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#im not really proud of this but wtv
goldfades · 2 months
Note
Paige nsfw hcs pls
─ warnings | NSFW under the cut! read at your own discretion!
─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!
─ ev's notes | the long awaited nsfw headcanons for paigey, i finally got the motivation to write it after i kept reading the INSANE smut yall keep writing (keep it up im lovin it) also this is such a mess, this is just rambling and not organized whatsoever, but wtv i hope yall enjoyed :)
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woo, where do i even begin?
let's begin with the obvious, paige is a TOP, i can't stress this enough
i genuinely can't see anyone topping her she's just .... a TOP
but that doesn't mean she won't let you take the reigns every once in awhile, esp after a bad game/tiring practice because everyone once to be taken care of sometimes
i'm def not the first person to say this and certainly will not be the last but STRAP GAME GOES SOOOOO HARD
i feel like at first she's gonna be weirded out cus like... she likes only girls for a reason??? and she has her mouth and fingers??? why would she need a piece of plastic to make her girl feel good???
but the first time y'all try it, she's hooked
she forgets ab her hands after that
jk but like
yeah she's HOOKED
she gets really into it LOL, def can imagine her calling the strap her dick
oh and she fucks HARDDDD like, no room to breathe or anything
like you'll be gasping for air after and she'll be super duper proud
i read this one fic with like the dual ended one (i didn't even know that existed) and then i was like yep, yes this is the oneee
with positions, i can't see her doing anything more than like missionary (cus she loves to see your pretty face) and like from the back
but as soon as she discovers riding, it's OVERRRRR for you
she's making you ride her strap anytime she can, cus she loves it
she has her hands on your hips as she's guiding you and she LOVES IT so fucking much, like the power she has over you makes her go feral
oh and do not get me started on sucking her strap, cus again she loves the power she holds over you
she has your hair in a ponytail and the more you get comfortable with the whole thing, she WILL make you gag
she acts like it's her dick (yeah i know we covered that) but like esp when you're sucking her strap, she will just dirty talk u the entire time
"you like my dick, pretty girl? like gagging on my dick?" cus yeah, u do
oh and yes, she does have breeding kink
it breaks her heart that she can't get you pregnant 😪
but she sure as hell will pretend to!!!!!
will 100% bend you over and just yap about getting you pregnant
also if she's fucking you in missionary, she expects you to look at her the entire time
so if you turn away, she will grab your face and keep you looking straight at her
FUCK IDK WHY THAT'S SO HOT
paige is a D1 yapper i fear, and that would 10000% seep into the bedroom LMAO
mostly praise cus babygirl would feel really bad but when she gets into, she GETS into it
like she will call you her slut as she's about cum
that post-nut clarity goes hard the first time tho cus she's like no way i called my gf a dirty fucking slut 😭😭 she sits with her thoughts for a good 10 minutes trying to recollect herself
she is a munch for sure, like she will eat you out for hours and hours on end (not an exaggeration btw)
but she LOVES when you give back
it makes her go fucking feral when she sees you eating her out, like yessssssssssssss
she has to close her eyes bc if she keeps looking at your face, she WILL cum
she has a bad hair pulling problem, like she will grip your hair so hard your head will hurt after
it's apart of the appeal tho 🎀
her fav spot to get absolutely ate is her gaming chair cus like, she needs you in between her legs giving her support to get that victory royale 💯💯💯
she hates when she gets ass or tits bc she genuinely cannot pick
it depends on the day bc they're both great, she will never pick one
i feel like she's definitely thought ab fucking you in public but she can't risk it
SHES A D1 ATHLETE !!
the only time yall did was in a bathroom at an event and it was SOOO bad afterwards cus everyone could tell
you had to pretend like you didn't get your brains fucked out and paige had to pretend she didn't DO the fucking
but lowkey she enjoyed it a lot, but would she do it again?
maybe, a solid maybe (with the right motivation)
okay but like ....
she def has fingered u while the girls are over cus like, she was in a silly mood?
you just looked too fucking good, she had to
but thank god no one noticed (at least to yalls knowledge...)
she's a horny fuck ARGUE WITH THE WALL
she will get turned on by anything you do, like homegirl is just sooooo down bad for you
you could be applying chapstick and paige will be like "we need to fuck, now."
paige's aftercare is just giving you water and cuddling with you for 10 mis while scrolling on tiktok and then gets up to play fortnite with kk
she literally is the tiktok where it's like "after he rearranges my organs he goes and plays fortnite" i hope yall know what i'm talking about
but you don't mind ofc cus she makes you sit on her lap while playing
but then turns into another round cus shes a horny fuck
paige is all for hickies on YOU but she gets pissed when you give her a hickey cus she's like people are gonna see
like she's the only one who has to deal with the public 🙄🙄🙄
but she loves marking you EVERYWHERE, esp on your collarbone like it's so sexy
oh and god bless you in the summer, the ones on your thighs are getting AIRED OUT bc paige does not care
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↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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im-yn-suckers · 3 months
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riki bf habits?
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yes yes
teases abt ur height bc bro is shaq
so we know that hes a personn who loves to play with hair and loves to have his hair played with but did you know he loves washing ur hair and having his hair washed
his prescence is extremely calming and he can say the same about you
has cute nicknames for the plushies you guys adopted and call your children
'i saw this at the mall with jake and i thought it was cute like u!!' IMAGINE WIHT A BIG SMILE
'babe what do you wanna do?' 'idk alsong as im wit u' :(
ALWAYS makes sure u eat bc why would u starve ur bootiful body 'baby!! i ate today!!!' 'really?? Im so proud of you princess!!'
remembers everything abt u. u met three years ago and brought up u like the scent of vanilla?? three years laterbuys you a vanilla scented perfume
THE PETNAMES WUTH THIS MAN "angel, can u pass the salt?" ''princess can you hand me my phone'' ''cutie do u have lip balm'' ''baby/babe what time is it'' now the following only come out when hes sleepy or when no one else is around; ''love stay here its still early'' ''no, my love, we cant make cake right now' 'but its cake and no ones here to stop us' 'ITS THREE AM'
sends u texts w memes that say shit ilke 'this apple is yellow, if u see pink i fine asf mami' to annoy you
grabs ur waist. his arms are a belt. his personal hand warmer. sticks his hand underur shirt 4 shore!
has a soft spot for u and only u
imaginecuddling w the human koala and he whispers 'kiss me loser' wtv u say gorgeous
sends u reels and tiktoks of spiderman and hellokitty saying us
TV GIRL BRACELETS ARGUE W THE WALL
has matvhing promise rings for sure
unlike some ppl, i think hes def the type to write little notes for u
'shut up riki' 'make me bitch' sassy sassy sassy sassy sassy sassy
(over text) y/n; babe can u bring me wayer on ur wayback from taking shit pls?? riki; WAYER 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 riki; sure angel
ur doing ur work likr a responsible student (manifesting) and 'TALK TO MEEEEEE' 'im studying love' 'idc kiss me l/n y/n'
'cmere pretty girl' while checking u out. laening againsgt the counter trying to distract you from baking
BACKHUGS AND NECK KISSES STFU
'babe' 'hm?' you stare at your phone, not lookint at him 'look at me' you look 'good girl' SIR SIR SIR IM NOT UR STRONGEST SOLDIER
buys u wtv u want bc y shld u suffer w/o 3+ prada bags, a matchcing bulgari serpenti bracelt and ring, dior and chanel makeup etc.
loves u to the end of the world.
558 notes · View notes
gyuswhore · 29 days
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Never Shall We Die (3; final)
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«« Nothing is too outlandish when it’s a life of liberty on the line. »» 
PAIRING: kwon soonyoung x reader
PLAYLIST: right here!
pirate lingo glossary (pls refer!)
SYNOPSIS: Deadliest pirate on the high seas or a damn fool? The stupid King and his men have snatched Hoshi's precious pirate ship with their too clean, too soft hands; grounds to question his own vices. Except, when he and his crew land in the quarters of a navy ship, revenge on their roster, they stumble across a princess in its gallows. Hoshi wonders if he's just struck gold, or if you'd become the final tread to his downfall.
GENRES: pirate!au, enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut [minor dni], some pirates of the carribean vibes but ? idk
WORD COUNT [full fic]: 48.1k
Part 1: 17.07k | Part 2: 15.2k | Part 3 [final] : 15.8k
@highvern's out of context comment box: new fear unlocked: hoshi with explosives, victorian ankle moment, HATE HIM (need him carnally), hoshi covered in soapy water would distract me enough, strip for me pirate mingyu [hes litrally taking off his jacket], your honor hes a bitch, freaks!, mingyu crushes hoshi's head like a grape, WONWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, massive dick, the way i literally gasped like an old scandalized woman
masterlist
WARNINGS: slowburn, plot heavy, happy ending bc no angsty endings in this household, being taken hostage, knives, bombs, and guns, mentions of blood, mentions of SA (does not happen and it is not explicitly mentioned), alcohol, mentions of death (patricide), hoshi is ✨selectively moral✨but kind of moral nonetheless, side character death, [pls lmk if im missing something its alot] smut tags: hoshi loves thighs, corruption kink to the mAX, clit stimulation, oral (f. receiving), breast play, p in v sex (unprotected, 1800s contraception will make you prefer it but pls dont do this irl), making out
[AN]: final part oh my god if youve read the other parts up till now, THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU i hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as i loved writing it, im really proud of this fic and im so happy so many of you have enjoyed it so far. @highvern betaing as always ty for not giving up on me. AS ALWAYS, PLS TELL ME YOUR THOTS IN THE RBS OR THE REPLIES OR SEND ME AN ASK LITERALLY WTV MUAH MUAH HAPPY READING <3
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THIS IS THE NICEST PRISON Hoshi has ever been in, which was saying something, because he had been in quite a lot of prisons. 
But it was uncomfortable nonetheless, six grown men tied up and shoved into a crouching space to be done with as the men that prowled above pleased. 
Hoshi would be lying if he said he hadn’t had to restrain from pushing some of those sorry soldiers into the ice waters beyond the glaciers. He had resisted, the crew had resisted, but just enough to convince them of their unwillingness. 
Hoshi had realised early on that there was no possible way of getting aboard Tigress without somehow climbing aboard the King’s boat first. The king wasn’t about to simply hand Hoshi’s ship over, and there was no indication that they'd wait till after nightfall to depart. 
Hoshi also knew that the King would refuse to have him die so easily in the waters of the Green Islands, his pride depended on it. He imagines the man drawing up the specifics of the most gruesome execution the Kingdom would ever see. Hoshi was counting on it. 
The bounds could’ve been broken out of and the locks somehow picked, but Hoshi also knew that he had to wait. Wait for you to find him first. 
“What’s taking her so long?” Jun asks. He’d been the most anxious out of all, the shaking feet and restless moving making it clear. 
“The bomb won’t…go off still strapped to her, will it?” Minghao asks and Hoshi isn’t quite sure he wants to know the answer. 
“It shouldn’t. Not until she pulls the tab. But…”
“But?” Hoshi whips around. “Why is there a but? You were supposed to make sure there was no but!”
“Big bomb, more boom, less predictable!” 
“Are you sure we can’t break out and look for her ourselves?” Mingyu grumbles, the most compromised with his longer limbs folded in uncomfortable positions.
“The minute they know we’re loose they’ll swarm her. There won’t be a way to get to her, not without fighting off every last bastard on this ship. They’ve taken our stuff too, we don’t stand a chance.”
They did, actually, stand a chance. But that was only if they were to break away and head straight for Tigress that was empty and standing right beside this very ship. But they couldn’t. Hoshi couldn’t. Not without taking you with him. 
Nobody dares to suggest the easier route, and he doubts it’s just because of what he wants. 
But panic was beginning to trickle into Hoshi’s veins anyway, the closed off brig refusing to give him any indication of the time of day. 
The sun was only beginning to set when they were taken to the ship, and he knew they were near done for if they didn’t finish what they started before nightfall. He can’t tell how long it’s been, and it eats away at his insides. 
Please be okay. 
And then he hears it, the sound of a body hitting the floors with a loud thud, a chortle of air before it’s knocked out. He finds himself sitting up straighter, pressing his hands to bars of the prison, trying to peer out the narrow walkway that leads to the doors. 
And then you appear in the lamplight, haphazard and ruffled up beyond measure. 
The knife in your hand drips with blood, your shirt torn at the arms, your hands bloodied and bruised. 
When Hoshi sees your face he almost doesn’t recognise you. 
There’s angry blooming marks of red and purple all across your neck and collarbone, your eyes bloodshot and red, watering like you’d been swimming in salt water. 
“Who did this?” he asks before anything else, watching you drop to your knees in front of the prison, unanswering as you fumbled with a giant ring of keys in your hand. 
You jam each key into the lock, twisting it to no avail. Your hands are shaking. 
The crew finally twist out of their loose bonds, Minghao lurching forward immediately, swatting your hands away. He picks out a few skinny pins from his boot, picking the rusty lock. Despite the strange angle, the bars creak open within seconds. 
“There’s…There’s ropes hooked onto the ship on the main deck.” 
Your voice sounds like you’re speaking through sandpaper, talking while struggling to emerge with the bomb you had. 
Hoshi doesn’t know what to do when he crawls out of the space. 
He’d had it all figured out in his head, what would happen in every possible outcome. You getting hurt wasn’t in any of his universal conclusions; especially not on this ship. They’d kill his crew, they might even kill the King with themselves, but you were meant to remain unscathed. 
“Why–why do you look like that? What happened?” Nothing registers in his head, not even when Jun is pushing him out into the hall. 
“Get up to the deck and get out across the lines!” Jun gruffs in his ears. “That bomb’s gonna go off with us still on here.”
He sees the canister that lies in the same prison they had just exited, he sees your mouth moving without sound. All he can think of are the distinct fingerprints around your throat and how it looked like somebody tried to kill you before they tried to kill him. 
“Soonyoung,” he hears you say in a broken voice and that’s all it takes for him to snap out of it. 
His crew is looking at him expectantly. He looks back at the door and sees the crumpled bodies of the prison guards. 
So much for leaving quietly. 
The minute Hoshi is out the door of the brig, he finds a chest next to the collapsed, bleeding soldiers. Kicking it open, he can only scoff as he finds the entire crew’s weapons in such close vicinity. 
He feels better with his dagger at his hip, along with the rest of his knives that he slips into the loops. Even more so with the rest of his crew armed and ready. 
“We know where the deck is.” He swallows, eyeing his crew’s weapons in their ready hands. He knew they’d agreed to ensure the clean sinking of the ship, but the fallen bodies on the floor were an ode to a different route they’d have to take. “Don’t hesitate if someone gets in your way.”
Taking cautious steps to the upper decks, he finds more bodies collapsed onto the floor, bleeding and unconscious. He opts to ask you the details later, wondering how you were able to take down all these guards by yourself. 
It isn’t until they reach the stairs that lead to the main deck that he comes across a guard. 
