#im so anxious i Need a new job but i can’t get myself to apply to anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

journeyss · 3 months ago

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Ok I’m starting this journey to the self I want to be physically & mentally. Like in every way I’m going to upgrade .

And the important part of that is me getting my thoughts out, not problem dumping on friends or family, holding my own emotions & ups and downs

It’s important to have a good support system for bad times or crazy time but I have to be honest with myself, I do not have the luxury.

I love the few friends I do have but I have to set boundaries in friendships (which I haven’t before & it bites me in the ass) something’s is just my business only, I don’t want to over share, I use to be so open because I thought if they knew they would handle me like a flower when I need it but that wasn’t the case so yea no over sharing what I’m going through is my business

And I can go to therapy but I honestly have normal average problems, it’s nothing I can’t handle

Wanting success so bad just make me anxious and I think it’s healthy anxiety, it’s nothing wrong with wanting more and wanting better. I just cope and keep it moving

I’ve been “down” for 2…3 years just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. 1st year down was my art journey , which I’m still on , but I’ve accepted it more like a hobby even though I would love to monetize but it’s more of a coping mechanism when I need to regroup and get my mind right. I just discovered this

2nd year was 9-5 & trying to become a entrepreneur, that lifestyle didn’t work, but I gained a skilled that I can use for the rest of my life. So I win is a win

& this year , year 3 I decided to enter a completely different industry, love the work I do. It really feeds my mind & my wanting to keep learning. Very high stress but it gets better when I find a good work life balance.

I’ve came to terms with not having time for my many hobbies but they’ll always be there for me when it’s time to cope.

I have a little body dysmorphia right now because I want to get my body done. I’ve been “small” most of my 20s & I’ve accepted the fact that I’m just not going to get any bigger or curvier so let’s just put it there. I already eat fairly healthy & im committing to 2 days a week in the gym so now I just need the body lol and my body isn’t bad , I just want morrreee.

Goal #1 skinny bbl

Since I don’t have a a real system or family. I have to always be independent and self reliant. Going to nursing school is my biggest goal but its a journey with in itself but I’m excited. I always thought I was a healer, that’s why attract the people I do lol but my career also have to be meaningful and have impact. I have to feel like I’m doing something really important. & it always have been that way it sucks to say but having a good job has always defined me. Being successful has always defined who I am. Career isn’t life but I will feel really great when my grandma say “my granddaughter is a nurse” or when my future hubby say “my wife is a nurse” I want people to be proud to be connected to me. I just figured out why , I was never proud of anything growing up, the essay they make you write all the time “who is your role model?” I never had one and always made it up, I wasn’t proud of my mom or dad, I honestly wasn’t proud of anybody around me, it was so chaotic. I want the opposite for myself.

Goal #2 apply for nursing school

I would say all my other goals come after these 2 and aren’t as big and can easily be done just have to make the time & make a effort to make the time

I can admit I lost myself a little in covid, being best dressed has always been my favorite thing to do. And I completely let that go AGAIN but I’m rebuilding my closet and I’ll be back to it

Mini goal #1 get fresh & stay cute

Now I need a new car but I’m picky and I want one of my dream cars, Camaro, like I need that , I work so hard I can get that & I want it paid off. After my bbl this is next .

Goal #3 Camaro

They say money can’t buy happiness , but if u do the self reflecting and mental work to become a better person and your last step is a successful career. Money can definitely buy happiness.

Goal # 4 stay gracious

Cheers to reinventing myself , the bigger better me

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my-dark-journey-to-happiness · 1 year ago

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10:06pm

well, i spent the day updating my resumes. applied to what feels like a million jobs… then i unpacked my whole fucking life into a new weird upstairs den thing. life feels very odd, and i feel like i’m just smiling through it all, which i’m not very good at.

i’m getting myself a family doctor which is good at least and i will be working on my health soon.

i’m a bit disappointed that i didn’t actually fully do my night routine, but i’m hoping to still at least do my meditation and im doing my journal now which is good.

i smoked so much weed today, i have a fuckin headache and such bad cotton mouth but i’m to anxious to go down to the kitchen in this new place im living lol.

then to top it all off my dad called me and gave me the most fucked up toxic pep talk bullshit i’ve had in a while, which again, i can’t tell if it help or hurt…

anyways i think i need to eat some snacks and watch some tv before i do this meditation bullshit… maybe ill drink a beer… who knows

until later; i’m not sure if im alright… i hate the night time.

#depressing shit #self care #lost

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n3edspace · 2 years ago

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I have intense anxiety.

My chest hurts and everything feels awful. Between my fight with my partner and now this stupid work thing. And like I got weird anxiety about it that day. I didn’t even mean to say it it just happened. And honestly they all say shit to each other. I really didn’t think it would be wrong I thought it would just idk be.

Im just so fucking anxious like I feel like I’m going to be fired and I don’t have another job lined up yet. I just don’t understand why I keep having problems with people.

The common theme is me. Idk what’s going on with me. I don’t like this job but also I need a job. I need to start applying for jobs more seriously. And I need to start therapy. DBT is a good idea but I think more importantly I need someone to talk to. I need to be able to talk about everything I’m keeping inside. And I don’t want to have that person be someone I see every day or to be relying on my partner. Especially because, most importantly, he has his own shit and doesn’t need mine too, and separately I’m scared to rely on him. I love him and I know he loves me but the idea of him leaving me… the desperation I felt. I don’t know how to tolerate that. It’s too much. If I put everything into him and he leaves?? I can’t do that. It’s too scary. It would hurt too much and I couldn’t tolerate it. Im already in so far and I just… it’s scary now to think he would just go. I need him and I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

I need to talk to a therapist so I can handle all my shit. It’ll make me a better partner and help me be better at interacting with people. Hopefully help me find a new job. The longer I stay in a place the more likely I am to sabotage myself. In relationships, in work, in life… I just need to get some therapy. I’ll be much better I think. It will take work but it will help

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lettersnorth · 3 years ago

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It didn't surprise Aislinn an onze that Mivo'to had up and disappeared on his attendings one sun. Nor was she all that concerned. He had knocked himself out due to a miscalculation. It certainly wasn't the worst thing the clinic had seen. And he had clearly recovered. Win-win all around. She got to work stripping the sheets from the bed and cleaning up the now vacant room.

Cravendy wandered into the clinic in search of fresh bandages and ointment. She could still feel the pressure pushing down on her bones, the smell of ceruleum burning after the explosion...and it didn't seem like it was going to go away any time soon. When she stepped in, she noticed Lin and called out to her on instinct. "Lin!"

An armful of sheets, Aislinn rounded the divider just as Cravendy called out. She halted, surprise flitting over her face for a brief moment before her expression pulled back to neutral. "Cravendy." she nodded a greeting and then scooted around the Seawolf to the waiting laundry basket. "What brings you in here? Everything alright?" she asked as she shoved the ball of sheets down into the overfull basket. Guess the wash was next on her list.

Cravendy awkwardly pressed herself against the infirmary partition to give Lin more space to walk, and got the feeling that she's not exactly a welcome sight. At best, a nuisance to entertain while there were chores to be done. With a shrug, she headed over to the cabinets and began pulling out all kinds of medical supplies. "Oh, ye know. Smartin' after the battle, lookin' for somethin' to make it all feel better. What about yerself? 'ow are ye 'oldin' up?"

