#im only like a quarter asian

[theflashjaygarrick]

One thing that is important to me when discussing Cassandra Cain is the fact that she didn't develop her anti-killing moral position because of the bats. Neither does she have her moral code because she's Bruce's obedient golden child. Instead she decided at around age 8 that killing anyone (even some random criminal like in the 2000 batgirl series) was fundamentally wrong because it made them feel fear and pain. Finding out the bat-code had a similar perspective about killing was more validation than anything else. She would be saving everyone she could with or without batman.

She created her own moral framework against that her (in the 2000 series at least) white father. In spite of the fact the fact that her father literally objectified and dehumanised her, she fought to speak and be heard. She chose her own destiny, Babs and Bruce just helped her along the way.

As an Asian character it's important to me she wasn't 'taught' morals by white Americans, but rather she has a code that she developed herself. She doesn't listen to Bruce half the time, and she's more loyal to the concept of the bat symbol than anyone who wears it. She consistently disobeyed him in her original run. All these things aspects help her avoid being just a character with white saviour undertones, and allow her to instead be a heroic beacon of life and compassion in her own right.

[unityrain24]

ghhh... got lost under mexican cooking tutorials...

[yuurei20]

Hello! So I have a question, I wanted to ask if we know if in NRC it goes by three terms or four? As Im only familiar with schools using four terms but I heard that japan only uses three lol

I also wanted to know if we had estimated dates for all term finals?

Hello hello! Thank you for this question!

NRC might follow a four-term (or "quarter") system! ^^

Crowley explains that the internships for 4th-year students begin in September (the same time as school begins for all students) and last three months each. While he does not explicitly say "this is the same schedule we follow at the school because NRC is a four-quarter system," it is possible! ^^

Elementary school to high school is often three terms in Japan, but the school system in Twst is being pointedly described as different from Japan's systems! (ref: The prefect and culture shock)

The novel can be very different from the game, but looking at the main story the only time final exams have ever been mentioned might only be in Book 3, which is typically assumed to take place sometime from November to December (unlike other arcs like Book 2 and Book 5, we are not given any specific month for when Book 3 is taking place). Ref: A timeline for the main game?

The "final exams" that have been mentioned in the game take place directly before winter holidays, which we know end just after new year, so it seems to be the conclusion of the first semester of September to December!

Also in the game we have the characters referring to schooling such as elementary school, middle school and high school in English rather than Japanese, possibly insinuating that Twst's school system has been based on overseas systems rather than Japan's own?

Ref: Does Twst follow Western or Asian school system?

We also have references to things like quizzes, test days, practical magic exams throughout various vignettes! The exact timing of these are, however, not specified :>

As of Book 7 is has been "half a year" since the school year began with no mention of final exams since Book 3, so perhaps the next final-exam-period has yet to come? :>

[afterthelambs]

Some people in the haikyuu fandom think the JNT only plays together on olympic years, when in reality there's annual tournaments like the VNL and world championships and even the asian games for a quarter of every year, so basically what Im saying is that the haikyuu dudes would absolutely spend all their time together and be besties for life

[bigwishes]

im a skinny Asian guy and i would like to be a big hairless jock,can you grant me my wish Mr genie?

A big hairless asian jock? simple and easy wish to grant it'll be over in no time at all. Why don't you get undressed big guy. Don't believe you're big? maybe you should take another look. There you go, flaunt those goods bro, if you got it why not show it off.

of course there is a conversation to be had about what you had to trade for those big muscles and tight ass, what you think I do this without balancing the scales? only on extremely rare occasions, but what to do with you? well I think I'll avoid my typical spill of big stinking freak lets trying something slightly different to match this new body.

Well first off you can't have the brains and the brawn so lets slice that intelligence of yours down to maybe half? no a quarter of what it was. hope you weren't in college bro because now you'll be so stupid you'll fail every single assignment, test or class you ever try and take, just too dumb to learn anything new, in fact I think you are probably too dumb to pick up on signals from guys now too, so lets make another change, a two for one deal in fact. Congratulations bro you are now 100% autosexual, you ain't ever gonna get horny for another person again, the only thing that turns you own now is your own perfectly lean body, and of course the go along with that lets change your personality to that of a raging narcissist. That'll do the trick, incredibly stupid, arrogant and narcissist. You'll basically leave your house for 2 reasons, food and to work out. The rest of your time will be spent locked in your own room, worshipping yourself and jerking it to your own reflection.

[ishouldgetadiary]

there are definitely cleverer people to discuss this at length than me and there are probably people who already have and come to the same or better conclusions, but i do just want to say that an aspect of kim kitsuragi i can't get over is his disconnect from being seolite (outside of the racism). i don't know, it's very important to have asian characters with strong cultural ties who have that culture accurately expressed through their character/stories and i do love those characters, but it's somewhat rarer to see the alternative (at least, when race and culture is acknowledged at all), let alone it being a point of pride for them, the same way it is for kim. all of this to say, i feel haunted by what he says when you ask him about his heritage.

i didnt ask him about it on my first run (because i found the way the question is initially asked to be kinda rude and i was afraid of if it'd make him like me less, lol) but i did in my current replay and the way he dances around the topic, 'i'm half seolite, well technically, my parents were both quarter, i guess you could also say im quarter, i don't know the language or culture and i've only lived in revachol', it fucks me up so bad! first is how you can tell it's mostly a defensive tactic for him, at least when he starts the rant— somebody asks about the race thing? deflect. i'm only half. i don't even know the language. i'm not one of those seolites. second is how he loosens into pride when he realises/remembers that harry isn't asking to be racist, he is genuinely having trouble remembering that the concept of race exists, but also because it lets kim kinda show that it is something to be prideful about in revachol.

dont get me wrong— i think kim kitsuragi is genuinely proud of being as revacholian as anyone else. he loves revachol. i dont think he’d go along with harry so easily on random side quests or have opinions on if harry helps or hinders the people of martinaise if he actually didnt care. i dont even know he’d still be a cop or (more accurately) be one for as long as he has been, especially when he’s spent most of it as a juvie officer, if he didnt believe in revachol. it’s people, what it is, and what the country could be. people like to take his position as a police officer as just his way of feeling a sense of power in a post revolutionary (khm. and racist) world that has never had the space for him or his dreams, but kim is more three dimensional than that. ESPECIALLY when there are ways that being a cop gives him less power than regular citizens in revachol. he likes, wants, and believes in both, and that’s not necessarily hypocritical. in the same way, i dont think it’s at all hypocritical that his pride is rooted in both his love for revachol AND the way white supremacy has impacted him. because yk, when he’s proud about his lack of connection to his heritage, it’s not just his love for revachol speaking, it’s also the disdain that we, the player, hear for seolite people (at least what we hear from or related to kim).

that all being said, i dont consider that to be a terribly complex thought at all— real life people are complicated and multifaceted, so kim kitsuragi is written to also be complicated and multifaceted. in disco elysium, the writers are never worried about presenting the world in a better or worse way than it already is. yes, it is definitely a heightened version of our reality, but it also presents everything as direct as possible. case example would be the racist lorry driver in what he says versus how he’s presented. in that very first interaction when kim confronts him and harry catches up on what just happened, he denies and hides in the same way a lot of people deny and hide that they are being racist, but you, the player, cannot avoid or pretend he isnt being racist, because it is literally in his name. you are not given the grace of real life where there is the option of either the benefit of the doubt or genuinely questioning your own assessment. despite all of that, ultimately, it is still haunting for that early kim question to be so reminiscent of what i see in real life.

in the example of a shorter ramble, kim's own ramble weirdly reminds me of myself, but in the opposite direction. i very easily and quickly tumble into word vomit and over-detail my heritage just to make it make sense that my name isnt white. and i'm not gonna boohoo over my own personal situation at all when i know i benefit from white supremacy, but i hate that ultimately, white supremacy ‘won’ when it comes to 'me'. because just like kim kitsuragi, i don't know a language that isn't english, i dont know a different culture, and i've only lived in my predominantly white country.

but a more apt comparison is my own father. a man who’s internalised shame cant even allow him to comprehend why somebody white would want a tan, because he’s always been at least a little tan, and that’s part of what ‘clocks’ him as not fully white, who does try to connect with his mother’s culture, but just kind of ended up with only odd bits and pieces of it and the language, because it was something that would’ve just made life harder than it should be, and despite everything, he’ll still do things like dunk on chinese people. there may be more to say, but you get the gist. and yet somehow none of it has quite reaches the point where he can recognise it in himself. because he knows racism and white supremacy is bad and he’s obviously against it, but it is hard to acknowledge that it is greater than just the lorry drivers and measureheads of the world. because we live with the consequences and the rot of white supremacy within us. assimilation has done it's job to it's logical conclusion.

