#im not that hurt or anything because its anon hate on tumblr and all of the points were so. empty.

[ilikehfjone]

CRYING AGAIN 🔥🔥🔥

uh. yeah sorry.

[skybristle]

shoutout to the guy who sent me like 3 paragraphs of anon hate after i said i was vulnerable that was so funny

[genderqueerdykes]

Book anon brought up is literally called Trans/Rad/Fem and it claims to be essays on "transfeminism" but the entire basis is how r@dical feminism helped build feminsim, including transfeminism - thus transfeminism couldn't exist without radf3minism, and tries to argue the two types of feminism are actually very similar and should support each other. Just a snippet of the summary: "This series of essays aims to reconstruct and reintroduce the r@dical feminist framework that its misbegotten inheritors seem determined to forget and in doing so boldly makes the claim that transfeminism, far from being antagonistic to r@dical feminism, is in fact its direct descendant. It shows how a comprehensive social theory of transsexual oppression flows almost naturally from r@dical feminist precepts and dares to declare that a materialist, r@dical transfeminism is the way forward to seize the foundations of patriarchy at the root." The author has a bunch of free writing on her site, and it's interesting because she seriously uses the term transemasculation and argues that trans men do face specific oppression for being trans men, but then she's got this incredibly bizarre essay on how trans men aren't allowed to relate to Stone Butch Blues even though she personally knows a lot who do. Her stuff also really only pays lipservice to but is notably absent of anyone outside the binary, which is interesting because she also considers herself 'third sexed'. And she parrots these ideas about "degendering" and "regendering" throughout all her essays that just don't seem to /quite/ line up with the broader social definitions of these terms. I don't know, it's like someone who infiltrates 'the enemy' to try and take them down from the inside and doesn't realize they're slowly being converted. Also, she's actually on tumblr (head's up). Here's her own explanation of her book: https://taliabhattwrites.tumblr.com/post/769862585675825152/im-sorry-if-youve-answered-this-or-if-it-should And for some comparison here's genderkoolaid's reaction to the book summary (with full summary included): https://genderkoolaid.tumblr.com/post/771666069645623296/question-have-you-heard-about-the-book

"but then she's got this incredibly bizarre essay on how trans men aren't allowed to relate to Stone Butch Blues,"

does. does she know that Leslie Feinberg was literally a polygender lesbian who identified partially as a trans man. does she know that Leslie lived as a trans man for many years before accepting being multigender. does she know. anything about what she's talking about. like yes, Jess in the book was written to challenge the idea of what a woman "should be". and rightfully so. that part of Leslie's identity needed to be discussed. Leslie's other genders do not overwrite the fact that ze was a transsexual woman. i want that to be clear!

but it doesn't change the fact that transmasculine people are still gonna relate to this experience whether or not they identify as women. also what about transmasculine women...? that right there is enough to tell me this person has no idea what the fuck they're talking about. Stone Butch Blues was quite literally written by someone who was partially a trans man. like you cannot erase the fact that Leslie literally called hirself "polygendered". that was the term ze used for hirself. Leslie was a trans man as well as a transsexual woman. get fucked, talia. you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. even if the character of Jess wasn't a trans man, it doesn't erase the fact that Leslie was. Jess is just a character based off of Leslie.

wow that's actual bullshit. thank you so much for letting me know about this, i had no clue. i don't read books unless i'm looking into a specific topic so i'll be sure to steer clear of that. this shit is sad. rad feminism has never and will never help anyone. rad feminism is about hating women. it's about seeing women as weaker and inferior to men. it's about thinking that women can never hurt anyone else because they can't hold power in society ever. rad feminism is about painting women as pathetic dainty little creatures who could never hurt a fly, that women are so stupid that they can't think for themselves and are always being taken advantage of no matter what, and it's also about how women can only look and act certain ways or else they're not women.

trans rad feminism hurts trans women. if you're a transradfem:

radfems fucking hate you and want you to die. snap out of it. this will not make them like you. this will not make them see you as a woman. they are happy you are spreading their propaganda, but they want you dead and see you as predatory men invading women's spaces. wake. the fuck. up. all you're doing is participating in trans/misogyny and the faster you realize it, the better off you'll be.

[fanganfessions]

vent !! chapter 2 ep 15 spoilers

god and i cant even begin to express how much i hate veronika after this last episode. i was already beginning to have mixed feeling about her after being harassed by a few veronika defenders which only caused for me to not like her more out of spite. but my god the way she kept antagonizing ace seriously broke me. this man expresses how he was offended and all veronika can say is: "Oh, that hit a nerve. Didn't it?" what kind of person says those kinds of things?? thats just so cruel. maybe part of the reason why i hate veronika is because she reminds me so much of my sister. my sister is 10x worse than veronika but i cant but wanna claw my eyes out when i see her. shes a constant reminder that my feelings arent valid and i will never be anything more than something to make fun of. because thats exactly what she does to ace.

just for now im muting all the drdt tags besides any related to ace. i dont wanna see anything about any other character besides him. because it'll just remind me that not even the fandom appreciates ace as much as i do. they all care about everyone else. for fucks sake even hu and arturo are more liked than ace when they have contributed nothing useful besides a tiny bit of lore here and there.

just hearing ichiko aoba humming makes me think of last night where i cried over ace. its so calming but also so traumatizing because just hearing it reminds me of him. honestly i didnt think some jockey would impact me this much but god it hurts like a bitch.

