#im posting this everywhere for the best results of people hating me.

[vamos-chilli]

My god people are so miserable in your tags, trying to find a problem everywhere . And btw haven’t you guys wondered that the vibe was maybe just a bit “off” because Carlos was just probably disappointed that he didn’t win that’s it, no need to insult or blame Charles when he did nothing. He won his race beautifully, so no need to be bitter. Some Carlos fans are being really annoying lately sorry

im ngl i dont even think the vibe was weird charles went to celebrate w whoever was collecting the constructors trophy i can’t remember and both of them gave carlos a spray before carlos went to spray max and they chatted before they left the podium like it wasn’t weird to me

but the main thing is people are always going to be like this in fandom . it’s a form of parasocialism in believing that we as viewers can understand the inner workings of our idols from ‘knowing them’ through the screen and coming to ‘recognise’ what we see as behavioural markers . happens all the time that’s why we end up with prominent shipping and rpf cultures in a lot of fanbases bc of our interpretation of how people interact with one another .

it can become obsessive for people, the majority of fandoms i’ve been in have been centred around real people and the subject of ‘truthing’ comes up a lot- the strict determination of a trait or personality of a person based on a second hand perspective of them, where the f in rpf is made redundant and people start to genuinely believe their headcanons of a person are applicable to their real life person . larry stylinson is knocking at the door .

because of parasocial and truthing behaviours peoples perception of drivers becomes tilted on what will best fit the subconscious narrative they are building- lando for instance i believe doesn’t deserve the mass hatred of mischaracterising as an awful person he’s been getting this season. nothing has changed between this season and the last except for the number of wins under his belt .

last year people felt the same hostility towards max . a few years ago it was lewis . its the relationship to our drivers as a competitor that’s changed . and those that pose a bigger threat receive the harsher penalties to their character .

it’s not an issue with carlos fans . it’s not an issue with lando fans or max fans or charles fans or anyone . it’s an issue of parasocialism that’s prevalent in every fandom for every character ever . we see it more for these drivers because they are top 5 drivers and they have larger fan bases . none of us are the big bad .

sometimes it feels like us vs them and i’ll tell you first i felt that way at the start of the season because genuinely i was being flooded with carlos hate in my asks and people posting the most insane negatively parasocial conspiracy theories about carlos having paid out the media to talk about him as if he didn’t just win a grand prix 2 weeks after surgery and be one of the most valuable drivers on the market for 2025 (i still get heated about that bc it was just plain disrespectful) . and yeah it did feel like it was carlos fans vs the lecfosi . because sometimes we let it be .

we build these insanely negative parasocial relationships with drivers and it consumes us. i’ve had to block ferrari fans for constantly posting carlos negativity and no doubt charles fans have had to block some carlos fans for constant driver negativity. lando fans will have gotten death threats over a race result even though that’s an insane thing to do and so have oscar fans .

everyone is annoying all the time we all annoy each other with our parasocial truthing of drivers personalities and the only way it’s actually going to change is if

1) we all take a step back to analyse our own behaviours and how we engage with negative parasocial behaviour

2) we stop making call out posts of ‘x drivers fans are so annoying’ because all it’s doing is reinforcing the narrative we want to build

[gronjon44]

Ok I'm fucking done. It was bad enough seeing the people on the news jump on this and now I'm seeing Tumblr jump on the hype train for screwing over another Republican.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH KAVANAUGH.

I'm sorry but there is not merit to this issue. This was a sexual assault that "supposedly" happened 30 years ago at a high school party that an unknown victim came forward about. We don't know who said victim is, and the only person supporting her that has been named offers no real evidence to support the matter.

Hell the want who accused Kavanaugh isn't sure of the information herself. She doesn't the year it happened, know what time he did it, she doesn't remember the location or events preceeding the supposed groping, all she knows is that he did it and people just need to baby her thanks to word of mouth.

Honestly Democrats are just trying to screw over Trump's entire campaign and he's done nothing bad. Yeah he can make dumb comment and he needs to leave social media alone but by God when he isn't being an absolute tool he is actually being a decent president. He brought jobs back, illegal immigration is at a low of some kind. There is some good in what he has been doing the past year and a half so far.

I'm not trying to start a political war on here but it just annoys me how every Tumblr user is in support of fucking over a man who is actually trying to be a president, and yet people treat him like he is the Antichrist.

Now I Guaran-fucking-tee that I'm gonna get backlash for my thoughts. Some will say, "Oh you're such a white trash Republican," or "He is a white supremacist and you supporting him means you're a white supremacist." I'm used to that. But I'm getting tired of seeing this on Tumblr and how I'm even the only person on here who actually supports Trump and the Republican Party.

Have your opinion I'd be happy to hear it. But you're not gonna change my mind. I just think the Dems are a bunch of salty, unhinged nuts who want to control America in a much worse way than people say Trump is doing to America.

You know while I'm at it, people say Republicans are terrible racists who treat others like they're beneath us. And yet here they are, calling anyone who likes Trump remotely, "Deplorable pieces of Garbage."

They are the ones who are starting all the issue. They claim that MAGA is racist and pro slavery.

NOT ONE DAMN PERSON EVEN REMOTELY SAID IT WAS PRO-SLAVERY

Not one Republican has mentioned anything in anyway. MAGA is not pro-slavery, it is just a way of thinking to make America a great country. Our democracy is in a damn crisis because of the Dems shouting out at the top of their lungs that Trump and all his supporters are racists, hate other people and are pro-slavery, and want to ruin the country.

There are Democrats out there in the America, telling others who own business and customers of Republican businesses, to kick out any and all Trump supporters, and to boycott and even vandalize Republican based businesses.

Dems are the ones doing the fear mongering. They are the ones using Propoganda and Fear to make people think that it's all the Republicans fault. They will blatantly say it's the Republicans fault and they're the ones using dear and violence to get they're way, when Dems are standing two feet away waving Propoganda in the faces of the people.

People complain about how Republicans and Trump are basically communists and are supporting Russia. Honestly if anyone is a communist it's the Dems.

If you don't believe me that they're the ones slandering the name of Republicans and they're the ones causing the issue, go back and watch all their meetings and press conferences where they're on the track for reelection.

All in all, I'm just kinda tired of all the Pro Democrats on here, saying everything is the Republicans fault, when really there's more to this than people realize.

And to end my overly long post,

Everyone's entitled to an opinion. Mine just happens to piss off most people.

Go, Dems, go!

[pinksnow]

a heem heem. abridged version of the timeline take two. sobs

literally seething over tumblr not saving an entire god damn post ok here we go again. im so mad. im not gonna be as detailed in this one bc i just spent all my spoons on the first post. cries

- gen 1 addisons created with birth of the internet

- mid gens also created (spamton is this!)

- spamton has a friend group with one first gen pink addison and 2 mid gen addisons, blue and yellow

- spamton is still shit as his job dont worry that hasnt changed

- gen1 and mid gen addisons are susceptible to getting wormed. what do i mean by this. well in this au computer worms are corrupted addisons

- their code is jank so it happens

- og blue and yellow get wormed

- spamton is very upset!

- spamton befriends our current addisons because our blue looked like his blue. ogpink tells spamton this is not the way to go about it dude

- after a year or so though he recognizes blue for blue and not an ogblue replacement

- im shipping them also because i can do whatever i want. blue was canonly closest to spamton so <3

- not much interesting happens afterwards. spamton ask ogpink for dating advice i guess. whatever

- yadda yadda phone call lol

- spamton is now becoming increasingly distant towards everyone!

- blue is upset! the others are upset at spamton for making blue upset!

- when he moves to the mansion they virtually never contact eachother again

- they TRY to set up a couple dates but spamton cant get out due to always having a meeting here, and photoshoot there, deals please sign here. its neverending!

- blue is very depressed because his boyfriend has fucking ghosted him and he sees his face everywhere

- all of them are very frustrated and upset

- in 2004 ogpink gets wormed and is now iloveyou. spamton just not having a good time man

- spamton tries putting out a position for personal assistant and does his damnest to keep it from public view and hopes blue takes it up, hes doing this in hopes blue applies so they can finally be together again lol

- blue is moping in his room 24/7 he doesnt see shit he barely eats lol

- speaking of the others have their own way to cope with this

- yellow goes around breaking his billboards and other things around the city in attempts to get his attention

- orange

- pink and his relentless anger is like. im going to beat people up. this is surely the best way to deal with my frustration. he takes the freezering and beats up werewires n virovirokuns etc in alleyways. do you see where this is going

- anyways spamton is told they picked out the best candidate for the assistant job and its NOT blue its this green bitch named Novarg

- spamton absolutely hates nova for like a month straight bc its suppose to be blue with him not this sickly looking twink

- wahtver. idk. stuff happens. they probably explore eachothers bodies. lol. anyways

- once gaster cuts our man off he has a breakdown, and before i detail this breakdown, you need to listen to me ok, ok. the second worst virus in the world is SOBIG right, do yuou see where im going with this. spamton is wormed but gaster was doing some fucky shit to keep him from imploding or smth. those puppet features are the result of the worm yes im doing that. the lines on his jaw and jointed hands. youd think people would notice that only a worm would be able to spread as fast as spamton did with himself right. no bc with spamton hes unknowingly making it so people dont realize this. they look at his jointed hands and dont process that anythings wrong with it. anyways once its all cut off he breaks down bc hes losing everything which just sets the rest of the worm code OFF and hes glitching and freaking out and novas like. well ok im still going to try and calm him down. well he gets infected, and because spamtons code is so unbelievably fucked up it just glitches itself and makes nova a completely new and different worm. which is mydoom. the current worst worm. lol. see what i did isnt that funny. biggest virus derived from the code of what was at the time the biggest. anyways

- you know damn well a swatchling saw this and was like oh shit

- by this point nova has already ran off bc hes literally gone fucking insane we;re talking about the worst virus in the world here

- they get spamtons ass though! in this au hes thrown into the acid bc hes wormed and thats dangerous and bad and they need him DEAD

- i mean he lives obviously but now hes fun sized

- word gets out spamton is dead. they dont say he was wormed thatd cause mass panic with another worm already out

- its assume nova killed spamton (they dont, KNOW, its nova but im not saying mydoom every time, ok)

- well see now our addisons are VERYYY upset

- they hated spamton but they didnt want him DEAD. now blues doing even WORSE.

- yellows trashing more shit, orange is pretending the mannequin actually is spamton theyre in very deep denial

- and pink

- well

- pink is very fucking pissed! he goes out of his way to find nova.

- this is where he first uses snowgrave

- he never wanted to use it. he told himself hed never use it. but right now in a blind rage all he can think is i want this twink OBLITERATED

- half the fight is pink getting smacked around bc he needs to build up 200tp lol!

- once he has it though, oh boy! babys first snowgrave blackout! (whiteout?)

- nova only barely escapes with his life bc hes wormed. my man got fucked up

- pink snaps out of it after the fight is over thankfully but now hes set his fate in stone lol. get fucked

- actually doesnt get really bad until years later. THIS is when it starts turning into full days spent in whiteout

- sending the city into a fucking artificial winter

- its not supposed to SNOW here

- whole city blocks and streets getting wiped out

- the extreme snow from snowgrave has leaked into other attacks theres just snow everywhere

- you can only barely make out pinks outline, those who managed to sneak away seen this outline and were like

- its not a worm, they dont use magic, let alone ice magic. its not an addison, they cant attack on their own if not wormed

- obviously its a lightner, a human

- well now that rumor is spread everywhere, like even pink himself believes it

- esuiythgyuiqw3hjebfsdjkm skip to spamton in dumpster hours to our current time we skipped ahead cool cool

- whiteout pink looking for him bc they KNOW he has the thornring which would cut tp cost in half which would be Very Nice!

