#im rooting for them..... i hope i see them again...... dont tell me if i do or dont please i wanna be surprised

[moeblob]

thinking about their civilian clothes.... and also thinking about how in the vanguard armor his chest looks much larger (valid, it's armor) and I think he deserves to keep that chest.

[lunarsapphism]

.

[racecardilfs]

aegean - fa14 smau

fernando alonso x fem!singer!reader

summary: fernando alonso and his girlfriend break up, but is it really over?

warnings: angst no fluff! some slut shaming moments, fernando does NOT look good in this one, but theres more going on behind the scenes i promise xx

a/n: this has no specific face claim, and the songs mentioned are from a variety of artists! there will be a list at the end of the post ♡ there is a part two to this all planned out, it will be posted shortly, hopefully!

my masterlist ❀ part two

Twitter

Instagram

Liked by yourbsf2, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, and 212,964 others

yourusername shout out to my girls 🫶 i love you forever!

tagged: yourbsf1, yourbsf2, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes

yourbsf1: YOURE SO PRETTY I LOVE YOU WIFE!!!!!

yourusername: NO YOU!!

alexandrasainmleux: pretty pretty girl!!

yourusername: can’t wait for another date with you gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 charles_leclerc: excuse me? yourusername: you’re excused, vroom vroom boy 😒

user1: gorgeous gorgeous girls have breakup parties together

yourusername: you know it!!! user2: CONFIRMATION? IM DEVASTATED. RUINED. WALKING INTO THE OCEAN.

Liked by f1, astonmartinf1, and 375,599 others

fernandoalo_official Greece, you were beautiful🤩A few days off before it’s back to the track again! 🏎️

User3: Sir, I don’t know what you did, but you better fix it right the fuck now.

User4: how do you know it was his fault? we don't know anything yet User3: bc that woman is literally a saint, there’s no way it was her fault User5: don’t get me wrong, i love y/n so much, but there’s no way for us to know what happened. it might not have been anyones fault, and neither of them need this energy if they’re trying to get over their breakup :’( i’m rooting for both of them

Hater1: Always knew she was bad for you, congrats man!

astonmartinf1: see you soon, sir!

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Instagram

Liked by yourbsf1, charles_leclerc, maisiehpeters, and 264,978 others

yourusername been a little busy lately, but i’ve got something cooking for you all!

yourbsf2: love you so big <3

yourusername: i love you the biggest! 💓

alexandrasaintmleux: can’t wait for everyone else to hear it!!

user6: PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW!!!! 🙏 alexandrasaintmleux: 🤫

user 7: oh… this is gonna wreck me, isnt it.

lilymhe: yeah… you’ll thank her though

user8: the last photo 💔 i promise it gets easier, y/n

Liked by yourusername

Liked by finneas, coltonherta, yukitsunoda0511, and 516,785 others

yourusername remember when i said i had something cooking? my album ‘aegean’ is out now. a lot of love and hurt went into this album, and now it’s yours. i hope it means as much to you as it does to me <333

finneas: it was such a blast to work with you on this album, lets do it again soon!!

yourusername: yes please!

francisca.cgomes: so proud of you babe, just lmk when you want to run away and elope!

yourusername: my bags are packed and waiting! pierregasly: guess i’ll just leave you both to it 🧍

yourbsf2: wow look at how cool and pretty and talented my best friend is, everyone!!!

yourusername: ugh i love you so much

alexandrasaintmleux: still so excited!!! can we please go get late night ice cream to celebrate

yourbsf1: seconded francisca.cgomes: thirded! yourusername: ok to the groupchat before this is a long chain xx alexandrasaintmleux: as you wish, babe 👩‍❤️‍👩

user8: oh my god???? surprise drop???? queen behavior

user9: i’m not crying, YOU’RE crying!

user10: ur crying too, dont lie! user9: ok yeah. have you HEARD aegean? how could i not be screaming crying throwing up.

Liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, yourbsf1, and 228,531 others

lilymhe this amazing, beautiful girl did something amazing and beautiful again! y/n, i am so so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. please never let the hurt keep you down, because you are absolutely incredible. We will always be there to pick you back up if you need it! midnight ice creams with you are something i will cherish forever 🫶

tagged: yourusername, yourbsf1, your bsf2, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes, maisiehpeters

yourusername: i love you sooo much lily <33333 thank you for being such an incredible friend

lilymhe: i love you forever 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

francisca.cgomes: pretty best friends stick together forever and ever

yourusername: men are temporary, girlfriends are forever

maisiehpeters: might need to move to monaco so i can come to every midnight ice cream from now on

lilymhe: you’re welcome every time!

user11: how do i get this kind of female friendship in my life? 🥺

yourusername: be kind, be yourself, and be open! your people will find you, user11 💕 user11: OMG HI QUEEN ILYSM KEEP BEING YOU!!! thank you so much!

Twitter

Fernando Alonso's Instagram messages

a/n: and that's my first fic! first smau too, so i hope the formatting isn't too bad? i love when reader is friends w the wags, but i also always love to have y/n have friends outside of the paddock, so i hope no one minded! sorry if any of the wags are ooc i just rlly needed a big group of girl friends for this and idk how normal people talk. also was this just propaganda for some of my fav songs/artists? maybe 🤭i'm actually super nervous about this, so i hope you all enjoyed!!! please send me any questions or comments you have!

the songs mentioned are:

While You Were Sleeping - Laufey

Black Hole - boygenius

Lovesick - Laufey

Goddess - Laufey

Wendy - Maisie Peters

anything - Adrianne Lenker

opposite - Sabrina Carpenter

Aegean - Push Baby

Mud - Delaney Bailey

things i wish you said - Sabrina Carpenter

(I Would Have Followed You) - Delaney Bailey

[ikkosu]

Earthspark bumblebee is currently rotting my brain from the inside out so could I ask for so fluffy fem shyer human and bumblebee who are crushing hard for each other but keep both of them keep prolonging confessing to the other the terrans realize what's going on and take it upon themselves try to get them to confess their feelings to each other

SUNSHINE

bumblebee x shy!fem!reader

a/n: tfe bee is so big brother energy 😭 he reminds a lot of what rid bee could be. I had a lot of fun writing this ! totally didn't rewatch all the bee scenes to get his character right,,,,,totally didn't. (I don’t write fluff often so i treid my best I swear)

[i]

"When are you gonna suck it up like a man and confess?"

Twitch startled you from above as the whirs of her fan hummed gently, hovering around you in her alt-mode.

"C'mon! What're you gonna say, huh? Turn away from the problem like you always do?"

Gloved hands, scathed with dirt, halted in the midst of pulling out a persistent weed. You feel your temple burn, a nervous laugh bubbled from your throat as your fingers plunged into the soil once more, pawing around to find the root of the problem.

"Hey! Don't ignore me!".

"I don't know what you mean."

When you did find the source, delicately you curled your fingers into the crevices, balling the soil then, with a huff, yanked the roots out. You're careful not to damage the nearby flowers.

When confronted at the baselines of your problems, you often churn into a sputtering mess. Sometimes, you have to clarify that no, you’re not angry, or no you’re not daunting — that’s your facial expressions constricting. Because if you don't. You're going to cry. And you're going to cry lots over matters daintier than an atom.

"Wuss."

"Twitch. Really you are trying." You sigh when the drone nudged your back.

A quick zip-zap of metallic whirs and she’s in her usual form, yellow eyes ablaze, arms crossed, leaning over with a scowl. Her hips jutted out, sassed-esque — a pose Dorothy used often when she's mad.

"I appreciate your concern but—"

“Dont even try to push it away. I'm not stupid." She prods, getting up to your face. Really, this adorable thing is half a step away from making you ostrich-dunk your head into the soil. "Oh, let me guess : tongue, tied? Busy thinking about a certain someone? Someone, or a bot so yellow like the sun, it’s blinding your eyes?”

You don’t even know where to begin. So, you look into the soil really hard, like you’re trying to find something worth focusing on. Oh, look. A worm. Bingo.

"I'm going to eat that worm if you're not going to look at me."

"Twitch—" You began.

Then, she’s shoved away.

"Sorry, you see. Wh-what she's saying is that, well, you know—" Thrash nudged his head into view, twiddling his thumbs as a demure, placating smile eased on his soft face. "...it's high time you...tell 'im how you feel?"

This time you want to plunge your head into the soil. It’s not a want, it’s a need. The scent of earth was purging strong, beckoning you with it's heed, as you, yet again, choke back another sound. You laugh, nervous. God, this earthworm! So, interesting. Haha. So...so...er. Hm.

