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romana-after-dark · 5 months ago

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Rooms on Fire: Losing My Religion

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader

Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader

Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader

Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Madonna has to make a stand.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

Extra warnings for chapter: Pretty standard tbh

3.6k words

A/N Please know tags have been spotty so check and make sure you're caught up!

"That's me in the corner That's me in the spot-light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try." ~Losing my Religion, R.E.M

“Will, take her.” Santiago orders Will, and the stronger man tries to take you away from where you cling to Frankie.

Frankie, however, steps away. “No! You aren’t taking her from me!” He looks back and forth between Will, Ben, and Santi. Through the silence, they can all here Iris wailing over Rey’s body in the kitchen. “You’re all fucking insane! None of you get her!”

Ben scoffs. “She doesn’t belong to you, Frank.”

“YES SHE DOES! She’s my WIFE!”

Will steps forward, taking a hand on your leg assertively, looking Frankie in the eyes. His dominance quells the room. “She’s my wife too, Frankie. Let me take her.” In a lower voice, he adds just to Frankie. “It’s gonna be easier if you just go, you know that. I’ll take care of her. I promise.”

Frankie glances at Santi, rage bubbling in him. Will was right. “Sent someone to get Rey’s body, help Iris move him. She’s… she’s not gonna wanna leave his body. We are not making her clean up his blood the way she did Jonah’s, got it?” Francisco rarely spoke this firmly… but he cared about Iris and he wanted Rey’s body respected.

“I will, I promise.” Frankie watched as you left the room in Will’s arms, crying into his chest.

Francisco was dragged down the halls, Ben trailing after then after being told to follow, Santi yanking along Frankie’s still-soar arm.

“Slow down! Ow!”

“Shut the fuck up!” When they got to Frankie’s bedroom, Santi told Ben to stay outside until he was called. When the door closed, he delivered a crisp slap across Frankie’s face.

“Shit!” Frankie cried, holding his face and tasting blood.

Grabbing his shirt, Santi shoves Frankie against the door, making sure Ben hears every Santi is doing to Frankie that he can’t stop.

“Don’t you EVER disrespect me like that again!” He screams, slapping Frankie again and making his head lul to the side. “I AM YOUR GOD!”

Frankie shoves him back. “YOU’RE MY BROTHER! This whole thing is FUCKED Santi!”

Santi went for Frankie’s shirt, tearing at the fabric and buttons as Frankie tried to fight him off. There was a scuffle, slaps to faces and arms and chest before his shirt was pulled off him, showing the scars on Frankie’s arms. Scars that matched Santi’s. Neatly in a line, they were scabbed and new, bruising still around the wounds, each an inch or two long. Santiago pressed their arms together.

“Blood brothers, Frank. Blood brothers. You were made for me, I was made for you, you know that, don’t you?”

Frankie winces at the memory, how Santiago laid him down with a knife, cut into their skin together until they bled. On a bed of blood they fucked, sealing their commitment to each other, or that’s what Santi thought the ritual meant. The whole time, Frankie tried to imagine it was Ben.

Santi didn’t let go of his arm, fingers tracing up and down the scarred skin, picking at a scab until it bled. “You’re mine, Frank. Certainly not Madonna’s. She’s here to have our child. And you’re not Ben’s either.”

His eyes went wide at that, going into defense. Deny, deny, deny, or Ben would be dead.

“Santi, no, we’re not- AH!” Santiago ripped the scab, causing blood to spill out.

“Don’t lie to me! I know you fuck him behind my back. Is that why you care so much about Saha? You fucking him too, just like Madonna?”

Bent over in pain holding his arms, Frankie looks up at Santi in anguish, tears in his eyes as he screams. “HE WAS MY FRIEND! HE WAS HERS! FOR FUCK SAKE SANTIAGO NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX!” He stood up straight, speaking strong even as he cried. “He loved Iris! He loved Iris only and Ben killed him! That girl lost her father and now is sobbing because of her lover's dead body!”

Santiago scoffs. “That’s your fucking boy toy, not mine. I don’t control Ben.”

“That’s the problem! You and Beatriz indulged his every whim, Will protected him from any consequence and now he’s a spoiled slut!”

“And what do you think you are? You live in comfort, in excess even, you get fucked by me, Ben, Will, even sliding your cock into Madonna’s little cunt for hours in those meadows because I allow it! You’re just a cockdumb, petulant child who's mad because the world isn’t perfect! You’re no better.”

Frankie locked his jaw, staring hard. “Yes, I am.”

When Santi closed in on him, Frankie braced for impact. Instead, when their bodies were crowded together, Santi simply opened the door. Ben sat there ont he floor, legs pulled up to his chest like a child whose parents were fighting, looking up at the door with wide blue eyes.

“You hear all that, Benny?”

Ben blinked, “Yeah.” He stands up, his long legs wobbly.

“Ben…” Frankie wanted to say he didn’t mean it, they were all fucked… but Rey’s blood still covered him. It was an odd sight on a boy who looked so young and innocent when he really wanted too. Or needed to.

Terror filled him, afraid Santi was going to hurt Benny, and despite just watching him kill a man in cold blood Frankie felt the need to protect him. He looked so much like that young underweight half-frozen boy in Will’s arms so many years ago. What happened to them all?

Instead of harming him, Santi beconned him in the room and kissed him so tenderly, softness Frankie hasn’t seen it since they were teens promising to be different from Beatriz.

Ben made no effort to rebuff. He was taken aback at first of course, this was not the response they were expecting from him. He locked eyes with Frankie as Santi deepened the kiss, and narrows his eyes at his lover. Ben does not take kindly to being insulted. Arms snake around Santi’s middle, Ben grinding his cock against Santi’s stomach, moaning into his mouth. Frankie heard drops of blood drip from his arm into the wood floor. He needed to wrap it up. Instead, Santi told Frankie to get in the chair.

It took everything in Santi to not watch Frankie watching them. To not see his face as he slid inside Ben’s asshole, to not see how much it pissed him off when he made the younger man moan as he sucked on a nipple. He didn’t need to look, however, because he knew, he knew just how badly it was angering Frankie, how it hurt him. Santi fucked Ben the way he knew Frankie liked, slow and tender, lots of kisses. He knew Frankie longed for those soft days so long ago, teenagers sneaking around, falling in love in closets and up in trees. Before Madonna came and fucked everything up.

That’s why they were made for each other. Raised together, brothers, as close and two people could get. From the craddle to the grave, Francisco Morales belonged to him. They were meant to be, their bodies were created by Beatriz to fit together, to bring each other pleasure. Frankie was his eve, the mother, the god of nature and fertility and-WHY COULDNT HE GET PREGNANT?!??!? None of this would have happened if Mother God had allowed them this, if he could fill his lover with his hot seed and create the savior Santiago couldn’t be. They could birth the savior together, Mary and Joseph, Frankie as the Madonna instead of that cunt causing all the problems.

Santi was sure not to harm Ben, opening him up slowly as the boy moaned like a slut with his asshole clenching on Santi’s tongue, fingers poking their way inside in contrast to the way he liked to ram into Frankies cunt.

Ben was so tender, so sensitive, his cockhead beat red and slick with precum as Santi slid his thumb around it. He repeatedly pulled back the skin, making Ben moan in wonton madness. He gave Ben the gentle love making he knew his Frank desired, the kind of soft touches Santi hadn’t been giving lately. No, ever since Madonna came he was ravenous. He didn’t like watching anyone inside Frankie, making exceptions on occasion for Will and Ben because he thought he could trust them.

Despite not being threatened or even ordered to watch, when Santiago turned to the chair he saw Frankie watching. santi knew Frankie liked to be watched, liked to be heard, so he wondered how being put as the watcher affected him. Frankie’s face was set into a hard glare, eyes red and burning with tears and his knuckles going white with clenched fists.

Still, his cock was hard in his pants.

You cried. And cried. And cried.

Hysterics paused only long enough for Will to occasionally get some water in you as he held you close. It had been hours at this point, unsure what is happening to Francisco, what was happening to Iris, what would happen to Rey’s body.

Dead. He was dead. Your best friend was dead, Jonah was dead and Iris hated you. Everything was over now. You hold your stomach, realizing how disconnected you were from this baby in you. At month 7, there was a whole child and yet you felt like… like it was in you, not a part of you. There, not connected. You loved the baby, of course you did, you were its mom but… why didn’t you feel like it? Lately, you’d felt like you were just… here to do a job.

Eventually you calmed down, exhausted from the hysterics, and Will held you close to his chest. He calmed you down slowly, gentle hands brushing over your body. You could not fathom how the hands you’ve felt healing your body were the same as the fist that beat Jonah to death.

“Will?” You ask, listening to the beat of his heart. It was strong.

“Yes, my Madonna?”

“What happens now?” You couldn’t tell if he was pausing to think or in confusion, so you elaborate. “Jonah is dead. Rey is dead. I can never see Santi and Ben the same again-”

He sat up a bit to look at you. “You forgave Santi?”

Was Will really this naive? Really? Santiago had violently raped you, allowed your pregnant body to be burned and Will thought you forgave him? You and your baby could have died, and he thought you forgave him? Will was who you trusted. No matter what happened, you’d always trusted your Will, your smart handsome brave husband, your God of War and Medicine, your protection and your healing.

You can hear Jonah’s voice in your head, begging you to have a shred of survival instinct, to trust your gut.

For the first time, you lie to him.

“I did…” You fib, just a little. “It’s just been a lot lately and… he did something bad. I just can’t forget all of that.”

He nods in understanding. “I get it… I do.” His fingertips trail over your scarred skin. “To answer your question… I don’t know. I really don’t but… we’re married, we all love you and I know, I know Ben messed up today…”

Messed up? Ben killed your Rey, an innocent man. Your friend. Frankie’s friend. Dead and cut up on the kitchen floor where Iris, for all you know, is still sobbing.

You feel the walls coming up around Will.

He continues. “But we’ll find a way to move on as a family.”

You were not a family with these people.

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

Iris fell asleep on the floor, durk curls caking in blood as she rested on her lover's stabbed-open chest. It didn't matter. She wasn’t going to get up.

They won. Those fuckers won.

Santiago had beaten her into submission, cutting up parts of her she’d never had the chance to show Reyansh.

Ben raped her for years and years and year and Iris managed to hold on because she had Reyansh and to a certain extent Jonah. Jonah was disappointing, Jonah’s shortcomings were clear and she would never forgive what he tried to do to that poor girl, whatever it was, but the day he died she lost one more person.

But Iris wouldn’t clean up Reyansh’s blood the way she had to Jonah’s. She’d die here in his arms. If Ben wanted to touch her again, he could fuck her dead, rotting corpse. Iris doubted Ben would let anything as simple as death set her free.

When she woke up, she was being pulled away from Rey’s dead body. Iris screamed, but that didn’t matter to anyone anymore. Another few guards start pulling Rey’s body away, congealed blood dragging out from under him, and that’s when Iris started fighting. They couldn’t take him. They couldn’t have him. He was hers.

“I’m sorry.” The guard behind her said. Scott, a nice, naive young man. Many guards were loyal to Santi above all else, but Will held the most control. Still, Rey was well liked. With the exception of those who were hardcore true believers amongst the guard who knew Santi’s recent turn on Reyansh, Iris had no doubt they were, actually sorry. It didn’t change the fact she was being separated from her lover even in death.

“Just do what he says” Frankie tells Iris, hands planted firmly on her shoulders, eyes intently boring into hers. “He’s gonna fucking kill me for coming down here but Iris, you have to just do it.”

Her eyes burned with tears of anger as she stood near the door to the backyard, underneath the balcony. “What’s happening, Frankie.”

He closed his eyes a moment as he heard the door unlocking. “I can’t lose you too, Iris. Please. I need you with me. I don’t have Jonah, I don’t have Rey-”

“I don’t either!” Iris spat. “What makes you think I want to live after watching that?” It had been hours since she watched her rapist stab her Rey to death, powerless as Frankie held her back. Ben would have killed her too. Should have.

“I need help! I can’t keep her alive alone, Iris! We have to be a team, for each other, for Madonna, for our ch-”

The door opened, Will bringing Madonna down with a guard. You looked awful. He hadn’t seen you since Will took you away, dealing with Santi’s shit… Blood was still on your nightgown.

“Madonna…” Frankie was no longer pleaded with Iris, went to hug his wife. Will instructed the guard not to harm Madonna in the slightest, and Iris appreciated Frankie’s addendum not to hurt her either, but Iris knew she was a second thought.

“Francisco, what’s happening?” Your hands pressed to his chest, looking up at him.

Frankie told you the same thing he told her, to just do as we’re told and it would be okay. Iris had a sick, sick feeling. “Trust me.” He said, hugging her. He looked at Iris. “Please.” Then made his exit with Will. Iris heard crowds outside, and wondered what sick, perverted show Santi was going to make you do now? Would he make you hurt her? That was fine by Iris.

You turned to her, those scared eyes chipping away at the ice in her heart. Iris knew you didn’t mean to get Rey killed, and blaming you for Jonah’s death was unfair and cruel… but she needed to be angry.

“Iris…” You whimper, wet eyes trickling tears down your pretty face. You held your stomach in fear.

When the door opens, you and Iris are quickly ushered out into the courtyard where hundreds of people looked on. Taking in the scene, Iris heard your heavy breathing. What she didn’t need, was you having a panic attack… When she turned to see your horror stricken face, Iris couldn’t help feel that ice melt a little more. Fuck, you were young. 23, just a child. You deserved better. Iris took your hand.

But you were looking past her. “Iris…” You said with wide eyes. Iris turned around.

