#im not a big fan anymore
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okay i js had this stupid thought and its plaguing me, but like, i dont want to grow up at all. i js want to stay a kid, yk? like im scared. what if i grow up and then my love for the interests i have now just fades away? i dont want that. its such a stupid thought because change is inevitable, and we all have experienced it firsthand, but i just, im scared to lose my love for twst. or anything actually. i cant fully explain it, its just, the dread?? ahhh idk ill stop
#‼️ rant.#i also remember in the pandemic i was scared to lose interest in bnha bcs that was the only thing that brought me comfort at the time#and here i am lol#im not a big fan anymore#i just dont want the same thing to happen with twst#sorry im yapping too much
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she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh
#one piece#trans!sanji#sanji#kiku#yamato#ワンピース#I'm practicing my japanese shhhhhh#(日本語のペラペラ人:俺は文法とか書く方とか間違ったら教えてください😅ありがとうございます)#translation:#Yamato: I'll be able to get as strong as Oden?#Sanji: Probably... 🤔#[meanwhile Kiku is remembering the time in the hot spring]#(Sanji: Nami-chan!!!)#(Nami: Shut up!! The women's bath is supposed to be a peaceful place!)#Kiku: I am also ⚧️ ... o.o#(y'all english speakers had me all to yourselves for a decade it's about time I start to also sometimes make stuff in my next language lol#notably for media *from* that language#same as it made sense to make fan content in english for [american superhero franchise we don't talk abt anymore] back in the day#(happy seasonal reminder that Ren Is Not A Native English Speaker and This Is My 5th Language hi 😅))#while looking up reference for this I learnt that the straps to tie back the kimono sleeves are called tasuki#also I decided yamato get big muscles cause he got them kaido genes in im (I also gave him his dad's young-man-facial hair)#the more I do transition projections for one piece characters while tryna adhere to the style the more I learn that sometimes stylisation#uses bones less as literal determinants for where things go and just kinda exaggerates shapes based on vibes alone instead#meaning trans characters' bones wouldn't literally stay looking the same in that stylisation in the way they do irl#they'd get exaggerated differently based on what the surrounding stuff is doing#I still think oda's transition demonstration when we first met iva was unreasonable even with that in mind tho
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So a lot of the people her on Tumblr that I follow have found out that they're a variety of things. A lot of my favorite artists are otherkin or plural(? A system? Imma be real, I don't know much about it), and while I don't think I'm either of those (really hoping that doesn't come off rude) it has opened my eyes to a lot of new things and I'm now questioning damn near everything.
And I'm honestly happy about that. Am I girl? Am I boy? Am I neither or both or in between or outside of that? I've got no clue, and that's great! I was already having a small identity crisis before hand but now that it's grown so much bigger and I'm aware of so much more, I'm content with it. I don't know what I am, I probably won't for a while, but that's okay with me, because it gets me one step closer to being who I am.
Am I gonna tell my friends any of this? Nope! The only ones who will know about any of this are the ones who follow my page, but that's what I've got Tumblr for. There are so many interesting, unique people here, people who I actively want to talk to and befriend. There isn't any other place I could think to go through this little self discovery adventure I'm embarking on.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go look more into otherkin stuff, because the denial comic from the amazing @welldrawnfish (@ ing because the art's incredible and anyone who follows me needs to see it) left me... uh, thinking about a lot.
#personal#questioning#idk what i am anymore#but thats okay#artist mention too because im a big ass fan girl for good art#sorry to @welldrawnfish if this got in the way of anything#youre too cool for me not to#so nervous to post this omg
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favorite frank is. frank with kids. this guy was meant to be a dad
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#hes doing his best#im not even a big fan of kids myself. cant imagine having any i dont think id be any good at it#franks great though. clearly having kids is something he still really wishes he could have but cant due to. yk. the punisher thing#im tired of hornyposting he makes me sad#fuck whats that one ph comments meme. i dont even want to jerk off anymore i just want to be loved#oooh i think about it. i think about his smile the smile you can only see in old pictures he keeps#and sometimes the ghost of it when hes trying his best with kids#its beautiful how he loves them. and very sad how he hates himself#theres also something to be said about the times kids are scared of him and how he accepts it as part of what he 'needs' to do#surely thats not a part of the way he constantly tries to punish himself for 'failing' his family. surely
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this is the universe where lonelyeyes is canon. i know because they have a beautiful daughter named lena kelley
#im not even that big of a lonelyeyes shipper anymore im just a big fan of this concept specifically#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp meme#tmagp shitpost#lonelyeyes#peter lukas#elias bouchard#jonah magnus#lena kelley
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i feel like having mike break the male-voiced computer in monkee vs machine by flirting with it is either quite gay or a nod to the “now be a girl” in mikes screen test. either way mike can flirt with something male-presenting.
