#im not even mad I find it interesting
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POV: The writers made you the perfect racist character on accident
#rwde#like#move out the way Cardin cuz Coco has everything you don't!#has a real personality; check#the only characters aware of her racism are the ones personally affected; check#has a subtle reference to a real world racist organization; check#she's still completely gross even when you remove the racism; check#that is what racism looks like#microaggressions disguised as compliments#extreme and random hatred towards poc you come across#every bad thing said poc does is their entire personality#every good thing they do either dosen't exist or is a fluke#im not even mad I find it interesting#the writers ability to do that even on accident should be studied or something#coco adel#coco adel bashing
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it is beyond infuriating how anne rice seems to insist on marius being a positive force in anyone's life ever. like she can't fully commit to exploring the fact he groomed armand and has repeatedly taken away his consent for what marius thinks is best (take the end of TVA as an example) and just kind of flatly puts it in the narrative. there's not really much interest in how these horrific events make marius come across as the worst because EVERYONE loves him. for gods sake, lestat learns from armand exactly what marius did to him in TVL and then proceeds to go find marius and be super friendly to him in the same fucking book. even armand and pandora, two of the people who have MORE than enough right to hate him, do not. it doesnt feel like shes trying to explore the toxicity of the abusive dynamic he traps them in, it just is there. and like yeah ofc the toxic vampire romance series but i think that this should be handled with more care. and it is not ever really framed in a way that she is interested in exploring how marius should easily be one of the most horrific characters in this series because it kind of feels like sa/rape/grooming/other things of that sort are just put there to further plot and not to really get the respect that they deserve in a medium.
#twist rambles#vc posting#grooming mention#for blocklist sorry im on my im really mad about this fucking series soapbox again#to be fucking honest she treats slavery similar. like its just THERE and the characters doing it dont really feel bad about it (much like m#rius doesnt seem to.. feel much if any remorse for arm.and) and it is just like... ok heres another bad thing with no examination. this isn#a super coherent post but i went a bit forward to see how b&g was handling the arm.and stuff and oh my god. oh im so mad. like i just... i#wish so badly that arma.nds abuse was taken seriously other than haha its sooo quirky that mari.us is in a position of power over him and#provides housing money sex comfort etc for him and is abusing him but hes sooo happy with himmmm. like he fucking sold him into sex slavery#and we are supposed to root for him#ask to tag#sorry this is just. its a very triggering part of the books but its something that i kind of keep returning to to mull over because it is#handled really badly. like i think she was trying to go for a lo.lita vibe (iirc she did actually mention nabok.ov as an inspiration) but#didnt really care enough to examine WHY that is an interesting take on the subject matter. not even to get into pan.doras stuff bc its just#really bad but at least he waited until she was an adult i suppose. like i will give anne one thing that she has characters and (poorly han#led) writing that makes you really think and analyze. which i think is where i enjoy media that is like... this kind of sucks at points but#u can tell the authors viewpoints soo transparently. and u can examine it thru this. like i think thats why i find the gr.ell run of GA int#resting too bc u can telll that man is a libertarian and doesnt respect women. and then claims to do so. its interesting to me. anyways#did u guys know she defended bill clin.ton when the monica stuff came out and victim blamed her. just a funny coincidence.#sorry for the really long tag rant but i am sooo fed up with how she treats this topic forever and ever. bc its been this way forever.#anyways back to reading had to get that out. lmk if u need me to tag this bc its a lot of tws :)
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Did a second run of Shadows over Loathing because I wanted to do an evil run. I had far too much fun with this guy and I am perhaps even more attached to him than Cecil because sometimes you need a guy who loves being fucked up.
He's not even evil, really, because that would imply he cares about what he's doing.
