#im not gonna pretend like i never thought about it! but like i was in middle school mostly shdjksfjd
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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So watching the newest Spy x Family, I see everyone squealing over Uncle Franky (don’t get me wrong I am too) but I also think his outsider’s perspective is kind of sad. When Anya is waiting for Yor and Loid to get home, the line he says there struck me.
“Hey, do you like your mom and dad?”
Like that’s a weird question to ask a young child who, hopefully, should love their parents. But Franky I think is acutely aware that they aren’t Anya’s real parents and the Forger family is fake. Franky has worked with Twilight for years, knows him very well and has presumably seen him make and drop identities like one would an article of clothes. We’ve even had Franky directly accusing Loid of being too clinical, focusing only the mission. I think Franky believes that once Operation Strix is completed, that he’ll leave and Anya and move on to the next assignment.
I think that idea has colored a lot of Franky’s interactions with Anya. Yes, he’s also a big kid and wants to run around and be silly. But I also believe he’s trying to give this girl a sense of happiness and family presumably before she’s dropped off at the nearest orphanage once her usefulness is outlived. Like we all know Loid is catching feels but he’s a Good Actor and it might not be readily apparent to his coworker. Idk it must be so sad for Franky to watch this little family interact, to sweep up a child so clearly desperate for love and family in a spy operation, only to realize it won’t last.
#spy x family#sorry didn't mean to throw angst into the sweet pile that was todays episode#but im gonna be real this isn't my first time Ive had this thought about Franky#We've seen him accuse Loid of being callous - albiet in a usual comedic manner#but Franky absolutely knows how good Loid is at pretending to others to get what he wants then disappearing#Yor probably would be okay like very upset for sure but she's a grown adult she can handle it#Anya is a young child who has probably never had such loving interactions before#Anyone can see how devoted she is to her folks#and Uncle Franky is watching all this like seeing someone standing on a rug not knowing it can pulled out any second#I do feel that adds a bit to his own playful relationship with Anya#make the hurt sting less#anyway i'll see myself out
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Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.
Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.
One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).
And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."
Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.
I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.
I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.
Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.
I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this
#tales from diana#long post#this is not really a post about voting this is a post about online etiquette#i also remember that this person at one point when we were teenagers had a crush on me#so they might have somewhat idealized me or maybe just had respect for the good times#good conversations we had over the years etc#i still held them in regard even though some of their anti-voting posts i took serious issue w#again i really don't care to argue w ppl against voting bc really i mainly only disagree w that one conclusion#the systemic critiques that were made in those posts i don't think make them bad ppl#i sympathize w why someone might think that way#i just cannot pretend that i think nothing changes if we have dt as president again#i can't act as if im not anxious at the state of the world we're in where we're seriously at risk of that#i don't have that same level of concern about harris. i don't. i don't think theyre the same#i think they diverge in so many meaningful ways but im usually not writing detailed long thoughtful posts about it#do i have to??? for TUMBLR?? id rather not...#but i don't wish to be confronted as if these are nuances i MUST not hold in my opinion#can't stress enough they were basically calling me a g n cide denier like that's just a cool ok thing to do#i have literally never made a post about ppl not voting for harris bc of the war in gaza#i specifically haven't not because im 'afraid' but bc i don't believe in comparing those 2 things#there was gonna be a presidential election this year anyway and there does not have to be this war#if u think dems aren't doing well enough on the war for u to vote for them. i can't argue w u#but i was always going to vote anyway#again im afraid of getting shit?? ONLY this person has EVER given me shit until now#im not pushing harris enough? how tf do u know that? bc im not reblogging ill-informed posts from ppl like u?#im not PUSHING this woman running for president enough bc im not writing critical posts she and her advisers will never see#about how im threatening to withhold my vote from them. something id never honestly do considering the opposition#they kept stressing to me to about how they weren't a trump supporter when *i* never said as much to them#i do agree that not voting for harris 'supports' trump in that it benefits him overall#but i don't attack ppl who just aren't voting in that way. ok?#damn i hate being on the defensive like this
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jingliu is a perfect example of "if this female character was male, shed be universally loved instead of heavily criticized"
#im not saying you cant criticize a character but its sooooo telling that she gets so much of it#“shes a hypoctite. shes too mean. shes too cold.” yeah uh huh but those kinds of traits are fine on ren okay got it#people saying her character design is basic like im sorry but star rail doesnt have very many ground breaking designs for anyone#and yet i only see people bringing up jinglius design. also saying shes too pretty and done up#like the men arent also conventionally attractive. *yes* hoyoverse is bad for unique female designs#buts lets not pretend its solely a jingliu problem. it was an issue before her#shes just another victim of the short dress exposed shoulders look. also her design is not in any way shape or form the worst female design#im not going to give my opinion on that here tho because its not important#im losing my train of thought so im just gonna say people wouldnt be handwringing over the prospect#of jing yuan having romantic feelings for her. in fact thered be droves and droves of girls shipping them if jingliu was a man#not to mention shipping her with ren if she was. and dan heng/feng#but shes not a man so shes being scruitinized and picked apart for any potential “flaws”#like theyre so transparent about it. like im sorry she was mean to ren/yingxing fucking forgive her for having complex feelings#about a messy complicated issue while shes dealing with her own#trauma and guilt and anger and everything else that wouldnt be a problem if she wasnt a female character#the hypocrisy of it all never ceases to astound#hsr
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And on another note despite what I’m focusing on I do think it’s abhorrent to assume everyone who voted for or supported Harris is chill with genocide like yeah that’s like. What blew up online that tori maya shit was stupid as fuck but due to the disorganization and lateness of this campaign there was REAL misinformation being spread especially to our elders by ppl misconstruing info and a large number of ppl genuinely RIGHT NOW believe she’s pro Palestine called for a ceasefire etc. Like that’s a big chunk of the issue happening rn - where ppl literally made up policies for her or suddenly fell for “neutral” talking points bc it’s on someone they like and spread that. Like idk I feel like until everyone can be honest and humble nobody’s getting anywhere
#I lost my point at the end damn#guess I’m just bringing it to ppls attention#ig Im very against ‘this chunk of ppl are exactly like this’ which is why I overly specify#guys if I’m talking about someone I promise I just say exactly what i mean#when I say ppl who voted with XYZ in mind that’s exactly who I’m talking about there’s no strays to be caught#anyways I’m thinking of this bc I’m seeing so many ppl saying vile things about Palestine and saying ‘well this is what you wanted’#like no and that attitude is part of what lost that election bfr#this is what I meant yesterday by terrible timing#bc black women are rightfully exhausted and saying we’re not showing up for everyone else.#and it’s just masking a complicity in a genocide some of you already has#Some of you ALREADY said fuck Palestine so pretending it’s bc Harris lost is so#like I’m sorry this is still about that tori girl#not even her the fanbase she curated#of ppl who genuinely think democracy would save us Harris had our best interests at heart and that genocide is smth to breeze over#and that Maya girl is a weirdo too don’t get me wrong#like it’s that thing where they’re both dead wrong but one person was a biiit more wrong than the other#that didn’t make the other person right at alll#And that Madeline person#I unfollowed bc despite what they were saying#some of which I agreed with#a lot of the FANS got racist fast#guys deleting comments is an option stop letting ur fans be bigots and pretending you can’t control it#y know it’s follow the leader delete the first signs of racism and they can’t fuel eachother hello#anyways that’s a collection of thoughts on ppl ig my point is.#genocide is bad and the way ppl react to that along with other circumstances and factors is never gonna be palatable#especially to ppl calling a politican auntie and BIG SIS GENERAL#fucking crazy btw that last one#and also a lot of ppl were desperate to see a black woman take care of everything so they ignored any flaw she and her campaign had#when these flaws were huge contributors to the loss#and also. with the big ass gap atp I think it is kind of useless to argue amongst ourselves
