#im p sure it just fixes itself after a bit

[sundewa]

my new pen has decided to not work tonight LMAOO perfectly solid lines here..

[cheriden]

˙ . ˚ ₊ 「 needy streamer overload 」 ꜝꜝ

“‘Cause I don’t need a fucking mod anyway. I’ll deal with whatever comment is thrown my way because I’m not a pussy that needs to be kept in the dark.” If his solution is to fire you then date you, he may be as foolish as you feared. “You think that shit is easy?” You hiss, pushing him off you and onto his seat. “You know what people say about you, Beomgyu?” His body is trapped in between your arms, gulping down as you get close to his face. “They think you’re a fame whore who’s desperate for a click, and you should just slut yourself out for cash.”

── synopsis 。the boy from across the hall hired you to assist in his streaming and admits his feelings for you on his livestream

pairing 。streamer!beomgyu × moderator!reader

.ᐟ genre 。a bit of angst but it's sooo little and maybe i got sad thinking about the mental health of the streamer and the fan base

.ᐟ tags 。sub!idol (somewhat forced submission), switch!idol at the end, boss-worker relationship, co-workers, love confession, beomgyu is an attention seeker here (said lovingly), miscommunications and non-speaking terms, praise & degredation, name-calling, unprotected sex, creampie, a looot of dialogue, riding and missionary, an adequate amount of descriptive kissing

.ᐟ status & word count 。oneshot | 2.93k | masterlist

.ᐟ warnings/notes 。as always i did not proofread. reader is fem and uses she/her pronouns

The broadcast has barely started, yet thousands flood into the stream as Beomgyu fixes his headset. He stares at the chat box while hundreds of people send him praises and greetings, mouth curving upwards. You, on the other hand, are not having as great a time, mouse working double-time to ban and restrict hurtful profanities. 

“Hi Bamtoris! Today’s a great day, because we finally reached our sub goal!” He yells and shakes the camera, jostling onto his seat as his energy stabilizes. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for all my viewers! Just you watching is enough to keep me going. As promised, we will be starting our Q&A stream!” He cheers, swiveling around with his head against his hand. “Up until now I haven’t really answered any questions about myself; I know you guys are probably curious about a lot of things. It’s only right that we get to know each other better~” You scoff at his poor attempt at fan service, watching him do every type of cute pose at the camera. It’s not surprising when his poor fans pick up everything that he puts out, losing their minds as you barely keep up with the comments that move at lightspeed. You’re sure he loves his fans; though it’s a bit annoying when you have to be on the receiving end of cross checking every line they have to say before they get to him. Beomgyu, being who he is, tries to spot any and every comment before you try to take it down. 

The 30 minute mark rolls by smoothly, and right as you think about relaxing, you’re immediately jinxed as Beomgyu giggles, covering his mouth with his palm. “So you’re interested in my love life?” It catches you off guard, as you scramble to look for the user he’s pertaining to. Yet the damage is already done, unable to scroll back with the unceasing questions for follow up. “No, I’m not dating anyone right now.” You suppose it’s harmless in itself, riding on the hopes that you know what he’s doing. He’s allowed to see or date whoever he chooses, after all.

[right now?] 

[yo??????]

[this is my time to shine fr]

[sorry guys, it’s me.]

“Actually… I’ve had a crush on someone for a while now.” He starts, pout replacing the grin on his face as he looks down, toying with his fingers.

[wait we’re seriously doing this rn?]

[is this a bit?]

[chat…what is going on]

“I don’t even think she likes me back, to be honest. She’s really indifferent to me.”

[she broke ur heart?? My baby:((]

[im going to kill her] (deleted)

[how could she ?? ur so sweet!]

“No, no.” Beomgyu shakes his head, “It’s really professional of her to be honest. She knows how to separate work from personal business. She keeps me safe, and is always there for me, like you guys are!”

[does she know you like her lolll]

[confession stream?!]

[ain’t no way…]

[whooooooooooooooooo?!]

He grins, building suspense by drumming the table. “She’s been a great help to all of my streams. My savior, my guardian angel, my one and only mod!” 

You cough violently, reaching the far end of the table for your water bottle. What the fuck is he on? You fail to catch the rest of his confession, his words numbing your ears as you're frozen in place.

[LMFAO]

[BRUHHHHHH]

[don’t date her plz, i would actually shoot myself.] (deleted)

[fr is this a prank]

“Calling her “Mod” is a bit dehumanizing, you think?” He ponders, “I don’t think I should call her by her real name on stream, so what do we suggest, chat?”

[mod-nim? idk]

[angel! like you said earlier<3]

[bitch]

[you said we would get married. Fuck you stupid cheater choi beomgyu]  (deleted)

[anything you like!]

[u should ask her..]

“I like Angel!” He replies, clapping his hands. “I think it suits her—my Angel.” You’re barely functioning, on the edge of your seat as you try to predict what he says next. “That’s all the time I have today, bamtoris. What do you suggest we do for our next sub goal?”

[baking stream!]

[those 24 hour streams hehe]

[strip game lol] (deleted)

[house tour]

“Okay, I’ll host a poll for the most popular replies later! Stay tuned my babies~ See you–and thank you again for two thousand subs!” With that, he waves at the webcam, throwing kisses onto the camera as he clicks end livestream. You waste no time, exiting your apartment and knocking on his studio across from yours frantically.

The front door opens with a wide grin plastered on the other’s face. You sneer, shoving past him. “What the fuck was that?” He drops onto the couch, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. “I take it you did not enjoy today’s work?” Your chest heaves rapidly, feet planted near the doorway as you try to string together a coherent (and professional) sentence. “Angel, I’m allowed to have my own life outside of work. That includes my love life, which does not concern you or my viewers.” He practices the nickname, turning his head to face you. “Does not concern me? You have a fucking crush on me! Your fans would go ballistic if you actually dated someone.” He scoffs, “Are you saying people only watch me not because I’m entertaining but because of my face?” You shake your head, leveling with him on the sofa. “Beomgyu, I would never say that.” The other’s eyebrow is raised, expecting a catch. You so desperately wish to shelter him on this topic, even if it’s a half-truth. “I’m saying your viewership is over 60% female. It wouldn’t hurt for you to–” The laugh that exits him is hollow and unamused. “You want my fans to delude themselves into thinking they could get with me?” You place your hands on top of his in an attempt to de-escalate his temperament. “No! But as long as you’re not taken—” They’re swatted away, and he recoils. “It’s implied!” You gulp. “Fine. Yes, it helps them hold on to the sliver of hope they have.”

“Then I’d be profiting off of their parasocial perception of me.” A hint of guilt makes its way to his expression, one that you mirror. You hadn’t hoped to be part of such a cycle that takes advantage of the emotions of an individual. “You could have worded it more nicely. They’re your fans.” The shame on his face stiffens up into annoyance. “You were the one who put the ideas in my head!” You turn away from him. “It’s what happens to all streamers, Beoms. You build rapport, a following and that’s how they come back.”

His face is buried in his palms, clicking his tongue as he ruffles his hands through his hair. “Get out.” Your face falls, “What?” He pushes past you, opening the door. “Get out. You’re not my boss, you work under me.” He hisses, nostrils flaring as opposed to the stiff composure he tries to put up. “You check my schedule, you clean my inbox, you edit my vods. You don’t get to tell me what I can’t do.” Through clenched fists, you take in a deep breath, trying your best to keep your own calm. Though perhaps your own anger and panic is laced with a bit of hurt. Beomgyu has never gotten pissed off at you, no matter the circumstance. “Fine. If that’s how you feel our workplace terms should be, then that’s the protocol I will follow” You reply. A lump gets caught up in your throat and nearly chokes you as you turn to him. “You’re right, you’re the boss.” You murmur, tight-lipped. The door slams behind you louder than you intended, but you shake it off and trudge back to your apartment.

A few streams have passed since your verbal altercation with Beomgyu, minimal contact held on both your ends. His last text was a screenshot of the poll results he promised his viewers and you gulp down at the landslide of votes asking him to do a strip game. Would this take a toll on his mental well being? The silent confirmation that he’s being looked at for his physical appearance and not for his content? Your fingers hovered over the keyboard overlay, drafting messages to ask if he’s fine, to tell him he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.

But you’re neither his manager nor his PR team, and now you’re not even sure if you have the right to talk to him as a friend. You revisit the chat, texting a short “stream starts in 10” and he replies with a thumbs up emoji. 

You don’t know what game he’s playing, but you’re sure as hell not participating. Cross-armed, you slump back in your seat as he plays a first person shooter, with each death prompting him to take a piece of accessory or clothing off. He’s layered in a dramatic amount of jackets and coats, and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile at how comical he looks. But you pull yourself back to Earth, your screen indicating his next death. He clicks his tongue, taking off one of his coats. 

Beomgyu’s right. He’s smart, and he would never do anything to jeopardize what he has worked so hard to achieve. You watch him argue with the comments about cheating and how socks don’t count because nobody couldn’t see it anyway, simultaneously deleting serious comments about buying said garment. You reassure yourself that he’ll do what is in his best interest for him, even if you subconsciously note the change in his playstyle, a little more risky and miscalculated than it usually is.

However you hold out, arms glued to your sides and trying your best to bury yourself in your chair as he takes off his shirt. He’s in a top, thank goodness, and it seems to do wonders for his image as his viewers go crazy for his physique. You yourself have to admit that for someone who complains about putting in the effort to work out, his figure fairs prettily. You clutch the table in annoyance when he dies a pointless death right after respawning, opting him to be stripped bare for his chest area. How many deaths has he had in two games? Even the comments are questioning his skills, something that was previously glossed over as people assume it was from getting used to the mechanics.

“I really suck at this character.” Beomgyu pouts, shimmying what you assume are his shorts off camera. He looks over the chat while waiting to be revived, body facing away from his main screen. “Yeah, I’m only in my underwear now. Such a shame, on my last game too.” He snickers, resting his head on his palm. 

What the fuck was he doing? He’s not seriously thinking about getting naked live, is he? “You want to see? My chat is a bunch of perverts.” He says playfully, turning back to the game. “Oh shit. I lost.” The comments cheer as he closes the game, lightly swiveling in his chair. The camera is taken off the tripod and into the boy’s shaky hands. “Oh well, A promise is a promise!” He beams, and you lunge out of your seat, running over to his studio. All the doors are unlocked, and you’re not sure if it’s a blessing or a red flag, but you bust into the studio and pull the plug on all of his devices. “What is wrong with you?!” You bark, throwing the heavy coats on top of him. Your seething contrasts the smirk on his face as he pulls his shorts up. “I knew it, you care about me.” Your mouth falls agape, blinking and laughing like you’ve gone insane. “Are you genuinely stupid? You’re my boss. You would’ve ruined your life, Beomgyu.” He shrugs, slumping against his seat. “I never would’ve shown my dick, obviously.”

“You could’ve had like–whatever the nip slip equivalent is for this.” You shriek. “Calm down,” He says, acting as if you were the unreasonable one. “I had it under control, alright? If anything, you caused the commotion.” The air hangs in an uncomfortable silence, until you start laughing again. “Me?” He doesn’t find it funny. “Yes, you. People will think I have a girlfriend, and you were so against that idea before, right?” You’d like to punch that cocky grin off his lips, gaze narrowing at him. “Did you do this on purpose?” He shrugs again, pursing his lips. “Wanted to see if you would stop me.”

You shake your head, pivoting yourself out of the room. “You’re a fucking idiot.” He grabs at your wrist, eyes solemn and serious. “I care about you—can’t I want your care for me, even if it’s over something as stupid as this?” You do nothing but gape back at him, and he pulls you in closer, placing his hands on your shoulders. “Face it, you like me, even if it’s not like that.” You roll your eyes. “You’re such an egoist, Beomgyu.” He pays no mind to your insults, “What I want to know is why you only delete comments that talk shit about me, and you ignore the ones dog-piling on you.” Your brows pinch in confusion. “”Cause it’s my job to protect you, fuckface. My comments don’t matter.” He’s quick to dismiss you. “That’s not true, and it sucks when I see you put yourself down like you don’t matter. Even if you say you don’t like me, I like you. That shit affects me too.” You scoff, violently removing his grip on you. “That’s such bullshit. Those comments were for one live and don’t mean anything to me.” His face contorts into a mix of amusement and disbelief. “They don’t? Not the ones that called you a bitch and a user?” Your gaze is stuck on the floor, refusing to give him any satisfaction over the topic. “What about the ones who called you all those slurs and a nympho, they don’t even know you.” You clear your throat. “Well, it shouldn’t matter to you, because it’s none of your business.” 

His gaze softens, “You are my business.” “No—you’re my business, and I work for you. That’s all.” Your expression is sharp and blank, staring right into him. “Is that what’s keeping you from being with me?” He exclaims, gears turning in his head. “‘Cause I don’t need a fucking mod anyway. I’ll deal with whatever comment is thrown my way because I’m not a pussy that needs to be kept in the dark.” If his solution is to fire you then date you, he may be as foolish as you feared. “You think that shit is easy?” You hiss, pushing him off you and onto his seat. “You know what people say about you, Beomgyu?” His body is trapped in between your arms, gulping down as you get close to his face. “They think you’re a fame whore who’s desperate for a click, and you should just slut yourself out for cash.” You don’t miss the way his alarmed stare flickers to your lips. “I defend you from shit like that every time you open your camera, and you think it's as easy as ignoring a few trolls? Even your own fans joke about it.” 

“Though looking at you now, you’re just as dirty and trampy as they make you out to be.” You wedge your knee in between his crotch, and he falters at the contact. “If you’re a pervert who gets off shit like this? Maybe you’ll be just fine after all. Fuck, maybe you can even make a living out of it.” He slumps over your leg, resting his cheek on your thigh with heavy breaths. “Please—” He chokes out, and you tilt your head curiously. “Please what?”

“Please make it better.”

You snatch the waistband of his underwear and tug it down to his thighs, eyes screwed shut as his dick hits his stomach. Beomgyu groans at the cool air that hits his skin, replaced with the warm slick from  your cunt. He looks up at you panting over him, brows furrowed as you try to sink further on him. Without warning, he bucks his hips up into you, making you fall down onto his lap. Tugging his hair back, you glare at him. “Don’t. Move.” You hiss. The other whines in response, gripping on the arm rests and burying his face between your neck. You huff, digging your fingers into his shoulders as you sink deeper. “I can’t–you have to move, please move or else—” “Or else what?” You cut him off, “I’m the one doing you a fucking favor here. So you’ll take what I give you or I'll take it all away.”