On the courtyard, Rey’s body was tied to an X on top of a funeral pyre, strung up and limp and lifeless. She felt sick to her stomach, turning up towards where the four wanna be gods sat upon their ivory tower, daring to look upon her love. She couldn’t read their expressions, but watched as someone lit the pyre. Reyansh’s body went up in flames.

Santiago spoke not to them, but to the crowd. “Reyash Saha is guilty of high treason! As is custom, those closest must dance as he burns. Not even the Madonna is above the will of Divine Mother.”

He emphasized those last words, Iris knew, to put you in your place. You weren’t a goddess to him, you weren’t his mommy dearest. You were a womb.

The music started up.

“DAAAANCE!!!!” He screamed down to you both, and as the smell of burnt flesh filled the yard, you began to dance. It was scared, it was erratic, it was for your life and the life of your child. Iris understood that fear. But she wasn’t going to dance. It’s been a while since the last public burning, 2 years, she thinks, but she’d been at plenty, danced in several. This is not how it was done.

Firstly, this was supposed to be execution. You didn’t burn dead bodies. If a traitor was dead already, the close family and friends were questioned but there was no grand show.

If this were a proper burning, there was a ceremony, there were prayers to Divine Mother, chants.

The yard would be filled with everyone the traitor knew. Most of the guardsmen would be here for Reyansh, the house laborers, townsfolk… not just trying to terrifying to women. If the Madonna isn’t above it, Francisco shouldn’t be either.

No, this was just a show for the girl.

“Iris!” You grab onto her. “You need to dance!” Your words were broken and desperte, but Iris shrugged you off. “PLEASE!” You sob, grabbing her hands to force her but Iris shoved you back.

“I WON”T BE MADE TO DANCE AS MY HUSBAND BURNS!”

“But-” You reach for her, but she slaps your hand away. If the guard cared about the abuse of the Madonna, they didn’t care. The music was too loud to hear even shouting.

“Tell me, is there anything in the world that could convince you to dance as Frankie burned?” The image horrified you, but you remained resolute.

“My baby! Please I know you can’t understand but I need you, I can’t lose anyone else- IRIS PLEASE JUST DANCE!” You scream, pulling on her.

Iris grabbed your shoulders, stopping you. “I’m pregnant too.”

You were frozen in stunned silence. “You… Rey…”

But Iris shakes her head. “I never had sex with him. Ben fucked everyone under the sun and I didn’t wanna chance giving him anything… But I told him, I broke down and told him… he’d figured it out.” Iris feels the tears coming, but forces them down. Don’t let them see you cry. Hadn’t she told you that before? “Rey said… said he’d raise it as his own. That he’d take me away and now he’s dead. And those men up there-” She pointed to the balcony. “Are why. I won’t tell you what to do, because you have your own child to think of, you are much further along, but me?” She pointed to her chest covered in Rey’s blood. “I refuse to give them anymore satisfaction. They cannot take my dignity. I won’t let them.”

Santiago watched from the balcony, smug as Madonna started dancing. Jesus she was pathetic. He expected Iris to not dance, giving him a reason to kill the brat finally. Maybe he’d take her for a little spin to see what Benny was so gunho about. But Madonna? Weak little thing like that had been trying to play big girl recently, acting tough, testing her boundaries like a fucking teenager and thinking her status protected her. It didn’t. But look at her now, dancing around as her best and probably only friend burned, just like she did, just like her paintings, just like her dad.

It was amusing watching you try to save Iris. Your empathy was something that he was attracted to. You were sweet, he liked watching you paint. If you had behaved, he could have lived a whole life with you here with him, his Madonna, raising the savior for his roll… But no, you had to have a temper tantrum. You had to whore around as if 4 cocks weren’t enough. And yet, when it came time to really be brave…. You were like a little puppet on a string and he could toy with you as much as he-

What were you doing?

“Santi…” Francisco tried to sooth as Santi’s knuckles turned white, gripping the balcony with a force as the sound of the music swelled around him. You stopped. Iris put her stupid fucking hands on you the way she put her stupid fucking hands on Ben’s body and tainted you. He watched with rage building inside. She was standing too fucking close.

“Will.” Santi barked, not taking his eyes off you two. Will was the most observant. Frankie could be naive and Ben wasn’t paying attention to most things. “Are they fucking?”

He swore he heard Will sigh. “No, Santi. Jesus fucking christ.”

Then they were conspiring against him. The two girls stilled completely. And then they turned around, looking up at him.

Santiago looked right back. They were fucking dead.

Okay!!! were so close to the end! I think it flashback chapter, then the finale might have to be split lololol.

Not a super eventful chapter, but I thought things needed to breathe before the last pieces. Still, I think enough is here to entertain!!

Thank you to everyone who has stuck through all the hiatuses. Ily!!!

If anyone is interested, I just finished my finale of Blessed Be the Fruit which took over a year for a short series. sorry ;-;

anyway its done!

Love you all soooooo much!

If you like Logan Howlett, check out my new series Be Quiet

Poll time!

LOVE YOU ALL!

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intertexts · 10 months ago

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OK OK SINCE U ARE PRETTY FAR INTO PD NOW. I NEED TO ASK. DO U HAVE A FAVORITE CHARACTER. do u have a favorite moment. whos backstory are u the most interested in seeing. what are u excited to learn about the world . I AM PUTTING UR BRAIN UNDER A MICROSCOPE AND DISSECTING IT IVE GOTTA KNOW. what villains are u most afraid of. write me an essay on ur feelings about mark winters. etc etc etc etc WHATEVER U WANNA TALK ABT RN im standing in the middle of a field like a scarecrow and just SCREAMING at the sky

OHHHHHH MAN DUDE LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE A FAVORITE OF ANYONE. FUCKK. GOD.

ok putting all of this under a cut because its so fucking long???

ok ok ok. lets see. they r all so so so good it's impossible 2 choose but also iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii really fucking like dakota dude..... i like him so much. so much. i will admit. i am a massive fucking fan of a character who stays silly. massive fucking fan of the emotional king dedede hammer that comes down when the silly guy drops the silliness. i love it when characters literally r incapable of processing their emotions. gebuinely i don't know what he put in that guy but it is cartoonish the way my neurons light up at him its not quite akechi from p5 levels of FUCKKK YEAH THIS GUY MY FUCKED UP LITTLE GUY!! but it is Getting Close!!!

whose backstory.... fuck. okay. Most interested in wiwi's backstory. of course. i AM really interested in vyncent's whole deal but i feel like his fucked up knife that possesses him (?????????) is slightly more of a specific thing than backstory. and i DO wanna know howww the jrpg protag isekai'd here but also like. consider... wiwi. also i wanna know if im right & ashe/ashes fucked up demon grimoire r responsible for his mom's death. ALSO I WANNA KNOW WHY MARK'S A LIZARD GUY.

FAVORITE MOMENTS SO FAR.... i LOVED the spirit world shit it was all so cinematic it was so lovely. usually im dogshit at like, visualizing descriptions in my head? but all of that was very much oh, yeah for sure, ive seen this cartoon! i know whats happening! that whole episode went hard as fuck. can't believe we got vyncent with a gun ashe going holy shit why am i fucking doing this imgonnadie william having a horrifying crisis over eating a fucking soul & dakota getting murked in one episode. & mal is just. on just. such a different level such a different world from Anything else they've experienced. its so good.

also i still really love the winding-down end of that amalgam island ep (5?) where they r exhausted & coming off so many huge emotions & stress & stuff & tide arrives.... that's really the scene that fucking hooked me i think. going ohhh yeah theyre just fucking kids and everyone at this table Knows theyre kids in a world where people will just fucking kill you. like,, yeah, it WOULD be fucked up if you were seventeen and ran into an island full of horrifying human and animal experimentation & abuse!! and theyre not playing it as a motw adventure where its just sillygoofy? ok. ok!! maybe these guys know where theyre taking it. like i can count on one hand maybe the amount of times ive been like "yeah im sure whatever the creators do will be good they've always done good & thoughtful work. i don't have to continually be delegating brain space to how im dissatisfied with this story." so i guess. i just like the show a lot!!

what am i most interested in about the world... ohhh man i love cape worldbuilding it's maybe like one of my favorite things. so i guess i'm interested in All of It?? in an overall probably-wont-be-answered-because-its-not-that-genre way i'd love 2 know what religion looks like in a world where JESUS IS A TRADEMARKED SUPERHERO & kids can come back from the dead. id love 2 know more ab the dynamic btwn politics & the cape world here thats always interesting? i really enjoy the approach they took 2 the kid heroes in the beginning, as in: these guys are literally still students they are not Supposed to be doing big hero shit. theyre not supposed to be doing teen titans or x-men shit & it is in fact a massive massive fuckup on their guardian's part when they Are in those positions. i'm a big fan of that i like it a lot more than the alternative. (unless yr like in a world like parahumans where there Is a narrative & in-universe reason why child & teen cape teams exist)

what villains am i most afraid of....... ok i kind of feel like being afraid of mal is like, being afraid of hurricanes or something. like sure i can be nervous about him but i can't fucking do anything if he's coming this way. so it's better i think to not think about it until it comes up & then pray. so i guess i AM really concerned about the overlord stuff. i dont know where it's gonna go but i know it'll be nowhere good & i know it'll end up getting people hurt. so.!!!!!!

#ahhghghgbhhgghhh. ok. ok this is it for now i think believe me i COULD write a whole essay on mark winters & my feelings on the Winters #Family Shit. maybe i will do that later today actually. god. really good show i havent felt normal since i started it!!!#pd lb #mac tag!

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joysmercer · 2 years ago

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misc six observations:

the pantages is the most gorgeous theater i’ve ever been in (not that i’ve been in many but u know)

it’s also along the walk of fame and kirsten chenoweth’s star is right by the door (lena horne's is just across the street)

they didn’t advertise my show as accessible but it was open-captioned and asl-interpreted (but it looks like both things were only viewable to ppl seated on the left side)

an old couple next to me were trying to figure out which “chopin composition” the pre-show music was? (they’re all piano covers of pop songs) v confused

the “queen bios” in the playbill list aragon’s interests as “religion, sewing, dancing, and a bit more religion”, boleyn’s says she’s remembered for “headlessness”. parr’s talks about her friendship w mary and that her mom was LIW to some previous wives, but makes no mention of the fact that aragon was her godmother(/namesake) or that she married seymour’s brother

the minute greensleeves started playing, people started cheering. it was so fun

khaila was born to play aragon that's all im saying. literally nonstop applause until the dluh intro

storm's boleyn tiptoed that line between "idk what's going on" and "smart and cunning" so so well

cleves did the ponytail-pull instead of seymour? idk if this is a recent change but it has Interesting implications characterization-wise lmao also it was just funny because olivia had to significantly reach up to get to courtney's hair

speaking of which, both nat and cmack's new wigs look a lot fancier than their old ones somehow

im pretty sure nmp actually started crying during hos (which, even though i've heard her sing it a million times, was every bit as beautiful as i thought it would be)

hoh live is an Experience in the best way, they just looked like they were having the best time bouncing around the stage

the audience member picked for get down was so good/confident olivia cheered for her the entire time instead of doing the "this is my song" bit after shfghjkl

get down is already such a lively song but olivia's version amps it up even more like i was in stitches during the intro and the entire audience was fired up by the end

the k-howard roast didnt get as many laughs as it should've :// i felt so bad for courtney because she delivered those lines flawlessly

and then loud and immediate applause after aywd??? L audience tbh

(also interesting note – the asl interpreter didn’t sign for applause after the song like she did for all the others)

natalie's "I DIED" was every bit as amazing as all the audios. also she basically chased khaila offstage while saying that line sdkf

i think gabriela is my new favorite parr im so obsessed w her take on idnyl and her acting (even in the background) is impeccable

there were some obvious mic issues – both cmack and storm were a bit quieter than everyone else and khaila was way louder; all three of them left the stage at various points for unknown reasons (but there wasn't a show stop and i dont think most people noticed someone missing)

this cast's chemistry was i n s a n e like the little interactions and they way they reacted to each other plus the harmonies…10/10 no notes

speaking of which. there was a really sweet moment toward the end of idnyl ("why should i tell that story?") where aragon puts her hand on howard's knee comfortingly

standing ovation after six!!! idk if this is a regular occurrence but they bowed an extra time because of all the clapping lol

except then people started leaving, so courtney had to start the megasix early and you could barely hear her over the audience

but it was ok cuz people stayed on their feet throughout the megasix too and again the girls took a really long time leaving the stage after bc the cheers kept getting louder!!!

tldr i had the BEST time and if the tickets weren’t so expensive id go again and again <3

#musicals #six the musical #myposts #khaila wilcoxon #storm lever #natalie paris #olivia donalson #courtney mack #gabriela carrillo

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blackdragoness · 2 years ago

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😤 blowin' smoke pt.2 💨

Hey. I'm bDee, the Black Dragoness. Tonight, imma just be blowin' smoke. If you don't know what that means, I'll explain it to ya. I'm aware that it may mean many different things depending on where you're from. But where Im from, this is what it means: Blowin' smoke is slang for letting out air. As a dragon, I inhale and I exhale smoke. It's part of my anatomy. It's a saying where I'm from which means to say, "Let me talk my shit real quick, unfiltered and unapologetically." Air is symbolic to us for communication. Sometimes there's a need to just release air. Similar to passing gas. If you hold a fart in too long, your stomach starts to hurt. Releasing that air will make your stomach feel much better but it will also smell like shit to everybody else. That's kind of what "blowing smoke" means. I'm just talking shit. Y'all may not fancy it's fragrance but it sure does feel good to say it out loud. So that's what imma do right now. Imma just blow smoke. Don't be attached to my words. I'm just flowing.

You know, I'm not religious. I believe in God but I don't believe in these organized churches. For me personally, as a dragon, that whole church stuff isn't really my jazz but I respect that it is for most humans.