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we work together later this week i think im just gonna be straight up after our shift ends i'll be like hey dude. i am Aromantic. and i'll explain it to him if i must. we have a lot of mutual queer friends so hopefully he's at least acquainted with the vague idea. so i'll explain it to him and lay it all out. like i do not - i cannot - feel anything romantic, but i know that i like talking and hanging out with you, and i'm not opposed to like, seeing where this goes, so long as like, YOU are okay with the idea of me not reciprocating the romantic feelings. not because of anything about you but because of me and who i am. this is potentially weird and nontraditional and potentially even offputting to "date" someone who doesn't reciprocate your romantic feelings but like it certainly can and has been done before and as long as YOU are chill with the idea then i'm down to try it out. i also don't know what "it" is because as i said i'm aromantic i don't know what any of this entails. so forgive me if i'm also a little bit clueless in all this. so i'm gonna lay it all out honestly and let him make the decision if he wants to continue because i sure as fuck do not know what the hell is going on in my life anymoreeeee
#brot posts#i think he's reading my hesitation as me being shy#when im actually balancing the ethical quandary of going on a date with someone who i only view platonically ?!?!?!#and having a crisis over why im even considering going on a date with someone who i only view platonically ?!?!?!#AND I DONT WANT TO LEAD HIM ON.#BUT I ALSO... DONT... /NOT/ WANT TO DO THIS#SO ITS LIKE. SCREAMS?#i dont wanna lead him on with EXPECTATIONS i guess#also if we were to do this then i cannot call it a date or else im gonna have a heart attack like can we just hang out and see what happens#no performance no expectations. can we just hang outtttt#ugh i gotta figure out how to word all this bc if i get nervous and cant explain what aromanticism is then this whole thing falls apart#but honestly talking with him is so surprisingly easy hence why im even in this situation in the first place#so !!! hopefully ..!!#but i also never was nervous to talk to him bc i thought we were JUST HANGING OUT PLATONICALLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so maybe come saturday i WILL be nervous !??!#FUCK MANNNNNNNNN FMLLL WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE ANYMOREEEEEEEEEEE#HOW DID I GET HERE !?!?!?!? why is this happening to me#im just talking to him about comics right now pretending that nothing happened on sunday LMAOOO
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wuh woh
#vince.txt ���#this is my tumblr so who give a shit but like#ill be honest? i do think im sort of running out of that usual steam i have to keep pushing#even after her death i felt like people just. pressured me wah too much to just pretend like nothing happened or anything#not even counting the subsequent treatment i received too 😀 after multiple requests for people to maybe not violate boundaries#like i dunno. maybe dont tell me to kill myself. or make jokes about car crashes and shit#or even make jokes about me not having a partner anymore 😟 i thought itd be easy but i suppose not#and then theres THIS current thing too which annoys me to all hell#it annoys me that some people can just do shit and get away with it and have their lives uninterrupted#whilst im stuck slowly bleeding out night after night not able to sleep anymore#or to look at certain people without completely breaking down#because the physical aspect does matter yeah. ill never be able to regain most of my sense of touch in that hand#im never gonna truly regain my dexterity either but#those aren't gonna be things that torture me for the rest of my life yk#day after day has been torment for me as of late#and i really don't think thats gonna change#not for a while at least. i know im strong and all but#i do think im at my wit's end. between people and my hand and the fact that ill never get closure on anything#november grows closer every single year after all too#I'll get over myself one of these days though
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I do kinda think peoples reaction to thinking i prevented my ex from Being Whatever They Want and then trying to exclude me entirely from the things i identify with- like... How is that okay in any capacity? If you did this in regard to my trans identity, would it still be okay? Why is it okay with the rest of the ways i identify too? I never stopped them from being anything anyways, i just didnt want to date someone who was mirroring me so fucking much, goddamn, i was okay with being their friend still, why is that so hard to understand. Sorry i dont wanna fuck someone whos pretending to be my clone, almost in an effort to mock me..?
#some of yall are genuinely bad people. like you do need to digest that fact.#all of this based on a rumor. and again i state like ive stated a million times. what will you do when you find out theyre the abuser?#are you gonna try to apolgozie to me for trying to run me off the internet ostracize and bully me?#or are you gonna come up with a million justifications for why your behavior was fine even though you didnt know?#like maybe. just maybe. in situations where you dont know the truth of the situation. maybe. just dont act on the impulse to hurt#someone because you really really want to believe the other person you like more is telling the truth. idk. just an idea.#because i dont think yall are capable of the self introspection right now to realize how fucking abusive your behavior has been.#JUST because its directed at mem suddenly its totally fine. lets not think about the possibility snake could be telling the truth too.#nawww... the guy who identifies as a snake and looks like a disney villain? im totally not allowing my subconscious biases navigate the#way i treat people in this situation. boy do i love my angel looking boys.#me* not mem lol#surely my culturally christian upbringing isnt playing a part in any of this.#anyways. i never went out of my way to invalidate them but ik believing that would make their narrative crumble for you.#i knew what i wanted. they knew what i wanted. they pretended to be what i wanted. when we got comfortable and i got used to#them being that way theyd start to morph back into who they really are. i dont like who they really are. id try to break up woth them.#theyd beg me to stay. id give them another chance and once again they start acting like the person i wanted to be with. rinse and repeat.#that was the entire relationship. i tried breaking up with them so many times but they were too ig dependant on me#and didnt want me to leave bc ig they thought if i wasnt dating them that id just abandon them and never help them with anything.#i do think its more they knew they could manipulate me easier if we were together and they pretended to be what i wanted.#thats what happened and im sorry you cant accept the truth of who your fave is and what theyre like my dude.#me not liking who they really are has nothing to do with their transness. sure. who they really are is more masc than what i wanted.#but kre than that. who they really were was kinda just a skeevy selfish shitty person who thinks really highly of themselves.#and i just didnt dig that man. not sure what to tell you.#should i have put my foot down and left anyways? yes. and i did. but i knew that when i did break up with them they would turn on me.#like they did. and stabbed me in the back a million times. hoping id hate being alive enough bc of the ostracism to kill myself.#then thered be no one to criticize them for their actions or abusive behavior anymore.#but yeah idc. im not going anywhere. you're gonna tell the truth or put up with my existence. those are your options.#anyways i dont think the progressive solution to you believing i prevented them from being things is to prevent me also from#being things. like how does that help when you just spread the supposed pain.... not to mention it was more of a seed you planted#rather than a plant that was already growing
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google how do you politely and kindly say "bestie if you just keep refusing to talk to us and work this out we will have no choice but to end this living situation and move on"
#i just. i know their only option is to each individually return to their own mother's place#and i know their mothers are both abusive. and they could only tolerate living in their mother's houses together#but their parents have both said that only their child is allowed to move back in if they move out of our apartment. not their partner#so like. what are they planning to do here.#and we can't just ignore this until they decide they're not upset and then act as if nothing happened#god im getting so close to just lying and pretending i did do what they're mad at us for so this stops#but i didnt and i dont even really understand what they're accusing us of so idk how to apologize#bc i thought they were mad bc they thought we stole something but ig according to my hgf#gf*#who is the one they texted in the first place#they're mad bc they think we used something in their medicine cabinet without asking and then just left it on the counter#and they specifically said 'i know it was one of you because me and my partner are in the habit of putting things back where they go'#and we didn't want to fucking shade their partner but like. they in fact are not in the habit of putting things back where they go#and the thing they accused us of is stealing their fucking vaporub and their partner is the only one of us sick rn!#so idk wtf is going on but i am actually so so sad about this#these are like my only friends in the world and it feels so fucking awful to have them be mad at me#and there seems to be nothing i can do to even attempt to fix it and that feels even worse#and idk how im gonna feel if its somehow revealed that one of our roommates is blaming stuff on us to their partner#i just. idk man i would never fucking do that#it just really makes me feel like they never really cared about us that much to begin with for this to be our current situation#so yea. i guess if they're just not willing to work on this at all i will be moving in a month or two
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and you will listen to my halfway unmixed vocal synth covers. you will. my final message (dies in your arms)
all the virvox guys in voicevox humming! yume no tobira piano ver vsqx by leah ocarina and the instrumental is by 友紀!
