#im not sure what he really means by not eating carbs at all. like is he trying keto?

[babieken]

Honestly I was expecting it to be upsetting and triggering but not to this extent like that's actually insane I don't even know how to react but I feel so sorry for him...

hoesntly the messages on their own weren't that upsetting (especially compared to some of the messed up things Kihyun says abt dieting) but what made it worse is that apparently a lot mbb were sending him tips abt how to 'fight the hunger' and stuff and praising him.... that's just messed up considering he did not need to lose weight period.

[weareweirdpeople]

not a vent but diabetic shit because why not I want to share my experience

I have diabetes. I've had diabetes sense i was an elementary schooler on the way to middle school. Diabetes fucking sucks and it runs in my family. Because of this, and the fact that my family refuses to call it a disability despite it literally being a chronic illness, it has taken me a while to realize I do infact have a disability.

in hindsight, I am "lucky" that my mom raised me restricting lots of "unhealthy snacks" (non health foods. My mom viewed fucking cheezits as unhealthy and she came from a family that was even stricter with 'healthy' foods.) This meant that when I got diagnosed with diabetes, I would be prepared for the fact that now they weren't just rare treats my mom was learning to be ok with. Now they were aparently dangerous to my health and I could almost never eat them again.

My uncle has severe type 1 diabetes and my mom used to try to help him manage it, but he's a grown man whos never taken good care of it and does what he wants. So now that I had diabetes she was going to are sure I definitely didn't end up like that. This means that even if he himself brought all the kids a sweet treat, depending on my blood sugar I wouldn't even be allowed to have it. Most of the time she didn't want me to have it. This all went down with covid and I got to live with my diabetic father. The plus side was that the restrictions where pretty much gone, and I just needed to manage my sugar. The bad part is that I was fucking terrified of pricking my finger. It would take me hours to pick my finger, and my dad would be pissed. It slowly became very normal. I also had to learn how to take pills and open a pill bottle.

A while later now that I'm living with my whole family, I still have great care over my diabetes. I say great care as in how my family views it. I have the best a1c, I have the most consistent blood sugars. Personally I'm happy I can do that while having major depression but it makes me sad at the same time. It just pisses me off. Anytime my sugar is high I'm asked "what did you eat? What did you eat today? What was your sugar this morning?" I have an anxiety disorder. The doctors and google have told us that stress and anxiety can heighten blood sugar. Every time its about what I at. If im super sleepy? What did I eat? Whats my blood sugar? If im super anxious? Whats my blood sugar? Is it low? What have you eaten today?

My mom has always been focused on my diabetes. I low key hate it.

But in hindsight some of her ideas and things she let me do were so bad that its actually funny. Like holy shit mom, that was wild.

She at first wanted me to count all of my carbs. Every time I ate. All the carbs. She wanted me to check my sugar everytime I ate and then based on that it would determine what I was allowed to eat.

Then there was the point in time where she let me run around outside all day without eating lunch and sometimes even breakfast or any water until my sugar dropped crazy low and I was dizzy and shaking, and then id go outside again right after it went up. She doesn't like me reminding her of this because she says it makes her feel like a bad mother and that she was distracted. Im pretty sure the only constant meal was eating was dinner.

one time during Easter when we did an egg hunt my siblings got eggs fully of candy like normal. But my mom was running late on candy shopping so instead of giving me candy eggs, she made me get the special eggs she made, thinking they had zero sugar candy. They were fuckkng almonds. Unsalted Almonds. What. The. Fuck. I have never let her live that shit down, because who gives their kid fucking almonds as a treat??? Diabetic or not, unsalted almonds???

I was very very upset that year to say the least. My mom has always been stingy with any candy of any sorts. Even before we knew I was diabetic I was only really allowed 1-3 prices of candy from a holiday at most, and only after dinner. My Halloween candy especially would either go bad or she would eat it as well and I would not get much of it.

And after diabetes? Keto everything. My mom wanted to find as much keto stuff as possible, and I get it. We have a diabetic household, but she didn't do that shit until I got diagnosed with diabetes. I am happy that by now shes pretty much stopped all her restrictions and the keto stuff, she's still really diabetes focused when it comes to my mood and doesn't consider it a disability but that's okish.

Hilariously j don't have type 1 diabetes. Or type 2. I have a genetic mutation, and have had to convince multiple people that no I don't just have type 2, no I didn't not get diabetes because of my eating habits have you fucking seen me I am a god damm stick and even if I was fat that doesn't mean shit, no I cannot just eat fruit instead of candy that's not how diabetes works you peice of shit.

Long story short, i don't get a CGM or an Insulin pump. I actually make too much insulin, and dont really absorb it all and a CGM is to expensive... that means I just have to watch my sugar and take my pills indefinitely and I can't check my sugar too much because then I'd have to wait for my refills to get done because American health care fucking sucks ass.

lol diabetes sucks, stop being assholes to people with diabetes.

[jcbbby]

dani, i'd like to make a request. As someone who also struggles with ED, can you make a gic where reader has an ED and is went through a recovery? I mean, some years ago i was really underweight, i went through a recovery but my anorexia is still in there. and sometimes is hard to look at the mirror and see how my body changed, is hard to see that i kinda have a tummy now, see that my panties squish a little bit on my waist, see how my thighs look bigger... also my ed gave me stomach problems, i feel so much pain sometimes and it is hard to eat. reading fanfics where my favs comfort me about my body is my favourite thing to do when im feeling bad about myself. can you write one where said scenario happens with reader? (jamie x reader)

oh, bby :( I feel for you, I relate so much. I think anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder knows that it never really does totally go away. you just sort of get better at not acting on those intrusive thoughts. but I do want to make sure you know how PROUD I am of you, because nothing is more badass than waking up every day and still choosing recovery, regardless of what that voice in your head is saying. I love you, I'm rooting for you, and keep kicking ass you beautiful being!! <3

I know this is a little short, but I hope this fic brings you comfort when you need it. <3

Warnings: vague description of an ED and talk of body dysmorphia.

-

It was a gorgeous evening as you and Jamie were out to dinner on the Italian Amalfi Coast; a much needed vacation for the both of you. Your food arrived and Jamie immediately dug into his meal. You, however, stared for a moment at the plate of pasta in front of you as you held your fork, thinking about the couple pieces of bread already in your stomach. Jamie looked up from his food, giving you a small, encouraging smile, but letting you decide to take your first bite on your own time, not wanting to put any stress on a typical dinner that should be just that: dinner. You returned his smile, slowly twisting some linguine around your fork and bringing it to your mouth.

You had had a complicated relationship with food, exercise, and your body for a while before you started dating Jamie. They began shortly after you started college, the constant stress and change of environment had you neglecting taking care of yourself. These habits never went away once you graduated, and you carried them with you even when you met Jamie. This could have easily been shrugged off and flown under the radar to most but being thrust into the public eye exacerbated it all. There was an insane added pressure now to always look good, and more daily stress that came with traveling, planning things around filming and travel, and your own career.

When Jamie started to notice how the light in your eyes started to fade, he begged you to seek help. He told you how much he loved you and how much you deserve to feel the love he has for you, for yourself. And he was right; you knew you deserved more than what you had been giving yourself. He was with you through everything after that; your therapy appointments, doctor appointments, your treatment program, your entire recovery. Always supporting you, listening to your feelings, never making you feel like a burden, and doing whatever he could to keep you moving forward.

“Oh my god, this is so good.” You closed your eyes as you chewed.

“Damn right it is.” He smiled, trying not to show just how overwhelmed with pride he was watching you enjoy yourself eating again, allowing yourself one of life’s most simple of pleasures.

Later that evening, as you returned to your hotel room, your mental high from conquering the carb-filled dinner began to fade. You felt so bloated and your stomach loudly gurgled as it struggled to digest your food, a side effect of the years of denying it enough, often making it hard to truly feel as though you were really doing the right thing. That ugly little voice in the back of your head always loved to tell you it was a mistake to have enjoyed yourself like that.

You got back to the room and flopped yourself on to the bed, curling up into a ball. You let out a quiet groan as your stomach grumbled loudly.

“Are you okay, love?” Jamie asked, getting on to the bed with you, placing a hand on your back.

“My tummy hurts.” You whined. “I shouldn’t have eaten that…” You mumbled into the comforter.

Jamie tutted. “Oh, darling… But it was delicious right?” He sat next to you.

“Yeah…it really was. But I’m so bloated now.”

“Oh yeah? Check me out.” Jamie chuckled, standing up.

You peaked an eye open at him to see he had pulled his shirt up to his chest, pushing out his also bloated belly, cradling it like a pregnant woman. You giggled as you sat up a little bit, frowning quickly again as the adjustment hurt your stomach.

“Why don’t we get you out of that dress and into something comfier, hm?” Jamie lowered his shirt.

You nodded, getting up to let Jamie help take off your form fitting dress, twisting yourself and sucking in as much as you could to hide your distended belly. He grabbed one of his shirts that he wore yesterday, that lay draped over the chair in the corner and handed it to you. You slid it over your head, letting it fall to just above your mid-thigh. You smiled to yourself as it smelled like him. You climbed under the covers of the bed, wincing as your stomach gurgled loudly again.

“Here, take these.” Jamie held out a few Tums to you. “Do you want me to go make you some tea, too?” He asked as you took the tablets from him, popping them in your mouth.

You nodded with a slight smile, which he returned as he made his way toward the kitchenette across the room to put the kettle on. After he had prepared two mugs of tea, he came over to hand you yours. He went around to the other side of the bed, setting his mug down on the nightstand. He climbed into the bed with you, snuggling up close. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your tummy through the blankets.

“That should help.” He smiled.

You cuddled together as you sipped your tea, him caressing your back, settling in for the night as your stomach finally began to settle as well.

-the next day-

Jamie and you were going to head down to the beach this sunny, breezy morning. You sipped some coffee as you stood in your bikini in front of the large window that overlooked the water not too far in the distance. Jamie was prepping a bag of snacks and drinks to take down to the beach with you.

“Hey, baby, look at me.” You heard him say behind you.

You turned to see him holding up his phone, about to take a picture of you with the stunning backdrop of seaside Italy outside the window. You immediately frowned, subconsciously moving your arms to cover your exposed body.

“Oh, no…babe, please don’t.”

He lowered his phone, tilting his head. “Why not? You look so beautiful right now.”

You turned to the mirror that was on the wall to the right of you, pinching at your hips and thigh. You shrugged. “I guess I just…feel puffy. I wish I brought a bathing suit that covered more…” You sighed.

“My love…” Jamie walked up to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind. “I think you look so incredible right now.” He placed a kiss just below your ear.

You looked at him in the mirror, and then down at your reflection. “My bikini bottoms are cutting into my hips and my ass cheeks. I feel like it’s too tight.” You frowned, bringing your hands to your stomach. “And I still feel a little bloated.”

Jamie turned you around, now looking at you face to face, taking your hands in his. “Hey, remember what we talked about. It’s okay to feel that way. But you know it’s just that mean little voice trying to trick you. Right? And what did we decide to tell that voice whenever it got too loud?”

“…to shut the fuck up, you miserable ass bitch, because it’s just jealous of how awesome and beautiful I really I am.” You rolled your eyes while giggling.

“That’s right!” He pulled you into a hug, kissing your cheek over and over as you continued giggling. “And I, for one…” He pulled back from you, now dropping to his knees in front of you. “Love your beautiful, amazing tummy…” He placed several kisses to your stomach. “Your beautiful, amazing hips…” He kissed each hip. “Your beautiful, amazing thighs…” He kissed over your thighs.

You smiled down at him as he peppered your body in admiration and acceptance, in total, unconditional love. He stood up to then meet your lips. You pulled away from his mouth, bringing your arms around him in a hug.

“I love you, baby. Thank you.” You smiled against his chest.

“I love you, darling. All of you.” He pulled you tighter.

[phoenix-of-jade]

"Old?" he asked, shocked by the kid's words. He's never got beef with a child before, yet here he was, flabbergasted by a child calling him old and tired. "Eh, judging by how much I work, I must look like someone going to war every single day" he laughed in the end but it was still going to bug him for a while. He was probably going to take better care of himself. Children were honest, so if a child saw him as a ruin what do people his age think of him?

But all was forgotten as he saw the pure joy in Xuan's eyes as soon as he got his sweet snack. As they sat down, he also started to eat his own sweet treat, the carbs withdrawal was a thing and he was feeding that craving right now, the sugar rush going straight to his brain, feeding those dopamine needs. It seemed like he woke up cranky this morning but nothing like a delicious crepe couldn't fix. "So, as a first time experience, you like crepes?" he chuckled and gave Xuan a napkin to wipe his mouth with. "Now I'm a cool guy? I thought I'm old and I look like I just got WWII?" he laughed again, knowing that his witty mind would catch on that. "No worries. Now finish up so we can start searching again. It might get late and Im sure everyone is worried sick about you right now."

Xuan nodded and took another bite of his crepe, the pure delight readable all over his tiny little face. "This is truly amazing! Nothing like the stuff I've had before in terms of desserts, although to be fair, we don't really get much in terms of sweets back at the boarding schools. They give us pudding and maybe the occasional baked sweet potato or cake slice, but other than that, we don't really get to eat stuff like this." It was probably due to the fact that they had to maintain a healthy and fit body, since the only purpose of the students was to become usable assets of the organization, so they probably missed out on a lot of childhood's delights and joys, such as very unhealthy, but sweet delicious foods. Xuan then thanked him for the napkin and carefully wiped his mouth, cleaning himself in between bites, whenever he felt that he was getting messier.