"Me?" Aislinn asked as she straightened and brushed a flyaway wisp of hair from her eyes. "Aside from pulling Mivo'to out before the whole place went up I didn't do a damned thing that woulda caused me to be banged up." She eyed the collection Cravendy was haphazardly pulling from the potions cabinets and picked up a bulbous glass jar filled with a warm, golden liquid. This, she passed to Cravendy. "Drink two spoonfuls of this. Three if it doesn't take the edge off." she then nodded to the drawer below the cabinet. "You need a patch up? Afraid G'lewra is out so if you do, I can do it the mundane way. Or you can wait for her to aether-heal it."

“Could ye?” Cravs muttered as she gave Lin a curious stare. “I’m used to patchin’ myself up at this point but...I bet ye could get the ‘urt out faster.”

Cravendy grabbed the jar of golden liquid before heading back to take a seat. She twisted the medicine open and gave it a good sniff or two. "Bleh. Anyway, even if ye didn't do a thing, it's not every day ye survive an explosion. So, well, there's that. That and..." Cravs trailed off. "Well. I was surprised ye didn't use yer fancy math shields."

Aislinn paused, shooting the Seawolf a look of concern as she pulled the needed bandages and supplies from the drawers. The pain must be bad if Cravendy wasn't willing to wait. She went and joined the woman on the couch, setting a tray of the necessary items next to her. Careful not to meet the Seawolf's eye, she gave a half shrug at the observation. Silence reigned as she gingerly gestured for Cravendy to show her the burns. It filled the space until finally, with her time at the hot spring fresh in her mind, she let go a sigh and broke it. "I can't." she admitted, finally. "I can't use my shields or...any of it. Not since....not for awhile."

Cravendy unbuttoned her shirt, revealing bandages tied across her chest and around her back. There's also a significant scar on her lower abdomen that looks like it's healing weird, but healing nonetheless. "I applied ointment a few days ago, but it's 'ard to reapply it to my back. If ye could..."

Cravendy trailed off at Lin's admission, unsure what to say. She was originally going to poke fun at the situation, joke that Lin needs to practice the basics again. "Oh. Well, uh. What're ye doin' about that, then?"

The conversation was momentarily forgotten as Lin gathered the full measure of Cravendy's injuries. "Gods above, Cravendy. Why the hell didn't you come in the moment you got back? Or say -anything- out there in the field. I coulda done something -then-!" To be fair, Cravendy had done a decent job, all things considered. She obviously wasn't new at this. Even so, the oddly healing scar drew Aislinn's attention and she carefully inspected it closer, her aether sense stretching out. She could, at least, still do that much.

"I assumed everyone got just as roasted! Figured, I could still move, so I could treat my own wounds. Bah, this was a mistake..." Cravs leaned a little away from Lin, nervous to show vulnerability. But when she noticed Lin drawn to the scar on her stomach, Cravs brought a finger to her lips. "Risin' gave me that one. Don't tell 'er though."

Cravendy tugged her shirt around herself so she's wrapped from the elbow down for the sake of modesty, though it really doesn't add much. "Anyway, ye were sayin'? About yer magic bein' broken?"

Aislinn jerked her chin up as Cravendy began to draw away, the look on her face all but daring the Seawolf to just try and keep it up. Small as she was, she wasn't letting Cravendy out of there without proper treatment. "No. Waiting to come here was the mistake." she chided. She shook her head in exasperation at the mention of the weird wound coming from Rising.

She could only imagine what raucous bout had caused that. "I have this way about me," she said, quickly surmising that if she kept talking, Cravendy would stay put. "Of absorbing curses. Cursed energy, hexes..." she trailed off as she motioned for Cravendy to turn around so she could get the ointment on her back. "Turns out, a person can only do that for so long until all that bad energy needs a place to go. It's made my aether...a touch unstable. I *could* cast a spell. I just don't know what'll come out."

Cravendy saw the face Lin was making - the same sort a parent would give a fussy toddler - and pouted. But she was already here, bandages exposed, back turned and ointment ready. It'd be even more dumb to get up and leave after getting so far. "Fine, but be thorough, eh? I want to be better by the time we 'ave to get blown up again."

Cravendy obliged to whatever Lin needed her to do in order to work and listened quietly, face forward and staring unfocused into the room. "Weird. So if I put ye in my room, would ye absorb all of the bad vibes? In the east, there's all this shit about Feng Shui and harmonizin' with yer surroundings."

Cravendy glanced back at Lin to see if her joke landed.

Aislinn blanched at the thought, even though she knew it was more than likely that Cravendy was just being a smart-ass. "Who knows...probably. Apparently I've been walking around for years just absorbing ambient refuse. Now I'm full up. Or close to it. It's...painful to be close to anything like that. Like I'm burning up from the inside. That's when I first realized something wasn't right." she said quietly as she cut away the old bandage and carefully pulled it back with delicate fingers.

Cravendy let out a disappointed breath at Lin's reaction and went back to looking forward. "That sounds...painful. I wish I could 'elp, but don't know the first thing when it comes to magical ailments. But I will say, ye should 'ang back until ye get this under control. Last thing ye need is suckin' up more bad energy and makin' worse."

Cravendy scowled as she revisited what Lin had just said. Burning up. Absorbing curses. A worrisome theory forms. "'ey, uh. When did this start? Just casually one day?"

"That's me, a walking bad luck charm." Aislinn muttered as she dressed the new bandages and applied them to Cravendy's back. "Don't worry, I've asked someone to fill in for me on the next job in Coerthas while I try and get this problem sorted." The ointment was cooling and numbing all at the same time and would dull the pain of the burns as the medicinal herbs got to work healing the skin underneath. Aislinn was quiet long enough that it was obvious she was trying to decide how to skirt the question.

She started reassembling the supplies back on the tray. When she rose to her feet, she figured the only way any of this between her and Cravendy was going to work was if she stopped hedging and just be honest. No matter what. "Probably ramped up while we were trying to find the Helm." she said as she took the tray over to the sink.

Cravendy tensed when the ointment is first applied, but breathes a sigh of relief quickly after. "Ah, thanks, already feels better. And the person coverin' for ye...is it that string bean fella I saw ye talkin' with in the library? What's 'e like? Don't often see 'im around. Guy looks painfully serious, the kind to take offense at small talk."

Cravendy was silent for a while after, staring at the partition rod as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. Finally, loudly and suddenly, she groaned. "Shit.”

"Shit! That really pisses me off!" Cravs stood up, shirt still dangling around her arms, and paced around in a circle. "Fuck! Goddamnit. Ahhh, bloody...Lin, why didn't ye say somethin' earlier?!"

Turning away from the basin, Aislinn leaned back against the sink with a faint air of amusement. "Aye, the string bean fella." she waved a hand up through the air. Anything more she might have had to say on the subject was lost in the wake of Cravendy's agitation. Caught up short, her eyes flicked away and then back to her. "Because I didn't know what the problem was. Only that these sudden burning sensations would flare up every so often. And then once I did, it was all said and done. What good would it have done to bring it up to you after the fact except to put you in a state like this?" she gestured to the anxious pacing the Seawolf was currently succumbing to.

