#im not trying to like gatekeep or whatever i just dont understand it at all

[sonknuxadow]

its so crazy how many people there are who are obsessed with movie eggman and think hes so cool and hot and make endless piles of fanart and fanfic about him and agent stone but dont care about anything else in the sonic movies. or the sonic franchise in general. not even other versions of eggman . hello . why are you here

[sendmyresignation]

partially incoherent thoughts at the moment but it is very interesting that the kind of tumblr esque “punk is ___” (insert kindness, insert being against the counter culture insert taylor swift) is, to me, very much an outgrowth of the vagrant records emo boom tying punkandemo as a concept into something mainstream and fundamentally earnest and curated and about feeling alienated moreso than angry or political or even diy, however that makes you feel. like personally i vibe a lot more with the vagrant model than than the victory one and do agree about the band-first approach of egan. but i think we are forever dealing with the repercussions of his rhetoric, the way he found “a new definition of punk in the rejection of the rigid orthodoxies of self-proclaimed punk” (greenwald; nothing feels good) moreso than the bands he signed or even the music they made because it became a calling card of the third wave and warped tour bands

[mamadarama]

Omg previous ask back here I am so glad to hear your thoughts and your perspective was really nice!! :D

I do understand that it's meant to be frustrating as part of his character I just didn't know if it was lazy writing or character loyalty HELP cuz I can't tell sometimes

I do also wish his development turns positive because out of everyone in the cast I'd argue he deserves a bad ending the LEAST. Compared to what others have done, Madara is kinda,, tame. Not at all I mean if you compare vigilante justice and resorting to violence to protect your loved ones compared to say,,, martyring 5 students to the point of severe mental damage and indirectly causing mass suicide in your school, Madara's sins (at least, his known ones) are a drop in the bucket even if we estimate indirect casualties.

He's a guy that does bad and damages himself but never once did I at least perceive his actions to be malicious. If anything, I liked him for the fact that he does what he does to be better for others, and that singular thing will always resonate in my heart. I'd pull my hair out and bash my head against the wall if I had to summarize his character because he just ISN'T SIMPLE. I once tried to explain his lore to my sister and I ended up sending her a voice mail that was EIGHT MINUTES LONG and I talk fast.

Ahem anyways yes I do hope they don't bash his character story like whatever the fuck they did with other characters (coughs) (looks at the horror that is matrix) (coughs)

Also I forgot to sign off cuz I was in the middle of my shift but that was me ( @umiedibles ) wow madayumenon talking about Madara fork in the kitchen anyways have a good one I love your whiteboard posts :33 virtual milk and cookie for you 🥛🍪

tbh writing that made me realize id be disappointed if he ends up with anything more than a bittersweet resolution . a true positive everything turns out alright ending wouldnt be as impactful or very "madara". to me at least. after everything hes gone through the best way for his story to end imo would be to have him try and pull off a massive cataclysmic self destructive stunt, have his friends save him from himself (ideally kanata), and after its all over and his armor has been smashed to dust , finally learn to accept that things will never be the same again and thats okay. he still hates himself, he never reconciles with his family , but he stops actively trying to alienate people and starts exercising benefit of the doubt when it comes to other peoples opinions of him ("i dont know what you see in me but thank you regardless" instead of his current "liking me is a mistake on your part and im sorry for you") and that is the biggest piece of character development he could possibly have: accepting life as it is, no matter how unfair it happens to be

as for power scaling the sins of characters..... its unfair to say any of them are worse than any other. ive talked about this before but eichi, although bitter, was well intentioned. it tears him up inside to this day even. tsumugi was naïve. keito got lost in his own fantasies after obtaining a position of power. madara was provoked . and no one in the war got out unscathed. the only real dickbags in enstars are gatekeeper godfather priest etc

also matrix wasnt that bad . rinne is just rinne.

[mycochaotix]

My “real”nonbinary friends and fam, please read this and tell me your thoughts!!! —r/nonbinary user commented:

“I feel that Blair White and others like her are calling out bad behavior and demanding personal accountability. We all can live our lives as we see fit, but demanding nullification of sexual orientation in relation to one's gender or having a melt down over misgender pronouns without self realization about how we present ourselves is narcissistic and provides our detectors against the lgbt+ community with reason to vilify us.

Non-binary people are not the problem, to be clear. It's people who believe being non-binary qualifies them for special victimhood status and who go on public forums to decry society's ills for not recognizing their non-binary lifestyle on sight that creates this negativity.

If you know you are emotionally mature enough to get through your day and live your truth without being angry someone isn't into you or that the days your presentation may lean one way or the other on the gender spectrum and gracefully correct and move on, you know you aren't the problem.”

- they were downvoted many times when I saw rhe comment, so I asked chatgpt why and replied to them:

“Asked ChatGPT why your comment is being downvoted, it said: “This comment appears to express a negative view towards individuals, particularly non-binary people, who assert their gender identity and seek recognition. The use of terms like "meltdown" and the implication that asserting ‘one's gender identity is narcissistic’ may be perceived as dismissive or transphobic by some. “ 🤷🏽”

- they responded to my comment with:

“I mean, if you like feel that someone crying over a stranger at a fast food restaurant calling them "Ma'am" while taking their order on Tik Tok is good representation, we're at an impasse. That's not real life and it doesn't represent real non-binary people.

Edit: More importantly, if we ourselves do not call out bad behavior in our own community and ensure that negative representation isn't the only viewable commodity, we're practically committing self harm.”

- i replied with:

“Up until this comment, I havent made a personal belief claim about your comments. Just saw you being downvoted and wanted to understand why :) hence why I asked chatgpt.

Honestly, your comment reflects that you seem to be trying to police or gatekeep what anyone gets offended by. Why does that matter. Most non binary people i know are too concerned about being hate crimed to actually get offended at a mcdonalds worker incorrectly assuming their gender… much less asserting their correct pronouns when being misgendered.

Your use of “real non binary people” is quite problematic tbh. I think you may have an insulated understanding of Queer people thats influencing your perspective in an unhelpful way. Im a real non binary person and I disagree with your perspective and characterization of non binary people. Your edit is something im not comfortable addressing specifically tbh, I process it as problematic and not worth pursuing as you seem set in your beliefs.

Your feelings, and mine, and whatever queer scapegoat you are bringing up from tiktok, all matter and are valid. You dont know the trauma history of the person who is offended at being misgendered. To be misgendered is uncomfortable, especially for trans folkx and especially for those who are aware of the insane, incessant gender norms, mores and expectations on us at all times.

Calling out bad behavior is fine, but looking at situations empathetically, and from as many perspectives as you can, is going to aid you on identifying behavior thats could be a meaningful change to call out , and behavior that you just dont like and want to stop someone from doing because of your discomfort.”

