dress that hugged her curves, and had a flirty look on her face. 

"So- what's a man like you doing at such a 'working class' place like this?" 

Her sickeningly sweet tone made y/b want to vomit, but he hid it well, glancing over at Emily who was across the bar, keeping a close eye on the situation. 

"Well, sometimes I don't mind getting my shoes a little dirty with the 'average person'"

Y/ns voice was flirty, causing him to internally cringe at his own words, hating that he sounded like a yuppie. But hid it and let the unsub continue trying to seduce him. 

"Wel I'd be perfectly happy to help you rub a little mud on those jimmy choos if you like..." 

Y/n almost grimaced, but held back. He threw a glance across the bar to spencer, hoping to reassure him that he was okay. And when they met eyes for a second,   y/n could tell that spencer still wasn’t happy about him being there. Y/n did the best he could to reassure him with his eyes from the other end of the bar, before returning to the conversation with the unsub. She was now starting to get hands y with, and y/n knew she had decided he was going to be her next victim. Eventually she invited him to walk her to her car. 

“after all, i’m a petite woman by myself at night…”

All y/n could think about was the major pick me girl energy radiating off her, but outwardly he just smirked and extended his arm for her to take.

“of course, i could never turn a lady like you down.”

And as the pair made their way to the front door, spencer was the first to lift himself from his seat, following discreetly as if he had received a phone, and needed to leave the bar. Almost immediately after the door swung closed she start feeling y/n up, and spencer could feel a green jealousy boiling in the back of his mind. And. he couldnt help himself from walking slightly closer so he could hear what she was saying to his boyfriend. 

“you know- i dont know if its safe for me to drive, maybe you should drive me back to your place, and we could continue this…”

Y/n smirks, which makes spencer even more jealous, but hold holds back for the good of the case. As the pair approach the unsubs car, she pushes him against the car, kissing him- no, actually it was more like she was eating his face. Now it wasn’t only jealousy coursing through him, but also anger. Not anger like the bright red, passionate, kind, more like a dark maroon simmering in the pit of his stomach, ready to boil over kind. But a warning glance from Rossi and Morgan, who had now joined him in the parking lot while Prentiss updated Hotch, told him to back off. And he did, but he wasn’t sure how long he could hold himself back. Now y/n wasnt enjoying it either, but he just closed his eyes and sucked it up, practically counting the seconds till it would be appropriate to stop kissing having his face eaten, and get in the car. But y/n lost count of the where he was when he felt a hand grasp his neck. He knew later that this is how she had been subduing her victims, as they would already be out of breath from making out with her, and she would have the upper hand. But y/n couldn’t possibly process that. The only words that had been going through his mind as his entire life flashed in front of him were ‘Air. Need air.’ 

And thankfully his wishes were granted when the feeling of hands around his neck vanished, and over the sound of blood rushing in his ears he could hear shouts resembling “FBI Amy Brockett your under the arrest for the murders of James leason, Christian Lanery, and Gregory Poultan!” 

But what grabbed his attention more was when a blurry face with the outline of a mop of brown, curly hair filled his vision- it was spencer. And he himself was now on the ground, coughing. 

As soon as spencer had seen the woman’s hand wrap around y/n’s neck, he bolted across the semi large parking lot with his gun raised. When he arrived he pulled the unsub off y/n with more strength then he knew he had, and threw her onto the ground, looking her dead in the eyes and saying “You ever touch him again, i wont hesitate to shoot you” in a low, almost growl. But what stopped him from turning and tending to his boyfriend who was now crumpled on the pavement, coughing to regain his breath, was a scoff from the woman who was now being handcuffed and read her rights by Morgan. But spencer didn’t care enough about the unsub to send more than a dirty look her way before turning his attention to his boyfriend at the sound of another violent cough. Spencer knelt down, taking y/n’s face in his hand, while the other one dragged lazily up and down  his back, coaching him through the coughing fit. And it was only then that spencer noticed the tears staining y/n’s cheeks.

“Oh angel its ok, im here, you’re ok.”

Y/n released a small hiccup, falling easily into spencers arms. Spencers eyes searched his boyfriends body for any other injuries other then the marks on his neck that were already becoming a maroon-ish purple hue. spencers eyebrows were creased in concern at the marks on his partners necks and when y/n noticed this he tried to reassure him.

“spence- baby im fine, i just needed to catch my breath..” 

even though y/n’s breathing he evened out it was still sounding a little weezy as harshly tried to rub away the tears in his eyes. spencer caught y/n’s in his own, preventing the harsh red skin y/n was leaving behind from rubbing his skin so strongly.

“angel, come on lets go have a paramedic check you out..”

spencer helped y/n up, and only then did he notice how many police cars and ambulances had filled the parking lot with screaming sirens and blaring lights. The couples faces were basked in blue and red light as spencer lead y/n to a paramedic to get checked out. And as y/n sat there, the paramedic poking and prodding- spencer stayed planted next to him, hand in his. 

The End

[aidlyncanon]

Lets Talk: Tyler Hernandez

a.k.a. sai explains sbg

When I think of mischaracterized sbg characters I almost immediately go to Tyler Hernandez. Why? because he's so mischaracterized due to people focusing on ships too much.

This isnt a post for me to say "fuck you ik these characters better and im right" since people to perceive things differently this is just more me sharing my full Tyler analysis which I find most people (ive talked to) agree with me.

This is gonna be separated into four categories: personality, full death analysis, relationships, my opinion on fanon tyler takes.

I didnt realize how long this is gonna be until I actually started typing it so warning it's a long one :)

Personality

Were going to go from start to current on this.

Not much is known about how Tyler acted before his father's passing, other than he used to be your average loving kid. He enjoyed playing baseball with his father and his dad taught him and Taylor a few songs on the guitar one of them being Happy Birthday (which he later taught ben). Once his dad died his entire life practically got uprooted.

I find it odd that theres a chapter explaining his development and character yet he's still so mischaracterized. He slowly lost interest in everything, never doing anything fun. Instead focusing on taking care of his family like he watched his father do.

Despite how some portray it, Tyler doesn't find joy in playing baseball anymore. It became just a way to get into college. He doesn't see the point in indulging in things that he deems distractions or stupid. For example at the Sorrel Weed House he (rightfully so) found the phantom "prank" stupid, dragging Taylor out of the building. Like Ashlyn he too saw no point in friends. He didn't have time for 'such distractions'.

He's not one for sugar coating or beating around the bush, he'll be blunt. Such as him telling Logan he's pathetic for being scared of Barron while they deal with phantoms every night. While even Ashlyn acknowledges he was harsh she stated he did have a point, that Logan needed to learn how to defend himself.

Despite being easily annoyed and irritated at the beginning he cared for them in some form early on. Like when Logan got hurt in the bus he went to check on him, or when he heard Aiden yell Ashlyn's name when she got taken onto the roof Tyler almost immediately went to go check what happened.

