#im rambling and idk if this even makes sense but

[thisusedtobeafanpage]

Now that I've made my sane post about arcane I can rage and go insane in this one

obviously not spoiler free, and don't expect any coherent thoughts over here, I'm mostly gonna scream and ramble

dude. DUDE. jayce and viktor. holy fucking shit. oh my god. I dont even know what to say. their whole story is insane and making me lose my mind. Jayce saw all that happened if viktor went through with everything, and with ekko's help from breaking viktor out of it, HE MANAGED TO CONVINCE HIM TO STOP IT ALL. AND THEY DID. TOGETHER. GOD.

and since I've mentioned ekko I'm gonna go ramble about him now- he saved everyone, without him they would ALL be gone, and he could've died trying too like??? he wasn't playing

I paused the show for idk how long when he went over the 4 seconds, cause if he died not only would everything be fucked, but also I would've been torn to pieces.

but yeah ekko the man that you are I love you and im glad you at LEAST got to experience what could've been. specially with powder 😭😭😭

now - JINX DIED??? I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT. WHY CANT SHE EVER BE HAPPY. AND SHE DIDN'T JUST DIE - SHE KILLED HERSELF, AND SHE WOULD'VE DONE THAT EARLIER IF EKKO DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME THINGY. I AM ILL.

despite that it might seem that I am mad at the ending they gave jinx, as I mentioned in my sane post, I am absolutely not. A bitter ending made perfect sense given the story and the tone of the show, and while in a perfect world this isn't how it would've gone, this incredibly depressing one seems sadly very fitting.

BUT FEELING LIKE THAT WILL NOT STOP ME FROM CRYING AND RAGING ABOUT IT.

[lokiiied]

thinking about autistic art and how he had a really hard time differentiating platonic from romantic because of him and patrick’s friendship being so intimate and patrick being part of his first sexual experience and patrick engraining that need to be touched and loved into him from such an early age how was he supposed to know what was romantic or not? and even though he loved patrick he never knew if they were just playing or if patrick really wanted him to cross that threshold. of course he had thought about it. but him and patrick were friends- his only friend. his best friend. what if he ruined everything?

patrick knowing art since they were 12 and that the both of them had always struggled socially. all they had was each other. he learned what art needed from him and when he needed space. art needing him like a shore needs a rock. patrick was his safe space. the two of them always fitting together like matching puzzle pieces. patrick never being sure if it was his own fault for always being so touchy and intimate with art that if he ever crossed that delicate line he would be ruining something sacred. that he might scare art off or worse than that hurt him. make him retreat and search for someone, anyone else to be what patrick was for him. even if no one could.

thinking about how as soon as tashi allowed them the opportunity to be physically intimate they gravitated to each other and immediately went to another planet as soon as their mouths were on each other. how it was both so desperate and also so so gentle - careful even. thinking about anxious yearner patrick holding art’s face because he didn’t want this to stop, everything finally really truly felt natural and art realising kissing patrick came just as easy to him as breathing and of course it did because he wanted patrick to do more than touch him. he wanted patrick to stimulate him and push him further and he wanted to make patrick feel really really good

art being with tashi in what was probably his first “official romantic relationship” and trying so so hard to be the thing that she needed him to be. sacrificing his body. his mental health. his love. thinking that this wasn’t romance should feel like. or was it? was this what married people sacrificed their friendships for? his only reference for intimacy had been patrick. him and tashi did things him and patrick never did - but he needed more from her. the scene where he bites her arm. how he starts to be touchy with her and she pulls away. they seem the most physically tense in their marriage, whereas they’re both more physically relaxed/open with patrick. she knew how to give him space and she knew how to take care of him physically and he lived for playing tennis for her. but he needed more. he needed more affection, more emotional support. and tashi being unable to provide that for him in the ways he needed it. thinking he knew he was getting into a non-amatonormative relationship when he asked her out. knowing in her heart that art was never going to succeed at tennis in the way she needed him to unless he had that. unless he had patrick.

thinking about how after patrick touches the ball to the centre of the racket art has this release of emotions. first the anger. he shouts and smashes his racket and throws away two serves. this is the most physically expressive we’ve seen him since college. this is when the match gets intense. for a few moments they were really playing tennis. like they were back when they won their team championship. when art leaps above him and when patrick catches him and the hug. art needed it so bad.

