#im posting here cuz.. yanno

[dromaeo-sauridae]

I think I'm newer around here, can you tell me about Promethea? What's it about? Who are the main people?

heres some other posts that explain some stuff!

promethea the world is set on a fictional moon named cassandra, created by a god named cinder. most of what im working on rn is developing that world and its flora/fauna

NOTE this is being workshopped currently, ive changed a few things but the overarching story is the same

the promethea story is separated into three acts + the prologue: prologue, cinder creates humans, daksari locks her underground, cadaver dies. act 1, a new god, xolakaal appears with the intention of taking cadaver's place as a very powerful major deity with control over death. cinder has reawakened and is using xolakaal to help her escape. a xolakaal takes a host named jack and multiple people try to stop him before he yanno. kills them all. they fail. act 2, jack is at large and people dont know how to stop him, cinder escapes, jack’s kid kills both of them and xolakaal escapes. act 3, xolakaal has found a host in the form of a human named walter and is using him to spread chaos pretty much, sending promethea into a lockdown as people are dropping dead like flies. again things happen, cinder is resurrected to put a stop to everything and eats xolakaal.

thats uhhh thats the story! work on it is kinda on a break rn cuz i just havent been making progress that im happy with so im just doodling stuff rn lol.

[bunnyloaves]

4k words of mean streets meta-analysis

so remember that analysis post i made about mean streets thru the lens of noir film, buddy film, and framing perspectives yEAH 

idk how well written out my thoughts are, but some dots were connected and imma let the thing speak for itself lmaoo, its written in APA style cuz ive got nothing better to do w my life, so im not really going deranged and just saying oh yes, they were totally in love,, like i had to work around and stick to a sorta academic language,, and yanno i tried using film think piece ideas to gently nudge the idea that these dudes are in fact so immensely dependent w each other lmaoo,, anyways as far as im concerned all the quoted info is cited and some of these essays really are cool :>>

here it goes lmao, its for the long haul, liKE its really really stupidly long

The Streets Sure Were Mean: A Homosocial Reading of Martin Scorsese’s Mean Streets (1973)

“You don’t make up for your sins in church. You do it in the streets. You do it at home. All the rest is BS and you know it.” The ascribed phrase succinctly summarises the ethos and crux of the film. Mean Streets (1973), directed by Martin Scorsese, on the surface, is all about punk gangsters living in their own sin (Ebert, 2003). In the context of meta-analysis, drawing away from the characters, conditions, and plot points of the film. Mean Streets is described by Raymond (2006) as a movie operating within the genres of crime, buddy, noir, and musical (p. 3). The streets sure were mean. Definitely. Homosociality in my 70s buddy film? Surely. The following essay aims to explore a homosocial reading of Mean Streets (1973) specifically through the archetypes and tropes of the noir film genre, buddy film genre, and in-film framing.

1. Noir Film

Analysing Mean Streets through the lens of the noir film genre allows for several interpretations and narrative implications. The femme fatale is a staple trope within the noir film pathos. According to Nesbitt (2009), the femme fatale is the character through which masculine fears are articulated. Her power lies in bringing out uncontrolled drives, losing subjectivity and agency within the male character. Because of this, the femme fatale is evil, and must subsequently be punished by the narrative. The punishment or penance of the femme fatale is a reassertion of power by the threatened male subject (p. 15). 

Scorsese films tend to operate within the genre and limitations of the noir film. About this, Stern (1995) considers that there is no femme fatale figure in his films. The bad-object for whom the male subject is drawn and tempted is absent externally. Stern suggests that the male subject may be fascinated by his own repressed femininity or homosexuality. Identification with the bad-object allows for narrative resolution and a character’s resolution, either the femme fatale is turned good or is punished by the narrative (p. 26). Raymond (2006) suggests that the femme fatale is internalized by the character of Charlie through his obsessive guilt, yet the figure of bad-object choice may also have been projected onto Johnny Boy, whom he has to save (p. 10). 

The internalized femme fatale falls in line with other Scorsese films, wherein the threat to masculinity is drawn from within the characters. The male subjects are those whom the narrative has to either punish or turn into good objects to achieve narrative resolution. These male characters have to be transformed into good characters or punished– in order to affirm and assuage the male fears. For Charlie in Mean Streets, his punishment as an internalized femme fatale is failing to save the individuals he took under his wing, be it Teresa or Johnny Boy. That is the tragedy Scorsese paints of Charlie, his greatest punishment isn’t that of death, but of the spiritual anguish of inadequacy and failure, not only to protect but also to achieve penance. An extension of this, is Charlie failing to attain penance for the surmounting guilt he feels. His failure to protect Johnny Boy is failing to achieve that penance for his sins. The punishment of the internalized femme fatale as that failure to protect, serves to revoke the sense of control of the male subject instead of reasserting that control, which makes the ending even more tragic. But the femme fatale is all about becoming good or being punished, so either way, the film reaches its conclusion in accordance with these archetypes.

In analyzing Johnny Boy as a femme fatale figure, Charlie’s religious fixation must be considered first. Traditional Christian imagery prevails throughout the film. Described by Ferrante (1994) as containing imagery of the sacrificial crucifixion, scenes of confession, religious statues, and iconography (p. 12). Charlie is the penitent figure seeking forgiveness. Although the film is rife with Christian imagery, penance never occurs in the Church but instead upon the mean streets of Little Italy. 

The penance which he seeks is ascribed to the character of Johnny Boy. The way in which Charlie interacts with him and whether through his actions Johnny Boy is redeemed dictates the potentness of his penance. Maxfield (1995) likens Johnny Boy to an anti-Christ figure, in that these two figures are consistently associated with rooftops. Christ is a white statue on the rooftop in the Feast of San Gennaro sequences and Johnny Boy is shown twice on the rooftops of Manhattan. In this framing, Christ and Johnny Boy are juxtaposed against each other, and Charlie defined himself as a Christian in his interactions with Johnny (para. 25). Charlie’s saintly fantasies take shape and gain expression in his relationship with Johnny and oftentimes his Franciscan moral imperatives trump his own self-interest (Quart and Rabinow, 1975).

Bliss as cited in Maxfield (1995) puts it that Johnny Boy is the cross that Charlie must bear as a prelude to his own redemption (para. 7). Yet tension arises when Johnny plunges himself into deeper and deeper trouble with his debtor because he is testing the limits of Charlie’s devotion to his penance and by proxy, his devotion to Johnny Boy as well. As the object of his penance, Johnny Boy is an object of fascination. Yet many of the problems later on faced by him, stem from his interactions and proximity to Johnny Boy. There is a loss of agency within the male subject, as a result of his interactions with the femme fatale. Though Charlie himself never does anything to genuinely put himself at risk and at odds with the favor of his uncle, which may say something about his role as a penitent— in that he is half-hearted and reluctant to sacrifice anything of value, to attain penance through Johnny Boy. Nonetheless, his ‘vouching for’ Johnny Boy undoubtedly puts him at odds with several of ‘the boys’ of Mean Streets.

At the tipping point of the film, when Michael hires a gunman to chase after the trio. As described by Librach (1992), Charlie chooses discipleship when he chooses to act. Acting out by defying his uncle and helping Johnny Boy escape, both Michael and the ‘neighborhood’ law which these characters represent (para. 3). The neighborhood law is that of masculinity. Giovanni as the immovable godfather is an object of masculine strength and the law of the patriarch. On the other hand, the law of the neighborhood is machismo, both of which the three attempt to escape from. 

Whether or not he is saved due to Charlie’s interference or further damned by merely postponing the inevitable, Johnny can be read as a femme fatale figure whose ultimate fate in the film— punished with a gunshot wound to the neck— serves to affirm Charlie as the male subject. In the externalized femme fatale, the character of Johnny Boy is the bad-object choice who has to be saved or otherwise punished. His punishment at the hands of the narrative, affirms this reading. Johnny Boy’s role is to dictate whether or not Charlie’s penance has come to fruition. As cited in Librach (1992) the idea of spurting blood is like a purification within the Scorsese canon. The blood which spurts forth from Johnny Boy’s neck serves a similar symbolic function as that of the Christ-like young criminal of some of Scorsese’s earlier films. The blood of the sacrificial object only purifies if there is a subject worthy of purification (para. 5). By the end of the movie, Charlie fails to attain penance through his interactions with Johnny Boy. 