- spamton fights for his life and also only barely makes it out alive bc worm

- blue also happens to be out looking for pink and finds spamton

- many a crisis incoming: your ex is alive, hes small, hes half frozen to death, he speaks in glitched adverts, and he tells you that pink tried to kill him

- now thats just too much to take in today folks!

- (gestures) they take him home they have a reunion he screams when pink walks thru the door whatver

- they dont fully believe spamton until blues out one day during a particularly bad bout and sees its pink and is like. oh shit. oh my god

- deer in headlights <3

- blue is going to fucking die if he doesnt do something and this extreme stress and life of death situation causes his little funny darkner soul to be like oh ok. ok we;re doing this

- yeah addisons can make popups and little cursors but now blue is holding a whole ass cursor harpoon

- he does not know what the fuck is going on he doesnt even know how to use this he just throws them around randomly to distract pink and make a run for it

- well spamton was right

- they do NOT tell pink they dont want to imagine how hed react to what hes done

- blue has this nice little routine now of going out 5 minutes after pink does and following him and beating him up with harpoons to keep their focus on him and not the others around

- eventually word is gonna get out that blue is fighting off the lightner and walking out of it alive. this is not good

pink: i heard this about you

blue: different blue i dont know what youre talking about goodbye

- man i dont know i dont want to write more out you get the drill im doing a timeskip

- cool so idk smthhappens spamton snaps and gets that sweet sweet neo bod and nowthe addisons r fighting this mf over his broken city on suspended railways

- well the worms are all hiding down here since its abandoned, and they like. oh holy shit? spamton?

- neo spamton is basically the full potential of what he couldve been if allowed to go fully wormed when he did

- i know this is silly let me live

- iloveyou jumps onto blues cart like hey need some help

- if you see dangerous malware thats suppose to be dead you will not react well

- idk smth happens they all fall down into the broken city so that i can have a better setup for this part LOL

- while orange yellow and pink are fighting spamton trying to get him to snap out of it blue is ready to tear iloveyou to shreds

- while fighting iloveyou infects blue in a short blind rage

- uh oh lol

- instead of acting like a normal infected addison he. well his emotions are so overwhelming it just cancels out that code

- so now you got a very angry blue addison who is slightly powered up with a heart harpoon and hearts floating around him

- see first post on blog

- MAN i dont know i want to go get something to eat im wrapping this up right now

- its fine they all end up fine out of it the worms help pink control his magic and help spamton and he can go neo willingly

- they are all wacky roommates now

- the worms instinctive drive to infect code basically shut off after living together in an abandoned city for years with no one else

- they go out with the others sometimes in a large baggy hoodie

- eventually brave enough to go alone

- idk some new gen addison kid pulls down iloveyous hood bc they saw a heart and iloveyou is about to freak out but theyre all like omg dude thats so cool is that like a new accessory

- so anyways ogpink goes out normally now and those who do recognize them are stared at by everyone like dude this is just our local heart guy

- spamton that bastard has to fucking explain himself and mend THREE relationships but its fine

here you go, ogblue nova and blue and their fun sized spamton you know exactly what this is imitating goodbye i leave the rest to your imagination

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

thank you to the patrons! fleurdelis, lukeperiodsun, @heraldinthedark, hadbabits, kellie, natascha, kirbx14, and @technophage!

also kirby’s [pride preparations] seemed to be pretty popular!

it’s a long one this time!

on [road trip]:

@littlemousejelly said: oh the universal Displaced Smol Feeling. doesn't matter how tall you are you look at a menu like this. doesn't matter how old you are being on a roadtrip means you feel like you're nowhere and everywhere and that's OKAY

@thebreakfastgod said: in 8th grade i went on a roadtrip in the week long break for Thanksgiving. on Thursday we were driving home but didnt make it back until Friday, so that Thursday we had Thanksgiving at McDonalds somewhere out in Kansas. we had actual thanksgiving the next day with my brother. this drawing is so cute n it reminded me of this :)

@nikuknight said: so cute!! and yeah this experience is universal I think ^^ relatable

@indigowallbreaker said: this was me last Sunday, what a feeling

@sortofabetaiguess said: this is probably what i’m gonna be like. actually if my queue works this is probably what i /am/ like. #not twilight

oh I didn’t expect to get road trip stories out of this post but it’s wonderful that I did, I’m glad so many of you can relate XD (also I had to keep the “#not twilight” tag because there’s just something delightful about my kirby making it to a twilight blog.)

on [sandwiches]:

@salted15 said: ohmygoodness !!!!! them hamds !!!!! they full !!!!!!! blessed

@orion-flux said: TWO GRILLED CHEEZUMS!?

two of them!!! (also I love that two different people tagged the same friend in this drawing, that’s so cute :’> )

on [mirror]:

@littlemousejelly​ said: OH CUTE, I THINK THEY BOTH LOOK NICE! i'm Love mirror kirmby very much they are as much shaped as a friemd as right side gorb kirby

oh he is definitely equally friend shaped! he’s just not quite as round lol

@macro-microcosm​ said: the duality of man

man vs self

on [game night]:

@lavendarjevil said: girls night

pedicures! talkin about boys! pillow fight!

@poltergeist-draws-probably​ said: me and the besties on a tuesday afternoon

heck yeah dude that is exactly the vibe I was going for

@littlemousejelly​ said: oh this is precious oh my godddd LOOK AT THE LIL KIRBOS WATCHING AS GREENBY DOES THE VIDDY GAME FOCUSING SO HARD AND DOING A REALLY BIG WIN, PINKBY IS JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE! blueby is asleep shhh... GRAYBY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GREENBY IS DOING BUT THEY'RE IN AWE CUTE CUTE CUTE

using the color names like that is so cute :0 I just love the excitement in these tags it feels so nice ;u;

@toastycharmander​ said: 🥺 imma be honest i wish i could sit with friends and watch them play video games like this, just seems so nice. i’d probably end up as the blue kirby at some point tho

man, same. someday we will all get to sit with our friends again and/or make good friends to sit with.

on [incognito]:

@gingersducksandbubbles​ said: the brows remind me of the cinnamon toast crunch meme. either way, adorable until proven innocent and even then still adorable. yes im aware of what the last tag says. its the law duh

the crime he was wanted for was being adorable! there is no escaping that! (also I don’t think I’d seen that meme before, drawing angry eyebrows on things is just almost always funny huh)

on [hat]:

@dragonsandmollusks​ said: baseball hats or whatever this type of hat is called are way too hard to draw

ugh, they really are. especially in lineless art! (altho the person who said they’re putting this one in the art ref folder is funny XD )

on [small]:

@littlemousejelly​ said: OH TEENY!!!!! HELLO YOU ARE VERY SMALL!! OR VERY FAR AWAY!! OR BOTH!! I LOVE YOU!!!! littol teeny kirby are you cold?? are you rubbing your lil hands together because you have a chill?? WAIT I ZOOMED IN AND YOU ARE POUTING! AHHHHHH CUTIE I KISS YOUR LIL PIMK HEAD AND PATPAT! i hope you feel better soon!!!

a true journey :’>

@gingersducksandbubbles​ said: hi kirbo! why you so far away? did he have a snack? i see that lil cheek curve. he holding his hands or arm nubs so cute like an innocent lil guy so cute. is he innocent tho? not gonna get into tjat discourse cuz the end result is that he's always adorable!! Thank you kirby!

I like this interpretation too! just trying to play innocent after stealing a snack. :>

there was a lot on [pride prep]:

@lammiies said: Kirby supports Gay Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

@macro-microcosm said: BEST MOST SUPPORTIVE BOI happy pride 🌈

@rainbowmilk1996 said: Kirby is a good lad. That, and he probably likes all the colors

@neurokinetics said: my sweet gay child

you are all correct! kirby is gay, kirby supports gays (and the whole lgbtqia+ community! all of us!), and kirby thinks all the pretty pride flag colors are very neat. :>

@drummajor-isyourbandready said: this is the only pride post I'll reblog probably. look at this fella

ohh a high honor! thank you :> (although of course if you find other stuff also worth sharing that’s a good thing too!)

@kiwi-lynx said: Ok, I’m obsessed with your drawings THEY ARE JUST SO CUTE 🥰🏳️‍🌈

@pizza-equals-poetry said: op this is beautiful

awwh thank you both so much!

also @your-local-neighbourhood-kat tagged me in this [very cursed image] by a deactivated blog which, thanks I hate it XD

[miiilowo]

I. Im very curious about the pink haired enderman oc 👉👈 where are they from?? What do they doo?? This is a ramble as much as you want to ask :D

RUBBING MY LITTLE GREMLIN HANDS TOGETHER (also sorry about the late answer, my internet went out as i was writing this)

he’s for an smp im on! :D we decided that we wanted to do rp stuff for fun (hasnt really happened but some characters exist) and i decided to make an enderman character because i just. love them so much

the idea is that one of the smp members went to the end and made an enderman grinder. for whatever reason (havent figured out what the reason is yet) she decided that my funky little guy was special and decided to keep him. kind of like adopting them.

Afterward she made him king of the end because shes a human who thinks she has power over just about everything. for that reason i spent like 3 days building a castle on the server.  He does not take his role as a king seriously whatsoever, and never goes to the end. Why, you may be asking?

When you kill the ender dragon you get the achievement ‘free the end’, which doesnt Sound Like Endermen Had A Fun Time, so im just going to assume he has very bad memories associated with that place

since you mentioned it, his hair is not Actually pink, in fact, he’s bald, but he likes color a lot and so he made a wig (plus he wants to fit in with his mom and other people more) ((also my hair is just pink and he’s an adaptation of another persona i have but we can ignore that)). colors and flowers and stuff are something he enjoys because its a nice difference in comparison to the end which is mostly just . beige and black and purple sometimes 

He’s relatively good at english, and really loves writing and stories and books!!! i have a groovy lil library in my castle and a notebook/journal i track events of the smp in. im THIS CLOSE to copying the personal poems ive done into a bunch of books and selling them on the server for shits and giggles

My castle is one of the cooler builds on the server so new members stop by and stay there for a while before they head off on their own. so, i decided to turn that into him really wanting people to hang around, but they keep leaving and he gets kinda sad about that. id hate living in a big fucky castle and then peepo just stop by then exit after like 4 days. as a result he now has one crazed little clown friend who he is overly attached to despite her probably not being good for his mental health. theyre. working on that. though. i think. that character belongs to my friend loserchips, aka my best friend and the gal who drew my icon, which is also the enderboy!!!!!!

he has a big pile of gems in his throne room that he is absolutely Not willing to share because ive decided he loves shiny things. He also does have some enderman behavior that ive incorporated into how i play:

- cant go in water unless wearing full armor

- cant be in rain without a hat on at LEAST

- afraid of eye contact/doesnt look people in the eye

- climbs on shit and up the vines all over the castle. this scares people occasionally because hes already tall

- he isnt very good at teleporting and when he does he kind of zaps all over the place. due to chorus fruit i have ended up in countless ravines, creeper holes, roofs, tunnels, and houses against my will. it only worked out ONCE, where i was in a friends bakery, and she said to come upstairs. i ate a chorus fruit absentmindedly and teleported right in front of her. im counting this as him getting better at it

