#im so excited they r my everything.
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having a slow cool morning for once is absolutely fixing me......
#makin coffee..got my kitycats... it feels NICE and not miserable out....#decided not to go in to the studio today bc. everything just has to get to bone dry i don't have a ton of work. and also i needed this.#man. ok. next weekend i have radio course All weekend. but AFTER THAT!!!!! is fall break AND im gonna have the house to myself bc our#parents r traveling the whole time. god it's going to b so fucking nice im unspeakably excited.#txt
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anw ive been chipping away at a qsmp medieval fantasy au thing for a while now between work and ive garnered a few thousand words which is neat…. idk where im going quite yet but ive got specific scenes pictured in my head so im sorta going with the flow
#first chapter is etoiles focused (i’m predictable) but the second should be bagz pov i think… those two r very linked in this au im excited#to write them together more <3#but on top of this au i have that OTHER qsmp french fic thats antoine pov and fully precanon which ive been chipping away at for moooonths#it’s at like 16k rn and it’s kinda my comfort fic tbh it’s very self indulgent and kinda a love letter to what i love about qfrench .#everything they had in canon and the potential we missed out on….. so im also working on that concurrently#jay rambles
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DUNMESHI EP 3 WAS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL OMG THE ANIMATION WAS SO GOOD😭😭😭 LAIOS IS SO CUTE I LOVE HIM... hes so smart... one of the most likeable male anime protags ive seen in a while... 1 of the most likeable protags period tbh anyway hes good🥺
#i usually get attached to side/supporting charas more than the protags so it means a lot that 1 of my fav charas is laios rn#(and yeseo for twsb)...#their common point: hungry LHDSKHD /j#basically what this means is im going to enjoy dunmeshi a lot bc im not just tolerating the boring protag dcgddfgd#cant wait to meet other charas too KABRU WHENNNNN#most excited to meet kabru i like his design a lot#also its cool to see laios like thinking and reasoning a lot while fighting...#like a lot of shounen(which is what ive watched most of) protags r just act first think later which is fine i like those too#but i feel like its more rare to see one be a thinker™️. esp one that looks himbo coded like laios tbh#like yea hes really not a himbo as ppl said... Good#cant believe i thought laios was gonna be boring when i first saw his design yrs ago... boring generic white boy...#hes actually funny moe white boy.#HES SO ENDEARING... i can already tell he has a lot of good leadership skills/qualities too#his crazy eyed monster fanboying moments are sooo. cute... moe...#i also unfortunately find him v handsome. gh... dont look at me...#its the droopy eyes... why do all my favs have droopy eyes rn is that my type now... sigh#ALSO YEA THE ANIM THIS EP WAS SO BEAUTIFULLL I KEPT MARVELING AT THE VARIETY OF INTERESTING SHOTS#AND THE MOVEMENT AND DETAIL ANDD EVERYTHING#ALSO I HEARD HAYAMI SAORI AS FALIN OMG ITS PERECT 🥺🥺🥺#dunmeshi liveblog
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@pocket-vvardvark has me thinking abt the girls now so I'm inviting u all to imagine these are them but with the respective size difference LOL
#LIKE OIGHHHHH#they r my everything#glad is so big like guys we got sum COOKIN and im so excited to share it#i love them#i love u pinterest Pinterest i love u#cirwedh softgrass#gladriel the bear#SHES GETTING HER OWN TAG NOW YEAHHH#not fennwedh
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today, on my 27th birthday, i just signed for my very first apartment ….. dawnie is now officially a homeowner
#U GUYS ARE THE FIRST TO HEAR THIS#THATS HOW SPECIAL YALL R TO ME#THIS IS.#THE. BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO TOP EVERYTHING#IM SORRY IM SO EMOTIONAL#HAVING A HOME IS WHAT IVE ALWAYS WANTED#THANKING MY LUCKY STARS SO HARD RN#im bouncing w excitement i sound so unhinged sorzzz#😭😭😭🥹
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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lyrics:
you tell me to come/you call me the firefighter/i stick out my tongue/and watch you hold up the lighter/i swallow the flame/once it crawls up my teeth/and you kiss my mouth/and say it tastes sweet
you say open up/you call me the sword swallower/you sharpen the knife/and you say that i take it way better than her/i unhinge my jaw/like a snake shedding skin/and i hardly feel it/when you shove the blade in
and if i'm a rabbit/you can cut off my feet/and if you are hungry/what's my body but meat?
you tell me to try/you call me a fire-breather/and my eyes stay dry/while the matches dance in your fingers/my throat is a tunnel/with no light at the end/you place flames inside it/i exhale again
you tell me to follow/you call me your lamb/follow you up the mountain/where you take my hand/i crawl on the altar/and i lie very still/while you carve from sternum to hipbone/just to see what might spill
and if i'm a rabbit/you can cut off my feet/and if you are hungry/what's my body but meat?