Johnny is a sacrificial object of purification, with Christ metaphors made using rooftops, and is the gauge by which Charlie measures his penance and fails. While Charlie is the subject of purification, only if he happens to be worthy of it. Woodsworth (2014) describes that the suffering of male characters as they sacrifice and devote themselves to each other pose as arguments of each character’s inner goodness, thereby allowing for masculine redemption (p. 24). Charlie never sacrifices anything meaningful or valuable to himself in order to help Johnny. Never risks his favor with his uncle, and never sacrifices his position to help Johnny. This reveals him to be an inadequate penitent, unable to follow through with virtuous suffering in order to acquire redemption for himself. Yet a change occurs in the last arcs of the film, Charlie choosing to act by aiding Johnny despite posing a risk to himself. This action thus earns him the blood of the sacrificial object that purifies. The fact that both he and Johnny Boy are shot and bathed in their own blood, legitimizes the reading of both the internalised and external femme fatale. Internalized, Charlie acts in earnest goodheartedness, thereby resolving the insecurities posed by the femme fatale. Penultimately, the film’s ending reveals him to be an inadequate penitent, and despite his efforts, he only manages to damn them both— and living through the crash and despite it— is the tragedy which Scorsese paints. 

2. Buddy Film

Mean Streets may also be analyzed through the lens of a buddy film. The narrative structure, tropes, and common characteristics of the buddy film lend a homosocial reading of the film. It is valuable to highlight the particular structures of the buddy film genre as recounted by Wood, cited in Raymond (2006). Wood describes the buddy film as such, where female characters are marginalized. He expounds this by pointing out that the central characters are typically male, and female characters are presented only after the male ones are developed. Within the narrative of Mean Streets, female characters are objects to present the culture’s racism and sexism (p. 6).

Farber as cited in Woodsworth (2014) describes the nature of male relationships as portrayed in buddy films, as films where the male protagonists share the purest kinds of love and women are merely detractors and derisions of a beautiful friendship. Women are depicted as civilizing forces from whom the male subjects must escape (p. 20). Raymond (2006) claims that normality, ie. heterosexual romance, and monogamy, are linked to the figure of Teresa (p. 7). These characteristics are evident in Mean Streets in that the most developed and focal relationship within the movie is that of Charlie and Johnny Boy. Most of the plot revolves around the interactions between male characters while the females are reduced to objects through whom issues such as sexism and racism are portrayed. Particularly, Teresa is used to depict racism, in how she treated the black housekeeper and ableism, in how she is treated and regarded by most characters aside from Charlie. Diane is also an object through which racism is portrayed, in that she is a viable and available sexual figure but Charlie, despite his interest, never pursues her because of her race. The same could be said of the Jewish women whom Johnny enters the bar with, they are objects of desire, surely. But they are never given much thought nor development beyond the figures which they stand for in the eyes of the male characters.

Schuckmann (1998) states that buddy films feature a marginal female character who serves as a token object of exchange (p. 6). Similarly, Raymond (2006) states that the presence of women in these films only serves to affirm men’s heterosexuality (p. 9). In the buddy film, the male relationship is never validated, it is off-set and diverted by the film's ending. Any depiction of tenderness or intimacy between men is often offset and rectified by affirming the male characters’ heterosexuality. This is where the female character finds herself, as an object by which that masculinity is affirmed. Charlie’s relationship with Teresa may be read as such, as described by Maxfield (1995), the audience has no idea when the affair between Charlie and Teresa began, nonetheless, it is brought into the audience’s minds well after the closeness between Charlie and Johnny has already been well-established (para. 19). From the intimate apartment scene, the film cuts directly into an almost dream-like sequence of the affair, where until a few minutes into the scene the audience is left doubting the reality of the affair— whether or not it is the mere fantasy of a voyeur looking into the window. Maxfield (1995) describes that Teresa may be read as a proxy towards whom Charlie resorted when consummating the male relationship is prohibited (para. 20). After the apartment scene depicting an easy intimacy between men, there comes the need to affirm the male character’s heterosexuality and Teresa serves as a vessel to portray that, and this role is one typically relegated to women in buddy film genres.

Wood, as cited in Raymond (2006), describes the absence of home, as another characteristic of the buddy film genre. The idea of home does not exist, the journey always leads to nowhere. Home is not a place but an ideological position. Wood likens the concept of home to normality as in, heterosexual romance, monogamy, family, status quo, and the law of the father. Normality in Mean Streets is found in the figure of Giovanni and Teresa, as the law of the father and heterosexual romance, respectively (p. 6). Each of these characters also offers a physical and concrete home to Charlie. A restaurant from Giovanni, which further encroaches Charlie into the world of Little Italy; and an uptown apartment with Teresa, which pulls him out, literally and figuratively, of the so-called mean streets. Yet at the end of the film, Charlie rejects both notions of home, be it by will or by proxy. According to Maxfield (1995), in the original script, due to his prolonged interactions with Johnny and Teresa, Charlie is disavowed by Giovanni, and is given money so that he may leave the streets of Little Italy for good (para. 3). So in his only genuine act of personal sacrifice, Charlie rejects the notions of masculinity and normalcy provided by the figure of Giovanni. In his desire to stay among the streets and act upon his penance, Charlie time and time again rejects Teresa’s offers of moving in with her, thereby rejecting the promise of home. 

Woodworth (2014) states that women no longer serve as a mirror through whom masculinity is confirmed, instead, other men provide and affirm masculinity for the male subject. (p. 16) It is not Teresa who affirms masculinity for Charlie—masculinity in the sense of providing, vouching for, and a general figure of guidance— it is his proximity and treatment towards Johnny which validates this. 

Lastly, Wood, as cited in Raymond (2006), describes the buddy film as having a male love story. The emotional charge and center of the film lie in the male/male relationship. It is the relationship between Johnny Boy and Charlie that lies at the crux of the film’s narrative and structure (p. 7). Teresa may be read as an off-set of the central male relationship because it is only after Johnny Boy and Charlie spend the night together at the apartment that she is introduced in the film. 

Kimmel, as cited in Woodworth (2014), describes that masculinity is a homosocial enactment—men greatly need the approval of other men. Bech as cited in Woodworth (2014) amends that being a man entails an interested relation from man to man. This male interest includes the act of comparing and mirroring, and that of companionship and mentorship. Though he does not necessarily equate homosocial desire with homosexual desire, Bech suggests that a distinct line between the two may not exist, and that distinction is not unbreakable.  To quote Woodworth (2014), “The connections between wish, longing, body, male images, togetherness, sharing, security, excitement, equality and difference in relation to other men which are intrinsic to identification make it impossible to keep it apart from eroticism.”(p. 51) There is this sense that only men are privy to each other’s camaraderie and regardless of their intimacy with women— be it their girlfriends, wives, or beaus— togetherness and intimacy are things only truly afforded to other men. Maxfield (1995) describes Charlie’s desire to conceal his affair, and Johnny’s visible jealousy may point to a latent layer of homosexuality in their relationship (para. 18). 

Masculinity is male-loving.  It is gauged by the evaluation and response of other men towards it, and this aspect is clearly portrayed within the film. In the many moments of intimacy between the characters. There is a blurred line between seeking external approval from other men—asserting themselves towards others— and homosexual inclinations. The feminine role of affirming the male subject’s masculinity is one that Johnny takes in. By being vouched for, and helped by Johnny is this passive figure and he is the gauge by which Charlie measures not only himself but his penance as well. 

3. In-Film Framing

Lastly, Mean Streets may be analyzed through the lens of its own filmmaking and in terms of the film’s own language instead of through the implications of its genre. 

Within its own cinematic language, Raymond (2006) describes ‘otherness’ in Mean Streets as a means of attraction. Particularly induced by the transgression involved in acting upon it. Sobchack, as cited in Raymond (2006), describes that the ‘others’ who are displaced and distant from the culture’s signifiers of place and function are attractive for the very idea that they are socially problematic, ambiguous, and dangerous. The manner in which Scorsese frames the world of Little Italy, effectively presents the undesirability of home and its sense of security (p. 11). Ultimately, by the end of the film, Charlie rejects the notion of home and stability, offered by Teresa and Giovanni. Though throughout the film he is reluctant to act out contrary to the norms and rules of the streets. In his inability to bring up Johnny’s debt to Giovanni, out of fear of falling out of favor with the patriarchal figure of the uncle— the godfather; and in repeatedly rejecting Teresa’s invitation to move into an uptown, upscale apartment away from the petty violence of the streets.

Quart and Rabinow (1975) describe the relationship of the male characters to those of the ‘outsiders’. Homosexuals are regarded with contempt, black people are sexual and erotic figures, and Jewish persons are similarly erotic figures. Though these individuals are considered othered —- marginalized people in that community — despite their ‘otherness’ they can be desired, joked, and drunk with (p. 5). Charlie desires Diana, and that much is evident, yet he does not commit nor choose her, instead he leaves her hanging and waiting under some stoop. The same could be said of the Jewish women Johnny enters with at the bar, though he considers them attractive or a viable lay, he does not care to remember their names at all. Charlie’s relationship with Teresa, as an epileptic, and Johnny, as a delinquent to the internal rules of the streets, both put him at odds with his uncle. They are similarly transgressive options for Charlie, ones that may leave him out of favor, that are dangerous, and contrary to the norms of the streets. Both are relationships that he desires to pursue, though with varying degrees of success.