"Pshh. How I feel? I feel fine."

"I mean...about your, uh, crush on bee."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Twitched groaned, rolling around the grass all the way from the stack of hays to the tip of your boots. Then, she repeated the motion, each rant about your supposed love life —also, none-existent, if you will— becoming more fervent. That is, until Thrash had plucked her up by the arm pits and she fell limp like a doll in his hold.

" You said you’d be nice about it."

"What’s there to be nice about?! They’re being so smushy mushy , oh darling so lovely, it's giving me the critters!” She growled, clawing the air

You stood up with an uncertain hunch in your shoulder. You’re still holding the clump of soil in your rubber gloves, back taut and jaws slacked. The earthworm was gone, buried in the soil somewhere. You hoped it had a a nice stay unsurfaced for once — and you really should keep twitch away from Wheeljack. She's even swearing, now. She swears!

“Come on, now Twitch. It isn’t so bad.” You say quietly, not trusting yourself to yell at the skies in full volume. Really, you’ll disentigrate.

“You don’t get to talk, wuss.”

“Twitch!’’

“What?”

“Mom said be nice. A person’s word is like a kni—“

"Yeah, well she's a liar!" You shrunk asher digit juts your way. "That's gotta breach the fifteenth rule, right? A whole machete stab?"

Thrash seemed surpise. "You actually remember the rules."

You're exasperated. "What rules? And, what on earth are you both talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me!"

"Really, I'm not." Oh my god, are you really having a verbal spar with a — with a child of all bots that's half your size?!

"Oh, yeah? Then why you're nervous, huh? If you're not nervous then you've got nothing to hide."

"I'm not nervous." You said, blinking profusely.

Twitch made a face. "You're gardening."

"The grass looked bad."

"You garden when you're nervous."

You feel your lungs gave out. Your inner you's are bouncing around in your skull, panicking and screaming in disbelief. Alarm signals, blaring inside. How did she know?!

"N..no? I garden when I'm....happy." You kick the ground sheepishly. Bad call. The soil tipped over a your hold, little dots of brown mingled with the grass. Oh, dear.

"Happy? Please. You're nervous because big 'ol bee didn't have the spark to confess to missy sweet spark with barely any roots to hold herself." Twitch huffs. She's getting to sassy for her own good — "And so are you, wuss."

"We're friends!" You said, though the term was lacking. "Normal friends. Buddy, even. Buddy friends...haha...."

Thrash stiffens.

Twitch deadpans.

Both at the same time uttered : "Really?"

[ii]

They're hiding in a bush. A bush of all places. No, not the tree, obscured by the leaves and a leverage with the branches. Or, whatever hiding place is deemed suitable for this operation. A bush. Can you believe that?

Fluffy Ears nestled herself on the grass, curious eyes skimming over the several Terrans peeking over the bush. Thrash brought it upon himself to hide in the barn because, as per his words, a good spy needs a good hiding place.

The only good thing about his 'prowling' tendencies is the fact he falls asleep during these so-called covert operations. Which is why he gets most of the ranks during training. What a scammer.

Jawbreaker was too large to hide behind a,ugh, bush so he was demoted to simply standing a few meters back, loitering by the fence.

Twitch feels something poking her rib plate. Can't the spot get any more cramped? "Nightshade, I swear to Primus—"

"Hush! There he is! The first move. Hashtag, commence operation : video!"

"That's not even—"

"On it!" Hashtag wrangled out the most, honest to Unicron, humongous camera in existence.

Silence veiled the three Terrans as they spot the yellow black approaching their resident gardener-who-normally-comes-at-the-weekends-and-bee-is-distraught-over-that-fact, tending the newly planted flowers by the hedge.

"So, I was wondering..." He's stretching on his toes, not exactly looking at you.

How could he? Everytime he so much as to catch a glimpse of your face, he feels like tripping over his own pedes and burrowing himself into the ground until comets rain, the world in flames — and god knows when would Primus let him out again.

"You need something, bee?" You swivel up, pawing your apron to get off the dirt from your gloves.

But he looks confused, optics lowered downwards, brows furrowed. You look as well, then up.

"Yellow, huh." He looks away, pointing to your torso.

You look down again then realized what he meant. Your face burns with a vengeance.

"My other apron broke." You try not to stammer but it's proven futile as an amused smile eased over his face. "A-alex decided to give me his, well, you know one of his precious merch which...is typically your...um face on it. If it makes you uncomfortable—"

"No! Gosh, no. You can wear it all you want. I'm just surprised, that's all. You never really... Besides, it's nice...." He looks down and kicks the grass a little, servos behind his back. "It...suits you well."

At the compliment you look up, hoping not to make eye contact, but he does as well and you're both held at a stalemate. His round almond optics droop. For a moment, his lips part, then it shuts. He looks down, avoiding your gaze.

Is he... flustered? At that thought, you fisted the apron, bunching it a little. You look away, hiding the way you smiled a little. " ...It's a pretty color. Yellow, I mean. Honeybee. I love bees."

He looks back up, blue optics flared, and into your eyes. His chassis did those little backward flips and, he swears to Primus, he'll simply disintegrate. You're a lovely color too.

Bee flinched the moment you turn to him at break neck speed, sputtering, eyes wide and face, all the more flustered.

"What?"

"What?" He said that out loud. He said it. Out. Loud. He held up his servos. "I-i meant it's a lovely color. As in, you know, you're a lovely color so like when you said yellow was a lovely color. I thought— What I mean by that is— Oh, forget it." He lets out a deep vent. "It's been a long day. Sorry."

"You're fine. It's fine, I mean." You said. When silence veils over you both (Twitch really wants to strangle you, right now) you speak up again, quietly. "You were going to ask something...?"

His door wings pike up in surprise, much to his chagrin.

"Oh, right. Forgot about that." He coughed and cleared his throat. " I was wondering If you were...you know..." Gosh, what's that word. "Freethisweekend?"

It was so quick and quiet, you didn't really grasp much of what he uttered. “I got free— what's the next—"

"This weekend." He said, then trailed off. "Free... this weekend."

"Oh..." You look to the ground, hands primly folded behind your back.

"To... ah,” Just ask her out. Just ask her out. Worse she can say is no and no. No is fine! If you don't ask, you'll never know. That's what Elita said, right? Right? He sags. She said a lot of things.

He decides to go in for the kill but the moment he met your eyes, your pretty eyes, your temple grew warm, like really warm. He feels his own face burning and he starts stumbling over his words. “Free to. To go. To, um, a, well, a...d—dah, dah, duh, die, no! A, ah, diversion! Yes! Right. Diversion."

A domino effect of forehead slapping commenced. Bee, you fool! Twitch was wrangled back by Hashtag from leaping over the bush.

"Diversion?" Your face furrowed.

"With the....Terrans!" He snapped his servos. " Right, the Terrans. You know, a new lesson I made. Figured you'd be there for support. It's all about the essence of....diversion."

You stand there, mouth opening then closing. "...Sure, I guess. What time?"

"Anytime you're free." He says it, almost breathlessly.

You blink. "I thought it was a scheduled lesson."

His door wings pike up again. He groaned internally. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, uh. Yeah. Right. Schedule….schedule…So, how's ten tommorow? I'll round up the kids by then."

"Sounds good."

"Good. Good. See you....later."

You wave, then turned around, rounding the corner of the house. The moment you did, your face crumbled and you hid your face into your palms, a whine seethed inside your throat. Bee, however, pressed his helm against his servo, sighing.

How did I messed that up so badly?

Meanwhile, in the bush.

"Cut the film, Hash." Twitch resigned.

"But he could push on!"

"I highly doubt that." Nightshade was already crawling away.

Jawbreaker clicked thought the comms. "I saw yellow leaving. Is everything alright?"

"Nothing. Is Thrash dead? Thought so. Saw his head peeking out from the barn. Someone get him, please."

And, while they're all about to regroup. Twitch just had the perfect idea. It's about time she takes matters into her own hands.

[v]

Night plunged the skies, freckled with stars reflecting off his windshield as he rolled underneath the veil of darkness.

"Bee quick! Come to the barn! A problem just came up!"

"Twitch?" He was about to scale another ramp when he halted midway, changing course immediately. "C'mon talk to me. What's the problem?"

"Just come! It's urgent!"

Seeds of inky doubts blotched into his mind. The little runt had a lot of tricks up her sleeves. Sure, she's a heavy hitter but also a decent liar. Last time she pulled off the same shtick he was pushed into a hole....filled to the brim with mud. He walked around the vicinity and stank like cow feces for days.

