#im really proud of how than came out tbh i thought i’d hate it

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut  words: 2.2k

a/n: and here we are at the end, tbh im a little sad this fic is over, it was so fun to write and i am DEFINITELY more in love with Atsumu than i was before

one | two | three | four | five |

Epilogue 

Four years have passed since you and Atsumu finally got together, and this is the third year in a row he has an away game scheduled on your anniversary. It’s hard for you to actually be mad, he can’t control his schedule. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed.

And Atsumu hates that he’s let you down again. Wanting more than anything to finally spend your actual anniversary together instead of substituting for an early or late celebration. You’re a good sport, and he loves you for that, supporting him and his volleyball career without complaint despite his long absences and track record of missing important events.

Though the night before he’s set to leave, you’re sitting beside him on the couch, tucked under his arm while the two of you watch something on the TV. For the past few minutes, you’ve been fiddling with his shirt between your fingers and he knows you’re gathering the courage to say something. He’s pretty certain he can guess what it’ll be about too. And all he can do is brace himself when he hears you huff.

“What if you mysteriously came down with something?” You finally say.

He has to laugh at that. “That’s pretty diabolical of you.”

You shrug, already feeling silly you brought it up at all. It’s not really a big deal, but it’s been three years since either of you were even in the same country on the day you swallowed your pride and stormed into his dorm room to confess to him. Sue you for being a bit put out by it.

“Did you poison my dinner or something?” His heart lifts at the small chuckle he gets out of you from that.

“No, but don’t give me any ideas.”

He rests his cheek on the top of your head, eyes still on the TV as he jokes, “Besides, ya think they have any chance of winning without me?”

He feels your smile against his chest, then jolts at the jab you give him in the side. But still you say, “They’d be nothing without you.”

Pulling you into his lap, he cradles your face in his hands and looks at you seriously. And even after four years, you’ve never gotten tired of the way he looks at you—still like you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on.

“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I know it sucks.”

“It does,” you pout.

Pressing his forehead to yours he murmurs, “I’d be with you if I could.”

You love these intimate moments with him, when you both let your teasing natures fall away and all that’s left is how much you love each other. Even after four years, it’s still abundant, and somehow still growing every day. So, you sink into his embrace and reply, “I know.” And you do. That’s what makes it bearable. Knowing that even though he’s off in some exciting country, playing the game he loves—there isn’t a minute that goes by that he doesn’t think about you.

“You gunna watch the game?”

It so happens that this year, his game landed on the exact date of your anniversary. When he’d found out, he’d vowed to make you proud; to make him being away so often worth it to you. And it makes his heart swell when you say without hesitation, “Of course.”

So, a couple days later as he’s about to leave for the airport, he tugs you to him, lowers his lips to yours and kisses you as if he’s going off to war or something. He knows it’s a bit overkill, but he doesn’t really care. He wants to do everything he can to make it up to you. And damn, is he slapped in the face with how much he loves you when you finally separate and you tease him, “Sheesh, you’ll be back in a couple days.”

His response is to kiss you again and again muttering between kisses, “Gotta get my fill now to tide me over.”

He only leaves when you’re practically shoving him out the door. “You’re going to be late!” He reluctantly let’s go of you, hefts his duffel over his shoulder, takes his suitcase in hand and heads down the hallway towards the elevator. On his way there, you shout, “Say hi to the boys for me!”

He smiles smugly, winking over his shoulder at you. “Will do.” Knowing full well his teammates are extremely jealous of him because of you. And why yes—he absolutely does love rubbing you in their faces.

Once he’s out of sight, your smile falters as you shut the door and turn to your now empty apartment. A sadness falls over your heart that’s familiar but unwelcome. You have to find something to distract yourself, otherwise you’ll just let yourself wallow, which you know Atsumu wouldn’t want.

On the night of your anniversary, you eat dinner at Osamu’s restaurant as you normally do on the nights of Atsumu’s away games. You sit at the bar alone, watching the game on the many TV’s around that Osamu always has on the sports channel when Atsumu is playing. Tonight, you notice Osamu chats with you more than he normally does, and you’re certain he’s picked up on your somber vibes.

He even sits at the bar next to you, talking with you about the game and doing an excellent job of distracting you from the hole Atsumu always leaves whenever he’s gone. Tonight, that hole feels even bigger than it usually does.

“He’s playing good tonight,” Osamu notes, his trained eyes fixated on the TV. No matter how many games you watch, or how often Atsumu talks about volleyball, you’ll never have the same understanding of the game that Osamu does.

Chin resting on your palm, you glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Is he?” To you, it always looks like Atsumu is playing well.

But you like listening to Osamu’s technical breakdown of his gameplay and aren’t opposed to helping his endeavor of distracting you. “He’s tuned in,” is all he says by way of explanation.

You watch the TV with newfound interest, noticing that Osamu seems to be right. Atsumu is normally pretty focused, but tonight whenever the camera shows a closeup of him, the look in his eyes is razor sharp. And yet, he’s still making those insane plays that catch his opponents completely off guard. You can feel your pride bubbling up in your chest like it does every time you watch him play, quirking your lips upward into a small smile.

You love how much Atsumu loves volleyball, and whenever you can you go to his games here in Japan because watching him on TV is nothing compared to in person. Plus, it’s way more fun getting swept up into his arms in the heat of the moment after a win than several days later when the excitement has died a little.

You watch Atsumu the rest of the game, noting how the closer they get to match point, the more tenacious he becomes. But unlike other times, when he gets too excited and starts making insane plays that might not work, he seems to be dialing in even further, pulling the best out of all of his hitters even when they’re at the end of their rope. You at least know enough about volleyball to appreciate just how amazing that is.

To your delight, the Black Jackals win, and as usual several of the players get interviewed afterwards. Somehow, Hinata and Bokuto are still full of energy despite playing a full match, speaking excitedly to the interviewer. The coverage switches to Atsumu’s interview, and you can’t help ogling him a little bit. He somehow manages to look good, his hair damp from sweat but eyes gleaming from the adrenaline of the match.

And as you suspect, like Hinata and Bokuto, he’s pretty amped after the game. Amped enough that he completely ignores the interviewer’s questions and looks right at the camera. Immediately, you’re struck by the feeling that he’s looking directly at you. “I’ve only got one thing to say and that’s happy anniversary to the lovely lady I got waiting for me at home.”

The interviewer flusters, changing gears quickly and trying to get Atsumu to comment more on his relationship, but all he does is give the camera his signature smile and a wink before turning his back to the screen and rejoining his celebrating teammates. You don’t hear what the interviewer says next. You’re pinned to your seat, stunned, until your natural reaction is to burst out laughing at his proclamation.

Osamu just eyes you curiously, a small smile splaying across his lips as you say, “Only Atsumu—I swear.”

He shrugs. “Hey, you picked him.”

“Yes,” you laugh. “Yes, I did.” And you really wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how long or how many times he’s apart from you.  

You leave shortly after the coverage of the game has ended, bidding Osamu goodnight and thanking him for his company and hospitality. He waves you out, and once you’re on your way home, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the loneliness you’ve successfully kept at bay until now. The thought of climbing into a cold bed that feels too big when Atsumu’s not there settles into the front of your mind and it’s hard not to spiral into the sadness that’s been looming over you all day.

You sigh, wrapping your coat tighter around you, trudging towards your apartment that you know is going to suffocate you with its silence. You know it’s pretty pathetic missing him so much, feeling sorry for yourself that you’re alone once again on this day, but you can’t help it. The hope that next year will be different is nearly gone by now, your determination to refuse to accept it finally broken.

Entering the dark apartment, you toss your keys onto the counter and make your way to the living room, fully intending on spending the rest of the night mindlessly watching some TV show until you fall asleep. Subconsciously, your thoughts wander to what Atsumu is doing right now. The team usually goes out after games, especially ones they win. And it’ll be a day or two until they leave wherever they’re at, so they have plenty of time.

Part of you aches at the thought of him out, having a good time with his team, while you’re here—alone, watching some lame TV show and feeling sorry for yourself.

What you don’t know, is that Atsumu has forgone the celebration tonight. In fact, he’s rushing to the airport to catch his late flight back to Japan. He booked this flight the day after he found out he was going to be gone again. He might not make it back in time to be there on the actual date, but he hopes the gesture is enough.

On the flight, he thinks about your reaction, imagining your laugh and beaming smile at the sight of him. Daydreaming about sweeping you up into his arms and kissing you until you’re both breathless and dizzy keeps him awake, though he doubts you’ll be when he arrives. That’s alright, he perfectly happy surprising you in the morning too.

He gets back to Japan in the early hours of the morning, and when he enters the apartment, he finds you fast asleep under a blanket on the couch, the TV casting a faint glow into the room. He smiles softly to himself, allowing himself a minute to appreciate how adorable you look. Leaning down, he finagles his arms beneath your shoulders and legs and hefts you into his arms to carry you to the bedroom. To his surprise, you don’t wake up. Instead, you mumble quietly, and his heart nearly bursts at how even in your sleep you press closer to him.

Tucking you in, he kisses you lightly on the forehead before climbing under the covers beside you. Pulling you into his arms, you fit nicely in his embrace, and he falls into an easy sleep.

~

In the morning, your eyes flutter open, blearily looking around and realizing you’re now in the bedroom. When did you move in here? Did you put yourself to bed last night without realizing it? It’s then that your eyes snap open at the realization that the apartment smells like breakfast. Heart thundering against your chest, you throw the covers off you and head towards the kitchen so fast you almost trip in the hallway.

Upon seeing Atsumu standing at the stove, his back to you, it’s hard to keep your feet under you. And without your permission, tears well up in your eyes so fast that a few drops are already sliding down your cheeks. You sniff to try and get a hold of yourself, which gets Atsumu’s attention.

He whips around to find you standing at the entryway of the hallway with tears streaking down your face and immediately his heart softens. “Happy anniversary, love,” he says by way of greeting.

You can’t stop yourself; your feet move before your brain can catch up with them, throwing yourself into his open arms. He squeezes you tight, and then your lips are on his, your fingers tangling into his hair pulling him closer as you slot your body against his. He can’t help chuckling at you, despite thoroughly enjoying this reaction to his surprise.

“I’m trying to cook breakfast,” he says between kisses.

You don’t think he’ll be very hard to convince to abandon the eggs on the stove. With one hand, you turn the burner off. “Don’t care,” you say, pushing him back towards the bedroom.

He happily obliges.

~

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[vaindumbass]

Do it. Elaborate on the Shrek au. I dare you.

oh god. oh god. well i cannot resist now i have been dared. remember that u asked for this. Also, this is mainly a collection of vague thoughts & details that maybe do not matter all that much, and will probably not make sense if u havent watched it.

fundamentally, shrek is a film (insert ‘im not even going to call it a movie’ meme here) about learning to love yourself as you are, but also about opening up to other people & letting them help you & also about how those two things interact with each other.

And who kind of hates himself and feels like a monster and uses the help of his friends? remus, of course. However! to even slightly maintain the vibe of the film the main character has to look hideous and intimidating to others, so we’re adding the lore that everyone can see that he’s a werewolf because of a particular scar on his head.

(sidenote: remember when sirius volunarily locked himself into a cave and looked like shit and ate rats? he would also make a good shrek, but if im going to list all the alternative ways this could be done we’ll never be done) 

Then, an enthusiastic four-footed sidekick: prongs. yes, it’s James in stag form. no, i don’t think he’ll be human at any point in the movie. (He has to be an outcast, that’s what unites them all, after all)

Also, the swamp is the shrieking shack.

now it’s going to get complicated, because unfortunately shrek wasn’t made with the idea of a marauders au in mind, which is kind of inconsiderate tbh. I’d make voldemort Lord Farquad just so that all the ‘compensating for something’ jokes can be replaced with something along the lines of: ‘well u know what they say: the smaller the nose,,,,’  

the magic mirror that snitches on them is Peter, and he tells voldemort that to be complete he needs a seventh horcrux and that the only thing fit for that is this one Black family heirloom. The black family will only give it away as a wedding gift. enter sirius black, stage left. 

lily is the dragon but. we’ve got to change the personality. lily is simply a Professional and wants to do her job, but james, overconfident as always, says he’ll be able to distract her with his seductive skills (yes, hes still a stag). Weirdest thing? it works. lily, who has never really talked to anyone before, just burned them to a crisp, is too busy laughing to really do anything. Somehow the whole ranting and never stop talking thing is the perfect approach, and Lily is quite curious about the outside world and how it has changed those past few years, and she is quite glad that she doesn’t have to kill him, because turns out he was just lost, and that must be true because he hasn’t asked about the prince yet. 

And then she spots Remus and Sirius getting away and realizes she was tricked. she isn’t exactly. proud of her reaction but to be fair trying to burn and kill people was just her knee-jerk reaction at that point!! she didn’t really have the time to get used to the talking thing!! 

ehhh sirius changes into a. fucking dog at night. and he can’t control it. that’s the curse. 

that one robin hood-like figure? that came to attack them? the blonde one with the song. yes that’s Gilderoy Lockhart and Sirius enjoys punching him very much (#letsiriusblackgoferal2021). Remus enjoys watching the punching and such and then the cute and slightly disturbing bonding montage starts. 

they take shelter in the windmill, sirius transforms into a dog but can still talk for plot reasons, and explains the whole being cursed and needing a true love’s kiss etcetera. remus got him a flower but drops it when he hears the words ‘but who could ever love a mangy mutt’ and it’s all a very sad misunderstanding and voldemort takes sirius away. (sorry abt putting the image of sirius and voldemort marrying into ur head <3) 

Here, for fun, I’d suggest just giving Lily some time to shine, going out, exploring the world, because she doesn’t really have a job anymore and doesn’t know what to do. She sees the fairytale people, the different ones, and how they are treated and how lord voldemort tries to get them all away because it doesn’t fit into his worldview. It’s horrible, and at her core, she’s a protector, so one day she just swoops two dwarfs (marlene and dorcas) onto her back, away from the soldiers who try to make them go down the mines and stay there forever, out of sight.

They have fun & explore & become friends, honestly, and her new friends want to show her some really cool dwarven shit let’s say a nice gemstone. Lily gives the appropriate reaction but unfortunately a very big dragon isn’t very subtle and the soldiers manage to find them and to capture marlene and dorcas, who both encourage lily to just get away as fast as possible. and lily does. she flies and flies and keeps flying until she can’t and then she stops next to a lake and cries.

that’s where she sees james again. they talk, james consoles her, says that at least she had that friendship because friendship is the most important thing in the world, and then we see him have a lightbulb moment. He makes up with remus. 

They crash the wedding! sirius appreciates the dramatics of it all, and, not one to be bested, reveals that he changes into a dog when the sun goes down. lord voldemort, appaled, calls for his guards (remember, the problem isn’t necessarily ugliness, here, but the exclusion of the non-normal, non-human people (shrek as a metaphor for queerness anyone?)) and lily eats him. #girlboss

remus hugs dog-sirius, and he’s smiling a lot more than we’ve seen so far in this film!! he also presses a small kiss to the top of sirius’ head just because. not much happens but a few seconds later sirius seems to concentrate and suddenly he’s human again (a delighted human, to be clear). he concentrates again and he’s a dog. human-dog-human-dog-human. remus, although he isn’t quite sure what’s going on, watches with a fond smile. sirius remembers he’s there and they kiss and it’s cute ig

ending scene is a big party with a banner of ‘we ended the monarchy!!!!’ and next to it there’s a painting of the person who was elected as president and it’s Just Some Guy. halfway through the party james decides to defend lily’s honour and crosses out the ‘we’ and writes down ‘I’ and drapes it around lily as if it’s a sash. remus and sirius are also vibing. dorcas and marlene are furiously digging out gems and giving them to each other (it’s how they flirt). the end <3

[askmyboys]

I’d call these more, my own interpretations instead of just OCs

I’ll tell you how this happened tho, i was literally just comin back from a l o n g ass road trip listenin to the musical and my tired lil brain started thinkin bout these boys and i was like ...what if i just,, made my o w n versions of em? What if I just,, and then boom, out popped well, this-

| Names: Henry Jekyll and Edward Hyde

| Nicknames: Jekyll doesn’t much care for nicknames but Hyde calls him Jek, Hen or Hen-Hen, or Henny which he REALLY hates. For the other, it’s either Ed or just simply Hyde ...Jekyll has given him many ‘nicknames’ mostly they are hateful ones tbh.

| Genders: Henry goes by he/him and Hyde goes by he/him and it/its

| Ages: Unknown but they are both adults

| Heights: Jekyll is 5’7” and Hyde is like 6’6” for sure (even tho they inhabit the same body, fuck it, im makin the rules ..andchangingthemfromtheogthing but i say height changes when Hyde’s in control)

| Species/Races: Henry’s a human ofc and Hyde? Honestly, idk what this thing is, all i can tell you is he’s stinky

| Eye Colors: Jekyll’s eyes are a Baby Blue color and Hyde’s eyes are Blood Red (ooh e d g y man)

| Hair Colors: Jekyll’s hair is honestly a messy curly undercut and the color of it is a dark brown and he has gray on the sides meanwhile Hyde’s hair is Black and in a spiked quiff style and he also has gray on the sides

| Skin Colors/Body Types: Jek’s a BIT pale but Hyde’s a much more- his skin is definitely more so a Whitish Gray kinda color so it’s definitely more noticeable than Jek’s skin if you look close enough at that (things do have to change when a certain one is in control of the body, can’t be EXACTLY the same or else it might give away that their the same person hehe) and their body types don’t really change- Jek’s body type is skinny (nothing TOO bad ofc, just a tad bit) if Hyde had his own body he’d definitely be a more average kinda bulkier build.

| Appearances: Okay first things first- they both have circle beards EXCEPT Hyde’s is a LOT more scruffier (he also has thicker sideburns btw!) and a BIT more grown out than Jek’s which is trimmed a bit more and groomed perfectly.