Before the witness can raise any alarm, Hoshi’s slamming the butt of his dagger into the side of his head, knocking him clean unconscious as he falls off the side of the short railing. 
Clambering up the steps as quietly as possible, he raises a hand behind him to signal his crew to halt, peering into the main deck first. 
The sun is still out, but low in the sky as it dips in the sky. There’s a few people on the deck, pacing and moving about in preparation for departure. Angling his gaze, he finds ropes suspended over the edge of the railing, parallel to the water. 
He can’t see Tigress, but he knows that’s what the ropes are hooked on to. 
“Jun,” he beckons. “How long till the bomb on the other ship goes off?”
The bomb Jun had planted in the first ship they had arrived in should be going off any time now, and Hoshi finds himself needing it to go off now. 
Jun barely opened his mouth to reply when the ship shuddered. 
For a moment, Hoshi thinks the bomb in the brigs had gone off, but when he finds the clambering of boots to one side of the ship, opposite to where the ropes tied to Tigress, he realises their surrogate ship had given its last gift to the crew. 
The rest of the ship would be bounding to the main deck to inspect the noise soon, so he shoots a quick, “Hurry!” behind him before stepping onto the main deck. 
The entire deck is occupied with the ship that lies a ways away across the expanse of sea, the beginnings that would soon lead the entire ship to be engulfed in flames. It’s tilting at a dangerous angle. 
Hoshi stands as he uses the crew straight towards the ropes that lead to Tigress. Glancing, he finds Mingyu and Chan already hanging on the suspended ropes, making their way towards the empty deck of their ship. 
Hoshi keeps his eyes on the occupied men on board, still staring at the lightshow that was their old ship. It isn’t until one of them turns, eyes towards the stairs that lead to the lower decks, that his eyes dart to the unfamiliar men on the deck. 
“Fuck,” Hoshi curses, before lunging, grabbing the man by the shoulders and covering his mouth, dragging him wordlessly to the edge before throwing him off the ship and into the icy waters below. 
“Go!” he hears you rasp brom behind him, ushering him to the ropes. 
The crew is gone, Jun making the last jump to land on the deck. They’re running around, pulling ropes and fastening the sails to push the ship off into open waters as soon as possible. 
There’s two ropes that tie the two ships together, and Hoshi ushers you onto one of them, pushing you to suspend yourself before he follows. 
“There’s not enough time, go to the other one!” you tell him, pushing him to hold onto the other tattered rope. 
Soonyoung eyes your state, “Are you sure you can—”
“Yes! I promise I can, please, before they cut both the ropes.”
So he trusts you, eyes straight ahead to the railing of his ship, gripping the rough, frayed rope to push himself towards the deck. His hands burn, but he finds himself moving ever closer to his final destination. 
His hand grabs hold of the wooden railing of his Tigress at long last, pulling himself onto the deck of his beloved ship. Immediately whipping his head to his right, he tries to find you reaching the ship with him. The crew is preoccupied in attempting to get the ship ready for departure, he finds your form nowhere. 
When he looks back, the rope he had climbed was gone, leaving gaping space in its absence. He trails the second rope, from the hook that had dug into the railing of Tigress’s wood, trailing it to the naval ship’s deck. 
What he sees puts his heart in his throat. 
You stand on the deck of your father’s ship, swarmed by now alert guards and soldiers who swarm you, yelling profanities and orders as they watch their prisoners get away right in front of them. 
Hoshi watches as you lift your dagger, and cut the last rope that ties you together, free to fall and hit against the hull of his ship.
He calls out your name in what could only be described as a guttural scream. 
His crew halts whatever it was they were doing, taking the steps to realise what had just happened. 
Hoshi’s boot meets the top of the railing, ready to take the plunge into the water. He’d climb back up the ship and get you out. He doesn’t know what you were thinking, what he was thinking when he left you there, but he’d get you out. 
Arms pulling him, he’s yanked back and positively thrown onto the deck.
“What is wrong with you?” Minghao yells, pushing his captain back as he springs up. 
“She—”
Your father emerges from the crowd of guards and soldiers that run rampant on the deck, approaching you at the railing of the main deck. 
Hoshi sees the hand that remains on his shoulder, the blood that covers the still bleeding wound, the effort it takes him to simply walk. 
The bruises on your neck, the wound at his shoulder that looks like it was slashed through by a knife. 
And then it clicks in Hoshi’s head, what had truly happened in the hours that you were out of his sight. And all he sees is red.
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WITH THE WAY THE words on the pages seem to double, you would’ve thought you were going mad. 
You’re a child, barely grown into your own body as you sit in the dimly lit library of the palace, utterly exhausted, wishing to be anywhere but sitting at the wooden desk with your name on it. The moon barely shone through the window, your only source of light the fireplace that burned in the corner and your lamplight. 
It was a time where you felt like you could prove yourself, that perhaps, the reason your father refused you his approval was because you were simply not working hard enough. And now, at an hour where you should be fast asleep in your four poster bed, you attempt to understand diplomatic structures and everything that made your country what it was. 
It was late, and there was nothing you would’ve liked more than to put your head on the table and rest your eyes for a few tantalising seconds, which you do, right over the book you were reading. 
You awoke in the same place, shaken awake by a panicked looking servant, the sun shining through the great windows of the palace library.
It seems your disappearance from your bedchambers had put the entire palace in disarray, not realising the princess was fast asleep behind the giant pile of books other servants had already skimmed past thrice. 
Not only were you unable to recite the rankings of the constitutions with the vigour your father required, but you were unable to give him a reason as to why you were absent for both breakfast and morning lessons. 
He made the servants kneel in the throne room for hours, and did not fail to tell you that it was all your fault.
And now, in the ice cold of the Green Islands, old and wise enough to know that your father simply needed a reason to despise his heir, you accept the hands around your throat as his final act of terror. 
Red faced and arms shaking, your father does not speak to you as he presses down on your windpipe with all his might. Your vision is going dark and splotchy, and you decide, for a moment, to let him have this moment. 
He’s too preoccupied in applying his pressure to realise that you’ve raised your right foot enough for your hands to fish out your knife from its place, taking positivity in the handle of your knife that fits in your hand. 
Before you can lose consciousness, you raise your arm high, and plunge it directly into his neck. 
Howling, he releases you from his hold, both of you dropping to the floor of the ship with a resonating thud. You cough, sputter and hack, cold hands finding your now warm neck. 
Your father lays clutching his shoulder as he remains in agony on the floor, and you realise you missed the crucial plunge in your own disarray. 
It was good enough, rendering the old man incapable of finding his bearings. 
You watch as he writhes on the floor of the quarters that almost became your figurative deathbed, the same hands that wrapped around his own daughter’s throat now clutching the shallow wound that renders him useless. 
Standing over him, throwing your own shadow on his body, you feel a surge of power, a rush of adrenaline that shoots straight to your head. Perhaps this was your circulation returning from the deprivation, but you let the feeling imprint in your soul, let your father’s broken figure bring you satisfaction.
You leave him there, writhing in pain, digging your knife under the lock of the quarters, pulling back to break it away from the door. The guards stationed outside do nothing as you leave, and it isn’t until you’ve taken to lower decks that you hear the distinct yell of, “Your Majesty!”
Two more guards, who don’t expect an altercation from their princess, simply buffer as you send your knife plunging into them both. You do it deep this time. 
Nobody was innocent, you knew these people as your father’s closest men, and knew that all of them were to remain silent as their King murdered his daughter. And when the remorse doesn’t do that thing where it trickles in after doing a bad thing, you decide you weren’t part of the innocents either.
It’s easier than you would’ve expected to get to the crew in the brig, letting out a sigh of relief as you appreciate the familiarity of people on your side. 
And when Hoshi took his place to guide everyone out and into the open space of the main deck, you let your racing mind rest and decide to trust the man in whatever decision he made to lead you all out. And he did, he led himself and his crew right into the ship that was theirs, safe and where they would have the upper hand. 
Hoshi didn’t know it when he climbed onto the ropes that lead to his boat that he wouldn’t have made it if you hadn’t stayed, hadn’t used your voice of authority to keep the soldiers from attempting to shoot at the escapees, cut the rope while Hoshi remained suspended from it, still only halfway there. 
You didn’t look at him when you sliced both ropes before either party could pull back, didn’t register him screaming your name across the void, pretending it wasn’t taking everything out of your strength.
But you couldn’t jump into the water, not now when a dozen of the royal guards remained ready to take the plunge to save their princess as their duty. The same guards that would comply with their king when told the princess was dead for reasons they all knew but were to forget. 
The bomb had to go off first, and you had to keep them away from hooking another line to the ship in the meantime. You were operating on a flawed plan and an overenthusiastic crowd of guards that were moments away from shooting a canon straight into the side of the disconnected pirate ship.  
The distraction comes in the form of your father parting the crowd of soldiers like the red sea, swatting every soldier that attempts to help his bleeding form for anything it was worth. He approaches you at the railing, and for once, you don’t look at the ground in his presence. 
“Bold,” he heaves, the effort in his voice apparent. “Bold of you to think you could slip away.”
“I haven’t tried to slip away, father,” you correct. “I’ve stayed right here, even after you failed to kill me. And I, you.” 
“Nobody is going to listen to you, child. Give in. This is the easy way out,” he says. 
As if on cue, Jun’s bomb goes off for the second time, but this time the ship shudders with more force. It has your father unbalance and fall, along with multiple other soldier’s stumbling. You grip the railing tight, counting on your father’s need to live. 
Despite your horrid throat and the ache in your body, you announce as loud as you can. “The bomb is in the brig, this ship is sinking.”
The fallen king trembles in a rage you had never quite seen before. Any other time of your life, you would’ve wished for the ground to swallow you whole to be the subject of such anger. 
Except, in the setting sun, a burning ship in the background, a pirate ship that awaits you, and the ground beneath your feet that was actively sinking into the freezing water; you smile at your doomed King. 
“Get to the brig! Secure the lower decks, do not let this ship sink or so help me God!” His voice rings across the deck, spittle blowing from his mouth at the situation. 
And just like that, your father gives you the final gift of clearing the main deck out for you, leaving but a few straggling soldiers that are too preoccupied with either the sinking ship or their bleeding sovereign. 
Looking back, you find the crew of Tigress standing at the railing, you find Hoshi already half over the edge and send him a slow nod. 
Turning back to your father that remains on the floor of the ship that would become his coffin, you utter your next words; for yourself, and the girl that was every second before this, all the way to her first ever memory of sad:
“You’ve taught me to be a ruler fit to be the best for our Kingdom. Consider your death my first act of service for the Crown.”
And then you jumped into the darkening void of the waters below. 
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THE COLD FEELS LIKE every nerve in your body ceased to work. 
It was nothing at first, the temperature so intense it had your body numb in the face of shock. And then it grew, to a striking cold, and then a feeling that pricked every inch of your skin like a million needles plunging into your body. It was only getting worse with each passing second, before it was so painful it was hot, going from cold to searing and blistering like you’d plunged into the licks of flames. 
Nowhere in your body did you find a rational sense of mind, something to tell you to kick, flail or float. The warped sky was an orange through the green, only more vibrant. Like there were two ships actively burning on the surface of this water. 
Hoshi’s face appears behind your closing eyelids, like a mirage or a taunt. Like he was there with you when he wasn’t. 
Would he come for you? Would he take the plunge for the girl he held in his arms, promising her something to fill the gap of a companion, right before she killed her own? 
You’d given him what he wanted; your father, his worst enemy, dying as he sank slowly into the bottom of the ocean. You’d run your course of use, and if he was as smart as people claimed, he’d leave you to suffer the same fate as your father. 
He could find his freedom elsewhere. 
And you would find your freedom in the close of your eyes, and the sinking feeling of nothingness. 
Except, you feel a hardness against your body, stronger even than the current of the waters. Moving impossibly upwards, you remember opening your eyes to find a leather cord suspended in the float of the water, before you remember nothing. 
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THE GREEN ISLANDS WERE on fire.  
But as unnatural as it seemed, Hoshi had no inclination to register anything but the way the ship in front of him tilts so far out it's already half submerged in the waters. He’d assumed they might have to ready the cannons, but with the way debris and hollowed wood floats in the waters below, they would not need to. 
The King was about to be introduced to Davy Jones’ Locker at the hands of his enemy and successor, but Hoshi could not care enough right now to relish in it. 
Right now, he stares at the direct circumference of water your body had made contact with and disappeared into, like the world would explode if he lost his place. 
“Should I jump as well?” Mingyu asks, already half taking his boots off. However, when the man turns to find his captain gone, he lurches over the railing to find his captain diving into the water through all the debris.
Hoshi lets the momentum of his dive take him as further down as possible, whipping his head around as soon as his eyes open into the abyss. The water ripples and erupts in showers of bubbles as broken pieces of ship come apart to fall into the water. It blurs his vision immensely, any ripple that could be you in the water coming out to be yet another piece of wasted wood. 
The deeper he goes, the more the water presses into his ears. He was a good swimmer, good at holding his breath when needed, but even he had limits. 
When he cannot see any sign of you, he begins to feel the churning of something skin to panic brew. Panic was never good, not this deep in the water. 
Twisting and turning, flailing about in place, moving dangerously closer to the burning ship that continued to drop flaming bits of killing slabs, he finds no sign of you in the water. 
Instead, he watches men in uniform sink deeper and deeper in their failed attempts to stay afloat. 
All he can think about is if they were losing the battle for air, then so were you, somewhere deeper in the void than he was. He prays that he’s looking aimlessly, that you’ve already somehow made your way to the surface by yourself, and you were safe on the deck. 
The beaded bracelet that remained on his wrist, but belonged to you. 
“A reason for you to come out of this alive.”
Even without the encasing on his wrist, you had given him more than enough reason to want to come out of this alive, to want to live beyond just for himself and his duty to the crew he’d taken in. 
He chose the life of a pirate because it was his only out, and every member of his crew that he recruited in succession, he acted as the hand he had needed so desperately in that awful brothel where his mother despised him and his father, a faceless man of Port Ash. 
Amphitrite was not kind, it was a lesson he learned quickly in his first ventures out at sea. So he too, had to learn to be unkind, to survive in the horrid bellies of ships that weren’t his own. And when Tigress came into his life like a vessel of hope, he found a home in her merciful wood, in the ship that he could call his very own. 
Hoshi lived as a free man on his ship, with his crew that had become his brothers in ways beyond what the thick of blood could offer. He did not care if he lived or died after that, as long as it was on his ship, in the waters that held no quarter for anyone, but gave him everything that nothing else could give him. 
And so when you approached him with a proposal so bizarre yet so apt for a man like him, he could not refuse. It may have been the way he saw himself in you, terrified of the prospects  but thirsting for an escape more than the fear that came with it. 
Besides, the king was a nuisance that needed to go, and he found himself agreeing to play the hand too complicated for you. 
What he did not expect was to end up here, in the depths of the ocean in the most uninhabitable part of the earth, trying to pull you out of the cold, unrelenting sea. 