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[purpleshadow-star]

It's kind of funny (heartbreaking) that there were multiple Ravens who wanted a number, to the point where some tried to manipulate Jean into helping them one way or another, but none of them would have been next in line. No matter what they did, there was always someone ahead of them on the list. Someone who wasn't even on the team. That someone wasn't Neil. Neil was a surprise to everyone, including Riko. That someone was Andrew.

Kevin might have had to beg Riko to go visit Andrew, and Riko might have laughed at Kevin and dismissed Andrew when Andrew turned him down, but make no mistake, if Andrew had accepted and had become a Raven, he would have taken that #4 spot within his first year.

If we're being real, Andrew had more of a chance at becoming part of the perfect Court than any of those Ravens ever had. Even Jean thinks of Andrew as one of them.

The other Ravens never stood a chance.

[okaydiscount]

uhmmmm i was listening to 'no ones deserving' by superheaven and my brain told me to draw this so i did (///￣ ￣///)

[agentark]

do you ever think about how in the literal very first scene with Rebecca, we learn that Unit Bravo had no idea she even had a kid

she chose UB and The Agency over the detective so consistently, so frequently, that her team didn't even consider that she had some kind of life outside of them, with someone waiting for her at home

[ganondoodle]

(Original art) Xaror, any pronouns, species (?), age (?)

short summary about them; they act as both an antagonist and an ally since they are only really interested in what they want or whats fun to them, they are immortal and call themselves 'death itself' since they have a special connection to souls (being the only one able to communicate with them) and the ability to seperate souls from their bodies in such a way that nothing can harm the soul afterwards their main goal is to .. bother and disturb the 'celestials'*, which they hate, as much as they can, breaking into their palace, freeing prisoners, destroying research, destroying the place, and most importantly, making as many souls unusable to them as possible-

they dont want to destroy the celestials though, they cant fight them anyway and this game of doing 'good' only with the goal of annoying them is their most treasured activity, so Xaror doesnt intend to stop them from killing or hurting anyone, only from harvesting what they are actually after (though Xaror doesnt actually care as little as they think they do about people, and has a soft spot for demons)

most of their appearance is later into the story; Zaphira (the empress) had been in coma and the medical facility she was treated in was destroyed by Shargon (orange eyed demon who acts as her bodyguard for the first part) in an attempt to save her from her estranged relatives taking over her country after they heard of her decline in health, she is believed dead but washes up on the shore of the mountain Xaror resides at years later (it has a reason, too much to write here) and they slowly nurse her back to health, the reason they give for it is that they found their first encounter very fun, thats all (is it?)

(more lore under the cut bc this is already so long .. im trying to keep it short q-q ......... this is stuff i have been working on since i was a kid so uh, some things might be cheesy but i cant change them anymore ..)

just to get some basics out of the way; theres three worlds, the celestials palace, human world and demon world, each are their own planet connected via different gateways

*celestials (possibly not final name, loosely based on angels) are the last remaining "survivors" of their planets demise, when their world died the most powerful among them cannibalized the weaker to sustain themselves until there were only less than 10 left, who each turned into different beings from it and dont resemble their own people much anymore, they built a palace from what was left on their world that protects them from space as its atmosphere collapsed shortly after- however they still needed something to live off; they discover the human world and are delighted to find rather short lived people with powerful souls, the best kind of sustenance for them (now), they aim to herd them like cattle, but a problem arose when it turned out another world has long been in contact with the human world; demons

demons are semi immortal creatures that act as protectors for their world, protection they extended, more or less secretely, to the human world ensuring them a long and secure life- the celestials need them to die at their whim though (demons are few in numbers, hard to kill and rarely have offspring, not an ideal target); as they worked out a plan on how to get rid of demons one of the celestials, Xanthriel (time) grew somewhat fond of people as they spent alot of time in the human world to observe and research them; in the end turning on their own completely, but losing the fight against Uriel (knowledge)