Whether he realized it or not the others were beginning to be of concern to him. He slowly began warming up to them. This is first majorly seen after they get the jeep from Ashlyn's house. This being the first time we properly see him smile. He also shut Logan down when he tried to dodge Aiden's compliment. Telling Logan he should be proud of himself.

Tyler also is relatively observant, noticing and acknowledging the fact that Logan wants to do something to help Barron's new victim (Noah). He assures Logan that they'll all be there if he needs help. Not only showing how he's grown to care for them but that he'll help them when needed.

At Lily's birthday Ashlyn acknowledges that Tyler's become less of a jerk, quite literally stating in the comic that he's grown and become more comfortable around them. Allowing himself to make friends despite growing up thinking it was a waste of time.

I would talk about his death itself but the section below is gonna go into depth about it.

He has no will to keep himself guarded in front of them. His only concern being getting to Taylor. That's a pattern with how he operates. He WILL put those he holds closest above himself. He quite literally was about to die but the only thing on his mind was the fact that he'd be leaving them alone. That something might've happened to Taylor. That he needed to get to them.

Taylor states in the season two premiere that he began having fun with them, possibly beginning to see the group as his family. (Theyre family its canon shush). When Ashlyn goes to apologize to him he appears shocked but he doesnt accept her apology. Why? because he doesn't blame her, he knows it wasn't her fault. He cares for her, we can see how much he has grown. He even gave her a nickname that wasn't a form of insult. By which I mean he calls Aiden idiot and other things but not a genuine nickname.

After finding out that Aiden also died but woke up before him Tyler went to text Aiden. Whether that was to check on him or just to have someone to talk to who knows.

He's let down his walls for the group significantly, like when Logan, Ashlyn, and Ben found him in the facility. He in his own way asked for comfort, thanking Ben when he comforted him.

Overall Tyler's grown to care for all of them, seeing them as family. He's allowed himself to be open and vulnerable. Relying on the others at times (throughout his injury) as well as letting them rely on him (like when telling Logan the group will be there when he talks to Barron)

Death & Aftermath

His death was a pivotal point which is why I made a whole section dedicated to it. Not only is it a turning point for Tyler but for the story and everyone else.

NOTE: so I was going to do a full analysis here on this HOWEVER i'm just going to make it a separate post since this is long enough as it is and I want to keep this focused on Tyler whereas his death and aftermath discussion will be about everyone.

Relationships

Ethan Hernandez

Not much is known about his dad other than the fact he played a huge role in Tyler's life. He taught the twins a few songs on guitar, Happy birthday being one of them. This allowing Tyler to teach Ben for Lily's birthday.

Mariana Hernandez

After losing his dad, Mariana essentially wasn't mentally there. She's still dealing with her grief causing her to at times be unable to remember her husband isn't alive. This was shown when she wondered why her husband wasn't off work for Lily's party.

Tyler had to take care of both her and Taylor. When she came back to reality after Tyler died she stepped up to take care of him and be there for her children. He cares for him mom a lot.

Taylor Hernandez

Most of this goes without saying, hes protective of his sister, after all he needs to be. I assume this comes from the fact the twins canonically have separation anxiety (stated by Red on insta). This likely stems from losing their dad at an early age.

His sister is always his priority, when he woke up his first instinct when he heard a scream was to get to Taylor.

Ashlyn Banner

They don't hate each other despite what some fans believe. They actually never hated each other.

At the beginning they had conflicting ideals, Ashlyn thinking it'd be smarter to wait while Tyler wanted to go back to the Sorrel Weed House. This caused them to bump heads at times.

During the first night when Tyler cause Ashlyn to snap at him telling him to "be useful" he, despite being irritated prior to this, did make himself useful by helping with the chair legs. Ashlyn noticing his silence and wondering if she was too harsh. Showing that even then she had nothing against Tyler.

Tyler grew to care for others this includes Ashlyn when he hears Aiden yell her name, he also ended up carrying her to the car when she got concussed. The feeling of care is mutual first shown when the fight at the arcade happened. When background guy punched Tyler, Ashlyn immediately kicked the guy square in the head.

Ashlyn commented on how he was less of a jerk and how it was nice of him to teach Ben Happy Birthday for Lily's birthday since he can no longer sing it.

When Tyler died Ashlyn felt guilty, blaming herself for the incident. She was so upset that she couldn't protect him and the others. Tyler on the other hand didn't blame her at all. Brushing her apology off as if it was nothing. Because it WAS nothing, from his perspective she had no reason to apologize.

She was the first to find him in the phantom dimension. She was the one to administer the sedatives. Telling him "we're going to get you down... okay?" to which he responded with "okay..". She waited until he was sedated and she was off the ladder to fully react. Putting himself and his wellbeing first. She checked on him when they parked the car in the school that night.

When looking for the others in the facility she made note that she was worried for him (and aiden), remembering the way she last saw them both. Once finding Tyler and his bloody room she was shocked and concerned. Unable to react at the sight.

When Ashlyn revealed that she was the one to bring their parents into the phantom dimension Tyler shut her down real quick. Saying she was being melodramatic and that she would be the one who could get them out. Adding the "and anyone else who you decide to drag in" to which she replied saying she didn't decide to bring anyone in. With him ending the discussion with "then stop acting like it".

"they hate each other" they never have

Aiden Clark

Aiden and Tyler mutually made digs at each other. Aiden getting on Tyler's nerves easily. Overtime their arguing turned into playful banter. They grew to care for the other.

Aiden was worried when Tyler had died, while still managing to partially keep up his facade it is easy to tell he was worried for his friend.

Aiden not typically dropping his smile except in moments where someone he cares for is harmed. Tyler's no exception to this, as when he sees Tyler on the Tree he is visibly scared and in shock. Literally shaking from the sight.

Over the course of the comic Tyler grows accustomed to Aiden being around. His jokes and just presence. Eventually allowing Aiden to rest against him while they shared a wheelchair.

Ben Clark

Tyler offered to teach Ben guitar for Lily's birthday. The two have grown close. When Tyler died and woke up at the hospital Ben was seen with a "r u ok?" message on his phone. Tyler trusts Ben. We can see this when after they get Tyler off the tree Ben carrys him on his back. In the back of the car Ben keeps his eyes on Tyler.

Ben goes back to carrying him while they walk through the school. Once they get to the room he sets Tyler down and begins to re-bandage him due to Tyler bleeding through the bandages. When the roof begins to collapse Ben can be seen protecting Tyler's head and body under the desk.

When they find Tyler's room in the facility Ben too is shocked. Once Tyler says "...you know it doesn't really... make me feel... any better if you... react like that..." Ben immediately kneels next to him, ruffling his hand and giving him a smal thumbs up. As his way of trying to be there for him. This getting a small thanks from Tyler. Ben then sends Logan and Ashlyn to find the others and get a wheelchair while he stays with Tyler.

Ben can be seen redoing Tyler's bandages multiple times. He also was the one to push Tyler's wheelchair while they were walking around the facility.

Logan Fields

At the start Tyler thought Logan was pathetic for beinf scared of Barron. Eventually, like the others, he grew to care for Logan. When Logan got hurt he went to check on him.