Cravendy wanted badly to grab Lin by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, or maybe, just shake her until somehow she got better. Cravs nearly snarled, hearing reason in Lin's words but not having it. She clenched and unclenched her fists, not sure what to do with this sudden anger.

"Even worse, ye die a slow an’ painful death! I like to know when I've messed up so I can do somethin' about it!" Cravs huffed. You could practically see the steam hiss out of her ears.

In the face of Cravendy's anger, Aislinn breathed easy, slow breaths. Matching the Seawolf's temper had never worked for either of them in the past. It was on the tip of her tongue. The correction that if this would kill her, it wouldn't be slow but violent and sudden. She decided that really was besides the point right now. "How did -you- mess up? You weren't there. And what would you do about it?" she asked, trying to get Cravendy to see reason.

"Ye don't understand. This whole shitty business with the Helm...If I didn't suggest raidin' that Garlean ship. If I 'ad the balls to stick around and save my crew. If I didn't summon 'er, then, maybe..." Cravs breathed heavily until she was light-headed, but it worked to calm her down. She fell back down into the couch with a hand over her face to cover her reaction. "...Shit, I don't know. Maybe ye'd find some other stupid way to get yer fill of cursed energy and die anyway. I don't know. Maybe.”

Cravendy spoke, words muffled in her palm. "Lin, I. The fireball. That..." Cravs shook her head. "...doesn't matter. I don't know what I'll do about it, just that I'll do /something/ about it."

Aislinn heaved a sigh and pushed off from the sink, coming to join Cravendy on the couch. "And then you'd be dead, right? Isn't that how it all worked? Honestly, it was only a matter of time. It was always going to catch up to me at some point. The Helm business just ushered it along." she paused. "Which isn't to say that fireball that Wyda hit me with didn't hurt like hell. Hard not to take something like that personally." she said, in a rare attempt to lighten the mood.

She turned to look at Cravendy, mustering a smile. "Look. I'm working on it. A friend and I are tracking down someone in Ishgard that'll know about my problem. And...hopefully what to do about it."

Cravendy puffed up her chest, about to come up with a rebuttal to Lin's answer. As usual, she came up empty, and then similarly let out a tired sigh. "Feh, yer always so logical, even about all heavy shit like this. I....guess that's what I like ye for though. Just - just. I don't know. Leave the stupid to me."

Cravendy would take comfort in the fact that Lin was actively looking for someone to diagnose the issue, though this would linger in the back of her mind for long after. With or without Lin's blessings, she'd find a way to help. This was either going to lead to great success, or equally great disaster.

#ffxiv rp #balmung rp #rp snippets #Distortion #Flashpoint #Cravendy Hound #Aislinn North

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nice-kill-tanaka · 3 years ago

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May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz

I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.

[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]

YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖

And, the lucky person is:

⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰

Quirk: Dragon

Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.

Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.

Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.

Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)

When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.

Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.

🌱Humble Beginnings🌱

I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?

You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school

First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”

By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”

Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought

While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back

With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities

Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???

The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together

They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn

It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A.

Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you

But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:

“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine

The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass

All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day

But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself

You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested

((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))

Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you

Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)

But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier

(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)

The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards

“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”

You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected

The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts

“…Hm?”

You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet

“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”

You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger

“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”

“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”

This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)

But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”

🌳Flourishing Love🌳

The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam

He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one

You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground

It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it

You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation

Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete

Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground

“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”

Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot

You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅

You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you

And he didn’t even know your name

As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.

You guys’ friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert

Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was

He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)

Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉

As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)

And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes

It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D

Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident

You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)

Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you

He told you on your way to school the next morning:

“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”

“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”

Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that

‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’

And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan

#caravan commodities #special bindles #matchup #cutelittleriot.traveler #cutelittleriot.request #mha x reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #mha matchup #bnha matchup #back on the grind #😊#my other choices would’ve been Mirio or Sero

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simprising · 4 years ago

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helloooo

i’m starting my summer job in a few days so i’ll be a lot less active!! i’ll end my shifts at 7pm everyday and i don’t even think that i’ll have enough energy left to play the sims after getting home :’-) i’m already anxious af and anxious me cannot function (i literally just lie around and do nothing, is that just me?). i can’t even get in game for more than 1 hour :’-) but i’m getting there!! i’ll be doing much better after my first week! :-) in other news, i’m moving in a few months!! i am very happy about this as i have always had some issues with my family (they constantly put me down - not fun!!). i got in a master’s degree far from where i live and im!! excited!! to have my own place and start fresh :’-) i’m so emo,, i feel like crying because i really need to take care of myself and i can’t do that at my current home. i’m still waiting for some other universities to tell if i got in or not, but whatever happens i’m moving out ! ! ! ! :-))) i’ve been depressed af the past two months, i was so hopeless. i didn’t think that i’d get in any university i applied to and it made me feel so worthless. but i’m happy that life is finally looking up!! if my course lets me, i’ll also be working on getting into youtube!! i’ve always wanted to post videos, i made my simblr because i couldn’t :’-) anyways, i’m very excited for the next few months and i can’t wait for whatever is waiting for me out there ♡

#felt like sharing bc i've been a m e s s #and i'm so happy that its getting better #i've always struggled with appreciating life #i just hate my life as it is now #but i'm excited to do everything i can to enjoy life in a new town :-)))#meet new people nd stuff #find new hobbies #GO ON DATES WITH MYSELF #and learn to love myself :'-)#this is going to be exciting #jaeizfhurgivijos

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growup-gloup · 5 years ago

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Hey so i have never had a bf and honestly i dont think ill have one ever bc i litteraly do not know how to behave around guys. Im so awkward around and ONLY around THEM. Its not like i dont have friends. I jusy dont know how to be myself. Any tips?

Hi i love your blog! Ive been single my whole life and i just need some confidence tips bc its gotten to the point where if i think about what it would be like if a guy liked me i actually feel weird and embarrassed. I get like second-hand embarrassment from it?? Like it feel like an absolutely ridiculous thing to think about.

I got two asks asking relatively the same stuff, so I am answering them both in one post.

This concept of keeping lovers and friends as separate entities is often what makes us anxious. I mean, if you can’t be friends with a guy first, chances are, it’s going to be near impossible for you to be in a healthy romantic relationship with them as well.

They are flawed humans, just like you and me. There’s going to be things you’ll like about them and things you’ll hate. Likewise, there will be things about you that he’ll like and things he won’t like. And that’s fine!

It helps to think of guys you like as friends that you can also be physically close to. It means you can do what friends do, like joke around and do dumb stuff, and then maybe make out afterwards as lovers do. But if you can’t do the casual dumb stuff, then the romantic stuff feels more awkward and impersonal.

Act like you would any other person, and then if it turns into more, then expand on that preexisting friendship.

Second of all: Being single =/= Being unattractive.

There are so many conventionally beautiful people that are CHOOSING to stay single so that they can focus on themselves and their dreams.

Even if they don’t mind being in a relationship, they take advantage of the single time to develop themselves and work on their goals in the mean time. That way, when the right person comes along, they already know who they are and what they want before adding this new person into their lives.