Jekyll usually has the typical lab coat on and a baby blue turtleneck underneath it, he also has blue pants that he wears with it as well and some oxford shoes that match the outfit, he also wears circle glasses as well (they help him see a lot better p much whereas when Hyde’s in control he doesn't really need em actually) Henry has a GOOD amount of scars all over his body, whether it be by accident, inflicted on purpose, or something more… It’s partially why he keeps his turtleneck on mostly and the lab coat helps as well- he’s ashamed of the scars and he tries to hide them especially so no one will worry about him, also for some more minor details- he wears a black watch on his wrist as well (he has no piercings or nothin like that) that’s p much it for Jek tbh, his features are p much 100% human so uh yeye

Now onto Hyde’s outfit- And yes, keep in mind- he’s still kinda,, an entity or whatever the fuck he is inside Henry’s body essentially but he DOES change his clothes when going out- his main one for going out is usually a black cloak he wears around himself (the outfit underneath is a black suit vest with a long dark red tie (his shirt underneath the suit vest is a dark red long sleeved shirt), he also wears black pants, and dark red oxford shoes, and of course he’s got a black top hat on (the band on it is red, definitely keeping a black n red themed appearance here aint he?) (his other outfits, hm I can leave up to the imagination tbh this is just for when he’s travelling around and so other people don’t spot him nearly as easily, especially when it’s n i g h t t i m e…) he’ll wear whatever the fuck he wants, and it doesn’t have to be fancy in the s l i g h t e s t- he has a variety of options.

He also has pointed ears, razor sharp teeth (got them bear trap teeth but not only that, he’s got a lot more s e c r e t teefs than that ;) he’s a lot more monstrous on the inside than the outside i’ll say that much, Jek’s n Hyde’s anatomy does change and transform depending on who gains control ...honestly it probs hurt to have your body transform and shift like that ouchie) he also has multiple tongues, he has claws that he painted black and red for the a e s t h e t i c s ya know- and hell at this point he might as well have tentacles ...He might- but I mean if you really wanna know, fuck around and find out for yourself and fuck it- he also has a dark red devil style tail since he wanna act like fuckin Satan himself smh

...I made him a lot more monstrous than originally planned but eh its fitting- bc this is Jek’s body even with a LOT of changes in these regards, he’s got the same scars n such as that, he also wears black and red spiral gauges in his ears (I should also say, he can technically hide these features to make himself appear more human, i didnt originally intend on giving him any actual monstrous features except maybe sharp teeth, claws, n the pointed ears but here we are, he still gotta not arouse suspicion around him too much tho) also his eyes have dark circles around them, not because he’s a tired man he’s just a fucking- hellish bastard who loves to look intimidating.

| Personalities: Let’s uhh start off with Jekyll because he’s better and nicer and not nasty and gross n smelly looking- He’s kind, sweet, compassionate, caring, honestly wouldn’t hurt a fly himself- could never willingly hurt someone! A sweet babey man! He’s very intelligent- I mean,, he IS a Doctor after all, he takes pride in his work but it’s not that overbearing narcissistic type pride, he’s just proud of the breakthroughs he’s made ...Granted, there is one “breakthrough” he wished he could take back .. -glancing slowly at Hyde in the reflection of the mirror- ahem- but he’s always been pretty outgoing but a lot has changed since, that abomination came into his life, sure he still tries his best to be a good person, he tries his very damnedest to find some sorta way to separate or better yet a way to destroy this evil vile beast that plagues his and everyone else’s lives! He’d rather destroy Hyde than separate from him because even then, it's still back to square one only with worse damage since he’d be of his own free will now.

He shuts himself away in his Lab a LOT, as much as he can anyways to avoid going out and risking something more happening to anyone else, of course…

There is no avoiding the outside world forever, he needs things to eat and drink, he needs things to keep his body functioning and not to mention not going outside could drive him, well, more insane than he already feels he is- He just tries to be as quick as he can about it before the other takes control or tries to, Jek definitely has a lotta anxieties and fears, and ya know at this point I mean,, hell- the man’s got trauma- Sometimes he wonders if any of this is actually real, if he had just gone insane and was just imagining all this, sometimes his head hurt because of all the thoughts and potential scenarios along with their outcomes plagued his mind, he feels a lot of things he never thought he’d feel towards anyone, he feels anger and hatred toward Hyde but in a way aside from feeling so negatively toward the other, he can’t help but admire the way Hyde wishes to just simply l i v e, and even before this beast became apart of him… He was always anxious deep down and almost scared to take that jump when needed.

But Hyde? Hyde doesn’t seem to even c a r e! That thing lives it’s life without any care whatsoever, he doesn’t have any anxieties or fears at all it seems! In a way, Henry might even be a lil envious toward the other’s carefree attitude and that he’s free of anxieties and fears ...H-He still doesn’t want the other around, he still wishes to destroy Hyde of course, even with the envy and maybe a slight bit of admiration he has his morals and principals, and if Hyde continues to exist or w o r s e gets his own body it could prove v e r y perilous.

Now onto… Eugh, Hyde- The bastard man himself- He’s stinky- an evil bastard who really needs just a good punch in the face (god don't do it yourself tho, he’ll probs eat ur entire arm) Hyde’s absolutely disgusting, will do ANYTHING to get what he desires, he can be narcissistic in some regards, VERY prideful and greedy in many ways, he isn’t above committing murder like really, was he EVER above it? If he wanted, he’d literally murder you not even for a bag of corn chips but literally just one, psh- selling you to satan for one? Bah that’s amateur’s work! He’s somehow a minor inconvenience who can commit REALLY nasty and horrible atrocities at the same time if he feels like it, if he finds out something annoys you or REALLY pisses you off he’s going to keep doing it, he will literally try driving you insane just for the fun of it, really at this point it doesn’t seem like he HAS much of a goal but to just l i v e and cause chaos, destruction, and mayhem wherever he goes, he despises Jekyll in many ways, one being for trying to destroy him first and foremost but also Henny is just s o fucking weak, such a weak man with far too many anxieties, fears, etc- He’d be SO much better of a man if he’d simply let Hyde take control and STAY in control!

It’d make everything a lot easier, then Jek wouldn’t have to worry about ANYTHING ever again! No more of that pathetic nonsense! If it were possible, Hyde would absolutely l o v e to have his own body, separate from Jekyll, that way he could have his own life separate from that pathetic weakling’s! But… Even then, Jekyll and Hyde are one, in many ways they are absolutely apart of one another, two sides of the same coin, even with their MAJOR differences in personality and Hyde almost seeming like an entirely different entity just merely possessing Jekyll, after all, Hyde will admit it himself, he spawned from deep within Jekyll’s mind, he’s tried to get the other to see time and time again that he’s always been apart of the other deep down, Jek’s always had a more mad and evil side to him! Even if the other will deny this and take the denial to his grave, Hyde always persists in trying to get the other to see the truth in front of his eyes!

Aside from that tho, Hyde is just generally a dick and loves to mess with Jek and terrify him sometimes for literally no reason, hell he could be bored one day and decide “Hey Henny, fuck you, you suck” he loves to start drama, he loves to cause problems on purpose- Both of them would give anything to separate from each other, even if Hyde knows the truth deep down bout the both of them, even if he were always originally a part of Jekyll, it didn’t matter, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to get his own body, away from that pathetic coward of a man!

| Side Facts: Jekyll rarely ever gets to relax or any free time, he’s too worried to give himself that in fear he’ll lose control, he’s almost CONSTANTLY fighting to keep control over the other, even though he knows it's physically impossible to do so, after all, he can’t stay awake forever, sure that doesn’t stop him from trying to stay awake as long as he can before his body practically forces him to pass out and he’s MUCH weaker than he used to be, I mean hell, given how long Jekyll seems to have been around, fighting SO much and almost EVERY single day has practically worn his body down but whenever there is an opportunity for any “free” time he usually spends it trying to figure out an antidote or a way to get rid of Hyde (I will say, before Hyde REALLY started doing bastardous n horrendous things, Jek would still get annoyed with him bc he was always that way but he actually, I’d say tolerated him more so than he does by now) and Hyde even- well, he still disliked Henry IMMENSELY so, but he definitely wasn’t as bad or as awful as he is to the other now, it was more so I tolerate you and we dont have to seriously fight or struggle with each other for control and back then Jek would even sometimes let Hyde have control.

But then… A serious incident (I wont name what exactly) but a serious incident that happened caused the two to absolutely despise each other (i didnt say up there, yes, Hyde absolutely despises Jekyll but there is some heavily hidden admiration in regards to the other’s determination, his persistence, and even somewhat of his creativity, Jekyll despite being an annoying nuisance in Hyde’s way, he does have some admirable things about him) but anyway- ever since that incident occurred, Jek has tried almost EVERYTHING he knew of to get rid of Hyde, even if separation from his body would still be bad bc that could mean Hyde would obtain his own body honestly? I believe Jekyll would still take that opportunity if he were given it, if he needed, he’d try and find someway to stop Hyde’s evil, maybe it’d be easier even if the other had his own body, he didn’t know, he just wishes he could be free from all this torment and agony like gosh damn give this man a b r e a k. Give him some fruit gummies and an appy juice carton and leave him be!

When Hyde is in control he wastes little time in finding things to do, being able to be out, to see the world, the world ripe for chaos and destruction, he wastes little time in getting straight to work with whatever his devious lil mind wants to think of- also for more monstrous purposes, back up there, I was p vague with the mention of teeth on his insides- p much teeth going down his throat and hell who knows, the bastard probably has teeth on the inside of his stomach at this rate- Another not so fun fact, this man can unhinge his jaw! Yaaay so u can see sharp teefs! ...He does have to kinda set his jaw back in place though bc god forbid Jek takes control then.

Smh imagine taking back control of your body only to have a fucking dislocated j a w wouldn’t that be hellish?

Hyde rarely ever does this for a few reasons- he only does it if he’s in the mood for just takin a big chomp outta someone (big chompy) just, just please- lock this thing away- or kill it, it's a menace to society and deserves nothing good- two more things btw, tbh I genuinely wasnt even considering inhuman features at first but ya know, I compromised- he has them he just chooses to hide them more often and speaking of, while Hyde says he’s always been apart of Jekyll (well this version I made anyway) that deep down their two sides of the same coin, can you really believe him? I mean, I’m not going to spoil it and tell ya anything in that regard, but who knows, who knows what Hyde REALLY is, whether or not he’s always been apart deep down inside of Jek or just some form of entity that spawned via that wonderful little formula.

And the final thing is, their voices are p much based on the musical ones' voices- Hyde’s is that deeper n raspier kinda voice while Jek’s is much softer and ya know POLITE sounding.

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 30

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: idk, i feel like its a bad excuse for a chapter. especially the ending. im sorry for the bad writing.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 30 : His chapter

NIALL

I had been in denial for so long that when reality hit me, it hit me hard. After the conversation with Louis, I went back home and locked myself in for a few days. I didn't try to call anyone, and didn't answer the door or my phone either. I needed time to think and I ended up watching comedy movies for days without really focusing on any of them. It was crazy to always think about the same person, to wonder what they're doing or what they would do or say if they were here... but it was happening to me. It had never happened to me before.

I would spend hours laying in bed with my eyes open, thinking about the conversations Olivia and I could have and have had before. So many things became obvious now that I knew she had feelings for me, so many of her words or actions made so much sense now... and some of mine, too.

I had thought about her sexually for a few weeks now but it never crossed my mind that it could be love. Not because it was not, but because it was easier for me to believe it was lust.

I started thinking about so many things we went through, so many things we lived together, so many times we were there for each other. I didn't have that many memories with anyone else and it's only when I realized that I wanted all my memories to include her that it hit me. I loved her. I was in love with her.

Why did it take me so long to realize that? Why did it take her so long to admit her feelings to me? She said she had always loved me and I couldn't even begin to guess how she must have felt all these years.

My reaction to her confession was pathetic. It was fear and when I admitted that to myself, I started writing. At first, it was only a bunch of words thrown on a napkin at a bar but with time spent on my piano, it became something that was potentially worth turning into a real song. I had never written a song that deep in such a short period of time and when I decided it was done, I was not sure what to do with it.

I was not proud to say I ended up in a bar a few times, searching for a girl to meet and bring home but every time I was close to do it, I would run away. There was a reason why I couldn't have sex with Maya and the same reason stopped me from banging a random girl I didn't know... and I missed that reason. I fucking missed her.

I had never been as nervous as I was then when I saw her walking behind Louis and sitting at the table. Seeing her after two weeks without any contact with her was refreshing. She looked exactly the same, she looked exactly like the girl I was in love with. There was nothing I wanted more than find a way to apologize to her, to prove her that I was sorry and that my feelings were real. I was not the type who would display or expose my feelings but I knew that this time, I had to go big, if only because I felt like I owed her. If paps and online articles wanted to talk about it and post pictures, then whatever. She was more important.

I didn't care about everyone who stood up when I was done singing, I didn't care about the clapping and the cheering. I was only looking at her and she was crying. She walked up to me and I cupped her face, wiping her tears with my thumbs. I don't know how many times and for how long I kissed her but I didn't want to stop. It was completely different than the first kiss we shared when we were teens. In fact, it was completely different than any other kiss I've ever had. Was that too cheesy to say? She tasted amazing, a mix of expensive beer and candies, and I couldn't believe I had waited that long to discover that taste.

"I love you." I whispered against her mouth, deepening the kiss very slowly, making sure I would feel everything. "You still love me, yea?"

“Don’t be stupid.” she replied, just as low. “I always have and I always will.”

"Me too. I always have, and I always will." I answered, my grip tightening on her jaw. "I was just.. a fucking idiot. And a blind one at that. I hope you can forgive me."

She suddenly seemed taller and I noticed she got on her tiptoes, her hands moving from my wrists to my hands on her cheeks. My eyes opened and her lips curled into a fond smile as my gaze traveled on her face.

"That song forgave everything."

Her words made me smile and I suddenly relaxed, realizing that I was still scared. I was scared she had given up on me, that she didn't trust me.. that she didn't love me anymore. She could have changed her mind, she could have given up on us, I could have lost her... but she was still there, even after all the pain I put her through, she was there, ready to give me an other chance that I wasn't sure I deserved.

"I promise I'll write you many, many more."

Once again, I brought my lips back on hers, wondering if it would always be like this, wondering if I would get addicted to the taste of her mouth, or if maybe I already was.

"Okay, okay guys, it's time to drink."

I groaned in her mouth when I heard Louis' voice and moved away slightly before sighing.

"Fuckin' Tommo." I mumbled with a grimace before my eyes fluttered open again.

Olivia laughed and got back down on her feet but when she turned around to go join our friends, I found her hand quickly and squeezed her fingers. It was not the first time we held hands but it felt like it because this gesture meant more than it ever did before.

"Livi, hey." Louis said, pushing her mug on the table. "Aren't you glad you spent those five minutes on your hair now?"

She started laughing and I frowned with a smile at the inside joke I didn't get. I turned to Louis and raised my eyebrows as a question, making him grin.

"It's nothing, Neil, but you should have seen your girlfriend's hair when I knocked at her door." Louis explained, making my heart jump in my chest. "Priceless. And I said that 'cus no one would have paid for that."

My eyes found Olivia's and I didn't have to say anything. The fact that she was now my girlfriend had hit both of us at the same time and I was blissful... like intoxicated by the realization.

"You should see her when she just woke up." I pointed out, sending Liv a smirk and finally turning back to Louis. "A real mess."

"Really?" he replied with a thick accent, glancing at her. "I bet you can't wait to find out what her sex hair looks like."

I didn't expect that answer and choked slightly on my beer. Louis laughed, slapping my shoulder in a friendly manner, and left to get something else to drink. I finally sat next to Olivia and leaned my elbows on the table, turning my head to look at her.

"Are you okay with that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"With what?" she frowned with an amused smile. "You and Louis laughing at my hair?"

"No," I chuckled. "With being my girlfriend."

Her smile turned into a shy one and she looked down chuckling sadly and shaking her head.

"Niall, being your girlfriend is what i've always wanted." she explained low.

I used two fingers to move her chin up and make her look in my eyes. She looked just as vulnerable as she seemed when she admitted her feelings to me but this time, I was not going to run away. My eyes roamed on her face and I licked my lips.

"I'm so sorry I've hurt you all these years." I apologized in a whisper. "I love you, real love."

Her smile came back, more gentle, fond and endearing than ever, and my heart twisted in my chest. I didn't want to ever hurt her anymore and I was going to do anything I could to keep her happy.

"I think we should leave, it's getting late." I proposed when I realized she wouldn't answer.

She simply nodded and we said our goodbyes, thanking out friends for their support and finally getting out of the too crowded bar. Instinctively, I gripped her fingers and pulled her closer, moving my arm up and making her twirl around. She giggled like a kid and it made me grin. She looked up in my eyes and I knew I didn't have to say anything. We reached my car and I opened the door for her but she tilted her head and frowned.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" she asked, worry in her voice.