Hoshi realises in that moment that this might ruin him, the possibility of breaking the surface without you. 
He decides that if the heavens do not let him find you, he would simply drown in the same waters that gave him purpose, and find peace with the idea that he would lay rest in the same waters as the person who might have given him something more. 
Kwon Soonyoung, the deadliest pirate to cleave the seas, was in love with you. A princess, so undeserving of a man like him; a bastard, a rogue, a good for nothing criminal. 
And when he spots the all too familiar build of your form, the linen shirt under the corset he had tied for you just hours ago, the dark brown trousers that signified the change he’d brought into your life, he swore to leave everything he’d ever known to thank the skies and seas for bringing him to you.
His burning lungs, screaming and searing for air, grabbing for your suspended arm that looked as defeated as your closed eyes. Tugging you towards him, he wraps his arm around you to press you to him as tight as he could. 
Relief. And with the warm sting in his eyes that he doubted was from the salt in the water, he’s sure of everything he’s felt with the feeling of you in his arms. 
With the bruising on your neck, the bleeding wound in your father’s shoulder, he finds it within his breaking body to begin kicking upwards. 
Every limb, every cell, every hint of life in his body shrieked with its efforts to make him stop. There was no air in his lungs and he’d lost track of time in his search for you, he doesn’t know how long he has. 
But if the blots of nothingness in his eyes were anything to go with, he doesn’t presume he has much. In a last ditch effort, he attempts to kick his boots off to weigh him down a little less, holding your dead weight tighter than anything. 
He was so close, he could feel the warmth of the upper levels of the water change in its temperature on his skin. The glow was near blinding as the orange refracted on the disrupted surface of the ocean, so close yet so far. 
Inch by inch, kick by kick, memory by memory, he does everything left in his drained power to touch the surface. 
And he does, breaking out hand first into the burning air of the world above, taking the longest gasp of air he ever has in his life. Once he’s sure he knows where he is, he pushes you up further on his chest, your head resting against his collarbone, still unconscious. 
“Stay with me, princess,” he pants into your ear, hoping you could hear. “I’ve got you.”
Chan and Mingyu are in the water beside him, pushing him towards the pulley that awaited them. 
Mingyu makes an attempt to take your weight of his already struggling captain, but Hoshi finds himself holding on to you tighter, simply urging him to help him back on the deck. 
The minute your head hits the wood of the deck, he’s checking your pulse. There’s no regard for the chaos that ensues around Tigress, both him and his crew too preoccupied with the way you were not breathing. 
“I–I can’t feel anything,” he stutters his words as Seungkwan places a less panicked hand at your neck, under your nose. 
“It’s weak, she’s taken in too much water.”
In an instant, he reaches for his knife at his hip, only to realise it was gone, lost somewhere in his rescue. 
“Knife,” he rasps before repeating louder. “Someone give me a knife!” 
The minute a hilt is in his hands, he’s pushing you over, to reach the back of your constricting corset, pushing his knife into the complicated sailing knot he’d tied it into before, breaking it free. With both hands, he takes hold of the top of the corset and rips it clean in half. 
Turning you back over, he presses his hands over your clothed stomach, pushing into it with all his strength in an attempt to get the water out of your system. He keeps his eyes on your face, and when he sees no sign of you coming round, he feels another set of hands pushing him off. 
Seungkwan takes over for his weakened captain, pushing into your stomach harder, attempting to get a break out of you. 
“Why isn’t she coming around, what’s going on?” He throws the question aimlessly as he takes your unmoving face in his hands, trembling from everything. 
Only a moment later, he hears the glorious sound of you sputtering like something was stuck in your throat, promptly spilling out an ungodly amount of water onto the deck as you retch loudly. 
Sitting up from the force, your hands clamp onto the deck as you cough and heave, Hoshi’s hand coming behind you to thump your back hard, pushing you to throw up any remaining seawater from your body. 
The sight of your back moving up and down, the audible sound of you taking in air; it was enough for Hoshi to simply lay on the deck and pass out. 
You rear your head and look up at him, both of you still breathing heavily. 
“You’re okay,” he assures, gulping. He takes your face in hands cupping it very gently as he speaks to you. “Go with Seungkwan, you’re okay, you’re safe.”
Nodding, you let yourself be helped up by the rest of the crew, watching as you’re led to the lower decks of the ship. 
“Open your shirt, let me see the wound,” Mingyu says, and Hoshi doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Looking down, he sees his shirt soaked in red, sticking to a wound on the right side of his torso. He didn’t even know where he got it. 
It looks like a shallow gash, but enough to leave a scar. He takes it better to have it tended to while he was still high on adrenaline and he couldn’t feel much of the pain. 
By the time Mingyu and Minghao are done cleaning him up and Hoshi’s standing upright with wobbly legs, he finds the two burning ships beyond his own mere floating structures of wood that were in slow flame. There’s too much debris, too many bits of everything that bob in the large expanse of water to make out any bodies. 
“There’s nobody,” Mingyu tells him. “Most of them were in lower decks when it all went down. Trapped themselves.”
“And…?” he asks in silence. 
“He stayed on the deck until it sank,” Minghao informs. “Yelling about how he…about how he should’ve finished her when he had the chance.”
“Horrible king and somehow an even worse father,” Mingyu scoffs. “Made it better to watch him die.”
“He didn’t suffer enough,” Hoshi croaks as the marks on your throat dot his vision. 
Just then, floating in the water, illuminated by the final streaks of setting light, Hoshi sees it. A darkened purple cloth right next to the hull.
“That,” he points out. “Get that out of the water.”
The late king’s purple cape laid on the deck of Tigress, darkened with water, but also with his blood.
To the Kingdom, this cape would be the last piece of their King that was gone too soon. But for every person on this ship, it would forever be their spoils of war.
Hoshi makes sure the cape will be dried and stored, ordering his crew to begin their slow journey out of the Green Islands, before he too crumples onto the deck unconscious. 
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IT WAS A SPECTACLE to see Hoshi in his element. 
Something about how he seemed to beam, like this ship was charging him a different kind of energy. It was infectious, the rest of the ship decreasingly sour as they put on musical performances on the main deck while they cleaned the floors. 
As relieved as you felt, the tight ball of anxiety refused to leave the pit of your stomach as you grew closer to the Kingdom. Nothing could prepare you for the shitstorm you’d have to deal with the moment you’d step onto the soil off a pirate ship of all things—let alone as Queen. 
The first few days following the ship's exit from the Green Islands were difficult, if that was all you had to describe it. You took to your hammock for most of the day, curled up as you pretended to sleep, only waking up when one of the crew would come down to force feed you and to make sure you hadn’t died. 
You knew they were doing all this to make you feel better, and somehow it was working. More than halfway through your journey, you began to feel more like yourself, emerging from your cave to visit the deck on times other than the nights. 
Even now, as you sit on the floor of the deck with Seungkwan, who hands you an all too familiar stack of parchment, you feel nothing as you take them into your hands. As you read his handwriting scrawled in ink, you appreciate your past self for having the sense to keep them all. 
“I’m glad you’re feeling better now,” he says to you. “Had us worried for a while there.”
“Sorry.” You smile weakly. “But thank you for…everything. I don’t think I could ever express how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. All of you.”
“I’d like to think we’ve gone past the status of mere business partners,” Seungkwan chuckles. “Lion befriends the bear? Whatever it is. But know we’d do it again.”
Blinking back the sting of tears and doing your very best to not let the warm feeling in your chest overwhelm you, you place the letters on the floor next to your folded legs. When you look up, Seungkwan's eyes are on your neck.
“They’re taking their time to fade, aren’t they?” you say. 
Seungkwan has a hard look in his eye, “I guess you didn’t need your letters to remind you of anything after all.”
Your mind wanders, drifting past how easily this crew could have been forgotten in the unforgiving elements. Perhaps you would have let the man that wrapped his hands around your neck finish his job.
“Was getting captured part of your grand plan?” you ask Seungkwan. 
“Hm?” It takes a moment to realise what you may be questioning him about, smiling slightly. “What makes you think we went in with a plan?”
“I thought I asked you to man the wheel?” Hoshi stands above the both of you.
“Not to batten down the hatches,” he side-eyed his captain. “Clear waters ahead, the wheel does not need manning.” 
You zone out as they squabble over nothing, not finding the heart to be entertained by their back and forth. Seungkwan either loses or forfeits, because you feel him rise from next to you, only for his captain to take his place. 
“What are you thinking about?” Hoshi asks. 
“Everything,” you sigh. 
“How come Seungkwan gets a thank you for your service and I don’t? Need I remind you who jumped for you and who didn’t?”
Rolling your eyes, you answer him, “Thank you, Captain Hoshi Kwon, I am forever indebted to your service.”
He chuckles in exaggeration, “Oh please, all in a day's work.”
“I mean it.”
“Hm?”
“I never did say thank you. But you did jump for me when you didn’t have to.”
“Who said I didn’t have to?”
“Our deal was done.”
“Of course not,” he scoffs. “Our deal was to get you out when you jumped. I merely honoured that promise!”
“Merely?” you raise a brow. “Was it all merely a matter of conscience?”
His gaze locks with yours. “Don’t ask questions you know the answers for. I would’ve jumped even if you asked me to rope myself to the mast.”
“Please. I have enough blood on my hands and I haven’t even sat on my throne yet.”
“Blood is only on your hands if you tell a soul of what you’ve done,” Hoshi utters. “You’re the only living soul who knows.”
“And you are…?”
“Pirate. Our word means nothing.” Hoshi smiles. 
The thought hangs in the air as you take in the man in front of you. He’s changed an era’s worth, yet all the same. His hair is longer, going from his initial shorter crop to curling around his ears, shielding his eyes. It makes him look younger, like a boy with much to live for. 
That, and the multitude of notable scars he’s added to his collection, many of which have somehow been because of you. The wound at his torso is doing better, but far to go in its quest to heal. 
Hoshi senses something amiss even after his sermon. Breaking his gaze, he turns to look straight ahead at the raised bow of the ship instead. 
“Do you know how I got my splendid reputation for being the filthiest pirate on the seas?”
You can only stare, “I have a few guesses.”
He chortles, “Other than my criminal status.”
“Tell me.”
“Unnamed sailors have the odds of a peanut facing its inevitable fate of being crushed under a straggling boot. Pirates don’t see the government as their enemy when they’re own supposed brothers are more likely to jam a cannon in their mouths.”
He lets out a heavy sigh before continuing, “My mistake wasn’t that I was on the losing side in my early days, but more about how I was leaving nothing behind when I was done.”
“How humble,” you hum. 
“Dead men tell no tales. When it’s worth it, it might be better to leave a straggler or two to live to tell the tale. A routine stab in the jugular can turn you into somewhat of a myth.”
“Am I a survivor?” you question. 
“You may be sovereign on land, but you’re also an unnamed pirate,” he responds, turning back to lock eyes with you. “And you’ve left nobody to tell the tale.”
No one listens to a pirate, and everyone listens to a Queen. 
“This isn’t to say there won’t be a legend that follows you.” He quirks a brow as he speaks. “Shows up and claims her father and his entire ship and crew sank at sea, only to befriend his sworn enemies in the aftermath. And then it evolves; she sent a cannon through her fathers ship, he died at the end of his own daughter's sword, she cursed him to captain a crew of the undead for eternity.”
“Have I planted the seeds for yet another ghost story?” It’s difficult to not giggle at the thought, despite how morbid. 
“You’ve given yourself substance,” he says, a little stronger than before. His eyes too, wander to your neck and the bruises that refuse to budge. “Beyond just a royal or even a pirate. You did it for your honour as a human being, and that may be braver than anything I have ever conquered.”
In your anxiety ridden, feeble mind, your thoughts had convinced your conscience that everything would be over the minute your father’s heart stopped beating. That it would bring you peace at last. 
And it did, especially when it felt like you’d gotten rid of this constant monster under the bed that had followed you far into adulthood. But from the bleeding heart of the creature emerged yet another one of its brethren, and then another and then another. 
Smaller albeit, but monsters nonetheless. Problems nonetheless. 
Weeks of this, and in one short interaction, Hoshi seemed to have given you the key to turn this monster into a pet. 
On instinct, you feel your hand reach up, brushing against the skin of his cheek. It’s an all too familiar setting, seated on the deck of a ship too close for anybody but yours’ comfort. But without the rum and resentment, of course. And how you doubt he’d pull away this time. 
Very lightly, you brush your lips against his. It was nothing but to simply feel him again, to feel a semblance of familiarity. 
You feel him take your hand that rests on his cheek to place a kiss on your palm, nuzzling his nose into the concave of your hand. 
Everything that was to come seemed a little more possible in that very moment. 
Even more so when his fingers found the sensitive areas of your coloured throat, when his lips closed against your jaw, only to trail lower and to press into the marks his fingers continue to trail tucked into your neck. 
That night, when slipping into your hammock felt like the most unbearable prospect in your near future, it couldn’t possibly be worse than uttering your next question to the man that seems to fix it all.  
“Will you stay with me?”
With nothing but the light snores of the rest of the crew and the creaking of the ship, both you and Soonyoung laid in a hammock most definitely not meant for two. Head on his chest, ear pressed against where his heart beats under his scar, it’s bliss. 
The feeling of his warm body against yours and the scent of him settling in your lungs, you decide that this was enough. At least for now. 
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IT WAS DIFFICULT TO give yourself the full list for obvious reasons, but it does seem to help when you tick off all the possible reasons why your patience has run as thin as it has. 
Sitting at the decorated seat at the convened court of old men appointed by your father, you briefly wonder if you should finish them off too amidst your flash of anger. The men continue to squabble and babble about the next course of action, slamming their wrinkled hands on the pristine table and sending their own daggers of threats to the other inhabitants of the table. 
“If you’d like to send a search party for the King’s body, be my guest,” you finally speak, having had quite enough when the throb in your temple worsens. “But remind me what troops you’ll be sending to the North if your best men will be gone for months attempting to find a body they never will.”
The dispute in the North side of the Kingdom was taking up most of the conversation anyway, and you doubt they’d put customary burial rites over their own glory of victory the North would bring. 
“Your Majesty—”
“I would happily jump on the next search ship for my father,” you lie through your teeth. “But I watched him drown in front of my own two eyes, and as the next sovereign I cannot let you waste our resources for something that will both risk our soldier’s lives and have them come back home empty handed.”
Perhaps you had come off slightly more heartless than you intended, so you quickly add, “Please, let my father rest in peace.”
That seems to end the conversation easier than you had expected, but they’re quick to jump to the next issue not long after. 
“The court would also like to bring light upon the palace guests.”
Tightening your jaw, you slump against your seat slightly. “What about them?”
They remain silent as their mouthpiece attempts to form the right words for the following question, mostly because you’ve addressed this multiple times beforehand but they continue to sit restless. 