Here are some tips on how to feel more confident:

Dress to feel good. It doesn’t have to be what’s trending, but you should FEEL good wearing it. Same goes with hair and makeup. Do as much as you feel like, but don’t do it because you feel like you SHOULD. Here’s a post I made about dressing up for a date night, if you wanna take an extra step for a date.

Learn more. Ever heard the saying jack of all trades; master of none? That doesn’t apply to conversation. If you’re an expert in, say, computers, so that’s all you focused on, then you’d have to wait for a conversation about that topic to feel smart or at least have the ability to relate to the other person. But if you know a little bit about a hundred different topics, then you can at least keep up with a variety of conversation, and learn new things about the topic along the way. Keep up with the news, read books, listen to podcasts, etc. I personally don’t like a lot of r&b but I still listen to what’s trending at least once so that if someone asks if I’ve heard the latest Ariana song or whatever (is she even r&b?) I can at least have something to say, even if it isn’t “I love it”. The same can apply to virtually any topic.

Know yourself. You don’t have to go discover nirvana, but you should at least know what you like and what you don’t like, so that you can filter out the bad from the good and save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak. This, again, applies to more than your romantic or even social life. If you know what you want, you’re less likely to waste time doing things you don’t want, like taking the wrong course or job. BUT, sometimes, knowing yourself means learning from your mistakes, so if you mess up, or if you get hurt, just remember that this is a learning opportunity for next time.

Be nice. You could be Miss Universe, but if you are rude, you’ll always look awful. Now, I’m not saying that you should be a pushover, but you shouldn’t be rude either. If there is something that you can’t or really don’t want to do, apologize and explain that you cannot do that thing. But do try to help others and be polite whenever you can, unless they’re awful.

Fake it. If all else fails and you feel like you’re sticking out like a sore thumb, don’t let anyone know. Pretend you belong. Pretend that you know what you’re doing. If you believe that you deserve the world, one day you will. Fake it till you make it!

💋

#carpe diem #relationships #Anonymous #AMA #mod stuff

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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Name: Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age: 31.

Gender(s): Female

Height: ~5′4

weight: 70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color: White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status: Single.

Are you physically healthy? No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?: No job.

school: I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal: Dogs and giraffes.

Flower: I don’t really have one.

Movie: I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music: I like variety.

Band: One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name: Alexander. ;)

Person: My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them?

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated? Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married? No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship? No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship? Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee.

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have? Zero.

2: What type of friend are you? Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none? One, my mom.

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why? Yes.

6: Do you get along with family? Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate? No.

8: Does your family accept who you are? Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings? I have 2 brothers.

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)? Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class? English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year? Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student? I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad? I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is.

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills? Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low? It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener? I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight? I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1) No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid.

3: Do you like to go to the doctors? Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work? I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood? No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor? I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils? No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness? Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable? Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research? Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders? I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there.

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it.

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin? Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated? I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually.

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these. <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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youmakestays-stay · 6 years ago

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Tutor (M)

Bang Chan x Reader

Genre: Smut

Words Count: 1,633

A/N: Chan was my first bias in stray kids and this story made my knees weak for him again im- chkdbfjdn

You had to move to Korea because of your dad’s job but you didn’t want to. All of your friends, your school friends, your favorite teachers, you’d have to leave them behind and you hated it. You liked where you lived but you also were understanding. He got promotion in a bigger company and it was best for your family to move rather than staying.

Your dad went to Korea first to get some job done and settle things before you move there permanently. You applied for bunch of universities there and got in Seoul University. Once everything was settled down, you left everything behind and started your new life.

It had been a week since you started school and it was going pretty okay, except the communication. There was this guy, Chan, who was helping you most of the time but sometimes it was not enough. He first came up to you, knowing that you were a foreigner, and you guys were friends since then. Not close friends but you know, like normal friends.

“Good morning” he mouthed before sitting on his desk. You smiled at him and mouthed “Good morning” The class started and you were having some difficulties understanding everything. The teacher asked you a question but you couldn’t answer, just looked at him blankly because you didn’t understand. He tsked “Y/N and Chan, wait after the class” and with that, he turned back to the class.

After the class was over you started packing up while everyone was leaving. You were anxious. Was he gonna be mad at you? But it’s not your fault that you don’t know Korean. Also why did he want Chan too? Chan touched your shoulder as if he felt your nervousness. “Hey relax. Everything’s gonna be fine I’m here” he smiled warmly showing his dimple. You smiled back “I can’t help being nervous. I don’t even understand what’s going on”

Once everyone left the teacher turned to you both. “So this is not going too well” he turned to you “You’re gonna fail on your classes if you don’t understand anything” You opened your mouth to say something but he stopped you. “That’s why I’m asking Chan to tutor you” You looked at him and Chan with wide eyes. You were relieved that he was not angry with you after all. “I- sure.. Yeah I... Yeah I’ll help Y/N” Chan was surprised too. Your teacher clapped “Good. You guys can go now” You sighed in relief and you both left the classroom.

You heard Chan giggle as you giggled too “What?” He shrugged “Nothing. It’s just that, I’ve never taught anyone Korean before” You nudged him “Aww I’m sure you’re a great teacher” He smiled at you showing his dimple “I guess we’ll see about that”

The next day, you planned studying with Chan after school. The day went like usual, you just sitting there, trying to understand things.

The school was finally over and you packed all your books “We could go to mine if you want. My parents are going out. The house would be quiet and perfect for studying” He said while you guys walked out “Yeah sure”

The walk to home was not long. You guys just talked about random stuff and soon got to the house. He unlocked the door and let you go in first. The house was pretty casual. Nothing so special. “My room is upstairs” He said and lead you to his room. His room was plain and organized for a boy’s room. He noticed you wandering around with your eyes and let out a small giggle “Yeah it’s really organized I know. I just don’t like mess”

