#im not actually writing rn but i am thinking about it
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"there was only one bed" is actually the perfect trope because it's got forced intimacy, forced communication, putting two guys (gender neutral) in a situation, awkwardness, evenings, mornings, midnights, watching someone sleep, waking up next to someone and feeling more comfortable than you have been for awhile, the realization that you want to fall asleep next to that person forever. blah blah blah multitudes
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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
#writeblr#this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol#by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations#and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me#& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it#''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother#and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious#anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it#it's seen as the only important thing#even if ur gay#and it's a nuanced thing idk#and while rn i i.d. as lesbian#like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label#they're like GET in the BOX#if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)
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im so in love like. woah have you guys done this whole being in love thing before because its Crazy
#camera talks#like im sitting in class thinking about them?#he thinks of me with fall so while im walking through the woods i got a silly smile bc im thinking about him thinking about me ???#we talk about my ocs and podcast and they actually listen#and she's so so cute while they infodump ??#raugh where am i supposed to put all these emotions other than writing a lot of love poems#bc there are way too many love poems in my school notes rn wtf#per the usual being aro was supposed to stop this where did i go wrong /silly
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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend
my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.
but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)
on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.
and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(
you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth
and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!
#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened#my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda#ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game#because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something#normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have#when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think#i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing#others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie#but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy#and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him#and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me#i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder#this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for#literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND#i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better#yapping#diary#loz#pokemon
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i do wish i was better at communicating with people online and through technology. i wander into conversations and make new ones all the time irl with random people and its fun but im like hyping myself to type out a single response to a Post. and to say nothing of how difficult it is to get me to say something in a discord server
#or even video or audio calls are becoming hard for me rn. i used to be better at this#i used to be sooo good at talking to people online. maybe. or maybe not actually#now that i think about it ive always been a little outside of everything in both irl and online communities ive been in#you know i was part of the mods for a deviantart species a long time ago. i was pretty bad at my job i was always too slow to actually mod#and one day i came home from school and like the entire modbase imploded because of drama on a discord or smth they had that i wasnt in LOL#tbh i was a bit older than all of them and busy with final year of highschool stuff so i wasnt super present. i think they just had me on#because while i wasnt particularly popular as an artist i did have some eyecatching polish on my art. but it was wild i was like#whats going on. who are you people. where am i. i have to apply to ouac rn i dont know whats happening#wait random ass deviantart drama i was vaguely adjacent to but still dont really know what happened aside. i would like to chat more#i think the easiest way to converse with me is commenting on my posts like theyre forum threads. or dming me. sometimes#im so bad with group chats. especially if they have multiple channels. the only group chat ive stuck with is a tiny one with like#two other friends and we just write thoughts and about our day and pictures of animals and whatever#i get confused and scared in discords. i get so confused and scared#i used to be okay with discord calls but even with that ive been struggling. am i scared of the computer#am i scared of the computer. the machine. whats happening
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What A Way To Start A Year
T/im learns a little something about karma, friends, and care. Seems even J/on isn't quite as cold as he seems.
A M/agnus A/rchives fic, set somewhere pre-season 1. Shouldn't have any spoilers, but proceed with caution just incase~ (nothing late game, just character dynamic things)
Welcome to "I meant for this to be a little drabble and I wrote 3k words"~ Having a bit of hyperfixation and burn out as I started this new year, soooo I decided to make T/im suffer <3 Not promising quality seeing as I wrote this all in the span of tonight, but consider it a lil 'too long' drabble, and happy new years!
Best way to start off the new year, giving one of your lil guys a lil snz <3
Characters: T/im, M/artin, S/asha, and J/on. Word Count: 3.9k
(CW: There is some swearing, and light descriptions of high fevers)
Christmas had been good this year, maybe the best it had in a long time. Life of the party as always, Tim had enjoyed getting to spend it with his old, and new, colleagues. On top of that, Jon had been laid up with a pretty awful cold for a couple days leading up to it, so he wasn’t around to crush any brilliant ideas Tim came up with.
This led to the budget receiving a fairly substantial hit, though many researchers donated to the cause when they learned this borrowing wasn’t exactly approved. Hell, even Elias had pitched in, claiming something or other about ‘archivists fit for the job not exactly growing on trees’, and wanting to ‘save some of Jon’s sanity’.
“Tim? Are you even listening to me?”
Pulled back to the conversation at hand, Tim lifts his gaze to the taller man fidgeting nervously in front of him. Martin was never one for confrontations, and usually the first ‘no’ would have been more than enough to lead to a string of apologies for even asking. Today however, he seems to have grown a spine. At the worst possible moment.
“Oh come on,” Martin continues, missing the groan slipping from Tim’s throat. “Even Jon agreed to it!”
“I’m not really in the party mood,” Tim retorts, leaning back in his chair. “Besides, Jon didn’t agree to celebrate, he agreed not to stop the celebration. Not the same thing.”
From across her desk, Sasha gives a low chuckle. “He’s got you there, Martin.”
“Can you at least give it a little thought before turning it down?” Martin insists, completely out of character for someone usually so eager to please.
What the hell has gotten into him today? He didn’t even seem to enjoy himself that much at the Christmas party. Sure, he had a few drinks and mingled with the staff, but he’d left as soon as it was over, not waiting around for chatting like Tim and Sasha.