He’s fully situated in you, but you still aren’t moving—and it’s driving the brunette insane. He starts rolling his hips slowly, and he was pretty sure you didn’t notice until a small whimper leaves you. His gaze locks in with your own—eyes watering and lips quivering as you try to remain calm. 

With one swift motion, Beomgyu hoists you up to his hips and drags the both of you onto the bed. He lets you down gently onto the mattress, planting a kiss on your forehead as he drives himself deeper into you. 

The both of you don’t say anything for a while–-the room filled with shaky breathing and whimpering, along with the squelching from where your bodies connect. His hips suddenly stutter and snap into you, causing you to moan loudly. His hands move from your thighs to take hold of your face, kissing you like his life depended on it. You yelp when he bites down, prying himself into your mouth. He starts thrusting faster, raking the sides of your torso with his tongue still lodged in your throat. Out of the blue, he pulls himself off you, watching the way your pussy sucks his cock in and out. “Angel, you’re so pretty…So pretty when you go dumb on my dick, that smart mouth of yours can’t keep up with me.” He sighs, pressing his thumb on your clit. Your legs try their best to close but he spreads them further apart, bending down so that his chest is sitting on yours. “So pretty, thinking about nothing but me. I wish you’d always think about me.” He mumbles mindlessly, “I love you.”Your cunt clenches at his words, and you’re sure he feels it by the way he arches his back into you. 

He picks up his pace again, whining and babbling incoherent phrases. He tells you he loves you over and over again, before cutting himself off. “I-I’m close, can I cum inside?” You nod feverishly and he smirks, kissing the tip of your nose. “So cute, eager for me to fill you up? I’m at your disposal, angel. I’ll give you anything and everything you want.” He rushes, kissing the sides of your face until you come around him, inducing his own orgasm as he rides both of your highs out, white strings overflowing to the base of his dick and the inners of your thighs.

“So...” He starts, drumming his fingers against your thigh. You turn to him, lips in a pursed line. “So… You’re actually in love with me.” 

Beomgyu makes a deadpan expression, dropping his shoulders. “I thought that was clear already from like, the million times I told you.” Trying to face away, you shuffle against the bed, but he holds your waist and pulls you close to him. Still, you refuse to meet his gaze. “Well, words are just—words.” Your phrases make him petulant, circling over the dip of your skin with his thumb. “Well, I do mean it.”

“I know I just— I don’t think—you’re a public figure, Beomgyu.” The sulk on his face deepens,  a successful attempt to make you pity him. “I’m still just me. Completely separate from whatever facade I choose to show the rest of the world.” He says, taking your hands in his. “I’ll be yours, as Beomgyu, not some mega-talented and skilled streamer.” You scoff at his never ending confidence, shoving him away from you. His face beams when he lightens the mood. “So?” You raise an eyebrow, “So?”

“Do you want to try,” He gestures between the two of you, “this?” He can visualize the gears turning in your head, and he has to admit to himself that he’s scared of your answer. You release your bottom lip from your teeth. “One date.” He flips over to rest on top of you, resting his face on your chest. “One date and a hotel.” 

You scoff. “One date until dinner.” Pouting, he mumbles, “I thought that was implied.” You giggle, combing your fingers through his hair. “One date with a dinner, and if it goes well we’ll see where that gets us.”

“Deal.”

thank you for reading! feedback, reblogs, and tags for support towards the algorithm appreciated♡

sorry this took so long i totally forgot about it until i got a dm asking me about it xd

─── 〔 𝒎.𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 〕

[karoochui]

I just wanted to say I am so enamoured with Binary Insurgence! I eat up everything, every little crumb, you drop about it and the entire idea is so interesting to me! I'm so in love with stories and worlds like this! I'm also curious to know about the relationship between Sun and Moon, if it's alright to ask. How was it before the fire compared to after? Does their relationship begin to mend (because I'm certain over the years it deteriorated) when y/n comes back into the picture? If any of this is too spoilery or you just haven't fleshed it out yet then you don't have to answer! I'm just super curious about the boys and how you see their dynamic/relationship. I just look forward to seeing how their bond has grown and/or broken and how it may be mended over time.

AHH im glad you like it so much!! Im happy to talk about what i've got, but you are right not everything is fully fleshed out. I have points i wanna get to but while im brainstorming and planning i make up a lot of stuff as i go and then go over it again later to see if i like it or can connect stuff in any way. I have 3 chapters for Arc 1 fully summarized as of now! (Which probably doesn't seem like a lot but i like my chapters long, so it's quite a bit actually).

I wanna say, too, that i'm planning for the first story to be more in the perspective of the reader, so most things about Sun and Moon's personal thoughts and feelings are gonna be more implied than said. I might have some switching points of view, i'm not sure, but i haven't found a place i'd do it or think it's relevant. The sequel is gonna be more from their perspective since it'll mostly be about them.

NOW! I see Sun and Moon as brothers, so they really treat each other in a way that's like that. Before the fire they get along pretty well. Most instances of issue would be when Moon blocks out Sun when he fronts, or just mutual panic over the fact Moon lost his shit w/ the virus. They'll have their disagreements about things (i havent planned specifics yet) but generally they're chill. Sun just worries about Moon hurting people, but Moon worries too. With the way the virus functions in this AU it's hard for Sun to fully fault Moon for what he does, especially because he's also affected by it but not nearly as bad. (I'm gonna explain this more in another ask i have).

Plus, even before the virus they were always glitch/bug-ridden because technicians fucked up their programming continuously after removing them from the theater to work in the daycare. So they had to kinda navigate through that together, glitches and errors on both ends (though not deadly). They hate P&S bc of this, obviously. Hardware fixes suck but they fucking HATE software examinations.

Later on though some issues come into play whenever Sun starts getting worse by being further exposed to the virus (it gets worse for him when they eclipse) because it presents itself in Sun differently than it does Moon. He gets snappier and angrier at times (that comic i made that's captioned "well someones snappy") and while they both understand he doesnt mean the shit he does it's still not great. And nobody's gonna just let themselves be talked to like a dog even if the reason it's happening is because of something the other person can't really help. They're still relatively fine at this point, though.

It's at the end when shit goes really bad, because this part of the story does end badly. I won't spoil specifics but after the fire Sun loses his shit. He starts trying to put the blame on Moon for everything (the virus enhancing his already bad habits/fucking with his line of thinking) out of grief and anger. That carries over into the apocalypse and he just gets worse in general. He gets irrational.

It's a long period of time though, so he eventually also manages it, in his own way. But! I did say before in an ask that in the sequel he's "not evil, persay, but he's a fucking nut". He damns Moon to an hourglass to just fucking get rid of him about 100~ years before they meet you again (he fully thinks he's in the right for this (and he also just hates him) and the only reason he really even stayed around after that was to make sure Moon didn't get out again). He's not a bad-intentioned individual, but he's off the fucking wall at many times bc of the virus having made him worse. He's stubborn as all hell to an infuriating degree, he's irrational, hard-headed, reckless, and while a good bit of his old, kinder self is still pretty prevalent he can be downright fucking mean if provoked. Again, worse than before, and it doesn't take much these days! I always imagined him to have more dramatic, snappy, diva aspects to his personality (even before Help Wanted 2 came out) bc hes so theatrical and intense, so basically take a Sun that's like that, crank it up to 100 and put him in a Bad Situation. That's what Round 2 Sun is like at his worst. He's not a complete lost cause though, and he's far from dumb when he does stuff, just clouded by his own judgement. He doesn't think anything's wrong with him (or does he?).

Moon doesn't really hate him like Sun hates Moon, because although he knows that what happened (the ending of the first story) is technically both of their faults he just feels guilt. They do fight a lot, though. Most of it is Moon trying his best to tell Sun that he's basically full of shit and not seeing things right after Sun starts something, but Sun's at the point where he's gotta learn by consequence. Part of the reason he's so bad is bc 1: hes been infected by the virus for so long now and 2: in his grief, anger, and resentment he's learned to live with it rather than fighting it.

But the sequel is gonna be a feel-good story! Falling in love w/ the reader all over again, i want things to get cleared up - or at least some kind of middle ground between Sun and Moon - the whole sha-bang.

[bornforastorm]

U are so mysterious about your writing hannah bornforastorm!!! I have 2 for the fic specific ask game about "crabapple crabs": gimme a BTS of your fave scene (im gonna guess that it is either BJ and hawk at the rocks or the scrabble game).

aaand i have a million dollar question for you about offscreen events: how do you imagine hawkeye and trapper's postwar reunion went, which in your fic led to them living together :)

oh beloved ben majorbaby!!!! you are so nice to send these!! to be called mysterious is so funny

to save space because boyyyy do I blather:

BTS:

lol so my favorite scene is actually the “are you fucking my man??” scene between Trapper and BJ. I'd be so happy to deconstruct BJ and Hawk on the rocks (which is as much about the two of them as it is about Hawkeye's relationship to his hometown to me), or the scrabble game (I did sooo much scrabble score calculating lol), which probably had more active thought put into them. Here, I don’t know if there’s good behind-the-scenes work to share, except that the early part of that scene where Trapper is like, "wtf is wrong with you" was absolutely fixed by you!! Personally!! You were so right that it needed clarification on the conversation Hawkeye and Trapper have already had off-screen (the burden of the limited BJ perspective!). Initially I had imagined BJ goes to bed the night before and Hawk and Trap immediately talk before going to bed themselves. So Trapper has been stewing on it all night and getting more and more pissed off at BJ, and so in the morning, he's already mad as hell. But it needed a little more finesse in the overheard conversation to make that all clear. Figuring out when Trapper is nice regarding BJ (to Hawkeye's face, because he clearly needs the reassurance), when he's trying to have a productive conversation with BJ (the "be nice why don't ya" section) and then when he actively turns against BJ (after BJ tries to pull the "you weren't there!" card again) took some tinkering. The very first draft of this scene was a lot meaner to BJ a lot quicker.

as a side note on this scene-- I am p pleased with my little "the coffee is exactly how I like it but it tastes too good to be right" bit between BJ and Hawkeye, because I think the difficulty of continuing things post-war for everyone is that the things that felt right over there do not translate to back home. Is the underlying connection even still there? I'm obsessed with the scene in Mash Goes to Maine where Trapper shows up in Maine for the first time and Hawkeye is so scared things will be irreparably different between them. And things are different, but they are the same. So I tried to bring that into a lot of moments in the fic, including this one!

And then of course Trapper is mean to BJ, BJ tries to push back but he's in the wrong so he can't win. I do like writing BJ as someone ready to get into a physical altercation here. It feels right for him-- as a defense to his masculinity, against his underlying attraction to Trapper (bc Trapper is undeniably hot and is walking around shirtless and totally confident about it and BJ loathes it), against Trapper's implication that BJ doesn't care about Hawkeye in a healthy way.

Then Trapper is smug about BJ’s insecurity, and happy to rub it in BJ’s face a little. At this point the scene sortof wrote itself. The power of that iconic tumblr post 🙏. BJ working himself up into a fit at the concept of Hawkeye and Trapper fucking, and Trapper like, "yeah man" is inherently powerful.

I am however VERY proud of the "I wouldn't have thought I'd have to explain it to you" bit, which I think feels in character with Trapper while also being like, so fuckin mean and biting. I like that Trapper can be mean sometimes. He's not a mean person, like I think BJ often is, but he sure can turn on some cruelty when the situation calls for it and I liked writing that.

I actually love all the Trapper-BJ scenes, where it's just the two of them trying to suss the other one out. Like the scene where they decide to get drunk together I really like too! Both the moment of understanding on the stoop and then the afternoon of toasts. Love to write this dynamic that has no precedent from the show to mirror or ape! Fun!

OKAY! Moving on!

The Off-Screen Reunion!!

I have written 9,000 words of this that I hope to actually finish as a real fic someday. So you may get all this in real story form at some point bUT here's the gist: basically Hawkeye gets back, is having a weird time, staying with his dad because the house he owns doesn't really feel like home (he barely lived in it before being drafted). One night he re-reads the letters Trapper sent him (which are part of Crabapple Crabs. For the sake of this, Trapper wrote and Hawkeye just kept it to himself. Too personal! But he also never wrote back. Too painful!) and then digs out the tape-recorded letter he sent his dad that has Trapper's voice on it. Wanting more of that voice, he calls Trapper in Boston and they have the most stilted, uncomfortable, who-are-we-to-each-other conversation where Trapper is like, "I figured you didn't want anything to do with me" and Hawkeye says "Well I was pretty mad at you but I want to do with you, I love you." Trapper hangs up sortof abruptly and Hawkeye is like, okay that was it, I blew it, I'll never see him or hear from him again.

But Trapper shows up on his doorstep the next day, in the rain of course, and they talk all night about this and that and BJ and it's easy and comfortable and by the morning it's like... yeah things aren't the same, but we can be. We want to do the work to make it work. We care about each other more than the hardships.

Meanwhile Trapper's already divorced and is having a hard, miserable time in Boston. It's too busy, he's still operating on meatball time, working too hard and too fast and it's fucking him up. So when Hawkeye suggests he stay for a while, he does. And then he just... doesn't leave.

He fixes up Hawkeye's house, makes it a home for him, for them (cleaning and furnishing a house as a metaphor). Having Trapper around creates an excuse to introduce him around town, gets Hawkeye out of his head and back into the community. They decide they can do good by starting a clinic, which is an invigorating project for Hawkeye. Another instance of me being really into Mash Goes to Maine lol. Trapper likes the town and the weirdo people, and now they have something to work towards together. They play scrabble and eat lowkey vegetarian at home and the town is like, well those Pierces have always been weird so why shouldn't Hawkeye have a war buddy come live with him? Ain't any weirder than the other weird stuff. And we like the war buddy, he's a good fella and his kids are nice girls and ain't it nice they come up sometimes.