You took out your notebooks and sat on the floor. You guys started with the basics. You know, Hello, How are you blah blah. You were repeating what he says and after you noticed he was staring at your lips. That distracted you “Are you okay?” you stopped in the middle of your sentence and he shook his head “Y-yeah.. Yeah I’m okay keep going” You nodded and kept going “I don’t understand why we learn this if it’s not used anymore” he laughed a little and raised his shoulders “I don’t know either” after a while he started looking at your lips again “Chan are you sure you’re okay?” His gaze shifted to your eyes and he shook his head “No. I actually really want to kiss you right now” Your breath hitched at his words and he looked at your lips again. You licked your lips “Then why are you not?” He looked at you with wide eyes “I won’t be able to stop myself once I kiss you” He whispered as if he’s talking to himself. “And I don’t want you to” you connected your lips and he immediately kissed you back. He pulled you on his lap by your waist and you gasped, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth. His tongue explored every corner of your mouth and that caused you to moan. He smiled into the kiss and pushed you on him more. “Let’s take this to the bed” He said and got up picking you up and laid you on the bed. “Are you really sure about this?” You rolled your eyes “We’re not 5 Chan” he giggled and nodded before hovering over you “I just wanted to make sure” He kissed you sweetly this time and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He started rubbing your thighs, going up. His hands traveled under your shirt and squeezed your boobs as you let out a moan. His kisses went lower and he kissed your neck, sucking on it but not enough to leave marks. “May I?” he asked tugging on your shirt. You nodded and he took it off. You heard his breath catching in his throat. “Damn you’re beautiful” You blushed and hid your face with your hands but he pulled them away “No shying away now” He kissed your neck while removing your bra and he cupped your breasts after it was off. He went lower and took one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking on it. You arched your back and slid your hands in his hair. He looked up at you and smiled. He started leaving wet, open mouthed kisses on his way down. He opened the button of your jeans and slid it down your legs. Chan smirked seeing the wet spot on your panties. “Wow babygirl, already?” You bit your lip and bucked your hips. He giggled and pressed his thumb on your clit through your panties. You threw your head back and moaned. He was watching your every move and savoring the moment. He then slid your panties down and ran a finger up and down your folds. He hissed at the wetness as he pushed a finger in. “Chan...” a broken moan left your lips. He lowered himself between your legs and kissed around your pussy before sucking on your clit. He added second finger as you moaned louder and let your hands in his hair. He groaned on you when you pulled on his locks a little bit and the vibrations added to your pleasure. “God yes Chan” He looked up at you before pulling away a little bit “Look at me” you looked down and whined immediately. The view was so beautiful. His lips glistening with your juices, fingers pushing in and out of you and him smiling. You groaned and threw your head back again “Please Chan I need more. I need you” He bit his lip and climbed up again, kissing you and making you taste yourself on his lips. You moaned at the taste and bit his bottom lip “Please I can’t take it anymore” You pleaded again.

“Since you asked so nicely babygirl” He took off his shirt and pulled down his pants along with his briefs. He pumped himself a couple of times before sliding his tip up and down on your folds to get himself wet too. He groaned at the touch and put his hands on either side of your head. “Are you ready?” You nodded and kissed him as he pushed in. You couldn’t help but moan at the stretch, the feeling overwhelming. He buried his head on your neck and placed small kisses on it. He started moving faster. His breath was brushing on your skin and the noises he was making were making your head spin. “You feel so good... So warm. Fuck I love it” His accent got deeper with lust and you whined. He slid his hand down to rub your clit as you clenched around him. “Fuck if you keep doing that I won’t last long baby” him talking was not helping you in the slightest and you were so close. “Chan I’m so close! Oh god!” You moaned loudly, clenching around him more and more. “Me too. Cum with me babygirl” And with that you both came at the same time, moans colliding and filling up the room. You tried to catch your breath for a while before he pulled out. You both hissed at the lack of contact and he kissed you again but sweetly this time. “Now I forgot everything I’ve learnt because of you” You giggled and slapped his arm. “Sorry not sorry. Besides...” he pulled you close to him under the blanket “It’s an excuse to spend time with you again” You looked at him with serious look and that made him laugh “We’re NOT doing THIS when we study again” he started laughing harder and you slapped his chest “I’m serious! I need to learn!” He kissed on top of your head “Okay okay” You smiled “Good”

—

Requests are open! ~

#stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids chan #stray kids bang chan #bang chan #kpop #kpop smut

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zoolingual-blog · 6 years ago

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RULES.

DISCLAIMER : i am not in any way affiliated with any of the fcs i use. thank you. however, i did create danny and her world and i would appreciate it if no one stole anything

ONE • THIS BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE. that means no hate, no bigotry, no jackassness allowed. if i see it on my dash, you will be blocked. i will reblog callout posts, but only for serious stuff. if i see a callout posts for someone ’ not writing their character right ’ or ’ not being original enough ’ or something like that, it will be ignored. that’s dumb and you need to get over yourself. i myself am a white, lgbt female. i am not perfect, and if i do some shitty things, i expect people to come talk to me about it because in no way do i want to be make people uncomfortable or be ignorant. but i do prefer you come talk to me first, don’t just blast hate about me without trying to work with me first. i am not a hard ass, im actually quite the pushover. and i swear im pretty nice.

TWO • I DO NOT FOLLOW DUPLICATES. this should not be an issue, as danny is an oc and there really should be no duplicates

THREE • WE NEED TO DISCUSS FACECALIMS. there are a certain bunch of fcs i refuse to interact with, mostly because the actor themselves gives me a bad taste in my mouth. if you have a character with one of these fcs, i will not follow. if you wish to change the fc and don’t know who to change it to, come talk to me and i can help you out ! i will gladly point you to alternate fcs. if any of my fcs are / become problematic as well, feel free to tell me so i can change them !! the fcs i will not interact with are RDJ, MARTIAN FREEMAN, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, SCARJO, ELLE FANNING, EDDIE REMAYNE, HAILYEY ATWELL, & JOHNNY DEPP.

FOUR • I AM HIGHLY SELECTIVE & MUTUAL ONLY. basically what this means is that i only follow some people back on my dash, and i will only interact with you if we are mutuals. if we are not mutuals, do not like or reblog anything. i just like to have a clean dash, and if we are not mutuals it makes me very anxious to have to answer questions or make you a starter. just don’t, or i will block you. i may take a while to follow back though, so if it’s been a few days and i haven’t followed back, don’t worry ! i might be getting to it ! but also don’t ask me about following you back. i have a hard time saying no to people, and then i just feel trash about myself because i didn’t want to follow and i made myself. so please just, don’t ask. but no matter if we are mutuals or not, if you want to come to my ims to talk about something, feel free !

FIVE • ALL GRAPHICS ARE MINE. i save the screencaps and i made the psd from scratch and everything edited is mine. please do not take that from me, it’s incredibly disrespectful and i will block and report you. that being said, if something i use is art and if the art is your art and you want credit / want to have it removed, let me know ! i will gladly add the credit or remove it ! most of the time i just google search shit and random stuff pops up and i don’t know where it’s from, so just let me know ! occasionally i will make gifsets / edits of my muses : please don’t reblog these unless i give permission. i’ll usually put something like that in the tags or something.

SIX • I HAVE MY OWN SYSTEM AND WRITING STYLE. i do memes a certain way and i write my drafts a certain way as well. the only thing you really need to know is that once i reblog a meme, it’s open forever. you could send it to me the day i reblog it or three weeks later - i don’t really care. if i don’t want to answer a meme anymore, i’ll delete it, so anything in the meme tag is fair game. other basic rules apply : if you want to continue an ask meme to a thread, move it to a new thread because if it is on an ask i won’t reblog it. i do prefer small text and icons, but i won’t not interact if you don’t use these.

SEVEN • I KINDA ADORE SHIPPING. this includes platonic, frenemies, romantic partners - if it’s a pairing of any kind im a sucker for it. as for romantic things, danny doesn’t quite know her sexual orientation yet, she kind of just dates who shes wants to date. in regards to shipping, i ship chemistry above all else. i do not write smut, as i am just entirely uncomfortable with it. i may mention some things here and there, but that is it. if you see our muses being together all romantic like, let me know ! cause i may ship it too, and we could have some fun. oh, and i am ship exclusive ( meaning i will only ship with one of a particular character )

EIGHT • IF YOU WANNA BE MAINS, ASK ME ! i like having mains, like really like it, so if you want to be mains just let me know ! exclusives are a bit different, as i don’t like to say im exclusive with anyone. it really has to take a strong bond of me to your character portrayal for me to be exclusives. also, if i say you are my main / exclusive, do not feel pressured to add me back ! i do it for my own comfort via the relationships ive built, and it just makes me comfortable. do not feel obligated to do the same in return, you def don’t have to.

