#im not even sure if everyone i know is safe or not
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bombiikki · 6 hours ago
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𐙚⋆.˚ ────  almost forgot something! °。⋆⸜
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ – non idol!danielle x fem!reader !!
synopsis: you and danielle have been friends for years now, and everyone around you swears there’s romantic tension between the two of you. the love in the air is very real and you two fools just need to kiss already
contains:fluff, both danielle and y/n r oblivious, twotolz being really invested in them, like more than catnipz, hanni has rizz (according to reader), i wrote this half dead, not proofread, kiss???, highschool setting
a/n: sighs this was lazily done and i literally couldve done better but im stcuk so this will suffice like i shouldve scrapped but im positng this anyways! also remember when i said i would write in present tense? I LIED.. past tense it is ig!
♪ ༘⋆ now playing – kiss her you fool by kids that fly
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for as long as anyone could remember, you and danielle were attached at the hip, the bestest of friends. wherever you went, she followed and vice versa. danielle was your best friend, as you were hers. there was nothing more to your friendship, until there was.
a few months ago, you had the sudden realisation that you always wanted to be by danielle’s side. that wasn’t brand news to you, but the feelings behind it was the sudden realisation. you found yourself fawning over your friend, noticing how your heart would race around her. however, this sudden realisation wasn’t very sudden to your friends.
“so, you like dani?” minji tried confirming with you for the nth time, the others chuckling in the back. 
“honestly, i’m surprised it took you this long to figure that out,” hanni sneered.
it seemed your group of friends had clearly anticipated the moment you confessed your crush on danielle to them. and, it seemed they had a mission to utterly humiliate you as they fed you delusions.
“she literally likes you back. just ask her out already before we all rip out our eyeballs,” hyein insisted and you swore you even saw her eye twitch. “watching this slow burn literally burns,” haerin continued.
you were never convinced. danielle was just nice like that! so what if she held your hand to class, she was just a touchy gal!
“SHE CLEARLY LIKES YOU BACK! KISS HER ALREADY YOU IMBECILE,” hyein would scream into your face, shaking you by the shoulders.
and every time they would spit this nonsense in your face, you would end up rolling your eyes with a small “whatever.”
as the bell went at the end of school, you found yourself walking out of class with danielle by your side. the both of you had just been paired up for a project and danielle was already pouring ideas out onto you.
“so, where do you want to do the project?” danielle asked. “definitely at your place. you always have the best stashes of snacks,” you grinned. danielle rolled her eyes. “only coming over for the snacks? that’s real rude of you y/n,” she chuckled teasingly.
you continued to joke with danielle before saying goodbye at the school entrance.
“i’ll come over in about an hour. i gotta wash up ‘cause i am tired as hell,” you exhaled.
danielle looked into your eyes and all you could do was get lost in them. the way her eyes lit up like fireworks made something squirm in your stomach, and you weren’t sure if this was a good feeling. looking into her eyes made you feel so safe and so… loved. sometimes, it hurt knowing she only saw you as a friend.
you took a step back, knowing if you kept staring into her eyes you might get lost for real. danielle waved goodbye as you walked away. she smiled brightly as you waved back. 
“i’ll save you your favourites!”
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both you and dani were spread out across her bed. you were getting extra comfortable, lying on the mattress with your favourite chips on the side. you made sure to not get crumbs on the bed as you watched dani furrowed her brows with whatever she had in front of her.
“you know, if we fail, i’m so blaming you,” you casually joked, watching dani raise her head and flinch back in betrayal.
“excuse me! i’m the one doing all the work right now. you’re just here for the snacks.” danielle pouted.
you grinned back at her as you sat up. “hey, i am not here just for the snacks. plus, you’d be lost without me.” 
“sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.” danielle mumbled back. “it does help me sleep at night, thank you very much!”
you both started giggling. it always felt nice to spend time with danielle. listening to her giggle was like feeling the warmth of the sun on a clear day.
the two of you continued to chuckle between yourselves before danielle furrowed her brows once more. 
“hey, y/n? could you help me with this question? i’m sort of stuck,” she asked you. 
you looked at the question she was pointing at before getting up from the bed.
