#im so crazy abt them its kinda concerning now

[dinxieyinxie]

☃️❄️ happy holidays from these two !! they are so so sillay ><

[akgaereporter]

nct: sunflowers attacking dream over recent haechan live ☠

tldr: during haechan’s recent welive he said he permed his hair & dream "thought something was wrong" with it so he got it straightened again. some sfs/hc solos started losing their damn minds over that🤕 he also talked a lot abt music he wants to release and highkey called sm out, and all of this got the sunflower girlies real mad i guess..

so earlier haechan went live on weverse and was talking about dream's reaction to him perming his hair:

some sfs went kinda insane over this☠

like woah..? how did we go from 1 to 100☠ i cant even tell whos a solo, a unitzen, or a dream anti thats how bad it is..

and when dreamzens started ratioing these folk, this person said its hypocritical for them to say psychoanalyzing is weird when drmzens did the same to 127 with their constant coworker allegations

idk what they were tryna say here like okay..?? then yall both freaks☠

☆ my opinion

icl and say i’ve been keeping up w this 284828483 year old unitzen drama but i do remember the coworker allegations the last person was talking about, it got really bad at one point, however that doesnt excuse the INSANITY that is going on here. inserting urself into this big ole grown man’s relationships and acting like hes some kind of poor bullied people pleaser who can’t make any choices for himself is so crazy PLEASE wake up. if any of yall lewsers read past the first line of those translations youd see he agreed and said he also didn’t like the way the perm came out (bc the back was all curly and his bangs weren’t)☠️ imagine getting ur hair done and looking crazy, so u listen to ur homeboys and get it fixed but ur deranged 70 hour sceentime having ass fans start acting like they punched u unconscious, strapped u to a chair and straightened it themselves.. id smoke a pack the size of both koreas too if my stans were so insufferable like dont embarass me.. all y’all doing is exposing u have absolutely zero friends bc ive never seen a more normal interaction between groupmates☠️

but all this lowkey feels like a reaction to some of the things hc said concerning music/solo scheds during the live. its obvious that sm is in fact sabotaging him bc ur telling me 8 years in, as one of nct's strongest vocalists and a popular member, he hasn't released any proper solo music despite wanting to..??? and is still getting micromanaged this far into his career? if 2+2 is 4 um...

like i thought after a certain amount of time idols start having more of their own creative/appearance direction like with bts, seventeen etc. i guess it might be bc those groups make a lot self written music but still..? doesnt hyuck write music too? to have a star on ur hands like this and fumble is so crazy to me, theres no other explanation than they want him to stay local and not get too big for the brand since hes one of the centers in nct.

but girl bye.. if they let his fame grow, all they'd have to do is treat him properly and he wouldn't want to leave they wack ass company. they just dont want him to have a choice☠ now they got him on lock bc they dont know how to act right. im not condoning anything but i really do understand why so many haechan/nct solos in general exist.. it all starts & ends with sm's fuckassery cause if my biases got steady treated like garbage id get hostile towards ANYONE in and out of the group too like..

anyways had to wake this tea up🤕 haechan deserves better everything i fear. better company, better fans, but NOT a better group. he loves those boys down and all of them are highkey in the same boat but saying that on unitzentwt will get you SHOT. stay strapped in these streets..

[c l o s e t a b ?] ◀ ⇨ akgaepop.com

[galewingpirates]

Baratie Arc

I LOVED THIS ARC

Baratie Arc? More like Sanji Arc- Ok ok ok let’s get started.

First of all: New crewmate!!! Sanji is so cool. His backstory was probably the darkest of the crew that’s been revealed so far bc like. Starvation is no joke. ALSO ZEFF CUT HIS OWN LEG OFF TO SAVE SANJI?.?? that’s his dad. Idc who Sanji’s real dad is, ZEFF is his dad.

Zoro’s friends were so funny in this arc too like how are they still alive 😭 I’m glad they’re ok though. Full body iron fist or whatever his name is? He was INTERESTING WHY DID THEY JUST USE HIM TO INTRODUCE SANJI AND GIVE LUFFY A REASON TO STAY AT THE BARATIE FOR LONGER THAN HE HAD TO. BRING HIM BAAAAACK I WANT SANJI TO KICK HIM IN THE FACE AGAIN!!!

Also Mihawk. All hail Mihawk. He’s so great omg I want more Mihawk content and I want it now. He’s my fave he looks so cool I want a poster of him

ZEFF is chill, I like him. He’s funny. The fact that he hits people with his hat while he’s wearing it is hilarious and I love it.

Also idk why but I rlly like Sanji’s shirt. Like- the stripey blue shirt. It’s my favorite thing ever. Also Sanji gets so angry so quickly and it’s absolutely hilarious like he was so calm until Fullbody spilled the soup. He curses so much and I appreciate that.

IM SO CONCERNED ABT THIS CREW BTW CAUSE LUFFY JUST PUNCHED DON KRIEG THROUGH THE SPIKES AND ZORO GOT DESTROYED BY MIHAWK- WHERE IS THEIR SURVIVAL INSTINCT 😭

Also Sanji saving Luffy from drowning 👍 they’re besties now I don’t make the rules

I think Usopp has all their survival instinct at this point

Alright, I might rewatch this arc later, I really liked it! It was cool 😎

Baratie Arc notes (I made these as I watched the arc)

Be warned, this is essentially spam that makes no sense if u don’t remember every little thing that happens in the arc

Why do they have so many limes??? I mean It’s good they had them bc scurvy is no joke but WHY

ALSO THE “hooray hooray!! Hooray hooray!! Hooray hooray!!” IS SO FUNNY

“A certain hawk-eyed man you’re looking for is there” 👀👀👀👀👀 HIM?????

“OUR DESTINATION IS..” IM FINALLY GONNA KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE BARATIE OMG-

🧍‍♂️ “Barateeay”????? What?????

THE MARINES R HERE TOO???? 😭

Oh the iron fist guy is kinda cool tbh.

“They’re an eyesore. Sink ‘em.” DAMN. NVM IG???

I’ve heard OF Arlong before but now I’m actually seeing the wanted poster and Nami is crying??? 😟

Did. Did Luffy just hit the Baratie with a cannonball.

FIRST SANJI SIGHTING IM GOING FERAL AAAAAAAA THERE HE IS!!!!!! ITS HIM!!! I WANT A PLUSHIE OF HIM I CAN THROW AT THE WALL. If I don’t like Sanji’s VA I swear I’m throwing myself into the sun.

He’s great. Sanji is great. So cool. (Also Zeff sounds like a muppet and it’s so incredibly funny that he bonked Luffy with his hat)

“Sorry sir, don’t know really. Looks like he’s floating. Then again, it kinda looks like he’s drowning, but it’s hard to say for sure.” Sanji is so funny I love him

Why did Sanji put his hand in the spilled soup though??? 😭

“The customer is always right”? No. “The customer will get kicked in the face”.

WHY DID LUFFY AND ZEFF FALL THROUGH THE CEILING??

WHY DID FULLBODY SHOOT ONE OF HIS OWN MEN IN THE RESTAURANT??? I AGREE WITH LUFFY THIS RESTAURANT IS CRAZY

Ok wait no it wasn’t Fullbody I got confused.

Sanji is so slay though. He’s so silly.

“I REFUSE TO ACCEPT YOUR REFUSAL” I’m- ????? 😭 this is so good

Sanji stop throwing dishware into the sea 🙏

LUFFY GODDAMNIT WHATS WITH THE DISRESPECT FOR DISHWEAR IN THIS EPISODE

“Finish pouring it yourself” IM SOBBIMG.

Nami scamming Sanji is the funniest thing ever but also like free food is so good so I get it

Don Krieg this Don Krieg that IDC

“I saw things that I couldn’t bring myself to believe” IS THAT MIHAWK??????

IT IS!!! IT IS MIHAWK!!!!!!!!

Also Usopp’s scream is great lmao BUT THE LOOK OF TERROR ON EVERYONE’S FACES!!! Mihawk is great :]]]

Also I thought Sanji had a painting of cheese earlier but it’s a map 😭

“Perhaps you interrupted him during a nap” I love that that’s canon in the live action apparently omg Mihawk is great

Why does one of the Don Krieg Pirates just have a shirt that says ‘war’ on the back??? 😭

What’s with the freaky green candle??? OH ITS MIHAWK’S FREAKY GREEN CANDLE. MIHAWK MY FAVE. HES SO COOL. Also I didn’t mention this earlier but why do the cooks have giant cutlery weapons???

Anyways Mihawk :]

Oh WOW he cut that boat clean in half. They’re gonna need some flex tape.

WAIT NAMI STOLE THE GOING MERRY??? HUH???

also Mihawk’s little ship is so funny why is he using candles in the ocean 😭 how did his boat not sink??? So many questions HIS BOAT IS SHAPED LIKE A COFFIN HES SO GOTH

Where is this man’s shirt. 🧍‍♂️

“Just killing time.” MIHAWK. I’m a Mihawk stan now istg.

Mihawk is so cool, also how in the world did he win that fight with a tiny dagger??? Also the ‘I’m afraid I don’t carry any smaller blades’ WOW

JESUS CHRIST THEY WERENT KIDDING WHEN THEY SAID SANJI ALMOST STARVED. Also that pearl guy is weird.

