#im normal/feeling better now i just wanted to finish this because i thought the idea was cute

[rainbowsparklecur]

faes status: humming softly

[fortunapre]

PAIRING: hamzah x fem!reader

SUMMARY: you and hamzah have been close friends forever, but during one of your routine movie nights, things get heated and confessions are made…

WARNINGS: 18+, no piv, dry-humping, fingers do things, making out, cussing, female reader, mentions y/n

this was supposed to be fluffy but fortunately for you i think im ovulating

[PT. 1] _fortunapre’s.iphone.series_ 2.2k words

“First of all, what game are you playing?” You asked, grabbing both bowls of ice cream that you prepared and heading to the couch where you and Hamzah were watching Star Wars.

“Uh, does it matter? This is a once in a lifetime chance I'm giving you to be in my video!” Hamzah teased, making a face like he thought you were insane.

You playfully hit his shoulder and laughed. “Well considering some of your videos are… questionable to say the least, I’m gonna need more context.”

Hamzah just spooned ice cream in his mouth and shrugged his shoulders. While you laughed and looked back towards the TV, he kept his eyes on you, admiring. Tonight was one of your guys’ monthly ice cream nights that you started since you met about 6 years ago. Ever since you were teenagers, you both have been side-by-side. The best of friends.

Hamzah took notice of your pajama shorts, large t-shirt, and messy hair. He had no idea how your most disheveled look still made him stare.

You felt his gaze and looked at him, but before you caught him, Hamzah looked back at the tv.

Now it was your turn to admire. Hamzah had always looked effortlessly hot in your eyes, but movie nights especially. Something about his careless look made your heartbeat a little faster. Like this view of him, in pajamas, with strands of dark, curly hair flying everywhere, was only made for you. Especially when he wore his glasses.

This secret staring match lasted the whole movie.

Usually, when movie night ended and the icecream was finished, Hamzah would talk a bit and then head home. It always killed him to leave you.

However, this time, Hamzah planned on telling you something he’d been hiding from since he met you. He wouldn’t back out of it this time

To stall, and make the night continue, he started with a simple converstation. “Wait, so do you want to be in the video or not, ‘cause I completely understand if it’s too much. I know me and Martin can get, like, kinda weird but it's what the viewers like so…”

Hamzah was rambling and you knew that if you didn’t stop him now he’d go on forever. You leaned over, and quickly put your hand over his mouth, shutting him up. You were both already situated with your legs basically pressed together, so reaching him was no problem.

“You’re rambling, Hamzah.” you laughed and kept your hand over his mouth. “And yeah I guess I’ll be in a video.” You tried to seem bossy by pointing a finger into his chest “But it we better be playing Sims or Episode.”

Then you realised just how many places you were touching him…

Teasing in your guys’ relationship was the norm, but recently, it has started to feel more like flirting than friendly teasing. There’s been a lot more… tension.

He stopped talking when you covered his mouth and smiled underneath your hand.

Recently, everything you do has felt more like flirting, now that you think about it.

At first it was innocent, a few touches and remarks, because it felt comfortable. Now, though, something hotter brimmed underneath everything.

Maybe you took it too far sometimes, with very obvious innuendos and such, but you couldn’t help yourself when it came to him. However, in the back of your mind, there was that voice reminding you that Hamzah is probably just being friendly and you were overthinking it.

You didn't want to take that chance, so you never brought up the obvious shift between you two.

You kept your hand on his mouth a bit longer than was probably normal, but the look that Hamzah was giving was almost magnetic. There was something in his eyes that was brand new, and raw. He lightly grabbed your wrist and moved to hold your hand instead, his eyes still locked on yours.

It was silent until he opened his mouth, deciding to speak up.

Now, Hamzah decided. Now he would tell you. “Y/n, there’s something I’ve been meaning to-”

“You should really start wearing your glasses more.” You winced internally at the accidental compliment/confession that slipped out.

“What?” He had a physical reaction to your sudden outburst and started laughing. “What’re you talking about? My glasses? What, why?” He seemed super nervous , and you could tell by his familiar awkward smirk from when we he’s flustered. If only he knew what that slight upturn of his lips did to you.

His laugh, your proximity to each other, and his just overall look meant your insides were basically jelly. He was still holding your hand, and once you realized it, the rosy blush spreading up your neck was inevitable.

“Don’t tease, you obviously know why.” You answered, looking away to try and hide the blush.

“Yeah?” He asked, in the most sensual voice you’ve ever heard from him, while looking down at your intertwined hands.

You were extremely surprised by the sudden deepness of his voice but decided to hide your reaction. Instead, you rolled your eyes and sat up to take your bowls to the sink. You needed to get away before you let your impulsive thoughts get the best of you.

He let you walk away, contrary to what his mind was reeling with, slowly dropping your hand as you moved away.

He watched you as you walked, with his eyes on the way your shorts were slightly riding up, and how your legs were on full display.

You set the dishes in the sink and turned to head back but were surprised with Hamzah’s towering figure.He followed you into the kitchen and was standing right infront of you. He was situated with one hand on the back counter and the other on the island, blocking your way out.

Instead of arguing, you just put a hand on your hip, and looked at him. Nervousness consumed your mind as you fully realized just how close to you Hamzah was standing. Instead of moving away, however, you stayed close, catching his familiar, minty scent. You looked back into his eyes-His eyes that held the exact same searing gaze as earlier. He seemed to make nonverbal promises. Of what? You weren’t sure but how he was looking was almost dirty.

“Y/n, what I was saying earlier…” Hamzah began again but briefly stopped for a second and looked at you expectantly.

“What?” You asked confusedly why he stopped.

“Oh, just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to rudely interrupt me again.”

You scoffed and faked hurt, “rudely?! I complimented you!”

“Yeah, I guess.” His smirk was back and his eyes were on yours. If it was anyone else, eye contact would have made you look away. Except Hamzah isn’t just anyone, and his eyes were like pools you could drown in.

He moved an inch closer, testing the waters. When he saw a slight pink to your cheeks at his closeness, he gained sudden confidence.

“Don’t let me leave tonight.” He suddenly spoke.

You were taken aback with his words, “What, like lock the doors? Are you going to transform at midnight or something?”

He let out a breathy laugh, but his tone never shifted.

“You know what I mean, Y/n.” A deep breath. “Let me stay. Let me show you what I…”

“Hamzah. Of course you can stay over. I’d never push you-”

“No, y/n that’s not…”

A beat of silence passed until you softly spoke up.

“What, Hamzah?”

“Let me show you what I think about everytime I’m near you.”

His words were ringing in your ears and your entire body almost had a physical reaction to what he was insinuating.

“Let me show you what I’ve been imagining for the past 5 damn years, Y/n.”

You were stunned, because 5 years? That’s almost for as long as you’ve known him.

“5 years…” You tested the words out loud and it was like an award winning melody to your ears.

“Yeah, 5 years. Actually scratch that. 6 years.” He stood closer, and spoke quieter. “Since I saw you for the first time I’ve been holding back from you. From admitting how I feel because I was afraid I might lose you.”

Like a dam, you broke. Anything along those lines were exactly what you’ve been wishing for, and here those words were, out in the open.

Finally,

You grabbed the front of his hoodie with surprising strength and pulled him down to your level.

Before you could follow through and kiss him, you just held his lips near yours instead.

You both shared one breath, staring at each others' lips. You stayed like this, too afraid to ruin the moment if you went too fast. Just the whisper of Hamzah’s lips against yours filled you with an insane amount of need.

However, Hamzah took the invite of your pouty lips and closed the distance for you.

Unable to contain the years of built up desire, you kiss his back. Hard.

He almost stumbles forward as you pull his hoodie closer to you. He smirks into the kiss at your eagerness and you swear that simple action could make you drop to your knees if he wasn’t holding your waist.

His fingers were digging into the fabric of your t-shirt, basically molding into your waist. It’s like you skipped the slow-getting-hotter part of the kiss and immediately skipped to fully making out.

Hamzah licked the inside of your mouth, making you release a quiet mewl from the back of your throat.

He parted from your lips, barely. Just enough distance to catch your breath before he dove back in. It was almost feral, the way he moved from your lips to your cheek to your jaw. He grabbed your upper thighs and lifted you up. Your immediate reaction was to wrap your legs around him and hold him as close as possible.