“i’ll just go wash my fingers first. don’t want to hand back the question sheet with chip dust all over it,” you said swiftly. you heard danielle chuckle to herself as you went to the bathroom. 
you’ve been over to danielle’s house so many times, it feels like a second home. everything about danielle is so comforting and it makes you feel warm inside. you hoped that maybe you could always be by her side, to comfort her as she comforts you.
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“so, y/n, how was sleeping over at dani’s place?” hyein inquired, raising her eyebrows. 
“how’d you know about that?” you asked, as someone came over to grab your arm. you already knew who decided to wrap their arms around your own, yet you looked anyway.
danielle looked right into your eyes, the space between the two of you was nearly non-existent. you watched her eyes as they looked into your own then.. to your lips? you weren’t sure if you were seeing what was right in front of you correctly. danielle was the first to break eye contact.
“how’d you know about what?” danielle asked, smiling at hyein.
“no. no no. what was that?” minji interjected out of nowhere, pointing at you and dani. “what was what?” you laughed nervously. was it hot? it seems to be getting even hotter here.
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minji just hummed, slowly nodding her head but watching you and danielle with a stink eye. you rolled your eyes in response as you recognised both hanni and haerin walking towards the group. they were both snickering between each other, looking at something on hanni’s phone.
it was when they both looked at you with grins that you knew it wasn’t anything good. 
“a little birdie dropped a photo of you last night y/n!” hanni snickered, showing you a photo of yourself sprawled out on danielle’s bed. you were lying on top of some papers and still had a pen in hand. 
you felt danielle let go of your arm as haerin chuckled on the side. you suddenly missed the warmth at your side and so you turned your head sharply towards danielle as she looked away quickly, pretending to look busy. she had her hand behind her neck, avoiding all eye contact with you but she was wearing this big smile on her face.
“has the school lawn always looked so green?”
you flicked at danielle’s temple, watching her poke out her tongue in a smile. you watched her with a smile as the morning sun hit her face at the right angle. she looked so beautiful. you knew there were four pairs of eyes eyeing both you and danielle intensely, but that didn’t stop you from admiring your friend.
hyein suddenly wrapped her arms around both your and danielle’s shoulders. 
“okay! now, you may kiss the bride!” she exclaimed, leaving both you and danielle startled and flushed.
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you and danielle sat side by side, surrounded by books. this time around, you both decided to work in the library.
“ok, so, i think for the project we should set it up like this,” danielle explained, showing you examples on her laptop while jotting some notes down in a notebook. you nodded in agreement, giving danielle some of your own notes and ideas.
the two of you work well together, as if you both shared the same brain. you both fed each other ideas and ran with it. it was natural for the two of you, being able to connect and then lock in.
danielle put her pen down to type something on her computer, you writing something down in the meantime. as danielle went to reach for her pen again, she accidentally knocked it down. you noticed the pen fall from your peripheral vision and so went down to reach for it. danielle went to grab her pen as well, her hand colliding with yours for a brief moment. 
you both freeze. you’ve touched hands before, even held hands. so why was this any different? touching her hand sent a shock through your body—traveling from your hand all the way up your spine. 
you turned your head to look at danielle before taking back your hand, letting her pick up her pen.
“um, sorry,” you muttered, holding your hand. danielle flashed you a smile before reassuring you that it’s fine.
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you were lying down on a patch of grass, looking up to the clear skies above you. you could hear minji and hanni bickering about something, but you didn’t pay much attention to it. all you knew was that danielle wasn’t here, she was stuck in one of her classes and so you were left missing her during lunch.
“so, what are you gonna do?” hyein said, poking at your shoulder. “do about what?” “you know, your big crush on dani!” you quickly sat up to cover her mouth, looking around cautiously before you took your hand off her mouth.
hyein looked at you with a pout as you glared at her.
“no ‘cause i agree with hyein. when are you going to make a move?” haerin interjected. you opened up your mouth to say something, before closing it momentarily.
“she’s just a friend,” you said with a nod. 
you watched as hanni and minji slowly stopped bickering, opening their ears to your conversation.