I love how much Sanji curses omg. ALSO GIN IS SUPER STRONG???

“He’s our cool-headed cold-hearted pirate fleet chief commander Gin.” Why. Why was that sentence so long.

I like Sanji’s stripey blue shirt. It’s cool. It’s a wonderful blue shirt.

“Say, have you ever heard of the All Blue?” IM SCREAMING HE S SO EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

YOSAKU,,,,???? HOWD HE GET EATEN BY A SHARK AND HOW IS HE ALIVE (Also the chefs loving Sanji’s soup 😭)

Why does Sanji have a suitcase of kitchen knives.

ALSO SANJIS BACKSTORY NEEDS TO STOP MAKING ME CRY

[sundaemuddysucks]

tdwt courterra is soo fucked up. ive been thinking abt it all day. picture this

ok courtney and sierra have like. No fucking reason to interact in tdwt despite being teammates bc i think out of all of them, sierra freaks out courtney the most bc courtney is like. Super judgmental right. and sierra has more interesting people (in her mind) to blog about. and i think sierra wasnt a very big courtney fan (she wasn’t ever really super obsessive abt her + she didnt seem to care that much abt duncney). but that all changes after the whole gwuncan shitstorm. Remember how sierra was the only one who actually sympathized with courtney and voted with her for gwen. yeah. heather did try to comfort courtney but imagine courtney realizes Hey i probably. should not rely on heather for comfort. so instead courtney decides to (very hesitantly) start hanging out with sierra since she’s her only teammate that isn’t a gwen sympathizer or a bitch (in her mind). at first she just kinda spends a lot of time bitching to sierra abt “gwen is such a bitch ohh my god i hate her so much” which actually kinda gives them common ground (sierra is also an aggressive gwen disliker and thinks boyfriend stealing is wrong etc etc) and courtney feels really validated which is special to her bc to me she is the type to be invalidated a lot when she expresses dislikes/concerns (since she is autistic. i mean look at her. and at least in my experience being autistic ppl never take you seriously when you complain about shit) so actually having someone enthusiastically agree with her and not judge her for the. odd things she says (like cmon she sang an entire song abt wanting to maim gwen) is a big deal. courtney is in a pretty emotionally vulnerable state at that time since yk she just got betrayed by her only real friend and cheated on. she starts crushing and shes like Man what the hell this sucks. and she hates herself a lot for being attracted to sierra of all people bc 1) internalized homophobia 2) sierra is. Sierra and 3) courtney realllllly doesn’t want to let herself get attached to anyone (especially a girl) bc of the fact that gwen just straight up stole her boyfriend. so while courtney has all that going on, sierra is having Thoughts of her own. the pedastal shes kinda been putting cody on starts to crumble bc she’s like What the hell. how in god’s name is he supporting GWEN right now!! and it’s kind of dawning on her slowly that she might not have a chance w/ cody if hes still so adamantly crushing on gwen. so sierra is feeling Troubled. and she vents to her new friend courtney about it. courtney listens bc she does really appreciate that sierra made her feel heard so even though sierra sounds. crazy. she still feels obligated to return the favor. sierra is like man idk if cody loves me after all 😭😭 and she rants on and on abt how ohhh cody is still crazy over gwen and he doesnt really pay attention to her and hes been trying to vote her off etc etc. which makes courtney kinda empathize with sierra (which is a strange thing to her granted the fact that she previously wrote sierra off as being Fucking Crazy) since in a way courtney is kinda in the same situation with her whole feelings abt sierra. sierra is still obsessing over cody. you see the parallel. anyways courtney does kinda feel bad for sierra so she comforts her and shes like yeah gwen really does suck (she’s probably also like “we should shove her off the plane” or something) but maybe its just time for you to let go of cody. and in courtneys mind she also telling herself “i need to get over whatever the hell im feeling for sierra this is Weird and Bad” or whatever. anyways sierra agrees and shes like ok 🤗 we are friends now. courtneys like sure whatever.

then sierra (with courtney’s encouragement) starts to let go of her obsession w cody which is great BUT she starts fixating on courtney in the process. her tendency to idolize people starts to come back up when courtney is helping her get over cody and everything. sierra is thinking Wow courtney is sooo nice and sweet omg,, and i relate to her sooo much like we feel the same way abt gwen and everything,,, (and also the autism symptoms but i dont think sierra would consciously pick up on that. she just notices the little things like them both having sensory issues [which isnt canon but in my head it is. ok.]) so now sierra has a weird obsessive borderline crush on courtney. kinda like how she was with cody but less extreme since sierra actually recognizes courtney as a person to a degree since shes had a chance to actually interact with courtney face to face and get to know her personally instead of by stalking her. rather than being really invasive towarss courtney she just Really wants to be around her and she’ll agree w/ anything courtney says/does even if it doesn’t align with her own thoughts. anyways back to courtney. courtney is still realllly fixating on how badly she wants gwen voted off (imagine all this goes down before picnic @ hanging dork. that or gwen is still here after that episode for whatever reason. idk. Gwen is here okay. the episode timeline doesnt matter) and sierra is kinda encouraging this by validating all her weird violent thoughts abt gwen. courtney gets her idea to start throwing challenges and sierra helps her w/ it (sierra probably doesn’t agree w throwing challenges but she also. fucking hates gwen AND shes inclined to agree with courtney sooo). they bond more over trying to get gwen eliminated (throwing challenges + trying to get heather to vote w them) and courtney starts to think of sierra more and more fondly. she sorta enjoys the attention she gets from sierra (even though it is Not Good) bc yk. people tend to not really like her. and again she is Extremely Vulnerable rn. and she starts feeling okay with putting her trust in sierra even though when she did that with gwen the trust got broken, bc sierra helping courtney get gwen eliminated and really clearly disliking gwen for what she did kinda shows courtney that sierra and gwen are Very Different and sierra wouldn’t betray her. so courtney’s weird crush feelings start picking up more but since she trusts sierra shes less violently opposed to it. still not a fan but she doesnt hate the idea. right. so sierra is like officially detached from cody and fixated on courtney atp. for whatever reason she thinks its a good idea to tell courtney she has feelings for her which freaks courtney tf out bc a) shes kinda oblivious and didnt realize sierra liked her in that way b) courtney is still Conflicted about her relationship w sierra and c) she just got out of a several month long relationship. Uh oh. but given that courtney isnt completely against letting herself like sierra, shes pretty close w her now, and shes really enjoying the attention she gets from sierra, in addition to the fact that she thinks getting in a relationship would make duncan jealous which she wants to do, toxic yuri wins and courterra is real ❤️

from there idfk how itd play out just know that they would break up quickly (it lasts like half a year at the absolute maximum..[this might seem like a long time but im a lesbian. 6 months is nothing to me when it comes to relationships]) violently and sorrowfully.

in conclusion: courterra. can anyone hear me.

[malintzyn]

when i was little i fell out the bed and hit my face hard after a nightmare, so i decided not to be scared by nightmares anymore bc that nightmare was abt dying in my sleep cuz i fell out the bed bc i was scared of a lady telling me i was going to die in my sleep... in the dream... it was crazy, man.

it worked tho, now if i have a dream that is even kinda scary i will either realize its a dream and just wake up and go back to sleep to 'reset' it, or i wake up naturally feeling mildly concerned for like 5 mins b4 i get up and start my day.

its only counts as a nightmare, tho, if its like gorey, or pple die. normal nightmare stuff like teeth falling out, or giant snakes and spider pits and monsters and fires and the like r just registered as normal dreams and not concerning at all until im awake enough to actually think abt it and be like 'yeah, i shouldntve watched those scary tiktoks before bed'

ANYWAY, sleepless thing! if i go a whole night w/o sleeping and take a nap later in the day i always wake up at either 12 or 3pm, my heat beats rly rly fast and its hard to breath and if i get up, my body still feels like its sleeping and i Will fall asleep standing up or walking if i try to stay awake.

if i go back to sleep, i will wake up 52 minutes later (idk why its always 52 or 54 mins) perfectly fine. this is regardless if i fell asleep 15 mins before the above times, or 2 hours or whatever.

also, idk whats up w sleep paralysis, but i have woken up unable to move multiple times but my face is always somehow covered by a blanket or pillow, or my own damn arm that one time, so i dont see anything but i hear weird clicks and creaks and like, tinnitus sounds. ive felt something touching or grabbing my hand twice, and one of them i just twitched my fingers and fell back asleep, the other time i jolted up and i was in a different location than i thought i was. sometimes it just feels like theres worms (more like caterpillars) under my skin but im not too worried abt that. so sleep or demon experts or whatever what the Fuck is up w that?

waking up normal, my face is not covered. I've usually kicked off the blankets by then.

things people do after having a nightmare that isn’t crying

struggle to catch their breath

grab onto whatever’s close enough to ground themselves in reality

become nauseous / vomit

shake uncontrollably

sweat buckets

get a headache

things people do to combat having nightmares if they occur commonly

sleep near other people so they can hear the idle sounds of them completing tasks

move to a different sleeping spot than where they had the nightmare

leave tvs / radios / phones on with noise

just not sleep (if you want to go the insomnia route)

sleep during the day in bright rooms

things people with insomnia do

first, obviously, their ability to remember things and their coordination will go out the window

its likely they’ll become irritable or overly emotional

their body will start to ache, shake, and weaken

hallucinate if it’s been long enough

it becomes incredibly easy for them to get sick (and they probably will)

add your own in reblogs/comments!