But, to be able to understand that realm more and the people in it, I dove deep into religion. Not all of them. But quite a few. There's some truth to it. And other stuff I think is bullshit. But that's a topic for another day.

Anyways, the religion I'm gonna dabble in today is Christianity. Like all religions, Christianity also has their own stories. One of the stories we are going to talk about is the Parable of the Talents. Y'all can correct me if I'm wrong, but basically there's 3 dudes having a conversation with their master, right. I guess the master is heading out of town and entrusted his property and estate to these 3 dudes. The property is worth 8 talents, and one talent is worth a significant amount of money. So he splits these 8 talents amongst these 3 dudes based off of their workmanship. The first dude gets 5 talents, the second dude gets 2 talents and the last dude gets 1 talent. Then the master leaves. After a long period of time being away, the master returns and asks for an account of the talents he gave them. The first two replied saying they put their talents to work and doubled the value of the talents he gave them. The last dude who only had one talent, said he buried his talent and hid it in fear that he would lose it all. The master then punishes the last dude because he did nothing with what he was given.

Now why is this story so significant?

For many reasons, obviously. You can pick this story apart and come up with many different conclusions. For me personally, it stands out to me because us dragons, we struggle with pride and ego. To be honest, a lot of things come to us naturally. Opportunities, gifts, skills, talents, etc. You name it, and we've already got it, done it, experienced it, mastered it.....you get the point. So it's easy for us to sit on the skills and talents that we have and become complacent. However, when we do decide to utilize them, its almost as if magic has been restored back on this earth.

You know, my ancestors tell of a time when magic was prevalent in this world. Humans, fairies, dragons, warlocks, goblins, and all fanatical creatures alike used to coexist in peace. But since the magic has been taken, a lot of us remain in hiding.

How do we restore magic?

We start utilizing the gifts and talents that make us unique and start CREATING again. What can you CREATE with the talents and skills you have that can be used for the greatest good of all? Let your imagination go wild and watch the magic happen.

There's a caution for pride and ego once you've reached this stage. Pride and ego are the killers of magic. There will be a point where you will be persuaded to think that what you create needs to reach the masses. But remember, your creation will reach who it is meant to reach. Fame is not why we've been given talents. Although fame can be obtained through your talents, it shouldn't be your main focus. Once you've master and created something (or many things) with one talent, move on to the next talent and so on and so forth.

The more we create, the more magic we bring back into this world.

But heck, what do I know.

Cuz at the end of the day,

I'm just blowing smoke 😤

#art #astro community #astro notes #astrology #intuitive readings #pac reading #pick a card reading #pick a pile #tarot community #zodiac #pick a card #spiritual message #spirituality #spiritualjourney #philosophy #thoughts #deep thinking #psycology

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mithliya · 2 years ago

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Hi Mena. This is gonna be long. I'm an 18 year old girl and it's been a year since I'm utterly unable to study. I've dedicated my childhood and most of my teen years to studying mostly, to the point where I barely leave the house for any other reason than to go to class and school. My elementary school was especially vicious even though there was no need for me to spend most of my childhood studying to the point where my homework wouldn't end even at night. I was insanely stressed because the amount of homework they gave us was so much that I'd call my friend 6, and yes 6 times a day to make sure I haven't missed any homework. Teachers at elementary would usually take advantage of the quiet students' lack of self confidence and unconditional politeness to be absolutely vile to me and quiet students like me. They'd legit passive aggressively or aggressively lecture me for an hour for something I had no part in and was done by my other, more confident and vocal classmates who'd clap back at the teacher if lectured. Once one of them beat me and my friend up for using the restroom at the same time. No we didn't goof around. We just used the restroom and came back...and she gave us the permission for it!! Students were vicious to each other and even more vicious to me as I couldn't stand up for myself. That's my fault, but anyways. I do not know if I should blame the teachers, but some of them visibly self harmed in our presence and now that I'm older, I realize they had sadistic tendencies too. But I don't think that's their fault. I hope they're doing better now.

Fast forward to high school, the homework was still too much, still had shitty classmates, but at least they didn't attempt to murder me twice. But teachers were excellent! They didn't try to bond with us or have heart to heart talk with us about anything. Didn't try to act like we're their children. Didn't pretend to care about us. Didn't do "tough love" or whatever the fuck that means; they just didn't let anyone disrespect them and that's it. Didn't act like they owed us anything other than teaching. Didnt try to teach about morality or religion. They'd teach, help us with our academic problems, and then just leave. It might sound bad, but I don't care. I loved my teachers for being teachers, for being good at their jobs, not more or less. I'm still in contact with some of them and they are absolutely awesome. I told about my experiences in elementary school to my classmates and they told me to stop midway because it upset them. That was when I understood what I experienced wasn't normal.

In Corona, our online education was basically torture as it lagged 13 times per session, so I had to study on my own. Now the school is finished. I haven't had legitimate education for I suppose two years now, and I'm actually privileged to not be one of the girls in villages who can't and couldn't afford the technology to be connected to the exams at the very least, and had to give up on education. My heart absolutely goes for them, but I'm powerless.

But still. I'm struggling, and I'm tired of hiding it. Being a student was most of my identity. It was and is more important to me than being the daughter of my family, or being a sister to my little sibling. That was my most important identity. Please tell me how I can go back to studying the way I did? Im overwhelmed by bad memories when I try to study and I struggle to breath. I can't stand the sight of books anymore, and I'm being shamed and called lazy for it. I can't enjoy the subjects I used to enjoy. I didn't sacrifice everything that I did to be a jobless woman who will have to rely on a culum who will legally have the right to my body and more than half of my life choices under the law. Actually, my father, despite being very misogynistic on a lot of instances, cared about me enough to have a heart to heart with me and tell me what's up, instead of trying to marry me off and tell me it's safe to rely on men. He was honest with me, he told me as it is, and his biggest fear is me relying on my potential SO, and I'm privileged for it.

Now...how do I get back to studying? Do you have any suggestions? I can't bring up my issues anymore because it's used against me to justify barring women from education, while boys can unashamedly drone about their struggles with school.

your reaction to studying honestly sounds a lot like your former experiences with education deeply traumatised you. bad associations, what sounds like panic attacks, being flooded with negative memories… that’s either trauma or anxiety rooted in trauma. if seeking a therapist to help break these associations and instead associate positive things with studying is not a possibility for you, then i guess you’d have to break that association yourself. the way i’d suggest doing that is to break it down to very small steps. if you can’t stand the smell of books, would you be able to stand the smell of certain books or some papers or sth else? or perhaps have books around you (the kind u can smell) & do something positive & that u enjoy while smelling the scent of the books. this’ll at least help you not associate the smell of books with something deeply negative. the same can be said for other aspects, like if studying itself is automatically associated with negative memories for u is it possible to perhaps break down studying into very small sections, ensure you do it in a happy + safe environment and reward yourself before, after, & in between the study session? while doing these things, it also helps to write yourself notes about how it felt, if negative think of how you could think of the situation differently or feel better about the situation. if positive, make note of that too bc it’s good to show urself that its nothing too bad nor out of reach. basically i’m suggesting that u try to condition urself into associating studying with positive things rather than the very negative experiences you’ve had. it’s hard to do it on ur own, but it’s possible. trying to be consistent with this pattern and with the positive things you make the situation better with can help. besides that, practicing mindfulness around it can help. for example just dedicating some time to focusing on a book (look at it, hear the sounds it produces when u flip it and such, smell it, feel it… can’t taste it for obv reasons). while that sounds boring & dumb it can perhaps make u also associate book smells less with negative things.

those are the tips i’ve got off the top of my head but honestly it’s probably easier to find a therapist who perhaps specialises in therapy against phobias (such as exposure therapy) bc they generally can figure out how to break it down into smaller steps (better than i can at least dhdhshs). if thats possible id advise that above u trying to do it alone (requires a lot of discipline which i personally do not have & strength too). idk if that helps and i cant think of any other tips so if anyone has better advice.. pls feel free to help here 😭

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a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire · 1 year ago

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i actually always have weird dreams about whatever media im stupidly obsessed with and that acosf dream reminded of this one that i had that was actually so weird that it momentarily snapped me out of my obsession

so im a big fan of elisabth: das musical which is a musical about empress elisabeth of austria, idk how familiar your average presumably american tumblrperson is with her but shes a big cultural icon in germany and austria so obviously they made a musical about her. but whatever, all you really need to know for the sake of this post is that elisabeth has a son called rudolf and theres a gnc af personification of death/everyones suicidal thoughts kickin around. Death is my favorite character bc if im weirdly obsessed with him and him only thats technically not rpf, and then rudolf is my favorite non-death character even though he only gets 3 songs and a dance number during which he kills himself. and basically the main reason for that is that hes got a lot of homoerotic tension w/ death because death is a romqntic character and he has suicidal thoughts so obviously theres a spark there. Thats not actually relevant to my dream i just needed to tell you bc anytime someone talks about this musical i feel like theyre like "oh its about this woman having a romance with the hot and sexy grim reaper" "oh the emperor of austria gets cucked by a guy who looks like THIS" and thats all true but also, idk man go on youtube and type in mayerling walzer and watch some of the videos and tell me what you think, content warning for suicide, guns and gay shit

anyway, so the dream that I had was a tv show, i wasnt like watching it, i did bot exist in that dream my mind was basically a streaming service. Its a full episode of a cw/abc family type show, for some reason i get once upon a time vibes from it even though ive never watched that show, but i only remember the very end, all I remember about the rest of the episode was that it was rudolf (whos the pov character btw i havent mentioned that yet) going around a bunch of places trying to solve some kind of mystery. And the very last place he ended up at the end of the episode was in front of my catholic elementary school, catholic in the sense that it was right next to a catholic church and was named after that church i dont think we learned much more about religion than your average "secular" elementary school. Now, the school was a little bit behind the church and between the two buildings theres this gap where the ground is all cobblestone and theres a fountain that doesnt work and some bushes and benches and irl theres a busstop there with one of those electrical signs, but since this dream took place in the 1880s there wasnt a busstop yet. so rudolf comes to this kind of inbetween space and goes up to this big person-sized copper jesus statue (which is accurate to real life btw) and Im sure this is meant to be some heavy-handed symbolism or visual metaphor or something but unfortunately i dont have the context of this tv show that my brain made up so i cant be sure. he stands there for a while, not really doing anything until an older woman suddenly approaches him. And that woman? queen victoria. yknow, like victorian england. whatever, shes like the catty woman antagonist of this show and she and rudolf have this really vague and passive agressive confrontation, i dont remember anything they said, just that it was passive aggressive bc thats how royals b like i guess. But somehow through the vague bullshit theyre saying the audience finds out aboutvthe big shocking end-of-episode twist: rudolf is not elisabeths child, hes actually victorias child. They did a baby switcheroo. for some reason. and then it CUTS TO BLACK

And I wake up and im like "huh. maybe i should stop thinking about that musical so much"

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witnessme-shinyandchrome · 1 year ago

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Letters about my mom #2

My mom has recently seperated from her husband, and moved in with my brother and I. Which, good, because I hated his guts. Bad because i cannot stand her about 50% of the time. Drinking the christian right wing koolaid.

She likes to act like her conversion to christianity was 'recent' and that she hated religion before. but shes always believed in the same conservative and patriarchal drivel. Our most recent arguement was about some bullshit she saw on the news.

She claimed that there was sex books in schools, specifically middle schools and kindergartens. To which i responded, 'yeah right, thats not real.' so she pulled up a bunch of fox news clips.

I watched them, googled, and responded, 'one, all the books mentioned are in a high school, and two, theyre only objecting to the gay ones.'

I remember the kinds of books i got from the school library. Some of them had graphic scenes in them. But no one gave a shit because it was a guy and a girl. but two boys!?!? holy shit call the cops, avert your virgin christian eyes!

then she pulled up a different book. One that was about sex ed, and wasnt written in the most clinical sterile way possible. One that said, 'hey kids, if you sext someone, make sure not to put your face in it!'

'And?' I said, 'kids are gonna do stupid shit.'

'They shouldnt be telling kids to sext!', she cried. 'Why cant they be taught abstinence, like i was!'

'they are taught abstinence, thats the problem.'

'It doesnt matter! We'll just agree to disagree.'

'But it does matter'

'no', she said. 'Im not going to change my mind ever. No matter what you say.'

And i think back. the the 2016 election. Where i pulled up articles to show her what kind of person Donald Trump really was, outside of fox news. She stopped me, 'I dont care what you show me. im not changing.'

'So youre just going to ignore all this, and bury your head in the sand? You dont even know his political standings!'

'Nope, and i dont care. Im going to vote republican just like always.'

Some days i hate her. Other days, she drives me to work because i cant drive. and pays for my food. how can i stand being around her. she argues with me til she starts getting flustered and forceably ends the conversation. but when i get upset, she can just steamroll me until she's satisfied.

when does it end. when i lose my shit and scream at her? I want to disappear. leave, move away. never speak to her again. i cant afford it. i cant drive. but it occupies my mind. If only i could just leave. If only i could tell her to shut up. If only i could tell her every little thing i despise about her. if only.

do i slowly distance myself. slowly stop telling her about my day. about what i feel about things. stop offering my opinions. I feel my restraint failing me.