He really should stop letting twitch mingle with Wheeljack.

His wheels rolled up to a stop in front of the barn. The trees, inky black, loomed around the farm, towering above him. He felt a shudder up his spine. Leaves rustled. Crickets chirp. All was quiet. Too quiet.

"Twitch? Kids?" He slid the barn door aside, joints whirring with every step. Hay crunched under his pedes. " Ugh, not this again. Guys, seriously. If, if this, Primus who littered this place? If this is one of your jokes I swear to— huh?"

The basement door was open. A gaping hole, black and swarthy greeted his eyes. Who left that open? He took a step closer. "Guys? Are you in there? What's going on?"

Another step. Then another.

"Look, you can come out now. This isn't funny."

The hole grew bigger, bigger and— Footsteps pattered behind him. It was gentle but it drew alarm as Bumblebee whirled around. And, there she was. Twitch stood before him, a wide, chesire grin on her face. The moonlight illuminated her from behind, casting an ominous shadow that loomed In front of her figure.

"Adios!"

He sputtered in confusion and felt two pedes connecting with his chest and he's sent stumbling back down the steps of Nightshade's underground lab. His shout of surprise was quickly drowned out when Twitch pulled the door shut.

"There! That'll do it." She grinned, fists on her hips. “You got that hash?”

“All on tape. Even his face too! Did you see how he looked like?” Hash stepped out of her hiding place, literally behind the hay. The original culprit of hay litter-er. "They're gonna be there for hours! Trapped in each other's embrace! Oohhhh this is so rad. You've seen those rom-coms, right? It's going be so funny when they come back out.”

"With result." Nightshade chirped, coming up beside them. "It's been awhile something has transpired. A change of the usual routine. Oh, the bore of waiting so long. As a scientist myself. I admit — it can get a little bothersome. Let's only hope the heat from the generator can keep them warm."

Silence. Hashtag feels two optics on her.

"Generator, what generator?"

"....Hashtag." They begin slowly. Twitch looks mortified.. "....Please tell me you didn't cut off the generator when I said only to cut off the vault."

Confusion furrowed her brows. "How else would the door be locked if I didn't?"

Twitch groaned, head into her palms.

Nightshade stares at the closed vault. "....Oh, dear."

[vi]

"Unnfh!" His helm collided against the floor. Great. That’s just great. Mentor student. Mentor student! You don’t do this to your mentors! Annoyance bubbled inside his chassis and he grits his teeth. That is it. That is it. He’s had enough of her tomfoolery, her jokes, her tricks! Tommorow, he’s going to put her through hell and back—

“Bee?” He feels something warm touching his shoulder.

His helm swivels up, then his optics widens in surpise when your nose is inches away from his own. You make a flustered sound, suddenly falling back on your ass to put space between you both, embarrassed. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d uh be that close.” Was a soft mumble. “The fall looked like it hurt. You okay?”

“Yeah, fine. I’m fine.” He breaths out, scrambling up to sit properly. He’s not sure what position, so he curled up his knee plates to his chassis. Your eyes are too…impossible to look at. “Think I broke a joint there.”

“You break joints too?”

He huffs a laugh, “You don’t think we do?” “I mean as in,” You gesture to his body, “ You know, cracking joints. Is it equivalent to me popping my knuckles? I saw you did it this morning when you stretch.” You trailed off, then shake your head. “Sorry, it’s a stupid question.”

“It’s fine. It’s not stupid. You’re not….stupid.” He clears his throat, “We also experience cramps. Tension in the joints when, well, like how a rusty hinged door won’t open up all the way.”

“Oh, that’s one way to put it.” You scoot a bit closer, pressing up against his leg. Bumblebee stiffens, servos moving over to stiffly cup your back to keep on you warm. The air was unusually chilly today. His quick scans showed the generator wasn’t working. Did the lights went out? His servos graze over your shoulders, massaging it a little, then behind your neck.

“And, and that one time. I don’t think you know him yet, he’s an old friend back during the war," He starts rambling for something to say anything to keep the conversation going, “His name’s Ratchet. Old bot forgot to oil up his pistons and couldn’t move for an entire day! Can you believe that? We had to carry him everywhere we went. Once, I was caught in the crossfire. Bullets were raining. Full on barrage. Nonstop. And he’s just like that, a plank of wood in my arms as I ran. You should’ve seen the look in his face!

“I can imagine he’s not happy,” A giggle bubbled in your throat. His audials perk up. “Yeah, I can tell. He’s a lot less crass in his manners when he dealt with me,” Bee leans a bit close, the servo skims down to your torso. “After all the bedgruding looks I’ve gotten from him — he’s got no choice but to give me special treatment of letting me off a few scolding.” “Oh? Why’s that,”

“I’m not exactly the prim and proper type.”

“My, my is bee the rebellious type?”

He lowers his voice into a playful whisper. “I had a phase, okay? Everyone does. Mine, though, it’s just worse than Arcee’s. She’s unhinged too but waaaay less moody. But don’t tell the kids that. I’m not going to have my name sullied, you hear?”

“Noted, officer. But I really can’t promised I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

He groans then a digit nudges your ribs. “No, really I’m serious. They’re going to kill me with that. I don’t want another incident to tarnish my reputation. Ive got Jawbreaker pestering me about how I made a mistake choosing my first alt-mode, I don’t need another slander. My feelings,” he says with a servo over his chassis, “they’re fragile.”

“Come on,” you leaned forward, cheek against his leg plate. Bee looks away, holding himself back from, well, squishing that…squishy part of your face. “It’s not so bad. The beetle looked adorable.”

“Beetle. Really? Beetle?” He looked almost offended you termed it that way.

“Isn’t that what it’s called?” He leans over and flicks your head. “I’d prefer it if you called it something else.”

You laugh. “I’ll bite, then. The Beatles?”

“No,” He said the words too fast, “Honey.”

You freeze. He freezes.

He did not just say that. Oh, no. He did not. He did not. When you look away that’s when he panicked. No! He’s not going to let the past few minutes go to waste! “As in yellow! Honey as in yellow!” He backpedaled, raising up his servos. “You know when I— when you said that, I was—" What’s up with him today? Then, he sags, muttering defeatedly. “It’s not what you think I meant to say.”

He’s blown it. Thrown it all down the drain. All his hard work now crumbled at the mere touch of his fingertips. You speak up after a moment, “What if…I wanted it to be what I think you meant?”

He looks at you again, surprise. He felt his spark clenching. This time you held firm eye contact despite your hands that were shaking. Think about gardening. Think about gardening. This is like that! Like he’s a flower. Gentle to hold. You steeled yourself and stood up on your toes, palms on his knee plates as you leaned in close.

“What did you meant?” You said softly.

His servos reached out to cup your cheek, curling his digits around the back of your hair. You leaned against his touch, closing your eyes. It was warm. His touch was warm. Pulsing and thrumming against your face.

“What I meant is that you’re someone important to me.” Then, he pulls you close, his optics flickering back and forth nervously. “So important I….think about you a lot. Like, a lot. I can’t….really stop. Even when I want to….its hard.”

Your face burns but you’re not letting that deter you. If god decided to kill you today, you’d steel on, wading through his comets. Think about the garden! You close the distance and your lips find the crook of his nose, pressing a gentle kiss to it, then his cheek. Your palms rested on his shoulder. Bee blinks, choking back a surpised sound at the touch but his servos manage to find your waist, curling his digits around the fabric of your shirt and pulls you close. He tilts his head so his lips would find yours.

“I think about you too.” You mumble against his lips.