#wip#vocal synth#voicevox humming#i will never stop posting unfinished covers!!!! never!!!!!#hfkjdjgskfdsd in my defense its because i get like 90% done a cover pretty fast#and then that last 10% takes me MONTHS HDJFKSJFS#and i have a feeling im gonna be messing around with these dynamics for. a while LOL#so listen to how it is now~ its not bad for someone who doesnt know what they're doing <3#i think some love live songs might be particularly good for voicevox humming like specifically the more 00s idol-y sounding ones#like some earlyish u's ones and such. because like theyre great and fun songs but theyre also#like less focused on super fancy voicework and more focused on like. charm. probably because they werent sure if it the#franchise was even gonna take off that much at the time and they were working with limited budgets and just kinda#figuring it all out? obvs there was so much talent front the get go. but in different areas#dance comedy acting singing pr etc. some vocalists had a lot of experience and some didnt have as much#so theres like this like. charmingly clumsy edge to some of the songs. less worry about pure vocal talent#and more focus on sounding like ur a cute anime character having the time of ur life LOL#in general thats been a big focus of the sound of the franchise -> sounding like ur having fun and#filled with passion above all else. which is why i think these songs might work for these guys pretty well!#(although u can definitely hear the noise. and how much these guys HATE su zu and tsu HJKSHJDS they're doing their best)#my beloved off-key makeshift boyband LOL you have to be nice to them. they're speaking synths pretending to be singing synths <3#dont ask how the lyrics about youth (seishun) pertain to the 50 year old man. its okay. dont bother him#also no tuning credits cuz. u cant tune in voicevox. so its all just the program LOL i thought about doing pitch correction#in fruity loops or smthng but i am le tired so i didnt <3 its part of the charm i say now. its the charm#i did go in and mess with the vsqx to change the timing and lengths of different syllables five separate times tho LOL#but thats because there are 5 dudes and i did Not want them to sound TOO much like theyre playing back the same midi 5 whole times#even tho thats what they are doing. you know how it is with this stuff HJKSHJKFDS
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yada yada happy halloween to these FREAKS (and you guys :3 and myself i gusss :3) doodle from art class that i GUESS could be considered halloween...... idk ok idk ok something was up with me when i drew this
#look killer would like being praised more but to be fair since when has anyone been truly canon with him#to make myself not tweak out i can just pretend this is my fanon#i mean like mtt to me is the epitome of finding slight comfort in suffering when theyre not beating eachother up#dust and horror are affirming killer's terrible thoughts about himself!! how sweet :3 <3 theyre so made for eachother#horror looks like he has a second eye but dont be fooled i just didnt shade that in#i NEED to lock in on that animation. i dont think i have any homework today#i just have a short worksheet and then i'm good to draw i really should really really should im so sorry#disappointed in myself smh more than any of YOU ever will be#originally this was gonna be them in their halloween costumes looking down but then i was like#wait i dont wanna draw killer so ierased him and then just put horror and dust in their normal outfits bc i liked it#and i was like hold up hold up i gotta include killer somehow. SOMEHOW.and then this is the resuly#listen these guys dont freak around but they do various other things that are almost just as freaky as sex#that was more of a side blog thought triglycercule. i know. i will elaborate more there i guess#i ate so much candy today!!! and i didnt even go trick or treating!!!!!#theyre so smitted and enamoured with eachother :333 i love that for them#theyre so cannibalism core. theyre so if i cant have you nobody can core. theyre not soulmates but instead eachothers curse. theyre so UGH#only the murder time trio can match the other 2's freaks i fear nobody else can#its either less crazy or more crazy and these 3 are the perfect amount of balanced to even the other 2 out#i love that one kist animatic that that one really cool twitter kist artist drew#i know theres probably a really good horrordust animatic out there somewhere 2#WHERES THE HORRORKILLER ANIMATIC HUH!!!! WHERE!!!!!!!#horrorkiller once again left out of the trio duo ships......... this is biased i fear#people just hate to see unhealthy bitched unhealthy smh. they can handle toxic kist but they cant handle toxic hrkl???? BLASPHEMY#triglycercule's rambling again (like a dementia patient) i should get to work#i found my first ever sand au fan out in the wild today. this is a moment in history i fear#i will never find another sans au fan in the world until i pass 30 years of age and im sad but whatever#i cant wait to get a job so i can start ordering stickers of my trio#i cant WAIT to get a pinmaker one day and start my very own mtt ita bag#i want a pinmaker so bad god. just so i can staple their faces all over#tricule rant
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18+ / mdi
content: bff'sbrother!jungkook, softdom!jungkook, enemies2lovers-ish, he's a lil annoying in this, angst, mentions of rejection, one-sided crush, afab reader, smut, fingering, dry humping, penetrative sex, overstimulation (kinda), etc.
wc: 4076
a/n: another jk fic bc im taking time off work and have nothing to do</3 this went longer than anticipated lol sorry
masterlist
"what are you doing here?", grumbled the man as soon as he opened the door and spotted you on the other side of it.
"can you get out of the way? i'm obviously here for minji."
"she doesn't get here til tomorrow," he responded, though still moving out of the way to let you in.
you were about to snark at him again when he stopped in his tracks, eyes widening when they made contact with the suitcases you were struggling to drag behind you, "why are you carrying suitcases? fuck, don't tell me you're staying here," he grabbed onto one, stopping your movements.
"yes, jungkook. minji told me i could crash here for spring break. what's it to you? your house is big enough. just ignore my presence," you attempted to move your suitcases again, knowing you'd receive no help from the boy even if you asked.
"so you're here to ruin my break?" the complaints were never ending despite having entered the home only mere moments ago.
"stop being a child and get out of my way," you grumbled when the idiot refused to remove his hand from the handle of your suitcase.
he let out a heavy sigh, scrunching his eyes closed in annoyance before speaking again, "okay, move. i'll bring your shit upstairs."
"no, i can-"
"you can't carry all this upstairs. my mom's gonna be mad if i don't offer to help you. just let go," he muttered, pushing your hands away and somehow lifting both suitcases at once as he walked towards the stairs.
without any energy to argue with him, you just followed him upstairs, annoyed he insisted to pretend to do you a favor.
"are your parents home?", you asked, confused as to why he had been the one to open the door.
"no, they went out of town this weekend. they should be here tonight."