Say what you will, but Kibum had to admit that this kid had some sort of manners, given his strict attention to his appearance and cleanliness. "You are still old and you look like crap, that hasn't changed, but that doesn't mean you can't also be a cool guy to be around, okay?" And back to the brutally savage honesty from before. "All in all, I do think that you are an alright person, gege. Maybe a bit bland, but you are nice. I can tell that you are a good person, given that you stuck by me and try your best to help me, so really, thanks for everything." Xuan gave him a faint smile, then took out his phone to check the time and see if he'd gotten any messages from his friends... Yeah, this kid had a cellphone on him all along and he hadn't even cared to mention about it. Was it all a ploy just to get Kibum to buy him free sweets and carry his backpack around? "Ah, it's getting late. We should really hurry to find Cheng and Xia!" The kid tosses the phone back and hurries to finish the crepe.

[khodorkovskaya]

09.10.23

so ive been feeling very mentally challenged today so im gonna complain to you guys about it.

so i have this thing with swimming idk how to explain it but like i find swimming so mentally exhausting. it's kinda like washing my hair. like i need to mentally prep for it and it's absolutely tedious, even though it's not supposed to be. idk if it's a sensory issue around water or wet clothes or idk what. but it's just like exhaaausting. so in the summer whenever my friends invite me to go swimming or rent a pedalo or something like that i always make up a billion excuses.

(last week it was my bestie's birthday and she loves swimming so i was like okay, im gonna go swimming with her, it's not a big deal. and it wasn't a big deal becasue i like mentally prepared for it for over a week.)

so here's the thing. my friend lucien has one of those inflatable motor boats. (but his is a military one obvs, cos he's like obsessed with military things, we love quirky special interests.) and he spends all of his free time on it, like he's obsessed. literally every day he's like chillin on his boat. and he's been asking me and my bestie all summer to come on the boat with him. thankfully, we couldn't coordinate bc one week she was on holiday, another week i had my period, then we were both busy, etc. the boat never worked out. and as summer came to an end i was like phew, no boat for me, thank god. but my bestie was a bit upset cos like she loves swimming and she really wanted to go on the boat. but like whatever, there's always a next time.

and this weekend it was 25+ degrees so lucien got the boat out again. and he messaged me on saturday like "hey, boat tomorrow?". and he's been asking me for so long and plus my bestie really wanted to go so i was like okay sure, let's get the boat over and done with.

and lemme tell you, i was dreading it. the night before i was like ughh i don't want to do this please god make the boat not happen. but the weather was lovely, the lake was calm, the boat was inevitable.

and okay, i feel so spoiled. because there i was, on this super cool boat with my friends at the lake chillin under the sun. and i hated every minute of it 😭😭 like idk what it is with me and water. but like i really hate being wet (in the literal way lol!) and being in/near water is so exhausting for me. and at the end i was soooo tired. i went to bed at 9pm and slept for 12 hours, that's how tired i was. like when i tell you, i find water activities exhausting, this is what i mean!

but that wasn't all!

even after 12 hours of sleep (or maybe because of it), i was still exhausted. i had this insatiable hunger, i wanted to eat allll of the carbs. and i had my skating lesson at half past two today. so i was like jesus how am i gonna skate? like i swear, being on the boat the whole day with no mental prep like destroyed me!!! so on my way to the rink i bought a pain au choc with ovomaltine for energy and it woke me up a little bit but mentally i was still not there.

needless to say, skating wasn't great. i was super stiff and shaky. and it sucked bc i look forward to it the whole week and today i really wasnt able to make the most of it.

then i had to go to the shop cos mum had a meeting. and this man came in and wanted to buy a 30chf shirt with a 200 euro note. so i calculated that it's 190chf, so i need to give him 160chf change. and idk if you guys understand, i cannot do mental maths (dyscalculia?? i can't read numbers either, it's a whole thing). i struggle so much with it. my brain goes into 90s dial up internet mode like "beep beep KHRHSHSHHSHHHHHH". it stresses me out so much. so i did 190-30 on the calculator but as soon as i started to hand out the change, the man told me i was doing it wrong. and, because i suck at mental maths, whenever customers tell me ive given them the wrong change, i tend to trust them. so i got confused. and distracted. and i had tunnel vision bc i was still feeling super exhausted. and fyi i have adhd, so this was hell. and i couldn't figure out how much i owe the man or how much i had already given him. and guess what! he ended up scamming me for 80chf!!!! i feel so stupid and terrible. i really shouldn't have accepted the 200 euro bill in the first place, it's such a basic scam technique. like this is first grade cashier safety, but i was completely zoned out. and we lost 80chf, great 😑

then this woman came in. and here i go back to being a weirdo. because i have a lot of trouble recognising faces. at school when id see my classmates outside of school like even at the bus stop, they'd say hi to me and i wouldn't recognise them, it's that bad. and at the shop we have returning customers ofc. and i always feel bad for not recognising them. what's worse is that we have a lot of russian/ukrainian customers and no offense to them but they all look the same. they're all blond and they're all called something like natalia, svetlana or tatiana. and this lady comes in and i say "bonjour", she says hello in russian and it's already awkward because i was suposed to recognise her. she had a bag of clothes to give to my mum so i was like "sure, i'll tell her when she comes back". and i had to ask for her name (it was natalia ofc) and it was awkward bc im sure we've spoken like 100 times before. but since i was so mentally tired i just like couldnt be normal.

then i went grocery shopping with my primary motivation being that i needed to buy vegetables for dinner. did i get the fucking vegetables? ofc not, i forgot. and had to go back.

like im just so tired of being like this. i wish i could just like go swimming like a normal person and be attentive and not socially weird and not have worse short term memory than my grandma with dementia, you know what i mean?

[path-illogic]

Rating Pathologic characters by the type of lunch they would pack for a 4th grader

Artemy 4/10 I think in the dilfification of Artemy we forget that he’s just a college kid. At this point he is merely larping as a responsible parental figure. he has 0 idea what he’s doing. He probably looks at the food pyramid while packing lunches and packs foods as ‘carbs‘ ‘proteins‘ ‘vegetables‘ without looking at if it looks good. He packs dry oats, a handful of cubed lamb, and 1(one) head of lettuce. Clara 7/10 Clara’s a kid herself so im automatically giving her an advantage. She’s hip, she knows what kids want in a meal. Packs oreos in a sauce tupperware the size of a oreo. Baby carrots. A sandwich. Classic and jealousy inducing. Oreos are tradable for better items. However points are reduced because she can only pack stuff in the oreo-baby carrot-sandwich format and it’ll get old really quickly Dankovsky 3/10 If Dankovsky was tasked with providing a child food he would just hand the kid his own lunch and leave them to it. When his lunch is coffee and a cigarette, he hands the kid cash and tells them to buy their own lunch. He’d have a higher score but the 4th graders are not allowed in the canteen during break and they can’t leave school to buy stuff from the corner store so the kid has to wait until lunch to eat.

Rubin 5/10 Makes fun of Artemy’s poor lunches but does the exact same thing with his own lunches. He’s got an advantage because he was living with an Adult Who Knew What They Were Doing for a while, but again, he and Artemy are still two college aged kids with no dad. He probably pours leftover soup into a waterbottle with no way to heat it and he packs plain rice and cooked beans in a tupperware that he lovingly handwashes every night. Sends salt and pepper shakers to school with the kid so they can season their meals to their own tastes.

Andrey 6/10 He owns a bar, the bar has food, there are leftovers, problem solved. The kid gets several seperate bags of peanuts and chips and pretzel sticks and mini pickles. The tradablility of this food is PEAK. Nutrition wise and enjoyment wise this is not a good lunch but it makes up for it in tradability

Peter 2/10 Peter strikes me as the guy to pack leftovers. Sadly, he has to remember to eat to pack leftovers. Plus, he also strikes me as the guy to sleep until past noon. The lunches are good but inconsistant at the start. However I do think he gets better later, so a potential 6-7/10. Andrey and Peter, 10/10 Together they make the perfect lunch. High in snack tradability and high in the good leftovers from yesterday. The start’ll be a ton of snack food provided by Andrey, but by the time it gets tiring, Peter has adjusted his cooking habits so there’s more than enough food. Victor 6/10 The most normal of all the lunches, a rotating schedule different kind of foods, neatly seperated, with a variety of different snacks. Sadly the food just. sucks. He wants his kids to eat healthy but, like Artemy, has no idea what that means outside of ‘make sure they eat all the food groups‘. Adding points because he’s not a college student and has been a house husband for a while. Adding points because he probably has the plastic free waste free food containers. Subtracting points because he has too much time on his hands and got expirimental and makes something like air fried oil free aubergine wedges and banana-raisin sandwiches and fried duck with raspberry glaze packed in a tiny sauce container. and none of the food is tradable. Anna Angel 1/10 One cup of yogurt that opens in the kids bag and gets yogurt everywhere, one meal replacement protein smoothie. Nothing else.

Yulia 2/10 She hands the kid a packet of instant noodles. Upon recieving the information that the kid needs a snack and can’t boil water at the school. She packs them a bottle of water and an entire electric kettle. Points reduced for the lunch taking up the majority of the kids backpack and still sucking. Points reduced for impossible tradability.

Lara 7/10 Milk and bread and meat. If you bring the entire meal back to her at the end of the school day she’ll give you a handful of nuts. (She makes a peanut butter and jam sandwich with the crusts cut off and pack cherry tomatos and cucumbers sliced into quarters and a little box of raisins. Really good lunch but points reduced because the kid can’t eat with their friends at the peanut free tables.)

Eva Yan 7/10 She buys a shit ton of lunchables and keeps them in the fridge, but most of the time she brings really fancy stuff back from resteraunts in a little box and she can send the box to school as well. She tosses some candy in as a consolation whenever she feels the lunch is bad, but that just means the kid can trade for a better lunch.

Big Vlad 8/10 Every Sunday, he pre-makes all the lunches for the rest of the school week. Perfectly made to dietary restrictions, taking into account the snack time foods, takes into account what’s for breakfast and dinner so there’s none of the same food on the same day. Points reduced for the fact that for the last two days of the premade lunches, everything starts to taste like freezer. 

Vlad the Younger 5/10 He buys fast food on the way to school and hands it to them. For the first 2 weeks it’s the best lunch ever, but then the kid gets sick of fast food. For the next 4 months he’s got a high trade potential, but then all the other kids get sick of fast food as well. By the end of the year the poor kid would do anything for a normal lunch. 

Maria 3/10 No idea what children eat. She’s guessing on what her dad made for her. Ends up a bit like Artemy’s meals but she doesn’t balance for protein and carbohydrates so she really just hands the kid whatever. Kale. Chicken. A mushroom. An entire loaf of bread. It’s food, the kid should be greatful.

Oyun 5/10 Here take this poision... complete the school day before it kills you.... no he’s actually joking he packs a sandwich and a bottle of milk. The real trial is trying to make it through the school day without the milk’s lid coming off and soaking your bag Aspity 8.5/10 She tries for two days and makes semi decent lunches but ends up going to the school to ask to see the meals they serve in the canteen and their alternative dietary options. After her approval she gets the kid a lunch card, but packs celery or fruit gummys as a snack so the kid still gets to have a fun snack time. The Saburovs 1/10 You may only have lunch if you cast judgement on our enemies... No, just kidding. They forget to pack lunch most of the time. Katerina makes Clara do it for her, and Alexander makes the lunch when he gets up for work... approx. 2 hours after the kid has left for school. Georgiy 5/10 He makes the most decadent lunches he can. Figs and honeycomb and strawberries and goat cheese with delicate whole grain rice crackers and 4 types of sausage. He puts gold leaf and grapes in there. It would be a 9/10 for an adult but this is a 4th grader the kid probably doesn’t know how to eat most of it and probably doesn’t like half of it. The lunches become a game with everyone wanting a bite of the honeycomb and everyone getting it everywhere and it’s really fun but makes a mess and the kid probably ends up hungry still when lunch is over. Bad Grief 2/10 “Kid, just steal someone elses food. You’ll never learn how if you don’t start now. I believe in you.“ to “Ok your teacher just called and yelled at me so I’ll send you to school with this frozen pizza, ok? You just stick it in the oven at 180 for ten to fifteen minutes. Got it? Good.“ Alexander Block 3/10 Military rations. Cooked and gone cold. It’s really cool for a week and then its lame and terrible. Added points because he has no idea what kids eat and could probably be convinced that a jumbo bag of sweets is a normal daily amount. Aglaya 2/10 She interviews every child at school to find out what snacks would make them give up their lunch and sends those snacks and those snacks only. She saves money and the child improves their bartering skills. Reduced points because the other kids catch on and wont barter with her kid anymore, and her snacks have no nutrients.

[fandomlit]

neutral, chap. 2 (dream smp x reader)

series summary (in game!au) when an exiled tommy finally rebels against a manipulative dream, he finds safety in neutral territory, a place owned and guarded by you. staying in your safe haven opens up the younger one’s eyes to your way of life, while also revealing your deeper past before neutral; a past that involved a war for your love.

chapter summary tommy learns a little bit more about your relationship with dream before spending his day with ghostbur, exploring neutral territory and learning of the war that sparked its creation.

warning mentions of war, violence, and injuries

previous | series masterlist | next

gif cred belongs to @chillcrafting

“you have a package, y/n!” ghostbur called out just as you placed tommy’s breakfast in front of him. the ghoul’s words went completely ignored by tommy, whose gaze was solely focused on the beautiful stack of pancakes placed in front of him.

y/n smiled to herself. “you can bring it in, bur. i know who it’s from.” she shuffled syrup and butter over to tommy just as ghostbur came in with the fateful package.

tommy was already half way through scarfing down the stack of pancakes when y/n managed to open the package, ghostbur gazing over her shoulder. she took out a note set atop of the contents.

she read aloud, “y/n, i’m sorry i haven’t properly stopped by in a while. my work requires much of my undivided attention right now, which i’m sure you understand. please work your magic for me with the clothes included, and i will be sure to drop by for them and a meal soon. there are a few extra gifts included for you. i hope tommy isn’t burdening you. signed dream.”