[luffyvace]

HIIII hru !!! may i please ask for some feitan fluffs hcs 😩 i love this tiny man with all my soul

IM DOING GOOD!! YES YOU MAY!!! I ACTUALLY HAVE SUCH A DEEP ROOTED LOVE FOR HIM I DONT TALK ABOUT HIM OFTEN ENOUGH💥��

(omg this reminds me i’m supposed to be doing the whole troupe and chuuya x male reader- i’m so all over the place but the point is another dabble of feitan hcs will be here in the future! 😋)

also ooc/fanon him since this is fluff :)

tw: death…and torture (i use “unalive” instead of d!e/k!ll)

alrighty so you said fluff headcanons and it’s highly likely you’ll get fluffy feitan if you’ve known each other for a long time (since meteor)

i’m going to dabble in reader that is both in and outside of the troupe because i can :)

so for reader that’s in the troupe first of all no pda

hardly any weakness was displayed besides sadness/anger or mourning (and some funny moments)

theres no need for cuddles during business

unless your like uvo and simply don’t care

then it annoys the crap out of him <3

it’s not like he doesn’t want your affection—just not in public

will cuddle you in private tho

y’all usually sit there in silence or read together

he can be a little spoon or big spoon it doesn’t bother him

he tries his best but he’s never let anyone else so close to him before

if you introduce something to him and he likes it he’ll do it back

because why would you do it to him if you wouldn’t want it done to you right?

im gonna assume you have either a apartment which you unalived the owner of or y’all live in meteor still

he’ll let you choose really he doesn’t care where you stay

he’d even unalive a high status person to steal their mansion if that’s what you want

your obviously strong and have some sort of nen if your in the troupe so he doesn’t bother worrying

although if your like kortopi he’ll stay vigilant for you

even though you can use nen to defend yourself as well

btw if your not a pda person the troupe is grateful

aint no body wanna see allat-

he doesn’t know how to cook or clean and since your both from meteor so i hope you learn or already know how

otherwise y’all eat what y’all can when y’all can

whether you steal a five star gourmet meal or just wait for the next opportunity like a vending machine

i don’t advise you ask for a pet by the way

he’ll tortu£ it and i’m not talking about strapping it down or anything

just purely scarring them 😭

if you be firm about him stopping he will

unless it’s a big scary dog or smth

then he’s more likely to take em under his wing and train them to be vicious

will scare people with said animal

for stay at home reader…. (most of these also apply for troupe reader<3)

i say stay at home bc with his portion of money you could buy anything you want

if you tell him what you want u can get it for free cuz he steals it

but

if you want to take a bath together it would take more than a god to convince him

seriously he sees no reason in it

once you do tho

at first he is on one end of the tub and your on the other

as time goes on he’ll let you lean back into his chest as he scrubs your hair

he lets you play in his hair

don’t tell ANYONE

he don’t like vulnerability so if you tell someone he won’t do it for like 2 weeks

you think he’s never gonna do it again until you crawl into his lap while he’s reading on the bed and ask really sweetly

he’s all yours after that

HIS HAIR IS SO FLUFFY!!

and yes he lets you play with it :)

you get to put it into all types of styles!!

especially since it’s a decent length!

not really interested in playing in your hair

he tries but the rubber band always ends up tangled in your hair

if you kiss him goodnight he will start to initiate it as well

thats one thing he will forever reciprocate

loves your humor

no matter the type

but he especially loves when you laugh at his dark jokes

youve seen him smile before 💖

warms your heart knowing no one else gets this side of him

not judgmental of your looks for obvious reasons

yall got bigger problems

dismisses anytime you degrade yourself

he be speaking facts

”the way your hair looks gonna unalive you?”

”your pimples will st^b you while sleeping?”

no? you goofy goober so why does it matter

don’t argue him on this

genuinely doesn’t like the idea of you being hurt

by him or someone else

dont expect anyone who does harm to you to see the tomorrow sun

even if you plead for them don’t waste your breath pleading you need to be saying goodbye

real loyal partner

as loyal to you as he is the troupe

you and the troupe are his forever commitments

no matter what he could never stop loving you

you guys practically never argue

hes not necessarily hotheaded but will say what’s on his mind and if someone disagrees he does it anyway

thing is he compensates with you💗

if he knows your nitpicking he ignores it but if it’s genuinely something you don’t like he won’t fight it

also he cleans up well if you don’t like to see blood/gore in your place after he’s done t•rturing someone

he respects and listens to your opinions and feelings

would love if your a sadistic person as well but he understands if your not

also if your not in the troupe he teaches you nen

only the troupe knows your together and where you stay for your safety

your safety is definitely on his priority list

truly cares about and loves you

enjoy!!!! i’ll prob come back and read my own hcs bc I LOVE HIM

thank you for this request i loved writing every letter of it♡

[soularsss]

ahhh AHHHHH OH MY GODDDD OH MY SKELE CREW SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT AAAAAAHHHHGGH

Okay I know alot of people have been rooting for him to turn around this episode and save the kids but kind of am really enjoying the very real real Pirate vibes that Jod is giving us?? Like im kinda mad that he BEHEADED SM33 but thats mainly because I loved that character, not because I wanted Jod not to hurt anyone. Im interested to see what happens in the finale because Jude did say we will learn about his backstory, but I actually enjoyed the rather straight-forward and downright dirty decisions Jod made in the episode?

I cant lie to you guys I was rooting for my evil pirate husband to well.. do some less than good things.. you guys know one of my all time favorite characters is Maul right... i think its always really fun to have some sort of tragic villain/antagonist story and I am hoping with his backstory reveals we get to see him lean more into that :0

Obviously, with the writers talks about possible season 2 happenings, i would love it if Jod could turn himself around *enough* not not get killed and then be in season 2 if that gets greenlit!!!

Guys.. guys.. I just really love my piratefailure evilguy.. hes an evil bastard and i just kind of fuck with him okay HES COOOL UGH IM SO HAPPY HE LIT THE LIGHTSABER THIS EPISODEEEEEEEEE (i am sad about who he used it on..) but i am so happy we got to see it, and I think its interesting seeing how he holds himself with it, i think he holds the blade relatively far from himself and i dont know- to me it seems like the sort of stance a guy would use if he didnt have any proper training? obviously he is force sensitive so I reckon that lends itself to not chopping off your own fingers but not much more lol.. im yapping.. im yapping...

i really did enjoy some bad bad pirate action oh i love some skulduggery and dubious behaviour. what a grimey little rat HEHEHEHE

I think Jude had some awesome line delivery again in this episode and I loved the little comedic moments among his evilness.

I also wanted to point out the gentle hurrying of snowball, the sort of fond look on his face when he realized the kids were coming in, and to me there was definitely somethinggg hesitant.. each time he saw them and their parents.. guys.. i dont think hes alllllllllll bad... maybe a little bit of good is buried somewhere deep

i wouldnt be opposed to a redemption arc where they try and dredge that little bit of good up :,)

also ALSO ALSO!!!!!!!!! THE KIDS performances were amazing this episode!!! Fern really stood out to me, you can tell she wants to stand up to him but he was just so clearly in complete control and it was crushing her!!!!! Seeing Wim lose his whimsy made me really bummed :(( and omg omg.. The little interaction between KB and Jod when she says the signal is jammed.. he has a soft spot i am telling youuuuuu

[udkmehahaha]

Hey there, you expressed that you are open to talk about byler so I hope it’s ok that I ask you :D I was wondering how you deal with byler / duffer doubt, if you have doubts at all?

The last time I was emotionally invested in a ship was with Sherlock and John back in the day,,, and that ended up being heartbreaking, so I‘m afraid of this happening again..

Especially since I see some parallels with the way a lot of people look at the writers, I think? The writers of Sherlock were also thought to be these great detail oriented writers, who craft the narrative so wonderfully subtle … and with Sherlock it turned out that they were not these writers we imagined them to be at all…

I’m also afraid that I just project my own feelings onto Mike, my queer gaze haha

But it’s a comfort for me to know that el will have her arc of independence, cause she obviously deserves to explore the world and herself and not just stay with the first guy who stumbled upon her! :D it also comfort‘s me that will‘s feelings for Mike will have to be addressed even more in s5

Do you have anything to comfort you? Or are you very convinced?

i think everyone has their fair share of byler doubt moments, but for the most part, i truly believe that byler will become a thing for 3 reasons.

1. byler is the only ship in the show handled with SO MUCH CARE. the van scene took a whole DAY to film, and the writers, directors, and the crew (even the actors) all love this ship so much and you can see that through all the thought that is put into their scenes.

2. i always tell anti-bylers to rewatch the show and really dive deep into the mike/el/will love triangle because if you REALLY analyze, (and have some common sense) you will see with the way the characters have been written, the way the story has been going, it ALL adds up to mike and will being the end couple and if you dont want them to be the end couple then you dont want happiness for the characters.