"Yea, no problem, I only drank a beer." I answered with a shrug.

She sat in the car and closed the door as I did the same but when I glanced at her, she had her eyebrows raised and a small smile on her lips. I loved her facial expressions, I always have. She was the funniest person I knew.

"What?" I asked with a smile too.

"You only had one beer?" she questioned. "One?"

This time, I chuckled and raised one of my shoulders, bringing my head closer before shaking it. I knew it was unusual for me and i couldn't blame her for being surprised.

"Yes, one." I repeated with an other chuckle. "I wanted to be sober for the song but when it was over I drank one. So yea, it was the only one."

She smiled fondly at me again and I just knew I was going to get that look very often from now on. Perhaps she looked at me that way a lot, I just never really noticed before. Or wanted to notice.

"Thank you."

"And also, I couldn't let you clumsy ass drive my new car." I joked as she hit my arm lightly, making me laugh even more.

I started the car and we drove around town in silence. The night was cold and it started snowing, bringing a magical vibe to the moment and although I knew she was not a fan of winter, I could see the happiness in her eyes as she watched the snow fall slowly. It's only when we were close to my house that I felt her hand on my thigh. I thought i'd stiffen at her touch but it was the complete opposite : it relaxed me in a way I couldn't explain, not even to myself.

We got out of the car and walked to the front door still not talking and I closed the door behind us. I knew I didn't have to explain anything, I just glanced at her and smiled.

"Grab a few blankets, i'll join you."

She just nodded and I reached the kitchen to make some tea, adding a cloud of milk in both and going through the sliding door of my kitchen. She was sitting on the small bench, staring up, her shoulders covered with a blanket and when I handed her her favorite mug, she turned to me and smiled. I sat next to her and grabbed a part of the blanket to cover my shoulder too and put the beanie she handed me on. We stared up in silence, just watching the snowflakes fall and cover the ground, and in that moment, everything was perfect.

"So everyone was right." I broke the silence, turning to look at her. "About us being more than just best friends. It was... written in the stars, or something cheesy like that?"

I raised my eyebrows with a small smile and she shrugged, tilting her head. She looked pretty with one of my beanies covering her head and an old scarf I hadn't worn in years around her neck, all wrapped up in blankets as she held her tea with both hands. In fact, she was breathtaking.

"No it was just..." she shrugged in a cute way and looked away before looking back at me. "Obvious."

I bent down close to her and reached her lips with mine, and it made my heart jump in my chest. It was so weird to do that yet it felt natural. I saw her close her eyes just as I closed mine and the feeling of her mouth against mine made me feel better than I thought. I hadn't felt like that when I kissed Maya or Heidi or any of the other girls I kissed before. This feeling was different and better. I couldn't lie to myself, it was much better, so much better.

"I see it too." I murmured, my lips brushing against hers as I talked. "It really is obvious now."

                                                      ---

I let her borrow some of my clothes to sleep even if we both knew she had left some of hers in my drawers. She had always preferred wearing my clothes and I had always enjoyed watching her wear them. Perhaps it was a bit possessive but the feeling of seeing her in Harry's clothes was horrible and I never got used to it.

"Tired?" I asked, putting my shirt on and turning to her.

"Not really." she shrugged, making me smile.

"Come here, I want to hug you."

It was the kind of things I could have said even before we started dating but once again, it meant so much more now that she was my girlfriend.

"Yea?"

"Yea.

"Catch me, then!"

She started running, taking me by surprise and passing right by me quickly. She was already in the hall when I started running after her, reaching my arm in front of me. My fingertips brushed against her arm and she squealed, making me laugh. She jumped on my couch and ran on it and I got suddenly scared she'd fall down but she jumped back on the floor and ran back where she came from. I ran quicker and bent down slightly, wrapping my arm around her waist and pushing her in my room before throwing her on the bed. I moved on top of her, straddling her waist and holding her wrists above her head as we were both panting.

"Caught ya." I whispered with a smirk.

"You did." she admitted just as low, licking her lips.

My gaze moved to her mouth and I dipped my head down again to kiss her. My grip on her wrists loosened but she didn't move. She just answered my kiss, smiling the whole time.

The last time I ran after her and tackled her down was because she teased me, saying only crazy girls wanted to kiss me. Now, she was the one I was kissing and she didn't seem to hate it. Perhaps, the girls who want to kiss me aren't all crazy, but I was not going to mention that. We had also ended up exactly in this position and it was right after that sex dream I had.

"I really, really want to touch you." I whispered in-between kisses.

She moved her arms and I let her, letting go of her wrists. Her hands ran on my shoulders and down my arms, but I kept kissing her for a few seconds before moving slightly away. I stared in her eyes and she bite her bottom lip gently. I had noticed that habit and i loved it.

"Maybe tomorrow, okay?"

I felt my heart sink in my chest but I smiled and nodded lightly. "Okay."

I kissed her softly one last time and got off of her to turn the lights off in the house. When I got back in my room, she was laying under the blankets, looking at the ceiling. I turned the light off too and joined her, laying on my back and staring up, too.

I knew I could wait for us to have sex and I knew it was not something urgent, even if I really wanted her, but I felt like she was a bit scared, and so was I, if only because I was not sure what she liked and what she didn't like.

"How do you feel?" I just wondered in a gentle tone.

"Better now." she whispered.

Silence again. Not an awkward silence, no. A light and warm silence that we both enjoyed.

"Did you write that song for me?" she finally asked after a while.

I knew this question had been burning her lips since our first kiss at the bar and I sort of anticipated it. I smiled, still looking at the ceiling, and brought my hands behind my head.

"Yes, I wrote it for you." I confessed, turning my head her way. "Only you."

We stopped talking again as we both tried to process what was happening between us. Now that we were laying together in the dark the way we always are, it felt real and true and once again, it hit me hard.

"You were wrong, you know?" I pointed out, still staring at her, now seeing her very well in the darkness of the room.

"About what?" she asked in a murmur, licking her lips.

I looked down at her mouth, trying not to focus too much on kissing her again and finally looked up in her eyes.

"The One Direction song that represents us the most is not Infinity, it's probably Home."

She turned her body my way and smiled, bringing her hand to my cheek. I moved my body to face her too and put my hand on her waist, feeling her fingertips brush on my skin softly.

"And Drag Me Down? Maybe?"

She smiled and I did the same.

"A bit of End Of The Day?"

"What A Feeling." she added, making both our smiles grow.

"Fireproof."

"Everything About You."

I frowned, an amused smile still on my lips, and laughed.

"What? Could you have picked an even older song or what?"

We both burst into laughter and I pulled her closer to me. She smelled good and she looked happy. Just seeing her like that made me feel happy too.

"I thought you hated that album." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows as she shook her head.

"No, it's just my least favorite because you don't sing enough." she explained, moving her chin slightly up to look in my eyes. I could feel her breath on my skin and it made me want to kiss her. Again. "I don't hate anything you do. Except... when you date extra gorgeous models. That, I really hate."

"Says the girl who dated my sex symbol of a bandmate."

She laughed lightly and the sound was incredible. Was that what it felt like to be in love? To think everything the other person does is endearing, sweet, incredible... to feel something explode in your stomach every single time you look at them... Was that what I was blessed to feel ever single day for the rest of my life?

"The truth is... The first time I kissed Maya, it was right after you kissed Harry." I had realized that a few days after Liv had admitted her feelings for me and it had been a shock. All these reactions I couldn't explain now made so much sense. "I was scared, and lost and... and I was jealous, Olivia. I was so fucking jealous."

I didn't expect it but she suddenly crushed her mouth against mine, one of her hands pressing on my cheek as her lips kissed me avidly. Her tongue slipped in my mouth and I finally answered the kiss, pulling her as close as I could and squeezing her body against mine. It was not a gentle kiss, it was rough and passionate and I was a bit scared of how turned on it would make me, especially after she said she wanted to wait before we did anything sexual. She slowed the kiss after a while and I groaned low in her mouth before she pulled away.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, her fingertips slide down my neck.

"Don't be." I  answered in a low tone too. "I'm the one who should be sorry. For everything. Just... you should stop kissing me like that, it makes me want... more."

She laughed and her eyes roamed on my face as she let one of her hand slip down my chest. Her gaze never left mine but her smile fell and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. I could feel my heart throb hard in my chest and remained motionless, just looking at her and telling myself how much I loved her.

"I never said anything about not touching you." she just replied as she moved her hand on my cock over my sweatpants. "I mean, if you want me to."

"You don't have to ask." I reached for her hand and pressed it harder against my dick. "I always want you to touch me."

Her smile came back and I fought against the urge I had to kiss her. Her hand rubbed on me slowly but it's only when she slid it in my pants that I held my breath, focusing on the way her fingers wrapped around my cock. She took it out slowly and I realized how hard I was, even after only a few seconds of her touch. She started stroking me gently and I let out a groan, my eyes fluttering as I tried to keep them open. Her lips parted at the same time then mine when she jerked me off quicker and i whispered a curse word. Her thumb rubbing steadily on my tip brought me closer to my orgasm but it's only when her other hand slipped on my balls that I let out a moan.

"That time I fingered you." I whispered without thinking. "It turned me on so bad I came in my pants."

I watched the expression of slight surprise on her face and her movements faltered for a few seconds before her lips reached mine again, this time a bit softer. I groaned again in her mouth when one of her fingers slid right under my tip and I bit her bottom lip maybe a bit too hard.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum so hard, petal."

I could swear I felt her shiver next to me and I couldn't decide what turned me on more : her or what she was doing. With an other curse word, I felt an orgasm spread inside me and gripped the sheets of the bed hard as I came, my lips rubbing against hers with every jerk of my body. When I opened my eyes again, she was staring at me with a small smile and I grinned back at her. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't have to guide a girl on what to do to make me cum when it came to handjobs.

"I fucking love you." I breathed out with a chuckle, making her lips curl more.

"I fucking love you too." she repeated after about a minute.

We stayed in silence, just looking at each other, for a very long time until she yawned and I laughed. She looked adorable, why didn't I notice that before?

"I'll be right back."

I nodded and waited for her as she went to the bathroom while I pulled my pants back up and tried to lay down comfortably in bed. I was tired too but there was no way I would fall asleep without her in bed with me. I felt myself start smiling as soon as she entered the room again and although I thought it was a bit pathetic, I really didn't care.

"You're gonna hold me all night?" she wondered, her eyebrows raised, as I felt the warmth of her body close to mine.

I was never going to stop loving this girl. I could feel it in my bones, in every fiber of my being. She was my person, and I was a fucking idiot for not realizing it before.

"Do I ever not?"

[aaronhart93-archive]

discord II text Roman & Aaron

Discord thread featuring: Aaron and @romanbeckett​

Mentions: @davieslandon​ @malakhai-ozera​ @jayceelynd​ @alison-haynes​

Where: Aaron is at his house and Roman is at his house.

When: evening of May 26th-monrning of May 27th, 11:30p-2:30a

Description: Roman texts Aaron and they talk all night until they both fall asleep

Trigger Warnings: smut, what I would imagine harry’s peen to look like, really cute shit

Roman.

Hey.

Aaron.

hi

Roman.

Khai broke up with me, so. With us.

with Jay and I. And he left.

Aaron.

oh my god...im sorry Ro

Roman.

Can’t say I didn’t see it coming.

Aaron.

what did he say? Like why...?

Roman.

He told us that he loved us but needed time to work on himself or whatever.

Aaron.

I don’t know Khai that well but it does seem like he’s got a lot of shit to figure out

how are you doing with it?

and jayc? Should I reach out to her or....does she not know we’re talking

Roman.

you can talk to her if you want. I think we both just don’t really know how to feel to be honest.

Aaron.

im sorry

i hope he's okay

and i hope you and Jayc are okay too

Roman.

don’t be lol honestly Aaron, I set myself up for it the second I agreed to close myself off, knowing all of the issues I need to work through as well

contrary to popular belief, I’m far from having it all figured out.

Aaron.

that makes two of us

that was quick tbh

Roman.

Yeah. I just feel like an idiot.

Aaron.

what no....thats not what i meant

Roman.

anyway.

how are you

Aaron.

okay....no please dont feel like an idiot. its his fault not yours

im....okay....getting better than i was last week

miss you though not gonna lie

Roman.

I miss you, too. A lot.

Aaron

:(

im sorry

idk why i am i just feel like i need to apologize

Roman.

you have nothing to be sorry for lol at all

if anything, I’m sorry.

for bringing you into all this drama

and making you eat at a Chinese buffet lol

Aaron.

making me eat at a Chinese buffet is the only thing you have to be sorry for

also

i inserted myself into this mess as well. and didn't pull out once i realized who you were to landon

Roman.

does it make me immature if I laugh at you saying you didn’t pull out once?

Aaron.

RO

YES BUT IM HERE FOR IT

Roman.

I might just be high, but now I can’t stop laughing lol

Aaron.

sksjks

im sober and laughing so

well not sober

i had a few drinks

Roman.

everyone knows you’re a lightweight Aaron, stop tryin’ to be sly lol

Aaron.

who you callin a lightweight, lightweight?

Roman.

only when I haven’t eaten anything LIGHTWEIGHT

Aaron.

https://tenor.com/view/uncalled-gif-5394176

michelle tanner voice

Roman.

You miss me. Just a reminder.

Aaron.

you miss me

another reminder

Roman.

I’m not the one calling you rude lol

Aaron.

you called me out for being a lightweight and i retaliated

forgive me

Roman.

you’re in denial is what you are :fingerguns2:

but I’ll forgive you.

Aaron.

idk you'd think for how much i drink i'd have a higher tolerance

i need therapy

Roman.

probably lol I’ll go with you

Aaron.

lol couples counseling?

jk

jk

Roman.

I actually think it would be quite funny to see what they have to say about US

Aaron.

i need a therapist to tell it like it is

then again i do have ali

that woman calls me out on my shit literally daily

maybe shes just a free therapist

Roman.

LMAO that’s...amazing. I like her already.

Aaron.

she do be driving me up a wall

but

shes family

Roman.

Ah, family. I’ve been trying to get my sister here, but she’s being an ass lol

Aaron.

asshat

who wouldn’t want to move to New York

Roman.

satans demons.

Aaron.

exactly

whats keeping her from coming?

Roman.

she’s not as hellbent on big cities as I am lol

Aaron.

weird

city life has always been for me

arent you from manchester? is that not a big city?

Roman.

it’s not New York lol

she lives in the country now though.

Aaron.

no city is new york

Roman.

exactly lol

Aaron.

what are you doing

besides getting high

Roman.

I’m naked on the couch eating cherry gilato while watching good mythical morning on YouTube

Aaron.

i would very much like to be naked on a couch with you

Roman.

I painted my nails and did a facial first lol i could do yours as well

Aaron.

ill take the facial

i couldn't pull off the nails though

Roman.

you’d look so kickass with some black nails

Aaron.

you think?

Roman.

hell yes. Even a sky blue, like those eyes

Aaron.

i blush

maybe we can try the toe nails first

in case I end up hating them

Roman.

OH, I’m also trained in Swedish massage, head to toe. If you want a personal spa day

Aaron.

that would just give me a boner

Roman.

well, it’s a FULL body massage after all.

Aaron.

sksjsks

dont tempt me

Roman.

Aaron. I just.

is it bad that I don’t want to stay away from you anymore?

that’s a dumb question

I know it’s bad.

Aaron.

its not dumb

I don’t want to stay away from you either

but I promised Landon

Roman.

I know. So did I.

You’re right, I’m sorry.

Aaron.

he’s my best friend

dont be sorry

im glad you’re being honest with me

I just don’t see Landon being okay with this anytime soon

Roman.

I know! I know. He’s mine too, and I care about him more than I care to admit. I shouldn’t be like this.

Aaron.

damn this is fucked up

Roman.

I shouldn’t have said anything

Aaron.

I wish this could be easier

im the one that started with the boner references

Roman.

Not really. I offered you a massage

Aaron.

okay yes but

I told you I wanted to be naked with you

Roman.

because I said I was naked

Aaron.

I just don’t want you blaming yourself that’s all

Roman.

I know, but it is what it is. I made a mess of everything, and now everything I had is ruined lol I deserve it.

Aaron.

Ro

I’m sad you think so little of yourself

Roman.

I don’t. It’s just consequences. I made bad decisions, and now I have to deal with the consequences. That’s all. It’ll all be okay.

Aaron.

I wish I could make you feel better

Roman.

you already do. I promise.

Aaron.

I just smiled

Roman.

show me?

Aaron.

sure

Roman.

omg bad idea my heart

Aaron.

oop

Roman.

you’re so fucking jahshsbzjdndjendj

Aaron.

AKDJDJAKALhdja

Roman.

I’m mad at you

for looking like that

Aaron.

Well i can’t stop thinking about u

Roman.

let me just

Aaron.

yeah I kept drinking

and as we’ve established I’m a lightweight

okay I showed you a selfie now you should be a selfie

Roman.

oh yeah? Trying to boss me around again are ya?

Aaron.

do what daddy says

Roman.BOTToday at 2:02 AM

yes daddy.

Aaron.

brb gotta go jack off

Roman.

stoppppp

Aaron.

not kidding

Roman.

you don’t need a better picture than that to do the deed

??? Lolll

Aaron.

I mean....you could send me some

Roman.BOTToday at 2:09 AM

Does this help?