- i also am located in a savannah thats right next to a desert because it never rains there and he likes dry places for obvious reasons

- this was mildly inspired by endermen behavior. hes incredibly docile and friendly, but when he’s pushed a little too far he fucking snaps. the best example of this happening on the smp so far was when someone he was planning to live with forever left the castle, took some of his shit, then proceeded to fuck with him by showing him multiple double chests full of ender pearls. i then set fire to his house. (this character was also just genuinely scary and threatened him and killed him multiple times so i think that counts too. i now have his armor set)

theres a grave in my yard thats just a chest full of ender pearls people have given me because they think itd be funny. i am the main character i do not care

i put a little bit of Me into him, which means he loves to collect a bunch of items. anything he finds even a little cool he keeps. i have so many chests and theyre all so cluttered god help me

once bundles are added im absolutely going to have him carry around a sack of flowers that he gives to people

He has a really pretty royal outfit, and just casually wears it around the castle because he thinks he looks good in it

Also! he has three ‘sons’ which are just endermen i captured and put in boats. two of them i got before i had the enderman character idea. their names are ranboo and ran2. i think that is kind of funny

the third one is named hubert. hes bad at his job of guarding the villager cages

im very tempted to get him an enderman husband that sits in the bedroom or throne room. how the FUCK will i get him up there? i genuinely have no idea, but i know i wanna do it really bad

and some just. random stuff about him. ive been searching for a zombified hoglin named benjamin that i was introduced to on the first day of the server. I Know he exists. Hes in a sewer pipe behind spawn. im one of the few people who knows about his existence, and for the love of all that is holy i CANNOT FIND THE FUCKING HOGLIN and its driving me insane. if we translate this to my character, the only time hes left his castle in like a month is to find a hostile pig creature nobody knows exists and hes been rambling about it searching a swamp for days on end

also if he were living in this world and time, he’d listen to hyperpop and be put into a fucking trance by it because its just So Much on his little enderman brain. so much. i dont like hyperpop really but he Absolutely would

also!!!!!!!!!!! hes very good at knitting! very good! at knitting! the castle was super dull and gray so he decided to spice it up one day and now theres plants and flowers everywhere-alongside a giant carpet of his face. yes this actually exists. i have a rug of my skins face on the floor of one of my rooms. in this room is a bunch of wool and sewing stuff. i like to think he makes his own clothes.

something i forgot to mention is that hes somewhat wary of people, and doesnt like to kill mobs. The clown character i mentioned is a human, but she kind of died and came back to life (totems of undying you know) and as a result he likes her more because in a sense she is somewhat undead. just a cool little character bit i thought was neat :]

i feel like he wants to play an instrument but he cant because his hands are too clunky and big and long

but! anyway, thank you for letting me ramble about my beloved son!!!!!! im thinking of naming him finn, but i might just keep it as milo for simplicities sake. since thats my name. also i thought i should tell you that i had you in mind when i made the ‘if yall wanna talk to me’ post. very poggers

endermen are friend shaped and so is he i promise <3

[sui-senka]

The dumbest post

I think y’all should be here to witness the dumbest post I’ll ever make, as I’m not all about getting into discourse and that, and any other self-identifying Vergil lovers please come here:

@creepyscritches, @brasspetalsx, @fandomhell97, @breezeinmonochromenight, @kaldea88, @xalmasyx, @hornyangrybean, @noir-sorrow, @catspook, @xenontrioxide, @zilla-may-cry, @boobble, @vergilshusband, @tifaroni, @littlebluewraith, @im-a-clown, @genovaempera, @neodicronus, @thelessiknowtheworse, @thriilsy, @jestermania, @bunny-girl-sweetseek, @darka3363, @witchkiid, @45, @manadebutt, @magsamaire, @spaghetti-queerghetti, @clairexredfields, @204863-yunglynn, @yuri-subtext, @miss-soso-25, @josuke-kujo, @cameguisada, @trionfi, @glitteryhumanfiretrash, @lewdbunbun, @journalofsparda, @complacentdevil, @infernokid, @emogodmatthew, @brit-o-raptor, @salsa-and-chips, @gemstone-enema

I’d like y’all to bear witness, as I take down this bitch-ass clown. As I’ve blocked the person in question that I want to call out - please tag them into this post to have at them ;) Also - to the other people that didn’t get this, tag your mutuals and get them here.

I’d also like to announce that @thephantomporg84 is now masquerading as @derelict-stranger, and I got a few messages a few days ago about how she was gonna take down her account, and how she wants me to block all of you, which is ridiculous as you are all blogs that I have known and followed way before her and also I don’t know you either. I told her that I didn’t want to be involved in her drama, but here I am. 

It’s kinda hard for me to make this post, as I genuinely thought that she was cool in the beginning - she helped to give me more DMC asks in my inbox, and she always reblogged my stuff, as I’ve been trying to make it with the big guys - like @myfairmidnightladyspade.

But I saw the stuff that she says online to you all, and I think I got some anon messages from her asking if I was a terf or not... and yeah - my heart broke. I feel like I have been deceived in some way. What I wanted to be there was someone who was cool, and funny to talk to, but turns out that person is petty, heartless, immature and straight up spiteful.

I may have to justify myself in why I got messages from her - I was only trying to console her, but to do it in a neutral way as I wanted no part in her drama.

Also - i’m probably not gonna show any evidence for how much she sucks cause there’s tags and anon posts dedicated to that sort of thing

I want you on tumblr, and you on Reddit to find her, and in the /v/ section of 4chan to block her and report her for all she’s done. I want you to wipe her existence from the internet until there is nothing left.

Now - I need to change the flow of the conversation by directing it to you, @derelict-stranger.

I’d like you to kindly log off, take a breather and think, for a second about the actions that you’ve done to the people that I’ve mentioned above. 

I’d also like to tell you that your suggestion to block all those people above is complete nonsense. Why would you make me block blogs who have perfectly decent and awesome content, and to those who I have talked to longer than you? why would you make me block blogs who I don’t know? Quit trying to get me on your side. I want no part in your drama like I said before, and stop trying to manipulate me into getting me to give a shit about you.

I’d also like to tell you that your situation is entirely self-inflicted. That you trying to talk to me won’t work, the only reason that people are apparently “attacking you” - is because you, in fact, are the instigator, are the catalyst of all this hatred.

You - @derelict-stranger, lack any ability whatsoever to disagree well. From where I’m looking, all of this started because you don’t like Vergil from the Devil May Cry games and you don’t like the plot of 5, which seems extremely stupid to me, as he’s only a small-ish part of 1, one of the best boss-fights in 3 and just a mere mention in 4. The fact that you need to incessantly attack content creators who merely like him is stupid. Either keep those opinions to yourself, ignore them, or do my favourite -> stick ‘em up your big stupid ass.

It’s also stupid that when people merely like him - you have to bring in your own shitty opinions. No one asked you what you thought, and I’m pretty sure you’re actively seeking out fights with people just to feel good about yourself. It’s also super hypocritical of you ragging on about how much Vergil sucks, when you go crazy for Kylo Ren, as they share some similarities in terms of their vibes and traits. (Yeah - I see you asking for smutty Kylo Ren x Reader requests online.....) Why do you get pissy when people like villainous fictional characters - do your knickers

What I just want to know is what kind of personal gratification you get when you actively hate on a character, and what kind of gratification you get when just because someone disagrees with you - that you have to result using death threats, rape threats, pedophilia threats, racism, slurs, and ableism,  transphobia, alt-right rhetoric, neo-Nazi shit, pro-Trump, and homophobic comments to content creators just doin’ their own thing. Is it just to feel like the bigger man, is it to make yourself sound smarter than the other person (Cause you don’t) - like what actually motivates you, what actually makes you want to shit on other people’s parades, huh? Sounds to me like you need to get a life.

The fact that you always need to play the victim is sad and pathetic too:

- That you’re on the spectrum: - Okay, there are a lot of people who are on the spectrum here on tumblr. But they don’t use it as an excuse to justify shitty behaviour especially if it’s unitentional. as I’m sure they and the people they know are. I’m sure they apologise and try to get on with life like how NT people do. As you know - a lot of people of the spectrum feel like they’re being treated as sub-human being babies that do nothing but screech all the time, and they’re taking action to change those perceptions. Your behaviours are not helping their cause.

- That you use depression as an excuse - I’m kinda sympathetic to the whole mental health issues thing. I have them too. In fact, I am a hot mess. But I don’t use that to excuse me hurting other people with intention, and I’m sure many others don’t either. At least 1/4 or 1/3 will have some mental health issues in their life, and yeah, it sucks, and it’s common but it doesn’t make them exempt from them being called out on their shitty acts. the fact that so many people are and can be mentally ill doesn’t make you special, and it doesn’t give you a free pass to attack others.

- The fact that you try to bait people into making anti-semitic comments, so you can call them anti-semitic. Dude, that’s low. I’m pretty sure that’s gaslighting and manipulation as well. You don’t get the right to use your religion/race in that way as a defence when you’re feeling attacked so that you come off a better person. I’m friends with many jewish people, and they’d never have the gall to do that. I know that your peeople have had it rough, but you can’t use that in an argument just to prove that the other one is a piece of shit, when it is in fact you. I’m muslim, a WOC, and ancestrally speaking, from a country that your so-beloved president essentially banned their right to seek a better life in the states. For as long as I can remember - I’ve seen news about my kind being universally hated, I’ve been brought up in a post-9/11 world where for as long as I can remember that me and our kind are the enemy (so I can sympathise) - but you don’t see me and other muslims here using those petty tactics that you use, because unlike you, we’re not myopic and we know that won’t get us anywhere.

I mean, this behaviour sounds bratty and childish - so I was thinking, she’ll probably grow out of it. Then I find that you’re in you’re mid-twenties, and I think “you really haven’t grown up at all, have you?”, and honestly it just makes the behaviour worse as you are resulting to middle school/high school tactics -> especially making me block all those people, calling them sociopaths and evil bitches. This ain’t high school or Mean Girls, moron, this is a fandom. A place where people can create, share, like and comment on content that makes you happy. I don’t think you understand what that means - cause all I see, and everyone sees is you spewing hatred everywhere. Fandoms are supposed to make you feel included, feel happy, feel safe, be a place to make friends. I don’t think you know that, and I don’t think you are even smart enough to realise that you are the reason why our fandom isn’t happy.

And honestly, at this point, the hatred you are getting is well deserved. You deserve to feel like shit if all you are going to do is make others feel like shit.

I don’t know what else to say but:

1. Get the hell away from our fandom

2. Get rid of your internet connection.

3. Get a life.

4. We don’t want you here.

5. You’re scum.

6. Go suck a dick, or flick a bean, whatever gets you off you troglodyte.

I liked you man, I really did. Then I saw how you treat others, and now I know I made a dumb life choice in making friends with you. If only you weren’t such a piece of shit, we could have been good friends.

I don’t want you here on tumblr. They don’t want you here. No-one wants or needs a toxic parasite like you on this website.

Yours sincerely,

sui-senka, who just sucked Vergil’s dick yesterday, and liked it.

[peachydobrikk]

𝕤𝕜𝕪 𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕗 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕤

𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙩- after david is done editing and uploading his vlog he suggests that everyone goes outside and they make s’mores around the bonfire. The reader and David then lay on the grass as they look at the stars..

It was about 10:30, David was done editing and everyone was still at his house as usual, you were sitting by David as he shuts his laptop and announces that his video is finally edited and posted.

