#im not doing this right now nope
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watching sonic x at the part where eggman is guessing thr password for gerald robotniks files smtn and how first he guesses “eggman” or “ivo” “robotnik” etc but the right answer is “maria” vs in sonic 3 when gerald says “oh ivo, youre no maria” to him
humgfhh i have feeling about that
#maybe eggman is so passionate in his mad scientistness just cause he wanted to be like him grandfather or#just finally have a chance at getting gerald to like him umfghhh#hes just always living in marias shadow (hehehe) and the favoritism is just so blatant#im not doing this right now nope#gerald robotnik#ivo robotnik#dr eggman#maria robotnik#sonic x spoilers#sonic 3#i have sad feeling about eggman now ok#anyways glass child eggman#vio yaps
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So we know Jason knew Nico as the ambassador of Pluto when he was praetor before the events of the Lost Hero. So do we think that sometime in the six months between Lost Hero and Son of Neptune Nico went back to Camp Half Blood for a quick minute and had an encounter with Jason (who only had some of his memories back) that exactly mirrored his conversation with Percy in SON?
#hey do i know you#nope never you seen you before in my life#but um#why are you here#well im from the Roman camp and i don't remember where it is but we think that Percy guy is there#oh actually i need to leave right now for no specific reason bye#nico di angelo#pjo#percy jackson#jason grace
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geno front and center ^_^ also i asked the Coolest 90s animator ive ever met for critique on the geno renders and he called them 'drawings' and i havent decided if thats something i should correct or not yet. but if im fooling people into thinking they're drawings instead of 3D renders that's probably a good sign. but also a bad sign because does that mean recruiters will overlook it thinking its just concept art?
i hate computers.
but i think what i concluded was that instead of sending people just the one action render, i will send that PLUS a link to the turn around saved to my drive.
edit: just looking at it as its own image my portfolio as a whole still really screams 'girl' and 'colorful' doesnt it? sigh. people keep telling me i need to stop that but unfortunately unless i am being forced like in the case of following an art director i think its just gonna stay colorful.
#jrnlsht#anyway now that this is done i just need to finish polishing the resume overhaul and then i have to read a friends screenplay#and THEN i can finally get back to sculpting the geno pose that i have wanted to make from the start#yeah i bet you guys thought i was done with that project haha nope it never ends#the action shots were for the portfolio#the locker room sculpt i want to do is for me because i think hes gorgeous and kinda sexy sitting in the stall looking all fierce but soft#like a knight right before the battle#with the pens weird round locker room as a metaphor for the round table#im basically writing my own sports anime here someone take hockey away from me
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they honestly couldve done so much with junpei beheaded/dismembered and im disappointed that it ended up just being mira. so much of his character and his relationship with akane is characterized by his lack of bodily autonomy, and him being openly beheaded during the nonary games would be the ultimate example of this. its perhaps the most brutal death in the game, and it never really gets explained or developed beyond the one puzzle that we get with it. junpei has been shown repeatedly to be subject to akane's plans or follow her blindly and i just think that would have been a really interesting angle to approach his beheading from. junpei has willingly signed up for nonary games in two different timelines just because he knew he would see her. he was infected with a deadly virus trying to find her. he grew desensitized to death as he took underground jobs to try and find her. his safety always comes second when shes in the picture, and his beheading wouldve been a prime opportunity to 1. exploit his willingness to let himself die/be injured for her and 2. make akane confront the fact that her confidence that junpei will always follow after her is not necessarily a positive thing.