you're a fisherman's daughter/i am something with gills/you can gut me and peel the scales with your knife/there is no greater love/there is no greater love
you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/you can hand me the fruit and i'll eat it/there is no greater love/there is no greater love
#just go in w low expectations ok its....rough#nowhere near finished but my mic broke while i was recording harmonies so. i gave up <3#barebones instruments + weird balance of volume on everything etc...vocals recorded in like 2 long takes bc my laptop was dying...#lyrics r the thing im excited abt!! those im happy with#but atp ive listened 2 this stupid little recording like 300 times so its beginning 2 sound like. mush. 2 me#🎵
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going to india for the first time in 6 years 🫶🏽
#back to the motherland !#im going for 3 weeks and im so so excited#ive mentally began packing all my stuff last night . and how i wld organize everything#im thinking abt the airport fit tho..... im going via frankfurt to bangalore . its gonna be hot here and even more so there#but airplanes r cold.... and ill be on them for almost 24hrs total
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anyway the con last weekend was fun! i got merch of TWO!!!!!(!!!) special interests AND my favorite movey AND my favorite tv show AND my favorite manga. and a keychain of a yuri ship. life is so fucking good
#(items in order listed here) vriska keychain aradia print nepeta print saw print (special interest and fave movie) madoka magica print#chainsaw man keychain millymeryl keychain#oh i also got alpha kid earrings (not really one set was cotton candy like the food and one set was game pieces one of which was green and#the other was orange. dirkjake colors thus dirkjake earrings.) uhhh what else did i get#i think thats it. good stuff.#just saying shit#conposting#cosplays i wore were roxy then godtier vriska then karkat#got lots of complements on my godtier vriska which was nice bc i sewed it!!#drafted the patterns and everything!#and i dyed those boots and made the cuffs and painted the soles. not that the sole paint lasted lol#i had so much funnnn i love conventions. next thing i have 2 look forward 2 is my friends bday party and a concert (same day)#the saw print is so cool ive only hung up aradia and nepeta so far but im excited 2 hang it in and the madomagi print up#omfg the madomagi print is gorgeous. ive said it before but madomagi artists r some of the most talented people alive#ran into ppl cosplaying 3/4 alpha kids (no jane 😔) and terezi and nepeta and grimdark rose and june (who didnt recognize my friend who was#also cosplaying june? it was so weird 😭) and two gamzees#gave most of them bracelets and/or buttons that we made#also saw a person in a space hoodie who i also gave a bracelet to#met three vendors with homestuck tattoos!#two of them were matching subtle moirail symbols w each others favorite flowers it was adorable ☹️#uhhh what else. didnt get a shark keychain due to money i rly wanted it tho i fucking love sharks
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@arobarbie so funny thing i still havent seen eternals—
#i wanna see saltb/urn tho#everything ive heard abt it is so unhinged and doesnt sound like they correlate at all and im just like 👀#also tho i have never seen a movie j/acob e/lordi’s in so idk its lrolly a good idea to see at least one#wild thing is i was so excited abt eternals and like r/ichard and s/alma and stuff and then i#never bought a ticket to gonsee it— which means i never went to see it bc if indont pay to i wont do it#the adhd is strong and ruining my movie ability#i think the movie i saw… barry? in tho was like#wait was it even him that might have veen p/aul d/ano#he was like in love w d/aniel r/adcliffe…’s body#no i think thats p/aul d/ano#i may simply not know men
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alright i gotta finish these medical specialty hcs and THEN a bitch is going to make all of mountains deepest rut fantasies come true
#i went way too in depth with these hcs how e v e r i am having a great time with it so...#went through my cohort with birthdays i could remember to figure out their elemental alignment and some of them do line up which is cool#mine lines up which is neat but also i spend 112% of my time screaming so we all know im a pisces from a mile away lmao#there are ideas in my head and bones in my fingers and i need them to work /together/#and to maybe stop writing everything on my phone but that's a problem for another day#this mountain fic is going to have so much quintessence im v excited to play around with that
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im in a fuckimg shit mood
#ive been working my ass off and im so fkn tired#and i cant eat bc ed and it cant sleep bc i work late and its been so hard on my body#and i feel like no one cares or no one realizes how hard this is on me#ik rn im just so tired that everything feels worse and i feel self pitying ajd angry#i just wish someone would take me in their arms and tell me good job#i just feel like being alone i dont want to talk to anyone but i live w my family n rn they r fkn annoying#going to see a friend but idk how im going to find the energy to be nice#i start school in 2 days#kinda excited for that#anyways thanks for listening whoever got to the end of this#angie's little think thoughts
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OH BUT ALSO I’m going 2 be helping my moms friend w a free gig she’s doing making costumes n props for 2 kids plays at a local theatre company :) AND she’s going 2 introduce me 2 the ppl there n hopefully I can get a (unpaid) internship costume making there which hopefully could give me the experience & connections I need to get an actual job costume making or at least meet ppl who would commission pieces from me
#I’m rlly excited I think it will be very fun:) everything coming up graves :)#I’ve also been thinking abt drag a lot lately bc a lot of my friends r becoming drag performers (& I did 1 little act at judas’s birthday#show last year) n I feel like it’s smth I’d really like to do someday but i feel like I don’t have the like. social network for that just#yet BUT I realized I should try to get into the drag scene anyway bc I wanna try to meet performers who might want me to make pieces for#them. which would be SO cool to do. but I did think of a drag name for me. memento Maurice :) someday they will debut I prommy#ALSO unrelated but said moms friend gave me this huge bag of printed felt pieces she’d had for years & im so excited to do stuff w it#it’s like these big pieces of like scenery & backdrops with cutout trees & animals etc you can stick to them like SO many#but most excitingly is this like set of anatomical illustration pieces. Imgoing to be so evil about these#anyway I’m feeling pretty ok abt life rn :) I think I’m going to be ok!