“i’m not a burden!” tommy spoke offendedly through a mouthful of pancakes.

“you’re right, tommy,” y/n hummed, handing him a napkin to wipe some syrup off of his chin. “you’re perfect company.” tommy smiled to himself as he finished off his stack of pancakes. y/n sighed to herself, “clay really knows how to ruin a good piece of clothing..”

“so you and dream are close, y/n?” tommy grumbled, picking up his glass of milk.

she shrugged. “as close as you can be with someone you barely see.” she placed his battered clothes to the side, sighing again when she saw the rest of the contents of the box. tommy didn’t realize this, continuing with his questions.

“i remember that he respected your territory when he stepped into it,” he recalled. “he was going to kill me, but then he realized he was in neutral.”

y/n nodded. “when i made claimed this territory as neutral, i made a deal with everyone: i would mend and tailor anything you needed as long as you respected my territory as neutral.” she held up a box of diamonds and a smaller box of netherite to tommy’s view, making his mouth drop open with surprise. y/n held out another napkin to him for the milk that had sputtered out of his open mouth while ghostbur laughed into his hand. “clay is the only one who still tries to pay me.”

“with netherite?!” tommy exclaimed, letting out a surprised laugh.

y/n shrugged, seemingly not phased by the generous gift. “the nether..” she shook her head, placing the valuable materials onto the table, “is not a place i like to go. and most of this will probably be going toward dream’s armor, anyway.” she sighed, placing the gifts back into the box and laying the tattered shirts on top of them. “trust me, he’s still too kind for his own good with these sorts of materials.”

“how much netherite does that man have?” ghostbur scoffed, looking at how much was contained in the box.

“probably quadruple that amount,” y/n chuckled. “he has far too much free time.”

“and he doesn’t even spend it with you,” ghostbur sighed, shaking his head with a goofy smile.

“i know!” y/n spoke sarcastically before laughing out. she closed the box and set it under the table. “i’ll deal with that later. do you want any more pancakes, tommy?”

“no, i’m stuffed,” the teen yawned. “but thank you.”

she nodded. “well, then how about ghostbur shows you around the territory today?”

the boys perked up immediately. “really?”

“yeah,” she laughed, taking tommy’s empty plate. “you two can take the day to explore and have fun. go be a kid, kid.”

tommy excitedly looked up to his ghost friend. “fancy a game of ultimate tag?”

“you’re gonna get crushed,” ghostbur laughed before they both ran out of the house, laughing. y/n smiled.

“oh! i should make them lunch..”

...

“how big is this place?” tommy laughed after a few rounds of tag. they had found their way to a pond in a forested area, tommy deciding his knee needed a break after all of their running. 

“it’s bigger than you think,” ghostbur assured, making sure to keep an appropriate distance from the water as they sat along the small shore. “y/n claimed the territory before l’manberg, so there really wasn’t any need for a turf war of any sorts for what she settled.”

“how long has she lived here?” tommy questioned.

ghostbur shrugged. “almost two years, i think. she’s made quite the life for herself since.” more to himself, he muttered, “god, has it really been that long since it happened?”

“since what happened?” tommy asked, leaning closer to his friend with sparkling, curious eyes.

ghostbur sighed, “i’ll admit, i don’t remember too much.. but i know there was a fight. one of the first wars of our time, and it was all over y/n.”

“they were fighting for her?” tommy spoke with confusion. “she’s not an object.”

“very good, tommy,” ghostbur prided, patting his friend on the shoulder. “you’re right, she’s not. that’s why y/n left her original home and sought to create neutral territory; to end the fighting and create a place where peace could reign. in exchange, she’d offer her goods and services.”

“so they were fighting over her for her skills,” tommy understood. ghostbur made a face. “..or not?”

“both sides obviously wanted her skills, but i think y/n tends to neglect the fact that they were all madly in love with her,” ghostbur sighed, shaking his head.

tommy raised his eyebrows. “a crime of passion, eh?” he joked, making them both laugh out before he asked, “who was it?”

“let me think,” ghostbur sighed, tapping his chin. “i know one was dream, but the other.. i think it was-”

“boys! lunch is ready when you are!”

tommy turned back to ghostbur. “well? who?”

ghostbur shook his head. “sorry, tommy, i don’t remember that far. that’s as much as i can tell you.”

tommy couldn’t help but fel disappointed, but he knew he couldn’t blame his friend. “that’s alright, ghostbur. let’s go get lunch before y/n comes looking for us.”

...

after lunch and an insistent rematch of tag, ghostbur and tommy made their way to the organized garden area.

“y/n grows anything you can imagine,” ghostbur bragged as tommy marveled as the fluorescent, beautifully natural area. “she’s been to nearly every biome to complete her garden.”

“you can grow cocoa?!” tommy exclaimed when he finally spotted y/n, who was swinging an axe at a low jungle tree.

“y/n found a way,” ghostbur shrugged, guiding tommy over to her. “hey, y/n!”

“hi, boys,” she smiled, plucking off the plant she had loosened from the tree. “was lunch good? im sorry i didn’t stay and chat.”

“it was delicious,” ghostbur complimented, tommy nodding in agreement as his mind drifted back to the mouth watering coleslaw and toasted sandwiches she had prepared.

“that’s good!” she smiled, placing the cocoa plant on the ground. “you boys may want to step back.” they did as told as y/n swung her axe over her head, splitting the cocoa clean in half and revealing the delicious beans inside of it. “voila!”

ghostbur clapped politely. “thank you,” y/n laughed, dropping her axe and picking up the split plant. “would you boys like a sample?”

“sure,” tommy shrugged, stepping forward with ghostbur. he picked out a few beans before popping them into his mouth. breaking through the semi-tough shell, the delicious, dark taste flooded his taste buds and made him nearly moan, as y/n’s food often did. he and ghostbur shared a look of satisfaction before he voiced, “oh, y/n.. they’re perfect.”

“that’s good,” she laughed before nudging her bucket closer to her and scooping the seeds out into it. “how has your day around the territory been?”

“entertaining,” tommy spoke before asking, “how did you get into gardening, y/n?”

y/n gave ghostbur a knowing smile before she answered the younger boy’s question, “i was tired of eating only meat and bread. gardening was a way to expand my diet to more than just carbs and proteins. also, it’s very calming.” they followed when she hiked up her bucket and moved to the next jungle tree.

“is it?” tommy questioned.

she affirmed with a nod. “it’s nice to be able to spend a day tending to things you made. the fruits of your own harvest are the sweetest, they say.” they watched as she knocked down another cocoa plant.

“they are,” tommy nodded solemnly, his mind drifting to a sadder, more familiar place. “that’s why i miss l’manberg.”

y/n was barely surprised by the boy’s open confession. she tossed her axe down again, going to place a hand on tommy’s shoulder. “i know you do, tommy, and i know it’s rough right now. but what we’re playing here is a waiting game; we’re waiting for a safe opportunity to get you home, and in the meantime, i’ll take care of you, kid.”

tommy offered you another nod and a smile. “we?”

y/n gave him a kind grin. “im going to help you as best as i can from where i am. and i know that’s not much from me, but i know that everyone deserves a home that they love. and you can’t get there alone, kid.”

“you’re right about that,” tommy sighed before looking into her kind eyes. “thank you, y/n. your help means a lot.”

she squeezed his shoulder. “of course, tommy. you and ghostbur go explore some more; try to keep your mind on the things you can control.” she picked her axe back up.

tommy looked to the pitying ghoul beside him before looking back to y/n, a new thought fresh in his mind. “can you teach me how to cook?”

y/n grinned as she lifted her axe over her head again. “of course i can, tommy.”

tommy smiled as she cracked open the plant. he looked back to ghostbur. “wanna go for a swim?” the ghost shot him a fearful look. “im kidding! im kidding, let’s go use some pigs for target practice.” they both began to walk off, chatting and giggling before tommy turned and called, “y/n!” she looked up attentively. “what’s for dinner?”

she smiled. “i was thinking ribs!”

tommy’s mouth watered at the thought. “oh my god, i can’t wait to learn how to cook..”

tag list!! @vanhakirja @victory-is-here @inkyynki @airiour @sylum @kiritokunuwu @221bee-slytherin @bllatrixcarpnter @soullesstaco @stxrryb1tch​ comment below or message me if you would like to be added <3

[gayfrenchtoast]

Okay fine we're doing this. I havent read the books and I'm probably not going to I've only seen the movies so I'm sorry if anything I say is contradictory or has already been stated.

So! Descendants 3 was kinda shit and I dont like it but especially because of the ending because everybody was like "oh yeah island is open and we're all happy with no worries or implications about free villains or people being spiteful about being imprisoned for years!" In fact if anything they joked about those things.

The island is basically its own culture, I can't say how long it's been around, long enough for some almost adult kids to be about and to develop a kind of community.

The Isle is a place of poverty, people are dirty and on the street, eveyone steals from each other and most people don't put much effort into appearance upkeep (personal or of the sourounding area) not because of laziness or being "evil" but because they clearly don't have time or luxury to do such things or possibly even the clean water. Does the Isle have clean water?? How to they get electricity??? Someone tell me!

Another thing that I've noticed is easy to see but is not much explicitly said is the unique style of those on the Isle. As previously stated they don't have much but those who have the most "power" and such on the Isle are the best example of this As they have the most colourful outfits. However these outfits are often made out of patches and ripped things put together, even salvaged things like nets and chains as we can see on thing like Uma and Harry's outfits in D3 they make the best of what they've got and they do fantastic because their outfits are intricate and detailed and just tell you everything you need to know about them. Which is why it's a damn s h a m e when the original VK's ajust their style to be more like Auradon's. That's not an improvement! Be proud of where you came from!! It's like they forgot what it was like being on the Isle in D3!

Moving on, here's something that was touched on in D2 but not enough. Equality. On the Isle there is basically equal opportunity as in saying everything is shit and nome cares what gender and presumably what sexuality you are as long as you can work. Sexism is shown to be almost casual in aurodon from the looks of it, Chad makes sexist comments and litterally none else says anything or seems to see anything wrong with it except Jay who caves to pressure from peers and expectations. He does redeem himself because he's from the isle and he knows you shouldn't give a shit about anyone's gender or anything. If they can do something and ask to be included you give them that opportunity. The sexism is also implied in the way that the rule book has men written specifically in the first place and that it has taken until then for anyone but boys to be allowed on any kind of sports team. We never see it! It seems to be the hetronormative veiw where the boys do sport and girls do cheerleeding and other genders? What other genders? Never heard of that? BAD AURADON!! I bet there's so many trans folk on the island just living their lives, thinking Aurodon is the better place and not knowing that it's a cis het filled nightmare.

Okay no I'm headcannoning now, if their are now a bunch of Isle kids at auradon prep they find it fucking aweful the way all these preppy royals are treating them and make the first LGBT club in Auradon. There is lots of pushback and they get bullied a fuck ton for making themselves the most prominent queer folk in the school until a fight breaks out and the club demand that they should be treated better, taking all the evidence to fairy godmother who is very hesitant because COME ON she's never been that great she is biased to Auradon kids and if putting away those in the Isle is brought up she is all on it, she is jelly spined about doing anything against the royal kids. So the kids are like "Fine, if you won't help us we'll take this to the King himself!" Well mainly the queer mom's of the group (you know the ones I'm talking about) who lead the others and protect the anxious queers as they storm to Ben at his fucking locker and demand an audience because they are being harassed and bullied and none is doing anything. Ben had no idea there was even a LGBT club (too busy ig) and is gassed there is one for a moment before he's like "wait people are harassing you?" So Bisexual King Ben gets his lovely Bi wife and they start coming to club meetings and investing in the pins and stuff the club makes. Most club members are pleased but the queer mom's are apprehensive that this will help until some assholes come to the club to do their usual bullying only to find King and Queen Beast themselves siting there with rainbow bracelets and bi pins and all trying to have a nice old time eating their fucking cupcakes what the fuck are yall doing? The bullying dies down quick once they realise it ain't gonna fly, the other OG VK's that hear about this become members and very protective over their queer children. Did I mention Dizzy and Ceila are a part of the club? They're girlfriend's. Celia is one of the queer moms. Harry becomes one of the biggest protectors over the group as the pan dad. He's been going around snogging everyone and anyone wholl snog him everyone already knew he was queer they just didn't have the balls to try and bully him over it as much as they bullied the lil club members. But now Harry can often be seen in jackets and shit with pan and general queer patches and pins and running around with his gay children yelling "MOVE WE'RE GAY!!" He totally calls them his queer crew. Anyway as a result lots of queer royals start coming out of the woodwork, obvs Lonnie is one of them, and the club eventually serves to bring members of Auradon and the Isle close together.

Where was I? Yada yada auradon expects girls to be pretty princesses and boys to be brave knights or dashing princes. It's shit and should stop being portrayed as good. Moving on!