Aaron.

holy fuck

ugh I wanna fuck you so bad

and put all of you in my mouth

Roman.

I want it too. I shouldn’t, but I do. I want you to fuck me with my hands tied behind my back, and you pulling on my collar from behind.

Aaron.

fuck don’t put those thoughts in my head or I’ll act up

I wanna tie you up so bad

and punish you for being so naughty

Roman.

I’d want to call out your name so loud, but you’d have to let me.

Aaron.

you can’t do anything without my permission

Roman.

I’ll do my best daddy. You know I like to make you proud.

Aaron.

Ro I just came into a sock so hard

I want you so bad but the fact I can’t have you makes that even hotter to me

Roman.

forbidden fruit, hm?

Aaron.

you’re my forbidden fruit for sure

Roman.

wish I could have been there to help

Aaron.

you did enough helping trust me

Roman.

are we terrible people lol

Aaron.

I know

we are

im trying though

so that’s gotta count for something

Roman.

I hope it does, for both our sakes lol

Aaron.

if this doesn’t work out we can always be together in hell

Roman.

that sounds like a rightful ending

at least I’ll be tan.

Aaron.

we’ll both be hot and tan chilling in hell together

and we can fuck all we want

Roman.

sounds like the next big Netflix series.

Aaron.

could you imagine a Netflix series about us

Roman.

no, I’m scared to lol it would be more insane than Tiger King

Aaron.

you think our lives are more insane than Tiger King?!?

Roman.

scary, right??

Aaron.

thats definitely...quite the comparison

Roman.

I would have loved to have seen your face watching it for the first time

Aaron.

watching that together would have been so fun

I can picture us watching that and freaking out together

Roman.

maybe one night we’ll trip acid and watch it again

Aaron.

confession I’ve never tripped before

Roman.

whaaaaaa

do it with me!

Aaron.

I mean yeah I used to do a lot of coke when I got drunk and sometimes still do but that been the extent of my drug use

hahaha I will trip with you, Roman Beckett

Roman.

aces! Just tell me when and where, and it’s a plan!

Aaron.

”aces”

but yeah let’s do it this weekend

Roman.

I’m British you knob. Shut up lol

Aaron.

I know MATE I was making fun of you

Roman.

sends long audio clip making fun of Aaron’s New York accent

Aaron

brooooo

I do say that though

Roman.

I know, I’ve listened to you talk enough

it’s cute though

ready for bed?

Aaron.

just about

I was gonna go to bed a while ago but wanted to keep texting you

Roman.

same.

tuck me in lol

Aaron.

do u want me to tell you a bedtime story

Roman.

yes, but make it snappy

and I want warm milk

Aaron.

damn

so bossy

but okay

Roman.

you know I’m spoiled.

Aaron.

that must’ve been my fault

okay Des like this one:

By the African river, know as the Nile The sun fell away and it rested a while The rhinos had braved all the smoldering heat They lay down to sleep as they wiped off their feet The elephants marched to their elephant beds And gently they rested their elephant heads Slowly the hippos sank into the river The water so cold that it gave them a shiver (Hippos can't swim, like the pelicans think They also can't float, they could easily sink) The hippos went bathing in cool, shallow pools Thinking the rhinos and elephants fools Underwater, they fell to the soft river bed On darkish green plants with a smidgen of red They strolled on the bottom, then bounced up for air They did it for hours, without any care The fish followed closely, and wove in an out Under their belly, and up to their snout Each of the hippos came up to the shore To feed on the grass by the river once more They dried off their bodies by shaking and stomping And took bites of grass, chewing and chomping With night fading fast, they were full from the feast The sun returned back, rising up form the east The hippos crept off to collapse for the day While rhinos and elephants got up to play Enjoying the warmth of the sun and its light Never knowing the story of hippos at night

just read it in my New York accent you’re so good at

goodnight Lois

Roman.

that was perfect. Goodnight Clark.

[wakasagayhime]

very long, very personal post

tldr, im still not drawing but here’s a detailed account of everything that’s happened in case anyone is confused or misinformed

alright. let me start out by saying i’m not going back to art just yet. it still hurts to do anything art related and i’m still trying to find a way to heal from all of this. i need some kind of professional help first, and i don’t know how long it’ll take afterwards for me to begin feeling like myself again. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to get any kind of professional help at the moment; my university’s counseling center told me, in short, that i’m so mentally ill that their services would not be enough for me and i’d have to look elsewhere (which is reasonable, tbh, they’re almost always completely booked so it’s difficult to actually even talk to someone there in the first place, i only got to talk to them to begin with because i nearly killed myself one night after having the most intense panic attack of my life where i felt like i was actually in the process of dying) and as if that weren’t enough, if you follow me on twitter you’d know that my mom finally left my stepdad, but this means that we no longer really have a home to call our own and are now living with some of my mom’s friends. on the bright side, miso is a lot freer and gets to explore the house as he pleases, but on the downside money is tight and my mom is trying her best to find a place to live while working two jobs and trying to help pay for my tuition. long story short, i want some kind of professional help badly, but all the bullshit that’s been happening in my life makes that difficult. 

anyway, i understand that i’ve worried a lot of people through all of this, and i’m sorry. i truly, genuinely am sorry for everything that’s been going on. i blame a lot of it on myself not being strong enough. if i were stronger, i wouldn’t care about some stupid internet trolls, or some random grown man in florida stalking all my social media. if i were stronger, i could take my life back. i wouldn’t feel the need to constantly contemplate suicide, or to torture my own body by starving because of my physical form feeling like the only thing i have left to be in control of. if i had only been stronger, like my old stupidly foolish overconfident 16 year old self who got into fucking STEVEN UNIVERSE DISCOURSE of all things, maybe i wouldn’t care. even when it first happened to me, after the initial shock and hiatus, i was pretty much back to normal almost instantly.  but this kind of trauma is sneaky and will gradually eat away at you more and more while you pretend to be ok, and then eventually you reach a breaking point and it’s taken over your life. that’s why i’m still obsessing over that day two years later. that’s why i can’t be left alone on december 13th this year, or else i know for a fact i will harm myself in some way. (don’t worry about that though, burger is going to hang out with me that day and i’ll be fine.) still, even though i keep telling myself my past self was stronger, i do know that she really wasn’t. she was still struggling with depression, anxiety, and self harm issues. maybe it just manifested differently for a while. maybe she felt unstoppable at some point in time because she finally found a girlfriend and got a cat. i got into so many fights that weren’t worth my time or energy at all, and part of me wishes i could be that confident again, but i also know that was my downfall to begin with.

i have followers who haven’t been around for longer than a year or maybe less than two, so i might as well give everyone a true, thorough rundown of what happened leading up to that day, the day of, and after. 

i’m sure a lot of you who are worried about me at the moment have seen the recent callout for colboh and his involvement in what happened. i’ll be honest--i don’t know the full extent of his involvement, and i want to believe his foolishness ends at not leaving artists who have blocked him alone and uploading their shit to booru sites when they explicitly state not to. so let’s just start there. i honestly don’t remember if it was before or after i first blocked him, but he uploaded one of my NSFW drawings to danbooru when i first shared my NSFW blog. (PROTIP: if you’re a minor, don’t share your NSFW art with anyone. don’t care if you’re 17, i was about to turn 17 myself. it will bite you in the ass. as such, some of this is my fault.) i quickly contacted danbooru asking them to delete it, and they did--but that artwork subsequently ended up on gelbooru as well, and i was unsuccessful in my efforts to remove my art from there.  

fast forward to december 13th, 2016. it was a normal morning. i was getting ready for school, but also being dumb and lazing around in bed browsing tumblr. i saw a post from a blog that shares Funny 4chan Screencaps. my art was in it. the art was of a very muscular yuugi, a drawing i was proud of, especially in how much gay energy i thought it radiated--but this drawing was being used in one of those typical “here’s a touhou, i wanna fuck her! am i right guys? let’s talk about how badly we want to fuck her” threads. seeing my art used for this was appalling. my first mistake was reblogging the post and saying how it was wrong, and how my art shouldn’t ever be used for such a purpose. my second mistake was making a text post AND tweets expressing my disgust at the situation, thinking no one who frequented /jp/ would ever see, sure that it would be a big waste of their time to concern themselves with some random dumb “”sjw”” artist. i also probably shouldn’t have specifically called them “gross neckbeards,” in doing so i absolutely struck a nerve with basement dwellers everywhere. i got to school and during my second period class, suddenly felt a strange urge to look at /jp/. why i did that, i still don’t really know. maybe i was expecting hate. maybe i was trying to see if they used my art for something gross again. i don’t know. either way, that moment changed everything forever. i saw the screencap of my tweets posted for everyone in their  circlejerk to see. even worse--i looked in the thread, and someone had also posted the NSFW art colboh had uploaded to danbooru, mocking it and calling me a hypocrite for drawing two girls having sex while also saying i don’t like my art being used for those kinds of threads. this is what truly ignited the amount of hate i saw directed towards me in the threads. i got called a bitch, a drama whore, got told to kill myself, and in one reply etched into my mind forever, someone said something along the lines of “we should all call her local gang and have them rape her, she just needs a good dicking.” there were multiple threads, too; i don’t know how many, but there was another one about me after the first one was deleted, in which someone edited a typical fat balding NTR hentai doujin style man into art i made of kagerou nosebleeding at wakasagihime. more disparaging comments were made. in both threads, people expressed their hatred and dislike of my art, some calling it garbage, some just saying it’s “bad,” etc. some people said the threads were unnecessary and rude, but they were a kind few in a cesspool of violence.

i don’t know who started these threads. i can’t assume anything about anyone, but whoever did this was definitely looking through all my social media out of bitterness and hatred, or perhaps even following me on both my tumblr and twitter considering the timing of the threads immediately after i complained. it eats at me that i most likely will never know who did this to me. i’ll never know who hated me so much that they decided to completely destroy my self esteem. if whoever it is who did all of this is reading this and feels any ounce of remorse, i’m begging them to reveal themselves and why they did it, but i know the chances of that happening are incredibly slim. someone, i can’t remember who, maybe it was queenly, told me they hope someday i reach a point where i don’t have to worry about that because i won’t care in general, but i still don’t know if i’ll ever reach a point where i stop caring about all of this.

like i mentioned earlier, after this all first happened, i was destroyed. the next day, my school’s GSA happened to have a vote for whose art would be on the club t-shirts, mine or someone else’s. mine lost. i broke down completely--anywhere i went, i wasn’t good enough, not for anyone. for days, there was a constant feeling of horror and fear  in my chest, something i’ve only ever felt so intensely when one of these threads resurfaces or i suddenly relive my trauma due to other things triggering me. i took a hiatus that lasted a few weeks, i believe i came back sometime before the new year. i thought i was ok, and i pretended like i could go back to being myself. but as time went on, and i continued living with the weight of that day on my back, i became weaker and weaker. i stopped drawing as frequently as i used to. my final year of high school started and i ended up falling into such a deep depression that i constantly skipped school and eventually attempted suicide in november 2017.  the suicide note i wrote cites that day as being one of the main things leading me to my decision, telling whoever did this to me that i hoped in my passing they’d have to live knowing what they did to me. my attempt only failed because i swore to take every pill left in the bottle and there were only four pills. had it been full, i’m not really sure what would have happened. i was sent to a mental institute afterwards for a week. being there was the absolute definition of hell. i was alone. i cried myself to sleep every night. they claimed to be a place where people were improved and got help, but i did not get any help at all. they basically imprisoned me for trying to kill myself. when i got out, i was only glad to be alive because i just wanted to be able to talk to my friends, my family, and my girlfriend again. it still shocks me that i was able to graduate from high school considering how much school i skipped before and after my suicide attempt.

sometime before that school year ended, i became extremely upset one afternoon and decided to run away from home. i had what happened to me and what was said about me that day running through my head. i tweeted that i hoped maybe in running away i’d end up being raped like they wanted, like how i deserved. someone who i considered a friend replied to this with, “fuck you.” after all of this was taken care of and i was safe at home, i responded that i was sorry, that i wasn’t thinking right when i made the tweet. she responded that i was, and blocked me. i tried to explain that i said what i did because of the threads about me on /jp/ and the one response threatening rape, but this was disregarded and, seemingly, ignored. a few days later, the former friend in question started sending me anon hate on tumblr, asking me why i want attention so badly, accusing me of making light of actual rape victims by saying such a thing. i explained myself, but to no avail. i blocked her on tumblr, and left it at that. but then, at the end of the school year, when i was proud of myself for finally getting through high school without killing myself or failing or anything, i stumbled upon the second thread. the date the thread was created lined up exactly with the time between me running away from home and me receiving anon hate. she can try to act like she didn’t make the thread all she wants, but i’m not an idiot. the replies were also eerily similar--people in the replies remembered me, a year and a half after the original thread. some replies mentioned me having attempted suicide months before. some mentioned my NSFW art again. i had a massive breakdown and nearly drowned myself in the pond down the road. it was a wet, rainy night, and i sat on a bench by the pond sobbing loudly, trying to find some way to want to keep living. but i couldn’t. i might have gone through with it if it hadn’t been for burger coming and talking to me and giving me a ride home.

entering college, i thought things would be easier. in a way, they are. i have more freedom with classes. this semester, i attended almost all of my classes, almost every day, just with the exception of me being sick some days and me accidentally oversleeping once, and then one day when i just didn’t feel like it. but things continued to get worse for me--i developed an eating disorder for many reasons, one being the time i spent a year prior depressed caused me to gain a significant amount of weight, and the other being i had sworn off self harm in the form of cutting. i found that i was able to get the same gratification from starving myself. at one point, it turned into a game of sorts, where i tried to see how long i could go without eating anything. my record was a little over 72 hours. being constantly hungry or in pain this way felt like something i deserved in a way, but also something to distract me from the pain of realizing i was losing my love for art. i was in denial about it for months. i tried to keep drawing, but everything i drew upset me, saddened me, and even angered me. i looked at anything i made and only felt disgust. it was the one thing i used to love doing more than anything, and now i only felt shame. 

in november, i acknowledged this and decided to quit for good. recently, i discovered colboh had uploaded more of my NSFW art to gelbooru, even though i specifically stated on my blog to never upload my NSFW art to image sharing sites, specifically right after he uploaded my art the first time. by the time i found this, i had already sworn off art for good, but looking at the comments on my art on gelbooru (and rule 34--i guess they’re connected upload-wise like danbooru?) filled me with so much sadness and shame, not because they criticized my art, but because they said horrible things about my depiction of kagerou. for those who don’t know, i headcanon kagerou as a trans woman, and one thing i do not regret about my time as an artist is how that depiction has helped numerous trans women feel good about themselves and their bodies. seeing so many disgusting comments deliberately misgendering her and making other transphobic remarks hurt me on a completely new level. my trans friends have been such a source of strength for me through all of this and seeing that made me feel disgusted, especially with myself. i felt like i had failed them. i had made so many trans women happy, only to see a man i blocked two years ago had uploaded my art to porn sites, tagging it with dehumanizing words like “f*ta” that i specifically tell people never to refer to my art with, displaying that art for the exact same crowds of people that ruined everything december 13th 2016 to continue to pick apart. one comment even told me to kill myself, effectively bringing back every memory of that day. 

speaking of that, another thing i want to touch on now that i’m up to speed with the details of everything that’s happened related to the original threads two years ago, is kagerou. i’m positive you all know that i really love kagerou imaizumi, and that she’s my favorite touhou character. it’s embarrassing to say, but she’s brought me so much comfort through all of this. sometimes if i’m sad, i’ll imagine her giving me a big hug, or i’ll look at cute pictures i have saved of her, or something along those lines. it’s pretty cringy for a fictional character to make me happy, i know, but i’ve grown so attached to her and she really means a lot to me. and another thing that made me want to swear off art is because she’s loved by so many others that i don’t think my depictions of her do her any good. i’m constantly compared to other artists, and it’s never good. even in the threads, i’m told i should be more like those other artists and these things wouldn’t happen to me. i am not allowed to love kagerou imaizumi. i draw her as a hairy trans lesbian, and that disgusts people. hell, the fact that i draw lesbians in general disgusts people, which sure fucking sucks because i constantly hate myself for not being attracted to men and being able to draw happy lesbians made me feel better about myself. but i’ve ruined kagerou for so many people, especially with my stupid kagewaka bullshit. maybe that’s why those artists unfollowed me. maybe it’s a combination of that and my constant breakdowns becoming far too annoying. i think all the popular artists who used to like me and then unfollowed/softblocked me are really glad to see that i’ve given up. and that’s something else that saddens me too--even as an artist, in my own community of touhou artists, i often feel like i’m lesser, and that i don’t belong. maybe it’s because i’m so foolishly outspoken about my opinions that they dislike me. maybe it’s because i’m a woman, and a lesbian at that. i don’t really know why they hate me so much. i wish i could belong somewhere.

and i think that’s what it all boils down to in the end. i’ve lost all sense of belonging. when i was 14 and people started noticing my art for the first time, i finally felt like i had something. like i belonged somewhere. after being bullied through middle school and having to deal with abusive friends and an abusive dad, it meant the world to me that i finally had something. but it didn’t last long at all. it all came crashing down, not just because of others, but because of me. i was the one who was cocky, getting into fights that weren’t worth it. i was the one who provoked people and made them hate me. i was the one who complained about /jp/ posting my art in their threads. i know people want to believe that i’m a saint, but i’m not. i have myself to blame too. i at least want everyone to understand this, above all else. there was so much i could have done differently to prevent this all from happening, but i didn’t. i was stupid and naive. i was a massive fucking idiot, and now look where i am. i lost everything. i thought i had friends, i lost them. i thought i loved art, i lost that. i thought other really talented nice people liked me, i even lost that. all i have now is an empty shell of my former self. i don’t know what to do with it. i don’t know how i’m going to rebuild myself. it’s so painful to have to keep living like this. i don’t know if there’s any fixing me at this point. i’ve lost so much, i feel permanently broken.

but despite all of that, despite everything i’ve been through, i still receive so much love and support from my followers and friends and it means so much to me. it means the world to me and has kept me going through all of this. knowing that people care about me and want to see me get better and improve makes me want to try to fix myself even if i am broken beyond repair. i just want to thank you all for being that source of strength for me. these past few years have been so hard for me and time and time again i still get love and encouragement from so many people. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. there is nothing more precious to me than those moments when i feel like i do truly belong, when i feel loved, when i feel like i’m not alone after all. for those moments, i’ll keep trying. even if these threads keep continuing and breaking me further, i’ll keep trying. even if every last artist in this fandom comes to hate me and my shitty art, i’ll keep trying. it’s still painful to draw right now and i have a long way to go before i can share art with anyone again, but for you all, i’m going to keep trying my best. at the end of the day, i know everyone’s encouragement and love is worth far more than hate threads urging me to kill myself. 

i’m sorry how long and personal and unnecessary this is, but i felt like i had to set things straight. if you read all of this, i applaud you. if you just kinda skimmed through to read the last paragraph, i also appreciate it. again, thank you. 