At the arcade he noticed Logan wanting to do something about Barron so he encouraged it, telling Logan that him and the others will be there just incase.

When Tyler reunited with everyone in the hospital Logan can be seen crying, relieved his friend was okay. Like Ben and Ashlyn, Logan was shocked at Tyler's state in the facility.

During the walk through the facility Tyler mentions that "we should probably be a bit faster" where we got logans iconic "youre the one in a wheelchair" retort (love him).

My Takes

These are just my own personal opinions.

"Ashlyn and Tyler hate each other" you dont need to like the ship but to blatantly ignore their development is crazy. I wouldn't even put it up to development since they never hated each other. Theyre both just the type to believe and stick with their opinion and positions. They had conflicting ideas which lead them to debating but to say they hate each other couldn't be farther from the truth.

I honestly can't stand the way SOME fans make it seem like tyler hates everyone except Logan for some reason. He wouldn't be close to anyone except the GROUP. Why? because like ashlyn he didnt see the point in friends, not cause they hated everyone but because it was a waste of time in their minds.

Also he wouldn't use cringy ass nicknames or petnames, the only real nickname hes given is "carrot top" which yeah is funny but it's not like babyish does that make sense? Other than that the only thing person he really calls names is Aiden who he uses like insults PLAYFULLY. Again he doesn't hate any of them.

I don't understand how people can manage to mischaracterize him so bad when there's an entire chapter that explains about half of his character. Quick focusing on just early S1 sbg cause he had plenty of development in the first season alone.

If you've actually read this im fucking shocked, this shit took me like two hours to write omg.

Who next? (minus Logan until the little bit of backstory we now have is public not fast pass)

[kentjohnson91]

Today we are going to discuss trades/ free agency signings that have happened this offseason and how and why they made me upset:

Nikita Zadorov: Vancouver➡️Boston (free agency)

As a Bruins fan SO EXCITED

As a fan of chaos i’m sad

Him and Myers reeking havoc on the ice together was so iconic for the short time we were blessed by it😔

Nick Blankenburg: Columbus➡️Nashville (free agency)

This was like one of very few moves i have not approved of by Mr Don Waddell

He was cooking from the start and then this happened

Like Ik he was probs gonna be in the AHL a lot but like for an undrafted defenseman he is good

He’s like 5’9” (more like 5’8 stop lying Nick) and runs around throwing hits on 6’3 or bigger guys

He’s my favorite little man and i want him back. He rounded out the Michigan group on Columbus too well.

Kevin Bahl: New Jersey➡️Calgary (trade)

Ik i say “im not a devils fan i just love him” about like half their team but like i swear its true

I need everyone to acknowledge the childhood friends to NHL teammates arc of him and the Hughes brothers and that is heartbreaking that it is no more

Also i understand it was an underpay for Markstrom but that will always happen for goalies (see Ullmark trade) so all the Devils fans acting like it was a good thing he was gone and not appreciating the time he put in there or the calgary fans mad they got him and hating him already made me wanna cry

Like GIVE HIM A CHANCE

also he just had a baby right before the trade and that means none of his NJD teammates get to see the baby and that will make me bawl (hehe bawl - bahl) like a baby no joke

John Marino: New Jersey➡️Utah (trade)

TOM FITZGERALD WHEN I GET YOU

This poor man who tends to look like a kicked puppy for no reason seemed so happy there

with Jack, Luke, Nico, Kevin, Curtis, Nate like cmon why would you do this to me

Will never cope with whatever the fuck was goin on with him and Luke honestly

WHY UTAH

Ryan McLeod: Edmonton➡️Buffalo (trade)

this was another one like the Kevin one where the fans pissed me off instantly

“the other guy was such a good prospect he was gonna develop more and play for buffalo”

i’m gonna hold your hand when i tell you that McLeod is 24 (almost 25) and 25 year olds can STILL DEVELOP TOO THIS SHIT SHOULD NOT BE NEWS HELLO???

also people who started using what his brother did as an excuse to not want him

while no one knows for sure, randomly assuming with no real reason that he had any knowledge of his brothers part in the 2018 Team Canada Scandal is so unfair honestly

and ALSO they separated him from his pookie (Bouchard) and his gay dads (Leon and Connor)

Not coping

Linus Ullmark: Boston➡️Ottawa (trade)

where do i even begin

no more hugs

no more feeding each other during post game interviews

no more eating cinnamon buns that Ullys wife made them together

no being Matt Poitras dads together

I ofc understand from the business side but it doesn’t make it hurt less

Jake Debrusk: Boston➡️Vancouver (free agency)

This one stung

we all knew it was coming but like

he’s been here his whole career

him and McAvoy were the ultimate duo

scored their first goals on the same night

if anyone saw Charlie McAvoys post about him and Grizz just know i cried for hours over that shit

Matt Grzelcyk: Boston➡️Pittsburgh (free agency)

another one that hurt a lot

once again see charlie mcavoys post

THE ONES OF THEM FROM COLLEGE TOGETHER

ENOUGH CHUCK

also no more amazing interviews with Mr Grzelcyk (Matt’s dad)

He worked in the Garden forever so Matt LITERALLY LEARNED TO SKATE THERE

HOMETOWN HERO AND A HALF

HEARTBROKEN

Anyways if i think of more im forgetting or something else happens before camp ill make another post but anyways

[erenfox]

RANKING SBG SHIPS BECAUSE LOKI GAVE US ALL FREE WILL 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥

Aidlyn/Ashden: good lord the chemistry. the 'he fell first but she fell harder' trope. the lil gestures by aiden. him annoying tf out of her but also becoming very caring when she's hurt. I'M SO CALM RN GUYS. and the fact that them ending up together is inevitable lmfao XD 9/10

Benlor: FUCKKK IM SERIOUSLY NOT OK THESE TWO ARE JUST SO PURE AND SWEET TO EACH OTHER. ESPECIALLY TAYLOR TOWARDS HIM, cuz he kinda suppresses his feelings and is a sad boi :( dw ben taylor's gonna make you feel happy again fosho lmao 😭 the lil blushing ben always does around taylor! her supporting his ideas even tho they flop! her helping him calm down from barron through music! her always cheering him up whenever he's gloomy! her being the first to thank him for opening up! THEY'RE LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF SHE FELL FIRST BUT HE FELL HARDER! GOD IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM 😭😭😭 10/10

Tylenol/Tylo: i never thought of the prospect of them together, but post tumblr i must say its interesting. not just them being the single ones in the team, but i like the way tyler defended logan against barron, and his general protective aura around logan. but then again tyler was kinda rude to logan in the start. but then again it gives nerd x jock vibes which to me r pretty cool 5/10

Tyden: LMAO the continuous saga of them pissing tf out of each other. it would be fuckin hilarious if they somehow end up together. but apart from the general hilarious bickering, there's not too much to it 5/10

Tayden: goddamn their friendship is so precious!! her painting his nails? her carrying him on his shoulders in dat one artwork?PURE BESTIE VIBES they just match each other's freak lmfao. 8/10

