#im not really going to post stuff like this anymore
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TW sh (self harm) !!
i have came across @hmusunoo recent post regarding @/jaeyunsonlyy, and i reached out to them sharing an encounter i’ve had with her during the times we would talk. please go and check rain’s post to get better understating/context for the next pictures. i won’t get into the details of how we started talking because it was the most simple shit ever but as days went by we were talking occasionally/on a daily basis almost, and then she joked about not doing sh (self harm) after something that has happened between her and kaia (once again, check rain’s post for all the context and better understanding), and i personally do NOT take these kind of jokes in a funny manner - no matter how close i am with that person, i just don’t find that shit funny or something to be joking about, i have never done it or went through it but still. now i understand maybe joking is a coping mechanism, it is for me in manny cases, but im not the right person to be joking about stuff like this with.
as you can see by my message i was really weirded out by her statement.
and regarding whatever this is… is an insane thing to be saying.. rain has mentioned a similar statement from her about chinese and korean stans. me saying “what the fuck bruh” was kinda more targeted at her but i guess she took it as me agreeing with her. after she sent that i just kinda ignored her for a bit (you can look at the time stamps)
i really didn’t know what to do anymore because i felt bad but at the same time it’s like something in my brain quite literally switched in an instant right after she made that joke.
#selleposts ⭑.ᐟ#phew.. uhh so um like yeah haha um#reblog and share!!#important !#enhablr#has been really messy lately i’m so ehwidhejdifkemdn like ykwim#reblog#share#at first i lold and not i seriousd
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Once Again, I Have Words about the Minecraft Movie trailer.
(This time, they are positive.)
This is quite the long post, so prepare to hear all my silly opinions!
All images: Warner Bros. Pictures - A Minecraft Movie | Official Trailer
Full post under the cut :)
Wow. Okay. So turns out we're all fucking stupid.
This is not the nether portal!! This is a portal to the real world, thank the good lord! (Forgive the bad photo choice, t'was the only one I could find.)
I really like the way this trailer goes. "As a child, I yearned for the mines" is such a good little meme before we get into the minecraft world.
And honestly I take back what I said about jack black. He's.. honestly gonna be pretty good for Steve. Maybe I was just brainwashed by others' opinions.
AND THE BEES!!!! Definitely not as important as other stuff but OH MY GOD THE BEES ARE SO CUTE !!!!!!!!!!
Alright here we go
First things first, I REALLY like the crafting table title card. It's such an interesting idea!! I think it's a good little showcase of how well the studios involved have come to understand the game. And the fact that when you pause it, the crafting recipe is a shield!!!! It's not the one we know, but it's a shield! Just something interesting I spotted!
The special effects on the portal!! Good god, they're amazing...
AND THEY USED THE ACTUAL MINECRAFT SOUNDTRACK!!!!
Okay serious now;
The animals. The. Fucking. Animals. I love the animals so so much. As long as that sheep doesn't have human teeth anymore, I am happy. Because Oh My God LOOK AT THE WOLF.
OH WHAT A GOOD BOY
And then THE ENVIRONMENTS TOO??? HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUUUUUCKKKKK
I change my mind on the graphics. They are so so beautiful. JUST LOOK AT THIS SHOT.
Absolutely stunning. I am floored. I cannot wait to see this film. Still not the biggest fan of the casting but what's done is done.
The MINES. THE MINES!!!! OH MY STARS THE REDSTONE ORE IS SO PRETTY.
Also was it just me who thought the chicken-machine-thing was a little bit of a reference to MCSM?? No?? Okay-
Anyway to bring up one of my points from the last post (Attatched), I FUCKING LOVE THE PIGLINGS. THE PIGLINS AND THE GHASTS AND THE WHOLE NETHER ARE SO WELL DESIGNED AND ANIMATED THEYRE SICK
LIKENJUSTUUUGGHHGGGFUCKILOVETHEM
and then THE STASH. THE SCENE WHERE WE SEE ALL STEVE'S STUFF. THE WAY THE DIAMOND HELMET GLOWS. THE WINGED BOOTS. THE ARMOR. THE BOOKS THE POTIONS THE EVERYTHING IN THIS SHOT
I just wish the TNT were a BIT more detailed but other than that OH MY GODS!!!!!!
okay im gonna be honest i cba writing anymore but the general idea is I Fucking Love This Trailer & I Will Defend It With My Life
This is a film I would be happy with.
Please go watch the actual thing.
youtube
I Cannot Express How Much I Hate The Minecraft Movie Trailer.
