#im so done like anger and anxiety is kicking in so bad

[liveyun]

good lord i am the worst at controlling my anger

[bluesidesoutro]

hi

[zhiamomence]

whenever suematsu mentioned i still rememeber that one drama cd ososan matsunoke no wacchatto shita kanji 3 ( i think) where the last skit in there is highly best sue moment ive ever heard (and also choukei too they really funny in here)(and ichi too, you'll see)

I heard this full ver on youtube one time (before it deleted, so sadly i cant find it anymore im so sorry) but i can try to remember anything what i heard from that skit (even my understanding with Japanese speaking is not that great, but this one seems simple and yet quite understandable for some part, but i know its canon so!!!!!!!!!) Also this is super long so i keep it under read more feel free to read anytiem

sue? more like ueE

In the beginning, it seems like sextuplets on the date with Totoko (Like in Kinko episode when they mentioned about the schedule Totoko shopping date yeAH SOMETHING LIKE THAT) at Chibita's oden, but they all waiting for Jyushimatsu. He appear running toward to the oden cart,rushes and straight up apologize to Totoko while his brothers mad at him bcus he came here very late. And then they all go eating some foode together!!!!!!!! Dinner time

And while they preparing to eat some good oden freshly cooked by Chibita, Totty notice something wrong on Jyushimatsu. He asked,

"Is something wrong on your head? It look swollen on that side" and that make Jyushi started gasps in concern that his brother found out about that, even Ichi notice it too and wonder if he okay but Jyushi brushes it off with "I got clumsy I fell down! It's not big deal" and that make Totty notice something suspicious about it.

Time skipped at night time (its time their sleepy sleep time <:]) Jyushimatsu brushes his teeth before bed, but when hes done and turns around Totty walks in to say something.

"Jyushimatsu-niisan. Why did you lie about that?"

"Eh?" Jyushi stopped.

"You lied to me about you clumsy and fell. Who did it?"

Jyushi notice Totty's tone is serious so Jyushi tried his best to keep up with his lies but Totty know hes so bad at it.

"Dekapan just called me in concern if you're okay. And he told me that someone hit you that you got hospitalized. WHO DID IT?"

(this part make me go shit my pant anyways/j)

So basically Totty found out why Jyushi went late for the hanging out time with Totoko and Jyushi told him that its okay theres no need to worry about it but Totty refuse and started to yell.

Choro and Ichi heard Totty's yell and went to see them whats up, Totty explained everything and said hes going to see the guy who hurt Jyushi. In the middle of the night.

This part I dont remember/understand whats going on but it seems like Choro and Ichi kinda refuse to believe Jyushi got hurt like Ichi said "No way he got hurt you know he's strong right?? When Jyushi said it was just accident maybe it was an accident" and also this part of the skit got some serious tone argument in ososan drama cd ever. no bgm like it use to, the yell, the anger, Jyushimatsu's sweating or anxiety acted up as Totty is so mad about it behind, and then Choukei appears

"Ey whats up whats the yelling lol" "Did we, The Top Brothers missed something hm~~?"

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!" Choro kick choukeis out of the room and the Totty switched his outfit from pajamas to his epic pink hoodie swag to go out to go see the culprit for revenge. For Jyushimatsu.

Jyushi told him to stop, he dont have to do it for the sake of his pain, eventhough Totty decides to do this to protect his brother. Ichi and Choro grow concerns about his decision and told Oso and Kara to stop him this instant (eventhough these two dont know what the hell happene but follows what Choro said)

(This part make me wonders recently, bcus this drama CD released after season 2 AND before movie, we already know that older bros protect Totty when they were teenagers, maybe bcus, you know, he baby BUT ALSO his bros get use to it protect him when he can easily scaredy cat when it comes to danger, he goes hiding behind one of them

AND WE KNOW THAT HE STILL DO THAT which is kinda valid. But bcus they all already adult Totty knows that whenever older brothers is in trouble, he, of course, gotta do something for the safety ((unless some part is not about him he knows his ego lol)) He knows that standing there crying like a baby and feel useless is not working anymore. So basically he already brave enough to help them back. Remember the episode about mixer interview in season 1? When he said if he accomplish something important to graduate as NEETs/virgins, he'll help his brothers. And maybe it just me but I didn't not expect Totty might accomplished his courageous like that and prepare for it to save Jyushi from this drama CD. Thats insane. I wish this can be animate okimdone)

As Totty slides open the entrance house door, they all saw someone unfamiliar outside. It's a kid. Jyushimatsu knows him.

Jyushi surprised why this kid is here in the middle of the night and the kid straight up screams " I'M SO SORRY! " The kid explained that it was his fault that he did hit Jyushi's head (with baseball bat i believe) too hard ended up make Jyushi collapse and hospitalize in the end. Jyushi told him that dont feel bad about it and told he dont have to come here at all. I think the kid about to cry??

And then Totty step out to move aside Jyushi away, and face the kid. Choro was about to say "Totty, no! Don't do it" but it cut off with Todomatsu's serious word to the kid. (this part im not sure it 100% right but basically he said something like this) :

"Its quite brave of you that you came here for apologize to Jyushimatsu-niisan. Even I just want to see whoever hurt my brother just for the talk, but I heard that loud and clear. Thank you for being understand what you've done. Did you came here by yourself? Let me take you home. I'm pretty sure your parents worried about you." He said that while gave a pat on kid's head and smiles. The kid cried.

Jyushimatsu let out his big sigh of relieve and lay down on the floor, let out his word "THANK GOD IT TURNS OUT WELL!!" as we can see that Jyushi is super worried about Totty's behavior when it turned serious. Choro heard that and he did a cute happy laugh (im not kidding????? Kamiya's made this laugh really cute in this one) and then Totty look back smiles more and Choukei at the back were like "Welp we did it lol we save the day"(<- didnt do anything)

In the end Ichi attacks on the kid with a wrestling and threatening "How dare you hurt my brother like that I'm going kill you right now" and the bros tried to stop him while the kid is in pain. Thats the skit.

Literally kinda rare to talk about it cus I never seen anyone translate any wacchatto shita kanji at all except the few (audios, mostly) but the few from vol 1 and this skit from vol 3. Anyway s SUEMATSU MOMENTS BRO!!!!!!!!! SUE MOMENT WHEN THE WHEN THE TODOMATSU HELPE JYUSHIMATSU IS SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZAMN!!!!!!!!

As youngest siblings of 3, I need to see more suematsu content in the future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!gaming moment

anyways about this cd i heard on youtube years ago I only remember only three skits from such as this good sue skit , chibita&ichi talk about kitties, and nenchuu fights (i think anyone knows about their WUOW!!! lol)

[vinnival]

can you make uhhhhhh 👀👀👀 the main 3 + my fave amninal tiky w/ an s/o who genrally seems to be super strong and stoic, and tends to be very argumentative, but the second they think they've done something wrong they're instantly like "oh fuck im so sorry im awful oh god uh sorry" context: anxiety :)

That is so understandable I am like that too,,,, in a way

Enjoy!

Apologies!!

HANK

Ah yes. Him but stubborn

You two are always contradicting its funny

Your relationship is healthy otherwise, but when it comes to small decisions like which way to go in a building raid you always choose the other that Hank DIDN'T choose

You two would just aggressively sign at each other usually

Finally Hank would usually let you go alone

This time HE went alone the other way

Yikes bad mistake

While you, Sanford, and Deimos were hitting jackpot with new supplies, you heard several roars and then gunfire erupting from the other room

You all quickly walked in to Hank, badly wounded and cornered by three goddman MAGs

You all barely managed to kill them, and you rushed back to Hank's injured side, a blubbering mess

He was actually shocked to see you literally crumble apart, your usual cool air just... torn down

You apologized endlessly, kissing him and trying to lift him up to get him put of there

You were just about crying when he placed his hand on your chest

He directed you to his eyes, and did a "deep breath" motion

You took a couple deep breaths, yes

Once you all got home you couldn't stop cuddling him for hours, once in a while apologizing

SANFORD

This man is so goddamn stubborn i can just tell.

Its in his voice clear as day

If he thinks something is for the better, he'll act upon it and won't turn back

So when you decided to try and backflip on the kitchen table he tries to get you down

Of course, "TOO SLOW OLD MAN", you backflip

And actually landed it!

Unfortunately with Sanford's placement from missing your legs to get you down, you kicked him in the head when you landed

You immediately switched up your attitude, screeching your apology

"Babe, it's okay, that didn't even hu-" (it really didn't)

"BUT I KICKED YOU AND I SHOULDNT HAVE IM SO SORRY FUCK"

He flicks your cheek, which caught you off guard

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad person for that!" He frowned while you rubbed your cheek

You giggled, "It didn't even hurt..."

"Exactly."

DEIMOS

Hes also very anxious but it's more minimal obviously

Otherwise with everything going wrong he'd think its because of him and start breaking down

He thought you were always so cool, always bragging about how strong you are mentally and physically, and how you can hold your ground against the Auditor even

Of course when you two had a small debate that left Deimos heated, he walked away as calmly as he could, but didn't watch where he was going

He tripped and faceplanted onto the floor

He was outside of your room by then, but you immediately realized that he mustbe tripped

Intuition amirite

You were instantly at his side, feeling horrible

"Honey, I'm so sorry! I should've kept you in there oh my god I'm so sorry! I'm so awful for that, oh m-"

"Shut up, lovingly." he cut you off

You closed your rambling mouth and stared at him in your arms while his nose bled

"It's okay. I'll be okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

Hesitantly nodding, you helped him to the bathroom to clean his bloodied nose

TRICKY

You were sadly on the run from the main 3, who were trying to kill you for associating with Tricky

Hiding behind various rocks, buildings, and cars, you tried to evade them

What you didn't know is that Deimos managed to land a tracker on you when they first cornered you

So when you managed to get a distance away from them- back at Tricky's Clown Hideout- you assumed you were safe

And you got to see Tricky again so !!! :)

You mentioned how you were chased by that three and he made a sound of both anger and worry, but his next words froze you in fear

"THEY NO TRACK YOU?"

You recalled how Deimos specifically managed to get a hand on you

"Oh, motherfuc-"

You were suddenly grabbed by the clown's cold hands and shoved behind him as an arrow whizzed at you

It landed in Tricky instead

"DOWN TO HIDEOUT. GO. MANDATORY."

You were hyperventilating as you opened the hatch

"WHERE TRACKER?" you heard, just before his hand grabbed you again and ripped off a piece of your armor

The two of you managed to get down the hatch and lock you both in while the main 3 tried to get in overhead

"Holy shit Tricky honey I'm so sorry... I-I didn't notice the tracker," you couldn't stop staring at the several arrows sticking into the clown

He tilted his head, "YOU BE OBSERVANT NEXT TIME, THAT'S ALL"

So you both sat there in the room filled with circus toys and tools, Tricky trying to console you as the main 3 just gave up, assuming you two were long gone down in a tunnel that didn't exist 🤝

Clown Hideout (superior)

I lov e tricky I want to give him a big kith and smooch (but he'd kill me i think :()

[beomglocks]

in the morning ; k.th

summary : taehyun tries to keep you safe from the world’s wandering eyes.

pairing : yandere!taehyun x “captive” s/o!reader

warnings & other : angst (?), blood, there’s a dead person, yes the body is described (not in too much detail), enclosed spaces, dehumanization (?), honestly ignore the title i didnt know what to call this

w/c : 1.7k

your bedroom door creaks open allowing a sliver of light to shine onto your bed and down on to your face. you scrunch your face in frustration but merely turn over to face the wall to continue your peaceful slumber.

a finger pokes at your face annoyingly and you swat at it to leave you alone. "my love, wake up," you hear someone whisper.

you groan but make no indications that you'll be listening to the annoying voice in your head. you feel something cold drift across your face and down your neck which makes you shiver. when you bring your hand up to your neck to pull it away, you flinch and sit up quickly.

"ow!" you inspect your hand which now has a large bleeding gash from gripping whatever was on your neck. now that you're semi fully awake, you look up to see taehyun. great, he's back from doing whatever it is he does at this godforsaken time. you wonder if it's a normal day when he's home but no- you know there's a reason why he's in your room right now.

"i wouldn't have gripped that like that if i were you," he snickers playfully. you look down at what he's holding and frown at him. "what...did you put a knife to my neck?" crazy bastard, you knew something would go wrong whenever he was within 10 centimeters of you.

"had to wake up the sleeping beauty somehow," he grins. his face immediately goes stony and he grabs your hand, looking at the aftermath of his actions. it scares you how quickly he could change his expression. sometimes you weren't sure how to act around him because you weren't sure how he would react.

"im sorry though, i'll clean it up right away." he quickly gets up and grabs some alcohol and tissues that are laying around, and rushes back to you.

"so no light today?" you ask quietly while he cleans the wound skillfully. he stays quiet for a moment and you're about to ask him the question again in case he didn't hear you but he soon speaks up.