—

Queer, and specifically: Transfam, please tell me if im far off here … or what yall think!

-mcx

———

update:

[mihai-florescu]

Went and looked at the twitter mesy and why do these people get so offended so easily you literally just said the remini stories are important for understanding why enstars is the way it is right now???? Says more about them than about you tbh.... Imagine being offended by someone suggesting you try reading a story that's not centered around your fav it's so...lazy? I mean I'm not sure if that's the right word but you get what I mean right it's this being proud of doing the bare minimum it really is like booktok where people are only in it for the aesthetic of reading whatever the hell that is supposed to be in enstars' case

And im not even a gatekeeper, i love helping people find stories they could be interested in. Maybe im overbearing sometimes but thats because i got the autism that makes you serious about your interests. I think you understand, i think a lot of us here are like this. I will never make fun of anyone for not having read many stories yet because we all have our issues, but a fan of something Should want to know...about the thing theyre a fan of... it's literally the bare minimum. Im not debating whether ! is important for !! because... it is. This is how sequels work, they build onto what was already there. You just know half the bitches who qrted me havent even read eplink, which builds the bridge between ! and their oh so beloved !!

I cant fathom how one could only be into enstars for the clout tho. Like are you actually a child? What joy do you even get out of it. Someone commented they dont even read their favs stories. Ok, then what exactly do you like? Why not go find something you actually enjoy?

[munsons-maiden]

can you clarify something for me?

I thought i was demisexual. I was using the definition as: i dont experience sexual attraction until I know someone. For example, I can get horny and read fics and be attracted to fictional characters because I KNOW them I've watched/read that content but the actors I can tell yes are attractive but im not like aroused by them if that makes sense. Like sure, they are a conventionally attractive person, but to me they are just some random person. But the character? Awooga

Well I was in a conversation with someone and they claimed they were demisexual and I was like oh cool but then they said that it meant they were only attracted to personalities. I explained my view, left out the fictional character example tho, and they told me that meant I was asexual not demi? Which fine whatever, except I do enjoy sex so I wouldn't claim asexual?

I then got told I was stupid so idk how much of their opinion i should even value lol but im a lil confused cause j thought I was Demi and I saw you share that post and realized you were

Sorry if this is invasive

Hi love! First of all, it's absolutely not invasive at all, don't worry 🖤

What you describe is exactly what demi, broken into a simple definition, means, which is that sexual and/or romantic attraction can be experienced but only if you know the person, formed an emotional bond with them (which absolutely applies to fictional characters as well). The person you spoke to is the one who doesn't really seem to understand that definition because that already implies you're attracted to their personality first. Whether attraction to their looks then develops or not is absolutely not important for that label.

About demisexuality; like every aspect of gender, sexuality, labels in general, it's all fluid, all a spectrum. Asexuals can enjoy kissing, can enjoy sex, and still be asexual. Lines are fleeting, especially if said labels are located on the same spectrum, like demi and ace. And someone can be both demi and ace. Demi can be split into demisexual and demiromantic, and there are people who identify as demisexual and aro, or demiromantic and ace.

And - and that's the most important thing - like every label, the only person who decides what you identify as is you. That's the most important thing: if you identify as demi, then you are. Period. And people trying to argue about how you identify, invalidating the label you give yourself, telling you that wasn't your label if your identity doesn't 100% align with their definition of said label, or just people calling you stupid in general, are walking red flags and gatekeepers, and you should definitely not give a single f about what they say or think 🖤

Mentally taking that person's socks off and pushing them barefoot onto a pile of lego stones and then sending you a virtual hug 🖤

[littlest-bugz]

TW: Honestly, y’all, I dont know what to call this trigger warning but there absolutely is one. Lot of internal abuse mentions and brief religious mentions is the best I can give

“The brain splits off alters that it thinks it needs.”

I’m??? Starting to feel like this is half untrue??? Because why on the gods’ green earth would my brain split The Lamb. I just really cant see why a child would split off another child alter just to gaslight themselves into a half dazed state denying anything happened. Even with trying to reinforce that things are safe now and we’re free to deviate from our roles, The Lamb just cannot fucking deviate from whatever purpose it had in the past.

I also think of 👁️‍🗨️, the CEO of gatekeepers in our system, whose whole purpose was to cause mental torment, ruin our communication and prevent serious healing. Xe literally said it “switched sides for funsies”. Dawg what does that even mean?? What other side is there?? My fucking backside?? Granted, it vibes now, and I love that stinky bastard. Just took a lot of time to get him to switch sides “for funsies” (which I believe full heartedly he “switched sides” for fun, because every other conversation went like “lol i like hurting you, why tf would I stop?” Hes chill now tho).

Or ⛪️, who is the gatekeeper of the subsystem The Lamb is from. He literally was making sure for years when that subsystem was untriggered that he kept the same behaviors instilled in the alters in the system, meaning the lamb’s behavior was reinforced by him. He’s trying to help with it now, but ⛪️ is super terrible with helping them unlearn what he’s upheld for so long, as well as unlearning his own shit. I can understand more why an internal abuser would be in our system, but just,,, A gatekeeper for a whole subsystem? Making sure whatever they’ve got going on is never unlearned? With The Lamb and the episodes he triggers specifically, why would they need to uphold that role? That’s so weird to me. I can’t see why a child’s mind would split off alters like that and see it as “beneficial”. Causing literal torment, inducing episodes, and making sure to not “deviate from script” isnt beneficial to a kids mind. What kid would make a kid think thats good for them? How does the brain ever think that’s beneficial? I know I always thought I deserved what I went through, and I know I have a horrible sense of self critique but it’s so wildly different from what The Lamb does and 👁️‍🗨️ did. Im prone to self sabotage, but what 👁️‍🗨️ did and The Lamb does isn’t really just “self sabotage”. It fucks up things for WEEKS. The last episode with The Lamb, I had stress induced (albeit milder, but i suspect its bc Im medicated) hallucinations for two weeks after I got out of the goddamn daze which lasted for 2 days.

Gods, why did I have to get in touch with the religious trauma subsystem? I thought we had moved on from it all when we left the church. I wish there was a way to reverse this.

I hate it when I have false memory episodes. They’re scary. I can’t believe Im experiencing them again after all these years.