Right now, being chest-to-chest, literally holding one another wasn’t close enough.

He slowly carried you back to the couch while making small licks and bites along your throat.

He placed you on the couch and immediately followed, covering your body with his.

“Y/n…” He spoke your name with a deep rumble, into your shoulder before kissing your pulse under your jaw.

You unlatched your lips to take off his glasses and setting them beside you. You would have loved for him to keep them on but you could tell how annoyed he was getting with them when he tried to kiss you.

He watched your movement carefully, and let a mental picture of how hot you looked under him.

When you came back to him, he immediately put his lips back to the spot on your neck that he figured out was the sweet spot where you made the most noise.

“Hamzah..” you answered, grabbing the hem of his shirt and tugging it up, signalling you want him to take it off.

“You sure?” He asked you, looking in your eyes for the first time since you started kissing. He took note of your red cheeks and matching swollen lips. He was so absolutely obsessed with you.

“Hamzah, If you couldn’t tell, I also have feelings for you and want you to go back to kissing me.” You teased him. “Without your shirt though” you smiled innocently and pulled his shirt up to reveal his chest.

“Such a smartass.” He smiled and pulled his shirt completely off and discarded it somewhere behind you. He was still smiling as he reconnected your lips, and the feel of his grin in your kiss made you smile as well.

The whole thing was unreal.

You felt so…happy in the moment, like nothing could compare. Like this is all you’d ever wanted and needed.

He slowly lifted the hem of your shirt as well, exposing your soft skin and thin bra. He could see the peaks of your nipples poking through the fabric and the image made him want to kiss every part of you he’s never seen.

To be truthful, any sight of you made him want to kiss you like that, but specifically right now, his pulse was very prominent in the lower part of his body from the current view.

You sunk your teeth lightly into his lower lip, and he replied by kissing you harder. He couldn’t hold back his desire at one point, when you started letting out breathy moans into his mouth- he jerked his hips against yours. You really felt just how much he needed you just then. The small pressure from his growing erection against you made you throw your head back and grind along lift your hips to meet his.

He started slowly grinding into you until you were full on dry-humping each other.

If Hamzah felt like this with clothes on, you only wondered what he felt like-

Your thoughts were interrupted by Hamzah grabbing your ass, then moving his hands along the back of your thighs. He lifted them up so you could wrap them around his back.

He rutted faster against you, and you swear you could feel his full length against you now. Your panties were soaked at this point and the wet spot growing on the front of his grey sweats showed that you had the same effect on him.

He sighed into your ear, both arms now propped on each side of your head. “Fuck, i’m gonna come in my pants from you, gorgeous.”

You let out a soft whine at the pet name and dragged your nails down his back, undoubtedly leaving scars. “Then just come like this, Hamzah. Show me what I mean to you. Like you prosmised.”

Erotic noises escaped your lips from the insane friction. You arched and dragged your hands back up his back and into his soft curls, tugging lightly.

“God, why haven’t we done this before” Hamzah sounded pained as he whispered, shutting his eyes tight from the upcoming sensation.

“I have no fucking idea. We were both too much of pussies to admit anything.” You replied in between short breaths.

He chuckled, but basically choked on his laugh when you reached into his pants to properly feel him.

“Yeah,” He agreed, and kissed you roughly, smashing his lips into yours and making your teeth clash at times.

“Fuck I’m..” You started to warn him, but he already knew.

“Me, too.”

He shifted the smallest bit but for some reason his new position made the friction ten times stronger. Hamzah’s hard bulge was hitting the perfect spot that made your panties rub against your clit in a way that made you gasp.

“Holy shit Hamzah” you gasped and arched your back to meet his chest. He laid more of his weight on yours, feeling your nipples through your bra.

“wait before we…” He looked you in your eyes and silently asked to take your bra off by slowly pulling down a strap from your shoulder.

“take it off of me, Hamzah.”

He wasted no time and took off your bra, exposing the peaks of your nipples. He immediately moved a hand to play with your breasts, giving each of them attention. “God, you're beautiful. even better than I imagined.”

His words made you want more so you arched you back again, making him shut his eyes tight at the friction.

“Fuck, baby,” he said softly.

He kept one hand next to your head, where he held himself up and moved the other from your breast to rub you through your shorts. “Hamzah please..please touch me”

He slipped a teasing finger past the waistband of your shorts. But you were done with foreplay and just needed him. His hand went past your underwear, finally reaching where you needed him.

He tested it by swiping two fingers along your folds.

“so wet f’me, yeah?”

“yeah…please Hamzah.”

“don’t worry baby.” At the same time he spoke he sunk two of his fingers into you, curling them at the perfect speed, while using his thumb to rub your clit.

how he was so good at this, you had no idea.

You wanted to please him as well, but when you looked at his tent, a wet spot was already extremely prominent.

“hey,” he turned your focus to him.

“Just let go baby. I'll come with you. seeing you like this….having you like this is already getting me off so bad.” his strokes became faster and your breathing got harder.

Before you could release, he took his fingers away and replaced them with rough grinding of his hips again.

Seconds later a feeling so strong washed over your body, draining you and your mind. Hamzah came right after you. The connected spot between you was soaking and warm with both of your come leaking through your pants.

“Jesus, Y/n if thats what its like with clothes on I can't wait until-”

“Yeah.” You laughed short with your eyes closed at the familiar words- he practically said out loud what you’d been thinking the whole time. “Trust me, I'm suddenly very impatient to find that out.” You admitted with a smile and opened you eyes, looking at him through your lashes.

Fucked out and sweaty Hamzah was breathtaking. And now he was yours to admire, without any secret staring.

Hamzah kissed you softly, still with passion but not as feverish. He slowly moved you both into a sitting position before he stood up with you in his hands.

“What are you doing?”

“What I said I would,” Is all he said. You were a bit confused until he spoke again.

“I'm gonna show you…” He kissed you long then finished his sentence. “I’m gonna show you i’ve imagined every fucking day.”

Your body grew immediately hot again.

“Alright. Show me.” You said quietly into his ear, nibbling it once as he carried you upstairs and into your bedroom. “But you might need to tell Martin your gonna film the video another day…”

He smiled big with his perfect teeth and shook his head with laughter.

He must be hallucinating because there’s no way he’s about to fuck the girl of his dreams.

a/n:

PT 2? Series mention list?

[hugshughes]

The 1 A. Fantilli

Adam Fantilli x fem!reader

synopsis - based on “the 1” by Taylor Swift obvs. The school year starts back up at the University of Michigan and after your break up with Adam, you’re trying to live life freely but can’t seem to get the idea of him and your relationship off your mind. But what happens when you see him again, and you both are yearning for each other more than ever before?

wc - 4.5k (:0)

contains - lowkey angst but also very fluffy closure, reader cries, miscommunication a little bit (i know), kissing, cuddling. (if i missed anything please let me know!!!!)

an - this is the first part in my folklore 100 follower celebration! i’m so excited for it! i do not loveeee this but i really wanted to get this first part out! hopefully you guys like this! here is the masterlist to this celebration. me when im about to make a fic based off “the 1” have a happy ending 😊. also sorry this took longer than expected i has surgery the other day and did not pop back to normal like i assumed i would lmao. please someone get the betty refernce at the end ;))) also i still need a player to use for my betty fic for this celebration so… someone request someone. also this is barely edited so sorry. also should i make a taglist?? would anyone like that??

-

i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit. been saying “yes” instead of “no”.

To say you were definitely doing much better now that August had arrived was a true statement. You’d been a wreck most of the summer over your breakup with Adam, but as the summer started to slow down and your tan glowed, you felt you heart get lighter and rid itself of it’s burdens.

You and Adam had broken up just a little bit before the draft. The prospect of him being in Anaheim while you finished school in Ann Arbor sounded like an impossible feat to conquer.

You also knew what the newfound NHL fame would bring Adam, even more attention than before, new people, new friends, new girls surrounding him. And while you knew Adam would never in a million years cheat on you, you didn’t want him to feel like he had to be tied to something, someone, 2,234 miles away, to be exact.

When you watched the draft and saw Leo get drafted to Anaheim, your heart sank to your stomach. Many tears were shed that night, knowing the boy you loved with all of you wouldn’t be 2,234 miles away, only 190.