Everyone cheers and you give him a kiss on the cheek,

“Hey it’s only like 10:30 you guys want to make some s’mores by the fire?” he asks looking at everyone.

“Ooo fun!! Everyone can bring blankets and get cozy!!” Erin says.

Everyone seemed to like the idea, you look at David as he smiles at you softly and winks at you with his dark brown eyes.

Since he is now only uploading 2 days a week you notice that he is less stressed than he used to be, he would be so worried that his vlog wouldn’t be up in time and as a result to that he was barley sleeping he would get probably 3 hours max and it was really taking a toll on him mentally and physically.

It made you so happy that he took a step back and realized that if he kept beating himself up about posting every monday, wednesday, and friday he was going to end up hating what he does..

You get up and put out a hand for David to do the same, he let’s out a groan,”Can we just stay here for another minute?” he pouts.

“Hey you were the one who suggests this so come on!!” You say grabbing his hand as he still sits on his comfy white couch.

“Fine i’ll get up but im going to need a kiss first” he says with a smirk on his face, you roll your eyes and can’t help but smile.

“Well if you wanted a kiss you should’ve just said so babe” you said as you sit back down on his lap, your arms wrapped around his neck and his hands down at your waist.

He kissed you passionately, you let out a small moan he gives you another small kiss when the moment was interrupted by Zane.

“Hey assholes everyone is waiting for you guys let’s goo!!!” He says as he walks out to the backyard.

You and David let out a small giggle, you then get off of David’s lap as he kisses the top of your head.

“Come on beautiful.” He says, he grabs the blanket that he was covering with while he was editing and you lead the way out towards the backyard.

You and David walk out together, the sight of all of your friends having a good time and listening to music by the fire made you smile to yourself.

David sits in the empty seat next to Jason, you walk over to him and sit on his lap. He smiled and kisses your cheek softly.

It was times like these you loved, everyone is so close with one another and it feels like nothing can go wrong when your with them and of course you also had David.

“Can you make me a s’more before Jonah eats all of the chocolate pleaseeee??” You ask David. He lets out a small chuckle, “Of course baby..” He says as he roasts the marshmallow.

As David gets done with making you you’re s’more he takes the first bite, “Mmm pretty good i have to say!!” he says with his mouth full, as he talks the some of the s’more crumbs had fallen on his bottom lip.

“Heyyy that was mine!!” You say as you grab the warm dessert out of his hands,”But im the one who made it!!” He argues back. You laugh and roll your eyes,”Fine whatever” you say as you eat your s’more.

As time passes and everyone was finished with their stories and jokes as usual the stars had caught your eye.

“Wow look at the stars!! They’re so bright!” You had said, everyone looked up and admired how pretty the stars looked.

“let’s lay on the grass and look up at them from there..” David says, you smile and gave him a quick hug. You got up from his lap, he gets the blanket that you two were covering with and walks over to a spot on his lawn.

He places the blanket down and sits down then pats the spot next to him indicating for you to sit, you sit on the soft blanket and look at him, you think to yourself, “damn im so fucking lucky to have him in my life.”

David brushes your hair over your ear and kisses you softly on the lips, his touch makes you melt inside even the way he looks at you and says your names makes you feel some type of way.

He lays down and put his left arm under his head to prop it up, you lay on his chest as you both look at the twinkling lights in the sky.

With his free hand he’s softly stroking your hair.

“We need to do this more often like just have more chill nights like this without all the chaos that comes with partying, i mean don’t get me wrong i love when we go to parties but nights like these i personally think are the best. Especially cause you’re with me.” David says, you look up at him and kiss the bottom of his jawline.

“Yeah i know what you mean, you can’t get a view like this in a house filled with sweaty bodies and drunk people everywhere” you say continuing to look up at the stars.

“You’re absolutely right about that baby” He says as he kisses the top of your head

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[createcashflownow]

20 Pieces of the Best Advice I Ever Got in Internet Marketing – EVER

Finding advice on how to make money online is easy, it’s EVERYWHERE for a price. But it’s not all created equal. In fact, some of that IM advice can be downright harmful to your wallet and it can even erode your confidence that you can make this business successful.

That’s why I’ve assembled some of the best IM advice I’ve received over the years, so you can can hit the ground running and begin building a REAL business FAST. Sell or market the CORE solution that people want in your market. This the one BIG reason why they’re in this market – the one thing they really, really want above anything else, also known as your BIG benefit. Don’t get sidetracked here – we’re talking about their main dream, their main desire, the ONE big thing that if they could have anything in your niche, that would be it. In health, it’s often how to lose weight. Not how to count calories. Not the latest diet or exercise program. No one want’s a diet. No one wants to exercise (well, most people don’t.) But what they do want is to LOSE WEIGHT. Don’t sell calorie counters and diets and exercise programs, sell them on how they’re going to FINALLY lose that weight. Don’t sell them on the latest iron pumping routine, sell them on how they’re going to have so many muscles the ladies will swoon. Don’t sell them on the latest herbal remedy, sell them on what that remedy gives them – more energy, no more ugly skin, younger looks, etc. In Internet Marketing, it’s how to make money. They don’t want a traffic tool or a website builder or a new plug-in or even a new money generating program – they want the MONEY these things can bring. So if you’re selling a WordPress plug-in, then spin it in such a way that it shows your prospects how it will make them more money. Market to people’s core desire and you cannot go wrong. Be a sales person. That’s right – SELL. Yes, it is a four letter word for some, but it’s one you should be proud of. Sales people are some of the highest paid people in the world, regardless of whether they do their selling online or offline. Never, ever be afraid or ashamed to sell. Sell to the newbies. In almost any market you can think of, the real money is made on the newbies because… a) there are so many more of them b) there are new ones all the time c) they’re eager to spend money to get the result they want d) they’re far easier to please than a pro. Someone who wants to make money online? They’re a newbie. Someone who wants to lose weight? Yes, they’re a newbie, too. Someone who wants to get lots of exciting dates? Again, they’re a newbie. So what’s a newbie exactly? Someone who lacks the foundational, basic information they need to get the result they seek. Watch to see what the newbies in your market are buying, and then learn it so you can sell it. Find the solutions they seek and sell those, using your own words. You might find a technique someone is selling quite well for $27. You buy the product, learn the technique, and then create your own product using your own words and sell that. You might even present it in an entirely different manner which allows you to charge far more, such as packaging it as a $497 coaching program. Do learn from others, don’t steal, and do sell what people are looking for. It’s all about presentation. How do you convert a $27 solution into a $497 solution? Presentation and perception, it’s that simple. Do you really think one new car is worth $20,000 while another is somehow worth $200,000? Not really. It’s simply a matter of presentation and perception – packaging and presenting your product in a manner that fetches the higher price. Know that you cannot create products fast enough to meet the demand of many marketplaces. People want the products and they want them NOW, and the products don’t have to be perfect, either. Knowing this should give you the confidence to get busy producing products instead of just thinking about it. Build a reputation in your marketplace. Whatever it is that you sell, you want to build a reputation as being the expert, whether it’s dating, relationships, weight loss, making money, list building, etc. If you don’t have the reputation in the beginning, partner with people who do. Make products with them, do interviews with them, do joint promotions and so forth. In fact, you can create infinite businesses simply by always joining with an expert. They provide the knowledge, you provide the marketing skills, and together you make and sell products. Your reputation is your presentation, so look and act successful. Have authority, presence and be the expert (or partner with the expert.) Pick a big niche where people buy things over and over again. Pick a niche where you want to learn, then learn the stuff and sell it. Money loves speed, so just pick something and run with it. Get more aggressive than you’re used to being. Have a “I don’t give a damn, get it done” attitude. Force things to happen. Stop worrying about what other people think. Don’t worry about your peers – your peers don’t buy from you, your customers do. Provide more value than the price is asking. Get aggressive selling your stuff, branding yourself and making money. Decide to be an authoritative, celebrity type of person. “This is me, check me out, I don’t care what you think, I’m going to have fun.” This world needs more leaders. Most people just want to be lead, which makes an incredible opportunity to be a leader. And if you’re a leader, the world will get out of your way and do what you tell them to do. They will admire and follow you, and buy from you. Be authoritative for one day and see what happens – people want leaders. Go ahead, try it today. You’ll gain more confidence in one day than you otherwise would in a year of working the business, and people will follow whereever you lead them. Use your real name in the market you’re passionate about, use a pen name in other markets. Get a picture of yourself, or a cartoon picture and make it memorable. Use it in all of your marketing to help brand yourself in your main niche. Become a GURU and expert in your marketplace. Yes, it’s a good thing to be a guru because people will pay attention to you. It’s surprisingly easy to be an expert, just learn your topic. #1 rule of public relations – toot your own horn. No one’s going to say you’re a great ___ (you fill in the blank) unless you say you’re a great ___. Selling weight loss info? Then you’re a great expert on losing weight. Selling make money info? Then you’re a great marketing or small biz or entrepreneurial expert, and so forth. If you brand yourself to your list, you can have a small list and still make a fortune. Stop trying to please everyone, choose your exact audience and please only them. Be different. Don’t try to blend in, be an original. Stand out. Ask yourself how you are different from your competitors and why your list should open your emails before anyone else’s emails? Create something very valuable to give away everywhere. Maybe it’s a free recording, audio shows, a book, videos or whatever. Your freebie needs to be stellar because it’s really your calling card. If they love your freebie, they’re going to want more. If they hate your freebie or simply aren’t excited by it, they’re going to unsubscribe in a heartbeat. Give away something valuable every week like a recording or podcast to keep them coming back, hearing your voice and getting to know and respect you. Go ahead and plug something at the end, too. It keeps them attuned to the fact that you will indeed be selling to them, both through your podcasts and in your emails. If they love your 30 minutes of great content but complain about your 3 minute pitch at the end, unsubscribe them yourself – those aren’t customers, those are freebie seekers who want the moon delivered on a silver platter for nothing. Which brings me to my next point… Fire people from your list when you need to. Someone complains that you offered to sell them a product? Remove them from your list. Someone complains you email too much? Remove them. Someone complains you don’t email enough? Now there’s a clue – send more emails. Someone demands you give them time and attention and advice and help forever and ever for free? Give them the boot. These aren’t customers, these are people who will suck the life right out of you and your business. They typically only make up 1-2% of a list, but they will demand 110% of your time and give you nothing in return but non-stop aggravation that you do not need and cannot afford. Yes, it sounds harsh, but you can learn this lesson the easy way or the hard way. Use this formula when writing copy: “I know your problem, here’s the solution, and I’ll prove it’s the best solution.” Take the emotion out of business and focus on the math. People get so emotionally attached to their business, they forget the one thing that matters – math. Work on your business, not in your business. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Yes, I wrote it 3 times for a reason – and I suggest you write it in 12 inch letters and post it in every room of your house – it’s that important. There are no gimmicks in this list, no techniques that work this week but not next week. It’s all tried and true and flat out works. In fact, the information is this little list is probably worth more and has created more fortunes than the last dozen internet marketing products you’ve purchased combined – think about that. And go read the list again.

source https://www.createcashflownow.com/20-pieces-of-the-best-advice-i-ever-got-in-internet-marketing-ever/

[tallat-of-thralls]

Internal Work

Im going to start this ramble off with a very strange story that im going to be using as a metaphor on how i approach my internal work.

......

*Trigger Warnings*

References mental illness and uses uncomfortable metaphors. First hand experiences with symptoms of mental illness as well as experiences with people who have mental illnesses.

