#im off the clock! get out of there!
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hate when my sort of "inner thoughts" voice changes from sounding like mine to sounding like someone else who I heard talk a lot that day. I dont know how relatable this is but its a frustrating experience.
#one of my old jobs this used to bring me to tears i had to hear my bosses voice so much#and then she'd be in there sayin my thoughts when i got home#im off the clock! get out of there!#today its just a podcast man though#ive brought this up before- its been a problem since at least middle school
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vaggie, miss "im not used to fighting with long hair" who's out of practice actually battling someone or really stabbing ppl...
...still had the arm and hand strength, the REFLEXES, to do a bare handed blade catch on a SWORD, who's user had been doing an aerial dive with it aimed at vaggie's FACE
then sling around and THROW her opponent with it
i know she wants a peaceful-ish life with charlie, but i really wouldn't mind seeing her getting into just a FEW more fights >:D
also also side note: carmilla was able to eff her up earlier so easily bc vaggie fought like an exorcist, no thought to getting hurt or personal defense, the headspace of 'i can't get killed! wheee! DIE DIE DIE' that got that other exorcist killed
and the main advice vaggie got from carmilla was take advantage of that sure, but first and more importantly, defend yourself better
which kinda plays into the whole "be out for love thing" too
aka the fight isn't important, it's what you're fighting to still have Afterwards that matters- the people you love, having a life with them
(the hotel, the hazbins, charlie)
carmilla doesn't send vaggie off with a 'you're ready to go kill angels'. she's only satisfied and ends their little lesson / sparring match when she can say "you might just survive this"
feels like she wasn't teaching vaggie to take out angels. she was reminding her and showing her how NOT to get KILLED
so it's just so nice seeing vaggie blocking, dodging, and grappling lute later. how good she is at focusing on avoiding or neutralizing those attacks aimed at her. how Seriously she takes them
binding lute's both lute's arms and wedging them into her own body so lute's sword CAN'T be angled towards her
the way this shot emphasis's the THREAT of the sword hanging over vaggie
and how her flash-fast recovery and block shows she's READY for it
dodging, not attacking
she's not in this for blood or vengeance, this lady is trying to stay the fuck alive. she's got things and people to live for
things like the idea of mercy. that thing both her and charlie show their enemies, people who came down to hell for murder and spent this fight trying to kill them and got damn close to doing it.
and sure there's a pretty big tone difference between charlie's "Whoa whoa dad. He's had enough" and vaggie's "No, live. Live knowing that you only do because I let you" but both end at the same place, with someone who hates them still getting a second chance
(UNLESS ITS NIFFTY WITH THE ANGELIC BLAAADE)
and vaggie wants that second chance too. she wants a life with charlie, and fights hard so she can stick around for it
epic fail, lute... have you considered getting a hobby...?