So that's how I imagine it happens, more or less!! Someday I'll finish the full fic version, which honestly so far is hugely about the rest of the town and Hawkeye's relationship to the town too lmao I can't help myself

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[bokuroaka]

hi! can i ask how u made ur carrd like what are the settings? ty!

omg YES i love carrd making hi anon. if there’s anything specific u want just lmk!! under the cut bc its long... i make most of my carrds on desktop so this is very desktop based.... to all of u who do ur carrds on mobile honestly kudos i cld never

uhm also when i say long like this is v long bc i added a lot of reasoning to my settings n tips that i’ve picked up on making carrds (plus the screenshots) i hope it helps tho ^_^ apologies if u knew most of this stuff tho bc i explained... everything...

some notes before we get in: for colors i usually just base everything off the sidebar image and use a color picking website (i use this one) to get the the html codes for colors. the site i use also generates a palette which i also use! ur free to use anything tho obv. the font i used is “inter” 

1. ok first here are my page settings! i wont include my animation settings now ill leave that to the end.. these r rlly the only settings that i’ve changed so i’ll just post these.

ok i dont rlly change much except for these two, the position is set to top not center (which is the default) b/c esp w carrds like the one i have now i dont like the header portion moving depending on the height of the container underneath... does that make sense? that’s just super nitpicky of me LOL but if u do end up making the carrd n playing around w the settings u’ll see what i mean

the width is set to 22 bc i like small carrds! play around w this as u see fit, i also change it depending on how it looks like in mobile (im very thorough lol) if ur wondering how u can do that on desktop, its this phone looking icon on this bar on the top right of the screen: (the 6th icon!)

the next pic is also default settings except my spacing is set to 0. i’ll explain why later! the alignment also doesnt really matter w/ this carrd. u can play around with it tho!

2. this is for the home page!

first i’ll explain how this is set up: the title box and the box under it (i’ll call it info box) are both containers! here is why i put set the spacing to 0 earlier: if u put 2 containers theres going to be space btwn them and to achieve this kind of look (ig) i just set the page spacing (in the page settings) to 0. however this means that everything is going to be pressed up against each other so i usually just add dividers (which are transparent [color code is #96969600]) i wont post a screenshot bc the settings r default, except for the margins which u can play around with to see what works for u (it’s set to 0.375 for me rn)

here are my settings for the title box 

most of these r pretty standard except for the padding and border. the reason why i didnt tick the bottom part is bc of the container w all my info underneath. both containers have borders so the bottom & top border of those containers wld just merge n create a thicker border which isnt what i was looking for... anyway.

then i just add a text element & just write my title! idt my settings for that r relevant so i wont add it (the text size is 0.875)

next is the info box! here are my settings: 

btw this is a container with columns!! those can look p wonky on mobile so make sure to have these settings on so that they wont look awful on mobile!!

oh also i wont post a screenshot of my text settings (text size is 0.75 + line spacing is 1.25) if ur wondering how i changed colors for some of the text the format is basically just [text]{#color} 

for the image size i set the width size to full (or full column) that depends on u (and how much text u put in the info part) i just prefer how it looks like when the image width is set to full bc that way no part of the image is cut off... really depends on u and what image ur using though so just play around w/ it!!

and in terms of spacing, i have a divider on top of the title box b/c otherwise the whole thing is just too high up for my taste

ok now to explain the header part and how i got my title/info box to stay “fixed”

so... im ngl. i dont understand how the header function works (help) so uhh i wont go as into detail here. but what worked for me is adding a header marker (the plus thing on the bar > control > change section break to header marker) right after the info container, then adding a section break (this one is called #wala bc wala here means ‘nothing’ in bisaya lol) and a transparent divider right after it. i hope its visible in the pic... anyway this is the only method i found that makes the carrd work lmao. it rlly doesnt matter what u name the #wala section break bc its not gonna show up so u might as well just use a keysmash

3. the extra info!! (extra, interests, byf)

this section will b shorter compared to the first two LOL anyway. first i started off w a section break (#usa which means 1 in bisaya hehe), then a transparent divider for spacing, and then a container! theres nothing fancy abt this container it has the exact same settings as the info box above so u can just duplicate that container and change the container type from columns to default.

then just add ur info and ur done!! repeat w whatever extra info u want to add (i only had 3 to add so it looks like this for me)

4. oh before i forget, these are my animation settings!! (page > the triangle thing)

u can preview the on load animation by clicking the triangle button on the top right bar, but for the on section change animations u have to save then preview it on ur carrd itself :/ kinda annoying but yeah... i usually never set anything above 0.5 seconds for on section change animations bc im impatient LOL 

these r completely optional tho... i just think animations make the carrd look smoother & more fun!

thats it i think! here are some tips i have

1. this tip is abt how carrds can differ when on mobile! i sometimes fiddle around with the mobile settings to make sure my carrd looks the way i want it to on mobile! bc mobile sometimes fucks up the spacing and it annoys me LOL... example here: 

u can find these settings if u scroll down a bit on the page settings and switch mobile from auto to manual (like in the screenshot) most of the settings i dont touch except the size setting, i just fiddle around w it and see how my carrd looks in the mobile view until im satisfied

2. this isnt rlly necessary but its smthn neat i picked up! if u check ur section break settings and check hide footer u can get rid off the “( made with carrd )” text on the bottom! i think it just makes the carrd look a bit neater, esp since the page spacing is set to 0 so it might look a little squished under the container...

3. i like to use all elements of my carrd efficiently (ig? heres the engineering major jumping out) and idk if u noticed, but if u click on the title (”it has always been once for me”) or the image (which is... of tbz..) it actually takes u back to the home page ^^ idk i just think small things like that r neat 

thats it for real!! i hope this wasnt too much of a hassle to read or follow through, and if u have any questions dont hesitate to dm me or send me an ask, even if we arent mutuals!! i hope u have fun making this carrd <3

[knifesxedge]

you really are about to unlock smth bc a) i have SO many thoughts on the sequel trilogy and b) im DESPERATE for a distraction so um. i think about the prequel trilogy and i really truly start to lose it. bc force awakens was SO GOOD. like remember the first time you watched it and you (me, but maybe you as well) were like? HOLY SHIT. it was obviously a new hope v2 but it was FRESH and NEW and there were cool characters that i CARED about. (1/3)

HELL YEAH let’s get into it ok ok ok OPINIONS INCOMING.

TOTALLY with u on this. like the prequels make me mad about the wasted potential but tbh the sequel trilogy is just like. draining emotionally because they LOOK so fucking good. the force awakens WAS so so good, like very very star wars even if it was following the plot beats of anh. and then it just. tanked itself holy shit. like at least the prequels look bad, sound bad, it’s like a comical level of tragic. the sequel trilogy feels like having chalk dust spread all over my skin and then being put in an echo chamber of nails on a chalkboard 😔 at this point even tfa comes with a TINY lil bit of like 😞 just because i know what comes after but YES tfa is one of those star wars movies that just FEELS so fucking star wars it makes me unhinged. “THATS ONE HELL OF A PILOT” YEAH BITCH!!! IT IS!!!!! GAY PEOPLE!!!

the last jedi. a mess. i like certain rian johnson films but he should not be allowed to be anywhere near Star Wars. my main problem? (beyond the racism and romanticizing stalking and emotional and physical abuse?) it doesn’t FEEL like star wars. like. ok even in the darkest moments in mainstream star wars films they are SUPPOSED to feel hopeful. tlj feels like watching a train wreck in slow motion it’s just like shitty thing after shitty thing after shitty thing happening to the main cast. i think the casino planet’s design was a little lazy and WAY too underlit and rose’s character was pointless in the way she was shown in the movie. exhausting. the jokes were all on the wrong edge of disrespectful to the characters and the original star wars like luke tossing the lightsaber over his shoulder? appalling. not funny just there for shock value. everyone is out of character. everyone is stressed and miserable all the time. aside from things i didn’t really want to see but wouldn’t have argued with in a better movie (ie luke dying) it really was just a racist misogynistic mess. oh yeah did i mention how they did rey’s character dirty because she went from being a scrappy desert mechanic who’s a little dorky and just trying to find a family and a place in the galaxy to Bland White Girl Servicing a Man’s Character. that pales in comparison to how finn poe and rose’s characters were treated but HOLY shit. i walked out of the theater crying. tfa raised my expectations only to have tlj smash them down to the floor it was. hhhhh ok ok ok im trying to think if i liked anything from the movie. um. you were right it looked good! sound and score were great as usual. i did think poe’s conversation with hux at the beginning was funny. i really liked when leia used the force to come back to the ship (ik that was a controversial scene for some people but i did really like that scene. she deserves it). laura dern is cool i hated her character but in theory laura dern being leia’s lesbian boarding school friend is neat. but yeah im sorry i really REALLY didn’t like that movie we only saw it in theaters once it was so bad. :( i do agree with u abt the force mysticism being cool tho!

rise of skywalker. now maybe it’s because the bar was on the floor after tlj. but i actually liked it quite a bit. still kind of a mess. jj trying to retcon all of the stuff from the last movie because for some reason he wasn’t just allowed to do the whole trilogy. the pacing being a nightmare for the first half. the atrocious abuser-validating kiss at the end. but im gonna be real after having to sit through tlj i was happy enough just to see the main trio back together and finn and poe being treated with more respect to care much about that stuff. disney queerbaits me once again but that’s on me for clowning. i really genuinely liked the scene where rey passes the lightsaber to kylo i thought that was cool but it was overshadowed by the knowledge that the Kiss 🤮 was coming so i didn’t get to enjoy it like i wanted. ALSO hayden christiansen and all the other actors doing the voices in the scene where rey is fighting the emperor (who im pretty sure was only in there because RIAN put the trilogy’s intended big bad into a sparkly gold bathrobe and killed him off in the second movie but im not complaining about seeing ian mcdiarmid) were apparently on set in costume and force ghosts were supposed to protect her in like a big circle and what im saying is i feel robbed and cheated and feral

the only movie of the three i REALLY liked was tfa. now we’re back to How Would I Fix It. step one fire rian johnson. step two put JJ on the whole trilogy and HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE for having a plot planned out, or else get a different director TO DO ALL THREE MOVIES. none of this middle of the road “trying to appease both sides of the fandom” bullshit. kylo dies at the end and they DO NOT kiss and that is all the redemption he gets. if disney is claiming gay rep then they SHOW us ACTUAL gay representation. poe and finn kiss on screen and we don’t get a two second blurry background kiss between random characters. completely toss out whatever the fuck that plot was supposed to be in tlj and separate ros into two movies so JJ could actually DO the entire plot he had planned (instead of disney execs chopping down what was p much a four hour movie into two hours twenty two minutes which was SHORTER than the two hour forty minute cut jj reluctantly okayed but i DIGRESS).

god. what the fuck. anyways sorry for completely going off the rails but ty for sharing ur sequel trilogy opinions and ty for letting me rant sorry this got so long but ily!!! ❣️💕💝

[unicyclehippo]

Hey man, are you doing alright? (if you're taking prompts, petrichor and, I doubt this needs saying, beaujes.)

janet voice: not a man

im doing p good! mostly finished moving, haven’t started unpacking at all, but good! & i am always accepting prompts, it’s nice for me, lets me know y’all are interested

//

petrichor - the pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a long period of dry weather

//

the moorlands aren’t at all what beau was expecting. nor yasha, judging by the way she stops every fifteen or so minutes, craning her head to look this way and that as if something is missing, some landmark she can almost recall the shape of.

the whole damn moor is missing, no marshland around—just dry cracked earth. it looks more like the barbed fields than any of them care to mention; that memory is too close, far too close, to other more painful ones.

still, they make their way south.

jester is seated in the cart they had thought might need to be left behind rather than drag in the marshland muds, and her attention shifts from her notebook to yasha scouting ahead. now and again, she looks to beau who follows the party. the distance the other girl keeps—from the entire party now—could just be a slower pace as she watches out for wild moorbounders.

it could be something more.

‘beau! beau, come sit with me!’

she can’t see them clearly from this distance but jester can feel beau’s eyes on her. beau lifts a hand in a wave, shakes her head.

jester’s tail curls at her side as worry and upset and—honestly? anger—vie for her attention, swirling in her gut. beau said she wasn’t avoiding her, said it right to her face. so why does jester still feel like she is?

she’ll just have to ask again.

shoving her much beloved, much battered notebook into her pack, jester waits for a good moment to slide off the back of the cart. she stumbles a moment on the uneven ground but regains her feet and waits, smiling brilliantly, for beau to catch up.

beau notices her. beau hesitates.

the hitch in her step is enough to make jester’s smile slip and however she had imagined easing into the question is gone from her mind as hurt mingles with anger and transforms into something jester cannot hold back.

‘you don’t even want to walk with me anymore?’

beau at least doesn’t pretend, doesn’t try to lie to her, doesn’t try to convince jester that she hadn’t seen what she has seen.

‘it’s not that, jes,’

‘you are avoiding me, aren’t you? or - or someone, it doesn’t have to be me.’ there’s this tightening to beau’s eyes, her lips, so minute that jester wouldn’t have caught it if not for the blazing sun and the shadows it throws on even the most minor of changes. beau tries not to let her expression change, but the effort of it is a tell in and of itself.

jester wilts. ‘it is me.’

‘jes,’

‘oh.’ she wraps her arms around her own waist in a loose hug, turns sharply on the spot to return to the cart that has continued to trundle away.

‘jester, wait,’ she hears beau call, and the dull thud of the girl running after her. ‘hey, hold on, gimme a fuckin’ chance to speak, would you?’

‘and say what? you don’t want to be my friend? you don’t want to be here at all?’

with a sound of annoyance, beau quickens her step and moves in front of jester. doesn’t move even when jester doesn’t stop in time—just brings her hands up to steady her.

they’re awfully close like this, beau’s hands on her shoulders and one of jester’s steadying on beau’s hip, and if she looks up, she can see clear blue sky and beau. beau, whose eyes are a shade darker—the way the sky ought to look, the right colour for a sky, in jester’s opinion. they’re in shadow now as beau tilts her head down a fraction, staring down at jester.

‘this isn’t too close for you?’ jester bites after a moment.

beau’s fingers tighten on her shoulders, just for a moment, before she lets her go. takes a small step back.

she doesn’t speak, at first. a small frown, nowhere close to a scowl, combined with the way she worries at her bottom lip with blunt teeth makes her look nervous.

jester doesn’t think she’s ever even seen beau afraid—not when they faced the manticore, or the hydra, or the hand, or the demons beneath the well. maybe once. when she leapt back through the closing door for fjord.

‘i’m an asshole,’ beau says after a moment. ‘but i’m—i’m trying not to be, y’know?’ the question sounds genuine, an entreatment. have you noticed, the upturned lilt to those words means. have i been even a little bit better?

jester nods. she’s seen beau’s growth, been impressed by it; she doesn’t see what it has to do with this, now, but she’ll let her talk.

‘i never wanna hurt you, jes.’