TL; Dr : Internal work for both spiritual and nonspiritual people is important for a balanced life.

.......

Story: My mother is mentally ill and probably always has been. She panics and develops obsessive or fixed habits that can create a obstacle filles envireoment.

After our stay in the shitty hood apartments, we ended up moving to the sticks/backwoods in the south eastern texas country. This was all a response to my stalker father so it was secluded.

Well, for the first couple of weeks, we had problems with out very backwoods neighbors and the private trash removal company. My mother was under the impression we had a trash pickup for the neighbor hood but wouldn't reason when told that she cant leave the trash on the curb in hopes that it will just be removed. My (late) stepdad managed to piss off out hillbilly neighbors which resulted in them to road haul the trash can down the back woods street spreading garbage everywhere...

After we collected our garbage and retrieved our busted can, my mother had a meltdown. Instead of finding a trash company she had made us all stored the trash bags in this dilapidated rabbit cage until she decides what shes going to do.

Even with blunt negotiations and passive pleads from my stepdad, sister, me, and then texas native boyfriend (now husband) to allow us to burn the trash or haul. The trash remained. (My bf/husband was sneaking burnables out to rid them).

Eventually, it sat and built massive amounts of garbage stacked over my head. Everytime any of us motioned to it, my mother would freak out.

So, then we have a huge pile of trash festering in a cage.

.........

Now, how does this translate to internal work?

Clearly, by skipping a few details we still were able to address several external stressers. Taking the behaviour and reaction into account, we are able to figure out the internal influences.

Working on yourself is viewing your behaviour, decisions, life events, and exterior/interior influences in a objective manner. This means, coldly analyzing it to understand yourself. Not to put yourself down but to understand the rhyme and reason behind all tht occured.

Subjectively, nothing makes sense. Everything happens too fast. Analyzing your behaviour while acting is a reactionary tactic that ultimately results in problems stacking... Like bags of trash.

Pretty soon, not taking the time to understand and analyze the forces in your life will create a strange attachment to emotional garbage because it have invariably turned to something pivotal or motivational even. Looking at that pile of trash one has collected gives a sense of purpose.

"I will clean it!!!" But only allowing it to build. "I will clean it!" But not letting anyone near that garbage to help. "I will clean it!!" The cage can no longer contain the vast amount of trash.

The external influences has forced the internalized perspective into collecting and focusing on the huge pile of trash. Knowing how every bag is made and it most certainly should be protected from being dragged and tossed down the road for everyone to see. Its to the point where noone can effectively and safely remove the trash by just hauling to a dump or burning it off.

The Trash is now a problem

Assess the problem, analyze the infleunces that created this pattern of behaviour, and now figure out a solution.

Dont accept the blame. There is no blame to be had. Between the massive amounts of negative activity impacting your life outside, your already fragile insides swirled and hooked onto something repetitive, soothing, but feeds into an anxious pattern. Dont accept the blame but take responsibility for your actions and reactions.

Punishing yourself and fretting over the consequence of trash collecting creates hesitation. The trash is toxic. Its leaking every where. Every one can smell it. They want to help remove the trash and are trying to figure out why someone is attached to it.

Beating yourself up and blaming yourself for the trash feeds into that reactionary and fixating behavior. Take a step back and ask the party and yourself what the best solution to fixing this pile of trash.

Putting a tarp over it only hide its visual. Reinforcing the cage prevents the trash from getting out. Fires cover the smell and removes what's easily burnable. But not everything can burn away.

Its a good start but we all need to let go of that garbage.

Sometimes the pile of trash is so big that you need to call some one to come and get it. (Its what ended up happening). Once we estabilshed a solution and once we we able to address the reason for piling garabage, we were able to remove the garbage.

In the story, it was hiring a company to come and take the trash then signing up for a private trash company to come and get it once a week.

Metaphorically this translates to asking a professional whose job is to help people address the reason for ammounting a pile of trash.

Everyone has trash. We all have our reasons for getting emotionally attached to it. Whether its out of fear that some will drag it out in the open, worried what life would be like without it, so on.

Though external interference is required to help address larger piles of trash, one must understand the reason for collecting the trash in the first place.

Self reflection and analysation helps acknowledge the influences and reasons for behaviour. "Why am i collecting garbage and why cant i let it go?"

Having hugely impactful events or chronic problems pushing on you externally can effect one internally. It will exasperate any mental illness or fixation that some one already has. Sometimes it makes sense, most times it only makes sense when doing the behaviour. In any regard, it requires internal retrospection to both understand the problem and coming up with a solution.

Mental illness will tell you to collect trash, make you hate yourself for collecting trash, make you hold onto trash, then punish you for having trash. Mental illness will do everything within its power to continue with that pattern of behaviour.

Mental illness isn't your fault no matter how many times it tries to convince you that it is. Seek a solution, not a punishment. Address the results and work on cleaning it up. Punishing yourself only feeds into the cycle of behaviour of fixating on that metaphorical trash.

....

Ive been experiencing this personally. I am sharing the story i had connected my internal conflict to. I am working on addressing my subjective dallying and mental dancing to avoid staring at my giant pile of stinky, leaky trash.

My solution: Peel back the layers one by one and surely remove the emotional garbage i have been holding onto.

No blame. No hate. Just lots of screaming and crying about the garbage i have so nonsensically grown attached to. I should probably seek a professional to help but as it currently stands, i have walled myself in a trash cage.

Im unable to get through and analyze the resources available let alone fathom the heap that has built up around me.

The first step i took was knowing that i was in trash. I am Not trash. Then removing my attachment to my trash by looking at what influenced me to start collecting in the first place. Was it internal? External? Both?

I am on the brink of convincing myself that i dont need the trash.

A very long and painful process. I still have a ways to go.

....

In conclusion, this is internal work. You reflect on yourself and accept shortcomings without casting blame. Once that is established you can begin working on a solution to address the problems as a result of things that were outside control.

In all of the "basic" spirit work i have practiced, this is the most difficult and longest process of attaining personal balance.

I hate it. It forces me to confront my fixations and behaviours. It causes conflict with my well rooted mental illness and makes me acknowledge the external traumas that brought me to this point.

Despite the pain, in my opinion, this sort of internal work is extraordinarily important. Whether youre part of or outside of the spiritual and faith community.

If you are a faith filled person that employs spirit works, this will be a continual hitch in working with some of the more alien entities. Some will try to drag it out of you and if you aren't fully aware or within the understanding of yourself then your problems will be road hauled for you to plainly see. This will cause more issues and result in further patterned behaviour. You will lose control within this practice if you dont address your own spirit first.

If you're not really a spiritual person, you will continuously transfer the pattern of behaviour in unrelated or all aspects of your life. This makes navigating the rest of your world more difficult as a result.

Thank you for reading my reflective post today. Take it at face value, im clearly jumbling my metaphysical trash pile.

AethyrSecretary 🌙

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 5: “Nothing to Report” - Jabari

JENNET 

jennet vs ethan? more like jennet + ethan😀😀😉😉

(a little later)

plan was a success, i know thats right!

ETHAN

Somehow the Pennino vote worked, and Pennino if you are reading this, you really are an amazing guy, and I hope we get a second chance someday. That being said, you are too smart and self-aware, and that is dangerous. For this round, the reward challenge is interesting. I haven't met everyone in the game yet, so I don't know if people are looking at challenge results yet, and I have done my best to have middling performances, but winning this would mean I get put in the spotlight again for winning 2 individual rewards, so that potentially makes me nervous. More than anything, I want to avoid tribal, I don't think there would be a repeat of last time if we go again. I anticipate a swap in 1-2 more votes, either to 2 or 4 tribes. Video conf coming soon :D

JABARI

The girls and I flopped on the reward challenge and Ethan came up like a beast. I really feel out tribe of 5 is doing well and hopefully we can pull win and stay together. If not I Imagine Sam will be out, as for idol searches nothing to report though I feel I am getting close.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/FM19WJ1tTmk witty catchphrase, y'know?

SAM

https://youtu.be/MrYZw3I22ms

JESSICA

Me when I found the idol: :) Me when the hosts told me I had to gamble my vote like 13 times in order to get it: :( I really wish we’d lost now so Nicole could be out and I could have an idol! If we don’t swap next time and it’s there, I’m taking the idol and throwing the challenge. Then we can vote Nicole out and I can have an idol! Will my allies be suspicious that I didn’t vote at that tribal? Not if it’s unanimous for Nicole which you KNOW I’d be doing the work to make happen. If we do swap, I’ll probably go get the idol anyways UNLESS we swap to tribes of 5 and my tribe is bad. But even then, I might as well go get it because I could play it that round if I needed to. Um not much else happened this round! I hope we merge soon.

LINDSAY

sorry ur getting text today ok im so fucin ajfdkhsakjlfhsalkjfhskjfhksjd i hate this anyways i think the tribe is split into two duos and then me - jennet and jabari /ethan and sam. pennino was kinda my duo but also eh. i think ethan has an idol or at the very least an advantage. a f r a i d not sure what to do. could stick w jennet and jabari and hope for the best or preemptively flip and try to make it w ethan and sam... i think there'll be a tribe swap soon but ajsfhsaldfhsdkj afraid if there's too few calumma come merge we'll be fucked but sokka pulled it off before it's not impossible we'll be okay depending. but if i piss off jennet or jabari calumma might not vibe w me following so i'll be stuck at the bottom of the totem pole w old not calumma and that's not a good spot to be either.  :( my "lets do something fun" says lets flip fuck it, but my loyal ass/wants to make it to merge this game ass says sticking w calumma is my best bet. jabari was posting cryptic shit last night so im gonna lead into that and see what hapepns anyways fuck this tribal. fuck tribal. i love all of these people i dont want to vote them out like genuinely there's no one here i want to see gone i HATE THIS anyways if i flip on calumma id probably go jennet bc she's a bigger threat than jabari iirc and if i stay loyal i'd probably aim for ethan bc sam is the more obvious target i... think?

JONES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApcRUkdtxm4

JENNET

going go tribal again im SUPER nervous... i formed a tight alliance with ethan and sam and i feel bad for betraying the girls but this will help propel me in the long run and i have to take this shot

JESSICA

REALLY hoping we don't swap tonight...... that way I can instantly go get the idol! Or if we do swap, I hope I stay on Calumma. I think I should have actually just gone for the idol but I was worried about needing my vote at next tribal and not knowing what's ahead. Like imagine if I went for it, I lost my vote, and I only got the idol to be good for one round. Or for no rounds. It literally would have been useless and I would hate to swap and have no idol AND no vote. At least now if we swap, I definitely have one of those things! I'm not interested in gambling everything to get nothing so it just didn't seem like a smart choice. I did consider taking it and only gambling once just so Nicole definitely didn't get the idol but that didn't seem like a good idea. She only has like a 1/25 chance of finding it IF she's been guessing every single day and even if she does find it and we don't swap, my guess is Pete will want to throw his vote on Mikey which is fine with me because that is their relationship that will be affected, not mine. 24/25 odds Nicole has no idol is better than a 1/13 chance of losing my vote right? I'm honestly not sure as I still to this day cannot do any math <3 I have been saying this whole game I think we're going to swap at 15 into 3 tribes of 5 so hopefully I am wrong! And we swap at 14 or even better do not swap at all again until the merge. At least I will know who could have the idol if we swap. Narrowing this down is useful, as is knowing that the all 3 pre-merge tribe idols likely have expirations close to final 8/9 and probably aren't good until f5. Plus I'll get the chance to try and get another idol from a different tribe (or find out that someone else already has it too!). You may notice I didn't mention my other teammates in this confessional. Well that is because none of them are really here and nothing is going on since we've been winning. I have still been talking to Mikey and Pete on and off but Lovelis seems to be pretty busy so he hasn't been here. And Nicole...... has left me on read again. We just do not know what is going on there.