Xanthriel was supposed to be executed for their betrayal, but it doesnt work, instead they are splintered into many parts after a lot of struggle, most body, memory and most strength is one part (ending up as motionless forever bleeding corpse kept locked up in the palace), the rest is some time later gathered together and reforms as a seperate, weak mockery of them, they embody Xanthriels emotion- Xaror, without memory, strangely cut to pieces (hence all the missing limbs and broken halo) but driven by an unstoppable desire to disturb the celestials (they live seperate long enough to each become their own person, at some point Xaror discovers Xanthriels body after all and they merge back together, though as they are now two, Xanthriel only takes over once directly after merging, stays silent for a long time and lets Xaror be themselves, only later revealing that they are there at all .. hiding perhaps- i rarely have specific ideas for voices, but Xanthriels is like, like coarse rocks being violently rubbed against each other, less voice more noise)

(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group

(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group (he wasnt the strongest or special, he was jsut the last in the row and always got the lowest dosage) when Xaror found them in yet another break in into the palace and got him back to the demon world .. where he was promptly blamed for the others that were taken and treated like a pretender/fake/spy bc what he got put through changed his eye color (something that demons cannot change in any form) to one that does not exist among 'real' demons (orange ... notice the inner color of Xarors broken halo? :) ), some even suggesting killing him, but none of them were brave enough to do it (they were all kids still) .. except Eadrya (the big blue-ish one, largely regarded as the strongest demon alive) but Shargon managed to escape, and since then lived largely in isolation- this is part of why he is so hated, and why he starts to spend so much time in the human world after rediscovering the pathway there)

[lucidsadvocate]

kuboyasu and saiko childhood au (?)

I was thinking, what if they accidentally meet when saiko and his father visit kuboyasus hometown for business inquiries for 3 weeks. saiko sneaks out and gets lost, stumbling upon the peasant area, and finds kuboyasu. they eventually started to meet up nearly every day and bond. (with saiko still being as stubborn as ever, of course) but one of his servants/maids found out and stopped him from going out to see a peasant. but that didn't stop him, though. when he did try to go see kuboyasu, he wasn't anywhere to be seen. it's been a few days, and saiko was going to give up until he found kuboyasu laying all bloody and bruised up -- fluff and angsttt??!

[screechingfromthevoid]

I think the same reason I love Dorym is why I love Loquatious and Laerryn. One, the devotion of it all. But secondly, and more importantly, "But there's one story of a fairy who stumbled into this world and fell in love"

Because Dorian is an air genasi prince who left home to find something real. His home floats on wind and he's never wanted for a thing. And he came down from his clouds only to find himself stumbling, tumbling, into love with just a man.

There is something so earnest about a man who is considered magical and wondrous in a world that already has magic, falling in love with someone who just is.

It's a thought that scratches the back of my mind a lot. It goes hand in hand with Liam saying "he has no idea if Dorian returns his feelings". Because from Orym's point of view why would Dorian have feelings for him? Dorian. The beautiful blue prince who is extremely talented in both music and magic. Dorian is everything Orym admires in other people. Everything he doesn't see in himself.

But Dorian does have feelings for Orym. Because Orym is everything he's not. He's firm and reliable. He knows who he is and is unapologetic about it. Orym was the only one in the (original) Crown Keepers that wasn't tempted by the spider queen. Because he was too principled. He was too good. Dorian's alignment changed. Dorian felt himself getting worse. Yet Orym stayed steadfast. In the face of everything he did not change.

Their pursuits were the same. They wanted to protect their friends. At any cost. But Orym somehow stayed unchanged. He always knew the right way of doing things.

So the handsome prince fell in love with a guard and planned to stay with him until he no longer wanted the company.

I literally said to a friend "I know he leaves. But he is so devoted to Orym I don't know how they're going to get him to."

And it was the one thing neither could argue against. Family. Orym knew about family. He knew about duty.

But even a continent away Dorian couldn't stop thinking about Orym. His little tactician before he was the savior blade. Even when his world came crashing down, Orym called and he went.

Idk. I think there's something beautiful in the way that Dorian loves Orym. I think it is very reminiscent of the fey who stumbled into this world and fell in love. I think it will be a love that will always be with them. That they will have to recover from. A love they might have to mourn before they ever have it.

Even if they never... If there is no love confession, if they have to mourn the loss of the people they thought they were, if there's no way for them to be together; Dorian will always love Orym. In the same way Orym loves Will. First love often lingers.