3. since the beginning, we have been feeling bad for will. the poor kid went missing in an alternate dimension, had an abusive (later absent) father, gets bullied in school, got possessed by an evil monster and told people how to fix the problem even if it would end up killing him, got left behind by all of his friends, still has a connection to the place that will haunt his nightmares forever and likely will still have that connection until vecna is dead, got swerved a hug buy his best friend, got third wheeled (on his birthday) and is a gay kid in love with his best friend (and made us believe that his friend "does not reciprocate his love") in the 80's. so tell me, why would they make this kid suffer AND make him queer just for us to see him get heartbroken and sad in the end, because its a pretty known fact that without mike, will might likely never be happy, so why would they end up doing ALL OF THAT for will, just to see him lose in the end? that doesnt make sense, the audience is rooting for will, and vecna dying, healthy relationship with his family and friends, and being able to kiss mike on the mouth are the key things to make will happy.

honestly my only doubt it that the writers will just simply change their mind about it. 😭 or netflix will not let them do it. also this might sound crazy but sometimes i dread byler coming on screen because my dad is probably the most homophobic person ever and i dont want to deal with him talking about some "2025, they wanna make everyone gay so people will keep watching" and im just like no. you dont get it.

thank you for the question! keep sending more.

[sturniolo04]

Best Friends Brother M.S.

Fwb!Matt x Fwb!Fem!Reader

A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)

you have been best friends with the triplets since you guys were in diapers really so for at least 21 years. you have been extremely close with Chris in particular just because he relates to me more than you thought he would.   

you always hang out with him literally. If you see him you see me vice versa and its nice having him around but growing up with them youve developed a huge crush on Matt and it shouldnt be that bad right.

 Then why cant you tell Chris about it? Maybe because its his own triplet brother you have a crush on and there is no to tell him that is the case you couldnt do that to them.

So, creating distance between you and matt was your only option in your eyes.

"are we going to target still"

Nick asks coming into the living room where chris and you were on your phones

"i dont know did you ask matt"

he replies to his older brother not taking his focus off of the screen in front of him

"ask me what"

Matt states walking out of his room into the living room area making direct eye contact with the pair sitting on the couch on their phones

"are we going to target still is what i was asking"

"i dont see why not are you guys down" 

"sure do you want to go to target  Cassie"

he asks the girl sitting next to him as Matt shifts his eye contact to you slightly

"i-i dont know  i can just stay here you know"

"what no if you stay ill stay then"

"oh my gosh no you should go ill be fine"

'Come on cass it will be fun"

he engages trying to persuade you to tag along. It wasnt that you didnt want to tag along you just didnt want that distant you were putting between you and matt creating any weirdness amongst them all knowing they would eventually notice especially in a setting like that.

"come on it would mean so much to chris" 

he states seeing how he brother is absolutely miserable without you by his side.

"fine"

you give in getting up to grab your shoes in matts room. Why did matt have your shoes a very not so long story that you were not willing to get into. Let's just say the distant you thought you were keeping with matt didnt last long.

~Flashback to 2 days ago~

Matt's pov: tonight was not a typical night  Nick was hanging out with Madi at her house  and Chris was hanging out with friends for the evening leaving me and the girl that honestly drives me insane in the house by ourselves.

I have always had somewhat of a close relationship Cassie and has gotten closer as i realized i wanted to be more with her but never did anything about it because she is literally my brothers best friend and chris would loose his shit if he  knew i liked her in this way.

Lately, though Cassie and i havent been as close almost as if she is avoiding me.

Deciding i was tired of hanging out in my room for most of the evening  i went into the kitchen to find just the person on my mind all evening.

"hi"

"oh hey"

"what are you doing"

i ask grabbing a root beer from the refrigerator

"um honestly just thinking"

the girl states as matt makes eye contact with the girl sitting on the counter as if she is almost stuck in a daydream.

"oh really about what.. penny for your thoughts"

i ask her hoping she would share something and actually have a conversation with me

"um just how im so stupid and crazy and everything in between"

she sighs out

"what how are stupid and crazy thats literally impossible"

"i mean i literally"

she stops mid-sentence as she looks at me 

"i cant tell you this"

she trails off hopping down from the counter

"see stupid"

she states again attempting to walk past me probably to head back down to chris' room which is where she had been hiding out to keep her so called distance from me.

"cassie wait what"

i reply quickly confused and frustrated with the space she keeps creating between us grabbing her hand bring her back to face me

"just tell me why are you avoiding me i thought we were friends Cass"

"matt come on you know we cant just be friends and thats the problem"

"okay and what wrong with being more than friends because i maybe want to be more than friends"

"chris is my best friend matt i cant do that to him you know that"

"so you dont ever want to be more than friends"

"thats not what said"

"then what do you want cass"

i ask her running my hands comfortingly on her arms as she makes eye contact  with me

"you"

she quietly states staring into my eyes as i lean in to connect our lips and bring her body closer to mine.

~End of flashback~

Chris' Pov: we have been in target for a good 45 minutes and Nick and I have lost track of Matt and Cassie.

Honestly both of them have been acting extremely weird lately. Its probably nothing and if it was something Cassie and Matt would have told me. Right?

"where the fuck would they have snuck off to its target for fucksake"

"is that them"

i question staring down an aisle that appeared to look like them but it couldnt be them because well Cassie and Matt are dating are they?

"Matt! Cassie!"

he exclaims as the pair turns around

"unbelievable"

he sighs out leaving the aisle probably to head back to the car.

"chris i can explain"

you trail off following after him leaving Nick and Matt inside target.

"chris wait!"

you exclaim as you catch up to him

"cassie my brother really!"

"im so sorry i was going to tell you.."

"when"

"i was when you got home from hanging out.."

you ramble as he cuts you off

"wait you kept this from me for two days cassie"

"i- yes chris i didnt mean to keep it a secret but i just knew you wouldn't like that i kissed your brother"

you sigh out trying not to let your tears fall

"yeah Cassie i wouldn't have liked it your supposed to be my best friend why would you keep that shit from me"

"Chris im so so sorry"

you state with tears in your eyes as he comes up to you and grabs your arms looking down at you

"cassie really"

he lightly chuckles out

"what im so sorry seriously i cant loose you as my best friend chris"

you continues to ramble

"cassie im not upset that you like him honestly i knew a while ago"

"what wait really"

"yeah its not a problem seriously"

"thank god"

you sigh out as he laughs a little bringing you into a hug

"so matt for real"

he questions rhetorically pulling away from you

"oh shut up"

you state rolling your eyes and shoving your shoulder into his

taglist

@mintsturniolo @emely9274 @stayingstromboli @spicymuffins03

@dirtylittleheart333 @wh0resstuff @ksturnz @emely9274 @ccxsturns

[mazzystar24]

exactly! i wanted to like tommy tbh i liked him in 703 and 704. 705 was meh to me. i couldnt really find it in myself to care because the entire episode was about buck freaking out about telling eddie. 706 just made me ???? because of the bachelor party scenes. like why are we having the new bf dismiss buck at every turn while eddie is all in if they want us to root for this man. he wouldve had to change at work anyway so why didnt he dress up. then again in 709 he’s just shooting down bucks joy with the “enjoy it while it lasts” thing and then we already discussed 710. like sure buck made it a bit jokey but then tommy sounded completely serious when he said “no i dont. i hope you do though!” im someone who’s very sarcastic in her own humor and i couldnt tell he was joking. like i get that they want tommy to be snarky or whatever but something about it just falls flat for me. some of the comments he makes feel like stuff he shouldn’t feel comfortable saying yet to someone he’s only started seeing in the past couple months.

also the evan thing confuses me because lou said on cameo the script supervisor told him he isnt allowed to call buck ‘buck’. i wonder if thatll ever be addressed in s8 because that feels weird to me. especially since buck has insisted people call him buck in the past but idk if thats even anything to actually think about. like im not sure if the writers just dont know what to do with this man or if they’re actually writing him to be a short term thing. its so easy to add depth to their relationship and open up a chance to be vulnerable but they either choose not to entirely or give those moments to eddie -birthmark anon

NO SAME LIKE I AM DOWN FOR RIVAL LOVE INTERESTS TO MY SHIPS IF THEYRE WRITTEN WELL

I WAS MID TYPING I HOPE YOU DONT SEE THIS YET

Like I made a whole post about how the show bones had Hannah and she was the best and the way they wrote her made her GENUINELY likeable

And 911 couldve pulled that off so easily with Tommy but just keep choosing not to??? Like they are making (imo) very intentional writing choices that just don’t develop him or bucktommy very well when they could literally just NOT make those choices like they’re fully in control so while these things are realistic and can have good explanations the writers are intentionally choosing to include them and write them a specific way

Like idk about you but if I wanted people to aim for my couple I would go about it VERY differently

[thank-you-doggo]

Lucky Contestant..? (Finding Frankie OC story)

Back at it again with my nonsense and yall gotta deal with me im sorry but here take this whilst I perish. Characters involved: MC and Freckles Madhare