Food! One of the things we'll established in all movies is that the food of the Isle is shit compared to food of Auradon. The Isle has no fresh fruit which likely means its almost impossible for things to grow there which is fair because again there doesn't seem to be much fresh water and there are always clouds overhead so no sun. Maybe there is some people trying really hard to grow stuff but the general attitude of the Isle seems to be "there is no time for that" and fruits are forgotten so much that the VK's litterally don't knownwhat they are when they come across them. That and anything containing sugar. Actually it's mention by Dizzy and Celia that they enjoy the fact that the cake dosent have dirt or flies so basically food there is terrible. We don't see much food on the Isle but what we do see seems to be beans, eggs, chips and shellfish. Basically protine and carbs that can be easily stored and produced. To be fair beans are kidna good for you but they're likely a sign that if they get any imports from the mainland it is canned stuff. Prison food. There's probably some chef villain that is trying their best to make good food out of the shit but honestly the Isle dwellers should be angry that they've been deprived of good food for so long not happy they're finally been given decency.

Moving on, music! Auradon dosent have nearly as many musical numbers it seems, the Isle songs have a distinct style, to them, the villains that basically "founded" the place were masters of the dramatic songs (with backup or solo) so banging music is basically ingrained in the music's culture, even for battle as we see with the fight between Mal and Uma in D3. Meanwhile Auradon seems to have mainly romance and "I want" songs. Even Audrey's villain song is basically an I want song.

Okay let's talk about the Villains. We've established that the VK's are not inherently bad. However not all of them can be totally good and there are legit OG Villains just kinda chillin on the Isle. They've obviously lost quite a bit of their power, motivation and sanity (isolation will do that to ya as they lost everything and the VKs know no different) but deadass? They were bad guys. You can try to rehabilitate them sure but you've basically just let them free roam, they could make a runner and you wouldn't get the chance. They were also shitty patents which is brushed over/joked about in the interaction between Carlos and...man I feel bad I forgot her name deadass their relationship seemed to come out of nowhere in the second film she didn't seem interested in them at all and friendzoned them multiple times I'm pretty sure Disney did that becaue queer kids were relating to Carlos and headcanoning them as queer (which they deffinatly are) but deadass their mom is an attempted animal murderer and has hurt her child as we can see from how they're afraid of her and her rhetoric and yet it's "haha I'm afraid to meet your ma!" "Me too cus im a dog! Lol!" Fuuuuck offfffff

I think I'm running out of thoughts so here's a last one for now; with the magical barrier down a bunch of magical Villains kids should be coming out for the woodwork. We know Mal has magic basically stored in her so it's is possible, she technically doesn't need the spellbook to do magic it is just inherent to her. So with the diverse range of people from the isle there are deffinatly magic folk in there. Actually if we're following Disney movie law I saw something mentioning Jay being half Genie and yeah! He should be half Genie! Jafar got turned into a Genie he's probably only human because of the barrier! Oh also Ben should be able to go beast on command as long as he had a better beast form than he did in the movies. And give him back the beard and fangs like fuck you he looked so much better

Okay I'm done for now

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 40 - Appeal for buzzword of the year.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Oh, thats noisy! *Adjusting chair*

J: Haha

K: How noisy.

J: I feel like I've been seeing you every day.

K: Yeah, what could that be?

T: Yeah.

J: Yeah, its strange.

K: Yeh, I feel like I saw you yesterday.

J: Thats right.

T: Yeah.

K: Did something happen, I wonder?

J: Yeah, something might have...

K: Haha.

J: Anyhow, I drank too much last night, and I have quite a hangover today.

K: Oh really? Yeh, your face somehow looks a bit swollen.

J: Right?

K: Haha

J: *To Tasai* Have you been drinking? For the end of the year?

T: Not at all.

J: Oh, you havn't? How about you Kaoru?

K: Oh, I have.

J: Have you? Not too much though?

K: No, I've been ok.

Kami: *sneezes*

J: I just heard a sneeze!

K,T: Hahaha.

J: Kami sneezed like, 'Ahhchoo'. Haha, what great timing to sneeze.

K: Ok, so this week, its still a little early, but lets  go with this topic. Joe, could you..?

J: Yes. 'Early predictions for buzzword of the year. The most symbolic word of the year is...?' Well, there have already been 30 nominations released for the buzzword of the year. But, well, there are predictions, and most of the words for 2020 are corona related. At the moment the prediction for #1 is 'social distance', #2 is 'the Three C's', #3 is 'Stay Home', #4 is 'Covid crisis', #6 is 'Abe no mask', #9 is 'Amaebi'..

K: Its 'Amabie'. (*This is the name of a spirit which is believed to ward off plagues*)

J: Ah, Amabie, yes. What did I say?

K: Ama ebi (*sweet shrimp*).

T: Very delicious stuff will come.

J: That sounds odd.

K: haha

J: Uh, #10 is 'State of Emergency'. 8 out of the top 10 are corona related. There are also others such as 'Go To Campaign', 'PCR test', and 'Self-restraint police' etc within the nominations.

K: I see.

J: What do you two think about a buzzword for this year?

T: Was there something..?

J: In terms of this show?

K: Oh, on this show?

J: Yeh, something from this show.

K: Well, there should be something.

J: Haha, yeah.

K: A lot of things were said off the cuff.

T: Yeah, haha.

J: I've a feeling our buzzword of the year might be something that Kami has said, haha.

T: There must be so many things, but..

K: You somehow can't remember, right?

T: Yeah, I can't remember.

J: Yeh, I can't remember either.

T: Its strange.

J: Does this mean the stuff Kami has said has left no impression on me?

K: Haha

J: Even though he talks a lot..

T: Yeah.

K: There must be something..

T: Yeah, there must be.

Kami: I say a lot of good stuff.

J: Good stuff?

Kami: Yeah, I say good stuff.

J: Im sorry Kami, you havn't left much of an impression. 

Kami: I havn't?

J: Sorry.

K: He changes quite a lot doesn't he?

J: Yeah, he has no sense of consistency.

T: Haha, thats true.

J: ???*1

T: There is like '¥1000 p/h' with Kami.

J: '¥1000 p/h'!

T: One of Kami's words.

K: Or 'Night-shift'.

J: Oh, 'Night-shift', right.

T: He kinda has a 'Kani kōsen/The Crab Cannery Ship' feel to him. (*A 1929 proletarian novel by Kobayashi Takiji*)

J: Haha, he has a sense of Kobayashi Takiji, right?

T: Yeah, haha.

J: But as for this show, we did mention Hanshin quite a bit.

K: Hmmm, well...

J: Not enough to make it a buzzword of the year?

K: Sometimes.

J: Only sometimes? Does Tokyo Sports have anything, like articles that were a big hit, outside of corona?

T: Well, there was a surprising amount of negative news.

J: Right?

T: Things about all the suffering that took place this year.

J: Wasn't there any really silly Tokyo Sportsy stories that took off?

T: I don't think there was this year.

J: Wasn't there?

T: Because its always been about Tenryu.(*Former Pro-wrestler*)

K: Hahaha.

T: Sorry about that everyone, this new Reiwa era has been...

J: Is Tenryu still active?

T: Haha, no..

K: No, he's not.

T: The viewers might be ??? *2

J: By Tenryu, you mean Tenryu Genichiro, right?

T: Yes.

K: But he does appear on TV quite a bit.

T: For any one who doesn't know what we're taking about, we'll just say he's on tv sometimes.

K: Choshu san too, right? (*Former Pro-wrestler*)

T: Yeah.

J: Ah, Choshu san? Yeah. 

T: We run stories about the secret 'Tenryu metal bat' incident, and stuff.

K: But we want that kind of thing, right?

J: Yeh, everyone expects its to be corona corona corona, but on the other hand if you go with Tenryu..

K: Haha, Tenryu for buzzword of the year??

J: Yeah, haha. Wouldn't it be great if our buzzword for the year was 'Tenryu'?

T: I think it would be for Tokyo Sports...Tenryu, or..'Big boobs' or something like that.

J: Ahh. Well, we need something for this show, The Freedom of Expression. Like, 'Night shift'?

T: Hmm, 'night shift' or..I feel like you've said quite a few puns, Joe.

J: I probably have.

K: But actually, last time...Kami was saying 'small boobs' quite a lot.

J, T: Hahaha

J: He was! The buzzword of the year: Small boobs?

T: There's quite a lot of things 'lacking' about this show too though, isn't there? Haha.

K: Yeh, lacking good taste. It can't be helped.

J: Well, yeh, Kami is vulgar. We can't change that. Isn't there anything you can think of, Kaoru? Anything unforgettable..a symbol of 2020?

K: I feel like there should be.

T: Oh, but there was Hosojimaya too!

J: Hosojimaya, yeh. Carbohydrate + carbohydrate.

K: That was your..

T: Your favourite set meal right?

J: I always end up saying that...Carbs + carbs.

T: Oh, I remember one. When Kaoru was eating ramen at Hosojimaya, he said 'I'm collecting all the onions in one spoon'.

K: Hahaha

J: Collecting all the onions in one spoon?

T: It was that delicious.

J: When you were drinking the soup?

K: Yeah.

T: Yeh, he was like, 'The onions are so good, I can get them all into one spoon!'. That one stands out for me.

J: Haha 'Collecting the onions in one spoon', the buzzword for 2020?

K: But I do sit there eating that for a long time, the onions and stuff.

T: Yeh, you were saying, 'This is so good'.

J: Why is that? You are not remembering being poor as a kid?

K: I just like onions.

J: You like onions?

T: They are delicious.

J: I like them too. I still go to Hosojimaya sometimes.

K: Oh, do you?

J: Yeah.They said they've had a few customers who saw the restaurant on this show. So thank you for that.

K: It'd be nice to go to some other places lIke that. A Chinese restaurant or something.

J: Yeah, it would. I wanna go to Chinese restaurants so much that the buzzword for the show next year will be 'Chinese restaurants'!

T: Haha

K: Im not sure about that just yet...

J: Oh, is that a bit too much? haha. But, I don't know why I said 'Sweet prawn' (amaebi), instead of Amabie. When I shake my head, I can feel the alcohol sploshing around.

K: But when this came out at first, we didn't know anything about it, did we?

T: I still don't really. What is it?

K: Im not that sure..

J: Its like a spirit to protect against infectious disease. I don't know where this came from. Its like a strange looking character. Amabie..

T: But Joe-style is Ama ebi.

K: Was sweet prawn a thing this year? haha.

J: I messed up..

K: Its the first I've heard of it!

T: Haha, yeh.

J: Well, yeh, sweet prawn didn't really come up in our lives during 2020. But don't you wanna come up with something that is unrelated to corona?

T: Yeah.

K: Well, yeh.

J: Kami, do you have any ideas?

Kami: As for me? I kinda want this one to do well...'Ojikun' (*A trend of younger women falling for middle aged men*). Its not in the nominations, is it?

T: Oh, Ojikyun, yeah.

J: What is Ojikyun?

T: There was this tv drama with a bunch of middle aged men, and the younger women thought they were cute. Like they fell for them.

K: Oh, I remember something like that.

T: Yeah, it was a manga too.

J: Ojikyun...that sounds good.

K: *points at Joe* You think you are old enough for Ojikyun?

J: I really want that to happen.

K: Well, that makes us all Ojikyun.

J: Haha, no no, thats totally me.

T: Joe, you are still young!

J: No no, really. Lets go with 'Ojikyun'.

K: You keep saying we should go with everything, haha.

J: Well, you see, the alcohol is affecting me today, it really is.

K: Ok, lets appeal for suggestions...

J: Oh, yeah.

K:...for this show's buzzword of the year.

T: Ah, I see.

K: Lets see which things have left an impression on the viewers.

T: Well, for me its Kaoru collecting all those onions. So, we want to know what other things have stood out to the viewers.

J: Yeah. I liked the hoodie.

T: Oh, the Tokyo Sports hoodie?

J: Yes.

T: Oh, thank you.

J: Tokyo Sports hoodie. Is it a buzzword, or maybe a trending item?

T: Oh, that makes me so happy.

K:  Is it selling?

T: Well, thanks to this show, and Joe modelling it..

J: No no no.

T: Joe, the fashion leader.

J: Im not a fashion leader at all. I only ever wear black.

K: Hahaha

T: Is it Kyary pamyu pamyu or Joe Yokomizu? haha

J: What are you talking about? haha. Okay, I'll go with 'Tokyo Sports Hoodie' for the buzzword.

T: Thank you. ??? *3

J: Haha. Thank you ???

T: Yeah.

J: So, lets ask the viewers for thier suggestions.

K: Yeah, lets.

J: Which was the best word on the show this year, or the most symbolic.

T: Sounds good.

K: So, should we choose the one with the most votes as the winner?

J: I guess thats how it would go.

T: Well, we can't forget about what Kami wants..

K: So, like we can choose one, and if we remember it...We won't just go by which had the most suggestions.

T, J: Yeh, yeh, yeh.

K: And we can give one of the radio stickers as a present to that person.

J: Oh, those stickers! Thats a good idea.

Kami: Um, this might be a bit different from a buzzword, but Dir en grey did that online live show, right?

T, K, J: Yes.

Kami: Not the online live, I mean the streamed setlist chosen by members.

T, K, J: Oh yes

Kami: When the new song 'World of Mercy' was played, everyone said, 'Its Tashiro!'. (*Controvesial former tv star Tashiro Masashi, nicknamed 'Marcy', prosecuted for filming up womens' skirts and drug use. Marcy/マーシー and Mercy/マーシー have the same pronunciation in Japanese.*)

T: Ah, I see, haha.

K: Oh, that. Marcy..

Kami: Yes, Marcy/Mercy, its Tashiro. Could that be a buzzword?

T: I mean, what can we say about that?

J: I guess it is...

K: Well, it is, but if a regular person saw it, they would think of that Marcy (*as opposed to Dir's Mercy).

J: Haha, 'that Marcy'? Should we include 'Tashiro'?

T: I mean, it is a thing amongst the fans.

Kami: Within this show...Tashiro.

T: Online slang is pretty interesting, right?

J: Yeah.