Clearing his throat with a grimace, Tim casts Sasha a dark look as she chuckles again. Knowing far too much, as usual. Especially when it came to him. If it was anyone else, Tim would hate it with all his being, but given that it’s Sasha… well it’s a welcome invasion.
Still, it would be nice if she didn’t rat him out. And to Martin of all people, well let’s just say he saw what happened when Jon was sick. Yeah, passing on that one. Attention is great, Tim lives for it, but the coddling? Not really his style.
“hiEH– guh…”
Damn, that had been a close one. Thankfully Martin seems oblivious, though Sasha sits up in her chair, reaching down into a drawer to fish something out.
Turning his focus back to Martin, Tim provides an offer, desperate to just have the interaction come to an end.
“Fine, I’ll show up, but I don’t want any part in planning it.”
“Oh of course, I’ll handle all the details, I mean it’s just a new years party, how much can there really be to do? I mean food, timing, gotta make sure we have keys to the building– oh but if Jon’s there, that shouldn’t be a problem…” Martin says, rambling beginning to fade into the background as Tim finds himself unable to-
“hH– ek’CHhiew!”
“-Oh, bless you!” Martin says, his own thoughts long forgotten.
Unable to get a word out, Tim merely waves a hand, ducking into his shoulder for another, “eTChhew!”
“Bles-”
And another, “iTSChh’ew!”
“Oh ble-”
And another, “ehh– kTChh’iew!”
Silently Sasha stands, handing Tim a pack of tissues. Must have been what she was looking for in the desk. Once again, knowing more than she should, of course she picked up on his patterns.
Accepting them gratefully, Tim pulls a few out and roughly rubs at his nose, pointedly avoiding Martin’s worried gaze. Gripping his still trembling nose through the tissue, Tim sucks in a tight breath through his teeth, holding for a beat, before finally spinning around in his chair for a final-
“hH’ETCSHh-ieuw! Whew, bless me.”
Martin’s hands are fidgeting again, seemingly unsure of what to do with himself as Tim gives his nose a light massage through the tissue. He’s aware enough not to point it out, but is nearly shaking with the effort of suppressing his concerns.
With a sigh, Tim meets his eyes. “I’m fine, Martin. I always sneeze like that.” He leaves out ‘when I’m sick’. It also happens if he’s suffering allergies, though he doubts that would be a point in his defense given it’s the middle of winter.
“Yeah he’s not kidding,” Sasha pipes up, throwing Tim a wink as he glares. “You should hear him in spring, once it starts he can be going for hours.”
“I wouldn’t say hours, Sash-”
“Remember the cherry blossom incident?” Sasha interrupts, sending a sugary smile over to Martin. “He was wrecked for the rest of the day, I was almost certain he was never gonna stop. Even considered giving a statement here, that reaction was almost supernatural.”
Tim winces, an audible moan slipping from his lips. “We swore to never speak of it again.”
Sasha laughs, Tim giving her another playful glare from behind his tissues. “You swore that, I did no such thing.”
Thankfully Martin doesn’t pry, having enough common sense to offer a polite chuckle, and offer some excuse about ‘planning’. Still, he can’t help himself from shooting a meek “I hope you feel better soon” over his shoulder, Tim giving him finger guns in return.
“This is karma, you know,” Sasha calls after Martin’s outside earshot. “You took pleasure in Jon’s suffering, so now it’s your turn to suffer the same fate.”
“No, thi- eTChhew! Scuse me,” Tim says, rubbing his nose with the tissue one last time before depositing it in his nearly overflowing trash can. Another tissue is plucked as his eyes begin to water, nostrils flaring with reckless abandon. Never just one.
“kTChh’uew! hh’iTChh –uew! Tihhckles… eTCHh! etchh’uh! hiehh–”
The last one toys with him, tracing the rims of his nostrils, back up his sinuses, a gentle itch that seems to burn against every inch of his nose. Finally, with a desperate gasp, Tim ducks into his wrist for the last, “heh’ATChhh –iew!”
“Many blessings. Sounds like you need them,” Sasha offers with a wince, tossing another pack of tissues over, which Tim catches with a single hand, the other still gripping his nose.
After taking a moment to clean himself up, Tim shoots her his signature smile, ignoring the eye roll she shoots back. “Where was I?”
“Admitting this is karma?”
“It’s not karma, it’s lack of common sense. Going to a party where a coworker is sick, and still drinking and eating the same meals” Tim says, aiming a rough cough into his sleeve.
Sasha winces once more at the quality of the cough, hands rummaging through her drawers once more as she tosses a reply back. “And yet you’re the only one who caught it. Seems like karma to me.”
Closing the distance between them in a single stride, Sasha places a hand on Tim’s shoulder, voice softening. “It’s two days till new years, why don’t you go home and try to get some rest? I doubt Martin will object, and I’ll cover for you with Jon.”
Before Tim can form his rebuttal, Sasha places a box of paracetamol and a jar of vapor rub in front of him. Nodding his thanks, Tim lets out another harsh cough into his arm, leaning as far away from Sasha as he can manage.
With a light rub to his shoulder, Sasha walks to the door, holding it open with a pointed look. “Go home, you sound awful.”
“Alright, alright. I got the message. hH’ETchhiew!” Tim says, gathering his care package and beginning his walk down the hallway.
