#im not saying that *IS* why a lot of ppl take a liking to him im just saying that i wonder if that was something toby specifically had in
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Im just gonna say it: the exact same argument about series 11 having a woman playing the Doctor but w/ inconsistent politic & fake activism applies to series 14 & a lil of RTD2 in general but in Black. Respectability politics & flimsy anti racism all over the shop
It thinks futuristic racism corrects racism "being a thing of the past" but then actively erases said racism of Britain's past. Twice. Not only that but it glorifies the 60s & regency period. Does "powerful" white supremacy commentary then slaps a regency wig on 15's head 😭
It should go without saying that 1960s & 1800s Britain wasnt some post racial utopia. The show would rather make these periods more progressive than they really were instead of telling the stories of the POC living there or hell, show us history outside of 'the West'
It treats the dehumanisation of Black people as an inevitable part of future society. Fifteen has to be a perfect non violent victim of racism but can fridge the goblin king & the chuldur easy. Racism can/must exist but fighting back or having any reaction to ur oppressor can't.
The gag is RTD understands racial oppression when it affects *him* tho. The oppression of the Welsh is acknowledged in present day Earth bc it's a real part of history. Its addressed again in 2046 bc it's still relevent in the future. & did Ruby save Roger? No she got him gone!
It sanitises its own history. The Doctor has called out racial supremacy, human or not since day. And no they didn't always save *everyone*. Against the establishment to begging it & partying with it too apparently. Rosa has issues but at least it was hopeful...
It treats Fifteen as a white character made Black which has weird implications for a non human being from a "post racial" society. Thirteen wasn't a "human woman" but she still had the agency to call out every misogynist she met. Lawd forbid she cried over Jack Robertson 😭
Despite having a Black Doctor they're written for a white audience. 'It's not about Black people, its about white people' sealed the deal. It treats their Blackness as circumstantial & not something they'll have to deal with regardless of time period playing it safe & palatable
This 1 should be self explanatory. If Donna's seen the Doctor's mind then she knows Fugitive Doctor exists so yes the Doctor comes in a range of different colours 🤪🤪 And again if he's not a human Black man but an alien then why is it a surprise that he can change race? Ugh...
Isaac Newton wasn't that deep bc he's only there for the mavity gag but it opened a fuck ton of racism towards Nathaniel Curtis & antiblackness bc the racists camping the tag thought he was Black. 'Owning the right 🤪' at the expense of POC in the show & fandom. Great job there..
RTD made the point of the Toymaker being racist then keeps him anyway? Takes a jab about cultural appropriation in Pyramids of Mars then based the finale on it anyway w/ Sutekh? Not even entertaining the Black Guardian ting. Like what's the point of any of this? It feels so fake.
Carla's not as egregious as the previous but apart from RTD copying & posting her name from Clyde's mum in SJA, she doesn't get a lot to do outside supporting Ruby's storyline. S14 then ends with Ruby calling her bio mum her "real" mum so her serving role didn't mean much anyway
The Giggle was the 1st flag bc it conflated all political related anger as bad bc it's anger instead of love 😫✊🏻without *single* look at why the current political climate is the way that it is. Pandemic, genocides, climate change & govt corruption yh ppl will be angry Russell 🥴
Series 11 at least gets to gas itself up for having women write for the 1st female Doctor and having Black and South Asian writers for the first time in the show's history (which isn't a great achievement but ah well)
Series 14 doesn't have that to its credit.
Black woman who only exists to boost white characters stories, racism stories that don't give their Black characters full agency & 0 follow up of their experiences only this time w/ no Black writers. Same tings different font. What improvement was made exactly?