K: Lets just put this Mercy/Marcy talk to one side, shall we? Haha.

J: Really. We ended up talking about this kind of thing before we even realised it.

K: But yeah, Id like to decide on a buzzword for the year for the Freedom of Expression, so please send us your suggestions.

J: Where should they send them to?

K: Er, in the comments for this vid, or on my twitter. I'll write a tweet about this, so people can reply to that. Ok, well, lets finish here this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1,2,3 - Either couldn't hear, or couldn't figure out.

[sup-hoes-its-me]

A Hero III (Shinsou x Reader)

A/N: okay, so this is definitely the last part. I had so much fun writing this tbh, i really hope you guys enjoy it. I love love love writing jealousy. This chapter is all fluff, so sweet it’ll give you cavities. God, the thought of seeing shinsou smile and be happy, wow. im in love with him. Have fun reading and comment if you want more shinsou in the future

word count: 5200

Part One/Part Two/Part Three

“Shinsou, what do you think of this?” she held up a dress on the hanger. The price wasn’t nearly as bad as the other things in here, and it wasn’t in an ugly color. It was purple, of course. She loved purple ever since she met her friend. Her notebooks were purple and so was her new bedspread. It was nice to curl up in a cave of violet each night, almost like a night-long hug from him. 

Gosh, she felt herself becoming flustered just thinking about it. You’re friends, Y/N. just because someone is nice to you does not mean they want to go out with you, seriously. She kept telling herself over and over in her head to focus on the task at hand.

They were shopping, specifically for her uncle’s wedding. She had literally nothing that looked mildly appropriate, her closet just stuff to the brim with uniforms and jeans and sweaters, nothing fancy. Two days before the actual ceremony, her mother woke her up early on a Sunday. “Go out and get yourself something nice to wear. I seriously cannot believe both of my children dress like complete slobs everyday.” Y/N heard her hothead mother say in her head once more. Did she really dress like a slob? She didn’t think so. Her clothes weren’t in fashion but also weren’t ugly. 

Shinsou peered up from his phone where he sat on the bench. He didn’t necessarily plan on going out to the mall that day, he was actually going to sleep for most of it. He was quite surprised when he woke up at 10a.m. to his phone ringing and vibrating on the bedside table. Without putting in much thought, he suddenly found himself dressed and walking down the road to her house. 

“It looks fine.”

“Just fine? If it’s ugly, you have to tell me because mom will make me return it and get something else,” she complained.

“In that case, probably not. It’s kinda plain, don’t you think?” he commented. He stood from the bench. “Although, I do appreciate you only looking at purple dresses, let’s try something else.” He hummed to himself, as he walked past her. He didn’t really have an eye for women’s clothes, not at all. He just looked at them and tried to imagine Y/N wearing it. How the colors would look against her skin, and how it would flatter her shape. He tried not to think about her body too much, it would fluster him  and he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eyes, he was sure of it.

“Let’s try red.”

“Red? Like blood?” she asked. He turned to look at her with a raised brow before he remembered she spent her days surrounded by her own blood, as that’s what he quirk entailed. Of course she would associate the color with it. Scrap that idea.

“Okay then, let’s try blue.” She nodded, agreeing with him. She never wore too much color, but that one wasn’t too bad. “Your budget is what? 100 dollars, right?” he asked as his eyes skimmed the racks in the area. Now that he looked at it, dresses really didn’t look that great when they just hung there. 

She stepped up to walk at his side. “Yes. Do you see anything you like?”

“Not really. I have to see them on you to know if they’re good or not,” he told her. His eyes trailed down to a modest blue dress, okay for a party with family members. “Try this one. And then,” he scanned the room once more before walking over and grabbing another one. “Try this one. I’ll wait outside until you’re done.”

She took the dresses from his hands and pressed them to her chest. She would have never picked either of these dresses as they weren’t her style. She was self conscious in the first place, so she tended to avoid wearing anything that would draw attention to her. Just the thought of walking around in a nice dress, eyes turning to stare, it made her feel anxious. 

Still, she was only with Shinsou. She didn’t have to worry about him seeing her. He wouldn’t judge or stare if she asked him not to. That’s the whole reason she brought him, because she wanted company and she trusted his opinion. If she looked bad, she was sure he would tell her to keep her from embarrassment. 

In the dressing room, she slipped out of her casual clothes and threw the dress over her head, letting it fall down to rest against her body. The fabric was soft against her skin, and she felt herself running her fingers along the fabric, sighing at how delicate the material was. There wasn’t a design really, it was a pretty plain dress, but it fit perfectly. Usually clothes on fit right in one place and wrong in another, but this one wasn’t like that. She would have to see what it looked like with the zipper up.

“Hitoshi, can you come in?”

“What?”

“I need your help. My arms aren’t long enough to pull up the zipper,” she called to him again. Hesitantly, he stood from the little viewing bench and knocked on the door, which she had locked from the inside. She unlatched the little hook and cracked it open enough for him to slip in. 

Admittedly, he felt weird, being in the dressing room with her; it felt so foreign to him. He kept his eyes trailed on the wall, not daring to look at her incase she was at all indecent. If Shinsou Hitoshi knew how to do anything, it was respecting women. “So what did you need?”

“Just do the zipper the rest of the way. I only got it halfway up,” she told him, and he looked down at her. She stood facing away from him, and indeed half the zipper was open. Carefully, with as much finesse as he could muster, he pulled up the zipper without touching much of her bare skin. He did rest a hand on her shoulder though to hold the dress in place.

You’re just friends. This shouldn’t even be a problem for you, he thought. But it was a problem. He felt flustered and a bit bothered, if he were being completely honest. He was so distracted he didn’t even hear what she was saying until she shook his arm. 

“Yeah?”

“I said, how does this one look? It’s super comfortable, I have to say that.” First, she smoothed down the skirt and then she raised her arms slightly to her sides so he could see the whole thing. 

He almost choked. She looked amazing. He loved seeing her in whatever clothes she wanted to wear. Uniform, big sweaters, jeans, pyjamas, it didn’t matter, she looked equally amazing in everything. It’s just something about seeing someone you care about so much in fancy clothes that leaves you shocked and mouth agape. 

Subtly, he cleared his throat, and looked away from her. “Well, that’s settled. You’re gonna leave with that one.”

Y/N turned a bit in the mirror, checking herself and the dress out. It did look awfully nice on her, but she just couldn’t see herself wearing something so nice. She would probably think that about any dress she put on, and since Shinsou said he liked this one, it must be good. “Are you sure?”

He looked at her again, standing beside her so he could see her in the mirror as well. He ran a hand through his hair, and nodded. “Definitely. I don’t think you’ll find anything better than that one.”

“Really? What about this exact dress but in purple?” she laughed. 

“Okay, maybe.”

He turned to leave, so she could get dressed but she stopped him. “Wait, you gotta unzip it too.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

He walked up to stand behind her, his hands shaking only a little. He was surprised he wasn’t about to pass out. He rest one hand on her shoulder once again and the other pulled down the zipper slowly. It probably would have made it a lot easier on him if he just did it swiftly and then evaded the room immediately. Once it was down though, he was extremely quick to leave the room, undoing the latch, and sliding out of the room. 

“Are you okay, Hitoshi?” the girl asked, and from outside the room, he could hear her slipping the dress off and the cloth hitting the floor. 

Jesus Christ.

After a minute, the door unlatched and she walked out, carrying both the dresses on her arm. “Just have to put this one back and then we can get out of here,” she said, walking through the racks to hang up the second dress which she never even got the chance to try on. He was glad for that, as he didn’t have to go through that process again. He almost felt out of breath.

Why was he so immature? They weren’t little kids. She was his friend, and helping her put on her dress wasn’t anything to get worked up over. She was acting like everything was fine and nothing intimate just happened at all. It left him feeling almost ashamed with himself for overreacting. Clearly, she thought it was a normal thing.

As she bought her stuff at the counter, he shuffled awkwardly to the side. “Y/N, you wanna get something to eat after this?” Food would make him feel better. Carbs can do magic in almost all situations.

“Yes. Did you have anything in mind?”

“No, I thought I’d let you pick.” For a moment, she paused to exchange money with the lady at the counter. She hung the bag with her dress inside on her arm and turned to walk out of the store with her friend, who had his hands now shoved deep in his jacket pockets.

“Fried chicken,” she asked hopefully, looking up to him. 

“Sure. You find us a table while I go and get the food,” he told her, and she could only nod in agreement. It was fucking hard to find a table in these crowded malls. Slowly, her eyes scanned the room and the dozens of people gathered around the tables eating their meals of choice. Finally, out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted a table with only one chair and some trash sitting on it, but that was as good as they were gonna get. She walked over and picked up the leftover tray and tossed it in the trash a couple feet away. 

“Excuse me, can I borrow one of these chairs?” she asked the table beside them with a couple extra chairs around, and they nodded, but their subtle glares told her she was bothering them. She cringed, but still dragged the chair over and took a seat. Her eyes wandered back over to Shinsou, who was waiting in line, but surprisingly, there was a girl standing right beside him. She was way too far away to hear what they were speaking about, but the girl seemed to be talking up a storm. 

Maybe he knew her.

Damn, she sure is pretty, Y/N thought. Why did Shinsou know such a beautiful lady? He could talk to whoever he wanted, it wasn’t her place to say anything, she was just curious. Really, really, curious. So, she buried her nose in her phone to avoid those thoughts. Shinsou was free to talk to whoever he wanted. 

It was fine, whatever. 

Really. 

Y/N couldn’t care less. 

...

Okay, so (not) secretly, she cared a fuck ton.

After a while, she heard the chair across from her scratch against the floor and a tray be placed in the middle of the table. “Y/N, what are you looking at so angrily over there?” he asked, and she looked up from her phone, bewildered. Was she glaring at her own phone, where she was just looking at memes?

“Oh, uh, nothing. Thanks for the food. I could have paid my share.”

He raised a brow, clearly confused. She never turned down free food. Not once. Who does that? “Why? I offered anyway.”

“I know, but like...Well, I don’t know. I guess you’re right.” She took a bite of her food, but it didn’t taste very good. Instead, it just tasted bitter, like how she was feeling. 

“Seriously, what’s up with you?”

“It’s nothing,” Y/N said calmly, adding, “I’m just curious who that girl was you were talking to.”

He thought for a moment before remembering. He’d completely forgotten that some lady tried talking to him. She was so insignificant that he just pushed it from his mind. He had better things to think about. He replied casually, “Oh, her? I don’t even know. She just came up to me and started talking to me.”

“About what?” 

He shrugged. He didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t even think Y/N noticed her come up to him, nor did he think she would care. “Well, quite frankly, she was flirting with me, I think. She asked for my phone number and stuff…” Really, he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. 

She felt her skin turn hot with anger, and even some embarrassment. Anyone could flirt with him, it didn’t matter to her how many girls he had on his phone. It wasn’t even her business. He could have a girlfriend and she couldn’t do shit about it. He was her friend, and she had to support him. 

Only, that was easier said than done.

“Did you give her your number?”

“No, actually I told her to fuck off and leave me alone,” he answered, very bluntly at that. “Are you okay? You sound like you’re mad with me now.”

She shook her head, frustrated that she let her emotions show through so much. She was never good at that kind of thing, but she wished she could have avoided this entire conversation all together. “I’m fine. It doesn’t even matter, let's just eat.”

“Are you...Shit, are you jealous?” he asked. His lips turned up in a grin, seeing her face morph into one of a person who has been caught red handed. Deer in the headlights sort of expression. He found it funny. He didn’t really care if she was jealous, of what exactly, he didn’t know. He just thought it was so incredibly hilarious that she was.

“N-No!”

“You definitely are.”

“And so what if I am?” she huffed, shoving a couple french fries into her mouth angrily. 

“Nothing really. I’m just surprised,” he teased, “Are you not getting enough attention, Y/N?”

“Shinsou, shut up! Now you’re just making fun of me!” she cried, covering her face with her hands. 

He smiled, watching as he squirmed in her seat. She was so cute. He was having fun, just sitting here in this food court was actually a ton of fun for him, and for him any kind of fun was pretty rare. She kept putting french fries in her mouth to hide how she was pouting and how she couldn’t even look him in the eye. He noticed, and it only made his smile last longer. 

Dammit, he loved her.

________________________________

Y/N sat at her desk, packing up her books and pens into her book bag. Class was over for the day, which meant she would go to the dorms and do her homework. A few days out of the week, Shinsou would go to train with his mentor, and today just happened to be that day. 

“So, you have training today with Aizawa-sensei?” she asked.

He shook his head as he leant against her desk, waiting for her to be done. “Not today, he’s out sick.”

“Oh, good. You can help me with my homework then.” She stood up from her desk and slung her bag over her shoulder. “You’re so smart, I’m jealous. I wish it was that easy for me.”

“You’re smart, just in a different way, Y/N.”

“Oh, yeah? What way? I’m stupid at everything.”

“You’re really good at picking friends.”

She laughed, pushing on his shoulder. Of course he would say that. He was never confident, in fact, he kinda hated himself. Most high schoolers do. But it was easy to crack jokes like that, and she always enjoyed them. It made him feel better about himself at the same time. To affirm time and time again that he was a good friend, good for her at least. Other friends he’d had before just ditched him because they didn’t like him. 

Just as she walked out the door into the hall, the purple haired boy following closely behind, another student from their class approached them, his hand tucked behind his back. She didn’t really know him all that much. His quirk was very insignificant, and he didn’t have much of a personality either. 

Truly though, when she was in class, she didn’t see anyone but the professor and Shinsou. It was pretty simple.

“Bakugo-chan, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Um, sure, Tanaka. Is there something you needed?”

