#some armys took their “hiatus

[liveyun]

good lord i am the worst at controlling my anger

[sound-of-scoups]

Moth To A Flame | JJK & KMG | 03

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Female!Reader x Kim Mingyu  Genre|tags: Idol!au, series, established relationship, infidelity, lots of angst, lots of drama, smut, maybe fluff.  Word count: 15.8k + Rating: Explicit adult content (MINORS DNI). Chapter warnings: Angst at its finest, like, literally this is pure and raw angst (poor baby is going through it), mentions of Jungkook smoking, crying, everyone here needs therapy, mentions of Jungkook not handling the BTS hiatus very well, arguments, abuse of power by a superior (?). Lemme know if there's more. A/N: 1. Time to get some questions answered...; 2. As ARMY, it's so strange/painful, but at the same time, relieving, to write about the things that happened in 2022 with BTS, knowing that it's already 2025 and the war is over; 3. I have no idea when chapter four will come out, I decided it will be a surprise, so it can come out tomorrow or in two weeks hehe.

Summary: Four years ago, you crossed paths with a charming member of the K-pop group Seventeen during their tour stop in Osaka. The two of you shared three intense, unforgettable days before life took you in different directions. It was painful for both of you, but you knew you couldn’t take things any further and had to say goodbye. Now, back in Seoul for good, you’re in a new relationship with another idol: Jeon Jungkook—whose charm and stability make him everything you thought you wanted. You are very much in love with him, and as your connection deepens, it feels like your life is finally falling into place. That is, until you meet one of your boyfriend’s best friends and are stunned to discover it’s the same man you fell for in Osaka all those years ago. As buried emotions resurface and secrets begin to unravel, you find yourself torn between these two men, caught in a whirlwind of love and conflict, testing the boundaries of loyalty and the choices that could change everything. 

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The moment you walked out of HYBE headquarters, your entire body seemed to spiral into a state of complete mania. You paced around the block for a few moments, overwhelmed by an intense urge to scream and laugh uncontrollably—all at the same time.

Your phone showed multiple missed calls from Jungkook, likely eager to know how the meeting had gone, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to answer any of them. You didn’t know how to tell him the news without sounding like you were on the brink of psychosis for reasons entirely unrelated to the happiness of landing the biggest opportunity of your career.

Instead, after minutes of aimlessly wandering the streets like someone who had just escaped from a psychiatric hospital, you made the only choice that felt right: you called your best friend.

“Wait,” Dahee said, holding up a hand to stop you mid-sentence, her steps faltering as if the physical pause could help her process everything you’d just unloaded on her. “Mingyu? As in Osaka Mingyu?”

You nodded, taking another lick of your strawberry ice cream. “Yep.”

You nodded, taking another lick of your strawberry ice cream. “Yep.”

Initially, you both met at your usual spot—a cozy restaurant downtown, tucked by a window that overlooked the bustling street. The aroma of barbecue wafted around you, blending with the soft clink of dishes and the murmur of voices. You and Dahee dove into a meal not much after, her excitement about her upcoming wedding filling the air immediately. She animatedly described the flowers, venues, and music with her eyes sparkling, and you simply couldn’t bring yourself to interrupt her with the chaos that inhabits your mind.

As the hours passed and you started walking together along the Han River, Dahee finally looked at you, curiosity shining in her eyes. With a gentle nudge, she asked what was going on with you. Her sincerity was unmistakable, and after a steadying breath, you began unraveling the turbulence of your life events, spilling every detail you’d been holding back all day.

Dahee’s expression after you finished telling her everything was like you’d sprouted two extra heads right there on the riverbank. She blinked a few times, processing each piece of information you’d just handed her. Finally, she shook her head, eyebrows raised.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, her voice barely above a gasp as she tugged you toward one of the benches along the shore, her hand gripping your arm tightly. “First of all, I’m hurt that you never told me that Mingyu from Osaka was the Kim Mingyu.”

“I couldn't, babe,” You shrugged, leaning back comfortably against the bench. “Seventeen's legal team made me sign an NDA. I couldn't even be telling you this.” 

You felt a pang of frustration as you recalled the weight of that document, the way it had silenced your thoughts and feelings about everything that had happened four years ago between the two of you. 

Dahee’s jaw dropped, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she finally found her voice. “An NDA? Seriously?”

You nodded, gaze shifting to the river, its calm surface contrasting sharply with the turmoil inside you. “I couldn’t say a word to anyone about what happened. I couldn’t reach out to him. Hell, I wasn’t even allowed to be in the same country as him for years.”

The words slipped out of you like a confession, each one weighted with the years of secrets you’d held inside, now finally spilling free.

The pain of knowing he had chosen this path remained buried deep within you. You still felt naive for believing in everything he had said and promised that morning before you went your separate ways. Four years had passed, and while you were no longer the person you once were, and thought the green light of forgiveness had already been lit, even if only on your end, it still hurted.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Dahee studied your face, brows knitted together. “I thought NDA’S were just myths.”

“Oh, they’re real, all right,” you replied, a bitter smile touching your lips. “And terrifying.”

“How did they even ban you from being in the same country as him?” Dahee asked, her eyes wide with disbelief. “That is incredibly so unfair.”

“It was part of the NDA. They included a clause that forbade me from trying to contact him or even being in the same place as him for a certain period of time,” you said, taking another bite of your ice cream. “They wanted to protect his image, to keep the media from blowing anything out of proportion. To not make a big thing out of something insignificant.”

Those exact words that came out from his manager’s mouth, hitting you like a slap across the face and reverberating in your mind with an almost cruel precision for years. You could only guess that you were insignificant enough to be erased from his life, but important enough to warrant a whole legal agreement about it. 

Probably what he thought too.

“I didn’t have a choice; it was either that or risk legal action.” You completed it.

Dahee stared at you, completely dumbfounded, her jaw slack as she tried to process what you’d just said. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her hands for a moment before letting out a muffled groan.

“That’s insane. How do you even enforce something like that? Did they just expect you to… what? Erase him from your memory like he’s some kind of ghost?”

“Pretty much,” you replied bitterly, taking the last bite of your ice cream. “Until last year, at least.”

“That's why you didn't come back sooner,” she said softly, her eyes searching yours for reaffirmation.

You nodded, a rueful smile playing on your lips. “Yeah.”

Dahee let out a low whistle, leaning back against the bench. “Wow. That explains so much. And now,  you’re telling me that the biggest opportunity of your career just so happens to be working with him? Talk about fate having a sick sense of humor, bestie.”

“Exactly," you muttered, dragging your hands down your face in exasperation. "It's like the universe is laughing at me. 'Oh, you're finally moving on? Cool, let me drop Mingyu right back into your life for funsies.'”

“And no one at HYBE thought this might be, I don’t know, a tiny bit problematic for the two of you?”

“I don’t think they know, or even care. Pledis wasn’t part of HYBE back then. So to them, I’m just another freelancer with a decent portfolio,” you let out a dry laugh, shaking your head. “I think no one there remembers what happened between us.”

Dahee sighed deeply. “I’m so sorry, babe,” her expression softened. She reached for your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “That sounds incredibly painful to hold to yourself.”

You felt a lump form in your throat as you nodded, grateful for her support right now. “It’s been a struggle. I thought keeping busy would help me forget, but seeing him again…” 

You trailed off, unable to find the words to fully explain the emotions crashing through you. Memories you thought you’d buried deep had come rushing back with such force it felt like you’d been blindsided for four years. 

Dahee’s grip on your hand tightened, her voice firm yet gentle. “You shouldn’t have to go through this alone, you know. Why didn’t you didn’t tell me the second you connect the dots about his connection with Jungkook?”

“I didn’t know what to do, to be honest. Considering how everything went down, I… thought he’d forgotten about me, Hee.”

She raises an eyebrow at you. “And he didn’t?”

You hesitated, biting your lip before shaking your head. “No.”

That much you were sure, since he hadn’t left you any room to think otherwise. It was clear in the way he looked at you, like he wanted to ask a thousand questions but held himself back, respecting Jungkook's presence beside you. The way he kept conversation, the way he and his friends talked about Osaka and referred to you, even without knowing it was you. It was almost like he wanted you to see he still cared, but didn’t want to be direct about it. 

You just couldn't understand why.

“Did he say something to you? Otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about it.”

You hesitated again, the words lingering on the tip of your tongue. Maybe Dahee was right—if nothing had happened, if he hadn't followed you to the bathroom, if he hadn't asked to talk, if he hadn't looked at you like that, as if it were the first time he was seeing you in his life, or said us that way, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t still be dwelling on it.

"He asked if we could talk.”

Dahee straightened up, her expression a mix of curiosity and cautious concern. “And what did you say?”

You shrugged, fidgeting with the edge of your coat and looking away from her. “That I would think about.”

You could feel her gaze studying you carefully, her faze was sharp but not unkind. Dahee sighed deeply and you held your breath for a second, believing you were going to get scolded by your best friend for having allowed even the smallest space to open, giving the guy who had broken your heart in the worst possible way a sliver of hope that he might talk to you again. 

“So let me get this straight,” she started, planting the palms of her hands on her own legs, the marquise-shaped diamond of her engagement ring shining brightly. “Mingyu, the guy who allegedly tried to erase you from his life and left you with a suitcase full of unresolved emotions and the biggest heartbreak of your life, wants to talk. And you didn’t say no, but you didn’t say yes either.”

“Pretty much,” you admitted, feeling the weight of it all press down on you again.

The fact that he wanted to talk set off a cascade of flags in your mind. What could he possibly want from you now? Why, after all these years, did he choose this moment to break the silence? Hadn't he been the one to make the decision for both of you all those years ago? Was it because he saw you with Jungkook that your ego couldn't handle it?

Deep down, you knew he wasn't like that. You knew perfectly well that he wasn't that kind of person. But now your brain was already working with far-fetched answers to the confusing questions surrounding it and the only person who could answer them was the one you weren't ready to face yet. 

Dahee let out a sharp laugh, shaking her head. “This is the kind of plot twist I'd expect from a bad drama, not your life. Are you okay, though? Like, how are you feeling now?”

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. 

The truth was, you weren’t allowing yourself to feel anything, while at the same time, you were feeling everything—the good, the bad, the messy ones. It was a paradox that seemed to stretch you thin, tearing at the edges of your composure. For the longest time, you found yourself torn between two extremes: the desperate yearning to see him every day, and the equally fierce desire to never lay eyes on him again. 

Sitting there by the river, with Dahee’s presence beside you, it was the first time in years you allowed yourself even a sliver of vulnerability about this subject. The chaos of seeing Mingyu again, of being thrust into a situation you’d worked so hard to avoid, made your defenses feel paper-thin. And now, after landing the job that could very well change your life, you felt like that fragile piece of paper was precariously floating on water, ready to dissolve into nothingness.

The idea of starting fresh as Seventeen’s stylist should have excited you—it did excite you—but the weight of the past lingered, heavier than you wanted to admit. You knew that from now on, there would be no avoiding Mingyu. In fact, you would be seeing him far more than you ever could have imagined over the past four years.

Seeing Mingyu again wasn’t just a footnote; it was a headline, bold and unavoidable.

How could he suddenly reappear in your life and completely upend everything? How could he suddenly seem to be everywhere?

These thoughts wouldn’t stop circling, growing louder with every passing minute under the moonlight. It felt like a cruel twist of fate, like the universe had been waiting for the perfect moment to throw your carefully built world into disarray. You had spent years carefully locking away every memory, every feeling tied to him, convincing yourself it was better this way. That his absence was a closed chapter, one that didn’t need reopening. Yet here you were, about to walk into a reality where he wasn’t just present—he was unavoidable.

“I don't know. I mean, I thought I was okay. I’ve spent years trying to move past it, convincing myself it didn’t matter anymore. But seeing him again… it’s like all the progress I made just evaporated.”

After everything, you were the only one who ended up with wounds to bind. And now it looked like it was all open wide while someone dumped a bag of salt into it.

“And the worst part? I’m not even angry at him anymore. I’m just… sad. Sad that it ended the way it did, sad that I still don’t fully understand why,” you said softly, your voice barely audible over the gentle lapping of the water against the shore. “But then there’s Jungkook, who is perfect, and makes everything feel so magical, so right and…” you paused, letting the morning's events replay in your mind. “He asked me to move in with him this morning.”

Dahee froze, her eyes widening and mouth falling open in astonishment.. “Wait, what?” she finally said, her voice tinged with disbelief. “How did you even respond to him?”

“I didn’t,” you admitted, letting out a long sigh and pressing the heels of your palms against your eyes. “I also told him I’d think about it.”

Dahee groaned, rubbing her temples like she was getting a headache just from hearing everything. “Okay, so Mingyu reappears, bringing all your unresolved trauma back to the surface, and a week later, Jungkook, your incredible, loving boyfriend who would probably lasso the moon for you, asks you to move in with him?”

“That sums it up,” you said with a weak laugh, though there was no humor behind it, and taking your hands from your eyes to your hair, restlessly. "Two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes, Hee. Damn it, why does everything feel like it's moving so fast now?"

“Babe, that's… huge,” she murmured, gaze softening again with understanding. “Like, life-changing huge. Of course it feels fast. You’ve got a whole lot of emotions to process, and now this. No wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed.” 

You blinked rapidly, the lump in your throat threatening to spill over into tears. It was actually a surprise that you hadn't shed any tears yet today. “I mean, I should be happy, right? Jungkook is everything I ever wanted and it took me so long to feel like this again after Mingyu. But now…”

“It’s like you’re second-guessing things because of Mingyu.” Dahee finished your sentence as if she’d read your mind. 

“Yeah.” You buried your face in your hands. “It feels like I’m being pulled in two different directions, and I don’t know which one is going to tear me apart first.”

The words hung in the air, raw and heavy, as your chest tightened with the weight of your own admission. It wasn’t just about a choice—it was about the uncertainty, the guilt. 

On one hand, you did want to say yes to Jungkook because he’s everything you’ve ever wanted, and you know he loves you, just as much as you love him. But on the other hand… there’s Mingyu. And it's not like you're thinking about going down that road again, because you're not. But just the idea of ​​him being a part of your life again is enough to throw you completely off balance.

Dahee reached out, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Have you told Jungkook anything yet?”

You shook your head, biting your lip. “I haven't.” You exhaled shakily, lowering your hands and staring at the calm river in front of you. 

How do you even begin to explain this to him? 

'Hey babe, remember how I told you I had a complicated past? Surprise! My ex-situationship is Kim Mingyu, your best friend, and we’re going to be seeing each other almost every day now. Do you still want me to move in?’

“I’m scared, Hee,” you admitted, your voice trembling. “I just… I’m terrified of how he’ll react. What if he thinks I’m not over Mingyu? What if this ruins everything?”

Dahee frowned, tilting her head as she regarded you with a mixture of concern and resolve. “But you’re not holding onto Mingyu, right?” she searches for your face, and when you say nothing, she asks, her tone turning more serious, “I mean, how do you actually feel about him?”

Mingyu.

Mingyu.

How did you feel about Mingyu? It wasn’t an easy answer. One you were still working to figure out. Just his name alone brought a flurry of emotions you didn’t want to confront. Guilt, anger, sadness, longing—all of it muddled together, making it impossible to think straight.

“I…”  you admitted finally, your voice barely above a whisper. You looked away, focusing on the ripples in the river as if they might offer some clarity. “I don’t know.”

Dahee didn’t push, giving you space to sort through the chaos in your head. But the silence wasn’t comforting—it felt like an interrogation room, the weight of the truth pressing down on you.

“It’s not that I’m still in love with him,” you finally said, your voice barely audible. “It’s just… seeing him bring back everything I tried so hard to bury. The what-ifs, the unresolved feelings, the stupid hope that maybe, somehow, he didn’t forget about me too.”

“I’m not gonna lie,” she started, her tone playful. “For a long time, I thought the guy from Osaka was your imaginary friend or something.” You laughed at her effort to lighten the mood, grateful for her attempt to break the tension within you. “The way you talked about him back then, it was like he’d disappeared into thin air. Poof.”