The worst part is that there’s no explination for it all. Im usually very comfortable with not knowing what the body went through. I don’t need to know everything. This is different. This doesn’t seem right. I, to an extent, dont want to know, but I want to know why. Not even in depth just something to explain this

[skelltan]

a (nonserious) rant about feeling out of place in the transformers fanbase

i dont want to shit on movie fans if u like the movies or anything about them thats totally cool and i understand without the movie 99% of what i like about transformers since 2007 probably wouldnt be a thing but.

god. i hate that due to the success of the movies, that is the baseline for transformers. you run into transformers fans who don't specify they're into the comics or whatever and theyre probably movie fans. and again im not gatekeeping thats totally valid but its almost like 2 entirely different franchises and the majority care for the one i do not

i also just. really hate the deisgns. i know its old hat but they all look like scrapmetal junk in a non fun way and i feel like im going insane when i see the aforementioned majority talk about how badass the designs look

on the flipside im also not a fan of the oldheads i run across. im not talking geewunners, but like. they are singlehandedly the reason gi joe gets to continue to be a thing despite being boring ass military guys and why they're being shoehorned into the movies and comics when i just want my giant robots. furthermore they want other weirdo obscure one off toylines no one has heard of to come back and i get it but again its like all i want is a pepperoni pizza and i got some guys trying to shove more veggies on and another side trying to shove more meat on

a similar adjacent camp i see is people who care about toys way more than characters and its like. the commercial is the whole part of it! if i want a toy of knockout, as he looked in transformers prime, and instead its a halfass retool. it doesnt look like the character i like so why should i care - same goes for a case like legacy detritus. sure, its hound's body, but its not the green guy i like! on the flipside why should i care if they got the slightly wrong shade of blue or put it in the wrong places on a toy so long as it sufficiently looks like the character.

again i say with heavy disclaimer i dont think either of these camps "ruin" the fanbase, there are still plenty of spaces online with "my type of fan" (even if i only really look at cool artists from afar lol) and there's plenty of new content i like but sometimes a mf just want a pepperoni pizza

[disco-cola]

honestly the more time im spending reading up on the past and current metal scene and seeing videos and comment sections in which people are pointing fingers at others calling them posers if you dont dress and look a certain way, if you listen to certain bands especially the popular ones (because apparently popularity to them means less credibility and skill which makes no sense but whatever) and arent a fan of some obscure death metal band with two albums (also not implying they cant be good but its that seemingly FORCED liking of lesser known stuff and ONLY naming non-popular bands as your favorites and making it a crime to like the bigger ones) and its usually still men acting totally condescending calling people posers like okay i also dont like people wearing shirts of bands they dont even LIKE or LISTEN TO like i genuinely dont get it cause i seen band shirts that had nice designs that i still didnt get bc i simply didnt like or knew the band enough so i dont wanna promote it on my body its as simple as that but otherwise idgaf if you get bandshirts at fuckin h&m or wherever if you really are a fan bc ive said before i totally understand that not everybody has the money or time or thrifting luck to look for merch that was not produced by a chainstore but if you love the band thats all that should matter like ive been in the 70s classic rock online scene for years and i dont think ive ever seen people being called "posers" for liking zeppelin, hendrix, floyd, deep purple etc.? like you were rather weird if you DIDNT name them as some of your favorites because lets be real back then a lot of bands got so popular BECAUSE they were extremely good (and like dont get me wrong i have deep dived into 60s-80s music for the past ten years and i know a LOTTT of unpopular stuff thats also extremely good but instead of wanting to gatekeep it i actually get upset on the regular that it isnt more known but like i wouldnt go around asking other 70s music fans if they know them and then call them a poser if they say no) but for some reason in the metal scene thats different apparently and i also noticed that years ago already in the punk scene as well that certain bands were not taken seriously anymore after they reached a certain popularity level and gained a wider audience but i always think especially when it comes to punk its funny when people are so concerned about "posers" and think you need to dress and wear your hair a certain way and have a certain set attitude and saying "this is punk" or "that is punk" because its like dude saying stuff like this just goes to show you absolutely missed and didnt get the essence and concept of punk at all lol makes you just as much a poser at the end of the day doesnt it? and i feel the same goes for the metal scene. like at this point i dont think i, especially as a woman, wouldnt even wanna try to be a part of it, not in the 80s and not today either, it was soo male dominated and still is and because it honestly seems like a drag like i literally couldnt be bothered i also like way too many other different genres of music as well and couldnt be stuck on listening to just ONE and if that makes me a "poser" then yeah so be it it honestly wouldnt even faze me

[dividingnutsack]

Not to seem stalker about this but I saw ur reblog

It's not that I'm adverse to it

I'm just tired of dark skinned people demanding we include them while excluding ourselves.and yes I am aware not everyone does that but that's not the point.

Anime is our media. It's made mostly by East asians and the target audience is east asians.

Look im all for poc being in anime. But you can't just demand that of creators. All I'm saying is that If you want to be included or represented so badly the best thing you can do is make original content yourself. You get complete control over what goes into the story and the characters. Make it in the anime style for all I care.

Just stop attacking creators and such for not being "diverse" enough. Or changing characters because you "can't relate" to them because they dont have the same skin as you. Or same life or whatever

I don't see how that's so difficult.

I know my asks are long but I'm just trying to explain things in one go so I'm not send a billion responses. I'm just tired of this.

people saying to add poc representation isn't a demand to get rid of asian characters or east asians, especially when a majority of asians aren't just one skin color and there's even blasian people

saying you're not adverse to representation, but then gatekeeping anime and calling anime "our media" I assume in reference to asians even though it's the term for specifically japanese cartoons, is really nasty sounding. You probably don't mean to come off that way but you have to understand that just because something is from a specific country doesn't mean poc aren't to be included or should just do it themselves all the time. There's a difference between fighting to be represented and harassing authors and I think you're conflating the two. And you can just ignore people changing characters if they want it to look like themselves/racebend, That;s what i do and it's much more simpler then trying to gatekeep anime and assuming poc being added is somehow gonna wipe out asian representation entirely bc poc have been added to anime before and it's not affected japanese people or representation in the slightest.