His eyes slid over to the tall, brooding figure behind her, who just stared off into space pretty mindlessly. She noticed the boy looking, but didn’t think much of it. Shinsou was fine there.

“Go ahead,” she said, and he snapped out of his daze.

“You see, I’ve been watching you since the beginning of the school year. I think you are the most beautiful and kind person I’ve ever met,” he confessed, his words nearly slurring together as he spoke so fast. She blinked, not expecting a confession from the boy, or anyone for that matter. She swore they had only spoken maybe two times, maximum. Why would he like her?

Shinsou looked over now from the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to make the kid uncomfortable. He wasn’t a bad guy, just another student trying to become the best they could be. Yet, he really, really hated hearing someone else talk that way about her. He was almost sure only he thought those things about Y/N; how beautiful she was, kind, strong, smart, and perfect. Now it seemed other people did as well? The thought of other people...fantasizing about his sweet friend made him feel sick to his stomach.

Then, much to her displeasure, the boy pulled out a small bouquet of flowers that were obviously picked from outside in the courtyard as they were mostly a mix of weeds and leaves. He shoved them in her direction, urging her to take them. Reluctantly, the plants found their way into her hands. “I really hope you like the flowers. I tried to pick the colors that would compliment your eyes.”

Wow, okay. 

“Thank you, Tanaka-kun. They sure are pretty,” she said. Desperately, she wanted to just run away and pretend this encounter never happened. She never thought this would happen to her of all people. A loser like her. 

“If you aren’t dating anyone else, I would like to take you on a date this weekend. We can go anywhere you want,” he asked hopefully, his eyes full of anticipation and yearning. “Please, you won’t regret it. I’ll make you so happy, Bakugo-chan. Please.”

Oh, God, he was begging. 

“I’m sorry, but you should take these flowers back and give them to some other girl,” Y/N said as gently as she could, taking the boy’s hand to place the flowers into his palm. Immediately, the boy’s face crumbled, and his cheeks turned a bright shade of red. She felt so terrible for embarrassing him this way. “I’m really not the girl for you. My heart belongs to someone else, so I could never feel the same way for you.”

“I see,” he sighed. The boy’s eyes slid up to enviously glare at Shinsou, who looked right back with a vengeance. Everyone knew who Y/N really wanted. Maybe just maybe, the pair were only friends like they claimed. Tanaka was praying the entire day that she would accept his offer and leave Shinsou behind. “You’re a good girl, aren’t you? I just can’t understand why you’d fall in love with a villain like him.”

Shinsou felt his heart fall to the bottom of his stomach at those words. He closed his eyes and tried not to think much about it, but memories of those bullies in middle school just came back into his mind in full color. He felt that sense of dread hang over his head. 

“Excuse me?”

“He’s a monster! All he does is manipulate people to do what he wants. The only reason you love him is because he brainwashed you!”

Shinsou rarely felt like he might cry, but this was one of those moments. It was one thing for people to call him a monster in front of strangers, but he felt worse knowing that he was saying this to Y/N. She somehow avoided hearing all those insults and accusations until now, and suddenly he felt like his head was benign held under water, completely hopeless and weak. Y/N wouldn’t just betray him like that, trust this guys word over his own, he knew that for sure. He just felt so overwhelmed with shame. It made him feel terrible that people actually believed the only reason she was friends with him was because he brainwashed her. Couldn’t he have nice things as well?

He never wanted her to see this side of him, the side people perceived him as. He wanted to run away to his dorm and never leave the room again. What was the point now that he knew people thought of him like that still. 

Y/N, much to everyone’s surprise, raised her hand and slapped their fellow student right across the face. “Fuck you!”

“Y/N-”

“Shut up, Shinsou.”

The boy who was slapped put his hand on his cheek and stared up at her in shock. She was so gentle and sweet most of the time. How could she slap him like that, enough to leave a mark? His precious and sweet crush. 

“You call this boy a monster again, and I will beat your ass, do you hear me?” she commanded, and when he didn’t reply, she shoved on his shoulder. He stumbled back, nearly falling into the wall on the other side of the hall. “I said, did you hear me?”

“Y-yes.”

“Shinsou Hitoshi is more of a man than you will ever be. Men don’t stoop to insulting others insecurities just because a pretty girl rejected him. Boo hoo, get a grip. You will never be half the hero Shinsou is,” she told him bitterly, glaring through narrowed eyes. Maybe she was being a bit harsh, she didn’t care. If it was one thing she learned from Katsuki, it was how to defend the people you love (even if it’s unnecessarily mean). Perhaps, she learned a bit too much from the blond...

She stepped back, letting her arms fall to her sides. “If I ever hear my name or Shinsou’s come out of your mouth again, I will not hesitate.”

He nodded, grabbing his bag off the floor and turning to run down the hall in the other direction. She brushed a few loose strands of hair from her eyes and sighed, letting her shoulders finally sink into a relaxed state again. It had been a long time since she felt such pure rage burn in her heart. Normally, there was rarely a time someone bothered her enough to make her angry. It just wasn’t who she was. 

Hearing those words about Shinsou sent her over the edge. No one would talk about him that way. Nobody, and she would make sure of it.

“Let’s go.” Her footsteps were practically stomps as she walked down the hall, her friend following close behind. “I can’t believe someone would have the nerve to say something like that to me about you? Like, who does he think he is?” Y/N grumbled, clenching and unclenching her fists by her side. 

“Really, Y/N, you didn’t have to do that. I used to hear that stuff all the time.”

“Exactly! No one deserves to be treated like that, and you’ve already experienced far more than anyone should,” she told him. “He really tried to ask me out and then right after tried to talk shit about you. What an ass. Some boys just can’t take rejection, can they?.”

He only watched as she kept walking, but he didn’t feel like saying much. She was in too bad of a mood to reason with. He never imagined her acting like that. Even when they were training, she never got angry or even frustrated. She was so calm and gentle. For a moment there, she sounded exactly like her brother. It scared him, to be honest. 

He appreciated her defending him though. It was the most anyone had done to stand up for him.

Worrying about her and his quirk completely washed away the fact that she admitted to loving him. It seemed that would be the topic of discussion another day.

________________________________

“Come on, come on. It’s almost starting!” Y/N rushed up the stairs, tugging Shinsou by the hand up . He was tired. He didn’t really have the time or energy to watch this firework show she was so excited to see. Still, he did it for her since she’d been waiting for weeks for it. 

No U.A. students were allowed to dress up in their formal wear and go to the shrines like everyone else on New Years, since big crowds could pose a danger to the students' safety. Instead, groups of students from different classes gathered up some snacks on the roofs of their own family houses to watch the fireworks at the shrine a mile or so away. She had a bag full of her favorite drink, fruit milk, on her arm, eager to binge and drink it all. She would probably make herself sick, but it's like that sometimes.. 

“Five minutes until midnight,” she muttered. She pushed open the attic window and slid through onto the roof, and was met with emptiness. Only a few small groups of friends were spaced out pretty far and few in between on their class building. She walked over to the side in the direction of the shrine, and sat down on the bench. Her milk plopped down onto the spot beside her.

Shinsou silently took a seat beside her. He checked his phone. Only a couple more minutes. He couldn’t understand for the life of him why she was so excited just for time to pass and some colored lights to go off in the distance. The noise was so loud though, he realized he wouldn’t have gotten much sleep that night anyway.

Happily, she popped the cap off a banana milk and took a long sip. He took one from the bag as well, strawberry, and popped the cap. “Why are you so excited for this anyway, Y/N?”

“I-I don’t know. I just wanted to spend the holiday with you, and since we aren’t allowed back home for the holiday due to all those villain threats, I thought it would be a fun thing for the two of us to do together,” she told him. Honestly, she was just happy to spend more time with him. It felt so good, the cold air on her skin and the crickets chirping from the ground below. People around talked and laughed amongst their own groups. 

It was the perfect moment.

Shinsou knew about this tradition some people had on New Years. He was sure it was probably an American thing since All Might and Midoriya were talking about it. Apparently, you are supposed to kiss someone when the clock strikes midnight, and it grants you good luck for the rest of the year. 

He wouldn’t even attempt it. That was a complete invasion of her space. He just wanted her to enjoy the fireworks and her milk without any drama. Things had gotten a bit weird between them over the time they’d known each other. They were close, almost too close to be friendly. Other people clearly noticed; Bakugo, Aizawa, that boy from their class. Neither of them knew what to do about those feelings, so they just pretended they weren’t there, he supposed. It was easier that way.

That didn’t mean he didn’t want to kiss her. He definitely did 100 percent want that kiss. He just couldn’t take the risk. What if everyone was wrong this whole time? What if she only thought of him as a very close friend this whole time and he got the wrong idea. He didn’t know enough girls to know how they acted with their guy friends. 

He knew he was hopelessly in love. It used to scare him, the thought of being so attached to someone like that. Now, he just felt happy to have someone to hold in his heart. It didn’t matter much if she ever accepted his love. As long as he could hold her and see her smile, that was enough.

Soon enough, dozens of rainbow colored fireworks lit up the sky. The sound was dulled by the distance between them and the shrine, but it was still loud enough to dull Shinsou’s thoughts. He leaned back on the roof on one hand and the other lifted the strawberry milk to his lips, taking a sip. 

Another year flew by faster than he thought.  It was no doubt the best year of his life so far.

He didn’t even notice her begin to speak until she said his name. 

“Shinsou,” she exhaled. “I really wouldn’t mind spending every year with you.”

He looked over to her. Her face was illuminated in bright pinks and blues, and she had that ever present smile on her lips. How could one person look like that? All he ever wanted and more, the girl of his dreams? 

“I think I’d like that, too.”

“Would you really?” 

“If I got to spend every single day with you for the rest of my life, it still wouldn’t be enough for me.”

She took a deep breath, tilting her head back to stare up at the deep blue night sky above, only a couple shining stars to be seen. For a long time, she felt like it was inevitable that he would find out, and now seemed just as good as any. 

“You know, Hitoshi, I think I’m in love with you.”

His lips curled up into a smile. “I’ve been in love with you for so long, Y/N,” he confessed, “They say love at first sight isn’t real, but damn, it sure feels like it is.”

“God, why do you always know exactly what to say to make me feel like this,” she asked, placing her hand over her head and laughing. “Why are you so perfect?”

“I’m not. I’m perfect, but only for you.”

They sat beside each other in silence for a moment, taking in each other’s feelings. Her hand wormed over to rest on his, and he quickly intertwined their fingers. He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. He could feel how warm her skin felt, and the smile on his face only grew. He would always remember this moment.

“Do you mind if I kiss you?”

“Please.”

And so, he got that kiss he wanted all along. Along with many, many more to follow. 

For the first time ever, he felt like he made the right choice. He’d finally done something worthwhile with his life. He met his Y/N.

Thank you for supporting me and have a lovely day.

[honeygrandpa]

i think one reason i stay away from body positivity stuff is there is usually so much hate in the replies/notes/comments and i am too fragile for that! when assholes on the internet say that fat people are lazy and unhealthy and shouldn’t love their bodies, it really sucks but it’s all a lot more complex than that!!

it’s not really just that i dont love my body or that these strangers dont love my body, i’m upset about the ed that my mom forced on me and normalized since i was 12! i was encouraged to “fast” (starve myself while i was just starting puberty), take diet supplements, eat sugar free/diet food and snacks, count my calories, use an app to check my calories, check my weight weekly, and drink protein shakes instead of eating! all while my little brother was allowed to eat whatever he wanted and i was a kid with a sweet tooth so obviously whenever i had access to sugar, i would binge on it! it felt like it wasnt fair that i couldnt eat what other kids could and fairness has always been really important to me! i’m upset that i have never felt like i could wear the clothes that i wanted to, mostly because my mom told me i looked fat in photos! but i really really really love and always have loved fashion but i couldnt wear it like my skinny step sisters could! so then i stopped letting people take photos of me and only wore very baggy t shirts! i dont have very many pictures of myself from the age of 12-20 besides very edited selfies! if i let myself get in a group picture, i would be standing behind my shorter friends and you couldnt even see me! i don’t have a single picture of just me from my first trip out of the country except for a shitty selfie with the david because i wouldnt let anyone take pictures of me! i have felt like an outsider since i was 12 years old, i couldnt eat like my friends, dress like my friends, ididnt wear a bathing suit without shorts and a tshirt until i was 21! i would sit in gym class and look at how fat my legs were in my shorts so i started wearing sweats, even though i would get hot and couldnt participate as well! i would walk the mile run because i didnt want anyone to make fun of the fat kid for sweating and having a red face and being out of breath. literally didnt matter that i played soccer and basketball all year round, i was out of shape because i didnt want anyone seeing me a fat person breathing hard! i didn’t date because i didn’t want anyone to touch me and i wouldn’t believe anyone that said they were attracted to me! it is important to note that i wasnt actually what most people would consider fat for most of this!! i only started to get fat later in high school when my mom moved to a different state without me so i had to couch surf but i literally didnt know that i wasnt always fat because i was just starting to look the way i was convinced i already looked! i am still not sure that i know what i look like!!

i was older than all of my friends were when i lost my virginity but i was absolutely not ready so age is not a good indicator of that at all. i decided to lose my virginity to a stranger because i figured the worst that could happen would just be rejected by someone that doesnt mean anything to me because i didnt believe that anyone that was matching with me on tinder would actually be attracted to me if we met in person.

so yea now im losing weight and im mostly doing it because i cant explain all of this to people when they make me feel less than for being fat. i am not eating to enjoy the food i eat but im eating just enough to be full and im avoiding sugar and carbs and trying to be better about sticking to veggies and protein, and im walking my dogs and jogging and my job is very active. but the main reason im actually losing weight right now is because i am taking weight loss medications perscribed by my doctor that can have serious negative side effects on my health. but i just want to be able to enjoy food like everyone else without people looking at me differently. i really cant even tell how much of it is paranoia and how often people actually do judge what i eat because obviously i only know for sure when people verbalize it but i feel like it’s happening all the time. at work a client brought in donuts for everyone and i asked if they were for everyone and she said “for you??” in a very specific voice that said i shouldnt eat donuts because they wouldnt be good for me. this same coworker told me that my clothes were too big for me and i was like yes? and she said “that was a compliment”

i understand that i need to love myself no matter what body im in or whatever and im trying to but even if i change MY mindset, i cant change the mindset of everyone else around me. i also understand that i really need to work on my social anxiety because that would maybe help me care less about what everyone else around me has to say about my body but i really cant imagine getting there and im talking to my therapist and taking my antidepressant and it still seems very unrealistic

anyway!!! sorry for that!! just saw some really nasty fatphobic comments on a post about bmi and im not sure why i even looked at the comments! guess i just love suffering!!