First things first; who told them the nether portal was blue. Because I will find you. It's never NOT been purple.
Portal aside, the graphics are fucking SHIT.
I would've ABSOLUTELY preferred something fully animated over that crap.
Instead of putting actual effort into it, they made the sheep and the llama look stupid and the whole rest of the world just looks weird.
Like...
THATS NOT MINECRAFT?????
The piglins and ghasts look sick as hell, I'll admit, but you can't make the animals look like THAT. WHY DOES THE SHEEP HAVE HUMAN TEETH.
Okay. It's a choice, but it's still not my biggest issue.
Next, casting.
Why, on god's green earth, is JACK BLACK playing STEVE??? The reason he worked in The Mario Movie is because THAT WAS FULLY ANIMATED. I'm sorry, I love the guy. I do. But he's not good for Steve.
The famous names on your cast aren't the reason people are watching your movie. I can promise if you had lesser known actors playing more interesting characters in a more lovingly-made movie, it'd be about 50x better.
Also, if I may, we know NOTHING about the plot. We knew stuff about Mario, we knew stuff about FNaF, and we knew stuff about Barbie.
All we know is 3 jokes in the community that they've taken at surface-level and used that.
Forgive me if what I'm about to say makes no sense, I'm very emotional about how shitty this movie looks. But I believe that this whole film is gonna be full of awful, simple, overused jokes. I think it'll be the "...iiit's right behind me, isn't it? 😬" type of humor, and not a worthwhile plot.
Minecraft is about existence, and being, and creating your own world - Taking the earth from beneath your feet and making a home, your own place to belong. Carving out your place in a world that goes on forever.
I wish I believed in this movie; I wish it wasn't a cheap cash grab, and was instead a permanent immortalization of the game that has been such a great part of my life. I wish that instead of Jack Black, all the creators that helped to make this game and community famous were included and featured and honored. I was even hoping that maybe, for just a second, we might get a shot of a pig in a crown for Technoblade.
But if THAT is what the movie is going to be, if THAT is how they want this community and game to be remembered- I think I'm happy they're probably not going to do that.
We don't want this movie. Not if that is how you're going to do it.
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Hi Cece! I don't know where else to ask about this, but are people aware that Somik-Severinka completely stole another simmer's notes and then went and monetized all the custom recipe stuff? I thought it is about time to say something somewhere, because they've gone a long time now without giving any credit or thanks whatsoever. Thank u and I hope you have a good day!
Hey idk anything about this bestie, I don't really know the creator you're talking about very well. If you have proof of this I'd say try going to the original creator and seeing what they have to say about it, if they want to say something I'll gladly boost their voice on the subject but otherwise there isn't much I can offer. It's not my work/tou so it's more up to them to speak about if they find it necessary I suppose? If the original creator makes/made a post feel free to drop me the link and I'll reblog it though.
#asks#anonymous#ceci speaks#the patreon issue#nonny complaints#i dont wanna say its not my business but its not my business ya know#btw im posting this bc i get a lot of anons like this just about every day#and this is basically my feelings on them#in general#'call out posts' arent worth the effort or time to make them#will change nothing#and are more of a spectacle for people to gawk at and be entertained with on here#the main purpose is either circlejerk material or a prop to pretend to care about when convenient#im not trying to be cynical at u nonny u seem like youre being nice about it#but more to all the people reading this#i am jaded with shit like this bc its either an uphill battle or completely useless#and so much of this community is frankly vile that i cant bring myself to care like i used to#i will boost other ppl and my blocklist grows every day but other than that#im not really going to post stuff like this anymore#sorry u had to endure this rant in the tags nonny lol#yours is just the nicest of these anons ive received lately tbh#so this is the one i used#tldr: im not simblr's news network anymore and most of the 'justice' on here is just for show anyway & means absolutely nothing overall#negative#wish id realized this long ago tbh
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doodled the boys. or whatever
#i was hesitating on posting this for several days cause i don’t really like it and kept telling myself id go back and fix some stuff#but im accepting now that im just. never actually gonna do that so. whatever#no thoughts just them#payneland#fanart#dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#bisexual colors yippee#you know im down bad for a piece of media when I actually do any kind of full color art for it#been burnt out from art school since 2022 and hardly ever can motivate myself to draw anymore so if I do. it means something#my art
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Absolutely love your writing for all the AU/5 headcanons asks. Can I ask: AU where Rei cheats on Endeavor with All Might? It happens after AM's injury, so she doesn't recognize him, and he ofc doesn't know that she's married in the first place, much less to whom
you make this very difficult for me by giving me a window of 6 and half years for them to have an affair and for every single moment of that window, Rei is institutionalized. how am i supposed to get them to meet, much less take their clothes off. ok. think. there are other fic writers who specialize in this kind of thing, surely. what would they do....