#anti religion #politics #letters about my mom

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cugzarui · 9 months ago

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ok reading your entire essay now. skipped a lot of it before because it sounded like you were pretty much just repeating the same sentiment and not adding anything i needed to read to know what you're talking about. i'm writing some notes as i read

also, i know we're arguing but i do want to apologize for the really really long reply. if it sounds like im repeating myself at any point or taking too long to make a point feel free to skip ahead a little i'm just trying to be thorough.

first off. something i've said a couple times already and will repeat again. while steven universe has religious influences, they are not specifically christian. it also has a lot of eastern influences, because rebeca sugar is a big fan of anime and put a lot of its tropes into her work. these tropes are heavily influenced by eastern religions like buddhism. so by extension, so is steven universe. do you remember to account for that?

did you consider that maybe, steven universe is not in fact attacking christian beliefs? and that this interpretation is more a product of your preexisting views and attitudes rather than the show's actual substance?

when humans come along and do what we’ve always done since the fall, and say, “I’d rather define what Your thing is and how it works for myself, God,” it’s not only an incredible slap in the face, it’s an attack on God’s actual identity

is that actually something humans do? or are we just recognizing that what some people say god made us for does not actually line up with what he did make us for? even if we only talk about christianity there are a lot of different groups and interpretations of the bible. and if we include other religions it becomes even less clear what god wants from us. don't you think he would give us the ability to figure things out for ourselves? or rather, that he would guide us throughout life, possibly in ways that contradict what other humans tell us is right and wrong. because he knows better than them and speaks to us directly.

Like a fish insisting it can breathe oxygen

fun fact. some fish do that. you can look it up online. honestly not the craziest thing nature has.

LGBTQ+ worldview says, “I should get to love what I want and be who I am, because I’m me. Love is love. (By which I mean, any action or relationship I choose to call love is love, because I’m the one calling it that.)”

another and better way to phrase this is that love is different for different people. and you can't know what someone's love is like because you arnt a mind reader. you can only see what they do and listen to them and try to figure it out. do you even know that we feel the same emotions? or see the same colors? what if my 'blue' is the same as your 'red' but neither of us knows cuz we can never truly experience each others point of view?

No, wait, you shouldn’t base your decisions on you alone; what you want changes day to day

we don't. it's pretty common for lgbtq+ people to only figure out they are lgbtq+ after a long time of going through life and learning about different gender identities. a lot of them try to be straight and cis. a lot of them do listen to people like you and even believe the same things you do. but they also listen to people who believe in other things than you. and eventually a lot of them decide, yea i'm lgbtq+, not everyone is but i sure am. it's not a casual conclusion formed just by your own judgment.

also, what's wrong with changing your life as your desires change?

and you’re broken

this and the entire segment following this is a big red flag. others have already said why a lot better than i could.

See, the whole thing with the opposing views between LGBTQ+ and Christian people is as old as time

first off, no actually. at the very least you gotta know they were super fine with men fucking other men in ancient rome where christianity was big right?

second, a long standing disagreement/animosity between two groups is also a red flag. in this situation it's likely the actions of each group end up reinforcing the other. which stabilizes the whole situation. it's not about who's right or wrong as much as it's about certain ideas staying in people's heads. this happens even without anyone trying to cause it because it's just a stable situation that's simple enough to just form on its own.

He lied and said that disobedience would satisfy her. That she knew what her own heart needed better than the God that made it did. That the very act of being imperfect would make her godlike.

this may be my lack of familiarity with religion biting me in the butt but i'm pretty sure "being imperfect would make you godlike so eat this apple" isn't in the bible. i'm pretty sure he just tempts her with the promise of being like god. which, tbf, he kinda delivers on actually as the apple grants her knowledge of right and wrong just like god has. the snake tricked her by getting her to neglect thinking of the other consequences. which, again, tbf, she wasn't able to consider right and wrong at the time so how would she consider them? also god made everything and knows everything so if he didn't want this to happen he could've stopped it (as many have pointed out before me) so maybe eve eating the apple was also just a part of his plan?

if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hotdogs

…well. this isn't a bad fit in your essay. but it kinda took me out.

And has a cast of created being

gems being created doesn't actually have to be a religious analogy at all. it definitely can be, but there are several ways to interpret the show. you can interpret how gems are made to be analogous to creating adam and eve out of dirt, or you can interpret it as being analogous to a technologically superior culture abusing the environment to grow itself. a process that oftenly involves extracting resources from the ground and building tools with them. gems arnt just the people of gem society, they are also tools. more so tools in fact, as that society views them (even if that view is wrong). i think abuse of the environment and destruction of "lesser" beings (organic life) are the themes relevant to that part of the show.

the bible doesn't have god destroy life to create it as far as i know.

characters who’s imperfections (Garnet’s forbidden “love,” Pearl’s obsession, Amethyst’s insecurity) are supposedly “the best thing about them; what makes them who they are.”

again i think you got the wrong themes. these are people who were supposed to fit their assigned roles and couldn't. and they're allowed to be happy and have a place regardless. i think a being who's literally love would understand that.

i will also note that a lot of gems do still choose to occupy roles related to their assigned purpose. just not the same as that purpose. again, this fits into white diamond thinking she's better than she actually is. she isn't god. but she sure acts like she is. you might call it hubris. this is also not a trope unique to steven universe. i don't remember any specific examples off the top of my head but "maniacle character who thinks they know best and can do whatever" was already an established trope before the show.

And has a main character who used to be a part of the god-like creator relationship, but used her power to come down to earth and completely change who she is into a fully different person.

this post is already way too long i'm not diving into a rose analysis other people have already done better than i could. in short: she saw that gems were killing life to make more of themselves and thought hey that's like really fucked up. how about not.

also if she's god she has a right to be whatever she wants

next paragraph is actually a valid point in the anti-god argument. again, there's other ways to interpret it like being a power that represents just psychological manipulation and being overly controlling

(can you tell i'm trying to finish the post faster?)

And has a main character who argues, fights back, tries to stop her, and is answered with lines that sound surprisingly like what LGBTQ+ people hear when Christians argue with them: “you’re only making things worse; you’re just deceiving yourself; even while you resist it your actual light can’t help shining through,” etc.

probably because rebeca sugar the other writers are lgbtq+ and creators put their experiences into their work? people could've very well said those exact lines to the people who wrote the show. again white diamond isn't being represented as god but as someone who acts like she's god (or possibly someone who thinks they speak for god when they don't).

White Diamond just wants everything to be perfect. Like her. She just wants her created beings to “be themselves.” But what she means is, be how she created them to be.

we don't actually know what she wants. we don't get to explore her character much. she is definitely invested in keeping gem society as it was in the first era. she wants pink diamond back. we can reasonably assume the latter is because she genuinely misses pink diamond. the former though is never properly explored. we don't know why she wants gem society to be this way. it's just presented as a given that she does.

God is not a dictator who forces us to conform to a standard of perfection and then smashes us when we don’t meet it

but the people who claim (and possibly believe) they are carrying gods will can often be like that

there was never “Choose God or Choose Yourself.” There was only, “Choose God or Choose Nothing.”

not a real choice. and again, eve couldn't tell right from wrong before eating the apple so she wouldn't be able to make an informed choice to begin with.

White Diamond didn’t make her creations perfect (Amethyst) and she didn’t make them for love. She made them for power. That’s not the God of the Bible

you are SO CLOSE to realizing that she isn't portrayed as a god figure but just as someone who tries to act like god.

this part of christianity has already been criticized to death and by people far more eloquent than i.

OR we can just keep stubbornly insisting that our slavery to the opposite of what God wants is somehow freedom

this part too.

broken creatures who lived their whole lives stomping their feet and screaming “I’m not a creature, I’m a god!

pretty sure people are stomping and screaming over not having human rights actually. like people want to live in a way that's not extremely unpleasant to them. and if anything you should take their dedication to their identity despite opposition as a sign that this is really fucking important to them and they'll be unjustifiably inconvenienced if this part of them isn't respected and understood.

Rebecca Sugar doesn’t know the God of the Bible. She just knows her idea of Him

maybe that's because she isn't christian

This is very pretty animation but it’s not real. Steven looks happy hugging Steven but self-love doesn’t ultimately get you that

are you speaking from personal experience or?…

also kids been through a lot cut him some slack. he almost died and basically had his soul ripped in two earlier that scene. i'd cry too if that happened to me.

(and about that self-love. um…we HAVE watched the same show right? this is when steven first ever gets real tangible irrefutable proof that he isn't his own mom. a question that has been literally haunting him for years at this point. and involved a huge amount of other trauma specifically because of people weren't sure if he is or isn't rose)

That’s all based on the premise that what he’s encouraging them to do is actually good, and will make them happy, and will help them love better. And it just won’t. Not in real life. That’s not how any of this works. Self-love is just self-obsession. And that is a sure-fire way to hurt you, and everyone around you

there is a difference between self obsession and being cool with who you are. also, a lot of (most) the harm that happens to humans in real life is caused either by bad luck or other humans. not by self obsession. if people say you have to be some way that you hate, and they're awful to you when you're not, that's gonna make you suffer.

And choosing to identify with your imperfections doesn’t make you uniquely you. It just makes you exactly like every other human being marching in the same line since the Fall

suppressing your "imperfections" and trying to correct them is also identifying with them. it's just a negative identification rather than a positive one. and it's one that's less visible to others i suppose.

White Diamond’s not relational. She’s up high and distant. That’s not God.

you. are. SO. CLOSE.

as for your newest reply:

i did actually consider the sum of steven universes parts. you are the one who seems to focus on the elements that support the anti-god interpretation while neglecting the parts that go against it. i brought up some individual elements as examples of things in the show that contradict your interpretation. or at least of things that bring it into question.

“At least it's not ferociously attacking God quite as directly as Steven Universe did…”

Not that I’m surprised by this statement, but can you elaborate on this? Kinda intrigued by your thoughts on Steven Universe.

Okie dokie, you’re not the only one who has asked me about this, so I suppose I’ll poke the hornet’s nest. 😅 I haven’t talked about this before because I assumed that everyone who wanted to hear my kinds of opinions on stories wasn’t watching or interested in Steven Universe.

It’s like asking vegetarian if they enjoyed a turkey dinner. The turkey dinner was so obviously not made for vegetarians to enjoy, so why would the vegetarian even bother analyzing the turkey?

But I think if some people are asking me why I think Steven Universe is anti-God (of the Bible) its because maybe they don’t know what the turkey is. Not completely. (Maybe not you, because like you said, you’re not surprised by my comment.) So I’ll explain my thoughts on Steven Universe.

If you’re just following me because you liked some stuff I posted, but didn’t realize that I’m a Bible-believing Christian and don’t want to hear about it, unfollow me now. Because I’m going to talk about some hot button issues here and the trolls will come out.

Steven Universe is really well-done. The jokes are funny, the writing is believable, the characters have great chemistry, great design, the concept is fascinating, the slow build-up and reveal of the plot elements is great. But when you watch the throne room scene in the last episode of Season 5 “Change Your Mind,” it’s alarmingly clear how much the whole show is not just settling for defending and championing the LGBTQ+ worldview—it goes all the way to attacking what Christians believe, on the other side.

Anything that’s pro-LGBTQ+ is doing that by default, but this show goes out of its way to do that.

You have to understand: God created and designed us. Deeper than that; He created and designed romantic relationships, and invented marriage. He didn’t just create love—He is love. So when humans come along and do what we’ve always done since the fall, and say, “I’d rather define what Your thing is and how it works for myself, God,” it’s not only an incredible slap in the face, it’s an attack on God’s actual identity—and it’s destructive for us and the people around us. Like a fish insisting it can breathe oxygen.

But Steven Universe goes beyond that. It knows that the Christian worldview is it’s biggest opposition. It digs right down to the heart of the worldview-battle. LGBTQ+ worldview says, “I should get to love what I want and be who I am, because I’m me. Love is love. (By which I mean, any action or relationship I choose to call love is love, because I’m the one calling it that.)”

Biblical worldview says “No, wait, you shouldn’t base your decisions on you alone; what you want changes day to day, and you’re broken, so you can’t ever be satisfied based on what you want—the Bible says God made you for something, and you rejected that, and it broke you. You’re not how you’re meant to be: even what you want and what you think love is is twisted up and can hurt you and others. But if you submit to God He’ll help you, He’ll fix what’s broken and give you new life by making you how you were supposed to be: He’ll live in you and through you.”

Are we beginning to get the picture?

See, the whole thing with the opposing views between LGBTQ+ and Christian people is as old as time. It’s not a new debate. It’s Satan and Eve in the garden. She says, “This is not how God said things should be,” and Satan says, “Are you sure that’s what He said? He knows if you do this thing, you’ll be like Him. You’ll be god: you’ll get to decide ‘how things should be’ for yourself.”

He lied and said that disobedience would satisfy her. That she knew what her own heart needed better than the God that made it did. That the very act of being imperfect would make her godlike.

And then Steven Universe comes along and says “if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hotdogs.”

And has a cast of created being characters who’s imperfections (Garnet’s forbidden “love,” Pearl’s obsession, Amethyst’s insecurity) are supposedly “the best thing about them; what makes them who they are.”

And has a main character who used to be a part of the god-like creator relationship, but used her power to come down to earth and completely change who she is into a fully different person.

And has a godlike Creator character who claims she “doesn’t need” her created beings (just like the God of the Bible) but they all have a little part of their creator in them so she has to repress their imperfections; she holds them all to a standard that’s impossible to reach called “perfection” and punishes them when they don’t meet it even though it hurts them to try; she expects them all to do what they were created by her for; she fixes them when they can’t meet her standard by shining her light through them and making them extensions of their Creator.

White Diamond just wants everything to be perfect. Like her. She just wants her created beings to “be themselves.” But what she means is, be how she created them to be.

And she’s the bad guy. She’s playing God in this show, and Rebecca Sugar is saying, “If God is telling us that can only be happy by being perfect, as He is perfect, and doing what He created us to do, then He’s wrong. Our imperfections are what make us special—unique—individuals—free—and there is nobody who has the right to take that freedom away from us, not even out creator!”

And you know what?

If God were like White Diamond, like Rebecca Sugar believes Him to be, Steven Universe would be right.

