#im not completely happy with it but oh well
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two years after their violent meeting, Wolfgang decides to seek out the man who saved their life - hopefully to make a better second impression 🚬 (shoutout to mintt and julien for proofreading and feedback!)
#surprise wolfgang tuesdayyyy 💖#oc art#comics#original characters#android#art#wolfgang#bastien#wolfien#(the beginnings TM)#one thing my characters will do is lean on the fucking railing at all times#this is the longest comic ive ever scripted and drawn and it was so much work oh god#but im happy with the result and im happy that this little scene can now be out there#Wolfgang is very funny to me in this they tried so hard to plan this out and make sure it goes as well as possible#and STILL they nearly completely fumble#i hope its fun to see them being younger and less confident and less *them*#finally the vampire comic from last year is no longer the most dialogue heavy thing ive ever written lmao
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references below
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#jEEEEZuz#it took me so long to find the 2nd ref#my nECK HURTS#anyways i hope yall like it#still learning how to color 😭#may or may not post the completed version of the 2nd#anyways#shpish draws#fanart#art#legends of avantris#coalecroux#loa ouaw#gricko grimgrin#torbek#gideon coal#kremy lecroux#i would’ve posted these when they were bOTH completed#but im really happy with how they’ve turned out#ofc the 2nd is still WIP and the other may need some touch ups#but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Oh This Is My Moment (guy who likes reccing fics almost more than reading them)
ok this is just kind of a dsmp grab bag from my bookmarks so it swings wildly around the length & vibe spectrums but its pretty much all tommyinnit centric. uh. so heads up lol altho theres a lot of bench trio I Think (also warning a fair bit of sbi for sure possibly more than bench trio so if ur like I Dont Read Sbi Anymore uh. sorry) also i tried to avoid like huge fandom faves like passerine/butterfly reign/devil town/event horizon just bc the liklihood u havent read them is Small-- also superhero aus for similar reasons. ok no more disclaimers i prommy fic time now!
in all their bashful glory
2.5k words of pure cclingy fluff. its beautiful. its so good. complete. i love her.
humans are space velociraptors
series incomplete but work one isnt! ur lookin at a little under 200k words of space au that really utilizes the language barrier in some really cool ways!! ALSO! human tubbo :D this one tends slightly angstier but i personally feel its pretty well balanced out- it functions similarly to a Humans Are Space Orcs tumblr post but like a bunch of them that go together? one of the more popular fics on this list but i reread it recently and its still so good !! mostly sbi but Also really really good clingyduo (you will notice there's a lot of that)
ours poetica by @zeeskeit-writes-sometimes
another long, angsty, fairly popular one, but this time it's tragically incomplete at 77k words :( BUT i can never say no to slam poetry au ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this is another sbi one but not like Happy Family sbi its like. angsty. warning the poems are GREAT but it does get super dark tommy attempts suicide onscreen iirc (its been a few years BUT i cant do a dsmp reclist without ours poetica i think about her All The Time)
Unconnected Magic Fics
also 70k words BUT this is a benchtrio magic hurt/comfort series (tommyinnit centric im an inniter what can i say)! tommyinnit can now read minds! (hurt/comfort ensues) tommyinnit can no longer lie! (hurt/comfort ensues) beeduo can now read tommyinnits mind! (hurt/comfort ensues) etc etc
Rewind/Remix by @a-non-ymouswriter
this series is THE clingyduo bible its THE dsmp time travel fic its THE protegee tommy au you dont understand its SO GOOD ‼️ tragically abandoned sitting @ 290k words (idk why all the long ones r first i prommy theyre not ALL rlly long) BUT its so good. like its so good. future protegee tommy and former president tubbo are from EGGPOCALYPSE FUTURE which is awesome and IN eggpocalypse future nikis president. it rocks. its so great. dream has like tattooed the loyalty enchantment on protegee tommy like its CRAZY its so good. but again incomplete very incomplete :( idk if thats a dealbreaker for u but it is for the irl i usually am reccing to so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
talk to me by @doodlebloo
ik everyone knows and loves doodlebloo but im reccing this anyway its so good. its so good. i love them (cclingy) 5k words, complete
treatise on sin and vice
you dont understand it goes SO HARD. 7k word screenplay, complete. just trust me okay just read it its so good just trust me. take me my hand. its so good.