"why are you here?"
you knew this was his home, but it was a valid question. this had been the third time you'd spent some sort of school break at minji's house, yet jungkook had never been there during the duration of it, usually only popping up for a day or two by the end of each break.
"you mean in my house?", he chuckled sarcastically.
"you're never here- you know what i meant."
"didn't have any plans this time. why? am i ruining your break?"
the two of you finally made it to the extra guest room in minji's house, with jungkook settling your stuff on the bed and uncharacteristically taking a seat on it, as if planning to hang around. you ignored the thought and went to open your suitcase, planning to unpack a few of the things since you'd be staying for over a week.
"yeah," you deadpanned.
he scoffed, "not like i wanna spend my break with you either, princess."
groaning, you threw a folded shirt at him, "ew, i told you not to call me that."
seemingly pleased at having annoyed you, he chuckled and picked up the shirt you threw, folding it and placing it on the bed. he continued to occasionally grab one thing or another as you unpacked. you always knew jungkook to be quite fidgety, so you didn't question him grabbing your stuff to entertain himself as you unpacked.
jungkook wordlessly stayed on your bed as you went around the room organizing your stuff, attempting to ignore his presence but not entirely able to. you were willing to retain peace without complaining, but then he started making noise.
you usually didn't care for his presence too much, even as badly as the two of you got along, but the constant humming quickly got on your nerves. he hummed and hummed and did not stop even as ten minutes passed by, still taking stuff from your suitcase to fidget with. currently he was entertaining himself with a random shoe.
"jungkook! why are you still here?", you suddenly snapped, confused as to why he'd been sitting on your bed with a blank look on his face despite usually being liberal in expressing his dislike for you.
he looked at you for a few moments, no emotion on his face before speaking up.
"why don't we get along?"
"what?"
"you heard me. why don't we get along? you've been friends with my sister since childhood, but you've always hated me. why?"
"you started it," you murmured, taking the shoe he currently had in his hold and turning around to place it somewhere else.
he got up, walking over to you and turning you around by your shoulders and taking the shoe from you again, "i started it? what are you talking about? you've been rude to me since the seventh grade. i've just been returning the favor."
sighing in frustration, you grabbed shook his hands off your shoulders and stubbornly grabbed the shoe again, "why do you think that is, jungkook?"
a confused look overtook his face at your insinuation of your relationship being his fault, clearly not remembering what you were referring to.
"wha-what are you talking about?"
"god, you're such a dumbass sometimes. i mean, i assumed you didn't remember, but to have confirmation of it just kinda sucks," you chuckled bitterly.
he grabbed onto your shoulders again when you tried to walk past him, "tell me what you're talking about," he insisted.
for the most part, you didn't want to. you still felt embarrassed thinking about it, even if it had been over a decade since it had happened. to know he really didn't remember the source of your dislike for him also didn't really help matters. it just frustrated you at his presence even more.
through the years you had learned not to take the mutual banter too seriously. it was mostly lighthearted, to be honest. but any time you thought back to how it had started, you became beyond angry at the boy who was seemingly nice too all those he knew but you. sure, you had technically been the one to source this animosity, but he bad been the instigator of it after all.
you had been nine years old at the time, having recently moved into town and befriended minji. she had been your salvation, becoming instantly interested in being your friend despite you being brand new. you became quick friends, hanging out inside and outside school almost every day.
minji had the good fortune of being extremely close to her family, which allowed you to bond with them quite a lot. that was when you met her older brother, one of her favorite people in the world.
jungkook had been pure perfection in your young eyes, seeing him as unattainable at the young age of nine. he was two years your senior, which made you come to the quick realization that your crush would remain one-sided forever. except this didn't stop your naive heart to read into his nice demeanor and wishfully believe that maybe he'd like you back.
you crushed on him silently for three years, even coming to befriend him in the process. you wouldn't see him too often, but it was always nice when you did, always getting along quite well. this continued up until you hit twelve years of age, your tweenhood years. unfortunately, jungkook was now into his teens, meaning that he followed the footprints of every other man and had a short-lived phase where he was a bit insensitive to girls his age.
being completely delusional and being on your way to graduate middle school, you took a leap, deciding to invite jungkook as your date to your middle school prom. you had thought you read all the signs right, thinking that even if he rejected you, he'd still be nice enough to go with you as a friend. your hopes were completely crushed when he turned you down with zero hesitance, even patronizing you in the process.
the worst part of it all came later, when you were first entering high school. somehow a few of his friends had gotten word of the situation, dubbing you as desperate and obsessed with him. although the rumors died pretty quickly, and you were able to feign indifference to jungkook and everyone else, the seed of hate began to grow in you. little by little, you stopped speaking to jungkook altogether, eventually coming to proudly dislike him. despite minji's constant questioning about your change in demeanor towards her brother, you never told, not wanting any drift to be caused between you and minji, nor her and her brother.
the gradual change in your feelings for jungkook had been so natural that it made sense for him to not remember the source of the current state of your relationship. he had caught on naturally, simply bantering back with you whenever you gave him attitude. it was likely that he believed it all to be lighthearted at first, eventually becoming accustomed enough to it to not question it.
and now you were here, having to explain a stupid childhood heartbreak to the perpetrator of it all as he stared down at you in absolute wonder.
"eighth grade, jungkook. remember?"
he shook his head in confusion, his eyes still wide as his brain wracked itself to remember.
"the dance?"
"the dance? what dan- oh! the- the dance? that's it?"
'that's it'?
he mustve caught the look of annoyance in your face, as he quickly went to retract himself.
"fuck, wait. i didn't mean it like that, just- is that why you hate me? because i said no to you?"
you took a step away from him again, still frustrated, but his arms remained on your shoulders so you would keep looking right at him. it was awkward and extremely uncomfortable considering the context, but you didn't move away.
"it wasn't just that, jungkook," you started, "was it that horrible of a thought to go to the dance with me? i was twelve, you couldve been nicer about it. and to tell your friends about it? i was mocked for weeks after that. and now you wanna act like this is my fault? like ive just been mean to you for no reason?", you scoffed, looking at your feet in favor of not having to look at him.
"wait, who ... who made fun of you? i- i never told anyone what happened. why would i do that?"
"jungkook, stop. taehyung? jimin? they wouldn't stop bringing it up for weeks. it died down after a while, but i was already humiliated."
he shook his head and denial, seemingly at himself. finally letting go of you, he sat back on the bed, look of confusion still on his face before a lightbulb metaphorically manifested itself above his head.
"oh fuck," he muttered, "i- i remember now, but it didn't go down the way you think, okay? let me explain."
you crossed your arms and nodded, signaling for him to continue.
he uncrossed his arms, running them through his hair in a frustrated fashion before he began to explain, oddly passionate as he did so, "i told them right after it happened. i felt so bad for saying no to you, they noticed how down i was about it and asked. i swear i didnt say anything bad. fuck, i never knew they teased you about it, im so sorry," he rambled, "and i didnt- i didnt mean to make you feel bad when i said no. you're my sister's best friend and- and you were so young. i know it doesnt matter anymore, but saying yes felt wrong. it felt like id be taking advantage of you somehow."
"jungkook-"
"if it makes you feel better," he hesitated before continuing, "i, uh, i kinda had a crush on you when we were 17. i- i was going to ask you to my prom, but you picked a fight with me that day and told me to get the fuck out. thats, that's kinda when i started to hate you back," he smiled awkwardly towards the end.
that took you for a bit of a loop. you weren't a heartless asshole. it wasnt like you meant to hurt him through your dislike of him, but rather protect yourself from further rejection. it made you feel bad to know that you'd somewhat done a similar thing to him at some point, even verbally berating him time after time when his intentions hadn't been malicious.