1- ok so. The fire alarm at the hospital goes off. Rei doesn't know if it's a drill or not, but she's been there for seven years and generally does not need a lot of support during something like this like other patients do, so the nurses wave her out and she stands around outside a bit waiting for the fire alarm to stop and them to go back in. (It isn't a drill, they wouldn't have evacuated everyone if it was, but Rei is on the other side of the building and facing away from seeing any smoke) (This smoke is from a villain attack that All Might is taking care of, though he's only got seconds left of his power to use that day. he quickly rushes off, deflating and stumbling out on the other side of the hospital. Where Rei is.)
2- Rei is like "huh that guy doesnt seem to be in good shape" and kinda waves attention at him, and a nurse who's passing out water to patients and keeping an eye on the road gives Toshinori some too, getting more concerned when he dazedly answers that he's All Might and coughs up blood, but the nurse figures he's concussed since he smells of smoke and must have been closer to the fight, and is just reeling from being able to see the number one hero in person. Then they get distracted and wave Toshi to wait nearby, where Rei offers to chill his water and asks if he's alright, if he breathed in any smoke.
3- They chat and then go back into the hospital as it's un-evacuated together, Rei hanging out in the lobby where he sits as the hospital staff focus on getting everyone else back to their rooms. It pays to be low priority sometimes. Eventually she tells him her name is Rei and that she's in room K18, if he ever wants to visit or call. She doesn't get to talk to anyone except doctors, family visitors, or other paitients, and most of them don't stay nearly as long as she does. It's been seven years, and she's very lonely. Toshinori is lonely too, and when he's out of time for a day and feeling useless with nothing to do, he likes to talk to a friend.
4- Rei has been in the hospital for eight years when it gets physical. At that point, Toshinori knows a bit about her family. She has kids, mentions visits from a son and daughter, and then quietly mentioned when her son turned seventeen- her daughter's already twenty. She's been there for so much of their lives. He asks if she's married, and she admits she isn't sure how to file for divorce in a hospital like she is, if she even can, if she wants to because she'd lose custody, if it matters when she's not raising them anyway. He doesn't ask much more, knows there is a dead child and a baby she says isn't safe with her there. Toshinori never called Nana 'mom' to her face while she was alive, and had a reason for it, and has a similar reason for not asking more, not asking for the other names when he gets Fuyumi and Natsuo's. Yes, the doctors and nurses all know Rei has a boyfriend who visits. they don't say anything. who would they even tell, anyway. I debated the humor of reusing the bit from candlelight shoto that Toshi and Rei could have a kid with a fire quirk, but yeah here? Rei ain't getting pregnant, absolutely not.
5- When Natsuo turns eighteen, Rei does actually file for divorce, or at least tries to get the ball rolling on that. Toshinori's trusted her that her marriage is over in all but name, but he's more at ease with it ended fully. Fuyumi is crushed but burying it all deep inside. Natsuo is like 'what are you talking about. divorce is the most normal possible outcome here.' But anyway, Rei also begins to bring up being discharged- something she never bothered with earlier, when it seemed like she'd never be able to go home while Shoto was there, and never would want to go back anyway. (Her parents are absolutely not an option either so where would she go once discharged? the hospital was her only security.) Toshinori then tells her at this point about his diagnosis, that he's supposed to be terminal, in a way. He doesn't have a lot of time he can give her. Rei says that's ok, she'll take what she can get. She moves in. Fuyumi still goes out to eat with her once a week, though Rei doesn't say she's moved in with a boyfriend, just says she's in a safe place and it's not Fuyumi's job to worry about it, please, let her do that, relax, be her daughter instead of a mother. Natsuo adds her to his cellphone plan and gets her one. Rei doesn't tell Toshinori her ex's identity. Toshinori doesn't tell her about OfA, though she does know he's mentoring a student for heroics and is very proud of him. (Toshinori is a secretary at Might Tower, he's a great mentor. Oh huh, he got a job position at UA at the same time as All Might, she wonders if they carpool.)