[system-of-a-feather]

I guess I'll settle with this soundtrack for now. But honestly the whole autism diagnosis came up because we were trying to pass by one of our long term confusions by which is just how extremely low personal understanding and motivation to be "part of a group" or to gain approval or maintain attachments and just this general deeply rooted social instinct and all that people seem to have that we just really don't. Cause it goes beyond just trauma and dissociation on the account that we literally don't have a part that expresses grief over our parents neglect or abuse in the sense of being loved, nor do we have a part that clings to an abuser nor have we ever really been motivated to try to make someone like us beyond how we were taught to "pick people that needed us to be our friends cause they'd be more loyal" (its fucked in practice we know). We just have this huge subtype of alter like completely missing in our system and have little reason to suspect they are there. We have this large adversion to molding to someone else's standards or joining a group someone else made because we don't innately care about JOINING anything and those that we do, we have a horrible tendency to dominate and take it over and co-opt the group under us cause we don't change for our environment and peers, we change the environment and peers for us or leave

And we keep it in check and shit, but every few months our subsystem especially (minus XIV) sit here and try to figure out what is wrong with us (not derogatory, cause we dont care if something is "wrong" or "broken" its whatever, it just is an INCOMPLETE picture and mystery we cant solve) cause in every trauma space, DID space, AuDHD and all space we go into we always just get hit with the realization that we REALLY don't understand or relate to what seems to be this innate need and drive and desire for belonging and how most people experience love, cause we have parts that exudingly love people and things, but even then we still look at it and go "well we could live without it at any point"

So its just always baffled us. NPD and ASPD kinda explained shit but not really, and Autism kinda explained shit, but not really and C-PTSD, DID, and attachment styles explained shit but not enough that it felt like the right piece in the puzzle

And honestly I think its a combination between what our therapist called one of the three main types / theories of autism which is the "doesn't differentiate between objects and people in terms of empathy and attachment" combined with disorganized/dismissive attachment and the autism + excessive trauma and neglect + attachment style issues + the amount of crisises we faced at a young age and survived ended up just creating this stupidly absurd independence and sense of self agency that we just kinda completely missed this whole... social support thing cause we just jumped into creating social systems and organizations before ever being part of one

But thats a lot of hogwash, cause really we still never got a clear issue or fully pieced together answer as to What the Fuck is with us, cause with however much we've hung around in mental illness communities we really havent found many people with the sheer level of deep rooted hyper independence and deep inability to understand the need to fit in like, at all.

Its weird shit honestly and it really doesn't matter to us in practice or how we see ourselves as we have zero intent to fix it anymore than we already keep an eye out to keep it from being maladaptive - XIV everytime we spend time pondering this always goes "for real guys who TF cares it serves us like a god" - but Riku and I sit here with our hands on our chin cause we know it doesnt mean shit but we really like to have our completed webbed visions of how shit works internally and with the world and thosr around us and this thing is just a black hole in our understanding of ourselves as a whole and our relation to others.

(Btw im a gatekeeper so I'm allowed to do this and give Riku the pass to do this, I've been greenlit by Ray as well so dw /hj)

See the thing in our system thats annoying about being a fragment is that unlike the more developed parts that have a musical signature and natural draw to music that the system then intentionally conditions and gives rights to - I just don't have anything that stands out and I'm like "You know maybe I'll be involved more, I kind of like how things make my brain work, I should try to set up a means of contact by finding my music signature" and I just don't have it or any clue what it would be

Like yay. This is helpful

-404

[dancingisdangerouss]

I wasn't going to say anything because honestly I find conflict really overwhelming. This is a situation very similar to when artists say "this person is ripping off my art style", etc. If the person took entire paragraphs and pasted them into their fic I could understand why you would feel nervous. However most of the proof you listed (which i did read, as well as writing from yours and theirs) and it comes across completely different. Another argument you had was similar set ups and whatever. First of all its The Grabber, and a kidnapper fic. Where do you expect it to be extremely different? It's taking place in his house with a character who is set up a certain way. The lying thing is a character trait of his. The interaction, the need to punish the reader etc, that's all things he's shown as being capable of doing. Also the list of words you supplied i am genuinely stunned that you're gatekeeping so many words? They are words, again like if they copied your entire work thats one thing. You have also said numerous times you're irritated about not getting enough interaction on ur fics and its like ??? i can understand feeling jealous but going out of your way to dig through someones entire writing style and then say 'you ripped me off' when there is no proof. im sorry, words don't count. people use similar words i have read tons of fics containing all those words you put out there. especially keen and jarring, super common, sorry. You should honestly not have posted that callout post, being irritated and jealous is one thing but you went out of your way to try and tell people youre being ripped off when in reality , if anything there is a chance they couldve read your work and been inspired or even just happened to write similarly. people write similar all the time especially in 1st pov fanfics with the SAME character. this witch hunt is ridiculous and shame on all these people who are agreeing with you over writing. Cuz at the end of the day it is writing and meant for fun. youre jealous and i understand it but like, make a vague post and leave it at that, ask people to interact more, dont start accusing another human being of being a thief when you can't steal writing styles, dude. honestly this is so pitiful lol.

I’m beginning to think y’all the same person. Because you STILL ignored the exact lines stolen. How about you do what I did and give some real evidence to back it up? Just saying “no you’re wrong” isn’t a solid argument.

[awoken-artist]

Honestly respect more people should have fun with their fma ocs. It's like people forget fma is a fantasy world and people can't do more magical things with their ocs

Fucking. Agree. 100%. Also its worse when the people who were nit picking my oc were idk “well known” in the community on DeviantArt [unsure how it is on other platforms but I can care less.]

I got so nit picked on my FMA OC so many times its ridiculous. Plus the fact they kept shoving reality scientific shit into a fantasy world of FMA. Like, dude I get it alchemy exist but shoving reality bullshit into the fantasy world is down right just an excuse to put someone down because “its not realistic enough” or whatever. 

I had someone nit pick a FMA OC named Keilay [who I am still working on cause shes part of my ocs ancestory or at least apart of her moms side of the familys culture ancestor ruler.] and they just went “weh thats not even fricken possible” and try to make excuses and I just stare “humunculi shouldnt even exist period let alone chimeras if you wanna shove reality in my face of “ThIs CaNt HaPpEn”. Because part of my FMA Story [which im working on both 2003 version and brotherhood] theres going to be a scene where they end up running into the phantom of her and Ed being skeptic and my oc points out about other things that shouldnt even be possible to exist [chimeras or at least humunculi being a huge one]

Another OC they nit picked on was my oc Katherine and one of the people went “why she have violet eye color is she a humunculous wtf? if not then she shouldnt really be having that”. something along the lines. jokes on them I researched eye colors and Lilac is a ACTUAL eye color and I wanted to give this OC a unique rare eye color. I found it so stupid for the nit picking.

It got worse when someone decided to pull the “racist” card by calling me racist when I was thinking of changing things a bit slightly on another FMA OC of mine - Thanos. I changed his name from Nike to Thanos, I figured he be half xingese and ishvallen and yet i got called racist for it which- confused the shit out of me. like if something i said came off as such uh yeah please point it out???? but all i said was Im thinking of making him xingese and ishvallen cause I think it make sense for him cause I want to keep the fact he has red eyes so he got that genetic from his parents. 

honestly the whole nit pick and getting on my ass was stupid. I even had someone being stupidly bitchy at me on my super old works. like as if its “brand new art” when its not. the date was even ON THE FRICKEN DA PAGE OF THE DEVIANTATION OF COURSE ITS OLD. 