‘well you have!’

beau winces. ducks her head in a nod. ‘yeah. yeah, i—i know.’

jester shakes her head. ‘i just don’t get it. you’re not saying that - that you’re not gonna do it anymore. so, you know you’re - you’re doing it on purpose. aren’t you?’ the answer is clear in beau’s eyes. sky burned blue. yes. jester flinches back, sucks in a breath. ‘i—okay,’ she says, and tries not to let the word tremble. ‘did i do something wrong?’

‘no.’

it’s weird, but jester believes her. despite herself, despite her fears, she believes her. ‘did you do something wrong?’

beau’s answer is slower this time. she holds it on the tip of her tongue like she isn’t sure of it, isn’t sure she wants to commit to it. ‘no.’

jester sighs explosively, throws up her hands. ‘well, what do we do with that? how do we fix it?’ beau’s eyes drop; jester jabs a finger toward her, taps it on her sternum. ‘don’t say it! don’t say it, beau! we are gonna fix this because i miss you and i hate this and you’re right here,’ jester says, taps again, a little harder, ‘so why do you feel so far away? you just have to be here, beau.’

‘i dunno if it’s that easy.’

‘why not? we can make it that easy.’

beau looks like she could say more. she doesn’t. shakes her head with a fond smile she hasn’t worn for—days? weeks? standing so close, smiling so gently at her, jester feels dizzy for a split second.

‘i’m—need some water,’ jester mutters. ‘it’s really hot.’

‘water. right, yeah, hold on—i’ll get you some—‘ beau is yanked right back into place with a strong hand clutching her wrist. ‘or...i can walk you back to the cart?’ she guesses.

jester nods.

they walk slowly together, feet eventually finding the same rhythm as they catch up to the slow-moving cart and the rest of their friends. nothing is fully understood, or fixed, but at least beau is standing with her now.

the raindrops fall seemingly from nowhere, the thin gossomer clouds stretching out over the sky in seconds. yasha turns her head up and smiles as the rain drenches her face, her hair. the rest of her friends, her family, stand around her and watch as the dry earth darkens and pools with water that runs into the open cracks and disappears or settles like a mirror on the hard baked earth. it isn’t the moorlands as she remembers them but come morning, the vast field will be carpeted with green.

[crqstalite]

tired.

keeping a running list of mods i’ve come across or are looking at getting for me3 (yeah that game i’ve been yelling about for like,,, days). can use as a reference for your own shopping adventures on nexus. i do not use me3explorer (as i’ve said before and you’re probably tired of hearing me say it) or texmod.

is also more a reference for me (or a very disorganized essay or sorts), who’s been at this for like eight hours + some one off days with little success and more confusion than truly necessary (all while mildly distracted by andromeda and stories because it’s been a while since i loaded kodee’s save) now just trying to figure out what’s compatible and whats not. will update if i find new story mods i like.

priority earth overhaul mod (peom) conflicts with backoff. updated with backoff’s page as not to be used all together, though remains only as a minor issue on peom’s page. unsure of what it really is, but erring on the side of caution and writing it off all together. -fixes a lot with (obvs) priority earth. mulling over whether it’d be worth it. -unsure of whether i’d be overriding things by using LIME.

project variety conflicts with backoff. disappointed that it does conflict because of how much it adds, but i’m not smart enough to go messing around in the files and not expect a reprisal down the line. -project variety in general has a few issues i don’t think i could fix myself if need be. still mulling over whether i should install it or not, though it looks very nice.  -an issue with the spectre dlc mod is apparently the culprit for ontarom. because im not using the spectre dlc, not acknowledging this, but is good to know.

backoff itself does look very promising, hence why i may be willing to overlook peom and project variety for it alone (giftifish is very talented -- and concerned i may run into the problem with citlali because i’m just too nice to kaidan in general lol). my only concern is the removal of a couple scenes on earth with kaidan, (i think its a problem of it being too romantic for a shepard with a me2 romance but as you guys know me, none of my shepard’s have cheated) but as noted earlier, to be seen if this is really an issue. -at the moment looking for their release notes as advised. spoilers or no, i do like my kaidan romance and am curious to see what it changes. -update: it looks great. probably will install just for all the romance changes in general. just need to remember to save a lot when kaidan’s involved, ‘less i accidentally break up with him. -noticed that it updates all the romances to just run better in general. wow.

thanemod conflicts with a myriad of mods, which is understandable due to the story requirements to keep thane alive anyway. little disappointed that i can’t use it with some of them but not frustrated. if you’re not sure whether it conflicts, probably a good idea to hold off on installing it. -there is a third version of it coming. keeping an eye out for whenever it’s released, may start a thane romance once it is just for fun. -requires heavy usage of me3explorer. the mod author is very good at what they do, they’re documentation is honestly amazing, and had i not been the absolute monkey brain that i am, i probably could figure it out with little trouble. unfortunately i am monkey brain. -egm does specifically say in the mod description not to use me3explorer as well. consider the decision carefully, as i’m not sure what it changes if you do.

john p’s alternate ending mod (JAM) doesn’t have any conflicts as far as i’m concerned except with other ending mods (which checks out obvs), but does have quite a few issues that haven’t been fixed since 2016 and can make the endgame (catalyst) impossible to play. included with both version A and B, though there isn’t much of a consensus on which mods cause this issue. since i have a few mods on the list, i won’t be using this version. -the less is more ending mod (LIME) skips over these issues i think, will update this in the case i finish a playthrough with it. mostly installed just for the ending.    -there is an install issue with the citadel epilogue mod (CEM) that could be had if installation is incorrect. noted, but i don’t have the citadel dlc anyway. -personally like these mods more than the original mass effect happy ending mod (MEHEM) just because mehem is a little corny at times and a bit immersion breaking. to each their own, though.

expanded galaxy mod (EGM; page is down right now for updates as of 7.24.20) works with just about everything, as far as im concerned, except recalibrated. which honestly makes sense, so no complaint there. great mod, adds a lot to the game and isn’t immersion breaking in the slightest. - [as of 7.24 and update 1.47] there is a sort of known issue (i say sort of because i’ve seen three or four other posts on either mod that details a similar issue as mine) with the femshep’s closet mod that i haven’t been able to figure out. long story short, it glitches during the last romance scene and causes a few issues that could be described as game-breaking (invisible shepard/default shepard). the consensus is currently to disable the intro file prior to starting the cerberus hq mission. update to come once i figure out if this fixes the issue.

same gender mod is...questionable. a few mods i’m under the impression it works with (egm i think). ones like thane’s and backoff, not so much. i don’t believe it works with recalibrated or better dreams, and i don’t have a running list for mods that conflicts with. for a pretty much vanilla playthrough (like me, when i simply installed it to play with annika and ashley) without any other mods, it works fine. keep in mind most romance mods assume vanilla romances, not ones that can be achieved with mods.  -i only say this because the spreadsheet giftifish has mentions their mods only acknowledge vanilla romances. i figure this applies to all romance mods.

better dreams seems to work with everything i’ve come across except the same gender romance mod. will probably install just because i’m not a huge fan of the starchild.

a lot of textures for me3 (ALOT) does seem to have some issues that can be pretty easily explained, but as always, install it after all of your content dlc mods regardless. -it seems there may be an issue with project variety and possibly even backoff, but seems like minor issues that may be caused by other mods or a problem with installation. unsure, will update.

keep in mind a majority of these require a fresh me2 import. i’m not sure what they do for new me3 campaigns or NG+s, but i won’t try my luck lest it breaks my game entirely.

[asrasotherbottom]

First, I hope you get all the support and love you deserve dear. ^^ You are FANTASTIC! Second, I am clinically depressed with high anxiety. How would the six handle someone with those qualities? The fretting and low, days where you want to disappear, worrying that no one really cares it just an act?

Thank you!

I’m writing this based on my experiences and the experiences of those close to me, and i 100% understand those aren’t universal. and my interpretations of the characters are not Law or universal. I just wanna say blanketly, that I hope youre doing alright and that you also get the support and love you deserve and that you are safe. Content warning for suicidal ideation (that feeling where youd rather just not exist without like A Desire to act), anxiety, depression. Under a readmore so please take care of yourself and don’t click if you might be negatively effected by reading about this also its long as hell.  

Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386.

Asra:

- His heart literally aches with you

-Brings you tea in bed for days that you cant leave bed either because depression or because anxiety

-Will sit with you for hours just so you’re not alone, even if youre feeling awful. 

-Cares 50000% less about the shop than he does about you, and if youre having a bad brain day he will just lock up and sit with you and hold your hand. 

-Will encourage you to get out a little if you can, maybe for a nice walk in the woods to collect mushrooms with him because sometimes getting out and doing something helps. 

-Is good at finding secluded secret ways to get around bc fuck people. 

-He’s bffs with Muriel so hes pretty good with dealing with self loathing and anxiety already. 

-Asra i think has a really good response to the “nobody cares and its just an act” because his magic mark will just glow when he puts his hand over your heart and its really hard to argue with “made a deal with the devil to resurrect you” if the argument is “nobody actually cares” and that was 100% his choice and hes not afraid to tell you that. 

-Can, will, wants to, just ramble at you at length about how much he loves you and exactly why and will spend hours refuting your arguments which is tiring but maybe helps you feel a little better by the end. 

-If things are just So Bad? If you want to disappear? he’ll nap with you just to be close to you and keep you safe.

-Will bring you to his oasis to walk around and help keep you safe if you really just want to disappear and he’ll try to cheer you up there which is admittedly mostly just pointing at tiny weird magic bugs and stars (but at least your body is safe). 

-Deep deep down he’s still the person who brought his mom a button when she was sick so he’ll try anything to cheer you up. Faust too. 

-He’ll even talk to Julian to see if he knows anything or anything to ease your pain a little. 

-Will sit and just Listen to all your pain and be just Present for you. 

-He loves you more than life itself and will definitely be receptive to anything you say about things that might help.

Julian-

-Extremely similar hat. 

-But goddamnit if you made HIM feel better about being alive and worthy and deserving of love, he is absolutely going to return the favor. 

-Anxiety? he knows all the back alleys to avoid people

-Doesn’t mind staying home from the rowdy raven to sit with you if youre too anxious to go. 

-If you need a small dark quiet place to be alone and calm down? Hes got just the place (the hole at maz’s and he’ll even come in with you if you want because it makes you smile to see you both try to cram in there)

-Depression or anxiety making food hard? Some of maz’s soup will fix you right up.

-You find him in the middle of the night pouring over medical texts about depression and anxiety, looking for anything to help you at all. 

-He’ll sit up with you on nights that you cant sleep because of anxiety or because youre just too sad. 

-He’ll definitely lay in bed with you while you cry. 

-He found someone who truly and entirely loves him and he will cling to you for dear life, and tell you all the things he loves about you whenever you need or want to hear them. 

-He probably is gonna try a leech at least once. 

-Brings you to the docks at night because its calm and peaceful and away from everything. 

-After his upright end he definitely learned the importance of a support system and isnt afraid to enlist it to help keep you happy and safe. 

Nadia-

- Shes extremely concerned that someone who lights up her entire life can be so sad. 

-But shes not about to sit back and do Nothing. 

-She can and will cancel any event or meeting if it means she can sit in bed with you and hold you while you cry or if her presence with you soothes some of your anxiety. 

-She’ll bring you to her contemplation tower if you need a place to just get away from everything thats making you anxious. 

-Will also bring you to the magical realms to help keep you safe and help cheer you up. 

-Enlists the finest doctors that she can find if you’d like. 

-She’ll take long baths with you where you two can just sit in the hot water and you can cry while she strokes your hair. 

-If you feel like shes just faking her affections towards you then expect a bit of a surprised scoff followed by a 4 hour powerpoint presentation about every single thing she loves about you and how you make her feel 

-You feel like youre not good enough? “I’m the fucking countess and i could have had literally anyone in vesuvia or beyond but i want you” 

-Will pick you up and spin you if she sees you smile because shes just so happy to see you happy. 

-Horseback riding as a way to help clear your head and escape anxiety is a given. 

-Shes really attentive to making sure you stay fed, in fresh clothes, and bathed, even during bad depressive times so that it doesnt pile on to your bad feelings.

Muriel-

-If not same hat then EXTREMELY similar hat

-Lives in the forest so hes all about that avoiding social anxiety life. 

-If you ever feel unsafe Inanna can and will lay entirely on top of you. 

-Feeding chickens and petting inanna as anxiety relief for both of you. 

-He’ll definitely hold you against his chest or with your head in his lap while you cry if you need it. 

-Muriel hates seeing you sad, and doesnt always know exactly what to do or say but he’ll make you eggs all the time to make sure youre still eating when youre sad. 

-Will remind you that youre like the only person hes ever truly let in to his heart and he doesnt want to lose you.

-Will also remind you that he gave you the myrrh voluntarily because he….wants you to remember him. hes never wanted to be remembered before. he never asked for it back. 

- He really empathizes with wanting to disappear but he doesnt want that when hes with you and he wants to work hard to help you feel the same way with him. 

-Long quiet walks in the forest together. 

-He’ll take you stargazing and tell you all the things he loves about the beauty of the forest and the stars…and you. 

-Big Hugs for Big Sads

-Enlists asra and nadia’s help if he feels he needs it, but he cares about you enough that he’d willingly seek out help for you. 

Portia-

-Yeets pepi at you Like A Football. 

-”Peep?? Peep Peep”

-Youre gonna feel better if it kills her. 

-Gardening to help with sadness, touching dirt always helps. She’ll spend hours with you in the garden, helping you create like beauty with your hands. 

-Chase the goddamn cockatoo with a broom to make you smile. 

-Enlist’s Maz and Maz’s soup as well. 

-Helps you find secret passageways to hide in when your anxiety is too much. 

-Too sad to leave bed? Portia will carry you and your blanket. 

-Is having none of that “oh what if you dont actually love me” business. She’s super used to Julian’s self loathing and depression that shes moved on to slightly tougher love. 

-She loves you and shes going to keep telling you that and shes not going anywhere. 

-She gets soft when you cry though and will cling to you for dear life and not move for hours. 

-”How dare you talk about the person i love like that” - Portia, to you, when you talk about reasons you hate yourself. 

-Cries with you though. 

-Doesn’t like when she has to go to work when you’re in a bad mental space so shes asks nadia for you to have just a nice room in the palace reserved for you that you can lay in so she can come check on you during the day. 