“that’s exactly what adrien said about marinette, now look at them,” hanni exclaimed, pointing her finger at you. 
“who?”
“the dumb blonde and the blue haired girl from miraculous ladybug.”
“ooohh..”
“no, seriously though. do you plan on making a move?” hanni asked curiously. you looked at her and shrugged your shoulders.
“i mean, i think i’m just gonna wait this out,” you reply with a heavy sigh.
“excuses i hear,” hyein continued to pout. you smacked her arm with a frown. “hey, i’m just sayin’! she’s probably thinking the same as you! you could totally make a move and get her hand in marriage or whatever,” hyein smiled.
“man, you gotta start respecting your elders,” you snorted while poking hyein aggressively, making her squirm and giggle. “what do i even say if i hypothetically ask her out?” you questioned.
minji raised her finger as if a light bulb went off in her head. “you could tell her you think she’s cool!” she said confidently. “that i think she’s cool?” “yep!” “that’s a stupid idea.” “now look at who's talking about respecting their elders.”
“y/n!” you heard a familiar voice yell out. you turned to look at danielle running towards you and the others. “what are you guys talking about?” danielle beamed, immediately sitting next to you and holding onto your arm.
“nothing important, it’s ok,” you said in response, earning a few judgey glances from the others.
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you sat quietly in danielle’s bedroom once more. this time, you were very awake and you made sure not to fall asleep on the papers again. maybe it was just you, but you could feel this tension rising between you and danielle, and it freaked you out. you weren’t sure when it started, but suddenly the two of you have been more awkward around each other.
you raise your head from your notes to look at danielle, noticing that she was already looking at you with such concentration you couldn’t describe in words. she quickly glanced away when you made eye contact with her, a slight pink tinting her cheeks.
you both continued to work in silence for the next hour before you decided that this was enough work for today. you got up from the bed as danielle walked you down to the front door.
you opened the front door before turning back to face danielle. you looked into her eyes, and there was something behind those eyes you couldn’t quite make out. danielle was looking at you with eyes so soft. it seemed so affectionate, and it pierced your heart.
“what is it? do i have something on my face?” you chuckled nervously. danielle was in such a trance, it was almost like she didn’t hear the words that came out of your lips.
“huh? oh, no you don’t have anything on your face. i just.. i was thinking of how well we’re doing on the project!” danielle said hesitantly, flashing a bright smile. 
you smiled back before pressing your lips together and walking out the front door. you turned back to look at danielle and waved goodbye before walking off.
you heard the door to danielle’s house close, before you went to fumble your phone out of your bag. you scrolled through your contacts before calling hanni.
“y/n?” she said in concern.
“i need help! i don’t know what happened but there was something in the air and i fear i may have fumbled..” you said all in one go. you let out a big sigh before continuing. “i think i messed up a chance there, hanni.”
“dude, if you don’t call her and tell her you forgot something i might jump you. take your chance,  mate,” hanni advised.
you felt your world stop, not hearing another word that came out of your phone. you? take your chance? with danielle? you know you had just called hanni to tell her that you messed up your chance, but it was still nerve wracking to think about making a move.
“y/n? hello? are you ok?” hanni asked with a lace of concern in her voice.
“do you think i have a chance?” you asked hesitantly.
“yes, you do. now go kiss her or whatever,” you heard her chuckle through the phone. “wait, before you do, why’d you call me? do i just have an overwhelming amount of rizz?” she snorted.
“don’t tell the other’s i said this, but yes,” you chuckle. you could hear hanni smile through the phone before she ushered you to go and call danielle.
the phone rang with danielle’s name on the screen.
“hello? y/n? what’s up?” you heard her say, her voice like honey in your ears.
“hey, dani! i, um, i think i forgot something at your place. could you wait for me at the front?” you asked softly. 
when danielle gave you the affirmative, you turned on your heel and began to run towards danielle’s house. you ran up to the gate of her house before coming face to face with her.
“so, what did you forget that you had to run back here?” danielle chuckled.
you didn’t say anything, only looked into her eyes as you tried regaining your breath. you inhaled a big whiff of air before exhaling, danielle now looking at you with concern.