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel kinda bad abt taking my mental health/work day

like yea i get an insane amount of school work but theres ppl i go to school w who have practice, and rehersal and get it done. am i seriously this mentally weak and unstable?? that i get so stressed out and anxious over school i have to take a day to do it cause i cant do my work at school? really???? like i feel idk idk how i feel. i dont think guilty is the right word? but neither is weak? idk. but its bad. theres just so much going on in my family life too that im worried about and i keep trying to tell myself that this is ok and needed and i just have to get the work done but its so hard to not worry and get overanxious to the point i cant go to school. mental health is such a tricky thing and i know its important but i feel so bad when i take care of it. i will say i put on my insta note "needing to stay home from school to do schoolwork is crazy" and like 5 ppl from school have responded saying they do the same thing all the time cause its so necessary. that makes me feel less bad abt taking today off, well not really off im gonna spend my whole day working even tho thats what i did yesterday too after my PSAT and barely made a dent in my planner. its just its so much. so so so so much and i feel bad that other ppl can handle it but i cant. ik ppls brains are built different but how come i struggle so much in school and w school work and others just pass w As and dont even bat an eye???? ig stupid is how it makes me feel. guilty, weak, and stupid. its only october and i feel like im on a sinking ship, i have school to worry abt, loved ones in florida to worry abt, my mas health to worry abt, my health to worry abt, keeping the house at least kinda clean to worry abt, plans to worry abt, social things to worry abt, so much to worry abt. also slightly unrelated but i have a dr appt to go to on saturday and get to skip out on helping w open house at my school and trying to explain to my friend why no she wouldnt rather spend her saturday talking w her mothers spinal surgeon about how she could be paralyzed for the rest of her life, or how her back conditions could kill her. id rather work open house but she insisted i was "lucky" to miss out. i just feel so overwhelmed already. its only october and my mental health is already at such an edge that i cant go to school. ik that going where i go will be good in the long run and the adults around me are constantly telling me that but idk if its worth it since who knows if ill even make it to the long run. they keep insisting that too. ignoring my mental health concerns and just saying that i go to such a good school and my diploma will help me much more than if i went to public school. which is all tru but it shouldnt be at the cost of my mental, and physical health. they say itll make college easier but if this is supposed to prep me for college idk if i can make it another 4 years of this.

im not happy anymore. not long term anyways like sure hoco was fun and i was happy, i was happy getting ready and dancing but as soon as it ended i wasnt happy anymore. i was back to my now usual empty kind of sadness. i watch shows, play games, and make art that usually makes me happy and it doesnt anymore. i stopped drawing for pleasure, only watch shows and yt series to get it over with and havent touched any games in a long time. nothings fun anymore. everyone is so happy, going to parties, hanging out, having fun but here i am practically drowning trying to even crack a smile. ive started just doing the bare minimum for myself to survive. school, sleep, eating, showers basic things. ive abandoned most of my hobbies and ik thats not good for me but i just cant bring myself to do them. i wanna be happy and i dont want ppl ik to worry so i just kinda fake it hoping no one will notice and maybe i can make other ppl happy. im lonely, sad, anxious, guilty, depressed. i should be excited abt things but everything feels like an obligation now. im just trying to go abt life trying not to die and thats pretty much it.

[iiruwu]

hi can i. can you please map out your bulletin board list on how you think ronance will become endgame. because i also have a bulletin board map in my head and i want to compare notes :)

this is so cute i'd love to! @wrought-tweaks also requested this so :D

im going to first go through all the info i've collected as well as inferred (even though my inferences aren't fact, by any means).

so first, lets consider the undeniable truths. in terms of canonical possibility, i genuinely think ronance's chances are pretty high. not only has robin's sexuality been confirmed - something that rarely ever happens in most shows - but there's also the interviews over the last few weeks that lead me to believe that vickie is probably not going to survive the next volume:

call me pessimistic but i really don't think this is going to end up well. if i were to predict vickie's outcome, i'd say we're going to get confirmation that she is also queer (perhaps through vecna) and then she'll die.

there's also this interview about robin's love life in season 4, whichhhh call me crazy but is kinda???

its obviously not confirming anything but 'a story that gets built' reeks of ronance to me, because i really do NOT see any story happening between her and vickie. vickie's barely even been in the entire season, and robin's screentime has largely revolved around her interactions with nancy. its a little fishy.

so if we're assuming that vickie is dying, and there's going to be a shift of some sort in robin's story, then we also need to consider nancy's whole love triangle going on, which - this is a major source of concern for me tbh. but! let me sprinkle some more interview crumbs that are telling of the possible outcome of that whole mess:

i think it's like 50-60% safe to say stancy won't happen in the end if i were to go off of this, but i'm not the type to put all my eggs in one basket, so - i'm not entirely optimistic about it. what sucks, though, is that i've pretty much scoured the internet over the past month (the autism hit HARD after s4 dropped) and there has been absolutely nothing about jancy's future aside from charlie talking about how jonathon was probably having thoughts about breaking up with nancy. jancy might actually stay strong. still, im trying to look on the bright side :')

there's also this tid-bit from natalia which i might be reading too much into (or i might be overestimating the duffer brothers' attentiveness to her character) but:

like come on. this shit reeks of the whole murray scene where he's like "you like steve. but you don't love steve." tell me not?? i feel like it'd be a little redundant to have her going for steve or jonathon when they've both done very questionable things over the last few seasons. realistically though, her answer leans more towards stancy not happening rather then jancy not happening. jancy has been holding up pretty strong overall, which - good for jancy nation tbh but i don’t exactly think jonathon is the best partner to her either considering the incident with him taking photos. call me crazy but if i were screenwriting nancy’s love story i would be taking this into consideration. who knows, though.

now, all the interviews and articles aside, i'm just gonna be real with you and say i really find it hard to believe nancy would go back to steve. she has been wronged by him and she has wronged him, too. not only that but i think she might connect him to her guilt over barb's death, which i posted abt before. if i were to predict the outcome of that whole weird tension between them during volume 1, i'm betting my money that it's not going to go anywhere.

jancy, on the other hand? iiiii don't know. i think jancy is really one of the only things holding ronance back from actually sprouting and becoming something canon. what i WILL say though is that if nancy were to see jonathon now, and who he has become as a character, i rlly doubt she’s going to look at him and be like “yeah i want to continue dating him” lol

that aside, if we're talking my predictions for ronance if they were to actually, really happen, i don't think it's going to happen this season. in a perfect world where things went like how they do in my insane little head, i think there'd be a few embers of something more in the second volume, but nothing would be acted upon just because it'd be too poorly timed for both of their characters. robin is best friends with steve, who's clearly not over nancy/has some sort of residual connection to her that he might be confusing as romantic, so her feelings might be stifled by that. nancy is still with jonathon, and even though the two of them are struggling relationship-wise, its all just too vague to make out what will happen with them. still, if some mutual interest were to be hinted at in vol2, it'd probably be a while until they come together. it might even be right up to the end of the show until we see anything come to fruition in my opinion.

i'd probably be able to tell you my sure-fire prediction for their potential future after volume 2, just because we'll definitely get a solid answer for nancy's whole love triangle fiasco by the end. either way, robin's whole love progression that has been alluded to is verryyyy suspicious and nancy's love life is just entirely too shaky for jancy or stancy to hold up.

pls feel free to dm me/submit your own bulletin board to my inbox if you'd like! i love hearing other people's opinions/predictions/theories for robin and nancy, both individually and as a pairing. ty for giving me an excuse to basically info dump sjkskjgjk <33333333

[safetyrat]

Hiiii maybe LL!Ren for the character headcannon thing?

hey!! yes!! im really glad i get to talk abt ren bc he lives in my head rent free At All Times :) ty very much for requesting him

Realistic: While Ren did want to win, i mean thats kind of the whole point of the game, he never was truly passionate about it? Like, he saw how it was a hollow victory last season and being a natural two lifer, he didn't see his chances as too great. The driving force for making alliances and gearing up was mostly survival instinct. He would try, of course, but he woudn't go as far as betraying allies or doing anything else crazy like that, this game wasn't worth it.

Well, he used to think so. But BigB saying that if they win, a part of his queen wins with them? That stuck with him, for some reason. He is willing to go far futher, now. A far lot futher.

He needs to win, after all.

Funny: He still is very much a werewolf, but he does not transform on full moons (bc server power supression, regulation to make the game more fair etc. etc. whatever, he just naturally is a bit dogboy anyways). Instead, he just kinda,, goes crazy goes stupid? think this post without the transforming basically.

It is especially incredibly inconvinient as this is Very Likely To Happen during the mysterious and very important meetings with Martyn/the Shadows. Sometimes this just makes him get into their weeb roleplay even more, more likely than not it ends up with furniture being nibbled on and everybody else incredibly tired with how much affection he demands. Usually Martyn has to console him bc he is very embarrassed afterwards. This is a routine they have developed in Dogwards. They Are Used To This.