-Shes great for bad anxiety days because she has no problem doing social interactions for you. The thought of going to buy some herbs brings you to tears? No problem, she has no idea what herbs shes buying but shes Gonna Do It. 

-The strength of Portias hugs is liable to just squeeze the depression right out of you along with also your internal organs probably. 

Lucio-

-”How can you be depressed?? You’re dating ME, the COUNT! ……….Can I help?”

-He definitely tries to use his sex appeal to lighten your mood, it probably works sometimes (or at least gets a laugh out). 

-Gets extremely startled when you cry but holds you tight against him. 

-Cancels meetings, cancels plants, cancels the entirety of the Vesuvia if he has to in order to stay in bed with you when youre having a bad depression day. 

-You can cry into M&M’s fur as long as you’re not wearing any makeup :P

-Gets worried and hides the pointy tips for his gauntlet. 

-Absolutely having none of the “nobody really cares and its just an act” hes the COUNT! He could have anyone anytime he wanted! You were the first warmth and compassion he felt in years! The first person to really actually love him for /him/! he gets way more emotional than he plans to but he feels very strongly about this

- 4 hour powerpoint presentation on all the reasons hes into you

-Tries really hard to find material things that will help your mood. Gold? Silk? Furs? Sweets? Watching fistfights? Anything?

- He knows what its like to really disappear and hes not about to let that happen to you. 

-He’ll never admit it to anyone but you but hes clinging to you with everything he has and he will work tirelessly to help support you. 

-”Will petting my hair help you relax”

-Ropes Julian, Nadia,and Asra into things to help you, but they dont mind because its You theyre helping really. 

-Anxiety? “Oh don’t worry, I’ll make /sure/ all eyes are on me” it maybe doesnt help exactly as intended but watching him be ridiculous eases the tension a little. 

-Deep deep down he knows in his soul Deep Sadness and it makes him surprisingly good at supporting you. 

i hope this was what you wanted!!!! 

[softkaimin]

Us and Them | p. 1

Pairing: Im Jaebum | JB x Reader 

Word Count: 3.3k

Genre: fluff / angst / royal!au

Summary: All you’ve ever wanted was to live a normal life without the stress of being a princess, so when your bodyguard, Jaebum, gives you the perfect opportunity, you don’t hesitate to take it

a/n: special appearances by Jinyoung, Bambam, and Yugyeom

The sound of people bustling in and out of your room began to irritate you. Fading and growing conversations about wedding decorations, wedding dresses, and the noble men and women who would be attending, you couldn’t take anymore. You just wanted to disappear into silence.

“What about this one?” Your handmaid held up a beautiful white lace gown that was adorned with brilliant jewels and hand stitched embroidery. You were awestruck at how even with a fully stretched out arm the dress dragged against the ground. The train splayed across the floor, extending a few feet away from the dress itself, and the matching veil rested against the silky fabric of the bodice.

You hated it.

This was the twelfth dress you’d turn down since you were forced to participate in the planning of your upcoming wedding. Frankly, everything fit you beautifully. The flowy ones and the tight ones. Even the extravagantly frothy, voluminous ones shaped you in such a way that would make every woman pray they looked as beautiful as you on their own wedding day. But every time you fell in love with one, you would remember the circumstances in which you were getting married, and it suddenly became the most hideous dress you’d ever seen.

You shook at your head, and closed your eyes tightly.

You were never meant to sit on the throne, that was your brother’s job and, truthfully, you were just happy to watch from the sidelines as you lived your own life with your own family. But the law of attraction doesn’t always give you what you want.

The fantasies that we create of what our lives are going to look like were just that. Fantasies to be lived out in our minds whenever we felt down. Fantasies to trick ourselves into believing we had a goal so as not to give up before we could reach them. But your fantasies were short lived, ripped out of your hands before you could finish perfecting it. And what you were given in return was a life you never asked for.

Your handmaid sighed, gently setting down the dress on your bed as she proceeded to kick everyone who wasn’t you or herself out of your room. The room grew silent instantaneously, and for the first time in a while, you could hear yourself think.

“What’s the matter, my dear?” Your handmaid asked, taking your hand into her warm ones. “Are none of these dresses to your liking?”

“The dresses are fine,” you assured. “It’s this wedding that’s the problem.”

“Oh, those are just the nerves, my little princess. You’re getting married to Prince Jinyoung, the most gorgeous man in all the kingdoms and soon the two of you will begin your reign. It’s normal to get nervous. Your mother was like that on her wedding day too.” She caressed your hair tenderly, trying to soothe whatever anti-wedding monster was beginning to reveal itself before it sent you on a rampage. Not to say you weren’t already on one.

“But that’s just it. My mother and father married because they loved each other. I’m being married off because my father royally fucked up, and now I’m the one who has to fix it.” You noted, rather crossly.

“Language. You are the Crown Princess, after all. Set an example.”

You rolled your eyes at your handmaid's sermonizing, and you wished the room would just fill with noisy wedding conversation again. “There’s no other way to really explain the situation my father put his kingdom in… put me in,” you muttered, letting your head fall onto the wooden surface of your vanity with a thud.

You could waste your life trying to explain to everyone what exactly your situation was, but who except you could understand what it was like to live it. Who except you could understand the dread of stepping out of your bedroom, the fear that the people who took your brother’s life would finally be back to take yours, paralyzing you to the bone? The way you let the the clear skies roll by you without giving them a second thought, yet you wished for anything to be able to lay underneath them again, free from the worry that relentlessly anchored you to the bottom of the oceans of anxiety. You felt like you were suffocating little by little, and even your home was becoming a source of pain. You could explain the situation, but no one but you could truly understand.

Your handmaid shuffled across the room to grab one of the chairs that sat in the corner, and quickly moved back to your side. She sat down and watched you for a second, admiring how much you looked like your late mother. The resemblance was uncanny, the way you spoke and the way you acted. It’d been more than half your lifetime since the Queen had passed, but to those who could remember her clearly, watching you was as if time had gone back and they were witnessing the Queen in her youth once again.

“Listen,” your handmaid started. “I know this isn’t how you pictured getting married, much less the person you would be getting married to, but you have to remember why you’re doing this… Your kingdom is relying on you.”

You lifted your head just enough to see her over your arm, and you remembered what your brother had told you the day before he died. Being in charge of a kingdom isn’t easy, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. You’re still young, but with my help you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. This is everything we’ve ever wanted.

What a load of bullshit.

You groaned, propping your head against the palm of your hand. “I know that, it’s just… he made it seem like some kind of dream being Crown Princess,” you admitted. “He made it seem like it would change my life in some fascinating way, but all it did was make me realize how much I am not him.”

Your handmaid knew you were talking about the late Crown Prince – to you, your eldest brother. She felt a sense of relief that you’d finally found enough strength to talk about him after an entire year of avoiding it, but some part of her also felt sorry. Not for you, but for the King. She’d always hoped it was him whom you’d have this conversation with, but considering your strained relationship, not even a higher power could force you to open up to your father.

“Prince Jinyoung is a great person. I’m sure he’d bring nothing but prosperity to his people during his reign, but…” you smacked your lips in frustration, “…he’s not the one I love. I- How am I supposed to be everything my father expects me to be when he himself said I could never be good enough?” You paused, waiting for your handmaid to interject a clever remark, but she only smiled at you.

What the hell is she smiling at? You thought.

She looked as if something in her mind clicked, and every muscle in her face reacted to it with joy. It was a look that made you feel uneasy; a look that told you she knew something about you that you didn’t want anyone to know. Anxiety coursed through your veins, and you quickly grew uncomfortable, not to mention annoyed at her inability to take you seriously.

“What?” You finally asked, your fingers nervously fidgeting with the lace of your dress.

She chuckled, finding your anxious state rather amusing. “If Prince Jinyoung isn’t the one you love, then who is?”

Your eyes widened, and you physically felt your brain short-circuit as you tried to come up with some lame excuse to get you out of answering the question. And, as if the universe were purposely trying to make a fool of you, your bodyguard entered the room.

“Jaebum,” You announced, looking past your handmaid at him. He stood by the door, clad in his newly polished armor as he patiently waited for you to finish up with your previous engagement. He shot you a small smile, and you felt your heart palpitate.

“Hmm, I thought so,” she grinned, and you snapped your gaze back at her, frantically shaking your head.

“Ah, no no. I was just-”

“It’s alright dear, your secret is safe with me.” She took your hand in hers again and patted it gently, a sigh escaping her thin, wrinkled lips. “I know you hate the idea of this wedding, and I know the kind of person you are, so I just ask that you not do anything stupid. Please.”

Your wide eyes lowered into a solemn gaze, and you began to regret every word you’d uttered to her about your brother and Prince Jinyoung. She felt so much like a mother to you, and you hated making her upset. She was there for you when you were born, and when your mother died she helped your father and your brother raise you. But while she taught you to refine the virtues that every royal was expected to have, she also taught you to fight for what you believed in.

And that was exactly what you were doing.

“I can’t promise you that,” you whispered.

She pursed her lips and stood. “Well… I’ll be going now. I’ve got to check on the girls and make sure they’re not royally fucking up the wedding, as you say.” You chuckled lightly, and watched her exit the room, briefly bowing to Jaebum as she moved past him.

Jaebum shut the door behind her, observing the mess of decorations and dresses that the girls had left behind. He bit his lower lip, his chin protruding as he felt the jealousy reigniting deep in his chest again. It was a like a beast he had no control over, and the harder he tried to fight it, the more he noticed it. He never felt this feeling as strong as he did whenever he thought of you and Prince Jinyoung and your impending marriage. It was a strange feeling that stretched across his body, entangling itself with every fiber of his being and splitting him at the seams.

“Have you decided on a dress, yet?” He asked, the words themselves like a poison that left an acrid taste in his mouth. He had no right to put you in a difficult position by confessing his feelings to you, especially when he wasn’t even sure you felt the same.

Besides, the marriage had already been decided by the King himself and there was no going against a King’s declaration. No sane person would even think of it.

He took the empty seat where your handmaid was sitting for himself and smiled at the disgusted look on your face. “I’ll take that look as a no.”

You groaned as thoughts of Jinyoung began to fill your frazzled mind again and you shook your head, trying to evict the images of him from your head. “They all look ugly on me.”

“I doubt that.”

“I’m serious!” You whined, noticing the smirk on Jaebum’s face. You swatted his arm at his thoughtlessness, your hand lingering on his bicep for a moment too long.

He watched you, his heart fluttering at the way your grasped tightly onto his arm. The look in your eyes as if you’d forgotten what pain was for a moment, and he could help but smile at you.

You noticed him looking at you and you quickly took your hand back, returning to the conversation as if the moment had just been some hallucination you had on your own. “It’s not funny, Jaebum! Can’t you see how much I am suffering in this hellhole of a palace? I’m seriously considering running away.” You blinked hard, your thoughts suddenly becoming clouded with pictures of your wedding, except you weren’t marrying Jinyoung.

You bit the inside of you lip, your core heating with images of Jaebum taking Jinyoung’s place, and you silently cursed yourself for thinking of him that way. It was impractical to dream of such a thing happening when Jaebum wasn’t even of royal blood… Wasn’t it?

Jaebum rubbed his arm in faux pain and huffed a silent chuckle, his voice startling you out of your thoughts. “I can, and I close my eyes so I don’t have to see you ‘cause it breaks my heart.” You rolled your eyes, but Jaebum could see a small smile starting to creep on your lips.

But as quick as it came, it was gone. You tapped your fingers against the surface of the table rhythmically, the realization that by this time next week you’d be a married woman, ruling beside Prince Jinyoung and not Jaebum, making your stomach nauseous. “I’m serious this time.”

“I’m sure,” Jaebum hummed.

You paused for a moment, then allowed yourself to slouch against your chair, something your handmaid always scolded you for doing. “Can you honestly tell me that you think it’s okay for me to marry someone I don’t love? What am I supposed to do when literally everyone, not just from our kingdom, but from Jinyoung’s too, is relying on this marriage? I want to be able to be like ‘yeah, for the sake of our people,’ but I can’t. That’s something my brother did, and I’m not him no matter how hard I try to be… no matter how much my father wants me to be.”

Jaebum nodded along, listening and responding to every word you uttered. “Mm. Yeah. Hmm.” Until you finally took a breath, allowing a small window for him to get a word in.

“So, say you do run away. What then? What does it fix?” He asked, his deep gaze making you feel exposed.

You huffed, quickly breaking the intense eye contact with him. “I’m not trying to run away from my duties, Jaebum. I… I just want to know what it feels like to not have the weight of the world on my shoulders, you know. I want to know what it feels like to just be another person. Not a princess, or a queen to be. Just a normal person,” you explained.

Jaebum licked his lips in thought. He could see the wedding dresses from the corner of his eyes, and he was sure you could too. They were the most extravagant dresses he’d seen in his life, almost like they demanded for any and all bystanders to look at them and appreciate the work that went into them. They were truly fit for a queen.

He noticed the frown on your face and the way your eyes had dulled out, and he wondered how long it had been since he’d last seen you genuinely laugh. How long it had been since you forced him to go on one of your ill-planned adventures in town, searching for the next best street food that you would then demand the servants to bring everyday for an entire month until you got sick of it.

Ever since Jaebum became your personal bodyguard, you relied on him for more than just physical protection. You quickly found a friend in him, someone who actually cared about you as a person and not what being close to someone of your status would do to benefit him. He made you laugh, and he held you when you cried. He was your friend who always listened to you, no matter how small or insignificant your concern, and he never once complained. He got to see you as an ordinary person instead of the mature and sophisticated princess you strained yourself to be in front of your citizens.

You changed when your brother died, understandably, but when you father announced to you and the rest of the country that you were getting married, you completely lost yourself. You despised your father after that, and every day afterwards you wished it had been you who died instead of your brother. It angered Jaebum to hear you speak that way, but he couldn’t blame you when he too wished it had been him instead of the prince.

Jaebum extended his hand toward you for you to take it. He wasn’t sure if it was the jealousy of seeing you with Jinyoung or the promise he made to your brother – his best friend – that caused him to make such an abrupt decision, but his mind was made up. He was ready to give up everything, even if all he got was a smile from you in return. A genuine smile. “Then let’s run away. Tonight.”

You opened your mouth to speak, confused at his sudden change of heart. You fumbled for your words, wondering if he was saying this to mock you or if he was being serious. But Jaebum wasn’t the type to mock, especially not you. And especially not about this. “W-Why?” You managed.