the snow king
SO GOOD!! ok so u know hit fairytale the snow queen? what if the snow queen was philza minecraft and the two friends were tommyinnit and tubbo underscore. 135k words, complete, another cclingyduo classic that i think about constantly. the worldbuilding is SO cool
i no longer know if i wish to drown myself in love, vodka, or the sea
ok self promo time :)) I have!! a beeduo fic!! shes 592 words! its about how crazy weird it must be to live with the ghost of someone you used to love :) i dont remember why i thought tubbo and michael moved into ranboos house after he died but i promise its a good fic anyway ! :D
can someone reccomend me dsmp fics. I just rewalized i cant remember the last time i read a fic
#sorry theres a lot of them i really like reccing fics :) also sorry most of them are cclingy um. im a cclingy guy what can i say#ficposting#anyway i hope this was ok and not somehow an overstep idk how it would be but yk. im not good at knowing so 😭#amd i also hope u read at least one of these and like it!! :)
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if i lead (37393 words) by laconicGhost
Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Hetalia (Anime & Manga) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia) Characters: North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), Netherlands (Hetalia), Belgium (Hetalia), Luxembourg (Hetalia), Portugal (Hetalia) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Drama & Romance, Family Drama, Golden Age of Piracy, beware: there are probably historical inaccuracies in here, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Established Relationship, im leaning into the swashbuckler fantasy its more fun that way let me live, Additional Warnings In Author's Note
chapter 4 is up.... now time for me to pass out for several days 🫡
#spamano#continuing the trend of not knowing how to format fic links here. rip oh well#i have been up for Too long and have gotten So little sleep over the past week .... but im happy with this tho! so thats fine lol#i am extremely pleased when i can meet my own self-imposed deadlines for things that are Completely for my own self-enjoyment#can you believe that this fic is. maybe only a fourth of the way completed. lol ;;#pirate au#my fics
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Hi I'm thinking about writing a h2g2 and gravity falls crossover fic. I saw your post awhile ago and I was wondering if you had any idea on how the two fords would interact.
Oooh this is a really good idea!
Hm, I haven't properly watched Gravity Falls in a while (I KNOW IM SORRY), but comparing their personalities from what i know they have a couple similarities and differences.
For first interactions I'm not entirely sure how or where, neither of them are naturally social but if someone were to start a conversation it would be Prefect, and once they realize they're both named Ford P. they'd hit off perfectly.
I think they'd love to go out for a small drink and talk about their outlooks on life, about space, their own traumas and relationships, about their research and studies with their respective books (Pines to the Journals, and Prefect to the Guide), and about their plans for future. This interaction could also be a lot funnier depending on the tone you wanted to take.
Ooooh they could also rant about their annoying family members (Zaphod and Stan)
They would also engage in an epic game of Dungeons & More Dungeons no doubt
#if you ever end up writing this fic please feel free to send me it when you're ready i would love to see it :)#okay okay im not sure if you were only planning for the fords to interact but a full crossover is immediately interesting me now#hmm maybe the HoG malfuctions with the improbability drive on and it crashes into the mystery shack immediately i think that would be silly#i'm really interested in bill and arthur interactions now as well. they barely have any similarities but it sounds really funny#oh wait they could relate to their world's being destroyed...even though bill's the one who destroyed his own world#i think the pines twins would immediately lose their marbles over ford and zaphod being *real life* aliens#ford prefect would give dipper his copy of the Guide that man would give a 6 year old a laser blaster this is tame for him lol#mabel would be super insane over the fact that zaphod has 2 heads and 3 arms and was also a president and zaphod would. not care#(i head canon he dislikes children)#i think a mabel and marvin interaction would be cool too#uber depressed and uber excited#i also need zaphod and stan relations yeahhhhh 2 greedy often self-absorbed criminals probably wanted across all 4 dimensions#i want to see trillian and arthur summon bill cipher by complete accident because they were bored and they are simply just Normal Guys#neither of them would be surprised to see a floating yellow triangle with a tophat. they've seen too much at this point this would be norma#someone needs to restrain me i've made too many tags#ANYWHO happy writing!! im sorry if i sound demanding you get to choose whatever you would like for your story i just got a little silly#i hope i answered your question enough#h2g2#the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy#ford prefect#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#ask#tumblr asks#lucifers gluttony#lucifers inferno
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Honestly really sad about the fact Natlan has some of the coolest outfits and animations ever .. but everything about the characters is plain colorist and stereotypical. Mualani is super cute, Kinich seems interesting, Xilonen is super pretty, Ororon is really cool. ..But then you look at their designs. And realize that they just stripped a culture from the real world of the actual people behind it, being POC.
All I can really recommend is to not pull Natlan characters and keep yourself as F2P as possible. They obviously are trying to beg on their knees for players considering all of this really cool stuff they're sending out, and because of the fact Shogun AND Kazuha somehow got a rerun before Shenhe despite running really recently. They're compensating. Don't let their compensation win.