#zero escape#additionally wasnt mira supposed to be asleep?? like i know she didnt get the forget juice but didnt she still get knocked out?#but also!! none of her other kills were like that! none of them were dismembered and she didnt touch junpeis chest#so even that reasoning doesnt make sense#kinda feels like a copout to keep the shock of junpei being disrespected in such a way - to have his very body turned into a puzzle#a puzzle that akane is forced to solve!!! without knowing that what shes looking for is his head - him!#theres so much potential there and they just didnt do anything#im not even saying that akane should have somehow been responsible for that death - only that not having her really grapple with it is such#a missed opportunity#i still fucking LOVE the imagery of it though. i really think its the epitome of the representations of his lack of autonomy#he loses all of vlr. quark. 45 years of his life. because akane decides this is best for him. he dies repeatedly trying to find her.#because she believes that she knows what will keep him safe#and turning junpeis body into a puzzle posthumously is a fantastic example of his lack of control over his body#its like hes literally become a doll. hes jumpydoll - not junpei. hes subject to these games even after he has died.#he gets no peace. no respect in his death. not when hes in these games. not when hes in the shadow of akanes whims and games.#i still love the imagery. i think it was one of my favorite parts of ztd and is honestly now a core tenet of my Junpei Understanding#but i was disappointed in the lack of narrative weight that specific death had. for him to be one of the first dead? for it to be in such a#brutal manner? like come ON. the character analysis for junpei and akane and their relationship is RIGHT THERE. all you had to do was put i#in the game#but nope.#they just handwave it as something mira did.#and dont bring up the details ever again because. plot point solved?#anyway. ive been thinking about junpei imagery and bodily autonomy a lot. obviously.#zero escape spoilers#mak no peeking#marydontlookatthis
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actually inconsolable rn
FINALLY got to the sick simon fight on my first time ever doing nightmare mode and the first valve just noclipped through the floor
i watched it sink in horror and then just stared at the place it once was as the sounds of grinding chains and screaming slowly got louder in my ears
this is a great game with no issues
#cry of fear#i!! am so okay right now!!#i have to redo SO MUCH#AND I WAS DOING SO WELL#im fine im normal it's chill it's not like i have to redo the entire mental hospital section or anything#i love this game and have nooooo issues with it at all nope hah aha haha ahsdha#ripping it apart in my teeth
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me watching bela wriggle his entire body through the bars of their permanent cage in less than 10 seconds and knowing i now will need to learn how to wirecloth a rat cage
#i was just holding him up to the cage yesterday to see if he could get through before i start moving them next weekend#and well. it was bafflingly easy.#the big boys are in a ferret cage right now because it was like a third of the price#and obviously the wider bar space doesnt matter with ash and jesse two of the fattest rats that ever lived#but now if im gonna put the babies in there im gonna have to do a bunch of work. auauuuhgh#avpost#i was holding him up to the outside like hm his head is a little too big for the bars it should be okay.#... oh nope there he goes. hes just in the cage now.#sorreyyyyy im just scared to hardware wrap it bc what if i do it wrong and they cut themselves on the wirecloth.#but im not about to spend $200+ on a new cage lol
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Ok so today i had my dads bday!! wow cool and awesome sauce. So, this was my first time seeing my family after moving in my dorm,5 days. It was really fun at first, we ate nando's, I was being super social blah blah, but yeah it drained me like a bitch. Midway in I just started laughing at the silliest things.
There was this cupcake thing, my older sister ordered it, she will be N, there was only one piece left and she gave it to my other sister, H, I was lowkey joking around saying I wanted it, i did a little. However, I already had a couple of bites before so N was like no im giving it to H. Lowkey was a little bummed but oh well, after this I looked down at my phone for a little bit, and when I looked back up I saw my sister handing my mom a plate with the cake bit cut smaller, while going my way. For some reason I had a face of absolute joy and was actually really fucking happy, turns out fuck me it was for my dad who sat besides my mom. My family saw this exchange right and they all laughed at me, I laughed along too, it was pretty funny. However I was laughing fucking hysterically, like crying, almost throwing up, could barely breath, i do laugh like this occaisonally, it means I'm tired as balls.
H and my dad were talking about how much she's been walking, and since iv also been walking(we go to the same uni) I wanted to brag as well since I'm allowed to do that, I checked my app for my steps, I realised the past two days i havent really been walking so I decided to not show them.(I didnt mention this but i was REALLY bragging like being loud as balls) My brother saw me take out my phone mid conversation being loud as balls, look at it then stop talking and put my phone down, we then locked eyes. Me and him suddenly started bursting out laughing and yet again i could barely breath laughing hysterically. But this time while i was laughing, I was hit with a wave of fucking exhaustion and sleep deprivation(I am sleep deprived AS FUCKING BALLS), but this wasnt all I felt, also I felt like a crazy desire to fucking burst out crying. Crying and laughing is a pretty close action uk, but unfortunately I resisted and just continued laughing. After that I didnt let the wave of cry bother me but im pretty sure i was noticebly less outgoing. My social battery was getting drained like a bitch.
Like 5 minutes after that, I looked behind only to see a little girl crying and that shit sent me into another fit of laughter. Take note, this is while my dad is like giving a speech about his birthday thanking god and blah blah BLAH, meanwhile im hunched over fucking in tears.
I settled down after enough time we all finished eating we were just talking, and then we were preparing to leave. I saw my sister say soemthing to my mom and I heard like wanted something, I thought they were talking abt getting food for themselves cuz H and I are gonna go back to our uni's after that. So, I interjected saying wait i want to as well( I thought they said get food) my mom said" Oh? you want to give a couple of words to dad for his birthday?" and my stupid ass said what? no? And then i realised it, my mom mentioned wanting to give a couple words for my dads bday not wanting to get food for later for uni AND THIS SENT ME INTO ANOTHER HYSTERICAL FIT. I could see on my dads face he was over with my ass. I explained my side of the story afterwards and it was all a silly goofy laugh.