“Allow me to help you, Lord Bridge,” you sit up straighter, intending to put this matter to rest. “My guests will remain here for as long as they do, and if you have any more arising issues towards my guests I will only take it as your collective issues towards me.” 
In the moment of silence, you continue, “The Kingdom is in a place of instability as we are all well aware. I find it most appalling that you remain fixated on trivial matters of the palace’s domestic code of conduct than you do for the wellbeing of this country!”
Silence yet again as you wait for their forcibly rehearsed chorus of apologies. 
“Our greatest apologies, your Majesty.”
The pain in your temples becomes near unbearable as you dismiss the table after that, screeching your chair as you push it back as loud as you possibly can to do nothing but spite the men. 
Turning the corner out of the room, you catch the open gates that lead to the paved gardens outside, the sun seeping into the marble floors indoors. Taking an instinctive step towards the gardens, you find most of the crew sprawled onto the grass as they soak in the sun. 
Chan and Seungkwan look like they’re wrestling, their laughter ringing throughout the open court while their captain snaps at them to cut it out, only to get roped under one of their headlocks all the same. 
There’s a call of your name and a giant wave from Mingyu, who spots you from beyond the flower beds. Still leaning against the gates, you smile and wave back. 
Years the halls of the palace had gone, never hearing laughter in its walls. And something about watching them let themselves ruin the petunias and laugh so loud it echoes, heals you just a bit. 
Even that night, when you find yourself in your giant four poster bed you’ve slept in since you were a child, this time dozing under the arm of another, you feel the itch of a healing wound somewhere in your heart. 
Soonyoung laid with you for every night on the ship since that night, and stayed even here where the space was big enough to host the ghosts of your worries if not distracted. 
He had found you on that first night in the palace still awake, haunting the library fireplace with another stack of papers to keep you company. 
“Can’t sleep?” he’d asked as he picked up some of your documents. 
“Clearly not,” you huff. The papers were mere decorations as you attempted to find an excuse to leave your rooms. 
“You realise you won’t be much of an effective monarch if you exhaust yourself to death?”  
There was no answer to that, especially when you were absorbing nothing of your new duties. You’d expected to fall asleep on the armrest of the uncomfortable settee whenever it was that you exhausted your brain of thoughts, even then refusing to sleep in that large bed. 
He’s awfully persuasive, because as he tucks you into those very sheets, about to leave but not before placing a kiss on your forehead You stop him. 
“Stay. Please.”
True as he has always been, he does.
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THE CROWN IS HEAVIER than you had expected, even more so when it remains on your head for longer than your previously practised sessions walking around the throne room. The crew was exceptionally good at giving you things to train with, including fraudulent rodent scares to ensure the crown would not topple from your own head the minute you rise from your coronation.
And now, as you finally remove the decorative piece from your head after your actual coronation to replace it with something lighter for the following ball, you find relief in the fact that you’d only ever have to wear the actual thing only a few times in your life. 
Everything moves as smoothly as it could, the decorated pirates that saved their Queen from a horrid shipwreck taking up most of the attendees attention as they either question inquisitively or send snarky remarks to the men who are well versed in how to rebut in true informal manner. 
The past months had taken up more of your time than you had anticipated, and during the latter half of the still twinkling party, you attempted to spot the person you’ve been trying to corner all night. 
Soonyoung stands at the edges of the gathering, empty handed as you watch him reject yet another offer for a drink from the trays that float about. His attire is the most formal you had ever seen, his face scrubbed and hair pushed back for the glorious occasion. 
Approaching him from the sidelines, you take hold of his wrists and pull him towards one of the many doors in the ballroom and into a hallway you knew for a fact was rarely ever frequented. 
“I feel I haven’t seen you ages,” you say once you’re sure you’re alone. 
“Probably best for you to keep busy,” he replies with the smallest smile. 
“Have the wrappings on your wound come off?”
Looking at his covered torso, he runs an instinctive hand over where the wound was. “Just a smaller patch now, but it’s nearly there. Disappointed it won’t scar too much.”
“Disappointed?” 
“These are my spoils of war, miss princess,” he adds with a smirk, before correcting himself. “Ah, miss queen?”
“Doesn’t have the same ring,” you comment. 
“The crown suits you.” His voice is soft and sincere.
Scoffing a little, you answer, “I would hope it did.”
“Although, I do prefer you in trousers and a knife.”
Laughing, you can only agree. Especially in your heavier than yourself dress and jewels. “I think I prefer them too.”
At the mention of your new status, he asks, “Shouldn’t you be milling between your new subjects?” 
Keeping your eyes on his face, you wait until he meets your gaze. “I have more important things to attend to.”
He breaks eye contact first, and you can feel the distance grow further. One reach and you could take his hand in yours. 
But you don’t. 
“I know I’ve been quite busy, but…” you trail off as you attempt to find the words. “Is something the matter? What’s going on?”
With a long sigh, he runs a hand through his kept hair, effectively tousling it a little. “I was going to wait until after the ball to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
He makes no moves to look at you when he utters his next words. “The crew and I will be leaving at dawn tomorrow. We’ve taken up enough of your space and it’s best if we don’t intrude any further.”
It’s like you’ve taken a blow to the chest, the air knocked out of your lungs as you register what he’s just said. “You’re….you’re leaving?”
“I would think we’ve both gotten what we wanted. We had a deal.”
Deal? Why was he mentioning that now?
“Are you going to abandon me too?”
His head snaps up to finally meet your eye, mouth opening closing as words betray him. 
“What happened to what you said about gaining you? All of you?” There’s a blatant accusation in your words.
“And you have! We’ll visit. Assuming the state doesn’t want my head on a pike anymore,” he chuckles uncomfortably. 
In a moment of desperation, you take his hand in both of yours; his scarred, gnarled hands that tell you even in the dark who’s warmth it is that you feel every night next to you. 
“Stay. Stay with me, please,” you plead. “I can’t live in this place alone, I despised it when I was young and I’ll only despise it even more now.”
Soonyoung brings his other hand to clasp over both of your own, eyes closing as you hear him take a somewhat shaky breath. “I’m doing this for the both of us.”
“So am I! I can’t possibly rule a kingdom by myself.”
“I’m sure you’ll find someone—”
“I don’t want someone! I want you!”
He begins to whisper your name, moving his face away to blink rapidly. 
“How do you feel about becoming a pirate king? I can never forbid you from the waters, that’s your home, and you will have it.”
He does not look at you, but you know he’s listening more intently than ever before.
“But I ask you as someone who loves you more than I have ever anything else, will you stay and marry me?”
Soonyoung falters as he absorbs the fact that you’ve just proposed to him. 
“I—” he stutters. “The court—”
“The court wouldn’t dare to deny me the man that saved my life.”
You squeeze his hand tighter, moving impossibly closer. 
“And even if they do, I'm ready to fight for the man who fought for me. So answer me as a man and not a pirate, Kwon Soonyoung, will you marry me?”
Soonyoungs mouth enclosing over your own is all the answer you need as you feel him break free of your hands to let them find your waist instead. Amidst the pile of fabric he pushes himself into you as close as possible, letting your hands guide his head to move against your mouth. 
It’s everything, as you grip onto the back of his shoulder, pressing unforgettably into his open mouth. He takes in your bottom lip between his own, sucking before letting go, only to engulf your mouth once again. 
“We’ll figure it out,” you whisper against his lips, feeling the nuzzle of his nose against the apple of your cheek, hot tears spilling from your eyes. “I promise, we’ll figure everything out.”
He shushes you when he feels you shudder in his hold, pulling away to rest his forehead against yours. “No need to torment your pretty head. Not right now.”
For once, you listen to your pirate captain without a fight, simply feeling the stretch of your lips as he moves down to capture them once more. 
The pressure of his hands isn’t nearly as strong as it would’ve felt without the layers upon layers of fabric that cover your form, but standing in this desolate hallway, you swear his fingers might as well be caressing your bare skin underneath. 
The thought sends your mind into a dazzling spin, letting go of his mouth with a gasp, suddenly needing to take a step back. 
“I have to—I have to go back inside,” you breathe into his slick mouth. “Meet me outside my quarters at midnight.”
As scandalous as it was, you could not deny how alive it made you feel to be like this, meeting in darker corners in the dead of night. But for now, you allow him to fix the bits of your ensemble you could not see. With the bad of his thumb, he blends in the smudges of your rouge, swiping at your lips ever so delicately to ensure he leaves no trace of himself. Tucking the loose strands of hair back behind your ears, and finally, fixing the encrusted crown on your head, a flash of one of the diamond’s gleams reflecting onto his perfect face. 
“You’re beautiful.” There’s a dazed look that graces him. “Beyond beautiful.”
With one last innocent press of your smiling mouth onto his, you promise him your midnight. 
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BY THE TIME IT was finally an appropriate hour for you to excuse yourself for the evening, you were near to exploding entirely. 
Whispers of “Are you alright, your Majesty?” plaguing you through your already racing mind. It was beyond difficult to keep the constant shaking of your foot unobvious, however you could not simply up and leave whenever you wanted—at least not yet. The monarch would remain in an unstable authoritative position for quite some time after ascension, and with the unorthodox situation at hand, you assume you’d really have to push yourself if you were to be of any use as sovereign. 
But when the time finally came and you were escorted out of the grand ballroom, only mere ticks away from the resounding bells of midnight, you were holding back from breaking into a sprint. Outside your quarters it was empty, but you remain steadfast in your refusal for your ladies in waiting tonight, promising you could dress yourself for bed on your own. 
Standing at the double doors of your rooms, still the princess’ quarters as you refuse to move into the Queen’s rooms, you stand waiting. The two guards remain staring straight ahead, and you wait for the clicking of your ladies to go muffled before you ask. 
“Has the Captain approached?” 
“No, your Majesty.”
You try not to feel disappointed, despite knowing the midnight bells were yet to sound. “If he does, allow him in, please.” 
Opening the double doors, you half wish you had let your ladies help you out of the god awful dress, tight and loose in all the wrong places. The jewels are thrown haphazardly on your vanity, needing the heavyweight of them off of your body. 
Perhaps months of little to no bedazzling had rendered you incapable of wearing anything mildly less comfortable than linen and leather, but you suppose you’d slip back into the habit just as easily as you slipped out of it. Your nightgown feels like heaven on your tired, tired body, and the dimly lit interior of your bedchamber is only encouraging you to slip under your covers and fall deep into sleep. 
That was one thing about the ship you doubt you’d ever miss. 
Three rapt knocks outside of the heavy double doors have you sitting rapt at attention, hastily making your way to the door from your vanity. Pressing the front of your nightgown down, you open the door slightly and poke your head out. 
Soonyoung stands at the door, nervous of all things, still clad in his full suit. You smile as you let him in, closing the door to turn the lock. 
“Your guards mortify me.” 
“Oh? So they’re doing their job right?” You walk up to him and grasp onto his lapels, pulling him down to meet the lips you’ve missed so much despite only being hours apart. “Why? Has this big bad pirate found his match in the palace guards of all places?”
“Hmm,” he’s humming against your lips. “I could take them both.”
Giggling like you were in love, you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close. 
“I hope you weren’t bothered too much,” you say. “The aristocracy seem to have being a pain in the ass written in their birthrights.”
“I think they were too scared to approach, probably thought I’d start swearing and snatching the pearls right off their necks. Some of them were bearable, asked me how long my sword was.”
It’s difficult to not laugh at that, “Well?”
He raises his brows unceremoniously, “Won’t you like to know?”
Taking the opportunity while you giggled uncontrollably at the situation, he goes back placing never ending kisses to your mouth. Sighing involuntarily, you melt into him once again, infinitely more relaxed than in the hallway. 
Soonyoung’s eyelashes brush against yours in a whisper of their own, only reminding you how close you were to him in the moment. His kisses go from soft and fleeting to something with a little more vigour. The warmth of his mouth goes back to overtaking the lower half of your face, sucking and licking into your mouth like his life depended on it. 
If your mind was reeling when his hands were merely ghosts of pressure over your heavy dress, the feeling of his palms and fingers so distinct over your nightgown, the only thing separating you two, is enough to have your knees begin to buckle. 
From your waist, they move to your back, before caressing back to the sides of your waist, thumb running in circles. Gentle handfuls of your flesh, bunching and letting go of the material of your nightgown. Very soon, his mouth leaves yours and instead moves to your jaw, the air in the room letting you feel the wetness that he leaves behind as a passionate trail.
He soon reaches the junction of your jaw and neck, leaving a particularly long suck in the area that has a gasp leaving your mouth. Remaining in that area, you feel the pleasant graze of his tongue on your skin, only making you tilt your head farther out to let him carry out his loving. 
Your mind wanders back to the hands that grope you in ways that would defame you, the unseemly palms that have you needing to feel him all the same.
With grazing hands, you slip your fingers underneath his jacket, pushing it off one shoulder. He understands the message, flicking it off of his frame before loosening his cravat and throwing it somewhere behind him. 
Unlatching from your neck, he comes round to face you to find your face the epitome of disconnected and dazed. 
“Can you wait for me on the bed, my love?”
“But—” The thought of him being even an inch away was most aggravating, but he cuts you off before you can refute. 
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Soonyoung rests his forehead against your own, taking your hands in his. “I’m right here. I just need to take this awful suit off.”
Your face must have been peculiar because he’s immediately jumping, panicked. “Uh—do you not want me to, we don’t have to, I just thought—”
“No!” you yelp, wide eyed. “I, um, I’ll wait. On the bed, I mean.”
He lets you walk over to the giant four poster bed, pushing the flow of your gown down when you realise how high it had ridden, cheeks burning scarlet at the thought of exposing so much. 
Hearing ruffles from behind you, you cannot bring yourself to look back at him, already extremely lightheaded and afraid that the sight might make you faint altogether. 
Perhaps you were experiencing a delayed case of sea legs, because it’s more difficult than usual to make yourself comfortable on the soft beddings. You make a futile attempt at slowing your breathing. 
By the time Soonyoung is done, meeting you in the middle, you keep your eyes on his face as he’s immediately climbing over to kiss you softly. Hand on the back of your head, he guides you to lay flat, adjacent to the headboard so you’re laying on the breadth of the bed. 
He handles you like you were made of glass, and it only makes the strange ache between your legs increasingly present and uncomfortable. 
Noting a cool feeling on the base of your throat, you open your eyes and catch the leather cord that dangles from his neck, the letter opener charm that’s attached to the end of it connecting you two as your lips part. Just beyond, through the dip of his collarbones and the valley to his chest, you catch the scar  that curls above his heart. Even lower, you find the smaller wrappings of his scarring wound. 
You trace over the edges of the new addition, shaking hands as you try your best to not brush over the wound. 
On the other side, Soonyoung has his hands on shin as his body hovers over you between your legs. Curling around, he caresses the skin of your bare calf, drifting to the back of your knees. He takes the opportunity to lift your leg, urging you to wrap it around his waist. 
The action has gravity doing what it does best, the hem of your nightgown dropping to bunch over the junction of your leg, your entire thigh exposed for the air. 