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i hate going “hey i might not be up to hanging out im just not doing well mentally” but also i know if im either constantly panicking or completely out of it while we’re hanging out then it won’t go well
#got into a fight with my mum because she was like ‘well why r u still scared when we’re not seeing massive waves and hospitals aren’t#overrun and this 80 year old family friend has had it three times and is fine every time#and do you look at what people who don’t have the same opinion of you are saying’#my response to this was ‘no I do look at the scientific articles that come out though and most of the ones about covid are finding it does#damage to multiple parts of the body’#like. i already have fibromyalgia. we’ve removed the cancerous tumor but i still have iodine radiation and have to hope the cancer cells#they found in my blood vessels didn’t go far enough to spread and if they did that the iodine destroys them#like. is a kid with fibromyalgia not enough. im not doing chemo so it’s fine right just get me sick#does she not fucking remember how it destroyed her husband. she watched it we all fucking watched for weeks as he withered away from this#fucking disease#and then everything we didn’t see we got in twice daily calls from the hospital as they told us how his kidneys failed and they were excited#when he could breathe on his side for two hours instead of just on his stomach and then it killed him#am i the only one in the household who remembers seeing my dad as a barely breathing corpse when we forced him to go to the hospital because#he couldn’t say three words or walk a few steps without panting like he’d just done a sprint#im tired of her making me feel crazy for not wanting this disease im not irrational or insane for this i promise i promise im not#im tired of her coming in 5 minutes after i leave an argument going ‘don’t be angry with me. it’s just that-‘ and then making my only safe#place in this house a part of the argument too#fuck it it’s fine I’m out in a few months anyway#vent tw#sittin g in a corner rn so that the only open space is in front of me and i can pull my legs up to my chest and my fan is on and my windows#are open and im tired of being called crazy and paranoid and irrational#covid tw
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I'll be honest w y'all i do not intend on catching up w yj any time soon
#i think the finale aired? i saw a tweet ab the finale#but i just. do not care i must admit#i was so excited ab this season this show was a comfort show but the aspects of the fandom ive seen lately just. not good don't vibe#i think a Lot of the s1 and waiting experience for me was fandom based so this show is very fandom oriented for me#and knowing that everyone ive seen talk ab the show on twitter is violently hating the main character that draws me to the show is. mhm#like dont get me wrong i like the girls too!! theyre all mostly pretty likable for me its just.#im at a. specific point in my transition rn where im more drawn to male characters just bc of like. where im at idk#i dont feel like i have to explain it tbh but i also do bc i have seen fans of this show get attacked for far less#but going into s2 ben was my#my main interest i guess the main focus for me and maybe that's stupid but its what it is#and so everything just being the entire fandom hating him is just. not making me wanna watch at all#like im not gonna speak on if they're justified in hating him or not bc i have no idea i havent seen it and its truly not the point#like theyre valid for hating him and im not tryna talk shit on them for it it just kinda has been so loud that im not having fun anymore#idk. idk where this is going or what the solution is like i love this show but genuinely#can not bring myself to watch bc i will not enjoy the moments my favorite character is on screen bc i will Know people r loudly anti him#so im just kinda staying away i guess#idk. i kinda want them to. kill him off so i dont have to deal w it anymore#but i also know that when they kill him off people will be loudly celebrating and maybe thats worse#idk. i think the only way for me to win here is to change how i feel ab ben and not care ab him and join the hate train but i don't want to
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Rereading itnl to get back into the mindset for it and God Damn that first chapter really is smth huh
#speculation nation#itnl shit#like not to toot my own horn and all but like. man.#is it the most polished it could ever be? probably not. i wrote and published it within a day on nothing but a singlehanded drive#sleep deprived and so excited for this idea#i can see spots where it's not the smoothest. but honestly i kinda like it like that.#the very concept of this first chapter is that it's supposed to be chaotic and terrifying and painful#pushing him into the pure impulse decision to change EVERYTHING#and then the transition to him waking up at ground 0 of july. ooughhh#i still think that was a very good decision of mine. the more i look back on the manga and plan the more sure i am#bc theres stuff like Hoppered. who would be Drammatically different had this not happened.#and then with vash himself. july was a glaring lesson to him. a regret he can never take back.#and i'll be giving him chances to reverse some of his mistakes. but this one? the Big One? no way#and i have some very good plans for where things r going from here. i have the explanation for why he couldnt go back as far as he thought#and i am soooooo excited to reveal it. all in due time though...#anyways im getting some writing done before work today#give it up for Day 15!!!! my last day before i get a day off. thank fucking god.
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