You sighed, the weight of your thoughts settling in as you laid your head into her shoulder. “Maybe it would have been easier if he had.”

Dahee let out a soft hum, her hand gently rubbing your arm as the two of you sat in silence for a moment. The city lights reflected on the surface of the river, casting a shimmering glow that felt oddly soothing despite the storm of emotions swirling within you.

“Maybe,” she said finally, her voice quieter now.

You glanced at her, a small, wry smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Do you think I’m a horrible person?”

She shook her head immediately, her expression softening.

“Not even close,” Dahee said firmly.”I think you are someone who has never gotten closure from your past.”

You looked down, letting her words settle over you like a balm. They didn’t erase the turmoil inside, but they softened the edges, making it feel a little less insurmountable.

Closure? What's that like?

“I just…” you began, voice trembling. “I don’t want to hurt Jungkook. He’s... he’s everything. And I’m scared that even considering talking to Mingyu is betraying him. I love Jungkook so much, Hee. He’s everything to me and I’m scared shitless of losing him.”

Dahee sat silently for a moment and her gaze drifted to the river. You could almost see her mind turning, sorting through the weight of your words and the emotions you’d finally allowed yourself to express, raw and unfiltered for the first time in ages.

“Listen, you don’t owe Mingyu closure. Not after what he and the company put you through. But you do owe it to yourself to figure out how you want to handle this. Whether that’s keeping things strictly professional or finally getting the answers you deserve.”

Her gaze seemed to be piercing your soul. You knew that no one was better at listening to your mental confusion than her, and you couldn't be more grateful that you had chosen to turn to her first.

“I do think you should give yourself some credit. You’ve been blindsided in a massive way, and anyone in your position would feel a little unsteady.” Dahee gave you a look that was equal parts stern and compassionate. “However, you need to talk to Jungkook about this. Not about Mingyu specifically, maybe, but about how you’re feeling. He loves you, anyone with eyes can see that. He deserves to know before this becomes an even bigger mess.”

You swallowed hard, her words hitting a little too close to home. Deep down, you knew she was right. Jungkook deserved honesty, even if it scared you to lay everything bare.

“I don’t even know where to start,” you murmured, your fingers curling into fists in your lap. “How do you tell someone you love that you’re suddenly tangled up in unresolved feelings from the past without making it sound like you’re questioning your relationship with them?”

Dahee let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. “You’re overthinking it, babe. Just tell him what you told me: that seeing Mingyu again threw you for a loop, but it doesn’t change how you feel about him.”You stared at her, the simplicity of her suggestion making your chest ache. Maybe it really was that simple—if you didn’t let fear complicate things further.

“And what about Mingyu?” you asked hesitantly, the name tasting bitter on your tongue. “Do I... talk to him? Or do I just pretend he’s not there and hope this whole thing goes away?”

“That depends,” Dahee’s expression hardened slightly, her lips pressing into a firm line. “If he wants to apologize, maybe hearing him out could give you some closure. But if he’s just trying to wiggle his way back into your life with no good reason, you don’t owe him anything.”

You exhaled, the weight of her words settling into your chest. She was right, as always—but that didn’t make any of this easier.

“I don’t even know if talking to Mingyu will give me the answers I’m looking for. Don’t know if I’m ready to hear them either,” you admitted. “What if it just makes everything worse?”

Dahee tilted her head, her expression thoughtful. “Or what if it gives you the closure you need to finally move forward? You can’t control how it turns out, but avoiding it forever isn’t going to help either. Sometimes the only way out is through, babe.”

The thought both terrified and comforted you. Could you face Mingyu again, knowing how much he had hurt you—and how much you’d tried to move on? Could you really hear whatever it was that he needed to say without letting it unravel the life you’d built?

“I guess the question is,” Dahee continued, her voice softer now, “are you ready to let go of the past? Because if you are, maybe this conversation is exactly what you need to do.”

After your conversation with Dahee, you spent a few minutes alone in your studio-slash-apartment, carefully sorting through your thoughts until everything felt perfectly clear. You had finally made up your mind about telling Jungkook the whole truth, convinced that he deserved to hear all of it from you, and by all of it, you meant all of it, including your hesitations regarding the biggest opportunity of your career and why. 

No more secrets. No more running from your past. 

Still, even though you were certain of your decision, stepping out of the elevator in Jungkook’s building, you couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling that the road ahead was about to become much more complicated. 

Could he handle all of it? Could you handle laying it all out for him?

It wasn’t just about the past; it was about the future, too. The idea of moving in together, of merging your lives more deeply than ever before, felt both exhilarating and terrifying. If you said yes, would this be the start of something even more beautiful than you already had now, or would the ghosts of your past threaten to tear it all apart? 

Your mind has been your worst enemy lately, and you knew that. It felt like the only things occupying it were unanswered questions and nagging insecurities. It was as if you had regressed four entire years of therapy to deal with things like that. 

The hallway on the top floor of the building where Jungkook lived was silent as you typed in the password and let yourself into the apartment. The familiar beep of the keypad was followed by the faint click of the door unlocking, and you stepped inside. 

Almost immediately, an excited Bam darted toward you, his nails clicking against the wooden floor. His dark eyes sparkled with recognition, and he let out a happy bark, throwing his front paws at your legs in a determined effort to reach your face. You laughed softly, crouching down to greet him.

“Hi, my baby,” you cooed, running your hands over his silky fur as his thin tail wagged furiously. “Did you have fun with uncle Junghyun today?”

Bam responded with an enthusiastic lick to your cheek, making you giggle despite the heaviness of your thoughts. You stayed there for a moment, scratching behind his ears and pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head, letting his boundless energy soothe some of your nerves.

Straightening up, you glanced toward the living room, where the glow of Jungkook’s mood light projector cast a soft, familiar warmth. Looking around, you saw that the television was paused in some reality show, and somewhere in the apartment, you could also hear the soft melody of an R&B song somewhere, although Jungkook was nowhere to be seen. 

“Bamie, where’s appa?” you asked sweetly, slipping off your shoes, setting your bag and phone on the console, noticing now that it was out of battery. Bam tilted his head at your question, then turned and trotted toward the hallway, as if to guide you. Smiling, you followed him through the apartment, your own footsteps muffled by the plush rugs beneath your feet.

The nerves began to creep back as you walked towards Jungkook's room, your heart picking up speed. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but the thought of holding back from him felt even worse. And you also knew that, despite your fear, he deserved all your honesty. 

Your footsteps faltered as your ears registered the sound of a soft sniffle coming from Jungkook’s room. The weight in your chest shifted, no longer nerves there but a pang of worry. You stood still for a moment, your fingers brushing the edge of the door frame as you leaned closer to listen.

“Jungkook?” you called out softly, your voice just above a whisper. His name hung in the air, but there was no immediate response, just the faint rustle of fabric and a muffled sound that could have been a shaky exhale.

Pushing the door open further, you stepped inside and were met with a sight that made your heart twist. Jungkook was sitting on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees, and his head hung low. One hand raked through his dark hair in a way that seemed almost frantic, while the other clutched at his phone. His broad shoulders were hunched, and even in the dim light, you could see the slight tremble in them.

“Kookie,” you said again, your voice firmer this time but still gentle. Bam brushed past your legs, padding over to Jungkook and nudging his knee with his nose. Jungkook glanced up, startled, his wide, watery doe eyes meeting yours for a brief moment before he quickly wiped at his face, as if trying to erase the evidence of his tears.

“Oh, hey, babe,” he mumbled, his voice thick and strained as he forced a small, unconvincing smile. “Didn’t hear you come in.”

You crossed the room in a few quick steps, kneeling in front of him to meet his gaze. “What’s wrong, baby?” you asked softly, your hands instinctively reaching out to rest on his knees. “Why are you crying?” 

“It’s nothing,” he said, shaking his head as if to dismiss your concern, but the crack in his voice betrayed him. He looked away, biting down on his bottom lip as his phone slipped from his hand and landed on the bed beside him. “I just… It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you feel like this,” you countered gently. Your mind raced through every possible scenario, trying to understand what could have left him like this. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

He nodded but hesitated, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. You ran your hands comfortingly through his damp hair, realizing that he must not have gotten out of the shower long ago, since the towel was still on the bed, and he was wearing only sweatpants.

“Did I do something?” you asked, unsure if the tears could have anything to do with what had happened in the kitchen this morning.

Jungkook shook his head immediately, his eyes widening as he met your gaze again. “No, no, baby, it’s not you. It’s not anything you did. I swear.” His words were rushed, almost desperate, as if the thought of you blaming yourself had pulled him out of his emotional haze for a moment. “You could never…”

Relief washed over you, but the worry remained as you watched him struggle to find the words. His warm hands came up to cover yours where they rested on his knees. He gave them a gentle squeeze, his thumb brushing against your skin as if grounding himself with your presence.

“Then what is it?” you asked softly, leaning in closer so your faces were only inches apart. “Please, Kook. I hate seeing you like this. Let me help.”

He inhaled deeply, his shoulders rising and falling as he tried to steady his breathing. For a moment, the room was quiet except for the faint hum of the music playing in the background. It seemed like he might brush it off again, but then he sighed heavily, his gaze finally meeting yours. His brows knitted together, his lips trembled, and fresh tears pooled in his reddened eyes. 

“I’m scared,” he whispered.

“Scared of what, baby?” your voice was soft as you massage the back of his hands with your thumbs. 

“Of the hiatus,” he admitted quietly. "Of what it can do to the members and me. Of having to do it all alone.”

Your heart sank at his confession. The weight of Jungkook's fears settled heavily in the room, making your own chest tighten. You should’ve known. It should’ve been your first thought, after seeing him struggling with it alone for days, refusing to share it with you; to worry you, just because he was that kind of person—the one who would never bother anyone with his problems.

But just as you had already predicted earlier, now that BTS were going to take a break to focus on their solo projects plus the military service that would start by the end of that year with Seokjin, Jungkook wasn't handling this in a very healthy way. He was sleeping poorly, smoking more, and skipping meals. He thought you didn’t notice, but there was nothing about him you didn’t see, and Jimin made sure to keep you updated on everything when you were apart.

You knew he enjoyed being active, being with the members, and doing what he loved most, giving it his all. You also knew that the idea of not being able to do that for a certain amount of time scared him more than he was willing to admit. Jungkook had a featuring song to be released with Charlie Puth in less than a week, and you knew he was feeling pressured by it. You just wished he had voiced his concerns before it got to this point. 

Reaching up, you gently cupped his face, brushing away the tears that slipped down his cheeks with your thumbs.

“Baby,” you murmured, your voice trembling with empathy as you shifted closer. “You don’t have to do it alone. You’re not alone.”

His eyes closed at your touch, his lashes wet with tears. “It feels like I am sometimes,” he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. “The members… we’re all doing our own things, and I know it’s what we need, but it’s hard. I’m used to having them by my side, to leaning on them when it gets too much. Now, it’s just going to be… me.”

“But you have them,” you reminded him gently. “Even if you’re working on your own projects, they’re still your brothers.”

“I know that," he said, his lips trembling a little. “But what if I don't know who I am without them?”

“Then this is the moment you'll find out, love,” you said softly, your hands still cradling his face. “Trust me, this isn’t about losing who you are; it’s about finding new parts of yourself, ones you didn’t even know were there.”

He opened his eyes, his gaze searching yours as if trying to find reassurance in your words. “What if I mess up?” he asked, his voice cracking under the weight of his doubt. “What if I’m not good enough without them?”

“You won’t mess up,” you said with conviction, pressing your forehead gently to his after kissing the tip of his nose. “You’re talented, Jungkook. The most talented person I know. And more than that, you’re hardworking, dedicated, and passionate. Those things don’t disappear just because you’re standing on your own for a while. You’re more than enough, with or without BTS.”

For a moment, he didn’t respond, his eyes fluttering shut again as he took a shaky breath. Then, he nodded, his hands reaching up to grasp your wrists gently, as if he was trying to ground himself again. 

“I don’t want to let anyone down. I don’t want to disappoint them, ARMY or you. I don't want these speculations to become true.”

The looming uncertainty of BTS's hiatus had been on everyone’s mind since Tuesday. It was an ongoing topic across the country and the world. Rumors of disbandment flooded social media and the news, but just as the members, you knew they weren’t true. They were still working on group projects, filming content, and recording songs; still together. 

The difference was that now they would have the freedom to explore their individuality and show the world who they truly were as artists. 

“First of all,” you whispered softly, placing a kiss on his temple. Jungkook had always been hard on himself, striving for perfection in everything he did, but seeing him let the words of strangers chip away at his confidence broke something in you. “You could never disappoint me. And the members, they understand, they know what you’re going through. As for ARMY, they would walk through hell for you. You’re not in this alone. Never.”

He stayed silent again, just breathing, as though taking in your words. You watched as the fear that had been evident in his eyes slowly started to fade, replaced by a mix of gratitude and uncertainty.

Jungkook leaned forward and pressed his forehead to yours again, his hands gently cupping yours where they rested on his face. “I’m so lucky to have you.” 

“Believe me,” you whispered back, “I’m the lucky one.”

For a few moments, the two of you stayed like that, comforted by each other’s presence, the weight of his worries slowly lifting, if only for a moment. In that quiet space, with his hand in yours and his heart open before you, everything felt a little more manageable. So manageable that for at least that moment, you forgot what you came to do here tonight. 

But Jungkook made sure to bring you back to reality not long after.

“Now let’s forget about me,” he said, his voice sounding a little bit more upbeat now. “What about you doll? Have any big news to share with me?”

You chuckled softly, tilting your head to the side for a moment, to look at him carefully. “Are you sure you're okay, tough? If you want to keep talking, we can leave this for later.”

Was it selfish of you to want to avoid the subject? Maybe.

But really, you just wanted to make sure he was going to be okay, that all these treacherous thoughts would leave his mind and never return again, even though you knew this was like an impossible mission at the time.

Jungkook sighed, rubbing his face with his tattooed hand. “I’ll be okay. Just... a lot on my mind.” He looked at you, his eyes soft but weary. “I don't want to drag you into this. But thank you for asking.”

You bit your lip, not wanting to push him further, but unable to ignore the weight in his words. 

“Baby, I always want to be dragged into whatever is happening in there,” you murmured, using your index finger to point to his head. “It's my job to try to ease your bad thoughts.”

He smiled faintly, appreciating your offer, but you could tell he wasn’t ready to dive deeper into the conversation. Instead, he shrugged and said, “We’ll figure it out later. But for now, I just want to hear how your meeting went.”

The silence stretched between you two for a moment. You gave him a small, understanding nod, your hand resting lightly on the edge of the table between you. You didn’t press any further, trusting that when he was ready, he would find the words.

“Okay, but you know where to find me,” you said quietly, your voice steady and calm, offering him the space he needed.

Jungkook looked at you then, and for a moment, the storm in his eyes seemed to settle. “I know,” he said softly, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Now tell me, please. I’m dying here.”

Looking back now, you knew that moment should’ve been the moment you told him everything. You should have used the confidence you had earlier to stop running from the truth you had kept hidden so far. 

But when your gaze met his beautiful doe eyes again, still red and puffy from crying, you also knew you couldn’t bear to do that to him. You couldn’t be the one to introduce more doubts and uncertainties into his life. Hell, there was nothing in the world you wouldn’t do to never see him cry like that ever again.

So you changed course, deciding that leaving the topic of Kim Mingyu and Japanese nights for another time was the best choice. To protect that small glimmer of peace you saw returning to him.

“They offered me a position as lead stylist for one of their major groups,” you said, trying to force the best smile you could. At the same time you were happy about the biggest opportunity of your career, your heart broke from having to hide things from Jungkook.

Jungkook’s eyes widened slightly, his lips parting in surprise before a smile broke through the lingering haze of sadness. The shift in his expression was instantaneous, his tears momentarily forgotten as excitement replaced the storm cloud in his gaze. He got up from the bed immediately taking you with him.