You assumed that if he wanted you back he would’ve called, or texted, or emailed, or sent a letter, anything. But you got nothing, so you accepted that he was perfectly okay with still being apart. Even though it did hurt because you remembered the night both of you cuddled close and whispered about how amazing it would be if he went to Columbus and not Anaheim.

i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn’t though.

When school started back up, you couldn’t help but see him everywhere you went. You did feel better, and you were healing, but it did instill an ache in your chest when you’d see your favorite study spot, your table at the starbucks right off campus, his dorm building, everything.

You even thought you saw him there once, your eyes widened with fear as you thought you saw him standing at a bus stop on campus but it wasn’t him, just another brunette boy, but not yours.

i hit the ground running each night. i hit the sunday matinée. you know the greatest films of all time were never made.

It was hard for about a week or so, being back in the place where you fell head over heels in love with him, but your friends would always be quick to cheer you up and tell you “it’s gonna be okay.” And most of the time you believed them.

You’d gone to many more parties than you had last year, you were usually trying to spend time with Adam and you two preferred being alone together than things like parties.

You felt the ache when you saw a guy taking his girlfriend to the Barbie movie, as stupid as that seems. You and your friends had all waited to see it until you were back together and you were all dolled up in your pink outfits. But you couldn’t help but have that same ache when you remembered Adam promising to take you to see if, and promising to wear pink just for you.

Obviously, that never happened. After the movie you couldn’t help but pull up your photos and scroll through your ‘Adam🤍’ album, the videos got to you the most.

Adam had made you film yourself when you opened your birthday gift from him, you had no idea why.

“Baby, why am I filming this?”

“Because, I want to be able to rewatch your reaction to it!”

You give him a funny look, and he urges you to open the big bag, seeing a jersey, a Michigan jersey. You’re pretty confused because you have a Fantilli jersey already, one you wear often. You pull it out of the bag and unfold it and turn it around, and then you see it. Instead of Fantilli across the back, it says “MY MAN”. Your jaw drops, you start laughing so hard, like stomach hurting from how hard you’re laughing.

Adam joins in your laughter, asking if you like it. You tackle him in a hug, kissing his cheek twice.

“It’s so perfect!”

The video was perfect, it ended in your phone falling from it’s propped up place on your desk as you kissed Adam. You felt happy and sad when you saw it. Happy that it happened, that you were able to ever experience that kind of love. Sad because it was all gone now.

i guess you never know, never know. and if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed. and if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow.

You know that if you had the chance, you’d go back to Adam without thinking for two seconds. He was the best thing that you’d ever been graced with. He was everything to you, and you know that in a tucked away part of your heart he still is.

You just wish you both had tried harder, because you both loved each other with all of your beings. You just wished you both showed how much you really wanted it at the end, but both of you were scared of how the other was feeling.

but we were something, don’t you think so? roaring 20’s, tossing pennies in the pool.

In the middle of the night, when you’re staring at the ceiling of your room after watching Adam’s newest highlights you tend to always think about one thing; if he still thinks about you, the way you do him.

You hoped he did, you hoped you weren’t the furthest thing from his mind at all times. And if you were to ask him, he would tell you that you were all he could think of for months, you were the only thing on his mind when he woke up, and when he went to sleep. Columbus was fun, and new, and exciting, but you were everything to him.

Adam had hoped you’d send him a text the night of the draft, and then he’d be able to start talking to you again. But, you never texted, you were worried he wouldn’t care if you did. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

and if my wishes came true it would’ve been you.

You had wished on 11:11s, fallen stars, eyelashes, candles, four-leaf clovers, everything, that you and Adam would be together always, and that didn’t end when you broke up, you still wished for him, always.

in my defense, i have none. for never leaving well enough alone. but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one.

You always felt like you were doing something wrong towards the end of your relationship, not because of Adam. It was because you just had a voice in the back of your head telling you that you weren’t doing enough for him and that you were making him upset, and it led to you doing things to try to fix that but only would end up making things worse.

You just needed him always, you two were inseparable. You were at every home game, a good amount of the away games, and then you were almost always together during any free time you two had. While you were only together for about a year, you could see your life with Adam. He had said something to you about wanting to marry you, 5 months after you started dating. You were just it for each other.

i have this dream you’re doing cool shit. having adventures on your own. you meet some woman on the internet and take her home.

You think about if he has met another girl yet. You know that those hockey teams like going out together and they definitely attract lots of female attention. The ache came back at the thought of him sleeping in the same bed as another woman.

we never painted by the numbers, baby. but we were making it count.

Some people thought your relationship was, unrealistic, in a sense. You and Adam were together all the time, and it made certain family members and friends question what would happen after the draft came and Anaheim took your boyfriend from you. But obviously, Anaheim didn’t take your boyfriend, Columbus did, which made the breakup hurt even more.

Every minute you spent with Adam was full of love. There were very little disagreements, and the few that did take place were always out of love, which also made everything hurt more. No one could’ve seen your breakup coming, you two included, it just came up one night and ended up with you two calling it quits. It was the first time you’d ever seen Adam cry, and that broke you inside.

you know the greatest loves of all time are over now. i guess you never know, never know. and it’s another day waking up alone.

Sometimes you wake up and forget he’s not yours anymore, that he might even be someone else’s. And then you snap back to reality and it hits you like a train. Your roommates sometimes leave sticky notes to you that you’re gonna be okay, that’s everything’s okay. He was the greatest thing ever. Your love for him conquered all.

i, i, i persist and resist the temptation to ask you, if one thing had been different. would everything be different today?

You just play back every single moment in your head. Wondering if you’d done anything different if you’d still be his, if he’d still love you how he did. What you didn’t know was that he was doing the same exact thing 190 miles from you, resisting the urge to text you.

Adam was counting down the days until his birthday, praying that you would text him, allowing him to start a conversation with you. You were as well, having typed out your birthday message to him already, weeks early, waiting to be sent.

but we were something, don’t you think so? rosé flowing with your chosen family. and it would’ve been sweet, if it could’ve been me.

You two would spend nights with his friends, the boys he loved most, and his teammates because you wanted them to like you because he liked them. You wanted to be able to have their approval and you definitely did. Your friendships lasting with a few of the players, specifically Dylan Duke.

Dylan had been so incredibly sweet to you when you met, understanding how it probably felt to be surrounded by a team of boys who you didn’t know. He was someone you could hang out with at hockey parties when you felt like you were being too clingy to Adam.

in my defense i have none, for digging up the grave another time.

Dylan had been begging you to come to a hockey game since before the season started. And you were finally convinced so you are going to attend the 2nd Providence game. They won last night 2-4 and were hoping to do the same again.

You felt the ache when you were searching through your umich gear for your outfit to the game and found your Fantilli jerseys. You took a deep breath and pushed it off, grabbing a blue and maize crewneck and throwing it on over your leggings and blazers and leaving.

You got into the Children of Yost section pretty easily, but it was always a hassle nonetheless. You found some friends and stood with them, shouting cheers when the guys skated out.

You and your friends were pretty close to the glass in the student section, only a few rows back, so you were able to see the guys really well. You screamed when Dylan scored his first goal of the night, he saw you and laughed so hard. Luca, who was hugging his teammate was confused by how hard Dylan was laughing, and looked to see what the source of his entertainment was. When he saw you, jumping up and down with your friends, screaming for Dylan, he was shocked. Shocked you’d even come to a game. And then his eyes widened when he realized his brother was here, watching him play.

When the first period was over the Childen of Yost settled down and danced to the songs and did the little games that came up to on the jumbotron. Your fun halted when you saw Adam come up on the screen, the words “Welcoming back former Wolverines!” and his names flashing on it. Your friends saw and their jaws dropped. He hadn’t been at the game the night before, of course he hadn’t, of course this was the game he came to.

You brushed it off and insisted that you were fine. You continued to have fun and mess around with your friends during the break in between periods. But then Adam had the shock of his life, staring at the screen as the view of you and your friends dancing to American Boy by Estelle & Kanye as the cameras showed different groups of the Children of Yost.