Schuckmann (1998), describes that in the buddy movie genre, though homoeroticism is evoked by the literal coupling of the male partners as buddies, this homoeroticism is offset and dispelled by homophobic jokes and remarks. As part of this dispelling, an outright depiction— caricatures even — of gay characters are present to safely dispel and offset homoerotic tensions (p. 6). Johnny and Charlie are a buddy duo, though they aren’t necessarily on good terms or buddies in a conventional sense, the bond cannot be understated and despite their bickering, they fall under the category of buddy film couples. In the apartment scene, there is an intimacy and vulnerability presented, and just as the window scene serves to affirm the characters’ heterosexuality, the many homophobic remarks spoken throughout the script serve to offset and dispel the homosociality between the two main characters— just as overly performing masculinity and machismo may serve to quell any internal insecurity.

Raymond (2006) highlights the two homosexual characters riding along in the car after the bar shooting incident. These characters parallel Johnny Boy and Charlie. One is loud, belligerent, and out of control while the other attempts to calm him down and steer them both away from trouble (p. 8). A reasonable man attempts to restrain his irrational and unruly partner to minimal success (Maxfield, 1995). Wood, as cited in Raymond (2006) points out that these characters serve to prove that the main characters are not like that. The homosexuals serve to both prove and disprove the relationship between Johnny and Charlie (p. 9). In inadvertently presenting them as parallels, Scorsese entertains the idea that the coupling of the main characters is legitimate. The colors and framing of the scene exemplify this, Johnny wears a similar-looking outfit to the loud, unruly partner, while Charlie wears similarly muted colors to the reasonable partner. Yet the manner in which they exit the frame—leaving in opposite directions—asserts the fact that the central main buddy relationship does not in fact ‘swing that way’. Though in their ‘buddy-ness’, homoerotic implications may be derived and construed, it is ultimately disproved by the film's text. These characters mirror Johnny Boy and Charlie and displace the homoerotic tensions as described by Schuckmann (1998). 

Raymond (2006), describes that Charlie and Johnny mirror that of the musical romantic couple, wherein the surface qualities of the other, correspond to the repressed personality of the other. Evident in how Charlie is all inward repression while Johnny is all outward expression (p. 17). Another reading of their ‘couple-ness’ aside from the plausibly deniable buddy trope, is that of the musical couple wherein the characters are two sides of the same coin. These two characters are integral and deeply tied to one another because they are reflections. Maxfield (1995) describes Johnny acting out aggressively in ways that Charlie may want to but is too repressed and cautious to express. Charlie likes Johnny Boy for his capacity to act as his own surrogate id (para. 16).

Maxfield (1995) likens Johnny to the tiger cub which Tony stores in the backrooms. It represents an inherent feral and fierce nature. Tony believes that he can tame that fierceness, and hones it with enough affection, but it may someday turn on him. For Charlie, Johnny plays a similar role, as an incarnation of wild instinct (para. 17). Johnny is volatile and violent, and Charlie does his best to rein him in with little success, his tiger turns on him, in the end— with Johnny’s self-destructive tendencies, damning all three of them. Johnny being a dangerous, destructive, and contrary option for Charlie may tie into the idea of transgression as an object of desire. Though Johnny is by no means marginalized, his manner of conduct puts him at odds with the rest of the streets. Thus, Charlie objectifies— because he tends to sublimate the individuals not for who they are but for what they represent; ie. Johnny as penance— those who are outsiders to the normality and standards of the streets as attractive pursuits. Though this does not necessarily mean that the subject of the desire acts upon it, for within the world of the streets, this desire is often repressed— via religious guilt, dispelled and distilled into prejudice— via homophobic or racist remarks. In the language of Mean Streets, those who are transgressive and contrary are objects of desire. Desirable, for the otherness of their race and identity; as well as characteristically, attraction to wildness and fierceness— as portrayed by the tiger cub. 

Similarly, both the marginalized individual and tiger cub pose a sense of threat, potential danger, and a source of conflict for Charlie— and for this, they are all the more enticing. So whether it's for its potential as forgiveness and penance or challenge and 'contrary-ness', Charlie is drawn to ‘othered’ individuals. Perhaps in Johnny, Charlie seeks out an individual more volatile and destructive than he would ever allow himself, because of this, the intricacies of the main buddy couple cannot be understated. 

TLDR;

To put it succinctly, Mean Streets employs the conventions of noir film not only to shape the mood and form of the film but to implicate Johnny as a femme fatale figure— being the bad choice path for Charlie that must be either punished or turned good by the film’s resolution. Johnny is reckless, destructive, and contrary to the conventions of the streets. Thereby Charlie’s prolonged interest and interaction with Johnny puts him at odds with the world he finds himself in. In the end, Johnny is shot in the neck bathing him profusely in blood, likened to an act of Christ-like cleansing which ties in with him being an object of penance. This penultimate tragedy and punishment in the hands of the narrative serve to legitimize Charlie as the central male subject of the film and resolve the insecurities posed by the femme fatale.

Mean Streets is categorically a buddy film, with a central male relationship at the heart of its plot. As per the conventions of the genre— women are marginal, home as a concept is absent, and male relationships surmount all else. This lends itself easily to a homoromantic reading, since women are marginal they typically serve to displace and dispel homoromantic tensions and prove the heterosexuality of the central male characters, beyond that, they are marginal to the plot. These female relationships serve as a proxy for the unconsummated male relationship. Conceptually, home is absent—Charlie rejects Teresa’s offers of moving together, thereby refuting home and heteronormativity, and refutes home in the streets by making himself unfavorable to Giovanni by constantly vouching for Johnny. The immense importance placed upon the central male relationship may cross the line of homosociality into homosexuality. Masculinity is inherently male-loving, thereby, there is a blurred line between seeking external approval from other men—asserting themselves towards other men— and homosexual inclinations.

Lastly, within the language of its own film-making, Mean Streets uses transgression to punctuate and define objects of desire. Teresa, Diane, and Johnny are all similarly transgressive options for Charlie, ones that may leave him out of favor, that are dangerous, and contrary to the norms of the streets. The women are desirable for the otherness of their race and identity. On the other hand, Johnny represents a volatility and brashness, much likened to Tony’s tiger cub. One that could perhaps be tamed with enough affection yet holds within it wildness and fierceness that could very well turn on its keeper. Though Johnny is by no means marginalized, his manner and self-destructive habits have put him at odds with the rest of the streets. Similarly, both the marginalized individual and tiger cub pose a sense of threat, danger, and a source of conflict for Charlie— and perhaps for this, they are all the more enticing. It is also of note that the pair of homosexual caricatures mirror Johnny Boy and Charlie, both in their clothing and the roles that they play to one another— one unruly and the other restrained. By inadvertently presenting them as parallels, Scorsese entertains the idea that the coupling of the main characters is legitimate. In their ‘buddy-ness’, homoerotic implications may be construed. Yet as the characters part ways in opposite directions, and as the script dictates more homophobic remarks, any homoromantic tension is immediately dispelled. 

