#im so fucking tired yall
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It is so strange to see news outlets in America be so quick to say that the motive for all these mass shootings is not terrorism.
Someone opened fire in a place where people were gathered to celebrate a Superbowl win, and they're so quick to say that it's NOT terrorism?? How? This fucking country talks so much about "fighting terrorism" but these mass shootings have been happening for over two decades and our government hasn't done jack shit to stop them.
Not to mention that CIVILIANS took down one of the shooters, and it then took over 30 seconds of everyone screaming at the cops to fucking come over and help, cops that were literally like twenty yards away??
But anyway of course its not terrorism of course our cops are competent of course access to guns isn't a problem
i cant wait to comfort my students who were there today
#kc shooting#gun violence tw#shooting tw#im so fucking tired yall#also its fucked up that my peers were responding 'oh a shooting in kc? obviously.'#like can we not act like its less serious#also also fucked up that at this point im able to turn off my reaction until later in the day#like i was in a meeting when i found out and i straight up was like 'cant emotionally deal with this right now' so i just didnt
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“How are you doing?”
- cost of livings increasing
- everyone i know is miserable at their jobs, spanning at least 4 broad range fields (ie, retail/food service of any kind, engineering, and ‘works at computers in a capacity beyond microsoft word/excel’) largely due to managerial or company based incompetence or greed
- planets on fire and it looks like the ppl who have the power to change that dont want to cuz theyre greedy bitches
- theres like three social media platforms that arent teeny tiny and theyre all shit and actively getting worse in ways that are profoundly effecting and blindingly stupid
- multiple fights in the past half decade trying to convince people that my job is not something a computer should have
- the same people who tell me that my work is very good and i should monetize it (i am thanks) think that computer work is either just a fad that will pass soon or the just something i should accept and do not see how these conflicting messages might be frustrating
- theres a globally televised genocide happening and like half the ppl who are supposed to stop that are funding it
- KOSA and other internet censorship laws continue to get closer to passing
- “woke” is increasingly synonymous with “anyone who has basic human decency” according to several major governmentally active political parties
- casual and “just common sense” transphobia is now at an all time high as terfs are told that outright killing trans kids is frowned upon and they should try bullying instead
- food prices are so high but i have to eat
- increased social pressure to shun anyone who isn’t spending all their energy being loudly upset at the above issues and/or dying due to the above issues
- companies have more rights than we do and the government would save them first in a crisis. this is “normal” and “fine” and giving a fuck about it is also “woke liberal shit”
- our best hope for a new shitty fire hazard apartment building going up is that the rich bitches everyone hates for building their houses in ‘thats gonna fall down dumbass’’ zones decide to fight for their ‘view’
- pandemics still happening. they dont even stock masks at stores consistently anymore
- my landlord still hasnt responded to our request to fix the flickering kitchen light we have been told we are Not Allowed to try fixing ourselves
- kids are increasingly fucked over by a system that was already failing and is now failing worse due to covid-related fuck ups
- school districts are pushing to graduate kids on time despite the Actual Fucking Plague these kids had to live thru
- speaking of, kids are apparently largely not taught basic computer literacy because they can just teach apps instead
- or any kind of internet safety oh my god. i have had to personally teach every child ive met for the past two years under the age of 15 to not to tell strangers online their full government legal names. i was on roblox for 30 seconds and watched two separate children half dox themselves
- its february and i kinda miss the sun
“I’m doin’, thanks! Hope spring comes sooner than later tho haha.”
#im so fucking tired yall#i think i need to up my meds again#op#vent post#im reasonably certain most of my issues rn are exacerbated by the last one#but im so tired
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The universe wants to kick my ass so bad like dude what did i do to you lmfao
#this is like the 300th semi serious problem to pop up in my life in the last 2 months#im so fucking tired yall#sky talks
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22 days left to this course fingers crossed i get through them without brain damage
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can something actually be meaningfully about transmasculine people in a positive fashion or even just not telling transmasculine people they're doing something wrong by existing for five minutes.