#hazbin hotel#vaggie#carmilla carmine#chaggie#lute hazbin hotel#*dreamy sigh*#carmilla as best hell mom im sorry ladies she is So Cool#and the action in that little fight with lute was so fast and brutal#vaggie was clearly using specific BLOCKS and GRAPPLES as well as just clocking lute in the face with the odd radio#she might be (happily) out of practice generally speaking#but she's still got the experience#and she learned Quick how to fend off a SWORD while unarmed#A. SWORD.#she didn't even have her wings out for it#charlie forgive me for re-watching your gf getting beat up so many times- but she really /was/ pretty impressive about it#im like 90% sure there was broken ribs and internal bleeding by the end#from the way she was moving#and she STILL managed to sling shot lute ass over teakettle#XD#the power of looooove
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boy i accidentally clocked into work an hour early . what the fuc
#not a quote#mod dave#good morning chat. and by chat i mean all our followers#dude i was not expecting to crash so hard the week after classes ended#i just had three days off and im so serious out of those 72 hours i probably slept like. 50 of them#i think it caught up with me because i fucking rocketed out of bed at 9am thinking it was 10am (when i normally get up)#got to work by 9:30 (i normally clock in at 10:30)#and i didnt realize anything was wrong until like 20 minutes later#im good. im fine. im functioning normally. clearly
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i know the answer is yes But should i attempt to buy mcr tickets tmrw
#IF theyre even available. i will be At my place of work while purchasing them. like actively clocking in.#i need to see them so badly. i should just do it right?? i get paid today or tmrw i think so i should just put them on my credit#card and pay it off when i can. my bills not even due for like a week+..#thats also if its only $70 like the ticketmaster callers say. allegedly. if its more: fuck. if its less: yippee!!#but im hoping for the chicago show.. which will probably sell out Immediately anyway#talk tag
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hii i hope you’re doing alright !! Just wanted to know if you have any idea of when you’re going to publish the last far galaxies chapter !!! i love the fic and i can’t wait to read chapter 11 !! have a good day/night :)
thank you for reading!!!!! the answer is soon but not soon soon unfortunately this chapter is a BEAST like a BEAST of a BEAST and no matter how many words i write THERES STILL MORE A;SLJLSDHGLSHGQV
have a good day/night :) here are the first few hundred words <3
Hours later, after piling themselves back on the ship and cutting through space to the rendezvous point, they were back on the star base.
It felt like a true whirlwind, a few hours of action so packed he could hardly think and now somehow Nico found himself walking the same gray halls, up the same ramp, into the ship, into his empty room. The privacy panels were drawn, the room in near darkness. It was late in the night, not even Command at the ready. They’d meet first thing in the morning, a disgustingly early call time already on his schedule, something he’d have to be dragged out of bed to make.
For the time being, he was alone. Will had marched Thalia straight off to the medbay, hearing no arguments but enough complaints that Nico pitied him greatly. Jason and Piper went off to meet Annabeth wherever she was, and Leo was already setting himself on ship repairs, more than enough crafts lined up for him to choose from. Nico hadn’t felt the slightest bit of temptation to follow any of them.
Nico sat on the edge of the bed, his legs coming out from under him. Quite suddenly, he felt exhausted down to the bone. He felt like he could sleep for a month and still want a nap.
He dropped his head into his hands. He thought of the look in Thalia’s eyes, the anguish.
Nico had taken his eye off the ball. It was a fact. If he’d faced one delay in the trees, an extra few minutes spent somewhere else, Thalia would be dead. And it’d be what she wanted. The thought was enough to tighten his throat, painful.
Things could have gone so differently. He could be standing somewhere completely different, a completely different person.
Nico didn’t let himself think on it very long. He grabbed for his comm. It only took a few rings until there was a mechanical click, the line connecting.
“I messed up,” Nico muttered into the dark. “I don’t know what to do.”
There was a pause. “Do you want me to come?”
Nico swallowed, wholly unsure. He was just figuring out what to say, how to even respond to that, when -
“Send your coordinates,” Bianca decided in a second, crisp in his ear. “Let your leadership know, I’m bringing the Huntresses.”