I just figured these people dont like new ocs or dont like particular ocs even if its a self insert kind and theyre very hostile about it. at least to the artists who came at me which out of all the fandoms , this one came at me for no reason over time. I dont give a shit if they are jealous or want to be an ass to me for no reason cause god forbid i paired a oc with edward elric. I never went at anyone for their ocs being paired with ed and anyone else thats my favorite characters, because it does make me happy my fav characters are getting some love at least.  I think everyone should not be so judgemental and hostile to anyone who makes FMA OCs especially when they pair their ocs with any of the canon characters. everyones allowed to have fun. so long as no one is gatekeeping and going “YOU CANT PAIR YOUR OC WITH THIS CHARACTER THEIR MINE IM MARRIED TO THEM YOU ARE MAKING THEM CHEAT” kind of deal. 

also anyone who tries pulling the “realism” bullshit into FMA really need to get their heads out of their butts and understand this is still a fantasy world. theres alot of things to EXPLORE. alot of things left UNKNOWN as long as you understand how the fma world works and get an idea from reading the manga even the shows [2003 and/or brotherhood] you can get very creative. i think we all should help everyone out and know your allowed to have fun with your oc and dont let people pull you down. 

I almost thought about quitting fma entirely but no i love my fma pairings, i can care absolute less on what anyone thinks about my pairing. Ive paired them for years and I have ideas and plans. 

I dont mind getting suggestions or maybe some ideas for story wise or ocs. I even so were all allowed to have fun. just have fun! we should all unite and just have fun together instead of putting people down. nit picking doesnt help. de-constructive critiscm never helps. making fun and putting people down on old works to make them feel like shit NEVER helps. 

we should help eachother up not put people down. let people have fun with their fma ocs damn it! >:U

im not letting people get me down and make me quit. neither should anyone having possible similar issues. 

[kingkatsuki]

I hope u know I rly look up to writers in this fandom like you and others; You honestly helped me feel comfortable being an adult in the BNHA fandom, its hard to make friends/mutuals in this fandom that aren’t toxic/territorial.. , as it has been for the past few months at least it has been in my perspective bc of the certain ppl I would surround myself in the past with and [THEY WERE ALSO ADULTS BUT ACTED LIKE UTTER CHILDREN WHEN SOMEONE WOULD HAVE THE SAME FAVORITE CHARACTER , THE ATTITUDE AND SHALLOW PERSONALITY THESE PEOPLE HAD OMFG. YOUR ADULTS. You can indulge in fandom without being an arsehole.] and bc of these people I Didnt want to turn out like them people who would make me and others insecure. I always felt like I needed to ditch my hobbies when right when I turnt 20-21 years old and its a toxic mindset ,

at the time I didnt felt at the time it would have been mature for me to indulge in my comforts such as anime. [which is absolutely wrong. You dont just get rid of your hobbies as you age it can be a phase for some like outgrowing a pair of pants , But for others just because you age and get older doesnt mean you have to ditch hobbies that help you and bring you comfort.] Now even though I’m in my early twenties now[ I turn 22 next yr] im like buying manga and anime merchandise without a single fuck given bc I know that there are older anime/anime content creators creating anime/fanfic art whatever it may be And it isnt anything to be ashamed of. Ig it helps that my brothers grew up watching naruto and DBZ constantly I just learn to grow accustomed To it rather then hate it. If anyone comes across this dont have that mindset that just bc your an adult that you have to give up you hobbies [long as it isnt hurting others/illegal ]. If it makes you happy dont let others and the world around you destroy that ps; happy holidays! 🎄 ~🧋

Ahhh!! Never be ashamed for enjoying what you like! I know people think you mysteriously stop liking things when you get older but you don’t! I’ll never understand the need to try and gatekeep fandoms or characters because there’s more than enough space for everyone to co-exist without trying to ruin it for everyone else.

I’m sorry about your bad experiences in the past but I’m glad it hasn’t stopped you from wanting to try and enjoy fandom and I promise that there are good people out there when you shake off all the shite ones!🤪

You put it perfectly, as long as you’re not hurting anyone do what makes you happy!!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and have sexy Christmas dreams with you and your fave💕

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

hi, im a bi girl and i kinda have this problem that i dont feel queer enough. i dont necessarily feel like it has anything to do with me not seeing bisexuality as "gay enough" it's just that i dont really feel connected to my identity or the queer culture kinda? i kinda feel as if deep down i was a straight person that's attracted to girls, if that makes any sense. i was wondering if maybe you could have some word of advice about that? thank you for your help in advance

Internalised biphobia comes in many different ways and one of the most twisted things about it is that you can very well be supportive and accepting of other bi people or bisexuality as a concept but when it's about yourself all those internalised misconceptions and prejudices kick in. So just because you are okay with other people being bi, doesn't mean you have the same acceptance towards yourself. People often tend to judge themselves harsher than others when it comes to these things. One little trick that you might want to try is pretending that it was a friend of you saying all these things and explaining how they doubt themselves and don't feel "queer enough". I'm sure you would want to help that imaginary friend and affirm their sexuality, make them feel validated. Now, try to apply the same compassion to yourself. "Straight woman who is attracted to girls" doesn't work. I know what you mean but remind yourself that that's an oxymoron.

As for the disconnect from "queer culture" that's also something a lot of bi people experience and one reason for that is that there are parts in the LGBTQIA+ community that aren't as inclusive and welcoming to bisexuality. Especially if your main exposure to it is online where the gatekeepers are extra loud. And you might just not have had the chance or the courage to actually go out there and join a queer group or go to an event. But if you want to be more in touch with the community then do it! You are allowed to go to queer places, to use queer resources... they are there for you and you are already a part of the community anyway. But even if you really weren't queer, many queer resource centers are still happy to provide information and guidance to anyone who needs it and is interested. You don't already have to be a Certified Queer to be allowed a seat at the table.

And lastly you should know that there is not one right way to be queer or bi or anything. I know a gay couple who have assimilated into a homonormative life, they never went to a pride parade in their lives, they don't frequent any gay bars, they don't have any idea what's going on in queer politics atm. And though I personally do not understand how they are satisfied with this kind of non-political life away from ~queer culture~ that doesn't mean they are any less gay. And the same goes for any bi person who isn't involved in the queer community for whatever reasons - you're still bisexual. Simply by being attracted to multiple genders you are by definition "queer enough". And you make your own life queer by virtue of being queer yourself. You look at the world through queer eyes. Queer culture is everywhere you are.

Maddie

P.S.: also check out my post about internalised biphobia.