“Babe, that’s amazing!” he exclaimed, his voice carrying a newfound energy as he wrapped you in a hug and spun you around in the air. “I told you! You’re so talented, of course they’d want you!”

The genuine enthusiasm in his voice was enough to both warm your heart and deepen the ache of your guilt. 

You nodded, unable to stop yourself from smiling at his words, even though a knot twisted in your throat. “Thank you,” you said softly. “I’m really excited. I’ve been dreaming of something like this for years.”

After years of working with big artists and accomplishing great things in this industry, things that had never been properly rewarded or given credit, you knew you deserved something like this. It was more than just a dream come true; it was the result of all your hard work. Every late night spent hemming clothes in cramped apartments, every early morning dragging garment bags through crowded subways, every tear shed over designs rejected without a second glance—it had all led to this moment.

“You’re amazing,” Jungkook said, pulling away slightly to look at you with admiration in his eyes. “Babe, I’m so proud of you.”

You returned the smile, though it was a little strained. “Thank you, Kookie,” you said again. 

You desperately wanted to take solace in his unwavering faith in you. And perhaps, just perhaps, gather the courage to tell him everything soon. For now, though, you stayed silent, allowing his love and support to envelop you, even as the weight of your secret pressed heavily on your heart.

“Did they tell you which group it was?” he asked, pulling you to sit on his lap as he sat on the bed again. 

You nodded, trying to avoid his gaze but afraid of raising suspicion. “It's Seventeen.”

You watched as a smile spread across Jungkook's face, his entire expression lighting up with joy at your news. You had expected this reaction, his excitement was inevitable. You knew he’d be thrilled not only by the idea of you being nearby again, but also working directly with his friends.

The problem, however, was that this was the one part that made you hesitant. It wasn’t that the rest of the members were at fault for your situation; you were certain they were incredible guys. Based on everything Jungkook had shared with you and what you’d read about them, you knew they would embrace you warmly and make you feel valued in your work.

Still, you couldn’t shake the feeling of butterflies in your stomach—the bad kind. It was a sensation that went far beyond the typical nerves of starting a new job. It felt like a premonition.

“It just keeps getting better,” Jungkook spoke in an excited tone, just as you imagined he would be. “That way I can ask Mingyu to take care of you.”

Your heart clenched at Jungkook's words, even as you tried to maintain your composure. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on you, and the mention of Mingyu’s name only deepened the knot in your stomach. You forced a smile, nodding slightly as you leaned into his chest, hoping the motion would shield your conflicted expression.

“That’s sweet of you,” you said softly, trying to keep your tone light as you rested your head on his shoulder. “But I think I’ll be fine. It’s a professional environment, after all.”

Jungkook chuckled, the sound warm and reassuring as he stroked your back. “I know you will. You’re amazing at what you do. But it doesn’t hurt to have someone looking out for you, right?”

You swallowed hard. What reasons would you have to say no? “Right,” you echoed, though the word felt hollow on your tongue.

The truth you had promised yourself to share with him earlier that evening now felt impossibly distant. Jungkook's excitement and trust in you only made it harder to picture disrupting this moment with the weight of your past. Yet, even as you held on to the comfort of his embrace, a quiet voice in the back of your mind reminded you that the longer you waited, the harder it would be to face the truth.

You squeezed your eyes shut, desperately trying to drown out the voices swirling in your mind, letting yourself get lost in the warmth of your boyfriend's arms, stealing just a little more time before you faced the storm.

“This is huge for you. We need to celebrate.” 

Jungkook's enthusiasm was infectious, so you allowed yourself to be swept up in it. His smile was wide, bunny teeth on full display now, and his arms wrapped tightly around you like he never wanted to let go. Deep inside, you wished he wouldn't. 

“Celebrate?” you repeated, opening your eyes and arching a brow, unable to keep the smile off your face. “What did you have in mind, Jeon Jungkook?”

He hummed, the corners of his lips quirking up mischievously. “A fancy dinner? Or... I could cook for you. Something special. Your favorite, maybe?”

“That sounds perfect,” you said softly, your heart swelling at the thoughtfulness in his voice. You didn't want a fancy dinner or anything else. You just wanted to enjoy the rest of the night with him and Bam; to stay right here in his embrace. 

Jungkook’s eyes lit up at your response, and his lips curved into the kind of grin that made your chest warm in the best way. “Then it’s settled,” he declared, leaning back slightly to look at you more closely. “Let’s open a bottle of wine too. You deserve it. This is your moment, babe.”

“Alright,” you said, your smile soft but genuine. “I want to help.”

Jungkook groaned dramatically, shaking his head. “No way. You’re the guest of honor tonight. Your job is to sit back, relax, and enjoy.”

“Guest of honor?” you teased, tilting your head. “I live here half the time.”

“Exactly,” he said, leaning closer until your foreheads nearly touched. “Half the time. Which means tonight, you get to be spoiled.”

You laughed, unable to stop yourself from leaning into him. “Fine,” you conceded. “But I’ll set the table.”

“Deal,” he murmured, his voice dropping to a soft, affectionate tone. For a moment, the weight of your secret felt just a little lighter, his unwavering love wrapping around you like a shield against the storm you knew was coming soon.

If you were being honest, you had expected the night to end like this. Not with warmth and laughter, but with words sharp enough to leave invisible cuts. You hadn't anticipated, however, that it would be for entirely different reasons from those you thought. Or maybe, deep down, you had known. You should’ve known, at least, that this subject had probably been taking up residence in his mind throughout the day.

It had started so innocently. You had an amazing dinner with Jungkook, sharing Japchae and a bottle of wine. You’d explained your work with Seventeen, detailing the complexities of managing their schedules, moods, and preferences, all while ensuring their cohesive look as a group. He’d listened attentively, supportive as always, even suggesting he could travel with you when his own schedule allowed.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if I could join you and Mingyu for part of the tour?” he had said, his excitement genuine.

The night seemed perfect and as it came to a close, you insisted on helping him at least put the dishes back in the cupboard. But Jungkook refused, gently telling you to go get ready for bed while he took care of all the cleaning himself. Feeling the drowsiness from the wine setting in, you didn’t put up much of a fight and headed off to unwind.

You were calmly brushing your teeth when Jungkook entered the bathroom, quietly sitting on the toilet lid, after putting Bam in his room to sleep. Through the mirror, you saw his eyes heavy with sleep and the lingering effects of the wine on his face. 

“You didn’t have your phone with you today?” he asked after a moment, tilting his head to the side as he looked at you through half-closed eyes.

You paused mid-brush, the question catching you off guard. “I did,” you replied after a pause, spitting out the toothpaste. “But it ran out of battery at some point during the day, and I didn’t see it until I got here.”

Jungkook didn’t respond immediately. He simply watched you, his expression unreadable. “Where did you go after the meeting?”

You frowned, sensing something off in his tone. You hadn’t expected him to ask about your day in such detail, especially considering how understanding he’d been about your busy schedule. You could tell there was something in his tone that made it feel less like casual curiosity and more like... concern, maybe even unease.

You quickly finished brushing your teeth and rinsed your mouth, turning to face him, your hand still holding the toothbrush in a vague gesture of distraction.

“I went for a meal with Dahee,” you said slowly, testing the waters. “We haven’t seen each other in ages, and it was nice to catch up.”

His jaw tightened slightly and Jungkook sat there, watching you with a contemplative expression, his gaze flicking to the toothbrush you were setting down on the counter. “And how did you arrange that?”

“Through my phone…” You trailed off, suddenly feeling defensive.

“Right,” he muttered, nodding almost imperceptibly. “So your phone died, but you managed to message Dahee before that?” His voice was calm, but the underlying tension was unmistakable.

You paused, trying to gauge his mood. Jungkook was always the type to give you space if you needed and he had never been insecure about your relationship, nor had he shown any distrust towards you at any time during the past six months. But there was an intensity in his eyes now that made you wonder if something was bothering him, if he would have talked to someone who was possibly much braver than you when it came to telling the truth to his face.

“Jungkook,” you said, turning to face him fully after drying your hands on the towel and placing your toothbrush beside his. “What’s going on? Are you upset I went out with my best friend?”

“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “It’s not that. I just…” He exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “You couldn’t text or call me back? Not even once?”

His words hung in the air like a challenge, and suddenly the warmth of the evening felt suffocating. “I’ve been busy,” you said, crossing your arms defensively. “I told you today would be packed.”

“And you couldn’t spare five seconds to let me know you were okay?” His voice was rising now, the hurt unmistakable.

You blinked, his words landing heavier than you expected. Jungkook’s tone wasn’t angry, but it was raw, tinged with something that felt like hurt. His wide eyes searched for yours, the vulnerability in them throwing you off balance.

“I—” you started, only to falter. Maybe you deserved it after ignoring his multiple missed calls. “Kook, my phone was dead. I didn’t even think about it because it was such a last-minute thing with Dahee. I wasn’t trying to ignore you.”

He leaned forward slightly, elbows resting on his knees as he buried his face in his hands for a moment. When he looked back up, his expression was softer, but the tension in his shoulders remained. “I know you weren’t ignoring me. It's just... when you didn’t have your phone with you, and I couldn’t reach you... I started to wonder if you were avoiding me after this morning.”

And there it was. 

“Jungkook…”

“I don't want to scare you off with the idea of moving in; I just thought that—”

He broke off, running a hand through his hair. The vulnerability etched across his face made your heart ache. You knew, from the moment you had walked out of the kitchen this morning, stating you needed to think about it, that this matter would linger unresolved in his mind. You had felt it would create a tension that would only grow if you didn’t address it according to his timing. 

“You just thought what?” you prompted gently, your voice soft but insistent.

“That it might bring us closer,” he finally said, looking up at you. “That would show you how serious I am about us. About you.”

The warmth of his words seeped into your chest, the tenderness behind them making your heart flutter. But just as quickly, doubt crept in.

You swallowed hard, your thoughts swirling. You told yourself Jungkook wasn’t trying to guilt-trip you about this—at least, that’s what you kept repeating, hating yourself for even entertaining the idea. Still, the unease lingered inside, as if your freedom to think it over was somehow a source of discomfort for him.

You couldn’t help but study his face, your eyes scanning every feature, searching for even the slightest hint of uncertainty about this. There was none—his expression was steady, resolute. Unlike your own mind, which was spiraling, racing through every possible reason for your hesitation.

“I meant it,” he stated, eyes searching for something in yours. “I don’t want you to be anywhere else but here with me. I love having you around. And honestly, it feels like the right time."

You took a deep breath, your chest rising and falling heavily, before opening the door and stepping out of the bathroom. Entering the bedroom felt like seeking refuge, as if the space could somehow ease the tightness in your chest and help you breathe better. His words echoed in your mind, their gravity sinking in as you started pacing around his bedroom, your movements restless.

Your thoughts raced wildly—this wasn’t just a step; it was a leap, one that would change everything. The idea was both thrilling and utterly terrifying.

And you wanted it. Didn’t you?

Jungkook was everything you’d ever dreamed of—kind, stable, and endlessly patient with every quirk and flaw you carried. You loved him, deeply and fiercely. Yet, the thought of merging your lives so intimately made your heart race for reasons that weren’t entirely joyful.

The events of the past week and this afternoon loomed in your mind, a dark shadow cast over the light you’d found with him, lingering just enough to make you question if now was the right time.

Jungkook came out of the bathroom and was now standing near the closet door, watching you silently as you paced around, his dark eyes tracking your every move with a mix of curiosity and patience. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, his expression unreadable but more calm than before. He wasn’t rushing you, wasn’t pushing for an answer—just waiting, giving you the space to process what he’d said.

“I… I don’t know,” you began, biting your lip. “It’s a big step, don’t you think?”

He nodded, his lips curving into a small, reassuring smile. “I know,” he replied gently. “It’s a huge step, but I’m ready for it, and I want to take it with you.”

You took another deep breath, running your fingers through your hair and feeling the walls closing in around you. Jungkook’s expression faltered, confusion flashing across his features as he watched you.  

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you said finally, your words carefully chosen. “I just… I feel like maybe it’s too soon?”

He studied you with a frown. “Too soon? Y/N, it’s been six months. I love you. I want to build a life with you.”

“I know,” you whispered, your voice cracking slightly. “And I love you too. But…” you trailed off, unable to put into words your emotions. 

“But what?”

Oh, I don't know, I'm kind of keeping a secret from you that I slept with your best friend four years ago and we pretended we didn't know each other to your face, and I don't know how to deal with that. Do you still want me to move in?

The absurdity of saying it aloud hit you like a cold wave, and your breath caught in your throat. It wasn't just the words themselves, it was the potential devastation they carried, the way they could shatter everything you and Jungkook had carefully built together so far. Not that this situation was making things much better, you thought.

You shook your head as if trying to physically dislodge the thought. This wasn’t the time, not now. Maybe not ever. But the weight of the unspoken truth lingered above your head, pressing down on you even as you stood frozen in the middle of the bedroom.

This wasn’t about doubting your feelings for him. You loved Jungkook more than words could express. He had shown you time and again that he was there for you, steady and unwavering, no matter what. But taking this step—making this commitment—wasn’t just about love. It was about letting go of the fears that whispered what-ifs in the quiet corners of your mind.

And mostly, letting go of the past. What you weren't sure you were ready to do anymore.

You had been so sure of yourself just hours ago. Why doubt clawed at your chest now?

Finally, you stopped pacing and turned to face him, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself as if for comfort. You shook your head, unable to meet his gaze. “But what about everything else? My work, your schedule? It’s a lot to juggle.”

He shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. “We’ll figure it out. I just want to be with you, come home to you. I think it could be amazing. Just think about it, babe, no more running back and forth, no more late-night drives. It’s closer to work, and you’d waste less time in traffic.”

“What about my apartment?” you asked, but deep down it was clear you were just looking for reasons to stand your ground.

His response was immediate, as if he’d already thought of it. “You can turn it into your studio. I can help you with that.”

“You’ve thought of all this.” It wasn’t a question, though it sounded like one.

“I have,” he admitted, his tone soft but certain. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

What the hell was wrong with you? Why didn’t you want to live with this perfect man standing in front of you, offering everything you’d ever wanted?

You chewed your lip again, hesitating before you spoke again. “I just think we should wait a little longer.”

Jungkook sighed, and the playful lightness from earlier vanished. “Y/N, if this is about me leaning on you too much, then say so. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“No, it’s not that,” you replied quickly, though doubts began to creep in.

“Then what is it?” he asked, his tone tinged with hurt.

You opened your mouth to explain but faltered. How could you share that the memory of Mingyu’s piercing gaze and your unresolved history loomed in your mind? That, despite your love for Jungkook, moving in together felt like a complicated risk right now?

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. It’s just…” You sighed, shaking your head, frustration bubbling to the surface. “You’re acting like I should drop everything and just say yes!”

His expression darkened, confusion morphing into irritation. “I thought we were building a future together, and now it feels like you’re pulling away!”

“It’s too soon!” you shouted back, the admission tumbling out before you could stop it.

Jungkook blinked, his expression a mix of hurt and disbelief. “Too soon? Y/N, we’ve been together for six months. I love you. I want to build a life with you. How is that too soon?”

“I don’t know!” you cried, running a hand through your hair again. “I just… I need more time, okay?”

“More time for what?” His voice cracked, the vulnerability in his eyes making your stomach churn. “To figure out if you even want this? If you even want me?”

“Don’t do that,” you said sharply, your hands trembling. “Don’t twist this into me not loving you, because you know that’s not true.”

“Then what is it?” he demanded, stepping closer. “Because right now, it feels like you’re running away.”

“I’m not running away!” you yelled, your voice echoing in the bedroom. “I’m just… I’m trying to figure things out. My work, your schedule—there’s so much to juggle.”

“I told you: we can figure it out together,” he said, his tone softening for a moment. “But I can’t keep doing this, Y/N. I need to know you’re all in.”

Your throat tightened, tears stinging your eyes. “I am all in,” you whispered, though now even you weren’t sure if it was entirely true.