i just want more ace content. seeing people positively talking about ace and making things for him makes me feel loved. when people express how much they love ace and dont want him to die, it makes me feel accepted and cared for. 

speaking of acceptance, i can only say this through an anon because i dont feel safe expressing my thoughts and feelings openly. ive been harassed by too many drdt fans for such petty reasons. i just wanna feel safe and liked in this fandom but i cant because i constantly feel like everyone is judging me and talking shit about me. i dont want that. i want people to like me.

theres probably going to be people suggesting for me to not associate myself with drdt (or atleast any ace markey media) for the sake of my own mental health and like.. take a walk or something. and while i do agree with you 100%, i kinda cant. drdt is my only hyperfixation atm. ive been obsessed with it for over a year now! most hyperfixations last only a year. i dont know how to stop thinking about ace's possible death, especially with episode 16 coming up in a few days. its really not as easy as you guys think it is. im not choosing to feel like this, i promise. (SENDING IN MULTIPLE PARTS BECAUSE IT KEEPS SAYING "We’re sorry. There was an error processing your post. tumblr")

.

[godmerlin]

i hate to also send an evil anonymous message, and i mean this with all the love i have...but i think the other anon had actual good intentions they just didnt know how to phrase it.

ive followed you for a few years and, while i hate to say it, you tend to jump down the throat of anyone who has a negative reaction in any way to your blog. im not saying hate you got in the past is valid at all, but you really went in on the other person today the same way you have in the past and its honestly uncomfortable to watch. like they said, please be mindful and think of how your words affect others. the same can be said for them, and im sure they regret messaging you at all, but not because of guilt. i think they feel a little hurt, as they should.

your gifs do look different from what others post - and thats fine! some people focus more on different parts of the process. im a gifmaker myself, and i know our gifs look entirely different. you must know that there are gifmakers out there posting much higher quality/crisp gifs than the ones we make. theres nothing wrong with that, its just a fact.

anyway, long story short, anon from before was not rude in any way and you definitely came across as the bully. the chances of them having previously sent messages are pretty slim. please think a little before you attack, especially at your age.

I've literally never had people say anything like this to me off anon. I've also rarely got anonymous hate in the last few years lmfao. I really hadn't before last month in YEARS, in fact last month (at lesst i think it was last month, it could have been august) i made a post joking about it because I hadn't received hate in a very long time...so I don't know what you're talking about??? They WERE rude. Messaging anyone on anonymous to tell them how much their gifs suck is rude. You can literally just NOT do that. They chose to message me. They made that choice. They could have just been like "oh, her gifs suck" and went on about their day/night, but they chose to message me anyway.

I do not in any shape or form think that my gifs are this important to be sending asks in over. Like ??? I feel like I've been transported to tumblr circa 2014 and not in a good way.

If you think I attack people, just stop following me. Or if you don't follow me and just come to my blog, stop. It's that simple. Then you won't feel uncomfortable.

This is officially ridiculous.

[merakiui]

Mera! I'm losing track of the days lol, but so long as i send an ask a week, i think i should be okay 😂

Also feel free to post your hsr hair thoughts bc i love to read your rambles as much as your fics! I'm looking forward to the jade one and him imitating floyd is really amusing. I like to think jade has a sort of pride about him where he loathes being compared to floyd but also jokes it off when someone does or when someone mistakes them, so i can imagine his pride and ego taking a hit but he endures it for sake of reader. Almost like he gets addicted to acting like floyd bc everyone likes floyd better anyways, right? So why not give the people what they want! He receives such a positive response when he acts like floyd that it rewires the hurt in his brain and suddenly the thing he hates is now cathartic for him but theres still that underlying hurt underneath >.<

BUT thats not why im here hehehe, for this weeks questionnnnn......

Who do you think would be the 'final girl' in a slasher film from each dorm? And then if u can, who do you think would be the ultimate survivor? You can optionally bestow the other titles; the virgin who lives but is hurt, the killer in hiding and the idiots who are the first to go, etc :D i read a yandere slasher fic here on tumblr where reader goes into a cabin with her friends and they get killed off one by one until the yandere presumably fucks reader and it has me back in my horror phase 😅 just pretend its Halloween in june, like xmas in july hahaha

-🐔 anon!!!!

:D hi hi 🐔!!!! Thank you for enjoying my writings and ramblings and for your interest in the upcoming Jade fic!! He'd do anything for you, even if it means he has to endure bittersweet pain just to see you smile. >_< all he wants is a chance with you and he gets that when he acts as Floyd. It may be uncomfortable and it may chip away pieces of his pride as an individual, but you laugh at his jokes and look at him like he's the only one in your world. He'll do whatever he can just to receive a crumb of your affection, even if it's all meant to be reserved for Floyd. Aaaa I love writing this version of Jade!!!! He's just so interesting and obsessed!! orz

Ooooo final girls from each dorm!!! That's such a fun question. Here are my thoughts!!! ^w^

Heartslabyul's final girl would be Cater. He's so perfect for the final girl trope! You think he might die first because he's pretty and can't let go of his phone for the life of him, but when he gets serious he can be very cutthroat. <3 the idiotic duo would have to be Ace and Deuce. Deuce hears a strange noise and wants to check it out because he's definitely not scared of demons or killers and he'll beat up anything that tries to hurt him and his friends. Ace thinks he's trying to prank him, but he begrudgingly follows him, thinking it's either nothing and Deuce is trying to scare him or it'll just turn out to be something with a completely natural explanation. It's neither, and while they're both bickering the killer looms from behind. Riddle is the logical one who tries to put everything into perspective and figure out a logical reason behind everything. Trey is, unsurprisingly, the mom friend who just wants everyone to stay in one place because hopefully the authorities will show up soon (they never will).