"n-no not today.. i don't wanna be seen like this. it could scare you," he laughs dryly. he scrubs your hands with more haste now, afraid that you'll take initiative to turn on the lights.

you sigh. how considerate of him however it's not like you haven't seen him with blood splattered across his glass skin before. it wasn't out of the ordinary to see him like this after all. your room only has a tiny window above the bed and you couldn't even look out from it since it was too high. the only light that was available to you was the moonlight. unfortunely it didn't even reach far enough to shine down on taehyun to give you the luck of seeing him.

"when are you going to stop this?" you ask mostly to yourself. "i'll stop when it gets through people's heads that you're mine."

he grips your injured hand as the anger of what he had to witness today comes rushing back to his memories. "t-tae my hand," you wince.

he loosens his grip just a little bit, enough for you to not feel that much pain but obviously, it still hurts. god, you really wish he wasn't here right now.

"why...why did he- it's his fault you know. it's not like i wanted to kill him," he says. you can hear the anxiety in his voice and it makes you want to comfort him a little bit. only a small part of your brain feels bad for his current mental state but that's only because of how kind taehyun was to you way before well- this. somewhere in you, you hope that he will change but you know he's too far gone at this point.

"he had it coming though," taehyun smiles, looking down at your wound. "he should've known not to mess with other people's property." you clench your jaw at his words. it's unfortunate how taehyun doesn't see you as a human anymore, only an object for him to keep enclosed in a glass case, like some china doll.

"you're not entirely innocent y/n," he grits. he grips your hand purposely and you let a tear roll down your face now. "taehyun you're hurting me," you manage to choke out. he pouts mockingly at your plea.

"you hurt me and you hurt that guy i had to kill," he says in a matter of fact tone. "when he said hi you should've just kept your mouth shut but no you just had to make conversation and let him hug you like some-"

he cuts himself off before he can say something that he might have to force himself to apologize for later. you both sit in silence minus your ragged breaths mixed with his heavy ones.

"you killed him," he says simply. "what?" you breathe out. "you killed him y/n! if you had just focused on me like i focus on you then i wouldn't have been forced to kill him like i did."

"taehyun i-"

"go say sorry," he sighs. you look at him bewildered but it only takes you a moment to realize what he means. "taehyun," you sob. you don't want to say that you can't believe he brought a dead body home but the sad fact is that you can believe it. he mustve had no where to hide it once he was done. taehyun is not one to make empty threats. he chuckles, shaking his head, "go say sorry to your friend."

he tries to pull you from the bed but you cling onto the bedsheets, adamant about not moving. "what so now you don't want to give him the time of day? earlier you seemed just so over the damn moon speaking with him!" he shouts.

you shake your head frantically. you want to speak, to reason with him, but nothing comes out your mouth other than choked sobs. "don't be like that, it's for your own good. now let's go," he says.

this time he uses all his force to rip you from your hold on the bed. "my love...im gonna teach you something about respect," taehyun speaks lowly. his monotone voice sends chills throughout your frigid body. you kick and scream and punch his back, hoping that you can shake him enough to let you go but nothing you do phases him.

he walks through the house with you slung over his shoulder for about a minute before stopping in front of the jacket closet. he sets you down as gently as he can in front of it and you stare blankly at it, not ready to face whatever is inside.

"it goes both ways," he finishes. you hesitantly look up at him, finally seeing his face for the first time since earlier today. you flinch when you notice just how much blood is scattered over his face. the kill must've been brutal enough to send that many splatters of blood flying.

"don't look at me, look at him. don't be disrespectful," he says. when you turn back towards the closet you flinch harshly at the sight. the guy whom you spoke to earlier was now slumped over in your closet. you remember how lively he was when speaking to you but now his skin was completely drained of life and pale in color. his lips were dry, probably from trying to heave in air to try to live. you're afraid to further gaze at the body because the further down you go the worse it gets. so much so that it's practically dosed in blood.

"say it, say you're sorry!" he commands. you know that you're not really saying sorry to the dead man in your closet. taehyun wants you to say sorry to him. you know he couldn't care less about this man. he wants you to regret putting him in the position to kill another human being.

"i-im- im-" taehyun sucks teeth impatiently. "if you don't say it naturally i will lock you in here all night. i don't want to do that so you better do it right."

a noise leaves your throat when he shoves you closer to the body. you whine, trying your best to control your voice and tears. "i-" your voice gets weak but you use every bit of force in you to say it. you don't wanna risk having to stay in that closet all night.

"im sorry," you blurt. you hear taehyun chuckle behind you, satisfied for now. "was that so hard?"

"y/n you're mine and only mine. i feel so livid when others so much as look in your direction, do you understand?" he says calmly. you nod, already wanting to be back in your bed, under the covers, away from all of this.

you hear taehyun hum and suddenly you're shoved into the closet. it catches you so off guard that your body slams into the dead one. you yell in panic and scramble as far away from it as possible. "taehyun! w-what's going on?!" you call out.

the closet is so dark when it's closed that you can't even see anything. atleast you know you're not near the body. "y/n- i-i'm doing this because i love you ok?" he says uncertainly. "this way no one can look at you or talk to you and try to seduce you."

you bang on the door, your heart beating with each slam. "p-please let me out," you plead weakly. you already know that once taehyun has done something he doesn't change his mind so it's no use trying to reason. "i-im scared- please."

he stays silent for a moment and you're about to burst into tears again thinking that he's already left but he speaks up after a couple beats of contemplative silence.

"don't be scared ok y/n. you'll be fine. i'm going to come back for you in the morning." he goes silent again and all you can hear is your heavy breathing and wet sniffles. "please don't be too mad at me, i love you," you hear him whisper before you hear his footsteps retreat.

the night is spent without much sleep and your fist pounding at the closet door, hoping for an early release but it never comes.

[kojinnie]

Something About Pain | Reiner Braun

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader (she/her pronoun)

Summary: You ran away from home and your boyfriend Reiner Braun is desperate to bring you home. When the two of you meet, you share a conversation about how pain inflicts the two of you differently.

Tags & Warning: Angst, (eventual) fluff, (mild) hurt/comfort, slow burn, major miscommunication problem, past trauma, abandonment issue, mention of anxiety, Reiner is a grumpy, hurt individual yet delicate inside | SFW

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: Based on the request by @okubean for Twisted Match-Up! I hope you like it, boo! (More A/N at the end of the fic)

.::My Masterlist::.

Twisted Match-Up (x Reader): Zeke | Hange | Jean 

There was a vivid look of worry on the face of Reiner Braun as he drove through the empty neighborhood streets. His right hand on the steering wheel, the other one tapping anxiously on the phone, dialing the same number over and over again to no avail.

All of his calls had gone straight to your mailbox, and his text messages were no longer delivered. Reiner came to realize that you've blocked him. "Idiot," he muttered to himself, cursing this whole modern affinity to accommodate people running from their problems easier. Reiner thought the feature was the stupidest thing ever created by humankind, he was pissed, but more annoyed. He realized how tired he was, and if he could, he'd rather be in bed right now. Not roaming your friend's neighborhood at ungodly hour.

"Where... the fuck... are you..." he was pissed, evident from the grunt as he tried one final desperate attempt to call you. It went straight to your mailbox. Your cheery voice didn't make him feel any better, if any, Reiner wished he could tell the mailbox-you to shut the hell up.

Reiner finally hit the brake, sighing annoyed. His black SUV stopped underneath the streetlamp, at a random neighborhood he could only vaguely remember. He had been here before, when he picked you up from your bestfriend's house after one of your "night out" with your friends from college, but he could barely remember which one of these identical suburban houses did she live.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel, racking his brain trying to remember the house number. Is this even the correct cul-de-sac? There are tens others. Who the fuck came up with the concept of suburban housing? Strips and strips of uniformed houses. And even worse, who the fuck thought that it was such a great idea to live in one? Like some Stepford Wives nightmare. Reiner couldn't believe some people would save up money for all their lives to pay off their mortgage to live in complete conformity, like a communist utopia with capitalist credit system. Were these people right in the head or had their brains fucked over by the boring 9 to 5 jobs they've had for decades?

That's beside the point. Reiner sighed. He ranted a lot when frustrated.

He knew you'd be there, in one of these houses, curled up crying in your bestfriend's bed, perhaps pouring your heart out on how much of a bad boyfriend Reiner was. He knew because you've passed the micro-aggression millionth times, muttering under your breath, saying that you'd be fine if Reiner kicks you out because your bestfriend would take you. What kind of fuckery was all that? Why would he ever kick you out? Reiner thought. He was clueless. Why were you so adamant that he would leave you eventually? Reiner could feel his annoyance grew while reminiscing your antics. He began to think, maybe he had never understood you to begin with.

But Reiner was wrong, because he was right about a lot of things about you. You were exactly in your bestfriend's house, curled up in her bed, ranting how hard it was being with Reiner. Although the tears had dried since hours ago. You were in your PJs and drinking the hot coco your friend had made you, comfortable in the bliss of obliviousness upon the fact that your boyfriend of one year was now driving aimlessly trying to locate your position. You were adamant that he was going to leave you anyway, you thought he wouldn't exert an ounce of energy trying to plea you home.

It was 4 AM in the morning and you hadn't come home. The trace of you had gone completely from Reiner's apartment since early morning. Reiner knew that this was bound to happen, had he done anything differently - would you stay? He thought of you and the state that the two of you had been tangled in. All the unresolved tension, or the persistent insinuations coming from you that you always shrugged off in the end, saying "Nothing." as if it did not matter, each time Reiner shot them with, "What did you say?"

You sipped your hot coco and let a troubled whimper as you told your bestfriend what was happening. It's the culmination of small things, your feeling of inadequacy and the anxiety of waking up every morning, being convinced that each day would be the day that Reiner finally leaves you. Every day you’d be mentally preparing yourself for the ultimate fate until Reiner returns home with his big, warm hug until your anxiety caves in. And that the anxiety would appear again in the next morning.

The idea of him leaving became incessant and you could never bug it off. You wondered why, maybe because you believed that you were inherently flawed. Maybe it's the way Reiner made that small "Tsk," when he came home to see the garbage piled up, "Babe, didn't I tell you to put out the garbage?"; or the deep, annoyed and condescending sighs he made when he missed his favorite show because you forgot to pay the cable bills while he was out at the office.

Maybe it's the way you couldn't match his sharp memory and reliability with you constantly forgetting things and your seeming inattentiveness despite the abundant reminders, notes and alarms you've made to keep yourself alerted. At times, your mind just wandered, and you needed him to rope you back in, but he never got the gist.

So, you were adamant that you had grown to be nothing but inconvenience for him, hence when he spent the night over at his office due to what he called "Shit load of work" over the phone, you were certain he wouldn't come back at all. You knew that the pain of being abandoned would haunt you to myriad of miseries, so you'd rather leave first. You knew it would be the end you both needed, because you knew Reiner did not care about you enough to tolerate your shit any longer. He was always quiet, there was hardly ever any expression on his face, God knows what he was thinking underneath. Each of your "Reiner, I'm sorry." would only be met by a singular hum or a quick, "It's okay." that left you wondering, did he ever mean it at all?

So that morning you left. While he was still at the office, because you knew there was no feelings strong enough for Reiner to keep him from leaving you eventually. You left first.

Your bestfriend nodded in reassurance, "You gotta do what you gotta do." she said pulling you into a warmly hug, but your attention was suddenly caught by the pile of plastics and packages from your take-outs at the corner of your friend's room. It just bothered your mind, and you got up to take it out. A small token of atonement to what you wish you had done to Reiner.

Your bestfriend immediately scrambled and took the garbage away from you. Insisting for you to stay in bed and let her take care of it. You nodded and retreated to the pillow fortress. You felt bad for her because the temperature was dropping, and there was no necessity to take the garbage out right now, but your impulse was often hard to subside, and your friend had grown to acknowledge and take sympathy over that. Unlike Reiner, you thought.

Maybe it's because Reiner never shown anyone openly about what he felt, but what you did not know, sometimes he wish he had. Sometimes he wished he'd opened up about how hard it is for him to breathe when unfortunate things occur that he did not have the answer to. Sometime he wished he could share his fear, worry, anger and disappointment, but he was always thought that a man got to suck it up, and perseverance was the only way he knew how to survive.

Sometimes he wished he had told somebody that the constant worrying about his loved ones consumed him too, to the point it became hard for him to let his guard down even when things are okay. He was always on alert, and sometimes it got exhausting too for him. He wished he had told all that, so in times like these he did not have to assume the heartbreak alone while trying to find the solution to it. Sometimes he wished people knew that he cared too, he loved too, he knew too when someone he loved was struggling, but he never learned how to show it. Reiner knew your mind often raced hundreds of miles per hour, Reiner knew your state of agitation, but he never had anyone to teach him how affection should look like, other than be of service, which he tried his best at being. It was no wonder that Reiner was left clueless when you chose to leave without warning.

He was pissed because he knew how daft he was, yet none of it was ever intentional. He cursed himself for not knowing what went wrong, for not being more observant, for not being open with his feelings, for not telling you how much he had grown to love you and how much his apartment immediately grew cold at your absence. But mostly, at this moment, he cursed himself because he wasn't attentive enough to know you friend's house number.