#genshin impact#genshin impact Natlan#natlan rant#like honestly fuck natlan#unfortunately genshin is currently one of the only things that makes me happy so i cant fully drop it.#but im planning on not spending a dollar during natlan banners and im not pulling them. im saving for a venti rerun instead.#im hoping if they see Natlans sales hit the fan that they'll be willing to do something about the shitshow of natlans characters#its doubtful considering they've already advertised these characters as the picked designs. but. maybe they'd make more at a later date#ones that are actually culturally accurate.#stealing someones language#stealing someones culture#their architecture#but then saying “oh no sorry youre too dark so you wont sell well in our game :((” and whitewash everything is just fucked up#and people dont get that. people think it's okay because its a chinese company#completely ignoring the fact a game like Dislyte exist. which has IMMACULATE diversity in both skintones and bodies.#it's not an excuse. youre just dickriding the rich company.
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The device theory by Molly stars is my lord of the rings.
#GOD ITS SO FUCKING LONG BUT I LOVE IT#the idea of the game being a sort of device to me is completely canon because it works so well and its cool as fuck#very similar to how Oneshot and Off executed the idea of you connecting to a world through a program#but deltarune is going yo take that concept as far as possible i think#darker. yet darker even.#GOD IM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS#RAAAAAAH I FUCKING LOVE META NARRATIVES#I LOVE CHARACTERS HAVING THEIR REALITY SHATTER AROUND THEM AND THE DECONSTRUCTION OF VIDEO GAMES AS A CONCEPT#Also the idea of darker yet darker referring to creating fiction within fiction and blurring the lines of reality is so fucking cool#idk but visually it evokes the image of silent hill 2 in the prison when your repeatedly descending down stairs/holes#the idea of going further and further as you lose grip on whats real#also the idea of a character (probs Dess) being stuck in the physical game code is such an awesome idea#watching the community go from “oh hey undertale 2!” to “oh god what the fuck is happening” is fantastic#deltarune just has such an eerie undertone to its story its fucking wonderful#even when its bright and happy the moment you dig deeper it starts becoming genuinely unnerving#sorry i love deltarune#random rambles#deltarune#the device theory
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How the fuck did I learn how to efficiently help my partner through his autistic meltdowns thanks to a vashwood fanfic .what
#me reading ww help w vashs meldowns: oh well I . ?? oh ???? wait It does look similar to - OH ?? IT WOULD HELP MAYBE OH MY GOR#I followed fucking fanfic wws steps next time my bf had one#i used his way of asking and talking#the question that fictional bitch asked#and it WORKED#Fun fact were both autistic#just .completely different breeds of it#plus I cant understand ppls physical reactions to save my life#thought process ?? im a fucking expert . the BEST#but PHYSICAL oh hell naw#I just understand what I physically need but absolutely nothing more#NOW I CAN HELP HIM#U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY AM I ABOUT THAT#autism#fanfiction#vashwood#ao3 fanfic#we had obv talked about it b4 but he didnt understand how it worked either so we left it at “dw if u dont know. ure trying and i love u”#(i wanted to eat his face and cry bc I HATE NOT UNDERSTANDING SHIT I SHOULD UNDERSTAND)#oh and I couldnt do what works for me bc my body is 100% uncapable of being vulnerable in anyway in front of ppl for more than .5 min prob#so I just loose my mind a lil bit w laughing randomly and moving compulsively like rocking on the chair or slamming things etc for that time#and the close off until im alone and gave the full needed meltdown#so ive never been actually comforted or helped so I dont know what it would help bc Ive never experienced it#rant ended lads now SORRY
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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My english lyrics for Triage woo! (They're written out under the cut, I just wanted to share my lil chart lol)
Though I'm too indecisive to officially label this as my favorite song, it's had the strongest emotional impact on me by far. It holds a special place in my heart, I definitely wanted to write lyrics for it first! I'll leave all my rambling process commentary in the tags, but I was so happy with how it came out!!
All of those cards of promise thrown down carelessly,
This must be retribution for all I've taken endlessly.
If that were the case, it should have been fate for me to die.
That's the truth, given my crime, so why--?
No, I can't take it, to this cruel joke I'll submit. You
don't know, you can't know, but I'm ready to admit:
Killing for them, extracting for them, won't change the fact they're dead.
I need someone to tag me as RED.
It makes me sick (sick), it's too unpleasant. Sick (sick)
Is this punishment? What do you mean I'm INNOCENT?
I see, the world is cruel and leaves you on your own.
(I can't die) to atone. (I can't love) alone.