LOVELIS

WOO we won immunity!! I'm anticipating a swap soon so I'm tryna stay as cool with Mikey and Nicole as I can just in case I'm put on a tribe with them again, but I do hope I can stay with Shane or Jessica in the future because those two are the ones I get on with the most for sure, and I'd feel more comfortable moving forward on a tribe with them for now! I don't think Nicole has any trust in me after the Nash elimination so I'd be more weary if I had to work with her in order to save myself in the long run, but let's see what the future holds shall we!

SAM

https://youtu.be/F0Zt0L8lScA

ETHAN

Ok this tribal is terrifying. Apparently lindsay and jabari are trying to blindside me by telling me the vote is Sam, and this could be a super good bait from Jennet to try to get Sam to idol. If they’re playing logically, they vote Sam if that’s the case anyways. It wouldn’t make much sense for Jennet to spill, not vote with us, and vote for me, I hope these people are logical, because I’m operating under the assumption that they are.

MADISON

I honestly have to laugh at Shane messing up 2 times during the challenges, us having the lowest counting score, and still being immune at the end of the day. It's truly beautiful. Daisy won the reward so she will be attending the tribal tonight and I hope she can give us an idea of how the dynamics are on another tribe. It's hard when there hasn't really been much to do on Brookesia so having a little bit of info could go a long way in this game.

NICOLE

Hello! So we won. I was having a little bit of a hard time this round if I'm being honest so I'm glad we won immunity because I think I definitely would have hit the road if we did not. Logic puzzles are really gonna be my legacy in this game huh...anyway, I have been searching for idols everyday and have not found ANYTHING except a second guess which I already used to find nothing. Even worse it seems that everywhere I look something has already been found! Which means other people have things! Which stinks. But, I think I'm in a pretty good spot if we swap after this round.  But if we stay on this tribe....yikes!

JENNET 

super nervous, i have TWO alliances with the same name... hoping that helps me at tribal so when i say the name of it, both groups thinks its them😳😳

(a little later)

told ethan and sam what jabari and lindsay have planned for them... hoping it doesnt blow up in my face

(after searching for an idol)

was hoping to vote out lindsay bc shes been playing this like shes our leader but shes the stronger competitor and i dont want to push sam and ethan too much

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-RKbRCfntNc75XUsCg7iKmFfxne0qcMt

SAMMY

i feel like this game is nonexistent lately...I do want to say Shane is lucky bc in the counting challenge he messes up like 2-3 times and i was like ...blinks.... idk but luckily we managed to escape tribal council once again so our odds going far and having numbers are pretty high I’d say? I feel like a swap is coming tho so I’m a bit nervous! My confessionals are gonna remain dry for now sorry mwah

DAISY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuVm7kTkEL4 ugh sorry its so shitty this didnt go as planned and i give up. love u all. kiss kisss

PETE

I’m pretty sure Nicole may still get numbers against me when the time comes. I’m nervous for a merge but honestly i’ll be grateful if I even make it to one for the first time lmao like at this point I may have a few numbers but I’m hoping another struggling alliance picks Jessica and I up at the merge and we can rest in majority for a little bit at the start of it. I was thinking about maybe throwing one challenge so we can either A. Vote off Nicole who is a big threat and could do damage later on. or B. Vote off Mikey who could be a secret snake which could win a couple more trust points with Nicole and maybe pick up and ally there. I’m not sure. I did save Nicole in one light by redirecting my alliance’s target from her to Nash, but in another, I didn’t side with her in voting off Mikey so she lost her ally. It’s complex, I feel like throwing a challenge AND not throwing a challenge could both be the mistake I look back on when I get voted out later on. i dunno send help lmao

TRIBAL COUNCIL

JABARI EXIT INTERVIEW

[cynabu]

Wednesday May 6 6:52 AM

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? Not a player I just crush a lot jk no

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? Currently.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? I’ve been dating Steven since I was 22. I’m 29 in Nov.

4: Have you ever changed for someone? I think it’s important to work on yourself for someone, not change who you are fundamentally. I’m trying to be less sensitive & I would push myself to be better for a partner with no shame. & that’s on productive change. Evolution

5: How is your relationship with your ex? I don’t believe in being friends with your exes, but the two other people I have loved Im on good terms with. I would never hate or put down an ex. I chose them so they’re a reflection of my choices. If I saw them in the streets I’d be glad & say hi. I appreciate them, but I don’t think you need your exes in your space. Say thank you & move forward.

7: Have you ever cheated? No. That’s not me.

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? No. lol cheating is about the cheater not who they are with. No partner can fix that.

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? Returning one another’s bids for attention, however small. Commitment, empathy, honesty, vulnerability. Laughing a lot

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? I had always preferred not to be & hence wasn’t but I don’t like relationships. I just like Steven.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? no. That’s for white people. What the hell is that

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? A lady never tells

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? just acting out of insecurity rather than love. Being immasculating

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? When they aren’t kids probably.

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? To an extent, it can be. Steven is 6 years older & I don’t feel that at all except he’s more financially independent than I am currently but he was that way at 28 too.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? Honestly, I think we can tell a lot from a person non-verbally. & you really can be attracted to someone’s energy, the way they carry themselves, how they dress, their body language. Says a lot about them. Steven’s energy is so alpha and I liked that right away

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yes. If you like boys who are good at texting

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? Abuse, any kind

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? When the measure of love isn’t mutual

20: Are you currently in a relationship? yes.

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? No. You can be on good terms but I don’t think being friends works.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? well your SO should be your best friend.

23: How many relationships have you had? 3. One in HS, one in college, Steven

24: Do you think love can last forever? 100% but not with the values most young people have these days

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Yes!

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? Yes, I think so. I respect their opinion a lot. My parents love Steven & he loves them so much

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? Only be intimate with people you love

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? No, not sustainable long term but yes temporarily. Steven will be leaving for a year wahhhh

29: What do you notice first about another person? Probably their build? Just how much space they take up & how they walk. I just like really masculine guys personally

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? Bother me? Yes that would be hard but it’s not a deal breaker necessarily

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No, i don’t think I would be. I have a good relationship with my dad & I don’t look for love in the wrong places.

33: Do you want to get married one day? yessssssssssssss

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? I don’t want any tattoos

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? yes if it was like a disaster that happened to someone you used to have sex with but i love sex

36: Are you still a virgin? no

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? Your personality largely affects the way you look to me. I really don’t care about looks although there are physical things I’m attracted to that I think represent personality traits

38: Do you enjoy love films? Pride & prejudice all the way!

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? yes to both!

40: Have you ever had a valentine? Yessireee

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? Trying something new together! & holding hands. Maybe being in the snow or the rain, good conversation. A cute kiss

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? Yes, they were angsty but I get it

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? It’s a hierarchy but both are important. It’s also the sort of thing where love trumps work, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to miss work every day just to stay home and hang out. It’s situational and about balance. I do believe when you’re married that person is #1. That’s how my parents raised us. They loved each other even before they loved us and I’m glad they did because the love has lasted a quarter of a century as a result

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? Totally!

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? I’m in a relationship

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Yes. It sucks

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? The obamas

48: What’s your favorite love song? At last. & let’s stay together

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? n/a

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? poor 100 times

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

Yeah I think so. A lot of people say “leave him/her” at the first sign of trouble. I don’t believe that

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

No I loved being on my own

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? I definitely think it’s shady if you don’t WANT to post your girl or guy on your social media. You should be so excited and proud to show them off! I don’t get why people date someone like that . This should be a non issue

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? Not me

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? If another person can destroy your relationship it’s already destroyed broh but no. I don’t like home wreckers

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? No, i do not think it’s at all “silly”

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? submissive if I had to choose but most people are a bit of both depending on situation. I definitely like a man I can trust enough to defer to

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? No

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? In theory sounds great. In practice a mess & a headache

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? : my partner is my family

62: How do you define “cheating”? Anything thing you wouldn’t say/do in front of your partner

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? No

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? I like to do something special and cute. cost doesn’t matter. I don’t like going out that day because it’s crowded everywhere & anyway it’s nice to make other random days special too!

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? YES cuddling is life

[heyhihelloidontusethisanymo-blog]

deh pets headcanon

ok so i made another headcanon before about phones and things they would all have and mentioned that evan would probably have a dog. so then naturally i just started thinking about all of them which resulted in this. another warning that it’s midnight and im half dead soooo yeah enjoy??? 

jared:

he would be the kid that BEGGED until his parents got him whatever animal he wanted

like he has a lot of pets idk

the first thing that comes to my mind is a bird

and i’m not talking like a cute little parakeet

im talking like an annoying ass huge bird

like they used to keep it in the house but it was just,,,, , so loud

so now they keep it in the shed

(don’t worry he takes great care of the bird even tho it’s in the shed)

i keep picturing a parrot

is that even llegal? idk 

don’t ask me

the bird’s  name would either be like something he named when he was little like “rainbow”

or it would be literally just meme

like

the bird’s name would be meme

there is no in between don’t fight me on this

he would also have a guniea pig named something really stupid too

idk what it would be probably dat boi or another old meme 

but he would love that freaking thing

he would like constantly hold it or like carry it around his house

or he would show up at evan’s house holding it and evan would be like “what why”

and he would be like “oh yeah. this is dat boi and he’s coming inside with me”

he wouldn’t have a dog tho

they probably had one when he was little but it passed away and they didn’t think anything could be better than that dog

aw now i’m sad

maybe he would have a hamster at one point too but it would like probably get annoying and he would give it to connor

oh thats another thing for later

long story short jared loves animals

connor:

connor would probably be like “i hate all animals. i hate everything. angst blah blah blah

but jared one day just showed up with a hamster like “just tAKE IT”

and then left

so he was like uhh okay

and he ended up becoming secretley obsessed with this hamster

like when he was feeling really angry and about to freak out he would just watch it run on it’s little wheel and it would calm him down

he wouldn’t name it because “he didn’t want to get too attached” 

(he was so attached. he loved it.)

he would buy so much stuff for it

like he would come home with bags and bags of little tubes for it to run in or a bunch of different wheels to try out 

his mom would be like “connor what is that” and he’d be like “nOTHING”

it would be a hamster mansion

p.s. zoe wouldn’t know about the hamster

she would be completley oblivious somehow

his parents did tho and didn’t really care

evan was the only person that knew about the hamster other than that

and he loved that thing so much

like whenever him and connor would hang out he would just be constantly holding it

evan probably named it in his head but never really says it out loud 

and one day he lets it slip

like

“aw can we take out hammy?”