Im MC, but I go by Miles. It was around the 12th hour of sprinting all over the place within this ginormous place like a chicken without its head, I had forgotten how much there was to be fully honest, its so cold...So cold. That rabbit really knows how to make a baller hot chocolate though, cant even lie. Its filling, weirdly enough. Honestly...thats probably for the better, I cant freeze to death on an empty stomach am I right? I put the cup down on the small table and keep going, attempting to search for the bun, I hear the rabbit's voice come from over the loud-speaker; "Contestant!" The Rabbit says, "Well done for getting nearly halfway! Im rooting for you! I cant wait to see you cross that finish line!" He says joyfully as it was just enough of a push to keep me going, his Jolly attitude just...hits different to me, Im not used to such gleeful emotions from those in power, not anymore. I trot along the frozen flooring of the catwalk, hundreds of feet above looking at the giant vats of glowing substance below me. The Smell of marshmallow frosting hit my nose, man, this place...as weirdly dangerously enticing as it was...its just so...welcoming to me. Much better than home. I take a second to tie my shoes as they come undone, I dunno where the other contestants I was with went, couldnt help but wonder about them whenever I stood back up, and I see I gotta kinda make a leap of faith across a gap in the catwalk, so, I do it, I do it easily, leaping across and sticking the landing, and I push on down a corridor, a wave of...something hit me, It made me fall to my knees, my senses heighten and my eyes grow wide, It hurts. I hear the rabbit again, being concerned for me and if I needed any assistance, I decline politely, kinda having to be loud so it could pick me up on the speakers. I stand back up and hold my ribs as my body twists to keep up with me. I shut my eyes tight and refocus my senses, taking a deep breath and exhaling hot smoke from my mouth, since the inside air is cold enough to where it looks cool. I hear someone commentate over me whilst I was being awesome all over the place, someone sleezy sounding, must be that extravagant guy ive been seeing cutouts of sometimes around this place, sometimes Id get distracted at the sights in this place, but there was something in my way eventually after the sightseeing was over, a roadblock, well...a broken catwalk above vats of hot swirly liquid, looked like molten chocolate in every color, ooh How I wanted to dive in headfirst and have a blast, but Ill be a thorn in the rabbits side AFTER I win. "Contestant!!" The rabbit, Freckles, says. Theres this tone in his jolly voice that sounds concerned, dont blame him to be honest. I appreciated him being worried about me. "Please, take the long way around, that catwalk was supposed to be fixed ages ago...itll snap under your weight!" He says, I look and could definitely see that the catwalk is done for, on the verge of falling, if I jumped on that id definitely fall to my death, too bad im too good for it. I back up far, extremely far, and I made sure my shoes were tied tighter then usual, I gotta lock in to do this. Im such a bad listener. Freckles tells me once again to not try it, but do I listen? Pfft, hell no. I take a deep breath as the sleezier voice pops in again, half assing hope for me that I make it. "You got this, Contestant.~" I hear the voice say, sarcasm was apparent. Freckles attempts to stop me with the outcome again, too late, ive already broke into a full sprint, and at the edge of this jump, the tips of my shoes push off the side of the catwalk and-! I undershot it mayhaps, Whoopsie-Daisy.

I land on the broken catwalk and it crumbles from under me, as predicted, and my fingers and nails claw into the side of the broken catwalk as im thrust down and around, theres a gnarly snapping noise, that wasnt the metal... It didnt register in my head yet of what had happened, it all happened so fast, I felt a cold feeling of air hit me...in my head? and my arms. My hearing had gone out for a second or two, and Im greeted to Freckles frantically trying to get a response from me, a hiss from whoever else was with him, "Ouuugh, thats gotta hurt." What were they..? whys the bunny flipping his lid like this? Im fine arent I? Pfft, no. I didnt just undershoot the jump, but the metal peice of the catwalk had lodged into my head, not just clipped me, but had totally peirced straight through my forehead, and my arms just kinda...snapped, at the elbows. So Im hanging there by my arms, my fingers are still locked into the metal, my body started bodying, even though my arms were destroyed muscle wise, no biggie for me, I simply just...pull myself up, much to the supposed horror of the rabbit and his friend, I SHOULD Be dead, but im not, because im just better.~ I pull myself up fully and Boom, im fine, just got a bit of a headache. "Lucky Contestant..?" Says Freckles. "You got any Tylenol up there, bun?" I say, as if I dont have a massive gash in my head and a 500 pound thing of steel lodged through my frontal lobe. "I got a headache". I say, absent-mindedly as I strut my goofy ass onto the next area, theres sounds of befuddlement from Freckles, and cackling from my buddy over the speaker, I do gotta sit though after a second, I stare at my hands when out of sight of the cameras, my fingers were outstretched and my arms had spikes shooting out, didnt help that my legs were bent a little, more 'Wolflike', not like a werewolf or anything, but helps me grab onto stuff better, theyre blacker then tar under my silly little uniform, I know they are, I feel the same spikes growing along my feet and calves and kinda up my thighs, my nails had turned into long black talons, I gotta wait till these go away. I just sit still for little as I take the piece of metal from the catwalk out of my head along with the little pieces, I sip some hot cocoa to wash down the taste of blood in my mouth as I sit on the frozen floor, and I close my eyes, letting them rest for a second as my gaping wound heals itself like that of a symbiote, whatever was damaged wasnt an issue, not that I had a brain to get skewered anyway, I always loved that part of me, love being a no-brainer, they cant know this about me, not yet. I get up after my power-nap, as good as new, and im off down the hall, being awesome once again.

[bioethicists]

hi i hope you dont mind this question. i assume because you are anti psych/mad liberation (me too) you probably also get the pro psych reaction of "thats dangerous" and "its not all like that" and the accusation that acknowledging the fact that psychiatric and therapy "care" is so bad will make people quit that care and they will inevitably get worse and it'll be your fault? im an anti psych blogger and this really messes me up because my whole thing is that i DONT want mentally ill ppl to suffer, and thats the whole reason i AM anti psych. and i am afraid ppl will somehow be harmed by me telling the truth or making (evil!) generalizations about psych professionals, etc.

to me it seems incredibly reactionary, usually comes with a moral panic flavor, and is chock full of victim blaming cliches. it seems to me that it hinges on the fear and threat of 1. a Crazy person rejecting treatment and 2. a Crazy person rejecting authority, so again, it seems to be based mostly in stigma. and yet it does seem true and possible that ppl will be influenced in ways that turn out poorly and i dont want that to happen either. and yet again, framing it like "dont tell ppl what health care to pursue" is a misnomer since psych care is simply about social control... and that facade of health care just protects them from criticism in a bad faith way cause it makes you look anti vax adjacent and telling ppl not to see doctors. im not really interested in telling ppl what to do when it comes to accessing psych care, but my general analysis is that: is refusing psych care possibly dangerous? yes. is getting psych care also possibly dangerous? yes.

anyway the main question is if/how you deal with this. both intellectually and emotionally. cause i think its possibly the hardest part of sharing anti psych views in public. it makes me feel guilty and afraid. and i think making splicing disclaimers sucks and is stupid. so idk. thanks for reading.

first of all, i absolutely do experience this + it used to piss me off more than it does now but now it mostly makes me sad. i think you summed it up so well when you said that both refusing + seeking psych care can be dangerous.

part of it is that, the deeper i root into my belief in bodily autonomy, the more i stop punishing myself if someone takes a good faith, well-phrased assertion i've made + spins that into something harmful which i never said or intended. i am very deliberate to only spread information that pushes for expanding + critiquing methods of healing, stressing that my goal is to free people from suffering, not compound it.

i know that some people who are struggling with paranoia or self-destructive impulses read mad liberation talking points (often finding their ways to the more conspiracy fueled or recklessly phrased ones) + respond in ways that end up harming them, like cold-turkey going off antipsychotics or firing their entire treatment teams to take sketchy supplements. it does make me very sad that this happens, because like you said, i want these people to be happy + not suffer.

however, i rarely see comparable conversation about how people take the logics of the psych system and use THOSE to harm themselves. many people with similar traits to those who do what you are describing are just as likely to use the logics of psychiatry to punish themselves or distance themselves from others. they use 'coping mechanisms' punitively by becoming obsessed with 'clean' eating/dieting, organization/academics, being the Perfect Patient. they tell others + themselves that they are neurologically incapable of love or healthy relationships or pleasure. they isolate themselves because they believe they are fundamentally toxic or abusive. they dismiss their emotions as "just symptoms" + actively chastise themselves or try to train themselves out of experiencing any anger towards others or even any negative emotions at all. they admit themselves to psych wards frequently not out of a reasonable concern that they will hurt themselves or others but because they believe they belong in a psych ward any time they are experiencing symptoms. the list goes on.