Savanaclaw's final girl is Ruggie. He's resourceful and cunning; you think he may die first, but he's actually very good at survival. He'll live, but he comes out of the horrific night covered in blood after he's just fought the killer to the death. Jack is your typical jock, kind-hearted and caring, who doesn't believe in any of that ghost stuff or horror movie trope stuff, but when it becomes too real he gets even more serious than before, determined to survive and protect those close to him. Leona strikes me as the type who, upon the first sign of something suspicious or dangerous, promptly leaves. He will not be swept up in any murder plots, no thank you. <3 either that or he sleeps through it all and the killer thinks he's dead at first glance LOL.

Octavinelle's final girl would be Floyd. As goofy as he is, he's also another cutthroat guy who can and will survive. He may throw himself directly at danger, but somehow he always comes out of it alive. Jade is your typical killer-in-hiding. You won't suspect him until it's too late, and by then nearly half the cast is dead. Azul is the type who acts like an ally to everyone, but he's secretly either plotting with the killer or planning to sacrifice everyone in order to save himself.

Scarabia's final girl is Jamil. Most of his decisions are made solely to protect Kalim (who naturally is the comedic relief/carefree friend who is just too sweet for this world), but there's a build-up in this movie where the plot twist is that Jamil ultimately ends up tricking Kalim. Is it possible for both him and Jamil to survive? Perhaps, but this isn't that kind of movie. :) and from the bloodshed, Jamil emerges, alive, exhausted, and traumatized. (Or I could also see Jamil as a killer-in-hiding and Kalim as the final girl; it fits either way in my mind hehe!! :D)

Pomefiore's final girl is either Epel or Vil. It's hard to choose just one of them for the trope because I feel like it can fit them both in different ways. Rook is obviously the killer-in-hiding or he's just that really unnerving character who happens to know too much about how a killer thinks. >_< Vil as a final girl would be so cool because I think he can also be quite cutthroat. He's the character type who spends most of his focus on himself throughout the movie, yet he still manages to survive. How, you may ask? He weaponized various beauty products or, my most favorite idea, he fought the killer in heels and won, by which the heels absolutely became his weapon. >:) Epel as a final girl would be somewhat surprising because he's the character who no one really expects to live because he's "so petite and cute and omg how will he ever survive the big, scary killer!!!!" D: but then Epel shocks everyone when he ends up arming himself with brass knuckles or a baseball bat to go hunt down the killer himself.

Ignihyde's final girl is Idia, but then he also fits into the loser nerd category. Idia as a final girl is a little frustrating because he spends the entire movie being prideful and rude to the other characters, so everyone sort of wants him to be killed off first because he's so unlikable. But because Idia's seen all of these tropes before and knows his way around a horror movie, he ends up surviving. Ortho survives as well, but then I can also picture him being something of a sci-fi horror villain (i.e. technology becomes bad and targets humans). It's something like in book six where he was giving the students little tests in order to advance to the next level. Just a little villainous and devious!

Diasomnia's final girl is Silver. The stress of the situation manages to keep him awake, and so he's mainly in survival mode for the entirety of the film. Silver does his best to protect everyone, even putting himself at risk if it means he can save his friends. Sebek likely puts up a good fight, but he's far too stubborn and can't be quiet to save his life, so he ends up getting killed. I feel like Lilia could be a killer-in-hiding, or he's just the mischievous trickster type. Malleus could also be a killer-in-hiding, or he's the trope of "misunderstood character with a reputation that is solely rumors who turns out to be quite sweet and helpful to the main character."

[no-more-rqs]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I'm actually radqueer myself. Uh but I just have some genuine questions for you? I'm not looking to fight, I just find your account super super interesting.

I was scrolling through it, expecting you to be vocally anti para/transid like most anti accounts, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that it seems like you're the complete opposite. You're passionately pro para, and also seemingly (from what I can tell) pro transid? Though anti transition in specific circumstances, and anti using the prefix "trans" outside of transgender related contexts So, how exactly are you anti radqueer? Because it seems like we share most beliefs /genq

to clarify: im not against using the prefix "trans" outside of "transgender", im against it when the term shouldnt be pro-transitioning at all (like with transharmful or transracial). "trans" literally means "to go across", so if itd be harmful to transition to something, it shouldnt use the prefix "trans" (i genuinely could not care less about the "its comparing the experience to being trans" argument literally who the hell cares + L + ratio + you sound like a transmed /not at anon)

im anti-radqueer because im against the community itself, not the beliefs inherent to it. the radqueer community heavily leans pro-contact (even if you dont see many open pro-cs on tumblr, many many people who claim to be anti-c are secretly pro-c but just dont tell anyone outside of private discord servers and disguise their actual beliefs behind being "pro-consensual contact" and the classic "what if an 18 year old dates a 17 year old, wouldnt that be fine? is it illegal to hug your pets?" arguments). i know this firsthand from being in radqueer discord servers and finding 100+ pro-cs who all pretended to be anti-c in public but, in private, admitted to stalking, rape/assault (of children as young as four and animals), grooming, and abuse. this is because "radical acceptance of everyone, including people who everyone hates because no matter what people are just uneducated" is really not a good ideology to have. its the paradox of tolerance - if you accept everyone, you accept people who will hurt others, such as abusers, rapists, and nazis (which, yes, there are legitimate pro-transitioning transharmfuls in the radqueer community, they arent all "just trolls" like a lot of people say). you have to draw the line somewhere, and the radqueer community doesnt.