[morgana-ren]

Im. I love you? Your answer to that ask is beautiful, also I forgot about the other meaning for weed for a moment and got confused like, 'is morgana-ren a stoner? Beefy weed muscles???' and now i cant help but imagine stoned Shiggy. Specifically him forcefully shotgunning his captive because hes bored and if hes getting stoned she might as well too. Laughing at her when she gets spacey. This is a fun train of thought lol, thanks for inspiring it

I am a ridiculous and incoherent person. My first instinct is to literally reply with complete gibberish to most things. Shaming me has absolutely Z E R O effect because I have no shame. I’m a ridonkulous person. Last time I got high, I just laid in bed singing “Secret tunnel, secret tunnel” for like 3 hours.

To be fair, I would also do that completely buttfuck sober.

Gods I wish I had a gif of Shig smonkin some donk wods, but since I don’t, you’ll have to settle for me writing it.

PSA after the fact: I AM SO SORRY IT GOT A LIL CREEPY BUT TO BE FAIR, IT’S ME AND IF YOU SENDIN ME SHIT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO BE REAL FECKIN’ SPECIFIC OR ELSE I’M GUNNA MAKE IT CREEPY also weed hits me way different than it does most folks so it’s really hard for me to be able to accurately describe how it might be to anyone else. SO imagine this is supervillain quirky weed he has special made to calm his...uh,.. never ending rage. also it’s ridiculously longer than I planned. cause I get carried away. anyway love you!

His room is dank and smells like mold and must.

Tight metal bindings cut into your wrists, leaving you raw with crusted blood despite the fact you stopped fighting days ago. Your tailbone feels bruised from constantly shifting on his worn down carpet, your legs prickling and aching from inactivity.

He’s kept you bound here for a while, handcuffs looped through the foot of his bed. You’re not entirely sure how long, since his ratty blackout curtains make it hard to see daylight. He’s got them taped down, blocking out all but the tiniest slivers of light. Like most of his life, his room exists in total darkness.

Time has little meaning here.

He doesn’t leave you alone often, only really exiting the room to bring you food which you refuse to eat. Most of it has been kicked into the corner, the soft buzz of fruit flies accumulating more and more by the day. It frustrates him, but he’s keen on reminding you that he’s patient. You’ll relent eventually.

Truth be told, your willpower is starting to give. Your body is stiff and sore, head perpetually aching from crying. His moods are like whiplash, one second crooning to you how special you are to him, the next backhanding you and calling you a stubborn bitch. You don’t know what he wants from you. If the fates were merciful, he’d get it over with and just kill you.

Ending your life doesn’t seem like it’s high on his list of priorities.

He’s facing away from you now, tinkering with something on his desk by the light of his various computer monitors. You can’t make out what it is, only that he’s been at it for the past ten minutes. Grateful as you are for his lack of attention, it always makes you nervous when he gets preoccupied. It usually means he’s working on some new and exciting way to break you.

You take comfort in the momentary peace, some temporary reprieve from the invasive leer of those horrid crimson eyes scanning over you in the darkness. Whatever he’s doing, there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Only steel yourself against what he gives you when he’s finished.

He reaches into his desk, pulling out a plastic bag of something you can’t make out. All you know is when you hear the ziplock open, a strange scent floods the room. It smells vaguely familiar, but between your fucked up headspace and even worse situation, you can’t really bring yourself to care.

Leaning against the little metal bed leg you’re imprisoned against, you realize just how heavy your eyes are as you rest the back of your head on his threadbare mattress. Fighting off oncoming waves of pulsing anxiety takes most of your energy reserve, and bouts of sleep tend to come few and far between when you’re sleeping in the den of a predator.You’re so tired, so worn down, and you don’t know what else he could do to you that he hasn’t already done or planning to do. It would be a lie to say you hadn’t considered saying that to him, but you feel like tempting the universe or him isn’t a great idea right now. Either way, your eyelashes feel like weights dragging you under into the sea of sleep.

You’re almost there when his chair squeaks and you jolt awake, that overwhelming sense of dread coming over you. Your instincts blare and somehow you just know his eyes are on you again, waiting for you to acknowledge him. He wants your attention, and he expects you to give it.

Dragging your exhausted lids open when you know you’ll have to see that terrifying man is a burden you haven’t grown accustomed to having quite yet, but it’s one you bear anyway. Besides, you know that if he thinks you’re ignoring him, he has no problem forcing you to look at him. It’s easier to just give him what he wants. He hurts you less that way.

So you do, and just like you expected, he’s simpering down at you, holding something you can’t make out in his hands. Gulping comes on impulse; he looks far too pleased and that never bodes well for you.

“Do you know what this is?”

He holds it out and it takes you a second to make it out in the dark, but you know that basic shape.

“I-is that a pipe?”

“At least you know that much.” He gives you a cheeky lip quirk, making heat rise in your cheeks. Palming it in one hand, he uses the other to fish in his pocket, one finger carefully pulled outside the kangaroo pouch of his jacket. Following his movements, your brows furrow and curiosity almost wills you to speak. The words stall in your mouth, however, when you see him pull a cheap lighter out between two fingers.

He flicks it a few times with his thumb, sparking the light and sending small cinders dancing across the his lap. After a few tries, it finally holds. The light across his face only makes him seem all the more sinister, exacerbating the shadows that reside in the craggy, marred flesh of his cheeks. The flame dances in his pupils and the orange tinged shine glimmers off the edges of his weirdly perfect, jagged teeth. It’s extremely unsettling.

He lets the flame die, picking his pipe back up and tapping it on the desk once or twice.

“I don’t do this often. I usually prefer to keep a clear head.” He lazily arches back in his chair, inhaling the dank stench of the sticky green plant packed in his pipe before returning his gaze to you. “But in some cases, I find it can help you relax.”

Bringing the pipe to his face, he wraps his chapped lips around the bit and sparks the lighter again. You watch as the flame is sucked toward the bowl, igniting the contents and bringing them to a dull simmer.Thumb twitching on the carb and pinkie pulled away, he inhales, letting his head lull back on the seat of his chair. After a few seconds and a suppressed cough or two, he leans forward and exhales, sending a splay of thick, billowing smoke directly into your face.

You turn your head, watery eyes clinging shut, but it’s not enough to keep the acrid stench from clogging through your sinuses. It constricts your throat, compelling an instinctive cough from deep in your chest. Whatever it is he’s smoking, it’s strong.

His high pitched laugh echoes off the barren walls of his room as you scrunch your nose and try to disperse the smoke pooled in your face. When the air finally clears, he’s leaning toward you, arms resting on his knees with the pipe in one hand and his lighter in the other. The little embers still burn beneath the lip of the bowl, little grey spirals rising up from the still burning plant clusters.

He holds it out to you (as if you could take it with your hands restrained behind your back), hyena-grinning as you scowl up towards him.

“You should try a little. It might make you a little more-” Pausing, he pretends to be in thought. More mockery, you really wish you were desensitized to it by now. “-friendly.”

“I would have been friendly if you hadn’t kidnapped me like some sort of psychopath!”

He rolls his eyes at your outburst, languidly pushing himself off of his dilapidated computer chair and crouching down next to you instead. You know better than to kick at him, he won’t hesitate to break your legs to keep you in line. All you can do is stare at him nervously as he shakes his shaggy pale hair out over his forehead, still sporting that unnerving expression. His scarlet eyes burn arguably brighter than fire from the pipe, and exponentially more threatening.

He moves a little closer into your space, bringing the piece back up to his lips and lighting it up once again. He takes a deep inhale this time, even deeper than the first. Chest puffed and breath held, his lanky arm reaches out back behind him places the still-burning pipe back on the desk, gaze never leaving yours.You figure he’s going to blow it in your face again, either to be annoying or to try and give you some sort of shitty second rate high to make you more malleable.

It’s obnoxious, but not even close to the worst thing he’s done to you.

Yet, his cold, dry fingers grab at your jaw, forcing you to keep your attention on him. A chipped nail from his thumb prods at your lower lip and you realize he wants you to open your mouth. You could tell him to go fuck himself, but that only gives him what he wants, if only for a moment. Instead, you choose to glower at him.

If looks could kill, he would probably keel over, but unfortunately you live in a world where he has the upper hand. He squints at you, something you know would be equally as furious as your own grimace if his features had the freedom to express it. The fingers on your chin clamp down, digging into your soft skin in a bruising grip. The more you defy him, the more he punishes you, and his large hands have more than the power they need to cause you pain.

Eventually you feel your jaw start to crack. You try to hold out, try to stay your ground, but it becomes too much. Between his brutal strength and your already weakened condition, it’s no use fighting him on something he really wants.

You open your mouth, if only to cry in pain, and he immediately crashes his lips against yours.Teeth clack as you try to shake him off, but it’s too late. He’s breathing his air into your lungs, caustic mixture of the taste of the weed and the bitter scent of his breath swirling deep inside you. You try to heave it back at him, but the damage is done. Smoke barely seeps from the tiny cracks he allows between your faces, and your need to breathe is stronger than your ability to fight, so eventually, you relent.

You gulp the air he gives you down, just wanting him to get the fuck away from you. You can feel his lips quirk in a smile as you fight the urge to spit up from the foul scent of his exhale, ripped and bloodied lips scratching against yours. Eventually when he does pull away from you, you go into a hysterical coughing fit and between your bouts, you can hear him cackle.

You finally manage to calm yourself, but whatever it is he’s made you inhale, it’s strong. Stronger than anything you’re used to. Even second hand, your head is already humming, and you can feel your chest tighten against your will.

“You feel it, don’t you?” High pitched giggling and a weirdly gentle brush of a hand across your buzzing, swollen cheek. You go to swat him off, hissing in pain when the metal edge round holding you back cuts into an already existing cut. “Soon you won’t have any fight left in you at all.”

He leaves you alone for a minute, door clicking behind him. You catch your breath in his absence, eyes scanning your surroundings. You look for something, anything he has left within your reach that you can use to escape. It’s what you do during the exceedingly brief moments he’s not around, and so far, it hasn’t yielded any results, but you refuse to give up.

The curtains likely mean that there’s presumably a window behind there. If you can just get free, you might be able to jump out. Problem is you’re stuck with your hands restrained behind you on a metal bed post. It doesn’t matter how much you kick and scream, no one ever comes, so it’s probably safe to say whoever is below or above you doesn’t give a shit. You need to get out of these cuffs.

He smokes, at least occasionally. He’s probably got a bobby pin around here for scraping. If he’s anything like your mates, they probably litter the floor. To be fair, even if you get one, you don’t really know what to do with it. You could try your hand at lockpicking?

Heh. Hand. Get it? Cause all those hands?

Focus.

The biggest problem right now is the handcuffs. Technically, you could get out of them, but you’d have to disjoint your fingers to do it, which takes away from your already pathetic chances at escaping. It hurts to move your wrists, let alone yank on them. Why the fuck did this asshole have handcuffs anyway? Unless he’s doing some kinky shit in his down time. You wouldn’t put it past him, he’s obviously a weird guy. He seems like the type to be into some dirty stuff. You don’t know who with, but there’s probably villain fuckers out there he could find and take advantage of. Gross.

You audibly laugh.That’s funny.That’s really funny. You don’t know why, but the thought makes you giggle uncontrollably. Your mind refuses to stay on track.

Fucking focus!

Somewhere far away, you hear the door open and his heavy footsteps off to the side of you. Too late. You’re still laughing.

“Hey Shigaraki-”

He’s leaning down next to you, fucking with something behind you. Your hands. He’s messing around your hands. He’s cold. Why are his hands always so goddamn cold? Is that why he’s a villain? Cold hands? That would make you a villain too.

Your head feels several sizes too big, and you can’t help but think about how he smells like dust. Everything feels slow. You can feel your heart pumping. You can hear it too.

“-You should like, just let me go.That would be kinda cool. My hands hurt.”

You don’t notice they aren’t even cuffed anymore, or that he’s scooping you up in his arms and gently placing you on his bed.

“Don’t try to fight, now. You need a tolerance to before it’ll feel normal. You’ll only hurt yourself, and that would be such a shame.”

You can tell he’s mocking you again, but you just chortle because the words are processing like a slurry. The back of your head feels so soft. It’s definitely not the awful metal he’s made you crick your neck on the past little while. He’s touching your arms and it tickles. Flashes of his face play in your mind a little slower than they’re probably actually happening. It’s terrifying, but the fear doesn’t register. You wanna touch his face. You bet it feels funny.

You can hear the click of handcuffs again, and you know he’s cuffed you once again (so rude), just somewhere new now. Your fingers grip and you feel metal bars. A bed frame. Again. Uuugh. You kick your feet a little and they bounce off the mattress. Bouncy.