#the monkees#mike nesmith#michael nesmith#ah faggotry#and it’s not even pride month anymore!#they could’ve had the computer have a female voice but NO#i’m just watching this episode and having thoughts#it’s so early in the show too they’re all so little and cute#mikes early character was so softspoken#such a contrast to later when it seems like he’s on crack (ie. monkees in texas)#but anyway i’m just imaging mike in the 90s soft-flirting with everyone all the time because he doesn’t care anymore#i really forgot how much i love this episode. im a big fan of toy design too so it works for me#back when monkee episodes had solid plots and didn’t just dissolve into chaos by the end#(which is not a bad thing. i love this chaos. i just think it’s really funny that they were once trying to make like…#full put-together episode stories with messages and stuff.)
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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youidraw.com was lowkey a little disappointing
#bandit's doodles#grian#mumbo jumbo#waffle duo#is waffle duo even their duo name anymore#this must be some kind of sick joke right#Just for a bit in his video#Im calling it rn#It can't be permanent#waffle duo will live on forever#big fan of the grey hairs but the waffle man#think of the waffle#cue montage of all the waffle fun we've had over the seasons#now for the website#The setup looks great#looks professional#my expectations were high#They should not have been based on my last reviews#it had an eraser but it just didn't work?#whenever I tried to change the brush size it would just revert to the huge default??#It had that color picker thing with the gradient which was great#But whenever I tried to switch colors#the last brush stroke I did would change color#the selection tool was fine but when I tried to move things it was being so difficult#this might just be a mobile problem but still a problem#But there was this massive ad on the side of the screen so I didn't get the optimal canvas access#the stabilizer on the pencil was horrendous#that little 'no waffle :(' on mumbos head took like 8 tries for it to look legible in any way#Thats why I just used the text for grian which worked fine#actually 4/10 it looks good but works badly
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Listening to a Dr Who podcast (not one anyone here has recommended to me, in fact I think I heard about it through a tumblr post,) and it's reminding me why I almost never listen to Dr Who podcasts or watch Dr Who youtube videos. It's because I just can't stand hearing so much objectively wrong information. Maybe it's due to Doctor Who being such a large and long-lived franchise, I know that I can misremember and get things muddled. But surely if you're publishing something you'd want to double check that you're not confidently emphasising incorrect facts about even basic things... and yet I feel like I see it with surprising frequency. It drives me crazy, please get a fact checker.
#that's said it's also the bad takes and bad attitudes#hearing dr who fans so eager to hate on writers and stories and act like their opinion is gospel always annoys me#I'll hate on dr who but I never want people to think my opinions are the only option or something they must agree with#my posts#talking of bad attitudes one of the hosts in this podcast is both acting like writing fanfic is an inherently inferior way to be a fan#and acting like Big Finish is inherently better and more canon than other parts of the Who EU#they don't mean any harm but they're finding so many ways to grind my gears#Im not going to list anymore examples because this petty vent post is probably already too long jsdklfj
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chinhands. life update
my car might be totaled and it wasnt my fault and im recovering from whiplash and the er doctor said i have some early stage osteo arthritis in my lower back and i dont have a lot of money and this does throw a wrench in my work/social/personal plans but i am like. coping? like im... vaguely sort of bummed out and my body hurts but im just like. okay. well. lets constructively talk to friends abt it and. go figure it out i guess.
#got rear ended by a big ass truck at a stop light and i have neurogenic tremors rn while i recover but im like (man shrugging emoji)#not being suicidal anymore and learning coping skills and now when shit hits the fan im like oh this sucks... well... i have work tomorrow.#its WEIRD not spiraling out at every inconvenience or crisis.#i feel like that hannibal buress gif. (looking at my hands.)#pipit txt
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When Viktor says "The doctor was right" at the end of s2ep6, I wonder if he was actually referring to when he visited Singed's lab in s1 and Singed told him, "If you take this path, they will despise you. Love and legacy are the sacrifices we make for progress."
I do think that he's at least partially referring to the exchange in the greenhouse when Singed essentially suggests he sacrifice Vander in favor of guaranteed survival, to which Viktor replies, "I will not sacrifice his humanity for your cause."
I'm not totally convinced he agrees with everything that was said there, but he's certainly changed his opinion on the necessity of sacrificing people's humanity to achieve his vision/the glorious evolution.