The air was crisp when your bestfriend stepped out of her porch. She made quick steps to the garbage can when she saw bright headlights coming in from the end of the street. She grunted, wondering what was her neighbor doing, cruising around with dramatically low speed. It seemed odd.

She put her fingers above her eyes, trying to recognize the plate number or the driver, but the black SUV lights were dispersing her sight.

She closed the garbage can and tried to immediately return inside but the car cruised closer and pulled over in front of her. The window rolled open.

"Hey," There was an immediate look of surprise from the person that Reiner barely recognized. But he was sure enough that it was her, judging from her body language; all tensed and alerted, "This is Reiner."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence between Reiner and your bestfriend. She was considering carefully on what to say next.

"Uhm yeah, I know." Your bestfriend finally spoke, her voice creaked, caught by surprise. "What do you want?"

Reiner spoke your name, "I want to meet my girlfriend." Reiner could hear the desperation in his own voice, but your friend jeered in response.

"My girlfriend." she passingly mocked the way Reiner spoke, she came to dislike what she thought was possessiveness in Reiner's nature of speaking, "She's not available. I suggest you to scram. Before my neighbors complain."

Reiner furrowed his brows in dismay, couldn't seem to understand the hostility presented by your friend, "I need to talk to her."

She stood unyielding. Reiner opened the door and climbed off of the car, sighing as he walked closer, propelling your friend to keep her distance away even further. "Please, let me talk to her."

"Not a chance." She turned around and scurried back into the house. Reiner was quick to yell, to her expected dismissal. Without thinking further, Reiner got back to behind the wheel and moved his car forward on to the curb, proceeding to close off the exit way for her small city car in the driveway.

Reiner jumped off the car as your besfriend realized what he had done, "I'm not moving the car until she comes down."

She let out a restraint shrieked, "What the fuck?! I got a dentist appointment tomorrow morning!"

"Then please, tell her to come down and talk to me," Reiner said, sounding almost apologetic. He threw a glance at a lonely swing set in the small park across the street, "there."

The occurrence happening before your eyes was unexpected to say the least. You closed the small slit from your bestfriend's window fold, trying to manage your heartbeat that had become almost deafening. At the same time your bestfriend appeared from the door, face red with flustered, "I think he really wants to see you."

Thousands of thoughts made a commotion in your head. It did not make any sense. You made it easier for Reiner by walking away with clean slate, you were sure this was what he had hoped secretly.

Your friend shuffled inside and shot you a deep stare, she sighed heavily and told you that whether you liked it or not, you had to face him. Reiner looked genuinely worried, she said, twisting your guts even further.

You sat in her bed for a moment, trying to relive every waking moment with Reiner. Sure there were moments when your own thoughts chased you into a deep corner and you wished Reiner had seen it. Sometimes you wished he’d hold you tight, kiss you with reassurance and told you how meaningful you were to him. Sure, sometimes being with Reiner could feel lonely, but he had never treated you back nor was he ever intentionally mean to you. What do I want? The question hung heavy in your mind.

I want him to say that he wants me, the voice within the nook of your brain said, I want him to say that he loves me.

You nodded, finally ceasing from running away further.

             Reiner never thought that at his 20-something he would sit miserably on a random swing-set at a random neighborhood just an hour before the dusk cracked. Reiner was a big man, but even with his figure and the aid of his tailored suit and shirt, wrinkled after gruesome hours at work trying to keep his company afloat on the thin ice of his personal relationship with you – Reiner was tired, and miserable, and desperate. Even more, he was cold as the temperature continued to drop down.

He hung his head low, trying to fight the shivers. It was quiet, too quiet, only the faint sound of the wind and the creaking sound of the swing-set holding off to its dear life under Reiner’s massive weight. The man sighed, never he thought that the sight of you coming out of someone’s house in the dead of a  night would be a spectacle he looked forward to the most.

He closed his eyes, shutting himself off from any sound and thought. Thinking that maybe in the bleakness of his sense, the time would pass faster and your heart would soften.

In the nothingness Reiner could feel a sudden warmth crept from the tips of his fingers, he opened his eyes to see you standing before his eyes, towering him who was sitting like a pathetic boy on the swing. You were wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, hiding your PJs underneath. In your hands were two cups of scalding tea, you shoved one into his hand, “You came.” You stated.

Reiner let out a deep sigh of relief as he saw you safe and sound. He felt warmth travelled across his body, he did not know whether it was the tea in his hand or simply the sight of you that made him felt so. His eyes latched on to you as you sat on the swing next to him, “Hey. What are you doing?” Reiner asked.

“Running away.”

“Why?”

Reiner looked at you intently, and the guilt started to consume you. You gazed afar, softly shook your head, “Dunno.”

“I see.”

Yet another silence ensued.

“How’s work?”

Reiner sighed again; the heavy breath seemed to be the only way the two of you communicated. Just two troubled minds pouring their burden at each other, “Bertholdt abruptly resigned—fuck, it’s been a nightmare, but—” Reiner pressured his thumb over his brows, trying to ease his sharp migraine that suddenly came, “—that doesn’t matter now. Will you come home?”

He looked at you again, you were still gazing to god-knows-what, everything other than his eyes. Reiner grew antsy on his seat, the swing creaked again. Please look at me. Please look at me. The words resonated incessantly in Reiner’s head but nothing came out of his mouth. Just a stoic, to-the-point question.

Don’t you wanna know the problem, Reiner? Is that all? I said I don’t know and you didn’t even try to dig in deeper? You came all the way here and you just straight up asking me to go home with you? Your mind was nowhere better. It’s in uproar but there was only silence coming out of your mouth. But he came, he didn’t leave. Contradiction danced inside your mind like an unwanted guest.

The silence grew heavier. You saw the lights from your bestfriend’s bedroom lit off, she had got to be tired eventually. Suddenly, you felt so alone. Just the two of you in this odd morning.

“It’s hard, right?” Reiner broke the silence, he looked at you again, this time he was desperate for you to look into his eyes. Little did he know, you were refusing to do so because you could feel your fragility forming in your eyes. You swore not to cry.

“What?” Just a depthless answer you uttered.

“Growing up.” Reiner muttered. The man sounded almost contemplative in his defeat. He sighed again and shook his head, “I thought I’d be someone better by this time in my life.”

The answer surprised you. You thought he would say something like ‘Relationship is hard’ or some jargons he picked up from one of the movies he watched without you. You felt bad for undermining him just because you were upset with him. Does it really mirror your true perception of him? Maybe you really hadn’t known him that well.

You had no resolve to his statement, so you just nodded, allowing him to pour out his thoughts.

“I thought I’d be better with my job, with myself, and most importantly,” he shifted to lurch towards you on his seat, the wire strings of the swing twisted to your direction, “with the people I love. But obviously, I still… suck.”

“And here I am. 4 AM. A fucking adult on a fucking neighborhood swing-set.”

You could feel the air suctioned out of your lungs, as you felt guilt loomed bigger inside you. He came and he felt bad – what more could I ask for? But then you remembered the nights of loneliness despite having Reiner sleeping next to you. You had a bad day, but you were too prideful to come clean. You wanted him to be intuitive, but he never did. Being with Reiner, you had mastered the art of crying in silence while sharing the bed with him. It’s exhausting. Yeah, Rei, maybe you’re bad at this.

Despite that, you stayed silent.

“Will you hate me if I say I don’t know what’s wrong?” Reiner knew how daft he sounded, “God. I’m pushing my luck coming clean at you.”

You were at loss for words. You had so many things to say, but too few of a courage.

Reiner called your name. He reached over and tried to tangle one of your fingers with his. From your periphery sight, you could see him forcing a smile, “I—”

He sighed again. Reiner’s chest was filled with words and all he wanted was to vomit it out, but he never knew how to properly addressed the feelings he had—he couldn’t even describe what he felt. All he knew was one thing: he wanted you home, back in his arms, “I am a stupid man. I really don’t know what’s happening between us. You.. just.. gone. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not smart enough for all these..”

There was almost a childish plea in Reiner’s words, and you couldn’t help but to threw a faint smile. You chuckled, “What did you say? You’re—what?”

He scoffed at himself, “I am stupid.”

You finally caved in because you realized there was an undeniable genuineness in the way he spoke. And the sentiment was mutual, you felt stupid as well for you had not realized how completely, utterly, truly clueless Reiner was.

Eventually, you looked at him. His hardened face quickly turned wary to finally see how puffy your eyes were from crying earlier, you forced a smile, but it was clear you were pretending, “You make me feel so lonely sometimes.”

The words came out of your mouth like a canonball that had been stuck in your chest for too long. You felt relief, but on the other side, Reiner could feel his heart broke. A pain from a man realizing too late of the damage he had caused.

You thought of everything that had made you feel so. The way Reiner rolled over in bed away from you, drowsy and unaware, when you called him in the dead night as your anxiety kicked in; when his hand let you go as you tried to hold his hands in public; the complete non-existing mention of you in his social media; the take-outs that he mindlessly brought home when you had cooked dinner; his easiness in dropping a problem after he said sorry without checking up with you further.

It was the absent of his intuition that made you felt invisible – but you realized too late that maybe he was truly oblivious, evident as he said, “But how?”

“You really don’t know?”

“Babe,” he further tangled your fingers into his grasp. Your hand and his, they hung in the middle of the two swing seats, “I swear on my mother’s grave.”

“I’ve always thought you wanted to leave me but never got the right moment to it. The affection—I hardly ever got it from you. Not the affirming words, not the reassurance. Hell, maybe I want that public kiss and hugs that you thought was stupid, Rei. Just—”

You could feel the tears forming, choking you mercilessly, “—just to feel loved. To feel wanted. For once.”

You finally let your tears dropped. And Reiner was slapped with realities that both of you were in. He let go of your hand and stared down at the pavement, “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“You never asked.”

“But I never knew. How am I supposed to know that I should ask when I didn’t know I should ask on the first place? I’ve always thought you wanted to be left alone when all your crazy thoughts come in—but you—”

“—you—"

Reiner groaned, obviously frustrated. He rested the blabber, “Maybe we’re just not good at this.”

Like a train, you could feel the ending coming to hit you. This is it. This is it. You thought to yourself, picturing how Reiner would finally leave you. You secretly wished Reiner wouldn’t give in, you wish he’d put up more fight, so at least you’d know that you carried a weight in his heart. But you knew this was bound to happen, so why were you so upset?

“Maybe.” You wiped your tears dry, “That’s okay, Reiner. I know that’s what I am.”

“What?”

“I’m just an embarkation point, right? Everyone will leave me eventually. That’s why I left, because I know eventually, we’ll be talking about this. So I’d better leave first.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Reiner grew even more frustrated with the way you danced around your words.

“It’s okay if you want to leave me. That’s what all people do to me.”

“You left because you think I was planning to leave you all along?” Reiner asked, sounding painfully offended as he finally got to gather what you were insinuating, “So that is the problem?”

“Yeah, so I better leave first, right? Before I get hurt again? Before you leave me like other people and—”

“Fuck other people!” Reiner raised his voice, which he immediately regretted. He ran his fingers over his hair irritated, turning it into a complete blond mess, “Are you trying to avenge your revenge for other people—those exes you’ve had—on me?”

Tears welled up again in your eyes, as you looked away from him. But he called on your name again, this time there was a deep sternness in his call that you couldn’t help but to face him. Reiner was glad that you finally gained courage to speak the truth, when he had not, “So you want reassurance, yeah? How about the times I told you how beautiful, how smart, how great you are – only for you to tell yourself the opposite immediately.”

Reiner looked directly into your eyes, “I can’t make you something you’re not. What you are is who you think you are.”

“You can never matter – if you don’t think you do.”

An expressionless, soundless tear fell onto your cheek. A heart broke to your dismay. Reiner finally said the truth and there was no way you could delude yourself into thinking that he was wrong, “Then… why don’t you just leave me, Rei? Why don’t you get rid of me a long time ago?”

“Because I’m giving you something that I never received in my entire life, ever. I’m staying for you.” There was a palpable pain in the way Reiner spoke. He landed his finger on to your heart and you could feel it pierced through your skin with heavy realization, “I’m staying. Like no one ever did in my life. Not my ex-girlfriends, not my friends, and certainly not my father. That’s what makes us different. I have more faith in you than you have in me.”

Reiner was a man with heavy heart. He had been through a lot of things in his life, learned how to fend on for himself since very young, and dreamed of the day when he could finally put his hair down with someone he cared for. And what you hadn’t realize, was how essentially similar you were to him. How both of you longed for someone to let go of your inhibitions and fear? Just two broken people finding refuge in each other’s longing for the same thing. And that’s what you failed to see. He understood you, just in a way you didn’t understand.

And that’s the thing about pain, they are inherently personal. No matter how much you have shared yourself to others.

The two of you went dead silent for a moment. In the horizon, the sun rays were starting to emerge, the morning had arrived.  Your tears cascaded painfully slow; Reiner was looking at his feet trying to sip his tea that had gone cold. His hands were trembling with both sadness and anger that were beginning to secede.