I can't be saved (saved), you've nothing to give. Saved (saved)
But what if I lived? Why else would you choose to forgive?
I see, there's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, you need me, (I can be) indispensable.
Tilt to and fro, I know the scales should land on GUILTY for me.
Tilt fro and to, it's INNOCENT that they choose.
They cry (x4) out in pain, I can hear them. There's no one else, to guard their health,
My mission is offering help.
All of those cards of promise thrown down carelessly,
This must be retribution for all I've taken endlessly.
So if that's the case, then it must be fate to make amends,
Extract that fang before we meet the end.
It makes me sick (sick), it's too unpleasant. Sick (sick)
Is this punishment? What do you mean I'm INNOCENT?
I see, the world is cruel, but what I've realized is
(Now I want) to be INNOCENT. (Now I want) to live.
It makes me sick (sick), This wasn't my plan, hostages at my command.
Their future resting in my hands
I see, there's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, please save me, (I will be) indispensable.
Maybe this was meant to be -- oh -- or maybe neither of us can know
There's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, please save me, (I will be) indispensable.
---
I mentioned earlier that I always get annoyed with myself when people post translyrics and I can't figure out the rhythm they were going for, so here's a recording of me singing, but I'm bad at it! It's just for fun! Like a rough draft for music! Because the only thing worse than people hearing my voice is people thinking I can't count syllables!
#milgram#shidou kirisaki#lyrics#im real happy with how they came out :))#when i first got into milgram i started writing tear drop lyrics but got discouraged#(ill be revisiting them next but) it was so fun to work with this song!#i love the sound of it and had a great time creating my version#i wanted his repeated lines in the refrain to have a punch to them#and was SO satisfied giving the doctor 'sick' and 'saved' as his focus words#the mention of 'throw down' wasnt originally intended but it fit so well i just had to keep it asdfsd#i looked up an internet translation for 'Shinenai sentaku o ikenai ai o' because the official english line confused me#and it gave me 'i cant die. i cant go. i cant love.' and i loved that more than the official translation actually#really the only word that doesnt flow quite like id want is 'punishment' but the meaning/rhyme made me happy so i kept it haha#nothing can replace the sound satisfaction 'Yurayura tenbin yurusa naide hoshii noni/Yureteru yurushite hoshii to' gives me tho -_-#and i wanted a more open-mouth sound when he sings 'dattaka' the second time -- i absolutely love how he draws it out#but had to settle for what i could make work 🤷♀️#we are spitting in the face of cringe culture and posting my voice!!#some writers are okay if their complete vision doesnt make it across to the audience but Not Me#i gotta show my whole vision and draft 😂#oh and excuse his voicemail message LMAO#i love shidou with all my heart but i have to tease him about shoving his profession in our face every chance he gets#(did we ever get a translation for that btw?)#but yeah im always preaching to do arts and things youre bad at just because theyre fun so i figured id take my own advice#because it was a lot of fun to sing :3#and i dont know how to word this in the fans-having-collaborative-fun way and not a pretentious way#but if any of the milgram pals who like singing want to cover it hmu :D
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just saw the haikyuu movie and it was SO GOOD
#didn't even know it was in theaters I thought I had to wait until July!!!#then out of nowhere my mom was like oh did you see its in theaters???#im so happy right now im so so happy right now I had a fantastic time!!#i even got to see it in the dub which is so fun bc I actually love the hq dub#also god damn tsukiyamas were well fed I mean their scene was basically a complete amv#im so fucking happy right now#i think it actually worked really well as a movie#i'm sure it would have been great as a season like season 3 bc I'm sure there was stuff they had to cut but all things considered#the movie hit the emotional notes really well and was just fantastic to watch#ugh i love them so much#so its not like i ever really fell out of my haikyuu phase but like the hyperfixation is !!!!!!!!!!#of course its right when I start my first adult full time job#I'm totally gonna see it again tomorrow with my cousin#but i would see it as much as possible if i didn't have goddamn gainfull employmentt#so mad that i don't know any one is real life who shares my intensity about haikyuu i wish to scream#anyway it was great pleaseeeeee go see it if you can#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu spoiler#haikyuu battle of the garbage dump#haikyuu battle of the garbage dump spoilers#not really but just in case#tsukkiyama
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actually im kinda happy with it lol probably because ive given up quite some time ago but yknow. its not that serious.