"are you serious?"
"do you really hate me? for what i did, i mean," he interrupted.
did you? for the most part, you had just grown far too used to your animosity with jungkook. due to your own mean behavior towards him, he became equally as rude, creating a vicious cycle of disrespect between the two of you. but did you hate him?
the answer was probably not.
if you did, your heart wouldn't have jumped at the mention of him having had a crush on you back when you were seventeen.
"no, i don't hate you. do you?"
he turned to you, shaking his head, "of course not," he confirmed, "do you wanna start over?", he asked, getting up from the bed and walking over to you.
you couldn't help but chuckle at his sudden proposal. you also couldnt help in nodding in agreement, confirming that yes, you'd be willing to put aside a petty middle school misunderstanding in favor of starting over.
then he opened his arms, gesturing for a hug before asking for permission for one, "hug?"
wordlessly, you accepted the offer of a friendly hug, reasoning that it was only natural considering how touchy he was with everyone other than yourself.
when you went to pull away, his arms tightened around you, head burying itself further into your hair, "just a little longer," he murmured.
with no reason to deny him, you wrapped your arms around him once more, only letting go when he started to slowly pull away.
that's when you made the mistake of looking up at him as he attempted to make himself let go of you.
seemingly, he had made the same mistake, now locking eyes with you at a proximity far too close for two people who hated each other just mere minutes ago. stupidly enough, your eyes predictably went down to his lips, not realizing his own had done the same. the only difference was that he was far more daring than you, allowing his lips to lower down onto yours and envelop them in a soft kiss.
greedy hands dug into your hips before making their way to your waist, holding you as close to him as he could. your own hands wrapped around his shoulders, moving to play with his hair as soon as the kiss turned more heated.
moaning against him, he pulled away for a second, still keeping his lips entirely too close to your own as he breathed through his nose to calm himself down. the following kiss was even more harrowing, causing you to take a step back due to the sheer force of it. he walked you back, pressing you up against the nearest wall as he took advantage of being able to crowd you, allowing his hands to get a feel of your body as you kissed.
despite how pathetically you followed his lips, he still pulled away, throwing his shirt off before going back to kissing you, letting his hands wander underneath your own shirt as he did so. his hands dug deep under your shirt, feeling up your bare breasts and groaning at the lack of bra.
gradually, his lips made their way to your ear and then down your neck, murmuring against your skin.
"fuck, so fucking pretty ... and so needy for me, huh? sound so good moaning for me like that," he breathed against you.
you burned up, embarrassed by how easily he had an effect on you, but you still let him do whatever he wanted, knowing that nothing you did would prevent your body from wanting his touch.
throwing off your shirt, his lips trailed down even further south, latching onto your nipples and groaning into your skin at the way you arched your body, pressing up even closer to him.
but suddenly there was a shift.
jungkook halted his movements, making his way back up to your lips and locking them with his own in a heavy and greedy kiss, resulting in a lack of breath from both of you. against your lips, he whispered something that made your knees buckle.
"i'm gonna pay you back for all those times you were mean to me, baby," his lips moved to your ear, chuckling at your anticipatory shudder, "gonna do whatever i want with this pretty body, yeah?"
nodding pathetically, you gave way for him to do anything he wanted. already drenched, there was no way you could possibly formulate any words that didn't come out as an embarrassing whine. he seemed to enjoy this too, holding a pleased smirk in his face as he easily dragged you over to the bed, pushing off your suitcase and dropping you on it with a bounce.
before you could even think, jungkook had already thrown off his shoes and undone his pants, his hands coming to do the same to you. your shaky hands attempted to help him, but he simply tsk'd at you, letting you know that he'd take care of everything tonight. everything, he emphasized.
"oh, fuck," he groaned once you were fully nude, "this is all mine now, yeah? fuck, been waiting for years for you to stop being a brat and let me have this pretty body all to myself," he kissed your lips between each sentence, "might lose control at how gorgeous and mine it is ..." he murmured as his hands took their rightful place exploring your body.
"kook-" you whined, already wanting him to do something – anything.
"shh, baby," he coo'd, "i'm gonna do whatever i want. and you're gonna take it like a good girl, okay? gonna behave for me for once."
fully crawling on top of you, jungkook went back to making out with you, wrapping your legs around his waist as he began humping against your already soaked cunt.
groaning, he pulled away for a second in favor of nibbling softly at your lip, "oh, this pretty pussy's so fucking soaked already ... thought you hated me, baby, what happened?" he chuckled darkly, giving you no room to answer before shoving his tongue in your mouth.
just as his tongue attempted to suck all air out of you, his hand suddenly snuck between your bodies, finding your cunt with ease and beginning to drag his fingers up and down your folds, not giving you want you needed.
"pretty fucking pussy," he murmured, "gonna play with your clit now, baby. it's gonna cry for me by the time im done."
his fingers found your clit almost immediately, taking turns in rubbing teasing circles over it and hammering in and out of your cunt. he swallowed every single moan, groaning against your lips any time your cries went so high they went straight to his cock.
"that good, pretty? so good that you have to cry for more? oh, baby. you're so lucky this pussy's so fucking cute. lucky i cant control myself around you ..."
"f-faster, please ..."
"faster? oh, like this?", his fingers slowed down drastically, barely stimulating you at all as you cried and clawed at his back, whining for more than he seemed willing to give you.
"n-no! please, just- just wanna cum, kookie. please?"
his fingers curled entirely too well at your cry of his nickname, even making him groan when he felt your own reaction to his fingers. it was clear he liked you crying out for him, so the more you did it, the more of his fingers he gave you, leading you to the verge of an orgasm.
afraid he'd try and deny you just for sadistic means, you cried for him prematurely, begging him to let you cum.
"kookie, p-please, please let me cum, i-i'll do anything. i'll give you anything, just, fuck, please!"
there was not a single care in you about how pathetic and out of character you sounded, not when jungkook's wasnt faring any better at the effect your desperation had on him.
"cum. cum for me, baby. wanna feel that cunt cream around my fingers so i can fill it back up with my own, okay? be good for me and- fuck, and cum ..." as much as he wanted to be in charge and show a dominant side to him, your cunt just kept dragging his fingers back in, making him feel a carnal need to steal your orgasm all for himself and many others after this one.
your hand wrapped around his free wrist, needing it as support as an otherworldly orgasm took over you. back arching and eyes rolling back, you became a sight that jungkook had only ever seen in his most depraved of dreams about you. he was surprised at his cock not bursting upon such an arousing view, making him realize that he needed to fuck you as soon as posible before losing his mind.
despite talking you through your orgasm, jungkook still gave you no time to recover before shoving his tongue in your mouth and grabbing his dick to drag up and down your sensitive folds.
crying against him, you attempted to push him away at first, feeling too sensitive for immediate stimulation, but your body gave up quickly after, melting into the overload of pleasure. tears crowded in your eyes, but your legs wrapped around his waist to pull him closer, needing more of that pressure against your cunt.
taking the hint and far too horny to drag this out any longer, he pushed inside you, groaning against you at the feeling of finally being wrapped around your warmth.
"it's so fucking wet ... oh, fuck. you wanted this so bad, didnt you, baby? fucking soaked and just pulling me in ... it's so- so tight n warm n perfect for me," he babbled, lost in pleasure.
jungkook's hips were restless against yours, an insatiable desire to chase for his pleasure taking over him as the sound of skin slapping made him dizzy. the occasional babble accompanied by a pitiful hiccup that came out of you did not help his situation, making him fear that he might cum before you.