Logden: meh there are not any significant moments between these two. would definitely be cute, but i can't see it happening lol 2/10

Loglor/Taygan: no but why can i actually see this happening lol. the way theyre both so gentle around each other! then the way she was the first to help him when he got slashed by the phantom? and also the way she stood up for him when tyler was being rude? Cute! 6/10

Benlyn: ooh the two quiet people of the gang! they could work out really well bcoz they definitely understand each other's struggles with muteness and phantom hearing respectively. plus that panel of ben braiding ashlyn's hair was so cute lmao :> 7/10

Loglyn: AAA they have sm potential!!! before the events of yk the whole ✨sAvAnNaH✨ mess, i feel like they wouldve been each other's only existing acquaintance they may call friends (ik it's not canon but it's very plausible lol) 6/10

Benlo/Logben: theyd definitely be good together, it's just that my sbg memory is failing to recall any significant moments b/w them ;-; if y'all remember pls do tell 4/10

Tyben: what is with the hernandez siblings always ending up being bens biggest supporters lmao XD it's a cute dynamic honestly 5/10

Taylyn: now this is one freakin adorable ship TvT. the way taylor always had a slight pang of concern for a friendless lonely ashlyn when they were kids? and the way they quite frankly became besties after enduring all the phantom world shit? very sweet lmao 7/10

Tylyn/Ashler: i have been usurped into the tylyn propaganda by @tragedry honestly I DO NOT COMPLAIN. like holy fuck they're so enemies to lovers! them "loathing" each other, fighting for leadership, but then immediately becoming possibly the biggest protectors of each other in times of danger??? extremely wholesome lmao i love them smmm 9/10

SO THE TOP SHIPS ARE:

3. TAYDEN (the crack ship) 😈🔥🥉

2. tie b/w TYLYN and AIDLYN (the wholesome ships) 😌👌🥈

1. BENLOR (THE PUREST SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE GOOFS EVERR I-) 🥺❤🥇

[laylawatermelon]

Please please read this and give it some love but I had an inkling of this feeling but never mentioned it cause I thought it was absurd.

Basically its a tweet of a reddit post (inception ik) basically of how Tim is basically rewriting the characters back to the way they were.

More below 👇🏾

Everyone's been mentioning how the characters have been more in character and the actors are happy and that makes sense.

He's been making them more in character than they ever were.

And with the Buddie situation (yes not everything is about them but i am a buddie fan who happened to find and grow to love this show because of it) it makes the most sense.

Now that Oliver mentioned the love story and everyone assumed it was the shooting and being in live it made the most sense.

Who else was he going to be falling in love woth at the time? It surely wasn't Taylor. Their romantic relationship was always doomed to fail and it was a great friendship they had (ehhh sideye for Bobby situation and Jonah eventually) that lasted if they weren't too persnally involved in each others lives.

She'd have been a perfect friend for him to gossip about the drama at the 118 (not work cause you know she'd make a story). That relationship wasn't going to work. He's too honest and she's too opportunisic.

If it hadn't been Jonah it'd be something else and he'd feel the same sense of betrayal (also Buck kissing Lucy was betrayal but that also felt a lil like assult cause she got him reallllly drunk and if the roles were reversed people wouldn't be that enthusiastic about it).

The only other love story that's been written logically as a will they won't they tragic and emotionally complex story is Buck and Eddie's.

Season 2 he replaced his love intrest! Like come on!

But in all seriousness, the Ana breakup and ll the vague dollow your heart is basically being rehashed.

I remember someone mentioning that Marisol is just another Ana (whoever you are if you see this send me hit I'll put it in here) and that's actually true.

Yay Marisol no last name haters your time has arrived cause it's official she's done!

There's no worry because we're getting a conclusion on the fact that was supposed to happen years ago.

She's not a permanent structure.

This storyline can go two ways.

One Buddie confirmed season 8.

Or two, Eddie realizes what his family could look like and its a single parent home with a support system from work (and Buck but we're gonna just gloss over that for now).

Meta linked above I just talked about Eddie and its coming to fruition (hire me abc im getting better at screenwriting!).

For the first one it's juicy storytelling.

For the other it makes sense as development for Eddie becoming comfortable with himself apart from his identity as a husband/widower, son, Catholic, and father.

He'll learn to bebhimself which he hadn't had the opportunity to do as he had fell into adulthood with his kid and then added on having a child with a disability that needs a lot of monetary support he ended up losing the chance to figure out who he is without all of that.

Even if it's not romantic (😔) it's great for him to realize he doesn't really need to be with anyone or fulfill a role he's not ready or willing to fill due to duty.

He can just be a father and work it iut that way.

Chris only wants his dad happy and I sense he knows his dad isn't happy at times or even worse he's not happy but is pretending so that his dad can be happy as he feels he has to give him that space/approval.

Chris is getting a storyline and he's always been observant so he'll most likely either explode in his feelings and tell his dad or tell him in a misunderstanding (he is getting to be a moody teen after all it's not going to be an adult reaction).

He's been close to death, heard his dad lose it and loat his mom. He's more mature than people give him credit for but the story hadn't included him much recently so we'll just have to see.

[forest-sh]

Good Omens Theories - I wrote this instead of sleeping, excuse my rambling

Starter theories i wrote before "analyzing" anything:

Somethings in the coffee

might be fighting whatever "it" is

The Metatron and Crowley have ISSUES together, personally as a headcanon and not a theory, i think it was most likely that Metatron was the one that damned all the demons into, well, damnation. what i mean is that he was there and all that.

35:32 - as someone previously pointed out, he changed his speech to appear more like aziraphales.

aziraphale is sure of what he wants (to stay out of heaven and stay on earth) and through out the ep that changes quickly. suspicious.

as someone else pointed out, he changed his description of the almond syrup in the coffee. After further research, i found almonds symbolizes the purity of the Virgin and the birth of jesus in Christianity. Which might mean, that what the tumblr posts are saying is true and he maybe coming in s3. Some depictions of divine favor and approval, and divine guiding were also shown but appeared less often than the first. That "I should jolly well hope so" comment from Metatron does add some suspicion to the coffee as well. In another context, an almond (although its the tree here not the fruit) is also a shown as a message of god watching.

39:37-39:56 - THATS SUSPICIOUS AF- That whole interaction was suspicious as hell,

rn aziraphale looks like me when I'm trying to flee from a conversation from one of my teachers (aka one of my superiors someone i have too respect immediately without question and try not to get in trouble with(unless they have given me reason not to of course)) just agreeing with everything their saying to get out of the conversation faster.

"Well then, go and tell your friend the good news." aziraphale here looks nervous, as he's walking off he thinks for a moment, i think his face is showing a (what the fuck is happening rn) kinda vibe. and afterwards his whole demeaner is (lets get this over with.) WHY THOUGH. if he's nervous which obviously he is, he's gonna ask a pretty big question here not knowing if Crowley is gonna say yes or not, BUT HE DOESNT LOOK HAPPY/EXCITED NERVOUS. he looks like accepted his fate/i know this gonna go badly nervous.