#thank ye gods of mediocre adult animation shows for doing everything in your might to de-twinkify him i appreciate it 🙏#they gave my man a moustache AND a sugar mommy#insane. ill take it!#if i had a nickel for every time i fixated on an evil little dude with a moustache and a sugar mommy... two nickels indeed#and that's before i even knew he had either of those! its like i have a sixth sense for this lol#hazbin leaks#tagging just in case#anyway i am kinda disappointed they're taking the sillygoofy way out about it when the huge great evil drama had been so heavily hinted at#but they would have fucked it up anyway so all in all i think this was the best Other way out. AND the song slaps. im happy honestly#anyway time to get into something serious again but ngl its kinda fun obsessing over something thats like. still a work in progress.#i dont get that often. fun! just shameless entertainment! (well not completely shameless but oh well. a little shame is good for the soul)#pity they seemed to have dumbed him down and not in a pilot!alastor way but oh well. ive survived worse shit done to my blorbos 💁♀️#wish we could have just have him stay Actually Fucking Evil and yknow. also Actually Scary. i miss his pilot self every day#but like hey. whatever. we just vibin. the version of this show that exists in my head only is soooo good and ive made peace with it already#the actual show is more like a parody of it and its fine. just give me simple music that slaps and some good voice acting and we good
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I wish people would talk about the OST in the Yugioh Anime and Games more, (so I have an excuse to talk about my favourite tracks.)
#i should continue my 5ds posts i completely forgot (said in a neurodivergent way)#in wcs2007 the deck menu ost... literally so good#also duel links ost has been so nice i think its so underappreciated#ESPECIALLY THE KC CUP THEMES THEY KNOW HOW TO HYPE YOU UP!#when i got into yugioh again i was watching all the DL summonings cause i always loved seeing the monsters#and the KC CUP Stage 2 Theme from 2019 played#and I think that like. literally changed me as a person#i feel a bit embarrassed cause all i know js like. yugioh ost since i dont really listen to music outside from my special interests#so someone will ask me 'omg do you know this song?' and im ljke. sigh. no sorry i only know looming threat yugioh 5ds sound duel 2#also theres probably a lot of nostalgia involved but... oh well. it makes me happy so#random ramble#ramble in notes#yugioh
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Quick quastion:
#trans#nonbinary#haircut#whatever#transgender#weh#take a guess what im scared of. that good ol ~social judgement~#which im realising is more and more and more just.......stupid. i dont wanna be shackled by that...#im just.... scared of everyones reacrion and everyone judging me#but they most likely are not like. gonna do shit to me#oh no they are going to be weirded out? uncomfortable? make mean comments? snide remarks?#cool. they are most likely not gonna like. hurt me phisically. im not gonna get disowned my parents would not do that.#they might be shocked or dissapointed or whatever. upset maybe. angry maybe. but they are not going to disown me for something like this.#dad might take it worse but. i really dont want to sacrifice myself completely just to keep him happy.#it can be a take it or leave it kind of situation for others#im not gonna get fucking murdered for having a fucking haircut.#maybe i might become more likely to be a target of aggression but as long as im careful its. hopefully unlikely as hell to happen#i might get some snide remarks from old fucks but like. im progressively just in general giving a bit less and less of a shit about that#aaaaaaaaand im rabling here#well whatever. take it or leave it i guess heh#*rambling#well thats a ton of typos. neat#im a damn adult i need to learn how to break out and be me and make my own choices and all that. even if it is scary as hell. to me.
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[ID copied from ALT: A digital drawing of my partner (@hunterofthehunters) OC Amaranthe with her embodiment Chorus behind her. Amaranthe is a young black woman crouching down with one knee on the ground, facing the camera and smiling while resting an arm with a glowing baton on her knee. She has straight two-toned pink and red hair, is wearing simple streetwear in reddish purple coloring, and carries a dark soft guitar case slung casually over her shoulder. Amaranthe's eyes match Chorus's gold-and-silver coloring, with white pupils. Chorus is floating behind her, visible from the waist up as only line art. Chorus is a genderless, humanoid entity that is composed of doll-like sectioning without visible joints, and has its arms open as if conducting the audience with the glowing baton in it's hand. Chorus's eyes glow brightly, golden tears dripping from them. They are adorned only with a scarf. A glowing golden halo circles its head behind it, and circular soundwaves emanate from them. Underneath Amaranthe's feet, glowing concentric circles spread out in a wave from her feet. End ID]
Advent of the Euphoria
#Mara's Art#Amaranthe#Chorus#aaaaaa#finally completing art! feels good!!#also im soooooo happy with how this came out im so happy#ammy is basically the incarnation of chorus. she borrows some of chorus's power to buff and debuff things#when she pulls her baton out her eyes change to this color. otherwise they're hazelish#this is my new wallpaper lol#me trying to keep this id small. failing bc this is the first time either of them have shown up. oh well
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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