[isitoctober212015yet]

So, no spoiler review of IT chapter 2: I liked it, it was well put together and i feel like it built on and expanded the first movie very well

some of my other thoughts chock full of spoilers are below the cut

– the opening scene with adrien mellon is easily the most brutal one i dig my nails into my skin when i get nervous and i was bleeding pretty bad by the end of those first 10 mins. its probably the worst and most visceral scare of the whole movie, everything after that’s manageable. I’m a little annoyed they included that one like...of all the parts of the book to stay faithful to thats the one you pick??? I was so annoyed when they announced they were makin that

– where was the scene from the trailer when pennydumbass jumped out of that hole that was in the wall like 10 feet up? Did I miss that or something i feel like it was absent

– I really loved the adult losers they were all so good. I really had no trouble beliving they were the grown versions of the kids from chapter 1

– however i feel they could have sassed back at pennywise more

– I appreciated that this one was darker more often than not but that there were still a couple moments of levity. Watching everyone run around screaming while Mike is smashing the table in the chinese restaurant after the scene with the blood (or perhaps that was just miscellaneous sewer ooze?) and screaming infant bugs was really funny to me. I’m also glad this movie didnt go the miniseries route and just put some live ass cockroaches on the table i hated that. The whole scene was very loud though. I feel like I’m too old but every scary scene i’m always just thinking “oh boy here comes some more noise...good :/”

– Mike was easily my favorite character this time around im glad he got more screentime because gotdamn was he robbed last time

– I love!! new kids content!!! I loved those kids so much so i was really glad that they came back

– goddamn the transitions between some of these scenes was fucking stunning i like said very loudly without realizing “Oh wow that transition” somebody nearby laughed at me

–  I for no reason really want to draw a pomeranian with pennywise markings now

– How did nobody else ever figure out you can just beat It by pointing and laughing and calling it a sloppy bitch. it really took the people of derry five million years to workshop that one huh?

– I was so worried theyd try and force Bill and Bev together and they did not

– If you thought I was paying attention to anything other than that Michael J Fox poster in the background of the scenes in the fort. You would be INCORRECT I really need to finish that IT/BttF crossover huh?

– so???? one of the last things Richie does before leaving town is go to the lover's bridge and re-make the mark he made as a kid that said E + R (while Stan is saying “be proud of who you are” in a vo) are they saying hes gay??? also some kids call him gay and he doesnt like..adamantly deny it like he does other stuff, he just runs off. so??? kinda got gay vibes. it could just be me reading into it as a gay buuuuuuut idk Also Bill and Mike say “I love you” to each other and theyre like the only ones in either movie that even utter the words i love you that i recall, that and Bill wasn’t wearing a ring at the end???? Honestly was anyone else kinda feeling those 2 the whole movie? i was. is there any ship content for that? i feel like theres untapped potential there. gonna be bummed if theres nothing on AO3 tbh

– I can’t tell if I’m immune to horror or if this movie actually wasnt scary. It feels like Penboy only has one scare tactic and thats shake ur head real quick-like. And i do that when i mess up sentences to get my thoughts back on track u aint special bitch

– while nothing other than adrien mellon’s death really scared me I do think the scare scenes were a lot better this time around. better executed and all that. more thought was put into em

– I noticed a lot of really wonky edits esp in the antique shop scene and it kinda makes me wonder if they didnt get too many takes because stephen king didnt want to be there or what but like...every time they cut from Bill to that wide of stephen at the counter his coffee cup is moved and the book is at a different angle did y’all really only do like 1 fucking take of this shit???? I’d get a gotdamn F if I tried pulling something like that. I would get fuckin fired. And this movie with a billion dollar budget just let that slip on by???? I thought that this was gonna be a scene where oh no something spooky happens and the inconsistancies were supposed to be there to clue u in but no. its just bad editing.

– there was a lot of continuity errors in who was standing where or holding items in the deadlights pit where they did the ritual of chud. ignoring for a second that the losers pulled half their damn tokens out of nowhere when only a couple even had pockets on their person, that lampshade/demon container thing just kinda...appeared. Mike was not carrying that the whole time they were going through Neibolt and down. he also pulls a bag off his shoulder one second when hed never had one previously and then next shot theres no bag. my friend suggested that maybe this was like...to disorient you as the viewer and i think it was just like...somebody who fucked up real bad. It made it hard to track where anyone was in that space. but maybe im going to be the only person who notices that shit since im an editor so i have to always be looking for that, anyways this is why a script sup is so important 

– also as a film student who once (and only once, i aint ever doing that shit again) was producer for a short film I was literally screaming at the scene on the movie set. Like???? thats not how movies work!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre filming the ending that night!??!?!?! The ending they are still waiting for Bill to write?!??!?!? How did you build a set??? How did you cast for that??? If ur at into a physical location not in the studio how did u get location permits for that day????? WHO STARTS PRODUCTION OF A MOVIE BEFORE ITS WRITTEN WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?

– When Bill punches Richie in that recap of their chapter 1 fight there was a random red filter on the shot for 2 seconds who allowed that?? there was also this godawful blue food dye ass filter over one shot of the losers walking down the street. that shot was clearly filmed midday idk who they thought they were foolin with that. Just wait until night man. Again, i would be killed if i did that shit in a student film. but the brothers warn just let this happen????? WHY

[dykedteach]

okay here we go, episode 2 second watch

(I think this is my longest liveblog I’ve done, but then again I feel like this is the most emotional a tv episode has made me since I finished Black Sails so like?)

so uhhh they’re really gonna hide all the valuable people in the crypts huh, they’re really following through on that

“women and children first” to DIE??? I M EAN

i’ve been thinking about this non stop since i first watched the ep and my growing dread is nigh unstoppable, if i had any doubts that the winterfell dead might rise, their whole repeated thing of “everyone will be safe down there” shot them straight down

i’m lowkey annoyed we missed out on what would have been an incredibly awkward introduction scene between jaime and literally everyone, but i’m glad his “trial” didn’t drag out

i want sam’s opinion on dany’s bloodthirst vis a vis avenging her father BC LIKE????

“i’d do it all again” honey be QUIET 

L O Y A L T  Y 

loyalty

l      o   yal     t e  a

lmao daenerys’ look of anger and disgust at brienne hopping to jaime’s defense alone makes me want her dead tbh

sansa being a better strategist, ruler, negotiator, and peacekeeper than both of her parents combined, is my weakness tbh

also He R  aRmOuR drESs !!!!! what a LOOK! 

d: “what does the warden of the north say about it?” j: [has dissociated solidly through the past six hours, is only now just realising it’s daylight and he’s in the great hall] uhhhhhhhhhhhh cool i guess?

tyrion finally breathing after daenerys lets jaime live is ridiculously endearing, i love the brothers’ relationship so much

baeworm death-glaring jaime is also ridiculously endearing tbh

i dig the gendarya love theme, i do i do i do

everyone keeps saying that the fact they had sex means one of them will die next ep but honestly? out of all the non jonerys pairings (missandei/greyworm, sam/gilly, jaime/brienne) i think they’re most likely to live through the battle, and the fact they have their own theme makes me doubt as well that they’ll end next episode

that poor guy who got in the way of arya and gendry’s dragonglass throwing foreplay, so close yikes

i can’t believe that out of everyone who bran has been weird to, jaime was the one to take his weird shit best

“how do you know there is an afterwards?”           sd;kjlas

djkasljdak;lsd

                        asjd;lsakdla;sd

        bran

                               bran stop

   please be fuckin w us bran

this brotherly love scene is great and it hurts me to think it might be their last solo scene

although the way they keep talking about how sure they are they’ll die....idk? and with bronn on the way with his crossbow? to have both, or either, die at winterfell with the battle seems a waste. plus, one of them needs to be the valonqar so?

i’d be satisfied seeing a dead tyrion rip cersei apart though, i’ll admit that

JAIME GAZING AT BRIENNE INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO HIS BROTHER

pod has come so far in his fighting i love him so much i love brienne’s proud mama expression hes. he’s 100% going to die. for sure. 

“we have never had a conversation that’s lasted this long without you insulting me, not once” KJASDKLASJDKALSJDALKSD 

“i came to winterfell because...” Y OU LOVE HER DUMBASS

i still ship jorah with dany more than jon, fight me

i love the confirmation that all the bad blood between them is under the bridge, i love that he convinced her to make peace with tyrion and sansa, i love that he’s made peace with tyrion taking up his position, made peace with his house, with his relationship with his father...........

he’s absolutely toast and i hate it.

he’s going to die for dany with one last “khaleesi” and it’s going to break my heart

“we have other things in common” yeah you both have jon in your immediate family trees lmao

i’m confused by the “someone taller” comment, who’s she talking about? everyone else hurt her or betrayed her at some point. is it barristan? is it baeworm? it should be baeworm

ok so. i don’t need or want sansa to end up with anyone. 

that said

if it had to be a man

my heart almost jumped out of my chest when she and theon hugged, i didn’t expect her to get this emotional at all, shit i didn’t expect MYSELF to get this emotional

HER TEARS

THEY BOTH NEED HUGS IM GLAD THEY GET HUGS

soup dad can’t die i forbid it

let’s talk about gilly for a second, how far she’s come, from a scared abused girl to a strong, caring, confident woman and mother, i’m so emotional please protect her

DAVOS ADOPTING CHILDREN LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE

THE SHIREEN THEME PLAYING OVER THAT BIT IM ASJDKASDJ

i’m super surprised edd and beric survived the hearth, i thought there would be more of a fight there

LITTLE CROW

i know people crack ship them, but like, they’d almost be better suited than jon and daenerys

while i adore the idea of theon making amends for taking winterfell from bran by defending winterfell and protecting bran from the night king, i know in my heart that all it’s going to result in is a very dead theon (and probably a dead bran)

why do i feel like while well intentioned, having dragons near the godswood is.....a mistake

i’d love for bran and tyrion to both survive, i’d love to see them talk more as equals because they’re so similar intellectually (i know they had scenes when bran was a kid, but that doesn’t count)

missandei and greyworm are too good and pure for this earth, i want them to leave, i want them to go to naath and never come back, i want them to find a little house by the water and eat fruits and find missandei’s family and take in some stray children, some street cats to lay lazily on the stones of their porch, maybe missandei teaches the children of their village every morning under the rising sun, maybe greyworm becomes a tradesman, makes shoes or ale or binds books for the locals, they grow old and content together and the children they took into their home, now grown adults with their own children, bury them side by side underneath carved stones, i want them more than almost anyone to have a happy ever after because if anyone deserves it it’s those two

but there are dreams that cannot be

and greyworm is almost certain to die next episode

maybe missandei too, but i’m not sure

until then, i will live in my fantasy.

i love my nights watch boys, i love that they talk about grenn and pyp, i miss those lads

sam being the playful, banter-full, confident guy he is, i love him so much i’m so happy for him he better fucking survive (and maybe become lord of horn hill who knows? he has a wife and a son so ? 

honestly the idea of tywin knowing jaime and tyrion are defending winterfell is so wonderful

ha ha h ah ah  ah h a i love tyrion and jaime so much that i. i forget. temporarily. about tyrion’s first wife

brienne stopping pod from drinking and then tyrion just.......fuckin pouring a large one out for the lad

please, let him drink, it’ll be his last

davos is such an old man i love him

jaime looking between brienne and tormund with amusement is the best thing ever

davos’ concern over ten year old tormund hopping into bed with a giant is incredible. dad mode. always on dad mode.

hound’s not gonna die yet, not until cleganebowl, he’s safe next ep for sure. so he’s allowed to be a grumpy old git for a bit

beric is straight up gonna die tho

“might as well be at a bloody wedding” g o d i dont like that foreshadowing

beric is so cheery and amicable im gonna miss him

i’m so glad that they gave arya agency, and a sweet, un-sexploited, in-character sex scene, there’s so few really good sex scenes in this show and i’m glad she got one of them

(no matter how long i spent the first time around watching through my fingers and cringing, i KNOW she’s an adult and maisie is an adult but god she’s still such a kid in my eyes)

as soon as the gloves started coming off i screamed

he is a sweet sweet boy and i wouldn’t want my murdering badass fave to be with anyone else

i appreciate them showing her scars as part of it, i can’t quite put my finger on why but it was nice to see that

i feel like once i get over the weirdness of like, “hey that’s arya”, it’s probably one of the hotter sex scenes in the series? just for passion and use of consent and stuff

i can’t even begin to elaborate on how perfect brienne’s scene is

it’s immediately one of my favourite scenes in the whole show, i honestly don’t have the words

it’s better than any marriage vows that have been taken in the whole series, and to see brienne proud and happy is just...incredible.

the mormont scene i wanted!!!

this is such a touching scene between two of my faves, i want jorah and sam to be pals forever but i know its just....not happening

the fact that sam starts in the crypt but i know he ends up on the battlefield is....concerning to say the least

god. that song. that song is everything

im too in my feelings to care about jonerys, sorry

i can genuinely believe that jon loves her, and doesn’t care about the iron throne or any titles really for that matter. but the other way around? i’m not so sure.

ok so my survival list: dany, jon, sansa, tyrion

everyone else is at risk please pray for me

oh also i bought the download of Jenny and already cried to it three times this evening, so the credits are making it a round four

[avicebro]

rate... casters then? if you haven't done it yet?

one two three WIFE hey honey i love you so much i think about you constantly you are the best. have you at 100 10/10/10 and bond level 10 now so you’re basically perfect now, just gotta max fou you. love your np charge skill. love your myths.. you’re good. i love you so much. i love you and kuzuki so much. i just want you guys to be happy and i just want to make you happy let me just.. treat you thank you for carrying me all the time MWUAh infinity/10

I personally like him a lot but I know some people find him uncomfortable which is totally understandable. Still.. haven’t finished working on him in FGO I’m sorry lol. Love his relationship with both Prelati and Ryuunosuke and can’t wait for him to meet his bfs again. so like 8/10? yeah

HEY HANS. man you could have been.. so much better. I know that it’s not your fault though and I have nothing against you. I just… love the idea that he’s defined by what people thought he was like based off of what he wrote about. Wish they would actually reference the bisexuality cause heyo it’s important to his stories /dab. Stop asking for alcohol you’re like 12. Wish he like.. actually acted like how he did in real life sometimes tho lol. Kiara fuckers don’t interact. 10/10 love him. 

HEY WILL. one of the best parts of apocrypha, hands down, just wish he was in more of it. shave your mustache off though it creeps me out. ever since i learned you share va’s with tesla i can’t think. love how you have a buster up which ties with amakusa and semiramis. love you so much, sorry for taking so long to level you up lol. it looks like you’re having fun which is what matters. i’ll take you to shinjuku for drinks or something. nice thighs please step on me. 10/10 would die for.

ship you with paracelsus. whenever you dress up it’s kind of illegal? just kind of? thought you would do more in london but alas. love art where you and paracelsus adopt jack and teach her about the fun ways of murder. your hair is an aesthetic. mephi is cute guys. make paramephi art im begging you 7/10

7/10 please stop haunting me and my dreams. who said you could be that hot.

you came home for new years! which was nice! i appreciate it a lot! i use you a lot and i’m sorry you’re just very useful. sorry waver i like el melloi more. long haired men are hot, it’s been clinically tested. wanna run my hands through your hair while you play dark souls. i’m not thirsty for you i support you in your transition and i hope you and your like 8 blond kids are having a fun time saving the world and dismantling the grail or whatever. 8/10

7/10 best cu hands down don’t @ me. like him in fuyuki. hope he comes back soon? also ugh when is he gonna get that animation update fgo? anytime soon? please? i think your final art is gorgeous by the by. one of the first servants i finished.

probably her best outfit let’s be real here. good girl. nothing bad to say here she’s a great daughter and i love her in all forms. 9/10

I think you were a ticket? I think? Ugh 5/10 I appreciate you coming home in all forms, I really do Tamo, ugh, I’m glad you like me so much but now I’m worried that Vicci will come home and I don’t know how to feel about that one. Pairs really well with my Medeas, I had you and Medea Lily stall for like, a whole bunch of fucking turns which made me wanna kms but also proved how well you two can stall so good job.