40:52 -

LMAO aziraphale is like NOWS NOT THE TIME CROWLEY looks over to the window NOWS NOT THE FUCKING TIME. to me this implies that he knows Metatron is looking and that he is warry of him, WHY ARE YOU WARRY OF HIM, HUH AZIRAPHALE?? HMM??? THIS IS SOMEONE WHO YOU TOTALLY 100% AGREE WITH HIS STUPID PLAN WHY ARE YOU WARRY?? i don't know why, just that he shouldn't be if he actually believes the shit he was spouting, I'm not that smart-

42:03 - LOL LOOK AT AZIRAPHALE dudes like (What the fuck are you saying right now-)

43:12 - that giggle was hysteric almost.

OH GOD that "not at all" has been BUGGING ME and i don't know why! he says it through clenched teeth like he's lying or is OH! LIKE HES TRYING NOT TO SAY IT!! like something is coursing him into saying it but he's trying not to, and that smile slipping as Crowley gets angry HURTS ME, but the smile is almost awkward like he's trying to keep it in place but he doesn't want it too.

I feel like when Crowley starts talking here ("confessing") aziraphale continues looking at the window and is giving a "oh please don't do this now Crowley NOT right now" look

why am i starting to think that metatron is controlling aziraphale.. why am i getting that feeling-

NOW IK WHY im paying attention to aziraphales expressions and half way through crowleys confession he SQUINTS at him HATEFULLY

oh nvm hes just confused- WHEN I TELL YOU I DID A DOUBLE TAKE-

"We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell, they're toxic. We need to get away from them" AZIRAPHALE WDYM= WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO TO THIS STATEMANT, OH EXCUSE ME THIS FACT, THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW= WHAT YOU SHAKING YOUR HEAD FOR

have i pointed out the smile? ITS JUST SO FAKE- LIKE COME ON HES NEVER and i mean EVER SMILED LIKE THAT also should i point out that he's smiling but also looks like he's going to cry.

That "No. No, I don't suppose it does" HURT ME, like its what he should've said slay queen but still- he looks so HEARTBROKEN

"Good luck? Crowley! Crowley" BISH WHY ARE YOU SAYING Crowley! LIKE YOU GUYS ARE ARGUING ABOUT WHALES OR SOMETHING?? THIS IS SERIOUS! dudes acting like their having one of there little bickering fights and Crowley's being difficult.

" Anything you need to take with you? " pretty sure aziraphale wanted to take his diary with him, you know just incase what happened with Gabriel happened to him too, seems only logical. (he had a diary with him right- that wasn't a fanfic i read, RIGHT??)

Final Theories

The Metatron is somehow controlling/affecting aziraphales actions and aziraphales fighting it.

theory number two is the most obvious theory, and the one where every single observation points towards it. Aziraphale GENUINELY thinks he can outsmart the Metatron by being in heaven and fixing it from the inside, for whatever reason (probably because he thinks his days are numbered if he stays on earth, it took only a few years for heaven to bother them again and the result was that he was almost erased from EXISTENCE) he wants to be up there in heaven not because he WANTS too but because he has too. through out the final 15 i think he was trying to signal to crowley his plan and Crowley didn't know he WAS throwing any signals. dude was genuinely confused af when crowley started confessing. The miscommunication tag is at it again folks.

[rxyhiraeth]

SO PJO CAME OUT TODAY

and i have a lot of thoughts

this is just me screaming into the void about this show that i’ve been excited about since it’s been announced.

i haven’t personally really read the books in a bit, so if i am remembering things incorrectly or forgetting if something was in the books or not, forgive me (and correct me and my terrible memory)

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS AHEAD

EPISODE 1: I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher

first off - chapter titles. i knew about this a while ago but im so happy we are doing this

getting the whole speech from percy in the beginning oh we are so back

blackjack??? that was blackjack right??

MYTHOMAGIC CARDS

if this gets us actual mythomagic cards we can buy, so help me god. i’m gonna spend all my money on them

i will never be able to speak highly enough about sally jackson. best fictional mom ever and i love her with all of my heart.

the “hold fast perseus. brave the storm” parallel at the beginning and end of the episode oh i’m sick to my stomach

the fountain scene felt a little… goofy? from what i remember percy just remembers her ending up in the fountain,like it sounds like he kinda blacks out. maybe that’s actually how it was in the books, but i did imagine it differently.

grover and brunner being the KINGS of gaslighting

percy is stronger than i could ever be if grover exposed me like that i couldn’t talk to him for like a year.

the biggest issue i’ve seen everyone talk about: gabe. i understand WHY they made him how he is in the tv show. it’s a disney show, they can’t have him be completely book accurate putting his hands on sally and threatening percy for money so he can play poker, but i feel like this doesn’t fit with how he ends up at the end of book 1. maybe we will see a more ‘evil’ side to him through the news interviews and stuff, or he will have a different ending, but i feel like the way he acts now doesn’t justify his end in book 1 that i expect to see in the tv show.

sally in the rain listening to olivia rodrigo i love her so much 😭😭😭

d’angelos??? it’s spelled differently but reference perhaps? i cannot WAIT to see nico i hope we get to see him in the casino

i didn’t get this until i saw someone point it out but the cuts to black were ends of chapters!! and it makes so much more sense. i will say it feels a bit odd?? but i honestly prefer it more as someone who has read the books.

i find the whole sally explaining the gods to percy interesting. it fits for the tv show more, but i love book percy just getting forced into camp half blood without any real knowledge just like “what the fuck is going on”

“Like… like Jesus?” PERCY PLS

i love this grover reveal, but the BEST will forever be the musical

“She was a fury!” “YOU’RE a furry, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEGS?!?”

grover dropping the fact he is 24 in a super intense scene is very grover

that first shot of thalia’s tree lit up by the LIGHTNING gave me CHILLS

the entire minotaur scene was incredible. sally’s speech to grover and percy. percy killing the minotaur. insane

not to mention sally taking percy’s jacket to throw off the minotaurs scent? such a cool choice

EPISODE 2: I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom

"you droll when you sleep" YUPPP MHMM YUP

ik that the whole 'Mr. D trying to use percy to get a drink' thing is supposed to be a little joke, but its also such a good way to explain the whole "gods can get their kids to steal shit for them because they can't do it themselves" without having a whole dramatic moment explaining it.

in my head I imagined the entire camp being very heavily wooded, maybe that's just the movies having some influence over me when it comes to visualization, but it was cool to see the camp in the actually valley in a very book accurate portrayal.

OH THE CABINS MY EYES WERE GLUED THE WHOLE TIME

THEY LOOK SO GOOD

this tv show has already captured the two personally traits of percy jackson: 1. he loves his mom 2. he hates the gods

the jelly beans

seeing Luke befriend percy and be his first friend at camp luke I am in your fucking walls

I personally feel like the way they have chosen to portray clarisse is quite different from the books, but I absolutely love it. i was not a fan of her for a while in the books, but I love her immediately in this version.

also did we get to 'see' the cloven council in tlt? I don't think we did, and I like seeing it in prep for sea of monsters.

the entire scene of percy praying to his mom breaks me. oh my god. favorite scene in the entire show so far. it breaks my heart he loves and misses her so much.