(And yes, this is the reason he set himself on fire and we didnt see it in his episode. Fuck You if that wasnt even a full moon. It's also why Martyn insists on teaming with him afterwards, he clearly needs somebody)

Sad: He made a grave for his queen. Well, not a grave grave, her body is with the Joel and the other reds, and Ren doesn't think he even has half the claim to it as they do, but as close to closure as he could get. He gathered every trinked and item he could find that felt connected to her (I headcanon time to be much slower for them, so the recordings take a few days and there are days of down time between the recordings. You would be suprised how much Stuff piles up when you live with somebody for a few weeks) and burried it in the ashes of the fairy fort. Despite everything that happens late game, he always makes sure to go there and take care of it a bit, restore parts of the fairy fort maybe. He feels a bit silly, doing so in a death game, but he feels like its part of his duty to her. Like he owes it for not being able to protect her.

Canon who: OK SO this isnt entirely original, but!!!! do u know the post thats like "3rd life happend in a millisecond on the hermitcraft server, and when everybody returned they werent even sure it actually happend? and ren didnt even know if martyn actually exists?"

PLEASE if somebody knows where to find that post send it to me, its a banger and i wanna credit it properly

So take this and extend it to Last Life. Imagine Ren waking up after being killed, having watched first Lizzie, then BigB, then Martyn die, die, die. Imagine him opening his eyes in a panic, ready to scream for help from his allies, only to see... Doc? Looking concerned at him? Asking "Are you alright, man? You blanked out for a second there."

He is in a meeting. Doc looks expectantly at him to explain the new developments of the octagon. His whole life has just changed.

But it has been just a second. And every other second that passes, his memory gets more blurry. Did he really imagine that? Was he going crazy? Did he make them up? Make up three whole new people important to him? After all, most of the other players in that game had been hermits, except the ones closest to him, for some reason.

But no matter how much time passed, he could clearly remember their faces, and you know how they say that you can't make a new face up in a dream? He hung onto that.

Weeks later, and he doesn't remember why, but he metioned it to Pearl. And she told him about a little server she was on once called Evo, and that she had known Martyn and BigB there. She admits not knowing where they are now, but it is enough to make Ren determined to find them.

She also mentions another server, one she still frequents today, and while it doesn't usually have visitors, she promises to arrange something.

Time passes again, then Ren finds both Gem and Pearl at his front door and they take him on a journey to a world of empires.

It's where he gets to see his queen again, and this time, she is more royal then she has ever been before.

[2d-dreams]

once again im thinkin about this so following on the ideas i had last night

Flatlander Naming

so im on the fence about this considering the strict society and monotonous lives these lil guys have so tell me what u think but i saw this in a book abt dragons and really obsessed over the idea

so in Flatland you still have your name and your last name, two if you're a Woman (your husbands last name and your family's)

All the stuff i have rn under the read more

Last Names

Last names kinda were identifiers for families as a whole back in the old days. kinda like saying lets say... jerry and his wife betsy, "yknow, the guys that pick berries and have a crazy amount of kids" but with 1 noise

Most families if not all, save for some that cant get beyond the isosceles class, have a certain tone in their last names that means regularity or purity, specifically of lineage rather than the person themself, and one that is specifically associated to last names, so that you can easily tell (if you have the keen ear of a flatlander) that Mr. Green is his last name, and he isn't either colored green nor is his first name Green, etc.

note that obviously any family names with colors beyond black, white, or the many shades of grays, are banned.

With the polygon and priest classes the purity tone is especially exaggerated and drifts more into moral purity and perfection itself than the physical regularity sort that is just assumed instantly

First Names

Now this is the part im not completely sure about

A Flatlander's first name is by custom given a little while after they are born. This because it is all too common for a child to be terminated in some regions by irregularity, or for the higher class children to not survive the neotherapeutic reconfiguration.

This also because a Flatlander is named according to their personality or defining traits.

Naming convention which yes, has led many awful parents to initially naming their irregular sons names that translate to "Freakony" and "Horrorbert" or their undesired daughters "Notaboy" and "Unwantedyna"

These names are often flexible, and despite no laws (beyond the usual prohibitions of speech about certain topics) overseeing naming, many customs have arrived and seen as law, and often it is taboo to break them.

A name cannot be 'erased'. Concepts or tones can be added but it is not seen well to erase the previous name, atleast not completely. (If your parents named you Horrorbert you cant rename yourself Paul. Maybe you can make your formal name Herbert or add to your name "Horrorbert the guy who grew into his angles and is a great doctor, super big fan of lizards")

Most people have two names. The first name as a child or "casual name" turns into their middle name and they earn a new first name as adults called "formal name", even if in some cases it is just their casual one with a bit of a different tone.

The way the names are called (formal and casual) doesn't mean a lot other than when they're used (formal in their job, casual with friends, etc), and an individual may prefer one or the other and in whatever specific contexts. One of them is always a short and simple version of the other, though its up to the individual whether they feel like their descriptive name is too personal to be their formal name, or if they dont want to burden their loved ones with saying their descriptive name with all the tones and concepts it carries (though to most Flatlanders this is no trouble, but it is still a concern anyway)

For our categorization its probably easier to divide the names in "Descriptive" and "Simple"

i swear im gonna go sleep just I HAD AN IDEA

So what if flatlanders actually speak in beatbox like Yung Venuz and chirps n clicks n pops and melodies

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D 🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Race to the Edge ✨

SEASON 5

Meatlug and Toothless messing around in ep1 when Hiccup and Fishlegs are trying to figure out how to stabilize the island 🥺

I remember when I first watched this I was actually in bio and hearing Ruff and Tuff talk about symbiosis was like " WOW IM LEARNING THAT" 😂😂😂

Symbiotic relationship - symbiosis is the interaction between organisms living in close physical association to the advantage of both

It can lead to -> parasitism - a non-mutual symbiotic relationship between species where the parasite benefits at the expense of the host

- Hookfang and Snotlout have a parasitic relationship JAHDHAHSHA

wait I like that instead of calling a relationship toxic now imma be like "this shii is parasitic peace out ✌🏼️"

HICCSTRID FOREHEAD KISSES OMG😭

I like how Barf and Belch are incredibly strong, I feel like it's a fact that's usually ignored about them

Astrid: *talking about Garf* that dragon has a lot of fight in him

Hiccup: *while placing his hand on her shoulder* he's not the only one

I can't ok I love them too much 🥺

WAIT I JUST NOTICED THE FORESHADOWING WHEN THE TWINS WERE REFERRING TO JOHAN AS A PARASITE OMG 😳

THE BETROTHAL NECKLACE 😭😭😭

Fishlegs licking Astrid's hand is hilariousss nonono it's just that scene in general when Fishlegs is trying to help Astrid find the betrothal gift for Hiccup and she judo-flips him and then sits on him like 🤔

Sandbuster - doesn't like the light. Lives underground.

Astrid riding Toothless to save Hiccup. Just badass.

Hiccup giving Astrid the betrothal necklace and telling her that it's ok that she didn't get him anything bc she's the best gift in the world 🥺

And their hug and the way he moved her out of harm's way whenever Snotlout threw the sword

Still sad abt Shattermaster being replaced by the Triple Stryke

I really liked ep3 whenever they were in Berserker island bc we got to see them actually fighting in battle without their dragons it was pretty cool

The beginning of ep4 is also hilarious I can't with Astrid and Snotlout fighting and then also Astrid beating him up JAHDHAHSHA

- I also always wanted to know what Snotlout said to her 😭😭😭 all of them were just extremely concerned and shocked and Snotlout even had to leave the Edge UGH AHZHZHAG

Atali and the Wingmaidens 👏🏼🤩

"Males would neither understand, nor would they be helpful." Atali is a queen

Vanaheim - the last resting place of all dragons

"Sadness is a matter of perspective. It is how you choose to view something that makes it happy, scary, intriguing, or sad"

Ok so is Stormfly a tracker-class dragon or a sharp-class dragon?

Sentinels - Know all the dragons so they know how to deal with each of their tactics. Run Vanaheim. Have never encountered night furies. Good trackers. Blind. They tend to the island

OMG I FORGOT THAT VANAHEIM IS THE SKELETON OF THE KING OF DRAGONS

HAND HOLDING AND KISSES UFFF THANK U

Hiccstrid kiss count: 3😘

It's the way it's so realistic too, the way he smiles at her, the way he holds her hand and looks at her, the way she puts her hand on his chest and he lightly touches it with his free hand I just can't they're too perfect

Snotlout's excitement to see that Fishlegs was Fishlegs again and not Thor Bonecrusher- I mean the dude went running towards him🥺

I love how Hiccup just knows when Astrid's thinking about something

SPARRING HICCSTRID UGHHH I LOVE THIS SCENE

The way he's just in such a good mood afterwards 🥺

The scene leading up to the moonlight flight in ep7. I love them so much.