“y/n, are you feeling ok?” she questioned.
you gave her a big nod before speaking. “i just.. i almost forgot something important!” you smiled.
you swiftly brought your hands to cradle danielle’s face, and you felt her lean ever so slightly into your touch. you quickly left a kiss on her cheek, watching her eyes widen as her cheeks began to flush. you could feel your own cheeks grow warm as you let go of danielle’s face. you stepped back onto your heel.
“um, bye dani! see you.. later!!” you blurted before dashing off.
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hanni
hanni sooo how was it? y/n HORRIBLE I KISSED HER ON THE CHEEK hanniWHAT y/n THEN I RAN AWAY 😭 did i fumble yes or no hanni noooo i mean it could turn out ok! how did she react? y/n… i dont rememerb… hanni U FUMBLER 💀 y/n wait sm1s at the door brb
you walked through your house and towards your front door, opening it to reveal a very familiar face.
“danielle! um, what—what are you doing here?” you stuttered. you watched as danielle heaved and heaved, clearly catching her breath.
did she run to your house? why would she do that? did she run to you to reject you? different thoughts continued to race through your mind before danielle began to smile.
“i, um, i almost forgot something!” she beamed before rising to her toes.
danielle held cradled your face like you did before to her. you could feel her breath on your lips.
“we’re both such forgetful people,” you murmur. you heard danielle hum in agreement before she closed the space between the both of you.
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thorns-and-rosewings · 1 day ago
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Okay I have been stewing on this all day and I will just add my thoughts here...
Now take my opinion with a grain of salt, I'm just a nobody who watches and loves the shows. I don't have a crystal ball to know the future, but I would hope that I am capable of looking at things rationally and logically.
Firstly, Im not sure that this is necessarily the 'end' of the Lunar and Earth Show for one specific reason.
This has ALWAYS been a bridge the characters were gonna have to cross...
Pretty much from when we first met Gemini, they have said that Lunar might have to leave and become an Astral. So... Whatever is going to occur has long been planned.
Do I think Lunar is going to leave? Eh...
I give it a 50/50 chance...
Just given everything that has been happening for Lunar in his life, he might leave to try and keep his family safe. Or to find a purpose in his life which he feels he currently lacks... Or believing that he's hurt his family enough, such as the case with Earth. But what life would he have? Gemini has become icy towards him courtesy of the latest episode, pretty clear they now view him as an investment more than even a friend... Leo clearly still hates him even if we haven't met him yet.
And even if Lunar leaves, Rez and Kerian are still on earth and are presumably not going anywhere. Maybe Kerian would follow Lunar, but Rez won't and that's a big threat to the family... Not to mention the Creator when he gets unleashed.
Now playing devil's advocate for a sec and assuming he leaves, what would happen? There's several options here...
The show just ends... Now this is HIGHLY unlikely. But it's understandable that everyone jumps on this bandwagon, given how we have just lost two wonderful VA's amongst the shows. But hypothetically if Lunar goes with the Astrals, they will just replace him as a main character.
Would it be permanent though?
We could have Lunar leave for a month and then come back... Even though they said that wouldn't be possible, who knows what is actually planned.
As for who would replace him. I know that everyone would automatically assume Davis and that is certainly possible... But I think it's unlikely. The reason? Davis plays HOW MANY CHARACTERS?! I know he plays Solar normally but I don't know if he could do ANOTHER show. I mean it's possible... But unlikely.
Also one thing that makes the show ending unlikely is because we just got introduced to a new character in Kerian and his interactions with Lunar get lots of views.
A lot of things do boil down to what is the best move financially, these shows are run by a company after all. LAES is pretty popular and gets lots of views. So one needs to take that into account.
Due to that I don't think we're going to get a 'Lunar says Goodbye' episode... Although it's still in the cards.
Personally... I think Lunar might just close the book on the Astrals and move on. Him choosing his family over the powers forever. That move would make the most sense. Although it would result in the Astral storyline ending. At least in its main part. But it would also probably allow the writers to explore different stories with the characters, possibly some more whimsical and happy stories and just a little less angst.