“If I hear the rest of that fit happening in this building, I’m telling Martin how ill you really are,” Sasha calls after him, a smile flashing over her face as Tim holds up his hands in mock surrender, before ducking back into his arm with another muffled burst.
—
“You look horrible.”
Tim manages a weary smile from behind the tightly wound scarf. “Thagk you.”
Martin winces, standing in the doorframe, seemingly oblivious to the winter chill soaking into Tim’s bones. Even just the walk from the train station was hell on earth, standing out here is doing him no favours.
Turning away with a throat scraping cough, Tim manages to clear the congestion enough to finish the sentence somewhat understandably. A great feat, given how fast his voice is retreating. “May I remind you that I’m only here because you insisted.”
“Right, well I… I didn’t know how bad-” Martin begins, realizing spreading across his face like a wildfire as a chill leaves Tim breathless. “Oh god, I’m making you freeze to death while you’re already this sick, I’m so sorry, come in, I’ll go make you a tea.”
Tim nods his thanks as he piles inside the warm institute, cursing his aching lungs as each breath of warm air seems to burn them from the inside out. Martin rushes away, nearly crashing into a few researchers as he makes his frantic dash for the kitchen.
The scarf is reluctantly removed, a shudder running through Tim’s back as the warm air does nothing to soothe what he’s now certain is a growing fever. A few researchers wave to him, offering some idle chit-chat as he makes his way inside.
For the most part, people give him a wide berth, apparently he looks as bad as he feels. Tissues in hand, gripping them like a lifeline, Tim finds his way to a couch and lets himself sink into it. The party buzzes around him, fading into background noise.
Martin returns soon after, the mug vibrating slightly as he attempts to steady his hand. “I wasn’t sure what kind you’d want, we have a pretty limited amount, but I have a few extras in my desk– oh I could have probably found one for colds and flus, I’m not sure which this is, I thought cold before but you look-”
“Martin,” Tim interrupts, voice cutting uncomfortably through his raw throat. “Can I have the cup?”
“Oh, right, sorry!” Martin says, a sheepish grin crossing his face, nerves more than anything else, as he hands Tim the mug. Tim gives another appreciative nod, taking a cautious sip.
The warm liquid feels like heaven against his throat, and he barely manages to choke back a whimper. The flavour is still a mystery, Martin never actually got to that part. Given how little he can taste at the moment, seems it’s gonna remain that way. Still, the heat beginning to warm his chest is a welcome relief, and Tim has to fight to keep his eyes from drifting shut…
“Watch out!”
The voice rouses him, his eyes snapping open just in time to witness Jon dropping to his knees in front of the couch. The realization doesn’t sink in for another minute, Tim blinking the tired from his eyes and trying to figure out why people are staring… and why there’s a hand on his finge–
Oh, the tea. Thankfully Jon’s reflexes seemed to kick in just in time, his hands guiding Tim’s cup to the table next to him. Judgement clouds the boss's eyes as he turns back, fully ready to chastise Tim, no doubt. Jon opens his mouth, one hand beginning to point, but as his eyes scan Tim’s form, his demeanor changes instantly.
“You don’t seem well.” Jon’s voice is still firm, but with a hint of something Tim can’t quite place. On anyone else, he’d call it concern. On Jon… perhaps concern isn’t far off, though the underlying criticism of the statement irritates him.
“I wonder why that could be? It’s almost as if someone came to the Christmas party sick enough to fall asleep standing. Twice.” Tim says, sarcasm lining his words, alongside the congestion he can’t seem to fully shake.
“Well in that case,” Sasha chimes in, cheerful voice a natural antithesis to the misery coursing through Tim’s system. “Seems you’re halfway there!”
“Hey, I was lying down, that’s hardly the sahh… same thing– hH’ETchh!”
“Here we go,” Sasha says, already turning on her heel to find a tissue box as Tim’s hitches increase in desperation.
“aHTChh’ew! gn’tchhew!”
“Bless,” Jon offers, a brief confusion crossing his face as Sasha laughs, shaking her head.
“He’s not done,” She says, handing over the tissue box.
Tim grabs for it blindly, too caught up in the fit to even attempt dignity. Still, the eyes on him do leave him with a hint of embarrassment, and the onslaught is muffled as best he can manage. “hH’MMpshhew! eMPFShh’ieh! hh’MFSHhueh!”
Blessings sound out from the room, Tim managing to wave a hand towards the ones offering them, eyes still watering. As the fit seems to stall, he lowers his tissues, red nose now visibly twitching.
“Are you alright?” Jon asks, the hint of concern from before now plainly evident. That’s frankly more alarming than it should be, and Tim finds himself wanting to… reassure the boss.
“I’m okay, it’s juhh… j-just… huhh–” But it seems his nose has other plans, a tissue being raised once more as Tim paws at the appendage. “‘Scuhhse me, I still have… hahhve to… to… hiHh– eTCHh’ew! hk’ASCHh–oo!”
This time the tickle fades with the final pitchy sneeze, Tim letting out a low groan as he mashes his nose into the ever growing collection of tissues he’s clutching. A few people call out final blessings, Sasha laughing out hers as Tim’s face goes red once more.
Martin picks this time to enter the room with drinks, Tim letting his eyes flutter shut as the focus shifts off his misery. A gentle touch keeps him from drifting off to sleep, prying open an eye to find Sasha settling onto his left.