#youtuber makes a video on the experience of some people feeling threatened by her bringing a transfeminine reading to billy kaplan#so she can talk about queerness and allegory and the melleability of critical lenses#i share i feel the same way when i want to tell transmasculine stories#how i feel the pressure of other people thinking i'm taking away from women by bringing transmasculine readings to something#i talk about how this helps me understand myself a little better and how i will examine some of my own discomfort in other peoples' reading#immediately get a comment that says ''please allow yourself to connect to female characters and explore your bond''#im so fucking tired yall#the dogwhistles are so loud#girl with all due affection you are doing the E X A C T thing i just poured my whole heart out saying hurts me
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if my dad asks me "well, are you able to make money off of that?" or "is that a commission?" when seeing me work on art one more time i think i am going to actually punch him for real. like. what happened to creating for the sake of creating. do you not know how to have fun. (he doesn't)
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Ok so we got the rent paid, but the water bill hasnt been touched, so we still need $150 at least but im gonna set the counter at the total bill.
0/$215
EXCITING news on the debt front
and by exciting i mean i need to be put out of my misery
we got the water bill today and the total bill is $214.17!!!! YAY!!! and to keep it from getting shut off we need $150 of that by MONDAY (6/17)
to make this so much worse, i found out we still owe $300 on last months rent! aint that swell? im not even raising for internet anymore im just trying to keep a roof over my head and water in my toilet.
so if the math is mathing, we need about $415 ASAP, and then we get to worry about next months rent and MAYBE internet after that. so if u have it and want to help a couple of trans ppl out this pride month, consider:
Cashapp: $AshTheAutistic
Paypal.me/Karmorda
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I love 11 hour work days. They're my favorite thing in the world.
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Here's the most fucked up thing about having severe sleep apnea: there's basically no solution to the overwhelming fatigue until I can afford and schedule the in person sleep study and then afford and order a CPAP. Because guess what doesn't work when you have sleep apnea? SLEEPING. It makes the fatigue kind of worse because of how the fatigue is caused by your body being unable to sleep because you STOP BREATHING. And instead of this being something insurance wants to take care of for me immediately because it is dangerous for my health to STOP BREATHING continuously while I'm in a state of semi-consciousness, they treat it like an inconvenience.
Get fucked American healthcare.
#im so fucking tired yall#but literally#im so fatigued#there are days when i can barely stay awake#but i often feel even worse after a nap#but i also almost cannot avoid a nap because its almost like narcolepsy levels if falling asleep wherever i am#and the headaches every morning because MY BRAIN ISN'T GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN#im so sick of this#chronic illness#sleep apnea
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When you lose half your life expectancy by putting all your energy into a project and not a single person gives a fuck :)
#im so fucking tired yall#i really cant keep doin this shit#i never know the responsible amount of effort to put in things#its either Too Much or nothing#its the ADHD experience#ventish#adhd#script shut up
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i’ve been thinking about “sixer, it would eat you alive” since i read it and. man. every layer you peel back makes it worse. im not a bill apologist but. shit
if you (1) take it at face value, it paints bill as an apologetic murderer in his single (and maybe sole) open moment of regret. he doesn’t let his walls down often- only with ford do we even get to see the remnant of his galaxy, see the “actual remorse” ford describes, get just a hint of his origins. but he does it, because he thinks ford should know.
if you (2) take it from ford’s point of view, as something he committed to journal three, like. wow. imagine being so committed to a being that you’d hunt down and kill the monster that destroyed his home, only to (assumably) figure out later that that being was the monster. the small moments of trust, the “good times”, are so key to manipulation. how long did ford hold onto that one shred of vulnerability? no wonder ford stayed for as long as he did. in his eyes, bill was a survivor. ford wanted to survive too.
(slight tw below for unreality- any time i mention our reality, i mean “our reality” as a narrative device used in the book of bill as a proxy for the idea of bill being in our reality, since he can’t actually be in our reality. all of this is a fictional theory about a show/book with fictional contents!)
but if you (3) remember that “even his lies are lies” and absolutely Nothing bill says should be trusted. Whoo boy. if i read tbob right the book itself is being created in the theraprism (even tho it shows up with the ciphertologists at some point? idk that’s a whole other post). it’s meant to show what the reader wants to see; it manifests in our reality as what the collective fandom wants to see. so if we want to see truth, if we want to see where bill ended up and who he actually is, there’s a non-zero chance that the whole interaction was a complete fabrication.