The second he gets over his shock you’re off the screen, and he’s slightly leaning out of his seat, searching the crowd of the student section, and then he saw you, messing around and playing with your friends. Part of him wishes you were in his jersey, as unrealistic as that seems. He wonders if you still have his jerseys, if they’re in a thrift store somewhere, or if they’re tucked away in the bottom of a box in your room.

He knows Dylan probably convinced you to come, because Dylan was your favorite of his friends, and the two of you guys were “besties” whenever you were together. He wonders if you’ll go down towards the locker room after the game to see Dylan and if he’ll get to see you again.

The game ended soon enough, the guys winning 3-4 with 2 goals from Duker. He texted you after the game to come down, wanting to go to eat with you after.

-

from: Duka👊

Dude come down after I wanna go eat

from: Y/n/n🤝

idk duke i kinda wanna go home

from: Duka👊

Bro no you have to stop being a loser

from: Y/n/n🤝

fine.

-

He liked your message and you let out a sigh,

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go down and see Duke. I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

They nodded and gave you light hugs, telling you random things that are always part of girl goodbyes.

“Are you sure, do you think Adam’ll be down there, babe?”

You sighed again, shrugging, hugging her tighter.

“Don’t know, but I can’t let him stop me from doing things, right? If I see him, I see him. I don’t know if he’ll say anything to me, but if he does I’ll just talk to him normally, you know?”

The girls all nod, saying goodbye again, telling you things about your said “girl power”. You made your way through the arena, getting let through by security and heading back to the hall where the players come out.

You kept your head in your phone as you leaned against the wall, snapping people, scrolling through Instagram, and texting your mom about the game.

Dylan came out fast compared to usual. You high-fived him as he came up to you, congratulating him on his two goals. He thanked you and then was quick to try to get you guys to leave.

“Dylan, It’s okay. I know he’s here. I’m not gonna like, run away from him. Alright?”

“Yeah alright, he was just in the locker room and I was worried you might not know, 'cause I didn’t even know, so.”

You nodded and smiled at him, patting his shoulder in thanks. Then you realized he was missing something.

“Dylan, did you leave your phone in the locker room?”

He looked at you in confusion, then patting the pocket on his bag, and then his sweatpants pockets, then his sweatshirt pocket, but came up empty.

“Shit. Alright, I’ll be back in half a second, wait here.”

You nod and he hands you his backpack, racing back to the locker room. You put his bag on your back and look back at your phone again. And then you hear him, his laugh. You don’t even wanna look up, you glance out of the corner of your eye, seeing his silhouette.

You freeze in your stance, fingers pausing on your screen. You hear him, Luca, and Mark talking very loudly. Adam sees the bag on your back first “DUKE #25” along the side of it. Then he realizes it’s you. He quiets down very quickly, almost stopping in his tracks.

Luca notices his baby brother’s change in attitude instantly, whipping his head to the side, his eyes meeting your figure. Mark, somehow sees you and his mind doesn’t think for two seconds. He calls your name, happy as ever.

“Hey! Come here I haven’t seen you in forever. What’s up?”

You wince at his obliviousness, or maybe his uncaring of the situation. You squeeze your eyes shut for a second before putting a smile on.

“Hey Mark, I’m fine. How are you?”

He nods and replies, half hugging you and pulling you back towards his group. Luca quickly says hey to you, wrapping his arms around you briefly.

You look at Adam, your eyes softening. He looks at you as if you’re the only girl in the world, and to him, you are. You go to say hey to him but he hugs you before words can come out. He holds you so so tightly, and you practically grip him. Fuck, you missed him.

“Hey, Adam.”

You feel him take a deep breath in, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“Missed you.”

“Missed you too, Adam.”

You both seem to realize you aren’t alone and you pull away, clearing your throat as the other two boys look at you with huge smiles. You feel heat radiating from your cheeks as the four of you stand there.

The awkward silence is cut off by Dylan racing back through the hall.

“Hey dude, sorry I took so long. Ty started asking me about something-”

He stopped himself when he saw you standing inches from Adam, a blush covering your face. He tries to cover the smile overtaking his face.

“Oh hey guys, um well, we were about to go eat, you guys wanna join?”

Your eyes widened at Dylan, cursing at him in your head, hoping you’d gained mind powers that could disintegrate him. Just because you can stand here and hug him doesn’t mean you can sit and eat dinner with him.

Mark jumps to accept, telling you two that you should also invite the other guys still in the locker room. You agree, thinking the more the merrier for your situation. You and Dylan let the other guys know and then take off. In the car, you turn to Dylan and almost shout at him.

“Dylan Duke! What the fuck?”

He smiles at you, that stupid smile. You shake your head and sigh loudly leaning back against the headrest and closing your eyes.

“I saw how you were looking at each other in there. And Mark whispered to me about your hug. I know that this is for your own good dude. At least get civil with him.”

You sigh and nod, your eyes still closed. Dylan lets out a noise of agreement, and you two drive to your chosen restaurant.

When you pull up to a restaurant on a Saturday night and ask for a table for 10, you usually are looked at like you have two heads. But in Ann Arbor, when a umich hockey player comes in and asks that, they will make it happen.

You and Dylan were the first to get there, sitting across from each other at the far end of the table. Tyler, Rutger, and Ethan arrive next, Tyler sitting at the end chair between you and Dylan, and Rut and Eth sitting next to Dylan. Adam, Luca, and Mark arrived next. You watched Mark push Adam forward to sit in the space on your right.

He smiles at you awkwardly as he sits down next to you, making sure to leave a comfortable amount of space between you. Lastly, Seamus and Mackie arrive, taking the last two seats at the table. All the guys were talking around you while you checked your phone every minute or so to try to look busy. You glance to your side and notice Adam as bored as you.

“Hey Fants.”

His head quickly turns to you, a bright smile adorning his features.

“Hi.”

“How’s Columbus? Sorry I never congratulated you, I just-”

“Hey! It’s okay, I understand, alright? But it’s nice, I’ve made a couple of new friends and stuff. It was nice already knowing people there.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s really good Adam.”

Adam stared at you longingly as you stared at your fingers. You were messing with the rings you always wore, then realized how you were wearing your ring from Adam. You felt like you couldn’t let him see it, worried you might embarrass yourself. You covered your hand with your other, trying to make your position look as natural as possible.

When you looked back over to him and he was already staring at you, you swear your heart started pounding, even more so than already. His eyes looked sad, something so uncommon to see him feeling. He’d always been your happy boy, always bringing you up and making you better.

You would rather climb to the rooftops and scream to every Ann Arbor citizen of your everlasting love for Adam than even whisper it to him. His eyes, though, they’re like the ocean. One look and all of your senses are gone.

“I really missed you Adam.”

You didn’t look at him when you whispered it, you stared at the football game playing on the TV across the restaurant, the Bengals were winning by 14. Your hand pressed into the wood of your chair next to your thigh, running your fingers back and forth across the grain. You didn’t flinch physically when you felt his hand brush over yours, but your heart felt like it was about to implode.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.”

You finally got the courage to look into his eyes. You turn, just a little, and look at him, the raw look on his face, his glazed-over eyes, his bit at lips, your boy, he’d always been yours, always will be.

“And, you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.”

He mumbled it, not caring if you heard or not, he just knew he had to say it, if not to you then to admit it to himself, that he wanted to kiss you.

Adam watched as your eyes widened innocently, he loves everything you do. He just stared, he knew you heard him, he didn’t know what to do after that, and neither did you. You seemed to have gotten lost in the moment, forgetting about the 8 other hockey players surrounding you, who had honestly mostly just stopped really talking to each other and were mostly watching you and Adam.

In that moment, you couldn’t even hear them, you couldn’t even see them. They were blurry, muted, and muffled, but looking at Adam, it was so clear. You weren’t thinking, you were just following whatever split-second decision your heart made and grabbed his face, kissing Adam. You fucking kissed him. His hands wrapped around your wrists, kissing you back immediately. You kissed for maybe three seconds, the hustle and bustle all around coming back to you.

You pulled away from him first, if it was his choice he would’ve made out with you right there in front of everyone. You looked at him with wide eyes, and he still had his big beautiful smile. You hear an ‘oh shit’ come from Luca’s mouth, and then the rest of the guys at the table going crazy and immediately feel embarrassed. Your face burns as you quickly wipe your lips with your sleeve, burying your face in your hands as a smile reluctantly makes its way to your face.