Bonus picture that's a vital contribution to their dynamic:
#shadows over loathing#sol#rpg#original character#recall draws#my ocs#fandom posting#he might be one i actually port into a normie oc if i find a place to put him. will prolly make at least an fr dragon#hes just funny. he looks and holds himself like hes gonna be this very stern serious smart guy#and then u watch him go about his day and he keeps sticking his hands into pockets of space#and eating the things he takes out. of the space.#even when hes been told not to#bc telling him not to do something is a surefire way to see that he does it#not out of malice just bc he'll simply go ok well now i wanna Know though#hes ur typical horror protag whose curiosity leads him to madness but hes having a good time actually hes not horrified at all#hes just like well that was interesting. anyways im going fishing#im thinking of doing a third run as well with a pig skinner lady thats a No shadow taint run like 100% good run
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hi gang. updated my blog title because I keep getting mistaken for australian or british over and over and over again and this cannot continue. save me
#IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS. THATS NOT ON YOU AND IM NOT MAD OR ANYTHING#just oh my god. I've spent the last 5 years finding out that for the entire time people have known me#they've just assumed I was australian. and never asked#EVEN THOUGH??? I TALK ABOUT AOTEAROA CONSTANTLY?????? I WEAR FUCKING NZ SOUVENIR SHIRTS EVEN#so now I have. te reo in my blog title. pākehā kiwi in my blog description.#IS THE ACCENT REALLY THAT INDISTINCT?????????#I can IMMEDIATELY tell when someone is kiwi vs when they're an aussie#my art teacher thought I was australian for THREE YEARS. I constantly submitted art assignments ABOUT NEW ZEALAND.#finally went back to aotearoa. so relieved to be around people who would never in a million years mistake me for australian#ONLY TO BE MET WITH 'your accent is so interesting? where are you from?'#ALL MY YEARS AT A BRITISH SCHOOL HAVE CHANGED ME. I AM A STRANGER TO MYSELF#I hope it is clear that I am overreacting on Purpose because it is Funny#this IS important to me though I love being kiwi its an integral part of my identity and my past and my future#british friends I love you. australian friends I love you. get me out of here#listen to my gibberish boy
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one of the things i find funny now with my past shitty dnd experience is the fact that the problem player only seemed to really care about their own character, and whenever they drew dnd art it would look like this:
#theres a lot of things i find funny whenever i think back on it#its fun to clown on them even tho back then i had so much grief#i dont really like to reminisce on the shitty things that happened but its fun to laugh at how stupid it was#i AM kinda dunkin on their art but its bc they were like 'OGHH I LOVE ALL THE CHARACTERS' but then showed close to no interest in other pcs#they literally treated it like their character was the Main Character and was the center of the world#it was very reflective in their art.#other things i find funny: how they obviously cheated their rolls#they averaged ... 18 i think?#meanwhile the second highest was 15 and everyone else was within 2 points lower of that#and also their infamous '...for what exactly?' question when they questioned me 'getting in the way' of their rp#even tho i was rping my character and having them stop their pc from doin things due to clash of motives#also. i was a text rper. LMAO#ITS JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE WDYM 'FOR WHAT EXACTLY' LMFAOAOAOAOOO THEYRE THEIR OWN PERSON WITH THEIR OWN MOTIVES.#skypeaks#im so glad i dont feel shitty abt it anymore. its just so fucking stupid#like yeah it affected me but now im WELL past the point of being mad abt it its just. Funny.#on that note tho i hope that whomever this person has hurt can heal as well. bc im sure those other people have had to deal with WORSE imo#i think all things considered i didnt have it that bad. i just had a small taste of their shitty behavior#EDIT: i might make more small doodles with this experience. its just funny to recall so who knows
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things i wish everyone a very shut the fuck up about in other tags this new year:
- barbie/oppenheimer
- the magnus archives
#not tagging this with anything in order to adhere to my own principles#space taker upper tag so people dont have to read any of my ranting... bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb#ok thatll do#but seriously i am so fucking sick of going into a podcast tag and all i can find are either completely generic posts the op has tagged#with every podcast under the sun OR jokes/polls involving t*m*a because ofc it's still popular enough to overshadow all the posts im#actually interested in seeing#like you dont have to compare everything to this we get it you listened to two (2) podcasts. just leave it alone#it's exactly the same with barb*nhe*m*r but what really pissed me off with that one was seeing it in the godzilla tag last week. THIS IS NOT#ABOUT YOU 'ooooouhh one movie is serious and the other has pink in it this is just like-' GET A DIFFERENT HOBBY.#honestly there was so much hype i was sick of it before the movies even released but it's still all over the place like i dont even care#if theyre any good or not just keep your shit in your own fucking tags it's not hard#UGHHHH whatever.#once again just so it's clear im censoring the titles in the tags so this post wont show up there it wouldnt change anything if it did and#im not interested in spreading negativity/getting people mad at me for nothing#original
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My mother watched a documentary about the Endurance expedition and she’s already an angry woman but she was just straight up throwing curses and things at the screen
#I had no idea Ernest Shackleton would evoke such a response#I can almost feel pity for the wrath the wrought upon the telly#mildly frightened of her at all times#like why are you yelling at the screen he’s dead he can’t hear you#she’s a strange woman.#she finds polar exploration mildly interesting but not enough to be invested#and yet she started yelling at ME??#like I had something to do with the fucking Endurance mission????#not beating the Angry Redhead Allegations#I’ve never seen someone so MAD#over a guy who died nearly a century ago#I didn’t even get to drop any 10hr Fun Facts#im crying with laughter and fear
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ok so ive been thinking i feel like a character of myself not in a bad way mostly actually sometimes its good and fun
the only time its bad is when i get onto myself for doing the same thing i like others doing
#like in chrumblr#im posting about my progress with school#and i feel bad about it alot#even though i LOVE others doing it and encouraging them#i think im a burden doing it#and sharing little things that make me mad or happy#esp mad or frustrated#i alwasy find the 'vent' channle to put them in#even when theyr part of the convo#i curate my dress#interests#sometimes media#and decor around me to be a specific person#even my mannersisms i try to specifically pick out#its fun actually for me#thinking what things to take on#and how to add more little.....quirks to myself#listen its really fun#until its not#until my brain goes#'your only sopposed to be a sopporting figure'#'you dont need help or attnetion or validation or comfort'#i love it honestly#....#most of the time
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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ohhghhh we're really in it now Mme. maigret.....