all of that being said, i do experience genuine concern that people might read what i write + because of self-hatred or intense paranoia, read some sort of mandate or advice that isn't there + end up in more pain. because this exact thing also happens with psychiatry, which the naysayers you describe above are not concerned with, i don't think they're actually worried about hurting people. they are worried about Crazy people Not Getting Help. it comes from a place of paternalism + fear.

another, more positive aspect of it is that i do genuinely believe that many people are not being helped by their treatment teams but think they Have To be in therapy or in a hospital or on meds despite them not helping because that's What You Do. so they have been sitting around waiting for five years of therapy or their seventh ssri to start doing something meaningful. some of them just needed to hear: you don't have to do this; it might not be the right thing for you. i actually think these people are really well-served by hearing about anti-psych/mad lib stuff + them quitting therapy/meds/treatment ends up allowing them to look for other pathways for dealing with emotional suffering.

ultimately, i think mad liberation that focuses on true autonomy + total liberation of all peoples provides a clearer path forward for people to return from these places of intense paranoia or self destruction. i think we are all so used to being deprived of autonomy that, when we first get it back, we often stumble with it or try to provoke someone into taking it away from us. that is just going to continue to happen if we respond to it by making autonomy conditional. a LOT of us feel like we're not allowed to heal if it's not a moral mandate, so hearing that it isn't feels like nobody cares. we have to find new ways of showing that we care which don't involve exerting power over others.

[elytrafemme]

i miss my 3rd grade best friend so much. i don't remember very much about us but i remember it like it was yesterday. the kids used to make fun of him / fun of us, never really made much fun of me. he was sweet and so boys ate him alive. we were very slow at running & we were a boy and a girl so everyone thought we were dating, and i always got mad in my head (but soft because i never could get that mad at him) that he would blush because i wanted to tell him if you just disattach, it won't affect you. i don't care to make much out of that. he had very bad handwriting. he liked drawing cartoons and i remember thinking he was going to get big for being a cartoonist (my best friend now draws cartoons so thinking about this again really really affects me). when he left i had hoped i would see him again but he ended up moving to germany with his family, and after that so much happened in my life that i didn't have time to miss him anymore. i don't think about him that often at all, this must be the first time in years, and yet i feel like i see him in everything. i want to meet him someday and tell him im a lesbian. it would change nothing but im convinced, in some deep rooted way, the way that religion works i think-- i'm convinced that i would love him now. that if i saw him i would just know, and he would know me, and he would be beautiful and good and i would tell him every horrible thing about myself and all the good stuff, too, and he would still like me. i think it's good that i never meet him again so i can never see that proven wrong but it's such a fixed part of my universe, even when i'm not looking, this idea that the two of us were together once. deeply outcasted, because i didnt play with girls and i was scared of all the cool things and i wasnt white, and he wasnt white either and he was fat and he was too kind, kinder than i was bc i was nice but not kind, i was kind maybe only to him. we had two other friends who i saw grow up and grew apart from and we dont talk anymore. i dont miss them very much. but i miss Katsuya. i miss Katsuya a lot.

[subjectivemortality]

Letter 8. January. Winter.

To the Light shining through my window illuminating my coffee, (I'd send you a picture youd like it. But the printer.... you know how they are in offices.)

Today has been one of those days in which the world feels both so very loud and way too silent. Those days when stress or fear or anger or maybe even panic slowly puts their hands around your throat making it hard to breathe. So I write once more to you. I knew I had to when I saw the skies open up letting some light in. It had been snowing for so long that it felt significant that the light finally broke through. So I sat down and grabbed this paper and write these words. Unsure of what to say. I feel like theres always so much unsaid. I wish we were having coffee instead of this piece of paper. Id ask you how your day had been. How the quails are doing. What your plans are. Id ask to see any new work you mightve made or any book that has caught your intrest. Id love to simply hear you talk. You speak with such... joy. Its infectious. For a moment it all feels so normal. As if we're really friends.

But alas. You are not here. You cannot be here. And I cannot be there. I dont think I could look you in the eye. I couldnt even send these other letters. I wonder if that was the last time ill see you. Wouldn't that be bitter sweet yet so fitting? I am what I am and as proven to myself Im better off alone. If only I wasnt so weak for your kindness and hospitality.

I wish I could give you that kindness back. But these hands were not made to hold you. These hands are rough and would drop you if we were to dance. These hands only shed blood. And apperantly write depressing letters. Christ.

I dont know how to tell you that I miss you in a way that wouldn't hurt you. I miss you but I shouldn't speak to you. Itd be cruel of me to tell you, to find contact only to cut it off right after. But god. Maybe I want you to not listen to me. Maybe I want you to call me coward. Maybe I want you to dance with me anyways. That these hands may hold you even if you may fall. I wish you could tell me that itd be okay either way. But I know it doesnt work like that.

This is just wishful thinking. Its as close to prayer I know how to get.

Im sorry belle. For everything. For ever continuing to chat. For all ive said. And for all Ive done. I hope you may have forgiveness for me. I hope that you dont.

[The letter was quickly discarded to the never send pile with the others. The coffee already forgotten for a regular beer.]

@inbetween-beast-and-man

She's in the garden when it reaches her. It does reach her - of course it does. You can't pray to a goddess, even in letter form, and not expect her to feel it. Belle doesn't get very many prayers that are actually directed at her, but even if she had a cacophony of them to contend with she suspects that she'd still be able to pluck his voice out of the mix.

She's in the garden with a book, and the prayer-letter-apology-plea reaches out and settles into her bones, weighs them down with the aching heaviness of his regret before the words even form inside her. If she were better she'd respect his privacy (surely he doesn't Know he's doing this, right? He could just text her. Why would he be doing this? Why would he do this?) and look away. But she's not better, so she looks, and she lets herself ache alongside him, lets herself grieve...something. She's always grieving, there's no escape from it. So that grief gets tucked in alongside all the others. Roots pull up from the earth to brush against her skin, wrap around her where she lays against the ground, soothing a melancholy she doesn't know how to explain. She tangles her fingers in them (the fingers of her good hand- the other just twitches, lets the roots envelope it like the rotting core of a cocoon) and she breathes deep until the connection passes and the ache subsides.

When she went through her apotheosis again, she swore up and down that she wouldn't be the type to ignore anyone who reached out to her through prayer. Even just an acknolwedgement. Even still. It's the only prayer she knows she won't answer.

[tomystars]

dissecting episode 1

(under the microscope. im mostly dissecting jaewon hes so interesting to study as a queer person myself, smiles)

ignoring the very first clip which shows waves and someone grabbing someone else... a bit confusing i dont have many thoughts about this.

ANYWAY ! we first see jaewon sitting on a couch in a office perhaps? with an aquarium (we see this again on the intro of episode 2 and if you see the trailer theres a close up of his face on the same place as well) and a women sits down in front of him and asks him what his worries are. now i cant make much sense of her behaviour cause she suddenly starts laughing? but id think shes some sort of counselor. now this could be for 2 reasons: one. he just left the military after finishing his mandatory time and it might be a thing they do? or two some other reason we dont know most likely. TRAUMA shocking i know.

then we have the restaurant scene. we see jaewon talking with his friends but his face changes when his friends keeps talking about how jaewon has a great life and connections and money and everything he wants and i dont want to state the obvious but... thats clearly not the case which is why we can see jaewon upset with the conversation even though he doesnt say anything about it and even forgives his friend... his relationship with his parents is most likely not the best and we can see that by the messages his mom sends and the way we can just see him in front of his gate but not getting inside.

then. their first real scene. jaewon asks jihyun for a cigarette he goes and grabs TWO which surprises jaewon a little bit and makes him happier probably because thats different not a lot of people would do that. they talk but its very casual like and somehow jaewon mentions a "동생" and gets real quiet, as if something had happened with that person. now, its translated as "younger brother/sister" because thats the only english word that it can translate to EVEN THOUGH (and im saying this as someone with very limited korean language knowledge) its not the most correct one because its just a word that people use to call someone whos younger than them (yes siblings count lol). so is he talking about a younger sibling or someone else? who knows.

when his friends grab him to go home he leaves but he isnt expecting for jihyun to just grab his hand and give him a lighter (it was such an intimate scene as well, very queer coded) and THATS what caught jaewons attention. because at first he was just making conversation, but that small moment changed how the path of their futures (hope im not getting too philosophical), and he even stopped and looked as jihyun left.