and connor’s like “whatthefuck”

and evan gets all nervous and stuttering 

but they eventually just start calling it hammy

it would be a really tan almost orange looking hamster btw

and it’d probably be really fat because evan likes to give him treats

side note: the only other animal connor would like is evan’s dog which i will talk about later

alana:

alana would always love animals but she never really acted on it much

like she would know anything and everything about animals but would never really vocalize it 

until one day zoe starts talking about how she likes animals

then she just goes crazy

like she’s a Certifed Animal Lover™

but anyway

I feel like she would have a little dog

like not a chuiwawwawawaw i gave up on spelling that rip

but like a little rescue dog

it would probably look like a puggle 

and while she’s doing homework the dog would just like sit in her lap

(if u haven’t already noticed this is heavily based on how kristolyn lloyd mentioned alana having a dog or something with her on stage and tbh i agreed hard core)

this dog would be so freaking spoiled

like im talking huge beds made for golden retrievers 

purple sparkly collars and harnesses and clothes (the dog’s color would be purple. dont fight me on this) (wow i can’t believe i just gave a dog a favorite color rip)

she would make it wear shoes sometimes and take funny videos to post on her instagram

this dog would have the most extra name of all time

like Persephone or athena or some goddess name 

i didn’t include this in the other hc but she would DEF have a vlog channel

and she would be like “hey guys! this is alana and dionysus (yes i just googled that im sorry) and welcome to todays video!”

either that or she would have a guinea pig

but i more see her with a dog

she would love that dog so much

zoe:

golden retriever. for sure.

she would be the kid who BEGGED their parents for a dog for years and years

like every school essay would be about why she should get a dog

and she would like tape dog pictures to the fridge and on her notebooks at school

she would be s’cute

but when she got into high school her parents expected it to kind of drop off

but no

not at all

she only wrote more essays about why she should get this dog

and they were still like “mehhh no”

(actually cynthia would be fine with it but larry would be like hell no hell no hell no)

so the day she turned eighteen she was like “screw this im an Adult™ now”

and just went out and got a dog

and when she came back home with it everyone was like “what have you done”

and she just shrugs and is like “i’m an adult now i get to do what i want”

and nobody really says anything after that

she loves that dog so much

it would be a girl named kiwi

or something weird but adorable like that

and she would sneak it into school sometimes 

she would totally get caught but it would be worth it to her

she only did that when the dog was a puppy tho

when kiwi got big she loved her even more

omg this dog would know so many tricks

like im not talking “sit” and “roll over”

(but obvi she would know those)

im talking like dance and jump and speak and play dead

that dog would be so smart

zoe would work really hard to train her tho

she would try to bring her everywhere

like when all of them would hang out she would make the plans around wherever place was dog friendly ya know

her parents would be like “no dog on the bed!1!1!”

but no

i mean the dog would obviously have a dog bed 

(and it would be damn comfy tbh)

 but she would always sleep in zoe’s bed

not at her feet but like right up on top of the pillow like she’s a human

ok I’ve gotta stop now time for evan handsoap

evan:

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i love evan so much okay

just a reminder

anywho

evan would never really be the type to beg for a dog

but heidi got one for him at the beginning of senior year just bc she thought it would be good for him

(she tries so hard i love her too)

and at first he was like “oh ok hi dog”

but then he’s like “ohmygod i love u”

it’s def a dachshund/wiener dog don’t fight me on this i know it’s a thing

he would name it bonsai 

i know he would

my hear is melting just thinking about this s end he lp

but he would love that thing so much

he would love taking hikes or little nature walks with her

(the dog would be a girl btw idk how i know this i just do)

and the dog would be very fit

like she would never be fat

she wouldn’t know very many tricks

like  only sit and high five

but it’s ok she’s an angel

she’s probably  like very light tan almost blonde (if u google a pic of a light tan weiner dog you’ll see what I mean they’re so cute I cant)

and when he’s anxious she can always tell

so she goes up to him and just like sits next to him and kinda whines bc she’s worried?? idk you know what i mean

but at night she sleeps curled up into evan’s side

like wiener dogs when they sleep literally curl into a little burrito 

she does that

it’s so cute

when connor stays over the dog sleeps between them

oh yeah

that’s the only dog connor likes

like he hard core loves that dog

when he sees her he uses this high pitched baby voice

you know the one im talking about

it’s adorable

evan thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever heard actually

he loves that connor loves his dog

i just thought of this but what if it was a therapy dog

like he could bring it to school when he had really bad days

and she would be v friendly and love people

and in class when he got anxious he would just stick his hand down and pet his dog

(if u can’t already tell idk how service/therapy dogs work someone educate me)

he wouldn’t bring her with him a lot

bc people would want to pet her and he would get all flustered

and once he got kicked out of a store because the worker thought he just brought in a dog and evan was too nervous to explain that it was his therapy dog

poor boyo

but zoe and alana and connor and jared would BEG him to because they all love her

so when they got ice cream at a la mode he would always bring bonsai just to make them shut up

and the employees there know bonsai and always give them a free vinalla cone for her

ah i just love the idea of him having a dog

[sobeardtastemaker-blog]

33 Things I Would Have Paid Money to Know Before I Started in Online Marketing

New Post has been published on https://www.elimarketing.org/33-things-i-would-have-paid-money-to-know-before-i-started-in-online-marketing/

33 Things I Would Have Paid Money to Know Before I Started in Online Marketing

If you’re just starting out in Internet Marketing, beware: There are lessons you’ll need to learn one way or the other. The easier way is find an old marketer like me and pick my brain. The hard way is the method I’ve used many times in my years as a marketer – making the mistake and THEN learning the lesson. But it’s been worth it. Here 33 things I wish I’d known when I started in online marketing.

1. Your most valuable asset is your customer list. Not your prospect list, your customer list – people who have spent at least a dollar with you. Do everything you can to grow this list, because once someone trusts you enough to hand you a dollar, they’ll hand you $50. And once they hand you $50, they’ll hand you $500, but only if you treat them right.

2. Your second most valuable asset is your affiliates and JV partners. I’m talking about the affiliates who promote your products time and again, the ones that stick by you because A) They believe in you B) They believe in your products C) You treat them like the royalty they are. Your affiliates can make you more money in one day than most people earn in a year. Find them, nurture them, be amazing to them and take care of them.

3. Your third most valuable asset is really your most valuable, but until you’ve been in this business for awhile I’m afraid you won’t believe it, so I placed it here at number 3. But think about this – if you don’t treat your customers right and your affiliates right, what happens? You get a bad reputation. And once you have that, you might has well hang it up and go get a job at Walmart. Your reputation is EVERYTHING online. Protect it the way you would protect your own child, because you only get one chance to do it right. This goes for your brand as well.

4. Other valuable assets in no particular order are: Your prospect list, your outsourcers and your products. Focus on moving people off of your prospect list and onto your buyers list, even if it’s only a $1 purchase. Treat your best outsourcers well – you don’t want to have to find and train new ones every 6 weeks. And products, well…

5. Your products speak for you. Make them awesome and be sure they deliver on every promise you make. And do create products – lots of them. The more the merrier, so long as each one is filling a real customer want. It’s much easier to break into the 6 figure realm when you’re creating your own products. My most prosperous years are the ones where I’m creating the most solutions and products.

6. Keep things simple. I see aspiring marketers trying to over-complicate things all the time. Find a want, create the product, sell it to those who want it. Simple. As Steve Jobs said, “That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” When you reduce the clutter and noise, you can do less and get more from it.

7. Focus. Pick a niche and focus on that niche. Let nothing distract you, including all the other niches. Make a list of things to do. Do each one. This sounds so simple, yet people try to go in several different directions at once and of course wind up going absolutely nowhere. This is one I got right from the start – I chose the IM niche and never looked back, and I’ve never regretted it.

8. Use systems. With a finely tuned system you can do anything. When they build a car, do they reinvent the engine each time? No. When you start an IM business, you don’t have to reinvent the mechanics of how to run it, either. Get a system and you’ll be free to focus on making money while the system runs your business.

9. Do 15 minutes of concentrated, positive thinking every morning. Do affirmations in the mirror, read something inspiring, look over and read aloud your goals, etc. Whatever it is that lights your fire, do it first thing in the morning and it will fuel you for the rest of the day.

10. Send out ships. Thinking positive is the first step, but it’s not enough. You’ve got to climb those stairs, not just look up at them and hope you somehow get to the top. So each day, send out ships. Make contact with someone in your niche. Build alliances. Email a dozen prospective affiliates. Skype with your best prospects. Whatever it is that brings in the business and makes you money, do it daily.

11. Use deadlines. Work inevitably expands to fill the time allowed, so only allow enough time to get it done. Then cut that time in half. You’ll be astonished at how fast you can work and what you can achieve.

12. Screw perfection. Really. You’ve got to take that attitude or you’ll be working six months on a product trying to get it perfect. When you finally do launch it, the window has passed and the desires of the community have moved on.

13. Build a real business. A blog is not a business, nor is a list. Those are components of a business. Decide what business you’re in and then treat it as seriously as any brick and mortar business.

14. You are the CEO of your business. Act like it. Outsource as much as possible so you don’t get bogged down. You can’t captain a ship while you’re swabbing decks. Focus on the big picture and outsource the details.

15. When you receive payment for a product, that’s when your work begins. Remember, it’s easier to keep a customer than to get one, but if you don’t continually take care of your customers, you’ll lose them.

16. Stand for something. No successful business has ever been all things to all people.

17. Pre-sell your products. This way you know for a fact if there’s a market for it, PLUS you have a huge incentive to get that product out the door FAST. And if there’s no interest in the product, you’ve just saved yourself the work of creating what would have been a loser anyway.

18. Make connections. Every day make one new connection and then maintain that connection forever. Yes, forever. Or until you retire. You can never have too many connections, too many friends in the business, too many customers, too many affiliates and JV partners, etc.

19. Be an idea magnet. What’s an idea? Often it’s a combination of two old things into something new. Look for ideas everywhere and write them down. WRITE THEM DOWN. Writing them ensures you don’t forget them, it frees your mind to think of more ideas, and it trains your mind to be ever watchful for the next big idea.

20. You can’t email your list too often. There’s a belief that if you send out an email everyday to your list, you’ll burn the list. And this is true if all you’re sending is ads. But if you’re also sending tidbits of good information or even just something to brighten their day, they will welcome your messages. In fact, emailing every day ensures you stay in their memory. Email once a week and they’ll forget who you are.

21. Grow your confidence. This will happen naturally as you experience success in your business, but you need to be confident from Day 1 that you can do the business in the first place.

22. Use to-do lists. Write down goals big and small. Write down what needs to be done this month, this week and today. Prioritize your list. Then do it.

23. Get an accountability partner. Tell each other or email each other each morning with your to-do list. Then tell each other in the evening what you accomplished.

24. Join a mastermind group. If you can’t find one, start one.

25. Outsource the bulk of your content and product creation. Then focus 80% or more of your time on marketing and building your business. This boils down to ‘Working ON your business rather than IN your business.’

26. Ask for the sale. That’s right, ASK for the sale. I once went to a car dealer and the guy helping me was brand new. I found the car I wanted, but he couldn’t gather up the courage to ask for the sale. Finally another salesperson came over and asked if I was ready to buy. “Yes!” I said. The young sales person looked astonished, but when he had to split his commission with the sales person who asked for the sale, I could see the new guy had learned his lesson.

27. Always have an upsell. If you’re selling a $7 product, offer a $27 on the backend. If your product is $97, offer a $997 on the backend. If you don’t, you’re robbing your customers who want more and you’re robbing yourself.

28. Continuity rules. Always look for ways to introduce continuity into your business, from the $7 a month membership to the $5,000 a month coaching program.

29. Passive income is the result of hard work, not passively sitting on your butt. How many rich couch potatoes do you know?

30. Hire a business coach. You’ll get a fresh perspective you sorely need, as well as good advice and someone to push you to new levels. For every dollar you spend on quality business coaching, you can expect to make $10 or more in just the first year, as long as you ACT on the good advice.

