#im not even sure if everyone i know is safe or not | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

crashdown · 4 months ago

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i'm just so tired of every summer being a shitshow. i grew up going to jasper every second weekend in the winter, i love that town. i know people who live there, people who are displaced currently and who might not have houses after tonight. i remember the fort mac fire in 2016 and how devastating that was, and now we're seeing that in multiples across the province every year to the point where there's almost no room to grieve over every single one of them

i am so sick of people not caring until the smoke hits them. i am so sick of people saying trudeau is ordering the fires when daniel smith is RIGHT there, when she cut funding to firefighters during a province wide state of emergency. i'm so lucky to live far enough away from the forest protection area that i don't have to worry about being evacuated or losing my home, but there have been moments where i've wondered if i should pack a bag

my grandfather has copd and has to live in this smoke. i'm scared of what breathing in this much smoke is doing to my own lungs, let alone the lungs of infants, the elderly, and those with respiratory illnesses. i cannot fathom how people can live in alberta and not take the climate change issue seriously. this isn't going to stop anytime soon. this year, fire season started earlier than i think it ever has. it's just gonna get worse.

#sorry for the rant im just. AHHHHH #ive been texting my friend whose been evacuated and i'm having big feelings about it #the fire is at the edge of town and i dont think they'll be able to stop it #im not even sure if everyone i know is safe or not #i am so wildly stressed out and angry #alberta wildfires #jasper national park

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arrowheadedbitch · 3 months ago

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Thinking about the episode where Nessie Jr hatches and how Colonel Baird assumes that Ezekiel is goofing off so she gives him a job to do and he keeps trying to get that job out of the way as fast as he can so he can go back to the very important job he was doing.

There's so much to be said about that part of the episode!

The way colonel baird assumes he's goofing off, the way he doesn't even try to defend himself until after he's already finished the thing she was stopping him from doing, the way he only explains why he was on his phone after she's already scolded him multiple times, the way he HACKED a GOVERNMENT SATALITE from his CELL PHONE, the way he genuinely cares about the egg despite it being dumped on him because of the assumption that he isn't working on something worthwhile, the way he's genuinely upset that he almost killed the egg by accident, the way he doesn't realise a bunsen burner will kill the baby but knows how to HACK a SATALITE from his CELL PHONE, the way he doesn't really care that Baird kept him away from his important work because of an assumption, the way he never tries to curb her assumption, the way he's only annoyed and really only mildly scolds her for making him take longer to figure out the other's were in big trouble, the way that this episode deeply effects how Baird sees Ezekiel, there's just so much to be said

#ezekiel thrives off of these types of assumptions of him #he knows he cant be upset with her for assuming hes goofing off because she thinks that by his own design #he goes out of his way to make a facade of himself everyone will fall foe #so hes not upset that she fell for it #but he is a little upset that they could have saved the others sooner if shed just let him be #i think him not even trying to defend himself until hes already done says so much about him #like she made him get off his phone like three times and not once did he explain “actually im doing important work on here to make sure our #friends are safe“#not once did he refuse to do the job she gave him #do you think he never told her until after because he thought she wouldnt believe him #he didnt get the chance #he didnt think of it #or he just didnt care enough to tell her #did he think he needed proof in the form of it being done?#did he worry about it making her feel bad if she knew she made a false assumption about him that made his work harder?#was he trying to keep up his facade for as long as he could? only to let it fall when he knew for sure the other librarians were likely in #danger?#like i said #so much to be said here #ezekiel jones #eve baird #nessie #nessie jr #the librarians

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daily-hanamura · 1 year ago

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#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #yosuke in dad mood looking out for his friends making sure everyone gets home safe #like LISTEN hes the one that initiated this trip but hes also just #im insane for how he and yu and kanji just standing by the side watching the others #im insane when i think about this scene in conjunction with his shadow saying that he just wants to be surrounded by people #i feel like he and yu especially understand what it's like to be surrounded by people but not quite feeling like they were a part of them #just an outsider looking in #but it doesnt bother him as much/anymore #because he knows he isnt because he knows kanji and yu especially get him and even if he tries to pull away his friends wont let him!!#and he in turn just wants to look after them too #he's good with his queue

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tamagotchikgs · 19 days ago

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i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper

#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose #why is that thang genuinely V #<#>#^#every direction sniffin #i want to bury my face in things and not impale them #i hate the way it looks when i smile #somehow it gets even bigger #and more downturned #and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change #im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed #its like it being a secret keeps me safe #even though everyone can see my body anyway #if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me #what if the number makes them see me differently #what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine #what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me #i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified #i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday #every time i look at myself im different #n im worse #and no matter how much i suffer its never happy #im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating #i just want to be different i want to be anything else #i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world #ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that #i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on #im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am #ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked

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beaulesbian · 2 years ago

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They may call it a Summer palace, but it’s actually three different structures joined together. The cathedral is at the top. No way in there except from the palace itself. Below that, the whole place is a maze of secret passages, easy to get lost in. And it’s all built atop a sealed temple to the Old Gods.

#i just want to know more about the connection of this circulum and the summer palace #because it was 'crafted there' and by 'amelia pavus' !!!#the palace is built on top of a temple of old gods - dragons #and they kept a dragon frozen there until the last resort trap wakes him to kill everyone in the palace!!#it began with dragons and ends with them #dragon age #dragonageedit #dragon age absolution #daedit #dragon age absolution spoilers #rezaren ammosine #rezaren dragon age #tassia dragon age #and then how did the divine come to the circulum? did he got it from the pavus family? 'it was lost in politics and history'#and then someone who 'seeks it'!! which is also cassandra the seeker (possibly to keep it safe from wrong hands)#i just hope either s2 or da4 will touch upon this bc it seems even more connected to dragons finally and if now they let this dragon go-#i have this small hope that in da4 the dragons could become more.. friends with whoever will be the main character then #its called dragon age ffs.. let me befriend them OTL #im sure theres gonna be some connection between this artifact (or what comes after this story) the dragons as first gods and solas and elves #mine #gif:da #daa spoilers

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berryblu-soda · 5 months ago

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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly #our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd #also oh goshhhh #so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway #my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car #but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me #last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed #no seatbelt for her obviously #she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair #i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha #i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever #half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye #dammit im crying now hahaha #saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo #but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently #that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age #it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral #did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think #a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around #now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha #freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!

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davlucies · 8 months ago

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taako rescuing lucretia frfom the depression nexus because otherwise there's no way he and lup can pull off this prank 🌶

#taako #lucretia #taz balance #stolen century #comic #negative self talk cw #referenced abuse cw #very much inspired by how badly i spiraled recently after someone i don't even know projected a ton of weird shit on me #they insulted me with the exact kind of language my family used towards me as a kid and i was like oh my abusers were right #everyone does hate me i should die there is no good in the world all other people will hurt me i will never be safe #i love being mentally ill and so fragile and depressed shit like that fucks me up so badly but yeah #i dont have any hope. it will never get better. people will always hate me and insult me and trigger me on purpose bc #im not a human to them.. rhere's nothing i can to do keep people like that away from me as long as im alive #we live in a terrible world #but at least davenport's eating that hot sauce cookie for sure now. he won't suspect a thing

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minhmynchi · 7 days ago

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its 4 am and well, im not doomscrolling but i have thoughts lol... i should turn them off and go back to sleep

#minhmy rambles #for the record right now im completely fine like. im not gonna let this stupid orange stop me #thankfully im relatively safe in my state and im so so glad for it but y'know. you never know #but yesterday i was busy w work and also loads of other things like Being Sick so didn't have the mental fortitude to keep up w everything #and i think its helped me like. im not gonna dwell on it. i shouldn't. yeah things Suck but id rather live my life day by day and Not/#self-destruct over it. and this is just me as well. ik everyone else is freaking out and you all have a right to. i just have to keep going #like its not me trying to be callous or y'know high and mighty for feeling better over it than others i don't wanna come off like that but.#i just feel safe here in hawaii things obvs still suck like i said and things can get worse esp for us but i feel safe here ill be ok #and i worry for my friends and everyone whose lives are impacted way more strongly than me and have a lot to worry about #like it could just be me being ignorant. or whatever. but i know everything is bad i just can't let it affect me rn #me rambling as if someones gonna read this and judge me so harshly...!!!#but its just the truth. im sad for everyone but i can keep going and so should you. i have so much to live for and if the only reason you/#have now is spite then you should do it. hey maybe someone will successfully kill the guy. instead of missing. but once these 4 years/#of hell are over we won't have him again. it might be even worse then #like in terms of presidential canididates. i know this. but its okay itll be okay #and i cant ask that ppl will adopt the same attitude as me lol i know im an outlier for sure but. its gonna be okay regardless #ill be okay despite being afab poc and Also autistic (ig i shouldn't look to getting a diagnosis yet which sucks..) but i'll Be Okay #and i hope everyone else will be too; in time.