Adam has the biggest grin on his face as he scoots his chair closer to you, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you close. Adam’s hand rests on your hip, tracing shapes already like it was never gone. Like it was home after being away for far too long. You know the two of you would have a big conversation about everything later. But for right now, you just let him hold you, and you let him order for you, because he always knew what you wanted, even now.

When dinner came, Adam’s hand left your hip, but it ended up holding yours under the table like you were two fourteen-year-olds hiding from your parents. He started messing with your hand, pulling it more into his lap so he could play with it with both of his hands. He’d always done this when you were together, he would mess with your hand while he talked to others at dinners or parties or anything.

Adam was shocked when he felt it, the cool band on your ring finger. He looked down at your hand, eyes widening when he saw his ring still adorning your finger. He stared at you with so so much love in his eyes, from across the table, Luca could see how happy his baby brother was, and he was so thankful for you.

“You still have my ring on.”

You couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement when he whispered to you. You looked down at the band on your finger, smiling sheepishly at him and blushing. You nodded slowly, not knowing how to explain it to him.

“I just really like it. And I just really like you, so.”

He laughs, nodding at you with amusement, letting out an ‘Oh yeah?’ to which you nod assuringly.

You knew he was the 1. You’d known when he had first introduced himself to you. You could tell that this new beginning to your relationship was going to last, that the time apart only made you both stronger. You’d always loved him, and always will, and if kissing him in a crowded restaurant in front of all of his stupid friends is what it takes to have him, you definitely would.

but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one.

[airaibunny]

sana x reader - “finally” (“she's better” pt 2) (warnings: smut, angst, arguing, oral, fingering, scissoring[idk if there's a classier word], breast play, praise)

a/n: by popular request, here is the part two to "she's better." this took me so long, i didn't know what direction to take it in. hopefully you guys like the finished result! also, i didn’t include dom+indicators because it switches in the middle!

word count: 1.8k

you wake up to the feeling of warm sunlight on your face. after adjusting your eyes to the brightness, you notice sana is still in bed, hugging you as she sleeps. she would normally be gone by the time you wake up, but you’re glad she’s not.

last night was definitely different, it didn’t feel like the normal ‘just sex.’ you didn’t want to ask sana about it last night, it felt too soon. you’re hoping to talk to her about it today, maybe your relationship could become something more.

“good morning!”

you excitedly remark when you see sana is awake. you turn to hug her, burying your face in her chest.

“morning.”

she turns around, getting out of bed. you’re slightly taken aback by her response, but just brush it off because you’re both barely awake.

“so, last night was…new.”

she stretches, standing up and getting her clothes.

“mhm. i’m going to get ready, see you later.”

she gives you a half smile and walks outside. you sit in bed, confused at whatever just happened. she kissed you last night, she didn’t act like it was another causal hook-up, why was she suddenly being so cold?

you’d be lying if you said you weren’t somewhat angry at her right now, is she just playing with you?

you decide to just forget about it for now, maybe she’ll act differently later. for now, you just get ready for the day. with promotions finished, there’s not much to do until the end of your schedule, so you have the day off again.

you go outside to find everyone at the table, eating breakfast. you take a spot right next to sana, smiling at her. she halfheartedly smiles back and you lean in to whisper in her ear.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing’s wrong.”

she joins in on the conversation at the table and completely forgets you’re there. why is she back to normal? you thought after last night she’d finally ask to be your girlfriend or at least confess her feelings for you, but maybe you got the wrong idea. maybe sana doesn’t like girls, you got too excited over nothing.

“hey, im sorry about the nayeon thing last night. we all talked about it when you went to your bedroom and realized we took it too far.”

chaeyoung puts her hand on your arm as she apologizes, you tell her it’s fine and everyone continues on with their discussion. you go back to thinking about sana, you genuinely can’t stop. why did she string you along like that? there’s no way she didn’t know what she was doing.

you sit through the rest of breakfast choking back tears. it’s really so foolish of you to be upset over this. sana hasn’t budged in months, why would that change now? as soon as everyone is done eating, you storm off to your room.

you stand there, silently crying and cursing yourself for getting your hopes up. you suddenly hear the door open and look back to see sana. you wipe your tears, putting your hands on your hips.

“hey.”

sana walks closer to you, noticing how red your face is. “hey. you okay?” she brushes your cheek with her finger and cups your face.

“yes. why’d you follow me?”

“well, you came into your room and it’s the middle of the day…”

you roll your eyes and take her hand off of your face. you can’t believe her right now.

“and what? that means i’m ready for you to fuck me?”

she stands silent for a second, looking puzzled “doesn’t it?” you huff in disbelief. “you’re unbelievable sana.”

she’s still staring at you quite baffled at whatever is happening. you’re growing angrier at the fact that she doesn’t immediately know why you’re acting like this.

“i don’t understand.” she crosses her arms, furrowing her eyebrows at you.

“of course you don’t, because i’m just a fun toy for you. you play with me when you’re bored, and ignore me when you’re not.” the words choke in your throat. you can feel yourself about to cry, but you can’t, you can’t show her how truly upset you are.

“what are you talking about? i thought we were both on the same page about this relationship.” your mouth opens in shock. “what relationship sana? we don’t have a relationship, you don’t want a relationship.” you feel a tear stream down your cheek and wipe it away.

“what? you’re the one who doesn’t want a relationship. you’ve never acted like you liked me in the slightest.”

sana walks closer to you. her eyes look glossy, like she’s about to cry.

“sana, when this started, you told me you didn’t like girls. you’re also not one for sticking around.”

“well, you said the same thing.” her eyes fill with tears, but she wipes them away before they fall down. “what was i supposed to say? ‘oh well, i do’ no, sana, i liked you. i still like you. i wanted to have something with you, and this was the only thing you were willing to give me.”

you’re sobbing as your speak, your voice breaking in between sentences. sana walks closer to you, holding your face in her hands. she lifts it up to kiss you, wiping away most of your tears.

“i’m sorry. i only said all of that because i didn’t know how you would react. i know that’s stupid, i should have told you how i really felt.” she kisses you again “i like you…“ she’s stops for second, thinking about her next words. “i love you, i love you so much.”

you hug her tightly, crying into her shirt for a few seconds.

finally.

after so many years being completely whipped for minatozaki sana, you finally know she feels the same way. you heart wants to jump out of your chest with excitement. she wasn’t stringing you along, she felt the same way you did! you were just both terrified of saying what you felt.

“sana, i love you too.”

you kiss again, it feels so much different than it before. it feels primal, you’re fully enveloped in her. the kiss quickly becomes something else, her hands travel to your sides, tugging at your shirt.

“let me show you how sorry i am.”

she whispers against your lips, pulling your shirt off your body. you pull off your shorts and underwear as well, you want her all over you. you try pulling her shirt off as well, but she grabs your hands.

“no, i want this to be all about you.”

“well, what i want is your tits. please.”

you look at her with a pout, she gives you a wicked smile while pulling her shirt off and tossing it aside. you immediately wrap your hands around her breasts, connecting your lips with hers at the same time. she guides you to the bed while still kissing you and pushes you down on it.

“what do you want me to do first?”

she bends down; leaving slow, wet kisses on your neck.

“go down on me, please?” she looks up, smiling. “whatever you want, princess.”

she moves lower, her lips hovering over your skin, letting you feel her breath all the way down. she stops at your dripping core, turning her face to kiss your thigh. you would normally beg her to stop teasing you, but not today. today, you want her to kiss every inch of you.

she continues kissing you, leaving bruises and bite marks with her mouth all over your thighs. you’re dripping onto the sheets at this point, your body aches for some sort of friction. luckily, she’s done teasing you for now. you feel her tongue drag across your folds and slap a hand over your mouth to cover your moans.

she giggles at your reaction and you bring your other hand to her hair. her tongue moves up and down your core, earning low moans from you. she wraps her lips around your clit and sucks on it, fuck she’s so good.

“sana, feels good. please don’t stop.”

you look down at her, delighting in how pretty she looks. she’s still doing the same thing with her tongue, but you can now feel her fingers on your heat. she runs them across your entrance before forcing them in, making you cry out in pleasure.

with the added stimulation, you can feel yourself on the edge already. her fingers curl inside you as her tongue circles around your clit, both in perfect synchrony.