“Careful, don’t want to catch this,” Tim manages, leaning against his right shoulder to muffle another stream of chesty coughs. Sasha winces as it goes on past the realm of comfort, her hand finding his back.
“Don’t worry about me, I haven’t earned this cold, I didn’t make use of Jon’s or your suffering,” She says, the playful tone not masking the growing worry in her posture.
While she can read him like a book, she’s no mystery to him either. The tension in her fingers, absentmindedly stroking patterns on his back. The way she subconsciously tries to support his body weight, despite them both sitting. The look in her eyes when he manages to stall the coughing long enough to meet them.
With this brief respite from the attack, Sasha takes the chance to bring Tim’s tea back, his fingers wrapping around the warm mug. The first few sips burn, his lungs protesting, begging to return to their efforts to expel all the irritation. By the third, however, the warmth is spreading once more, easing the spasms.
“Alright?” Sasha asks, beginning to stand from the couch. Tim nods his reply, taking another slow sip. “Think you’ll make it till midnight? We’ve still got a few hours to go.”
He nods his approval again, not yet trusting his voice enough to make an attempt. Sasha simply smiles, easing back into the party that– Tim had almost forgotten existed. That fever must be worse than he thought, given how loud it is. A fact that’s now pounding against his head in harmony with his heartbeat.
The party continues on, Sasha and Martin taking turns checking in on Tim as he slips rapidly in and out of consciousness. Seconds turn to hours, and before he knows it, it’s two minutes to midnight.
As Tim blinks against the harsh fluorescent lighting, it’s Jon that stands before him, hand hovering near his side. Tim begins to speak, breaking off into a cough as his voice comes out rough with sleep and congestion.
“What’s up boss?” He manages with the second attempt, not missing Jon’s wince at the nasal quality.
“You simply look… well, the festivities are nearly over, I was just inquiring as to…” Jon seems to get stuck, eyes wandering down to the couch as he finishes. “I know you took the train here, I was seeing if you needed an escort home.”
“How kind, I’d be delighted to have your accompaniment,” Tim responds, the wit clouding the fact he… hadn’t actually considered needing to go home. Jon seems to take this answer as satisfactory, ignoring all the sarcasm as he gives a tight nod and an out of practice smile.
From across the room Martin calls out, something about a countdown. Tim attempts to pull himself to a stand, finding Sasha’s arm around his waist, guiding him to the wall. Leaning against it, he lets his rough voice join the chorus as they count into the new year.
Despite how the lights and noise had pounded into his skull, everyone chanting in unison helps Tim realize that… there actually aren’t that many people here. Aside from his coworkers, there’s only a few researchers, and Elias is not in attendance.
Honestly, thank whatever cosmic being may exist for that one, he had been none too fond of Jon’s arriving sick. Tim shudders to think what he would have said about this state. He shouldn’t have come, but… something about how insistent Martin was… well he just couldn’t disappoint that loveable idiot.
Somehow Tim finds he’s managed to keep up with the counting, despite being worlds away in his thoughts. As they approach the final numbers, a feathery sensation begins to spread through his nostrils- no.
Absolutely not, this is not the time. It’s never just one, there’s not enough people here, someone’s gonna notice. And I mean, it’s not like he’s hiding the fact he feels like death, but… drawing that much attention is also not the goal.
“Five! Four!”
“hiehh- h’ngTchh!” He manages to stifle the first, the congestion pounding in his head as the tickle seems to only get worse.
“Three! Two!”
“I cad’t– nNDtch! nGTCh’uh!”
“One–”
As the cheers begin to erupt, Tim ducks into the tissues with a scraping, “ehg’TCHhiew!”
“Happy new years!”
“yiEShh’iew! etchh’uh! hH’AESHH –oo!” Tim dips into his hands again, managing to sink down against the wall as he lets out a congested blow, ending the fit.
“What a way to ring in the new year,” Comes Sasha’s voice, her form blocking the light from Tim’s eyes as he looks up, fever blurring his vision.
“Shud ub.”
“Christ Tim, you sound awful,” Jon adds, his form appearing behind Sasha’s.
“Thagks boss,” Tim retorts, groaning as he notices a third form, Martin’s nervous fidgeting easy to spot even from this angle. Martin remains silent, though his eyes seem to hold more concern than any of them, and… guilt? Or maybe that’s just the delirium.
Glancing up to meet Sasha’s gaze, Tim offers a weary, “Tibe to go hobe?”
She nods softly, kneeling to help him to his feet, Martin wordlessly taking his other arm. Jon stands off to the side, hesitating. What for, who knows. All Tim can focus on is one step after the other, just gotta make it home, then he can sleep. For the rest of forever, at this rate.
As they get to the door, Martin helps wrap the scarf around Tim’s neck, forcing him to lift it from its perch against Sasha’s shoulder. Sasha, for her part, supports his weight with ease, she was always stronger than she looked.
Martin keeps casting glances towards Tim, obviously fretting over something. Too tired to manage his usual charm, Tim gives Martin the softest look he can manage. “Jusd say id, please. You’re makigg me nervous.”