But He is NOT.

God is not a dictator who forces us to conform to a standard of perfection and then smashes us when we don’t meet it. He is a King who made us perfect to begin with, and we rejected him, because He allowed us to do that. He knew that true love was love that had to be chosen, and He wanted us to love Him by choice, so he gave us the option. But Rebecca Sugar doesn’t understand—there was never “Choose God or Choose Yourself.” There was only, “Choose God or Choose Nothing.” There was nothing except God. Then He created everything. There is no version of reality where you have something better than God, or even slightly less good but different, to pick. You’re not jumping from one ship into a smaller one, but at least it’s yours—you’re jumping from one ship into a void, and then complaining that there’s no other ship. That’s humans. That’s not God. / White Diamond didn’t make her creations perfect (Amethyst) and she didn’t make them for love. She made them for power. That’s not the God of the Bible.

Even when we did choose to try and love ourselves instead of God, and therefore warped our ability to perfectly love at all, He didn’t smash us. True, everything fell and was cursed, which is exactly what He warned us would happen if we chose it, but it was a natural consequence of breaking ourselves. And then He didn’t leave us that way. He didn’t give up on us. And He certainly didn’t just zap us, snap His fingers, quick-fix it and turn us all into robots who are extensions of Him, who say they love Him but only because it’s His voice puppeting us to say it.

No. He came to us, chose to give up His life at the exact point on the timeline when Romans, masters in the art of slow, humiliating, torturous death, would be the ones to carry out His crucifixion, and saved us Himself. Through the sacrifice of His own life. And even then, we still have a choice. We get to choose to accept that incredible self-sacrifice when we don’t deserve it, and be given new life and a relationship with the Creator who knows us and loves us better than we can love ourselves or receive love from others—OR we can just keep stubbornly insisting that our slavery to the opposite of what God wants is somehow freedom, and our twisted versions of love are genuine, and we’re not broken, and die like that. Die broken creatures who lived their whole lives stomping their feet and screaming “I’m not a creature, I’m a god!”

White Diamond sacrifices nothing, because Rebecca Sugar doesn’t know the God of the Bible. She just knows her idea of Him. She’s never actually gotten to know Him. If she had, she’d learn how silly and twisted her idea is.

Because you know what, yeah, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. But people aren’t pork chops. And hot dogs have flavor (not better than pork chops) but they are awful for you.

Christians aren’t perfect cuts of meat with no individuality or flavor. Just because we all know and love the same God doesn’t mean we have no personalities. It just means we don’t think so freaking much about what we are, or who we get to be, or what we like and want. Jeez, what a self-centered, narcissistic, self-obsessed way to live. She plays Steven like he’s this wonder-child, innocent and full of heart, who encourages his friends to love and keep trying. But honestly?

This is very pretty animation but it’s not real. Steven looks happy hugging Steven but self-love doesn’t ultimately get you that.

You’ll never be free by choosing to run to a worse master. You’ll never be satisfied with your crappy attempts at loving yourself, because you were made to be loved flawlessly and forever by someone who is Love Himself.

And choosing to identify with your imperfections doesn’t make you uniquely you. It just makes you exactly like every other human being marching in the same line since the Fall.

White Diamond’s not relational. She’s up high and distant. That’s not God. He made you to be in relationship with Him. He loves you, totally and perfectly, and He proved it by sacrificing for You.

So yeah. That’s the problem with Steven Universe. Come get me, SU fans.

#very long post #long post #cugzarui reply #steven universe #christianity #su

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spirits-child · 3 years ago

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On prayers in hellenism

(feel free to correct me if i made a mistake)

Literally yesterday I was talking to one of my best friends about her relationships and said “i must admit when you dated x i prayed day and night for you to find a better man, im not a prayer person tbh”.

And that little dumb comment ended up here. I thought to myself why was I in fact not a prayer person and why and how did I pray in certain cases such as when running or asking Aphrodite for my friend to find a better guy.

So here you go, a crash course on prayers but specifically in hellenism.

If it’s not obvious, each way of worshipping is different and if you don’t agree with something I say just don’t do it? Paganism in general is a very personal and free religion, so do whatever you think it’s the right way (be careful too pls).

Let’s start with what troubled me the most, the posture. Did I have to kneel? Sit? WHAT?! Well here you go:

When praying to ouranic Gods or heavenly Gods, one should stand with hands in the air and palms facing upward (Burkert 1985, 75).

When praying to chthonic Gods or underworld Gods, as well as the deceased, hands mustn’t be raised, and the prayer should be murmured (Burkert 1985, 75).

When praying to einalic Gods or Gods of the sea, as well as Nymphs and spirits of the earth, arms must be spread wide towards the sea; the hands “are also stretched towards the cult image” (Burkert 1985, 75).

(Here you can find which are some of the ouraic, chtonic and einalic gods)

Position ready, now you should try to purify yourself through washing your hands, taking a shower, etc. (Miasma, this is all miasma go research kiddos). Why? WHY?! Well, Imagine someone comes to you all dirty and smelly asking for help... no fun right.

Let’s assume you already are clean, get an offering to offer the gods and let’s start.

Okay okay now, what do we say when we start a prayer? Do we say “Hey pal how you doing bro” (be kind enough to add the generic frat boy voice when reading)? The answer is obviously not but what should we say... I assume you have already decided who are you praying too, so we name/invoke the deity we are asking help/giving our gratitude too, most of the times this starts with a “Hear, O (deity) + (epithets you might think are pertinent for this specific prayer, optional)”. Not always though, I’ll be furthermore breaking down two prayers from the Iliad on this steps to make it even more clear. This comparison can be found below.

Done that? We can proceed to basically give an “argument” on why you, from all people, should be blessed with their help. This is not for to guilt trip the deity okay, this is to bring up the beautiful relationship you have with them, it’s basically a reminder of “Hey, I’m serious about our deity x worshipper relationship, this is no joke”.

Now ofc we have to say why are we praying for. Wealth? Love? Want to pass your exams? (I sure do). Please don’t ask for an unicorn, ask for something the gods can give you such as protection, a blessing, good luck at an exam: be creative but not too creative.

Now that they are hopefully giving you what you’re asking for, we give back freely not because we want to force them to give us what we want. Basically the quote “I give so that you may give.” This can be considered as a “promise” on doing something like “I will practice violin daily for you” or “I will burn a candle for you”. You have your own practices so go with them.

Comparison among two prayers

Now that we got this, you may ask yourself “Where the hell is Roy taking all this info from?”. So I’ll just analyze prayers for you so you can see the clear structure used by Greek Writers. Here we go through comparing two prayers from the best book on Earth, the Iliad:

[446] So saying he placed her in his arms, and he joyfully took his dear child; but they made haste to set in array for the god the holy hecatomb around the well-built altar, and then they washed their hands and took up the barley grains. Then Chryses lifted up his hands, and prayed aloud for them: "Hear me, god of the silver bow, who stands over Chryse and holy Cilla, and rules mightily over Tenedos. As before you heard me when I prayed—to me you did honour, and mightily smote the host of the Achaeans—even so now fulfill me this my desire: ward off now from the Danaans the loathly pestilence."

The Iliad Book 1 446-457

[220] to war in the forefront of the Myrmidons. But Achilles went into his hut, and opened the lid of a chest, fair and richly-dight, that silver-footed Thetis had set on his ship for him to carry with him, whem she had filled it well with tunics, and cloaks to keep off the wind, and woollen rugs. [225] Therein had he a fair-fashioned cup, wherefrom neither was any other man wont to drink the flaming wine, nor was he wont to pour drink offerings to any other of the gods save only to father Zeus. This cup he then took from the chest and cleansed it first with sulphur, and thereafter washed it in fair streams of water; [230] and himself he washed his hands, and drew flaming wine. Then he made prayer, standing in the midst of the court, and poured forth the wine, looking up to heaven; and not unmarked was he of Zeus, that hurleth the thunderbolt:“Zeus, thou king, Dodonaean, Pelasgian, thou that dwellest afar, ruling over wintry Dodona,—and about thee dwell the Selli, [235] thine interpreters, men with unwashen feet that couch on the ground. Aforetime verily thou didst hear my word, when I prayed: me thou didst honour, and didst mightily smite the host of the Achaeans; even so now also fulfill thou for me this my desire. Myself verily will I abide in the gathering of the ships, [240] but my comrade am I sending forth amid the host of the Myrmidons to war: with him do thou send forth glory, O Zeus, whose voice is borne afar, and make bold the heart in his breast, to the end that Hector, too, may know whether even alone my squire hath skill to fight, or whether his hands [245] then only rage invincible, whenso I enter the turmoil of Ares. But when away from the ships he hath driven war and the din of war, thea all-unscathed let him come back to the swift ships with all his arms, and his comrades that fight in close combat.”

The Iliad book XVI 220-245

Libations & Placement

Achilless: This cup he then took from the chest and cleansed it first with sulphur, and thereafter washed it in fair streams of water; [230] and himself he washed his hands, and drew flaming wine.”

Chryses: “around the well-built altar, and then they washed their hands (...) then Chryses lifted up his hands, and prayed aloud for them”

Calling among the gods

Chryses: "Hear me, god of the silver bow, who stands over Chryse and holy Cilla, and rules mightily over Tenedos

Achilles: ”Zeus, thou king, Dodonaean, Pelasgian, thou that dwellest afar, ruling over wintry Dodona,—and about thee dwell the Selli, [235] thine interpreters, men with unwashen feet that couch on the ground.”

Justification

Chryses: As before you heard me when I prayed—to me you did honour, and mightily smote the host of the Achaeans

Achilles: Aforetime verily thou didst hear my word, when I prayed: me thou didst honour, and didst mightily smite the host of the Achaeans; even so now also fulfill thou for me this my desire.

What they are asking for

Chryses: even so now fulfill me this my desire: ward off now from the Danaans the loathly pestilence

Achilles: O Zeus, whose voice is borne afar, and make bold the heart in his breast, to the end that Hector, too, may know whether even alone my squire hath skill to fight, or whether his hands [245] then only rage invincible, whenso I enter the turmoil of Ares. But when away from the ships he hath driven war and the din of war, thea all-unscathed let him come back to the swift ships with all his arms, and his comrades that fight in close combat.”

Offerings

Chryses: and took up the barley grains.

Achilles: nor was he wont to pour drink offerings to any other of the gods save only to father Zeus.

-_-

They both fulfill the checklist I did for you so hopefully this will be helpful. As always good luck!

Pulleyn, S. (1997). Prayer in Greek religion. Oxford: Clarendon Press. Petrovic, A., & Petrovic, I. (2016). Inner purity and pollution in Greek religion. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

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ppersonna · 4 years ago

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out of my league - knj | 01

you were out of my league. got my heartbeat racing. if i die, don't wake me, cause you are more than just a dream - out of my league, fitz and the tantrums

✹ summary- Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- kim namjoon x reader

✹ word count- 6.6k

✹ genre- angst, smut, comedy

✹ chapter warnings- swearing, descriptions of sex, sexual content, namjoon being a sexy flirt, jungkook being a himbo, awkward conversations, jimin being a protective bff

✹ a/n- hello and welcome to this fic thats lived in my google docs for almost a year now. without @ladyartemesia @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen and @chimoona, i would never have posted it. i truly owe so much of my brainstorming and creativity to their incredible brains and thoughts and ideas. i love them very much! i hope you enjoy this first chapter! please feel free to message me, talk to me abt anything!! im always here to chat. ILY!

MASTERLIST

Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out this way.

You planned to confess your undying, unerring love for your coworker at a better time, a classier place. You would wear a dress that highlighted your features, hair cascading down your back, makeup done to perfection and spritzed with expensive perfume. You’d confess, he’d confess right back, and you’d live happily ever after.

You’d also dreamt that Kim Namjoon would have the slightest inkling of who you are before he finds out about your year long crush. He might know you as the mousy girl in the office who doesn’t talk and doesn’t contribute much other than some crunched numbers and apparently the best coffee brewer in the office. But you’d prefer he knows you well—your favorite colors and movies and foods, what makes you happy and sad; things future husbands should know.

You very much did not think it would happen in a company wide conference, full of over five hundred suit-wearing executives. You did not think it would be done by the office bully, Chungha, who carefully takes over the mic and speaks the words clearly as she presents awards of recognition.

“Congratulations to Kim Namjoon for 5 years with the company, over $4 million in revenue, and the object of ____’s lust and affection. I’m sure you two will have the happy life she’s written in her journal about. Make sure you celebrate with her today!”

The room is silent, so silent you could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. Your face is cherry red and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole. Your heart feels like someone has ripped it in half and you stare in horror at the girl smirking at the front. Is this what it feels like to be backstabbed? Namjoon looks perplexed—confusion written on his face as he gestures around to no one in particular like he’s saying ‘what the fuck was that?’

Awkward coughing and clapping begins and Namjoon stands to receive his award, a fine wooden fountain pen, and chances a glance around the room. He easily spots you, with your wide, frightened face. His look remains passive, not hinting what he’s thinking behind those stormy eyes, before he turns and sits back down at the table with his buddies from his department.

You seriously contemplate quitting your job. You could find a new one easily, right? Just stand up and tell your boss you quit and you’re out of there before Namjoon ever sees you again and you’ll never have to face the mean girl who’s ratting you out.

As much as the idea rolls through your head, you know you won’t do it. You love your job, love the security and finances it provides you, and you love to look at Kim Namjoon, all day every day.

You don’t understand where things went wrong.

( one month ago )

It’s 9:03 am. You finish brewing the coffee in the small staff kitchen and sigh at the aroma of the freshly ground beans. Coffee is your favorite meal, favorite time of day, favorite snack, and preferred beverage. You drink it constantly. You’re known as “coffee girl” at work, mostly because no one really bothers to get to know you beyond that. You drink coffee like it’s a devoted religion. You could drink a cup right before bed and still sleep like a baby. It was, put simply, your drink.