References

Ebert, R. (2003, December 31). Mean Streets. RogerEbert.com.                https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-mean-streets-1973 

Ferrante, L. A. (1994). Redemption in the narrative films of Martin Scorsese: Related critical essays, with emphasis on" Mean Streets"," Raging Bull", and" Goodfellas". The Union Institute.   https://www.proquest.com/openview/59a2087263ebf282115193b09a2cc876/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y 

Librach, R. S. (1992). The Last Temptation in Mean Streets and Raging Bull. Literature/Film Quarterly, 20(1), 14. https://www.proquest.com/openview/91587245032050f8dbb7a447b3dd91c6/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=5938 

Maxfield, J. F. (1995). " The Worst Part": Martin Scorsese's Mean Streets. Literature/Film Quarterly, 23(4), 279. https://www.proquest.com/openview/51f346d0182670237ef161cf32fa7291/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=5938 

Nesbitt, R. C. (2009). The femme fatale and male anxiety in 20th century American literature,“hard-boiled” crime fiction, and film noir. State University of New York at Albany. https://www.proquest.com/openview/f5b767ce0cecb085b64c8e99993ab04c/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750 

Quart, L., & Rabinow, P. (1975). The Ethos of Mean Streets. Film & History: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Film and Television Studies, 5(2), 33-34. https://muse.jhu.edu/pub/39/article/487229/summary 

Raymond, M. (2006). The Multiplicity of Generic Discourses and the Meaning and Pleasure of Mean Streets. Canadian Journal of Film Studies, 15(2), 62-80. https://www.utpjournals.press/doi/abs/10.3138/cjfs.15.2.62 

Schuckmann, P. (1998). Masculinity, the male spectator and the homoerotic gaze. Amerikastudien/American Studies, 671-680. https://www.jstor.org/stable/41157425 

Stern, L. (1995). The Scorsese Connection. Indiana University Press. https://books.google.com.ph/books?hl=en&lr=&id=8HGq0WCJ8gEC&oi=fnd&pg=PP10&dq=The+Scorsese+Connection&ots=QwtOXWM_c4&sig=I_7F9WZd7OseVsdohi3W8pen6DQ&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=The%20Scorsese%20Connection&f=false 

Woodworth, A. J. (2014). From buddy film to bromance: masculinity and male melodrama since 1969. Temple University. https://www.proquest.com/openview/14b2bdc7ed5646e64de79408809c266d/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750

[vampire-fanboy]

its been a hot minute since ive posted anything art related on here... hey guys :o)

This is my trollsona, Viridian! Vidi for short! He's a rock + techno troll, and can switch between the two physically! He's primarily a rock troll but yanno, he can turn into a mix-mash of the two as well if he desires ^_^

i hope u like him idk, its been a hot minute since ive shared fandom art online (cuz im primarily an oc artist actually lol) so!

[yandere-monoma]

it's not enough to fuckin comment i need to tell you to your metaphorical face how obsessed i am with kill your masters. literally nobody gets it but you. also shamelessly laughing about the fact that the c3 reveal is just an altverse spin on "im having a baby and the baby is you" because two clones can only produce exact copies yanno?

anyway. dunno how I can be normal about this ever again.

HELLO HELLOOOOO my metaphorical face is beaming with happiness and blushing a shitload thank you thank you thank youuuuuu!!!! kym has my balls in a vice and wont let go and your timing is fantastic because i just finished chapter 4 last night so my insanity about it is especially fresh

i cant post it until i get out of commission hell though so when i say fresh i mean FRESH im a pot of water boiling over but the lid is still on so shit is spilling all the fuck over the place its a Mess

yknow i've been in the fandom for a very long time but i never actually sat and watched the baby is you video but i've seen it mentioned a few times over the years.... it was a very funny moment just now reading those words and feeling something registering in my subconscious and having that revelation confirmed by the funniest google search ever. and now im dying cuz i'll never be able to unthink that now HAHAHFG oh but it is a wonderful death. i love the brorose clone baby so much... thats just what the world needed... its 7345964563459634563456th iteration of dirk that is even more fucked up than all the others hahjfg that poor kid

anyway!!!! this is very sweet thank you >:3 i am always here if you wanna talk ro-stri she is my pride and joy 🥰💖✨

[digitalvoidheart]

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#anonymous - 27 posts

#morning reblog - 24 posts

#reblog - 23 posts

#cat's cradle - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#funny im currently working on a silly comic (not part of the main story cuz those need more time and pages and mind not prepared xp)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Day 1-7 : Shark (and pup ^w^)

As usual I'm am fashionably late for mermay

But after that ficlet of papa Killer interacting with baby Sugar, I just had to XP

Lil' thing 's gonna give me diabetes from their sweet sweet adorableness X3

Sugar and Killer belongs to @skumhuu

194 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#4

Had fun doodling a hooman Nightmare... again XP

(I swear it's only when I draw for a dtiys that I hoomanify nightmare XD)

Will see to colouring later or ever cuz something came up and I don't have the energy to continue. But hopefully I do

Dtiys by @itsxroxannex

199 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

#3

Day 21: Bioluminescence

May have floofed up the face but this looks nice ta me X3

Hope you guys like it!!

Leviathantale by @skumhuu

202 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#2

When I see deathglitch and then the words open Collab next to it. I just had to X3

I had fun doing this :P

Lineart and open collab by @nozapuns

265 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Day 8-14 Leviathan

Yanno, I don't wanna wait another 2 days while this sits in my drafts so y'all can get something today XP

((Tap image for better quality!!))

Another version under the cut

See the full post

452 notes - Posted May 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jakowskis]

Loved ‘an ugly picture, you & me’ so so much. Srsly I read it like 10 times and still won’t get tired of it. It’s such a great piece of writing. Now my question: Do you already if ur gonna post more Torchwood fanfic?? (no pressure obv, writing is so so hard and I admire everyone who actually manages to finish their stories).

oh my goodness thank you so much 🥺 that means the world to me im so glad you liked it so much

man ok so. heres the thing. djkfds aaa idek how to talk abt this it makes me feel stupid fdshkfj. basically i have dx'd ocd and it affects my writing process a Lot. im exceptionally critical n perfectionistic when it comes to my writing, and when my ocd's at its worse, i can reread things literally hundreds of times. this makes my editing process a fucking nightmare. an ugly picture was... a Journey, i wrote the bulk of it in like a month or two bc i was Inspired, and that period of inspiration just flowing was super nice - but then i spent literally half a year obsessing over editing and figuring out a few sections i couldnt get to work and it was. rlly rlly unhealthy and messy. like that was a stereotypical Mentally Ill Artist™ moment for me 😭 i was unmedicated during that process and honestly im still impressed with myself for managing to finish and post it anyway.

and after posting it... this might not make sense unless u have ocd but that fic is, like, tainted in my head, and im not allowed to touch it as a result. which is RLLY fucking annoying and sad bc i wrote it for Me and it was a labor of love yanno, and i am proud of it, like during writing i was like 'man this is one of the best things ive written, im genuinely proud of this' and ive gotten some absolutely wonderful reception - but i cant exactly place why, idk if it was the torment of the editing process or a fear of experiencing that specific brand of anxiety again (if i reread it and run into errors it might kill me 😭)... either way at this point in time im legitimately unable to revisit that fic. and its been like this since i posted it, so... for nearly five months ;-; and im kind of having a similar experience with torchwood as a whole tbh. like my whole fandom experience + relationship with this fixation has been bastardized to all hell bc of ocd issues. it all feels very... dirty right now.

which fucking sucks, cuz torchwood's one of my fav fixations ive ever had, it became so important to me so fast and it's probably hit special interest territory at this point - but it sucks what a thin line it is between obsessing over a hyperfixation, and compulsively engaging with something. it sucks when the serotonin u get from smth also gets laced with pervasive anxiety. my recent main issue with ocd has been avoidance - i went from obsessively going thru torchwood clips to being unable to watch it at all bc the very thought of doing so makes me so anxious.

(so, tldr? my mental illness garbage is interfering w my interests and my ability to engage with fandom, to my chagrin, and that's why i haven't posted anything else.)

that being said: between april 2023 and now i have written 180k words of torchwood fanfic. im endlessly fascinated and inspired by these characters, particularly by owen who has lowkey proven to be my muse lol. (he sits in my mind palace on top of a, like, literal fancy ass corinthian pedestal and his one job is to sit still n look pretty and sad but instead he snarks down at me every time i walk passed and in return i squirt a water gun at him and occasionally throw tomatoes at him. it's a very mutually loving relationship.) and 180k words in, and literally hundreds of hours spent thinking about and talking about tw/owen, and im still fascinated by it/him, there are still soooo many things i wanna explore through writing with these characters that i adore so much. 57k of the 180k words is part of what will eventually be a sequel series to an ugly picture (which is meant to be a stand-alone, for the record, but towards the end of the writing process i went "Hm. Actually I Have More Ideas", and it became a whole 'verse heh). problem is i dont rmr the fic enough to continue the first sequel and currently i cant revisit it and take notes 🤡 so that project's on hold. as for the other stuff, it's a good mix of misc one-shots and full-on projects, and several things are pretty much done and could, if i were anyone else, easily be polished and posted.

but, as ive made clear, unfortunately writing (well, revising + editing) is an absolute nightmare for me. now, im recently back on medication after nearly two years of rawdogging it, and ive been having issues with that fff (namely constant pervasive exhaustion) - but im working to figure out a happy medium, so im HOPING, hell, praying, that once i level out ill be able to open my docs and sit down and finish things without it being a goddamn ordeal. editing's not rlly fun for anyone, but it fucking sucks when your absolute favorite hobby + mode of expression gets terrorized by a wiggity wack disorder.