NINE • I TAG TRIGGERS AS TRIGGER TW. if you want a trigger tag, tell me so i can tag it ! i try to tag the basics, but sometimes i forget, so if i forget just remind me ! i ask that you tag any vague posts you might post. i have a habit of thinking they are about me no matter what they are about. simply tag anything about it being vague or simply put ’ not about my mutuals ’ if it’s about something else ! spoilers for tv shows / games / etc will be along the same lines tagging wise.

TEN • MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY AS HELL. currently, i work a part time job at 30 hours a week, take 18 credit hours of class, and also try to have a social life and sleep on top of all of that. there are some nights where i do not get on tumblr at all. my activity still is all over the place. if this bothers you, please do not follow. i can’t control it, and tumblr doesn’t pay me to rp, so this isn’t my number one item of things i have to keep up with. also, my main blog is @ unastute, not this one. danny is mostly plot based if i’m being honest. drafts are rarely in queue, so if i post a draft, you know i’m on, if even for a moment. i am always on discord & you can reach me in ims at almost any time as well ! if we are mutuals, hmu for my discord !

ELEVEN • HI I’M SYD. i am a white female living in the usa. i am 20. im not entirely sure wtf my sexual orientation is, but if you ask me irl my first answer is usually bi. i have high anxiety, bpd, avpd, and i fluctuate between periods of high empathy and periods of low empathy. i am a sophomore in college, studying marketing and minoring in event management. really though, i’m just a smol child tryin to make it through life in one piece. ask me about my puppo and i will show you the 60 pictures i take each day of him. i also have a youtube channel, but i rarely post videos so if i’m on there i’ll shout it into the void. thanks for reading this long thing, it means a lot. i’m sure i’ll add more as i find more things, but for now, have fun and explore ! remember i love you and you’re amazing !

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unastute · 6 years ago

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RULES.

DISCLAIMER : i do not own new girl or jessica day. i am not in any way affiliated with any of the fcs i use. thank you.

TWO • I DO NOT FOLLOW DUPLICATES. i always feel bad about this rule, but it gives me such high anxiety i don’t know what to do. i love anyone who makes a new girl blog, and we can still be friends if you rp jess too ! just shoot me a message and i’ll give you my discord. but in no way will i be following your blog, for my own mental health.

SEVEN • I KINDA ADORE SHIPPING. this includes platonic, frenemies, romantic partners - if it’s a pairing of any kind im a sucker for it. as for romantic things, i strongly ship nick and jess, and their relationship means a lot to me. but only in a few verses will i have them post season 7, just to keep options open. in regards to shipping, i ship chemistry above all else. i do not write smut, as i am just entirely uncomfortable with it. i may mention some things here and there, but that is it. if you see our muses being together all romantic like, let me know ! cause i may ship it too, and we could have some fun. oh, and i am ship exclusive ( meaning i will only ship with one of a particular character )

TEN • MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY AS HELL. currently, i work a part time job at 30 hours a week, take 18 credit hours of class, and also try to have a social life and sleep on top of all of that. there are some nights where i do not get on tumblr at all. my activity still is all over the place. if this bothers you, please do not follow. i can’t control it, and tumblr doesn’t pay me to rp, so this isn’t my number one item of things i have to keep up with. my drafts are rarely in queue, so if i post a draft, you know i’m on, if even for a moment. i am always on discord & you can reach me in ims at almost any time as well ! if we are mutuals, hmu for my discord !

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dumbbitchfrommars · 3 years ago

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i can already feel the acceleration preparing itself... i feel good. like i feel a little down but the pressure has lifted, my whole life i was beating myself up and everyone around me for not ‘making the most’ of our time... a free moment is a moment to be spent adventuring, exploring, going out and doing things! but what’s it worth when i completely destroy myself when i can’t do it?? i have always done that. in fact i still do. but on this last day of my freedom before summer school, i let go of the need to achieve everything all at once. im still disappointed that i havent been to the beach or enjoyed this summer weather to its full potential, but it’s not my fault, it’s not something to beat myself up about.

anyway, yes. tomorrow is the big day and i’m actually very excited. and now that i’ve completed my (multiple) internship applications, im absolutely certain i will get multiple offers. OPTIONS BITCH! im so excited. shit is about to get so real. i am nearly finished this fucking degree! and i realised, i have a huge time window to finish my rsa, and thats basically all the tasks i’d set for myself this summer. now the main thing is getting myself a job so i can re-earn all the money i spend the past year. but there’s literally all the time in the world to do that anyway?

its just so fucking freeing. i never had a reason to be so worried. there’s never anything to fear in life. i am fucking PROTECTED! i will always, always have everything i need. so yes, for a while there i was losing my faith, but i trust in the Universe and i will continue to trust in the magical ways it works in my favour. and i am also so certain i’m getting a job offer soon. i can’t wait ! maybe ill apply where my old work friend just got hired. but omg, my bestie just moved house and now she lives in the same suburb as me. this is so excitingggggg! i can sense a lot of good productive changes about to happen for me and everyone. and im kinda glad january is almost over. shes been and done babe we’re ready for something new! love you but ciaoooooo!

and after that whole incident with this guy i feel a lot less anxious about him. like its still there, and the triggers are still there, but im kinda just patiently working through them with myself. its getting easier to live with myself. i care about myself enough to take care of my body and my mind and just parent myself. theres no reasonable excuse for sucking my mind away to someone i dont know, to assuming stories and reasons for their behaviour when in reality nothing is truly known as fact until it is spoken to me in WORDS. he’s a big boy. he can use his words. and the pattern really truly helped me. my anxiety will otherwise mislead my intuition and ill make up stories. that is solid genuine celestial prophecy being communicated to me. this is why i fucking love astrology! it keeps me a little more sane. fuck religion man. this shit helped me in so many ways.

plus, he’s lucky to have me in his life anyway! he’s obsessed with me, there’s no doubt about it. this poor guy is trying to hold himself together but he’s in love with me, he fell in love with me the moment he saw me lol. but he’s just as flawed and insecure as i am and that will project no doubt a lot. it’s my job to be soft, gentle, and patient and understanding of him and his triggers. i kinda love that our dynamic is already showing some cracks, like it’s telling me there is some beauty and some growth to experience together. i think it’s really going to change our lives. i’m going to learn so much from him. i’m really looking forward to what this relationship might become... but yes. i am a bad mf bitch and i see through EVERYTHING. nothing shakes me. especially not a scared little boy. he may think he’s ‘daddy’ or some dominating man, but ill always be the baddest bitch he’s ever had. HA HA HA... i love making a mark on the lives of everyone i meet. i am fucking magical. an alien if you may. celestial. and when i’ve done my shadow work, a lightworker......, maybe.

byeeeeeee! xxxxxxxxxxxx

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dulceackles · 3 years ago

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Life update

So I got a new job. It’s kind of a mess because I applied to this one fast food restaurant near my home. However I got the job but ended up in the another restaurant of the same owner that is right in the middle of downtown. It is undoubtedly the busiest fast food restaurant in the whole city since it’s so popular and right in the downtown. And let me tell you my anxiety has been off the roof. I already tried to quite one time and cried (full on cried) to my boss. Somehow he talked me over.