Soonyoung takes no time to let his hands wander higher, taking light handfuls of the flesh of thighs, dragging his grip further and further up. 
“Nearly tipped the ship over when I saw you in those fucking trousers,” he says, eyes closed as he drags his mouth over the inner part of your thigh. 
The sound that leaves your mouth is breathy, mind preoccupied with how quickly he was making his way towards the apex of your thighs. He’s using his mouth like he used it on your own lips, nipping at the flesh before biting down hard. 
“Soonyoung!” 
Tongue running over the patch, he sucks on the area to sooth the bite. It’s taking everything out of you to not twitch uncontrollably in his hold, the heat in your core reaching temperatures you’ve never experienced. 
Unlatching himself from your thigh, Soonyoung rears his head slightly. The sight has your head rolling back, mind drifting to the face of the man who’d visited you in your dreams, the same man that had now made home between your legs. 
Before you realise it, the bunched hem of your nightgown is flown upwards entirely, fluttering as the fabric lands on your stomach. 
Your heat is bare underneath, evident with the way Soonyoung keeps his eyes on the now fully exposed part of you. Your chest continues to rise and fall as you lift your head to look at him, eyes half closed and mind muddled.
“What…What’re you doing?” 
Soonyoung looks like you’ve disturbed him from a trance, snapping up to look at you as you ask him your question. 
It hardly registers in his mind. What was he doing? Was it not obvious—
Ah. 
If the mere sight of your bare thighs weren’t enough for him to release his load onto the sheets untouched, your unawareness might just end up doing it for him. 
Of course you didn’t know why he was at eye level with your cunt; women from this world were not supposed to know. 
The buzz in his mind renders him useless for a few moments as his vision blurs, the pain in his lower region unbearable. The thought of him being the first person to do this to you, to pleasure you like this; he wasn’t sure if he’d make it till the end of the night alive. 
Screwing his eyes shut, his palms full of your thighs, he drops his head and counts to ten. 
“Will you let me show you how a Queen is meant to be worshipped?” 
Wet mouthed and unhinged eyes, your arousal was doing nothing but multiplying at the sight of him. 
“Do you trust me?” he asks. “I promise I’ll make you feel good.” 
It takes you less than a moment to nod your head, eyes locked with his. 
Bringing a hand closer, he dips one finger into the beginnings of your hole. Bringing some of the glisten onto his fingers. Your lips are parted and he brings a second finger to gather your arousal, rubbing over your entrance ever so slowly. 
The motion makes you let out a heavy exhale, gripping onto the bunched fabric at your stomach till your knuckles turn white. 
With little warning, you feel his fingertips push and drag upwards, right over the sensitive bundle of nerves. Immediately, he’s rubbing your arousal all over the area, rubbing your clit in rhythmic circles with both fingers. 
You can’t stop it when you throw your head back and let out a slight whimper, relishing in the feeling that overtakes every last sense and capability, anticipating the next surge of pleasure that courses through your entire body like you've been struck by a bolt of something.
Vision obscured, you loll your head to the side when you feel his fingers retract, confused. 
All you catch is the outstretched nature of his tongue, and how it lands directly where his fingers were. 
You let out the loudest moan yet, back arching off the bed as he licks a forceful drag up your cunt before moving back down your clit, circling your hole with the tip of his tongue, right before repeating. He flicks your nub right where he’s found you twitch the most, back and forth as your hips begin to fail at your suppressed stutters, his hands needing to pin you down onto the sheets to continue. 
He becomes more generous, laying his tongue flat now as he massages your nub so good. Your thighs are closing around his ears and he does nothing to stop you, nearly suffocating between them. Hips going from their stutters to a grind, you find your hands flying to his hair, grip tighter than you thought you’d come down with. It doesn’t help that he’s now taken a finger to circle your entrance while his lips suck on your clit. 
“Soonyoung.” It’s all you can say, throat incapable of forcing anything but his name, the burn behind your eyes only making it harder to not say it louder. 
When he pushes the finger in, it has you letting out a moan, the foreign feeling against your walls only forcing them to clamp onto his digit. Gradually, you feel his pace quicken as he slides his finger in and out of your hole, his mouth still doing beautiful things to your cunt. 
It doesn’t take long for him to shove in another finger, stretching your hole as you let out a constant string of noises through the pleasure, ever-building as every passing moment only scrambles your brain further. 
And then you feel him groan, a vibration throbbing through your system. 
It’s suddenly all too much, and before you can tell him what’s going on, you’re rendered incapable. You don’t know where your limbs fly, but all you feel is white hot and overwhelming to an unbelievable degree. 
“Oh–ungh—” Your body is telling Soonyoung all he needs to know as he only pushes into your pussy even further, letting you ride out your high as you claw at him in every way possible. 
Inevitably, the feeling subsides and you realise you’ve been reduced to sobs, tears streaking the sides of your face. Laying flat with your head still on the sheets, you stare at the ceiling of your four poster, trying to remember where you were. 
Barely noticing the man that now hover above you, you hear him whisper. “Are you alright?”
Nodding weakly, you don’t even try to lift a finger in the remaining aftermath. 
“I need words, my love.”
Swallowing thickly, you give him a breathy, “Yes.”
The lower half of his face glistens in the light like unorthodox diamonds, and all you can think about is how you need him closer to you. 
You make an attempt with your nightgown, your trembling arms, still coursing with the aftershocks of your orgasm. 
Soonyoung decides to help, hands pushing your spine into an arch as he pulls the slip up and over your head, now entirely bare in front of him. 
You watch as instead of throwing the fabric away, he brings it to his mouth to wipe the slick off, tainting the gown with your essence. 
Mouth over yours in a salty kiss, you pull him into you as close as humanly possible, needing to feel his heat, his weight, his scent as close as possible. His mouth reaches your throat again, lips brushing over the expanse as he places open mouthed kisses over the nearly faded marks. 
His hands are lingering once again as they ghost the sides of your breasts, thumbs coming close to your nipples before retracting in a caress. He takes them in handfuls as he goes back to busy your lips with his own, massaging the mounds with a pressure just enough to have you reeling. 
Flicking your nipple lightly, he goes back to circle the bud with thumb again. Making himself further familiar, his fingers begin to pinch and pull at them, pressing down to get a noise out of you, one that you sound as you breathe into his mouth. 
Trailing over your stomach, he pushes himself off of you. On his knees, he takes the distance as his chance to look at you in your entirety for the first time. Your fucked out expression and your lack of words is doing nothing but fueling him, your loud breaths somehow more sinful than anything he could ever do to you. 
In one swift motion, he’s slipping his arms beneath you, pulling you up so he can lay you against the headboards and pillows. You barely register what’s happening, having given yourself up to him long before. 
Grabbing one of the millions of cushions on the bed, he swings one over. Using no strength of your own, he lifts your hips and places it down beneath you, effectively propping you up. 
And then he’s meeting you at eye level, hands cupping your face. “I need you to listen to me, darling.”
He waits for confirmation, of which you can only nod, still seeing mild stars. “Do you want to stop?” 
It's a visceral reaction; the violent shaking of your head, the hand that flies to his bicep. “N–no!”
You pause as he grips onto your upper arms tight, right as you continue. “I just—a moment. Don’t stop, please.”
Leaning down, he places a long kiss on the corner of your mouth before moving his head to fit into the crook of your neck. He nuzzles his nose against the skin below your ear. 
“I’m right here,” he whispers. “For as long as you want me.”
His kisses go from desperate to something with a little more intent, pressing his lips into your neck consistently. Oh so gently, it begins to feel like a draught. He turns into calm just as he could become chaos, bringing you down from the after effects of his own actions. 
The hum that leaves you is unthinking, fingers remaining deep in the roots of his hair. Your own nose is pressed against his hair, his scent mixed with sweat infiltrating your nostrils. It fills your head with a pleasant buzz, one that you feel force a pull at the corners of your mouth. 
“I meant it when I said it,” you murmur into his hair. “I don’t want anyone but you.”
Raising his head, he meets your eye, smiling slightly. “I believe you. Forgive me for making you believe I was trying to leave you.”
“You weren’t?” 
He presses his lips into a line, exhaling as he drops his chin to his chest. “I’ve needed to be selfish my whole life just to survive. Leaving…I wasn’t sure how I would’ve gotten on that boat in the morning without taking you with me somehow.”
Moving back to look at you, you realise very quickly there’s more to the mere glassy look in his eye. “For once, I wished to be anything but a pirate, to be anywhere but near the sea. Not when you wouldn’t be there with me.” 
Taking one of his beautifully decorated hands to your mouth, you kiss the soft of his palm. “You’ve done more than anyone ever has to protect me.” 
You laugh against his hand, “This is my turf, captain. Let me protect you… protect us.”
Something injects you with a dose of bold, and you find yourself wrapping your arms around his raised shoulders. “But…I believe we were in the middle of something. I’d hate to ruin the mood.”
The smirk that graces his lips is immediate, pushing you back down onto the sheets as you let a laugh escape you. 
And then you feel something warm graze your bottom lip, pointed in the way it pushes inwards. He’s brought the glinting letter opener charm up to your lips, the trinket pinched between his fingers as he continues to keep it on your mouth. He kisses you deep as the metal remains between you two, your hands run across the expanse of his back, feeling the muscles ripple as he props himself between you. 
“I love you,” he cuts between the kiss to groan, the charm dropping from between your mouths to your chest. 
“I love you, mmh—” His fingers have found your clit mid confession, rubbing quickly as he attempts to get you all hot and withered again. 
Your legs raise on instinct, back arching as he rubs you mercilessly, the pressure building quicker than it had before. 
“I–I think—” you start to tell him, and it seems it’s all he needs to remove his fingers entirely. 
“Soonyoung!” you yelp, landing on the bed with a thud. 
Looking down, you find his hands wrapped around the length between his own legs, and you realise this was your first time seeing it. Past the white-oozing slit, his tip is a painful looking red. If his hands weren’t already pumping and he hadn’t already lined himself up to your hole, you would’ve taken him into your own palms, done exactly with your mouth that he’d done with his own. 
But you can’t find it within yourself to stop him when you feel the initial push of his bulbous tip against your hole, the stretch causing you to drop your mouth open. 
“Fuck,” you hear him curse, and when you look up you find his own eyes screwed shut. His hands grip the plush of the pillow beside your head as tight as ever, face askew like he was holding himself back from combusting entirely. 
Slowly, you feel the stretch turn into something akin to a burn, a sting in the back of your eyes. You let him push himself into you at his own pace, the never ending battle between your mind and your refrained hips ever present as you attempt to keep them at bay. 
He keeps his pelvis flush against yours ince he’s sheathed himself inside you entirely. BOth of your pants fill the thick air of the room, the throb of your walls around his shaft leaving a tremble in his forearm despite your forsake. 
Hand somewhere above your head, you feel Soonyoung pull out ever so slightly before pushing back in. Just like this, in shallow thrusts, he pumps himself in an out of your walls in a slow pattern. 
It begins with a simmering tremble of pleasure that prolongs as he drags his cock in and out, and then in and out, and then—
Your eyes fly open when you feel his hips slam against yours with a resounding sound, fingers gripping his arm as he does it again, your moans penetrating the air. Before you know it, he’s hiked your legs up to wrap around his waist, ankles locking as he goes back to snapping his hips into you. 
“Oh, Soonyoung.”
Your nails are digging into his bicep like it was the only thing tying you to this earth, the only thing keeping you from passing out entirely. He’s taken up a brutal pace, pistoning into your clamped walls with a vigour unmatched. 
All Soonyoung can hear is the stretch of your moans and groans directly in his ear, the obscene squelch of both of your fluids mixing at your middles. Your hands have migrated to his back, clawing at the skin like you’ve been utterly possessed. 
He can’t seem to mind, not when they’ll simply become reopening wounds every time he’ll have you like this, all to himself and no one else. He wonders vaguely if your guards outside can hear the way you’re losing yourself in him just as he is in you, wonders if it appalls them that a filthy pirate gets to have their Queen in his arms as her vindictive pleasure. 
One hand rubbing over your slick clit, he pulls back to sit on his heels, the angle allowing him to keep ever part of you occupied, his spare hand coming up to toy with the pillow of your breast. 
It’s all too much, for the both of you as your collective noises become increasingly frequent and high pitched.
And then he’s pushed you over the edge, the shake of your thighs electrifying as you nearly scream out in the bliss of your high. Hands moving every which way to find a grip as you let the feeling crash into you over and over again. 
“Oh, that’s so good, so good, oh my goodness.”
You’re still in the middle of your climax when Soonyoung can’t take it anymore, letting himself release his load inside of you like a mark. It’s a mess of force and pleasure as the both of you lose sight of your strengths and weaknesses, the feeling of his hot cum shooting into your walls only prolonging your orgasm even further. 
He continues to thrust, continues to play with your nub, continues to flick at your nipples despite the orgasm subsiding. It’s all suddenly too much all at once, the sharp jerk of your body and your voice asking him to stop. 
“Soon—Soonyoung, it’s too much.”
Hands coming to a halt and his thrusts slowing, you feel him ease himself out of you. 
It’s a sight Soonyoung doubts he could ever forget even if he tried, your still pulsating walls doing everything but keeping the milky white of his load inside you, globs of the liquid spilling out as you shudder near lifeless on the bed. His hands grope at the inside of your thighs, pulling your lips apart to take in the mess he’s made. 
He can’t help himself when he pushes two fingers into your hole, feeding his cum back into your hole right where it belongs. 
You’ve only barely started to come round when he meets you at eye level, plopping next to you on the bed. 
“Hi,” he grins. 
“Hi,” you breathe back, hands coming up to touch his face. 
He lets you breathe for a few moments as he finds himself getting off the bed to find your tainted nightgown, moving back to you to spread your legs and wipe you clean as best as he could. 
You find it within yourself to allow him to pull you into a sitting position, a cup of water from the nightstand pressing against your tired mouth. 
“Come on, just one,” he urges as you slump against his chest. 
You take a few sips as he coaxes you into drinking the full cup and half of the second helping. 
He gives up as he holds you against his chest, brushing his fingers through your tangled hair to push past your face. 
“Are you alright?” he asks you. Your eyes are closed when he leans down to place a peck on the apple of your cheek. 
“Mhm,” you muffle. “Want to sleep.
“I’d let you, but…”
“Soonyoung, I can’t go again,” you whine. 
He chuckles, “I meant to ask where we could find some sugar around here. You barely ate anything at the ball.”
“The kitchens?” you answer with a floating question mark. 
Soonyoung can’t help it when he squeezes you so tight it has you complaining loudly, not being able to sustain the love just in the tiny expanse of his heart. 
“Come on, let’s get you some cake before both our hearts give out.”
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BUNDLED UP IN WARMER clothes, the only thing the palace walls hear is the tiny whispers and giggles of you and your lover as you make your way to the kitchens. 