Hiccstrid Scene: ep7 min 5:42 -> 7:24

Meatlug's shot was the first to free a Singetail from a dragon flyer

Just realized that Johan not being able to get Hiccup's oil was probably also part of a plan to get them away from the edge to attack

Ok but Snotlout actually taking the initiative to be the leader while Hiccup and Astrid were away

The edge 🥺and when he destroyed his own Hut 🥺 I can't 🥺

I love how Mala and Throk were both trying to put the gang in a better mood

Silicates makes Meatlug drool

Tuffnut's Spanish is amazing we love to see a bilingual king✋🏼👑

Just realized that Krogan's name is well... Krogan. I never actually paid attention to the dude.

OMG WE GET TO SEE DRAGO IN THIS SEASON THIS IS CRAZY

I really like the twins in the Wings of War Episodes, the way they attempt to speak Spanish and start pronouncing the Rrrrrrrrs

Spitelout too lmao the way he helped Hiccup 🤩

It was also Spitelout the one that figured out that the Singetails don't like the altitude

I really love how Hiccup actually found a way to fight the flyers without hurting the Singetails, OMG IT REMINDS ME OF AANG when everyone was telling him to just kill the FIRELORD he found the right way

Tuff has a feet fettish

Stormfly and Garff messing around is too funny I love them sm 😭

Snotlout can be so sad sometimes

The twins singing >>

And that hug between Stormfly and Garff, they're just adorable 🥺🤧

HAHDHSHAHA THE WAY ASTRID LOOKED AT FISHLEGS WHENEVER THE SLITHERWINGS SHOWED

Slitherwings - very poisonous dragons! Even their skin is coated in poison. Like snake appearance. Not much is known about its poison and how it works but there is an antidote -> combination of angel fern root, pine sap and Slitherwing venom. The skin coating protects them from Garff's amber

Stormfly is such a badass omg I love her sm the way she protected Garff

Garff is an excellent shot according to Fishlegs

Fishlegs telling Astrid to look at him is just adorable, the way he wanted her to feel better 😭

Have I mentioned how much I love lil Hiccstrid moments? They dont even have to be romantic but just them? Like he just lightly touched her shoulder and told her to be strong and be there for Stormfly 🥺

Snotlout actually being worried about Astrid 🤧

I will never get over Astrid and Stormfly's relationship and how close they are, they would do anything for each other and Astrid just proved that by going up to the Slitherwing and PUNCHING THE LIL SHIT just to get Stormfly the antidote. AND WHEN SHE STARTED CRYING!!! As Tuffnut said "no one has ever prepared us for something like this"

And the Ruffnut being there for her and protecting her 😭😭😭

Astrid can actually draw

Still pissed about the fact that Hiccup never knew Astrid got poisoned NOW I NEED TO READ A FANFIC ON IT

That scene in Snuffnut [ep11] where Throk arrives to take Ruffnut as his wife is too funny. The way Astrid is pissed since the beginning and both Hiccup and Fishlegs are like "umm nope" AND WHEN HICCUP TAKES ASTRID OUT OF THE SCENE AND ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS HIM SCREAMING AND THESE RANDOM NOISES 😩😩😩😂

It really bothered me that Astrid had to stay behind in Looking for Oswald... And Chicken [ep12] just to take care of the twins when we could've had some Hiccstrid 😩😭 but it makes sense because Astrid is the only one Hiccup can actually trust on to keep things under control because even though Fishlegs is kinda sane neither the twins nor Snotlout would listen to him and Snotlout would definitely join the twins or just make things worse somehow. I mean they've both proven themselves to be fully capable but well- yk... Astrid is just Astrid

Astrid and Stormfly's faces whenever the twins said they needes a dragon that loves tracking and chicken😭😂😩

Chicken covering her tracks and Snotlout as narrator 😂

Omg Dagur saw Oswald's dead body... He even had to bury him and wow-

Grim Gnashers - hunters that prey on the sick dragons in Vanaheim.

Chicklet🐥🐥🐥🐥

SNOTLOUT'S TAN LINE OMGGG

"Please let me hurt him. Please? Just-- just a little?"JAHSHAHAJAJ I LOVE AGGRESSIVE DAGUR

Fishlegs saying that "Snotlout can actually be pretty handy in an air battle" is so true. Like we mostly see Snotlout as this dumb, sarcastic, rebellious dude who doesn't care about anyone but himself and but that's actually not true he's actually caring and will fight for the ones he loves but he won't say that because he cares too much about what others think of him 😭

I really dislike Johan sm u guys don't understand like I used to like him and feel bad whenever ppl cut him short but ughhhhhhh it's the subtle things too like him telling Heather to give them the dragon eye, him screaming in Snotlout's ear, not extending his hand to grab Heather, and him putting his hand out to "grab" the lens but just causing Snotlout to drop it

The way Heather jumped to get Windshear and the way Windshear kept telling her to leave and save herself

Archipelago gold = The clouds of corn = pop corn

I can't believe I'm about to start season 6 this is actually so sad

[the-slut-verses]

sayer relisten thots, s1

sayers a smug manipulative asshole thats why i find it sexy but

i got so used to the uwu in love with hale and has something approximating a conscience version of sayer that exists in my brain and arguably s4 onwards that i forgot how much it delighted in tormenting ppl early on

like, it sounded so happy when it explained to that guy that he's gonna be stuck frozen in space for 200 years unable to die, or when it was trying over and over agian to give hale a bee phobia

i can Clearly See where ocean got it from

that said tho, it still had some cute moments, like that ep where sven was on break and there weren't any alerts but sayer kept bothering him to talk shit abt how their other coworkers kept bothering it for love advice sksksk

okay like fr WHO is asking sayer for love advice

and like,,, naught 2 eps later, here's sayer giving sven unsolicited love advice

i distinctly remember in the s1 q and a that they had to cut out a section of ep 4(i think) wherein sayer was excitedly describing sven's clothes as he was getting dressed for work, cuz it was too "kawaii" adam's words not mine

but i think some of it still came thru in the ep cuz sayer sounded peppier than normal cuz it kept heaping sven praise like "good job," "perfect," "excellent" etc for every little task

i am choosing to interpret that, even this early on, sayer noted sven/hale as especially valuable (at least by the standards it usually values ppl by)

prolly cuz he has no connection to earth which is a thing he shares with sayer, which sayer pointed out here and again in s4 when they were on a space walk date lol

i forgot that sayer called sven a cowboy and that he should be proud of himself for that

also, sayer normally sounds detached or delighted when leading ppl to their deaths but,

it sounded genuinely??? concerned??? in the finale where it noticed that he was acting weird and is bleeding and it wanted him to comply with its orders and not die

also, it's really charming hearing the early eps of a pod and seeing them figure out their show as they go

like,,, during the first couple of eps, they haven't nailed down the sayer voice yet, like,, i could hear adam just doing a voice thru a lot of it cuz the breaths weren't cut out and it isn't as deep and the filters are different

there were also some retcons like, sayer offhandedly mentioned that there are young children on typhon which implies that 1) aerolith's recruting children (prolly not the case) 2) ppl are having kids on typhon (and that's also prolly not the case cuz i don't think it ever came up ever. and either way they were prolly company mandated children and idk that would've been uncomfy im glad they never followed up on this)

they also haven't committed yet to the ais all having it/its pronouns

sayer and future both tell sven that if he ever wants to know anything abt his past, all his files are right there, and i think that contradicts the ending of s3 where hale/sven is sent back to the past and basically just drops out of nowhere and has no previous records cuz if he did, they should've been able to know abt ocean in advance

also i love how weird and different the eps get from one another

i only noticed it now (cuz i had a friend that had that kink in between now and my first listen) but that claustrophobia hallway ep was totally a vore ep like,,,,

sayer kept sensually describing how sven's being compressed on all sides by a sloping spiraling tightening hallway, and it has soft padded walls. also it gets hotter and wetter as he goes deeper

idk im not into that kink but maybe im just too horny brained but i Cannot Unsee It

lol oviposition was also a thing in this season, kinda,,, with those crazy killer plants getting into sven's tummy and growing into insects or whatever

[gokubrain]

I'VE COME TO ~ASK~

-Do you think Goku and Vegeta would have any pets? I feel like Geets is a cat person, and Goku a dog person. But who knows!