#jules maigret#inspector maigret#georges simenon#im reading maigret sets a trap after watching like 2 adaptations of it in film#cant even find the 2016 one so that's a lost cause but goodddd damn the book version is so interesting#not to say the gambon and davies ones arent#i like the film ones more i think but god he's so much more mad in the book LOL
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UNCANCEL WINNING TIME. N O W.
#idc if so far im finding season 2 less interesting#idc how 'REAL' it is#IT WAS SMTHING!!!@@#maybe the season 2 thing was just my season 2 slump like maybe it's just a personal thing#i can never tell if it“#s me or the shows i watch anymore i just cant get past the season 2s without skipping then being mad abt skipping#whatever bro idc I WANTED TO SEE ZEKE!@!@!!!#I N E E D OLD MAN YAOI#did we even get a magic/larry fic hates*x fic from this#yall PLEASE we NEED one and it NEEDS to be a brattamer larry putting magic in his place enemies to lovers but not rlly bcs theyre still#enemies fic#see MAYBE if wt went on...#we would have this exact fic and i wouldnt sound so crazy now BUT LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW HUH.#C A NCELLED#im getting the get down ptsd omg no. no. this cant be#the only highlight in my sports world rn is the one bills win and thats it#nothing to smile abt in my life .
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always sort of a weird moment when the most ic line is a flirt option lmao
#shitpost#when like. my character isn't motivated to flirt per say but.#like. meh. that was the best option though.#100% ic so. i guess he flirted with this guy#also tbh i LOVE rass so im not even mad. my character is liking him more than i was expecting too#he respects him and does find him funny etc.#tavon is great at professionalism but it usually takes more for him to genuinely like someone. He likes Rass and his brother tbh#unlike me. tavon actually does like many mandalorians he meets. Rass Jekaiah and Torian are all pretty high on his list#he likes shae as well but recently has had more of a contentious relationship with her#because she doesn't like that he doesn't always follow her orders... and that he sees her as an equal#and so does she. but it's complicated because they're fellow faction leaders and they're on the same side but like#have different ideas on how some things need to be done. ie. tavon refused to just watch her die because someone was cheating on the duel#the issue is that tavon doesn't give a shit about mandalorian honor so like. any time that is a main motivator#he just gets a bunch of mandos turning on him. lol#its really fun#but as a side note#ME. the player who is not fond of mandalorians (i do find the story interesting though)#but i do genuinely like Rass#Jekiah is also good but i wouldn't say i like him the same way. Mandalorians in positions of power are always going to be iffy to me#because they're in a place to dismantle the harmful systems of their culture#and they uh. largely. don't.#this is why Canderous is the only mandalorian i truly support.#but even with him i have complicated opinions. lol
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i honestly want to read the quran like just out of interest + to be better informed but the reason i havent yet is its going to confuse everyone even more to see me reading it. sorry for having a curious mind
#also im an always reading religious texts with commentary truther and i have no idea how to find a commentary i would appreciate#also interested in the jewish annotated new testament just for the drama but i. literally think it might be too boring#like when i did these interfaith study classes....the new testament was so boring...girl......#the priest got mad at all the non-christian ppl cuz there was some stupid story abt girls that didnt fill up their lamps enough#and the other girls wouldnt share their lamps and then a guy didnt let them in their house#and everyone waslike umm why didnt those girlies share their lamps then???#and hes like nooo its a metaphor for heaven you cant treat it literally#well firstly what a shit metaphor and secondly then whats even the point-_-#i still get mad about the lamp thing periodically. those girls shoulde shared their lamps i thought thats like the whole point#omg and that reminded me of this one me and lewis were randomly looking up as well#where idk some guy doesnt invest well and then his boss gets mad at him#and i thought th eboss was meant ti be like the villain. but it was supposed to be jesus.#remember every time you dont buy stocks jesus cries
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Tiktok permanently banned my account and my device???? Like what the actual fuck???