"let- let me just get my finger there- yeah, fuck. just gonna rub that tiny little clit, okay? shit, you just tightened around my cock so fucking good ..." he groaned, thumb circling your clit to accelerate your orgasm.
"g-gonna, fuck, gonna cum ... p-please ... with me? cum with me?" you begged, barely able to get a single coherent word out while jungkook showed no mercy against you.
nodding, he kissed you, promising he'd cum – begging you to cum. counting you down, he whispered against your ear while his hips stuttered messily against your own, now completely overtaken by both yours and his orgasm.
the sounds shared between the two of you were nothing short of shameful, consisting of whines and cries filled with desperation. it was a depraved scene only meant for the two of you to enjoy.
pulling out of you proved to be a challenge, as jungkook would happily remained inside you until his last breath, but the thought of holding you innocently in his arms as you caught your breath was something he did not want to miss out on.
and so he held you against him, crowding your face against his chest so you could lay your head right by his heart.
"that was-"
"yeah," he breathed with a chuckle before turning to you with a boyish smile on his face, "i have a confession to make."
you turned around too, unable to not match his smile, "what is it?"
"i lied earlier. i, uh, i did like you when you were seventeen, but ... i kinda still like you."
it was impossible not to feel your face warm up at this, scrunching up your nose at how cutely he had confessed, "what if i said it was mutual?"
his smile somehow got bigger at that, "then i'd say i'm gonna have to steal you away from my sister," he pulled you into his chest again, enjoying the vibrations of your laugh.
a/n: this was rushed and not proofread sorry</3
#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts x reader#bts imagine#bts oneshot#bts scenario#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagine#jungkook smut
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routledge!reader x rafe, after big john comes back and finds out that both of his kids are dating the camerons, he gets mad, especially at his daughter, cause he thought that she wasn't thinking straight. After a few days, he throws a stupid comment about rafe when they were with the rest of the pogues and reader just snaps at him. pure angst now 🥰 she realises that he's never been a good father, only caring about treasures and yells that she wishes he never came back. Then goes to rafe, crying, for comfort 💕 (i love angst im sorry.)
hold me close
rafe cameron x routledge!reader
warnings: angst, swearing, a kiss, pretty safe !!
authors note: OKAY ik thats trevor n not rafe but erm, we’ll pretend bc that pic is what gives the energy for this oneshot. anyway hii, hope u guys enjoy this one. feel free to send any requests guys! n thank u for 1k followers yesterday. ilyasm <33
you sit in the backyard, the soft hum of cicadas filling the warm night air. the pogues are just behind you, laughing and talking in a huddle. it feels good to see them like this again—normal, for once, after everything.
after the chaos of the last year, of treasure hunts, betrayals, and close calls. you’ve always tried to stay out of it, letting john b and the others chase after the gold while you lived your life. but eventually, you couldn’t stay on the sidelines, not when rafe got involved, not when it became a matter of life and death.
it’s been hard, being stuck between two sides, torn between your brother and your boyfriend. but tonight, you just want peace.
you glance over at your dad, sitting a little ways away from the group, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied grin on his face. big john routledge—alive, after these three years. you still can’t believe it sometimes.
he looks different, a little more worn, a little rougher around the edges, but the way he carries himself hasn’t changed. he’s still larger than life, still full of stories, still your dad. and god, you missed him.
he catches your eye, and for a moment, it’s like nothing has changed. like you’re just a kid again, sitting with your dad, listening to him talk about his crazy ideas, his wild adventures.
“you know,” he starts, leaning forward, “i remember that time you and john b tried to catch that fish out by the dock, and you both fell in. i swear, i thought i was gonna have to drag you two out myself,” he says, chuckling to himself, shaking his head like the memory is some long-lost treasure of its own.
you smile, even though it feels a little bittersweet. “yeah,” you murmur under your breath.
you pull at a piece of grass by your feet, your fingers absentmindedly tearing at it. you’ve waited so long for this moment—for him to come back, for your family to feel whole again.
but now that he’s here, you don’t know what to do with it. you can’t shake the feeling that something’s changed, that he’s not just the dad you remember, but something else entirely. still, you can’t help but feel like the little girl who always looked up to him, who wanted nothing more than to make him proud.
“i never thought we’d see you again,” you mumble, your voice low, barely above a whisper. you don’t look up from the grass, your fingers still picking at the blades, but you can feel his gaze on you.
“i never thought i’d be back either,” he admits quietly. “but i couldn’t stop thinking about you two. every day out there . . . i thought about coming home.”
you scoff softly, a bitter smile pulling at your lips, even though you don’t mean for it to. “but you didn’t,” you say, barely above a whisper. “you didn’t come back for three years.”
he shifts in his seat, his fingers tapping against the arm of the chair. “it wasn’t that simple, y/n,” he says. “i was trying to protect you. there are dangerous people out there, people who want what we’re after. i couldn’t come back until i knew it was safe.”
you nod, but it’s a hollow gesture. you’ve heard it all before from other people—the excuses, the treasure, the danger. it always comes back to that.
you glance at your friends, laughing and sharing stories with each other. you’ve spent so long trying to push this life aside, to live outside of the mess of treasure hunts and betrayals. but it always pulls you back in.
“yeah, you always did put the treasure first,” you murmur as you face forward again. you’re not even sure if you mean to say it out loud. it’s more to yourself, just a thought that’s been living in the back of your mind for too long.
“don’t do that.” he leans forward, his voice soft, almost pleading. “i did it for you and john b,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “for our family. i wanted us to have something—something big, something that would change everything.”
“yeah, but we didn’t need that,” you say, your voice small, but firm. you’re still pulling at the grass, twisting it around your fingers. “we just needed you.”
he doesn’t say anything for a moment. it’s like he’s trying to figure out what to say, but there’s nothing that can fix the years of distance. nothing that can make up for what you lost when he left.
there’s a long silence, and for a moment, you think maybe this is as close as you’ll ever get to understanding each other. you don’t want to fight tonight. you just want to sit with him, to pretend that things could go back to how they were before.
“so,” he starts again, his tone shifting back to playful, like he’s trying to lighten the mood, “you and john b teaming up with the others to chase down treasure? guess it runs in the family.”
you laugh, but it’s a little forced. “yeah, well, i tried to stay out of it. but . . .”
“but what?” he presses, leaning forward with a smirk. “got a little taste of adventure, didn’t you?”
you glance up at the marsh, a faint smile on your lips. “something like that,” you mutter.
but you don’t mention rafe, don’t mention how he’s become a part of this tangled mess, how hard it’s been being caught between him and your family. you’ve already told your dad the day you reunited a few days ago in barbados. didn’t end well that time either. you don’t want to ruin the moment, don’t want to start another fight.
but, as if the universe is reading your mind, your dad shifts the conversation in a way that makes your stomach drop. “just promise me,” he says, suddenly serious, “you won’t let that rafe cameron kid get too close. he’s no good, y/n.”
the words hit you like a slap, and for a moment, you just sit there, staring at him. it takes you a second to process what he’s said, to even understand the casual way he’s dismissed rafe, like it’s nothing. like he’s nothing.