Tl;Dr - We have the 1st Black Doctor in the main lineup but this series handles race and racism poorly. There's barely any improvement from how race was handled in RTD1 and his handling of Black characters in Years & Years and It's a Sin hasn't been brought over. 🥴
#doctor who#fandom racism#fandom antiblackness#antiblackness#racism#show analysis#doctor who analysis#rtd2 era#rtd2#rtd critical#anti rtd#rtd#chibnall era#performative activism#wild blue yonder#73 yards#the giggle#dot and bubble#rogue
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okay so ive been into jeweler richard for a while now, i watched half of the anime when it came out and found it unremarkable (now it fills me with rage) but i didnt start actually thinking about it until the manga came out and i actually read it. I stand by my reccomendation of the manga and in still looking forward to reading it when more volumes come out (volume 6 got delayed till next year). I knew OF things in the LN and they intrigued me but i wasnt really into light novels cuz i read on my phone but i didnt know how to get books(for free) on there. Untill i started reading orv that is(thanks dokja). Its really not that important for the story but recently ive been ravenously reading the jeweler richard LN (im on volume 5 now in the past like weekish)
And uhhhhh wow its so good. Like acutally good i totally get what people say about seigi now he is absolutely unreliable about......everyone around him. This is my reccomendation if you watched the anime and liked it or read them manga pleaseee read the light novels. It is the ideal JR experience
#Idk why orv and JR are so linked#Im thinking about u @ririban we're in this together#Sorry if this is out of line#I was reading some jr fanfics earlier and i was like 'woag thats my tumblr mutual' so cool#Im feeling a lot of things that ppl say about orv with jr tho too#With the manga its hard to get into seigi's head cuz he has to be simple to understand#We dont see his stream of conciousness and goddam it sure is a stream#If you thought his admiration of richard was excessive in either visual medium you have no idea#Its like every paragraph#Also theres a good balance of factual information and drama#I also like how u can tell whats actually happening vs how seigi tells it to us#So far my best example is when he passes out in london and he wakes up to richard taking care of him#Hes completely bogged down with information (and fever) and still thinking he and richard and that close#From richard's perspective anyway#He describes richard as calm and collected and uncaring(nicely) but its so clear richard is worried about him#Its really well worded#Also i get to read with hindsight of knowing volume 13 exists its a true treat#jeweler richard#housekishou richard#jr
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how to connect with lucifer ? he’s such a revered figure that I feel there’s a wall between us
he comes across that way, doesn't he? well, i'll be the first to say that the wall is our making, not his. i put him so far above me that i thought there is no way he would want to associate with me but lucifer is a breaker of barriers, of chains, of limitations. he lives in the in-between, the morning star.
i would say to find the aspect of him that you wish to connect with. he is extremely multi-faceted and has mythology of all colors, has all kinds of stories and understandings. there is something of him that draws you to him, focus on that. is it the light he brings? is it the infernal / demonic force of him? is it the roman god that called the stars home? or the angel that rebelled against an oppressive force?
once you identify what part of him you want to connect with, start connecting. i suggest doing this way because he represents so many things that it feels like a lot and that can be overwhelming.
here's what i did: i lit a candle for him ( lightbringer, yanno? ) and told him that i would like to connect with him. that's all i did in the beginning. no spell, no incantation, just an honest request.
after that, i would find offerings to give (things that i associated with the aspect of him i was trying to connect with or things that just made me think of lucifer or just a cup of water when that's all i had. ) or i would pray to him. i suggest you do the same. there are demonic chants you can do or prayers but honestly, i never got much into that. lucifer and i have a big UPG relationship. you can journal and tell him how you represented the aspect you're trying to connect to that day. for example, if you're into the illumination of knowledge then perhaps you tell him of the things you're interesting in learning and how you're going to go about doing them. this becomes a devotional act and he will see this.
connecting with an entity, in my experience, is not akin to some huge incredibly movements of religious ecstasy or anything like that. it is very much the little things. i see lucifer in the sunsets, i see him in the dove coos, i see him in the apples i offer him, i see him in my learning and education, i see him in my self-love, i see him in my strength to stand up for myself and in all this, i am connecting with him.
i trust that he is there because he has shown me is through signs, miracles, and associations.
he is the lightbrighter. he will meet you where you are in the dark and he will guide you to illumination. you need only ask him.
if you have more questions or are unsure about something, feel free to ask! i know i'm not very active on the blog but i am around a lot!
EDIT: i also wrote this VERY LONG ask about him too. it might have some insights for you too.