“Because your brother wouldn’t have wanted this for you. His greatest joy was seeing you carefree and happy, and you haven’t been in a long time. I made him a promise to protect you, so if you really want to run away, then let me be the one helps you find the place you’re looking for.”

You huffed. No one ever listened to you the way Jaebum did, and it was only now when you understood why your heart ached for him every time you weren’t with him. Why every time you embraced him in a hug, or even just brushed your hand against his for a moment, everything in the world felt right.

It was because the one you loved was him.

But Jaebum was rarely impulsive, and you wondered if you being with him was a bad idea. He was the one who usually talked you out of doing things on a whim. He was cautious, wise the way he perceived ideas and situations, and you were recklessly spontaneous, never thinking things through until it was too late to avoid the consequences. So, what if your idea of starting over, of running away, brought unavoidable consequences that Jaebum would have to deal with by himself? You could never forgive yourself if something happened to him.

Though, one thing was sure now: you were in love with him.

But how could you even be sure he felt the same for you? What if it was your vanity that let you think he could ever see you that way? Or what if he was just offering to go with you because he felt it was what he had to do? It would be humiliating if you confessed and he turned you down, not to mention it would certainly ruin your friendship.

You shook your head, and as you were gathering your thoughts to refuse his offer, you felt the warmth of his hand cup your cheek. He ran his thumb against your cheekbone, and your body physically relaxed, almost as if this simple embrace were expelling the demons inside of you. You were no longer scared of failing your kingdom; no longer scared of the uncertain future.

It astounded you how the one person you could never have was the only one who could make you forget what being in conflict with yourself felt like. Because for this quick moment while the two of you sat in silence, his hand caressing your skin and yours holding onto his wrist for dear life, you felt at peace.

“Please say yes,” he whispered. “Please say you’ll come with me.” He inched his face closer to yours, your lips so close to his. You’d never felt such an ardent desire to mold your lips against them as you did now, and it took everything in you to keep from doing so.

“Would you really give up so much just to help me make a stupid decision?” You asked, your fingers now intertwined with his. You stared at his lips, watching the way they moved, the way they parted whenever he took a breath. It was mesmerizing.

“I’d walk to the end of the earth as long as it’s with you.”

You closed your eyes, imagining what pure, yet simple life you could live with Jaebum, even if it was just the two of you living far away in isolation, away from the perverse influence of others. You felt alleviated. Lighter. Freer, at just the thought. And even if this fantasy remained as such, it would be better to live in a world that you could control instead of one that you couldn’t.

“Then let’s run away.”

[bxstiae]

[ @wildshero​​​ / —–  PLOTS  ]   A C C E P T I N G !

plots please

im probably gonna go all over the place but lets go.

1. twil and wild’s first meeting though. like honestly? I would love to see that interaction. just wild messing around with the slate. and then?? suddenly??? a wild twilight appears? GOD. honestly though. i have my own headcanon about the sheikah slate and how it summons twilight. but honestly? i would also like to mess around with it too? like what are your thoughts about it? does wild summon him? or do you have other theories about it? honestly there are so many ways to bounce this around but still. I can imagine wild just being like ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit.’ and twilight is just a big ‘UUUUUGGGGHHHH.....’ but still. I’m sure that first interaction/meeting is definitely a crazy one for sure. and you know what? imagine the interactions after that too?? like. im not sure how you would take it. but i know twi would have mixed feelings with wild at first.

2. okay but.... twilight.... getting super PROTECTIVE with wild. like full on big brother/dad mode. be as a beast or as his normal/true forme. twilight just taking care of wild or genuinely looking out for him. no. he doesn’t baby him. but yea. he stays awake when wild is sleeping ( that whole, keep one eye open is literally what he does ). He watches out for wild in ways that kind of go a little unnoticed. He’s always looking out for his incarnation. really though. he treats him like a pack member. 

2B. speaking of pack member. i just want to say that wild may think he’s in charge and he’s the alpha. but naw. twilight is the alpha. well im pretty sure. they are both really stubborn. but really. twi has very much a lone wolf/alpha mentality so he WILL not submit to wild. you really cannot make him. aside from the few commands like sit/stay/etc. wild has absolutely no control over him. the more interactions he has with twi, the more he will realise that he is NOT in control. Twilight does tend to give in just a little though. because in the end, he just wants to make sure that wild is safe and okay. like after all. this is wild’s journey, not twilight’s. but that doesn’t mean that wild is in charge of twilight. Twi is his companion and a friend, but NOT a servant or soldier for wild.

3. *cracks knuckles* angst time babie. cause you know. i love me some angst. I am angst king. anyway. Twilight.... getting SEVERELY injured because wild.... got a bit too careless. so twilight like pushing wild out of the way or something... and like straight up ALMOST DYING. or even dying. lets do that too. and you know... since twilight has always been SUPER adamant of always keeping a fairy on hand, the fairy saves him. but STILL. definitely wounded to a point where like a simple healing potion is going to fix it. by the gods, the way twilight heals is NOT at all how wild heals. for twilight. it takes TIME. and this right here? is probably gonna take A LEAST a week. and a majority of the time? he’s probably unconscious. some other times? twilight waking up and only hurting himself more cause well if he did die and got brought back via fairy -- he still remembers his death. so yea. twilight panicking and freaking out. that’s fun right? and even when he’s healed.. its like. he’s very..... SLOW... and who knows. maybe he’s a little resentful towards wild. maybe. i mean after all. maybe wild didn’t listen to him. him not listening almost or DID cost him his life. wild never seems to listen. or wild just seems to tunnel vision cause ‘he just wants to do it right the second’ but by trying to do it right, he seems to forget. maybe wild hyperfocuses. idk. but whatever the reason.... that can cause a rift.

3B. twilight is bitter towards wild for a little bit. doesn’t talk to him. doesn’t look at him or his direction. straight up refuses to acknowledge him for the most part. like this is after he’s healed up. twilight doesn’t d anything with wild. doesn’t listen to him. doesn’t give him anything or any advise. doesn’t help him. he literally is doing NOTHING but following him around. maybe at some point he just vanishes. idk. well vanishes enough to not be in wild’s sight. but close enough to not be TOO far from the slate. even then. maybe he just... goes home. he straight up walks far enough away that he goes back to his own world. idk. but you know twilight is really fucking mad at wild. why? cause wild was careless. this has nothing to do with twilight getting hurt/dying. no. it was wild was careless. honestly this itself could be its own thing cause dkjsahd yea...

3C. okay but also... imma also suggest... what it.... wild somehow.... manages to use mipha’s grace.... to.... save/heal twilight somehow. like straight up... even to the pint where there is no sign of scarring. like idk how you hc it. but if like... it was something where part of mipha’s ghost was with wild so maybe she was guiding him. or if it was just the ability idk. but like?? still wild just getting some senses or idea to use the grace on twi just to save him. and it actually working??? granted. twi probably still gonna be knocked unconscious for a hot minute and you cant take away those memories so twilight is gonna remember the death. and he’ll have the phantom pains but still...

3D. okay but also.... twilight getting so severely injured that... he... mistakes wild for time. or sometimes forgets that he’s not at HIS home but he is in wild’s world. like not full on amnesia. but at the same time he doesn’t realise whats going on. he’s mixing memories up and forgetting other memories. so just him straight up having moment of panic or him reaching for the master sword cause he’s forgetting that it’s wild’s turn. like he’s forgetting stuff. him grabbing a bow and aiming the arrow at wild cause he STRAIGHT up forgets who wild is for a moment. cause well. he’s messed up and broken. he’s a broken hero. struggling with ptsd and sometimes reliving his past. i mean i can go on. and on. and on. about this cause. straight up. recovering from a bad injury like that is hard. but yea... anyway. i hope you like some of these. 

[pokemagines]

slipping. (alfonse x reader)

anon asked: “I know FE requests are closed...but can we maybe have a little angsty thing about Alfonse's impending doom? Pwease? You're good with these things..”

a/n: LISTEN THIS IS SO GALAXY BRAIN IVE BEEN IN AN ANGST MOOD AND I SAW THIS AND ??? im screaming miss hel please give back my blueberry boy !!! please he is my husb i have children ,,,,

also this is def nothing canon i just really wanted to write angst but stil @ intsys hire me --mod touko

day one:

   you had not had enough time to process what was going on. in some strange way, it was like a fever dream. her words, cold and bitter as ice didn’t even seem to reach you. you were far away in your own thoughts, as you tried to push down any proof that your boyfriend was going to die. it wasn’t real, and you weren’t going to accept it. 

   and then he got sick.

day three:

   it started out with a small cough, one that he tried to hide from you as you spent all day at his side, refusing to leave. alfonse assured you that you would find a way to undo her curse, but you didn’t know. it seemed impossible: odds that you had beaten before, yes, but you weren’t sure your luck would hold on for much longer. he notices how distant you look despite keeping a grip on his arm at all times as you flip through ancient books on curses and anything you can find on the realm of the dead.

   alfonse sits beside you, flipping through book pages with one hand and letting you hold his other. every so often he finds something that could prove useful for you to write down in your notes. so far you really don’t have anything besides a bit of information on hel and others who have succumbed to her curse. 

   eir doesn’t seem to want to speak on it, as she says she doesn’t remember much about her mother’s curses, but she looks grim when you ask her if there’s any way you can get rid of it. 

day five: 

   each day you spend time with alfonse, trying desperately to find answers in askr’s library, but it seems hopeless. the prince seems determined though, reassuring you over and over that you would find a way to fix this. anna was working to help eir remember anything, while sharena was keeping watch. if hel struck again you would be ready.

   you started noticing physical changes in alfonse, where it was just once a cough, now he seemed paler and more tired. when you mentioned it, he said he was fine, that he just didn’t get enough sleep last night (despite the fact he slept soundly beside you from what you remembered. if anything, it was you awake worrying about the next few days). he even fell asleep on your shoulder during the day’s meeting, something that he would never do were he well.

   you let him sleep, while you listen to all of anna’s intel gathered while talking to eir and some of the villagers who had heard of hel. it wasn’t much but you were clinging to every bit of knowledge you could get. anna’s gaze softens as she looks at you, the prince still asleep on your shoulder.

   “we’ll save him,” she says, her usually chipper voice now serious. “i promise.” you want to say you know, that you’ll do it together like you always did, but your voice catches in your throat. 

   “gods, i hope so.”

day six:

   it’s over halfway to the day where hel promised to take alfonse. you feel desperate, like an animal slowly being cornered with no where else to run. 

   you can’t stand how people shoot you sympathetic glances in the hallway like he’s already dead. he’s not, not if you had any say in the matter. despite the pessimism of the first few days, it’s like a fire had ignited in your chest. you couldn’t mope around and do nothing, reading books and trying to find a way around this was better than nothing. 

   meanwhile, alfonse refused to leave your side, despite the some of the healers pleading for him to go to the infirmary ward. he didn’t seem to be showing signs of any certain disease. every day he grew weaker, until the point he could hardly walk without leaning against you for support. you didn’t mind helping him, you could handle helping him around for the rest of your life if you needed to. 

   he can’t keep his hands off you. you don’t know if it’s weakness or what but seems to have lost all his inhibitions as he kisses you over and over no matter where you are, even in front of others. 

   “why all the affection?” you chuckle, as he places another kiss to your cheek. you’re in his lap as you continue to rummage through books in the library, your tired eyes hardly able to understand what it is you’re reading, but you press on nevertheless.

   “just... in case.” he mumbles, resting his chin on your shoulder, his arms encircling your waist. “you deserve so much love, [name], i’m just giving you everything i was too afraid to give you when i wasn’t... sick.” it sounds like he’s given up, so you turn to face him, straddling his lap.

   “hey, you’re going to be around for a long time, okay? don’t say things like that...” tears threaten to spill over, but you force yourself to be strong. for him. 

   “...of course.” his voice sounds sad.

day seven:

   he could now not walk. he was confined to the bed in the medical ward, you and healers surrounding him all day. nothing seemed to be working though, and with each hour, it seemed like he was slipping through your fingers.

   “i brought you something.” sharena says, and despite a smile stretched out on her face, it doesn’t reach her eyes. you know she’s suffering as much as you, and so you accept the small gesture. placing the soup she has on the bedside table for later. 

   “any news?” you ask her, your voice gravelly from lack of use. she grabs your hand, squeezing reassuringly.

   “no, nothing we haven’t thought of.” she sighs, leaning her head on your shoulder. “hel’s forces have been silent. there’s nothing we can do now but wait.” hearing that from sharena, a carefree optimist somehow hurt more than the words from hel herself. 

   “when hel comes to take him... i’ll...” you clear your throat, “i’m going to ask her to take me instead. maybe she’ll--”

   “no. you can’t do that!” she squeaks, “you mean so much to this army and--”

   “but he means so much to you. and to me. he’s a prince and i’m sure there are other summoners out there the universe can choose but--”

   “but none of them are you!” her voice breaks, tears stinging at the corners of her eyes. “you... you can’t... you think alfonse will ever forgive himself if you do?”

   “i’ve decided. i’m sorry sharena but...” you squeeze her hand, “i have to. it’s the only way.” she’s silent, the gears turning in her head. it’s then she makes up her mind. she smiles at you, a real smile this time, full of warmth.

   “i don’t think you’ll need to do that, [name].” 

day nine:

   you sob, holding onto alfonse’s hand as he slowly slips out of consciousnesses. he’s so deathly pale and weak he hardly looks like the man who confessed to you, nervously spilling his guts to you with the brightest blush on his face as he awaits rejection. it never came, much to his delight. you could never reject someone as sweet and kind as him. his eyes were bright and full of hope as he thanked you after you told him how you felt in return. you can still remember those words loud and clear: 

   “i don’t know the true reason why you were brought here but… without you, i dare not think where we would be… where i would be. you make me want to be a better man, so… stay by my side forever?”

   he promised forever. he promised. it wasn’t fair. 

   hel sits on the railing of the balcony, looking at you with pitying stares. you, sharena, and anna all hugging each other and crying. you begging for him to keep his eyes open, stroking his face lovingly. despite his weakness, he told sharena to be the responsible leader he knew she could be. asked anna to continue leading the army with courage. he assured you that you could be happy, even without him there. to not lose your optimism and hope that you gave to everyone in the army. alfonse apologized for not being able to be there for you three.

   you couldn’t save him. you lost. he was going to die and you had to sit helpless and watch him suffer until his last breath. god, why didn’t he listen to his father for once? why did you encourage him to take on hel? you sob harder into his chest, his hand gripped tightly in yours.

   hel creeps closer, slowly as to let you say your goodbyes. the three of you finally notice, and anna draws her weapon. she looks to the redhead, then back to alfonse. 