#i apparently violated youth safety and well being gudielines which i seriously dont understand#99% of my fyp was adults & the the odd minor that came across immediately got blocked bc i have 0 interest in what kids are doing online#ive literally never comment on a tiktok or posted one so how the fuck did i do anything wrong???#and i sent an email to reappeal the decision and they just doubled down#they won't even tell me what i did#im just so fucking confused and so pissed bc ive reported so many accounts and videos that actually violated guidelines#and tiktok found nothing wrong with that content#but i get banned?? me??? the bitch who watches too many videos about crocheting and dnd and baking and sims 4??? i get banned???#and i can't even make a new account!!!!#how in the fuck does that make any sense???#and im mad because i so many videos saved for cool crafts and recipes that i wanted to make and now they're just all gone#uugh#tiktok fuck you#personal#also i tried making a new account and literally within 2 seconds it got temporarily banned#this shit is wild#anyway guess now i gotta find something else for my adhd brain to consume when i cant focus on long form content
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If theres not at least one severely traumatized man im not interested
#or man adjacent#cause i wouldnt call link legend of zelda a straight up man#thats where my gender fuckery comes from#i owe it all to link loz cijsjwjekdoxijejf#anyways#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#xiao genshin impact#but first it was venti#then i wasnt interested in scaramouche until VERY recently and even then i havent genuinely played genshin#since the whole dream sequence thingy#it just turned into too much of JUST a gambling game withthe wishes and i stopped enjoying it#i wanted to stay for the story but fuck. im too mad at it rn#anyways traumatized men! Give me.#idk why women hit different#its nice but i also realized i only hyperfixate like a crazy person if theres a traumatized dude involved thanks to honkai#which is. all playable characters r women#and GOD are they pretty but i need my token traumatized dude u know?#keep in mind im a genderqueer bisexual im gay for anyone i find pretty#but when it comes to hyperfixations my brain needs the little guy the little guy is key
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My grandmother gets mad when i hear her "private" conversations about me, but she speaks so fuckign loud?? Shes talking to my grandfather on speaker in the other room and i heard her say "if she lost 30-50 pounds, she's still going to be a bigger girl, or fat, because of her structure of her hips, legs, and thighs. I dont know how much she weighs now. She's extremely tall for a girl. She towers over guys her age and these things bother guys. There are guys interested in a heavy set girl, but other guys don't want to take the time to get to know someone, they judge based on looks" to which my grandfather replied "thats from society. she's still beautiful"
Stop talking about my weight and my height. I wish I were fuckign shorter, and I've already lost 50 pounds within the past year. I'm so insecure about these things and to imply I won't find someone to love based on my appearance not being accepted by society rly hurts. Like ??? This is why I can't stand my family. I'm the topic of every conversation and it's always negative or "oh I wish she was skinnier and shorter so she could actually find a man to love her"
#whats stupid is ive only had like 2 boyfriends actually in my life#and they were my height or shorter than me#ive casually dated a few people who are taller than me but that has never been about my personality and what i bring to a relationship and#only based on how i look/how i can 'preform' for them#that nonbinussy if you will#and now i rly cant trust whether people like me for me or not because all ive heard is how i should kill myself so i can please society and#im not going to be loved and apprecisted becauze 'the young and stupid men want a toothpick not her'#ive been loving my body so much because i can see im slimming down#and im consistently between hating my body and loving it. it provides for me but its also a contributing factor to why no one loves me how#i want to be loved apparently#accordijg to family^ not to me#this is why i make videos etc so i can feel good about myself but its not authentic#i love when people love my music and what i can do and take an interest in my interests#becauze without that i have nothing. i am nothing. i like so many differwnt things and i want to believe somwone will love my humour#and intellect. over my body. but i still want them to love my body and think im oretty#im not asking for much#rly getting mad at them pushing me to find a man. becauze until i moved out at 18 they didnt want me dating because they didnt eant me to#'end up like her mother' as in getting pregnant at 17 and not finishing school#as soon as i left and i turned 18 she was asking me when i was going to start having kids#like you have to be kidding me with this shit. her mother had her at 19. she had my mom at 19. my mom had me at 18. even on my fathers side#my great grandma had my nan at 18. my nan had my dad at 17. my dad had me at 16#so for at least 3 generations (including all the cousins and shit) there have been young parents#but i wasnt allowed to? until i became a legal afult???#idek if im fertile and im afraid to find out if im not because i want to have kids#and if i find out i cannot girve birth it will break me. i know theres ivf and adoption but i also know i will never have the finances to#explore those options#so natural birth is the cheapest and only option i currently have. but no one wants a baby. and i cant with sound mind and body put someone#through the disjointed and fucked up life that i had#this is just a whole ass rant post. i need to walk the dog and bake before i go to my friends house for horror movie night#which ngl im looking forward to deapite the 'friends' they are
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