#lucifer#lucifer devotion#lucifer worship#a lot of ppl have said that he's someone who wont take shit which is Very True in my opinion#he doesnt like wishy-washy attitudes and he doesn't want to waste time but he is a lot more caring and tender-hearted tho than other demons#but if you're not serious abt it then he's not going to hang around waiting for you to GET serious & he might actually make u get serious#he'll put a light under ur ass so hot you'll see why he is the prince of hell#imo ... IMO#SOME SAY he also fatherly... i DO NOT see him like that he is much more brotherly to me but if u have issues w father figures? could be smt#if lucifer is too much ... try satan! he's similar in aspects and some put the two together ( i dont )#satan is much more approachable and familiar and fun to be around again IMO#so much of this is IN MY OPINION#hope this helped! im always down to talk about my gods#valentine be normal about lucifer challenge ... impossible
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the thing that gets me abt religious ppl is they'll demand u respect their religion & that religion hating your existence but they won't respect ur right to be like yea my belief says god isn't real so thats a dumb reason for hating other people or ye ok then ur god is homophobic thats kinda shitty they go APESHIT like. it goes both ways? like they can say i hate gay ppl bc of my religion but when a gay person says well i dont respect that religion bc it doesnt respect me its ww3. I'm not walking on eggshells for people who are too quick to condemn me to hell
#likeeee. ppl have been homophobic to me bc 'their religion condemns it' but i cant be like ok well then fuck ur religion?#but they can say okay fuck you and be hateful and intolerant like that?#why do i tolerate u if u wont tolerate me? im just#like to me as an atheist/agnostic im like. hearing that something i dont even think is real is why u hate me as a person is so insane#like 'its unnatural and wrong bc my religion says so' like ok. why does that have to affect me as someone who doesnt follow said religion#jusr wish more religious ppl were as understanding and non judgemental as they claim they are??#like ur gna say that shit to me? u think god likes that ur speaking for him rn? u rly see urself on the same level as god?#u think YOU can judge others? embarrassing#*smacks own ass* this baby can fit so much religious trauma#i love religion sm for some ppl but then other aspects of it im like why cant yall just modify this as society progresses#them books old as hell them writers didn't even know electricity but ur talking their word abt an entire group of ppl being wrong & evil?#i like when religious ppl apply the teachings to modern society & take into account how shit has changed#when ppl take the good parts of religion and focus on them and bring that religious warmth w them where they go is so nice#(my friends<333)#like they live by them teachings and are good ppl but dc abt divorce or abortion or gays bc society has changed & ppl ultimately deserve#control of their own bodies and shouldnt have to be trapped in bad partnerships#& girls who love other women and dont agree w the typical 'woman serve men' that a lot of religious old folk got goin on#if u can modify some stuff in the religious books whats stopping u extending that grace to literal people just being who they are
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I actually have so many thoughts & ideas abt saitama & relationships but for some reason I feel I'd get looks talking abt it
#im the problem here but idk why#sometimes i just feel weird whenever i try to take his character srsly/realistically#it feels like im pushing it & giving something others dont want#which isn't the case but ???#my brain is having a hard time believing ppl can take saitama as anything more than a gag character#which he reallyyy reallyyyyy isn't. he's just funny#and his problems are swept under a rug becuz we don't get a lot of the story from his perspective#mostly other characters' views of him#which can be crazy cuz the first thing slammed into their faces is STRENGTH POWER INHUMAN THINGS#and thus we don't actually get to understand how sai feels abt most things. only the superficial funny silly#ohhh im rambling bye#𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 ; ooc.