“Then prove it,” he said, his voice low but steady. “Because right now, it doesn’t feel like you are.”

The silence that followed was deafening, the weight of his words crushing you. You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came. How could you explain the doubts that clawed at you? How could you explain to him that you were scared to death that your past would come back to destroy what you had built together without telling him who your past was?

Silence lingered between you, heavy and suffocating. Your shoulders slumped as you sat on the edge of the bed trying to control your legs that you hadn't realized were shaking. “I’m too tired for this right now, Jungkook. Can we please talk tomorrow?”

He stood there for a moment, staring at you with a mixture of hurt and anger before shaking his head. “Fine.”

Jungkook grabbed a spare blanket from the closet and headed for the couch, the soft sound of his footsteps retreating down the hall. You stood there, your reflection staring back at you in the mirror wall, tears streaming down your face for the first time this week.

The night had ended exactly as you’d expected. Just not for the reasons you’d hoped.

You’d officially step into your new role as Seventeen’s lead stylist three days later, after submitting your resignation letter to Elle Magazine. The transition from one job to the other had been anything but smooth, even though HYBE had done their part to ease the process. You were grateful for their professionalism and for agreeing to handle any complications with your former employer, even providing a temporary replacement until a permanent hire could fill your position, showing how much they wanted you to work with them.

They wanted you to start immediately, which meant you’d already spent the last three days coordinating the group’s wardrobe remotely, finalizing adjustments, sending approvals through a dizzying chain of emails, and constantly contacting their former stylist, named Mitsuri Miyawaki, known as Stormi. 

Three whole days of nonstop emails, virtual meetings, and late-night alterations that had blurred together, confined to your apartment-turned-studio, sewing and sketching, and though you were now more excited about the chance to leave an even greater mark in the fashion and entertainment industry, your whole body bears witness to your tiredness.

All of this, however, meant that you hadn’t spoken or seen Jungkook in three whole days. The next morning, when you woke up, he had already left for work, and you couldn’t wait for him to come back, since doing so would’ve made you late. The only messages exchanged between the two of you over the past three days had been about Bam, aside from the one you sent this morning: a simple "Fighting ❤️," knowing today would be the release of Left and Right.

You wished things were different right now, but there wasn’t much you could do to improve the situation, especially since your answer to what he wanted so desperately remained unchanged.

As always, for the past three days you have been using your coping mechanism: focusing on work to forget your problems. 

And Stormi had been a lifeline in your chaos. To your surprise, she was now TXT’s new stylist and, apparently, also Vernon’s girlfriend. That particular tidbit had been casually dropped into one of your conversations catching you off guard, but making you have an immense empathy for her immediately, since you were practically in the same boat. 

She was extremely kind and attentive to your questions, and within just a few days, the two of you had already spoken more than you had with anyone else this week, constantly staying in touch through countless messages, video and phone calls. Her guidance was invaluable, but it was clear she was more than ready to hand over the reins. 

For your first day, she had offered to show you around the building and take you to the cafeteria for an iced americano, mentioning it was one of the largest and most varied she had ever seen, which, of course, you couldn’t deny. 

“Have you met Choi Arin sunbaenim, yet? The supervisor?” Mitsuri asked you, when you two entered the cafeteria. 

You shook your head, scanning the spacious cafeteria with curiosity as you joined the line to place your orders. You immediately recognized some familiar artists scattered at tables, chatting and eating animatedly, along with various members of the staff team.

“Not yet,” you admitted, glancing at Mitsuri as you queued up to place your orders. “We've only communicated through email. She mentioned she'd stop by my studio before introducing me to the members.”

One of the things you had discovered was that here, the team of stylists of each group had their own separate space to work, even though the general HYBE wardrobe room was available to anyone who needed it. And since you were in charge of guiding Seventeen’s stylist team, you also had a private studio for yourself, which you had appreciated very much.

“She's a cow,” Mitsuri said, without beating around the bush. “She’s been on my case since day one. Honestly, it’s a miracle I wasn’t fired when she found out about my relationship with Hansol.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. “She’s the one who discovered it?”

“Unfortunately.” Mitsuri rolled her eyes dramatically. 

“I'm guessing she didn't approve?” You let out a genuine chuckle at the expression on her face.

“That’s putting it lightly,” Mitsuri snorted, grabbing a tray for her order. “She’s a stickler for rules, and she doesn’t care much for personal connections interfering with work. Can’t say I blame her entirely, things can get messy if you’re not careful, but still, it’s exhausting.”

“She must’ve been intense,” you said, cringing at the thought of a stern supervisor breathing down your neck.

“Oh, absolutely,” Mitsuri said, chuckling softly. “To be fair, HYBE has some pretty strict policies about that sort of thing. But you know how it is—long hours, close quarters. Things happen.” She shrugged. “That's why I was relocated.”

The mention of personal connections and professionalism hit a little too close to home, given the delicate balance you were already trying to maintain between your personal and professional life. The last thing you needed was for someone like Arin to scrutinize your every move.

Mitsuri seemed to sense your unease, her expression softening. 

“Don’t let her intimidate you, though,” she continued, her tone lightening as you moved down the line. “You’re ridiculously talented. They wouldn’t have hired you if they didn’t think you could handle it.”

Her words brought a small smile to your lips. “Thanks, Stormi. That means a lot.”

She shrugged with a grin. “Just speaking the truth. Besides, you’re gonna kill it here. I’ve seen your work and it’s amazing. The guys are lucky to have you.”

The line moved forward, and you placed your order, grateful for the brief reprieve from the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in your mind as always. While Mitsuri grabbed a piece of iced lemon loaf cake to enjoy right away, you decided your stomach couldn’t handle much more than an espresso to keep you awake. Still, you couldn’t resist grabbing a chocolate chip cookie for later because it looked too good to pass up.

“Okay, but enough about Arin,” Mitsuri said, offering you a reassuring smile. “You’re going to love working with Seventeen. They’re a handful, sure, but they’re good guys. They make all the stress worth it. And if you ever need a break or a rant session, just call me. I’ll sneak you out for coffee, or a drink if it’s really bad.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, her easy going demeanor putting you at ease despite the lingering nerves. “I might take you up on that.”

As the barista handed over your orders, Mitsuri raised an eyebrow, her smile never fading. “You already know some of them, right?”

The two of you weaved through the maze of tables, heading toward one near the floor-to-ceiling windows. The sunlight streamed in, highlighting the bustling cafeteria as you settled into your seats, the view of the city below serving as a stunning backdrop.

“Yeah,” you said, nodding as you took a sip of your coffee. “Seokmin, Minghao and... Mingyu. They are friends with Jungkook. I don’t know them much more than that.”

You knew that starting a friendship by lying wasn’t the best approach. But what could you do? She was still a stranger—albeit a dear one, but a stranger nonetheless. It wasn’t like you could just spill personal details about your life, especially when it came to your past. The NDA was still in effect, after all.

After your answer, Mitsuri proceeded to give you a complete dossier on each of the members, describing them with an excited smile and evident affection. It was clear that she had loved working with them, and it probably hadn’t been easy to be reassigned to another group. Still, she seemed to like TXT just as much, mentioning that they were great, though less chaotic than Seventeen.

Despite the nervousness, you found yourself laughing, already imagining what kind of dynamic they must have within the group. It sounded like Seventeen was a vibrant mix of personalities, each one offering something unique to the group, and you’d soon be a part of that energy.

“Jeonghan looks like an angel, he’s even nicknamed Angel, but trust me, there’s nothing angelic about him. Not in a bad way, though,” Mitsuri added with a grin. “I say this with great affection. His language of love is disturbance. He’s a great listener also.”

“Disturbance as a love language, huh?” you chuckled, taking another sip of your coffee. “Sounds... intriguing.”

“Oh, it is,” Mitsuri replied, her grin widening. “But you'll love him. Jeonghan has this way of making everyone feel at ease, like he’s scheming something, but in a way that makes you curious rather than nervous. He’s got that kind of charm.”

You couldn’t help but smile, her enthusiasm contagious. It was clear she held a deep affection for the group, which eased some of your anxieties about stepping into your new role. If they were anything like Mitsuri described, you had a feeling this job, though challenging, might also be a lot of fun.

As the conversation continued, Mitsuri moved on to talk about Joshua, the group's resident gentleman, and his impeccable manners that somehow made his occasional mischievous moments more surprising. Then there was Seungkwan, who, according to Mitsuri, was a whirlwind of energy and emotion, a living embodiment of both comedy and heartfelt sincerity.

“Don’t even get me started on him,” Mitsuri said, shaking her head fondly. “Seungkwan’s like a serotonin boost in human form. But be prepared, he’ll probably want your opinion on everything, from wardrobe choices to which snacks should be stocked in this bedroom.”

You laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. He sounds like he’d be hard to say no to.”

“Oh, he is,” she confirmed with a mock-serious nod. “And then there’s Mingyu…” Mitsuri’s tone shifted slightly, a hint of something playful but cautious creeping into her voice. “You’ve already met him, right?”

“Briefly,’ you said, keeping your tone neutral. “We were introduced through Jungkook a while back.”

Mitsuri hummed thoughtfully. “Well, Mingyu is... Mingyu,” she said finally, her words laced with amusement. “He’s an absolute sweetheart. Tall, a bit clumsy, but honestly one of the kindest people you’ll ever meet. Not to mention, he’s ridiculously good-looking.” She smirked. “He’s got this... aura about him. Basically the human equivalent of a golden retriever. But don’t let that fool you. He’s a flirt, and he knows it.”

A shiver ran down your spine. Oh, you knew it too.

You wanted to smile at the fact that, despite everything, Mingyu was still the same, but you held yourself back. Every detail Mitsuri described knocked on the door to the basement of your heart, bringing back a faint sense of familiarity you hadn’t realized was still lingering there. It felt like looking at a photo of someone you used to know. 

You just nodded, filing away the information. 

“He’s a perfectionist, though, so don’t be surprised if he’s the one asking for adjustments on his outfits the most.”

You let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Trust me,” Mitsuri said, leaning back in her chair. “You’re about to experience the Mingyu Effect firsthand. And once you do, there’s no going back.”

You knew she was right. You had lived through it, you were more than familiar with it.

Mitsuri had moved on to the next member, and you were lifting your coffee to your lips, laughing at her description of Hoshi, when your attention shifted to the counter. You analyzed a group of four guys who had just entered the cafeteria, causing several heads to turn in their direction.

They all had their backs turned to you and Mitsuri. The first one had black hair, and despite his small stature, his physique was strong and well-proportioned. The second one wasn’t much taller, with a lean, toned physique and brownish hair. The guy who came right after him had light brown hair as well, but his muscular, athletic build—with broad shoulders and strong arms—made him clearly the second tallest of the group.

The last one of the group was much taller than the rest, with a long, muscular torso that clearly drew attention wherever he went, including from the group of girls sitting just a few inches away from him. His black hair was a little messy, falling over his ears and you could see the muscles on his back through the fabric of the white shirt he was wearing.

From that angle, he looked like thousands of other ordinary men in Seoul, but you knew exactly who he was.

It was as if he had been summoned.

Unable to look away, you were paralyzed, waiting for the moment when he would turn around and spot you, right in his line of sight, after nearly two weeks since you told him you would think about it and had remained completely radio silent. 

“Y/N?" Mitsuri calls out to you, following the direction of your gaze. You hold your breath for a moment, relieved when a group of staff members stepped into her line of sight. "Is everything okay?”

You blink, stunned. This couldn't be happening. “Uh... Yeah. I... I just…” You trail off, searching for the right words, but your mind feels foggy as you try to focus on anything else but the man standing across the room.

You looked back at the counter and saw his eyes locked on you, his face completely incredulous, as if he was feeling the same way you were about him: like the sight of you there was some sort of figment of his imagination. He blinked a few times and you swallowed hard.

The moment you saw his feet moving, instinct takes over your body, and a surge of self-preservation propels you out of your chair.

“I'm sorry, Storm,” you said, glancing at her. “I have to go.”

She looks puzzled by your sudden behavior but simply says, “Oh, it's okay.”

“I just remembered I need to make some adjustments, and…” Your eyes dart up, catching sight of him coming closer. “Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for everything.”

You grab your bag, sling it over your shoulder, and rushes between the tables, darting out of the cafeteria at a speed you didn’t know was humanly possible. Without daring to look back, you hurry toward the elevator's hallway, your heart racing, unsure if he’s following you or not.

The elevator doors seem to take an eternity to open as you anxiously tap all them, stealing quick glances over your shoulder. Each second feels like a lifetime, your heart pounding in your ears, drowning out the hum of the bustling building.

You silently beg for the elevator to arrive, gripping the strap of your bag so tightly your knuckles ache. Just as the sign shows it’s on the 9th floor, you catch sight of him stepping into the hallway, his tall figure unmistakable even from a distance.

“Y/N.”

The sound of his voice calling out your name freezes you in place, sending another chill down your spine again. You feel the weight of his gaze even before you turn to meet it, and you swallow hard again, hand hovering over the elevator button as you consider your options. Run, face him, pretend you didn’t hear him—none of them feel like the right answer.

You glance over your shoulder, trying to appear composed, though every nerve in your body is screaming to run. Mingyu is just a few feet away now, his expression a mix of disbelief and something you can’t quite place. Relief? Confusion? Frustration? Maybe all three.

“Y/N,” he calls once more, and this time, you can hear the unmistakable urgency in his voice. The gentle way he says your name tugs at something inside you, making it even harder to stand your ground. 

The elevator dings, its doors sliding open, offering an escape route. You hesitate, torn between stepping inside and hearing what he has to say. Suddenly, your feet seem to have forgotten their purpose right at the moment that you wanted to shield yourself from the storm brewing between you and the man standing behind you. 

“Y/N. Seriously?” he says softly, his tone carrying a thousand unspoken meanings.

You exhale sharply, your resolve crumbling at the vulnerability in his tone. Slowly, you turn to face him, your bag still clutched tightly against your side. His dark eyes lock onto yours, searching for something, though you’re not sure what.

“Please,” he says, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. “Just give me a minute.”

“Hi," you finally manage to say. You’re trying to figure out what to say, but your head is filled with a jumble of meaningless words. Hi? Really? Who, in their right mind, says something as dumb as 'Hi' at a time like this?

"Are you...?" he begins, his voice breathless. "Why are you avoiding me?"

You blink, caught off guard by his question. For a moment, you're paralyzed, unable to respond. It feels as though time slows, the noise of the building fading into the background as his voice echoes in your mind. 

It wasn’t exactly your intention to avoid him, but lately, it seemed like that was your only response to everything being thrown your way.

You open your mouth, but the words don’t come out right away. “I’m not... I wasn’t…” You trail off, unsure of how to even begin explaining. “I didn't mean to,” you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper. You take a step back, trying to create some space between you two, but his gaze doesn’t waver.

“You didn’t mean to what?” His voice is softer now, tinged with something that sounds like frustration, but also concern.

You glance down, feeling the weight of everything you’ve been trying to avoid coming back to you all at once. You want to tell him everything—the reasons you’ve kept your distance, the mess of emotions tangled up in your heart—but it’s too much to say all at once. It’s too raw, too complicated. You need to be mentally and emotionally prepared for a conversation like this.

He stared at you for a beat longer, his brows furrowing as if he were trying to read you. It felt like he was slowly beginning to grasp the weight of the situation, the realization dawning on him bit by bit. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah,” you replied, your throat tight. The tension between you felt palpable, like you were both standing on the edge of something you weren’t ready to face yet. “It has.”

His voice was laced with something that sounded almost… regretful as he said, “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again after...”

You blinked, taken aback by the rawness in his tone. “Yeah. Neither did I.”

But your confusion only deepened with every word he said. He was the one who left. He was the one who disappeared without a trace after that last day. He was the one who had shoved that NDA down your throat. And yet, here he was, looking at you like he hadn’t wanted that.

You couldn’t make sense of it.