HELLO. I’m so sorry I didn’t use my free four star on you and instead went for the thirsty choice I’m sorry but thank you so much for coming home regardless for new years MWUAH. currently grailed to 98. I’m working on your skills next honey just please be patient. All of her lines about not liking being touched scare me and I want to fight anyone who does anything dirty with you EVEr. I think your art is gorgeous and you’re so pretty and I want to make sure you’re never sad again. Love art where you have been adopted by Hektor. I’ll beat up Jason for you. infinity/10

ANother good girl. Came home recently and three times at that! Thank you for that Nursery Rhyme. You’re.. very cute. I love how you’d expect her to be this like, shy, silent girl but nOPE she’s a critting, curious, buster machine and she works so well with the other authors good job NR. I can’t say I’d beat up Hans for you but we can certainly give him a stern talking to. Love writing her the most out of the authors honestly. Your LE episodes killed me. When are you gonna be in Extella. 10/10

His coat is made out of husband material. Very pretty. I want to braid your hair and be your assistant. One of the first servants that I got that I was like, okay I know nothing about you but you’re hot so I love you lol. His voice is very soothing. Love you with Mephi but the art with Hektor and Avi is also very cute. When I need to draw hair I draw you. Love you I’ll draw you more. 10/10

I’m sorry I know very little about you I’m sorry. I think your human form is very hot though. I have someone who has you at level 100 and they’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever seen TBQH. You’re cute in the summer race, Babbage sensei. Also dailybabbage is still the best daily blog don’t @ me 5/10

You also came home recently! Thanks! I actually like her a lot just hate her artist and her archer version. Wish she was an actual old lady instead of being.. whatever this is lol. Love her relationship with Edison, they seem like if they were two old friends who after their partners died they moved in together with an Indian demigod. Please put on some more clothes. Please take her away from her artist. Oh and I’ll beat up Sherlock for you. 7/10

You came home a very long time ago and I’m sorry you’ve been stuck at like.. 54 for a long time lol. I associate you with someone though. I really like Tedison but I never talk about it. I just assume all Americans are like this honestly. All hail our presi-king. hey fgo you wanna add bell so they can be friends instead of just constantly hinting at it? huh? anyways you’re good i just need to finish leveling you up. 6/10

gold border cause you’re level 90 in na. i have a lot of problems with you but i’m not the right person to talk about it. you’re still so bad in terms of racist designs i’m sorry. wish they had done you better. pat pat. 6-10/10 cause i’m conflicted honestly. your personality isn’t bad but like……….. the design… and the fact that they turned you into this like shaman when you just weren’t… and the fact that you didn’t like pictures being taken and i’m sorry geronimo that they did this to you you don’t deserve it

i wasn’t playing fgo when you arrived so please can i have a rerun? can i please have a rerun? i want iri. good mom. i want her to adopt caren and angra and be the ‘cool mom’. i’d like a hug please. thanks mom. 7/10

i associate you with ip so you’re good. i wish your final art was more interesting though. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh your event is good too. love your relationship with li shuwen. i kinda forget all the time that you were in the summer race event. WHoops. oh and also you can do your NP on me thanks. 5/10

hey i have you too! sorry you’re at like.. level 41.. i’m sorry i have a lot of casters. nice thighs.. i like your face things as well. ears are cute. hope you’re having fun with your gf. wish you would work better as a catalyst for your gf tho lol. keep it up im proud of you. also ugh beat up ozy for me thanks. 6/10

10/10 MOM. maybe one day you can be your normal self again. wish that instead of da vinci lily they did it so you went to like a different painting instead but whatever. i’ll kill kirei for you dw

you’re good. i want you to come home so i can have more dumas catalysts tbh. but you’re soft and good and i hope you’re having fun. here take a head pat. 5/10

i’d probably only roll cause then i’d have the complete emiya-einzbern family. but you’re still on thin ice. i’m sorry your event is horrible. i’m sorry your anime is too. here take a head pat. 3/10

you came home recently too! and not even in the dantes/casgil gacha which confused the shit out of me lol. thank you artist for drawing a gil so that we can finally get more gil content cause takeuchi would never. associate you with a lot of people like you’re constantly showing up on my friend’s supp list. you’re good, i think i like you better than your archer version. take a nap. 7/10

5/10 thanks for carrying me you fuck. 

PLEASe. PLEase come home. Why did you send Medb twice. I wanted you. You’re the last author I need. Literally all I need is you now. Please. I’m begging you. How much must I give for you to come home? I’m on my knees. I’m sorry Agartha did.. that. I’m sorry people do gross shit to you. I’m sorry for your tag. I’m sorry people say racist and gross things about you. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this shit. Please.. I have your gf. You can be happy here I promise. 100/10

you’re like one of the few summer servants who’s ascensions make sense good job. also like your animations. if you’d come home that would be great more dumas catalysts. 5/10

I think it’s always a good sign when you’re aunt in law comes home twice. I love how they took your name seriously with the bird wings. And I love all the subtle hints to Medea in your design, as well. Circe is by far my favourite part of The Odyssey, so I’m glad she was added. I’m curious to see if they’ll add Odysseus and what she thinks about him 9/10

I don’t have much to say about you I just wish they didn’t just shove a bunch of “vaguely African things” together and call it a day. Your attacks are cool though and I wish you and your husband a good time. Hope you have fun with David, too. 5/10?

another high on my wife list. did not know how much i loved you until i rolled you. i like you and kadoc so i won’t say you’re my wife. love your anniversary art thing. hope you’re having a good day. kinda confused about the whole “i knew i died thing” considering that anastasia became so well known because people weren’t sure if she had died or not.. kinda feels weird in a series about characters being altered by how they were remembered 15/10

gold cause he’s currently 85 in jp. can’t wait to get you to 100 baby love you. didn’t care for you as much in apo but you’re cool now. wish you would be more of a jackass to me though, show me how much you despise humanity you lil shit. multiple arms? good. horns? good. 10/10 great design love you. currently at 8/10/10 why do you need so many bullets for huh? just curious. anyways. infinity/10

you’re good. don’t think you’re like, the best fate protag but you’re good. don’t deserve all the shit you got though lol. here have a head pat. 6/10

you’re only used cause you pair well with dantes. what the fuck is going on in your final art btw. 3/10

gremlin. do not trust. 7/10

oh you know. he’s alright, i guess. 

[yehoyminoy]

seeing all of this shit about Kendall Barron abusing her ex and then making HER look like the crazy abusive one is so fucking triggering and I’ve been sitting watching these videos crying

now.. what Kendall said is SO MUCH WORSE verbally than what I personally endured w my previous ex (she didn’t tell me to kill myself either) but the whole point of “they drive you to react and then call YOU the psycho one” hit me hard.

its so true like, with these types of people. blaming you, saying “if you didn’t do this” or “you made me do that”. No. Fucking no. I have NEVER in my Fucking LIFE had anyone treat me the way she did. And even after her, never. I remember thinking so many times I was psycho. My mental health was the worst it had ever been. I literally thought about killing myself every fucking day. I felt unlovable. I felt like I deserved this misery. I self harmed every week, at least. And she had me convinced it was all me. She was a saint, I was selfish and crazy and nobody else could love me. I was doomed without her.

There were times I’d sit on the bathroom floor and cry. For hours. Most of the time when we fought I would cry and cry and cry. I had never had anyone treat me that way so I had no idea how to react. Then there came a time (around the time she screamed at me to stop Fucking crying) I realized that me being timid did nothing. And so I’d react. And the second I did (even though she could be screaming at me for minutes on end while I just sat and cried) I was the bad one. There was LITERALLY no way I could work it out. It was a lose lose either way. You can’t ever win with them.

Im getting v triggered typing this rn lol so I’ll stop with the details there. But I just hope ppl understand how often this shit happens and how often the SO will cover it up in fear of making their friends hate their significant other or in fear that people will see them for who they really are and you don’t want them to leave you. My friends luckily did, even through my ex attempting to call BOTH of them behind my back to talk shit about me, and COMPLETELY skewing the story after asking me to come talk to her so she could scream at me and insult me for a half hour saying nobody will ever love me WHY would you call MY friends LITERALLY just to talk shit. That’s it. Not even asking for advice. She just wanted to be the one to get the first word in because she KNEW she was a fucking monster

Anyways

I never thought I’d allow myself to be the timid mousey pathetic person I was then. And I can’t even tell you how thankful I am to be out of it. Even though I begged for it back. She made me feel ABSOLUTELY worthless. I thought I couldn’t do better for the longest time.

Today, I am the happiest I have ever been. And not just in my relationship. In my entire life. I landed a job I fucking love. I moved all on my own. My own finances. I am stable. I’m independent. I met the love of my life. I know a type of mutual and undying love I didn’t even know was possible. She is the biggest blessing to me. Now I’m living with a significant other for the first time. And I’m so in love with her, with my life, with my future. Also I have an adorable demon cat who most of the time I hate but sometimes love. But that’s okay bc sometimes you need a lil evil thrown in there to remind you of the good 😂

Anyways I’m finally done with this I know I never post here anymore. But tbh this was my manic negative space and I’m proud that I don’t need it as much anymore. I’m so happy. I’m happy for myself. I’m so fucking proud of me.

[u-flower-u-feast]

♡TAG CHAIN♡

i was tagged by @harry-did-that  who constantly challenges me with the toughest questions and scenarios lol!!! Thanks honey!!💖💖💖💖 

im tagging @harryzayn​, @heliosfleur​, @haesthete​, @luvinari​, @anotherblackharrie​, and anyone else who wants to (i just finished this and im exhausted and can’t think of anyone else lol!!)

Rules: answer the questions given to you by the tagger, write questions of your own, and tag people!

🌸The questions I was given🌸

1. when and how did you become a fan? give me all the details and feelings hit me with that nostalgia! Tbh I was one of those snooty hoes who hated wmyb and was like “If they’re saying what makes you beautiful is that you don’t know your beautiful....... Then what happens when you finally think you’re beautiful??? They probably wouldn’t think your beautiful anymore” laskjdlkajslkdja!! But after faking like I hated the song, this girl in my science class came up to me and was like *Slams down some random teen mag with the boys on the cover* “Pick one!!”......... And I was like “Uhhhhh..... No thanks??” and she just kept getting on my nerves about picking one, she eventually said if i picked one that she’d leave. So I looked............. and I said *pointing to harry and zayn* “Either him or him” and she had the nerve to be like “No!!! You cant have him (Zayn) he’s mine!”........ me:

and since that moment of childish, superficial, decision-making........ I’ve been a dead hoe 4 harry.

2. whats ur fave 1d moment/memory? I’m blanking all of a sudden alksjdlakjslkdj!!! All I can think of rn is when harry almost died on 1d day tryna pull that cute ass stunt

Pretty much..... 1d day in general laksjdlkajls!!!

(Me too harry lol) Harry looked so divine??? So yeah lol!! 1d day for sure

3. if you were to fight harry how would you go about it

Sis........... I’ve been dreaming about this. In a perfect scenario, we’d be friends already so he knows that i’m fighting him with love from the deepest, darkest, coldest, crevices of my heart. So, it’d have to be a time when we’re just hanging out somewhere, preferably in someones (preferably mine) apartment/house. We’d be watching queer eye or something gay, and discussing what from this seasons gucci line we’re gonna buy. When all of a sudden i’ll go in for a random, friendly hug, and he’ll accept...............................................................To his DEMISE!!! CAUSE I would bite his ear (not off, just to clarify lol!! Just a nip lol!!) and go straight for his neck and choke him out alskdjlksjldjka!! He’d probably start panicking, but at this point i’d tell him how long i’ve been waiting to do this, and that i’m doing this out of love............ nothing but pure love. So when he blacks out and wakes up laid out on the couch, with me placing a cold ice pack on his head, he’ll probably ask me what tf happened....... So i’ll tell him the truth, and tell him that he fainted and started convulsing and that i had to call 911 (or whatever the emergency # is wherever we are) and they told me what to do over the phone; and that by the time they got there he had settled down and was fine, but i needed to apply a cold press to his head where he fell and make sure he has solid food on his stomach.😇😇😇

4. so like, if we had 1d (ot4/ot5 idc) locked in a room and given them truth serum slkdnlksdnf sorry for this au but, what 3 questions would you ask them (feel free to do more than 3 its been almost 8 years full of lies so)

I’ll give you one for each year of lies aksljdlakjslkd!!

1- What the fuck were Zayn and Harry laughing about on 1d day?

2- What is each of their honest opinions on the others??

3- Crystabel Riley....... Thats all I’ll say on that..... But I want the truth lol!!

4- Why tf Zayn had the nerve to say that he and Harry never talked???

5- The Infinity video????

6- If they hadn’t known Zayn was gonna leave, who would they truly want to leave the band????? Or! If they could sacrifice one of the others for Zayn to stay, who would they sacrifice??????

7- Did Liam really think that Japan would be hotter cause its “near Australia”??????? (a waste of a question, but a question i need to ask for myself lol!!)

8- And because i’m nosy and would never ever ask any other time or under other circumstances; Out of all of the people they’ve been rumored to have been dating/dated, how many have they actually dated? and which ones??*Mainly this is for harry, but i’ll ask the others cause...... you know.....

5. tell me some of your fave people on here (treat ppl with kindness spread love n all that look at me being a proper Harrie™)

I have a couple of faves lol! I love @harryzayn she’s amaaaazingggggggg even tho she tries me on a daily basis alskjdlkajsldkj!! Oh!! And her moodboards (x) are spectacular, she’s legit the reason why I started doing moodboards (barely lol!! I’m lazy y’all, but she's not lol!!)

@haesthete She always has amazing hontent and is very sweet and kindddddd lol!! And is always (in my opinion) on the right side of henny serious harry drama

@luvinari is an absolute angel who blesses my dash with harry and ariana and others i can think of rn lol!! 

@bluehydrangeia She fills my dash with my mother lana del rey, harry, and aesthetic!! That and I never fail to get more literature knowledge from her lol!

Theres a lot more, but when I’m put on the spot i blank out lol!! If we’ve EVER talked, or interacted you’re probably on this list too lol!!

6. signature scent/ favorite perfume(s)?

I don’t really have a signature perfume, but I like to mix cherry and vanilla body sprays lol!! That! Or warm vanilla honey/toasted hazelnut from b&bw  

7. please tell me a random fact or story about you, give me that Exclusive knowledge

Ummmmm....... My *tries to remember while sitting down* right side of my hip is double jointed lol!! That and i entered 2 different kinds of writing contest and won both of them lol!! Ya gurl is actually good at writing believe it or not alskjdlakjs!!! Bonus! I’ve actually gotten too deep in my feels a couple times and wrote fics for @harryzayn to read lmaooo!!!

8. money, body issues, and all that shit aside, what would your dream fashion aesthetic be?

..........Rianne you hate me lol!! I have about 50 aslkdjalskjdl!! So I’ll give you a top 5!

1- Rocker Chic

2- Simplistic Minimalist

3- 70s Kween

4- Eclectic Bitch

5- Rich Business Hoe

(Bonus!)6- Flashy young rich trophy wife having a night out

9. would you rather have: the cut bits of carpool karaoke like the mcdonalds drive through, audio’s of all the 70 songs harry wrote (yes including baby honey), the infinity music video, the 900 hours of unseen this is us footage, harry’s dunkirk audition tape, a recording of that alleged hour long zarry phonecall when zayn left, or a copy of nialls folder full of unseen selfies with his boys. you kno what im nice you can have two

You are so fucking rude rianne alskjdlkajsjdalj!! I’m gonna go with...... All 70 of harry’s hidden ass songs. And............. *has mini existential crisis cause i can’t choose between the zarry phone call or the this is us footage* I’m gonna choose the this is us footage cause that would be a lot more positive *whispers: but if you want to be a super nice, cool, amazing, totally unique, game changing, never replicated friend........ You’d let me take the zarry call too lol!! *

10. whats something you’re proud of?

*Thinks hard for about 20 minutes.....* Umm I think im proud of the fact that, any musical instrument i’ve learned (3-4) i’ve taught myself??

11. something you regret?

Being too nice to people who didn’t deserve that from me.

12. what bothers you? here’s a chance to… go off

People who have literally no musical talent, but feel the need to go on mile long rants about musicians/artist they don’t like and try to simplify any musical or artistic process like making (GOOD) music is simple and easy.

On the other hand, musicians with absolutely no musicianship at all, who get by based on looks or a really weirdly strong fan base despite....their....lack........of talent??? (Bonus trash points if they’re also just really shitty people in general)

People who feel the need to bring up negative shit in the middle of anything happy. Like??? We could all be having a party over harry painting his nails black, and they could be like “Why tf is his nail polish chipped already??? He was probably picking at it cause the devil jeff made him do it” Like????? Shut tf up cindy (Also this is a made up scenario lol!!)

...... Pms?? The thought of having to pay bills?? Taxes??? The government???? The patriarchy??????

💖💕✨🌻 so here’s my questions🌻✨💕💖

1. There are two types of people in this world. What are the two types?

2. If you had to lock away 3 of ot5 in an underground cave, who would you lock away??

3. If you could have a never-ending candle that smelled like anything you wanted, what fragrance would you want it to be?