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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i feel weird even claiming my family used to be considered "rich" bc a lot of yall immediately jump to having summer homes, 20 yachts, and enough money to save a country
#not gonna act like we weren't well off... ofc we were but like.... we werent on THAT level nearly at all#more of a country club... goes on a lot of vacations.... has a decently sized house with a pool... kinda rich#which is still rich dont get me wrong but i promise i wasnt living like fucking. kim kardashian or whatever ok#we didnt have a fuckin walk-in-fridge or 20 unused empty rooms#i say this bc ppl end up surprised when i tell them im not anymore like 'how' well its a lot of things like the housing market crash#my parents getting a divorce my dad being the one with the job that my moms dad gave to him that was making him all the money#and my grandpa passed not long after i was born so when they split up we were just going off of whatever he left really for a while#had to move etc etc.... now im low income and rely on food stamps and ssi ✌️ but thats mostly bc im disabled so#kinda necessarily low income bc the govt only wants to pay the very bare minimum that they can.#its also- not my money! i dont get to decide what happens to it and i dont get to decide i get nice things or whatever. that all hinges#on if my mom or gma wants to.#so technically even if you wanted to consider them rich still- its not part of me atp bc its not even my money and im an adult#whos not legally dependent on them anymore. i think it only counts if its *your* actual money or if your parent is okay with dishing#out like a 1000 dollars a month like its nothing. completely unfazed by giving it to you.#its not rich if its conditional ok like... children of rich parents arent rich and i will die on this hill. why do you think so many of the#end up fucked up? not only is it bc they've had ppl basically doing everything for them their whole life so they dont know how to take#care of themselves they're also entirely dependent on the parent for money. when you feel controlled like that- even if your parent isnt#necessarily abusive about it- just the fact everything you do hinges on the approval of your parent- kinda fucks you up and makes#you feel like you're stuck being a forever child. not great for people who probably want to go out in the world and date to feel#like you cant escape being dependent on your parents
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smth abt eddie telling dustin to look after the little sheep -> s5 is going to return to s1 form -> dustin tells mike in s1 that his obliviousness blows his mind -> the whole painting & confession & obvious general fiasco that is willelmike -> dustin's going to have to put on his bob the builder / "the world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes" sherlock holmes hat and get involved
#byler#do i think he's going to go “Dude You Are GAYYYYYYYYY”? no. but i do think he'd go “🤨 why are u guys being weird.” in some way which is#what tips over the first domino in the series of events#maybe . wishful thinking? mayhaps . but im Free#i also wouldnt be opposed to steve saying smth to jonathan which makes him go 🤨😳😦🫢#but i think ppl very much downplay dustin's role in the group and the support he offers his friends and how observant and “nosy” he is#and things are going to be much different now if they continue like how we left off ... so u don't think dustin would notice?#and u don't think tht he'd say something? esp when he had to deal with mike being an el stan + his obliviousness to others and their#jealousy over him? especially with him now being the character tht everyone wishes would shut up lmao? or with how#close he was to mike before he went to cali and how he had to take his place in his absence?#there's a million ways it could to obvi and i really don't have an expectation any which way but .#with tht latest least fave poll........ it jus made me think abt how a lot of people jus . really forget he exists#which is so crazy bc he stays in everyones business LMAO#but anyway .#she be rambling#and on mobile top so u already know im not rereading this if its incoherent its incoherent 🤷♀️#omg the typos... >_> you guys know wht i Mean .#mine#s5 predictions
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for ppl that know my tf fan lore you would think I'd be ryu/kita pilled since I was blur/bee CEO but actually I was driven by my shock/bee instincts to be drawn to ake/kita instead <- none of these words are in the bible
#THERES A METHOD TO MY MADNESS#ok ok ok. ryu/kita. its the spunky bro electric yellow guy and the autistic weird blue guy. thats straight up blur/bee and i admit it#THE BLUE GUY IS EVEN TALLER THAN THE YELLOW GUY. ITS SO BLURBEE#but like for me. i def enjoy ryu/kita a lot but it doesnt make me crazy like blurbee does. nor ake/kita#BUT LIKE OK. THIS IS WHERE ME SAYING AKE/KITA IS LIKE SHOCK/BEE GETS INTO INSANE PPL TERRITORY#ok . for one. ermmmmmmm. shockwave .... was my first goro.#bc he has the whole. false identity meant to decive vs true identity as a villain thing. like gorby#and also i admit. i do have my v specific fan interpretation of him that makes him more sympathetic BUT ALSO THATS LIKE JUST ME.#ITS NOT IN CANON. IM AWARE OF MY DELUSION. i have fun though its ok. i separate fan interpretation from canon text. i have media literacy#the real insane part though is trying to explain why yusuke takes on a bee role.