Who knows, I sure don't...
But what I do know is I trust the writers to do what they think is best and I will accept whatever they choose to do.
...that's all I got y'all...
THE LUNAR AND EARTH SHOW WILL BE GONE SOON. ITS HINTED
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A lot of the TSBS shows have been dying and gettIng rebranded with new characters. Since the latest LAES episode, lunar will have to make a choice either he gets his powers back but then he has to leave earth or he doesn’t get his powers back. this is hinting that the main character will probably go away and the show is gonna be rebranded. Probably it will be renamed as the THE SOLAR AND EARTH SHOW or THE EARTH AND SOLAR SHOW, which I predict it will be from watching the live stream. But we’ll have to wait and see.
Hmmm…. Perhaps Timer (if you don’t who he is, he was introduced from the episode where Sun and moon travel back in time and stuck in loop, go watch it.) could help? He’s the god of time! 💫⌛️
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crashdown · 6 months ago
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i'm just so tired of every summer being a shitshow. i grew up going to jasper every second weekend in the winter, i love that town. i know people who live there, people who are displaced currently and who might not have houses after tonight. i remember the fort mac fire in 2016 and how devastating that was, and now we're seeing that in multiples across the province every year to the point where there's almost no room to grieve over every single one of them
i am so sick of people not caring until the smoke hits them. i am so sick of people saying trudeau is ordering the fires when daniel smith is RIGHT there, when she cut funding to firefighters during a province wide state of emergency. i'm so lucky to live far enough away from the forest protection area that i don't have to worry about being evacuated or losing my home, but there have been moments where i've wondered if i should pack a bag
my grandfather has copd and has to live in this smoke. i'm scared of what breathing in this much smoke is doing to my own lungs, let alone the lungs of infants, the elderly, and those with respiratory illnesses. i cannot fathom how people can live in alberta and not take the climate change issue seriously. this isn't going to stop anytime soon. this year, fire season started earlier than i think it ever has. it's just gonna get worse.
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arrowheadedbitch · 5 months ago
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Thinking about the episode where Nessie Jr hatches and how Colonel Baird assumes that Ezekiel is goofing off so she gives him a job to do and he keeps trying to get that job out of the way as fast as he can so he can go back to the very important job he was doing.
There's so much to be said about that part of the episode!
The way colonel baird assumes he's goofing off, the way he doesn't even try to defend himself until after he's already finished the thing she was stopping him from doing, the way he only explains why he was on his phone after she's already scolded him multiple times, the way he HACKED a GOVERNMENT SATALITE from his CELL PHONE, the way he genuinely cares about the egg despite it being dumped on him because of the assumption that he isn't working on something worthwhile, the way he's genuinely upset that he almost killed the egg by accident, the way he doesn't realise a bunsen burner will kill the baby but knows how to HACK a SATALITE from his CELL PHONE, the way he doesn't really care that Baird kept him away from his important work because of an assumption, the way he never tries to curb her assumption, the way he's only annoyed and really only mildly scolds her for making him take longer to figure out the other's were in big trouble, the way that this episode deeply effects how Baird sees Ezekiel, there's just so much to be said
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daily-hanamura · 1 year ago
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loosenedinsanity · 2 days ago
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OMG YOU SEE MY VISION RIGHT?? like i see the jayce earthbender vision but i also feel like if you really look into jayce's character he's all about keeping people safe and warmth and he's got a fire in him thats hard to douse, you even see it in s2 with the flames surrounding mel and then viktor
that scene internalizes him conflict SO BADLY because he wants to get back but he doesnt know how to do it without becoming a monster (heh epic reference) so thats why i think hes best suited for firebending
ALSO THE FORGE OFC its an excuse to write jayce pounding away at metal because i admire fire workers SO MUCH. like kai, jayce, mako and everyone else im missing you are my kings
and i totally see it as like viktor being a waterbender and having to go down bloodbending because once again he wants to use what he has to heal and save lives but the world is not a good place and he has to harm people with it
because while he's completely able to heal others he cant heal his leg and no one really trusts him even though hes a super powerful bender his connection to the spiritual side of himself?? super strong but because of his appearance people just judge him immediately
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE WAR WITH THE FIRE NATION?? JAYCE HAVING TO LIKE DOUBLE TAKE AT VIKTOR AND BE LIKE "damn he fine NO HE THE ENEMY TF??" and viktor absolutely hating the fire nation for crippling him
and the reason i dont say viktor was born crippled is because i dont see anything up with the water tribes like theres no pollution nothing that could really get viktor sick aside from like pneumonia or smth so i just think it would be fitting to have the fire nation raid be the reason his parents (both highly skilled water benders) died and left him to live with his younger brother miguel (HYDRATED VIKTOR MY SHAYLA)
anyways THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT??? IM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR TAKE AND IF I EVER USE SOME OF YOUR IDEAS ILL BE SURE TO TAG YOU!! THANK YOU SM MWAH ❤️❤️❤️
what do we think of avatar the last airbender/the legend of korra arcane fic??