It’s empty at this time of night, the dying embers of the fireplace the only source of light. Soonyoung uses every last bit of his thievery to manage to find a basket of dough balls, the syrup more readily available at the table in the centre.
The tingling in your brain can’t seem to decipher the overwhelming happiness that floods you from the ends of your hair to the tips of your toes. Especially when you call out his name amidst his shuffling, your heart can’t take the grin on his face as he hurries to join on the floor in front of the fireplace. 
Arm looped through his own and your head on his shoulder, you decide you’d be quite okay dying like this. 
The dough balls are cold and the syrup is probably a little too sweet, but you can’t possibly complain when it warms you just the same. 
“I’ve despised my name my entire life,” Soonyoung starts in the silence, picking at the insides of his treat. “Some old merchant sailor was giving his ship away in exchange that the taker would take care of it. He’d built his Tigress from the first board to the last sail, but the years had made their mark. It was practically falling apart when I took it off his hands.”
He pushes the remaining bit of the pastry into his mouth, muffled as he continues, “He had a strange name, said it was given to him by his crew when they realised he was born without a name. Hoshi. I liked it well enough so I kept it.”
“Soonyoung—”
“That one. I wanted to replace the name I loathed, the one my own mother gave me.” You watch as his throat bobs as he swallows. “Ash is my birthplace, my mother worked in the brothels where I was born only because she couldn’t get rid of me.”
Taking one of the hands that wrap around his arm, he brings your fingers to your mouth, kissing the tips of each one. “I despised that name, until I heard it from your lips.” 
“Soonyoung.” It felt right on your tongue, like you were destined to say his name. 
“Yes, my love?” He smiles softly. 
“I love you.”
“I love you more,” he says as he kisses you again. “Thank you for keeping my name, thank you for giving it life.”
You take the opportunity to grab one of the syrup soaked dough balls from the basket and stuff them into his mouth. “Enough, don’t tell me all this luxury’s made you soft.” 
It was a jab but a lighthearted one in any case, you loved to see this side of him and you doubt you would ever get enough of seeing him like this. Vulnerable with his softer smiles and squinted eyes. 
Bringing one of your digits to your mouth, you suck the remaining syrup off your fingers. 
Soonyoung is quick to take notice as he takes your hand and brings your fingers up to his mouth, running his tongue over the pads of your fingers to take in the remaining sugar left on your fingers. 
He keeps his eyes locked onto yours as he sucks on the tips of your fingers, making sure every last hint of sweetness is gone. 
And then he’s kissing you, tongue in your mouth as he moves against your lips slowly. 
Breaking apart, you whisper, “As much as I’d love to, the bakers will be coming in any minute now.”
Soonyoung’s grin is dangerous, and you find out why the minute you feel his arms loop around your waist and under your thighs, lifting you clean off the floor of the kitchens. 
You squeal before you can help it, his lips finding home in your neck as you laugh as loud as your chest would allow. 
You could get used to this. And you will. 
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THE SERVANTS CARRYING THE giant stack of plates nearly topple over when you sprint past them, yelling a loud apology over your shoulder as you do nothing but hasten your pace. 
The paper in your hands is clutched tight in your fists as you run to where your carriage awaits, near yelling at the driver to make it to the docks before the streets would be full of the early morning merchants and bakers, slowing the gallops of the decorated horses. 
The town is waking as your carriage races past, the beginnings of the new day making itself known as the sun peers through the gaps of the houses. You’re incapable of sitting still, your heels tapping against the floors of your cabin incessantly as the docks grow nearer and nearer. 
And then you see it, the rush of dock handlers that see the royal carriage slow to a stop in front of the boardwalk. You slam the door open before any of the tens could do it for you, breaking into a sprint as you find the distinct flag of the royal crest wave high on the other end of the docks. 
You had already seen Soonyoung off in the dark of the night as he made his way to the ship that was near ready to depart as you slide to stop in front of the anchored ship. 
There was nothing sane about what you were doing, the chortles and shocked noises of sailors and merchants deaf to ears as you finally spot him near the prow. 
His eyes meet yours and he has to do a double take. 
Panting and needing to hold onto your knees for support, you peer up as you watch him run towards the ramp that leads down to the docks to see you, to ask why you were here when he’d kissed you goodbye mere hours ago. 
By the time he meets you at the wobbly boardwalk, you’ve somewhat recovered.
“Are you alright?” he asks you as soon as you’re within earshot, hands grasping onto your upper arms in evident concern. 
“I had to tell you, this came in right after you left.” You brandish the paper clutched into your fist, smoothing it over as the light catches the red stamp at the bottom. 
It takes him less than a minute to realise what it said, eyes blinking rapidly and mouth gaping like a fish. “They…They said yes?” 
“They said yes,” you repeat, nodding furiously as you break into a smile. “We can get married, Soonyoung, they said yes.”
His arms are crushing you before you know it, wrapped around you so tight as he buries his face into your neck, repeating it like a mantra, “They said yes…”
By the time you part, he keeps his arms around you, still embracing you in front of the entire port. You take hold of his face bringing it closer to you. 
“Three months, and then you come home,” you breathe. “And I get to marry you, in front of everyone.”
Soonyoung lets his lips meet your own in a chaste kiss as he corrects you, “I get to marry you in front of everyone.” 
There’s a thud of something nearby, and you look up to find the crew of the Tigress hanging over the railings of the newly appointed naval ship that looked suspiciously like a pirate’s. 
“He can’t come back home, if he doesn’t leave!” Seungkwan yells over cupped hands. 
You’d like to send him an affectionate gesture involving your middle finger, but choose to save him in front of the crowded port. 
“You’ll miss me, Seungkwan, just you wait,” you send him a pointed glare that he simply scoffs at. 
He might miss you, but you’ll definitely miss the lot of them when you return to a significantly emptier palace. 
“Don’t let the royal snobs walk over you, you’re a better sailor anyway,” you tell Soonyoung. “Not that I needed to tell you, anyway.”
“I promise on our future wedding to be a complete menace.” He grins at the declaration as you admire him in the morning light. 
One last time, you memorise the dips and hills of his features, pressing your final kiss into his lips as the voices telling him to hurry it up grow louder. 
He blows you a kiss from the railings as the anchor is hoisted, and you send him one right back. 
As your carriage trudges its path back to the palace, at a pace more acceptable for both the stamina of the horses and the integrity of the structure, your eyes remain glued to the shrinking ship that fades into the distant horizon. 
There’s a pang in your chest, one that brings a tear to your eyes. It’s all very dramatic, the way the melancholy makes a home in your heart. An inkling tells you how you’ll probably become quite used to the feeling, learn to greet it like a friend. 
For now you enter the lighter palace, and take your place on the chair in your study and find solace in the ideas your mind brings. 
That no matter how long Soonyoung will remain far from you, he will always come back home to you. 
Always. 
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[AN]: ty for joining my babies on their journey, i cannot thank you all enough for reading all 48fuckingK words of this i love you guys truly!!! thank you for all the reblogs and comments on the other parts, it makes me genuinely so happy to see you guys enjoy this universe that i've built. I read every single comment and know i appreciate all of it so so much <3
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cvnt4him · 5 days
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pookie I love you pookie /p :( wtv is going on with your family I srsly hope it gets better pooks :(( like srsly I want you to know that im proud of you and how far you've gone. its ok to cry pooks but at least be ok. alright?
If you need anything please feel free to always talk to me, you aren't alone in this pooks :(
things will get better. I promise :)
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see even ur man believes in u :)))
OK IM DONE HAVE A ACTUAL GOOD PICTURE FR THIS TIME
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Ty babes I really needed that🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
BUT LOOK AT MY MANZIE IN HIS CUTIE LITTLE SUITIEEEEE HIS THIGHS BROOO I WANT TO LICK HIS EVERYTHINGGGGGG. BRO HE GOT A FATTY IN THE BAAAAAAAAACK GYAAAAAT
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dangopango00 · 2 months
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OM Appearance Hcs So I Can Draw Them Sometime
A/N: I was playing n then i realized they dont have much variation bc that levi line thats like “Asmo and I are brothers so why does he get all the good genes!?” So making hcs bc i kinda wanna draw them, at least headshots or sth
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First Most to Least Objectively Attractive
1. Lucifer/Asmo: Tbh i couldn’t pick because imo Lucifer is most handsome but Asmo is most overall good looking; hes probably a pretty boy
2. Mammon: It was hard figuring out how to rank him but since he’s a model I think he must take pretty good care of himself + Not quite a pretty boy and i think he’s a model for a different reason than Asmo (I think he’s more uniquely attractive rather than extremely objectively attractive)
3. Satan: Idk it just feels right for Mr Perfect like hes not the hottest guy ever but he takes care of himself pretty well if asmo hasnt already done it for him + since hes a unicorn i have a hugeeee hc that hes a pretty boy who doesn’t want to be perceived as pretty n had long hair when he spawned
4. Beel: No proof other than him nearly winning that popularity contest in NB despite doing nothing + he works out. Though tbh I don’t think his face is anything crazy, like he’s cute, well taken care of and nothing to scoff at (since diet and exercise r a big chunk of skin/body health) but I don’t think he’s insanely head-turning like Asmo
5. Belphie: He’s more like a cutie. Like he can be hot but usually he has his kewt face on + he has poor sleeping habits
6. Levi: Im so sorry bbg but 😭😭 He doesnt take care of his skin or sleep on time. Hes still hot but comparatively hes dead last
Distinguishing Features Hcs UTC
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Lucifer:
- Smooth thin hair
- Ya’ll hear me out… a couple grey strands JUST A FEWWWWWW it alr looks like his hair lighting thing cmon
- Thin eyebrows with a bit of an arch
- SHARP GUY sharp jawline, sharp eyes
- Eyes are like small and straight not really turned up or down
- Eyebags (He doesn’t get dark circles but he does get bags)
- Very long angular features like long hooked nose long angular face shape (I like him having a hooked nose bc i feel like he looks a bittt unique and he takes pride in those unique features. Doesn’t gaf)
- Like a poodle. Very well taken care of; prim and proper in the public eye
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Mammon:
- Thick fluffy hair; keeps it soft for MC
- Eyebrows aren’t too thick but def not thin; gets them done from time to time with Asmo and/or MC; straight with no arch
- Eyes aren’t that big or small just like medium size and a bit downturned (pretty slightly)
- Also has a hooked nose ☹️☹️☹️ seeing lucifer so proud about it made him proud about it too ieueeuueueuew I HATE THESE MFS I CANTTT
- Angular face but has a softer charm to it idk. Like his chin is pretty similar but his cheeks protrude a bit more; cuter
- Really good skin naturally + he takes care of it; softer than you would think
- Really similar to Lucifer imo (ik they’re basically adopted siblings but I feel like some brothers look really alike and mammon and luci are examples of that 😭😭 feel like lucifer sees himself in mammon sometimes)
- Unrelated but like. I feel like he used to have freckles as a real young angel 😭
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Levi:
- Thick tangly hair (he should brush it more tbh) (correction* YOU should brush it more) its soft though
- Thick rounded eyebrows; not super crazy but thick with a small arch— gets them waxed/plucked/wtv when he’s gonna cosplay with them showing bye
- Eyes are small and slightly upturned; cat (specifically thinking of that one card where he didn’t wanna go to school gn)
- Eyebags on good days and dark circles usually; sometimes both
- Long straight features, he wasn’t a giraffe that one time for nothing..! Long straight nose, Long face with barely any curves/angles very pretty boy
- Thin features too like thin long fingers and a slim face
- Good skin naturally + he bathes often but doesn’t really do skincare or anything so he has some blemishes
- Gremlin
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Satan:
- Ik how crusty it looks in game but LISTEN HIS HAIR IS SOFT, smooth and a bit thick; slightly wavy idgafff
- His color scheme is really soft to me like maybe a slight edge with his bright green eyes but imo his hair should be lighter likeeeee 🦄🦄 idk i just love the idea that despite being the only one who was never an angel, Satan looks the most angelic he’s so fun to mould
- Pretty thin eyebrows but not super thin; arched
- Eyes are small and pretty much straight with a slight upturn
- Doesn’t have eyebags or anything; prioritizes his health
- Soft slender features with sudden edges, similar to his personality like he has an angular jaw but his overall face is pretty slender and soft in certain areas; has a greek nose
- Similar to Lucifer as well but softer (debatably softer than mammon too)
- Kept breaking out in acne or hives or sth when he first spawned 😭😭😭 stopped after like a week or sth but his brothers still make fun of him (he has sensitive skin)
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Asmo:
- SOFT SMOOTH HAIR Not super thin or thick smack dab in the middle
- Strawberry blonde and 😭😭😭 thats so special to meee because it reminds me of how he and satan are more alike than satan would think; Want to be loved and often misunderstood— also has a soft color scheme like satan but his is done in a sharper way
- Really well groomed thin rounded eyebrows with a slight arch
- Slightly larger than medium eyes like almond ish
- The BEST skin, he takes care of himself so well and it pays off! He is GLOWINGGG
- Another pretty boy with a slender face but strangely enough he has a handsome charm about it; really nice jawline and straight nose
- Imo he’s like aphrodite but like for any and everyone like he’s both handsome and pretty
- Has moles but not where he wants them 😭😭😭 wants the sexy lip mole and draws it on sometimes
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Beel:
- Thick fluffy hair with a slight curl to it. Like extremely slight
- Thick eyebrows with no arch or a very slight one
- Eyes are medium sized with a slight upturn
- Eyes are a bit brighter than belphie’s
- Okay skin; doesn’t do skincare but diet + exercise makes up for it and doesn’t really have blemishes or eyebags or wtv
- Has freckles HE DESERVES IT 💔💔
- Not quite angular but like wide; manly face and straight nose
- To be honest I don’t have much to say bc imo when it comes to his face he’s kinda just some basic attractive guy 😭
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Belphie:
- Soft thick hair that WOULD BE tangly like levi but he gets others to brush for him gn
- Thick eyebrows with no/slight arch
- Eyes are medium n slightly downturned but his resting face they look ig siren ish n when he widens them they almost look doe
- Eyebags from sleeping too damn much but at least it makes his skin look youthful af
- Not very angular face with slightly chubby cheeks and straight nose
- There’s no reason for his color scheme to be softer but like BUT LIKE LOOOOOK 😭😭😭 he would be so cute it’d add to his dreamy temptation aesthetic
LIKE (https://www.tumblr.com/dangopango00/749877229405732864/belpheeeeeee)
- HES LIKE MESSY IN THE CUTEST WAY like hes not prim n proper but hes messy in that way you can’t help but wanna clean him up and pat him on the head
- Very similar to Beel like these mfs been linked since birth 😮‍💨
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lilioopdf · 3 days
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no cz i felt so bad and sad for paul watching the sp austria podium !! i literally wanted to bawl my eyes out cz he looked so :/ seeing prema. i feel like i watched him relive the fact that hes no longer part of their team after being a prema boy for SO LONG! and the way he was dropped by merc and prema was so painful js ugh, obviously he was happy to score another podium but idk that ceremony js looked so painful and the way he didnt smile as much watching them or like didnt take a picture w js him and ollie and the awkwardness of the final podium photo on the top step w the engineer its js- omg- cz im sure he knows all of them very well and to all of a sudden no be part of that anymore must be in the very least super sad and bittersweet no im so glad to finalky let this out to someone it’s literally SO PAINFUL TO THINK ABOUT OMFG ! like im sure hes happy where he is now but idk bro that podium for him js looked so off esp w prema celebrating and he kinda just 🧍 wtv im gonna stop this is so long now LMAO
WE LOVE YOU PAUL CONTINUE PROVING MERC AND PREMA WRONG AND LETS GET THAT F1 SEAT (i beg)
bro omg right like i actually never really thought about it until that moment in the chasing the dream ep where the camera zoomed into ollie’s face and then back at rene looking up all emotional and proud and meaningful and then like i thought about paul who was also up there on the podium and i wondered like… did he ever accidentally glance at rene then? for a moment, did he think he was back at prema? that rene’s proud look was for him, instead of ollie? it must’ve happened, right? and all i could hear in my head during that moment was that mitski song tbh, you know the one that goes, “tell your baby, that i’m your baby”
THERES A TIKTOK TREND ABOUT THIS TOO!! about parents forgetting to treat the oldest child like their child too and like idk if my info is right but im pretty sure paul joined prema before ollie did… and paul is older too, isn’t he? so like 😕😕😕😕😕
and during the press conference afterwards ollie did say “yeah he’s (paul) gonna win the championship and he doesn’t even care!” in a very lighthearted tone and paul did smile and laugh a little but like 😕😕
maybe paul did want this at first. i think he really did want to outshine everyone, to beat everyone, especially prema, for dropping him, maybe kimi too, for having the two things he wanted— an F2 seat with prema and to be a part of the merc junior academy.