“I’m so sorry I asked you to come, you’re obviously so unwell, and I know I didn’t really know that at the time, but I should have, or at least texted and checked in, I just… I wanted us all to get along so bad and I thought if you came it would mean more fun because you’re always so lively and good at talking to people and-”
Tim holds up a hand, eyes glazing over as Martin stops short, breath coming almost as rapidly as Tim’s. After a minute goes by, Martin starts to open his mouth, seeming confused by the interruption, before nearly jumping out of his skin as Tim ducks into his fist.
“eTCHh’ew! hH’YEAShh –iew! Sorry, I feld those cobigg… waid– hih’ETCHhew! heAYSHh’oo!” Tim ducks down again, Sasha grabbing him tighter to support the harsh shudders as he attempts to keep his balance.
“Oh bless you,” Martin offers, voice coming out timid. Tim gives him, what he hopes is, a warm smile despite the fever taking hold of the last corners of his mind.
“If I didn’t wanna cobe, I would have stayed hobe. I dod’t blame you.”
Martin nods silently, a relief seeming to flood his face. Taking his place once more supporting Tim, they move towards the exit. Opening the door, the first wave of cold floods the entryway, and a chill so violent runs through Tim that both Martin and Sasha take a step back to brace him.
It’s now that Jon speaks up, voice strained with a type of worry Tim hadn’t heard before. “No, we’re absolutely not doing this, I refuse.”
The trio turn towards him. Though perhaps a more accurate description is that Martin and Sasha turn, Tim simply goes along for the ride. Martin mumbles something about ‘no other choice’, but Sasha asks what Jon’s on about.
“It’s too cold out there, it’s the middle of the damn night, there’s no way I’m letting him go home like this.”
“And what do you suggest we do as an alternative? He can’t stay here-” Sasha begins, pausing as Jon turns towards her.
“Why not? I’m the archivist, this is my archive,” Jon begins, pausing for a moment, before adding, “Well, Elias’s, but I hardly think he’d suggest we send an employee home in this weather while they’re this sick. That’s just bad management, he’ll freeze to death before even reaching the train.”
As if to confirm this assumption, Tim shudders violently, ducking into his chest with a tired, “hh’eshhew! eTCHh’iew!” followed by a heavy sigh. Martin mumbles something about covering, but quickly silences himself as Tim begins to tremble again.
Sasha gives Jon a look, seeming to read him for any hints of doubt, perhaps searching for an ulterior motive. After a brief pause, their eyes meeting, she gives a tight nod, approval of some kind.
“Come on Martin, let’s get him back to that couch, he can sleep there for the night,” Sasha directs, Martin nodding his acceptance.
Tim manages to catch snippets of the conversation as they get him settled. Jon fetching him a blanket he keeps in his office. Martin providing some more tea. Sasha grabbing tissues and medication for when he wakes up. Something about Jon sleeping in his office so he’s not alone, and Sasha coming in early to help him home.
With his final bout of consciousness, Tim holds up a hand, the conversation immediately pausing. “Thagk you guys. And… esSHhh’ew! And, I’b sorry.”
All three stare at him for a minute, before Sasha breaks first. Her laughter fills the silence, Martin joining in soon after, and even Jon letting a few chuckles slip out. When they’ve finally collected themselves, Sasha gives Tim a warm smile.
“Sleep well, Tim. I’ll come fetch you in the morning.”
With a content sigh, Tim lets his eyes drift shut again, his consciousness fading to the soft hum of his friends in the background.
Alright, so maybe coddling isn’t quite so bad after all.
#waterfallwrites#the m/agnus a/rchives#was that my tag?? i think it was ahuguh#anyways i wrote this in a flurry of 'i need to do something about my hyperfixation' induced attention span#took many breaks but all in all took about 6ish hours (including the breaks)#and im kinda proud of myself for just! doing it!!#props to my friend for telling me to 'just write something with no pressure and let it be what it is'#so this is a drabble that turned into an actual fic bc i didnt! pressure myself!#if it sucks it sucks- if it doesnt it doesnt- whatever it is i made it and im gonna be happy with that#plus its t/ma which rn is just... SOOO it for me. i am so hyperfixated#and t/im is my beloved i love this man#and i may possibly try to write about j/ons version of this cold and maybe The Cherry Blossom Incident#but i actually have a different t/ma fic in the works so that one comes first <3#anyways yes here you go!! i toss this into the void! and see if! anyone wants it!#t/ma#t/im s/toker
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oh COME ON
#laaaaaame boooo tomato tomato#i was about to praise them for making an actually interesting character and they just. come out with this#PLEASE just let a character do bad things for understandable but unjustifiable reasons#instead of pulling out the possession shit EVERY TIME#(god i probably sound incomprehensible rn huh)#(i might write about this later when im. thinking sorta clearly)#(it is. 7:36 am rn)#wonderblog
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wait im just thinking about how some manhwas have male leads that look really idol-ish and and now i need a yoongi lookalike romantic interest who would stop what he's doing to make little snacks for his crush... he'd be the king of the miscommunication and one-sided pining trope.... THINK ABOUT HOW THE WORLD WOUDL BE SO MUCH BETTER ARGHFDHSGH......
dont think about an isekai manhwa where "yoongi" is a cursed knight trapped in an ancient artifact and the fl releases him and he's all like "thank you for saving me, i owe you my life, please allow me to come with you" and all the fl can think is "OH MY GOD ARE YOU MIN YOONGI...." and just learns that no matter the universe, yoongi is awesome and sweet and cute and and and...