DO YOU SEE JAYCE AS A FIREBENDER?? (doomed to love too fast and be hurt too slow) DO YOU SEE MT VISION FOR VIKTOR AS A WATERBENDER?? (able to heal everyone but himself)
DO YOU SEE IT?? IVE ALREADY WRITTEN HALF OF CHAPTER ONE YOU CANT STOP ME!!
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berryblu-soda · 8 months ago
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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davlucies · 11 months ago
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taako rescuing lucretia frfom the depression nexus because otherwise there's no way he and lup can pull off this prank 🌶
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lionblaze03-2 · 10 months ago
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Hate that I can prettymuch never move to any better country than America (Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc) because they all hate people with autism and if you even have it they don’t let you in. Because they need all the disabled slots for the people born there, why would they take EXTRA ‘useless’ people, duhhh LIKE IM NOT USELESS I’m really good at organizing I’m not a massive burden to take on just because I cry sometimes my benefits and burdens kind of even out PLEASE guys. I don’t want to be stuck here during project 2025 onward
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lanibgoode · 6 months ago
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fardf150 · 7 months ago
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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dream-sans-mogai · 9 months ago
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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...
They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.
I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...
If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.
#clover speaks#clover vents#its ok they said just do whats best for you they said#and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me#and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass#it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap#its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice#they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards#even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me#its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder#i get the look aways and the silence#they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to#i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE#FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON#IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS#i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what#im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose#as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot#fuck allistic people man#im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe#im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it#no matter what i do or how much i try to express it#i feel things i love people im not a robot#this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any#i dont want or need any more allistic judgement
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ratgingi · 1 year ago
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thinking abt the fact that every doctor and therapy place ive gone to around here has asked what my preferred name and pronouns were righr off the bat amd i might just cry
#im just so not used to it its so nice i remember being so scared coming up here bc i was told everyone was mega religious-#-and all the house parents immediately switched to using the name and pronouns i like when they found out#and even at my school which is literally a church school thing for young women they all call me jack and use he/him and mr for me#the other day when i went out for food with loki + the houseparent + one of our other housemates there was a guy who was opening-#-the door for his wife#and ms michelle was like girls you need to make sure you get a boyfriend who does that. and jack you better do that for your boyfriend#and i akmost cried it doesnt seem like that big a deal but like it was like in her mind i wasnt under the girls umbrella i was boy#and i jsut i justjhmhmmfngmdbgme gndbg#diversity win the transboy is thriving#everyone is just so accepting and supportive and they slip up sometimes but tjey just correct themselves and move on and i jsut#god im literally so happy here#nearly everyone in my family was the complete and total opposite they told me i wasnt actually a guy they told me i never would be to them#that theyd never stop calling me princess or babygirl or introducing me as their daughter/niece#or theyd say they supported me and then never actually like. use my name or pronouns even when it was safe to do so#and i got so used to accepting it that now that im around people whp do every time someone does i light up like a christmas tree#there was a short time where i thought i might not actually be trans anymore bc i got so used to being misgendered and deadnamed-#-that it didnt really like. effect me anymore. i kinda just went well that sucks and moved on#but now i know that i am because i cannot even begin to explain the gender euphoria i get around here#i come down dressed in skirts and thighhighs and pink and chokers and theyre like hello mr jack you look cute today :-)#and it just feels so great#dialogue
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year ago
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even does know what plants are though. (as per doctor who canon, the way ships manage to keep oxygen on long voyages is via having literal forests in them. now, nothing to that extent, obviously, they weren’t that well-equipped or funded. but there’s definitely plants In There, probably relegated to a much more ordered existence, think the difference between a natural forest and one grown for logging.) at least they have that. they have seen plants. not often, but they have.