"I think I've made some friends here. like real friends" luke I have a gun

the whole bathroom scene. that's it.

ANNABETH

maybe its just different seeing all these characters portrayed well on the screen, but she feels super different than book annabeth but also exactly the same. im not 100% how to explain it but there is no one better to play annabeth than leah

I am so excited to see this slowburn all over again

"she my little sister" luke please

thalia name pronunciation how are we feeling team

i have 100% been pronouncing it the other way this whole time but oh well

"sunshine" hey! when we get the first "seaweed brain" I am going to go crazy

"percy's on it. when its time he's gonna be ready" are you sure about that luke

in the books the main 'introduction scene' we got with clarisse was the bathrooms, but this scene with her in the woods feel much more like an introduction scene and im not sure if this was done on purpose, but I love her and this scene.

annabeth. I cannot stress my love for her enough

annabeth pushing him into the water instead of him falling. love her

percy FINALLY finding a place he belongs only to be forced out on a quest for his dad that he fucking hates

"good kid" from tlt musical was so right

"I am Sally Jackson's son!" what if I just started eating glass rn

anyway I am absolutely obsessed with this show already. I am so sorry to anyone who doesn't want pjo on their feed you are getting it anyway.

if this show is your first introduction to the series. read the books! or at least the lightning thief. and for the love of god LISTEN TO THE MUSICAL. I cannot stress enough how good of a portrayal of the book it is and it is my all time favorite interpretation of the books (although this show may take that top spot soon).

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

[liverpool-enjoyer]

footballers as taylor swift songs

requested by my swiftie in Christ @yudgefudge!! thank you luv <3

leo: you're on your own, kid. ive been associating him w this song way before i knew that everyone else was doing the same lmao. it rlly does encompass his entire journey, from humble beginnings n jus being a little kid playing for fun (from sprinkler splashes/to fireplace ashes), to being the best in the world n all the struggles that come with it (i search the party.../just to learn that my dreams arent rare). the man gave his blood sweat n tears like hed be saved by a the "perfect kiss" which here is a metaphor for the wc obviously. n ohmygosh "everything you lose is a step you take"!!!! BRUH???!?!?! every line, from "i didnt chose this town (ie paris)/i dream of getting out/theres just one who could make me stay", to "the jokes werent funny, i took the money/my friends from home dont know what to say" are all SO leo coded.

ney: anti-hero. i ADORE him n theres a lot of people that like him. but theres also a lot of people who like not liking him. hes one of the best in the world, and as great as that is, he has, unjustifiably so, garnered a significant amount of haters (its me, hi, im the problem, its me/at tea time, everybody agrees). hes rlly endured a ton of it throughout the years, but keeps going (pierced through the heart/but never killed). after facing so much backlash, youd probly worry about the people that still support you and how much longer you can hold on to that (one day i'll watch as youre leaving/and life will lose all its meaning). also, hes a rich person. which makes the bridge pretty relatable for him but like in a funny way.

gavi: nothing new. this one is more based off my inner musings than actual like evidence. i have no idea whats going on this lil dudes head. but i know that IF i were in his position, i'd relate to this song a FUCK TON. its basically a song abt being in the spotlight, n being the shiny young thing that has peoples attention. but what happens when thats not true anymore? (Lord, what will become of me/once ive lost my novelty?) what happens in a few years when an even younger prodigy comes around n impresses everyone? (are we only biding time 'til i lose your attention?/and someone else lights up the room?/people love an ingénue). im not gonna write down the whole birdge but its basically abt the inevitably of meeting your replacement. the song basically asks: "will you still want me/when im nothing new?" he seems like a happy dude who probly doesnt think abt this stuff, but if i were a famous promising young soccer player, this stuff would definitely weigh on my mind.

muller: the story of us. Lord forgive my mullendowski heart. i tried to think of a song that would fit jus him n leave shipping out of it but,,, yeah it wasnt happening. in my mind theyre a package deal. anywho the song's about being around someone youre still in love with after youve broken up (now im standing alone in a crowded room/and we're not speaking and im dying to know/is it killing you like its killing me). ik theyre on good terms n all but in my mindbrain i imagine him them being in the same place for the first time since lewy left him bayern and poor thomas jus "nervously pulling at my clothes/and trying to look busy." and my gosh "but you held your pride like you shouldve held me"??? the AUDACITY. i can go off about this whole song tbh. oh n also even tho speak nows a country album this song is kinda,,, rock/punk-ish kinda??? which is to say, its very loud. much like a certain someone. fun fact i almost put seven for him bc of "before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/anytime i wanted" but i figured one line wasnt enough for me to put the whole song.

mbappe: evermore. this is a brooding song. a depression song. so i can definitely see this as a post 2022 world cup final song for him. it actually relates to a sports loss very well. (i used to listen to this song n think a oikawa from haikyuu,,, heh). if theres one thing abt mbappe its that hes dedicated. i can see him "replay(ing) my footsteps on each stepping stone/trying to find the one where i went wrong," yknow, jus thinking abt the final over n over. very "i rewind the tape but all it does is pause/on the very moment all was lost." but at the end of it all, hes young, hes talented, n has more world cups ahead of him. ie: "i had a feeling so peculiar/this pain wouldnt be for/evermore."

klopp: dear reader. this whole song is just advice. its taylor dishing out advice to her fans, most of whom are younger than her. kloppo loves his players, he wants to give them good advice that applies not only on the pitch, but off it as well. (dear reader/bend when you can, snap when you have to/dear reader/you dont have to answer, just cause they asked you) however its no secret that our lovely manager can be pretty hard on himself. so its possible that while he gives advice to those he loves, he feels like hes not worthy of giving it (you wouldnt take my word for it/if you knew who was talking).

again, everything stated is speculation, fueled entirely by my delusional lil mindbrain. as i dont know these ppl.