[titanofthedepths]

I was talking about this on a call the other day but one of my favorite things about Sea of Thieves is that the characters are allowed to be ugly and so wildly diverse. Even the skeletons are diverse and have compelling and fun designs.

Note that when I say ugly I don’t mean that as a bad thing - I’m a firm believer that ugly doesn’t have to be a bad word, just the same as fat doesn’t have to be. Nobody’s perfect and that’s beautiful etc etc, when I say ugly I mean “not conventionally attractive” and it’s something I wholeheartedly appreciate

Like. Player pirates are randomly generated, which can be frustrating but at the end of the day it’s refreshing to not be able to sit and put together the perfect pirate. There will always be little scars or nicks or features you didn’t choose to place there, but they’re your pirates’ features. Just a couple days ago I realized my pirate has a snake bite on her cheek, and I LOVE that it’s there, though I never would have considered it for her had I been given the option to build her from scratch.

The NPCs, too, are diverse, and allowed to be flawed, and ugly. With their crooked or missing teeth and imperfect proportions and scars and asymmetrical faces - Rare could have very easily chosen to make every last NPC a perfectly pretty face fit for a magazine, and they chose not to. It makes the characters feel a little more real, more like they’re people - I can’t tell you how often I sit and examine the models of NPCs to look at every little detail and just appreciate how imperfect they are.

And like previously stated - and perhaps the thing I appreciate the most - even the skeleton characters are widely varied. Rathbone moves with a hunched posture that hides the fact his frame is fairly small, Grimm is tall and wide in that way that Sea of Thieves builds their fat characters, one of Chi’s horns is growing from her eye socket and she’s lankier than Ruth’s sturdy frame, Horatio has arms that are just a little too long, so on and so forth.

Just… Sure, I don’t by any means love Rare as a company, but the character design we see in Sea of Thieves is some of the best I’ve ever seen. I have a lot of love for this pirate game and the amount of love the design team put into every single character they offer us

[parasolcopyability]

still thinking about that stat chart....mhin fight back against the weak allegations omgg

[chococookiez]

this has 2 saves already even though i haven't talked about it at all so ig there's an audience to throw it out to somewhere . fuck it we ball

WOE. INCOMPREHENSIBLE SLEEP TOKEN INFESTED GABV1EL PLAYLIST BE UPON YE.

[harukapologist]

rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

[reapkusho]

A lot of people say kainess is incredibly one-sided (on ness' part) but I think Kaiser did want to keep him for a while because that was the only thing he wanted — for "something that lasts" and to "love and be loved". The only thing that'd really last is for someone that truly loves you that would keep coming back even if you push them away and/or abuse their affection.

It was because Ness kept coming back and the fact that he went through the same thing as him — not getting any love and affection as a child (guess he related to him?) — that kaiser decided to keep him. but after he realized that restricting himself and being uncomfortable was the key to being the best then he went and let him go — which means Kaiser can't really "love" because that'd mean being comfortable with something > then he goes searching for something to keep and love again which means he's at peak desperate condition > when he finds it he has to let it go because he'd be comfortable > cycle repeats.

[kaseyskat]

since ive already been pretty open about this and im not afraid to whack a hornets nest i'll go ahead and say it: if you were raising a kid in a pseudo-apocalyptic setting and then you found out that said kid was going to be the one to defeat the eldritch god that you have tried to defeat for half your lifetime and could never manage. that she was going to FACE that eldritch god it was prophesied. you would teach her how to defend herself and how to fight. like god i am not saying hero's trauma from it wasn't justified because i do think the twins took it too far but the initial process of training her makes so much more sense if you approach it at the angle of "this kid is going to do something we've been trying to do since we were twelve and couldn't manage and we might not even be there to help her so we have to make sure she doesn't die in the process" and not "we're going to make her fix our mistakes" it makes sense. goes along with lark's running theme of not being strong enough in the moments that matter and wanting to make sure nobody else ever feels as helpless as he did when walter was injured. goes along with sparrow desperately tempting fate with normal's name- not because normal was an accident, but because sparrow never wanted to lose even one kid to the doodler and it was a fervent, desperate wish to let normal get to be normal

[gjsxj0]

mindless rambling in tags don't mind me