OR shoujo manhwa where yoongi is the— actually hold on i had to stop myself because i think i was just about to describe hyyh yoonkook LMAOOO on god that tweet that said "the world could end and all that would be left would be cockroaches and hyyh yoonkookers" is real
anyway this was all an excuse to tell everyone that ive been rotted by manhwas lately and the need to Create Something has been strong but not strong enough to write so. i am just dumping ideas here. okay bye!!!!!
#i really want that isekai story btw. if u even care LMAO#i am actually itching to write that into a fic but on god theres not enough brain juice in me to think about that rn#also me: slowly opens a google doc to write headcanons#can u tell im going insane#this is what rotting in your room does to a mfer#zee talks
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Finally got around to watching Boom (was too busy to watch it on the day it came out). It wasn't what I'd call one of my all time favorite episodes but I thought it was overall pretty good and definitely reinforced my feeling that Steven Moffat, for all his flaws, is actually a pretty good writer, he's just a terrible showrunner. When he's writing stand alone episodes he's usually at bare minimum decent and often, with episodes like Blink, even great, and I think the impression I get is he's good at coming up with ideas and horrible at sustaining them. Every time he brings something back he seems to feel the need to muck it up and make it more confusing and more convoluted and detract from the thing that made it interesting and cool in the first place. Truly the epitome of less is more. You can see it with stuff he introduced in the episodes he wrote during the original RTD era and then brought back as showrunner. The Weeping Angels got less intimidating and more convoluted and dull every time he wrote a new story with them. River Song was never as good a character as she was in her debut episodes because her hot mess of a storyline and backstory completely overrode the things that made her stand out in the Library episodes. Anyway. I don't mind him writing further stand alone episodes but I hope that's all he gets to do. I don't want him having significant input on long-term plot arcs.
#doctor who#random thoughts#im also not saying there were no good episodes during his time as showrunner#like theres some genuinely great ones including ones he wrote himself. heaven sent obviously comes to mind.#but i think the general season long plots were mostly. pretty bad.#like even heaven sent gets immediately let down by the next episode and the way the storylines were wrapped up imo#also he does have other glaring flaws in his writing. like as others have observed he is. not great. at writing women#but that also tends to stick out less in his one-off episodes compared to shows he had full long term control over#(side note i am a little afraid by how Magic Mystery Girl Ruby is rn. I basically like her and I like Millie Gibson's performance but)#(atm i feel as though the mystery surrounding her is overriding her actual personality and dimensionality as a person)#(based on the next episode preview it seems like she's really at the forefront so maybe we'll get more about who she actually is? hopefully#damn i meant these tags to be just a quick extra note but they really became their own whole Thing huh
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an uncle nina check in <3
hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333
i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<
i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!
and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.
however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...
makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333
so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,
uncle nina xx
#nina speaks#hi my loves#idk what the point of this was#i just know my blog is really inconsistent and i know i dont really post anything or anything that useful#but i wanted you to know that i love you very much and i still care a lot about all of you and all my content actually#which i have been fleshing out in notebooks and google docs i've been doing lots of world building and character study#so feel free to ask me something challenging about any part of my nina sp auniverse that interests u itll make my brain work#i've also been taking very silly but dilligent notes abt what ravesey style looks like for ter so if u want to laff at those u can#i just love taking notes on detail and understanding exactly what characters look like or what settings appear like idk#might be some experimental writing on here i like doing different mediums like i was being silly#and started writing a netflix trailer for rm haha i also have been doing weird personality tests and questionnaires#i've been trying to think very deeply about tkak and my tfbw styles if u have any questions there and am deep plotting rm#trying to be impactful while also keeping things fun and learning to enjoy myself again i suppose#so again thakn u for being here sorry its weird on here but thank u for supporting me as i learn and grow my sunshines#also ik i have a ton of asks and uve already asked me so many things so never feel inclined to message me#but i love hearing what ur curious about hopefully i can answer some stuff eventually but again im on a break#i'm here but i'm not this is a safe place we try and fail we have fun and promote style world domination thru my weird styles#ilysm i'm shutting up now i promise i'm still here i'm just trying to be healthy and happy esp rn when i am not emotionally well#gotta protect my peace and my vibe palace but im still here!#MWAH MWAH MWAAAAAH#really trying to heal my inner child or like the girl in me that liked to write silly stories and create crazy things#weird hcs big dramatic plots silly stuff...i want to honor that girl because she was happy and free and had fun#and i want to do that again so lets have fun guys#no judgement no seriousness just good vibes and good reads#welcome to the uncle nina learns to laugh again arc#i hope you enjoy it
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actually you know what the mcu was absolutely evil for introducing spider-man and immediately making him follow iron man around and then ALSO using him as a prop to make iron man look cooler meanwhile peter barely gets a faithful story of his own IN HIS OWN MOVIES