   “hel! please,” you beg, voice breaking off, “take me instead, i p-promise just... don’t let alfonse die. please.” you’re desperate, and now that you’ve got her where you want her, you have to say your part. nothing could kill her, she was death itself, but maybe she would make a trade.

   “it is not destined for you to die, little one.” she touches your head, her fingers ice cold and you feel like lunging at her. hel floats above alfonse, readying her scythe, and you scream at her not to. “i would say my last words, if i were you.”

   “wait, if not them, than me.” sharena’s voice is defiant, angry tears in her eyes. “you want a child of askr? then take me.” anna grabs her arm, telling her to stop, but hel freezes, turning her steely, indifferent gaze to sharena. 

   “very well.” she says, “either child will suffice. and i see a determination in your eyes that intrigues me.” you scream at sharena, telling her to stop. hel extends her hand, and the blonde gives the two of you a smile, leaning over and kissing the tears on your cheek. you grip onto her, telling her not to do this, before she extends her own hand to hel.

   “i'm sorry.” she whispers to you, “take care of alfonse for me, ‘kay?” she tries to sound chipper, before the two disappear into nothingness.

   “...[name]?” alfonse whispers, rubbing at his head, “i’m... what happened?” you sit in shock, both you and anna silent as you try and process what just happened. “you did it.” he squeezes your hand, which you had been gripping the whole time.

   “where’s sharena?” he asks, and you can’t look in his eyes. once more, he repeats the question. hot tears fall down your cheeks, your eyes puffy and red from all the crying you’ve been doing. anna looks to you to see if you’re going to answer. his grip grows tighter.

   “where is she, [name]... anna?”. he says, much quieter and scared this time. you can only whisper out a weak: 

   “she’s gone, alfonse, i’m sorry.”

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

“PRESSURE! Pushing Down On Me!” - Then There Were Three Part 6 -  Liam x MC

Feedback is always welcome so don’t hesitate to leave me a little msg :P

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Summary: THE BABIES COMING!

Word Count: 4,442

Masterlist <—–

Tagged : @starstruckzonkoperatorbat  @drakelover78  @queencatherynerhys @devineinterventions2 @jayjay879  @kawairinrin  @hopefulmoonobject @flyawayboo  @gardeningourmet  @blackcatkita  @syltti78  @theroyalweisme  @hhiggs  @mfackenthal  @bruteforcebears @pens-girl-87  @barbaravalentino @umccall71 @darley1101 @crookedslimecreatorpasta  @jamjar84 @starstruckpixelberryhistoryvoid @speedyoperarascalparty @katurrade @scarlettedragon @zeniamiii @annekebbphotography @liam-rhys @xxrainbowprincessxx @perfectprofessorherokid @mynameiskaylabella @marywrites-things​ @zaffrenotes @cocomaxley @innerpostmentality @alepowell @missevabean @romanticatheart-posts @smalltalk88 @sarwin85 @gibbles82

 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! OR UNTAGGED!

I SINCERELLY APPOLOGISE IF I MISSED ANYONE, IM TRYING TO KEEP TRACK OF WHO WANTS TAGGED AND STUFF, IM GONNA PUT A POST OUT TO SEE WHO WANTS TO BE PERMANENTLY TAGGED!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance! 

for the record, I have never been pregnant, I have never given birth, so I’m just trying to go by what I have read online and the sort of thing that happened to my sister when she was pregnant, apologies if I got anything wrong <3 

It was three am when Liam was jolted awake from a noise coming from the baby’s nursery. With half-awake eyes he looked to the space beside him to see…nothing…no Riley. He climbed from the bed, making his way towards the nursery. as he reached the room, he seen her, trying to bend down and pick up the lamp that had fallen from the small table beside the rocking chair. As he looked around the room he seen drawers open, clothes pulled out on top of it, nappies that were boxed and waiting to be put on the shelf of the changing unit, were all over the top of the changing table,

“what are you doing?” he mumbled still half asleep, tying not go get blinded by the light from the room. He walked over and gently placed his hand on her arm as she went to bend down again but couldn’t quiet reach it. “ill get it” he lifted the lamp, placing it in its rightful place on the side table.

“why are you up sweetheart?” he asked as he stood in front of her, his hand gently grazing her cheek

“I have to make sure everything’s perfect.” She panicked as she looked around the room “I have to fix her clothes…I have to-”

“hey, it’s alright, we can do it in the morning, everything will be perfect I promise”

“it can’t wait Liam, I have to fix it” she mumbled as she made her way over to the chest of drawers and started folding the baby’s clothes. Liam quickly followed, placing his hand gently on Riley's back.

“Sweetheart, will you please come to bed?”

“but-”

“but, nothing, I know your just trying to get everything perfect, I promise, we can do it tomorrow, you and I will fix it in the morning, will you please come back to bed?” he whispered softly

“promise?”

“I promise” a soft smile found itself on Liam's face, as he gently took the baby grow from Riley's hand and placed it on top of the dresser.

“okay” she nodded as he walked her back to bed, with his left hand on her back and her right hand in his.

“did I wake you?” a just barely audible whisper left her mouth

“No, you didn’t wake me, sweetheart” Liam knew if he told Riley she had woke him up, she would beat herself up about it.

“why are you lying?” she frowned “just tell me I can handle it”

“sweetie, it wasn’t you”

“yes, it was, I can read you like a book, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you”

“It’s okay, sweetie” he placed a kiss on her head then helped her into bed before getting back into bed himself. The whole room was silent, so Liam assumed Riley had fallen asleep, it was a short fifteen minutes later that he heard her whisper

“Liam,” she wriggled over to cuddle him

“yeah sweetie?” his arms instinctively wrapped around her.

“I can’t sleep, I’m uncomfortable”

“is she awake?”

“yeah, and she’s on the move”

“let me see what I can do” Liam whispered as he pulled the duvet back a little, he moved down on the bed so that he could get to Riley's stomach. He gently pressed his lips to her skin then whispered

“hey princess, its daddy, I know you want to play, but your mother really needs to rest before you get here, so I’m gonna need you to calm down a little bit, I promise, as soon as you make an appearance, we can play all the games you want, but right now your mother needs some sleep.” Liam looked up to Riley's to see she was falling asleep, he smirked to himself, he carefully moved back to where he was lying. “goodnight, my love” he whispered before placing a kiss on Riley's head.

“goodnight” she whispered back.

The next morning, Riley awoke with an abundance of energy.  She awoke to Liam cuddling into her back. she thought back to the time when they couldn’t sleep in the same room, when they were barely able to spend more than fifteen minutes together…now, here they were, lying, cuddled up in bed, ready to bring their first baby into the world. With a smile on her face, she gently moved Liam's hand careful not to wake him, she climbed form the bed and headed for the bathroom, then the kitchen. she tried to be as quiet as she possibly could, as to not wake Liam, plenty of times, over the past nine months she had him up in the middle of the night, be it getting food for her, times when she couldn’t sleep…wriggling around in the bed, trying to get comfortable. She wanted to let him sleep for as long as possible, his only meeting for the day wasn’t until three pm so he didn’t need to be up anytime soon. she started pulling pans and ingredients from the cupboards. She was going to wake him to his favourite breakfast, blueberry pancakes. Every chance he got, he would have blueberry pancakes. He had once told her that his mother used to make them for him before she passed, she made sure the staff had the recipe, so that when she was out of the country, he could still have them. After her passing, Liam would have them as often as he could, reminding him of his mother’s cooking. By the time Riley and Liam were married, she had gotten her hands on the recipe. it was about fifteen minutes later that Riley had two plates stacked with fluffy blueberry pancakes, covered with a warm blueberry sauce. Riley placed the two plates on a tray along with two cups of hot tea, then carried it carefully to the bedroom. She placed the tray on Liam's bedside table, then gently leaned down, placing a kiss on his lips.

“Liam, honey, wake up” Riley whispered, Liam mumbled then shuffled around a little.

“I know you can hear me, Liam” she smirked as she watched him flicker his eyes open.

“Mmmm morning, sweetie” he smirked as he stretched, before placing his hand gently on the back of her neck and leaning up to press his lips to hers.

“morning, I have something for you”

“you do?”

“Mhmmm, it’s on your bedside table” she smirked as he turned to look, and a grin found itself on his face.

“is that what I think it is?”

“Mhmmm, only the best for my very patient husband”

“I love you. Do you know that?” Liam pushed himself up to sit with his back against the headrest

“of course, I love you too”

Riley carefully picked the tray up and placed it on Liam's lap before moving round to her side and climbing back into bed, she took her plate from the tray and placed it on her knee then they quickly got stuck in.

“how is my beautiful little girl treating you today?”

“she’s been great, she’s been pretty calm this morning”

“good, I can’t believe she’s going to be here anytime in the next few weeks, it’s crazy.”

“I know right, I’m so excited to meet her!”

“me too, I can’t wait to finally have her in our arms”

“I’m a little scared though” Riley whispered, Liam placed his fork onto the plate, as he looked over at Riley a little worried.

“talk to me, what’s up?” he asked as he took her hand in his.

“I’m just…I’m scared about the whole pushing a human being out of me…it can be dangerous…I mean…what if I get too tired to push and something happens to the baby…or to me”

“hey, I’m going to be with you, the whole time, there are going to be a gazillion doctors there just to keep you safe”

“a gazillion…really?” she chuckled at his over exaggeration

“I would have every doctor in the world in that room to make sure you and our daughter will be safe” he reassured Riley with a squeeze of her hand.

“and that’s why I love you so damn much” she smirked

“really?” he replied as he carried on eating “I thought it was my charming smile”

“that too” she leaned over and placed her lips on his.

After the two finished their food, they got up, showered and dressed. They had fixed everything in the nursery that needed put away, Riley stopped Liam before he could leave the room.

“I need your help with something”

“of course, what’s up?” he asked as he made his way over to her, Riley lifted a box from atop the chest of drawers.

“the baby wrap came yesterday…we need to make sure we can put it on right.” Liam smirked and nodded his head “okay”. Riley opened the box, passing Liam the instructions of how to put it on, she knew he would want to examine it word for word, whereas Riley would try it herself first. After failing on multiple attempts, she finally gave in and looked at the directions on the paper, “I give up…what does it say?” she groaned

“you gotta fold it in half length ways” Liam chuckled as he watched his wife trying to wrap herself up.

“okay…what next?”

“wrap it around your stomach, at the back, cross the two sides over and pull them over your shoulders”

“like this?”

“yes, just like that…you gotta tuck it under the part you wrapped around your stomach, so just pull both parts underneath, crossing them over as you do it, once you’ve done that, pull them around you and tie the two ends together, if you have extra fabric pull around to the front and tie it instead.”

Liam helped Riley tie the fabric behind her, due to her bump being so big she wouldn’t even contemplate tying it in the front.

“how does it feel?”

“it feels okay, I mean…obviously we won’t be able to tell until she’s here, and we can put her in it, but I think it feels okay, how do I look?” she chuckled “have ever seen an uncooked roll of beef?”

“an uncooked roll of beef? no…why do you ask”

“well they come…with string wrapped around it…that’s what I look like right now” she laughed as she removed the wrap then held it out to Liam “your turn” she smirked Liam chuckled as he took the wrap from her hands and started wrapping it around him. Riley sat herself down in the rocking chair as she watched Liam attempt to wrap himself up.

Just a couple of weeks later, Riley was hitting her forty-week mark…and she was well and truly done with this pregnancy. Riley had been trying a few different ways of bringing on labour, spicy food…walking…sex…they had tried it all.

“why won’t your daughter get out of me?” she groaned as she met Liam in the kitchen where he was making the two of them some tea.

“maybe…maybe you could just pull her out…just get your hand right up there and pull her out”

“I don’t think it works like that sweetheart” Liam chuckled

“I’m so done with this”

“I know sweetie, just a little while longer I promise” he encouraged her as he placed the mugs on the table. “she’ll be here soon” he gently placed his hand on her stomach as he placed a gently kiss on her head

“why don’t we go for a walk? we can take a walk through the flower garden…maybe…the hedge maze…what do you think?”

“I think that’s a great idea”

after the two finished their tea, they pulled their shoes and coats on with their winter essentials, then they headed out to the flower garden hand in hand.

“it’s freezing!”

“we can go back inside if you want?” Liam asked

“no, it’s, okay, we’ll be fine”

“just be careful, there might be black ice under the snow”

“you just better be ready to catch me” Riley chuckled

“I’ll be ready”

“she could still be in there for another three weeks” Riley mumbled “she could be here tomorrow…can you believe it? this time tomorrow we could be sitting with her in our arms”

“I honestly can’t, I think she’ll turn up when we least expect it” Liam smirked as he squeezed her hand

“in the middle of the night if she’s anything like her mom”

“really?”

“Mhmmm 3:24 am”

“I was an early hour arrival too…4:21 am”

“we’ll aren’t we screwed then” Riley chuckled “she’s definitely showing up in the middle of the night now, ”

“we better try and get as much rest as we can then” Liam chuckled

The next day came and went, no baby in sight, Riley was uncomfortable and tired, her back ached, her breasts ached, her ankles as well. It was late in the afternoon, Liam was out at his only meeting for the day, he was due back anytime, Riley had spent the last few hours, falling in and out of sleep on the sofa. Riley had just woken up enough to get up and move. Just as she went to get up, she felt a pressure in her back.

“Ahhh shi-” she groaned as she fell back onto the sofa, taken by surprise by the pressure…sure she’d had Braxton hicks, but this felt different she quickly looked at the time so that she could keep track of the contractions.

Just a couple of seconds later the apartment door opened as Liam walked in, shutting it behind him. “hey” he smiled as he leaned over the back of the sofa and placed a kiss on her lips as she looked round at him.

“is everything okay?” Liam asked instantly seeing the look in her face.

“I…- I just had a contraction”

“what!?” he grinned as he quickly moved around to kneel in front of where she sat. “what should we do, should we go down to the physician?”

“no, we need to time them, I don’t want to end up sitting down there all day”

“alright, can I do anything, can I get anything for you?”

“I was about to get myself some water”

“alright, stay here, I’ll get you a glass of water”

It was about five minutes later, Liam had taken a seat beside Riley, as they discussed how his meeting went.