The office workers deem you to be the one to make the pots of coffee every morning, claiming you were the ‘best’. You didn’t mind—you preferred to make your own coffee regardless—but you believe your coworkers are trying to pass off the twenty-minute job to someone lower in the office hierarchy. And you were one step above the interns.

The coffee machine chimes to let you know it’s hot, and it’s ready for you. You eagerly pour a mug, a large one, and smile as the waft of freshly ground beans (by you, of course) fills your senses.

You nearly knock the cup out of your hand as Kim Namjoon strolls into the office, eyes set on the coffee.

You feel your throat swell up, like he’s an allergen and you’re caught without an epi-pen. Butterflies swirl in your stomach and you can’t stop staring at him. He pays you no mind, tired yet determined to pour a cup of coffee and get back to his office.

You stand in the small kitchen, clutching your coffee like a lifeline, and pray to god you don’t do something stupid.

Namjoon pours his mug, and you watch his muscular hands grip the coffee pot. He pours a hefty amount of cream and sugar into his cup—it appears even perfect male specimens have their faults.

Your eyes dance on his face before they tango down his body. You wonder what he looks like in the morning, crawling out of bed with mussed hair and a sleepy smile painted on his face. He’d look at you and tell you you’re the most beautiful girl and kiss you deeply despite morning breath. Maybe he’d take you to the shower to press you against the tile as he fuc-

“Oh!” it startles Namjoon to see you, and the coffee in his hand swishes violently. “Didn’t see you there. Sorry!”

Your heart melts. He’s the picture of kindness and politeness. You recognize it’s been a few seconds and you still haven’t replied.

“It’s fine!”

“Great coffee, by the way,” he smiles. His teeth nearly knock you out cold with their brilliance. “Have a good day.”

He turns and exits the room without so much as a glance back at you. Your knees feel weak.

Kim Namjoon talked to you. He complimented you. He told you to have a good day. It’s the best and most significant conversation you’ve had with your secret crush.

You definitely file that away for another day when you need to reminisce on his compliment, and you scurry out of the kitchen towards your desk.

Park Jimin is waiting dutifully at your desk when you arrive, a smug smile still slapped over your features as you sip at your coffee. Namjoon spoke to you today—how lovely.

Jimin quirks an eyebrow.

“What’s got you so perky this morning?”

You’re normally quiet and passive, avoiding eye contact or any semblance of emotion on your face.

You look up at the blonde bespectacled boy. Park Jimin is the closest thing to a best friend in the company. He’s who you spend time with at lunch, see on weekends, and text often. You suppose he’s the closest thing to a best friend you have in your entire life.

You send him a smirk and lean in close to whisper. “Namjoon said hi to me today!”

Jimin sends you a pitiful look and pats your shoulder. Your best friend is well aware of your secret crush and while he thinks Namjoon is a nice guy, he thinks your crush is a little hopeless. He’s the most popular guy in the office, often has dates lined up every weekend. Jimin hears the way he and his friends talk in the break room. The man is definitely not hurting for female attention.

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, unenthusiastically. “That’s great.” He can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness over how excited you’re getting from a simple ‘hello’ from a coworker.

“I know, right? Anyway, lunch today?” You ask as you settle down into your cubicle.

Jimin pushes his glasses up his face and nods. “Of course! That’s why I came by this morning. I wanted to let you know that Jungkook from marketing will join us.”

You make a face, disgust etched in the lines creasing your forehead.

“Why?”

Jungkook is well known in the company. He’s a loudmouth, a player, a clown, and everyone’s favorite comedian. He’s just not your favorite.

“Don’t be rude,” Jimin admonishes at your grimace. “He asked to join and well—he’s cute. I can’t say no to him.”

“Oh Christ, Jimin,” you groan. “Not you too! Don’t tell me you have the hots for the serial fuckboy?”

He blushes lightly and shrugs. “Maybe I do! Be nice to him today or I’ll eat all your chocolate ice cream I know you have at home.”

You stick your tongue out, petulantly. “Fine, now let me get to work or else Seokjin will be up my ass.”

Jimin smiles and kisses your cheek before he scurries away, back to human resources.

It feels as if barely any time has passed. You’re working hard, running calculations and updating spreadsheets. You have an eye for numbers, and losing yourself in an equation is just another day for you. You’re shaken from your cheerful place by a vibration from your phone, and a text alert popping on the lit screen.

jimin 12:01 pm- it’s lunchtime!! you better get your butt out here!

You smile and text back an affirmative reply, then move to grab your lunch from the company fridge. Gliding down the steps leading to the fresh outdoors, you meet Jimin at the lunch tables in the grass.

Jimin is sitting with Jungkook. You can recognize your best friend by his hair and glasses, and Jungkook by his obnoxious laughter.

“Hi,” you murmur as you sit down and open up the brown bag lunch you’ve brought.

“Hi!” Jimin is excited to see you, and just a pinch over eager to be sitting next to Jungkook.

“You know Jungkook, right?” Jimin asks, a harsh look in his eyes that reminds you to be on your best behavior.

You nod as you pull out a bag of grapes. “Oh, yeah, hey,” you smile. “I’ve seen you around.”

Jungkook delivers you a signature smirk and you feel yourself roll your eyes internally. “Yeah, you’re Coffee Girl, right?”

You pout and glare down at your brown bag lunch. Will you ever become more than just Coffee Girl?

“Yeah, I suppose that’s me.”

Jimin clears his throat to dismiss any awkwardness.

“So, Jungkook, I hear you like working out? ___ likes to work out too. She drags me to the gym sometimes. Maybe we could all meet up sometime?” You don’t miss the hopeful lilt in his voice. Jungkook does.

“Oh, yeah?” He narrows a sexy look at you, rather—a look he thinks is sexy that you find off-putting. “What do you do at the gym? Little cardio sets with 5 pound weights?”

What an asshole.

“Sometimes,” you state as you take a bite of the homemade salad you handcrafted last night. “Most of the time I’m lifting heavy. I can bench 275 and deadlift 300.”

Jungkook looks taken back. “What, really?” He sounds breathless. “You lift more than Namjoon-hyung.”

At the sound of the love of your life’s name, you pause. Your face heats quickly and Jungkook smirks. Of course, he recognizes this and not Jimin’s obvious flirting.

“Why are you blushing?” He asks. “Did I say something?”

You’re quick to dismiss things. “Um--no. I just um,” you’re grasping at straws. “I’m hot.”

Jimin is trying not to laugh, hiding his mouth behind a petite hand.

Jungkook tilts his head. “It’s not even sunny today.”

You gulp. “Yeah, I must be hot. With a fever. M-malaria… probably.”

Jungkook snorts.

“You have malaria? Bummer.” He picks at his nails. “I thought for a moment you had a thing for Namjoon.”

“No!” The retort is quick, too quick for normal conversation, and it gives you away.

“Aha!” Jungkook points an accusing finger at you. “You have the hots for him, don’t you?”

Your features melt, and Jimin tries to assuage the situation. “Jungkook, please don’t tell anyone,” he pleads.

Jungkook smiles at you. “That’s so cute. It’s like a little nerdy freshman crushing on the senior class president.”

You bury your head in your hands, suddenly unable to stomach any food.

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s tone becomes more firm, authoritative. “I’m asking you this as a friend. Please, don’t say anything.”

Jungkook holds his hands up to prove his innocence and waves his proverbial white flag.

“Secret is safe with me,” he promises. “But it’s cute. I know him really well, you know. I could try to hook you two up.”

You blanch, unsure if you want Jungkook saying anything about you to the man of your dreams.

“I’m good, but thanks,” you offer meekly. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to head back to work, okay?”

Jimin frowns, knowing you’re feeling like a cornered animal, and nods. “Feel better, babe,” he sighs.

Jungkook watches as you leave and turns to Jimin. “Man, he’s way out of her league.”

Jimin slaps the boy in the chest. “Be nice, asshole, that’s my best friend.”

Jungkook promises to be nice, and Jimin is blissfully unaware that others are listening and that the man beside him is easy to persuade.

( present day )

The company-wide meeting adjourns soon after what is likely to be the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever lived through.

You’re grabbing at your things and trying to run out of the room, desperate to get out before anyone sees you or talks to you or laughs at you.

A hand grabs at the coattails of your suit jacket and you’re pulled backwards with a yelp. You turn to seek your captor and find the concerned face of your best friend, Jimin.

“Are you okay? What the fuck just happened?”

Jimin’s concern makes it all real. Until now you could pretend you were in a fugue state, totally dissociated from reality. Now, you realize that everyone in the entire company is aware of your crush on Kim Namjoon.

You can feel your bottom lip wobble, tears threatening to spill. Jimin murmurs an ‘oh shit’ and drags you out of the large room and into the nearest bathroom. He pushes you to sit against the sink and passes you toilet paper to dab at your eyes.

“I don’t know how she found out!” you cry. “God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed.”

It incenses Jimin. He’s holding it back to ensure you’re okay, but in reality, it’s an HR nightmare waiting to happen. He’ll find who did it and punish them accordingly.

They will suffer.

“It’s okay, babe,” he pulls you into a hug. “Everyone will forget about it soon. They’ll think it’s just a lame office joke, okay?”

You nod, feeling the slightest bit comforted by his words.

“How could she find out, Jiminie?” You ask with a sniffle. “You’re the only person who knows.”

Jimin sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, but they’re dead. I haven’t told any-... oh, my god,” Jimin stops suddenly. You look up at him to catch what he’s thinking.

He growls and balls his fists.

“Jungkook knew.”

You let out a sob and bawl your eyes out into the tissue you’re holding. Jimin holds you tighter while he conjures up a hundred different ways to hurt someone and make it look like an accident.

“Don’t worry,” Jimin sighs, trying to comfort both you and himself. “I’m HR. I have to handle this. I’ll make sure they get what they deserve.”

You feel a sting of pain for Jimin. He’s been hopelessly doting on the man who spilled the beans for a few months now, even got to take him on a few dates. It was still nothing serious, but Jimin was clearly smitten.

“I’m sorry you have to do that, Chim,” you whisper. “I know how you feel about him.”

“Yeah, well,” he swallows thickly. “You’re more important than any asshole.”

Jimin holds you tight for a few minutes longer, before you clean yourself up and steel yourself. Ignore everyone, Jimin encourages. Just get to work, he says. Then you can go home and we’ll drink wine and forget about it all, he promises.

You replay his words in his head like a prayer as you walk down the corridors and towards your office. Everyone in the hallways stops to stare at you. They lean towards their friends and whisper. You hear snippets of their gossip, like “Namjoon” and “out of her league”. It drives the sharp blade lodged in your chest even further. It threatens to collapse your lungs and break your ribs.

You make it to your desk safe and sound and bury yourself in work and forcibly ignore the gawking and the stares.

Just make it home. Just get through the day. You’re almost there.

You could do this.

You nearly make it the entire day before running into the one person you didn’t want to see, Kim Namjoon.

At the end of the day, you’re taking the stairs down to the parking garage instead of the elevator. The elevator is too busy, too many people, and you’re trying to avoid the stares and giggles at your expense. The stairs are always deserted and you figure it’s your safest bet.

You can nearly hear the wine calling your name at home. A delicate glass of Sauvignon Blanc and some chocolate ice cream and a good cry—it sounds like the best and only way to unwind after the worst day you’ve ever had in your life.

The chanting of your name gets louder and you wonder if you’ve finally lost your mind—if you’re actually hearing your wine bottles all the way at home talking to you.

No, wait. The voice is real, and coming from behind you. You turn around to face who’s calling you and nearly faint at the sight.

Kim Namjoon stands on the landing above you, one strip of stairs between you.

“Hey!” He seems glad he’s caught you. “I’ve been calling your name for a minute.”

You swallow and search for an answer.

“Sorry, I’m-.. I guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

Namjoon grimaces.

“Yeah, about that…” he begins as he takes the steps down to be on equal ground as you. Your heart is spinning wildly. He’s so close to you. He’s talking to you. On any other day you’d be erupting towards the sky like a firework. But today isn’t any other day.

“I feel like I should apologize,” he states. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

Damn him and his kindness. Damn him and his cute, awkward smile.

“No, no,” you assure. “I know you didn’t. You don’t have to apologize.”

It’s hard to make eye contact with the man. You want to, know it’s important in intense conversations like this, but the thought of him seeing you—really seeing you makes you ache inside.

“It was a really shitty prank,” he begins. “I’m sure you don’t even know who I am, let alone have a crush on me.”

For the millionth time that day, your face heats to a near boil. You stammer and you’re sure you’ve blown any chance at even thinking about a date with Namjoon.

“Oh, uh, right,” you seek an answer, beg your brain to pick something to say that doesn’t make you sound stupid. “I do.”

“You do what?” He’s confused and you widen your eyes at what just left your mouth.

“I do know you! I mean, I do have a crush on you! Oh, fuck,” you shove your face into your hands. “Please, ignore that. I need to go. Sorry!” You don’t give him a chance to reply, you book it out of the stairway as fast as your heels will take you.

Today was the worst day you’ve suffered through in your life.

The next few days aren’t much better.

Not only are you “coffee girl”, you’re now also sarcastically called “Namjoon’s girl”. As much as you hate your initial title, you’d prefer it to the new one they throw at you as you walk by.

Jimin rats out Jungkook and Chungha to the bosses. They get two weeks probation and they have to write you apology letters if they wish to keep their permanent files clean of any reprimands. It’s a slap on the wrist, and everyone involved knows it. Jimin is furious and wants the boss to reconsider. You tell him not to push it. You’d rather this be over and everyone to forget it even happened. Jimin unwillingly agrees.