-Do Vegeta like cuddles

-How often do they fight over food

-How many times have they destroyed their house fighting over food

-Also imagine if they got their tails back Vegeta would totally train Goku to control his Big Monkey form and they'd have Big Monkey Fights during the full moon and aaa Monkey™

-They,, kis

-Also omg how do you think everyone would react when they first kiss in front of them all omg

Okay I am going on too long I'm just obsessed with Gay Anime Dudes I die now goodbye

~The all new, fan of your blog but socially awkward, Plague Doctor Anon [|87

HELLO !! hehe

yes i headcanon them having a cat that goku finds in the woods one day and brings home, vegeta’s like “ew an animal?? in our house??? kakarot get rid of it” but goku is eventually able to soften vegeta to the point where he begrudgingly agrees to tolerate having a cat in the house. but i think vegeta ends up growing attached to the cat and loves her in his own weird vegeta-branded way, he calls her horrible names and pets her rly roughly and “argues” with her all the time but she sleeps curled up at his legs every night and theyre basically inseparable 😭 for some reason i’m very obsessed w this concept i think abt it a lot HAHA

yes of course vegeta likes cuddles, i think vegeta’s a very touch-centric person and sometimes he gets randomly overstimulated and needs space but usually i think he’s near goku a Lot and always at least has a hand on him lol

AND OKAY FMJCNC I KNOW IM TOSSING A LOT OF HEADCANONS INTO THE AIR HERE BUT,, i like to think that vegeta is always quietly worried about if goku is hungry or not LOL like i think whenever they’re apart vegeta will just randomly be like “i wonder if kakarot has eaten today” or just kinda stays concerned abt it LOL, I MEAN he would obviously never ever express that out loud to anyone ever and if goku even suggested that this was the case vegeta would go into full denial lmao but thats not to say if goku oversteps a boundary and tries to like. steal vegeta’s food or smth, vegeta will probably go off on him HAHA, in the end vegeta is still competitive and takes everything goku does as a challenge so as long as he’s sure goku’s fed enough then he won’t think twice about arguing over who gets the last dumpling or smth 😭

full moon monkey fights 😭 i love that because i feel rly strongly about vegeta sharing saiyan culture with goku and goku complying with it bc it seems to make vegeta happy 😭 like not only would those fights be rly intense bc theyre both so powerful in that form (which goku would love ofc) but i also feel like it’d be rly good for bonding and feeling closer to their saiyan roots lol

they do kiss its true i get kin memories abt it all the time

AND AHAHDHF OKAY IM OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT OF LIKE. the entire gang having to get used to kakavege, ESPECIALLY like trunks and goten bc they get rly grossed out seeing their dads in love like that LMFAO theyre like “eww old people? in LOVE??? thats so gross and fucked up” LMAO, but anyway i digressMFMFM i think just in general though it takes a lot of time for a lot of the team to kinda,,, get used to seeing vegeta and goku together like this bc it probably seems so crazy to them LOL I’M SURE NONE OF THEM EVER IMAGINED GOKU AND VEGETA WOULD END UP TOGETHER 😭 so i feel like the first time anyone sees them kiss its just kinda awkward but they all eventually get used to it 😭 i don’t think any of them care what goku does as long as he’s happy in the end hehe

thanks for letting me ramble about them 😭💖

[foxie-roxie]

why rayllum is a MASTERPIECE part 3

*RUBS MY CLAWS TOGETHER* IT IS SEASON 3 TIME BITCHES AND H O L Y S H I T I LOVE THIS SEASON SO MUCH

i even rewatched it for this!

this time i’ll try to have SOME order, and go by episode. this will however still include unintelligible screaming

1. DAMN THESE FUCKERS BE PINING MORE THAN A PINE TREE FOREST!

first off, affectionate eye rolling, nose boop, and head bonk is the best thing.

second, IF SOMEONE SAYS THAT DURING WHEN CALLUM WAS HELPING RAYLA PUT ON HIS SCARF AND THEY J STARED AT EACHOTHER FOR A BIT BEFORE RAYLA TURNED AWAY THAT HE WAS N O T LOST IN HER EYES? they’re wrong. this is fact now.

third, their teamwork and decision making is excellent. they agree to try and sneak past sol regem, and when that fails try talking to him and then decide to simply trick his senses with the scarf. and instead of rayla shooting down callum’s “smelltriloquism” idea, she simply adds onto it! LOVE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS

“i think it’s good luck!” YES IT IS RAY THAT’S UR BOYFRIENDS SCARF

also, here you go. you’re welcome.

2. STILL PINING. GOD DAMN.

first, CALLUM BEING SO EXCITED BY ALL THE MAGIC IN XADIA IS S O CUTE! MY SON. this might turn into an overrall review of s3. o well

second. FLUSTERED RAYLA AND FLUSTERED CALLUM. Y E S

third, THE ADORABURR FIELD! their smiles were so fond and soft and A. they make me cry of joy. 

an overall look on it, i like how this episode really shows their feelings clearly. no “will they won’t they”, at least for rayla. it’s clear she has feelings.

3. AH FUCK. ANGST.

first i love how when rayla mentions that she’s excited and happy but also terrified, callum tries to comfort her. good boi. best boi.

second, elf callum. i love that scene so much even if the second-hand embarrassment kills me, and rayla is j like “why the fuck do i love you. im gonna kill him.”

third, DANCE! callum not being rude and saying her home is “modest” before rayla explains it’s an illusion, his BLUSH WHEN SHE HELPS HIM, and the softness in general. rayla’s excitement that she’s home and talks abt that she can show callum where she went to school, the best moonberry surprise place, until...

fourth, AH FUCK. A N G S T T I M E. rayla being crest-fallen before callum says that it must’ve been a mistake, and she realizes that ethari would probably understand!

and then CONFIRMED GAYS. YES.

rayla realizing ethari ghosted her too and then callum GOING O F F. he angy and when rayla runs out callum IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWS (like in a later episode) and comforts her again.

when ethari comes down and breaks the spell and says to callum “trees to meet you too” and rayla’s like “don’t encourage him”

also callum trying to get on the shadowpaw and ethari being Concerned is AMAZING. concerned dad content

i’ll talk more about ezran/ruthari/the dark magic trio in a later ted talk

4. H E R E W E G O

first, rayla clearly being sad and callum picking up on that quickly (he even seems to be almost falling on purpose, perhaps to make her smile?) and asking if she’s ok before being shot down by rayla insisting she is fine. GOD DAMN. THAT HURTS.

second, their interaction with nyx is so amazing. rayla being protective of zym and callum being a DORK is awesome, but also their decision making.

after rayla reluctantly decides that they can go see how nyx could get them across the desert so quickly, they see the ambler and then their reasoning is amazing.

“what do you think?”

“the dragon queen is dying.” and then i forget the rest of the exact quote but they give a subtle nod to eachother. they make their decisions TOGETHER. AS A TEAM. AND THAT’S ON HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS X2!

third, callum continuing to gently press for rayla to express her emotions. he doesn’t pressure her, but seems to simply let her know that if she needs to talk (when she insists she’s fine), he is there. 

four, MORE FLUSTERED RAYLLUM. YES. TY NYX but also fuck u for taking zym but also ur hot- A N Y W A Y

five. OOOOOOH. MY FAVORITE SCENE.

rayla’s crying and callum tries to reassure her. nyx is plotting, while rayla runs away and callum follows. Y E S.

rayla talks about how there’s nobody left that cares about her and she lost everything.. and then the SPEECH. i have this speech memorized i’ve watched this scene so many times

"JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY. JUST, LISTEN TO ME. YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. I KNOW THAT, AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. YOU HAVE TRUE COURAGE, AND A BIG HEART! I'VE SEEN YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN SO MANY TIMES AND EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. YOU GET UP AGAIN. THAT'S REAL STRENGTH. AND.. AND YOU'RE TEN TIMES FUNNIER THAN ANY HUMAN I KNOW! chuckle SEE? SEE YOU KNOW YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE SMART AND FAST AND BEAUTIFUL. RAYLA YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I'VE EVER MET."

LOVE THEMMM

and then rayla kisses him and that’s all that happened. callum was not a dumbass. right? RIGHT???

5. MY FAVORITE EPISODE!

first, rayla saving callum from the soulfang serpents and callum helping her get up is AMAZING, LOVE THAT.

second, callum tryna get a good position and rayla j saying to hold onto her and callum GETTING FLUSTERED. BOY IS PINING also he didn’t have to hold her that close.

“I DON’T THINK OF HER THAT WAY” “YOU AND I DON’T HAVE THAT YET” LIAR.

three, THEM JUMPING OFF THE AMBLER AND. THAT WHOLE MOMENT? THE ROMANTIC TENSION IS KILLING ME

four. DAMN CALLUM RLLY DO BE HAVING HEART EYES @ RAYLA WHILE SHE KILLS LIKE 80 SOULFANGS HE IS PINING PART 2

five. THE SPEECH. THE SOFTNESS. THE KISSES. GOD DAMN. FAVORITE SCENE OUT OF THE ENTIRETY OF TDP. LOVE THEM.

also here you go again

what can i say except YOU’RE WELCOME

6. ANGST BUT ALSO FLUFF ALSO REUNION

once again won’t b talking abt ezran specifically but there’s some passing mentions of him from now on

first, rayla and callum reaching the stone thunder and callum asking “is it... a statue?” and rayla sadly saying “no. it’s not a statue” A. I CRI.