imagine bill, stuck in the actively harmful, probably earth-illegal theraprism, once again being forced to be “fixed” and molded into something more palatable, being forced to conform no matter how much it hurts. (i know natural uncontrollable mutation ≠ just so much murder and destruction and chaos, but. you can’t ignore the similarities. bill has obviously been thinking about those silly straws.)
he looks back on everything that went wrong, back on his relationship with ford, back through every dimension where he wins. would that one moment, that one truth amid centuries of lies, have saved him from purgatory? if he had just been open? shown his damage? maybe he did think of his parents, or his henchmaniacs (especially the oracle). people who he might have once opened up to. maybe he just wanted to open up to someone again.
so in his own weird way, stuck in a cell, he reshaped reality again. in this reality, for this fleeting moment, he had been someone worth believing. and ford had listened, hell, ford had wanted to help. looking back, knowing how he treated ford, knowing how ford ended up because of it, maybe bill would have said the most honest thing he’d ever told ford: i am the monster, i am not worth your time or belief, and i will eat you alive.
#there’s nothing more pathetic than an ex god writing fix it fic for him and an old man who helped kill him#so much of my tbob theorization operates around reality and truth. probably because i’m a pretentious asshole#but also because that’s the best part imo??? like yesss fuck w the line between real and fake. see what happens#gravity falls#book of bill#bill cipher#the book of bill#book of bill spoilers#the book of bill theory#the book of bill spoilers#gravity falls theory#shutupmac#skullduggery#billford#sort of…….#stanford pines#ford pines#idk how like. legible this is#im so tired yall. im so tired and so stressed#it was write this. thing. or answer at least three uncomfortable texts. so#tw unreality#unreality#edit: fixed the last line because it was cringe#and upon rereading this it lowkey is still an oversimplification of bill and ford’s whole deal#but Fuck It We Ball#gravity falls analysis
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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phinktober day 11: ur fav AU
i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo
(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason ���)
ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3
#soz copied caption from twt i have been drawing for 7 hours straight i need to drink water eat something take a piss and a shower and sleep#no braincell rn#goodbye it is wine time#hope yall like this idfk what people what these days other than ship art but im not doing that so sorry no knights fucking for you#just me making them look like me bc i’m a narcissist etc#god i am way too tired to be yapping rn i have no filter whatever ABYWAY HASHTAG DANIPHIW#art2 and craft2#dnp#phanart#dan and phil#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#phinktober#punk edits irl come back to me please#i’m missing a fkn hashtag i just know it whatever i don’t CARE im TIRED i have eaten nothing but half a jar of picked today i feel so goblin#idk why i tunnelvisioned w this piece it’s not even that good or detailed LMFAO#actually the tattoos were a BITCH and also made me sad bc of my whole failed tattooing career etc#OH MY GOD WHY AM I YAPPING SO MUCH SOMEONE EUTHANISE ME#good NIGHT !!!!!!#pickles not picked btw but i’m not retyping all of that#now i’m sad bc i’m out of pickles and it’s 10pm and everything is shut:( hate my stupid gay life
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MILES MORALES IS PUERTO RICAN DONT U EVER FUCKING FORGET IT. GIVE HIM LIL PUERTO RICAN FLAGS IN UR ART. GIVE HIM LIL MOTIFS. EL ES BORIKUA PA QUE TU LO SEPAS!!! EL TIENE ORGULLO DE SER BORIKUA LO DICE EL MISMO COÑO
#IM GOING TO BE SO FUCKING ANNOYING ABT HIM BC IM TIRED OF YALL#miles morales#spiderverse#atsv#itsv#spiderman across the spiderverse#across the spiderverse
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Leon S. Kennedy in Resident Evil 6 (2012)
#crimson's gifs: resident evil#Resident Evil#RE#Resident Evil 6#RE6#Leon Kennedy#Leon S. Kennedy#Leon S Kennedy#Leon Scott Kennedy#DO NOT. SEXUALISE HIM IN MY TAGS. DO NOT BE WEIRD ABOUT HIM PLEASE. I DO NOT CARE. I DONT WANNA READ THAT SHIT!!! 😭😭😭#Im sorry for caps but im just so fucking tired of how weird yall are in my tags about Leon. I had to mute my notifications on his re2r sets#Because people were saying weird shit about him and infantalising him dawg. Remember I have to read your tags for the love of god#turned off reblogs for all leon sets because time after time and you freaks still subject me to gross ass tags
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