… and yet it is a limbo, and a hollow one at that. regardless of how white i am, i still dont fully relate to my fully white peers, because there are ways in which i dont share in their accepted shared experiences. my father has never felt accepted in either club, ‘too japanese for white australians and too australian for japanese people’ (can you believe that disco elysium was almost banned from my country)! our fully white peers will never know what it’s like to be able to look at the face of a complete stranger of a different race and see family. to see their aunts, or grandparents, or parents.

but kim kitsuragi talks of that limbo with pride. he may never feel a true sense of community with either white people or other seolites, and this is something his brain seems to choose not to fully acknowledge, even though he definitely feels it. and really, it’s haunting in the same way i find both my father’s and my involvement in society disconcerting. the truth that, in spite of where white supremacy and assimilation can get you, you will never truly achieve the community or peace of mind there is in ignorance.

despite all that, on a brighter note, i do think that in terms of what kim truly likes harry for and what gains his trust in him is the choice for harry to be that sense of community he needs. (if i am remembering right) kim will only really trust you if you chose to defend him from the several racists you’ll encounter and make jokes at their expense with him, because it’s highly HIGHLY unlikely that barely anybody goes through that effort for him. even when it’s pretty clear that the writers were going for humorous ‘haha, white guy trying his best to be an ally’ dialogue choices, kim himself doesnt really show that he finds it obnoxious or unwanted, it’s genuinely something he would rarely get other rcm members even though that is the community he’s definitely and wholly part of.

anyways i have no idea if this post made any sense or if im really wrong (i could be!) because it came from a more personal place than maybe typical character analysis but whatever

[notmyprey]

Hi! Just thought I'd make a post going over a few things:

First things first! This is very much a (SFW) vore (for lack of remembering what the other descriptor is) account. If ya dont like- dont follow, lol.

I am a strictly SFW blog, meaning I dont, won't, and haven't posted anything NSFW. I sometimes post digestion, but it's ALWAYS with reformation or NON FATAL.

I normally draw g/t vore, but I will draw the occasional same/similar/half/quarter vore drawing.

I love asks, so long as they are SFW.

If you want to ask my OC's questions, go to my other blog here, which is just for that!

I only have a few DNI's:

Main DNI:

Pedos (of any name), zoophiles, harassment/callout blogs, homo/transphobic, racist (this includes towards asians and Middle easterns too, I aint tolerating any of that hateful shit)

For personal reasons, please either DNI or do not talk to me about:

Drugs (excluding medical ones), s3xual stuff (s3x repulsed ace here), and pr3gnancy (this is borderline phobia for me, ok? Maybe even worse than that)

If you have uncontrolled temperamental issues, please keep your distance or try not to become too close of friends with me (I have trauma related to this, and I am still recovering).

New book I'm working on:

Gluttony, Gods, and that one dude over there

More info under cut:

These are the fandoms I know! Please try not to spam my ask box with fandoms that I dont know! An ask here and there abt one I dont know is ok, but not constantly please!

My Sona's:

This is my voresona!

This is my persona! (Who can also be used in vore lol)

Do I Role Play?

Short answer: no

Long answer: kind of? I do often use RP like language (such as the use of ** and refering to myself as my online persona, who is still technically me but in a universe where vore exists). But I dont like to directly RP with people in dm or anything else for the most part. There are few exceptions, but those who know, know.

I never thought I would have to add this, but please dont drag me into any drama or personal situations that don't involve me. I made this blog for me to have a place away from real life, not to have to stress over.

Repeating this again: One boundary I would like to put up is to try and keep drug mentions to as minimal as possible (outside of obv medications and stuff). I dont hate anyone who does do drugs, but it does make me very uncomfortable. I wish I could explain why, but unfortunately, I can not since I myself dont even know why.

NSFW and KINK blogs PLEASE READ:

NSFW:

I dont mind nsfw blogs following me or liking my posts, but please dont interact outside of that. Sometimes, I may block nsfw accounts out of the blue, but its normally because they either dont censor things or I see them too much on my tags that im following.

KINK:

I dont mind if kink blogs follow me or like my posts. You can reblog my posts. Just make sure that if you end up rebloging my posts, dont add tags that are related to a kink. I may block kink accounts out of the blue, but its normally because I see them too much on my tags that im following, and its something Im uncomfortable with seeing that often.

For BOTH NSWF and KINK blogs!! If you are an irl edit blog (aka you take real pictures and edit them), if I dont see you, you're fine. But as soon as I see any of that anywhere, whether it's going through who liked/rebloged my post or ending up on my fyp, I will block no hesitation. Irl photo edits make me extremely uncomfortable, and this is one of the few big boundaries I have and will not hesitate to enforce.

Other than that- dont be an asshole and were chill.

Master Lists:

Writing Master List

Prompts Master List

Rants Master List

Characters Master List

On going ask/rb games:

'Reblog or send an ask, and I'll tell ya what you/a character of your choice would taste like' post

Ask game! (Aka send me emojis to answer questions)

[shadowscommand]

okay. okay? nikto esp doesnt get spicy food super mega often so its always a treat and hed have the least highest tolerance of the others but he does have A High Tolerance. all 6 of the top tier are really like competitive and flex their tolerance. second row likes spice but mainly in the form of hot sauce. they Have a favorite hot sauce. griggs is the only one here who can actually cook so yknow he likes some. fancy lil hot sauce. a beautiful blend. while velikan and syd and lerch are like Franks Red Hot Yea! otter is like Tabasco Yea! theyre also not super competitive its like whatever they just enjoy spicy food. hot chip roze of course. look at her. classic. zane i think would fuck up flaming hot cheetohs hes like This is the only good thing america has ever done. domino agrees. bale probably gets to try them the least but esp going to thailand w mino to visit hes getting those rare flavors and hes enjoying them thoroughly. probably the least tolerance out of the others but he can Handle it. wyatt specifically likes spicy popcorn. alice has the highest tolerance and shes not like flexing it at all shes just eating hot chip every day. mace, golem, iskra, kreuger, mino (when he makes southeast asian meals), and azur tend to make spicier meals. mace esp just likes jalapeños (MUCH to ghosts dismay. he cant EAT that shit). golem makes spicy chili. kreuger stole his recipe (and im stealing this from cero :)c). price, talon, and farah are like. the Least into hot foods but still really able to handle it. farah esp just likes a strong cinnamon flavor like big red, not exactly a huge chili pepper lover. nikolai likes spice the most but he ALSO has the absolute worst tolerance. he cant finish a small pack of spicy ramen noodles without his stomach hurting. HURTING. sparks is pretty similar but he can mask it easier. alex has the highest tolerance and he really likes hot chips. gaz likes hot sauce but Not A Lot or it will upset his Tummy. and make his nose run. charly is the same but she does not care she will douse that shit when she wants. morte is the MOST cautious. soap will always take one bite and go "oh thats good" then the heat hits him and hes like "I'm good. Thank you." milsims. well that is a mixed bag honestly. rodion tries his fucking HARDEST to be nice with mino makes spicy food but he cant do it. he cant handle the spice. he doesnt like it. yegor Does not fucking get it why is his FOOD. HURTING him. ghost is pretty similar he thinks its stupid. he does not like that mace will get jalapeños in their fucking queso at every mexican restaurant. thorne will politely decline anything spicy. this is getting long so i will put franks under a readmore !