4. An interesting au question i just though of lol! You’re chilling at home, when all of a sudden you get a call from Harry. You answer it only to find out that he has you on a party line with the other boys. They’re all panicking cause they’re having different emergencies and they all need your singular help, but they’re all in different locations 20 minutes away from you. They’re all convinced you’re their best friend and that you’ll help them first. You can only help 3 and the other two have to figure their problem out on their own, or face the consequences. Who do you help first, and so on? (and yes the bottom 3 will be mad at you. The person in 2nd place will be disappointed but they’ll eventually get over it.)

5. Whats your favorite *insert ur fave 1d member here* look?

6. What would be the scariest monster you could imagine?

8. If your life was a book, what would it be titled?

6. Quick! You just won the lottery, what are the first 3 things you buy?

9. Would you rather have: True love, but live in less than ideal conditions. Or Be rich, but be married to someone you despised?

10. Whats something you’re proud of?

11. Three personality traits you hate?

12. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

[i-also-miss-our-talks]

IHOP and the Enigma (Connor Murphy x Reader)

Asked by Anonymous: Can I please get a Connor x Reader where the reader is basically Belle and Connor is the Beast. Thank you

Bro tbh I have no idea what I just fucking wrote. I think I started to work with your request, but it slowly veered away from it and I’m so so so sorry about that. Even though this took me forever to write, I honestly hate how it came out and I will most likely redo it in the future.

WC: 2,751

Warnings: Swearing, Mention of attempted suicide, Shitty writing, Jared Kleinman

Masterlist

Again, sorry for the horrible writing. I really should not post this. I am not proud of how this turned out at all. Please don’t send me messages about how random it is and how I can’t stick to one plot line.

Because I know that already.

Also I haven’t slept in like 24 hours so give me a break.

Connor Murphy was an enigma.

By definition, an enigma is a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.

So, yeah. Connor Murphy was an enigma. And everyone at school avoided him like any other enigma in their lives. Including the area underneath the left side of the football fields bleachers. That’s where Connor went to smoke. No one dared to venture near that side, fearful of what the “School Shooter” might do if he found out.

You, of course, weren’t fearful. You were rather curious. Curious if Connor Murphy actually smoked there or if it was just a myth. Curious about what he would do if he found someone in his area. Curious as to how enigmatic this enigma really was.

Therefore, you conducted an experiment. In all honesty, you just didn’t want to sit through another boring history lecture. So instead, you decided to put your curiousness at ease.

You sat under the bleachers, pulled out your phone, and scrolled through some apps while you waited for Connor.

“Hey!”

Thankfully, you didn’t have to wait too long.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Connor asked as he walked under the bleachers. He stuffed an unlit joint back into his hoodie pocket.

You look up at him. “I was just doing an experiment.”

“An experiment? That’s a poor ass excuse. What are you actually doing here? Trying to find out some creepy shit about me so I’ll freak out?” Connor accused, his temper growing by the second.

You shook your head, putting your hands up. “No! I swear it was just for an experiment! I’ll be on my way!” You spring up and start to walk away until you feel a tug on your backpack.

“Nope. No fucking way are you leaving just yet,” Connor snarled. He harshly pulled you back against one of the metal poles. Your head slammed against the metal but you weren’t worried about the pain. You were more frightened by what Connor was doing. “You’re gonna help me show people that I’m not to be fucking messed with. So as of now, you’re my slave.”

You opened your mouth in protest, but quickly shut it when Connor glared at you with eyes full of darkness. Wordlessly, you nod.

Connor smirked slightly before letting you go, pulling his joint back out of his pocket. He grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to you. “Write down your number. I’ll text you whenever I need you for something.”

Again, you nodded and obeyed. Your shaking hand made it difficult to write the numbers cleanly, but you managed. You handed the paper back to him and gripped your backpack straps.

Connor stuffed the paper in his pocket and lit his joint. “Now get your ass out of here before people see you with the School Shooter.”

So you ran back to class. What did you get yourself into?

During lunch, you got your first text.

From Connor: Y/N this better be your fucking number

You rolled your eyes and went outside to eat, as always. You sat against a tree away from everyone else and took out your lunch.

To Connor: It is. Chill.

From Connor: where the fuck are you

To Connor: Outside eating lunch. Why does it matter?

You put your phone away and start eating your sandwich. Just as you were about to take your first bite, someone sat down next to you. So much for away from everyone else. You sigh and look next to you, surprised to see the enigma himself. “What are you doing here?”

Connor shrugged. “Figured if you’re my slave, I should at least fucking try to get to know you,” he said, taking his bag off his shoulder.

You nodded and ate silently. But Connor just sat against the tree, staring off into the distance.

“Don’t you have a lunch?” you asked, slightly concerned by how calm he was.

Connor shook his head. “Nope.”

“Do you want some of mine?”

His head whipped towards you. “What?”

“Do you want some of my lunch?” you repeat, holding out your apple towards him.

“Why the fuck would you share your shitty lunch with me?”

You shrug. “Why not?” Connor stared at the apple for a few seconds before grabbing it cautiously. “It’s just an apple, Connor. It’s not gonna bite.”

Connor rolled his eyes and mumbled incoherently before taking a bite of the apple. When he was finished, he threw the core as far as he could into the grassy field ahead of them.

“Connor, what the hell? Why didn’t you just throw it out?” you question, packing up the rest of your lunch.

“It’s an apple. It’ll decompose. Just give it some time,” he said, standing up and putting his bag back on. “Plus, that’s where the shitty soccer team practices so hopefully they’ll slip on it,” Connor mumbled before walking back into the school.

Even though the bell rang, indicating lunch was over, you kept rooted in your spot.

What kind of fucking enigma was Connor Murphy?

It was a few months since that day and that enigma still called you his slave. You did multiple things for him, including doing his homework, buying him more nail polish, and once you even had to pick up some weed from his dealer for him.

From Connor: tomorrow get me some coffee

“Ugh!” you cry out, flopping onto your stomach on your bed. It was currently 11:47 at night, just when you were about to fall asleep, when Connor Murphy gave you another job as his slave.

To Connor: Fine. What kind?

From Connor: dark roast with two creams

To Connor: Really? You don’t want any of the fancy stuff? I think the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back in season.

From Connor: im not drinking that shit

To Connor: Alright. Dark Roast it is.

You turned off your phone and rolled onto your back. You closed your eyes, ready to go to sleep.

From Connor: ill give you money at school tomorrow

“That asshat!” you yelled into your pillow before replying.

To Connor: Okay.

From Connor: okay

To Connor: Don’t start with that Fault In Our Stars shit. I beg of you.

From Connor: damn i didnt mean it like that fuck

You smiled a little bit.

To Connor: You okay, Connor? It seems like you’re just trying to make conversation.

From Connor: im fucking perfect

To Connor: You don’t seem fine. Send me your address. I’m gonna pick you up. We’re going to IHOP.

You got dressed in some jeans and an old T-Shirt and headed downstairs where your mom was still watching TV. “Hey, Mom? One of my…friends isn’t feeling well so I’m gonna take him out to IHOP,” you said.

Your mom muted the TV and looked up at you. “At midnight? On a school night? I don’t think so, Y/N.”

You bit your lip. “Mom…he’s attempted suicide before.” The memory of the assembly from years ago flashed through your mind. The first time Connor tried to kill himself. You didn’t know him then (if you even knew him now) but you did learn a bit about it and what signs to watch out for.

Her eyes widened. “Oh…yes…yes that’s fine. Just keep me updated, okay?”

You nodded and kissed her cheek. “Thanks!” You grabbed your keys, pulling out your phone when Connor texted you his address.

You sat down across from the enigma at the booth. There were a handful of other people in the restaurant, but you and Connor asked to be sat away from them. So they gave you a back corner booth.

After ordering your food, you decided to start the conversation. “So…you’re getting waffles?”

Great conversation starter.

Connor nodded, pulling his hair back into a messy bun. “Yeah. Waffles are pretty fucking good.”

You shrug. “I prefer pancakes, myself.”

Connor smirked. “What’s the difference?”

“Nothing except that pancakes are the best.”

“What proof do you have?”

“I have the proof of everyone here!”

Connor let out a laugh. Whoa. “Oh yeah? How do you know if they prefer shitty pancakes over the almighty waffles?”

You smiled brightly. “I’ll just ask them!” You grabbed a napkin and pulled a pen out of your pocket (magic!). You quickly made a T-Chart on the napkin and walked around, asking everyone there if they preferred pancakes or waffles. Connor laughed as he watched you walk around all the half asleep patrons, trying to pry an answer out of them.

You walked back to the table and showed Connor your results. “So we’ve got five for pancakes, five for waffles, and two that are allergic to eggs.”

Connor smiled, whoa part two, and crossed his arms. “So you still don’t have any proof?”

You shook your head. “I guess not.” Your food then came out. The waitress set the plates down and started to walk away. “Wait!” you said. “Do you prefer pancakes or waffles?”

The waitress thought for a moment. “I’d say pancakes.”

“YES!” you yelled, pumping your fists in the air. “PANCAKES RULE!”

Connor laughed. “Now you’re gonna get our asses kicked out of here for yelling so fucking loud.”

You laughed and began to eat.

The drive back home was much more enjoyable than the drive to the restaurant. You two couldn’t stop talking. And it wasn’t just awkward conversations, either. It was laughing and debating and truly enjoying each others company.

You pulled into Connors driveway and turned off the car. “Well, I guess we’re here,” you sighed, turning to face him.

Connor nodded and looked at you. “Yeah. Guess we are.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I, uh, thanks…for that, I guess. It…it really helped? I don’t fucking know how you knew I wasn’t feeling well but somehow you fucking did so yeah.”

You don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was from all the sugar you just had. Maybe it was because it was 2:32 in the morning. Maybe it was because you were the only person who saw this side of Connor so you felt like you could do anything. But whatever the reasoning, with a sudden bolt of confidence, you did it. You reached out, grabbed the collar of Connors shirt with your hands, and slammed your lips against his.

Teeth clacked, noses bumped, eyes closed too tight. It was a horrible kiss as kisses go. But it felt so right. At least, you thought it did.

Connor gripped your shoulders and detached his lips from yours. “What the actual fuck, Y/N?”

You blushed deeply and avoided his eyes. “I’m sorry! It-it-it just felt like what I w-w-was supposed to do! I-I won’t d-do it again I pr-“ You were cut off by Connor once again. He kissed you, properly this time.

Sighing contently, you loosened your grip on his collar and reached a hand up to his hair. Carefully, you took out his ponytail holder and let his hair fall around you two. You giggled against his lips as his hair tickled your nose.

Connor smiled and let go of your shoulders. He tangled one hand in your hair and put the other one on your waist. He gently squeezed your waist, causing you to let out a small moan. Connor took this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You two made out for a few more minutes until you both forced yourselves apart. Your backs slammed against the car seats, both of you panting.

“Whoa,” you mumbled, running your fingers over your swollen lips.

Connor ran a hand through his hair. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “So…what now?”

You shrug. “I…I don’t know,” you mumbled. “Does this count as Stockholm Syndrome?”

Connor laughed. Like, really laughed. Like, threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut tight laughed. “I have no fucking clue!”

You laughed along with him. Wow. That just happened. You made out with the enigma of the school.

And boy, oh boy, were you happy about it.

The next day, not even five hours later, you pulled into the Murphy’s driveway. Clutching his coffee, you walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, Connor appeared, his hair tangled in knots and bags the size of carry-ons. But seeing you, his face lit up just a bit.

“Hey,” Connor said and leaned down to peck your lips.

You smiled and returned the kiss. “Hey. Ready to go?”

Connor nodded. “Yeah. Just let me grab my shit.” He took his coffee before walking into the other room. A few moments later, he returned and grabbed the keys out of your hands. “Let’s go.”

You nodded and followed him to the car. Normally, Connor would drive to school while he’s still in a somewhat decent mood, and you would chill in the passenger seat, not daring to say a word. But today, you took a risk. You grabbed his free hand and intertwined your fingers. From the corner of your eye, you could’ve sworn you saw Connors mouth turn up in a slight smile.

When you got to school, Connor parked in the back of the lot and quickly turned off the car. He faced you and squeezed your hand. “Y/N, I don’t want you as my fucking slave. I want you as my S/O. Okay?”

You smiled brightly. “Okay.”

“Don’t start with that Fault In Our Stars shit.”

You giggled and got out of the car, grabbed his hand, and walked into school with your enigma. Of course, having spent the past few months as his slave, you knew Connor’s class was before yours. “I guess I’ll see you at lunch?”

Connor nodded. “Yeah. See you then.” He leaned down to give you a quick kiss before letting go of your hand and walking into his class. You smiled and began your trek to the other side of the school.

That is, until Jared Kleinman came along.

“So you’re dating the school shooter, huh? Tell me, how’s the freak in bed?” Jared smirked, walking beside you.

You frowned. “He’s not a freak, Jared. Fuck off.”

“See, this is what happens when he threatens you. He’s probably holding your family hostage so you’ll agree to date him, huh Y/N?” Jared nudged you.

“Shut up, Kleinman! Leave me the fuck alone!” You started a quicker pace towards your class.

Jared, of course, didn’t leave you alone. Cause why would he? “You’re not actually saying you like that stoner, are you?”

“Actually, I’m saying I fucking love him, alright? Connor’s changed, Jared. Maybe you could learn something from him,” you spat before stomping into your class. You quickly took your seat and laid your head in your arms.

Soon enough, lunch came. You ran out to the tree and smiled when you say Connor. “Hey!”

Connor turned and smiled at you. “Hey.” He wrapped an arm around you as you two sat down. He pressed a small kiss to your temple. “I guess if we’re dating we should actually go on a fucking date, right?”

You shrugged. “Yeah kinda. We can just go to IHOP again, though,” you said, handing him your apple from your lunch.

Connor nods. “Yeah, but we should do other things too.”

“To be honest,” you say, smiling at him, “if it’s with you, I’d do anything, Connor.”

The long haired boy laughed. “Oh man, this is so Stockholm Syndrome.”

[captaindoubled]

Long ass post but I’m in mobile so forgive me: Hella Black Panther spoilers below

It’s been long enough I think so Black Panther Hot Take (tm) that i haven’t seen yet (direct me to someone’s posts/article if they are on the same track) :

It was about terrorism. Or, more the making of terrorists. Sure they had criminals and thieves with Klaue (or however Becky Sue white way they spelled it) but Erik was basically Wakanda’s first terrorist.

The language they used to describe his father was very much in line with they way folks describe terrorists, being “radicalized”. It’s always used in news to mean “when they they turned crazy” when it’s always been “when the straw finally broke and they demand change by any means, even violent ones”

Black Panther didn’t treat terrorist as faceless bad guys to pop off like in other movies and something they “””tried””” to do a bit in the other marvel movies to an extent but failed. Erik was a terrorist with a face. Erik was family. He was rightfully part of that community, Wakandan royalty really (the only way he could be closer to new King T’Challa was to be his brother but that woulda been corny) and through isolation and loss funneled his hurt into anger into violence. Sure he hated Wakanda for what it did (or didn’t do) to help black people around the world but he deep down hated what it did to him. He was left an orphan without guidance. Many terrorist learn what they do from “””legitimate””” state militaries, and so did Erik. Old Tolkien White even seemed slightly proud when he announced that Erik was “one of there” as far as a military person and the skills they trained into him. Being in the military only radicalized him more, like many other terrorist.

People were hot brink mad over “Killmonger was right” because Nakia was right and they felt it ignored her and i get that buuuut, I’ll throw in that Nakia would have never been listened to, even with T’Challa head over foot for her, without Erik. He was Wakanda’s mistake. Their near fatal flaw. It took one person, first his dad, then him, to break Wakanda down to the ground. Poor oppressed people around the world are sad to look at sure, but by Wakanda isolationist principles, they are not their problem and so they only have to worry about their own country (America first anyone??) They were fine with the rest of the world thinking it was a dirty dust bowl because it kept them safe. But all it took was for one person to know about Wakanda, it’s wealth and it’s ability to help the rest of the black people they just let, suffer by hands of the rest of the world and people within Africa.

Nakia was radicalized in her own way because she just did not live in Wakanda the same way people just give their shit away and live on nothing and devote their entire life, body and soul to helping. They are helping people but Nakia was putting herself in unbelievable danger to fight the entire world alone and that’s not good for her. But because she lived in Wakanda, her actions were on aid because she had the means.

Erik had nothin, was shooting hoops in a milk crate and the higher he climbed, the harder it was for anyone bring him back down.

All it took for T’Chaka to decide that Erik wasn’t worthy was for him to be born outside of Wakanda. Isolation is a major contributor to people becoming terrorist. And yes, even white boy terrorist as awful as their are, people pray on their isolation. First generation, second gen, American born immigrants deal with the isolation of their family original homes as well as isolation and oppression from their communities and turn to people that promise that the people that hurt them will pay.

I saw a post a day or so back criticizing the idea that Erik was a product of toxic masculinity and I’d have to agree and disagree with them. When you see just looking at Erik as a dude, sure, that’s not all enough to say the reason he’s the way he is was just toxic masculinity, but when you look at him as a terrorist then yes! He’s absolutely the product of toxic masculinity.