I’ve been kinda liking the new job but the busyness, how many people are in the restaurant working with me and how many customers we have just makes me really anxious sometimes. Also the changing work shifts. I was promised i’d get the Thursday evenings free since that’s when I have my dressage lessons but unfortunately, I do have shift right on Thursday evening in a week. One time isn’t an end of life but I’m worried that the “promise” was a empty one since this is just the first month I’ve been there and I already have to compromise. My hobby is really about a only thing that gives me joy anymore and I can only go once a week (all of my trainers other lessons are full so it’s either thursday or nothing). So I dont know if anyone understand me but it’s a big deal for me if i have to give it up even for 1 time out of 4 in a month. I know im not entittled to always have thursday free or in a morning shift and the employee isn’t recuired to give me them free but you know. I know I also need to grow up a little bit and learn that sometimes i need to put work over joy but it’s just that my life right now feels like a constant fight against depression.

Also I’m really emotionally attached to the horse I ride and I know it’s not right either that that horse is literally about the most importand friend I have but she is, how corny it sounds. And not being able to see her worries me.

But I manage, I’ve come far since last summer I think. I’ve been more brave, more productive, more outgoinging than I have been and I’m proud of that. I’ve really been pushing myself this year and I think I have grown as a person and even maybe grown some little confidence and self awareness. Even though I’ve had rough time with my mental health and I can’t exactly say it’s any better, I feel like i’ve been able to manage it to towards more functioning life.

I really just hope that everything works outs, maybe I’ll get into university next year and hopefully things will be alright.

#update #˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷ txt

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kahayaya · 4 years ago

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04/26/2021

It’s night time bout to head to sleep. Just some updates in life.

Booked a flight to fly to SF on May 14th. Im really excited. I wanted to go back so I can see everyone as I graduate and also celebrate my birthday. I plan on piercing my left ear with double helix. That will be exciting and fun. Honestly idk what I wanna do exactly when Im up there. Aside from set plans from Daniel them, I think I wanna roam around SF. Even though its been 5 months since I left, I have a nostalgic feeling to last year. Just the independence and also struggles of CO-VID. Every place will feel sentimental with associations to that timeline. For sure gonna go to Alamo Square, go to Hayes Valley, and go to Ocean Point. I wanna hop around houses with Jim, Daniel, and Darren’s place, I just need to ask them if I can stay there for one night. But Daniel’s place will be the main place I’ll stay at.

Crazy to look at my calendar and I’ll be graduating very soon. Less than a month and I’ll be done with school. School work has been lax and I don’t have a final. I mostly have projects and they all seem easy to work on.

Unity Final is a project with things we’ve done.

Deploying Software is taking what we learned from this semester and applying it all together with one project.

Filipino Politics/Justice had been reduced from a 12+ pg paper to a 3-5 page paper.

Senior Team Project is just a demonstration of our final product for the semester.

All of those finals are relatively easy and not too hard unlike last semester. Thinking about last semester, I really had a tough time. I hard two of the hardest classes for taking CS and I also had to plan and do my move out. It was the most stressful and I felt dreadful during the last month of that semester. I recall a moment where I completed one of my finals and I felt a weight off my chest lift. As I completed more projects and finals, that weighed felt lifted. It was probably one of my most difficult semester here at USF but a worth while semester. Which made this semester I am in very easy and lax.

As for living here in Vegas, its been chill. Everything is settled on my end and my parents are picking up the smaller things they need to do. Like finding health providers here, organizing our stuff in the garage, and getting the cars that are coming from hawaii. Just today, my mom and I got our driver’s license and registered the Honda Civic, which is a relief cuz that was one of the things I needed to do soon. But on a weekly basis, I’ve been doing nothing much new. I either help my parents run errands or I just sit in the house. Occasionally I would go out for food to try out places. Also going to the gym is another thing I do. I’ve been going 3-4 times a week with or without my friend. My body was sore at first but getting back in the groove really started to not be as bad. I also think since I just moved here, I was trying out soo much food places that I gained some weight, honestly back to where I started before my Keto diet last semester. I weigh about 215 ibs rn, but I think some of that has been the muscle gain from gym’ing. I plan on cutting it down on food and pay attention to what I put in my body now.

Aside from that, I feel excited to what holds in my post-college life. Again like i mentioned before, it will be weird for me because my entire life so far has been centered around schooling and that was my drive in life. Was to go to school and just do well in them. Now with that out of the way, my life will be so open to do whatever I want. Short-term plans I have is getting a part-time job and doing a side-project that will add to my portfolio, while also studying for my interviews. Then when I feel ready, which i plan to be by the Fall of this year, I will start applying around SF as well as job opportunities in Vegas. I think I am looking for Web Based applications or mobile app development jobs, as I enjoyed making them in my senior team project. I defs see the Web Application as a sustainable job market but I will be open to different options that relate to CS. in the far future however, Im not too sure what exactly I want to do. Thinking about being in a relationship but at the same time I’m not inclined to find someone to date. I feel like my goals are not centered to find someone here and Im focusing on myself to make something financially stable to be on my own. I think my role in relationships as of right now is passive, where I would be open but I won’t actively be on the lookout for one.

Life right now feels good but weird. Ever since moving to this house, I’m still in awe and the feeling just doesn’t sit right with me. This house feels like it doesn’t belong to me in a sense that it feels like I’m at someone else's house. I think I’m thinking like this because I’ve never been in a house this big and my family never had the thought of buying a bigger house or even moving out of Hawaii. So I’m still trying to work out this feeling of living in this house and actually calling it home. I definitely like living here in this house and the area I’m in but im still adjusting to the new environment I live in.

As the week slowly approach my graduation I know I will slowly start to feel anxious because that’s how I’ve always operated. I see in to the future of what I think will happen but I will be up at nights when that date comes in closely. It will be a crazy month of May, as so much things are going to happen and I can’t wait any longer to dive into May. Anyways I’ll be updating whenever I am free to write stuff down and if anything significant happens.

Cheers

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stellar-stag · 8 years ago

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Wow it’s been a while since I did a personal update here huh

I’ve honestly transitioned a lot of my venting/personal stuff to twitter

(I promise I havent abandoned you for my furry friends)

(I kinda have)

(I totally have)

(sorry)

But I feel like the last couple months have been a whirlwind for me, so I may as well keep y’all in the loop. I’m gonna sort these by topic.

First off, I had some issues with my romantic feelings. There’s a guy, a very very good friend, who is just fantastic in so many ways. Friendly and kind and supportive, progressive and enthusiastic, and shares so many of my interests. Seems natural that I would fall for him, right?

Well I did, and it resulted in a lot of emotional duress.

He has a girlfriend, and I knew this going in, but I didn’t fight my attachment. In the process of admitting my feelings to him and working through everything, I learned a lot about myself and got some practice in controlling my emotional state and how I react to things. But I also relied on him as an emotional crutch and used him for validation, especially during some particularly low emotional points, which is unfair to him. It is only because he is immensely understanding that we remain close friends, and this could have easily resulted in disaster.