You’re working at your desk, earphones shoved in your ears to diffuse the gossip in the room, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and are greeted with the face of Judas Iscariot himself, Jeon Jungkook.

“Hi,” he sounds sheepish, cheeks reddening.

You narrow your eyes at him, sharper than steel. “What the fuck do you want?”

He winces, knowing he deserved that. “Well, I just wanted to apologize. I know they told me to write you a letter, but it seems too impersonal…”.

You can’t believe Jungkook is sucking his ego up and actually coming to you to apologize. You thought he’d for sure be the one to cop out and send a shitty letter.

He continues.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry that all went down. I didn’t mean to tell her. She got me drunk and said she saw me eating lunch with you and Jimin. I think she was jealous or something and it slipped out. I know that’s not an excuse. I fucked up your trust and Jimin’s trust. But I just wanted you to know I didn’t do it to be an asshole. She sort of duped me.”

You pause as you take in the man’s apology. He didn’t have to come to you in person. He could have easily taken the shitty route and half-assed a letter to you. But he didn't, and he owned up to his mistake. God dammit.

“I appreciate your apology, Jungkook,” you sigh and you see his body visibly relax. “I’m still mad, but I guess the anger is at her for doing it in the first place. I’m sorry she tricked you.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and kneels down beside you. “I’m really happy you believe me. I was worried you were going to kick me in the nuts.

“I won’t lie, I thought about it.”

He smiles with you, and you feel like this is the restart of a friendship. “I definitely deserved it.”

You shrug and smile. “Jimin would kill me for hurting you. He might even kill me for thinking about hurting you.”

Jungkook’s smile drops at the name of your best friend. Yikes. Looks like there’s still trouble in paradise.

“I think you’d be in similar company with Jimin right now. He’s not speaking to me.”

You let out a breath through your nose. “Yeah, he’s a little protective of me.”

“For good reason,” he admits. “You’re like a cute little flower. A cute nerdy flower.”

“Jungkook,” you warn. “I just forgave you after I was humiliated in front of the entire company. I’d be careful with calling me nerdy right now.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

It’s hard to stay mad at the boy, no matter how much you dislike his reputation around the office. The fact that he humbled himself enough to seek you out and apologize is proof enough to you of his character.

“It’s okay, Jungkook. I forgive you,” you smile. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as his cheeks flare red.

“Yeah, it felt pretty shitty to just… do anything else. Plus, you seem really cool.”

“You seem great, too, Jungkook.”

He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, catching you off guard. For the fuckboy type, he’s surprisingly sensitive and soft. You like that about him.

“I’ll see you around, okay?” He says as he pulls away from you.

“Maybe you should apologize to Jimin, too?”

His smile drops, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, maybe I’ll go find him now.”

“Good luck,” you offer with a pat on his shoulder.

With a sad smile, he turns and heads down the hallway towards the HR department. You pray Jimin shows mercy to the handsome boy.

A few weeks go by, and you’re sure that everyone has forgotten about you and your most embarrassing moment to date. You make the coffee, you calculate the numbers, everyone ignores you. Things return to relative normalcy.

Until it doesn't. The moment you think you're safe is the moment your guard comes down and everything falls apart around you.

It's when you're in the staff kitchen, grinding fresh beans to brew a second pot of coffee, that it happens.

The kitchen is fuller than usual. You normally try to wait until the lunchtime crowd dwindles and leaves to make your second pot, but you're so desperate for the caffeine that you can't find it in you to care.

You trudge into the kitchen with your handy coffee mug clutched in your tired hands and head towards the cupboards to grind up the beans.

There's a few groups of coworkers lingering in the room, and as your grinder whirs the beans around into a powder, you chance a look around to see who's among the crowd.

Your eyes flick immediately to where a hearty laugh erupts. It makes your heart still in your throat. Namjoon sits with his usual crowd of friends, hand gripping a homemade sandwich while the other assists him in telling his story to his friends. He pays you no mind—why would he?—and you can't help but stare at the way his dark brown hair lays perfectly against his forehead, and his eyes crinkle so cutely at the edges when he smiles.

You nearly forget about the coffee grounds—you're snapped out of your Namjoon-induced trance when suddenly a woman's laugh echoes around the room.

"Look at her," the voice states.

You peer up and see a girl you vaguely recognize. Is she from Marketing? Or perhaps Sales? You’re not sure, but she’s staring at you with a sneer.

“She’s so weirdly obsessed with Namjoon. It’s so creepy.”

Your face turns cherry red and you’re sure your lungs stop functioning. The air your body needs to breathe freezes and your chest aches.

Namjoon turns to look at the girl before he looks and sees you grasping your coffee grounds tightly.

“Chungha was right—it’s so weird. Namjoon, you should talk to HR about this!”

Namjoon turns back to the gossiping coworker and frowns. “Can you leave it alone? She wasn’t even doing anything.”

The girl huffs and crosses her arms over her chest and looks back at Namjoon.

“How can you stand to be in the same room as her? She clearly thinks she has a chance with you.”

Her words come out like a bite. She punctuates her point with a harsh laugh and the group around her mumbles and chuckles in agreement.

You’re desperately grabbing at anything you can, wanting to leave as quickly as possible before you’re embarrassed further.

“Well, she does!” Namjoon replies loudly, annoyance written in his features. “I was actually going to ask her to dinner this weekend in private, but since everyone is so fucking interested in my love life, I have to do it publicly.”

The room falls silent, and your favorite mug falls out from your hands and shatters on the floor. All sets of eyes stare at you while yours widen with disbelief—you don't even care that you’re standing in a pool of old coffee and shattered ceramic.

Namjoon stands and heads over to you, bending down to pick up the shards of your coffee mug. You take a few stunted breaths to kneel and help.

His eyes peer into yours. They’re warm—a chocolate brown color that makes you feel safe.

“What do you say?” He asks with a smile so gentle it nearly breaks your heart. “Will you let me take you out this weekend?”

You’re gaping like a fish and the surrounding room is silent—bated breath waiting for your reply.

“Yes, I would l-love that.”

His smile turns even brighter, and he stands to throw the broken mug away.

“I’ll email you the details, okay?”

Your head nods dumbly without thinking. His eyes sparkle as he smiles at you, and he extends his hand down to you to assist you off the floor. As your hand slips into his, you can’t help but feel how soft and strong he feels. You wonder what his hand would feel like caressing your face, smoothing down the expanse of your bare back, running down the length of your body.

The thoughts shake out of you as he winks and kisses your hand gently, causing the gossiping coworker to grunt her disapproval and for murmurs of shock to echo around the room.

“I’ll talk to you later, doll.” Namjoon winks at you before he grabs his sandwich and leaves the room, gesturing to his crew to follow along.

The place on your hand felt warm where his lips once lingered. You no longer cared about the angry glares from the rest of your coworkers. Your heart beats wildly in your chest, and you leave the kitchen nearly floating on cloud nine.

Email from: Kim Namjoon

Sent: 3:06 pm

Subject: Hey good lookin ;)

Hey!

Just wanted to see how you are! I’m sorry about what happened at lunchtime. That was super petty and uncalled for. I really wanted to ask you out, and I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much by doing it in front of everyone.

I was wondering if you’d like to go out this Friday night after work? Say around 7? If you send me your address, I’ll pick you up.

Let me know!

Xoxo, Joon

You’re sure if you weren’t sitting in your tiny cubicle, you’d be screaming your lungs out.

The second the notification of the email came through, direct from the man of your desires himself, your body froze.

You re-read the message, over and over and over.

The winky emoji, the xoxo, the nickname ‘joon’. It’s all so much and makes the grin on your face threaten to split your lips in half.

Your fingers press the “FWD” button and you quickly send the message to Jimin, before you stand demurely, attempting to give off an air of professional confidence. You need to talk to Jimin, now.

As soon as you’re out of the eyesight of suspicious coworkers, you bolt down the hallway towards Human Resources. Your high heels click loudly on the tiled floor, but the sound doesn’t even register in your mind. All you can think about is Namjoon, the email, the press of his lips on your hand, the way his smile made you feel as if you could fly.

The door to HR swings open with your tight grip around the doorknob, and you open your mouth to call to Jimin, the lone employee, when you’re startled by the sight ahead of you.

Jimin sits on the edge of his expansive desk with his arms thrown around Jungkook’s neck and is clearly engaged in a deep, sensual kiss. At the sound of the door opening, they quickly break apart, with matching cherry red blushes on their cheeks and mused hair.

“Oh, shit,” you gasp.

The men are silent and you can’t help but giggle after a moment passes. “I’ll take it you two made up?”

Jungkook flashes you a dopey grin, one that gives you an answer, while Jimin smirks haughtily.

“Jungkook and I were just discussing, umm… his 401k.”

Jungkook looks at the blonde boy for a moment, confused, before he gets it. “Yeah! Totally. Retirement. Love to t-talk about it?”

You laugh out loud and walk towards the couple.

“I’m sure it was a titillating discussion,” you tease. “I have good news though, if it’s okay to interrupt this retirement planning session.”

Jimin nods and Jungkook rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess I should leave?”

“It’s okay,” you smile. “I trust you.”

Jungkook smiles as if he’s just won the lottery. He looks between you and Jimin, face pure and excited like a puppy.

“What’s up?” Jimin asks as he moves to sit down at his desk.

“I forwarded you an email. Read it.”

Jimin nods and logs on to his posh computer, scrolling and clicking before narrowing his eyes and reading.

“Oh, my god.” Jimin’s face is shocked—it's written all over his features. “Namjoon asked you out?!”

Jungkook’s child-like grin turns into one of shock himself. He runs around to stand behind Jimin, eyes seeking over the words of the email.

“Well, hot damn,” Jungkook whistles. “He asked her out.”

Jimin exchanges a look with Jungkook, one that you’re not sure you can read. It quickly slips your mind, however, as you’re more focused on the task at hand.

“Can you come over tonight after work and help me pick out something to wear?” You ask excitedly.

Jimin smiles at you, a touch of sadness in his eyes, before he nods.

“Of course, babe,” he assures. “We’ll make sure you look nice and hot for the date with Mr. Kim.”

“Thank you!” You squeal as you wrap your arms around your best friend. He hugs you back before you scurry out of the office and back to your cubicle, itching to reply to the message.

Jimin sighs as the door to his office closes behind you.

“Kook, please don’t tell me he’s going to break her heart. He’s asking her out to make himself feel better about this, isn’t he?”

Jungkook slips his hand into Jimin’s and squeezes.

“I’ll find out, baby.”

Jimin smiles and nods appreciatively at the boy, before leaning up and kissing him.

Jungkook smiles against his lips, and is determined to ensure the young HR specialist never hates him again, even if he has to go behind his hyung’s back to ensure his new boyfriend’s happiness.

Jungkook has one mission now, and that’s ensuring Namjoon takes you on the greatest date known to man.

He grills Jimin with questions about what you like over dinner one night. Jimin finds it endearing that Jungkook is so eager to rectify his mistakes, but he still can’t help but worry that Namjoon is doing this to save face—not because he actually likes you.

“So, what does she like doing?” Jungkook asks as he spins his pasta around his chopsticks idly.

Jimin smiles as he takes a bite of the ramen Jungkook has thoughtfully prepared for their stay-at-home date.

“I’ve told you already! She’s easy to figure out.” Jimin pats Jungkook’s hand gently. “She loves cooking and baking, working out, daydreaming about Namjoon.”

“Cooking, hm,” Jungkook looks thoughtful as he takes a bite. “I think Namjoon can work with that. I’ll let him know!”

Jimin tries to hide the anxiety brewing in his stomach. He’s had to plaster on a fake smile for you while you tried on different outfits, wondering which will be the one to finally convince Namjoon he is the one for you. It’s hard to fake it around his boyfriend, too—but something tugs in his stomach that flares the cynical side of him.

Namjoon went from not knowing of your existence, to watching you get publicly embarrassed in a matter of minutes. While Namjoon isn’t a terrible guy, Jimin knows he doesn’t like anything to tarnish the gentleman reputation he’s built in the office. And as much as Jimin likes him, and surely likes his friend Jungkook, he can’t help but feel skeptical.

Jungkook hurriedly pulls out his phone and types away, letting his elder friend know of what he’s found out. Jimin swallows his food, and his pride, and hopes to god his growing cynicism is wrong.

Friday comes slower than you’d like. You wake up every day during the week, one day closer, and your eagerness hits peak levels. Namjoon sees you in the hallways during the week and winks at you, hands shoved in his tight slacks that make you salivate.

He emails you again Thursday afternoon, confirming things and getting your address. You reply in nanoseconds, uncaring how overeager you come off.

By the time your alarm clock rings on Friday morning, you’ve already been awake for 4 hours.

All you can do is daydream about the date, the way his hand fits into yours, the warmth of his eyes when he smiles at you.

It’s what fuels you through work.

You hope to god the numbers you’re attempting to work during the day come out right, because your mind is elsewhere for more than most of the day. There isn’t enough coffee in the world, but also your body feels as if you’ve overdosed on caffeine already.

The clock eeks towards 5:00 pm and you’re bolting out the door at 4:56 to head home and get ready for your date.

Jimin attempts to meet you before you leave, but your desk is cold and empty by the time he gets there.

He sighs and heads back towards his office to gather his things, waving bye to various coworkers as they file out of the corporate building.

He turns the corner towards his office but stops in his tracks as he sees Namjoon’s back to him, phone pressed to his ear.

“Baby, I’ll come over later tonight, okay?” Namjoon speaks into the phone.

Jimin feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He retreats and hides behind a wall, ear carefully peeled to listen to the tall man’s conversation.