Just breaking it down in girl/boy binary, girls tend to talk through their problems (which can leads to rumination [[which is probably the word lots of folks are looking for when they critique “”tumblr’s”” anti recovery culture]] which is bad and prevents recovery but gives them a chance to vent out some stress) or they internalize which leads them to just hurt themselves (Nakia putting her self in straight danger on the regular to help people [[The fact that T’Challa made her the head of the Wakanda outreach center basically in my opinion will save her life because she’d end up dead at a young age in the way she was going]])

While dudes external, which everyone knows, but also they internalize as well, which starts the whole thing in the first place. Toxic masculinity says don’t reach out for help, or talk to anyone and internet conversations that are basically anonymous give them a place to vent without feeling judged and that’s where a lot of radicalization happens now a days. Erik didn’t talk to nor really trust anyone with his plans and even at the end, he was still in so much pain that and anger and fear to do better or that it could be better, he decided to die instead.

But my biggest biggest support for the idea that it was about terrorism was M’Kabi. He was, as the movie progressed, being radicalized into being a terrorist. All he needed was for someone, anyone, to give him some justice for what was done to him (again framed around the criminal Klawfoot and what he did to Wakanda but really, what he did to my family). M’Kabi wasn’t so far gone because he had people that loved him, and he still loved Wakanda and so he was able to stand down, and even with the people not liking his character I found him just as sympathetic as Erik or another other character because he was hurting, and redirected his energy into someone he thought would change things. (Why we have trump tbh. So many Bernie voters when he lost the primary switched to Trump because they wanted changed, stupid but I understand).

Hell, even if Civil War hadn’t intended it, they got half right the plot line that set up for Black Panther with him and the dude that set in motion the movie ( like I said earlier with MCU tried but failed). He understood WHY he did it, they framed his conversation in a weird way, but I think that showed before he was going to be able to understand Erik in Black Panther because that’s old dude was another terrorist, Erik this time was just very close to home and family.

Before the NSA or FBI come knocking st my door, I’m writing this last part as a analysis of Black Panther in comparison to the US, leave me be please:

The US and other “first world counties” are just going to have more terrorist, either home grown ones are from abroad because they have the means to fix the root cause of problems, but choose not to. And that’s way creates terrorist. Like, even if they brought Erik to Wakanda, what if Nakia never came back to Wakanda and had a child outside of the country, what would happen to her child? What about another Wakandan? The problem was Wakanda’s isolation, not who the person was. The problem was the have the means as ability to help all of Africa for one, but chose not to for their own protection. People that either need help in the way of resources, mental health care, or just respect and assurance that they have the right to exist and not have these ideal capitalist life styles shoved in their face and are failures when they can’t change it. (America creates a shit ton of white cishet male terrorist, they know it, they just redirect their anger to brown and black and lgbt folk and disabled folk and Jewish or Muslim folk in hopes their guns won’t turn back in them. They tell white cishet men that they see infallibly right and all they have to do is achieve this goal post in life to also be the masters of the universe but even they are subjected to goal post moving or literally no ball to get into the goal and they are told as men that it’s because they are failures and not a strategic plan to make more white terrorist to terrorize “other” into submission and do their dirty work of policing “others” for them without legal consequences. Basically how white people got doped as sharecroppers to not side with free blacks against the people who were oppressing them both! That’s why white terrorist groups don’t go anyway, and even with gun violence they should 2nd amendment, because they are a low key state sponsored milita)

Like, again, I get why people were pissed at “Killmonger was right” 1) because Nakia existed and 2) they just probably weren’t in on the joke lol 3) it feels weird to sympathize with a terrorist. But that was the point. And B Jordan acted his ass off to make Erik an unironiclly sympathetic villain. His last line when he died still brings me to tears because that’s such a unique African Slave Trade Dysphoria pain that other people don’t understand. (Which I will rant on that at the bottom because Im pissed at someone’s comment on it)

It is not enough for me to stand before you tonight and condemn riots. It would be morally irresponsible for me to do that without, at the same time, condemning the contingent, intolerable conditions that exist in our society. These conditions are the things that cause individuals to feel that they have no other alternative than to engage in violent rebellions to get attention. And I must say tonight that a riot is the language of the unheard.

MLk, Jr quote on riots that in sure most folk know but I wanted it here in relation to Erik. He did what he knew and you cans abhor the violence but also you have to condemn the conditions that made him Killmonger.

Cause, like I understood Erik’s reasons, his actions were wrong and innocent people suffered. So he’s wrong in that way. But just like in movies and real life, you can sympathize and understand what brought people to those actions. It doesn’t make you wrong or weak or a bad person to want to change what caused a criminal to be a criminal. If anything, the vilifying and pathologizing of criminals prevents real reforms in society that could have prevented their crime. And we are all guilty as fuck of that. (And no, I’m not saying you have to be nice and forgiving and never be angry at criminals because they still did the crime [[most of the time, bias in the law make this hard to deal with sometimes]] but immediately distancing them from “normal people” makes it so the reason they are they way they are never get fixed. We all are the attack dogs against state reform and prision reform because we throw away criminals instead of fixing the world that made them because “I loved a hard life and I turned out fine, what’s their excuse”, different biology for one and modeling of how to deal with stress from family or peers but another rant for another day). But thats why I brought up white Boy terrorist, probably too much for anyone’s liking; there is an underlying reason to their actions and it isn’t just, toxic masculinity or them being entitled or mental illness or whatever other buzz word, but a country that mass produced them and trains them like dogs and sends them off on anyone they think is in their way of their goal. Republicans are always trying to do that by building a divide between Black Americans and Latinx (American or Immigrants) as a way to sick Black people on Latinx if that’s easy to swallow. They do the same with Asian Americans against Black and Latinx people. Give a crumb and say that person is why you don’t have a full cake, the cake they are fucking eating!

That’s how we get respectably politics because it keeps black people from uniting against the folks that are the ones disrespecting them and making black fight fight for scraps of respect. Or African shitting in AfAms or other way around or throw in some Afro Carribaians into the mix and you’ve got three groups pointing fingers at each other while someone robs them all blind

Like Erik may not be dealing with some of those intra group politics going on since his beef was with Wakanda and not the US but he learned how to hate like that, and learned how to external and divide and conquer from the best in the business at that, living in the US. So it’s still relevant on the creation of terrorist.

At the end, T’Challa made a speech that all nations should make, to commit to helping, really helping, because for him, one Killmonger was enough. He would have loved to welcome him into the family as a cousin and not an enemy.

So Dee’s Hot Fresh Take (Tm): Black Panther was about terrorism and what creates terrorist and I think that umbrella covers shit like toxic masculinity and isolationism and Trans Atlantic dysphoira and racial injustice and the like. Don’t gotta agree, all my sources are in my head because I’m on an adderall fuled typing fest on my phone but it’s solid enough. I like this interpretation anyway lol.

———————————

Side rant in Erik’s words, a Household name activist took offense to it (won’t say who they are because I’m not that messy) but suffice it to say, they said something along the lines of celebrating the slaves that made it snd made change and their resilience. Which, you know, dope, but it doesn’t work for Erik nor his story. And I think it takes away a big part of the strength of slaves who ended their lives or the lives of their children rather than suffer they way they did. There is a reason that many black people cant swim, we all know that! It’s because slave owners beat the fear of water into them and the tradition just kept up, more switching to prevent black peoples from enjoying the bounties of nature (and as more research on nature and mental health, a way of preventing black folk healing) but it was to stop slaves from trying to escape AND dying as a form of resistance. When hoteps say the Bible was used to oppression black people and it being the white man’s religion they are only like, part right, like 3% on the mark, because using the Bible, suicide was something punishable in the after life as well and so that prevented a lot of suicides. Abortions fucking crippled plantations sometimes because when the trading stopped, they needed more slaves but women were just not having children as a form of resistance. Death and life has always been a part of resistance and it’s so disengenous to ignore all the slaves that died for the freedom of others, or their faith said that the water would take them back home Igbo Landing Story). People in extreme conditions like they have to always be prepared to die because there lives are always on the line either way. If there Death is meaningful or a mother has to abort every child they have, consentual or not, it’s part of the resistance. And the trauma of it all. We still feel echos of the past in the present but we are so far removed from that very specific pain sometimes that it’s easy to focus on the ones that lived, the heroes, because it gives us hope that it will get better, or we can mobilize for folks that had their life stolen from them because they had more life to live but we sweep the ones that took their own life as if it was the cowards way when we never walked in their shows. And for the writers of black Panther to acknowledge them in the creation of a character like Erik makes me cry. I know when I was younger u tried to separate myself from slavery because it was painful and I heard the Igbo Landing in elementary school and it hurt me so badly I was the only person in my class just uncontrollably balling but I’m older and I respect those people, myth or real, so much. Tbh! In reference to what Erik said, and why slaves drowned themselves to go home, Erik wanted to be burred at sea to return home, to the dead land area, with his dad in their little apartment because Wakanda was nice but he’d never see it as home.

[knightofameris]

sudden changes — tony stark

✎ setting. my MCU-AU, taking place after Endgame but my version (summer 2018, no timeskip) ✎ contains. angst, fluff, family problems tony being a dad, OCs ✎ wc. 1.5k

✎ prompt. “You can be mad at someone and still miss them.” for @afterglowparker‘s 1k follower celebration & challenge! I’ve had this written for a while but I wanted to wait to post it.

✎ ameris’ notes. I tried making this story make as much sense as possible since Kay’s (my OC) story had developed a lot into Endgame along with the other OCs that partake in the overall MCU-AU. || I re-read through this and phew i used to be proud of this piece but not anymore. i did a lot of revisions and fixed some grammatical mistakes. now i likee it a bit better. tbh im tempted to rewrite this whole thing in a newer updated version but eehhhhh

Enjoy! [repost from old account, @knightofmarvel]

❝ i miss him but i’m so angry ❞

The pebbles rolled on the ground. They had no control over where they were going, where they would be placed. A stick that prodded them around had control over their journey and destination. 

And like the pebbles, the young girl squatting on the ground pushing them around was just another one of the pebbles in this life. 

At least it felt like that to her.

The frown on her face was seemingly permanently etched on her face. Her swollen and reddened eyes matched her cheeks and nose. In her sweatshirt pocket there were stuffed tissues that she wouldn’t dare touch anymore.

Her nose scrunched up as she felt tears making their way to her eyes again. Her lips turned downward. She choked on a sob, bringing the back of her hand to her mouth to try to muffle every noise. 

The Vietnamese girl fell back to sit and brought her knees up to her face, hugging it. The moonlight shone on her, causing her dark hair to glisten and the stars began to twinkle. 

But as the universe brought it, she could no longer feel the comfort the moon and stars tried to bring to her in that moment. Without her powers, there was no more communication with the stars.

With it, she lost a part of herself. Some could even argue all of herself.

The pebbles crunched around her, signaling the presence of someone else. But she paid them no mind, believing it to be Irene or Kai. Maybe Steve or Rhodey.

“You good, kid?”

She didn’t respond, tucking her knees closer in. She pursed her lips when she felt Tony sit down next to her, knowing that their relationship had changed since the battles. Calling him dad, saving his ass, him saving hers, saving the universe,

“Is this about your family, Kay?” Tony asked. Kay nodded her head. She finally stretched her legs out and set her hands on her lap. Her gaze faced down. Tony scanned her face to gauge a reaction. He scrunched his nose and sniffed, looking off towards the distance out from the Avengers Headquarters.

Tony would usually be back at his cabin, staying with Pepper as she got through her pregnancy. But Pepper shooed him away. Said he was being overbearing and that he should check in with his other kids, too. He scoffed at that, of course.

Kay grunted, scooting closer to him and then leaning her head against his shoulder.

“I’m smad, Tony,” she murmured just loud enough for him to hear.

Tony raised a brow, moving his head to get a better look at her. “Back to Tony? I’m hurt kid, after all we been through I thought—”

Kay groaned, burying her face into his shoulder. Blood rushed to her face as she tried to hide it. He chuckled. He moved his arm to wrap around her shoulder, pulling her closer when the night summer breeze passed by.

“You’ve been coming out here more, haven’t you? What’re you ‘smad’ about?”

Kay sighed. It was true, she was coming out on the rooftop more often. She only came out when she was in a bad mood, after all.

“If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine—”

“Everything sucks and I just want to die. I mean,” she began talking faster, “not actually die, just not… exist… for a while.” Tony frowned, knowing that feeling all too well.

“I can’t—I can’t be a hero anymore,” Kay sniffled. “I can’t do the only thing I’m good at and my parents disowned me. At least, it feels like it. Says I’m worse than my sister. And god only knows how they’re going to react to her girlfriend and then to my brother’s situation in the future. They threaten to not pay for my tuition for college and I don’t even know if I want to do physics. And it feels like the brother I looked up to for so long just betrayed me and it makes me so mad because it feels like he’s gaslighting me and himself.

“Then I feel guilty because maybe I’m in the wrong and—and if I had my powers still I’d have better intuition about everything but I don’t.

“And I don’t know what to do. I’m just so angry and so sad and I hate Luke but I miss him so much and I miss when he was there for me but he just says I should stay home and that I shouldn’t be doing this shit. That I should leave it to the adults. 

“No one even knows that I made the universe go back to normal after bringing all of them back. And I’m so mad because they expect me to act like an adult but then treat me like a child and-and-and—Dad, I don’t know what to do and I hate that you’ve been more of a dad to me than my actual father and that says a lot. Then I keep thinking about Luke and I just—I want him back, I miss the Luke I looked up to but I’m so angry. I’m angry at what he’s become.”

By the end of the long-winded rant, Kay began sobbing, curling up into Tony for comfort. Her eyes shut and her mouth twisted into a frown as she cried.

The night breeze hit the two of them once more, her face feeling a spike of cold because of the tears. Her nose sniffled more since the cold always made her nose run a bit. Tony’s thumb rubbed against her arm in a comforting motion.

“That’s on him, you know. He’s the one acting weird and he’s seriously missing out on how much you’ve grown. Your parents too.” Tony paused, then sighed in frustration at Kay’s family. “I think it does say a lot that you thought of me like a dad. I’m a mess.” He chuckled and Kay laughed at him too, saying something along the lines that he was still a good mess.

Tony shook his head. “You know, you can be mad at someone and still miss them. It’s only natural of course. And hey, how about this. You’re still staying at your parents, aren’t you?” Kay nodded. “Move out, you’re still 17, I’ll take you in. You can stay at my cabin with me and Pep. I’ll pay for your tuition and everything too.”

“Tony,” Kay pulled away, looking up at him, “that’s too much to ask I don’t think-I don’t think I can ask—”

“’Dad,’” Tony interrupted. “Come on, you’ve already called me dad a few times. It’s fine.” He scrunched his nose. “And since I’m your dad, I’ll take care of you.”

“Would I,” Kay murmured, her gaze back down at her hands, “would I be Kay Stark then?”

There was a beat.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “Kay Stark. Rolls off the tongue pretty nicely too.” He looked back down at her, a small smile making its way onto her face for what seemed to be the first time in a long time.

“Uhm,” Kay stuttered. “For my freshman orientation, there’s a parent portion. You don’t have to go ‘cause it’s not necessary bu—”

“I’ll go.”

Kay glanced up, narrowing her eyes and was about to say something to him.

“No, I’ll go. It’s fine. Pepper can’t go to California because she’s taking maternity leave so I can check up on the company for her. Your college isn’t too far from LA anyways.”

“Thanks, dad.”

Tony smirked, pulling her back into him and rubbing her shoulder with his hand.

“Of course, kid.” There was a small pause. “Now, I can build you a suit. Get you back into superhero-ing. Could be Iron Knight or something.”

Tony continued to ramble, trying to get Kay’s mind off of everything and anything. She felt safe again, whole. The thought of being a new hero made her feel better. Because in the end, it wasn’t her powers that made her. She was a hero because of who she already was. 

It took her a while to realize that, and It’ll take longer for her to drill that in her mind but Kay knew that as long as she had the support of her family, her “found family”, everything would turn out okay.

For the first time in a long time, Kay felt the need to shut her eyes. Even if she couldn’t communicate with the stars and moon in the night sky anymore, she knew that their presence was all that she needed. And she slowly drifted as Tony talked.

“Wow, you really fell asleep on your old man, huh,” Tony chuckled as her body slowly slumped down to rest her head on his lap. He looked down at her, a smile on his face. He moved her hair out of her face and he finally saw the bags and dark circles under her eyes. Ones that were too familiar to him. His smile grew sad and he shuffled underneath her to pick her up and bring her down to her room.

Tony continued staring at her worn out eyes. He’d need to talk to her about her sleeping patterns and possible nightmares or panic or anxiety attacks.

He made it down to the living floor and walked down the dark hallway to her room. Tony slightly kicked it open, setting her down on her bed. He had to make room for her with the large Captain America tsumtsum and the extra large Iron Man tsumtsum. The young girl automatically turned to hug both of the tsumtsums and Tony shook his head.

Tony bent down to kiss the top of her head and moved to leave the room. He gave her one last glance and then closed the door quietly, leaving her to sleep.

✎ ameris’ notes. tbh, i was hesitant on posting this cus 1) it’s an oc story 2) if i am to post about the entire AU i created, this is a huge spoiler regarding Kay’s powers. but at least no one knows how she no longer has it i guess lol. 3) none of this makes sense because of everything i have written/outlined for this AU and on who the characters are and their development and everything.

i’d personally love to share more information about this mcu-au but, eh.