i don’t think they really understand plants beyond their functions (to eat, keep everyone breathing, etc.) whereas with natural beauties and animals and other such things that even has no experience with and can wonder over, they can’t really. do that with plants. the ability to admire a flower rather than immediately think of it in terms of resources lost and gained in its creation is a skill they have to learn.
but you know. at least they have seen them. that’s something. that’s slightly less depressing, right.
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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im always like wistfully sighing one day i will live with somebody who loves me and we'll cook together and itll be so romantic and then i remember when i was a kid and my mom would force me to let my sibling help me bake and id get so mad that i considered fratricide
#in my head cooking is a very nice calming thing however every time i Actually cook its like a fucking battlefield its genuinely dire#its entirely my fault bc i always turn the heat up so high and then i get stressed bc im like ITS COOKING TOO FAST ITS BURNING AND THE#MIDDLE ISNT EVEN COOKED and its like . yeah man bc you have the heat full blastt 😭😭but if i have it low im like This is taking too long.#even worse if im cooking a dish/meal that has multiple components and i need 2 be prepping one thing while another thing is cooking#and they all have different cook times so i have to make sure they all get done around the same time. it does make me cry a lot#one day. i will have my own house where i feel safe and i can cook and learn how 2 cook in a way that doesnt make me burst into tears#one time. evil. at home i was just gonna make myself pancakes 4 dinner and then my entire family was like is for me? so i had 2 make pancak#s for everyone meaning i had 2 make Good pancakes bc idm if my pancakes r a little burnt or whatever and ik my family doesnt either#but in my head im like If i give my family burnt pancakes they will hate me until the day i fucking die#so i was already stressed bc it went from making like 5 silver dollars to like 30 and the first 2 patches were burnt and everybody was#running around and it was So hot and then the smoke alarm came on and we had just moved in so i didnt know where it was to turn it off so i#just sat down on the floor and started sobbing LOL#my mom finished the pancakes thank gd. but basically it was very scary and i Want to learn how 2 cook but i fink it needs to be#cooking for only me until i feel comfortable cooking more food at a time#bc making a lot of food stresses me out to much As seen above.
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softness-and-shattering · 6 days ago
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This isnt exactly related, but Im reminded of like a corner-grocery-store guy in intense heat who basically gave me a free juice when I realised I had no cash - said I could pay him back next time, I said Im not usually in this area, he said pay me back next time. Possibly also water, I dont remember the specifics. Just that it was like 35C+ and he saw someone who needed a drink and decided that was more important than the few dollars he couldve made from me.
When you treat someone like a human worth and deserving of what they need, when you extend that kindness and grace to people, they remember. It means everything. To forgo all the rules and how things are supposed to work, and look at a person and say, you need help and I can provide so I will.
There was a restaurant the same summer with like a greeter person at the door, who let me in to use the bathroom and fill my water bottle without having to buy anything. It MATTERS.
We're all - by chance or fate or luck or Gd - all on this planet together at the same time. We make the culture, we make the experience for ourselves and others by what we choose. Make it a gentle, kind, respectful experience wherever you can. We're all just people trying to get through the month the day the hour, and statistically youre probably always running into people having a worse day than you. Be kind whenever you can.
And to yall who are, thank you. Thats the work, thats the point. Thank you. ❤
Love local coffee shops. your “refugees are welcome here” sign goes really well with the one that says “bathrooms are for paying customers only”
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