Of course, both dialogues are connected if you consider love to be a defining trait of people's humanity (as many do). In that case, Singed's s1 dialogue could be translated to, "Humanity is the sacrifice we make for progress."
Viktor, however, will never be able to fully rid himself of his humanity for the exact reason that - again - Singed gives to Caitlyn and Ambessa.
"Why does anyone commit acts others deem unspeakable? For love."
The commune, the evolutionary goal, all of it is done out of love for people and a desire to help them... if the most effective way to help is to sacrifice their humanity, so be it.
#just something im thinking about#i see arguments about how viktor isnt doing it because he loves people and i think theyre very wrong. all he ever wanted was to give back#and help others. the only reason he couldnt was because of piltovan red tape + investors disapproving and such#also the singed + vik dynamic is interesting#watching viktor grow into his 'the mutation must survive' mindset while also becoming the mutation. doing all if out for love of the people#i think singed understands him in a way others dont#but they continue to function separately... thus far#sorry for tag rant but i wanted to keep the post itself conciseish#i also see people saying it isnt viktor anymore in there to which i close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh#arcane#arcane spoilers#🌻#totally unrelated but knowing the og lore is so funny#im watching the viktor vs jayce lore war play out in real time with everyone changing their icons and such#also a really big fan of this guy one reddits theory thats basically just 'vik fucks off to zaun#with his community and tells everyone else to fuck off too or they get the laser'
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idk if this much but it means a lot to me how u make ctommy such an imperfect victim. Im so sick and tired of the sad soft poor little martyr take that’s been popularized. Just thought i should voice that appreciation.. u are thee best
thanks it was just my twinkphobia in the work
#ignorelist#ask tag#anonymous#not big on the dsmp anymore if you hadnt notice but yeah#i just dont like the fanon that much because it just seem to a little squeeky clean and reductive to me#no offense to the one who like it#im just not a big fan of tsundere anime twink ctom#i like him more when he's characterized as a rancid guy who puke on people#but also you know he has a heart of gold❤️#cant you tell i love asshole
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#theres 2 gigs i wna go to on same day and idk what to do#i have tickets for one of them but i saw them a couple months ago so like idk if i should sell n go to the other one#but i wanna see them again n i dont know when i'll next b able to#but also i have to book a hotel for the one i have tickets to#and i wouldnt for the other show#so itd work out cheaper but im not as big a fan of them anymore it was just like a band i liked as a teenager n kinda stopped listening to#im ovrthinking this too much#oh n im going to the one i have tickets for alone but id get to go to the other one w someone so idkk aaaaa#can someone make all my decisions i beg
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idk man the time antics are still wonky go find old drawing on twitter idc
@onlineviolence
#ultrakill#ultrakill oc#not my oc#raphael (oc)#it still looks weird but im not redrawing it anymore#I am a big raphael fan#but i aint drawing all that#bbq's art
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does anyone else find it actively hard to engage with media that is satisfying?
like if i got everything i wanted from it it's hard to really care about it for more than a week
#i still recommend it to everyone and such but like#there's nothing more to do?#this is how i feel about good omens#it's not like i wouldn't watch season three but i don't need it in any capacity#and i'm not driven to engage with the fans or fan work#a big intrigue of the show is the relationship dynamics (not necessarily romantic)#and there's nothing im really dying to see from any of them anymore#there's no more what ifs
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i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg
#Truth be told i dont even wanna talk abt this anymore but this topic gets brought up pretty much every week atp#How weird is it that u would only accept her if she were white#Thats literally you admitting you like her character but her being black is a deal breaker#I feel like no matter how much they want her to be a white girl changing her skin wouldnt change their opinion abt her#Theres this one (big) acct in particular thats constantly shitting on rag and its like bro u need to just leave if ur not happy#or take a long ass break and come back at times and then leave again cuz hes just miserable as fuck and yall know exactly who im talking ab#I do see more people getting annoyed with this topic and i dont blame them#its getting super out of hand and dragged out atp#Once again i do not want ppl to like her out of PITY. she deserves a very honest group of fans and if those fans are ppl#That disliked her at first but started to like her later on thats fine as long as its out of being genuine#I cannot wait for her to gain more fans fr but i have to be careful what i wish for bcuz i dont want ppl to become too crazy lol#I might just post smth on that god forsaken reddit as an appreciation post of her or smth idk yet LMFAOOO#I for sure will have to be more brave and visible with my love for her one of these days#also very grateful for that one ragnarok vp. he loves angie for sure#Anyways#Love angie for life#Gow#god of war ragnarok#rant
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