[agentsoftie]

stitches and ditches

summary: y/n and spencer get in a fight. due to the fight y/n goes to the hospital where she gets taken. spencer has to find her before it’s to late

a/n: plot holes. plot holes everywhere. so i’m sorry for that, super sorry. also like i don’t really know how to write fight scene and stuff ig so sorry if it sucks. and i skipped like 3 classes for this, so don’t let it flop

warnings: fight, angry spencer, torture, a case, violent spencer (idrk what to call it) and whole lotta angst. i happy ending though! kinda, idrk

word count & pairing: spencer x (fem) reader & 4.1k

remember to like and reblog!!

It all started the day he came home from work. This was one of the longest trips he’d been on so you decided to make him his favorite. Pumpkin Pie. And god knows how hard it is to make pie, but you did it anyways, for him. It wasn't too late when he got home but It wasn't too early either. More like the time right after dinner and just before dessert. You had just got the pie out of the oven when you heard the door open and someone walk in.

“Spencer! Finally you’re home! How are you!” You said while he put his bag away. He didn't turn to look at you yet which was kinda weird since the first thing he does when he gets home is kiss you right on the lips. “Fine,” He mumbled while sitting down at the table still not looking at you. “Spencer, come on what’s wrong?” You asked while grabbing his hands, but he immediately retracted. Which made sense because of who he was, but you’re not gonna admit that it didn't hurt. “Nothing Y/N.”

You knew that something was wrong, and it didn't take a profiler to see that. Everything about him was just off. “Come on, it's me. You can tell me anything.”

“Y/N.” Spencer said in a deep tone. You’d never heard him like this or seen in that sense. He was always happy to see you, to be with you. And were with his too. “Spencer no, come on. I can see that you’re clearly not fine. So come on, open up.”

“Y/N I said I’m fine!” You were appalled. He had never raised his voice at you, but it was bound to happen one day, you just. You just were shocked. “Spencer,” You said in a low voice completely contradicting his loud yell. “What!”

“Spencer calm down!” You say yelling at him. Although you realized that yelling at someone to calm down probably wasn't the best way to do it.

“No Y/N, you need to just stop and shut up!” Shut up. That’s the first time he’s ever told you to shut up. Infact, you think it's the first time he’s ever told anyone to shut up.

“Spencer just talk to me! It’s not that fucking hard!”

“No Y/N it is. It's tremendously hard and you just wouldn't understand.”

“Just tell me. And I'll see if I understand. But don't just gatekeep your emotions and feelings.”

“Y/N I said no! Why cant you listen to simple fucking directions! It’s not that fucking hard!” Each and every time he yelled at you, it's like your heart physically broke. And you could feel it breaking. But how do you tell him to stop? All you wanted was to know how he feels. Was that really so hard?

“Spencer why the hell are you acting like this! I understand that your job is hard but that doesn't mean that you can pour all your anger out on me! And if you are gonna do that, you can at least do the kind thing and share how you feel! And what's wrong! I mean, is that really so much to ask!”

“Oh really, that's how you wanna play this! You think this is just a little game don’t you!”

“Game Spencer! You think I play this as a game! Well this game is my life!” You were drop dead angered at this point. “What in the world gives you the right to act like this! Please, explain!” All he does is scoff at you. “I'm not joking Spencer! Why the hell are you acting like this! You've changed!”

“Oh I’ve changed! Y/N you've changed! You're always trying to kiss up my ass! I mean jesus! All you want is money! Like god!”

“Oh I want money! Spencer! I don't need your pathetic money! It may not have dawned on you since you couldn't bother to care, but I make a good amount of money. Yeah, you’re not the only one who paid for this place. So stop acting like you are.”

“Oh wow! Haha, you sick son of a,” He stopped immediately after realizing what exactly he was saying.

“Say it Spencer! Finish the goddamn sentence!”

“Y/N, you know I wont.” He says in a shift of tone. Still equally as affecting though.

“Why? Huh? You've already said so much, just wrap it up with a nice little red bow on top!”

“Y/N, stop,” He said, his tone getting more and more demeaning by the second.

“Do it Spencer! Do it!”

“Goddamn it Y/N I said stop!!” He yelled before throwing a glass at the wall behind you. You both immediately shut up, as trying to process what just had happened. Did he actually just try to hurt you? No, Spencer would never do that. Would he? You touched the back of your head and felt blood on your ear. You looked down at the blood and Spencer walked towards you but all you did was pull back from his touch.

“Don’t,” You mutter in fright. Putting your hands up against his chest, but not touching. His eyes looked at you as if they were trying to say something but just couldn't. You grabbed your purse, keys, phone, a coat, and slipped into some shoes. “Y/N, where are you going?”

“To the clinic or hospital or whichevers open right now. To get this checked out and stitched up.”

“Y/N, come on just stay here. I can stitch it up. I can do everything. Just dont leave. Im sorry, okay. I- I don't know why I did that. I promise I didn't mean too.” He begs and pleads but you just can't say with him tonight. No, not tonight. Tonight was too bad, tonight was a dent that was not going to be fixed.

“I just can't, Spencer. Okay, not tonight. There’s some pasta in the fridge, and I love you… I guess.” And with that you got in your car and left leaving Spencer to just sit in his own tears. He just sat at the table thinking of everything he did wrong. Everything that went wrong. And the worst part is that absolutely nothing wrong or bad happened at work today. He was just exhausted, that's all. And instead of telling his girlfriend, he started a fight. And he knew that you were in the right, for everything.

“Hi, Y/N. I’m Dr. Michael Gray. And it looks like something happened to your ear.” He says while standing at the door.

“Oh hi! Haha. And um… I thought that nurses were supposed to, you know, stitch up stitches.”

“Oh yeah, well they are. But you’re just so gorgeous I pass up the offer.”

“Oh, haha,” You say, not knowing how to feel. Although there was one thing you knew, and that was that this was uncomfortable as hell. “Well, I mean I do have a boyfriend.” You said just so he wouldn't try to make any moves.

“Oh well hey! Do you have any siblings or friends? I'm fine with absolutely anyone and everyone.” He says while disinfecting your ear and pulling the glass out.

“You’re Pan?” You ask to distract yourself from the pain.

“Yeah. You’re not gonna request another doctor now right?” He asks while carefully taking out the glass and putting it on a white napkin in front of you. That was a big piece.

“No, of course not!” You say in offence. “How could you ever think that.”

“It happens a lot with people. Especially the pretty ones. They automatically get turned off when I tell them I like everyone. I don't care about your gender, just your personality and how you treat me.”

“Oh well I would never. And it sucks that-that happens.”