Prep Time: 15 mins. Cook Time: 8 hrs 10 mins. Total Time: 8 hrs 25 mins. Servings: All for me none of your business. Ingredients:

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 pound frank meat

salt and pepper to taste

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 teaspoon chopped fresh ginger

1 fresh jalapeno peppers, diced

1 tablespoon curry powder

1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes with juice

1 onion, sliced and quartered

1 cup frank broth

Directions: Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat, and brown the frankmeat on all sides. Remove from skillet, reserving juices, and season with salt and pepper. Cook and stir the garlic, ginger, and jalapeno in the skillet for 2 minutes, until tender, and season with curry powder. Mix in the diced tomatoes and juice. Place the onion in the bottom of a slow cooker, and layer with the browned frankmeat. Scoop the skillet mixture into the slow cooker, and mix in the frank broth. Cover, and cook 6 to 8 hours on Low. Enjoy :)

[fortpeat]

hello hello hello. i absolutely love your hot takes on prapaisky so today im here to drop one of mine and ask your opinion on the same. as much as i want sky to seek help from the right person, go to therapy and start his healing journey (of course prapai has already helped in that quarter but i see most people want to SEE sky go to therapy), i personally think he's too stubborn to do just that and i don't mean this in a bad way. everyone has their coping mechanism and we know sky doesn't have the healthiest one but something about sky seeking professional help just doesn't sit right with me. i feel that apart from being extremely stubborn, he's also incredibly smart and terribly shy. stubborn because he will refuse therapy, smart because he knows how to deal with his trauma and exactly what needs to be done to heal (part of it includes climbing into prapai every chance he gets and clinging to prapai for the rest of their lives, among other things- and we know both of them absolutely love it), and shy because well that's pretty self explanatory. he has been dealing with it on his own all this time and he may have developed a few too many unhealthy habits but that's beside the point. now, considering how difficult it was for sky to open up to prapai in the first place (and for good reason), and just how much time it took for him to trust prapai, i don't think sky is the kind person who would want to discuss his trauma with just about anyone, it doesn't matter if the other person is a professional psychiatrist/psychologist with fifty degrees and what not. he did it with prapai because prapai proved to him just how much he loves and accepts sky for who he is. prapai has EARNED that privilege (yes it IS a privilege). it's PRAPAI!!!!! so i don't think sky will ever be enthusiastic about going to therapy. yes maybe it's not fair to prapai if sky decides to only rely on prapai. yes it's not fair to sky himself, it's not fair to their relationship but again that's beside the point. that's just the kind of person sky is. of course i could be wrong with my character analysis and i would really really want sky to go to therapy if it helps but idk this is my two cents or whatever ahhhhh im so sorry for the dump i just have too many ~thoughts~

Hey Nonnie ❤️☺️

So first things first sorry for the late reply. It was pretty late when I received this and I was so sleepy and I knew I wouldn't be able to answer it properly and you my dear who wrote this beautiful analysis deserves my full attention. So it's morning here btw I had to sleep on it coz the answer is pretty serious.

Ok do I want Sky to get therapy. Yes I absolutely do because I believe it would do him really good. But do I think he will go. Not really. But if we had a Lita S2 and they showed Sky in therapy I would be a very happy soul.

Now why I don't think Sky would go to therapy. I am Asian and in our culture Therapy and anything mental health related is considered a taboo. We are seen as weak for choosing to go to a professional to seek help. (Bunch of BS). And this is one factor. Another is just like you said Sky can be pretty stubborn and I believe by now he has developed some habits/techniques to help him with his trauma and sometimes for some people that's more than enough and it's what they choose to be comfortable with. Sky is someone who has major trust issues and like you said Sky won't trust a random person out of the blue to open up about his past. It took so much time and effort for Prapai to have Sky trust him and that is okay coz Sky can take as much time as he wants coz this is his story and he gets to decide when and where to tell Prapai. Rain whom he knew longer didn't even know about Sky's past until that awful night. And that's okay as well. Sky don't owe anyone anything. It's upto Sky to choose how he handles his trauma coz only he knows what he has been through and how much pain he has suffered. So if he believes that being with Prapai and being loved and cared for by him is enough to heal then we should respect that. And forcing him to go to therapy will only backfire and make him close himself off and we know Prapai would never force Sky to do anything that he doesn't want to. And if Sky decides that yes all he needs to move on and heal is time and his Prapai then Prapai will gladly be there for him no matter what. In fact Prapai would consider it as a privilege that Sky trusts him enough to accept Prapai's unwavering support.

Why I want Sky to be shown in therapy. Like I said mental health related issues are still considered a taboo in many places. So this could be a very good representation to show that going to therapy and seeking help is never a sign of weakness and that if you think you need help to be better then you should do so without the fear of being judged or alienated.

[lavenderw-lemonade]

"Go to New Orleans , they said. It'll be fun, they said!" Ari started melodic and deep voice booming with startled laughter. The drunken politician taking the rental home invasion fairly well possibly. Mostly due to the percentage of Hennessy that was making its rounds about his circulatory system as he and the vampire stood conversing in his sitting room. Liquid courage aside the lawmaker was also feeling a little frustrated that evening. Torn between keeping up his morals and appearances while also craving to feed his less virtuous appetites. Having went through the stages of desperation and need all in his head. All in those few short hours that evening. Lestat must've been privy to his inner monolog for a while now.

As the modelesque man brushed his hair before dawning a black linen suit, heading out to sample a new restaurant for dinner. As he was hungry. Once at the jazzy cafe diner two blocks up from his rental on the French Quarter , Ari sat alone at a table for two dined on simple roasted potatoes and a rosemary grilled steak - extra rare- with 6 shots of henny , and a full bottle of red wine. Buzzed, he stayed chatted with his wait staff, other patrons, a few musicians feeling as if he could have a chance with the drummer. A tall red head with hazel eyes , he was great at keeping beat. Ari wanted him. He was horny. And very, very drunk. But alas, he was wandering home alone, just needing to go home and take care of his current need himself. It was the safest least scandal prone way. And the brunette nearly cheered for himself once he made it. Key in door hands nearly in his pants. To only be strained with need and confronted by lustful beauty.

The phenomenon known as "Asian glow" swept over his face and neck leaving him a warm shade of pink , most concentrated across his cheeks , on the points of his ears and down the entirety of his exposed chest. " I-i was smoking my vape and watching the afternoon rains wash out the quarter- i didn't mean to invite in guest-" He further explained "If you aren't robbing me , what are you doing?- it's not my place i don't know if anything here even is valuable or the elderly couple im renting from- lord don't murder me here , they couldn't manage to clean up the mess." Inebriation made Ari a truth filled comedian and oddly astute. "You aren't going to murder me, right? - ... fuck, are you even real you look how you look - have eyes like that- and i was only on my way to bed to well- ... you're not a like sex demon or like the past owner of this place - i've never fucked a ghost - does that happen a lot in NOLA... are you from here?" The once composed man spiraled. Beginning to worry. "Why are you here and w-who are you?" too far gone to notice the infamous rockstar standing before him. Anymore intense thought and racking tension, and Ari would soon be on the floor faint. Or worse, he would crumple over emptying the contents of his stomach on the handsome blonde's shoes.