fast foward next day, jihyun sees jaewon and goes afterhim but loses him and finds the poster for free bird instead (soulmatism i say). and its at this point i realize i havent spoken much abour jihyun so ill start now. we know hes a small town boy, isnt used to such a big city like seoul and is even confused with all this new stuff hes seeing. thats how jaewon and him are different. to me, jihyuns fear is based on unfamiliarity and the unknown, hes still getting to know all these new things that hes never known before and thats why he later mentions that thats the reason he signed up for the surf club. he doesnt really know how to swim but he wants to try and face this new challenge onwards. jaewons fear is more rooted on past experiences and trauma is my guess. he knows who he is but hes scared or hes scared of the result if he tries something. i think its going to start to get better the more he gets to know jihyun and the more he gets comfortable with him.

the cafeteria. jihyuns eating alone and jaewon is suddenly there and thanking him for the other day (he means it. that second cigarette probably was everything to him at that time) and starts to get a bit bold with him, and asking him why he didnt call and at this point there are so many jihyun reactions where you can just tell how this type of relationship is new to him but also how he wants to explore it and find out where it takes him.

we can see that when he meets jaewon again outside the restaurant and says "if we're going to be friends we need to know each others names" and jaewons truly gets a bit paralysed? confused? about it, he wasnt expecting jihyung to say something like that. tells him his name and leaves.

going a bit back, jaewon is at the same restaurant again. why? because he remembered that it was the restaurant jihyuns worked at and he convinced his friends to go inside with some excuse only to look for jihyun but... he wasnt there. things start to go downhill when his friends mention his ex who he wants to have nothing to do with and just wants to forget and one of them even invites her over! some friend he is... jaewon gets reasonably upset (ill talk about what i think happened with the break up on the ep2 essay bare with me), leaves and jihyun goes after him. in this scene i dont think jaewon is upset with him but it was a mixture of a lot of things, disappointment from not seeing jihyun when he was the reason he went to the restaurant in the first place, anger at his supposed friend inviting his ex who he doesnt like and thats why he says "i didnt see you earlier" with this really empty sort of expression.

and lastly, the very last scene. he sits with jihyun for two reasons: be away from his ex but also because he genuinely wants to continue whatever this relationship with jihyun is. it makes him happy and its different and GOOD something that he doesnt have a lot going around his life...

yea... thats it. my thoughts are all scattered but yea lets talk about it if u want i have so much to say still and i want to hear what everyone else is thinking and i also want to mention how much i love this already it was hook line sinker the first episode it. it just feels so raw and perfect and so queer coded to which is why i want to kind of gatekeep it from people who are just watching bc its u know... a bl (will i be persecuted like the witches used to by saying this... hm)

the playlist is so good as well been on repeat for hours

[grimescum]

choose violence meme for 1, 13, and 18 >:3c !!

KAYLA COMING IN CLUTCH OMG do u knoq how painful it is to not just answer walter for each one. i had to sit here and ponder bro

1. this one os hardddd coz the few characters i can think of are usually misinterpreted by the fandom for jokes? and i get that but i Think. i'll say ogata (golden kamuy). i see the thing where people take a stoic character and make them Alpha Daddy Dom (do you get what i mean. am i crazy. like how men are pictured in shitty romance manga or webtoons) and that pisses me off because i can tell its not done for the funny. it's probably not a regular occurrence though, i mostly see it while browsing pinterest

my first thought of course was walter but i'm not necessarily unhappy with the fandom's perception of him. more humanizing aspects of him are either only implied or are just crumbs so i get why people would take the easy route and turn him into a cardboard cutout of a character if theyre not crazy. that being said (and this kinda ties into what i said above) i still get pissed off when people chalk him up to being evil or sexy or have him show only one personality trait which is either kind old grandpa or smug sexy grandpa

i am a big fan of humanizing characters . please make ur characters vulnerable ❤️ i'm kind of a hypocrite because of how many pictures i draw of sexy walter but uum. hes sure as hell vulnerable in them so (/j im working on it, its more an issue with my motivation)

13. alucard (hellsing) i think. i just . sometimes it feels like people forget how tragic he is and either make him entirely too silly. but again what they draw doesn't necessarily reflect what they truly think, i just wish more people would focus on just how fucked up he is.

that stupid hellsing abridged that i hate (slight exaggeration) probably contributed to how people portray him tbqh

18. zorin (hellsing) on the basis that she's hot and i want to see more muscle women

gansoku (golden kamuy) on the basis that he's adorable and funny and a well made interesting character. i can see why the others outshine him obvs i just wish he got more love

uuhmm walter's potential relationship with seras (hellsing) because i think it would be so sweet to see him act as a sort of father figure towards her (no i am not projecting my deep rooted desire for an older man i see as my father figure to be kind to me whatsoever)

the trauma that integra (hellsing) would likely have. all this talk about how shes badass and hot, and its true, but there's so much you can say about her that people usually don't. i'd love a comic or a fic or whatever where integra finally feels comfortable enough around a person to loosen up

i started getting sleepy coz i was thinking so hard 😭 i hope this is coherent . i dont interact w fandoms much outside of my own little bubble so

[maluinks]

I only know taylor swift as someone who sucks ass at writing lyrics, what are the banger lyrics im missing??

lmao i totally get that. I think it will always be a bit of a personal preference thing, just like some ppl love some writing styles which others cant stand, same with lyrics.

I personally love the lyric writing that tells a good story i can see in my head, and the song creates an atmosphere which you can touch and even smell. I think Taylor's strength is in her storytelling, which shines through especially in folklore and evermore. I personally love "seven" ("Please picture me/In the weeds/Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously"), august ("To live for the hope of it all/Cancel plans just in case you'd call"), peace ("Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?"), "illicit affairs" ("Leave the perfume on the shelf/That you picked out just for him/So you leave no trace behind/Like you don't even exist"), "champagne problems" ("Sometimes you just don't know the answer/'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"), "cowboy like me" ("Perched in the dark/Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear/Like it could be love/I could be the way forward/Only if they pay for it"), "'tis the damn season" ("We could call it even/You could call me babe for the weekend/'Tis the damn season, write this down/I'm stayin' at my parents' house/And the road not taken looks real good now"), "ivy" ("Oh, goddamn/My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/Taking mine, but it's been promised to another/Oh, I can't/Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/My house of stone, your ivy grows/And now I'm covered in you").

Now every album she releases has its misses and its hits. I don't love "Lover" that much bc it's a bit too happy poppy for me, though the song "Lover" itself tells a very palpable feeling. Other songs I like are "All Too Well" ("And you call me up again just to break me like a promise/So casually cruel in the name of being honest"), "Dear John" ("Long were the nights when/My days once revolved around you/Counting my footsteps/Praying the floor won't fall through again"), "Back to December" ("It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you/Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine"), "The Story of Us" ("I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how/I never heard silence quite this loud"), "Clean" ("Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it"), "Begin Again" ("And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid/I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did"), "Don't Blame Me" ("Don't blame me, love made me crazy/If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right/Lord, save me, my drug is my baby/I'll be usin' for the rest of my life"), "Delicate" ("We can't make any promises/Now can we, babe?/But you can make me a drink").

Now many people have been dissing the latest album's cringey lyrics for a while, and while I hate them too (god the vigilante one is such a skip its unreal), i actually like some songs with cringey lyrics. "Anti-hero" really grew on me bc it's Taylor self-analising and talking about how she is her own worst critic, which is something we all experience, and I think she made it in a fun self-deprecating way in the song that still delivers the message. other songs in the album which i love and dont have those kinds of cringe lines are "you're on your own, kid" ("'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned/Everything you lose is a step you take"), "Lavander Haze" ("The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)/Is a one-night or a wife"), "High Infidelity" ("Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?/Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?"), "Would've, Could've, Should've" ("If I was some paint, did it splatter/On a promising grown man?/And if I was a child, did it matter/If you got to wash your hands?") (tbh I love all the lyrics in this song it's my fave atm).

Sorry for the long post! I really feel like Taylor's best lyrics are hidden away in her albums many times, but I do get how she gets called a good lyricist, because she is good at telling stories in them. I believe many people look at her stuff from a biased perspective most of the time bc of the way the media has portrayed her in part, and also bc she got a lot of hate from misogynists when she was young and it stayed around as mindless hate/disregard. She isnt the greatest ever but she's earned her reputation as a lyricist imo.