“Yeah. Okay, so here comes the fun part. Hey, how did you even get these stitches? Or, why do you need them? Like how did you get to this point?” He says while slowly stitching up your ear.

“Ha, I get it. You’re just fine. And all of this is due to my boyfriend.” You say in pain.

“Wait,” He stops doing what he’s doing and just stands there. “Your boyfriend did this?”

“Yes. And before you say anything else, I am not in an abusive relationship. Okay, he just had a bad day and I guess I made it even worse. And trust me, he didn't mean to do it.” You say as he finishes stitching up your ear.

“Do you have a place to stay tonight?” He asks while pouring out a liquid into a small cup.

“No.”

“Then, come stay with me. At my place. And here drink this, it’ll help with the pain. A lot.”

He says while giving you a small cup filled with what looked like to be a crushed up powder poorly mixed in with water. Or whatever that the liquid was.

“Oh no. We just met.” You spoke before drinking it.

“You got anywhere better to stay? Plus my shift ends in 5 so it would be the most practical decision.”

You knew that it was wrong. After everything that Spencer had told you. But for some reason you still went. Even though you knew you should have gone back home to Spencer. And god knows what he was doing right now. But you couldn't just let your pride fall and go home. That would be pathetic. “You know what, okay! I mean what the hell! You seem nice and I’m not in the mood to face him again. Or at least for now.”

“Sweet!”

“Just one question… are you gonna kill me?” It was a stupid question to ask, you know. But after everything that Spencer and his family have been through. And with what happened to haley, you just couldn't help but to ask.

“No Y/N, I’m not gonna kill you. Now come on, let me get logged out and let's leave this place. Oh and Y/N, you can call me Michael.” He says while taking off his lab coat.

“Okay Michael.”

He brought you into his car and the drive to his place felt like hours. Although you really couldn't remember most of it since you passed out a quarter way through. The last thing you do remember is him putting his hand on your thigh and looking over at you with a smirk.

It had been 3 days. 3 days since you left to get your ear stitched up. 3 days since Spencer had last seen you. Since you had seen him. Or any of your friends. 3 days since you left your life. In those 3 days, Spencer completely lost himself. All of the books were on the floor. The bed was an absolute mess. And the kitchen was left just as it was the night it happened. He, himself, was a mess. His hair had not been brushed. He was still wearing the same clothes. And he’d been surviving on coffee and granola bars.

“Guys, we got a new case, come on.” Penelope chimes as they all do paper work. Spencer can’t help but look at his phone every 2 minutes just waiting for a text or call or any sign of life and/or love.

“What’s wrong pretty boy?” Derek asks.

“Yeah, you've been acting tense lately.” JJ adds.

“Nothing, It’s just Y/N,” He gruffs.

“Do I smell relationship problems,” Derek says jokingly.

“Derek!” JJ scoffs. “What's wrong Spence?”

“Nothing I just… Look, something happened, and now she’s not answering any of my text and calls, and I'm starting to get worried. That's really all there is.”

“Well what happened exactly? To you know, make her leave I guess.” JJ asks.

“Um, we had an argument. A pretty bad one. I came home after the case. The Checkersfeild one. And um, I was just tired. And instead of telling her that, I got super mad and said some things that I regret. And also did a thing I regret. A lot. And I would explain everything to her if she answered whenever I called or texted but she didn't.”

“How bad was the argument?” She asks again.

“Pretty bad. It was our first, but it was really bad. Just words coming and pouring out.”

“Spencer, how long have you and Y/N been dating?” Derek asks in shock at the fact that he just said ‘first argument’.

“2 and half years now.”

“And you two have never fought? What's this secret that you're keeping from me.”

“Well you know, we had our mutual disagreements. And sometimes we argued a little but it was small and it lasted for like an hour. And right after we would apologize and everything would be okay. It would all be fine.” Spencer said, his voice got longer and slower as the words went on.

“Wow, um… Spencer. You really love her, don't you.” Derek asked.

“Yeah. I really do, don't I.” Spencer says while walking into the briefing room.

As everyone sat down Derek couldn’t help but to keep looking at him. He knew that Spencer was hiding something, he just didn't know what. Or how to figure it out.

“Okay everyone this is Isabella Stines. The latest victim of our new unsub. Police are calling him The Ditcher. Since, as you can see, they leave the body in ditches after what looks like hours and hours of tourture. 5 other people were found too. First was Mindy Kindle, then Jake Johnson. Next, Rosé Hinnings, then we have Jennifer Gordon. And last, and hopefully least, Kross Noing. The ‘K’ is silent.” Penelope says while everyone looks down at the picture of the crime scenes and blood smeared across the screen.

“Do they have anything in common?” Spencer asks just before his phone starts ringing. He immediately picks it up even though the rule that Hotch made up states that you can't answer phones when you’re in the briefing room getting briefed for a new case. “Y/N.” Spencer asks, not knowing who this was since he didn't have enough time to look at the caller ID. “No, this is Sharron Richard, her boss. She hasn't shown up to work for these past days and we’re getting worried. She has a case coming up and this is a big one for her. We’ve been trying to contact her, but she’s not answering. So we called you since she left you as her backup or whatever you call it. So, have you seen or heard from her?” Sharron asks over the phone.

“Um no I- I haven't.” Spencer mutters through the phone so no one except Sharron could hear it. Although that failed miserably.

“Oh, okay. Well if you hear from her, or see her anytime soon. Please tell her to contact us.” And with that the phone was hung up.

“Pretty boy what was that?” Derek asks.

“Uh, nothing. Just a call from Y/N’s work. Apparently she’s been missing. Although you already knew that so…” Spencer said while looking down at his phone more time, then putting it away. Everyone just gave him this weird look of dissatisfaction.

“Okay anyway, yes there are some similarities. And luckily, all of these are taking place here so you guys won't be flying out anywhere! Or wait, isn't that a bad thing?” Penelope exclaims.

“Garcia,” Hotch says in his natural stearn and damning voice.

“Sorry boss. Anyways, The ME found traces of propofol and thiopental in each of their systems. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a drug that doctors use to get patients into a coma before surgeries and/or if it's needed medically.”

“So only doctors would have access to it?” Emily asks.

“Over here in Virginia, yes. There are no stores that sell it here due to too many people ODing.” Spencer answers. “Garcia, did the ME find any signs of sexual assault?”

“No they did not. Looks like it was just tourture.”

“Hey Garcia, did they have anything else in common?” Emily asks.

“Yeah check this out. Each of the victims have a medical visit to “The Charleston Hospital” the night before dying. Or getting captured at least. And, it looks like each of them came in after what looked like an action of abuse. It was hard to spot but luckily the bill got it.”