1.5 ayla and callum best dragon parents

i’ll get to an actual analysis later

second, THIS MOMENT IS UNDERRATED EVEN THO IT’S ONE OF MY FAVS why has nobody mentioned the lil tender moment where ezran is by phoe-phoe and rayla puts her hand on callum’s shoulder AND CALLUM PUTS HIS HAND ON HERS. SO SWEET.

third, OK I’LL STOP MOST OF MY UNINTELLIGIBLE SHRIEKS AND ACTUALLY ANALYZE THIS.

callum is upset because of thunder and rayla sympathizes immediately. this is similar to how callum lets rayla let out her own emotions, and rayla is doing the same. he explains how he feels angry, upset, confused, sad, and rayla quickly empathizes. he keeps on venting, not knowing whether to feel regretful, or glad, and how he’s confused because that’s sarai’s spear. he feels sorry that all this happened, but rayla reassures him that zym and ezran are going to break the cycle! that’s hope! and then they hold hands and i screech

AND THAT’S SO FUCKING HEALTHY AND I LOVE IT. THEY RLLY BREAK ALL BAD HET RELATIONSHIP STEREOTYPES (coughbutistillheadcanonthembothasbiandcallumistransilldieonthishillcough)

7. angst but not rayllum angst so its ok

first, they begin to go up the storm spire and i really love their banter. “and i’m guessing the dragon queen didn’t make her den at a nice, halfway kinda place?” “nope. tiptop!”

cuties.

second, ASSDHFNF THE FACT THEY M O C K THE IDEA OF A FORBIDDEN RELATIONSHIP. THEY’RE IN LOVE AND THE WORLD CAN DEAL WITH IT. LOVE THAT FOR THEM

third, RAYLA CATCHING CALLUM. IT’S. NOT RLLY BIG I JUST LIKE IT AND THINK IT’S CUTE HOW EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS ALSO OUT OF BREATH SHE RAN UP TO CATCH HIM. 

four, AHSDHGDHFG THEY DEADASS FORGOT EZRAN WAS THERE. more flustered rayllum i love that

8. FUCK IT’S RAYLLUM ANGST NOOOO

one, ibis is j a good boi. back to rayla and callum

two, rayla going in to see the dragon queen and when she runs out callum QUICKLY FOLLOWS to see if she’s ok. asks her if she’s ok, and she OPENS UP!! CHARACTER GROWTH BABY!!! and then they hold hands and i once again shriek

three, AH. HELLO ANGST.

before we go to the actual angst, can i say that THE LAUGH AFTER RAYLA SAID “STORM SNEEZE” IS SO CUTE. CALLUMS IN LOVE. MY SON.

oh no.

*bonks rayla on the head* nO SELF SACRIFICING!!

although their fight is super angsty and i hate it, it does provide some conflict and more plot because it gives callum a reason to want to find out the truth about rayla’s parents. and then he does! people argue that this fight was unnecessary or that callum was a jerk, but this was needed i think. he did let his worry become a bit of anger, and that was not a nice move, but he knows he fucked up and fixes it!

and then we get soft rayllum this is fine

9. AND YOU THOUGHT LAST EPISODE WAS BAD N O *CRYING*

there’s not much rayllum featured in this ep, but the amount we do get is 80 PERCENT ANGST AND I WASN’T OK WITH IT

first, the fluff! callum trying to do the wing spell and rayla teasing “did you pull a muscle in the middle of a jumping jack?” is so cute. i LOVE THEM. also they hold hands and i SH RIEK again. 

also soren how dare you interrupt callum he was abt to confess

second, callum when he’s explaining the battle plan and his ZAP HAND. rayla is j watching him like “yep. that is my dork.”

and CALLUM SEEMS SO FOND WHEN JANAI CALLS RAYLA THE LAST DRAGONGUARD. PERHAPS I SOB

skipping forward in time a bit for the angst oh no

third, callum going up to the storm spire after ez encouraging him to go to rayla. love that soft brotherly relationship. and we think “oh, soft rayllum, right?”

NO. VIREN’S UP THERE.

fourth, THEY DIDN’T NEED ME TO BE ROLLING ON THE FLOOR WTF. the fact that rayla’s blade went right in front of callum and he looks up and sees zym in danger, viren is there, and RAYLA is there, p a n i k.

and then rayla jumps and the entire rayllum fandom SC REAMS after callum’s “no!” before she jumps and “no, no, no, RAYLA!”

fifth, CALLUM NO WHY ARE YOU JUMPING TOO- oh wait its ok he did the wings and im still crying fuck

THAT CONFESSION THO- i cri tears of joy now. they’re in love

sixth, I J WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE EZRAN SHOWED UP. like it’s clear that they’re talking or something, but abt what is the question. also yes they hug and raylas fond

seventh, THEY HOLD HANDS!! soft bbs,,,

AAAND IM DONE! this is. quite long so if you read all of this i hope u have a good day and thnx for listening to me ramble with some coherent thoughts

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[grimesscarl]

10.03 meltdown reaction

my mom realized we have amc premiere so i got to watch it yesterday so this is my wordsworthian style reflection in tranquility on the events of the new episode:

are they gonna keep doing the BAM BLACK SCREEN VAGUE WHITE TEXT thing bc i’m not crazy about it

always love watching them fight walkers solid start 10/10

the waves are stressful don’t like that 0/10

✨michonne✨

she snapped at daryl which made me laugh

they’re tired :(((

JUDITH STAYING AWAKE TO WATCH OVER RJ UNTIL ITS SAFE IM SOFT

the drawing of carl,,,,,,,,,,,, can i DIE

(ik i’m probably going way out of order but bear with me it’s only gonna get worse)

aaron needs to chill the fuck out he’s getting on my nerves

like i get it you miss your husband man but that was literally like 7 years ago

i mean i loved eric but fr fr it’s been a minute can you Chill you have a CHILD

speaking of children and chilling out

lydiaaaaaa

i, for one, believe her wholeheartedly

but that makes me nervous bc who the fuck is sending waves of walkers at alexandria if it’s not alpha

HOW DID I COMPLETELY FORGET ABT THE HOARD I WAS SO CONFUSED WHY WE WERENT JUST KILLING THE WHISPERERS

i did not know any highwaymen survived oop

michonne shut that shit right the fuck down

siddiq D:

i mean okay i understand why they wouldn’t ditch carol and go meet alpha without her but did they really expect her not to try something??

alpha can chOKE FUCK HER THAT WAS UNNECESSARY

michonne and daryl both knew what carol was gonna do i love my family

daryl just “we’re done”

michonne’s forced apology as daryl just drags carol away

“i forgive her mother to mother” hey FUCK YOU

alpha is NOT a mother she’s a BITCH

also michonne is a mother and she’s lost two children too like if anyone understands what carol’s going through it’s michonne

(okay veering off imma cover aaron and negan, siddiq and not-so-super-douche, then back to carol, daryl, and michonne)

gabriel is so used to dealing w negan by now i love how he’s just like constantly exhaspterated but other than that nothing negan says really gets to him

and like he literally listens to negan (sorta) which is just hilarious to me like negan was so terrifying and now he’s just like “hey gabe can i Not Do That” and gabriel is just like “yeah no you do what i say”

i just love the dynamic 10/10

aaron needs to CHILLLLL

also wrong incorrect negan cares about one (1) alexandrian and it’s judith

but fr negan doesn’t know anything about eric my dude he didn’t kill him eric was a dumbass and jumped out from behind the car

there was!! no reason!! to piss him off!! aaron!! what!! the!! fuck!!

i mean the excuse was flimsy but tbhhhh if negan was the protagonist of the show i’d honestly believe everything he did was justified ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

okay but negan just sitting there in the dark w the crow bar watching aaron stumble around was Concerning

i haven’t been truly honestly worried he was gonna kill somebody since rick only kinda slit his throat until this episode

like there was a moment when i really thought negan was gonna kill aaron

but hip hip hooray no murder negan today!!

the whole entire scene w eugene and rosita was good but sad but good

growth~

okay so siddiq is traumatized like we knew that but now it’s like actually possibly interfering w things

super douche is officially not a super douche i misjudged him completely

siddiq seems so scared to admit that he’s Not Okay as if any of these ppl are mentally stable like my dude my man they aren’t going to blame you

back to CAROL, DARYL, AND MICHONNE

mostly caryl tho

bc hot damn

carol needs to maybe not take 7yo caffeine pills (?)

bc sleep aside that’s just a terrible idea

but so hallucinations! except only sorta! and idk what’s real! fun!

we know she actually shot a whisperer so maybe the three she saw in the woods were fr there

i get why michonne was skeptical tho

daryl!! the concern,, the checking in,, uwu

he believes her too i love him

i was straight up so confused at why he was talking abt his dad like he didn’t beat him and merle

i love how she was like “huh this is not normal” and then took more pills ffs

the trap was real, whisperer was real, walkers were real

screaming for daryl was absolutely real my whole HEART

michonne and daryl protecting her i’m soft

daryl could’ve carried her but that’s okay~

siddiq good god don’t scare me them like that damn

THE DREAM THE WHOLE DREAM IM YELLING THE SHDHSJSJD DREAM I HEARD ABOUT THAT SCENE BUT I WASNT SURE IT COULD EVEN BE REAL AND IT WAS I SHDHSJSJH I WAS READY TO EXPLODE

sidenote: that’s like the first time we’ve ever seen money in this show

daryl!! believes!! her!!!!