the radqueer community also isolates people from support systems irl. i dont know how common it is for people who are exclusively on tumblr, but on discord, i was told to cut everyone off and never tell anyone about myself and only engage in the radqueer community "for my safety". people tell you to never listen to anyone who tells you youre wrong, never listen to any arguments or read any articles, never even think about leaving the community because its the Only Morally Correct Ideology (no ideology is morally correct. anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. every ideology has biases and problems and flaws)

yes i do sort of agree with the basis of radqueer beliefs (pro-para and pro-transid) but the community itself and the fact that those beliefs are extremely vague and could encompass literally anything (i knew one person who was completely anti-contact, anti-proud paraphiles, anti-MUD, anti-transid transitioning, and anti-incest and another person who was grooming their six year old sibling and "dating" their pet bird and attempting to have sex with both of them who was also radqueer. neither of these people are excluded from the radqueer label and both fully identified as radqueer) is a huge problem. i personally think more specific blankqueers are better, except pretty much all of them are either 100% anti-everything or 100% pro-everything (the "idcqueer" labels and similar are ESPECIALLY stupid as fuck. "idc" "im too tired for this" "i go outside actually idc" *proceeds to explain every single belief and stance it has*) and there are a billion of them and no one can keep track of the definitions and flags for all of them

[screampied]

haven’t sent anything in a minute or two, because I’ve been watching twd 🌚, but in my defense the episodes I’ve been watching are some of the best ever but literally two of my favorite characters are DEAD.

anyways, how have you been!!, I haven’t been much on tumblr except for rereading fanfiction and liking some art posts here and there, but I’ve missed your account I always like to check up on the JJK fandom and just your account in general, your writing is genuinely some of the greatest I’ve seen, but I hope you’ve been doing amazing and been well 💞

today I went out thrifting and I got a jacket that looks somewhat similar to ricks in twd and oh my god I love it, it’s so like massive but also comfortable at the same time and I’ve dedicated it to it being my new winter coat

I’ve been going absolutely crazy with twd edits lately ..something about edits of anything I like I don’t even know people who make edits have insane talent, i wish I could but I mostly just daydream all day 🌚.

-cowboy liker anon

HI COWBOY 💓💓💓. ooooh u reminded me to finish watching. i just started season one n its alr so much going on <3

i’m okay !!!! i sprained my wrist yesterday and i’m on my cycle im convinced the world hates me pleak. it’s too much going on like im just a girl 😭😭😭 im in too much pain to write rn LOL but hopefully i get a better feeling in it by tmrw. it’s not that serious just a bit sore buuuut if it still hurts ill probably go to the doctor.

you’re so sweet thank you what :((( that warms my heart aaaaaugh ☹️☹️☹️💓 i’m glad you enjoy my work !!!! GRRRRR ITMAKES MY DAYSO MUCH BETTER. other than everything im good! i’m just answering a few asks before i disappear again 🕺🕺.

thrifting sounds so fun, take me w u next time </3 AHHH THATSSO CUTE. u should send twd edits tbh, i would mind at all 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️.

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Hey, uhm i notice the last post.. sorry i didn't know you need feedback about your work :(.. I thought tha you were focus on your break and didn't want to bother you with what i think about the story.. so i didn't log in for a little while because the purpose this app was here was just logging in to see the anons asked about your work and stuff and maybe liking the ask about it.. and the talks about goldencheesecookie..

So if you like to have my feedback, i'll give it to you so don't be sad :D..

At first, I was happy at how things changed and you know? reader's happy and everyone happy.. But the thing that i didn't like, is leaving the kingdom after all that.. All that mess, all that suffering.. and the brutal backstabs only for reader to go out again?.. that kinda hit me in the guts.. I know that reader is trying to be benovelent and kind or had that kind of nature just not showing it in the past, but thats to much.. Reader see themself to the new outsider but that is to much to just leave.. leave so imeadiately after months of just staying... Meeting an outsider you just mer and go out of the kingdom that you tried so hard to protect, to be apart off, to be near her... to be her subjects also? its just hurt to leave yk.. I dont know.. im sorry if my feedback hurts you :(

and another one that is the most positive thing i want to say.. Reader having the time to talk to Her Radiance about what they wanted and how grateful they are.. makes me so happy that they can say anything that they wanted deep down without getting shame and timid. It made me a little emotional yk?... Its been months and all that waiting.. I didn't knew time pass so quickly that its reaching its end so quickly.. Golden cheese is very confident as always, but more loving and touching then the pass chapters.. Makes me wonder what it feels to get hug by her light and everything... Her hugs are warmth maybe?.. makes you feel like you're in cloud9 and feel so loved.. Im happy that i get to even read near the end of the story, that you even continue to write it..