he got it though, didn’t he? he’s now leading the championship, breaking records for the longest held podium streak in F2, and he’s so well known and so far ahead of prema and ollie and kimi… but i can’t help but think that despite all this, he’s not genuinely happy, and probably never will be, because of the hurt and betrayal he faced from BOTH merc and prema within the same year.
like i think it’s a wound that’s def not very easy to work through, and i think despite everything that he has going on for him right now (all his accomplishments and such) he’s still having to deal with a bit of an inferiority complex yk? because like no matter how hard he tries he just wasn’t the priority, or the favourite (and i might just be forcing this image onto him based on my personal biases but still 😭😭)
and you bringing up that picture with that engineer genuinely almost made me cry because i never even thought about that and now ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
i wonder how he’s doing after the ollie to haas news though, he probably needs a hug and a break and some favouritism from the higher ups to get through this rn 😕😕
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sequinsnstars · 4 days
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the twelve olympians and if siara would get along w them or not
zeus 🌩 jupiter; i hate him and he hates me.... soz guys but i am not being friendly w the man who basically (directly or indirectly) caused over half the problems in the pjoverse 😁
hera 💍 juno; i acc think we would get along well tbh i will always believe she deserved sm better 😣 we prob wouldnt interact much compared to me n the other olympians but i like to think we would have an unspoken liking towards each other (hera/juno defenders rise ‼️)
poseidon 🌊 neptune; i think we js exist to each other LMAO i fear ive never really felt an inclination towards him i js know hes percys dad and thats basically it 🙁 ik gods arent supposed to step into mortal matters or wtv but it annoyed me how he ended up letting percy do the letters of rec quests...... like ur a god u could easily change the new rome policy in two seconds 😬 r u really letting ur son do all that js cs u couldnt keep it in ur pants
demeter 👒 ceres; I LOVE HER SMMMMM underrepresented queen u guys and she has the sweetest children ever ive always loved her energy tbh and aphrodite kids (me) usually get along w demeter/ceres kids well so i think we would be close for a demigod and a goddess 😫
ares ⚔️ mars; iwl he would prob hate me if i wasnt a daughter of his gf........ frank is his son so i like to think id get a pass bc of my godly relations and also friara LMAO but ares/mars kids are so attractive love them sm idk what rick was talking ab when he called them ugly be so fr...... if ares pulled the goddess of love wdym his kids are unattractive........
athena 🌿 minerva; similar to poseidon she would prob not interact w me much but i still love her 😫 if i wasnt a child of aphrodite one of my other options would prob be athena since i love learning ab things im interested in and getting new knowledge in general!!! we r on pretty good terms
apollo ☀️; pre toa i would not like him i fear i feel like his ego wouldve annoyed me soz 😭😭😭 during the lester period we would acc be bffs (crying sessions together) and i literally love children of apollo SM so hanging out in the apollo cabin while lester visited wouldve been my fave thing ever 😚 post toa we would prob not interact much but i like to think i get to be an honorary child of apollo cs a lot of my moots are
artemis 🏹 diana; i fear she would only like me thru my relation w apollo....... im nowhere near as serious and war-focused as her 😣 but i prefer the moon to the sun so maybe she take a liking to me cs of that 🙏🏽
hephaestus 🛠 vulcan; he does not like me LMAO i think my least likely cabin is the hephaestus cabin i have no similarity to them at all and i fear i wouldve yelled at his son (leo) too much during the argo ii adventures 😬
aphrodite 🎀 venus; MOTHERRRRR love her sm ofc ☺️✨ nothing i hate more than how aphrodite/venus kids are represented in pjo tbh but that is a conversation for another day 😁 i like to think shes proud of me since spreading love frequently and seeing beauty in ppl when they cant see it themselves are two of the traits i pride myself on 😇
hermes ✉️ mercury; imo hes one of the most interesting gods and i feel like we dont know that much ab him besides the stuff from son of neptune and him being lukes father 🤔 i acc thing we would get along pretty well in the pjoverse he seems like one of the most understanding gods (def very diff from zeus and pre toa apollo)
dionysus 🍷 bacchus; ok i have a lot of lore for this one but to sum it up i would be doing EVERYTHING to get on his good side at chb....... u guys i have a feeling he would like me but he tries to pretend he doesnt LOL im doing sm favors for him so that i can be one of his fave kids (besides his own children) cs why does no one at chb care that they literally have a GOD there........ my inner academic validation girlie that needs to impress her teachers would be coming out 😫
bonus: hades and hestia (they need more rep)
hades 💀 pluto; he likes me bc im a legacy of his and also im friends w hazel and nico without those two things i fear he would not get along w me 😬 im prob too close w apollo for his liking LMAO we wouldnt be as close as he is w his two other children but we have a good relationship for a demigod and a god
hestia 🔥 vesta; most underrated olympian along w demeter/ceres u guys she deserves so much better not to mention shes acc SO sweet and warm and caring love her sm fr 😫🫶🏽 i feel like after aphrodite shes the goddess im closest w!!! she reminds me a lot of myself and she deserved to be explored more in the pjo books but ricky did not come thru as usual
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anti-endo-haven · 3 months
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anti endos will post anything about their system and proendos will rb it with "no gatekeeping!!! fuck anti endos xx" like actually jump. im not even anti harassment anymore because i know damn well these people would cry about boundaries and dni if an antiendo did that to them..
idk maybe i have problems or wtv but everyone whos like "being mean to people is never okay guys even if they do xyz" sound so self important imo. 😭 so theres no line someone cant cross before you snap? really??? i dont believe it. not directed at you or anyone specific i just really don't understand the culture of taking the moral high ground when the other person doesn't deserve it.
I don’t like harassing others because you never know what they’re going through. Yes, meeting your limits can be detrimental and cause a snap, we’ve gotten close to that before, but we always like to think that we can show that we have kindness in just not interacting with those that want to constantly harass others with different views.
Proendos/endos are always on a line with me, because there’s times where I don’t care, but there’s also times where I want to show that even the kindest response from an anti-endo will make them say that we are the ones “causing others to harm themselves.” No, endos and proendos are. How many endos have you seen in comments harassing systems? Harassing minors to make them believe that they’re something else when they are GENUINELY trying to find a community that helps them and are being roped into endo communities and can’t get out?
But harassing just makes us as low as them to me which is why I’m against it. Losing what I’ve made to stoop as low as them will be a failure on my part as I’m letting them win. I don’t see a point in causing a drama via reblogs to go haywire or comments to continuously try and pin blame on me when I have never once seen anyone try to harm themselves for what I’ve done.
It’s also silly to me that someone can say that when I do so much to help people avoid harming themselves or doing something with irreversible consequences.
Don’t stoop to the level that endos are. Wear your crown and wear it proud. Moral high ground or not, it’s about being able to not push them to have fuel for their unneeded flames.
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sonadowkismesis · 8 months
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hi, i really love your art! the way u use shapes is really good. do you have a process for picking exaggerated shapes and colour palettes?
finally got around to answer this ask, sorry it took so long! i'm not a professional and mostly learned on instinct so i don't have the technical vocabulary to explain my process, but i'll try
usually what i do when trying to translate a pre-existing character into my style is understanding how their design works. often ill get familliar with the character first by drawing them as they are in their original style.
picking knuckles as my test subject for today (apologies in advance, for all my examples are sonic characters)
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so as you can see, i marked the main points of interest. which parts are most emphasized and have the most weight, that sorta thing. that way i can push the stylization even further by breaking it down to its bare essentials.
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and there! compact knuckles. the main parts i highlighted are now reduced to very basic shapes, rid of all distractions and superfluous detail. no more folds of the cloth, its just a big round fist now.
another big part of this process is foregoing perspective altogether as to make the drawing look flatter.
as for the shapes i used, i mostly refer to how knuckles is as a character, and work up from there. hes the brawn, but also stern and immovable (like the mountain, as he is often associated with). so i mostly stuck with boxes to make him look imposing and steady, and using circles and triangles sparingly to balance everything out. for example, the most noticeable use of circles was at knuckles' hands and feet, as to make the design look more cohesive.
another thing i wanna touch on quickly is tangeants! theyre very good to make a drawing look flatter, and theyre my absolute favorite part of stylization! however they can be tricky, as using them the wrong way can make your whole drawing harder to read.
here's a good video on tangeants in art that explains the subject more comprehensively!
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but anyways, heres an example of what im talking about. in red, i have marked the places where i used a tangent to simplify the design. for example, at 2, instead of using two separate lines for the frown, i made it one tangential, continuous line instead.
same as with knuckles, the shapes i prioritize are informed by what i want to communicate. shadow (as pictured above) has a violent, proud but also dainty character, so i gave him sharp edges where it was convenient (quills, chest fur, fingers etc) to communicate that sort of dangereous elegance (think of it like thorns of a rose). the bulkier parts of his design are mostly relegated to his bracelets and footwear.
i gave him a more accentuated inverted triangle bodyshape and squared his shoulders, like he's holding a well-practiced posture, while also showing his prideful side.
thats it for the stylization tutorial! keep in mind im an amateur and this is just ive gathered over the years, my method isnt universal. my lingo might also be pretty off but i hope this helped you regardless.
as for colors uhhhh. honestly i just pick the ones on wtv official art im looking at then fuck around with the filters til it looks right lol. jk i guess i do have some kind of intuitive understanding of color theory by now but i wouldn't know how to explain it. sorry!
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lavender--fairy · 1 year
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hi!!! i just want a bit of clarity for myself:
so ive known/been involved with the loa community for about 3-4 (??) years now! but the thing is i still havent manifested my desires :/ AND I KNOW you most likely get these asks a lot 😭😭 but im not here to rant i just want some advice that pertains to my situation you know?
this is my first ask that ive sent in MONTHS (lowkey proud) and up till this point ive been off tumblr/stopped consuming loa content! but ive realized that as time goes on, manifesting isnt really fun to me :// like i literally forget that manifesting even exists. when this new year started i told myself i REALLY need to lock in but i just feel so lazy to even try consciously manifesting anymore :( im aware of what i do wrong (ie not keeping a mental diet, focusing on 3d circumstances, forgetting to affirm or wtv) but im here to ask you how can i change that?? should i tey different methods? it feels like no matter what i do (affirm, listen to subs, etc) i cant get myself in the wish fulfilled state, which i know is the main goal. so i just wanted to ask you how do you think i should go about manifesting in general at this point? because i really really REALLY do wanna change but i feel like im not putting in enough effort (i know you dont need "effort" to manifest) and im failing myself 🙃🙃(sorry this was long i just wanted to give you some background info first)
hey butterbean!! I feel like you have the mindset that you need to constantly think about your desire and if you let go it won't come to you (correct me if im wrong) From what i can tell is that you are thinking of your desire this whole time instead of thinking from them. Another thing i can conclude is that you lack faith and have been "trying to manifest". Now that we know your problems lets solve them together shall we??
First of all you don't have to keep thinking of your desires over and over again like sometimes people set alarms and that's unnecessary just thinking whenever it comes to you naturally is enough don't feel the need to force yourself to constantly think about it, remember whenever you feel the need to force something you are doing it wrong. And even the feeling of wish fulfilled only comes with ease, don't be so fixated on trying to feel the emotions, they happen naturally as soon as you accept what you are imagining is real and you now in fact have your desires, would you force yourself to feel happy if it happened in the 3d? no right it'd happen naturally thats what you should do in the 4d.
Through this post you can check if are thinking of or from your desire Next up i wanna ask you, after you imagine your desires fulfilled in your imagination do you feel happy that you now have your desires or do you feel like you have to work your way into it and are worried about the 3d?? If its the 2nd one, you don't believe that imagination is real, you think its something you use to get your desires in the 3d, you are too fixated on the 3d that you don't even enjoy imagining.
I can't really write everything down, it'd be too long but i'll link some really helpful material for you to check out and hopefully they help.
How i imagine
Here and now series Channel
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uzidoormanhatespedos · 7 months
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hiya!! you seem rad so ig i just wanted to hop in here to get a second opinion on something (if you’re uncomfortable with what im about to say or just generally don’t wanna respond feel free to delete/ignore)
but like. am i the only one that’s really uncomfortable with para flags and stuff like that?? (like as in pedo, zoo, etc not things like objectum bc its objects wtv go crazy yk)
this could just be me being ignorant or even ableist so feel free to call me out if it is, but like when i see people like talk about their attraction to kids and animals and stuff in a casual non negative way and like make flags for it i just feel gross. for context im a minor and somewhere on the alterhuman spectrum, and i LOVE animals (in like a normal way), and like im cool with paraphiles that like get help and like discuss their illness in certain places in a normal way but like when they’re like “yeah i wanna fuck kids lol” and make flags saying that they wanna fuck animals or kids or something even if they’re anti contact it just feels so gross to me and makes me feel unsafe. shrug.
i just cant tell if im the only one that feels this way bc like a lot of ppl in the anti rq community dont feel the way i do about this and think all that is fine as long as your anti contact and idk i just cant tell if its ableism or if its not but it just makes me feel icky.
apologies for rambling i just kinda wanted a second opinion bc idk if im just being a douche or not. again feel free to ignore/delete if this aint something you wanna respond to idm
oh boy my first ask :D
Okay so I will admit I am rather new to this community but I feel like what you're saying here is completely valid. As a kid yourself I'd imagine it's pretty terrifying to see people creating these flags that are pretty much openly stating that they're proud of their harmful urges (Again, I could be very wrong about this.) Like yeah i have very graphic intrusive thoughts about violence but I'm definitely not proud of it and actively do everything I can to make sure I never hurt anyone-- you can tell if I'm angry or scared because I'll shove sharp objects away from myself.