#sorry that it takes like. one textpost to get me writing a paragraph wall#THE FACT. IRON MAN . IS A MASSIVE PLOT POINT IN HOCO AND ALSO IN FFH. BROTHER I DO NOT FUCKING CARE ABOUT THIS GUY#DO NOT GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THE SONY MOVIES . I AM SO . FUCKING . INSANE RN#I MISS HARRY SOOOOOOOO BAD I WANT PARKSBORN CODEPENDENCY NOWWWWWWWWWW#PERSONAL#THE FACT THAT HOCO IS 'peter is so young and naive he keeps making mistakes'#AND THEN FFH IS 'peter is so young and naive he keeps making mistakes'#AND THEN NWH IS 'peter is so young and naive he keeps making mistakes'#DUDE WHEN DOES HE LEARN. WHEN DOES HE GET CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT#ALSO THE FACT HE JUST . EVERY MOVIE HE FINDS OUT TONY IS ACTUALLY AN EVEN WORSE PERSON THAT HE PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED AND#NOOOOTTTTHINGGGGGG IS DONE ABOUT IT#the fact it took 3 movies of fucking around and it ended up with the mcu implying he's going to be more comics accurate. or at least less ..#like that....#like you have a trilogy to do something with spidey and also an EXTENDED UNIVERSE and nothing happens#the nymcu (new york marvel cinematic universe) where its just daredevil and spider man and some select avengers that i like is very real to#me. VERY real to ME#we also seriously have to lower the stakes i'd love for him to be a friendly neighborhood spider-man#im not joking. why was he even in england. like just write any semblance of plot so peter feels responsible and FOLLOWS beck to england#because he literally cannot leave it alone. because it is his responsibility. because he cant help but think this is his fault#mostly a joke cause i dont love england but still.#SOMEHTING LIKE THIS PLEASE. PLEASE PPPPLLLLLEEEAAAAASE (the sniper on the opposing rooftop takes the shot and kills me)#edit: excuse me everybody i am not hating on tasm i love andrew garfield so much i can look over its issues#i AM hating on the weird little fucking spiderman universe theyre making without a spiderman. LMFAO#like what is sony thinking . WHAT.#morbius and also the kraven movie i have so little hopes for you its insane#and i very much enjoyed the venom movies but theyre also soooo fun as a standalone#where eddie is just going a widdle batshit
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UGH i wrote another stupid small thing 4 swapinverse.... idk whats wrong with me why am i writing so much swapinverse stuff when i havent even finished it. anyways swapinverse killer here take this (this one is much vaguer bc it takes place before a lot of the more like obvious events happen??? idk only i understand what i'm talking about here)
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open eyes. greeting by the dark ceiling again. get dressed. typical routine for him… nothing new. nothing interesting. papyrus will knock on the door soon. he should probably prepare for that. no need to stay in bed. that won't do anything anyways. he’ll still feel nothing. like normal, he knocks after the jacket is put on. and he opens that door, to be greeted with the enthusiastic, smiling face of his brother.
sans smiles. obviously, he has to. otherwise paps will get worried, and he doesn't wanna have to deal with a worried paps. it just makes things worse for everyone. they walk through the forest, paps leads him to the guard station, and he sits. same as usual… the exact same. the same routine, nothing new. nothing new. the same. it's all the same.
sans had long since gotten tired of this monotony. soon, chara would come out of that door. he’d introduce himself to them, and they’d play that short game of pretend where they pretended not to know each other. like they always did. chara mentioned something about it being scripted or something, but sans couldn't be bothered to care. besides, the human always mumbled random stuff like that. it meant nothing. nothing new. they’d kill the rest of the underground, he’d fight them because he has nothing better to do, and die.
although they did mention that deal they’d been talking about? what was that? join them? yeah, no. he wasn't gonna do that. no matter how many resets passed.
oh. here they come. better get on track. or onto script, like chara says. for some reason, they say that. the saying gets stuck a bit in sans’s head. just a bit though, since it’s a new thought. and they turn, and sans shakes hands with chara.
he’s long since ditched the whoopee cushion. despite them still doing what was practically a ritual at this point, that was the only change that ever happened. nice that he chose for the newness, but it didn't change much. but… something was off. something was wrong. and sans could feel it. he could feel it. and that was what was wrong.
it wasn't with the way chara smiled, or their posture, or how their hand was outstretched. not the strange, expectant excitement in their red eyes, although that was a bit new. it wasn't even all of the dust covering them, certainly from the ruins. no, the issue was from sans himself. he could feel something wrong. like some sort of internal dread? no, something worse… an ache? he’d gotten used to all the one’s he normally felt, so what was it?
once the human’s hand left his and walked through the gate, he knew what it was. something… that something he could feel. that something that passed through the barrier of apathy he’d built all this time. an itch? sans scratched at his head, just idly. physical or not, he didn't know. he had to figure it out. and so, he followed after the human.
after a while of watching them, chara, do their… usual business, sans had came to a conclusion. it was both. and also, neither. the itch was something that he could feel, but not physically. so it was a mental itch. and that itch managed to effect him so badly he felt it on his bones. strange. and for some reason, as he watched chara slaughter one after another, kill and murder another one of his kin, sans couldn't wrench his eye lights away from the sight. for some reason, he couldn't stop watching as chara singly handledly destroyed his species. for some reason, he followed.
"it's not that bad, anyways. just… morbid curiosity. it wouldn't hurt to just… scratch that itch a bit. nothing will come of it."
and sans made sure to say that one out loud, just to convince himself.