“Okay, thank you Garcia. JJ, Prentiss, come with me. We’re going to the crime scene. Rossi, you go to the ME. Morgan and Reid stay here and try to find some things and connections. And Garcia, you just do what you do best.” Hotch says while getting up.

Everyone was gone from the briefing room except for Garcia who was taking down some files, and Spencer, who was looking at the file. But one part in particular. Could it have happened. No, it couldnr have. Could it?

“Hey Garcia?” He asked.

“Yes sugar,”

“Can I get something?”

“Why of course, what is it that you need?”

“Um, I need records and security tapes.”

“Come with me my sweet child.” She says while walking out the door and into her office, or as she likes to call it, batcave.

“Okay here are the records for-” She got cut off by a frantic Spencer.

“No, not for them, but for Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Your girlfriend?” She asks.

“Yes, my girlfriend.”

“Um, okay. So yeah. It looks like she went to Charleston um about 3 nights ago for some stitches.”

“And the security tapes. From that night. Can you see where she went? Or if she got in her car?”

“You doubt me. Don't doubt me. Okay so here. It looks like she got into this car. But, it looks like there is someone with her. Im sorry Spencer.”

“Don't be. Just, what’s the licence plate numbers?”

“Um, 56HI90ZC3. Spencer, if you want, we can talk about it.” She says in a soft tone. Thinking that his girlfriend would be cheating on one of her friends.

“No not now. I just need you to track that car, can you do that?”

“Done. Okay so it looks like the last time the car was spotted was here, Cherry Ann Avenue. It looks like they took a turn in this field, and that's all.”

“Great, I need you to contact Hotch and Rossi, and tell them that we got the guy.”

“On it. But, hey do you wanna talk about it?”

“Garcia, we don't have any time. Someone I love is in danger and I don't wanna waste a single second.”

You woke up to the smell of blood, the sound of crickets, and a gut wrenching pain, everywhere across your body.. Crickets everywhere. You looked down to see many cuts. Cuts all over your body, everywhere. And in one place, you swear you saw a knife. What had happened? How long was I out? You tried to remember everything but all you could was getting in a fight with Spencer and then getting in a car with a doctor. Or a nurse, or whoever they were.

“Ah, so you're up.” Michael said as he walked up from the shadows behind him.

“Who are you and what do you want?” You say trying your best to back away from him but something ties you down.

“You forgot who I am already. I must have added a little more meds in there for you. Huh, well that's alright. I’m Michael. More professionally, Dr. Michael Gray.” You just sat there trying to hear him over the intense pain you were in. Almost as if you'd been stabbed 100 times, maybe you had, who knows. “You see, your boyfriend was being the abusive piece of shit he is and so now I'm helping you. Helping you get better.”

“You sick bastard. You're not helping me, you're causing me pain.” You say as he gets closer and closer to your face.

“Shut up!!” He says as he slaps you. “I know what I’m doing!! Do you know how many people I’ve put out of misery!!” He yells in your face. You can feel the spit reaching your face as he does this.

“You’ve hurt those people. You've put them through pain. So much pain. Instead, you could have helped them. But this, this is not help, no this is torture, abuse, assult.”

“I SAID SHUT UP!!” He yelled while throwing the metal tray on the table across the room. “YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE WHAT YOU'RE PATHETIC LITTLE BOYFRIEND DID TO YOU WAS GOOD. YOU DESERVED IT!! Don't deserve me, or my help!”

You were shocked. You were scared. You were terrified. But you didn't want to admit it. And the sad part is, all he truly wanted to do is help you. But just at that moment you heard sirens. Sirens everywhere, and they got louder and louder until you saw the colors. Flashing up against the brown wooden wall and the shag carpeting on the floor.

Suddenly you heard a loud bang, the door had come down. “Michael Gray!” You heard someone yell. “Michael, we know what you've done, and we know that you’re here!”

“No, this can't be happening. No no no no no. NO!” He yelled in panic. The most stupid thing to do when you’re trying to hide.

Suddenly 3 people came rushing to the room. One of them happened to be your boyfriend. Who ran over to you immediately without any hesitation.

“Hey Y/N, it's me, Spencer. You're gonna be okay.” He said while holding you. All you did was smile and nod. You wanted to tell him that you loved him, but you just couldn't. You were so sore and tired. And all you wanted to do was go to sleep. Even though you knew that you shouldn't have since, well, you know. You would probably die. But you just couldn't help it.

You woke to a bright light. Or multiple in this case. Why was everything so white. White hurts people. You felt a tug to your hand as you saw who was holding it, Spencer. He stayed. And for god knows how long. He was asleep, and you didn't want to wake him. Poor boy looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep for the past week or so. You checked the clock as the time read 10:37pm. Perfect, just the most perfect time to wake up. You tried to grab your phone, but you had to stretch to get it, and you were not doing that.

Spencer, although woke up from your failed attempt at grabbing your phone. “Y/N, you're awake.” He said dreamily with his eyes half shut.

“Hi Spencer.”

Once he truly realized what was going on, he jumped up from his seat and gripped your hand tighter than before. “Y/N baby, how are you? Are you okay?”

“Well, truthfully. No, I am not okay. I mean, I just got tortured for god know how long, and I think I’ve been asleep. But again, I don't know how long. And oh god, I had my case that I’ve been working on for the past 6 months that was supposed to happen and I missed it!” You say as if the world was ending. He just looks at you. No emotion, just stares.

“Y/N it’s okay. I sorted that out, don't worry. You’re just okay. Why did you go with them anyway?”

You don't know how to respond. Do you tell him everything, or tell him nothing at all. Do you leave out some bits? No, he deserves to hear the whole truth. “Spencer, after what happened that night, I was terrified of what was gonna happen if I came home. And my friends were out of town. So I really had no choice.”

“Y/N,” His voice cracked. “I am so sorry for what I did to you. I truly didn't mean to do that, it just happened. And I don't know why.”

“I know.”

“You probably hate me, and I get that. I would hate me too if I were you. I mean, look at what I put you through. I’m so sorry. And I understand if you wanna breakup and stuff. But, I just wanna say that I love you. I truly do.”

“Spencer,” You say while looking down at your hands, then back up. “I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Not after everything you’ve done for me. I love you, I do.”

He just smiled and kissed you on your forehead. “Y/N, you wanna about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“Everything that happened today.”

“Sure, but how about we talk about everything that happened the other day. I mean, I made you pie Spencer, Pie!” He just sat there while you were laughing looking into your eyes. “I love you.” He said. You just smiled and held his hand, “I love you too.”

tagging: @criminalmindsmoodrn, @marshmallowtraver, @ghostly-angelic, and @himarisolace