31. Invest your profits, don’t spend them. Buy real estate, good stocks or anything of lasting value. Don’t squander your money on ridiculous cars and nights out – there could come a day when you’ll deeply regret it.

32. Think of your mother. Would you be embarrassed to show her your marketing methods? If not, you might want to rethink your strategy. Another thing: Would she tell you that despite how busy you are, you should still eat right, exercise and take a little time off each day? Then be smart and do it. Mom does know best.

33. Have fun. If you’re miserable, you’re not doing it right. Yes there are going to be challenges, but half the fun is overcoming those challenges and persevering. If you hate what you’re doing, you’ve already failed. Do something else. I learned this in my previous profession prior to the Internet, but it holds true no matter what your business.

There you have it – 33 things I wish I’d known when I started. Some of these would have been handy five years into my IM career as well. I hope it helps.

One word of advice – when you do learn a lesson, either the hard way or the easy way – make a note of it. It’s best not to repeat the same mistakes any more than you have to.

[goryghostieguts]

The Best Friend Personality broken down by a Best Friend Personality: A Shallow Portrayal of a Deep Character

Ok so I have honestly had enough of people talking shit about this so I'm going to explain it better than the games and shows can. So this isn't a new thing for me. I am used to getting the characters I love and relate to shat on for how they are portrayed in media. It's been long going on ever since I started getting involved with fandoms and I always wondered why this was. I realized that after some time that it might be that many people can't see these characters in the perspective that I can. Also because these characters are often short lived in a plotline or are just never actually developed like they should. However, I didn't blame anyone until people (fans) started changing this personality into something completely different or overlooking this deep personality completely. This is brought up a final straw with 2 recent characters getting more backlash than I have ever seen this personality ever get. Lance McClain from Voltron and Ryuji Sakamoto from Persona 5. This post isn't about bashing people who dislike the characters. It's about getting to understand them which I can clearly see people aren't getting from the get go of their introduction. I'm doing this because their life and experiences are extremely similar to how I feel and live in my own life and to see these two be bashed for some of the deepest portrayal I have seen of this type hurts me greatly. I often hear and see people write that they are annoying, boring, selfish, egotistical, or even downright mean to others. This lack of understanding hurts me because I realize that I myself in society might be seen this way or this wide idea will spread into a live issue. I've also noticed that boys are really the only ones that get these traits. I am not sure why but I would love to see girls with these problems and see if this outcome would be different. (I could argue that Chloe Price falls into this but the position of what I speak of is dominated by Warren Graham) This character type is a best friend to the rest of the team or the protagonist and is often the wingman or the go to guy for everything. They don't necessarily all have the same personality but they all have a key features that make them fit into this position. It seems that these key features however are the things that get judged and, for me, I cannot quite see why. First impressions mean everything. These characters are often brought into a story immediately down on their luck AT ALL TIMES. I can give you some examples of this from characters that are this type: Lance is in a simulator that he ends up crashing and is scolded by Iverson and it is brought up that he isn't cut out to be a pilot along with all of the students pointing out his flaws blatantly, Ryuji Sakamoto is late for school with the protagonist in the rain and not only that he is the crap of the school before the protagonist comes along. He is held responsible for destroying the track team and believed to be a delinquent afterwards, Yosuke Hanamura literally rides his bike into a trash can and needs the protagonist to help him out and later he gets his ass kicked by Chie for breaking her DVD and gets his date turned down by Yukiko, Armin Arlert is being beaten up by a group of bullies and takes the beating not making an effort to fight back until Eren and Mikasa come to save him, Alistair Theirin is back and forth being harassed and harassing Mages and all around not really wanting to be in the camp, etc. You know the character I'm talking about. Now I get more into their backstory. Most of them are happy-go-lucky fun loving people on the outside but have some inner turmoil. It is a broken record of they never feel good enough and they never feel loved. It doesn't quite always start out that way when you meet them, they are often full of confidence no matter what is going on. However this changes when they realize that they make friends with people they aspire to be. They are jealous but they are happy they have friends that are great people. It is a mixed confusion that they will have and it is often haphazardly patched up with something like one occurrence or a line. This is not true to real life and honestly it is something that they will continue to feel no matter how early or late it is "fixed". There is also a possibility of it becoming a problem again if they aren't supported. These characters usually have something going on at home or personally that they don't make public to others easily. Some examples are: Lance misses his home where he got his support and many people on his team fail to realize that he really is the only one that gets criticized on a day to day basis, Junpei Iori has an alcoholic father and doesn't want to be around him much like Ryuji Sakamoto where his father would end up beating him and his mother (Ryuji is honestly a character I relate to the closest to out of many since me and my mother were victims of domestic violence and his actions and thoughts reflect a lot of what I have done and think about), Prompto Argentum feels extremely basic compared to his friends who grew up in noble and royal households which is then worsened when he finds out more about his past which I will spare those who still haven't played. These experiences and constant reminders that they will never be good enough by anyone especially by someone extremely influential in their life makes them believe that it is true and will see it everywhere. This is honestly a lasting impression because this started out when they were children and they were held to standards and are yelled and screamed at when they don't make it there. They have no comfort going anywhere because they usually get it at home and they get it with friends. Now this may not be on purpose but as someone who relates it is an extremely impressionable word or dare I say trigger that often will bring back the source of where this fear originated from. One thing I have noticed about all of them and myself is that we are snappers. We don't mean to snap at people but when you hear something over and over or they bring up something you don't want to talk about you get fed up with it. This is honestly what drives people away and it hurts because seeing people want to leave is nothing at all what we want. Expressing our feelings easily is not something we can do so we avoid it as much as possible resulting in what we hate the most. I can see this is where the mean and maybe selfish comes from. We are angered by seeing things happen to others and will take it on because it means something personal. When someone compliments us or says we did a good job we are deeply touched. None of that "for an idiot" crap because that is still holding the standard that we still are nothing and cannot progress past that trope. When we hear something genuine and invested we want to emphasize it because we did good and maybe people will see us better but people see this as: "Wow they are so full of themselves. Ok you did a good thing you don't have to rub it in my face or anything. So annoying." Because people don't make an effort to understand us or the characters they see it this way almost always. After being told so much that we suck and will never do good things when it happens and we say we are happy about it people crush it as "not a big deal". It is to us. It's a big deal when they say you're no good all the time. We will close ourselves off or brush it off with haha joke if this happens. No one will really genuinely be interested or celebrate it with us. I relate with these characters in an extremely personal level and understand them a lot better than most people do for how they are written. People will often warp this into a bad boy or crazy personality that honestly doesn't exist which not only makes me confused on why but it hurts to see this character be ripped up and made into something they're not. It is extremely depressing to see a character that I relate so much to destroyed by a fandom who doesn't understand them properly. But- I can easily see this character type influenced though. It stems from someone giving them what they want to hear and they can be manipulated. THEY MAY EVEN KNOW THEY'RE BEING MANIPULATED but it feels so good to finally hear what has been denied for so long. This isn't done with this type often though. This is why I am such a fan of dark Lance just being manipulated by the Galra because it could give a depth that is missing from characters like him. With an arc like this you get into more of what they desire and what is missing in their lives and how much they want to be seen as more than they are made out to be. Despite their detailed problems they really only want love and to be told that they matter and that they are important. It is an extremely easy solution that is almost never addressed in any game, show or media. The whole "Lance is being shoved down my throat" and this whole that isn't Lance I'm tired of! This "Ryuji is so mean to Morgana" (Morgana I low-key hate because Morgana is just fueling the fire by calling Ryuji dumb and an idiot in every other sentence and not one person has spoken ill of this fact) and "he's just and idiot" IM TIRED OF! People change them so much and make them out to be these righteous and self absorbed people who are rude IM TIRED OF! These characters cannot say anything or do anything to change what people see them as nor had I until now. I want people to understand that this is not the character you make them out to be. There are so many reasons behind the things that they do. They aren't dumb They just think differently. They aren't full of themselves they just want to prove they aren't worthless. Being someone who cannot even get a character that I can relate to who is cared for properly hurts because this is a problem I have seen over and over again. This is never fixed and if I don't explain it these characters will forever be underestimated and made into something they aren't. I want to work to a complete character. Not this consistent trope of the dumb hasty best friend. I want them to be loved and recognized for who they are, for what they struggle with, for how they think, and what they are looking for to complete their life. I'm sorry but it had to be said. I want this because I see myself and to see them hate what my life is. I cannot take it anymore. I hope that you take time to understand and invest more into them. To not see them as shallow or bland. Thanks for reading.

[offbroadwaycast]

long as hell rant under read more, ive been avoiding posting about this on tumblr bc like,, im perfectly aware that people irl follow me but idk how NOT to overshare on the internet

yall for the past like two months i have not been able to feel comfrtable

i 100% acknowledge that T has SAVED me and it has made me so comfrtable with myself in that i can look in the mirror and not want to die in a million ways, and a lot of that comes with starting to pass a lot more, especially with my voice. im passing with strangers SO MUCH and i cannot xpress how happy that makes me and how good it makes me feel

HOWEVER im feeling uncomfortable in a new way ?? when i first got to university, i jumped head first into the lgbt community on campus and did literally anything i could to be as big of an advocate as i could be. i felt so much power in walking into our lgbt safe space on campus, or whenever i would hang out with my visibly queer friends, and now..

im like..

not..

i feel so uncomfortable and detached being in lgbt spaces on campus, or even online. i feel no empowerment, i feel embarrassed and ashamed of being trans, of being in spaces where i pass less ? which includes lgbt circles. 

its led to a huge increase in some internalized homophobia and transphobia where it’s not just wanting to pass, im like semi stealth at work and wanting it to be that way everywhere. i legit just want to like.. idk!!! be cis!!!! and treated cis by other people!!! which whenever cis people find out or figure out im trans, they just dont DO. i only get treated like a normal human being if people dont know im trans and its!!! shit!!!!

as a result ive been way less involved in the community at school, which is shitty enough becasuse i feel, idk, super fucking guilty about it!!!! and its always been SO important to be to be visible and an advocate for trns rights, and right now i dont feel comfrtable being an advocate, i just want to like.... blend in and fit in with classmates and not have to feel self conscious that they know

anyway this is especially feeling shitty because i feel alienated from my own fucking community and i have no idea how to haul myself out of here. idk how to be stealth and visible and an advocate but not be a Token Trans person and!!!

also!!!

at work, pretty much no one knows im trans. a couple people have clearly figured it out, but no one has a confirmation,a nd for the most part?? as far as i can tell, people just see me as a really short and effeminate cis guy. its LIT.

my boss is actually, aha, my mentor at school. hes an older trans guy who is like,, the single best passing person ive ever seen and even though he was assigned as my mentor as part of an lgbt mentorship program at school, it took like our third meeting for me to finally figure out that YES he is trans too

but anyway!! most of his employees (and therefore,, my coworkers) know hes trans,, and hes making a video to share on facebook for tdov about being trans, and while i know logically it does not affect me at all and honestly it likely will not change a single damn thing, i am shitting myself because every week im in his office, im like, always in his office for mentoring and im terrified of some of my coworkers piecing together why im always there when like,, even tho hes my boss unless im in trouble i shouldnt really be spending that much time in his office unless i were also trans and was like always in his office to talk about Trans Things

theres a lot more to this but i need to fold my laundry but just..... when can i stop having this crisis and overthinking and overreacting and WORRYING and go back to idk,, having pride in myself

funny how i stopped hating myself for being a trans guy who didnt pass, and now i just hate myself for being a trans guy. period. lol .