Reiner finally called your name, this time it was delicate, “I’m sorry, alright?”

You looked at him with tears in your eyes as you nodded, “Alright.”

“Will you come home, now?”

“Yes,” you muttered, “I think I will.”

The two of you got up and Reiner immediately drew you into his chest, holding you the tightest you had ever been held, reconnecting all the broken pieces scattered inside you. You buried your face into his strong chest as you sobbed once more, while he kissed the top of your head with affection more vivid than thousands of words of affirmations.

“What do we do with these hearts, Rei?” You asked as you felt your chest throbbing with pain and love.

The man loosened his embrace and smiled, “Persevere.”

A/N:

First of all thank you so much to @okubean for giving me a hellish prompt! This one really made me faced my own abandonment issue and poured it into a writing. I tried to touch about the absent-mindedness as the implication of ADHD but I’m really worried that it doesn’t really do it justice. So hereby my sincere apologies! 😭🙏

Nonetheless, I really hope that you may enjoy this piece and I’m so sorry if it comes off as boring!

I literally drafted this on the metro, and got really carried away with it!

Did I enjoy it? (Yes)

Did this turn out longer than I expected? (Yes)

Am I worried this will bore people? (Yes)

[miraculousrainbow]

Sleeping In The Bathroom Is Better Than Home

Description:

Chat noir cannot stand being at home anymore and by chance stumbles upon Marinette wich turns into an unexpected sleepover

Hurt/comfort

Marichat (can be viewd as romantic or platonic)

Oneshot

Trigger warnings : mention of verbal abuse, mentions of neglect, discussions of bad mental health, bad mental health, insomnia, anxiety, trapping a child mention (ask to tag)

"Im done and sick of it"

He couldnt think straight, he just knew that he needed to get out as fast as he can

Plag popped out in a look of concern but before he could say anything Adrien already climbed out the window and yelled "Plagg claws out" and jumped out

His movement wasent his usual cat like swiftness

It was heavy and frantic

He was stumbling around in the dark and crashing into a wall or a random pole every once in a while but ignoring it as nothing happened and just, keeps going

He was going around blindly

With the only purpose of just, getting away

After a while of hanging about at the dark he calmed down a bit, but he was still fearful

His dad yelling still ringing in his ears and with each sound feeling like another hit

"Ignore it he insisted"

"You are here, you are safe, you are not at home anymore."

"You are safe." he whispered to himself loudly with a bit of a panic in his voice and a desperation to make these words feel true

But it was getting late he knew that soon he will need to go back home but he couldnt bring himself

He would rather sleep outside

"The only problem is that he would be an easy target for hawkmoth or criminals depending on the form"

"Or he could just stay a-"

His thought had been cut mid sentence while he was walking he realised he sees a familiar light and in the light had been basking a familiar figure

"Marinette!" He exclaimed with relief in his voice

"It was nice seeing a friend out here and a light source when everything else seems so dark and bleak and eerily quiet..."

"Chat Noir?" Marinette blinked trying to figure out where the dark ends and where the cat starts

"Its nice to see you" he said with a sheepishly smile

"Is there an akuma" Marinette eyes darted from place to place while her expression seemed so focused she wouldnt miss a fly

"Not tonight princess" he replied feeling a bit guilty he made her worry

A sigh of relief escaped the teen's mouth and her expression softened

And when she looked up to his surprise she looked like she is actually happy to see him

"So what brings you here ~Chat Noir~." she said his superhero name like you would call someone a royalty title jokingly

"Wich... was fair, but! he just hoped she knew every time he called her princess it was full of fondness"

"Oh um, just going for a walk, getting some fresh air"

"At two at night"

"I can ask you the same princess" he stumbled on his words he didnt expect that

"He havent being keeping an eye on the hour"

"He hoped he wasent missing for too long"

"But with his father absence he sometimes thinks he could of being kidnaped by hawkmoth for days and he wouldnt even notice"

"and sometimes he could of just barged into the room out of the blue"

"For ones he hoped for the first one"

Marinette unexpectedly decided to be the first one to break the silence

"Thoughts, just too many thoughts" she replied honestly and wiped her eyes in tiredness and maybe tears

Even though her answer seemed quite generic he recognised the real weight these words hold

"You?" She asked softly in sleepiness

"I just couldnt handle staying there anymore"

He blurted out choking on a bit of tears

"Her honestly just made him feel like he couldnt keep it inside anymore and that he could just share it safely and it will be okay"

"Like he didnt have to keep it down anymore and he really couldnt not like this not when he finally feels safe and the adrenaline from earlier is starting to die out and the tiredness is kicking in"

"Not next to Marinette"

"When she just comes with honestly openness and without anything to hide behind"

"She could of waited a little longer he would have come up with a joke to sweep her off her feet or at least made her laugh thats a win too"

"And just have a normal conversation"

"But she chose openness and he couldnt help, but choose it too"

He was a bit shaking he didnt notice till Marinette put a hand on him "hey, do you wanna go talk inside?"

The cat was frozen in surprise at the sudden touch

but as soon as it went is as soon as it goes

"And I know your identity needs to remain a secret for yours and the safety of your loved ones"

"So tell me just as you can and want of course" she made a serious face in the end but he couldnt ignore how cute it was

He noded thankful and followed her in

"Not surprisingly her room was much warmer than the cold outside"

They set down and Marinette asked while fiddling with her fingers "So, what happened?"

"My dad just yelled at me"

"Again" he rolled his eyes with a snort of someone who learned to turn their anger into despair and nihilistic jokes

"Its or he leaves me alone and neglects me or he yells at me and traps me"

"And in the past it used to be or he neglects me and traps me or he yells at me and traps me"

"But good luck trapping Chat Noir ha ha" he said with exhaustion and finger guns

"Unless you are hawkmoth if he would of being I bet he would have trapped me then too" another bitter laugh escaped his mouth

"What about you?"

"So you know those nights when you try to go to bed and you just lay there but you cant stop thinking and your thought are running and running and you just start shaking and you cant stop and no matter what you cant sleep and you wish so badly you can but you just cant so you stand up cause you cant take it anymore"

She blurted out as well just more in a mini frantic tangent

Instead of a frantic blurt out

"So maybe" she says with a twirl of her hand like she tries to drag the word longer and just not let the sentence end

"Im having one of these nights"

She covered her face with her hand and looked away like she is even ashamed of having a problem

"Wich is super unfair everyone has problems" he scoffed in his head

"And also one thing was made sure by this conversation she was crying earlier"

"Actually yeah" he replied looking up from his knees and surprising them both

"I do get these nights from time to time"

"Now it was his turn to look away"

"Now he is the one feeling shame in having problems"

"Honestly, he thinks it made both of them feel better knowing they are not the only ones even though he and of course Marinette! would never wish this upon each other it was still nice being in the same boat"

"Its exhausting" she exclaimed and looked like she was trying to rest her had on air and getting grumpy each time it doesnt work

Chat tapped to time on his knees to signal that she can use him as a pillow

Marinette without taking a second thought took the invite and settled down

At the moment of contact Chat Noir felt like lightening were running up his spine he just hoped he didnt move

He wasent used to other ppl contact much

And he always withdrew away quite quickly

"Its not that he didnt like others touch"

"Its just that it would always overwhelm him so much"

"And it made him feel like he needed a break but every time he was ready to come back"

"There was nobody left"

"And lets not talk about how it was before school when there was nobody to begin with"

"She looked so comfortable like it was all natural being so close to someone and just putting your head down"

"He wishes he could feel like that too"

"He hopes one day he will"

After a moment of rest and a sigh of relief Marinette asked "So, whats the plan?"

"Kinda how he would of asked his lady on battle he wondered if thats how he looks like"

"Uh, I kinda planned on staying awake outside until I will collapse of exhaustion..."

"Well, thats a horrible plan."

"In retrospect, he agreed but its not like he had any other options" he thought to himself

"The only room with a decent lock is the bathroom but I cant let you sleep in the bathroom!"

"I considered sleeping outside so this sounds much better"

"Chat!" She protested

"Its not like I have any better options" he sighed into his hand

"Okie but Im putting a clock to 5 in the morning so you will be back before anyone notices"

"But then what about you? dont you need any sleep?"

"I dont think I will fall asleep befor 5 am to be honest" she made an awkward laugh in an attempt to make it seem not as bad

"And, having company for a change even if will be a sleeping one soon is nice."

She looked up to him still resting on his lap with a soft smile that looks like it means Im really thankful you are here but you need to go to sleep now

"Marinette I-" he couldnt help but let a sigh of relief escape his mouth "I cant thank you enough"

"Hey what there are partne- pretty good friends for!"

"She started stammering. Now he was sure she was too tired for communication and needed some rest"

"So lets get ready for the sleep part in our kind of spontaneous sleepover!" she said like it was all part of just a regular late night party

He chuckled and replied with a simple sappy "yeah" and he got ready to bed

And in a long time he actually had a good sleep even though it was in the bathroom

The end <3

Update: thank you everyone for the feedback!!!

[energyanon]

Surprise reading as I can’t seem to shake off the curiosity. Ok, I’m gonna set them up in relation to this drama. Personally, I don’t believe it. NV would have to have various personality disorders in order for this to be true, among 5000 other reasons why that is not normal, sane human behaviour. But the Instagram.. so many things don’t match up. However, both me and another anon felt fuzzy headed when we were representing her.. maybe it’s not just her overthinking, maybe it’s something more relating to some kind of disorder, but that’s not my place to say. Let’s check it out. Once again I’m gonna type as I go.

I’ve decided for three set ups here: 1. NV, 2. The group chat as a whole as cited on said Instagram, and 3. Henry.

Set up 2. (The GC) first. I picked up NV and got a headache.

First flag: Natalie wanted to be on top of the GC… that’s weird..

Henry is at a distance but he is staring at them both. Starting to feel like I may have been wrong in my judgment here ha.. 😬 I’m really hoping it’s not true cause otherwise that’s fucking sad and NV has genuine issues. But, I’m ok with being wrong.

Alright, let’s start as NV (cause GC, I feel I already know their feelings regardless of if it’s true or not) FYI, I have moved NV to being close but not on top, as one energy on top of - group of energies would be much too hard to decipher.

NV:

Immediate dizziness. I feel very hot and my air con is currently blasting down upon me so it’s not me. The group chat feels very little to NV. like tiny, as in I could step on them. (1. This can mean they’re not even being seen, she barely cares about them, or 2. Can feel more powerful than) as we know in the screenshots the latter was supposedly the case, so I’m not going to cross that out just yet, but it feels more like I’m just not even seeing them. they’re dirt under my feet. They don’t really have her attention and she’s not super bothered by them, but once I brought her attention to it She does want to stamp it out, it’s a complete nuisance. She wants to cover them up. I gave them a little tap, which ended turning into many taps which turned into actually wanting to destroy their rep all together. so she’s angry about it. (At this point I don’t know if she’s angry about This situation being a lie, as in she’s sick of these people doing this to her, or if she’s genuinely angry at the group for exposing her) the tiny dirt now feels a bit bigger but more like a basketball sized nuisance. She still feels bigger than them, it’s just that this is so ANNOYING. Still wants to rip them up into little pieces, she’s annoyed, she’s moving me around a whole bunch, she’s angry, she’s frustrated, she’s tying her hair up, she’s not having it. like it’s fucking annoying. this is all so ANNOYING. She’s stressed, she’s annoyed, she wants this over and done with.

No more energy shifts. Incoming questions.

Q: do you know them?

No I don’t fucking know them

Ok do you think that was a friend who exposed you?

I don’t know I can’t think I- (just a bunch of profanities) [note: it’s like she’s keyboard smashing in my brain right now it’s REALLY annoyed]

Jaw clenched, I’m swaying from side to side my hands are on my hips, hair away from my face I want to move somewhere else but I need to deal with THIS FUCKING THING FIRST ISHDJFKSJXJDSNX.

god it is SO ANNOYING like if you guys were all in front of me right now you’d be heading me yelling and screaming and So irritated I’m so I’m SO Annoyed. I can’t even think of any other questions to ask cause I’m too busy getting keyboard smashed atm.

I’m gonna move to the group to just see if the intentions there are legit. I need a break from NV.

Ok the group:

the group have some anxiety, stomach dropped. They’re not angry they’re just looking at NV. None of them can be sure if It was NV - I think some of them doubt but it was a “get it out just in case” situation. At least one of them feel bad. Nervous jitters from my right leg. You know how you fidget when you’re waiting to get in trouble?

Q: do you believe it was NV?

There are many of them so I’ll just say it as it came up. No (1) I don’t know (majority) one of them is a yeah, feels like the leader of the group but even then the yeah isn’t a solid resounding yeah. But it’s also not like a “yeaahhh?” It’s like I’m just gonna make a decision and it’s yeah.

Q: are you mad that nv is with Henry

I’m not mad (1)

We’re not mad, we just think he could do better. (Majority)

Q: why did you do this

To expose her

Q: why to expose her if you didn’t truly believe it was her

There is a very weak “it was the right thing to do” like.. when I say weak it feels like they don’t even believe that, but they’ve convinced themselves it is..?