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lionblaze03-2 · 7 months ago

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Hate that I can prettymuch never move to any better country than America (Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc) because they all hate people with autism and if you even have it they don’t let you in. Because they need all the disabled slots for the people born there, why would they take EXTRA ‘useless’ people, duhhh LIKE IM NOT USELESS I’m really good at organizing I’m not a massive burden to take on just because I cry sometimes my benefits and burdens kind of even out PLEASE guys. I don’t want to be stuck here during project 2025 onward

#I wonder. If you’re a refugee because you’re gay. Can they still refuse you for autism #IF. If. We started getting persecuted for that. Like project 2025 plans to #lion’s lair #I want out of this hellhole #But literally only countries worse than us don’t care #Countries that otherwise have sense basically just see autistic people as #Pardon my slur. ‘Retarded’. And whyyy would we accept a ‘retard’ they don’t like. DO anything for us #“They’re gonna COST us money! So let’s not take them”#I DO STUFF. And hell. Even if I didn’t. Even if I was completely non functioning #And needed around the clock care. MY FAMILY STILL DESERVES TO BE ALLOWED TO MOVE #What. You have to abandon your autistic kid just to move somewhere safe? Fucked #Sorry to put it bluntly I just feel like. That’s how those countries see us #As the slur word. Not as on the autism spectrum. But as ‘retarded’.#Because if they actually knew how autism worked and that it wasn’t as simple as slapping a slur on it and moving on #They’d know that people with autism are fucking people. With valid feelings and ideas #We are NOT just a blanket slur word for ‘stupid people’. We are not stupid #I put the word in quotes every time to make sure everyone knows that isn’t MY feelings about it #But my interpretation of someone else’s feelings #IM fucking mad about it #autism

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this-should-do · 2 years ago

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barney canoes every blunt hes given and gordon is extraordinarily bold when hes high

bonus/alt ending

anyways everyone thank these tags on my last weed boys post for this post

#gordon freeman #barney calhoun #freehoun #half life #suggestive #tw weed #anyways gordon for sure makes shitty blunts on purpose so he can do this to barney #andthen will turn around and make the tightest fuckign roll #and right now barney is going insane on multiple levels #like first off just high and gay paranoia dude fr think gordon can read his very gay thoughts #then the lil show gordons doing is fucking nuts #AND gorodns actually pseaking so not only does that mean tehr is a level of trust and affection there #but hes speaking whole senences a whole 10 words baybee normally he at most only makes a few hmms and has #and his voice is soso deep and husky and low from disuse with a lil bit of slur from his deaf accent #and hes beign oh so teasing #surpriesed barney idnt just up and die right there #anyways thank u besties for educating meabout weed cuz i aint know shit never even seena weed in my life #anwyas never gonna see anything like this from me again im going back to my little hole where i safely draw distrssed men covered in blood #instead of men slobbering all over a blunt like it ssumthin else and holding a lighter oh so gently #merry christmas everyone hop eu like this #also everyone say thank u ms paint for being teh inlocker of teh forbidden arts #but yeah jus tguy sbeing dudes right gordons the only person barneys ever smoked with he aint know nothin #ponderingradioactivedecay #idoindeeddraw #so yeah don tfukcing look at me rn

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lanibgoode · 3 months ago

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#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #the DAY after the minor transition care ban was upheld #one of the kids sent and then deleted a message asking about whether or not it was too late to start blockers #i really dont know what to do #how draconian will they be? will i be at risk of the kids getting taken if we go out of state for care?#should we just fucking move?#[with what money lolsob]#i think i might be developing a stress ulcer #after the new place giving my wife the runaround and her being out of work for a whole fucking month #and now we have a deadline on finding info because blockers dont work forever #i dont think the kid knows that i saw it and im sure as fuck not saying anything #theyll tell me for real when theyre ready #but id love to have answers and plans when they do come to me #sadly the plan may end up being 'yeah we're moving away from everyone and everything youve ever known :)'#but WHERE???#WHERE is even SAFE anymore??????