#LETS GO LESBIANS#oh my god this chapter is so so so long and ITS NOT CLOSE TO BEING DONE#ok its like 70% done but ?????? ITS 68K RIGHT NOW????? oh my gooood AND THERES STILL 33 BEATS/SCENES TO FINISH#i have a joke with my mom that everyday i clock out of work and clock into fic and its like. yes. oh my god. but yes#in my head i soooo wanted it done before my birthday as a little treat for me a la slasher fic but oh my gooood its not happening#i am foreseeing an early to mid June update but!!!! i am visiting family next week and hope to get a lot done while im off <3 <3 <3#space fic
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my job is gonna make me buy a watch isn't it 😭
#to be clear I've actually been.... meaning to buy a watch#bc i actually liked having one but it broke#but i have been.... procrastinating it#however the new shit im doing requires me to know what time i start and stop things :')#and like yeah i do have my phone but also i very much try not to pull it out mid-shift bc while I'm sure#that my new supervisor guy would understand that I'm just checking the time#i still remember seeing people walked out of the building for being in their phones on the clock#and i would very much like to remain employed#so... new watch it is#i should....... i should go ahead and do that shouldn't i#Walmart is right next door but that means getting up+dressed+going out+all that in reverse as well#ough#ill do it after i get off tomorrow#i can make it 1 shift with just using my phone + the computers around the factory right?#shh ac
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you ever have a fic get you in such a chokehold you start pacing your room and talking to yourself
#THIS FIC WAS WRITTEN FOR ME SPECIFICALLY#BURN IT ALL DOWN BY DOROTHYCANFLY ON AO3 THIS IS GENUINELY ONE OF MY TOP 5 FICS OF ALL TIME EVER#IT'S GOT THE BEST DABI CHARACTERISATION IVE EVER COME ACROSS IT'S GOT REALLY WELL WRITTEN DABIHAWKS#THAT FITS BOTH OF THEM LIKE THEY'RE MEAN AS HELL ABOUT IT AT FIRST#IT'S GOT STUPIDLY DEVOTED TOUYA-SHOUTO IT'S GOT PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER TOUYA#IT'S GOT MENTAL ANGST WRITTEN LIKE A DREAM THE WRITING IN GENERAL IS INSANE#IT'S ACTION PACKED BUT DONE WELL SO THAT IT'S NOT TEDIOUS IT'S FUNNY IT'S GOT TWISTS#IT'S KEEPING ME ON MY TOES I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING OR HOW FAR THE AUTHOR IS WILLING TO GO#IVE LITERALLY READ 300K WORDS IN TWO DAYS AT THIS POINT LIKE I AM ABSOLUTELY FINISHING THIS TONIGHT#WHAT THE FUCK EVEN AM I GONNA DO WITH MYSELF AFTER THIS#EVERY NEW THING THAT HAPPENS LITERALLY HAS ME GETTING UP TO PACE ABOUT#I CLOCKED OUT OF MY MUM TELLING ME OFF EARLIER BC I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS FIC#DO U KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS BASO JUST SIGNED MY DEATH WARRANT BUT I DIDNT CARE#losing my goddamn mind respectfully <3 if anyone has read this pls yell with me about it#and if anyone knows mha and wants a fic rec PLEASE let it be this one it's my fav mha fic ever and ive read A LOT#it gets quite smutty in the middle but if that's not ur thing the author tws very well and u can kinda just scroll#so that u still get the important character developments without it being just pure smut lol#god this FIC. holding it in my fucking fist and squeezing the everloving life out of it im going INSANE#i cant remember the last time a fic got me this way im literally giggling about it all#HE FOUND A REASON TO LIVE AGAIN THEY TOOK THIS MANGLED BLOODY BOY AND SAID WE LOVE YOU#YOU ARE GOOD YOU CAN STAY YOU CAN REST NOW WE'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND HE CHOSE THEM! HE CHOSE THEM!#OVER HIS REVENGE AND HIS RAGE HE CHOSE THEM! IM GOING TO BE VIOLENTLY SICK#like the author LETS DABI BE A CUNT. the first chunk of the fic he's actively not a good person#and his coping mechanisms are shot to shit and we WATCH HIM GROW FROM THAT i have cried several times over the most mundane shit#goddddddddDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAKSJFJKAGSFIUAHGJKAKG#mha#fic rec
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okay who summoned cuthulu on my lunchbreak. who was it.
#I DONT GET PAID FOR THIS SHIT BRUH#AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL IM BACK ON THE CLOCK SO I CAN SKIVE OFF WORK#AND STILL GET PAID#also yall watch out for the docks theres um. theres cuthulu#the real ghostbusters#ghostbusters#ghostbusters rp#unreality#ghost warning#gb sightings
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I swear. I comprehend I’m not the best teaching intern in the world. I also was not the best camp counselor, cashier, and so on. But if my observer gives me so much criticism that I cry again I’m going to be so motherfucking pissed.