“fuck, sana-“

you finish while moaning her name, your lower body twitching. once she finishes completely cleaning you and her fingers off, she comes up for a kiss.

“you taste so good, princess.”

she gives you an inebriating smirk, bending down to kiss you again. “what now?”

“let me ride you.”

she stops kissing you, widening her eyes in shock.

“huh?”

“you heard me, let me…ride you.”

you push her down on the bed beside you and pull down her shorts, straddling her without waiting for a definitive answer. you push your hair to the side, lowering yourself to her neck. you use your hands to play with her breasts while using your lips to mark her, you want everyone to know she’s yours now.

“lift your leg.”

you order, feeling a sudden rush from being so dominant. she complies, lifting one of her legs over yours. you lower yourself, letting your folds come in direct contact with hers. you both moan and sit still for a second, getting adjusted to the new feeling.

“ready?” you ask down at her and she nods, so you start moving your hips. sana is instantly a whimpering mess, and so are you. you twitch a bit every time your clits rub against each other, she feels amazing. you notice a tear fall down her cheek and you’re surprised at how much that turns you on.

looking down at her in such a vulnerable state is exhilarating. you never thought you’d enjoy this so much, but all you want is to hear is her moaning and whimpering for you, because of you.

“does that feel good?”

she nods and you speed up, making you both grow louder. you know the members are outside but you can barely think about anything but her.

you’re both very close, you can see how flushed she is and how quickly her tears are coming. “you’re so pretty.” you whisper against her skin as you bend down to kiss her chest.

you feel your body tensing, about to reach your high. sana does before you however, squeezing your thigh. her release is all you need to hear before you come completely undone. you slow down, panting as you try to calm yourself.

you stare down at sana, smiling to yourself. she notices your smile once she opens her eyes and asks “are we done?”

“not by a long shot, i want to see you cry more.”

[mrradmccoolman]

hello everyone...today...we have a very special post...

welcome again to

ELLIOTT'S ANDERPERRY SONG ANALYSIS

today is an Unfortunate day...rip neil perry you would have loved being a hater online 😔

all jokes aside, i wanted to do sometbing unique to commemorate today, but i haven't finished any of the fics im working on and art block has been kicking my ass for the past three years, so i thought instead, id do a neil perry focused analysis of one of my favorite songs of all time. sooo, i present

All I Need by Radiohead

this song has been beloved by me for a few years, now, but it was only recently that i saw it used in a neil perry centric dps edit and it. broke. me. this song is so incredibly insanely beautiful for so many reasons, simply by the way it's composed, but with neil?? OTHERWORLDLY. if you haven't heard it, listen to it. for the best experience, id recommend listening to it while you read this:)

"i'm in the next act, waiting in the wings" for obvious reasons, this lyric connects to neil in several ways. this not only alludes to his dreams as an actor, and the night of the play, but also where i believe his mental state is all throughout the night and leading up to it. before the play, there's a scene where neil talks to keating to try and express his terror of explaining himself to his father, and ultimately, he feels even more alone as keating doesn't quite understand what he means. he's in the "next act", apart from everyone else. it's also indicative of his mental state towards the end of the night. i remember reading something that said you actually make decisions a split second before your mind catches up to your choice. on top of that, contemplating committing suicide-- it's an out of body experience. neil is so removed from everything around him that his body is only waiting to join his mind under the lights of center stage.

"i'm an animal trapped in your hot car" repeatedly, neil describes feeling as if he is trapped in his life, both by his father and the expectations set before him. he is unable to express himself, or do the things that give him joy. animals that overheat due to being left in cars are not only entirely helpless in their predicament, but also reliant on somebody noticing them to survive. leaving an animal in that situation implies a lack or care/attention, being so negligent as to leave your animal trapped in what is virtually an oven. neil is in the same situation. his father doesn't even see him gasping for air, or chooses not to.

"i am all the days that you choose to ignore" neil's father and the people around him are not entirely clueless. they clearly understand, at least to some degree, that neil is unhappy. however, they choose to turn a blind eye to it. his mother is possibly the biggest perpetrator of this. she's complicit in mr. perry's abuse, as she doesn't do anything to stop it. now it is important to note that as a woman, the amount of power she actually had in this situation was very little, and the situation she was in was extremely complicated. for that, it's needed to give her some grace. even so, she still never reached out to neil or stood up for him. it wasn't because she didn't love him; in fact, both of his parents' actions were out of love for neil. they just didn't know how to love a neil who wasn't the version they'd imagined him to be.

"you are all i need" i personally view this as neil thinking this to himself about multiple things: todd, the dead poets, acting, keating, etc...i say this because sometimes, when you are incredibly depressed, it can be easy to convince yourself that if you just get this one thing everything will be better. especially when you don't really understand depression, and so your only idea to help yourself is to reach for something to fix the feelings you have. if i only get this, surely ill be happy again. surely ill be normal again. similarly, this reflects how reaching out and providing neil support could have changed the outcome of his decision, and finally, the line represents the idea of suicide as a final solution. it's all he needs to get away, to gain control.

"i'm in the middle of your picture, lying in the reeds" in the actual song, this is a possible reference to a painting of ophelia from hamlet (also written by shakespeare, the same one who wrote a midsummer night's dream, interestingly enough). i won't go into much detail about her story as i don't have the time for it here, nor have i gotten the chance to read it extensively-- but after reading a paper analyzing her character, she parallels neil in many ways. as a woman, she is frequently and consistently ignored and belittled. her life is controlled by those around her and their expectations for her, and when she finally tries to speak up and assert herself to others, she is labeled as crazy. this cultimates in her death by drowning, which, albeit never explicitly stated, is widely considered a suicide. to compare neil to ophelia would not be far off.

"i am a moth who just wants to share your light" for one, moths are generally considered pests. they are attracted to light because they use the light of the moon and stars to orient themselves, and change where they are flying to keep the light above them. when under artificial light, they get confused and fly in circles. a moth, who's natural instinct to move beneath the glow of the night sky has been smothered again and again would of course gravitate to artificial light. when it comes to neil, this means many things. his 'moon', or what comes naturally to him/who he truly is, is blocked out again and again by the people around him. in this sense, the artificial light could represent his manufactured future as a doctor, forced upon him by his father. he tries to follow the path set out for him, but is left confused and disoriented, feeling like he's going nowhere, flying in desperate circles while nothing changes. alternatively, the artificial light could represent the dead poets and todd. they are the only light he can find in his increasingly dark world. and when that light is snuffed out, he has nowhere else to go.

"i'm just an insect trying to get out of the night" going back to the pest metaphor-- not only does neil feel small and helpless like an insect, but perhaps also unloved and disgusting to those around him. depression warps your sense of self immensely, and can lead to intense self hatred. neil feels so pathetically miniscule beneath everything happening to him that he sees himself as a bug trying to escape the night, or, his life. i imagine this as an internal self monologue; by committing suicide, he is doing the last thing he can think of to escape.

"it's all wrong, it's all wrong, it's all wrong..." after a devastatingly beautiful instrumental, the song comes back in with this soft mantra. neil's thoughts are buzzing through his ears until he can't hear anything else. he is entirely disconnected from the world around him. everything is wrong, everything is over, and there's nothing he can do. i think of him in the silent car ride home with his father, silently but frantically trying to think of any way out of what's about to happen. maybe he even thinks of something, before along with everything else, that idea is crushed by his father's ultimatum. maybe his mind finally quiets down, at the end. maybe it doesn't.

"it's alright, it's alright, it's alright..." not only is this lyric the opposite of the one previous, but it also has a double meaning. it is not only alright, but all right. directly opposing what was said before, we are told that everything is okay, and even more than that, it is right. it is how it should be, maybe even how it was meant to be all along. how it was always destined to be. neil didn't do what he did to hurt anyone. in fact, he did what he did because in seeing it as the only option, he convinced himself it was the right one; that by taking himself out of the equation, he was doing what he had to. on top of this, he wants everyone to be okay. his self-hatred mixes with his love for his friends and family. he truly believes they'll be better off without them, and he wants them to be.

as always, let me know your thoughts.