The air between you felt thick, suffocating you in this huge hallway. You looked away, trying to steady your breath, trying to keep control. But his presence was overwhelming, stirring things inside you that you didn't even know how to explain without seeming like you were still madly in love with him.

Because you weren't.

You were hopelessly in love with Jungkook and only him.

“Mingyu,” you said, struggling to swallow the lump in your throat as you speak his name out loud for the first time. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. I have a meeting in fifteen minutes.”

He leaned down, his face leveling with yours.

“Are you kidding me?” His eyes were wild, full of disbelief. He took a step forward while you took one back, your back hitting the metal of the elevator doors. “You think I’m just going to bump into you again, say ‘Hey, Y/N, what’s up?’ and let you walk away again? Just like that? No more words, no more talking for another four fucking years? Have you even thought about talking at all?”

Your breath catches at his words, and for a moment, everything feels like it’s collapsing in on you. You wanted to make sense of what he meant by emphasizing the word again. But at the same time, you were afraid that knowing might make things inside you worse. His intensity, the raw emotion in his voice, it’s all so much harder to face than you ever expected. 

“I'm not ready for this conversation yet,” you admit quietly, looking away from him to stare at your own shoes.

“You need to be ready to talk to me?”

“If there’s anyone I need to be ready for, it’s you,” you admitted, your voice almost low enough that he wouldn't hear. But he did. You saw it in the way his entire face seemed to contort in pain, exactly like the pain twisting in your own chest.

“I just need…” he begins, searching for your gaze. “How are you? How long have you been back?”

“I’m fine,” you answered mechanically. “I got back in August.”

For the last four years, you've been angry, convincing yourself you were above it all, but just one single look at his face was enough to make you understand that you weren't. 

Quite the opposite, actually. 

Somehow, you're holding it together, barely managing to keep your composure, but you knew that if you stayed even a second longer, you wouldn't be able to keep it up. The way Mingyu's face seems to mirror the confusion that's going on in your head, combined with only two hours of sleep and no clue when this day would end, is too much for you to handle right now. You need to get out before everything unravels.

“I have to go,” you say, your voice suddenly desperate. “Okay?”

Before he could respond, you turned and walked away, heading straight for the first elevator with its doors wide open. You’re aware he could’ve caught up to you in a few quick steps, his long legs easily closing the distance, but he doesn’t. And as the elevator jolts downward to the 15th floor, you couldn’t shake the feeling that he's still there, just behind you.

When Choi Arin finally arrived at your studio, around three in the afternoon, your nerves had completely calmed, though a throbbing pain in your head prevented you from thinking clearly enough to continue sewing the gold studs onto the leather of the black jacket that would soon belong to Wonwoo.

To your surprise, she didn’t say much, simply asking you to follow her—and so you did. Now, the two of you were trapped in the elevator, traveling from the 15th floor to the 6th in almost complete silence, the only sound being the soft hum of the metal.

You glanced at her from the corner of your eye, but she remained unchanged: her gaze was focused on the metal doors, her posture erect, hands clasped behind her back.

Her demeanor almost made her seem like a strict high school principal, but she was much younger than you had anticipated. If it weren’t for the badge hanging from her neck, clearly marking her position within the company, you might have easily mistaken her for one of the company’s female artists, especially considering her striking beauty.

“How has your first day been so far?” she finally asked, turning her body slightly to look at you. Her eyes are piercingly intimidating, yet her voice remained calm and gentle, echoing through the elevator.

You felt the weight of her gaze, the intensity of her presence making it hard to keep your composure. It's as if she’s already assessing you, measuring you in ways you aren't prepared for. You straighten your posture, trying to mask the nerves bubbling up inside of you.

“It’s been... busy,”  you replied, trying to keep your tone light, though her intense gaze still made you feel on edge all over again. “I’ve been mostly settling in and getting familiar with the team. There’s a lot to process, but it’s all exciting.”

Arin nodded thoughtfully, her expression unreadable as she listened. “I’m glad to hear that. Transitioning into a new role, especially one like this, is never easy.” Her gaze briefly flicked down to your sketchbook, which you clutched in your hands. “I’ve heard you worked with Bangtan Sonyeondan before.”

You nodded, feeling a hint of pride. “Yeah, I worked with them for a while.”

At that moment, you assumed she would start a conversation about your past work experience, as most people in this field flipped out with excitement when they learned you were responsible for securing Dua Lipa a million-dollar contract with Versace or how you had styled BTS for the VOGUE X GQ Korea 2022 January issue and the Grammy’s. 

But you couldn't be more wrong. 

The way she clicked her tongue and pressed the button to stop the elevator on the eighth floor made her intentions very clear, exactly as Stormi had predicted: she wanted to intimidate you.

“This isn’t like the last time you worked here, so I would like to clear a few things up.”

Arin’s voice remained calm, but there was an edge to it now, one that made the air between you feel thick. She stood straight, her posture unwavering, as if she were delivering a warning she expected you to understand without questioning.

“First of all,” she began. “I don’t like you and that’s not going to change. If it was it for me, you wouldn't have been hired. I know your history and I don't approve of it. I’m the supervisor here, which means you answer to me. I don’t care that you have experience in this field or that your boyfriend is famous. I’m the one in charge here.”

The weight of Arin’s words hitted you like a physical blow, each one cutting deeper than the last, the abrupt shift in tone catching you off guard. You tried to keep your face neutral, but it was hard when everything inside you screamed to respond. You had worked for years to earn your place in this industry, to get to a position where you could walk into any room with confidence. But here, in front of Arin, that confidence felt like it was slowly slipping away.

“I don’t care how many people you’ve worked with, how many magazines you’ve graced, or how many contracts you’ve secured. None of that matters here. This is a different ball game, and the rules are mine. You follow them, or you’re out.”

You could feel your pulse quicken, and for a moment, you wondered if you should just walk away. But you knew that would be foolish. No matter how much Arin seemed to want to break you down, you weren’t the kind of person to let someone like her get the best of you.

“I understand,” you replied, keeping your voice steady.

"I expect you to follow protocol exactly as it's laid out, no exceptions," she said, leaning forward slightly. "And whatever personal connections you might have? Leave them at the door. This is a professional environment, and I won’t tolerate anything less than that."

You took a steadying breath, forcing yourself to remain composed. "Understood," you said evenly, meeting her eyes.

Her lips curled into a tight smile, but it wasn’t warm. “I want you to know that there will be no fraternizing with any of the group members. If you do, you’ll be fired. Do you understand?”

The intensity of her statement lingered in the air, her piercing gaze challenging you to flinch. But you didn’t. You square your shoulders and met her eyes, willing your voice to stay firm. “Crystal clear,” you replied.

“This is a very different environment,” she continued, her eyes locking with yours, as if daring you to challenge her. “Here, we don’t do things the way you might be used to. There’s no room for mistakes, no room for error. We work fast, we work hard, and we work with a level of professionalism that you might not have encountered before. I trust you understand that.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, her subtle jab not lost on you. Instead, you forced a polite nod, your expression calm despite the fire building in your chest. “Yes. And I respect your position. I’m here to do my job, and I intend to do it well.”

“We’ll see about that. I have my doubts. I hope you prove me wrong.”

You nodded again, not trusting yourself to speak. The pressure in the air felt suffocating, but you could tell that Arin wasn’t finished yet.

“You’ll be working under my direct supervision,” she continued, her tone sharper now. “And if I catch even the slightest hint that you're not living up to the standard I expect, you’ll be gone before you even realize what happened. Got it?”

You didn't even know if she had the power to do it, but it was clear that there was no room for negotiation. It was clear that Arin wasn’t interested in a discussion, only in making sure you knew exactly where you stood in this power dynamic.

“Got it,” you said again, your words tight but firm.

“I’m in charge here,” she adds again. “Anything I need goes through me.”

“Sounds good.”

“I don’t know how your last experience here worked, and I don’t care. Anything goes down with you and someone in the group, you’re fired. Remember one thing: I have eyes everywhere.”

The repetition of her words didn’t escape you, but you didn’t feel the need to comment on it. Arin was clearly intent on asserting dominance and testing how far she could push you. It was as if she needed to keep reminding you of the same boundaries, like she was trying to convince herself more than anything else.

You noticed the way her eyes kept scanning you, searching for cracks in your composure. It was strange—almost obsessive, as if she feared that a single slip-up would unravel everything. You could feel her frustration simmering just beneath the surface, her control slipping in these subtle ways that only someone used to being in power would notice. You almost wondered what it was about you that made her so intent on stamping out any hint of rebellion.

“Understood,” you repeated, careful to keep your tone neutral. Your mind was already spinning with the implications of her words.

You had worked in this industry for a long time, and Arin’s rules seemed arbitrary, almost paranoid. She couldn’t control everything, and if she didn’t relax, her insecurity would show.

You still had a job to do, and you weren’t about to let anyone make you doubt your place. “I’m here to work,” you said, trying to keep the slight edge from your voice. “And I’ll follow the protocol, exactly as you laid it out. No issues.”

Arin paused for a moment, studying you intently, as if she were searching for any hint of insincerity. But when her gaze softened, even just a fraction, you knew that she was registering your compliance. It wasn’t the warmth of trust, just the relief of a brief moment of silence where she wasn’t feeling threatened.

“Good,” she said at last, her voice slightly less sharp, though still guarded. “I expect no less.”

She pressed the button and the elevator started moving again with a jolt that almost made you lose your balance.

When you exited the elevator, you walked behind her until you reached one of the rooms, marked with a sign that reads: SEVENTEEN - Do Not Disturb - Rehearsal. 

“Welcome to the team,” Arin said over her shoulder, her tone colder than the temperature of the hallway. It wasn’t a greeting—it was more of a command. And then she opened the door to the practice room.

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[open-sketchbook]

my girlfriend is asking for where she can find your written works, she really likes the one post you made about your mindstate wandering w/r/t making porn stories and she'd love to support you & read your stories

Sure!

I write my (public) fiction on the website Sufficient Velocity, a sci-fi forum. Most of them are in the form of 'quests', interactive stories; my day job is an independent tabletop roleplaying game designer, so the two things go hand in hand.

I unfortunately am both very busy and kind of a mess mentally, so fiction gets picked up and dropped a lot, and I write less than ever these days due to the shambles that my life has become.

For my quests, the stuff I'm proudest of is...

Castles of Steel, a longrunning (though currently on hiatus) story set in an alternate world much like our own, but with radically different gender politics. It's about the first woman in the navy of a country a lot like 1910s Imperial Japan, and more generally about how state power and imperialism entangles itself with and recoups social progress.

A Splinter in your Mind, a retelling of the Matrix with new characters and reimagined twists and worldbuilding. It makes the trans subtext into trans dommetext, and I feel its some of my cleverest writing.

Suffer Not, and especially its sequel The Witch Lives. Suffer Not is a Warhammer 40,000 fic about an Inquisitor who abuses her powers to actually make people's lives better, and is the story of her slowly realizing it is not enough. The Witch Lives takes place ten years later, following the grown up psyker the Inquisitor adopted, and focuses much more on faith, history, and the little people.

The Spider-Liv Trilogy started as a silly and honestly kind of bad extreme-divergence spiderman AU, but its sequel The Amazing Arachne is, I think, genuinely really good, because it's about what happens when a superhero gets hurt and then doesn't get better.

I've managed to properly publish two pieces of writing, as in you can get them in book form, and I'm still really proud of both.

Whispers from the Deep is an adaptation of the quest that defined the setting of my roleplaying game Flying Circus. It's about a young woman who steals a plane and runs away from her abuser with her boyfriend, and then has to take up life as an aerial mercenary in a 1920s-themed post-apocalyptic fantasy world. Also, she's a fish person and her village is a Cthulhu cult!

Lieutenant Fusilier in the Farthest Reaches is a pastiche of the Richard Sharpe books by Bernard Cornwell, moving the setting from the Napoleonic Wars to a bizarre future world where sentient, cheerfully productive robots were invented in the early 19th century and promptly took all the jobs, elevating all of humanity to the gentry and then to the stars. It's about a redcoated robot soldier who uses her immortality to save up and buy a commission in the Army of Great Britain and Beyond, a position normally occupied exclusively by humans, and then facing the fallout of her decision and the life choices leading to it as her first deployment spirals out of control. It's also, sorta, a parody of Star Trek; the Galactic Concert is a mechanized, Regency-themed Federation, and the back half of the book is basically about how the problems of a world cannot be solved by an away team of well-meaning people with stun pistols.

[andy-wm]

hey andy, loving your posts recently; was wondering what your take is on why jikook chose to film their trip and share it with fans instead of just traveling on their own? any thoughts?

Hey Anon, thanks for the ask and your kind words :)

I have a few thoughts on this actually!

After a conversation with my semi-ARMY, BTS loving, ride or die Jikooker (with caveats) bestie (yes, it's complicated but I fully support their right to choose a safe place in (or not in) this fandom that serves them as an individual 💜), I took a moment to think about how often Jimin and JK get to spend time together.

(Tldr: not often, so they take what they can get)

I think their choice to share their trips with us hinges around a few things -

Contracts, MS rules, group hiatus, ARMY, schedules, and (hopefully) themselves.

BTS renewed their contracts not too long ago and those contracts would have specified certain obligations and opportunities for each member, in line with the planned group hiatus and MS.

It looks like, with the new contracts, they all signed up for heaps of individual projects. Everyone seems to be doing at least one album, a live performance, a documentary, a guest appearance/collab, an episodic format media project, and perhaps some sort of idol-ajacent work like endorsements (or maybe in Joonie's case the MOMA docent recording.)

I assume this series is their combined episodic media project box being ticked.

Why would they choose this and not a series like Jinny's Kitchen, or Suchwita?

Working independently on their own projects for the previous year would have meant their schedules didn't necessarily align too often. Although I have no doubt they would have made time to see and support each other (Jimin going to Qatar as an example), it would have been hard to be apart when they're so used to being together.

Seeing that they had the option to take a sanctioned trip together as a couple best friends, it makes sense that they did that instead of filming a scripted /directed program in a studio with other random cast members and more schedules to try and work around.

In all honesty, the likelihood of them getting the chance to get away together on a personal trip would have been slim, i think. No time for that!

Assuming I'm right about the contracts, if they didn't take this opportunity, they would both have been involved in other projects to meet their obligations. More schedules, more time apart, more energy spent interacting with random strangers (we know they don't love that).

Three trips away together! What a boon!

And all they need to do is be themselves.

They have done so many similar projects - Now series, Bon Voyage, ITS, and even JK's GCFs... This is relatively easy for them. Plus it's a 'tried and trusted' format that ARMY loves.

And they're so used to having cameras around them, and they know the staff so well, that i don't think the presence of a film/support crew would have significantly detracted from the fun they had.

The time they spent together would have been a blessing, especially before they knew the were successful in the companion bid. And speaking of that, they could not have had these trips unless they were work-related due to MS regulations.

They still have this bizarre idea we might forget them. Hilarious, right?

We all know that the reasons they do these programs are first financial (keep those army dollars rolling in) and second, fan engagement.

Reality type shows are the best for an authentic connection to these guys, and we love that. We don't need much more than them being and doing and exisiting, for us to be happy.

Just quietly, I dont think Hybe really realise how easy we are. I'd watch jimin scroll on his phone and occasionally laugh, or yawn, or eat a snack, and I'd find it endearing and a worthwhile use of my time.

In summary, this series is a gift for us, and easy money for Hybe, its a win-win.

And if Jimin and JK have fun and get time together, its a win for everyone.

💜🏕💛

[jikookficsdiarry]

HELLO LOVES!! I'm here to express my deepest love for episode 4. Finally, it has been a long week, and the wait for episode 5 is almost over :)

OFCOURSE I'm gonna begin with

너는 나, 나는 너 🥹

Jikook in the swimming pool, enjoying their time together, getting on with their daily antics was the best thing ever!! The way they played rock, paper scissors under water🥹 CUTIES my goofballs for real!! Also, yes I have the same question as you, why did Kook have to remind minie that the glass was see through?? What kind of mischief was jiminie upto?!!!