anD THE LAST SCENE MY PRECIOUS GRIMES FAMILY IM CRYINGHDJDHSH

[elvesofnoldor]

im losing my entire fucking mind and i dont know anything abt myself anymore and why? why? all cause one day in undergrad, out of nowhere, i went “hey am i a woman?” like i was asking myself what flavour of cheesecake i wanted for dessert. That was like, right after i felt comfortable with the fact that im a lesbian. And the answer should have been simple and short: “yeah duh you dumb fucking bitch, why did you ask? why do you think asking this is fucking productive? forget about it!” But no, i decided to engage with the question and it opened a fucking pandora’s box, and this question latched onto me like a fucking parasite, because this question allows me to think about another crucial question im always afraid to ask myself: am i truly attracted to men? With lesbianism, i can answer this question with ease by saying, no, these flimsy “crushes” i have on like two or three boys when i was a child/teen were result of compulsory heterosexuality, boom, that’s it. simple! not to mention, i know that lesbians can experience attraction to men in the past and even had past relationship with men and still be lesbians, sometimes sexuality isn’t solid as a brick, and none of that should have mattered! 

 so yeah, lesbianism is the answer i LIKE, yet part of me is not satisfied with this answer! of course! why not! since when am i ever satisfied with anything EVER?  over time, i started to want a “man’s body” when i see a cis dude with bare chest in picture, and it seems like i started to identify more and more with...masculinity and manhood...in general? even fictional men? at times? i dont fucking know! its a huge mess! and confusing! and my memories are all blurry and false and twisted by my current perception. sure i think i always kind of aspire to “androgynous looks”, but i like being a lesbian! At first, i was like, maybe im a non binary lesbian cause oh baby i know im not bisexual-- i dont want to be with men, but i want to be with women and that’s a certainty. And i know i had one real crush in life--sure it brought me nothing but misery but i know i had one true crush and it was a girl, a friend, from my high school-- whereas my possible feelings abt real boys or fictional men are very flimsy in comparison. still, part of me started to think that perhaps i can only process these feelings i might have for other men/boys in the past if i can...idk see myself as another man? i dont fucking know! Literally, it’s the most unproductive thing to think about! More importantly, i did not fall in love with any real man nor do i want to fall in love with any man! but i still kept questioning myself about this, cause i kept having these strong feelings abt,  FICTIONAL MALE CHARACTERS. And idk, part of me was like, “maybe you’d be comfortable with your attraction to men if you...are a man?”, and yeah i actually engage with this line of fucking thinking. its so fucking embarrassing that MEN THAT ARE NOT REAL can have such ridiculous heavy impact on me, it’s fucking ridiculous and i hate it!!! Every time i started to get invested in some stupid story that doesn’t matter cause it’s a fucking fictional story, there is like, this ONE MAN, one fucking bitch, that i felt very strongly about and it didn’t feel entirely platonic. i knew i was not straight since a teen and it took me FOREVER to even seriously consider that im a lesbian even though i dread the thought of being with men for the longest time, precisely because i keep having these weird strong feelings about fictional men every once a while!!!! 

makes no mistake i explored more rational options. during this time i made a rant abt it on here--i didnt want to! i tried not to make personal posts cause i dont want to bother strangers! but idk i guess my attention seeking whore ass just have to put my personal feelings out there eventually or i will die? anyways, a very nice mutual talked to me abt it, he was a trans man and as it turns out we shared a lot of similar experiences in regards to gender, and you’d think--hey maybe that helped? but no it fucking didn’t. it was nobody’s fault but it didn’t help, cause i clung on my womanhood for no apparent productive reason. i was still confused and, well, like a normal person i was like, let’s have human interaction! let’s actually explore my attraction to women! you don’t want to be with men so forget about them! forget what you might feel abt them! explore what you KNOW! explore certainty! so i did and ofc it ended up in shit, cause a girl who has a girlfriend (it was a closed relationship btw) asked me if i wanted to “hang out” on a dating app for wlws called HER and i genuinely thought it was a date? didnt know she has a girlfriend until AFTER we met. i wasn’t actually even surprised that she didn’t actually want to date me, because im ugly! im not attractive! im not even attracted to myself lol! plus she was very nice and cool and i was just happy that i made a friend with a fellow lesbian. but after that, i lost motivation to use that dating app, because one minor set-up and failure is all it takes for me to give up, its always like that with me. because im weak and pathetic, its always been like this. 

yeah at one point i basically said im non binary on my bio, but  i rather tell ppl im a lesbian and be done with it since im not entirely sure abt being non binary. Also, I know that non gender-conforming lesbians are everywhere, cis lesbians who are uncomfortable with gender identity exist! butches exist! they are here and they deal with it and they find community. but i don’t identify with...being butch? it was very nice to see gender non conforming, tom-boyish or butchy women out there, they  gave me hope, they are my heroes but i just dont feel like...they are me? i dont feel like feminine women either, im attracted to feminine women but i dont identify with their look and their femininity. like i said, this is a huge fucking mess. 

And now i have finally fucking done it, huh, dorian fucking p*vus, a gay male character. The clownery of it all! how the fuck, do i explain to ANYONE that i, a lesbian, have feeling that isn’t entirely platonic about a fictional gay man? yeah thats right thats why i romance him! i lied! ok! i fucking lied, it was cause i want to fuck him! ok! yeah, i know, ridiculous. i feel like im disrespecting him, that im , idk, fetishizing him, but i am not! i can’t be! i love him so much it hurts? it shouldnt be like that. i really shouldn’t. i cant make sense of this, its driving me nuts. still, this whole ordeal eventually got me thinking abt my gender, yet again, and it pushed me over the edge and i even told my dad that i want to transition this summer, that i am a man because i thought maybe i’d be much happier and less repressed if i can just accept that i like men-- if i can explore this possibility. i know i will NEVER accept liking man as a woman, and i know i already kinda have some sort of identification with manhood and masculinity, so why not! i was coming up with solutions! but i didnt even fall in love with a real man, and i was considering this serious level of transition in my life that requires time, money, and the process concerns health risk??? for what??? i was looking up all these info about transition, for WHAT? i gotta be out of my fucking mind! the most ridiculous thing is that while i always like a number of female characters, i would never feel as strongly about any of them in particular as i would, for that one fucking man. Even merrill, like, i love her and i genuinely feel like i want to be with a girl like her int he future but i dont feel as strongly about her as i would for dorian, for some, fucking, reason. 

i headcanon the lavellan i used to romance dorian as a trans man, cause i was thinking, perhaps this would put things into perspective. and yeah, i wanna fuck dorian, but also i want to envision what my future CAN be using my lavellan as a proxy. things were simpler with my lavellan. he was handsome and had no body image issue, he was fit, transition was easy for him cause magic and he virtually spent no money on it, he was passing, his family and community fully supported him, he had a lovely girlfriend before he knew he was trans. sure, he has problems and issues to deal with but none are the ones i gotta deal with. he is not me, but he has what i wanted and what i wish i had: beauty, confidence, a girlfriend, easy FTM transition, and he is a man so he’s legally allowed to fuck dorian. but i did not transition, and im still a cis woman with long hair, and ppl looks at me and they probably still thinks im straight, im not straight but i AM a ugly cis woman and i dont think transition’d help cause i might just become a even uglier man lol. And if i dont become a beautiful, stunning man, then i dont want to become a man at all cause if things dont turn out perfectly for me, i dont want to do them and its always like that for me and its why im a fucking failure on everything right now. so many trans people are not passing, but they deal with it, not me tho! i can’t, cause im a pathetic baby!!!  i cant deal with any minor inconvenience in my fucking life i guess!!!! And i cant help but to feel weird about having a trans man as one of my ocs. maybe i should make him cis instead? im so exhausted,  i cant help but to feel that my trans mutuals want to just pull the trigger on me and unfollow me cause you all are silently judging me for having a trans oc when im still technically, cis. well judge me in my fucking face you fucking cowardly fucks! Am i cis? well idk, probably, maybe im just a hysterical crazy bitch of a cisgender^tm woman who is constantly uncomfortable with her gender, maybe thats all there is. who knows, all i know is that im burnt out, that i don’t know anything anymore and it was all a huge fucking mess that things dont matter. this is causing me nothing but pain and confusion and i dont want to be wrong myself. ftm transition is not, “oh geez lets just explore a option” kind of deal, its kinda fucking serious  and its stressing me out. i dont know what i want, who i am, anything and i can’t afford to be wrong so i dont know!!!!! i just dont know!!!!!!!! i talked abt with a therapist actually but all therapist do is to LIE lie AND LIE and tell me things i already know, “you need to be careful with about transitioning! it’s a big decision” who pays you to say this garbage to me? “you are capable and beautiful and you can do this! believe in yourself!” as if ppl saying this shit is enough???? as if i still need to go see a fucking therapist if i am magically ok after i talk to somebody and they tell me lies that sound validating????i know they dont believe in what they said anyways. “you are ok! you are fine, you have no problem” BITCH I WISH I AM OK, BUT AM I OK? IM FUCKING NOT AND YOU ARE $60 RICHER THAN AN YOU ARE AN HOUR AGO! FUK YOU! LIES LIES LIES!!!!! men lie too, i put on some bad eyeliner and some random creepy dude came and told me im beautiful! beautiful my ass! im fucking ugly and i know it, you really think im fucking stupid you fuck? am i just being a special snowflake? are the things that i know for certainty actually certainty??? nothing about me feels real anymore, and maybe im just being dramatic but  my self perception is non existent and i feel like im just lying to myself even though i thought i was being truthful and ppl keep telling me lies and nothing helps. im living on lies and it is festering