+1- OK THE REVEAL so the reveal is. Toshinori gets home from the SF. And Rei almost knocks him out by the door, eyes wide and panicked, asking if he's ok, if Shoto's ok. Toshinori is like "... young todoroki? yeah he's alright? i know his fight with young bakugo looked bad but- Rei???" And that's when it all clicks for him, he's having dozens of horrible realizations at once, all while Rei weeps over her youngest. Toshinori's been a hero for a very, very long time. He's felt hopeless, before. But even then, he's known what needs to be done, he just isn't able to do it. But now? he's at a complete loss with no idea what he should do.
#quick poll here. um. do we think shoto knows his parents are divorced#because i mean theres a lot of things he doesnt know about his family that he should#its not like they're really talking at that point#on the other hand. would enji have told him out of frustration for him clinging to his ice when rei left them?#basically. which one is funnier#Shoto going 'mom divorced you??? OH HELL YEAH GOOD FOR HER IM ONLY USING ICE TO CELEBRATE THAT i mean i know she hates me sure she should.#as long as she isn't tied to YOU anymore either we are going down hand in unlovable hand old man!!!'#or#shoto having no idea of the divorce and so when the truth comes out#either from toshinori or rei#hes like 'HELL YEAH YOUVE BEEN CHEATING ON DAD WITH ALL MIGHT???? HIGH FIVE MOM THATS THE BEST POSSIBLE REVENGE DABI WISHES HE'D#ORCHESTRATED THIS BUT HE NEVER HAD THE CREATIVITY TO!!! wait what do you mean its not cheating anymore because youre divorced'#these tags are funny because wow theres a lot of yikes and heavy stuff in the main post. ah ha ha. ah.#pocket talks to people#ask game#anon
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I wish mental health services were more easily accessible and certain mental illnesses weren't still demonized in the field
#still pursuing a bpd diagnosis#but a lot of the specialists im seeing online are all like#have you been victimized abused or manipulated by someone with bpd?#and im like :(#ough im not ready to have ANOTHER heavily stigmatized mental illness#but despite that i still do hope i get diagnosed#i think it would explain a lot#and really help me work through my issues#before it gets to that tipping point#it already has come close multiple times just this year alone#i just... idk#i want to be better i want to get better#i dont want to hurt people anymore. i dont want to hurt myself anymore#it sucjs it really does#sorry for vent posting again#i just dont have anywhere else to go#and i dont feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff usually#everyone tells me i can talk to them but.. idk. its hard to do that. so many things can go wrong. i dont like talking about myself#i like for people to have a certain image of me. prefer people not to worry themselves over me#it brings bad feelings and associations sometimes#which if i have bpd can be thhe cause of that i suppose. just makes me feel insecure? ig? guilty? makes me feel like a bad person#when people try to get me to take care of myself. even if its a good thing#idk im just rambling#nobody take this in a bad way or feel discouraged in fact dont pay any mind to this#im just spitballing#will probably delete later#monnie rambles
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i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore
#obvs im gonna keep this blog like i'm not. gonna go away. i can't lol!#i need to have a space to post when i do have stuff to post ... with gachiakuta otw ofc !!!#but i think it's time .... i admit to myself i cant do this the way i did anymore#not even back in like. 2021 but even just. last year. im not someone who can sustain interaction no matter how much i want to#there's just too much on my mind and im too anxious and way too insecure and with the election i have students to take care of#my family to prioritize and i have to move house and get my credentials and my degree so i can get a job.#it's just too much really to be worrying about what i can do here .. ive been in denial for so lng#not that that changes anything for anyone here or anyone reading this. i'm not disappearing and im still gonna be reading.#but i need to officially relieve myself of duty... iN MY MIND. if that makes any sense.#im sure i'll write again one day. my writing has come so far and ive finally noticed. and im so grateful to have tried so hard#i never let myself down once. thats for certain. i did what i could when i could#but i can't anymore and that has to be okay bc its whats happening.#anyway nothing's changing dw there's just been a shift in my psyche thats all#and i might post less and reblob more .. but that's all!#still love u ofc <3#caitie blabs
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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old yuri comic GO
#heart art!#adventure forward#af2#stratosfear#ulipse#im not tagging anyone else you cant make me#anyways. this is pretty old. like a good few months#i was GOING to remake it with like proper paneling and some minor rewriting#but iiiii kept forgetting. and i dont wanna work on that anymore#but i really like this comic. and i think its really cute. so im posting the shitty version so that other ppl can look at it#the points are prolly a lil ooc.. but also... funny comic so bleh#transcript of the dialog is in the alt text if you cant read my shitty hand writing and/or tumblr compresses the fuck out of these images.#also a few extra things:#ulipse calls stratosfear fez bc in my beutiful mind i dont think stratos like being called stratosfear too much but tolerates it#but ulipse will NOT be doin that!! so they try to come up with a nickname and accidently come up with fez. which stratos likes#arrolin suggests coins as a gift bc i think it would be really funny if they collected stuff#bc number one rule of dragons. they love having stuff#and i think arrloin deserves to have a bunch of silly collections#and stratos has this thing i like to call this: boring and autism disease.#where you do not know what you like so you just decide to like what everyone else likes#so they just do what everyone else wants to do when they hang out#anyways i love ulipse and i love stratosfear and i mush them together like barbie dolls. please talk to me about ulipse and statos PLEASE