“and i hear john b’s with sarah now, too?” his tone shifts, bitter and disapproving. “so now both of my kids are wrapped up with the camerons. hell of a choice you both made.”
you freeze, your stomach tightening. there it is. you knew it was coming, but it still hits you like a punch to the gut. it’s not the first time he’s made a comment about rafe, and you thought you were doing the right thing confessing what’s changed since you last saw him, but now he’s dragging john b into it, and that makes it worse. so much worse.
“dad,” you start, trying to keep your voice steady, but there’s an edge to it, a warning. “don’t.”
he shakes his head like you’ve said something ridiculous. “no, i am gonna say something. sarah, rafe, they’re cameron’s kids. ward cameron’s kids. you’re smart enough to know better than to get mixed up with people like him. they’re bad news. always have been.”
“yeah, but they’re not like him,” you snap, your voice sharper than you intended. “sarah’s not ward. rafe’s not ward. they’re not their father.”
he just laughs, but there’s no humor in it. it’s harsh. “you really believe that?” he asks, shaking his head again. “they’re camerons. it’s in their blood. you think you’re any safer with rafe than you were without me here? because i’m telling you right now, you’re not.”
you stand up, your hands balled into fists at your sides. you’ve heard enough. for days now, you’ve listened to him make little digs about rafe, about the camerons, and you’ve kept your mouth shut. but tonight, it’s too much. you can’t keep it in anymore.
“three years, dad. three years you were gone, chasing your stupid treasure, while we were stuck here. john b and i had to figure it out on our own. so don’t stand there and act like you have any right to tell me who i should or shouldn’t be with.”
big john looks at you, stunned, like he’s seeing you for the first time. but you’re not done. there’s too much you’ve kept bottled up, and now it’s all spilling out.
“you care more about that gold than you ever did about us,” you say. “you care more about treasure than you do about being a father. you don’t know anything.”
big john’s face hardens, his jaw clenching as he stares at you. “i know enough,” he says, his voice cold. “i know who the camerons are.”
“yeah?” you snap, your voice breaking. “well, maybe if you’d been here, you’d actually know something about me too.”
you turn on your heel, ready to storm off, but the moment you move, you notice it.
the pogues are silent now, all of them watching. sarah, jj, pope, kie—they’re still, their conversations dropped as they stand there, wide-eyed and uneasy. john b, though, he’s just sitting there with his can of beer held low in his hands, lips pressed together. you can tell he’s heard it all before. he’s not going to step in because he knows you need to let it out.
you’re just done with it. you take a step forward, ready to leave this backyard and the suffocating tension behind. but something stops you, a feeling gnawing at your chest, pulling you back. you hesitate, turning just enough to glance at your dad over your shoulder.
he’s still staring at you, his expression set like stone, as if he’s waiting for you to say more, to take it all back, maybe. but you won’t. not now.
your voice wavers, but it’s steady enough. “i wish you never came back.”
his face doesn’t move, but something flickers in his eyes. you don’t wait for him to respond. you turn away for good this time and walk out, leaving the backyard behind.
before you know it, you’re at rafe’s house, your knuckles rapping against the door almost frantically. you pace, glancing down at your phone, watching as the notifications keep coming—texts from john b, a few from kie, and even jj. they're all asking the same thing: ‘ where are you? ’ or ‘ are you okay? ’
you drag your hand down your face, trying to ignore the tightness in your chest. before you can get lost in your thoughts, the door swings open, and there he is.
rafe stands in the doorway, his expression unreadable. he leans against the doorframe for a second, his lips slightly parted, taking you in. you know he’s already pieced together what’s happened from the voice messages you left on the way over. not that he’s the type to acknowledge it with some grand gesture or comforting words.
he doesn’t say anything, but he steps aside without much ceremony. you slip past him and leave your phone in the foyer, tossing it carelessly on the side table as you pass, the pinging of messages finally fading into the background.
you make your way down the hallway, not even sure where you’re going, but your feet carry you to the living room. rafe follows close behind, his presence looming, but not overbearing. his eyes are trained on you, watching as you take in the dimly lit room. there’s a bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table, a glass next to it, already finished. it’s so rafe—quiet, controlled chaos.
you stop, your breath shaky, your chest tight, and before you can hold it back, everything comes spilling out.
“he doesn’t get it, rafe. he just doesn’t fucking get anything,” you start, your voice louder than you intend. you turn to face him, your hands gesturing wildly as you try to make sense of the mess of emotions coursing through you. “i mean, he’s been gone for years, and he comes back, and suddenly he thinks he can just . . . control everything? like he gets to have an opinion about my life after everything he’s done. he doesn't even know me anymore.”
rafes eyes are fixed on you, and he’s listening, letting you get it out. his jaw twitches slightly, but he stays silent, just watching as you unravel in front of him.
“and it’s like . . . it’s like no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, it’s never enough! not for him, not for john b, not for anyone!” your voice cracks, and you press your palms against your temples, trying to hold yourself together, but the tears are already brimming, threatening to spill over. “i didn’t ask for any of this. i didn’t ask to be stuck in the middle of all this shit with my family and you and . . . god, it’s too much.”
you turn away from him, your breath coming out in shallow gasps now as you try to steady yourself. but it’s no use. you’re falling apart, and it feels like the weight of everything is finally crushing you.
before you can say another word, rafe steps forward, his arms sliding around you in one swift motion. “alright, alright, c’mere,” he murmurs, his voice soft but firm. “c’mon.”
you collapse into him, burying your face into his chest, the tears coming freely now. he holds you tight, his chin resting lightly against the top of your head as his hand rubs slow circles on your back.
rafe’s not one for words, and you don’t expect him to be, but this—this is enough. the steady rise and fall of his chest, the way his arms keep you grounded, it’s enough to make the world stop spinning for just a moment.
you don’t say anything else. neither does he. the silence stretches on, but it’s not uncomfortable. for once, you feel like you can breathe.
even though he’s holding you, his mind seems elsewhere—his jaw clenched, muscles rigid beneath the surface. it’s not hard to guess where his thoughts have drifted, especially after everything you told him in those voice messages.
you can tell he’s upset. not just because you’re upset, but because of what your dad said—about him, about his family. his body is stiff as he holds you, and you know him well enough to see the silent anger simmering just beneath the surface. his eyes aren’t on you; they’re somewhere distant, staring past you as if he’s imagining your father’s words in his head.
“i’m sorry about what he said, rafe,” you whisper into his chest, feeling the way his breathing shifts, more shallow now, controlled. “he said something about sarah and john b, too.”
he doesn’t respond right away, but you feel his hand pause against your back, fingers pressing a little harder. for a moment, it feels like he might pull away, but instead, he just tightens his grip on you. his silence speaks volumes. rafe is the type to internalize everything, to let it fester until it boils over, but you can feel it now—the tension thrumming through his entire body.
“doesn’t matter,” he finally mutters, though you can tell by the way his voice is low, that it does. “it’s nothing i haven’t heard before.”
you pull back slightly, just enough to look up at him, and his eyes flick down to meet yours. they’re darker than usual, clouded with frustration, but he still tries to soften his expression for you.
“he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” you say quietly. “he doesn’t know you.”
for a moment, neither of you speaks. rafe’s hand resumes its slow, steady motion against your back, though the tension hasn’t fully left his body. you can feel the war going on inside him—the part of him that’s angry, defensive, but also the part that’s trying to be here for you, to let go of his own frustration long enough to comfort you.
“fuck him,” rafe mutters after a long silence, his voice barely above a whisper. “he doesn’t get to talk about you like that. or me.”
there’s a dangerous edge to his voice now, but you know it’s not directed at you. he’s angry, not just at your dad, but at the situation—the impossible mess you’ve both found yourselves in, caught between your family and his.