[seattlesellie]

this is super random (also this is my first msg to u hi <3) and i’m honestly asking this generally to anyone else who also happens to read this, but recently i’ve realized my sexual orientation and come to the conclusion that i’m like REALLY attracted to women (as a woman myself ofc). so obv this made me also think abt how someday i’m gonna have to tell ppl close to me abt this but i’m literally losing my mind cause i’m NAWT vulnerable especially w/ my parents 😭 and also i just now was watching a tiktok live that was full of homophobic ppl and whenever i see that on the internet, it makes me wanna go deeper in the shell (or closet lmao) that i already am in. like it makes me realize how many horrible ppl there are that won’t accept smth so simple (i’m also very emotional as u can see 😍) so like tbh i’m not sure what i’m seeking here but ig i’m just curious if u or anyone else has felt like this/what helped u come out? like it’s so hard for me to be open and as someone who recently graduated and is going to uni, in a completely diff country alone, i’m gonna have more freedom and if i were to date another girl, it’d feel unfair to my parents if i didnt say anything prior abt my identity. ik they’re also very supportive, which i’m thankful for, but i just HATEEE vulnerability. idk man :( it’s also very weird finally realizing more abt myself. it makes me SO happy yet so so so scared? aarrghh idk sorry abt this long message, u seem like the nicest person and this place feels safe, so i just felt like i could ask/find some kind of relatability. 💗 sorry again for this long ass rant LOLS 🌟

okokok im gonna tell u my coming out story because i can awfully relate to this ?? n adding a read more cos this is so long sorry <333 🤧

literally knew i liked girls my entire life and like suppressed the shit out of it. would try and date guys all throughout highschool and would feel so terrible afterwards… but like you, i was super uncomfortable with that type of vulnerability and also barely had any gay friends, let alone any gay female friends. so i spent my life just thinking im gonna be in the closet forever !! until i met my now ex gf, she would constantly be sleeping over— but i did the classic thing of telling my parents she was just my new best friend, until one day my dad was like… be so fr rn are you two dating. like you said, my parents are also very liberal and supportive (especially my dad), but still— it made me panic and drop a mug and deny deny deny !! then, after being together for like 6 months it was incredibly hard to hide it, and obvs she felt super uncomfortable bc i was super closeted and she was super out. so i kind of had to come out to my parents (i hid under a blanket and told them i have an important thing to say n then they already somehow knew). my parents and i literally never talked about these things like my mom didn’t even know about my first kiss or literally NOTHING about me, we didn’t have that type or relationship at all so i can relate to u so hard !!but like here’s the thing— i don’t think it would be unfair to your parents, this is your story to tell and you should do it when you feel comfortable enough, and if it takes you dating a girl for that then so be it. you shouldn’t worry about other peoples feelings about this, as this is yours to tell and not theirs! as long as you’re in a safe environment, coming out can truly be such a big fucking relief !! like that absolute weight that drops out of your chest is so so freeing. if the people who are close to you love you— they will accept you. if they won’t? truthfully, they don’t deserve u and never have. about the homophobia, its always going to be here, unfortunately for us hateful and bigoted people will always exist, and that can be extremely stressful and painful, which is why surrounding yourself with people from your own community is so so important and necessary. uni is such a good place to do that !! so many new people to meet and especially queer people to surround yourself with !! i super understand your fears but the good things that happen after you come out— that feeling of no longer needing to hide yourself is so so worth it 💗💗💗💗

[kachimera]

I literally left a discord group that I had been in for like, a week because that's what they called N!Alucard. Also because they wouldn't let me talk about LoS, only about NFCV.

I remember liking many of the fanart and fanfiction when it was just the first two seasons, and like a little bit with season three, but yeah, I noticed that as well in just about every fanfic I read. I tried to reread a lot of those fics and man, so many of them only focused on N!Alucard's trauma, and almost never any on Trey's, and it just got so boring after awhile.

But you're right. Celiakardo, from what I've seen of it, seems like a ship that I could get down with, but N!Trevphacard (I don't actually remember the ship name) just has a huge dynamic imbalance that overshadows what would've made the ship at least decent. And this is coming from someone who literally ships the entity within the castle of LoS with Gabriel. Honestly, N!Syphacard seems like a better ship than any with Trey in it.

(I ship N!Trevor with happiness and emotional stability)

Lmao noooo💀. But srsly,if a group or server is gonna focus exclusively on nfcv then they should've added that as a disclaimer, otherwise its just rude of them to not let you talk (and yes ik that the fandom in general has a hostile past w LoS too).

And yea, the fandom flanderized both n!Alu and Trey into the pwoor sad sexyman who has fat tiddies n cries, and into funny stinky drunky trauma-y man who is dumb and has sex w the sexyman respectively.

And the thing is that, you can have an unhealthy ship w a power imbalance! But you just gotta be aware that there is an imbalance there and were all that happening irl it would be a problem (even my beloved maleon ship is has its unhealthy elements. Leon bestie ilu but that mans is trouble). If there is no awareness of those elements it can come off as if they're being brushed under the rug or as if there's no actual unhealthy situation to begin with, which is hmmm :/. Ofc im not saying all ships must have a problematique disclaimer nor that all trephacard shippers are onboard w insulting your partner's murdered family, just that if there's no awareness of all that i find it uncomfortable.

And its funny you mention syphacard bc precusely one of the fics i vaguely remember was uhh, Sypha n Alu getting together while Trey anguished over it (iirc it was partially bc he hit or yelled at Sypha while drunk. Idk i do like that it addresses that alcoholism is not all funni silly jokes and it has devastating consequences both for the person and their loved ones but it also felt a bit mean to dump all the wrongdoings caused by Trey's poorly healed traum in front of him while n!Alu is the nice bf here despite his Behaviour. Im going here by memory tho so) and like Trey. Treyey. My buddy pal. Ik most bitches in a 10 mile radius want to lynch you but srsly dont simp like that you're better on your own

[stevie-petey]

hi i’m back!! first of all let me just say how mind blowing your writing is????? EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU M FOR THE AMAZING CHAPTER!!!

im so glad dear billy is ur fav ep from season four too because it’s mine too and oh my god. you did so well in making everything fit so perfectly together bc yk bug not being in st is still such a sad truth for me (and it’s shocking how you aren’t in the writers room for st s5 rn)

but anyways THERES ALOTTT TO UNPACK IN THIS CHAPTER !!

steve and bug first bc holy shiti swear i could feel my heart dropping multiple times while reading about them 

bug asking steve to choose max over her?? and steve pleading with her not to make him choose max over her and saying

“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” and adding 

“I’ll always choose you.” YK WHAT HERES THE FULL SCENE BC IT BROKE ME IN HALF.

[“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” Steve whispers, lips pressed softly against your hair. Your body stiffens, he feels it, but he holds you tighter instead. “I’ll always choose you.”

“Steve…” 

“Please don’t make me say no to you.” He pulls away, grabs your face and makes you look at him. You’re pale, tears wet your lovely face, and all Steve wants to do is fall asleep with you forever. He strokes the crest of your eyebrow, kisses your forehead. “Please don’t make me lose you.”]

PLEASE DONT MAKE ME LOSE YOU?????!?!?!?!?!!? just stab me with bugs pocketknife please.

and before that scene i remember the conversation between them about how steve recalled feeling gutted after seeing nancy and jonathan thinking his night couldn’t get any worse UNTIL HE SAW THE LOOK OF HEARTBREAK ON BUGS FACE and how it made him feel worse knowing he couldn’t have done anything to prevent her from feeling that hurt

[“But that night, it just-it really fucking hurt, you know? Thought I’d never feel anything shittier, that my night couldn’t get any worse. But then… I saw your face.”

“The heartbreak on your face, that fact that I couldn’t do anything to protect you from it. That’s what hurt me the most.”]