OPEN STARTER| Lestat &

Lestat watched until the other was over the surprise of the blonde seated, nonchalant and unperturbed on their couch in the dark room, the one lamp turned on reflecting against his preternatural blue eyes, “Are you done?” His tone bored, as if he had waited on a child to finish a tantrum, “I didn’t break in, I am no thief in the night,” he pushed himself off the couch, “a balcony with an open window is not secure, really mon chere be more vigilant,” he sighed, he had heard them in the sea of voices, his head had tilted and paused his train of thought and venture to where he had been headed, a small cafe to sit and hunt, then followed them here, beating them enough to slip in through the open balcony and wait for them to unlock the door and come in. “It is nice, this place, not my taste, but we both know I am…what are these mortals calling it? Boo-gee?” slang entertained him, he liked peppering his speech with it, laughing at the origins of some until he couldn’t stand it, then throwing the ones out he didn’t like.

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-23

9:33pm - today i woke up at like 12:30. this was disappointing bc i was supposed to get up earlier to study for my chem midterm tm. instead i didnt study until like 4 bc i had to go sit outside and talk to people and then i went to class for like five minutes but i left to go study for chem bc i thought that was more important. i went to the schoenberg music practice rooms w my friend that can play piano to take a break from studying and omg the practice room hallway looks and sounds like a psychiatric ward like i swear all the instruments blended together and sounded like clown music and the hallway was long and the doors were all like scary w one little window in them. but i liked hearing my friend play piano. then i met my other friend at feast and ate dumplings and we got to talk i wish i could see her more often. then i went to study some more w my friend from before and we had to check like 15 lounges before we found an empty table. tn im gonna do pomodoro method so i am writing this during one of my breaks. i hope i can get through everything rn i feel like it is doable i bought yerba and celsius earlier so i am prepared for my all nighter. we will see how doable it feels as the night progresses. i am looking forward to 4:00pm tm when i can finally sleep after my midterm and hanging out w people for an hour 3 times in a row.

9:44pm - omg i called today the 21st accidentally. i just realized i cannot sleep at 4 bc of club work due at 5. ughhhh it is only the beginning of the night and i already want to sleep. i have overdone my pomodoro break by 11 minutes now. it is not a good sign.

12:10am - it was not a good sign. i have watched one and a half lectures and am two hours and twenty minutes into my current break. i went to the store and got more yerba mate but it is not working. i have seven lectures left and less than ten hours before my midterm. when am i going to shower. i now cannot sleep until 7pm tomorrow. my eczema is making me itch inside my body i am uncomfortable and everything is irritating me i cannot focus but i will. i will do it i have to otherwise idk what to do no i have to i really have to. only 19 more hours of misery.

3:54am - i have watched one hour of lecture in the last six hours. i am scared. there are other peoples review notes on the white board and i do not recognize some of the words. my friend said theyre important. no position is comfortable i am hella fidgety and my skin is freaking out. i want to shower but i do not have time. my friend is abt to go to sleep and leave me. who will keep me awake. i an beginning to do the thing i used to do where i blink weird and tense my head muscles bc i feel off. i am going to hug my boy. except i just saw his explore page and let me tell you i have never seen so many asian bikini thirst traps in my life. and i scrolled through his for you page and the same girl kept coming up. tell me why when i was scrolling through the explore he said ‘ooh a white one’ like three times. like actually wtf. have i told u guys his ex is white. my chem prof is rly grinding my gears rn. i hope i does not ever find my tumblr. i hope i can focus in the next six hours. oh no that is not enough time. no no no no no

5:16 - i actually cannot think. my head is numb. but the caffeine is finally working and i cannot sleep. i am so f ed. my head does not work. maybe i am just irritable rn. i hate everything. wtf is a nucleophile and how do u tell how strong it is. i just learned but i forget. i am going to cry.

5:26 - my friend is going to sleep soon. what am i gonna do. i was supposed to be done w lec by now and i have six left. i have four hours left before the exam. i have never been so disappointed in myself. i am sad. what am i going to do. i cant cry im too dehydrated and i dont have time for that. what is wrong w me

6:26 - how am i still on the same lecture as an hour ago. i am so miserable. was this quarter really worth it if im gonna fail this class? i wasnt even good at this quarter. but it is too late now bc if i dont go through w that i alr failed. i cant even hear anything shes saying anymore but i barely have time to watch even on 2x speed

6:50 - i am struggling. thinking abt doing anything makes me want to sob. i really really hope my club does not make us do stuff for an extra week bc i actually do not think i can. that week will be spent studying for finals. ik what to prioritize now. they should make that more clear. ughhh my brain is being attacked with words. it does not like it. i hate myself rn. i need to scream

jp updates: sam is feeling good today. he is curious whether or not he asks people for contact information weirdly and is working on changing his phrasing.

[ecmlol]

Part 2 of my batman comics

Damien had a surge of jealousy over the fact he never got a note in his lunch box.What ever everything else is always the sameIt's a coincidence get over it. You can't believe that nothing is a  coincidence.Fine my father believes that too. Your father is a wise man what does he do? None of your business why are you always sitting here I like my privacy and peace at lunch she sayWell I do too these people bore meWhat ?I for some reason, i interest you? Yes actual you do.You really need to get a hobby then.I actually do but none I can really talk about. So why do you visit a cave for beside to get training . Damien ask She stops eating and just stares at him. What are you talking about ? Damien takes out his phone and show the video to her and her sister or should he say their sister She doesn't say anything but Damien knows she is freaking out.Hey I think you might be my sister. Damien whispers.Sister ? I have a brother and you're not it.Is he much older than you? I'm not telling you anything. Damien takes a deep breath Please I trust my gut I know it's true . I found a hair clip to I have seen you wear it. Damien takes it out of his pocket and hands it to her.You never say please Damien raises a eye brows . Something about it makes her thing about her father She sighsFine my name is alfynaAlfyna? Alfred? HumAlfred? Who's that ?My butler alfred pennyworthOmg ok this is creepy me out. My middle name is penny and my grandpa alfredLet me get this straight your name is Alfyna penny? Yes. Everyone calls me penny Hmmm your mom has a sense of humor interesting. That's not your grandfather that's your butler.Damien says. No no . That's not true .we don't have anything in common we don't look alike .your short I'm tall. Your Asian and I'm black. Your rich and im poorHaha poor not even close . and I might add I'm only a quarter Asian and half white just like you. Ok now I'm curious lets say we are related but I don't think my dad would cheat on my mom. How old are you?I'm 9 how old are you? Damien askI'm 10 almost 11 she say proudly Does your mom have dark curly hairs dark eyes and darker then you ?Just say it she blackYes is she black?Duh look at me. Of course she is. We already established this.Ok . What does your father do for a living?He's in the military and so is my big brother. Have any pictures of your father?Of course I'll show you if you show me yours she sayFine on 3 Damien sayThey both take their phone out and show each other on three.In alfyna picture her dad is smiling and kissing her cheek. Most are picture of him making a face or dodging pictures or He is kiss her mother or her sister In Damien's picture it a head shot from bruces business linkin page.That my mom's boss . Ok this is getting really weird. I guess I need to be nice to you now.Your dad doesn't look anything like mine . Mine smiles and has a earring. If you want a sister so bad I can let you rent mine for 20 bucks a day. I shouldn' t have to pay to spend time with my own sister.She rolls her eyes and gets up and leaves.Hey get back here. I'm not done talking to you! Damien reach's out and grabs her and pulls her back.She catches him off guard when she turns and head butts him.That is only going to happen once.Let me go Fight fight fight the whole cafeteria erupts in a chant.Before Damien knew it he watches the girl that he's 99percent sure is his big sister being grabbed and man handled by teachers.Hey leave her alone! It was my fault . Leave her alone . Damien runs after the two male teacher that grabbed alfyna or should he think penny.He follows them to the principals office.I'm calling my father you can't do this . I'm Damien Wayne and you need to stop this madness.Mr Wayne go back to your class. One teacher saysNo I need your statement for the writing up.He grabbed me it was a reflex. At Wayne enterpressBruce and Angel are having lunch in his office when Angels starts to ring.Hello ?Bruces's phone starts ringing Hello?All Bruce can hear is Damien screaming in the back ground.I have to go penny got into a fight ..With my son