<- prev | next ->

[simpfordemetri]

Don’t let me loose you -Stefan!Romanian Coven

↻ & ♥︎ please

Warnings : Some ANGST

Request by Anon: Hello queen, I had an idea a while ago but I don't know if it makes much sense. I love the Romanian coven, especially Stefan but unfortunately there isn't a lot of content for him. I would like some ANGST with fluff ending, he finds his mate, female human reader, while they meet they have a big disagreement causing the reader to leave the house and run to the forest, right after a strong storm starts and she is alone hovering in danger.Thanks beautiful,love your writing <333

✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Being aware of vampires wasn’t something you truly wanted.Not at all.

You have found yourself into big problems so many times,with those who make themselves called The Volturi. It wasn’t fun.

You aimed looked forward for a normal human life,because what else were you supposed to expect?Not these to be honest. Finish your career, having a job ,possibly a husband and luckily two kids.

But instead, what you have is a change date, a change date from human to vampire, destroying all your life expectations and dreams,making you wishing to not be this miserable.But was it worth it blaming Bella? Even if you do ,nothing will change ,and your maturity knows better.

But to add up,things are worst than ever, this child named Renesmee ,Bella’s daughter,made a mess in the vampire world. And now,your house ,well, The Cullen’s house is full of different vampires covens ,which you only seemed to know the Denali Coven, Cullen’s cousins.

Rumors have fly these last days.When the Romanian Coven,who used to called themselves The Dacian’s; arrived, Stefan took a particular liking in you, which only seemed to annoy him to no end.

To his attention,you weren’t bothered by the statement of you being his mate.He hasn’t confirmed it to you yet, but Jasper made it obvious in several occasions. But you didn’t care, and that only upsets him more. Do you really think he wants to be mated to a useless human? After centuries,millenniums of living ,do you really think he accepts the fact that he has a human pet as his second chance at love?

His rage was obvious ,not even Vladimir could keep up with him,leaving him alone and deciding to go inside even if he didn’t talk with anyone, just listening to the vampires rambling about different stories they lived through the years. Stefan was left alone, his body sat up on a tree like it was the easiest thing ever, head resting on the trunk and eyes closed,if its weren’t because he is a vampire sitting on a tree,you could swear he was sleeping.He needed space,not from the Coven’s,but from your scent,from the silly pull he feels towards you,the thought of you doesnt leave his mind and that was driving him direct to craziness.

The beats from your heart were suddenly heard by him,your steps loud while your shoes crashs the leaf below you ,you were incredibly noisy, humanly annoying.

Jumping down from the tree landing in front of you, you let out a scared scream ,your eyes wide open as you weren’t expecting him to be there and above all to scare you like that. Your heart pumping hard in your chest as your left hand moved to rest there in an intent of calming down.

Looking directly at you,Stefan let out a low but threatening growl ,teeths showing and his jaw clenched.You tooked four steps back before being stopped from taking more by his hand grabbing not so gently your forearm,his look not letting yours.

- You! -He growled and hissed at you -What do you think you are here for? You are just a pet to all of us, a stupid human whose life has no meaning! But you decided to be mated to me without being worthy of that! How selfish of you ,don’t you think so, Y/N?-

-As far as im concerned,i didn’t choose to be mated to you. Actually,let me correct myself,please. As far as i am concerned i didn’t choose to be surrounded by this shitty life!- Your words came out with venom as you tried your best not to stutter or break eye contact while defending yourself. However it was useless, none you could say or do, would scare him and it will just put you in danger .But …mates couldn’t hurt mates ,right?

-Ohhh!- A dark laugh scaped him as his red eyes covered you entirely, making you feel small as your shoulders clenched . - So you really think we are the ones who “destroyed” your dumb short human life? Because of course you had great humans dreams right? Let me guess uhmm - With those last words said, his finges travelled to the top of his head, closing his eyes and humming ,acting like if he were really thinking ,even though he already knew what he was going to say to you.

-Oh i finally got it! Sorry for the long wait ,my dear- “My dear” you could only heard venom in those words ,the same that were in his eyes which were now black . - Studying silly books that are not even right ,marrying and having childs? So unique, uhm? That was the dreams that were crashed for you? What a shame! Forgive us little pet! - He finished with a loud voice ,acting dramatic with his hand on his forehead, but the grin on his face was very noticeable as he wasn’t trying to hide it neither.

- Why are you doing this? - That was all you managed to say ,your voice low and shaky as you finally broke eye contact with him and teats covered your eyes threatening to fall down your cheeks.

-I do not want to love you! I’m not going to love you never even if you change into one of us! You are already negligible .- Getting closer to you he taked a fake sigh and prepared himself to talk once again - Why don’t you get your dumb self lost and make things easier for all of us ? You may even save the hybrid - With that, he was gone, and you were alone .

The tears finally falled down your cheeks ,your breath out of control as you really tried to keep yourself calm.

Without thinking, you started running without remembering where The Cullen’s house is ,so it didn’t take much for you to get completely lost in the wild forest .Looking franatically around in search of some hint of where you may be ,the leaves crashing down your shoes and the first drops of rain falling directly at your face .

Forks, of course it was going to rain ,it wasn’t a surprise but what it was was scary its how the night finally hunted the forest down and the lightning bolts were erupting on top of you , the loud sound of those making you dizzy . Everything was spinning around you ,your head pumping and your sight getting tired .

-Y/N? Have anyone seen Y/N? It’s raining pretty bad and she is not at the house . - Esme’s voice was worried ,looking around all the room to see if maybe you were sitting with any vampire there .

Stefan look frooze ,looking at Vladimir who seemed to guess something about the situation . And with that ,Stefan’s anxiety was feeling by Jasper ,and Jasper mind readed by Edward. But before anyone there could say anything , Stefan sprinted out of the room getting rapidly lost in the forest ,Vladimir following him from behind .

He was scared ,anxiety ripping him in two ,his vampires senses were not practical as he was so unfocused that he didn’t even know the spot he argued with you was .

-STEFAN! HERE! - Vladimir shouted to his coven mate even though he could have listened the lowest whisper.

Your body were curled up against a tree ,arms crossed against your chest and your wet hair all over your face ,you were shaking and even the human eye would have noticed it .

As they reached you Stefan noticed how you were unconscious and your heartbeat was very slow . Not wasting any time Stefan picked you up brydal style and hurried to the Cullen’s house without waiting for Vladimir ,all his attention focused on you as he supressed the scream full of pain in his throat.

What killed him it this was all his fault ,he left you there and moreover he told you to go loose yourself ,and now you were in such state as he holds you .

Carlisle was taking care of you ,cleaning any damage your body could have and checking everything in you to make sure you were fine .You were awake and have been for about an hour, your body and mind tired and your thought repeating how Alice told you Stefan found you and brought you here .

Your clothes were changed into comfy and dry ones ,a hot drink in your hands and the bed sheets covering almost all your body as you finally reposed at your room .

-How are you?- A grave voice with a thick accent sounded around the room as you looked surprised to the window that were now open and Stefan sitting there . -If you let me in then I can close up the window ,so the cold outside don’t get to you .-

-Now you worry about me ,Stefan- Your voice was serious and now you refused to look at him, your eyes focused on the cup of tea in your hands ,deciding to take a sip from it in an attempt of making yourself comfortable with the situation.

-I can’t loose you too- To be honest, you didn’t know what he was referring to “you too” ,but suddenly you remembered how he told you you were his “second chance at love” ,does that mean he had a mate who lost?

You didn’t know but the time to ask was not now ,so you decided to shrug it off.

-Well ,for someone who doesn’t want to loose me you fucked up pretty well- You said ,sarcasm noticeable in your voice.

-Language Y/N - His eyes playfully looked at you with an eyebrow raised . Without saying no more he walked towards you ,taking off the cup from your hands and then taking them to make you get off of bed and stand up .

-What on ..- Before you could finish your sentence ,he hugged you, his grip on you tight as his face hided in the crock of your neck inhaling your scent .

Moving to kiss your forehead and taking your hands in his ,foreheads now together as you noticed how he refused to open his eyes .