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dream-sans-mogai · 6 months ago

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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

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quietwingsinthesky · 9 months ago

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even does know what plants are though. (as per doctor who canon, the way ships manage to keep oxygen on long voyages is via having literal forests in them. now, nothing to that extent, obviously, they weren’t that well-equipped or funded. but there’s definitely plants In There, probably relegated to a much more ordered existence, think the difference between a natural forest and one grown for logging.) at least they have that. they have seen plants. not often, but they have.

i don’t think they really understand plants beyond their functions (to eat, keep everyone breathing, etc.) whereas with natural beauties and animals and other such things that even has no experience with and can wonder over, they can’t really. do that with plants. the ability to admire a flower rather than immediately think of it in terms of resources lost and gained in its creation is a skill they have to learn.

but you know. at least they have seen them. that’s something. that’s slightly less depressing, right.

#even also would not know how to take care of plants. at most they know that plants require water. maybe.#their job was reconstituting the ship’s waste and recovering as much as they could and safely disposing of the rest #even doesn’t know to water plants. thank god the doctor doesn’t keep houseplants. they would die.#but i just think this would be an interesting contrast.#how easily even is taken in by things they’ve never seen before. and the few things they consider mundane. they have trouble looking at #with any emotion but Critically Thinking About How This Contributes To Us #the ever-present conflict of everything they learned to function as a part of a ship that was. not prepared. and responded to its lack of #preparedness by dehumanizing everyone on it and exploiting them until their death all for a future they couldn’t even be sure was there.#and the fact that they are delighted by the universe. they want to love it. they want to see it as beautiful. they want to escape.#and. what that means is that even thinks of flowers as wastes of space. long after they’ve gotten over a lot of their other ins #instincts about resource management and wasting it and such. they never really like flowers.#and that makes it kind of funny right? that it’s rose they have a crush on.#to them: rose is essential. so important to the doctor and so important - in their eyes - to the whole universe because of it.#idk where im going with this but its certainly a thing now #dw oc

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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago

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im always like wistfully sighing one day i will live with somebody who loves me and we'll cook together and itll be so romantic and then i remember when i was a kid and my mom would force me to let my sibling help me bake and id get so mad that i considered fratricide

#in my head cooking is a very nice calming thing however every time i Actually cook its like a fucking battlefield its genuinely dire #its entirely my fault bc i always turn the heat up so high and then i get stressed bc im like ITS COOKING TOO FAST ITS BURNING AND THE #MIDDLE ISNT EVEN COOKED and its like . yeah man bc you have the heat full blastt 😭😭but if i have it low im like This is taking too long.#even worse if im cooking a dish/meal that has multiple components and i need 2 be prepping one thing while another thing is cooking #and they all have different cook times so i have to make sure they all get done around the same time. it does make me cry a lot #one day. i will have my own house where i feel safe and i can cook and learn how 2 cook in a way that doesnt make me burst into tears #one time. evil. at home i was just gonna make myself pancakes 4 dinner and then my entire family was like is for me? so i had 2 make pancak #s for everyone meaning i had 2 make Good pancakes bc idm if my pancakes r a little burnt or whatever and ik my family doesnt either #but in my head im like If i give my family burnt pancakes they will hate me until the day i fucking die #so i was already stressed bc it went from making like 5 silver dollars to like 30 and the first 2 patches were burnt and everybody was #running around and it was So hot and then the smoke alarm came on and we had just moved in so i didnt know where it was to turn it off so i #just sat down on the floor and started sobbing LOL #my mom finished the pancakes thank gd. but basically it was very scary and i Want to learn how 2 cook but i fink it needs to be #cooking for only me until i feel comfortable cooking more food at a time #bc making a lot of food stresses me out to much As seen above.

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kil9 · 2 years ago

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aauauauuougghghs i need to move out 👁👁