I Remember your notes after all, that you just want to give up, tired.. exhausted because of the long plot you have to do.. and i appreciate that, i reallly do, you dedication of the things that you want in your story that you want it to be perfect.. I keep remembering and being worried, maybe she isnt feeling so good right now, maybe i should ask about her health and talk about a month break.. yeah i was the anon who asked you to take a break because i was getting worried that you were exhausting yourself just for us.. But im happy you aren't and was taking a break!... Dont tire yourself for us to much.. or exhaust you're energy writing and staring at the screen all day, just a hopeful reminder that you aren't overdosing yourself..

If the anons are writing weird ask about you and the story, just block them okay? :) if they make you uncomfortable.. just block them..♥️

So yeah, thats what i just wanted to say for what i've read.. Cool thing that Smoked cheese gor our stuff all along :O♥️

P-please don't worry about me....When I talk about how I struggle with writing this sometimes, it doesn't mean I don't wanna write. I DO wanna write, and I DO wanna finish this....Whenever I take a break, it only lasts a couple days before I-I hate myself for doing things other than writing....I-I DID take a break, but a small one, and even if it doesn't sound good, trust me, it is....I-I don't wanna spend too much time away from this. So, trust me, I'm fine. I know my limits, and how hard to push myself. I'm not overworked at all, I have a schedule, and....I-I wanna do this. I'm ENJOYING putting out these chapters....Th-thank you for trying to be considerate of me, tho! ^^

(Oh, and me stressing over the lack of comments is not ALL on you anons on Tumblr, so don't blame yourself! It also has to do with AO3, y'see, I have a couple regular commenters over there that haven't said anything about the new chapter, and they've been around longer, so....y-yeah, everything's fine, trust me! >__<)

Y-yeah, not liking the ending of the chapter is completely valid....b-but, I'm setting things up for the next one, OK? Everything's gonna make sense once that's done! You'll see why I did it this way! S-so, don't jump to conclusions juuuuust yet.....! I-I hope I still did a good enough job making it believable, tho.....Making Reader feel like they had no other choice but to make the choice they made....I also tried to lift their spirits as well, and to end on a hopeful note, so people will actually wanna see what happens next rather than be like "Why the heck did you end it like that" at me, pfffffff.....XD

But, yeah, I'm still sorry....I-I'm glad you enjoyed parts of the chapter regardless, tho....! And thank you for trying to be respectful of me....You're really too kind, and I don't deserve it, heheh....

[jossambird]

hello queen! genuine question with no shade at all: why did it take 5 months for you to finish the rooted chapter? was it because you lost interest or

Hello Anon! Its no worry at all, thats an amazing question!

Id love to simply say it was because life had me busy and such but that would be a lie. It was a mix of life/stress and Imposter Syndrome caused by hate anons I received.

As much as Id like to say that the Ghost community is full of love and acceptance, there are also people like these that reach out to me:

(Names of the Ghost writers this anon wrote are blacked out for their privacy because they dont deserve to have their names be used to hurt me)

Why? No goddamn clue. I generally keep to myself and my mutuals, as Im shy. I suspect its because of a post a made a week or so ago after a dear friend of mine deleted her tumblr due to Imposter Syndrome, OR because of my Hanahaki Ghost fic, Rooted in your love.

Why it took 5+ months? Because of that type of anon. Imposter Syndrome really got me by the throat when I received that and I genuinely felt like my writing was garbage, and I still do, but that anon has been blocked.

I am still very much into the Papas, and I am still very much into Ghost. I just felt like I didnt have anything to offer anymore.

But please dont worry! Im working on feeling better and on kicking Imposter Syndrome to the curb like that cheating husband you no longer want! 😌

[hauntedkkitty]

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane

[ofmermaidstories]

Ooh im so glad you enjoy any type of comments because im so so so obsessed with something (just like this) but felt the comments i left on ao3 weren’t showing how much i really really liked it! [which is a lot, i live react to my little fanfic gc about it whenever i read/reread 😭 shout out to them for listening☝️]

NO, listen—I’m the same way!!! Writing big, analytical comments doesn’t come naturally to me (which means I appreciate the ones I get even more, because i know exactly how much time and thought they take 😭), so I understand the knee-jerk worry of, oh no, is this enough? But I do think that it’s a disservice to each other to like, have expectations of how to comment on something. 🥺 I don’t believe in rigidly policing how we aught to interact with each other’s art (beyond not being dicks). It’s—disheartening! Disheartening and fucking rude, actually, because it does two things: it treats those beautifully detailed, loving comments that people write of their own excitement as the only valid form of expressing love and it also makes reading fanfiction and interacting with each other a chore! And it shouldn’t be! It’s not! I dunno how many times I need to say this, but fanfiction isn’t homework—and that goes two ways!! You, as a writer, are not enslaved to it. You don’t need to finish to a deadline (unless you want to!). And you as a reader are not obligated to provide an itinerary of the time you spend with someone’s work!!!

It’s not the only way to love something. Like you saying that you live react it to the group chat—I don’t even know how to articulate what that means to me, to hear??? Lmfao. Because it’s so cute and it’s so fun!!! And it’s relatable, because I do the exact same thing with fics I love, to the friends that I love. 🥺 If anything, I find it easier to like, lay out what I love in a fic to a chat, if that makes sense? Because I’m not worried about the author! Like—I’m not worried about impressing them, LOL. Or accidentally hurting their feelings if I’m maybe a little confused about something, or am just extra opinionated that day. I can just say, “OH MY GOD [insert writer here] UPDATED [insert fic here] IM LOSING MYS HIT OH MY GOD ITS SO GOOD OH MY GOD!!!! [insert plot twist here]!!!!!! NOOOOOOO OMG WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME IM TOO DELICATE FOR THIS I HATE IT HERE” etc etc.