“I agreed to th-” Liam stopped what he was saying when Riley gripped his hand, leaning her forehead against his chest. He gently ran his free hand up and down her back.

“you’re so strong” he whispered before placing a kiss on her head

“how long?” Riley mumbled without lifting her head.

“about sixty-five seconds long, seven minutes since your first one”

“there’s no point in going down until they’re closer together, they could be like this for hours still”

“alright, well, I’m going to call down to the physician, let him know what’s going on, alright?”

With a nod of her head. Liam quickly lifted the phone from beside him, and dialled down to the

Physician’s office.

“Hi, Henry, Riley's having contractions”

“okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes” after bidding the doctor goodbye Liam hung up the phone, Riley looked up at him “what did he say?”

“He’s going to come up to check on you.”

Just a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Liam called for the doctor to come in, after closing the door behind him, the doctor made his way over to Riley.

“how far apart are they?” he asked as he took a seat beside her.

“seven minutes apart”

“how long are they lasting?”

“the last one was about sixty-five seconds” Riley informed him as she looked over at Liam, who kept looking down at his watch

“alright, I’m just going to check how dilated you are, okay?”

“Mhmmm” Riley nodded as she positioned herself on the sofa so that the doctor could check how far she was dilated

“alright, your about five cm dilated, so of course, you know you need to be ten cm before you can start pushing, what I’m going to need you to do, is keep timing them, once they get to around three minutes apart, we’ll get you down to the medical room, I’m sure you don’t want to sit down their bored for too long so, you could stay at five cm for a little while or they could progress really quickly so,  for as long as they are this far apart and your only five cm, just take it easy, take deep breathes, do something calming, read a book or sometimes taking a bath can help because the water takes the pressure away a little bit, or going for a walk might help, when a contraction hits, make sure your taking deep breathes, try not to break any of the kings bones” the doctor joked causing Riley and Liam to laugh, he looked down at his watch then moved over to sit beside Riley, taking her hand in his. Riley closed her eyes as she felt the next contraction

“deep breaths, sweetie” he reassured her “you’re doing great”

“just nice and calm, no stress alright, I will be just downstairs, making sure everything is prepared for you and the baby, if you need anything, and I mean anything, just call down and I’ll be straight up, I’ll come back up in a few hours and check on you and check how far your dilated”

“okay, thank you” Riley nodded as the doctor stood to his feet. Liam walked him to the door, closing it behind him after bidding him goodbye. He quickly moved back to Riley's side, taken her hand in his.

“can you help me up?”

“of course,” Liam stood to his feet, taking Riley's hands in his, he helped her to her feet. “alright, talk to me, tell me what you what you want to do, I can go run you a bath, we can go for a walk”

“could we go for a walk? not outside though…it’s too cold…my ass’ll freeze out there” Liam chuckled at his wife.

“alright, do you wanna go change?” he asked when he noticed she was wearing sweatpants, knowing that she would normally only wear them around the apartment and that’s it.

“pfft nope-” Riley quickly grabbed Liam's hand as her next contraction hit.

“shit…this is not fun” she groaned as she squeezed at Liam's hand “I’m so sorry if I’m hurting you”

“it’s okay, do what you need to sweetie, its fine, I don’t mind” he reassured her. Once her contraction passed, Liam helped her put her shoes on then the two headed out.

Just as the two were leaving the apartment, Drake was walking by.

“hey guys” he groaned

“Drake, hi” Riley smiled

“hey man!” Liam greeted him with a grin.

Drake looked Riley's outfit up and down with confusion, knowing she would never usually leave their apartment in sweats, she could spend all day in them in the apartment but when It came to leaving, she always made sure she was dressed appropriately. “where are you guys off too?”

“we’re just going for a walk around the palace”

“I’m having contractions, so the doctor said going for a walk might help”

“the babies coming?!?” he chirped

“yeah” Riley replied with a grin

“do you guys want me to take bash? I can keep him in my room for a few days?”

“really? That would be amazing Drake! I mean you don’t need to take him right now, it might be a little while still before we have to think about going down to the doctor, but that would be a huge help, thank you so much” Riley thanked him, before pulling him into a hug which he returned. Just as Riley went to step back her next contraction hit. She quickly grabbed the closes hand to her, which was drakes. Drake tensed his hand as she squeezed it, Liam stood smirking knowing how strong Riley's grip was.

“shit Riley, your stronger than you look!” Drake groaned as she squeezed it. once Riley let out, Drake shook his hand, trying to get the feeling back, Riley looked at him apologetically. “I’m so sorry drake”

“it’s alright…I’m sure the feeling will return to it soon, I just feel bad for Liam…I mean they’re only gonna get stronger right? I mean, are his hands actually going to work after this?” he stated causing Liam to laugh. Riley just stood there looking at him. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t make jokes, you’re in a lot of pain” he apologised

“I take my apology back…you deserved it” Riley huffed

“alright, come on, why don’t we keep walking before Drake literally loses a limb” Liam suggested as he took Riley's hand

“yeah…good idea” she smirked at Drake

“yeah…I second that” Drake nodded

After bidding him goodbye Liam and Riley continued their journey. It was about an hour later that the two returned to the apartment.

“I need to lie down” Riley mumbled as she headed for their bedroom, quickly being followed by Liam. Riley sat herself down on the bed, Liam kneeling at her feet to help her get her shoes off.

“could you get my nightdress, the blue on, its right at the top of the drawer, I’m too warm in these sweats”

“of course,” Liam pulled her second shoe off then headed for the closet, he quickly returned with the nightdress which he handed to Riley, he helped her to her feet.

“I gotta go to the bathroom, ill change whilst I’m in there” she mumbled tiredly as she made her way to the bathroom. She changed and done what she had to do then headed back into the bedroom, where she climbed onto the bed, she pulled the duvet over, bundling it up and wrapping herself around it. she groaned as another contraction hit, she gripped the duvet in her hands as she breathed deeply.

“could you open the window?” she asked Liam, who done as asked, he then joined Riley on the bed, he lay facing her on his side, running his hand up and down her back gently.

“you’re doing great sweetheart” he whispered as Riley leaned her forehead on his chest. “I love you so much” he whispered

“I’m scared Liam” Riley sniffled

“it’s okay, it’s okay to be scared sweetie, you can do this, I know you can do this…you know you can do this. You are so strong Riley”

“I love you so much Liam”

“I love you too…so much!!” he whispered “you should really try and get some sleep” he gently tucked her hair behind her ear.

“there is no way I’m sleeping through this” she sighed “maybe a massage would help” she smirked at him causing him to chuckle

“now that I can do” Liam moved down to the bottom of the bed, and lifted Riley's feet onto his lap, after putting some moisturiser on his hands he began massaging her skin.

“now that’s a massage” she smiled

“maybe I should have you feed me grapes too” she asked, Liam let out a laugh.

“I will get you grapes, if you so wish my queen”

“ha-ha no its okay”

“can you believe it, Liam?”

“what?”

“that she’s gonna be in our arms…finally”

“it’s exciting” Liam smirked

“it is isn’t it, I mean, I know it hurts…a lot…but if I have to go through this for our little girl to come into world…I would do it ten times over”

“and I would be with you…the whole way”

For the past hour Riley had been drifting in and out of sleep, she had not long woken up.

“hey” Liam whispered.

“I need to get up…I can’t just lie here, dozing in and out of sleep, it’s making me feel worse.”

Liam helped Riley from the bed and into the living room.

“maybe we should try some of the positions, Julie, the birthing teacher showed us”

“o-okay” she nodded.

“alright she said try to be upright and leaning forward…sit down” she directed him to the sofa, she lifted a cushion and placed it on the ground in front of where he sat. Liam took Riley's hands as he helped her kneel to the cushion.

“how long?” Riley mumbled as she leaned forward onto his knees, with her head leaning down

“about thirty seconds” Liam answered as he looked at his watch. He leaned his arm over, gently rubbing Riley's lower back.

“Mmmm” she let out a deep breath as her next contraction hit. It was just then that there was a knock at the door.

“who is it?” Liam called

“It’s Drake, Hana and Maxwell” Liam looked at Riley asking her if she wanted visitors, without speaking, she nodded as she took deep breathes

“come in” he called back.

The three came wondering in with grins on their faces.

“is it really happening?” Maxwell asked enthusiastically

“Mhmmm” Riley nodded with a smile.

“stupid question, I know…how are you feeling?” Hana asked as she walked over to the pair

“I’m fine…just…it’s exhausting, the pain…right now its bearable…It just tires you out”

“we brought something that might help with that” Maxwell smirked

“you did?”

“Mhmmm…look” he started emptying the contents of the bag he was carrying.

“you brought board games?” Riley smirked

“what better way to distract you, I even brought monopoly” Maxwell smirked

“monopoly…are you trying to get us divorced before the babies even here? that shits known for starting fights….im excited…lets play” she chuckled causing everyone to laugh.

Hana, Maxwell and Drake all headed over to where Riley and Liam were sitting. Drake moved the side table over to them, they set up the board, picked which counter they wanted, then the game began.

It took an hour and a half before the board was flipped. Riley and Drake were in the midst of an argument over whether it was a rule that if Drake doesn’t ask for the money before the next person rolls the dice when Riley lands on one of his lots, then he forfeits the money. Drake was adamant it wasn’t a rule, he was sure Riley had made it up…that was until Riley searched the internet and trusty google proved him wrong…he flipped the board game as they all laughed.

“I think it’s time we put this game away” Liam chuckled

“Drake…are you emotionally stable to play another- OH…My god!” Riley Riley's eyes practically jumped out of her head.

“what is it?” Liam asked as he gently rubbed her back, the others quickly moved to her side, she looked up at Liam then down to her crotch….

“My water just broke”

If you like it...give it a wee Reblog  <3

[adelvne]

izzie’s back with her 2nd character y’all!! ( i also play erika fyi ) you can check out adeline’s bio here and tldr + plots under the cut :’) like this if you wanna plot with my darling or feel free to slide into my ims!

( tw: racism, bullying )

adopted when she was baby from china and brought to live in boot hill, az bc her parents thought it was a nice, wholesome place to raise a kid

which it was ( for the most part )

ah-de-leen, pls. named after her dad’s mom.

the merciers raised her without thinking much of her chinese heritage, like they molded her to be a nice all-american girl without realizing that would mess up her sense of her identity and leave her feeling v lost and confused bc she was probably like one of the few asian kids in boot hill!! 

went to church every sunday. merciers are v christian. adeline herself isn’t so sure about religion anymore.

faced a fair amount of racism and ignorance growing up, esp in elementary and middle school. got a lot of why don’t you look like your parents/racial taunts/general confusion & ignorance/etc

she assimilated v well tho out of a desire to be accepted. in high school, bc she felt out of place, she focused on fitting in w everyone. was a cheerleader, student council vp, played piano, went to parties. a true chameleon. some ppl were jealous of her, thinking that she acted too good for them/whatever. others were like wow ur so exotic!!!!! but overall, it was fine. had a desire to reconnect w her chinese heritage, but that never went anywhere until she graduated.

graduated at the top of her class and went to columbia for school. was a big surprise to everyone bc who leaves boot hill?? esp for fuckin nyc and ivy leagues?? but off she went!

boot hill prepared her for nothing. going from boot hill to the ~real world~ was a shock and a half, and she definitely struggled. a lot. nearly failed her first semester. i think being somewhere different was intoxicating in itself, and it was easy to forget about going back home bc there was always, always something to do that she wouldn’t go back home for breaks.

met other asians and adoptees, really started to find more of herself. explored her sexuality more. got drunk and high. typical college things.

started searching for her biological mother during college but to no avail since her parents were p cagey about info. the merciers were well-meaning and caring, but also oblivious and selfish. didn’t want her to go chasing after her old family.

got pregnant when she was 22 bc well.....things happen. she was supposed to stay in nyc after graduating and start a new life with her boyfriend who promised he’d stick around for their kid. honestly, they really might’ve stayed together if he hadn’t died from being in the wrong place the wrong time. he was kinda involved in some shady shit tho. 

she found later after he hadn’t come back to their apartment, and wanting to leave everything behind, moved back to boot hill to be with her parents. plus it’d be better for her son, anyway, bc for all her parents’ faults, they’d be good for her son and she needed the help. 

rumors followed her immediately after she came back---who’s the father, what she’s running from, even she can’t escape boot hill---but they died down after a couple of months. worked in the schoolhouse cafe and saved up money until she was 26 and opened the olive branch bar to bring a lil bit of nyc to boot hill.

3 years later, her business is thriving, her son’s doing great, and she has a nice place in the desert willow apartments. life is fine. but she still feels like something is missing.

she’s kind, well-spoken, and poised. trustworthy---people were telling her all sorts of shit through hs and college bc she just seemed like the type to never tell your secrets and give good advice. it’s not that she minded, it’s just sometimes it was too much?? pretty private, doesn’t talk much about the time she left boot hill. still puts on an act. feels like she’s reached a dead end.

nicknames are adele, lina, elle, delle, etc. never addie. 

plots!!

babysitting charges - her parents were well-off, true, but they always emphasized making your own way, so she did babysitting around town during high school. she’s watched these kids grow up, and now they’ve changed a lot. maybe it’s a older sister kind of thing??

friends - friends from high school in boot hill, those she’s reconnected with after returning, the friends she’s made with newcomers that have settled in, anything goes! pls give my gal some friends! i’d love some ride or dies and really close friendships that have stood the test of time. even if she kinda went off the grid. also, friendships that have had to put back together and fixed after time drew them apart!

will they won’t they - u know how this goes :~)

exes - give me the angsttttt. probably a high school rlship, and also any that happened when she moved back after college since she moved back when she was 22/23. amicable exes, a bad break-up, lingering feelings, let’s work something out! bi, but was closeted in hs bc there was a bunch of shit she was working out. hs ex-girlfriends??

flings, dates, whatever. she gets out sometimes ok. flirtations, that that fun stuff.

someone to help her in searching for her biological family, but how fruitful that’ll be in a town like boot hill who knows

people resent her for leaving and then coming back like? why the hell would you come back idk

do u have kids? playdates w her kid. he’s 7 and adorable.

pretty open to newcomers. are you a newcomer/recently settled? maybe she showed you around! maybe you’re friends! maybe something more!

local connections! people she’s been around her whole life for better or for worse.

confidants!! this could go both ways, maybe she trusts you enough to open up to you

regulars at the olive branch bar!!