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guys what should i do for my birthday
#i cant think of the future anymore so like i didn't plan anything and like i dont have enough of an outside social life to like. do anything#my summer camp is going roller skating that day but its been tradition for me and my abuela to go out and get breakfast#and i can't do both because i have to get up and leave for camp really early#and im not sure i like these people enough to spend my birthday with them#no offense to them#i dont really want to go to the beach bc ill end up miserable by the end of the day too#personal posts and stuff idk
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sometimes I wish this site had a mute option
#litchi.txt#theres a lot of people I follow who talk a lot about the recent situations and I dont wanna break the moot or god forbid block people but.#its stuff I do not want to be involved in at all and its taking up 50% of my dash#and as someone who is largely multifandom this past year and something I wanna stay on tumblr to see the stuff from other fandoms#and also I dont want to unfollow people from em see why tee because I still love yall but one of the main reasons why Im not really active#in this community anymore is that Im just really fucking tired of the discourse and scrutiny and just overall bad stuff and shit behaviour#Im not about to go around and tell people to oh please tag all this stuff#because first and foremost the tumblr filtering is shit#my entire dash would just be Word You Filtered#but I really want to just mute a couple people for a couple days. maybe until the end of the month#all while engaging with like peeps who post primarily about the smp or about my other fandoms#(or mute people in certain tags like call me selfish but I enjoy when they engage on my posts but their posts in the main tags annoy me)#anyways sorry for this one#my dash is slowly turning into the kinda stuff that made me leave my previous fandoms and Id really hate to leave this fandom#with a sour aftertaste as I go
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redownloaded an old art program
#specifically its tayasui memopad…#sketches was like borderline unusable last i redownloaded it#which was like.. oct last year#maybe its gotten better but i dont feel like bothering with it anymore haha#memopad i never used much aside from little scribble doodles (id make a scribble and try to turn it into something)#but its changed a lot since i last used it.. which was like four years ago so i cant be too surprised i guess XD#its still pretty jank but in a more manageable way . i missed rhe sketches brushes theyre very lovely#sorry for all the rambling haha#ive been feeling really shitty lately and have barely been able to draw it feels like#a lot of what i have made ive had to really.. force myself to get out. and i havent been as satisfied with it as id like to br#this is kind of janky still but i like it and i had fun making it#everytime i draw these two its exactly the same cuz i have to remind myself what their designs even were everytime >_<‘’#hopefully i do some more stuff today. its already getting late but im feeling a little better#getting back into the swing of things or whatever#i thought someone on af was ghosting me or whatever but turns out they were just . busy. ( <- figures i need to stop assuming haha) and#they also made this amazing revenge im absolutely in love with its so cute#really made my day =)#scribbles#furry tag#good god i write way too much in these#sorry#anyways#queueing this to post again (its the 14th as im writing this) i feel like that worked alright for me last time#im kinda making this post impulsively i am. constantly going back nd forth on whether i even like posting my art nowadays#oh well#yeah queue i wanna know#mother series#<- i forgot to tag that . for blog organization mostly these r just#nothing burger npcs barely anyone cares abt (nintens sisters lol)
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hi 👋
#rambling#hi 👋#i know its been a while since i've posted#but i still lurk on here regularly :p#i dont really care to create content or scroll+rb anymore#but i'll keep in touch through dms if anyone wants to <3 or we can exchange discord info💞#i've become more active on twitter? 🤡🤮 but i still feel more comfy typing long rambles here lmao#theres a lot of ateez stuff if u end up looking at it#i been going through stuff the last few months :p#N E WAYS i've decided that i wanna leave my job in a few months 🙈#and the stress of it made me wanna come back here and use this blog like a diary 🙈🙈#i mean. it feels like it's the right time for me to leave#it's just the anxiety of not knowing >.<#also job huntings the worst 🤮🤮🤮🤮#but im ready for a change ^^#and i wanna be optimistic!! so im manifesting that the whole ordeal goes smoothly and im not unemployed for long!!!🙏#if u read all this. i love u and i hope u have an awesome week!! :) 💖💖💖#also reply with something good that happened to u recently!#celebrating u would help cheer me up rn :')#otherwise. have a good night! see u space cowboy