first order of business, once im able, is a 15k owen/andy fic that's literally 90% done. i wanted to post it in june, for pride month, and then my brain decided to convince me i wasnt being coherent in the slightest and i was like, nah, i cannot make myself soldier through the editing project this time, i dont want this to get ruined the same way. but hopefully soon i can drop that and it will be epic and such 😎

so in summation uh (sorry im a known babbler fdshk but this is what happens when u send an ask to someone who wrote a 30k fic where literally nothing happens KJFSD. also sorry for literally trauma dumping unprompted 😭 i did the white woman in the kmart thing) ive written a ton of torchwood fic and i 100% intend to write a ton more but mental illness garbage is trying to sabotage shit so basically im taking a break from trying to post any of it until my brain lets me enjoy my damn interest in relative peace 👍but i definitely have a lot more fic on the way. just might take a while for it to see the light of day. hopefully not that long

anyway thank you again so so so much for liking the fic enough to read it multiple times that means so much to meee. i hope to have more for u soon :))

[atomra]

i know i shouldnt be anxious about posting whatever i want on here, but i worry so much about spamming tags LMAO HELP!!!!! people can just block/mute me but i still dont wanna be obnoxious yanno

i draw too much for my own good, and i draw more when im stressed out... so i just have a bunch of little sketches I wanna post immediately cuz i get really excited to share WAAA

[seaquestions]

faith in gold

hey so last night at like 1am i ended up writing a 1.2k fanfic about snare, and what if he didnt die in lsotw. its got some snare/impactor vibes, yknow its got some yearning, some longing. enjoy! (warning for eye trauma and thoughts of dying.)

Excerpt: Perhaps Impactor felt like he owed Snare something. Perhaps he felt kinship, having both lived through Overlord’s rule. Snare couldn’t tell, halfway dead as he was.

Snare couldn’t dodge Stalker’s shot, not that fast. It hurt bad, shattering his optic and dislodging the right clasp of his face mask. He screamed as it happened, but he could barely speak now, his back on the rough floor. Sparks flew from exposed wires. His remaining eye could barely focus upward, his intakes were stuttery. Maybe he was lucky that Stalker’s shot missed his brain module, maybe not, depending on how you look at it. The pain was overwhelming, but not as much as the feeling of dread and despair that quickly ran up his spine. Right before death by impalement, Stalker sent out a comm to Overlord. And if Overlord was coming, he was going to be dead later even if he held onto life now.

How much faith did he place on the Wreckers to get the job done? He didn’t know. He couldn’t compute the odds, not now that all his power was routed towards not dying. But even if they weren’t, what would the point be?

A yellow and purple blur crouched next to him. Impactor. Snare gave as much information as he could. After what felt like an eternity of being helpless under Overlord’s command, he could at least spend his dying breaths doing something useful. It was a less than ideal death—he would’ve preferred to have escaped Garrus-9 at least—but it was realistic. And Snare considered himself a realist, mostly, with brief moments of idealism that he’d usually consider lapses in judgment.

Although freeing Impactor didn’t turn out to be one, at least not yet. If the Wreckers succeeded… Well, it was a roll of the dice. But there was a chance he did something good.

Then Impactor offered to keep him alive. Move him somewhere safe. Snare didn’t have the slightest clue on where could be safe in this hellhole of a prison. Even if he survived, what life would await him? Snare was tired. Very tired.

Impactor’s scarred face looked tired too. He wasn’t scowling, not like he usually did, but the lines on his face felt deeper than ever. He repeated the offer, gentler this time. He was already gentle before, but it was almost a whisper now. It felt like an oath. How uncharacteristic of him. Perhaps Impactor felt like he owed Snare something. Perhaps he felt kinship, having both lived through Overlord’s rule. Snare couldn’t tell, halfway dead as he was. He could feel his plating start to cool, just a bit, and couldn’t stop himself from weakly inching ever so slightly towards the other mech. He felt the rumble of Impactor’s engine, the gold of the wrecker’s optics on him, and closed his remaining eye. 

Snare was tired of thinking. Let someone else decide for him.

——

He woke up to brightness. 

If it weren’t for the sounds of medical machinery, he would’ve asked aloud if he was in the Afterspark. Snare was never a religious mech, but it felt like the thing to do. Regardless, that was definitely not the case.

“Snare, correct?” someone asked.

The jet looked to his left, and sitting on a stool next to him was the Wreckers’ sniper-slash-scientist, Perceptor.

“Y-yeah,” he replied. His voice was weak still.

Perceptor wrote down something on a datapad, then leant over him to grab a box he couldn’t see. It was at that point that Snare realised he was still missing his right eye.

“You aren’t quite healed yet,” the sniper said, as if reading his mind, “but the procedure is almost done. Anyway. What colour optic would you like?” he asked, presenting Snare with the box.

Spare optics, in various colours. But not green.

“Green is rare. You understand, yes?” said Perceptor.

Snare nodded. Green wasn’t his original eye colour anyway. He’d gotten quite attached to it though. The Skomiloch Territories were a distant memory now, but he kept the optical filter that came with the mission and so did the rest of his team. It made them feel like they belonged together.

(And then they all died one after the other. Stalker had been the last to go, right after blasting Snare’s eye off and leaving him as the last mech standing. Funny, that.)

There were a lot of blues in the box and that was a big no immediately. He could go with red, which was his original colour, but…

His hand moved before he could finish the thought.

Perceptor took it from him and nodded. “Gold it is. Would you like to be offline for this?”

Snare thought for a second. “Does it hurt?” he asked.

“No.”

“Then I’d like to stay awake.”

While Perceptor went about his task, Snare’s mind was racing. The Autobots won, clearly. He wouldn’t be here if Overlord did. What did that mean for him? Were they going to keep him prisoner? They couldn’t just let him go, could they? He was still a Decepticon, after all. Well, Snare didn’t feel any particular love for his faction at the moment and didn’t really want to go back actually, but his wants were never especially relevant, so. Best to ignore them if he were to think rationally here. Would he join the Autobots? He’d rather not. Disillusioned with the cons he may be, but Snare still disliked the bots. Maybe he could go neutral and run away. But that would make it easy for the DJD to pick him off, wouldn't it? He wouldn’t even be a challenge for them; he’d probably be someone they off while on their way to a real target. And Snare wasn’t in the mood to die at the moment. Not when someone had clearly gone through the trouble of keeping him alive…

“It's done,” Perceptor said, leaning back. Snare felt a mirror being handed to him, “Satisfactory?”

Holding the mirror up to his face, Snare could see that his mask was the cleanest it had been in forever. But more importantly, his eyes were… Well, it would take some getting used to. Gold was an optic colour that stood out, and so was green. He didn’t really know how he felt. He hoped he wouldn’t lose his other eye anytime soon, at least.

“I believe that’s one of Impactor’s spares, actually,” Perceptor idly commented as he cleaned up the medical supplies.

Impactor. “Where is he?” Snare asked.

Perceptor shrugged.

The jet put the mirror down. “What’s that mean?”

“It means I don’t know where he is. He left as soon as he was pardoned. No trace of him here,” Perceptor explained.

Figures. He’d have his life saved and he couldn’t even talk to the guy who did it. Not that Impactor would appreciate a thank you. And it wasn’t as if Snare had asked him to do it either. But he still would’ve liked to know why the mech saved him. Impactor wasn’t exactly known for his kindness and compassion towards Decepticons—or anyone really.

Snare poked at the metal surrounding his new eye. A bit sensitive but mostly healed. He looked at his reflection in the mirror he set down. He couldn’t stop looking at the gold.

“This was his,” Snare said quietly.

Perceptor paused and glanced at his patient. “It was once meant for him, yes,” he said, and then went back to cleaning up.

Snare closed his eyes and felt an ache deep in his spark. He didn’t know what was going to happen to him now. But he knew, he was going to make sure that he’d meet Impactor again. Sooner or later. He whispered it, just to himself. 

It felt like an oath.

[spotsupstuff]

Your Fruit Twins Au where they're brothers is one of the most well-detailed AUs I've seen in the fandom and I like it lots! I enjoy reading and looking at everything about it when I can; both the art and writing. I also don't ship Wukong x Mac with reasons, too. Mostly due to their context from the book. I read you also don't ship them for complicated reasons. I'm just curious why on the full story, but I understand if you don't answer. Anyhow, cheers to your work ^^

AA!!!! Im so glad you find the detailness of the au good!!! N that you enjoy it!!!!!!!!! Means a lot, its a lot of fun to work on it <3

Well, my whole perception on shippin those two is, on the very base of it all, a big No cuz just like you I hold onto n respect the context of the book a ton. My opinion about the whole thing is heavily influenced by the chinese peeps here on tumblr- they essentially made up my whole opinion for a good while, cuz, after all, they know better than I do when it comes to their own damb culture. Plus, after reading SEM's chapter + looking around the internet to see how some other peeps interpret his role in the story, I find it... incredibly disrespectful n kinda shitty to take away the important religious meaning of his existence as embodiment of the "two mindness". N as Ive said in a different post before, I sorta lean more into the eastern faith than what is generally regarded as the western faith, so yanno

N thru this religious/philosophical meaning of him, pairin him up with Sun Wukong is Either like pairin two sibs together, or, honestly, pairin up an offspring with their mother if we aliken what the fuck went down with them to biology- seeing as SEM came out of SWK. Myths n legends r just weird like that n the book has a big myth/legend feel to it

But!