You put Damien in the same school ??!!! What where you thinkingThat his antisocial habits would keep them apart.She's already a outcast in that school now this!I'm sorry it's the closed private school to the manor . Bruce saysBruce can tell that his wife isn't pleased with him.You could have warn me we see each other every days . I didn't think they would cross paths they are in different gradesWhat if they figure it out.I don't want that assassins of yours any place near the girls you know that I thought we agreed to this.Angel says As she throws her lunch away and grabs her purse. Bruce is right behind her.They walk together to there a sign parked spots and get to their separate cars.Bruce follows her to the school and they see a police car in front of the school.Both Bruce and Angel run in to the school. They can hear Damien going off on who ever he is talking to If he laid one finger on my baby so help me god... I will handle him....Angel and Bruce walk in to the office with Damien standing infront of penny yelling at the police and principal. The cop looks confessed . The principal looks angry as he trying to calm him down. And the two teach keep trying to explain to them what happen Is he protecting her? Angel thinksWhat is the meaning of this . Bruce says making everyone ever Damien stops yelling .Penny hope off the couch and runs to her motherAre you okNoDid he hurt youNo mom he grabbed my arm and kinda over reacted .Oh angel sayFather these two neanderthals manhandled my He know Angel thinks to herself.of course he know hes's his father's son. Angel thinksClassmate bruce saysYes my classmate because we were having a spat.Your son was head butted by this young lady the principal sayShe 10 shes is a little girl! Angel say hugging penny close to her.Damien what did you do bruce asked know both his child well.I grabbed her and tried the sit her back down because I wasn't done talking to her Bruce turns and to the police I'm sure you have better things to do then be here for a misunderstanding between two kids. Angel do you want to press changes against my son for putting his hand on penny?No . She stares at Damien not knowing how she felt about him now . He was too upset to notice. He care the little psychopath actually cares.See problem solved . I promised that I will have a long talk to my son about not putting his hands on other people and he will apologize to his classmate . Bruce say then looks at DamienAnd Bruce sayI apologize for upsetting you .For grabbing your arm .Bruce is surprised that Damien looks so upset .Father those men handled her and called the police over nothing. Damien say pointing at the two teachersThe police lingers at the door way.They have no business being teachers Damien says with crossed arms She is a unruly child and no consern to yours mr wayne the principal saMy child isn't unruly!Bruce had to calm himself before he beat two teachers and the principal to a pulp. Bruce cross his arms.That is where you are wrong she is here because of me. I have known this little girl all of her life she is very much my business. A good quart of your student are my employees children . There tuition is either paid in full or particular paid by Wayne foundation The principal starts to stumble over his wordsIs that true honey angel askedBruce waited for her answer.Mama am I going to get kicked out of school ? She looks to Bruce .I don't want you or daddy to be mad at me. She looks back to her motherJust tell them Damien sayBruce turn and kneels Down in front of pennyHi penny did these man handle you like Damien said I promise you won't get into trouble and no one is going to be mad at you . I promise I'll even talk to your dad for you.Damien laugh and then stops when Bruce looks at himI'm not lying father Bruce notices penny holding her arm.Can I see your arm. Bruce ask pennyShe nods and lets Bruce roll her sleeve up.Bruces see a faint finger print bruise starting to form on her upper arm.I want to press changes on both of them. Angel says quickly before bruce can say anything.

Officer you heard her. I want to see the footage too now .Bruce sayIs this how you treat all of your students or just the ones that look like my daughter? Angel say as Bruce check her other armWell I guess this isn't a wasted trip after all.No is wasn't . Bruce says as he calms him self with ever deep breath he talks . The officer escorts everyone out of the office that didn't work there. Bruce follows them out Damien starting to stare at Angels Glad to see you own actual cloths. You're not what I expected but you are a warrior.my father likes strong women Excuse you?You're my father's longtime courtesan.Your fathers what ? You said employees wrong.Damien bruce says from the door way before he closes the doorWhat it's true you know it is .Angel takes penny by the hand . And head to the door.You better straighten him out or I will . Angel whisper to Bruce before leavingThey are going to need picture of her arms for evidence.Angel nods and leaves the room.It's just you and me what the hell are you up to?This is not the time or place for this father . We need to make sure they don't get away with man handling my classmate Damien say with a knowing smile.Bruce crosses his arm.We will talk when this is over with.Three hours laterBoth teacher have been suspended charges of child abuse have been charged on the teach that left the markes and both penny and Damien have been pulled out of school.On the way homeDamien is sulking and in the front seatFather I'm sorry I failed at protecting my sister from those heathens.I don't know what you think you might know.Cut the act I have proof that you release your carnal urges with your courasan in the bat caveBruce slams the breaks as he turns into Wayne manor. Sending Damien fling into his out stretched forearm. Damien thinks he should have worn his seatbelt.Listen real good don't ever call her that ever again you will fine your self in the alps in boarding school. You can't keep me from my sisters I'm supposed to be there protector. Seeing we are both bastards she I guess is the heir. As the spare it's my job to look after her.Bruce doesn't know if he wants to drought his only bio son or hugs him.So if you know it all where's the evidence of me sleeping with my long time employee?

Damien shows bruce the video . She lives some place around here. And her little girls come to the cave want to see the proof?Hypothetically if this is true how do you feel about it Hypothetically I am your oldest biological son . I carry your name . They are my sister and you aren't keeping them away from me it my right to know them .But will you love and protect them Damien ?are you capable of it?I vow to you on my life that I will look out take care for them at all cost even with my life.Want a blood oath.Out of no where Damien has a knife in his hand ready to cut himself to prove it.It brings tear to Bruce's eye because he know Damien is serious. He guesses he doesn't see his sister as threats like dick.That won't be necessary Damien.Before the words get out Damien cuts himself From here on out I promise to protect my sisters and any other child that has come from your loins from anyone and everyone that crosses their paths in life .Damien!Bruce starts the car back up and drives to the front of the manorDo not bleed in my car.I'm fine it's just a nick.Bruce opens Damien's open and steers him to the closes bathroom.I don't know why you are making such a fuse for. Damien say Bruce doesn't say anything as he cleans the cut and bandages him upHe doesn't make eye contact with him the whole time. Go to your room please. Bruce says quietly.Damien can tell something is wrong with his father.I didn't do anything wrong father.Did I say you did? I just need a minuteAlfred walks around the corner.Master Damien you're home early Yeah father pulled us out of school for a misunderstanding.Us?Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about you pack her lunch every day with left overs from the night before. Go Bruce say in a booming tone.Fine but I'm not coming out until I'm ready.Bruce sighWell isn't this a interesting turn of events.My wife doesn't want him any place near our girls.What do you want master bruce?I think I have had a change of heart. You have?After seeing how he defended penny and tried to protect her with out killing anyone . Do you believe he took a blood oath in my car to Al way protect his sisters. So that's why you're cleaning up blood . Yes . In his own way I think he feels something for them.Upstairs Damien is climbing out of his window . He is determined to find where his sisters live.At the cottage Penny is changing her cloths when the alarms are triggered. She knows to head to the tunnel . She passes her mother in the hall with a her shot gun.She watches as the house goes dark as she lifts the door and then closes it behind her.In the cottage Angel is loading her shot guns when the pounding on her front door starts up.I know your in there. Damien calls out. Bam bam bamSeriously Angel says out loud.She checks her camera feed in her bedroom and see it's just Damien.She puts her gun down on the couch and answers She opens the door.I could have shot you what are you doing here?She grabs him and pulls him into the house. I want to see my sister .Damien hon have a seat .Damien sits and just because he was surprised that she's being so niceBruce walks into the roomPenny backs away and looks to Bruce then to her mother .Hello he says almost in a shy way Damien saysI guess you where right. I told you I have good instincts don't I father.Bruce nodsYou did penny say Are you ok? Damien askYeah I'm a little shaken up but I'm ok.Can we talk? Bruce ask Angel.Basement now brucie. Angel says as she passes bruce in the hall way. Bruce is surprised by the nick name. She only used it when she is teasing him. .Damien looks around well isn't this ... quant.Penny sits on the couch and Damien sits next to her.In the bat cave Bruce sits Angel down in a chair next to him at the bat computer. First I'm sorry for his existence. I'm sorry that I brought a trained blood thirsty assinse to our doorsteps.Bruce look at me. You had nothing to do with the way he turned out . You had nothing to do with her bringing him here. It's not your fault that he's even alive.