Also, umm hello?! My 2015 baby army self would have never survived this. Please I think BT21 took hiatus too seriously. Damn, I used to lose my mind over foreheads...we have come a long way lads.

Also, the ppeuri after the whole ramyeon conversation?! Hello?! Like what was going on?! The way I screamed into my pillow. BYE.

BUBBAS🥹🤍 (the yawning in sync, they are the embodiment of you are me, i am you)...also I felt so bad for tae cause his neck hurt after head banging...I really hope his neck felt so much better when kookie gave him the message🥺

You wanna know the exact moment I said "what in the AO3?"

This right here. I combusted. I smiled, then I teared up and I replayed it 10 times to know if this wasn't a fever dream. It wasn't. It was reality and then I teared up some more. Happy tears I promise🥹🤍

When I first saw this thought the sign was edited🤭 little did I know the universe was trying to give me sign instead.

All the food moments, apart from making me extremely hungry made me realise how much attention kookie pays to minie whilst he is eating. Not only in these episodes but every time kookies ensures jiminie has eaten well🥹 like idk how to explain but it tugs at my heart strings🥹🤍

Also, idk why tae bear didn't join them for snorkelling, but his smile when he looks at kookie and jiminie has my whole heart🥹🤍

I was so happy that my baby caught to fishes!! Look at that adorable boxy smile🥹 my whole heart...oh I miss tae. Okay sorry no more tears.

I usually don't point this out, but omds I could not hold back this time, the SIZE DIFFERENCE!! I know there are so many other moments, but something about kookies hand enveloping jiminie hands and jiminie holding onto kookies thumb....yeah, my heart is doing a triple axle as we speak.

To conclude, I really from the bottom of my heart enjoyed watching this episode. I was struggling health wise last week and this epsiode gave me the energy I needed. I also feel I was more relieved by the fact that Jiminie didn't feel sick anymore and wasn't hurt in any way. I was so happy to see vminkook giggling.🤍 And jikook being so happy in each other's presence. Their moments, the little things they do for each other, I see them🤍 I know there are so many theories and asks about so many moments not only in this episode. I'll reteriate, I am not going to respond to asks that are offensive or not OT7, and I am just trying to enjoy the show, please let me kindly do that🤍

Episode 5 has me already excited. Less than 24 hours!! LESSSGOO!!

Are you sure?! You truly are my serotonin🥹🤍

Thank you.

~ Nel🤍

Please drop a good review for AYS if you can🫶🏻

[stormblessed95]

Hi Storm,

You were the first account I followed here and I’ve been through almost every post relating to member dynamics on your masterlist.

I’m finding this very hard to articulate but you’ve always said if you receive asks that are respectful you will indulge. I am making a lot of effort in trying to phrase my sentences in such a way that they do not offend and would like to apologise in advance if they do. It is not my intention.

Some time ago, there was discourse on your page where you said jikookers have bullied you and did not support you when you were being bullied. I am not sure when that was. I’m sorry you went through that. You put in a lot of effort to write the member dynamics posts and it’s quite shocking that people don’t respect it, value your effort and then bully you.

During that discussion you said something along the lines of jikookers becoming like taekookers as they allow the abuse of Taehyung. You said the fandom back in the day allowed Taekookers to fester because they didn’t take a harsher stand against what they were doing. I am paraphrasing or maybe I didn’t get the gist of it.

I don’t think jikookers or any other sub set of this fandom is anywhere near Taekookers. The reason is that most ot7 are Taekookers. When the fandom allowed hate against jimin, it gave rise to the most vile fandom and it is the largest part of army’s even today Jimin and his family get bullied and called all names and it’s is allowed because no one can shoot 90% of the fandom down and all those who allowed it are responsible for that shit show.

So then why are people and yes, most are Jikook stans, why are they called out if they so much as criticise Taehyung for some of the things he does? Did he have to join a Jikook show? No, did he have to post those pictures during muse? No. Did he have to name call Jungkook every single live? No. Does he visit fandom spaces? Yes. He sees the shit that goes on in there. Yes. He has sued people because he supposedly wants to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves but is ok when his fans call his fellow member a slut? Can you all not be objective enough to criticise him for this behaviour? Not everyone will like everyone you like, but you are an ot7 army so you should be objective enough to accept criticism too. But instead you shut everyone down? That’s a bit harsh don’t you think?

I say all of the following with respect, I promise. My intention is not for this to read as harsh or rude in any capacity. I'm making this disclaimer now because I know sometimes, it's hard to get tone in text. I'm being straightforward and serious with you. And my tone is meant to be one of kindness, softness and respect while being serious and rather blunt about it.

Anyone who tells me that they didn't see the hate campaign that reigned against me last year is either lying, or brand new to Jikook Tumblr. Or you took a 2 month long break and only came back after I was on hiatus, which then, if you checked my account at all, you still would've seen it. I guess the last option was that you just never checked my page until I came back. I'd much rather if anyone would bring it up, just be honest. Yeah, I saw that, I was silent, my bad, it was a mistake. Or it wasn't a mistake, I agreed with your haters and I'm still just here because I want your content. Whatever it is, I would much rather the honesty. Idk which of these categories you fall into, if any, but why bring it up just to try and discredit my feelings about jikookers and toxic behaviors being allowed to fester? I stand by what I said. You don't have to agree with me. That's your prerogative. I have never tried to tell people how to feel, I've only ever said that I will curate my space and use my block button freely to stop from seeing opinions I have no desire to see.

True OT7s are not taekookers, follow better people. Idk what else to tell y'all about that. When I say toxic behaviors being allowed to fester, I mean that taekookers way back when weren't nearly so bad as they are now. It used to be the same petty bullshit that so many shippers are now pulling. Except it never got checked, so it grew and festered and boiled until it's now as bad as it is with taekookers. If you don't stop the same petty revenge toxicity in Jikookers now, the same thing will end up occuring. And I don't want to see anyone complain to me in a few years about it, because all I'll be able to say is I told you so.

The last part of your message dear, just reads as essentially asking permission to be hateful towards Tae. Idk if that was your intention, but it's how it comes across to me at least. It's not criticism. There is stuff we can be critical about towards our idols, BTS included. Nothing you listed is worth criticism and is just things his antis use to bring hate against him. It's the same thing that tkkrs do. Nitpick stupid stuff to give themselves a reason to hate on Jimin. It's not worth it. And you will be a happier person in long run if you stop trying to hate Tae and just hate the antis that are the ones responsible for their own behaviors.

I'm not shutting anyone down (this is also the phrase that makes me question if you truly "don't know anything about me being bullied") I am saying I won't tolerate any kind of hate speech on MY blog about any of the 7 members. (even if you don't think it's hateful, on my blog, I have the right to decide what is and isn't discussed. Other blogs will draw different lines in the sand, and you can find GCs, or Start your own blog where you can say whatever you want. That's the beauty of the Internet.) You can do whatever you want in your own spaces. I personally, want nothing to do with it. I have bigger fish to worry about it. I'm here for BTS, all 7 of them. And I'm more concerned about k-media and the harassment our boys suffer from them and antis of all kind. Way more than I could ever pretend to be concerned about Tae talking about one of his best friends.

And again, I sign off with this whole thing respectfully, and with the hope that you also, take no offense to the way I phrased anything. Even if you disagree.

~ Storm 💜

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph.

Happy Friday to you.

Hope all is well.

Steph I recently became a Freeman fan like I'm obsessed 🤣🤣

I always loved the boys but Martin took over quite heavily lol so I was looking for fics where John is the centre of attention.

Whump or Romance everything is welcome!

Thank you so much as always we would be lost without our blogger Steph ❤️❤️❤️

Hi Lovely!!

Oh GOSH you're far too kind... Thank you so much for the praise, I really appreciate it!

As for John-centric fics, I have a whole section on Page 4 of my Fic Rec Masterpost that's just John Fics:

JOHN-CENTRIC FICS

John During the Hiatus

John During the Hiatus Pt. 2

Past Sholto / John (Mar 2019) // Past Jolto (Nov 2019)

Jealous John

Jealous John Pt 6 (March 2023)

BAMF! But Insecure John

John Has a Beard

John’s Friends Find Out About Sherlock

John’s Friends Find Out Pt. 2

John’s Internalized Homophobia

Internalized Homophobia Pt 2

Mute John

Soldier John (May 2019)

Soldier John NOT before ASiP (AU)

BAMF and/or Soldier John (July 2020)

BAMF and/or Soldier John Pt. 2 (Nov 2022)

Army-Related John Fics (Sept 2020)

John’s Dog Tags

Slutty John

Pining John

Pining John Pt 2

Pining John in S4

John’s Giant Junk

John Chooses Sherlock Over Mary

John’s Red Pants

Clueless / Oblivious John

Not-So-Oblivious John (Updated June 2023)

John Plays an Instrument

John at the Surgery

Possessive / Obsessive John

Angry/Cranky John

Insecure John

Three Continents Watson Fics

Post-Divorce John

POV John First/Second Person Pt. 1

POV John 3rd Person Pt 1: Fluff, Humour & PWP

POV John 3rd Person Pt 2: Whump & Hurt/Comfort

POV John 3rd Person Pt 3: Angst, Angsty Fluff or BAMF John

Specifically Jealous John b/c of Other People (Apr 2020)

John’s PTSD

Trash John

Gay John

And here are some additional lists that focus on John Whump:

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John Pt. 2

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John Pt. 3

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John Pt. 4

John Whump with Guilty Sherlock

John Has Cancer

These lists are your best bet for Just John fics!

If anyone wants to suggest their new fics recently written, please let me know!

Hope you like this list!! :D

[viktorviolettaenterprises]

SOVIET M69 Uniforms Collection

DOWNLOAD

"Wishing you and your family a blessed Eid filled with love, happiness, and prosperity. May this Eid bring joy, laughter, and warmth to your life, and may you continue to be blessed with Allah's grace. Eid Mubarak!" -VVE Team

Disclaimer: Happy Eid-El Fitr, everyone! I'm glad to see our beloved customers once again. I must say, I've missed you all. My apologies for the long hiatus; March was not a good month for me. Aside from Ramadan, it took me a while to return to the game after my grandma's passing. I was fully devastated by the loss and felt hope fading away. But I realized I must stay strong and never give up hope. Anyway that's hella of Disclaimer tho.. So Let's Cut the Chase.

Tech Specs

Converted From "Call Of Duty:Black Ops Cold War" Credits belongs to Activision and Treyach Interactive

Most Set Got 7 Color Swatch (Most of Them Just A Rank From Lower to Highest)

Age Range: Teen-Elder

Male Only

Category:Costume

Some Color Swatches:

Overview

The M69 (Obr.69) uniform, part of the 1969 Uniform reforms for the Soviet Armed Forces, included Summer and Winter variants. Summer uniforms, made from M43/Obr.43 Gymnastyorka material, featured branch-specific insignia for garrison duty. In 1973, the uniform was updated with thicker cotton and "CA" shoulder boards. The Winter version, made from Wool Gaberdine, was worn with Ushanka hats and full insignia. Troops in hot climates had Tropical versions, and a Dress version was used for formal occasions. Standard until the late 1980s, it was eventually replaced by the M88/Obr.88 "Afghanka" pattern. I Must say it was My Personal Favorite Of Soviet Outfit After Gymnastyorka and Afghanka Despite This one Less Popular Than The two.

Battle Dress Uniform

Base Uniform:Basically Just Regular Uniform, perfect for Non Combat Situation.

Strap-On:The regular Uniform With Tactical Strap. nothing special

Squad Leader: Uniform Used By Squad Leader at the Field. containing the Holster For Makarov Pistol (Thank you For @natalia-auditore For The Gun pose. I Love it)

Battle Configuration

Light Configuration: Just Common Configuration that Most Soviet Soldier that Time Used. Only Contained the Essentials Such As AK Pouches and Some Grenade.

Afghan Set: This Set Particulary Used by Soviet Soldier During Soviet-Afghan War (1979-1989) Equipped by Poyas-A Tactical Pouches. such A Common Sights until it was Replaced by More Modern Afghanka M88.

Heavy Set: When Sheet Hit the Fan. in Case of Invasion of America The Soviet Troops are eqipped with more Sophicated Gears for ensuring the Winning the Battle

Officers

Some Officer Dress inside Soviet Army, It Actually appeared only Lieutenant Colonel. But I Edited the Mesh Myself To Expand more Variety

Majór (Major):One Star At Shoulder Board. Wearing Trousers. Equipped with Makarov Pistol's Holster Only

Podpolkóvnik (Lieutenant colonel):Two Star At Shoulder Board. Wearing Trousers. Equipped with Makarov Pistol's Holster & Map case

Polkóvnik (Colonel):Wearing Jodhpurs pants, Three Stars At Shoulder Board, Only Equipped with Makarov Pistol's Holster.

Specials

Standard Issue Winter Coat Used by Soviet Army During Cold War

HEADWEAR

Thank you For @sarkana-sims For Lending some of Her OC to me for become A Showcasing Model!

Soviet Army Peaked Cap: Intially worn just by Motorized Rifle generals, this pattern and color combination expanded in 1980 to include Medical, Veterinary, Intendance and Special Troops' generals. Externally virtually identical to a standard officer's service cap; it differs only in the all-gilt cockade and the general style buttons. Inspection of the inside construction - with its kid leather sweatband with interweaved ribbon, silk (or rayon) lining, and manufacturer's label - is a more certain means of identification. Note that you will sometimes see these general-grade caps with the standard officer cockade and star-embossed buttons, probably indicating use by colonels anticipating promotion! Although really any officer could wear these if they wanted to pay for the higher quality

M35 Pilotka:The M35 Pilotka is a type of military cap used by the Soviet Union during the mid-20th century. It was introduced in 1935 and became a standard part of the Soviet uniform during World War II. The Pilotka features a soft, foldable design with a small visor at the front and is typically made of wool. It often included a red star insignia on the front to signify its Soviet origin. The Pilotka was worn by enlisted personnel and officers across various branches of the Soviet Armed Forces. Officers Variation Exist Featuring more Extravagants Insignia apart from Standard Red Star with Hammer & Sickle:

SSh-40 Combat Helmet: The SSh-40 is like the classic car of Soviet helmets, a true workhorse that saw action during World War II and beyond. It's that iconic steel dome-shaped headgear you often see in old war footage. Made of good ol' sturdy steel, it offered decent protection against shrapnel and small arms fire. Plus, it had those distinctive flared-out sides to cover your ears, giving you that unmistakable Soviet soldier look. It might not have been the most comfortable thing to wear, but hey, it did the job, and it looked badass while doing it. This Particular Model Is Got Strapped off Above the head.

Thank you!

@ts4history @ts4historyccfinds @sims4historicalccfinds @historicalsims4 @exzentra-reblog @exzentra

[animehouse-moe]

Media I Experienced In 2023 That I'm Thankful For

It feels crazy to process that another year's effectively gone by already. A lot of people will always say "this year was worse than the last" in the context of a lot of things, and I'm usually one to disagree with that sentiment. This year though, it's been tough for entertainment in general. But that's not what I'm here to talk about, I wanted to share some of my favorite experiences from this year, and look back on the wonderful and impactful media that I've been able to read or watch!

Witch And The Beast - Kousuke Satake

Yes, this is the third volume's cover, I know. I just really love the color choices and style for it.

Anyways, this was one of those series that I'd always see and never pick up. It took some severe pestering from a friend for me to finally pick it up, and it was totally worth it.

I would say it's definitely far from bad right from the start, but I'd also say that once you reach around volume 3, Satake really catches their stride and provides some beautiful work in the volumes leading up to their hiatus. If you want a world all about magic that prioritizes form over function, it's impossible to not recommend The Witch and The Beast and its wonderful appeal.

A Home Far Away - Teki Yatsuda

Yes, this is a one-shot manga, but the grip that it had on me after I read it was so intense. You know how you can tell when a one-shot wants to go past that single volume but can't? This is like the exact opposite. The pacing, themes, characters, all of it is so well structured for a single volume run that you end up with aimless frustration that it can't continue.