Especially since she’s asking me to stay late just to review me. While I have family visiting. And I’m gone for most of the day. And my commute is over half an hour. Which isn’t bad around here but still.
#vent#I’m working on it but I cry after like 5+ concentrated minutes of disappointment from bosses and such#we’re staying late because she observed yesterday but#but just like last week she thought my planning period was *at the wrong spot*#it turns out that I did tell her wrong twice FUCK#BUT THERE WAS ALSO ONE TIME I DID TELL HER RIGHT I SWEAR. PLUS I TOLD HER LAST WEEK IN PERSON. I COMBED THROIGH MY EMAILS#I just sent an email with all the correct information so hopefully that resolves the issue#I cried for like two days last week. her criticism is fairly valid but alsoooooo I’m trying to work with my partner Teachers values& methods#WHICH THE OBSERVOR ESPOUSED. last week she was like ‘omg your partner teacher is the best omg you better treat her as the great resource#that she is’ and meanwhile I like my partner teacher but her methods are boring and teacher centered#she swears it’s how she gets through to these kids and I can see that#like by tenth grade a huge change in educational structure would probably be more distracting than helpful for the better part of a year to#these kids#especially since I’m here for maybe a month.#not worth fucking these kids over#and considering the students get to use their notes on tests im just. kind of blanking on better ideas???#even the kids in the ‘smart’ periods are so hesitant with so many math skills#I just want to fix it but I’m basically at the end of the process. idk#my cashier job made me come in on my day off (I did clock in) to get criticized#idk how to stand up about this with a woman who can decide whether I pass or not but god I hope this isn��t going to be a pattern#she didn’t have ONE fucking good thing to say about me last week#my mom suggested that I ask for a compliment when I’m near tears because that might stave off any tears#I’m hoping her method works
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one of my coworkers can be so annoying but he also gets so genuinely worried about my safety when I leave at night I love him down
#the other night he clocked out and waited for me to finish up and went 'im scared of the dark can you walk out with me' (little shit)#and today i got off shift an hour before him so he couldnt do that and when i was walking out he calls out after me saying#'safe travels! watch out! for people!' like brother i know why im scared of getting murdered when i walk out at night but please#you can chill its like 20 steps to my car
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Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"
and I'm there just like 🧍
#like wow ok#i have no idea what i want man I'm just doing what's required of me#or more like i think i know some of the things i want but I'm actively beating them up every day and instead choosing#what i consider to be my duty#like yeah I really want to work in design and you know the dream is character design and concept art but that's unrealistic#and any design would do. but that's selfish so like lol no. psychology it is. social work if i fail at that. it's an acceptable#compromise. it's not what I want but it is what i am ok with subjecting myself to.#whenever it looks like I might fail a class at university i get really anxious but also really excited#because on one hand I'm failing to take care of my duties and responsibilities. on the other if they kicked me out nobody could#say i didn't try. i could just say that I'm too stupid. i could say that i don't have what it takes. id be a failure but not out of my#volition. they could tell me that im stupid or inferior but they couldn't label me selfish.#and then id just fuck off to work as a florist or maybe id just work in a smokes shop or anything low stakes like that#while I'd be looking for a job in design. hell i don't even need a job in that field; id love to just work a simple job where after clocking#out i could just go home and partake in my hobbies. like i wouldn't even need to have it as my field of work id be perfectly#content with posting character designs online and sometimes getting a small buck by selling pins and dolls and etc#that's definitely what i want in life. but that's fucked up and selfish and would make me a failure and then i would never#be able to even dream of earning humanity. so. doing my duty it is
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new schedule would have me clocking in @ 3pm... i fear unemployment is right around the corner for me