#to preface its not matching in personality. at all. they are nothing alike#its not the personality thats key here. its the role and dynamic he specifically has with shockwave#in which hes kinda a more lighter character that often gets religated as comic relief in the source material#but does have a genuine depth to him that could be taken more seriously but that usually gets ignored#and paired up with the antagonist guy with conflicting identity he pulls out a better side from them#and also they have the capacity to be sooo crazy dramas and toxic yaois and redemption like. whatever.#IM INSANE. IM INSANE IM INSANE. GOD .#i . i . i . im.... idk man i love dynamics#shock/bee still isnt like my top tf:a rarepair. but also ryu/kita isnt my top personba 5 pair . for some inexplicable reason#when i rlly enjoy both these kinds of dynamics but then sometimes it clicks with me more with certain character and a lil less with others#im a complex inexplicable enigma. but also maybe some characters just make it work better for me#i think largely overall though#im drawn to dynamics that have a hint of smth in the source and are expanded upon more in transformative material#anyway blah blah blah all that though#the real consistency is i keep having the same favorite character in stuff and its the blue autistic guy#rando thoughtz
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tbh the way some of yall talk about tomgreg makes it seem like yall don't have any clue what gay male attraction is
#which is to say that a lot of yall see it as like. Concepts#which isnt bad especially if ypure not personally attracted to men at all#its just like. idk its insane to me personally#the way that theres little to no content of actual SUBSTANCE#of toms attraction to greg or vice versa in almost any tomgreg content#like its just a sense of tom has an emotional attachment and therefore hes lustful#and only the totally ooc greg content seems to include him actually favoring#any given part of tom#like yall know that gay men think about each others bodies right lol#idk im just really dying to see takes about these gay guys#from other ppl who are gay guys irl lol#like is it fr just me and a bunch of lesbians who are making posts about them#which isnt to say anything bad about lesbians im just lonely#like who else actually relates here instead of spectates#idk how to say it without risking sounding bad#which is why im not putting any main tags on here also#anyway. i guess what im saying is that they go crazy over each others bodies#and faces#and yeah thats it#mine#you can rb if you want idc#actually i do in fact c bc if you wanna then it lets me know#that im not just talking to a void
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i dont think i made this clear in the prev post but WHAT I WAS GETTING AT WAS i think toby specifically wants players to get attached to ralsei and make choices playing into that so that the inevitable reveal of our distinction from kris and their own opinions and feelings and everything hits even harder by sort of slapping you in the face and being like HEY BUDDY. THEY DONT WANT THIS. and also a slap in the face to ralsei too who i again would like to say is parasocial asf with us and needs to go to video game therapy :heart:
#some of the ways he makes us like ralsei is just by having him look rlly cute and act super nice and stuff obviously#but i think him looking like asriel could play into that too#theyres definitely a deeper significance to his resemblance to asriel but in addition to whatever that ends up being#since ur supposed to play deltarune after having played undertale... having ralsei look like a character who most ppl remember very#positively (as well as in the context of deltarune being kris/''''''our''''''' nice older brother#im not saying that *IS* why a lot of ppl take a liking to him im just saying that i wonder if that was something toby specifically had in#mind. idk. but i do think he intentionally wanted us to really like ralsei#and now in chp 2 hes intentionally made ppl start to be suspicious of him#where is this going? no idea! but toby is definitely considering how the player currently views ralsei i think#i mean thats just common sense. considering what your audience is (probably/''should be'') currently thinking and using that as a guide to#what you show them next. if you have any sort of mystery element to ur story then u should always be thinking about ''how much does the#audience currently know about whats going on based on what clues ive given them so far? how much information can be gleaned from this? how#much do i ideally want a viewer/player/reader/whatever to know at this point in the story?''#and i think with ALL his characters and story beats and secrets#toby is very precise about how much he shows his hand#esp after undertale lol. hes definitely always very considerate of how much theorists and coders and stuff will be able to piece together#from what he gives us#at least i assume so LOL#he SEEMS to be very good at it#serena.txt
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whether or not people have a reason to not like argentina, the fans are still going to be upset. whatever reason someone has (ex: they don’t like x player, the racism from their fans, the country’s history, etc.) it’s going to trigger their fans. whether someone just simply doesn’t like the team, that’s an issue too. and then the fans wonder why people don’t like the team or them (the fans) like you guys get triggered regardless