I've seen Other chinese peeps on other platforms either not minding them being paired up or actively shippin them. There's always going to be a wide pool of opinions on a topic, especially with such a giant audience as people who grow up with the Journey. After seein that there Is indeed a wider pool of opinions about this in the homeland of the book, Ive felt like I can kinda chill out with the metaphoric fist clenching and barking bout the whole situation (n proceed to more freely develop my own opinion)

Im not an asian, so I simply do not have the emotional connection to these characters like chinese people do and thats where the ones on tumblr base Their understandable and incredibly valid resentment (idk if thats the right word) from. They have a deep-rooted idea of those two that cant be shaken n there IS no reason to shake it at all either. Not having any of those things as a foreigner and seeing that its more of a loose situation, makes Me specifically more "eh, whatever I guess?" bout it

[I AM however not of an american/anglo-saxon roots either and even though my Own culture/folklore has been thru, basically, a genocide (that may or may not be still on-going honestly -pained sigh-), I understand the importance of the culture thats being kind of doubted/stained by sh@dowpeach. I do Get it to a certain fundamental level, yanno?]

N so because of the lack of connection to the specifically asian culture + still knowing how much it hurts to have ur culture disgraced + the wide pool of opinions From valid sources (the story's homeland's people) + the fact that sometimes interpretations will just simply vary from the source material n LMK has showcased multiple times that it is not interested in tracing the Journey's footsteps to the last letter, my final opinion on the ship is "Not for me, chief, das kinda yucky (but I guess I can't exactly jump your throat for it like I would with more blatantly direct incest)"

THOUGH I DO GOTTA ADMIT after the season 3 finale, after That One Scene, my No is stronger cuz if that wasnt a display of sib culture (+ what Xiaotian said) then Im a fuckin donkey

[mrfutureboy]

sometimes i dont feel like im improving with my digital art, but this is my very first drawing (never before seen on tumblr!!!) of marlene versus my most recent:

these are six years apart but thats a HUGE difference! well its a little hard to compare the clothes bc these are two different outfits, but i think overall i’ve greatly improved with anatomy. it still trips me up cuz bodies are weird, but im getting better with practice lol. also why does her face look like that in the first one??? anyway. thats not to say there arent things i like about the first one! i like the effort i put into showing the different textures of her outfit and honestly i like the hand by her face as well! but yeah putting these two together i can really see Growth.

i also wanna compare my first drawing of marlene i posted here about a year ago to my most recent:

again, it’d be better to compare drawings where theyre in the same outfit but whatever. especially because i do tend to simplify the shirt sleeves and the skirt (to an extent) when i draw her now. tho i could go back to drawing her outfit like that if i wanted to i suppose. again, i think anatomy is my biggest thing here, but i want to particularly highlight the hands because they are actually phenomenal in the recent one while the old one is really…claw like. granted i didnt spend as much time on it as i did the recent one but it still matters yanno.

but yeah. even tho this comparison isnt as drastically different as the previous example, it’s evident that there has been improvement. and if youve been following me or if you stalk my art tag right now you can see how ive progressed from that to this in just the past year! it also shows how different a drawing can look and feel using a different brush for line art! ive switched back and forth between that soft round brush and the hard calligraphy pen a few times in the last year lol. anyway idk its just cool to take the time to actually look back at my art and see how ive grown/changed/improved, even if sometimes i cringe at how bad my old art is :’) my old marties were particularly horrid imo but i will not be showing those atm

[shoutogepi]

top 10 posts of 2020

thanks to @katsushimaa and @todosweetheart for the tag! 💗

~~ generated using this site ~~

1. Taking Care Of Their Drunk S/O After A Girls’ Night Out ft. Bakugou and Kirishima: these hcs... man, i usually suck at writing hcs, but these ones?? idk HOW i even did these, bc i’ll reread them even to this day and feel so soft. i know yall are bakuhoes but kiris was my absolute favvvv. ugh, we just stan incredible, loving boyfriends. 

2. Shinsou Says ft. Shinsou: ummmmmmmmm im so surprised this is the top fic?? i mean, not to toot my own horn or anything but this fic did indeed smack. i’ve reread it a lot and at the end im always like... damn me. gj buddy. LOL KIDDING okay but seriously im actually really happy this is my top fic bc i was really proud of how this one came out and honestly, toshi needs more love <3 

3. Red Roses ft. Kirishima: this fic. o man. this was my first (and only, so far 👀) size kink fic and it was also my first attempt at dubcon!! well, if u could even call it that. but anyway, this one was so fun to write. i loveeeeee a big beefy kiri who has a dark side, and ugh the tats and the ponytail?? legs = spread.

4. Jealousy Has Its Perks ft. Todoroki: prob the most self-indulgent fic i have ever written. jealous, dom sho?? pffft hello there sir. and then i had to put in a lil sweetness in the confession at the end cuz yanno... those post-orgasmic feels are too strong. and also i love him. perhaps too much. 

5. my masterlist: LOL IDK WHAT TO SAY ABT THIS?? thanks to all y’all for bookmarking my fic library?? lmao

6. Spring Pollen ft. Hawks: ugh this one... idk man, hawks stans must just be really hungry bc honestly i hate this fic and think it’s so mf badddd

7. “Fuck You!””I Just Might.” (FYIJM) ft. Bakugou: omg this one. one of my first posts i think? still working on the third and final part now, hopefully it will be complete soon <3 it’s really long so it’s taking me a while to finish, sorry for the delay~

8. You Want Me To Call You Baby Girl? ft. Todoroki: my very fist fic for bnha. just pure filth, self-indulging my daddy kink and honestly i hated this fic for a longggg time but recently have come to terms with it being... dare i say it.... alright. LOL

9. Heart of the Storm ft. Todoroki: this one.... this one is probably the most favorite fic of mine that i have ever written. i just... todo was such a gentleman and then so hot. i... i have @lildreamer93 to thank for helping me make this masterpiece, we talked about it endlessly for weeks heheh. it was really fun to write the scene-setting as well, with all the ice and snow... mmm... keep me warm, sho~~

10. Pull Of The Moon ft. Kirishima: so this fic is actually a fic that i had on my old GOT7 blog!! i reread it and was like... damn, i made the main kinda sound like kiri here.... so i took the ball and ran with it, just replaced the names. i have a shameful past with werewolf fics (cough cough wattpad) and this one was another self-indulgent one that i really enjoyed writing!!

thanks to all my readers and friends for supporting me this year. i can’t believe how much this blog has grown and how many great friendships i have because of it. i love you all so much!!! hope this next year treats us all well, here’s to the happiness and friendships that are to come/grow in 2021!

tagging (pls ignore if you’ve already been tagged): @todoscript @todorokiakina1​ @queensynderella​ @kingtamakimurder​ @whats-her-quirk​ @hoe-doroki​ @gallickingun​ @bnha-free-writing​ @fanfic-me-up​ @liltodo​ @wakaoujisenhime​

[roguesnezblog]

About Text Rp’s...

So I’m gonna go on a small rant for a second. And just get this off my chest cuz none of my friends are online <<

Plus I think this is an important thing to say as a person who has learning difficulties. (Dyslexia is what I know I have but need to prolly get diagnosed for other things too like ADHD/Autism. The doc basically was like HEY YOU COULD HAVE THESE THINGS BUT WE DUNNO WHICH ONE. Like hey gee thanks. Anyway)

So I basically just had a person text rp with me and say they weren’t enjoying it cuz my grammar and my typo’s were “ruining the flow of rp” and messing with their mojo I guess.

I tell em I got dyslexia and that shit can be hard for me to spot, even if I re-read what I’ve wrote or really try focus on what the word is. Sometimes I just never see a misspelling or a typo cuz my brain looks at it differently.

They say they understand and I say sorry but I don’t think my literacy can get much better than this because if I try super hard to focus and yanno write like a professional writer, I get stressed and I quickly get headaches and frustrated because I just...don’t enjoy writing as much as most people.

Im much more of an artist. Duh.