The themes of various types of trauma and the idea of searching for a savior in someone else are just so strong alongside the systemic failure in caring for and helping minors. It's just so so strong and painful in how it represents a slow slip into helplessness as they claw at each other to try and unearth their freedom.

Also, definitely read their serialized manga The Yakuza's Bias! Totally different vibe that is just full of absurdity and humor.

Pandora - Hagiwara Rei

Pandora was a very healing manga to read. Beautiful watercolor artwork is donned by each page in the various short stories appearing in this work. Though each is a different person in a different situation, the themes of survivor's guilt, loss, and the hope to be found at the bottom of despair are very strong to feel. If people are looking for a heavy but positive and emotional read, this is certainly a great choice.

Okinawa - Susumu Higa

I don't think it's a secret to say that anti-imperialist Japan manga is seen as "few and far between" in English. We have a lot of impactful and important works that haven't been translated or are currently out of print, so Okinawa came along at a really great time to help drive the point home alongside other experiences like Godzilla Minus One (which is on this list, of course).

Anyways, stepping away from the general act of the war, or the (typical) experiences of it post-war, Okinawa is an incredible read for displaying the interaction and relationships between the Okinawan people and the two separate armies that occupied their space. It does a wonderful job of not painting anyone as inherently evil, but showing the sinister nature of war and the aftereffects that it leaves on a people. Very very worthwhile read that I can't recommend enough.

Until I Love Myself - Poppy Pesuyama

It's only two volumes, it's a manga essay, and it deals with LGBTQ+ content among other things. This is something that was essentially destined to be criminally underread and underappreciated.

What Pesuyama does in exposing their difficult experiences and personal trauma is beyond valuable to people that find themselves in similar positions. The idea of sexism distilled into every aspect of society through the patriarchy, and how that's reflected on someone that doesn't feel comfortable in their own body is almost impossibly poignant. The frustration, the distance, the fear, it takes an incredibly personal experience and without losing even an ounce of that value is able to translate it into something that almost any reader can grasp. An incredibly powerful piece from an equally brave author, it's also an invaluable resource and experience for many out there.

Skip and Loafer - Misaki Takamatsu

I'm a big P.A. Works fan. I've got a lot of their art books, I watch a lot of their series, I just think they do a lot of good work. I also had my reservations about them doing the Skip and Loafer anime, but it was wonderful.

Simply put, it's a modern classic in the slice of life/high school era genre. The characters feel perfectly childish and immature, the direction of the story and its themes are perfectly on the nose. It just has the perfect balance of everything you could hope for. There's not really much to add past that, really. If you like slice of life or high school stuff, you'll love Skip and Loafer. Incredibly refreshing experience.

Heavenly Delusion

I'm a massive fan of the manga, and I was coping insanely hard when I saw that first trailer. I was praying I was in for greatness and wasn't going to get scammed, and Production I.G brought out arguably their best work in the last decade for it.

Mori Hirotaka and the rest of the staff did an absolutely phenomenal work in transforming Heavenly Delusion into an anime. Massive restructures and thematic changes that feel like sheer art within the context of the series. Ishiguro couldn't have done it better himself, and he made that point known on Twitter. Right up there next to Frieren (and even above it depending on the significance of various criteria) for the greatest anime of 2023, and puts itself in contention for one of the best in the 2020s. Absolutely a must watch.

Undead Girl Murder Farce

Mysteries and series that really encourage you to analyze and break them apart are some of my favorites to experience. Include historical context, a penchant for intense showmanship rooted in Japanese culture, and animation and direction that will knock your socks off, and you've got the Dark Horse of the summer season.

Undead Girl Murder Farce had me absolutely hooked from the very first episode, bringing almost SHAFT-like direction and execution that brings out the absolute most in something so fluid. Lapin Track struck gold with this work. Even though they were struggling a little towards the end, they provided and endlessly satisfying and creative experience that had me on the edge of my seat breaking apart every single little frame for meaning and value. An absolute treat for a mystery fan.

Blue Giant

Like many, I discovered Nut (the studio) through Tanya The Evil. Crazy visual effects and ridiculously competent visuals for such a new studio, I was immediately enthralled with their quality.

Not that Blue Giant as a story isn't incredibly good, but that in this context, Nut brought out every last drop of greatness that could have existed in this movie. I'm really struggling to come up with more to say, but it's just so visually stunning that the experience as a whole just feels like a performance on an incredible level. Simply great, I guess I'm forced to say.

The Boy and The Heron

It's Ghibli, it's Miyazaki, need I say more really?

I don't, but I will. I went and saw it twice in theaters so that I could experience both dub and sub for it. Something that people should be 100% experiencing in theaters, and absolutely should be watching multiple times. Miyazaki doesn't tell just one or two stories with this movie, it's so many experiences in his life rolled into one. A love letter to the man behind one of anime's most beloved studios, but also one that leaves lingering feelings of sorrow for some of what Miyazaki instills in it. So yeah, watch it to your heart's content.

Godzilla Minus One

Last, but certainly not least, Godzilla Minus One. I loved it, I knew I'd love it from the moment I laid eyes on the trailer. The idea of Godzilla being presented in North American theaters, to North American viewers, as a direct and destructive of the atomic bomb and its effects on the Japanese population just set something off in me.

North America's view of Godzilla as some sort of anti-hero over the years has weakened the original sentiment that barely existed here in the first place. Minus One sets the record straight in devastating fashion, and adds to the theme in spades. I'd love to explain but I want as many people as possible to experience this without any spoilers, so I'll leave it at being one of the best Godzilla movies bar none.

And that's the list for this year. I think overall it was a "weaker" year, but I'd be more comfortable with calling it a radicalized year. The bad stuff got worse, but the good stuff got better. The best experience of the year were incredibly good because of that, but it overall felt like slimmer pickings than the prior year.

Not that this list couldn't have added any number of entries like Scott Pilgrim, Frieren, Kamonohashi Ron, Bleach TYBW, Gwitch, and so on and so forth. More so that I wanted to keep this list a little more contained. The idea of importance or appreciation begins to lose its value when everything is important or overly appreciated.

Anyways, that's all the past, this post is in the present, and I've got my eyes set on the future with things like the Hokkyoku Department Store movie, Dandadan from Science Saru, Delicious In Dungeon, and plenty, plenty more in 2024!

So with all that said: happy holidays and I hope people have been enjoying having time off and getting to spend some with their families and friends!

[stupendousfoxthing]

"It seems to be a clear message that BTS’ success has come at the expense of their personal happiness to some extent." This all did come at great expense to them, Tae in particular has been the most open and honest about it and articulated this several different ways. When he said he actually considered getting hurt so he could have a day of rest, I couldn't believe I didn't hear a record scratch and the whole fandom realize how fucked up that is. His letter when they announced the group hiatus talked about how much he'd sacrificed for the team, but then the stocks took a dive and they sent Namjoon out to be the cheerleader and be dismissive about the whole thing. Tae's letter was mostly ignored after that, and fans that acknowledged it was still actually a hiatus from group activities were used as punching bags for even suggesting it. Even though it was what BTS themselves said. This is why when I see the 2025 reunion at all costs crowd talking like they're going to come out of the military and go directly back into the same practice/recording/tour schedule and being excited about that my whole body cringes, because ain't no way you hope for this and actually care about them. In a personal relationship if you're sacrificing so much for another who just takes and takes and takes while you suffer the loss of yourself, your dreams, your comfort, your health it's clear that relationship is toxic and abusive. That's a major dark side of this position they've found themselves in that people really need to think about and right now is a great time to do that instead of just waiting for them to return and fill the holes in their lives. This fandom was destined to eat itself and I see it every day now. Some people still think it's one fandom carrying the streams/sales because they refuse to accept that they're all officially solo artists now. Resentment is sown for members who are more popular because they think the fandom is prioritizing them instead of them having fans of their own and the success belonging to them as an individual. New fans drawn to one member's solo work are dogpiled and told they have to support all seven or none. Solo fans, which is an entirely valid thing to be, are told that member only acknowledges ARMY and hates them. This is a toxic and abusive relationship. A smothering one.

[fromtenthousandfeet]

I'm going to write a lot of meaningless words because I really want to talk. Sorry author, your blog will have to suffer. I apologize in advance for all the grammatical errors, I haven’t practiced my English for a long time, and it was not good to begin with

We are all worried about what is happening to Jimin, what he is thinking about and what he is going to do. I know a lot of people hope that he didn't sign the contract, but I'm inclined to think that he did. Unfortunately, Jimin loves the group very much and from some of his words in 2023 I conclude that he does not see himself outside of it (the show with Yoongi, for example, and all the "we are family" bs)

To be honest, Jimin's situation can be understood. Despite his strong spirit and hard work, Jimin was practically not allowed to show himself as a solo artist (his only solo work within the group was in 2016 - Lie). Moreover, there were cases where Jimin has taken an active role in composing melodies but was not credited. In general, his artistic vision was always present and should have been developed, but was shadowbanned for the benefit of the group and the company (also lets not forget the narrative where only the great and mighty rap line members write group songs)

However, even in such conditions, Jimin’s inner star shone. The growth of his popularity began with the red-haired Perfect Man, while the peak occurred in 2018-2019. After which the group entered the global market and Jimin's focus was blurred between the maknae line (and to some extent Yoongi). Not only did Jimin lose his dominant role, but he also gained a colossal number of haters, primarily among the crazy shippers who took the helm of the biggest fan accounts

Pandemic, scandal, Jimin's departure from social networks... A chain of unpleasant events happened since Dynamite and then hiatus. It seemed that everything was bad-bad. But no, Jimin was reborn as a phoenix and so did his personal fandom (I mean pjms). Yes, there was a free fall, there were some shitty paid articles, there was Jungkook, carried in the arms of the whole company, but Jimin’s light was bright

Enough of history. Now my true thoughts

Each member was developing himself as far separately as possible from the group. Of course, none of them named their own fandom out loud, as Lisa did, but each was focused on his own brand and media portrait. Some were especially smart and made "new friends". That's what Yoongi and Taehyung particularly did. I think these two have the greatest chance of leaving the group with the least losses in the future. Of course, except for Jungkook, who already has everything planned by the company. Unfortunately, Jimin didn't make new friends, working with the same group of people he'd been working with for the past 10 years. It’s good, of course, when people know you, but it also slows down your further development. If Jimin ever leaves the company, he would be left with nothing (btw he worked on CTT with Ayo and SGMB with Tommy and... Well, I hope he'll never work with them again)

I don’t know how much Jimin fought for himself, but in the end he was deprived of what the whole world knows him for, namely powerful performances and Western influence. Considering that he will be in the army for a year and a half, and when he returns, he will be back in the group, and before the army he practically did not appear in public for a year... In total, at least 3 years down the drain. He may find himself in a situation where his peak value is lost

Last but not least. I don’t really like to talk about the members, but they all showed their true colors in the solo era. Each of the 6 use each other to achieve their goals and get maximum profit from what their fans buy. Many pjms believe that by saying such things you are projecting yourself onto Jimin, but I will say it anyway: Jimin, it’s time to stop being everyone’s punching pillow. Open your eyes. Members can love you, you can love them too, but you need to love yourself more. On Instagram you need to promote yourself, not others. You should write songs not about the group, but about yourself (ah, this f..ing movement in SGMB). You need to go to your own meetings, not to the promo of others. Phew. I said it. I said it out loud

All in all, only when Jimin starts fighting for his rights, something good will happen. Pjms are strong and love him to no end, but no one will fight against the company forever. Sooner or later we will be mired in negativity if Jimin doesn't show that he loves himself and is willing to defend what belongs to him. If he chooses the path of the shadow in the group... He is finished

Anon, amen to all of this. Let's hope that Jimin is able to assemble a team of good managers, a decent social media person, and highly skilled and creative songwriting/producing team that have nothing to do with HYBE. Let's also hope he comes back from MS with crazy high self esteem and doesn't take any shit from anyone at that stupid company, including, but not limited to, his fellow team members. Call me crazy, but I have a lot of faith in him.

P.S. OMG! Your English is amazing. You write so much better than the average American. I take my hat off to you and your English instructors.

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

Summary: Din introduces someone new to Ann

A/N: Hello lovelies,

I apologize for the late posting, last night I was so super exhausted I couldn't stay away and then today I was feeling so off. I think it was the weather, and although it was quite a migraine, it felt like the beginnings of one, so I slept most of the day.

Anyway, this is the last chapter for The Crestworld Part.

This series will be going on a mini hiatus while I work on content. So please bear with.

Love oo

Due to the past history of the OC there will be discussions alluding to past domestic abuse, please note that as it could be a trigger for some.

Warnings: Brief anxiety, communication (so lovely), mutual understanding, flirting, intimidation, fluff, jealousy, annoyance, slight anger. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

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THE CRESTWORLD

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ann sat there blinking as she looked at Din, “Don’t look so shocked, you should’ve known I would’ve figured it out eventually, after all I’m sure Cobb couldn’t help himself, and told you I used to work for the army.” She simply nodded in the affirmative, “So let’s just say it’s not my first rodeo dealing with pseudonyms. My life was very different before Grogu came into it. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.”

I wasn’t sure what shocked me more, the fact he knew my name wasn’t my real name, the fact he didn’t kick me out, demanding to know more, or even asking whether or not he and Grogu were in danger.

I took in a shaky breath and nodded, “Thank you for understanding.” My hands felt heavy and numb, I wanted him to know I would never endanger either him or Grogu, I’d die before that happened. I couldn’t with anymore blood on my hands, “Din, please know I’ll never put your family in danger. If … at any point I think you or Grogu will be in danger, I’ll leave. I’ll protect both of you.”

Din tilted his head and let out a sigh, squeezing her shoulder, “Listen, we’ll cross that bridge when and if we come to it. However, I appreciate you answering, even when you didn’t have to; and don’t worry about protecting us. I’m sure I can protect all three of us if the time comes.”

“I won’t put you in that situation, Din. I don’t think I could live with myself if I did. Anyways, it’s not like I answered a whole lot, but it only seemed fair, since you did open up about Camilla.”

“One hand washes the other, right?” He smirked, before turning his gaze towards Boba’s house, he noticed Boba was standing in the doorway of his home, “Come on, let’s have you meet one of the grumpiest ranchers around.”

I looked from Din to the rather handsome older man standing in his doorway, “Grumpier than you?”

“More or less.” Din chuckled as he stepped out of the truck, keeping an eye on Ann as she stepped out of the truck. He had a newfound respect for the woman who fought to get away from her bad situation, trying to find normalcy by escaping to the backwoods of Aq Vetina. 

“Boba” he nodded towards the older man as he approached, Ann stood beside him. He kept an eye on her to make sure she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, if there was one man he could trust Ann with, it was Boba. “This is Ann, my new farmhand. Ann, Boba Fett, Daimyo of Tatooine.” 

Boba walked slowly down the stairs to meet them. His steps were heavy, the clink of his spurs echoing with each step, he wore all black as he stood before them. Even though Boba was six feet tall, his presence made him seem like a towering giant.  His piercing eyes were made all the more intimidating as the brim of his cowboy hat dropped a shadow over his face. 

“Tatooine?” I whispered.

“His ranch” Din motioned with his head over his shoulder.

“Ahhh … Daimyo?”

“Means Great Lord”

“Does that mean I have to bow?”

“You could” Boba answered as a smile rested on his lips, disarming those piercing eyes that saw more than he would ever reveal, “however, I would never expect such a beautiful woman such as yourself, to bow for me.” He offered his hand, “You can just call me Boba, mesh’la.” He gently took her hand, winking before he bowed, bringing his lips to her skin, placing the softest and gentlest kiss on her knuckles. 

“Thank you” I smiled as I felt my face heat up from the attention, I cleared my throat as I gently pulled my hand away, despite how I enjoyed his warm calloused hands “may I ask, why Daimyo?”

“You can thank Fennec and this one here” Boba motioned towards Din, “for that, it started off as a joke one night, and soon became my title. Djarin, what can I do for you?”