and then (on this hellsite), you jump into people’s inbox (anonymously btw) and write a thesis to someone who doesn’t like the team or the “dios” of the team. just leave people alone
#take this post how you want#please don’t play captain save a team in my inbox. because i don’t care#im not doing that again with you guys#and im not speaking from my experience im seeing it on other blogs as well#idk if it’s just me but i don’t think i’ve seen a fanbase care sm about why people don’t like their (national) team#again it’s probably just me but i just don’t…#like i mentioned before if someone doesn’t like the usmnt on here i simply. scroll past whatever post they make#if i did end up being that type of fan it’s because ppl were talking shit about some of the players (like weston)#and even w that i sometimes just mind my business#bc with christian. i KNOW there are a lot of people don’t like him and i completely understand why#im not going bend backwards making posts and sending anonymous messages to ppl in defense of him#that man doesn’t know me wtf#ANYWAYS. at the end of the day just leave people alone#if someone doesn’t like your team for whatever reason just leave them alone#i can get if people are like straight lying on the team or country but in this case…#like unless there’s a statistic saying that they are the most hated national team then im not understanding the reasoning for the questions#also we don’t need to pull the um… what about x country like okay we get it#and honestly no one owes anyone an explanation as to why they support one team over the other#im just tired of seeing people being questioned about this like.#leave people alone#this is the last thing imma say about this hopefully i don’t see someone on here getting bugged about this#but this pretty much is my overall…. opinion on this discussion#again. MY OPINION
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guys i think trespassing dude might be hinting at being obsessed with me.... *tucks hair behind ears*
#okay so he was basically saying he sees himself as a bad person and i was like wtf why??#and he went to explain that a lot of relationships have ended bc of him and he has no excuse. and hes soecifically ruined relationships#by being obsessed with the other person and im like.... wym? and hes just been like. ykw dont worry abt it#and like to be so honest i dont think he's actually bad or toxic. everyone I've had meet him says it looks like he has deep trauma#like its palpable theres a profound sadness behind his eyes. i truly recognize a lot of similar traits in him to me and tbh i think he was#just starved for live all his life and latched onto ppl who showed it to him and they were overwhelmed and left#and im like.. “ykw i doubt it was really that bad. youre being hard on yourself. either way youre purposely being vague what those ppl did#to make you act that way. im not gonna worry“ and all he said was ”I'm recognizing the signs and taking precautions “ like... what....#like actively?? you said it in the present progressive tense#are you implying that im meeting the criteria and youre trying to not let this happen bc if so ... im honestly intrigued...#do you know how many pages of my journal are dedicated to you?! I'll match the freak#so YEA
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I get mad at dad bc of our past... but. Mom and i were arguing about trump (she is voting for him bc he's Republican but doesn't like him as a person) and bc lots of ppl around me are like this (some really pro trump ppl also) sometimes i think im the crazy one. Being in isolation and just seeing things from the internet... i cant always trust my own mind
But then dad comes up and says "trump is off his rocker" and I'm like i forgive you for everything thank you for taking my side and showing I'm not the only one around who isnt trumpcrazy
#us#election#:(#:)#im so dead#i feel so tired#i havent been sleeping and the sleeping pill makes me feel awful#going to a weekend w my sister who i love who is trump voter and her husband hoards guns#maybe thats why i cant sleep#trying to get off sleeping pills but maybe not til after election :(#or maybe im doomed#i think worst case scenario#there r other things like this w dad#ill resent him for a while then he will say sth nice about my story#or be the only one to give $to Ukraine on my fb fundraiser#dad has had depression and i resent him for this and hurting me emotionally an d making me like him#but he isnt that bad....#he is a good person really and he's taking care of my cats this weekend#i have ro realize we are all ppl all w flaws and good things#but plz dont killl me for not voting like u#thats not America#we arent that desperate... we arent being killed or tortured in any way#americans are so self centered a lot of times#i have a global perspective vs most it seems#maybe im the sane one bc i have sensitivity to things and empathy#thats also why i cant cope and why the world kills me and why i cant make a difference
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i wish there was a way for me to likeee. semi change this one thingin this one mod. but 1 im not a modder 2 i feel like thats disrespectful. i just want sort of an inbetween between the game and this mod but that is not a thing that exist... sigh