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Just submitted a new patient request to Anchor Health. Cross your fingers for me, so I can get set up w/a doc I can stick with who can handle my T and PCP stuff and maybe even mental health stuff? (their website let me mark all three as things I wanted them to provide care for at least)
and the poor local PP can get back to trying to help others without me taking up any more of their scarce resources and staff
#text post#tbh they might say no#i do fall under the qualifying thing of I came from a state that's not safe for trans folks anymore#but I did note on my form that I've been here abt a year since they needed an address and I didn't want the CT address to be confusing#my concern is bc i've been in the state a year already that will disqualify me#told them too that I've been working with pp but need to find full time care for these things and would like to switch to them#they take medicaid plus offer rides to the clinics and i think telehealth too?#so for whatever can't be done via telehealth I could get a ride to the nearest clinic and back again#which frees me from having to try and budget for lyfts or for poor Housemate to have to work aer schedule around me needing rides#which reminds me i neeeeed to get my bloodwork done#idk if i can manage it today bc the doc messaging thing already has my brain even Louder than before (but it deeply needed doing)#but this week if the uni finally shoots me my latest paycheck I think i'll just take a lyft and either go to a blood draw clinic or call pp#and ask to have them do it and apologise for it taking so long to get it done#bc I can tell they're judging me for it and like. they're not wrong to#i really do want to get it done it's just been hard to coordinate around other stuff and yeah. blood draws usually suck for me so also#it's hard to make myself go do it even when something important to me depends upon it#im rambling too much again time to dip back to survey sites and maybe researching dentists for the fall for me and Housemate
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this job is so stressful to me like. im doing okay im doing better than i started but ive basically been put into a pseudo management position with very little real responsibility other than "fix it" and "advocate for it" and even less power to make it happen but like. i Hate management and i have a hard time sticking up for myself and keeping a cool head when doing so, which means when someone who i Know doesnt do his job is giving me bullshit numbers its hard to know where to give ground and where to be firm. and this kitchen is a disaster but like other baking jobs have Such a high standard that like. would i even manage a job where the kitchen Wasn't a total sinking ship? ive got less than a year of baking experience, mostly in bread, and everyone wants pastry. a chef from corporate asked me if id been to culinary school and it was both flattering and made me feel like kind of a fraud. a sous chef (who i really liked but her last day is tomorrow) asked the same and when i said no elaborated that i carry myself and have the attitude of someone who did (in a good way) which was Also flattering but like. she sent me a pastry position she found online that wanted someone who knew how to do laminated pastry and it just. i feel so small!!! this is something i like a lot and the new head chef of the baking department says he can tell i have talent and im eager to learn and he knows i can do this and that im doing a good job so far but its genuinely so stressful i think about work constantly ive never worked a job where ive had this much expectation put on me.
plus its so insulting when they tell me my product "doesnt look good" bc theyre 1) premade frozen bullshit and 2) packaged poorly bc we have no other options. fuck off dude you come and make these shitty turnovers, asshole. i know how to tell when a cookie is done. fuck off. like i am the First to tell you when something ive made is not up to my standard, not in a self depricating way but in a constant effort to do better. i Know when the cookies are too dark. I know when the turnovers didnt get egg washed. i know when the batter was overmixed. i know when something is Off but i dont know the cause and know when to ask someone who should know more than me. i dont need you to tell me when something is off, Especially when like. it isnt lmao
#the recipes and stuff are NOT the difficult part#its baby shit for babies#my intro to baking was at a hippie grocery store. everything i made there was harder than this.#ive only been here for a month and ''the cookies have been bad for a while'' is not on me!!#and its weird to have to like. internalize that hes talking to me abt it bc im head baker and not bc i personally have done something wrong#argghhh#speaking#long post#work posting#sorry everything i talk abt on here is work related anymore#gf and i have been looking at engagement rings#former coworker and her wife are coming over for homemade pizza this weekend#and then we're all going to pride later this month and im inviting a coworker#i got my former lead an interview for a cook position next week#gf and i have gone on two mushroom forays and they were really fun#idk. i worry about how the bake shift goes when im not there on fridays.#every week i have to resist the urge to text my coworkers like ''okay how did it go today''
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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