Q: at any point did you lie or fabricate the screenshots?

Resounding no, but one solid yes from someone.

Q: Yes?

One of them.

Q: which one

(I was shown one of them, it was one of the purple and black ones, one where there isn’t much purple - I’ll have to check it after)

Ok, my leg isn’t going crazy anymore - there is just an expectant waiting. They’re looking at NV, she’s taller than them but not much taller (not like they’re a basketball being looked down upon, just normal human heights) the feeling is just waiting. Waiting to see if there is a response. That’s it, that’s all I’ve been given I can’t even conjure Up another question. (Sometimes when the energy is done sharing its just done, I can’t force it past that and I’m not in my right to)

Checking Henry:

Henry is tired, he’s disillusioned, he’s just staring into space. The other two are in front of him (facing one another) but he doesn’t see them. Genuinely no thoughts from him it’s complete disassociation. But I did ask if he knew about this situation, he doesn’t seem to know yet.

And yet he’s still disassociating.. the thought “I don’t know what to do” came up, but it was so slow and fractured it was like… you know that video of that kid who’s trying to say have you ever had a dream that you could do anything but he muddles it up for 20 seconds before getting to it? It’s like that (I’ll link it when I’m done)

“I don’t kn- I just I - what do I ev- wh-“ and it keeps going but imagine it taking FOREVER for him to say it.

He’s stuck in the disassociation. Weird choice, but I need to do it. I’m gonna slap him. (Which yes, means slapping myself)

Ok, that didn’t make much difference, he’s still super tired, he still didn’t see the other two but I tried to bring his attention to NV and he was already turning around to leave “I don’t care, I don’t care I’m too tired” and then he turned back and said to NV to clarify “I do care, but I don’t, I’m tired” and I took him out cause he was walking out of there anyway.

Back to NV one last time, and then I’m doing other stuff with my day and then I’ll do CE tonight.

NV

It’s always dizziness with this chick, I swear. Everytime im with her I’m dizzy, I’m losing blood pressure. She’s calmed down at least but fuck I’m dizzy more dizzy than I usually am (can be her, could also be me continuously going into different energies, I don’t tend to feel like this though but don’t rule it out)

Dizzy, Im not tired, but fatigued like I don’t need to sleep, I need to just lay down. I see the GC but they can fuck off I don’t care. She wants to kick them out of the way. As soon as she does she wants to leap out at them and tear them to shreds. She goes from 1- 100 real quick. I don’t want her to destroy my representative for the group, cause I don’t want anything to accidentally manifest in real time for the actual group, so im going to create a little thing that she can destroy instead - just in case there are any energetic consequences of her destroying the representation of the GC. Found a little piece of paper I called it placebo GC and we’re tearing it up.

Ok so, I got her to tear up Placebo GC. She got raveonous with it. I am now coming to believe that NV has some major anger issues. To be fair, im feeling how annoyed she is and I get it honestly it’s the only way to get out this level of emotion. It’s not healthy, therapy is needed for sure, but I’m not gonna sit here like this and say that she’s overreacting cause when you’re feeling like she is, there’s no where else for this to go

She ripped them up, crushed them, tore at them with her teeth, crushed them into a little ball again and chucked them away and then we just screamed “FUCK!” For literally about 3 minutes and she was LIVID. I’ve sat her down now while I write this, she’s still annoyed, she’s not livid.

Interesting to note though, all throughout the screaming there was never a single thought that came up that was like “why can’t they just let US live, why can’t we just BE together” she really doesn’t seem to care about the affect it has on her and Henry’s relationship, she’s just annoyed people are talking shit. Like she just doesn’t care that people won’t accept them.

Oh! I haven’t checked on her vs. HC so lemme do that. I wanna see if she checks up on him too, cause from a normal relationship perspective, this would affect him too. But let’s see.

Yup, ok, nothing from her end, if anything she’s giving him the silent treatment. Like she’s looking at him in the way you do when your partner has said something stupid and you’re too angry to answer. But she doesn’t care that he’s there. I went to him also to see if he would comfort her and he was just a brick wall, kind of more like “here I am I’m showing up but idc. I really idc. Sorry that you’re going through it I guess.” Both of them had the ~aura~ (I don’t know how to explain it on text) of “this did not go as planned” however, they didn’t SAY that, just as an FYI, it was just a bit of a shared feeling translated into words.

That’s it. I’m ending it there. I’ve got life admin to do, be back later for a CE reading as promised. :)

[whaleofatjme1920]

Hey uh.. Elsie? This is probably a bad timing but I feel really shit this week and for next week.

This is gonna get long so I hope you dont mind? just wanted to talk and possibly vent to you a bit and actually a special request, you can deny it if youd like but its worth a shot!

So Ive been feeling like a saggy piece of shit this week. We have to prepare everything for Christmas. (In my country the hype for christmas technically started on september. We dont celebrate halloween) I have like 40 assessments to do in my school to do. My exams are next week. In this week though I get very busy on traveling with my parents because were so busy. My sister was getting her driver's license (NOW she got it by the way!), my mom and dad bought new furniture and so on.

Long story short.. I have so much to do in these two weeks and my parents still call me lazy. I dont even wanna ask help from them for my assessments cause both make me feel dumb when I ask for help on certain questions.

Then there is my sister, whom I love very much, who acts like a shithead sometimes. Another person who I just want a hug from but would always slap me across the face when I do so, saying im a grown woman and I need to grow up. Funny cause Ive been asking for acceptance since I was like... When I was born. Though in the end I still love her and my parents very much.

I also had other bad shit that happened to me but I think it will make this longer and pretty much useless to this post anyway, thats okay.

So I wanted to request something thats related to this and my past matchup.

Do you mind if you can do a headcannon for TF2 Defense class + Sniper and Medic with an S/O with anger issues and anxiety. Like they just find her in her now messed up room kicking the shit out of a dirty mattress.

Hi love bug, so I read this earlier and also saw the second post. I'll be responding to them both, and then answering your prompt and I'll tag you through that.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate to handle right now! Sounds really, really stressful and I am so, so sorry you're not feeling as great as you should be. I think your parents are just - they're not giving you credit where credit is due. Sometimes, parents put their children on pedestals without realizing just how hurtful their words are. What you're doing is more than enough. I'm proud of you for working as diligently as you are. If you have any questions with academic work, try to ask your professors themselves! They're there to help you.

When it comes to hugs, and seeking affection, you need to find people who are okay with you doing that. I'm personally not a physically affectionate person, and I have pushed people from me who try to hug or touch me without asking. However, what they said to you was wrong. If they wanted to express their boundaries were being crossed, they could have simply said so. There's no need to actually hit you and then say something as cruel as that to you.

Honestly, just prioritize yourself right now. Take it easy and remember to take breaks while you get your work done. See if there's anyone who can help satiate affection, close friends and other loved ones.

[purple-demon-comics-47]

Uh btw, slight mention of the "i wish i didn't exist" ideation that rsd can trigger

.

.

This is going to sound weird but honestly the crying + depressive + bad ideation rsd episodes are way more easy to handle. Because its more of just hiding yourself and calming yourself down and distract yourself from the feeling

But the anger and anxiety rsds are not something im used to dealing with

I get angry crying ones but they're dealt the same way as the depressive ideation spiral ones and they are basically the same, just the depresso gets switched by anger or it transforms in anger or vice versa.

The just anger ones i feel like im going to explode and I'm so tensed up and angry and it's usually anger at myself but can also be equal ammounts of that with anger at the triggerer. I keep ruminating and bottling the rage and it's not nice. It's like i got a golfball in my throat. Sounds a lot like usual anger but it feels very different

And the anxiety one...it's just anxiety + fear + panic + thinking im a bad person + regretting everything Ive ever done + sometimes panic crying but they're quick bursts instead of the minutes long cryings of the depresso one. I only got it twice recently and it's the worse of them all. I keep thinking I'll be kicked out of the house, or hurt, or get my belongings taken away or destroyed. Like, anxiety+++

So yeah, weird as it sounds, i much rather want to deal with the sobbing crying depression ideation spiraling RSD than the other types. Well, the anger one is maybe the less mental resources draining but it's physically painful. I feel anger very painfully.

[hyperactivelittlebee]

Intertwined(Hermitcraft)

Notes! @gridoc Pirate AU belongs to this fantastic person! Okay so, for those reading not on the pirate au discord. (Keep in mind this info is only giant headcanon in the Pirate AU discord that Me and a few others developed on!) Mim is NPC Grian. In this AU he is a siren. His true name is Xelqua, but when he joined Doc’s crew he took on the name of Mim(A joke on Mimic because he’s a Siren who was a Mimic of Grian) And the rest of that story you can read IF YOU JOIN THE DISCORD BECAUSE ITS REALLY FUN!!~ Anyways, enjoy. TW: Descriptions of blood, violence against Sirens, Navy just being assholes, and some swearing As dark water sloshed all around him, Etho couldn't tell what was happening. One moment he was on board beside Doc- discussing plans as they left the dock- the next he was falling and drowning in the frigid, empty water. He could see the fiery red explosions of cannons going off. He could hear the muffled shouts of the others on board and gunshots ringing- bullets whizzing through the water around him. When he caught his bearings, Etho swam frantically for the surface; almost reaching it before feeling a chain snag his ankle. It dragged him down, heavy and painful making his angle burn like it was engulfed in fire. A splash was heard beside him, and before long the weight around his ankle was relieved; arms wrapping around him and dragging him to the surface. He broke the surface and ripped off his mask, gasping sharply as he gulped up the warm air. Etho swam to the beach frantically, grabbing pulling himself onto the grainy surface as he coughed and sputtered. "Etho!!" His head snapped to the voice, relieved to see familiar clear blue eyes piercing his own. The Siren was like an angel, the fire in the night outlining his true form like a halo. Mim held his face so gingerly, thumbs rubbing his cheeks with a worried expression, "M-mim- what- what happened?" His voice was shaky, still out of it, "Navy? I think- I'm not sure but whatever it is, its bad-" Etho shook his head, ears still ringing, "Shit, alright-" Mim nodded, "I will sing and lure the others I can away- you just get to Doc." Before he could respond, Mim pulled him close and kissed his lips softly, making Etho melt a bit before he pulled back, "I love you..." Something gripped at Etho's heart as he suddenly felt that separating was a bad idea- anxiety filling his gut- but he didn't listen. "I love you too." With that, Mim slipped into the water and disappeared. ___________ His sword piercing the belly of yet another Navy soldier, Etho's eyes searched the dark abyss of the water for that familiar shimmering tail. He ran to the rail, watching frantically until he recognized Mim in the water heading to the shore. Etho ran off the ship to meet him, deducing that the coast was clear. He could see Mim crawl out of the water. He could see the Navy sailor creeping up behind him. Yet His voice wasn't fast enough. "MI-" The siren looked to him, and in that moment the spear plunged into his back. The blade broke through the other side, blue blood spurting and staining the sand below, running down from the wound in thick streams. Etho watched his eyes widen in pain as a soft noise escaped his mouth. With the sickening sound of the blade being ripped out, and the sound of the Navy man sneering, he broke- everything turning red. Etho lost it. When he came to his senses, the navy soldier was barely recognizable- face bashed in with a rock that Etho didn't even know he had gotten. A pained groaned reached his ears and his attention was drawn back to Mim, eyes wide as he saw the siren lying on the beach, blood gushing from the wound in his torso. He ran to his side, frantic as he pulled Mim to him, "D-Darling?" Mim's voice was broken, leaning into Etho's hand as he cupped his face, "Yes- Yes I'm here, I'm here Mim..." Etho tried to keep his voice steady as put pressure on the wound, eyes watering, "I-it- it hur-t's-" Etho's heart broke into pieces as he gazed down at his lover, heart-clenching his pain as he tried to keep himself from breaking down, "No...No no no- You'll- You're going to be okay Mim, please..." he scooped up the small siren, holding him tight as he bolted for the ship. "Get Stress!! Please!!" Most of the crew turned from their celebration, and quickly the mood turned from joyful to solemn. Grian was the first rush over, False running to get Stress, "What happened?!" "He- He got snuck up on while shifting-" Ren ran below deck to clear a bed for them, Etho following close behind. The moment Mim was laid on the bed, in began to stain brightly with the turquoise blood, the mans heart weeping at the sight. He lent over the bed as the others rushed with supplies. "E-eth...o..." A hand cupped his face, soft as Etho began to feel warm tears slip down his face. Mim forced Etho to look at him, giving him a broken smile as blood trickled from his mouth. "It...s...Oka-y....." "No- no..." The words were breathy as Etho felt hot crimson blood slipping through his fingers, the light slowly leaving his lover's eyes. It was too much- not even yesterday he was had been gazing into the nightsky with Mim, and now his one true heart's desire was dying in his arms. "Please, you can't leave me- not yet- you promised, w-we had plans!" Stress ran down the stairs, rushing over with supplies as she nudged Etho to the side. He kneeled by Mim's face, crying as he tried to whisper sweet nothings to the other, "I love you...I love you so much Mim-" "Dancing at a ball- I-i wanted you to see beautiful lands, W-we- we wanted to get married in the summer- you wanted me to try swimming with- with dolphins and-" He whimpered quietly, "I don't w-want to be alone again..." Etho felt like a child, weeping and blabbering by his mothers side again as she bleed out of the cold wood floors. The scene so vivid in his mind- the angry shouting, the screaming on his mother as she was beat, and sobs of his father when he found her- he didn't want to be alone in these thoughts. He didn't want to be crammed in that cupboard again, watching someone rip his light from his life through a small crack in the door, frozen in fear as a meek child. It couldn't happen again. As Stress finished stitching and patching the wound, she got up and whispered something to Ren, who looked solemn. The man walked over, reaching and giving Etho’s shoulder a squeeze, "He's lost so much blood...Stress...doesn't think he'll make it-" "He will." Etho snapped, glaring at Ren, making the man falter and his ears flattened back. Without another word, he backed up and turned back to Stress, muttering quietly to her. "Et...ho...?" The pirate turned to Mim, leaning forward, "Yes?" The siren smiled softly, "Ca-can...I...ha...ve...a kiss...?" His voice was scratchy from coughing and Etho couldn't bring himself to deny the request as he leaned forward. He gently pressed his lips to Mim's gently, tears slipping down his face. When he pulled back, Mim shed one more tear. "I....l-lov....e....you..." Etho whimpered, "Xelqua..." The name was so broken and quiet as it left his lips, not yet ready to accept what was happening to his lover. His heart stopped as he watched a single breath leave his lips as he went limp. "Mim?" No response came, "Mim!!" Etho cried out in pain as he stood and shook the body, "No! NO!" He sobbed as Doc and Ren pulled him back from the body, kicking and struggling, "No! He's not dead yet!! Please!!" "Etho, its alright- he's gone, there's nothing we can do about it please-" Doc's voice was soft, heart aching at the sight of his broken friend and the siren on the bed. After a minute, Etho went limp and he sobbed- everything around him coming crashing down. "Please...I'm begging here- To whatever God is listening, Xisuma- Amusix-...please let him live...""Well that depends. Why do you want him to live?" Everyone in the room looked to a tall man in a long cloak who stood before Etho, his figure dark and imposing over them all. Without hesitation, Etho answered through sobs, "He's...I love him...I love him so much-" "Typical. But What would you do, to have him back hm?" There was a hint of amusement in the mans tone, prompting Ren to stand and draw his sword in anger, "I don't know how you got here, but I want you to leave now before I-" The man snapped his head to Ren, piercing red eyes meeting the lycans, making him freeze, "You do not scare me in the slightest, mortal." Startled, Ren backed up once more, thrown in a loop with the mans tone. He turned to Etho once more, "So?" "Anything. I would do anything..." "Even if it meant the cost of your own life?" Etho didn't need to think twice. "Yes..." The man snorted in amusement, "Then it is done." He reached toward the empty air in front of Etho before clenching his hand and pulling back firmly. Etho felt his heart tug in his chest, pain erupting as the man opened his hand to reveal a ball of red light. "This is your soul. I'm willing to make a deal with you- I'll revive him! But you must give him part of your soul. Taking your soul and giving it away will however kill you. So?" "Etho, no this- this isn't worth-" Stress began and Etho gulped, ignoring her and staring before he stood, looking the man in the eyes, "Deal." Eyes widening, the man smirked, "Then it has been done." He snapped his fingers and Etho prepared for the pain, heart racing. Pain never came. There was a soft groan and a loud gasp of air, everyone looking to the Siren as he coughed and sputtered. Etho ran beside him, embracing Mim tightly as he broke down again, "I-i..im alive?" Stress and Ren were in shock, confused as they waited for the other part of the deal to take effect. The man chuckled, looking to them, "Oh how I adore loopholes. I said giving up his whole soul would kill him- but I was only taking part~" Mim took one look at the man and gaped, "Amu? Wha...?" "I wouldn't let my best friend die on me Mim. You know this...I just wanted to test something." Amusix's eye glinted with mischief, and he turned to make his way out from the deck, "He's a keeper, Mim..." Mim glanced at the man who was sobbing into his shoulder and smiled softly, hugging him back tightly as he teared up, "Yea...he really is..."