Angel's mind sends her back to when Bruce first disappears. Penny is just a little over a year old and angel isn't sure about her relationship with Bruce. They were lover at the time but he's also was seeing a another women. The day after bruce left for his "business trip " Angel found out she was pregnant for the second time. She was 2 months along at the time.As the weeks passed Angel started to struggle with her pregnancy. She was put on bed rest due to complications and stress by her doctors. It was a hard time being a single mothers with out her co parents. She remembers the day that superman brought Bruce home. There is a alarm that goes off in the cottage everytime that Bruce leaves and comes into the bat cave as Batman. She prayed everyday to hear that alarm go off. It use to be so regular that penny counts sleep through but that night that she will never forgot penny actually stirred next to her on her bed. She know she shouldn't have gotten up but in the pit of her stomach she knew it was going to be bad. When she stepped out of the darkness in a flowing nightgown to meet superman kneeling over Bruce's battered body a sharp pain hits her. She winces but keeps moving because she had to she need to see him.Superman turns and see her. He seems confused at her presence. She nods and kneels down next to him.

What happened to him. Angel asked superman.At that moment Bruce is unconscious and is wrapped in his cap and cowl laying on the cold floor of the bat cave.Superman explains how he found him to himCan you help me get him to the cottage the tunnel is right over there. I'll take care of him there . I will let alfred know he is safe in the morning. She stands up and feels a line of wetness running down her leg. Superman notices.Are you..Please don't tell him this isn't the right time for this.She placed her hand on her barely there bumpSuperman nods and pick up bruce and follows angel into the tunnel.Angel directed him to the bed where penny is asleep.Superman gently lays him down looking at penny then to Bruce.Cute babyYeah we think so.Do you mind me sticking around for a little while to keep a eye on him.you look like you can use a little help.Ah sure but you don't have a earthquake to deal with ...Not that I know of but don't be surprised if I fly out of here in the middle of the night.Ok but I don't think he will be happy about it but I could use the help.Earth to Angel are you ok? She hugs him.Yeah I'm good just remembering something.Thank you for understanding that. Do I like that little shit? Angel saysI'm sorry I shouldn't say that about your son. He is a innocent product of his environmental. It not his fault .none of this is his fault. He didn't ask for his training he didn't ask for any of this bruce. It's wrong for me to hold all of this anger towards him.Bruce looks at her in amazement. Thinking he picked the perfect partner in life.Where is this coming from? Why the sudden change of heart ? Bruce thought he was going to have a fight on his hands"Seeing him and meeting him. He reminds me of you .""He does?""Yeah he may have a bit of a napoleon complex but deep down I think he has your sense of being a good person. He looked out for our penny the whole time bruce. That's all she talked about on the drive home.Yeah I have to admit I was proud of him.Me too.You know what I just realize. Bruce saysWhat's thatHe has never had a normal life. I don't think he has ever had anyone in his life that loves him like you love me and our girl. That can't be true. You love our girls why wouldn't you openly love him.Bruce looks away. He not one of my girls I hate to admit this but I having a hard time dealing with his presence in my life.Oh bruce..She hugs him tighter and climbs into his lapHe's a blood thirsty killer because of his grandfather and mother not you . You have told me that you have been trying to reprogram him. Your trying . He didn't ask to be here and didn't ask to be this way he was breed for it. He was trained for it never apologized for how he was made or what he was made in to.The more she talked the more she thought about what she was saying What is it . Bruce asked It just dawn on me that I would have shot your son hell he's my son too if you think about it. You always remind me that whatever is yours is mine too. You definitely don't have to take responsibility for him. I can just send him to a boarding school and be done. It would be so easy. Bruce says only half joking. Bruce you can't do that he's not a puppy that you can just rehome.Wait now you want him here?Seriously did you not listen to me at all??Bruce I have been looking at this all wrong. He needs a real family .bruce parents that love each other stability . It's been right there this whole time.Angel my crazy wife loving him is like trying to love a electric eel You and I are build for tough love I plan date for my husband to go on and have to watch you go on dates with them. If I can do that for the pass 10 years I can love a broken piece of you. He's apart of you bruce. I love all your of your broken pieces.You do do that . Bruce kisses her hand and neck.

Angel sigh Plus I always wanted a little boy that looks like you. But for some reason you wouldn't give me one have you. Until now huh? Bruce say with his face buried in her neck.Yes until now What if we try for one more ? We can always do ivf and pick the gender.Bruces hands creap down to her butt.No no no bruce that is just a awful bruce I don't think so.Hey A guy can try She chuckles Well let go welcome our son into our family. Are you sure ? I can't just send him to the alps.Upstairs Damien and penny just got done walking around the three bedroom cottage .Well that's it.penny sayI see it's too small.It's big enough for the three and sometime for of us.The hatch opens with a giggle from AngelBruce bees lines it to the bathroom.Angel is straight he tank dress when she walks in with a smile on her face .Penny can you do me a favors and go hang out in your room for a few minutes.Sure see you later little brother . Damien wanted to argue but looks at is older and taller sister walk out.Why does my father's ....Don't you dare Damien bruce say from the door way.Damien I just want to say I'm sorry for the gun.Father she would have shot me ? With my permission to . The gun is a wedding anniversary gift from a few years back. Damien. You hate gun. Why would you gift her one?She had guns when I meet her she saved my life with a gun twice. She is a responsible gun owner Damien your sister don't have access to them and she goes to the range yearlyMonthly .Oh . Yeah my friend Trish and I go she picks me up.Oh .I like her.she know how to get around your tracking system.Damien sayGood now start acting like it your going to be spending a lot of time with her.I am?Yes you are bruce say So I know you have a lot of question. For your father and I . Angel saysSo are my siblings bastards or am the only one I. Damien ask with crossed arms Damien bruce says with a warning. It's ok bruce. First off please reframe from cursing in this house and anyplace near your sisters . Second penny is but we technically married 2 year after she was born . We just didn't file the paperwork. Alfred married us after he's found out about them.Angel shows Damien her ring.It belonged to your grandmother. Bruce says So were you together when I was conceived?Bruce and angle look at each other. I was seeing this women name Selena at the time and I was co parenting when I could but that trip that took me to your mother's door made me realize who I loved and who I wanted to be with.Then why be with my mother for?why was I conceived.Damien can you sit next between up for a second. Angel make room for him to sit between them.I think I'm good standing If you want access to your sister like you should have I'm Going to need you to be more respectful and cooperative. Angel say so please have a seat Angel says Damien sighsFine Marty needs to be able to look up to her big brother Damien. Don't you want that?Marty? You named my little sister Marty?Brice Martha after your father and grandmother we just call her Marty Ah I seeI wanted to pay tribute to all of the important people in your fathers lifePennyworth?Exactly.So you didn't answer my question. I think we need to go to the cave for this .Bruce sayAre you sure? Angel ask.There nothing you can say to shock father. Once you go down this hole Damien you can't unsee what you saw.What can't you possibly show me more damaging then you two fornicate in the batcave .What? Angel sayI put a small camera in the bat cave by the tunnel entrance. Oh my god .Don't worry he only say you helping me get out of my suit and you only flashed him for a split second.Bruce gets up and heads to the tunnel.You coming? Bruce turns and looks to Damien yeah I'll be right there.Damien does a quick nod and head to where his father is.They climbed down the tunnel.So how do you open this tunnel ? Damien ask I'll ask angel if you can have the access. Dick is the only one of you kids to have the code.Of course grayson would have it. Damien says as he steps into the batcave.