They brag about how they have a Master’s in english and just totally dismiss Everything I just said about how my stress levels get effected by too much writing/reading and that I do not think my mind can do much better than what I’m currently doing and just said:

“Nah, anything helps just read fanfiction more. I’d be happy to tutor you.”

So...FYI to anyone without a reading disability and reading this for my own opinion on it. It doesn’t just go away the more you read. Nor does it get better, the more you read. 

Yes, you can force your brain to learn to spell certain words normally it would have trouble with (Like patterns and rhyming tricks)

Yes, a dyslexic person can force themselves to write “well” and focus like for essays or schoolwork.

And yes a dyslexic person academically can excel in literacy.

But for me at least; it is never fun. And it is always stressful to force your brain to behave in a way it isn’t programmed to be normally. Specially when people like this, pressure you to get better and act like for your entire life you haven’t been combating these troubles.

So then, whats the solution? 

 The solution is simpler than you think. Just be patient. If someone says their dyslexic, expect mistakes in writing and don’t get pissed about it.

It’s really just that simple.

Don’t act high and mighty, don’t play teacher and don’t think it can be fixed by just reading more.

(Sorry for the rant I don’t normally do this but this person actually really annoyed me :U I also feel like sharing this experience I can help others like me feel less alone...Also I won’t say their name and I will say it was no-one from tumblr, so none of my rp mates from here have to panic. Haha! It was from another website I won’t name)

PS.

I enjoy text rp now and then, although I much prefer drawing. Writing I am not good at but I enjoy engaging with people who like my ocs and a lot more people text rp than image rp (like I do) but things like this put me off it so much...

I am sorry if anything here I said was offensive to anyone. As I’m not sure what other dyslexic people feel on this...since I don’t know many others like me, but this is just how I felt in this moment. I may delete this post later if I am wrong...but I would like to know what others think about it...

PSS.

This whole thing as said by the title is about text rp. As in text roleplay. As text roleplay is rarely a job or anything beyond a fun activity, I genuinely believe people shouldn’t be so uptight and forceful with grammar and/or spelling mistakes.It’s suppose to be for fun, not a job interview, this is a major reason why this made me so annoyed. It’s not the place I expected to see this behavior from.

[celestialarchon]

I want to be your friend 👉🏻👈🏻 You seem so cool and nice!!!!!!!! Would it be weird to ask you to tell more about yourself? It’s okay if not!❤️

it’s not weird, however i obviously won’t disclose too much cuz creepers! you really wouldn’t think i’m cool if you met me lmao i’m a big nerd. i love anime and manga. obviously i play genshin religiously. i have 4 roommates and they all call me the local bimbo. my spare time is spent shit posting or writing on here.

honestly this blog started off as a joke somewhat? i’m always simping and had a heartbreak a months ago so i buried myself in genshin and genshin fan fiction. i’m okay now but all i fuxking do is simp for these gorgeous characters. my friends have always liked my writing and one encourages me to write fanfics a lot so i ended up creating this chaos. it’s not anything super awesome yanno?

other than that, i’m a bisexual mess, i literally only simp for 2d men but i simp for every woman everywhere it’s SAD. i need to touch grass asap. i couldn’t tell you what i look like because it’s always changing but people around me refer to me as “the living waifu” and “real life bratz doll” so that’s cool. im honestly just a big nerd. i also really love chicken.

[damagedsmile]

//Hullo hullo everyone, just flying in here with an update & I apologise for taking so long about it.

So its been a tough time for everyone with C-19. Ireland is going into another lock down. I hope yall are taking care & regardless of your opinion on the matter, I hope yall are being respectful & safe.

Life has been abit topsy-turvy for me. Im learning that grief is just a series of moments where, when you least expect it, you spontaneously combust with tears. Ive had good days but a lot of days where it do be just hanging on by your nails & wondering when the rabbithole ends. So basically I'm at a point where I really don't know how I'm going to feel the next hour, the next day... yanno. I've had moments where I feel ready to return here & do something small but that feeling always changes to the opposite; I'm being careful with discerning what is a manic whim & what is real. I think that's a very important skill for anyone in this position or with mental health issues to learn, so im learning something new this past while.

I have not been able to write anything or draw for months now. Its very frustrating & depressing in itself as I am a creative person & often feel smothered when unable to create. I just have no energy or ideas & am very resentful of myself for feeling things that disrupt my hobbies. But I know i need to feel & go through this so am not pressuring myself. I'm focusing on keeping myself clean & fed & practicing good sleep hygiene; once I can master these three fundamentals, I can focus on other things.

Its funny, I think, that life experiences can alter you so much that you forget how to be human in that you find yourself forgetting to eat & unable to perform daily self-care routines & unable to show love towards those you know you love dearly. To sum it up, I think its fair to say this is the lowest point of my life & its been both horrible & eye-opening. I feel like a burn victim, without skin, everything hurting & tiresome & feeling seperate from myself & my former life. In that same perverse way, that part of me is abit thankful for c-19 because it means I don't have people coming close to me & hugging me & generally being sympathetic: I find im loathing that behaviour now. I don't want to be the person whom suffered a great loss that everyone needs to comfort, I just want to be a person that people treat like normal.

I opened the door the other day to a Traveller woman trying to sell me bedsheets & she said "ah take that, it'd be a grand present for your ma" to which I said, "my ma's dead". It was easier to say than I thought it would be & it was actually a relief to say it & receive a fumbling apology, "I'm sorry, my ma's dead too." I appreciated that more than receiving a hug or a pat on the back. Not that a stranger would do such things, but yanno. We had a moment like saluting each other & I bought pillows off her, the end.

I hope I'm making sense. I hope no one takes offence to this. This is just my feelings, my journey. I've been calling myself a child of grief, making this journey to a port in a storm where i can start a new life on that port & begin anew once I've shed this old skin thats dried out from salty tears.

I've been playing TS4. I started the Asylum Challenge on medium difficulty. I have Joker there ofc with 6 others. I did have 8 Sims but Jared Leto died in the pool (he went for a swim instead of sleeping ffs). We've had 1 Asylum baby that was adopted away for obvious reasons. Currently Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is trying to get with Rob Zombie's creepy twin, Bob Zombie. Joker is hitting it off with my Sim whose aesthetic is inspired by Emilie Autumn. I called her Kathryn Wheel cuz of the torture device/HIM song.

I got two rat kittens for Valentines Day (not sure if I've told you before). They're Fancy Rats but with blue colouring, which I've never seen before in breeds. I called them MizPah & BoBoBetty. The Precious got a new snake, a BEL he calls Helvita but i call her Boo.

I got my hands tattooed a wee while ago which wasn't as painful as my neck but painful enough that I'm relieved theyre done & healed up. I'll try remember to post pics whenever. My memorys been a bit scatty with meds. Im also working on losing weight again so I've been very tired & grumpy when I'm not huddling in a nest of blankets growling at The Precious when he enters my space. The only way he earns my trust each eve is to give me coffee & tell me im being very good. Is this a joke? YOU be the judge...

Anyway. Im alive & still working on myself. I thank yall for your patience & support, it means a lot to me knowing my friends on here are rooting for me. I'm toasting yall rn with my iced coffee (still trying to perfect the recipe but im getting there). I hope yall are doing well & are happy, safe, & healthy. Remember I love yall & wish you all the very best, even if I'm not present or feeling sociable. We'll all get through this, i promise you. Remember that you only really see light when things are very dark 💜

[jewpacabruhs]

u kno wat fuck it im gonna go off, i'm fucking tired of how g-ddamn hateful this fandom is. too much negativity, too damn critical - i come from bandom, guess what ran me out of it? it stopped being fun cuz everyone was so fucking mean. fandom is supposed to be fun, in recent years in every fandom it's turned into such a cruel place, u can't even have fun anymore!! everyone's hating on ships, everyone's hating on characters - there's been ship wars since the dawn of fandom, but it's so fucken constant & so much meaner now, ppl doxx people & shit, like?? what the fuck is wrong with us, why did we let us get like this?

g-d i'm typically ok with who i am as a person and even as a friend but lemme tell u i strongly dislike the person i've lead yall to believe i am thru my behavior here. i don't like the shay yall (as in non-friends, jus followers tht only kno me thru my posts) know now, i've let my anger and pettiness become the face of me when i've always been insistent that those were tiny, meaningless parts of me - i wanna be known as a fic writer, as someone who advocates for a healthier version of kyman without being a self righteous asshole, as someone who's overall kind and fair and easy to talk to. i don't like being known for meanness man. it's upsetting and exhausting. im fucken tired of bullshit. im tired of discourse, im tired of bein known for my assholery, im tired of seeing negativity 24/7.

hell, i adore my friends to death but they've dragged me into a lotta drama & enabled me to get into shit, and it's distracted from what was originally my primary passion: writing fic. guess how much fic i wrote 2014-2016? thirty-six posted ones. guess how much i've written 2017-2019, which is how long i've bad this blog? fifteen. and it's partially cuz 2017&2018 were the worst years in my personal life, but it's also bc i let myself get so wrapped up in bullshit, rather than focusing on what does and always has made me happy; exploring my favorite characters in a writing setting, yanno? i miss that, fuck i miss it. but i've let myself be too busy with bullshit. when i log onto tumblr, it's jus fucken. crap everywhere. i hate it man. i don't wanna leave but i wish it wasn't like this :/

[jupiterjunebug]

heyyyyyy you said to ask you bout them hcs about the councils war crimes.... and this is me..... asking away.... blease give me the hcs.... blease...

i was going to write like 200 words but here I am. here i am with a 1.5k word fuckin. Essay with multiple citations. Under cut because I Apologize For Being Like This.