When we were going back to the car, my social battery was already dead for awhile. We were at the parking lot we left the mall, and i saw a person behind my, i thought it was my sister, so i looked back TURNS OUT IT WAS SOME RANDOM ASS OLD GUY. AND I BURSTED OUT LAUGHING AGAIN AND MY SISTER GOT MAD AT ME TELLING ME NOT TO LAUGH CUZ YEA I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND BURSTED OUT LAUGHING NOT NICE AT ALL.
#On the ride home just my sister H and me with my mom and dad#We were talking blah vlah blah we get to our uni's and they sent my sister off first cuz her dorms were closer than mine#when she left she asked my parents no money? and yea my dad says no in a silly goofy mood typa way#So after she left I also asked for some money nope instant shut down yea tehres totally some type of way one can tactfully approach it...#and i did not do it#and so yea my ass was already fucking tired and getting bitchy we arrived to my dorms and since im not used to it yet we werent sure on the#way and my mom says she knows a way for me thatl be the easiest but my dad was adamant on followign the gps#while i was just thinking of getting out#and while they were like arguing? not rly my ass got super bitchy and just said dude just drop me off#And honeslty#I get my sister so fucking much She does this type of thing all the time and before this i thought she was just bitchy and not chill abt it#but now i see THESE GUYS ARE BEING ANNOYING AS BALLS#like this is literally my dorms i fucking now wehre to go dude#BUT NO THEY JUST IGNORE ME UNTIL I LIKE NOTICLBY BITCHY ABT IT#but unforties my mom was right she did have a faster way it was jsut i didnt know of it since it was primarily a shortcut for cars and not#for walekrs and i only walk around campus
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something something a fanfic in which Ian is best friends with Yevgeny and then he timetravel and falls in love with his best friend's father.
I like to think that in this version he was raised by Clayton cause Monica obviously couldn't, and canonlike she wasn't in the picture much. He then lives with his father, stepmother and siblings but doesn't quite fit with them. Yev was raised by Svetlana and never knew his father cause he left when Yev was a baby.
When Ian travels back he is saved by Mandy. He says he's a Gallagher and she's like "I know the Gallaghers but I never saw you!". He's introduced to his "cousins" who immediately take he in like a brother? Who he is cause of Monica.
Then because of Mandy he gets to know Mickey and younger Svetlana and baby Yev and it is extremely fucked but... my dick's in your dad mouth, sorry Yev!
Gallavich: they start as friends cause Ian quickly hits off with Mandy, and soon Ian gets to understand the difficult situation that led to Yevgeny's conception and why Mickey probably left them when Yev was still a baby. Then, feelings come along and Mickey's deep in the closet but Ian's nothing if open-minded so with time it works out. Ian doesn't lose interest even though Mickey has a wife and baby, he isn't scared off easily, and Yev Svet and Mandy all like him so that's a turn on. Ian likes older guys so the fact that Mickey's an old soul in a hot young body who listens to dad music and is grumpy is what attracts Ian.
The future is forever altered. Ian now actually has a family of Gallagher's he actually likes and fits. Ian came along so Mickey never left the picture and now Yev was raised with his father around. Which changed the way Yev grew up to be, so he's not the version Ian knew, but that's alright cause then Ian gets to meet him again. And yes, they end up being best friends all the same, after all, Yevgeny watch the type of cartoons and listens to the kind of music and plays the same videogames Ian grew up with so they're very close.