Well I should have it . How am I supposed to protect my sister if i can't get to them.I appreciate your willingness to look out for your sisters I do but I need to know I can trust you around them.My blood oath isn't good enough for you.The cottage is angel's home she should have a say in it.Fair enough I suppose.Bruce makes his way to the bat computer.He starts to go through his case file and he gets to one that was burried marked disappearance .Disappearance? Damien saysYes I disappeared for 2 months. Bruce gets up and steps away from the computer.Damien I'm going to ask you one more time do you really want to know this.Of course I do. If you love that women so much why am I not your oldest child.Damien start to open the first files labled body.This file has 25 pictures of someone who was tortured and abusedBruce is sitting at the other side watching Damien's reaction to the photo Father these are of you.. damein's voice trails They are . Damien goes to the next file then the next. He doesn't say anything while he was readingsYou can stop at anytime.Damien finally finishes the whole files. You hate me don't you . I don't blame you if you do. I'd hate me too.Bruce doesn't say anything.I understand Damien I don't know what I feel when it comes to you . Damien gets up.I'll go pack my bags.Bruce checks his watch.I need you to go see Angel.Why? Damien just do it.Bruce walks him to the tunnel and lets him in. Bruce watches him go up the tunnel he then follows him up. In the cottage Damien opens the hatch and is hit with the smell of fresh baked cookies . He can hear everyone in the house is talking .soft music is playing in the background. Sissy had a rough day at school. Angel tells Marty.Damien clears his throat .Angel looks up. She gets up from the table and walks over to Damien.She has never seen him look so young before. She has watched him on the camera for the past 6 months.Damien honey? Why are you being so nice to me .Girls can you go to your rooms please . I'm not done mommy Marty saysYou can take it with you this one time ok . OkPenny leaves first the marti . But she stop and looks at her brother.Your my brother are you?Damien nodShe hugs him.I'm glad mommy letting you live with us you get to have my old room.He hugs her back.Bye. She a good mom you ll like it here. Marti say and runs off pass bruce. Angel puts a cookie and milk at one of the empty seat at the small table . Father said you wanted to see me? We need to talk ok. Come sit down. HoneyDamien didn't have the energy to argue with her about the pet name.Why are you inviting me into your home .Isn't this your father house?YesSo why wouldn't you be welcomed here.I have been here for six months and I'm just meeting my sisters?You are correct. We don't tell anyone that doesn't figure it out on their own.it's for your sisters safety .There's more to it you hate me and so does my father .Damien say quietly I thought I hated you and no your father doesn't hate you his feeling are just complicated not everything is black and white honey I'm not your honey .And your trying to kill me with poisonous cookies . He pushes the cookie away.Bruce leaves and goes in to his and Angel bed room to change clothes No the cookie is fresh and if your not going to eat it I will. It's just a term of endearment nothing to get your panties in a bunch. There is a sweet yet rough child under all of this addituteDamien crossed his arms and sulks.She takes the cookie and takes a bite.

I'm not your sonIf you aren't my son then I guess your not your father's son either . Damien huffsWhat belongs to my father belongs to you .Very good .so where were we ?You trying to exaplain why you don't hate me.Right I'm not proud of this but I was afraid of you.You should be I have killed a lot of people. Damien sayAnd I haven't? Don't let my name fool you honey Angel winks at Damien.My nickname was Angel of death.My father does have a type with a small smile.Angel laughsCan I go I need to pack my bags I'm leaving Gotham tonight . I know when I'm not wanted.Damien you haven't been listening. Your moving in with me and your sistersBut he doesn't want me and I dont blame him.Damien I want you her and how are you going to look out for your sisters if you run away?He opens and then closes his mouth.So let me explain to you what is going on in my head.Angel sigh and sits I transferred my hate for how you became to be on to you. I was wrong and now I'm going to try my best to make up for it.your mother has been on my list of people I have hate for a very long time .But why do want me I'm the child of a women you hate in your home I don't belong here.Angel sighDamien please listen to me again . I don't care about that women anymore. When I looks at you I see your father.You belong where ever he doesBut he ..No buts you belong to him just like your sister .But he loves them but he doesn't love me.And with a bit of hard work from your father his feel will get uncomplicated I promise. This is about Don't promise things you can can know for sure can happen.I have known your father longer than you I know what kind of heart he has.I don't deserve it.Look at me. You are apart of your father .say it DamienI'm a part of my father . Good but say it like you mean it !I'm apart of my father. Damien say loudly.Good now I need you to believe it. Angel puts her hand on his shoulder.Look at me please.Damien turns and at first he is staring at her bare feet.Eye up here buddyHe quickly looks up .Thank you my toes arent done. Angel smiles at him.You are half of the most beautiful amazing smart loving heroic man I have ever know that means something honey.I only have half the chance to be a great man like my father !No you have the option it's your choice to follow in your father's footsteps Or your mother's.you have the potential to be a super intelligent kind caring and wonderful young man one day.Yeah I suppose so.You will.Why are you so sure?Because you are apart of a family that love and care for each other. You have guidance now. Just like you had guidance to become a great assassin . Your young and you have just stepped into a new chapter in your life.Damien looks aroundCan we all move in to way manor?No but we can visit anytime you want Angel says with a smile.So what do you think about your new chapter so far?is there anything you want to explore maybe a new hobby?I cant promise you that this will work Well our blood oath tells me that your going to be the best big and little brother my girls can have . Blood oath matter to you don't they?Of course.I would have never done it if it didn't.Ok then . Angel gets up and walks into the kitchen. She brings back her sharpest knife in the kitchen.In the bed room bruce is watching what is going on in the dining roomsWhat are you doing with a knife you crazy beautiful women of mine.At the dinners room table Damien eyes the knife that Angel brought to the table. As a mom I am protective of all my children that mean the girls and you and dick too but dick is more like a baby brother to me but you get the picture.Yeah but I'm not your childStop being hard headed Damien you are apart this family now . But why would you want me you would have shot me. Why are you being nice to me now?I told you already I feel like there is more to this then a change of heart.Ok I guess i need to come clean about something that I have kept from your father for almost 10 years .I don't want there to be a secret anymore . Bruce I know your listen can you come in here please.

[twansgendew]

Something something I've begun to infantilize myself on and offline because people used to say "ur so baby" or "awe innocent little cinnamon roll" or whatever and brush aside any like. Knowledgeable thing I said with "ur so baby u woulrnt understand" or stuff like that so I simply. Overplay my childishness and lack of impulse control so it's Me infantilizing Myself instead of them infantilizing me. Because to me its better to act dumb than to show people that I understand things and then be shoved aside anyways because they just dont think I'm smart for some reason. send post