We forget that fanfiction communities are built, in large part, because of readers—readers silently reading things, or privately sharing them. Readers making tiktoks about their favourite fic (and then it blowing up and the fic getting deleted because people are mean to other fics in that same community that share the same tropes LMFAO go on, ask me about attackonfic). There’s one user on AO3 that I adore, literally, they are so precious because I see them so often in the comments of the fics I’m reading and every time it’s the same, short and sweet sentiment of how much they love whatever it is they’ve been reading, and sometimes they’ll add emojis and sometimes it’s capitalised but it gets the point across so well. They’ve commented on surrender before; it now lives in my folder for comments, on my phone, because it made me laugh when I first got it.

I promise you, Anon, if you have commented on SJLT then not only have I read it—I’ve screenshot it and saved it to that folder. Because for all I write, I don’t think I can ever adequately express what any comment means to me. 🥺 The sense of relief and—safety, almost? In being seen. It’s just—it’s there for all of them! Every comment!

If anything, I owe you an apology—I’m not good at replying to things in any timely manner 🥺 It’s never malicious, it just—it takes energy, no matter how big or small the comment (or tumblr ask!), because I want each reply to mean something, to return that sensation of hi, i see you too! It’s not an excuse. But I promise, Anon—I see you, too. And I want you (and everyone!) to know, no matter what you’ve said to me on AO3—whether it was an emoji, one word, a couple of sentences or paragraphs that took half an hour to write—it found me just when I needed it. And it meant so, so much. 🥺 Thank-you for reading, Anon. Thank-you for being here. I hope I can give you a finish story that makes those comments worth it. 🥺🌷📖✨💕

[ask-serendipity-sky]

If your theory about the company retaliating on Jimin for hinting about his queerness turns out to be true, then damn, I'm sorry but I think he better leave the company. I get that they're bounded by contract and that coming out has its repercussions, but if he's only hinting, why would the company retaliate that badly? It still has plausible deniability so it shouldn't really affect his career. That also sounds like the company does not respect Jimin at all. It's discriminatory. And in a way, wouldn't that hurt the company's profit too, because if they would suppress Jimin, they're also losing earnings? It's not wise and it's just self-sabotage.

Now for laying low for the sake of their careers (more like for the sake of JK's career and image), I can get behind that because people in relationships make sacrifices. To what extent though, well that depends on them. But would that be fair to Jimin, at least? I can see Jimin making sacrifices and being kind, yes, but he has his limits too. He's smart and not a pushover, so I think that if the relationship is starting to become a liability on JK's side, I can also see Jimin calling it quits. I don't know how much he loves JK romantically but Jimin also knows what's good for him and if things are not working out. And for years, jikookers have been highlighting that JK is the one who wants to make it more known that JM is his boyfriend, then suddenly he wants to be seen as a het male? It's baffling to me.

It also strikes me that JK doesn't quite know what he really wants and how to express himself yet. He has this "rather be dead than cool" tattoo (though tattoos are always up for interpretations) but then wants to be seen as a cool, giant pop star. He seems to want to be taken seriously and change his image, but then he goes to say things that, for me, sound shallow and superficial. Showing that you're mature or a grown-up by singing about literal sex and swearing isn't also the only way you can express it. (Maybe he'll experiment about it more in his upcoming album, so we'll see.) I don't know, it all seems contradicting to me.

Seven also has no connection to JM. AT ALL. I dunno why other jikookers keep on insisting that, but there's nothing romantic that you can connect with that to JM. Be for real. Don't even get me started with the concept photos. Idc what anyone says, I know a copy attempt when I see one, and no, doing that is not romantic or anything. It says something about you as an artist instead.

Sorry for the long ask, but I'm just wondering about all these things. Thanks for indulging me.

Hello anon,

Write away. These are things I wonder too.

Yeah, I don't see why the company would self-sabotage too. But they have been by not utilizing Jimin to the fullest potential.

Example: Jimin in mvs and interviews. His parts are the most replayed.

Yet, we only get bits of him now. Less lines too. Ugh like in Take Two where he sang like 2 lines and then was used as a choir boy for the rest of the song. Or all of FACE promo.

So I don't know. It has to be something strong enough to make them not care about losing money.

I believe that there are other queer members but I don't see any of them queer coding all of their project likes Jimin does. Jimin embraces femininity and masculinity as well. I havent noticed other members doing any of this?

I don't know. I'm just trying to make sense of things. Why would someone in that company hate Jimin?

As for Jk...

I do think his goals and ambitions have changed from before. He changes often. I feel he hasn't quite found his place yet.

For now, he wants to be a het pop star. Being a het pop star could have it's perks for jikook. In Korea, people will judge an idol for eating a strawberry the wrong way (wonyoung im always with you, girl 😭). You don't get that dumb criticizing when you are a big international pop star. In fact, the more controversial you are (Johnny Depp, JB, HS), the more people get used to you and defend you.

This could mean that it will allow Jk to do whatever he wants without fearing the wrath of army because he will have other fans who will be chill about him doing what a normal 25 year old does. This works for Jk and this could work for jikook.