[mollydollyjournals]

So. On Sunday 22nd November I drank 2 bottles of wine because I just felt like shit and that's how it goes. On the Monday, I had a bad hangover but was okay. And I was glad I was okay and not super sick because that is never fun.

On the Tuesday I woke up with a horrific migraine. Every time I moved I felt like my brain was exploding. In hindsight, it was probably swollen. The headache kept getting worse and other symptoms showed up and by Thursday morning I had extreme head pain, various abdominal pain, severe nausea, I couldnt stay awake longer than a few hours, could barely concentrate or talk, and my bones felt cold. Idk how else to describe it. Just felt like I was freezing from the inside out.

So I figured I was dying. I've had liver failure before and it didnt take that long to recover - I did at least continually get better after drinking. But this time it was getting worse over time. That's also consistent with my knowledge of how su*c*de by overdose commonly works. But I could barely move, hospital is an extremely stressful place for me as it is, they weren't guaranteed to do anything and I'd likely just wait there for hours and maybe just die in the waiting room, plus there's a pandemic so they're understaffed and I'm at high risk for catching it.

Hb eventually called a few health service places and I got an emergency blood test for that afternoon. Luckily I also recovered enough to get there and have my blood taken and all. Then I just had to go recover.

I only really started to feel okay yesterday, Wednesday 2nd December, a week and a half after I drank. Of course, yesterday was also the day hb's anger issues made a grand reentry and I considered leaving/kicking him out, and instead I drank. I didn't drink a lot. I don't think I can right now. At one point in the week I had a couple of mouthfuls of low alcohol wine just to deal with withdrawal, and it made me feel sick and my head started hurting so much. So I only had a bit yesterday by usual standards (equivalent maybe 2 glasses of regular wine) but it was enough and I still feel a little hungover today.

So. That's where I've been.

I'd reached and plateaued at 156.6lbs and my body wouldn't go lower. My waist was 29in. While I was at my most ill I could stand long enough to weigh myself, but at one point later I was 156 and felt like I'd gained. Even though I'd been lying down eating carbs. Liver disease makes you lose weight. Of course part of me wanted to just lose more. But liver disease also makes you retain fluid, so my waist got bigger even though I weighed less. At the moment, I'm 158.2lbs and my waist has gone up to 31in, and my face is super round and fat.

I've avoided Tumblr because I knew I had to recover physically enough to be able to do anything first. I knew I had to eat high calorie carby food and I wasn't going to manage it I saw thinspo and such. I also already feel disgusting enough with my belly and face being so fat, especially so suddenly after getting to a lower weight. I even ate some meat (I'm normally vegetarian).

Im just about okay to do some things now. I did a lot of housework yesterday, or at least a lot for recent standards. Tomorrow I'm going to see bf for the first time in ages. I've been so alone and he has too and I've just been struggling so hard not to drink. But I'm also super nervous because I just have anxiety and I'm so so fat.

I guess he won't notice. I'm about the same as last time I saw him. And that's so discouraging for me. I could have been less. I had such a good first week of my 28 day thing and then I fucked up so much worse than I even thought I would. Now I'm worse than when I started. Although I weigh slightly less than 160 or 163 or whatever, it's not much, and I'm still bigger. Because of all the fluid retention. I feel like I'm pregnant.

I took a stimulant lax because I can't stand it. But I also ordered some osmotics that arrives today so I'm going to do that next week. It'll be timed with my period. I've done the basic recovery from whatever the fuck happened a couple of weeks ago. Now I need to do a bit of a cleanse and get acquainted again. Get rid of all the fluid and replenish vitamin stores etc. By the end of my period I want to be able to get back to this properly.

I just can't believe I fucked up so badly. I'm so ashamed of myself. I feel really alone. I'm trying to get therapy again for drinking and I really hope it helps. At least a little.

For now I guess I'm just going to get back to sharing thinspo and such, do more than lying in bed, stop eating meat and heavy carbs, get back to my usual a bit. I feel so stupid.

[rainecloud020604]

below the cut is a bit of a long venty self reflection.. tw: sensitive topics, the specifics are in the tags

so with quartinteen going on i’ve had a lot of time to look at myself and my actions, i have a bad habit of over analyzing things and ripping them apart. including myself.

i’ve noticed that i keep a lot of things to myself to the point where its unhealthy, i dont tell people when im upset, i dont tell people that im hurt, i dont even tell my parents when i feel sick anymore unless i feel like im dying and need medicine and maybe a trip to the doctor. Im still scared to do that...

i get made fun of and mocked, told im overreacting when im sick or hurt by my parents. its really affected me, being told to walk it off cause im being a baby or im being a drama queen for attention i dont really want. its at the point where i have fallen into a habit of lying about my health, some days i feel like utter shit and i know it will show, i will tell some people, not my parents, my friends i talk to that day. it’s gotten to the point where i was ready to kill myself because my parents wouldnt listen and take me to a doctor after i could eat or drink anything for two weeks without immediately rushing to the bathroom, that was new years eve... i almost did, it took a lot to not do that, and i scared myself, i was scared to call a hotline, i was scared to move, go downstairs, speak, after i spent 30 minutes breaking down and begging my parents to take me to a doctor i was done with life and done with trying. This really affected me and shook me up for months, it was the first time in years i had ever thought about doing that, i felt horrible and miserable cause i scared a lot of people that night. 

my mental health is even worse than my physical health all the time, i normally wont talk about it when its bad unless someone asks, i’ve been brushed off so many times by my family i no longer have that confidence i used to. my dad for the longest of time told me my depression didnt exist until my doctor did, he told me i was lying for attention, he told me i didnt have anxiety, i didnt have anything wrong and i needed to shut up and pay attention, push through it and shut up. mental health issues were tabo around my parents for ages, when we got kicked out of our house and moved in with some friends my mental issues really showed through, this was around the time i joined tumblr, my parents would fight constantly and i fled here for safety, it was clear i had something wrong, all of my sibling do as well, my brother has anger issues and doesnt know how to cope with that, he tends to hit things and hit me when angry cause i pissed him off or was in his way, he’s 11 and three times my size. im 16. my sister has anxiety and depression as well, she always drags herself down and fakes a smile to everything, she cant handle being yelled at anymore. we all have faced abuse from my parents, and then moving into a super toxic and worse place for a year made everything worse, my parents stressed and fighting to the point where we would hide and cry cause it was so much. partially through that year i snapped at my best friends dad for being homophobic, racist and sexist, i said a few things and got suspended from my school while there was a sexual predator on the campus after my friends, he was never arrested and he tried to contact me recently because he was bored. i was broken for awhile but going to the magnet school i met some people who helped me. i made a new friend. that place that was toxic we left after they tried framing us for a bed bug issue and tried making us clean the entire house, and the guy who was my dads formal best friend called my mom a few nasty things and called us all lazy and ungrateful. i had a bike stolen during the move and they refused to give it back. we stayed in a hotel for a bit, i became everyones therapist for a few days, my brothers, sisters, moms and even my dads, i couldnt vent to anyone. we moved in with my grandma, my step grandpa turned out to be an abusive asshole and attacked my aunt and almost attacked my mom and grandma one night when we were going to bed, i had both my brother and sister in my room hiding and crying, i was comforting them and telling them the yelling would be over soon. 

my grandma had her ac detroyed, license plate stolen, other stuff stolen from her as well, i was scared to walk to school for a month and had to look at the door at all times. one day he randomly busted through the door and i broke down scared as hell because i was in line of sight and the first person he saw, and was in the same room as him. it took me awhile to recover from that. later on i started failing my classes, i couldnt keep up because my old school wasnt where they were, i was ahead but behind because my motivation slacked and i didnt want to be there, i started getting really sick, i went to try to see my guidance counselor one day because i was ready to break down at everything and i needed to talk to someone and possibly go home, i saw a different one, they recommended a mental health counselor and i start counseling sessions, when i checked out the nurse shamed me for not going to her and checking out. i walked home that day and cried. i started counseling sessions after that, i was still scared to speak about all of these issues, some weeks i didnt see her, others i did, the first day my ela teacher flipper her shit cause i was late that day to her class after i was at a counseling session for part of her class cause i needed to say things and speak. i lost the confidence to talk to me ela teacher after that. she would have issues with the fact that i couldnt speak loudly at times, part of the year she hated the fact that i drew in her class to focus, it took me twice explaining it before she would let me. later on that year she accused me of doing other classwork and make me hold up what i was drawing rather than walking over, i cried the rest of her class and had a panic attack in biology venting to a friend. my parents told me i was being dramatic after breaking down and explaining how my day went. i started to stop speaking up about my issues entirely to them. 

i’ve had issues when i am sick at school, i’ve gotten grounded for going home sick, after i was told i could call home, it was because the nurse said i looked tired, she also had told my dad that he knew me better than she did so she was unsure, he told me in the car i put the family to shame and made him look bad, took away my devices, left for work while i took a nap, i woke up still sick and felt even worse mentally, i forced myself to walk and finish up the rest of the school day. it took my mom yelling at my dad to get my devices back, he guilt tripped me after giving them back and i felt horrible for the weekend. 

my dad started saying i was faking being sick to skip school, keep in mind i have never skipped a day in my life and have always enjoyed going to school, he was just pissed off. my mental health was affecting my physical health, i wasnt able to see my mental health counselor for a month, when i needed to most. 

i started developing and eating disorder again, i started to only eat one meal a day, starve myself for existing, i’ve been fighting it for awhile, it decided to get worse, i am still fighting it. i am at a point where i can handle two meals a day again which is progress. 

when quartinteen started, that ment i was stuck at home, unable to focus on my classes anymore, and my counseling sessions were done in zoom, i wasnt ever in a safe place to openly speak. i tried pushing for therapy, my parents considered and agreed, they tried to figure something out and never got back to it. everything has gotten worse, not only in my head but the world around me...

keep in mind all this, happened in two years. most of the belittling and breaking me down however has gone on for most of my life.

i dont want sympathy, i want to get this off my damn chest, i dont want attention, i was this at hand so when i need to point at something that happened to me i have to reference to while im breaking down. im sorry about all this mess and wasting time typing this out and that right now isnt the time to hear me whine. 