“i don’t care what he thinks,” you murmur, holding onto him tighter. “i’m here with you. that’s all that matters.”
he doesn’t respond, but his hand moves to the back of your neck, his fingers curling gently into your hair as he exhales, long and slow, like he’s finally letting go of whatever was eating at him.
for the first time tonight, the room feels quiet as the two of you stand there, wrapped in each other’s arms.
you’re gazing up into his eyes, searching for something—comfort, understanding, maybe a little reassurance. your hands find their way up his shoulders, one resting gently on his collarbone while the other slides higher, rubbing the area around his ear and jaw.
“you know that i love you,” you murmur, your voice soft but steady, as if the confession can dissolve the tension still hanging in the air.
rafe stares down at you, and in that moment, you can see everything in his eyes. he’s never loved anyone more than he loves you—the way you stood your ground against your own dad tonight, defending yourself and defending him and his family. it’s a vulnerable space, one he doesn’t often let himself occupy, but with you, it feels different.
he nods, pressing his lips together as if trying to hold back a flood of emotion. then, with a sudden urgency, he leans down and kisses you deeply. the taste of whiskey lingers on his lips. it’s a kiss that speaks of everything unspoken.
but just as quickly as it begins, he pulls away and presses a soft kiss to your cheek. you close your eyes into the gesture, feeling the warmth of his lips linger against your skin.
rafe goes back to resting his chin on your head, his breath steady as he holds you close again. you breathe in his familiar scent, a mix of sea salt and something distinctly rafe, and let the silence wrap around you like a comforting blanket.
in this moment, nothing else matters. not the fights, not your dad’s harsh words, not the stupid tangled web of family and expectations.
just you and him, together, holding onto each other for as long as you can.
#rafe#rafe cameron#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron outer banks#drew#drew starkey#drew starkey concept#drew starkey smut#drew starkey imagine#drew starkey x you#drew starkey fic#drew starkey blurb#drew starkey fanfiction#drew starkey fanfic#requests!#rafe outer banks#rafe smut#rafe angst#rafe x reader#rafe x you#x reader#rafe fanfiction
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had a dream thati was on a bus to my own concert. before i got off i saw jisung listening to his headphones and he was like ‘listen’. and it was wired earplugs plus big headphones? like he was wearing both at the same time. gave him a gift before running off :P
#then it cut to me and the itzy girlies walking outside to hype up fans then it went back to the bus bit#so ive ran inside to see dream rehearsing in some random corridor and i grab my blue mic and rehears with them#jisung still aint here yet but haechan could see him over the balcony thing and he walks up the stairs sees us then leaves#no idea what that was about#now im on a trial in my own house between me and jisung cuz i thought he was gonna blame me for him not turning up to work#but it was smth about how he never does his hmwk and was busy collecting a power ranger sword and mark got hella angry (was kinda scary ngl)#and he told the judge he’ll speak to jisung#then there was this otber scene with rj and 3 other ppl just watching tv#there was a guy in a gorilla suit like from spongebob trying to get in so i ran to the back ans there was another guy in a suit#gorilla guy 1 had followed me and was blocking my exit so i pretended it was dance time and ended up dancing with both gorilla dudes#i had to make a hand gesture for rj to ring tbe police or smth#yeah the jisung dream repeated like 4 times idk what was goinf on i felt bad#☁️#🦀
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⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Barça Boy
♥ masterlist
♥ pairing: pablo gavi x fem!driver!sainz!reader
♥ synopsis: for as long as you can remember your older brother carlos sainz has been a loyal fan of the football team real madrid. you were an f2 driver who never took your mind off of your own sport; that was until carlos brought you to a barcelona v real madrid game and you fell for a player on the opposing team.
♥ smau - none of the pictures are mine
♥ warnings: swearing and hate comments !!!
liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, and 243,530 more
yourusername I've been kidnapped (not clickbait)
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carlossainz55 I'm literally taking you to a madrid game
yourusername exactly 😔
user60 you should be greatful
user60 I'd kill to have those tickets
user71 she's always so ungrateful 🙄
user80 celebrities that don't know anything about the sport getting shit for free pisses me off
user6 @/user80 pretty sure Carlos payed for the two of their tickets but go off
user56 @/user80 not sure she even counts as a 'celebrity'
user7 NEED me some sombas
user8 im obsessed with their dynamic
user2 the sainz siblings >>>
landonorris @/carlossainz55 take me with you next time
user5 aww carlando dates
user3 gonna need a carlando football landolog asap
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"Could you at least pretend like you're watching?" Carlos said, gazing at you as you scrolled through your phone.
You clicked the device off and slid it into your pocket.
"I'm sorry Carlos I'm just not really as interested in this as you are..." you paused. "I mean if I want to make it into F1 I gotta train right? I should be on the sim right now."
"C'mon," he groaned. "You're a Sainz, of course you're going to make it. Relax a little. Enjoy the game, please?"
You rubbed your eyes and sighed, "I'll try."
You crossed your arms and watched the game unfold. One of the Barcelona players scored a goal and went sprinting past you into a knee slide. He really caught your eye and you couldn't help but watch him the rest of the match.
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by landonorris, fcbarcelona, and 563,649 more
carlossainz55 up for adoption: Y/n. Formula 2 driver and FC Barcelona apologist. Former Sainz.
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fcbarcelona we'll adopt you y/n
yourusername do I get a kit?
pablogavi you can have one of mine
yourusername @/pablogavi 🤭
user9 THE @ IS CRAZY
carlossainz55 😐
user7 GAVIIIII
user5 find yourself a man who will love you even when you wear sunglasses with hot sauce (possibly ketchup?) bottles on them
user8 former sainz 😭
user12 "barcelona apologist" 💀
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liked by pablogavi, fcbarcelona, and 430,594 more
yourusername I guess I'm a culer now. thanks for the kit @/pablogavi it fits perfectly 😘
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✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by yourusername, yourbestfriend, and 947,483 more
pablogavi look who I found
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user6 carlos’ face 😭
user50 thought you were “too busy” for football 😐
user61 no way gavi is settling for her
user2 no bc she’s so pretty 😍
user9 they’re literally the cutest couple
user1 those family reunions are gonna be awkward tho lmao
prema_team its good to see you gavi :)
*liked by original poster*
user12 he’s my favorite wag
liked by pablogavi, olliebearman, and 539,922 more
yourusername signed a contract with ferrari next season. I’ll see you on the grid big bro @/carlossainz55
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pablogavi estoy orgulloso de ti hermosa (I'm proud of you beautiful)
yourusername gracias mi amor
user7 so cute 🥹
user8 if I knew thirsting over him on main worked I woulda tried it years ago 😔
user6 madridista v culer war ferrari edition
user10 “my girlfriend is hotter than you” true 🤷♀️
carlossainz55 congrats or whatever
yourusername you know you love me
#𝒍𝒊𝒗'𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 ౨ৎ#pablo gavi x reader#pablo gavi x y/n#pablo gavi x you#pablo gavi imagine#pablo gavi fluff#gavi x reader#gavi x yn#gavi x you#pablo gavi smau#football smau#footballer x y/n#footballer x reader#footballer imagine#footballer fanfiction#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#formula 1 fanfic#formula one fic#formula one fanfic#f2 imagine#platonic grid x reader#carlos sainz#carlos sainz jr#driver!reader#sainz!reader#fem reader#crossover fic
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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