It all does seem contradictory, though. Especially in terms of jikook. We will know in a few months if Jk will use his fame to be more open with Jimin without the fear criticism or if jikook will still be low so Jk can get more famous.

And YES! Seven has nothing to do with Jimin. No matter how much we want to tie it together. It doesn't. Jk said it was a fun song and he took it. That's it. There is no more to it.

I see your point on the concept photos. It makes sense. I know that as a Jk fan, I would be dissapointed.

I raise you my theory:

People keep saying that jikook probably agreed to the concept photos together but...

Jm wasn't in on it. Jk did it as a surprise since he does those sort of things.

Jm was like hmm ok on the outside but on the inside was like "seriously?"

Imagine Jimin being ok with his beautiful concepts used for a song made by a gross and evil white man who shades you?

You all don't know Jimin at all if you think he would be happy.

Be for real. At least since Festa, Jimin has been taking his career more serious than Jungkook. He has worked hard and gave FACE everything. He likes to set the path. He sets the trends. He likes to be unique. He has said this.

If the concept photos match, I completely believe that it was because of Jk. He is a hopeless romantic...

(Ahhh and this goes with what my partner said in this post:

If they were Jk, they would spoil me to try to make up for the sabotage.)

So no, I will NEVER EVER get behind the photo concept theory that was thrown around saying that Jikook thought of it together and it was them letting the world know they are "I am you. You are me."

The matching clothes and matching brands, yes. But not the concept photos.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[camerawhoisalsocam]

"A rwby critic and a longtime dc fan" Hate to break it to you?

But RWBY manages to stay consistent. DC? Where do we even begin on their retcons.

Look, if you wanna whine and complain, that's fine. But at the end of the day, Monty , Miles, Kerry? At least their work is forever in progress.

All you people do is insult them on social media and then wonder why people won't listen to you after you complain. People enjoyed the crossover, and part 2 will be there soon.

And unlike you, the rest of us intend to enjoy things...which, as a critic, I understand that's rather difficult.

First things first thanks for being my first anon I honestly didn't know if I had it turned on or not. Also congratulations for being my first rwby related braindead anon, now I know I've made it. Now onto the response

Rwby has consistency? Yeah its consistently disappointing and dogshit. Trust me I know all about DC's retcons, bad stories, nonsensical decisions that the writers make that make the characters worse. Wanna know the difference between RWBY and DC? Rwby has had only a few interpretations, the main canon, the crossover, ice queendom, the books, the antholgy manga, a few comics (some being dc crossovers again), and rwby chibi. And half of those can even be considered pseudo canon. With DC? They have had DECADES of comics, movies, cartoons, TV shows, and all sorts of different adoptions. Because DC is bigger they can have alot of bad, but SOOOO MUCH more good.

Next up, dont bring Monty into this. I wont discredit his work and im not gonna say "this wasnt how he wanted rwby" or anything like this. Let the guy be. This is specifically going towards Miles and Kerry, I wanna have faith they're good people, twitter says otherwise for Miles. I know they can make some decent writing, early rwby, camp camp, they even wrote some of RVB. They haven't made anything good nowadays which is why im mad, I know they can write but keep fucking up!

And if your gonna say all I do is whine and complain maybe you should remember that your complaining about the opinion of some random guy on the internet. But hey you arent completely whining your giving a passive aggressive anonymous ask.

If people like the crossover, good. Im glad someone can find some good in a film and series I dont like. I may not have enjoyed the crossover but get good on you for finding it enjoying. I know why people dont listen to us "whiners" its cuz we hurt their feelings and were big mean cyber bullies. Im a dude on the internet, why the hell should you take it so seriously. What did you think I'd take you seriously as well? I know the real reason why rwby fans dont listen, its cuz RT doesn't listen. They dont see the genuine harm in their writing or dont want to acknowledge it and so their fans piggyback off their mentality. You fans dont listen because RT has their heads so far up their asses they think that RWBY will do fine because there's brain rotted fans like you who'll defend this hot garbage and do nothing but constantly try and shit on people who have an opinion. And quite frankly I think my opinion is right

Dont call yourself a critic, I dont know jackshit about you so for all I know your a fellow cave troll. Reply without the anon button and prove it next time. I know im not a professional writer or critic, I say that I am since im just been watching both franchises, im a dude on tumblr, dont take that part seriously. But I do know how to form an opinion on what I like and what I think is terribly written schlock thats being defended by fans who have a weird symbiotic relationship with a company that will treat their fans like shit.

So all in all, cope. I dont like the dogshit crossover, Miles and Kerry's writing sucks now, and you've officially made my morning. Thanks for stopping by anon. Next time RWBY makes something good for once i'll actually talk about how I like it, maybe with some criticism but hey, nothings perfect. I understand thats rather difficult to understand

[kllrorca]

TLDR;

- Hai!!!! I'm Orca also now known as Mylo (bc the name is pretty and i wanna feel pretty :3) I'm an alter who's LITERALLY our host but I also have some fictionkins I'll need to regulate later on umm!!!!

- I age with the body and rn, we are 17 :3 I DON'T HAVE A DNI (beside the basic one!!) I'm just existing ^_^ I USE THEY/THEM!!!!!!!!