Alright buckle in motherfuckers it’s time for my long andprobably fuckin’ stupid waxing poetic abt the political ramifications ofsylvains current…everything.

“But the worse that things got in Sylvain, because of thehumans, the stricter their laws got. And today they got some pretty draconianlaws in effect governing who can and can’t live there. And the outcasts, wellthey don’t really got anywhere to go.” That’s Mama, in the third episode ofAmnesty, talking about how sylphs ended up at Amnesty in the first place.

We never get an answer as to what EXACTLY “draconian” means. @transagentstern theorizes it’s in the form of a one child policy (hence whydani’s on earth, she has a brother), someone else said it might be a form ofsubspecies racism, my person hc both joking and serious is everyone got ousted forshit like jaywalking and littering. Either way, we’re first introduced to thelaws of sylvain as “they’ll take any opportunity to throw someone off the boatif it means it sinks slower.”

Then we meet Janelle and Vincent, who are NICE, and we meetwoodbridge who’s an ass, and we meet Alexandra who thinks Aubrey should go die.Woodbridge and Alexandra both Don’t Like Humans, but Woodbridge is so goddamnforgettable I deadass forgot he was a character until I started reading ficwhere he got brought up, and Alexandra’s the “im eleven so shut the fuck up”meme and also never onscreen.

The ones onscreen are Janelle and Vincent! Who are nice!Janelle mentor-figures Aubrey despite not having time, and Vincent asks forDVDs of human shut cuz he likes them, and it’s all good. It’s all jokes.

They’ve got some pretty draconian laws in effect.

It would be easy to blame all those laws on Woodbridge, whohates humans, and whose title as “Minister of Preservation” could be taken as“guy in charge of this awful triage situation.” You could blame it on Alexandraor the past Interpreters, and say that whatever they’re interpreting boileddown to “tell all the people that snowboard without a license that they have toleave.” You could say that “today” doesn’t mean they passed the WORST of thelaws recently, but that 200 years ago the laws were shit and they just got MOREshit recently (I do say this, actually, more on that later). That would meanit’s not even the current ministers faults! I mean, except maybeeee Woodbridge cuzhe’s a ghost and his “business” to finish before passing on might deadass besitting at sylvains sickbed until it dies or a miracle cure comes in.

Even if they didn’t make all the laws, even if they didn’tmake ANY of the laws, they still enforce them. Vincent might have a good funconvo with Aubrey about Shrek, but he and Woodbridge and the Interpreter andHell probably Indrid when he was around to some degree, and Janelle who isn’tblameless even if she was too busy reading her books to really pay attention atthe trials. They all still enforce them.

Like I said, this is an awful triage situation. It’s hard,living on a planet that’s in its death throes. They have to do something to keep people alive as longas possible, even if they AND all of the people on sylvain KNOW that it’sfutile you can’t just give up. But, you know, establishing a dictatorship whereyou can get exiled for reasons Mama considers “draconian,” well that’s. That’skinda. It’s not QUITE a war crime, and I’m not sure how else they would’vesolved the issue, but that’s the backdrop of this situation. Sure, Janelle andVincent are nice, but they or one of vincent’s subordinates were probablypersonally responsible for jake coolice getting ousted from sylvain, or atleast they didn’t stop woodbridge from doing it.

OK so step one is “we’re kicking half of our population out,we need to do this, this is the lesser of two evils.” Step two is “where do wesend them?”

The only option other than Earth or execution that I canthink of would be The Corrupted Lands. Now, kneejerk reaction is Earth soundscomparatively awesome for the exiles, yeah? Death is death, and The CorruptedLands would be WORSE than death cuz you end up infected with the Quell and allthat junk. At least on Earth you don’t end up, like, losing your entirepersonality and goi-

Barclay: Anotherday or so and we’re gonna start losing the stuff that we know and love aboutour friends Dani and Jake and Moira and the whole team here. So, as quick aspossible would be better.

Ned: What do youmean “losing stuff”? Are they gonna start dyin’!?

Barclay:Eventually, but before that happens they’re gonna start going a little bit…well, I guess, feral is the word.

Wow thanks for that reminder, this convo from Amnesty ep. 10that just started playing in the room all by itself. That’s right! Sylphs thatdon’t have crystals (like Indrid does, and Barclay is shown holding in thefirst ep, and we know do SOMETHING bc Indrid’s fine and Barclay doesn’t includehimself when talking about ppl going feral. So either that or somethingsomething Indrid and Barclay aren’t sylphs that’d be a whole ‘nother hc post imstopping that here) spend days slowly losing their will to live, then becomeuncontrollably violent, and then die!

But that won’t happen and the council knows that becauseAmnesty Lodge exi-

“-And the outcasts, well they don’t really got anywhere togo.” Thanks Mama. The Lodge wasn’t built on Sylvain’s orders. Every gateprobably DOESN’T have a convenient hotspring that prevents people from losingtheir goddamn minds, because look at that phrasing. They don’t have anywhere togo. The Council had no PLAN for where the exiles would end up, and in Kepler itjust so happens somebody else decided to MAKE a plan.

Techniiiically, before Kepler all the sylphs that weren’tgiven crystals could’ve been executed or sent to the CL. But I don’t think so.And the reasons why the councilmight’ve chosen to send people to earth instead of the other two optionsdepends on your interpretation.

It could be that they didn’t like the idea of having toactually square up and kill people like big kids, so they decided to exilethem. It could be that, while the thought of someone going feral on earth mightSUCK, there’s a CHANCE exiles might stumble on someplace like Amnesty, whereasthe CL WILL make you bonkers, and not the Dr. Harris kind, 100% of the time.More pragmatically, they might’ve been worried about executed people turning upas ghosts, and people in the CL coming to attack the wall.

Or it could be, yanno. War crimes.

Woodbridge hates humans. Granted, it seems like he hateseveryone. But his introduction to the show is literally him looking at the PGand saying “Hi, yes. I ensure the survival of our kind in the wake of yourworld’s countless ruthless assaults.” Alexandra’s not fond either, as herthoughts say: “I wish [Aubrey] would stop coming here. It’s her world’s faultthat Sylvain is dying in the first place.”

How recently did they start exiling people? Was it less thanthirty years? More than thirty years? I like to think it was more. In episode6, Dani says that her type of sylph gets a bad rap because some of her kind hasdrunk peoples’ blood to get more energy. The perception that vampires drinkblood has been around……….a long time.

Sure, that idea could’ve been around during/before theassault on sylvain when some dipshit sylphs just left of their own accord andthen decided to drink people for yolos. Or it could mean that people have beenexiled for a WHILE, and the fact that the laws got more “draconian” just meansMORE people have been exiled now.

A lot of non-violent cryptid sightings happening a long timeago could be chalked down to sylph that WEREN’T exiled goin’ and doin’ stuff,but killing someone to feed smacks of desperation OR being the sort of personthat hated humans so much that the first solution to “im hungry” was “im goingto eat a person.”

Either way. Picture this. Thirty-five years ago, the gate toKepler isn’t open. The gate to NYC is open.A sylph gets pushed out of it. There’s no springs, or if there is there’s noMama to guide them there. No Mama to help them fit in. They go feral in the middle of New York, or in the middleof where the gate before New York was, or the gate before that, or the gatebefore-

You get stories about monsters like the Jersey Devil,monsters that kill midwives and children. La Llorona, who drowns little kids,might look like Dani up close.

Sylvain is dying, and they’re at the rationing stage. TheCouncil has to know what happens tosylphs that don’t eat. The Councilhas to know they’re pushing people that might try to murder and eat humans intoa populated space. The Council has to know that they’re pushing people thatmight try to murder and eat humans into a space populated by a race thatdestroyed their planet.

Killing two birds with one stone.