[ooglywooglies]

its not just a case of ariana doing this = bad, me doing this = good, btw

like theres stuff from this period that was just as not good for me as trying to whitewash myself. i used to do things like dye my hair blacker than it already is (my hair is like half black and half brown in like an even spread or something its weird) i used to pose my face in a way that hid the hoods of my eyelids more than other poses (being a halfie means that you can look more or less of one thing or the other depending on the angle and the lighting and all that)

like part of the reason i did that stuff was bc it was more trendy to be asian at the time, and like ive always liked being vocal about asian struggles and stuff and it felt like i HAD to be "more authentic" in a way that ended up also being kind of a performance in a similar way to the whitewashing stuff but in the other direction. like ironically i knew i was trans the whole time so none of it was ever authentic it was just a back and forth rejecting my rejection from whatever group i didnt fit into most recently

thats whats so shit about being mixed is youre not really both and youre not really neither and youre not one or the other youre all of those things at the same time and its contradictory, these days i generally identify as "primarily asian" even though its not even true on a blood level fun fact im only a quarter asian, i identify as "primarily asian" because i have been treated as such by people virtually my entire life, the experience of being treated as if im white is only something ive known in small doses or somewhat recently (i have a whole post about how being half asian in suburban australia is very different from rural wyoming or minnesota)

anyway anyway, i think this has a lot to do with like femininity and beauty standards, like its pretty telling that i basically dropped all this shit immediately after i started transitioning (socially i mean, which means its been like 5 years) and i keep saying i want to dig into the ties between asianness as an aesthetic/appeal and femininity specifically, how i feel like i can never really escape femininity (not that i necessarily always mind, i am a nonbinary man) because of my features and the way my race/phenotype is gendered

the way it turns out gay men fetishize asians (who are bottoms) in a similar way to how asian women are fetishized by anyone who is attracted to women (but most certainly to a lesser extent)

idk my main source is my own experiences on grindr and its hard to disconnect my experiences of being fetishized for my race (as a man) and my gender (as a trans person) because they were happening simultaneously on there. like i cant say if asian cis gay men would be fetishized the same way as me because they dont have the axis of trans to worry about, and i cant possibly know if my transness contributes to the demasculation of my asianness since its not something i can remove

i remembered this morning that vanessa hudgen is wasian and i went to google what she is specifically and i saw some article about her "making an effort to let more people know shes filipina" or something and it looks like in pics she does her makeup differently than she used to and its funny if thats the case bc thats something i started doing after high school (when i still wore makeup), in high school i drew my eyeliner on my top eyelid and bottom eyelid but after awhile i started only doing the top

i used to do the underline in an effort to make my eyes look "bigger" and i used to wish my eyes were green like my sisters and at some point i basically flipped from wanting to look "more white" to look "more asian"

and just thinking that this is so weird. also this was well before there were asianfishing makeup trends like whatever the hell ariana grande was doing not too long ago and thats like, obviously an entirely different can of worms

[mixdgrlproblems]

i have this pinned to the top of my twitter page for all my followers to see because a lot of us haven’t seen it before or knew it existed. I don’t post it enough here so I wanna share it & what it means to me. Dr Maria Root's "Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People" is the first time some of these thoughts have been put on paper. It’s fairly new itself, she didn’t make this list until 1993. "Children of #mixedmarriages never had anything like this," she says. "We have had feelings all along but not put into any kind of structure. It gives people something to talk about and feel recognized." So let’s talk. The first right is not having to justify our existence in the world & I wrote a post previously about this. Now for the second, I have the right to not keep the races separate within me. This can have several meanings I feel, we have the right to simply be who we say we are. This should be common sense but unfortunately we don’t live in that type of world. The whole concept & system of racism was created by oppressors, separating us due to the color of our skin, cultures, beliefs, etc. To THEM, there are ONLY 5 kinds of people: White, Asian, Black, Hispanic and Indigenous. This leaves #multiracials out of the picture. In 2000, the multiracial/two or more options started to appear but best believe we’ve been around longer than that. A lot of us had to grow up confused & anxious because we had to separate ourselves when applying for pretty much anything or it was a question on tests & surveys. Some have felt more anxiety about which “side” of themselves to choose more than the damn test itself. “But I’m both!” “Why do I only get to choose one?” A lot of us have had to cut off a part of ourselves on paper. “Fine I guess I’ll just say....” Then that weird feeling comes over us, like we don’t feel like a whole person. It sounds ridiculous but basically I just took an SAT test as a Hispanic female, for example, instead of adding Asian as well. I am 100% this race & 100% this race too. Why is that so hard to grasp? Some say they are half & half this or a quarter that, etc but we also have the right to say Im 100% multiracial too. What right speaks to you? https://www.instagram.com/p/CQhEZe1l6Qx/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nako-doodles]

get to know me 💖

tagged by @bisexualrapline @kithtaehyung & @taehyungsupremacy thank you darlin's 🥰🥺

tagging: @gimbapchefs @butterful @tae-bebe @jiminslight @mintagust @taehyungq @calicooky @bonsaipapi @taemaknae @honsool @jinbestboy @thatredwine @taejinnies @jung-koook & anyone who wants to tbh ✨

when is your birthday? oct 26th spooky season scorpio aka the best scorpio

what is your favorite color? pinks and blues

what's your lucky number? a palindrome

do you have any pets? i had a russian blue maine coon mix kitty duchess moondust and i still love her grace very much. i want to adopt a husky or eskimo or malamute but i dont have the funds or the space or the means yet :(

how tall are you? to the utter terror of my ill-equipped knees, 5'7

how many pairs of shoes do you own? enough to make hotel management think im housing more than one person in my suite, and for me to rue the day i finally pack all my shit up

favorite song? ive been listening to yoohyeon's cover of secret love song and dreamcatcher's whistle on LOOP lately that youtube has just put the songs side by side on autoplay for me. my fbi agent Gets me.

favorite movie? my emotional support trilogy howls moving castle, a silent voice, ernest and célestine

what would be your ideal partner? im going to steal ryen's 'kim seokjin, next'

do you want children? teaching them has inoculated me for the next decade thanks

have you gotten in trouble with the law? no, but i HAVE plenty of problems w some of them

what color socks are you wearing? pastel pink to match my grey tiger sneakers

bath or shower? jin didnt make a whole shower dance playlist for me to succumb to big bath???????? (im watching you lush)

favorite type of music? as long as its not just incoherent noise, i would probably like it

how many pillows do you sleep with? uhhhh............5?

which position do you sleep in? wow this quiz is not fucking around. i sleep burrowed in pillows and blankets while cuddling said pillows and blankets like a hibernating bear

what don't you like when you're sleeping? when its stuffy and humid and hot

what do you have for breakfast? sichuan spicy rice noodles with fish and crab balls and mushrooms

have you ever tried archery? i had a brief semi professional moment in elementary and i have tinie bracers and two junior recurve bows to prove it

favorite fruit? mangoes, mangosteens, strawberries, grapefruits

favorite swear word? "the owner of no one good quality"

do you have any scars? living for a quarter of a century in the modern world does mean one tends to obtain scars of the emotional and physical kind yes

are you a good liar? not sure you would believe me either way

what's your personality type? god i get a different result each time but i think i oscillate between istp-a and infj-a most? basically im a chaotic introvert.

what's your favorite type of girl? there are no hierarchy of girls; they're all great. men on the other hand..........

left or right handed? right handed but i be situationally (re: food) ambidextrous

favorite food? anything warm homey soupy hearty umami-y....dim sum, noodles, hot pots, currys, stews.......

are you clean or messy? clean with a chaos misc closet where i dump everything in it

favorite foreign food? now that im stuck in a foreign country i miss good breads and cheeses argh

how long does it take for you to get ready? 10 minutes in the mornings and like. 2 hours in the evening.

most used phrase? HAHAHAHHAHAAIOGJOAEHJIAOGJIFAO

are you a good singer? enough to have been a mezzo in collegiate choir so. not really.

do you sing to yourself? well i gotta provide a soundtrack for all this chaos and its not like i have the money to hire min yoongi to do it

biggest fear? how to tell you were raised by asian parents without saying so: being a disappointment and bring shame to the family

do you like long or short hair? medium? i keep my hair around shoulder length usually

are you into gossips? only if its about people i dont know irl and also dont like

extrovert or introvert? introvert

favorite school subject? the subject of 'not going to school'

what makes you nervous? when i think something i want to happen probably wont happen but i really FUCKING WANT IT to happen

who was your first real crush? inuyasha's big bro cardcaptor sakura's touya

how many piercings do you have? the usual earlobes ones but i want more

how fast can you run? juuuuuuuust fast enough to wrangle wily demon spawns from leaving the classroom

what makes you angry? willful and malicious ignorance

do you like your own name? yes

what are your weaknesses? food.

what are your strengths? i can carry about 3 squirmy toddlers before the situation gets dicey

what is the color of your bedspread? depressing hotel whites

color of your room? my old bedroom had sky blue walls with clouds and forests painted on it, but the hotel suite has like brown black and white thing going on