- I CAN'T FOLLOW BACK!! This is a side blog and even tho host doesn't use tumblr to post, ik he wouldn't want any proshippers in his following so I'm gna respect that :3 (feel free to follow me anywhere else that DOESN'T connect this type of stuff)

- I AM A PROSHIPPER AND PROFIC(??! I need to search more about it but it seems fun :3)

Tsdr [Too short didn't read];

ITS ME!!! - KllrOrca :3

— Mylo/Orca ; Minor ; They/Them ; Headmate

- SIDE BLOG. Other socials will be put later!

- I'm usually fronting, if I'm not fronting u have the permission to ask about me!! The host might not respond but sooner or later I will instead :3

- I am a proshipper & Profic, I'm still getting used to being public about it so I'll put emojis down at some point!!!

- We are bodily Black & Puerto Rican :3 I WILL make jokes eluding to racism and slavery with friends, its something I picked up and will NOT let go!!! If that makes u uncomfortable just tell me ^_^

— Activity Varies depending on how much people perceive me ^_^ If you dont perceive me I won't be on for long, since I'll be bored!

- I USE MY HOSTS ARTSTYLE THAT SEEMS EASY TO USE!! I don't want to hurt my hands OR make others think my host is a proshipper when he's not 😞 I wanna get in drama for ME not him srry

- Everyone has full permission to draw my sona and use my sona in anything EVEN hate drawings :3 I love everything!!!! Give it to meee ^q^

— I'M NOT EXACTLY AGENDER BUT I DON'T EXACTLY HAVE A GENDER EITHER!! I guess I AM agender but on a more feminine + masculine side without the neutral ??? I don't really care :3

- My sexuality is... idk!! I haven't thought about it

- I AM APART OF THE LGBT THOUFH!! I KNOW THAT :3 Idk if I'm pan, i don't think so and besides; I wanna be myself !!!

- ANY AGE CAN INTERACT WITH ME BUT DON'T BLAME ME FOR ANYTHING I AGE RESTRICTED!!

— HAI thw main blog to get to any OTHER blog IS strictly [ANTI PROSHIPPERS] + variations, so I can't send it here :3 incase any anti proshippers want it to date back to my host (who rlly just wants me to stop bothering him about everything) then dm me and I'll send it!!! idm ^w^

- I'll make a carrd/rentry/strawpage at some point :3 maybe :3 idk .. maybe I shouldn't but also Should once I have all my socials ready

MY BOUNDARIES [IK, SHOCKING!!]

— I don't have a dni (beside the basic one!!) :3 You can interact with me idc! Even if its for arguing! One thing I ask though is that u DON'T attempt to dox me, bc at the end of the day I can just stop fronting snd you'll be doxxing an innocent person instead who got so tired of hearing me yap and yap!!

- I won't be doing the time, my host will :3 and it'll only traumatize us more!!! Don't be stupid :D

- ACTUALLY don't harass ANYBODY!!!! u can Harass ME but don't harass anyone else PLEASE!!!! I won't like talking to u otherwise sorry

— JUST BECAUSE I'M AN ALTER DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SYSTEM! Talk to me for me pls :3

- I DON'T CARE ABOUT SYSCOURSE UR ALL PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE DAY and I want people to talk to me ^_^ Talk to me Rachel...!! /ref

- IF YOU feel uncomfortable talking to me since im an alter (confusing but wtvr) DON'T FEEL FORCED TO INTERACT if I interact first :3

- Ai generators can kiss my ass also btw I don't like Ai but i can like the person typing the prompt in the computer if ur cool !!!!

MYYYY Final notes :3

— ANY ANON EMOJIS ARE WELCOMED TO ASK FOR A SPOT HERE OR A SPECIAL TAG :3 U can dm me and ask me abt things idm!! I have the mindset of NOT SENDING HARASSMENT OR hating on people who haven't done anything :3

- u can request me art from me :3 but know thay sending nsfw to minors IS illegal so I can't do nsfw!! sexual nsfw!

[atomic-lullaby]

"Standard DNI criteria" yeah cause everyone just knows all that shit.

Your dni is fucking useless

ok lets pick this apart. this is what im going to do whenever i receive a hate ask now because its remarkably funny to me and im bored

1st error: asking on anon. there is no impact if i dont know you personally, much less if i can barely get the idea that you are a person. this could be a machine for all i know, an ai fed on poorly composed anon asks and automated to seek out an account, to send some insult that only my middle aged christian mother would be offended by

2nd error: exposing weakness. it is infact very standard knowledge that "standard dni" encompasses things like terfs, racists, homophobes, ableists and what have you, that is to say undesirable traits that people know are undesirable. most people shorten this to "standard dni" because having to spell out that you dont want to talk to someone like that is kind of stupid. now, admitting that you arent familiar with this is admitting that: either you dont respect people's boundaries enough to at least skim a dni before interacting with someone (making your opinion lose any shred of worth it had) or that youre new enough to the internet or tumblr, that sending hatemail is just sad, an indicator that you have nothing to do with your time other than fight and gnash like a caged dog, that your first instinct upon joining a website is to wail your siren's song in hopes of attracting an enemy

3rd error: impersonal. O, for what value has hate if it does not jab at someone? you could argue that something like "youre stupid" or something alone those lines was implied here, but that argument has only one, very thin leg to stand on. how am i supposed to get offended at this? you have not stabbed at my ego, you have not attacked my character. what am i meant to feel? anger? hardly. in fact, amusement if anything

i will give you this much:

to the sensitive or inexperienced, the harsh tone could be a bit hurtful. other than that you have a lot to work on.

final grade.

F+

see me after class.