..AND THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE OF ALL (TO ME) [“And it’s why I won’t let anything else happen to you.”] and i know steve will try his best to protect her if it meant ensuring bugs safety in the end.

sooooooo who’s gonna tell them that they’ve been eachother’s protectors since day one without even knowing it!

these two are so special to me and it’s just so heartbreaking to see them this way, steve feeling so much fear, and anger :(

i understand his frustration with bug bc everyone can clearly see how she’s putting her own issues aside (despite her literally being cursed with the same thing as my baby max) just to save max and that’s not good bc it’s the BOTH of them that needs saving and bug being stubborn about it isn’t helping steve’s current state :( also i saw ur reply and YOU USING a beatles song is so evil and i love it so so much!!!!!

i’m not ready for bugs visions cause ik shes been carrying sm guilt…with the recent deaths of hopper and billy AND OMG THE NIGHTMARES???? dustin hearing her yell out billy’s name in the middle of the night ☹️ dustin’s being a champ rn LIKE i know he’s not showing it for the sake of his and bugs sanity but i know he’s going crazy in his head bc ITS HIS BIG SISTER?? AND HIS BEST FRIEND?? my poor baby is scared pf losing his bestest friend in the world :( i just need my Henderson siblings happy please </3

and lucas oh lucas!!!! my poor guy he’s literally never been so scared and worried in his entire life until now. THE POSSIBILITY OF LOSING BOTH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND HIS BIG SISTER IS SO ☹️i need to hug him.

steve and nance r gonna be so best friends (alongside with the loml robin) and i love how they’re becoming more friendly with each other now like the playful banter im ready! (i know they were civil and were already somewhat friends but still) i didn’t particularly enjoy the love-triangle thing in s4 so i’m interested to see how you’ll be dealing with all of it 😭

btw i’m purposely ignoring jon rn. WE DONT SPEAK ABOUT HIM. (he’ll fall to his knees the minute he gets to hawkins and finds out about the curse that vecna gave bug)

ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE TO CHANGE THE CANON TOO MUCH so idk what your plan is with max and bug…but oh my god the survivors guilt bug will carry…im not even ready. max and bug to me is like a literal reflection of each other and their relationship in this story is definitely my favorite thing ever. i don’t even wanna talk about that one scene where bug was yelling at vecna to take her instead. i don’t. i just mentioned it bc i feel so devastated and unready for what’s about to come.

i read smth about how u said there aren’t anymore disagreements between bug and steve!!! and how the rest will just be sad ones AND CUTE ONES (im holding u to that ml) 

does this mean they’ll talk 🤞🤞 i need them to have a proper conversation so i’m crossing my fingers and wishing that we’ll have that conversation alongside with the later conversation between steve and nance (and i believe that it was definitely done for good reasons!)

i listened to in my life while writing this btw and i feel so brave!! 

okay i’m done !! i’m sorry this was long but i appreciate your works and i’m in awe of you !! pls never stop being great!! i hope you’re doing well <333 sending u sm love today lovely <3 e

-🌟🍓

dear billy supremacy !!!

and the entire steve and bug i choose you scene ,,, oh boy theres so many layers to that one specific conversation that i simply cannot wait to dive into later. for now, the entire notion of their relationship is that they chose to love one another !!! bug chose to wait, steve chose to trust her, and they chose to fall in love <333 i firmly believe that true love is choosing to love your partner, not just the chemical reaction in our brains, but the act of staying and trusting to be loved in return - THATS true love.

and steve revealing hes always wanted to help/protect bug <333 i love the porch scene. i love tying things together and also just seeing their growth throughout the seasons. in season 1 the porch scene was heavy with insecurity. bug was weak, back then. she didnt want steve to see how hurt she was (but failed). now we fast forward years later for season 4 and shes actively leaning on steve !!! seeking his comfort !! yet shes also standing her ground, doing what she believes is right (even if shes wrong). and STEVE !! he failed her in season 1, he refuses to fail her again in 4 :((

now bugs whole "hey gang lets focus on max not me haha" will cause a few rifts within the group - everyone knows its unneeded, they all hate shes doing this, but they also know that they cant change bugs mind. its very bittersweet and :///

max and bug ,,, u Get It. they ARE reflections of one another. max is fifteen, same age bug was in season 1. its very very very reminiscent of how bug was back then, stubborn and slightly cold but still so full of love and concern for her friends. max is where bug was, confused and scared and unused to asking (or accepting) help. bug sees this and she also is struggling with this. theyve always had a close relationship, but billys death changed everything and brought them closer together. bug feels a kinship to max, she feels responsible for her, and max knows this and almost resents her for it. its messy and very sad and hard and me not changing canon too much will make things even MORE heartbreaking and sad :(

but on a happier note: YES STEVE AND BUG DO ACTUALLY TALK !!! they have a whole lovely conversation later (in the very last ep lmao) that resolves a Lot i promise guys theyre end game i just like drama and growth.

in my life <333

[charbored]

I started writing something and it ended up more of a vent than i intended and i just need to get this off my chest, sorry for all of this

Im at a sleepover rn and i honestly just love my friends so much more than i hate myself so i managed to put aside my disordered behaviours a little for them and ngl this is probably the best way for me to heal and recover cause it just felt so normal and ok and happy to be with them and idk

Like almost every stupid fucking rule mental illnesses have set for me got broken and at some moments it felt like i was gonna die but being with them made me slowly feel it was actually gonna be alr and realise this is actually what life is for

This was rlly fcking needed cause if im gonna be completely honest i cant and also dont wanna lie about this anymore, i have not been ok at all for quite a while and its only been getting worse and im really really sorry if ive lied to u about it, ik ppl that ask would care and want a honest answer and if anyone i know would feel like that id wanna know so i could be there for them but i just couldnt get myself to tell anyone or admit i wasnt fine i didnt want anyone to worry ive always felt like i cant tell anyone when ifeel bad and liek i have to hide it and keep it to myself creating another thing i have tl obsessively hide from everyone

I want to apologise to everyone i have lied to, i have insane double standards set for myself where completely normal things, things i wouldnt ever feel weird about someone else doing, and even things id be proud of them for doing or saying, become off-limits and unacceptable to do, have, or be for me. I have expextations for myself that i would never ever in my life want anyone else to have and know i need to work on that but idk where to start cause anything ive tried hasnt worked. I just want you all to know that im sorry.

Ive felt probably the worst i ever have in a lot of aspects of my life nd everything was getting sriously too much for me and ive genuinely started to completrly lose any meaning or will to live

Outside of certain mometns of somethin happening i felt completely empty and hopeless over everything, ive felt like this is how it is, and how it will always be for me and i just lost hope and felt like recovery wluld never even be possible and that im stuck in a life feeling like this all the tiem cause ngl it has been more or less like this for longrr than it should n i actually dont even remember a time i wasnt feeling or going through some sort of thing like this and it just makes me feel like im not meant to ever be truly happy

Im so scared of getting back to that but rn im with my friends and it feels so nice and i just hope that the feeling will last

I just want to be honest about this now cause i cant keep pretending to just be fine all the time anymore

Again im so sorry for this