There’s a weight shift near your feet, and before you can really understand what’s happening, he’s on top of you, face hovering less than an inch above yours. Your cheeks are burning as his flaxen hair tickles and curtains you, and no matter how hard you want to, you can’t stop staring at his eyes. They’re so fucking intense you swear they scorch you. Like an abyss, you feel yourself being swallowed inside them as they stare long into you. Hate. Rage. So much embodied negativity you can practically feel it. Panic blooms in your chest but your body is reacting too slow. All you can do is squirm.

“Shh-” He’s caged your head in his arms, and his breath is glossing your cheek, just as sour as before but somehow you know what’s about to happen is much worse than forcefully smoking you out. “This’ll be much better for you if you relax and give in. Who knows? You could even enjoy it.”

He grinds his clothed pelvis into yours, and while somewhere inside your head, sirens are blaring, all your body can process is pressure against your most sensitive area. You whine, and he takes the opportunity to press his lips to yours again. Your mouth is slack and moist, so it’s nice and easy for him to slide his slimy, disgusting tongue down your throat. With your brain short circuiting from both shock and whatever he’s made you consume, your body doesn’t have enough control over its facilities to fight back.

He kisses you long and hard, if you can call whatever he’s doing to you kissing. It’s more like he’s trying to devour you. Sloppy, wet, and possessive, like he’s trying to choke you with his essence. It could have been a minute. It could have been hours. You don’t know.

When he does finally pull away, you can feel your stomach lurch as he laps at the string of spit that connects you to him, but you only blink your eyes wearily despite your extreme bodily reaction. You feel sleepy, or more accurately, your eyelids feel kinda heavy. Really heavy. Something visceral is telling you to stay awake, to keep fighting, but you just can’t. You can hear yourself speak but you don’t even know what you’re saying. You don’t remember.

“You’re cute like this, all spacey and stupid.” He flicks your forehead and your eyes flicker back open, but only briefly. “I guess it hit you kinda hard, huh? Sorry about that. I should have warned you. It must’ve slipped my mind.”

He presses his mouth to yours again, a little softer this time. You’re almost out at this point, everything feels so heavy. So sluggish. You barely feel his long, thin fingers glide slowly up your shirt.

“I think you could come to like it here with me if you stop being stubborn. But that’s okay. I forgive you. Like I told you before. I’m patient. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[silvanable]

Match-Up : Ikemen Sengoku

@nad-zeta

Hi there love! I hope you are doing well! Can i please request a ikemen sengoku matchup. ^0^

❤🥰 i am a aries, infp, Hufflepuff female 🦊 i am shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, i like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating. I will definitely be the person making jokes at inappropriate times and something about inappropriate things (its one of my coping mechanisms) 😂 I love my friends and family and will fight anyone how threatens them, although when it comes to me you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly cant stand up for myself). I swear like a sailor although i am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.

i love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life (it is one of my coping mechanisms and has helped me slowly overcome an eating disorder)😂

i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery, i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), romcoms, and  sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato. I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken time

I tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 My face will give away what i am thinking. i enjoy my own alone time and i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein), i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure.  I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).

I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.

🙈 Thanx so much dear ❤ Sorry if this is TMI🔥Cant wait to see who i get matched with 🌈🎀

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦

oh chica, i absolutely adore you just by this description.

i definitely had a fun time sorting out who i think would best compliment your personality & it was most certainly a tough one to settle on but in the end there must only be one~

i  hope you enjoy it!

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦

↪  GUIDELINES

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦

ー SHINGEN TAKEDA : TIGER OF KAI

after long debate i can see you and shingen as being a very favorable pair.

for starters, while you might not believe it you do have some very parallel personality traits (especially those based on your star signs!!).

you both have a rather optimistic disposition and a value for honest because shingen has never lied he just avoids answering questions.

additionally, you are both very difficult to get to know, as you have a tendency to bottle up your true feelings or are too shy and reserve to open up.

besides you being a beautiful woman, that would intrigue shingen even more. he wants to know why lies behind that quiet & guarded mask, to see what’s in your mind.

your dark humor & self-deprecating jokes would certainly concern him at first, especially because a “goddess such as you should never doubt yourself”.

i feel like what you said on being awkward around the menfolk would make you somewhat resistant to his flirt.

and by resistant i mean you turn red in a full blown blush and completely withdraw on yourself. you’d be lucky to get out a thank you or might completely bat the compliment off with a snarky comment ( and we’re on the inappropriately timed jokes too! ).

everything he learns about you is something new and surprising & he would be absolutely enthralled with you.

you’re a chef from your time? he’d love to watch you cook and savour whatever meal you’d be so generous as to let him taste.

you love to write & read? conspiracy theories? he would ask you all about what you read, what you’re interested in writing, and even indulge you as you ramble on about your favorite conspiracies.

then there’s your protective nature.

you take insults or things against you without batting an eye, but the moment someone insults him or any of those you care for, suddenly a warrioress comes out in you like he’s never seen.

you’re shy one day and another you’re so straight forward with him, he values that courage, even if you do not see it, and how honest you are. he admires honesty.

finding out you swear like a sailor would surprise him the most.

he has such a fondness for this young, gentle, and very fun & loving women and sudden she’s in the garden, profanities leaving her mouth in a never ending string after stubbing her toe ( can’t tell me that it doesn’t hurt enough NOT to swear ).

this man would have to do a double take just to make sure his eyes & ears weren’t deceiving him.

shingen would absolutely tease you about that later, how such an angel could have such strong words.

your passion and dedication to your work is something else shingen would find admirable, as he understands having a love of something you do & the beauty of being able to create it.

he is super attentive & always watching over for you and your moods.

you’re upset? he can see it in everything you do.

tired out and need a little you time? he’ll arrange for you to be undisturbed for a time and offer to bring you sweets to snack on & a book to enjoy your alone time with.

you are his angel of beauty and kindness, his goddess of ever compassionate forgiveness, and everything he comes to hold so dearly, meaning he will shower you endlessly with compliments & gifts if nothing more than to see you smile.

at kasuyagama you’re the castle’s mediator, as your personality seems to lean more towards peace & calm.

all that really means is you end up stopping shingen from teasing kenshin & keeping kenshin at best you can from being overly stabby.

i have to throw in that dates would be of the utmost importance to shingen with you.

he would have to take you to ever possible tea house to get you to try all of his favorite sweets and he would absolutely be abusing the fact you love them to against you to indulge you both.

yukimura would not be happy with either of you for constantly eating sweets & junk because it’s bad for your health and you need actual food to survive.

all. the. snuggles.

you have a favor for a calm & quiet atmosphere, so i can see you and shingen spending nights on the terrace in the cool evening air to admire the stars & moon.

correct me if i’m wrong, but you trapping shingen for morning cuddles? just five more minutes then you’ll let him go not really.

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦

[bo0zey]

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person??? 

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing 

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny 

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm 

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!! 

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

[idinink]

keto

HI THIS POST WILL CONTAIN TALK ABOUT FOOD AND FOOD PLANNING, specifically my experience with the keto thing (i deliberately don’t call it a “diet” because that word is soooo loaded) so scroll on if you don’t wanna read, i will tag it as “keto” if you wanna blacklist. THERE WILL BE NO TALK OF WEIGHT LOSS, THIS BLOG IS ANTI-DIET CULTURE, ANTI FATPHOBIA, ANTI WEIGHT-LOSS-AS-GOAL.

details under cut

So it’s been just over 6 months, and I wanted to make a list for A) personal record-keeping reasons, B) a huge “thank you” to @swolerbear as he is the main reason I tried it, and C) in case anyone else is interested.

Disclaimer: I have not been even CLOSE to staying 100% low-carb. I’ve had carby periods, sometimes lasting up to 3 days, at least once a month. I knew when I started that I wouldn’t be strict with myself and I have no regrets and will likely continue being not-very-strict at all. However, I’ve stayed about 99% off desserts, which has been surprisingly easy as I’ve always had a major sweet tooth? I dunno why it’s been so easy and I’m not questioning it for now.

The expected/hoped-for good:

Migraines reduced from 1-3 per week to 1-3 per month

Noticeably stabilized mood 

Increased energy*

The random/unexpected good:

Incredible improvement in singing voice. The past few years I truly thought I was losing my voice, but it’s totally back and I cannot express my joy and relief. Music and singing is a HUGE part of my identity and self-worth. I assume it has something to do with decreased mucus and inflammation.

Vastly improved body temperature regulation. I’ve always been cursed with hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating) and horribly icy cold hands and feet. Often at the same time. Yes, my feet would be simultaneously painfully cold and dripping sweat. Absolutely horrible and has ruined many a night’s sleep. What a relief! To sleep with warm dry bare feet under the skimming weight of a soft, clean pair of sheets -- such bliss! 

Decreased tooth sensitivity. I have the good luck of very strong and healthy teeth, but the past couple years I’ve felt twinges when drinking/eating very cold foods, which was a totally new and demoralizing experience. Now am almost back to previous levels of imperviousness! Though the memory lingers so I’ll probably never crunch away obliviously at ice cubes again...

Regular periods? What? I have never ever EVER in my LIFE had regular periods. Anything from 30 to 90 freaking days was fair game. Now I’m every 33 days, Boom. Again I say, WHAT. They are also shorter: 1 day of bad cramping then 5 days of bleeding with slowly tapering cramping (as opposed to 3-4 days cramping then 7-8 days bleeding pre-keto). I put this in the “good” because surely it must be healthier to have regular cycles, right? It will also appear in the “bad” tho, ha.

The expected bad:

keto flu at first, tho it was very mild. A tiny bit of weakness the first week,  then about 3 days of low level gut-ache. Increasing fat and electrolytes cleared it up. Zero issues since.

Increased sensitivity to carbs. They now will usually make my palms itch and I can expect some sort of mood meltdown, specifically a sudden attack of helpless despair and feelings of worthlessness. (This is going in the “bad” because it’s annoying, but obviously I was feeling these bad things before, they were just my “normal” so less noticeable.)

EXPENSIVE! Ugh. And frequently inconvenient.

Sometimes guilt-inducing. Especially bacon. I initially said “no pork” as pigs are dog-like and it’s much harder to find affordable humanely raised pork than beef/lamb/poultry/eggs/dairy. But....it’s such a valuable fat source that I’ve given in. For now. I love animals and have no “meat-drive” but all the research I did convinced me that current science A) unequivocally indicates humans are animals evolved to eat meat, and B) the agricultural complex is destroying the environment (and of course necessitates killing masses of wild animals). The evil and torturous factory farming of livestock must end. We must bring back the grasslands, populated by all its attendant wildlife PLUS herds of (humanely treated) grazing ruminants, to restore soil and ecosystem. I’m truly sorry, animals. And I thank you sincerely. But I am one of you and I deserve to eat.

The random bad:

Crazy back acne???? Idek if it’s even related but honestly it’s been CRAZY. it’s not like I’ve been working out and getting sweaty. I honestly have no fucking clue what that’s about. No uptick in facial acne...a downturn, if anything. ??????

....Regular periods. I now have periods more frequently (every 33 days as opposed to roughly every 45). The cramping doesn’t last as long, but is more intense. I did some cursory research into that, and several sources say saturated fats can increase menstrual pain, BUT it was usually attributed to inflammation from the fats, when I know I have far less inflammation in general than before. So idk.

That’s it, really? honestly feel like my body took to it like a duck to water.

**For me, “increased energy” means the ability to keep my home reasonably clean, grocery shop regularly, cook regularly, perform basic adult tasks with less dread, and not be quite as exhausted by work. I still struggle immensely with fatigue and am coming to accept that perhaps I always will. I had high hopes of socializing and exercising more (i.e. a non-zero amount) but so far that hasn’t happened. I have been able to write and paint a tiny bit more.

FINALLY, respectful questions are welcome, BUT:

im not interested in debating human carnivory or the environmental impact of livestock vs agriculture. 

weight change was not my goal but I MAY consider PRIVATELY discussing that aspect on an individual basis, if anyone is curious.

[cigarettesadbois]

Food diary Dec 1, 2019

Fasted 16 hours

Snacks:

1am: chocolate cream pie > 300 cals

4pm: Cheeze itz and Dr pepper > 290 cals

Breakfast:

N/a

Lunch:

N/a

Dinner:

Turkey sandwich > 240 cals

Macros:

Carbs > 108g

Fats > 24g

Protein > 28g

Intake: 830 cals

Burned: 3,300 cals

Net cals: -2,470

December Goals:

✅ Restrict between 200 - 900 calories (1/3 days)

❌ Avoid meat, dairy, and trans fats

✅ Fast for at least 15 hours (1/3 days)

✅ Exercise for at least 30 min

✅ Drink at least 64 oz of water

✅ Eat at a deficit of at least 1,000 cals

Notes:

Starting off December really strong. Id like to lose about 20lbs this month and honestly, the way things have been going, i think i can do it. I was supposed to weigh myself tonight but after all the food ive had the past couple days i thought it would be more accurate if i waited a bit but im pretty sure ive lost at least a pound since wednesday.

I go back to work tomorrow which means restricting and fasting will be a lot easier for at least a few days. Also starting next week my shifts will be like 4 hours longer which is even better for my diet.

My fiance has been basically forcing me to eat so I've decided to only eat what he gives me in order to keep up appearances and to not go over my calorie limits. Its frustrating because all i want is for people to be proud of my weight loss but all they are is worried. Im still fat af so its not like im in danger or anything but i do get that 60lbs in 6ish months isnt a small amount to have lost. I just want someone to be as proud of me as i am myself.