#How do time travelers solve the documentation issue? I'm not sure. there would have to be research in order to write this fic.#but if there was someone who would know how to help Ian it would be Svetlana. hello Russian illegal immigrant?#also. shes the first to find out hes not from there cause Ian knew older Svet but hes only now getting to know younger Svet and he#has absolutely no chill so she figures him out rather quickly and than he proves her right by revealing things she never told anyone before#eventually people have to know hes a time traveler but I like to think every time it happens is in a shitty situation totally non planed#and then theres doubt and he has to try and prove but! effect butterfly things wont happen as they happened before#like he will try and say “this actor will die this year” or “bitcoins are a thing” or “we'll face a pandemic" and... nope. never happens.#and then hes right about the most stupid useless but detailed thing like the whole plot of a movie thats not released yet or like. vaping.#stop im so funny. it will become a family joke thing like Franny and Liam will constantly listen their family say Ian's a time traveler and#and is it true is it a joke why everybodys so serious about it theyre totally messing with us#mickey gives a total of zero fucks i bet. now he gets why ian is the way he is like super optimistic and anxious and super open minded but#like. it changes zero things for him. good for u ian i guess. i would still love u if u were an alien or from another dimension of whatever#ian gallagher#mickey milkovich#yevgeny milkovich#svetlana yevgenivna#mandy milkovich#gallavich#ian x mickey#shameless#shameless us#og.#fic idea#honestly “fic idea” is like my best tag
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IM GONNA SCREAM
#SHES DEAD#HOLY HELL CHIYOS DEAD. OHHHHHH MY GODDD#SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED IN THE PAST FIVE MINUTES IM GONNA THROW UP#I ACTUALLY JUST HAD TO SIT THERE FOR A FEW MINUTES IN PURE SHOCK#NO. NOPE. NONONONONO I DO NOT HAVE THE MENTAL OR EMOTIONAL CAPACITY TO DO THE STUPID PUZZLE RIGHT NOW#I DONT EVEN HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO PROCESS ALL THAT RIGHT NOW#im. im gonna need to put down this game for a long while i think#vivid/stasis#vivid/stasis spoilers#<- im serious this is the only time where ive been 100% certain on a spoiler tag#vividstasis liveblogging (aka the active rewiring of my brain)#BOY is that tag name relevant now.#hhhhaaAAAAAAAAAUASDKJKJFFADJSGFDF#death tw
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so i thought i had sent an email to someone yesterday about a job (that is, my mum's boss) and that was all fine, sent it from my phone while on a train out for the day. got a call ten minutes ago. 'she didn't get your email'. yeah i know because i'm checking my outbox right now and i can't see my email either, nor in my drafts, nor my other email account in case i sent it from the wrong one. 'how embarrassing'. well, yes. it is, actually. evidently you think it's embarrassing for you too. and i'm sorry. i'll get on it. i'll send it. 'you can bring your laptop with you if you want to get work done' (i'm popping into where she works to help with some other diy things). no thanks. i won't get any work done there, actually. 'what's wrong?'. embarrassing. 'oh, i know, but it happens. it's fine, don't worry about it. she hasn't made a decision yet and will likely need to ask [person] so it's okay'. yes well i need to send the email and luckily my draft-draft of it is on my notes app on my phone, so, bye.
i think i'm stressed enough about this potential job situation as it is, without needing to be told: 'embarrassing'. thanks.
#idk what happened bc my phone app said it sent. that's that. but if the train wifi or my data decided 'nope' well what can i say#i'm starting to think the stress ain't worth it you know#maybe. maybe i just don't need a job yet. maybe that is too much for me right now.#especially since im STILL DOING A DISSERTATION AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT#:)#helia rants#feeling evil feeling like i wanna cry ♡
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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
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...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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question
when romancing isabela, post the sex. are you supposed to question her about her stance on love? bc in my maior pt, i didnt - bc it felt liek a sure way to get her running [and it wouldnt be ic for my pc anyway] - and i got the outfit change, her visit in all that remains, her return, and varric mentioning her as a romance.
but all the forums are saying you SHOULD or else the romace doesnt trigger?
so im ... confused.
#grapecase plays da2#isabela#hawkebela#da2 isabela#isabela da2#isabela dragon age#like im getting the beats so clearly maior is in the in? but wouldnt it be funny if the game was like nope lmao#wanna know now before i have to replay act two ... again#im already stressing over fenris not showing up in all that remains - despite the mod saying he should - but he does have the right outfit#change [so im not stressed TOO much]#as much as i do love how mroe roudned these characters feel but dao wasnt this complicated lmao
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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WHY IS THERE AN EXTRA STITCH
#ITS LIKE FUCKING HOUSE OF LEAVES UP IN HERE???#by all accounts it doesnt make sense. ive redone this row twice. kept coming up short#figure ok maybe its a problem w the previous row. recount the row#extra stitch. what the fuck?#double check that i didnt accidentally stitch twice into the same stitch#nope. because of the nature of the previous row#its impossible that i could successfully stitch into each stitch just once and end up#with an uneven number. but thats whats happening.#ok stepping away for a bit. im gonna start fucking screaming lol <3#just recounted the prev prev row. right number#so what the fuck did i do..#now i have to redo the row -_-
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ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni
#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed#hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty#and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait#and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY#ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU.#IM REALLY FUCKING MAD#I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.#the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same#so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP#like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself#did u see me insulting u to ur face#nope i have not done even once#and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes#like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that#i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same#if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong.#but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me#and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid#some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes#and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once.#okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one#pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off#and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay#this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that#if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT.#if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul#have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!!#i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!!#i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related.#you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself
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