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Ghost BC x Murder

im a simple girl. i have mental illness. i fantasize about being brutally murdered. is this problematic? 1000% yes. am i going to get canceled for this? 1000% yes. Have I been posting on borrowed time since that little caesars post? again, 1000% yes. Here’s this anyways.

TW: murder, blood, gore, manipulation (Papa II, Papa III), stalking (copia), domestic abuse (Papa III), substance and drug abuse (Papa II), Suicide (Papa II and Dew), Sex crimes - all consensual (Dew) these are about how they would murder you so im sure you can imagine the types of bad things it will entail. 

Papa I: For him, it’s a fit of emotion that drives him to kill. One thing piles on top of the next, frustration turns to anger, anger turns to rage. He doesn’t mean to hurt people, but when he gets so worked up, theres nothing that can stop him. All he can see is red until he’s snapped back into reality and sees the red staining his hands and his favorite robe. With you, all you had to do was walk into his office after a few bads days in a row, more bad news in tow, and that’s all it took. He loses his temper on you before your brain can even register that you should run. Before you can even scream. He’s not particularly a weapon guy, he’s more likely to choke you to death or anything he can do with his hands. If he feels so inclined, he’ll grab the nearest solid object to crush you with. He feels remorse, in the end, but still covers it up and hushes the room when they speak about your disappearance. Decently classic case of homicide - its usually someone you know, crime of passion, unplanned.

Papa II: This one hurt me very deeply to write. His case was classic, when he was a kid. Everyone says that when an adult loses it, you could tell from the time they were a kid that they had cracks - too abnormal, or too perfect. Papa had odd behavior but Nihil never had him tested or even looked at for anything because his ego got in the way, and nothing could possibly be wrong with his son. And nothing was really wrong with him. Something just wasn’t right. He felt things strongly: love, hate, depression, elation, anxieties. Sometimes it was too strong for him to cope. Sometimes he would turn to things that would help him deal with the emotional rollercoaster he couldn’t get off of. Other people just got on with him. He started smoking weed in his twenties. That wasn’t enough. He started drinking heavily at 25. By thirty that wasn’t enough either. Stronger, more potent vices were what he needed. Cocaine. Heroin. Anything to make him feel okay - anything to make him feel. And you, you were the light of his life. The only good thing he’d ever known. You were the only person he had met who could keep up with him, but keep him safe at the same time. But eventually you got swept up in the parties and drugs and drinking too. Lost more control as the months and years passed. And one night he thought you were pussing out. Not being fun. That you were being boring and killing his mood. He pushed you until you did more lines, and kept pushing you and pushing you until your nose began to bleed. But he was so gone he didn’t realize. He pushed you and you accepted it because it was the first time you had ever truly been afraid of him. When you overdosed and died on the couch in the living room of your shared apartment, Papa had already passed out in the bedroom. It was three days before he sobered up enough to wake, and when he found you, he called the police and said there’d been a murder. But he knew what happened. He knew what he did. Cocaine has a funny way of making things stick like that. He hung up the phone, and before the police could arrive, took his own life the same way he took yours. 

Papa III: In the beginning, he has a silly little crush. He steals glances your way. He brushes up against you and makes you blush. As you two talk more, he falls deeper. You two become a couple, an item. You tell each other you love them. Years could pass. You move in together. You don’t notice any cracks in him, but he sees them in the relationship. He saw you talking to the new guy at work today. What’s that, you had lunch with him? That’s interesting. He sees the way you look at the barista when he says your name, and hands you your coffee. You say he makes it the best. He sees the way your friends look at him. He goes through your phone once, when you’re sleeping, and doesn’t find anything. he kicks himself for months about invading your privacy and promises himself that he’s going to stop digging. But he can’t tear himself away. When youre in the other room, he’ll go through your purse. The next time he sees you smile at another man in passing, when you get home he confronts you. you say he’s being crazy. he says your crazy for cheating on him. he just loves you. cant you see? he loves you. when he finally chains you to the radiator in the bedroom so you won’t leave him, you’re shocked at how a man you once loved could be this way. When he finally kills you he’s begging you, with his hands around your throat, to understand that he’s not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He’s not a bad person.

Cardinal Copia: He stalks, but never gets close. Not like III. He’s aware of the mistakes of his predecessors. He’s smarter than that. More calculating. He would learn you schedule - morning routine, where you work, what you eat, when you get home, night routine, how long you sleep for. When you touch yourself. When you see your friends. At first it was from interest, but he begins to hate you. The way you walk, the way you talk, who you love, who you hate. And he wants you dead for it - but he wont be hasty, no, he’s still smarter than that. he has to remain calm and collected to pull this off. Hate you as much as he wants, he still knows you’re smart. Not as smart as him, but smart. Its thursday night, and you’re home alone getting ready to go out to the new bar in town with your friends. he climbs into the kitchen through a window he knows you leave unlocked for when you yourself forget your keys and need to break in. In the end, he slits your wrists with a knife he pulled from the wooden block on the counter. Good thing he followed you to work and school, he knows your handwriting wonderfully. He watches you bleed out on the floor while he writes your suicide note. You have never met him in your life. Good thing he always wears those gloves to keep everything clean of fingerprints, because the cops never suspect any foul play, and no one has a clue.

Swiss: He doesnt get close to his victims - he doesn’t have time. When you’ve gone through this many people, you start to forget their names, if you even knew them from the start. He takes jobs as an assassin when he needs the money - and it does pay well - but whenever he needs to blow off steam he’ll really go at it. Get creative. He’s a weapons guy, gun by choice but he’ll really use anything, and he knows each in his collection very very well. But in his eyes he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s killing people that deserve to die, for good reasons (Edward Cullen who??). Racists, fascist, misogynists, homophobes. He was on the news once for throwing a brick at a nazi. You’re the anomaly on his list of victims though. You were an accident of sorts. He got sloppy with one of his jobs, got noticed, and the vic took a hostage - cue you walking into the back room at work at the wrong time - the only way he can get his shot in without risking his own life or alerting others is to shoot right through you. And now that he’s been noticed, he can’t give up the job and run. He memorizes the details of your face before he pulls the trigger, and kills you and the man with his arms around your torso in one shot. He feels the worst out of everyone. Attends your funeral, but stands very far back. Something about your face, the look in your eyes when you died. He thinks about you often, for a long time. When the exact dip of your nose and contours of your cheekbone begin to fade, he pulls a picture of you he cut from the newspaper from a shoebox under his bed. If he regrets any of the bad things he’s done in his life, it was hurting you.

Aether: He’s the one you don’t expect and he knows it. He’s the cult leader of the group - but that doesn’t make sense. He’s not even a leader in any capacity. He’s no Papa, not even a Cardinal. He doesn’t even lead the ghouls, really. But people trust him, and respect him, and that’s enough. The most pull he has in the church is being what you would compare to an advisor for the cardinal. helps him make decisions here and there. They get more drastic as things go on, and the church slowly burns itself down, but Copia is the only one people blame, including Copia, because Aether makes him believe every choice he made was his own idea. Eventually, when the cardinal has become useless, Aether will have him removed. By whatever means he has to take, but ideally not murder, it’s too early to have blood on anyone else's hands in his name, and far too early to have blood on his own hands. Aether promises to rebuild the name of the church, and fix everything the cardinal destroyed, and make things better.. Make people happy, and health again. And every single person drinks the kool-aid. Soon, rather than worshipping any Dark Lord or Old God, people are worshipping Aether. People believe in him with their hearts and souls. People believe he’s the savior. You are the anomaly. You were close with Aether before all of this started, before he was even the cardinal’s advisory. You just think the power has gone to his head, and blame the cardinal with the rest of him. But when you start digging, you realize it’s been his plan all along to have complete and total power To start his own cult. To be worshipped like a god in a place that was built for it. Your death is a stepping stone on the path for Aether to achieve ultimate power, but of all the stones cast, yours was the only one that meant anything. He didn't want to have to kill you. He didn't want you to defect, and put everything he'd worked so hard for at risk. He couldn’t have that. But the road to his ultimate power ends with his own death too - you can’t really be appreciated for everything good you've done for the world until you die, and he knows that. But until then, he will think of you often.

Dewdrop: Kills you for sexy reasons. Not because you wont sleep with him, or he wants to actually hurt you, but because you both got too swept up in the moment. There’s a movie called Sexual Predator and he’s pretty much the guy in that. One minute he’s got his belt wrapped around your throat, tugging on it hard while he’s hitting it from behind. He’s too caught up in the moment to realize you’ve gone limp on the bed. He doesn’t realize anything is wrong until he finishes. And it’s bad. Oh it’s bad. Unlike every other crime he’s committed, he calls the police, and he’s honest about what happened. He’s disgusted with himself. He’ll never have sex again. He’ll never wear a belt again. He’ll never touch another person’s throat again. He’s sentenced twelve months incarcerated along with probation and some hefty fines. Everyone knows what he did, how he did it. You were friends with all his friends - You weren’t together, but you were friends. And they all know he killed you. If any of the above are likely to have their own suicidal thoughts after the murder, Dew is the most likely to do it. He can’t stand the way everyone treats him after he did it. He can't stand living knowing what he did to you and what hes capable of. He can’t go on like this.

Cirrus & Cumulus: When they kill it’s for each other. In a LOT of other HCs i mention that II’s solution to things is to simply “kill them” if they’re bothering you, but the girls actually just do it. If someone touches Cirrus in a club, Cumulus will absolutely pull a gun out of her back pocket and blow their brains out right there. Good thing for the masks. They’ll spend the next few months or years on the road, saying under the radar until it’s safe to go home again. The ghoulettes have a lot in common with Swiss - they kill for what they believe to be a good reason. The difference is that Cirrus and Cumulus aren’t opposed to the more gorey ways of doing it. Torture, manipulation, blackmail, you name it they’ve probably done it. They know a lot of dirty things about a lot of big people, and at their whim they could have all their hearts desire. Trouble is, knowing everyone’s secrets is just a little bit more fun than that. They’ll kill to protect their friends and family, anyone who has ever unintentionally hurt an animal, and anyone that’s standing in their way. They’ll even collaborate with Swiss on a job if it’s gonna take some more elbow grease, and he needs people he can trust to get the job done without leaving behind a crumb trail of evidence.

- Kat

[snatcherwes]

OCtober 3rd: Feast

OCtober Challenge by @oc-growth-and-development!

Author’s notes: So this ended up being way longer than I intended but I didn’t feel happy with the set up until I fleshed it way out like I did so that’s how we ended up with 2,414 words. I’m actually not super upset with this one either even though I know it’s kinda rushed. I don’t love the ending but I needed to get it done and it’s not completely awful so /shrug. Anyway, here’s another Vitale and Luke piece. It’s much darker than the previous one and has a handful of warnings coming along with it. I take a lot of how I do my vampires from VTMB and Vampyr because they’re two of my all time favorite games so if you’ve played them, some things might seem familiar.

Warnings: There are mentions of blood and semi-detailed torture and death in this. It’s not too bad but it is about a vampire so proceed with caution if you’re easily squeamish!

Word count: 2,414

When Vitale finally came through, it was to a rush of cold water being poured over his head and a throaty chuckle ringing through his ears. He desperately gasped, shaking his head vigorously in an attempt to throw off the wash of cold clinging to him. Doing so gave him an intense bout of vertigo as his head began to throb. When he made the move to push back his sopping wet hair, he found that his arms were secured tightly behind his back with thick, heavy chains. The vampire frantically squirmed, achieving nothing but heavy nausea and throbbing aches. He defeatedly settled, allowing his eyes to finally adjust to the dimly lit view before him.

He was sat on the stone floor of what appeared to be a basement. His bindings were connected to a thick hook that had been drilled into the brick wall behind him. Beside him on either side were vacant sections of wall that served the same purpose as the one keeping him tethered. He tried to see further into the darkness of the basement but his exhaustion and nausea were doing a number on his vision and ability to focus on any more than his immediate surroundings. He could do little more than glance up at the man that he assumed was his captor.