“I came to pick up my payment from helping you, remember”

“How could I forget?” Boba smirked and motioned for the two to follow him.

As we walked through Boba’s ranch, I noticed a few things, first his place was a lot bigger than Din’s. Second, there were at least twelve different farmhands working at different tasks. I could see from just the quick glances I took, I tried to see the differences between the two ranches when a small bark pulled my attention. Inside one of the stalls in the barn were tiny beautiful Strill pups, “Oh my goodness, they are so sweet” I kneeled down to look at their sleeping forms. There were about seven pups, four had grey-ish coats, and the other three had gold-ish coats, with hints of white breaking through. “Where are their parents?”

“Their mom is currently wandering the perimeter of the ranch, while the father is probably off in the woods somewhere looking after its own litter.”

I turned to look at Boba who ended up kneeling beside me, “Woods? Own litter?”

“Strills are known to have hermaphroditic reproduction, they can equally sire and bear offspring with a second strill” Din answered.

“For a while,” Boba beamed like a proud father, “I noticed she’d been taking off at night, always returning home with no issues, but this time when she came back she was pregnant. Guess she just wanted to see the sights of what the world had to offer” Boba chuckled, “sort of like a wayward child, coming back to ask for dad’s help when they get knocked up.” His eyes held a tremendous amount of kindness and concern as he looked upon the pups, “Which ones did you want to take with you, Djarin?”

“You’ve seen them and gotten to know them more than I have, who do you recommend?”

Boba stood opening the fence, motioning for me to follow him, as we stepped in the pups stirred and began to move about. Watching them as they unfolded their six legs, their tiny noses appearing, each of them had the most incredibly happy eyes I’ve ever seen on an animal. Most shuffled around Boba’s feet, but two in particular, came and plopped themselves at my feet, sitting watching me. One was grey-ish with white and tiny flecks of gold hair throughout, the other was gold-ish with flecks of grey.

“It appears the two have decided for us,” he chuckled, “Annie, Djarin, meet your two new guard dogs, Dral and Mir.” Boba’s hand instinctively rested against Ann’s lower back, he leaned in, whispering in her ear as a smile graced his lips, “Clearly they have great taste, sitting at the feet of one of the most beautiful women around.”

Somehow those words coming from Boba’s lips didn’t feel cringy or overstepping, maybe it was his charming personality, or his brilliantly wonderful smile, but either way, it made my face feel heated, I couldn’t help the coquettish smile that appeared on my lips, “You’re quite the charmer, someone mentioned you were one of the grumpiest ranchers around, but truthfully after meeting you, I think they were just jealous of how charming you really are.”

“Don’t worry, little one,” he shifted his hand away from her back and tilted her head a little to look into her eyes, “I’m like fine wine, the longer you get to know me the better I get.”

Din’s eyes locked with the man who was a few years older than him, as Boba gave him a wink. For some reason it made him angry watching the interaction between Ann and Boba, he felt his body tense, his jaw clench, and even his hands tightened into a fist at Boba’s flirting. 

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@littlemisspascal @sprout-fics @liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24 @spicymcnuggies @lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @tortor-mcgee @sarcasmismyonlydefense24 @chiyo13

[strayharmony943]

New intro post!!!

Hi! I'm stray or otherwise known as Harmony, Glitch and some other things. I don't mind sharing my real name since its in one of my tags plus one of my username, ya just have to find it.

I do a lot of things, currently in my freshman year of highschool, in speech and debate, play video games like Cult of the lamb, genshin impact, Tokyo debunker, twisted wonderland and other RPG's.

This is my main account but I also pop up on @straysramblings and @the-vortex-of-rosetellia

Straysramblings is mainly for my twisted wonderland things, so come check me out once I start posting!

The vortex of rosetellia is for my fantasy world known as Rosetellia, I have a Google doc for basic information on it on that blog so go check it out if your interested! More lore is coming, but I'm currently on a hiatus for it due to school and personal reasons, but feel free to ask about it here or on there!

So about my OCS. You'll see that I have some of my OCS for other things like the bug army in @obsidian-lantern 's universe of gator boys. But he also pops up in rosetellia as a different person. This is because I have this thing where I make all of my OCS originally be from or created in rosetellia. The other versions I use for other universes like rpg games and such are there because I like to be confusing. So if you see OCS pop up again and again, be sure to check the tags for it!

If you follow me or expect daily posts and stuff from me, don't please. I'm not that good at keeping track of things on social media, so I'll pop in here and there but the only other reason I don't post is because I can't think of anything to post about.

❗❗❗❗❗❗IMPORTANT ❗❗❗❗❗❗

I use bases or things I find on Pinterest to do my art. Like these

or I'll take inspiration for some things, I do trace somethings but that's because it's a tattoo or something I can't exactly draw that well, so I trace to practice for a few drawings and then draw it on my own and basically rinse and repeat.

Here's are some of the things I just mentioned above

Some more things of what I mean by tracing art or something similar. I trace poses, if it's my own sketches or cats, or other real life things that I took a picture of myself it doesn't count to me so don't get mad. Although if it's a picture that's real and from pinterest or something similar, I might use it to get my poses down and outfits cuz I'm only under 18 and I don't feel confident in doing that yet. if you have any art tips I'd love to know em!!!!

Anyway, I know this is a lot of word vomit but it's important to me, for all of you to know so please be sure to know that.

I love my followers and the people that actually accept my craziness cuz I always fear I'm being judged and mocked behind my back, and I'm always terrified that I'm not good enough and people hate me... so yeah 😅 Also!!! I DON'T CONSENT TO MY ART BEING USED FOR AI OR ANY OF THAT STUFF, NO COPYRIGHT OR ANYTHING, so yeah!! Anyway, if you have anymore questions feel free to ask, thanks for reading all of my words vomit!!! Bye !!! :3

(Extra stuff: some art I've done!!! )

That's all :3

[smolwritingchick]

What would Jennie’s idol friends reaction be when she announce her pregnancy ?

I feel like all of them are going to be anticipating it and excited for JenKook. I also see JenKook being vocal as they get older that they do want to have kids one day. They’d be curious as to when the timing would be especially with enlistment and BTS being so huge.

A handful of idols such as BlackPink, Hayoon, yugyeom and Mingyu will know more details of Jennie preparing her body to have a baby with Jungkook while he’s enlisted. She’d start a whole body cleanse, eat more healthier and may get on the prenatal vitamins as it gets closer to him returning. I also peep some ARMY pointing out all the big activities she’d be doing while BTS are enlisted like performing at festivals, WWE related stuff, filming shows and ect. “Side quests.” They will call it and wonder “maybe she’s doing all these things now and plans to have a baby when Jungkook returns, taking a hiatus from music.”

Hearing the official news that she’s going to have a baby with him will make everyone happy and emotional. Especially when she’ll be the first out of the 97 Liners to be with child.

I see Hayoon being the most emotional and will make plans to spoil the child. And when everyone finds out JenKook are having twins, they’ll be on the floor, shooked. Especially Bam Bam , Jackson and Yugyeom. I see their idol friends going all out for the baby shower, too. And Hayoon will break down into tears when Jennie and Jungkook ask her to be a Godmom for one of their babies.

G-Dragon will also be pleased and extremely supportive, helping her with anything she needed.

I see her friends saying things like, “Wow you’re about to be a whole mom. Weren’t you just debuting in BTS? Damn time flew,”

“Jennie is going to be a mommy!! So cute!”

“I wonder who will look like who the most.”

“A whole mini Jennie and mini Jungkook on the way!”

“He JUST returned and you two wasted no time! Twins too!? He took seven serious, huh?”

“These kids are going to have the coolest parents. But also the biggest support system.”

[comatosebunny09]

Hiii for the truth or dare ask game!

🍓

Hello, lovely!

How did I get into writing fanfiction. Shit. 😳😳😳

I’d say when I started middle school, got my first computer (thank you, AOL dial-up), and role-played in Rurouni Kenshin and Hellsing chatrooms.

Eventually, I started writing fanfiction based on my chats with some of the other role-players and posting it on Fanfiction.net. From there, I discovered Lunaescence and Freedom of Speech, where I shared D. Gray-Man and Final Fantasy VII fics. That’s also when I started dipping my toes into the second POV, reader-insert world.

Around high school, I started writing K-Pop fanfiction (Big Bang, TVXQ) until I joined the Army. I took a long hiatus, then started again with Vampire Diaries fanfiction.

I took another break after that to return with Demon Slayer fics. I haven’t stopped writing since. 😭😭😭

Thank you for the ask, anon!

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

jk has armys so he wont crash and burn but he also isnt new justin, far from it. armys would never believe it but seven is not a hit for an american industry scale. he is staying on charts thanks to radio and crazy amount of remixes and his biggest streams are from thailand. he is not gonna become huge pop star just for having abs and singing generic repetetive songs. he is still just bts member that had many streams on his new song and thats it. but well we will see what scooter will mold him into beacause jk doesnt seem to mind anything if it will make him biggest pop star

I guess that was Scooter’s way of thinking.

Jungkook has a fandom because of BTS, BUT he is new at being solo. So Scooter doesn’t have to start from 0 while also being the one to take credit for “making” him and his stans and pjms too can say what they want but BTS is more well known and successful than any member (we’ll see if it’s going to change) do if Scooter succeed in making him a Harry he will see it as a win.

Anyways, these are the reasons I think it’s not going to work(no particular order):

-racism

-like anon said Jk is not fluent enough in English

-Kpop/armys have a bad reputation which is going to stop many people from taking Jk seriously(kpop is like anime: everyone’s heard of it, but outside of the country of origin it’s still niche)

-Justin blew up in a veeery different era and he was a phenomenon. Things were different a decade ago. Now we are in the digital era where people can pull crazy numbers without their music being actually a hit worldwide(ex:Bad Bunny, Bts, Jungkook himself)

-enlistment(even if Jk doesn’t enlist for the 2025 “reunion” he still has to at some point so the only chance for Scooter to make him mainstream is before that)

-having Gp hit is very different from having Western’s pop stan’s respect. They are heavily into pop girls and are very critical of the men stars for doing the bare minimum(including JB) so if Scooter’s team doesn’t give him something “unique” like Harry’s clown clothes and queer image and let’s him be straight up a copy of JB (basic songs with basic vocals and basic dance-now that I think about it that’s why the choreo was so bland cause Justin has easy choreos too lol) he will not have these people’s “approval” and will be a laughing stock

---

I think the fans thing is a very good point. It's real. Most of these groups or even soloists aren't taken seriously because of their fans. Nobody likes dealing with people who take everything personally and are fighting others on internet about who has the most monthly listeners on Spotify. One direction had some really good, geniunely catchy pop-rock music but they weren't taken seriously because of their fans. And the same happened to BTS. Mind you, the SK goverment would use BTS for clout and brownie points but they never respected them as a group enough to give them exemption. They're definitely more popular than Son Heungmin or any other sports figure, but does popularity equal respect? No. Never has, and never will.

In fact, I'd say Harry started being taken more seriously when he stopped having such a hardcore, pintpoint-able online "rabid" fanbase. Meaning, once he stopped being so associated to one direction. And that took a few years. 1D broke up in 2015, and in 2018 he was still "Harry from 1D". I think I started noticing a shift and more people acknowledging him just as Harry well after his first tour as a soloist was over, which was in like 2019. I barely see "harries" on twitter, too. They exist, obviously. But they're not really a strong online presence, like even Nicki fans are.

All BTS members are still "---- of BTS". I've said it even before the hiatus, and my opinon still hasn't changed. It's probably only Jimin who random people can say "Jimin" and others will know who they're talking about. It doesn't mean they're fans of him or anything, but just that his name stands for itself.

I'm what everyone would call a local, it sounds really stupid to say it like that but it's the only way I know how to say it. When I said this is just an online thing for me, I meant it. I don't have friends irl who listen to kpop or care about celebrities at all; I don't know people like that, people who are "fans" of anything. In 6 years or so I must've probably said BTS outloud like only a dozen times, and I don't really talk about them -or any other celebrity for that matter- with people irl. So I kind of gauge how "viral" and known something is through the people I know irl because if they're all posting a song on Instagram stories and whatever, then I know for sure it's reached the normies. That was Justin after 2015, Taylor after blank space kind of?? But more than anything after lover. Miley had that moment after wrecking ball, though she's had up and downs. Ariana only kind of picked up internationally in like 2020, but not even that. People here know who Ariana is, but they couldn't name you two of her songs. For Harry, it was watermelon sugar which was a song in his SECOND full album that was released five years after 1D. Anyone who thinks Harry got "international mainstream whatever" success right after one direction... is wrong. It happened in his second album. Even more so, despite one direction having had tours in stadiums, Harry's first solo tour was an arenas tour. He literally had shows for 15k, 20k people, not more than that. Any BTS akgae would've called him a flop. Hell, if they looked at his youtube/instagram/tiktok numbers right now they would still call him a flop.

Because that's usually how it goes for good, remarkable people who are meant to be remembered and even more loved as years go by. Olivia started off her career with a bang, but will people remember her 10 years from now? That's yet to be seen. Deep down, that is the ultimate goal for a lot of people. They want to make an impact and be rememberd in the long haul. Frankly, I believe that's the real definition of "success". Or at least the only respectable definition.

I'm working as a teacher right now, and the other day I asked my class of teens (they're all around 15 years old) who are they listening to these days so I'd take them a song to work with during class, and all the girls in the class immediately said Taylor Swift. I was so pleasantly surprised! I liked Taylor Swift in 2009 and back then nobody I knew listened to her.

I'm seeing Taylor in November, me and my little sister bought tickets to her show. My sister is 15 right now, about the same age I was in 2009 when I started listening to Taylor. One of her classmate's mom called me to help her get a ticket because they weren't able to the first time and her daughter cried the whole day. Now, that's legacy. How is Taylor, two decades into her career, still gaining fans and still getting bigger and bigger everyday? After getting the tickets I mentioned to my brother how I was listening to Taylor when I was 15 and now our sister is litening to her at 15 too, and he was like "it's not easy, having that kind of career especially right now when everything comes and goes so fast; she's almost like coldplay or the rolling stones now." You know, those bands that will always have an audience no matter how many years pass. I think BTS as a group is definitely in that category, but I can't say the same for any solo member as of right now. Ask me again in 10 years, maybe.

As for music, sometimes songs are a hit in the US and not the rest of the world. Sometimes they are everywhere else in the world but not in the US. More often than not, a certified Hit song happens when it's a hit both in the US AND worldwide. Like it or not, the world still looks to the US for "approval" in a lot of things, if it's cool there then they'll think it's cool anywhere else. I don't like in the US so I don't know if Morgan Wallen is a "household name", but he's already got the longest running #1 or whatever, even more weeks than as it was. Yet I've never heard his song, meanwhile everyone knew as it was. Either way, even "hit songs" have an expiration date. People don't hold on to one-time wonders for a long time, the next one comes and they forget about the previous one.

And then there's that thing I've talked about before related to trends in music and how the world seems to have moved on from pop songs and are more into a "mature" sound, and a more developed sound, something that sounds like people actually worked on them.

If we're talking about hits in the US, just look at these numbers. And it's a song with no remixes or anything. She barely did any performances for it. She literally didn't even try.

This isn't really relevant, just a shameless Harry plug, but I wish people knew more of Harry's music apart from watermelon sugar and as it was lol. I also liked him better before the clown clothes (tho he used to dress like that even when he was in one direction, he's always been ~quirky and no, he's not forcing that trait, he's just really always been like that since he was young). I actually don't even like as it was, and his last album is my least favorite one. I like this style of his:

It's understandable though, that singers like to experiment and try different things, they like reinventing themselves, and that's okay.

And this one is a song that he wrote but then gave to Ariana Grande. And he doesn't change pronouns even if the song is sung by a woman. If I recall correctly, I think even the original leak of the song had these lyrics, as if they were written about a man (but don't quote me on that because it's been way too many years and I can't find the original leak).