#niyah.txt#a 5/8 week where i clock in @ 3pm#clock out @ 11:30pm if im lucky#and i have fucking wednesday and thursday off#huge slap in the face rn bc i literally set like 7 alarms to gradually wake myself up more and more bc i knew i wasnt gonna be able to#get up in time for this shitty ass shift bid and i got maybe 3 hours total of sleep#i have a meeting w my tl @ 1pm i'll just tell her i have to quit for health reasons then if the meeting isn't about me being terminated#feelsbad bc she fought so hard for me to keep this job but idc anymore bc i can't remember the last time i got more than 6 hours of sleep#that wasn't bc i'd gotten high out of my mind
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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Annoyed @ work
#the teenie boppers are i hate that they dont know everything about how this job is supposed to work#which isnt their fault. they are teenagers#i just. wish that i could beam my knowledge directly into their skulls like a laser#so that i wouldnt have to worry as much every night im closing with a new person#this new girl is very sweet but also. a bit of a ditz in a way she cant control but which i dont mesh well with#so it is#bugging me#she told me she would take her break at 8. at 8:01 i tried to call the front to tell her id be a min or 2 late for 8#she did not answer bc she had already taken off#it was suppsed to be a 15 min break#she got here at 4:30 and you only get a 30 min break if youre here for 6+ hours#i have explained this to her many times. it is 8:20.#i presume she took off right at 8. she is not back.#she probably didnt clock out either
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make it make sense that I enjoy doing my job (especially the tedious parts) when I am off the clock, but as soon as I am supposed to be working I'd rather be doing LITERALLY anything else????
#like im having so much fun prepping all my TEAMS posts for Monday and doing SLEUTHING to figure out who owns this one meeting rn#but come Monday im gonna whine and groan and try my best to avoid my job as much as is reasonable. like??#and this happens often. I love doing remedial tasks at 2am. plugging shit into the glossaries that I dont care about woooooo hell yeah.#doing a quick audit on Tuesday at 10pm? yes. easy. takes 30 mins at MOST.#but like. ask me to update glossaries or make posts on TEAMS or do adults between 7am and 4:30 pm??? ABSOLUTELY NOT I will drag my FEET#If I really wanna psychoanalyze myself... I think that what's happening is that my work isnt interesting to me and I find it too easy#and really boring. and if im bored and dont care. it HURTS its SO HARD its PAINFUL to drag my brain through the mud to do it#and so I thus hate my job. BUT. the exact work I do for my job is what I ENJOY doing in my real life. I love organizing and scheduling#and prepping and alll that shit. like I work as an admin assistant at my job but like. I LOVE BEING AN ADMINISTRATOR FOR MY REAL LIFE!!#so when im off the clock and im in *sort my life out and prep for the future* mode of COURSE work is fun!! thats how I get my dopamine!!!#but I dont wanna be doing that ALL THE TIME cause like. tbh its kinda a stress response. so like. I want to do work that fills other needs.#I wanna do work that makes me hyperfixate and get super curious and challenges me and makes me think analytically and learn a ton#but my job doesnt do that. and my brain thus sorts the work I get paid to do as work that I do on my own time#thus I am really productive when im off the clock and dont do SHIT during the times I put down on my timesheet that I am working#shit still gets done but like.... at what cost?.#googoogajoob
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this logan kinshift is making me REALLY want a deeper voice tho i am like drooling for T
#my most shameful secret is that part of the reason im scared of T#is that there's this stereotypical “T voice” that gets you really easily clocked#and i dont want to end up sounding like that#which makes me feel like an asshole. lots of lovely people sound that way#but i would prefer to have. a different sort of deeper voice#and hopefully voice training helps with that#but i do actually like my voice i just want it to be deeper#and i am a littttttllleee worried that i'll go from [thing i like about me] to [thingbi dont like anymore]#like it feels like i would be too lucky to have something that's good and then transforms intoa. different but also good thing#but i'll also get so much euphoria out of being different and deeper voiced!!!!#and i'll have to be on T for a long time to get the full effects on my voice and to truly see if the acne gets under control#and peters off#and i just. ugh. oh great another medication to be on#but its a medication that'll change my body how i want it to change so????#IDK. CONFLICTED.#but right now oh my god. oh ny god. the intense need and urge to get harrier and deeper voiced is so fucking real
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