“Wakey wakey, little tick,” the man spat, gripping Vitale by the chin with a calloused hand in order to lift the vampire’s head. “Have a good nap, did ya’?”

The man was somewhere around six feet tall and built like a brick wall. His broad shoulders and wide chest conveyed the strength that he had been using to all but crush Vitale’s jaw. He was littered in scars from head to toe and had appeared to have an improperly healed broken nose at one point in time. His appearance gave little indication as to what his abilities were, appearing outwardly like a human—albeit a strong one. That fact unsettled Vitale for he had no idea what he was up against.

When Vitale didn’t give an answer to the mocking question, the man shoved the vampire’s face down with a snarl, gruffly laughing when his prisoner struggled to right himself.

“C’mon, I know ya’ can speak,” the man said, roughly nudging VItale in the side with a heavy boot. 

Again, the vampire remained quiet, trying to call upon any memories that would shine light on where he was and why. He vaguely remembered gearing up and preparing for something that night, failing to remember what exactly it was. There was an agitating feeling of anxiety attached to a specific factor that he couldn’t quite recall, something he knew he needed to remember above all else. 

With a harsher kick to his side delivered by his captor, Vitale felt a searing pain that traveled up his spine to the nape of his neck, causing him to cry out and double over. 

“Aw, did that hurt?” The man let out another throaty chuckle, kneeling down to mockingly pat Vitale on the shoulder. “Amazing what a silver-tipped stake to the back can do to a little tick like yourself.” Vitale shivered, attempting to right himself once more and squirm away from the man’s heavy hand. Silver-tipped stake? 

With that, his memories began to return. He had been out on what was supposed to be a simple recon mission of a recently developed Resistance outpost. There was supposed to only be a small presence of guards and the surveillance was to be done at a distance. Vitale had positioned himself at the southern side of the outpost, observing a handful of guards file in and out of the building, unloading various supplies from vehicles parked just outside the gate. This went on for almost three hours with no issue whatsoever and he was ready to call it a night, return to base, and begin formulating a future course of action. However, as he stood from his concealed position, he remembered feeling an intensely sharp pain ripping through his spine and a rough hand quickly covering his mouth, silencing his scream. He wished that he had the foresight to bite the hand, but it would not have made much difference considering that the pain had caused him to pass out shortly after. 

Without warning, the man suddenly yanked Vitale to his feet by the chain binding his arms. He appeared to have unhooked the vampire from the fastener on the wall and intended to move him. With a shove, he lead Vitale through the basement and towards a set of stairs, up through a door and out into a yard. He tried to count just how many different guards he passed on his way out, but it became increasingly difficult with each step. 

Being forced to walk led Vitale to realize just how exhausted he was. He had no way to tell how long he’d been held captive; therefore, he had no way to tell just how much time had passed since he last fed. Clearly, it was enough to render him close to useless considering how his eyelids felt impossibly heavy and he needed to be up-righted several times on the journey up the stairs and out to the yard. 

“Since ya’ don’t wanna’ talk and I’ve got little patience tonight,” the man spoke, bringing Vitale around the building to a smaller portion of the yard serving as an alleyway. “I’ve got another idea.”

Vitale vaguely noticed a motionless mass laying in the dirt before him, surrounded by a handful of guards, but before he could figure out just what it was, a swift kick to the back of his knees sent him down onto the dirt. He could do little but lift his head, willing his eyes to focus on the mass before him. 

It looked as though a large, dirty blanket had been draped over the figure’s body, completely stretched out on the sides and pinned into the dirt with spikes. He could faintly hear labored breathing that matched the rhythm of the figure’s visibly shallow breaths. 

It became very clear all too fast just exactly who the figure was when Vitale’s captor gripped the mop of filthy blond hair atop its head and yanked upwards. “Look familiar?” 

Vitale met painfully familiar honey-colored eyes, his focus sharpening immediately as he recognized the figure to be Luke. He was on his stomach, his arms barely visible beneath the blanket. His face was bruised and beat, his left eye swollen and his lips speckled with blood. He looked absolutely filthy, as if he had been left in the dirt for days. A strained whimper fell from Luke’s lips as the hand gripping his hair yanked again before letting his head fall back to the ground. 

“Unlucky for him, he woke up first,” the man explained, standing up and circling the blanket atop Luke. When he began to drive one of the spikes deeper into the dirt, Luke let out a pained shout and Vitale quickly realized that it wasn’t a blanket covering his friend. Those were his wings. 

Vitale started to thrash at the realization, trying and failing to free himself from the chains binding him. Trying to free himself so that he could free Luke. Trying to do anything to make it possible to help his friend. “Stop!”

Turning his head to glance at the vampire, the man laughed. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? And to think, we had to pin this one here like a bug to even get a sound from ‘im.” 

“Please, stop,” Vitale pleaded, keeping his gaze glued to his friend. He could feel desperation swelling up inside of him, his gut burning from having not fed and anger for his tortured friend. His teeth chattered and he swallowed hard, his throat painfully dry as he croaked, “What do you want?”

“Oh, now ya’ wanna’ play, huh?” The man smirked, reaching down to pluck a feather from Luke’s wings. The Shape Shifter flinched as he felt the man’s fingers grip the quill and tug. “I think I’m having more fun with this.”

Again, the man knelt down further to Luke’s level, placing his hand atop the spike he recently pushed deeper. Vitale started to thrash again, struggling even harder to free himself, causing one of the lingering guards to hold the chains secure. 

“Aw, ain’t that cute,” the man snickered, directing the question to Luke as he knelt further to meet his eyes. When Luke responded by weakly spitting blood in his direction, the man growled, straightened up and roughly yanked the spike, causing it to tear further through the wing. 

Luke let out a terrible scream and it was becoming increasingly difficult for the guard restraining Vitale to still him. Their captor took notice, abandoning his torture of Luke to momentarily assist the guard. With a swift kick to the side of his head, Vitale went down hard and stilled completely, appearing to be knocked unconscious by the blow. 

Luke gasped, immediately starting to visibly panic but being able to do little more than weakly flail in the dirt. The man chuckled at his handiwork, turning his attention back to Luke. “Well, that’s that.”

When the fear and panic in Luke’s face was quickly replaced with confusion, the man mirrored it and followed his line of sight back to the vampire. “Still with us then?”

Vitale began to stir and tremble, almost convulsing in the dirt as the man that had been previously holding him readied to grab the chains once more. The vampire’s eyes shot open and there was little time for anyone to react before he snarled loudly, bearing a mouth full of shark-like teeth and snapped the chains binding him with little more than a stretch of his arms. He quickly got to his feet and wasted little time in tearing the terrifyingly sharp claws that once were his hands through the stomach of the man who attempted to restrain him. 

He turned his attention onto the main captor with frightening speed, his previously normal black irises replaced with blood red, the pitch black sclera unsettlingly highlighting them. The number of teeth in his mouth seemed impossible, all sharpened to a dangerous point. The blood of the man writhing at his feet dripped from his claws onto the dirt and the smell of it plus the fear in the air was driving him further into his frenzy.

“You’re fucked,” Luke mumbled with a pained laugh. Before their captor could even bark out a command to his men, Vitale was at his throat, burying his fangs into skin and pinning him still with claws deep in his arms. As he drained the man, Vitale payed little mind to the bullets that began pelting him as the remaining men covered him with panicked gunfire. 

The blood pleasantly coursed through him, and when he could feel the man’s heart settle almost to a complete stop, he tore himself from his throat and watched his unfocused eyes shift into panic as the last of his energy withered away. Dropping the limp body to the dirt, he turned his attention towards the closet guard and repeated the monstrous process.

Vitale tore through the small militia with ease, his heightened senses and drive for blood making him virtually unstoppable. If he was of the mind to laugh, he would have as the remaining guards pumped out bullet after bullet, trying and failing to do as much as slow him down. However, it was impossible. A frenzied vampire was an incredibly fast, extremely strong, and immeasurably dangerous creature, ferocious and merciless. Not only had the lack of blood driven Vitale over the edge, but the fear and helplessness of seeing his friend tortured plus having taken his own beatings eventually awoken the sleeping beast inside him. 

It wasn’t long until the entire yard was littered with the bloodless bodies of numerous Resistance guards. Vitale could feel himself winding down from his ravenous feast, slowly regaining his control as he ripped the throat out of the final guard attempting to stop him. Some had managed to flee the massacre and the outpost entirely and lucky for them, the vampire’s main concern was his still-pinned friend. They could be found later.

“Remind me not to piss you off,” were Luke’s first words to his friend as he knelt down to the first wing. Vitale didn’t respond, quickly meeting Luke’s gaze as he gently gripped the spike. The Shape Shifter nodded and braced himself for the pain, hissing loudly as the metal was pulled free. Instinctively, Luke drew his wing closer to his body, moaning in pain as it refused to fold properly.

“I’m sorry,” Vitale mumbled quietly, dropping the bloodied spike before moving along to the other wing. This one posed a bigger challenge due to how deep it was driven into the dirt but after a moment, the vampire finally tore it free, wincing at Luke’s pained shout. He apologized again as he tried to help fold the wing back. It wouldn’t budge and Luke’s grunts of pain sounded too awful to his ears to continue any further. Instead, Vitale helped Luke to his feet, holding him steady as his torn wings threatened to tilt him over like dead weight. “I’m so sorry for all of this, I—”

“Stop, just...” Luke interrupted, sighing and shaking his head as he trailed off. He then suddenly pulled Vitale into a weak but undeniably emotional hug, not caring about the blood or dirt caking them both. He squeezed the vampire as tight as he could, resting his head on Vitale’s shoulder. “Just get us home, Vitti.”

And that he could do. There was a lot to be said between the two, unnecessary apologies and tears shed over just how worried they had both felt, but all of that would be saved for after they were cleaned and patched up. That didn’t stop the both of them from worrying over each other profusely on the way back, Vitale insisting he carry Luke after having to stop to rest several times along the journey back and Luke declined each time, citing that Vitale had taken a harsh beating himself and needed to keep what little strength he had left. 

“I will have plenty of time to regain my strength once we get back because I can guarantee you that Terion will not let either of us set foot outside the base for at least a month.”

[setcfstars]

EVENT:

“What do you mean there isn’t a signal?” 

one of the humans aboard the ship asked While parking their ship just outside the planet, few of their away team was venturing the planet below. Usually an everyday normal occurrence, yet, for some reason the signal with the other’s when trying to com them was offline. 

“Have you tried to recalibrate the signal??” Another asked, leaning over to inspect the communication station, “I’ve tried everything! It’s like something is blocking the transmission, each time I tried to move my way around it, the more I get jammed.” Replied back, already anxiety getting the best of him. “IT’s like someone is deliberately hacking into our system.”  Something that never happened as of now, although, a cold barrel of a gun was pointed on the back of their head. Shock and frozen in place, feeling their heart pounding against his chest as adrenaline kicks in. Don’t move. Don’t move. Slowly turning their head back only to be face to face with one of the ais. "Reginald???" Vocal so quite as if a whisper.

The was something wrong with the A.I in question, most likely big difference would be those visor eyes staring back at, haunting. "W-what are you doing??" The human asked, sweat trails down his brow, feeling themselves shake from fear alone. "What i should have done before of course, you humans and your pet robots are too much of a pain in our side." The voice called back, not just one voice, but many as if speaking all at once; the room surrounded by drones pointing guns at the other humans inside the room as their backs were up against the wall, "Stop joki--" before the sentence was finished a gunshot echoed. Gasp and morbid screams followed as the body went limp, a pool of blood stains the ground. "So how about we start our little game?" Reginald or was it even them anymore?? "A game where if those away team could save you before I trade you off to the highest auction."

The away team weren't exactly having the good luck of their own. "What do you mean no one is answering?? Try it again, damn it, we don't get all day." Ace voice spoke in between the mess. "I have tried, many as i could. There is just no way for us to get a hold of them." Sid replied, anger clear as a day in his voice. "It seems there might be trouble, doctor. We shall head back to see what is happening." Yokai adds in the conversation as each ais are shown concern, along with their human companions. Attentions drew back to the shuttle as sid spoke once more, his voice spoke in volumes, "I don't know Yokai, I'm feeling as if we were sent here as a plan." A vent escaped the medics' lips as they turn to walk back to their shuttle.

Yet, unexpected as occurred as a flash of light surrounds them with a loud explosion following along. Heat radiating from the shuttle as one of the ais optics opens up to see the fire. Their shuttle was burning and blown. Horror flashed before their optics, now knowing that it was only a trap to lure them out.

/EVENT!! So what happened is Reginald finally showing his true self and decides to have his little game with the humans and the ais. So it is up to your muse and the rest of the ais to find a way back on the ship, before its too late!! The mission would start today and end in 2 months from now. (Oct 7th) this might be long and i do tend to take a while to reply. So bear with me. Also, sorry for bad introduction, but im trying to rush it. This been in the section for about a good month. Might have a small starter call.