#NOT COMPLAINING ABT THE MOD just personal preference im not saying the mod bc i dont want it seen as an attack but basically i like mods#that add a bit more realism while also keeping some stuff yfm... like 4 example Random example unrelated i like the idea of Having to decid#what to do with the remains of a dead sim and having the body stick around but i also like having the grim reaper appear.... so in my ideal#death mod the sim dies and then the grim reaper shows up to like. take their soul but the body stays. im not a modder so idk how possible..#also ig that kind of doesnt fully make sense since the ghosts r still afoot so ig itd just be him severing the connection btwn the body and#soul right. not taking anything... which i suppose is what he does in the basegame is he severs the connection and then takes the body w/#him. which is kind of funny. whats he need that for is it just courtesy or is he doing smtg w/ them. bc ik you get the gravestone/urn when#they die and those r the remains but like. ? he just like. conjures those doesnt he. body vanishes and then those appear. does he just#rearrange the atoms of the body into those things. bc i dont subscribe to the idea that he actually digs a hole for the corpse idt theres#anything down there bc u cn put a basement right under a grave and no issues. so i think he magics the bodies away and then either somehow#transforms those bodies into the appropriate grave marker (unclear on if theres even actually ash in the urn like is that mentioned. OR he#takes them leaves the urn and gravestone and then just has the bodies to do whatever with. WHATS HE DOING !!! is it a nice like Ill just#handle this so they dont have to (presumptuous. caring for a body is a rly important thing in many cultures and it can be a great way to#process a loss for some ppl (not all obviously. grief is very personal this is one of my autism things sry)) but ig in simnation society it#isnt that important Evidently. but idk... either hes taking them as a favor to help out/soften the blow bc obv nobody Likes seeing the grim#reaper olive sit down. connor sit down. so hes like well ill handle this. or is it something more nefarious WHTS HE DOINGG tell me. i think#funny to imagine he just teleports the body elsewhere ik he prolly just destroys it but its kind of awesome to imagine theres a giant magic#crematorium and like. a columbarium. idk why i assume cremation itd just save space in his. realm? i he has a realm. if i were him and i#didnt have a realm id be kinda pissed id call the watcher and be like heyyy um... yk. but ya i think thats cool bc i love lands of the dead#gotta be one of my favorite things (autistic) and i think its just cool to imagine a place where the remains of every person whos ever live#r kept. be that their soul as is traditional or their literal remains in this case. isnt that kind of cool.. love it. but again we probably#arent supposed to rly think abt it he prolly jut vaporizes them into nothing. i just wanted to have fun... bring a positive sort of vibe.#anyways. i would like to be able to have The body just bc i think thats cool and i think itd be awesome to have a mod that adds in more#grieving practices from around the world but obviously thatd be like. HUGEscale bc there are a millionnn different ways to grieve. and its#all so interesting to learn abt. read from here to eternity. by caitlin doughty. smiles <- it doesnt cover Everything obv but it talks abt#lot of stuff from around the world in a rly respectful way and its incredible to read abt and learn. my autism . but i genuinely love#learning abt grief and mourning and funerary practices in other cultures i rly wish that so many practices werent lost to colonization wher#ppl were forced to abandon their way of caring for their dead just bc it seemed ghoulish or barbaric or whathave you to the missionaries et#idk. id put death it up there with food as one of the biggest cultural signifiers...i cant continue the tag limit. wtvr. u get it
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didn't realise but we have an audit today 🫣
#i was wondering why i was one of the only ppl working in the main lab LOL a lot of ppl r involved in the tours#and a lot of other ppl deliberately schedule so theyre out of the lab while the audit is being done bc i guess it can feel high pressure#idm tho cuz when im focused nothing can pull me out of that world. esp in the morning on elvanse baby#the guy is extremely tall like almost 7ft. and very american.. im guessing hes a rep from a us customer?#bumped into him in the canteen and he introduced himself + gave a great handshake. he keeps saying everyone is phenomenal#which i assume is a good thing. i dunno the intricacies of usamericanese#i miss the last customer visit we had bc the rep was extremely butch..... sighs dreamily#def explains why everything was so clean today as well ajdkfn they rly pulling out the stops for this guy#i mean it is usually v clean we do weekly internal audits. but sometimes things get a little cluttered mid-week w ongoing projects..#ah lunch almost over.. i have an impending headache but dunno if this is the start of the crash or just this cold im getting#probs the latter ive stopped getting crash headaches this last week.. ill take some paracetamol anyway#hoping the crash holds off until like 3-4 bc i have emails to send and im sooo awful at communicating when i have brain fog#ahhh.. well we will see. 3.5 hours left baby#.diaries
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