But through this process I have grown, and identified a new issue blocking me from being of completely sound mind: Low self-esteem and reliance on others for validation. During my more anxious periods, I would slip into joking self-deprecation, and somewhere along the way it stopped being so joking. But surely, now that I’m taking meds for anxiety it would stop, right? Well, no. Turns out, even if I stopped consciously having thoughts of “Wow, I’m so bad at this”, I didn’t automatically gain appreciation or acceptance of myself. This manifests in a particularly dangerous manner when guys who are attractive are nice to me.

I end up conflating kindness with romantic intent, and decide that obviously, if someone doesn’t have romantic interest in me, I must be irreparably flawed in some way. This is bullshit, and I consciously understand that, but my subconscious doesn’t play by the rules. So I end up in a self-loathing spiral that only manifests in periods of intense romantic desire, and a month later I’m exhausted, bruised, and have run the risk of alienating those around me who care about me.

So how to fix it? I suppose I’ll need to work on drawing validation from within, so that rejection feels less of a condemnation of my character and everything I am. It won’t be simple, to be sure, but understanding the issue is the key to overcoming it.

Here’s hoping.

Secondly: I started working out! As of today, March 24th, I have been to the gym 12 times this month (half the days, holy shit) and thats because I, last week, decided to go from 3 workouts a week to 5, solely because I wanted to. If you told me a year ago that I would, of sound mind and body and my own volition, wake up every weekday at 5:45am to go workout for an hour, and enjoy the experience, I would have called you a liar.

But I am, and I do. I think it’s benefitting my mental health and self confidence, and I’m thankful that I’m in a place where its even an option. This is only possible due to a coalition of so many factors: A free gym in my office and a natural predilection to waking up early to remove barriers, I started taking Vyvanse in January to aid in my attention issues (not sure if I have ADD/ADHD or what, but it’s helping me remained focused in all aspects of my life and for that I am grateful). And, of course, two people who aided in the impetus for beginning and making it a habit: My dad, for giving me crippling self-worth issues my entire life and then visiting in February and criticizing my health and weight (because I was sweating after walking up a hill, which more and more I realize is not actually an indicator of my exertion! I am just a person who sweats easily, and its more a function of temperature and endocrine system than anything else) and giving me the sheer spite to begin working out, and the guy I was crushing on (who is intensely into working out, and I wanted to impress him. Yeah, I was hella thirsty. Sue me).

Regardless of the reasoning, I found that (once I cut cardio because seriously, fuck cardio), I enjoy working out in the mornings. It’s calming to wake up by exertion and then cool down slowly at my desk before other people even wake up. It’s given rise to a ritual of sorts where I get to my desk, deal with my emails, make breakfast and tea, all before anyone shows up, so that I can really hit the ground running. And more than that, I don’t have a goal in mind. I’m doing this because I know it’s good for me and I want to be healthy, and I enjoy the exertion and following “good” tiredness. If I was trying to lose weight or trim fat, or stuck only to cardio, I would have given up by now. But its a habit, and I love it, and I’m sleeping better, eating better, and feeling better.

Again, this is only possible because of an alignment of several factors, but I’m thankful for it, and I’m glad I got out of the mindset that “workouts must suck but people do them because they wanna lose weight”. You don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to do, and I wish I had realized that sooner. Im feeling way better about my body, even, because despite the fact that I haven’t lost weight or gotten trimmer from working out, I know I’m eating (pretty) well and working out, and that my body does everything I need it to. I can take pride in the callouses on my hands and the soreness of my body, because they’re proof of dedication, exertion, and effort, and those are way better things to feel good about than shape and size, anyways. If people think I’m unhealthy because I have fat, they can suck it.

Thirdly, I’ve begun looking for a condo to buy! Housing in the bay area is STUPID EXPENSIVE (and yes everyone knows this, and I know this, but it bears repeating). But I can put a down payment on a one bedroom in a good location, and I’m prequalified for a loan, and I just need to keep waiting and pouncing on leads. I think I’ll be happier living by myself with a kitchen to myself, and still going out to social events to prevent becoming a hermit. Plus, with this setup I can maybe bring dudes back and not have to show them the pigsty that is our living room or the shoebox that is my bedroom. I was terrified at the start of this process, but my mom and the realtor have been awesome about taking this step by step and ensuring nothing is confusing or surprising, which is sweet.

Fourthly, possibly because I’ve been taking Vyvanse but also possibly because I’ve finally begun understanding what the hell I’ve been doing, I’ve really hit my groove at work. The project I’m working on is complex but interesting, challenging but well understood, and I don’t feel alone but still get to feel a sense of ownership. It’s not the most fulfilling thing ever (I don’t know that working on payments platforms for a corporation ever will be) but I enjoy work, I don’t loathe going to work, and despite the fact that I was sick as a dog all this week, I came in everyday (after working out) to work full productive days, and I was happy at the end of each of them, more or less. Its not perfect but its head and shoulders above what most people get from their jobs, and I’m immensely fortunate to be in this position.

Fifthly, this is more a continuation of already known things, but I’m making cool friends in the furry fandom. I’ve made good friends, some who I hope I will keep as friends for the rest of my life, and I’ve already made plans to go to Reno in June and Disneyworld in November to hang out and have fun with them. As nerve wracking as being an adult is sometimes, the freedom is something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Sixthly, I’ve been taking a creative writing workshop in SF! It finished last weekend and I’m happy to not need to commute each week anymore, but I learned a lot about reading like a writer and choices you can make as a writer to achieve desired effects. The workshop focuses on narrators and how who is telling the story tells it, and the model they use for exercises is SO HELPFUL. We would read an excerpt of something, discuss how the narrator/choices/tense/mood all work together, and then we would write something in a similar format about whatever we wanted. Lemme tell yall, that is so much more helpful to me as a student than just prompts. Having a guide to format is like drawing from references, its helpful and and great for learning and gives you the tools to make your own things later on. I highly recommend it, and I can’t wait to get back to my book.

Got a lot of art to make first, though. I’ve definitely improved a lot in artistic skill and confidence, and I’m loving finding niche styles that I like and mimicking them. The stained glass pic I posted yesterday is proof of that, I feel. Its drawn from Mucha and various real life stained glass windows and a bit from Kingdom Hearts, but I took these and the tools at my disposal and wove it into something that feels complete. I figured out how to apply a cloudy “glass” texture, glows, stabilization, symmetry tools, pattern design, and more all through the process, and I know theres so much room to iterate and grow, in shading and coloring and proportion. But even knowing I have room to grow, I’m proud of what I put out and I put a lot of my heart into that piece (yes, its a birthday gift for workout boy. Shut up). I think I’m going to accept commissions for pictures in this style, even. It’s great fun.

So yeah, the last couple of months have been intense. I’ve had ups and downs, but I’ve learned and grown a lot, and I think I’m in a really good place in my life right now, and I hope that every one of you achieves a similar level of peace.

#ramblings of a gay man #long post #life update #wrote almost 2k words about myself #vanity thy name is george

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