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oooh pal buddy you do not know what you are in for!!!! you are about to experience terrible suffering at your own hands!!!! sucks to suck lmao at least your chara is just as confused as you are during the process haha! i love swapinverse this is so fun i keep on saying that but i really should write more
#dude savior stop talking about scripts and stuff you dont know what just happened to YOUR script#so i did like a little thingy for paranoia/horror. and now one for killer/savior. that leaves mania left ofc#swapinverse is taking over i need to be lobotomized#ok back to that one friend i think i mentioned earlier. i think i might be a bit too weird already#like i mentioned selfcest and ao3 and like immediately i felt like i was being judged. idk maybe just me#she made an alpha joke and i said ur alpha style doesn't effect me im a bets#and i was talking about abo/omegaverse while they were talking about wolf rankings and stuff#am i TOO chronically online??? AM I TOO WEIRD?????#i feel like a grandpa with the glasses reading the newspaper because i feel outdated#i feel too niche.... maybe i should get more interests than just this kne...... whatever#they friended me on roblox so maybe we'll actually play a game together one day and then ill finally have a reason to play roblox again#tricule write#omg TWO writing posts??? triglycercule WHATS POSSESSING YOU#the urge to stay up is. its 1 am rn i wanna sleep because sleep feel.soloo good#but also i gotta finish laundry but keep getting distracted with writing/tumblr#i should stop that and get focused. ughhhhhh
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not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever
#the actual nerve of some people like it's bad enough getting those kinds of comments ON taob#bc obviously any comment along the lines of 'im literally begging you to update' is gonna piss the fuck out of a writer#BUT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING FIC????? HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY#and the fact these people not only dont think they're doing anything wrong but think they're COMPLIMENTING ME#'i love your writing so much please update taob' IS NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. LET ALONE ON A FIC THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO TAOB#WITH NO MENTION OF TAMS IN THE COMMENT EITHER. NO 'I REALLY LIKE THIS FIC. UPDATE TAOB' not that that would make it okay#but the utter audacity of it all is jarring. how are you gonna clearly have read tams and felt the need to comment#just to have NOTHING to say about it and tell me to update a different fic. actually fuck off#ending the comment with 'okay i love you' do you now. do you really. well it's unrequited babe. fuck off#you people make me mad sometimes istg#'hella why are you always so negative about taob's popularity' when i get something good out of it i'll let you know#edit: they left that comment on ch1 of tams which actually implies they didn't even read it which is somehow. worse#like they've clearly just clicked on it with no regard for the passion and effort i put into it seeing as it's a WHOLE SEPERATE FIC#and considered only that i might give the comment more attention if it was on tams not taob. what the actual fuck is the thought process#in what WORLD is someone taking that as a compliment. in what world am i gonna go 'omg writing it rn just for you bestie 🥺'#actually fuming about this idk why this one has got to me so much the utter CHEEK of it all has really knocked me sideways lmaooo
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time displacement is great :D
Oh! Thank you so much! I do want to go back to it someday but that's not on my docket atm. It is near and dear to my heart though.
#shitpost#fic: time displacement#also im 100% okay with spoiling the story on this blog so#i don't beat myself up too much about leaving it languishing so much#i still like the story but my interest in homestuck faded with the epilogues and i haven't really gotten it back#homestuck was never like a big deal for me either but TD is a premise that really really stuck with me#but idk the fact that i will never get to be a parent put some dampers on the thing.#And like...writing that dream was a part of my interest if that makes sense?#like there's LOADS of other themes and like playing with an interesting story and characters and such too#and there is a part of the next arc i am like SO passionate about and SO excited for and#i may not have actually spoiled that here so i'll be vague#but like. Dave will stop narrating at some point because it is me deliberately hiding things wheeee#anyways. sorry. rambling. I am very exhausted rn so I think I'm just chatting#Thank you very much for the ask :)#People still reaching out about it is 100% why TD still exists in my heart which is so so important
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i h8 nightwing ((2016)) sm that i would reread it all over again just 2 make a list & point out all the things i dont enjoy in it
#i recently remembered issue 100 & it made me head in hands in the not fun way#listen i like dick#i like a decent....i think? amount of the run#its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not....i just dont like it vry super duper much#its like#like yk how theres that thing where ppl go smth smth “comic fans always look 2 muhc in2 a thing”? yeah that#thats me w/this stupid run i dont like it vry muhc#it annoys me thats prolyl the best way 2 describe it#IS THE 90S RUN BETTER? uhhhh idk thats also pretty awful especially after dg started writing 4 it#all the plots got weird & 4getful & didnt make sense#like somethings just happen & never get explained & its hella annoying#but ughhhhhh idk i think im more fine w/it rn bc its darker & im an edgy piece of shit#but theres smth about dicks characterization in 2016 that makes me confused & the watered down points-#am i just speaking out of my ass?#PERHAPS#but im thinking about shit in 2016 & just banging my head on the desk#srry im just yapping but also this is my blog fuck u?????????'#srryyyyhJ<#im actually just so tired of not complaining like im keeping it in it feels bad 4 some reason#i wanna share my opinion 4 some reason EWWWWWWWWWW
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if i was good at putting my thoughts into words itd be so over for all of you
#my post#slams fist on desk. i would write so much analysis............#alas. i am not good with words and everything gets all mixed up#so i just think about things REALLY REALLY HARD while drawing#like im having a cat 10 wavelength event rn but ccan i vocalize any of it. any of the feelinsg im having. no.#but i HAVE drawn him 10000 times today#secrets revealed this is actually why ive been constantly drawing fanart for a decade#i dont know how else to make clear how much i liked something or what really hit me hard
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