Again, I bear no hatred towards people with these urges as long as they seek help for it and try to minimize their risk of harming people as much as possible. (And as for nonharmful paras like objectum I don't really care what you do, you're not hurting anyone.) If someone does some crazy shit with their (ADULT, HUMAN, CONSENTING) partner I don't care, but if you proudly display the fact that you want to screw toddlers in your posts and aren't ashamed of it don't be surprised when I don't trust you around my younger friends.
Someone might call me bigoted for this but if anyone disagrees or I got something wrong PLEASE let me know. I am genuinely curious to see what others have to say about this.
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elliekillsu · 2 months
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hi! so im 14, and so is my gf (im trans male, shes a trans girl). i have literally searched like a million things for trans girl experiences and ur blog came up so i was wondering how do i make her feel better abt herself? because recently she posted about not feeling femme enough and stuff and she keepssending rlly sad messages then being like "oh i was js dysphoric ignore me" or wtv.
i want to make her happy but idk how bc ive never liked being a girl (obv) so idk what to say to make her feel more like the girl she is. she is post social transition, only my parents, her parents, and our best friend know, so she isnt able to go oout in things w/o feeling insecure and stuff
i let her wear some of my old clothes (dresses and skirts and crop tops and stuff) but idk how much its rlly doing for her
sry if this was long u dont have to answer lol
have a good day/night! <33
Hii! I'm always happy to help someone out, I wanna start with like the 'bad news' just to get it out of the way, you've both found out you're trans around the same time I did which is great I'm proud of you both, but that being said you're both young, I know it's said a lot and it sucks to hear but you have so much time left, I found out about my own identity pre covid and didn't start presenting until end of 2022, and didn't fully socially transition with my family until last year, my point being it is a long stressful journey and it may take time and it will be hard but it's absolutely nothing compared to how long you'll live as yourself. Now I don't know any way to make her feel less dysphoric overall, its something we're stuck with but the obvious can help, routine shaving even just facially really works well, but I would definitely say maybe try do her makeup for her, teach her how or even just buy/give her some stuff to use if she hasn't been trying that already, even a few moments for the first time can help so much. If you can afford it trying out thrift stores or charity shops to find a low cost variety of clothing for her to keep away for herself.
There's no necessarily perfect way to fix dysphoria forever, god knows I still suffer but here i sit titless, unshaven and built and I'm still the happiest I've been in years, it does get better, you hear it over and over it loses its meaning but it will get better I can promise you both that, if I could see myself now when I was your age I would be so fucking happy and I still cant believe any of this is happening, I can promise she'll have the best days of her life but also the worst, its a long journey she's just begun, she isn't alone as long as you're there, along with me and every other one of our siblings. We are all one and we love you <3
I hope this has helped even a little
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kissitbttr · 4 months
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hey girl ik this may be weird but like listen i need to talk to someone about this.
so i wanna confess my feelings to my best friend she and i are both woc and i feel like she is my first girl crush (we are both kinda fruity) but i’m a bigger and not attractive girl like she is beautiful and all that thin and wtv but i dont think she’ll like me back like ik it. i always got rejected since i confessed feelings to a guy friend when we were both in elementary school lmao i hope ykwim but like yeah
idk what to do
we have the SAME and i say SAME interests from music to video games and like she has gone through sm and she deserves the world but yeah and my parents SHALL NEVER find out(maybe her parents too?) but that’s another thing
so maybe advice???? help???? help a bitch out
and she’ll be moving away about an hour with car from here rn into the big cityyyy for her surgical assistant nurse training (which i’m really happy and proud for her)
but like i wanna tell her that before she moves away so when she rejects me and she and i will never have to talk ever again.
we don’t know each other for long we met about a year ago when i started working in our near by hospital and then broke off contact after me quitting there and I always had her number but was too scared to text her and then texted her around September and then instantly connected again.
i am confused :/
also, I’m not a native English speaker it’s my third language so I’m sorry for any grammatically or incorrections :)
thank you
-💓
hi sweetheart! I’m sorry this took me a long time to respond
first thing first, scratch that not attractive shit you’ve said. I don’t want to hear u talk bad about yourself like that, baby. i bet you’re insanely beautiful and hot. big girls are just as pretty, i hope you know that xx
second, you may not know what happens if u don’t try! and i know it sounds so much easier said than done, but it will eat you alive if you don’t at least try to tell her once! there’s nothing wrong with that! so my advice? do please confess to her, pretty!
just tell her beforehand that whatever decision she comes up with, you will respect that whatsoever. let her know that you wish that your confession wouldn’t affect the relationship you both have.
i always think about the worst possible scenarios when it comes to this, so it doesn’t give me too much of a high hope and I wouldn’t be as disappointed lol idk if that’s a great point or im just borderline terrified
lastly, no need to apologize for it sweetheart! i hope everything works well for you and her! xx
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envirae · 11 months
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WAIT I NEED ADVICE…I HAVE AN UPCOMING SMAU RIGHT AND ITS OKAY WTV IM PROUD OF IT BUT I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS REALLY BRAINSTORMING IDEA THAT IS OUT OF THE WORKD AND IDK IF I SHOULD COMMIT TO MY OLD ONE AND PUT THE NEW ONE IN DRAFTS OR IF I SHOULD PUT THE CURRENT ONE ON HIATUS ABD START THE NEW ONE CUS TBH IM RLLY EXCITED FOR THIS NEW IDEA I HAVE AND ITS KINDA GENERIC BUT I DONT RLLY CARE IF IT FLOPS BC I GENUINELY LIKE THE IDEA BUT IDK
OOO…i’ve had the same option and tbh just do whatever feels right for you!! if you feel like you wont rlly enjoy writing your first smau bc you have a better idea, then just go with that!! your blog is your blog you call the shots <3
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tsukaproshp · 1 year
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ PINNED POST ! !
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— welcome to my blog ! ~ ♪
this is my proship ( comship ) && selfship blog so be aware of that before interacting with me !
• you can call me lucas or evy ! ( sebastian is also fine ), my pronouns are it / he / her ( && neos ),im a gaybian mf but i just call myself a gay dude most of the time . i'm 5teen ! im autistic, dyselxic and plural ! ( a part of an osdd1b system, but its wtv ) i also call myself 'milord' for fun
• NO DNI -> i block freely ( antis are welcomed to interact as soon as you are polite ) BUT i will ask for terfs / radfem to not follow me or comments on my posts !
• i label myself as a proshipper, a comshipper, a fudanshi, a himedanshi and im proud of it <3 ! i call somes characters kodos ( sh-ta and l-li ). my blog is not for discourse principally but i may engage in it.
• somes of my stances on others topics that are often talked about :
– endos / non-traumagenic system : uh, i don't really care for me you can't be an OSDD / DID system without trauma but others form of plurality / system can exist without trauma in my opinion. but if you are an endo DID / OSDD system idc, i'm not anti endo, i'm not pro endo ( and i'm still learning about it )
– paraphilias : once again, don't really care as long as you are not an offending paraphilie your good in my eyes but i'm still learning about it too
– radqueer : // learning about it and it's logic so can't say anythings about it as of right now but know i'm radinclu ( as in im pro m-spec lesbian / gays, xenogender / MOGAI overall, contradictory labels ect ... so yeah )
• my tags system :
# online debate = discourse posts
# they're kissing !? (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) = ships / ships related posts
# milord is speaking = rambles / random / shit post
# my darlings borlos = my f/os related post
• i'm an d/a ( / fictive ), somes of my selfship include the me in source / are related to my sources ( i.e : im tsukasa tenma and i have romantic memories of rui and saiki, so i selfship with the both of them ! )
• my favorites 'problematic' tropes are ; childhood friends to lovers ( because seemingly its incest ... ), inc-st, sh-tas <33, yandere, power imbulancement, teacher x student, && age gape ( ... big age gape )
• on the 'regular' side they are ; bestfriend to lovers, found family, hanaki disease, (*platonic*) soulmates, friends to enemis to friends, reincarnation
• my main fandom are ; ensemble stars, project sekai, love live, idolmaster cinderella girls, A3!!, uta no prince-sama ( yes i like idols games ), vocaloid, DRAMAtical Murder, bungou strays dogs, soul eater, twisted wonderland, DC comics, marvel comics, genshin impact, the owl house, pokemon and a shit ton of gay martial arts novels ( like sssvs, everydays the protagonist want to capture me, the demon lord always think im in love with him, 100 to kill an heartthrob, ect... )
• my mains ships are : sakumacest ( ensemble stars ), maoritsu ( ensemble stars ), POLY *old* VALKYRIE, POLY RA*BITS, amagicest ( ensemble stars ), dazaidoppo ( bungou strays dogs ), dazaiatsushi ( bungou strays dogs ), ranpopoe ( bungou strays dogs ), ryunosukeatsushi (bungou strays dogs ), tenmacest ( project sekai ), ruitsukasa ( project sekai ), POLY NIIGO ( project sekai ), spidermandeadpool ( marvel comics ), riddlerbat ( DC comics ), sachagoh ( pokemon ), sachaselena ( pokemon ), kaeyadiluc ( genshin impact ), xingqiuchongyun ( genshin impact ), xiaozhongli ( genshin impact ), kusuocest ( saiki k ), saikikaidou ( saiki k ), saikitorisuka ( saiki k ), saikiakechi ( saiki k ), saikisatou ( saiki k ), shigeoreigen ( mob psycho 100 ), kageyamacest ( mob psycho 100 )
• my mains selfship / f/os && tags for them are ( i don't mind sharing most of my f/os ; this list will evolve ) ( color codes : green = most important. purple = non-romantic f/os. ) :
nazuna nito ( /romantic /been together for 2021 - 2022 /boyfriend ) # ' sweet little rabbit '
shu itsuki ( /romantic /together since 2022 /spouse ) # ' i will be your doll ! '
nazuna nito && shu itsuki ( /romantic poly /since start of 2023 /boyfriends ) # ' do you want a cup of tea ? '
saiki tenma ( /romantic consang /together since 2022 /girlfriend ) # ' my beloved sister '
sacha ketchum ( /romantic /together since 2013 /boyfriend ) # ' wow the time do really fly ... ready for a new adventure ? '
chiba ryunosuke ( /romantic /since 2018 /spouse ) # ' can you ... anything at all ? with uhm, all that hair ? '
ike eveland ( /romantic /together since 2022 /partner ) # ' darling look at this new piece i wrote '
haruhi fujioka ( /romantic /together since 2021 /boyfriend ) # ' are you ... a peasant ...? ' ( had no idea for the tag ^_^ )
rui kamishiro ( /romantic /together since 2022 /boyfriend ) # ' my lovely antagonist '
chongyun ( /romantic-platonic-queer /together since 2021 /partner ) # ' do you want a lollipop ? ~ '
qiqi ( /familial /since 2022 /sibling ) # ' zombie ... spirit ? '
serena ( /queer platonic && semi-romantic /since 2015 /queer platonic partner ) # ' ta -da ! '
iris ( /romantic /together since 2013 /girlfriend ) # ' are you the gym leader ? '
ciel phantomhive ( /romantic /since 2021 /fiancé ) # ' yes master, what do you want ? '
jesper fahey && wylan van eck (/romantic poly /together since 2022 /fiancés ) # ' my merchling and ... jes ?'
hermes (/romantic /together since 2015 - 2016 /partner ) # ' 🦇 ' ( do not ask for context on this one ... )
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How would you Fix Mara?
oh help this is such a loaded question.
hmm...
ok i feel like the show itself could've fixed her if we had gotten a s3, but we didn't so...
just going to say this rn, ive been a proud mara fan since s1, but since ive recently watched s2... idk they kind of let me down with her character in s2, like she kind of became this one-sided, flat antagonist who just really didnt do anything interesting except for angrily rant into her phone and feud with my queen paula
i think my basic answer to this is that i would make her insane. like i would turn her into the most unserious character ever. like that scene with her and the balloons where she recreates the daisy fuerza interior video idea is insane like literally what was she thinking. i think i would play into that side more and the more she becomes jealous of carmin, the more just insane she becomes to the point where everyone realizes shes not a threat, shes just a joke. but shes still so desperate to rise above carmin because she wants to prove that shes not inferior to carmin, she wants to be someone to prove that she could to the person who made her feeling like she was no one. so yeah i feel like id just have her go so insane that maybe even laix drops her becomes she does something so controversial or is revealed online to just be an absolute madwoman. so shes at her lowest point and all shes thinking about is how she can possibly make the best of this situation and still prove her superiority to carmin so carmin wont be able to look down at her, cause at her core i feel like thats what she wants. sure she wants popularity and whatever but i feel like thats more of a mask too that she feels like she has to put on because her main goal is that she wants to prove herself, esp to carmin who always put her down. so what if, then, she decides that she has nothing left to lose so in order to try to restart her popularity and continue to try to hit carmin where it hurts, she comes to fundom.
and omg, wait so in my mind mara is just a complete pathetic clown (i mean that in the best way, i love her) so what if this idiot believes she can fool the people at fundom by pretending to be a changed person and befriending everyone. maybe she pretends to make up with carmin and tells her she loves her channel and wants to help her and be her assistant again or wtv, and carmins really hesitant but she still feels bad about how she treated mara so she agrees, esp since she pities mara cause shes like wow shes become pathetic but hey i can help her like how the fundom-ers took me in s2. but ofc maras plan is so try to sabotage carmins channel. but idk maybe she ends up spending a lot of time around fundom, and omg she HATES the others at fundom, like omg just imagine her around daisy, luan, and pietro im actually losing my mind that would be so funny. also i do not see her being able to handle chiara. and ofc the others would have a tough time believing mara but ofc they would eventually.
and maybe the more mara works alongside carmin she starts to realize just how fun carmin actually is, and that their duo of nail art and upcycled clothing is actually the duo ever. like maybe she finds herself starting to take an interest in the recycled clothing stuff, but tries to hide it, but carmin finds out and then helps her out make some clothing based on her style and mara finds herself genuinely enjoying carmins presence for the first time.
uhhhh.... idk where it would go from here, because i dont see mara completely letting go of her resentment, but maybe eventually she would restart her channel with the help of carmin and maybe the others and kind of forget about her revenge plan and focus on her own channel but doing it for herself and because she enjoys it for the first time, and not to prove her worth or her ability or superiority.
idk sorry for delivering an entire essay help but idk i really think they couldve done something interesting with maras character
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