“I’m going on this date with that chick from work,” he sighs. “It won’t last more than a few hours. Poor girl has a crush on me and you know the usual assholes won’t leave her alone.”

Jimin bites his lip and clenches his fist. Namjoon thinks he means well, but he knows his suspicions have been confirmed, and he’s torn inside. He wants to tell you, to warn you not to get too invested in the man, but he also has no interest in popping the bubble you’ve been in since the day he asked you out.

Jimin lets it simmer for now. He decides he’ll monitor Namjoon and cut things off if it appears the man strings you along for fun.

Namjoon finishes his phone call with a promise to see whoever is on the other end of the phone later that night, and Jimin quickly pulls out his phone and fakes a conversation with no one when he hears the man approach.

“Oh, Kookie,” Jimin giggles, leaning against the wall casually. “I can’t wait to see you tonight, either, babe.”

Namjoon walks towards Jimin and makes eye contact with the HR specialist.

“Bye, Kook! See you tonight, baby.” Jimin finishes up the fake phone call as Namjoon arrives next to him, and he plasters on his best fake smile.

“Congrats on you and Jungkook,” he speaks sincerely.

Jimin hates how nice he is, hates that he’s a nice guy who gets too wrapped up in his own good looks and reputation.

“Thanks, Namjoon,” Jimin smiles uneasily. “You too! Have fun on your date tonight.”

Namjoon’s face lights up and Jimin desperately wishes he could go back in time to 30 seconds ago, before he heard the conversation, and believe that Namjoon truly wanted to date you.

“Thanks, should be fun, huh?” He winks and nudges Jimin, before he waves a goodbye and continues out the door.

Jimin pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials the number of his boyfriend.

“Hey, baby. We’ve got a problem.”

tag list! - @jimidol @aretha170 @dearbambideer

#kim namjoon smut #kim namjoon #bts smut #bts fics #namjoon smut #out of my league #knj #knj smut #rap monster smut #JOOOOOOOOOONie

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mrs-march-ahs · 4 years ago

Note

hii so I just cannot get this idea out of my head. so I know that jpm hates religion but the idea of a james march priest au! is so... im so desperate for anyone to write it😭

Forgive Me Daddy For I Have Sinned (James March Priest AU)

First, headcannons, and then very juicy smut, enjoy :)

-His investing and money wouldn’t go smoothly enough for him to accomplish his dream of opening his own hotel -He had just finished his architecture degree and designed his perfect murder castle, but just didn’t have the money to have it built -The economy crashing during the Wall Street Crash (later in his life) affected his business deals and all of the money he put towards his coal and oil -Because his father was a religious man and worked in the church, it was pretty easy for James to become a priest -He made his father very proud, which he was actually not happy about -He didn’t like his father enough, the last thing he wanted was to make him proud -But it was the only place he could work -Working in the church was tiring to him, having to be around people who in his eyes, refused any pleasures and acted fake and untrue to themselves -He looooved to listen to peoples sins however during confessions -He would always ask as many questions as he could, wanting to hear the nitty gritty stuff -If somebody every confessed to murder, oh god -It would be the best day of his life -Listening to somebody describe the blood and gore would excite him -He would feel tingly listening to it, and despite being a priest and not having the proper means to murder safely (without his hotel), he would still try it -He would murder particularly sinful people -His justification was that after their death, they would be in their respectful place, either in Hell or with God -He was speeding up the process of them joining God, which is what they wanted anyway, so in his eyes he was doing them a favour -He would frame their murder as best as he could, as suicide -When the people of his church, a larger church in Boston or Exeter (NH), found out about the ‘suicide’, he would do a long speech about being kinder to people and loving thy neighbour -He would very slyly remind people that suicide is a sin -His father would come to every single mass to watch his son speak -His accent and formalness made people trust him and what he said

When you first came to church, it was during the 1920s, hoping to confess something that had been bothering you. After taking a few minutes collecting your thoughts, you kneeled in the confessional and looked at the cross. Assuming you need to speak first, you looked at the cross and spoke with faux confidence.

“It is a venial sin, but it still haunts me”. You weren’t sure how to start, never having done this before, but wanting to do it right. You looked up some of the terminology beforehand, and learned that what you had done wasn’t a grave matter, but a venial sin. Minor, per say.

“This is a safe space, you can share anything with me”. Priest James said this as convincingly as he could, before looking at his watch. As you were about to begin, James corrected you.

“This must be your first time, child, for that is not how we begin confessions”

You look around the confessional nervously, trying to remember anything from Sunday school. You looked at the cross and felt as though God was sitting on your shoulders, crushing you, and you nervously tried your best to do better.

“Forgive me, uh, Daddy… I was bad”

James looks down and holds back a smirk, playing with his robe.

“Close enough, darling, confess to me”

“I sinned, but I don’t feel guilty, and I think I should, in fact… I feel great”

The second James heard that you came in with a sin that involved no blood or death, he was bored. But hearing the way you talked around it without saying anything up front made him excited.

“What did you?”, he says completely intrigued.

“It’s not what I did, it’s what I do, a-a lot”

“I can only help you if you describe it to me”

You nod and put your hands on your thighs, trying to remain calm, knowing there should be no judgement here.

“I touched myself… and not just did, I d-do”

James took a deep breath listening to you, having never heard a confession this juicy, your confession was currently in tied place for excitement with graphic murder.

“Describe it to me”, he whispers.

“It’s always at night, I lay in bed”, you begin, trying to be clear, assuming that describing your sin takes the weight off your shoulders. “I get naked, fully, and touch my body”

Where the blood in a normal Priest may go to the cheeks, all the blood in James body rushed to his crotch, not at all fighting the urge to be aroused.

“Where?”

“My chest… and then my thighs, between them”, you pause. “Even inside”, you whisper.

“My child”. James no longer holds back anything. His smirk plasters his face proudly and the confident in his words are key for you to feel like you’re in safe hands. “You were bad indeed”. James mocks your words, thriving on your innocence.

“Do you wish to be cleansed?”. Although you assumed the correct answer, you chose to answer honestly.

“I’m not sure”

James furrows his eyebrows, baffled by your reasoning to confess.

“You are not sure?”

“I know I did bad but, if it’s so bad”. You can’t bare to make out the words, knowing you will be judged. James thankfully helps you out.

“Why does it feel good?”. You knew he couldn’t see you, but you nod nevertheless, glad that he understood.

“Does it, feel good?”, he asks.

“Yes”, you answer without missing a beat. “Oh yes”

“How good?”

“Incredible, ecstatic”

“Does the feeling you bring yourself, feel better than being clean in the eyes of God?”

This is exactly what James wanted to see. People being true to themselves, being dependent on themselves to full fill their own needs, not on a mystical being. He was instantly attracted to you, your voice, the previous hesitation in your voice and the confidence with which you spoke now.

“Honestly?”

“Of course”

“I think so”

Hearing those words come out of your mouth made James feel alive, feel as though he wasn’t the only one who enjoyed giving into his urges, homicidal and sexual. It was as though he found another human being who enjoyed the pleasure in living.

“You are somebody who is willing to do bad, to do good”

With that sentence, an idea came into James’ mind, making him sit up straight.

“I know a way to heal you, to repent your sins”

You smile widely, getting more out of this visit than you expected to get.

“Come round to this side, darling”

You were utterly confused, but trusted in Priest James’ good intentions and knowledge. Not thinking too much, you crawled off the pillow you were kneeled on and shuffled over to your priest. Looking up at him made you blush. Your cheeks reddened at how handsome he was before you, and at the compromising position you were in. But when you put your hands on his thighs to stand up, he put his larger hands over yours and leaned in closer to you.

“Nonsense, darling. In order to cleanse your sins, you must remain on your knees”

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

@milly-louise @amourtentiaa @kitwalker02 @tatestripedsweater @therenlover @maria-akira @tatesimper @sallyscigarettes @mossybank @ahsxual @mxlti-fand0m-imaginess @mrs-march-ahs-biggest-fan @kitwalkerangel @darlingkitt @blackbat2020 @whiiiiplaaaaash @elaineygrace @divinerulerluvr @johndeaconshands @kais-messiahbaby @xmaximoffic @tatesweaterweather @undeadcortez @booboomother @slightlyvicked @americxn @kaislittleheadliner @damianosdarling

#american horror story #ahs #american horror story hotel #ahs hotel #james march #james patrick march #mr march #james march x #james march x reader #james march smut #evan peters character #ahs smut

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loversgothic · 2 years ago

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velvet ur very kind and im flattered u like my goofy doodles (all of u really are just too nice)

i love talking abt the design process (despite not being a professional) and how i think abt clothes. but if there's anything abt fashion sketches i guess is that the process of thinking abt clothes is different for everyone and is dependent on your personal tastes and what YOU like the most in clothing. if you're unsure as to what you love abt certain garments, it's good to think abt the little details of your favorite clothes.

i kinda look at fashion all day and have an archive blog full of clothes or shoots that might inspire me and if you look at enough designers after a period of time, you start to differentiate what you like and dislike abt ensembles on runway and what you'd do differently. and it's good to look at a good range of em of different styles and eras, see which one interests you the most!!

when i do funny little designs i really do try to think abt exactly what i want unless im jusg making a ton of thumbnail sketches to elaborate upon later. if youre lost its good to get a solid concept down first, do you want something dramatic? something more toned down? something casual? elegant? glamourous? something quite the opposite? light and airy? or something a little more heavy looking? if ur designing for a character its good to think abt what would fit them, bc no garment is one size fits all *even for taste.* gabriel looks really good in ornate clothes to me and with his connections to catholicism the aesthetics of religion have a lot one can build off of. its over the top, and with him already wearing armor you can kinda already know he looks pretty good in outfits that can kinda change his silhouettes shape. his pauldrons make me think he would look good in either big sleeves or shoulder pads. :3 minos on the other hand is buttass naked and when he was alive he wasn't elaborately dressed either. he had fabric draped across his body, and so i took to draping. the biggest reason the minos sketch went the way it did was bc i was thinking abt this dragon dress i love that i can't find so i took inspo :,3 he would look good either in body hugging clothes (but not in the way it's the thing shaping him) or something loose, but definitely something sexy. also he has snakes so of course im taking advantage of that

ok now to the actual drawijg part sorry. i like to draw or think abt the silhouette first , and bc i have a tendency to draw things that hug the body tightly i try to think abt how you could transform a boring body hugging silhouette into something that stands out, like huge sleeves or hip pads. if u feel silly it's good to experiment to see Where u can place things, like draping, seamlines or other additions to really make it unique. these little things can change how a concept is read.

the details usually come last unless the concept was hinging upon its details, like if i was sketching smth and thought 'i want this to have an embroidered design and i want that to be the most important thing on it'

i dont think theres really a lot of rules to designing clothes (or more specifically a right way to do it), you just gotta think reaaal hard about how it can stay on someones body or sit on someones body at all, because its not gonna float. you can make it LOOK like its floating but you gotta think of how its even sticking to ones body.

people have different design philosophies based on how they view clothes should be. some people think that 'the clothes shouldn't wear a person, the person should be wearing the clothes' and opt to make sure the clothing cant outshine the person, other people believe the exact opposite, n thats just how it be

run free dude and design whatever da fuck. do research too, research makes designing better and you can find inspiration from anywhere, it dont even gotta be inspiration from the runway :3

also. look up references and the purposes of Princess Lines and Darts if you don't already know what those are. they are good things to know and think abt when drawing clothes

cooking something for garble i promise

#rambles #.txt #here u go sorry this was long #havent drawn anything Good in a bit. will try today maybe sorry for this #long post

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oliviamillss · 4 years ago

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reading dreams chart

im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao

**if you can’t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**

sun:

sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probably ‘needs’ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners.

sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.

sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesn’t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.

sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.

sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to think ‘i’m only good enough if i do this’. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesn’t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.

moon:

moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people he’s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very like ‘oh shit, he’s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him up’ if that makes sense lmao

moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. may ‘always need to be right’. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg

moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.

moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective.

mercury:

mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast the ‘perfect’ thing to say.

mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.

mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.

mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). he’s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*

mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator

mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (we’ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)

venus:

venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser.

venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves as ‘perfect’, which may end up being really bad if they’re toxic.

venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesn’t deserve love. probably the type to be like ‘how could you ever love me?’

venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others.

venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and he’s veryyy lucky. he’s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign.

mars:

mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.

mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesn’t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. we’ve already known this but he’s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.

mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss

mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, can’t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.

mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist.

mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesn’t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.

jupiter

jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.

jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.

jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.

saturn:

saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasn’t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isn’t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?

saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo

saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn

saturn square uranus: maybe he doesn’t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what he’s used to. rebelling against norms.

uranus:

uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same.

uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dream’s wealth.

uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesn’t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second there’s an actual argument he tries to be the ‘peacemaker’ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future.

neptune:

neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just haven’t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.

neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.

neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise.

pluto:

pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. don’t want to be controlled.

north node:

north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.

chiron:

chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe he’s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)

lilith:

lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think they’re okay when they’re not. stubborn asf.

lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.

lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typical ‘mystery’ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming

moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up.

i ought to mention!!

there’s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. what’s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnap’s birthdays? the 1st. they’re soulmates, your honour.

summary!!!

basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people don’t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, who’s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesn’t think he’s ‘worthy’ if he’s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesn’t feel ‘listened to’. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesn’t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.

im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol

hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3

#dream #dreamwastaken #dreamsmp #astrology #chart reading #sun in 7th #famous people chart reading #moon in 7th #mercury in 6th #venus in 7th #mars in 9th #jupiter in 3rd #saturn in 3rd #uranus in 12th #neptune in 12th #lilith in 10th #lilith conjunct pluto #moon square lilith #astrology reading

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