-Even if i told you horrendous things ,you are MY mate and we are determined to be together. Despite what i said you are not negligible or unlovable, I am scared of loving someone again and opening up while having a risk of loosing you . Don’t scare me again ,don’t let me loose you . Not you darling .I’m so deeply sorry Y/N, things will be better soon -

With that he embraced you in a tight hug again ,not letting you go anytime soon.

[pornoes]

This is a long post. I had a really unsettling moment when seeing former coworkers outside of work for the first time two days ago. I just need to get it in writing and outside of my own head

I went to hang out with two former coworkers for the first time at an indoor mini golf place. We’d literally been talking about this idea for 3 years and finally made it happen. The other two currently work together, but I actually haven’t worked there since 2021 so it was like a small reunion/“getting to know each other” moment all rolled into one for me.

Mini golf was popular that day and the wait was super long. After we had finished our snacks and drinks, one of my coworkers was like “hey, fuck it, do you all wanna just go back to my apartment and hang out instead?” The other girl agreed immediately. I politely declined, cuz at first I thought I would be a 3rd wheel cuz they know each other better, but they were super insistent and reassuring that I should join, implied that it would be rude if I didn’t, so I agreed to tag along.

When we got there, it was actually much nicer than at the mini golf place. I could finally hear what everyone is saying since there wasn’t a crowd of people. The conversation was flowing easier and I was feeling comfortable. Then the coworker with the apartment was like, “im taking mushrooms now if anyone wants to join” and both of us declined, so she just took a small amount on her own. The three of us got to chatting, and after like 30 min the non-tripping coworker decided to head out cuz she needed to get back to her baby. i decided to hang back for a little longer. Idk. In hindsight I should have just left at this point too but at the time everything felt fine and I was enjoying it.

I should mention that I’m used to being around people who are high on various plants. I have been unphased by it pretty much 100% of the time. In my past life, back when I was a “bad influence”, I was often there for people’s first time getting high and have been a successful trip sitter several times before. So it wasn’t strange to me to be around someone tripping. Looking back, it was a bold choice on her part to do psychedelics in front of people she’s hanging out with for the first time, but imo that’s more on her than me. And at the time, well, we live in a pretty funky city and this whole scenario didn’t even feel outside of the usual to me.

Anyway. At this point it was just me and my tripping coworker. She was honestly acting incredibly normal, albeit more comfortable. After maybe 30 more minutes I asked her if anything looked cool and trippy to her and she laughed and said, “I’m not THAT fucked up. I didn’t take that much”. (Keep that in mind!) So we were talking, she was asking for advice about this crush she has… it was kinda cute. A girls night moment. The conversation progressed to more open topics about gender, sexuality, and our places in the world, which I am so down for. I love talking about big picture things and, while maybe my coworker was just being more open cuz of the mushrooms, I am just naturally like that.

During the conversation she started dropping little remarks in like, “I can’t believe you’re still here” in this markedly incredulous (and not annoyed) tone of voice. Each time I told her no worries, I would leave & head home & we should do it again some time. But each time she told that’s not what she meant and that she wanted me to stay. She clarified that she just meant it was unreal because it took 3 years to happen, and in her words I was so “normal and chic” and she was so “weird”. Whatever that means, right?

And then…. Idk. Things started going downhill rapidly.

She started bringing up stuff about poor mental health. How hard of a time everything is and how she feels alone. I stayed positive, acknowledging her and then trying to distract her and break that train of thought. I mean, that’s what you need to do to stop a negative spiral on mushrooms. Address it and reroute it. Man, I should have just left, but at this point I felt somewhat responsible to help prevent a bad trip because I was the sober one and she on the edge of spiraling. It felt like how you can’t just leave your drunk friend to fend for themselves, you know? I mean we weren’t even friends yet, but still. In the moment it felt like I needed to at least make sure she would be okay if I left. In the moment it felt like the right thing to do. And I foolishly thought it would get better. I mean, the entire rest of the night had been really pleasant. Surely it would continue being pleasant, right?

Well, not at all. Conversation kept slipping in and out of pleasant, with these sprinklings of dark in between that just grew and grew. The last 10 minutes that I was there were… intense.

She said again, “I can’t believe you are here, youre so normal. You’re in this weird apartment and you don’t even feel threatened”. She told me she always says “cruel insults” to people and how she was trying so hard not to insult me. She started telling me how she is a “damaged person” and she “balls up that damage” and “throws it and hurts” the people she loves. I thought she meant that metaphorically, but then she raised her fist at me before slowly putting it back down. I could like, see her talking herself out of whatever she was about to do as she lowered her hand. Then she said “look in my eyes” and so I did, cuz my plan for how leave with minimal collateral damage hadn’t been hatched yet.

She stared at me and asked “what do you see?” And I saw I’ll be honest, all I saw was eyeballs. Duh. So I said “I don’t know, I see your eyes? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to see.” and she said “you don’t see anything, do you? There’s nothing. I’m not like other people. There’s nothing inside of me. I act like there is, but there isn’t”.

All of these pieces fell into place: the disbelief that I would be there, the disbelief that I didn’t feel “threatened”, the bubbling contempt when she said she wanted to insult me, bringing up violence, raising her fist. And to top it off, she had told me repeatedly that she wasn’t even that high and that the dose she took was super small. Can’t even blame the mushrooms for this one. It was like she just admitted to being a psychopath and i suddenly became very afraid for my safety.

So I was like, well look at the time I gotta go. Of course it took something like 15 more minutes to get out the door because, as I expected and was trying to avoid, it just made her spiral more. Idk. I felt horrible, I had to quickly make all these empty promises (we’ll hang out again, everything is fine, no I’m not upset, it’s totally cool, I’ll call you later) and i fundamentally do not like lying to people. Plus it felt like diffusing a bomb on top of that. Say the wrong thing and send her deeper into this spiral (or worse). Say the right thing and she’s begging me to stay and it all starts over.

It was just horrible. And what I fool I am for not just leaving!!! What a fool I was for assuming that someone who would confidently take mushrooms would have also mentally prepared themselves for the trip. What a fool I was for not realizing I don’t know this person well enough for that assumption to be right. Hindsight. It really was fine until it really wasn’t. And by then it was too late.

[lonely-north-star]

Well. I guess your thoughts on their dynamics, not just your complete idea of anything

HI ANON AKSKWJW (trying to be normal)

ohmygod you have NO IDEA how insane i am about these two arghhh they're both my faves. Their banter and rivalry always has me giggling. I'm still stuck on Mammon calling Solomon chowderhead.

I think Solomon is just like- fascinated by Mammon ajdjwjw. His reactions are peak and so funny, but sometimes he's so dumb it's endearing. Solomon is a naturally curious person (or in my head at least).

(more under the cut bc this got long)

But like !!! In the beginning when they're toeing the line of something more and Solomon starts making the first move, Mammon is SO CONFUSED AND WARY. Because what if this is all just a ploy to get closer to Lucifer to make a pact? What if he's being used? What if he doesn't mean it?

So Solomon would definitely have to reassure him and prove through his actions that he wants to get to know Mammon better. Anyone could say sweet words and not mean it.

And like, have you seen the new voice lines? About Solomon wanting to spoil the player? Imagine Solomon's just a big gift giver and tries to win Mammon over this way. Mammon gets excited over a new item, but as he's reaching for it- he hesitates. Everything is screaming at him to take the gift, but he puts his hand down and questions the intent behind it.

Eventually Mammon WILL let his guard down and let Solomon in. Ajdjwj one blog I follow on here called Mammon a human fucker and it was so funny 😭 rent free in my mind bc REAL

also i was just re-reading the og lessons for a comm idea- and there's one part in like lesson 3 i think where Solomon, Asmo, and Satan as playing cards together and Solomon is on a winning streak. He says the only person who could possibly break his streak is Mammon, because Mammon becomes a different person when money is involved . Now that idea is rattling around in my head.

Imagine they both play together every other week in secret, because the only match for them is each other. They study each other. Solomon hates when someone brags about winning if they cheated, so these nights are times Mammon has sworn to never cheat (he doesn't want to ruin this- because hey, when did it start becoming fun? When did he notice how nice solomon looks when concentrating? When did-). Their matches always come so close every time.

It'd be so funny if Solomon offers money for Mammon's debts if he beats him. Which spurs both of them on to try harder. (If I'm remembering right, Solomon once offered to buy out a shop for MC, so man's HAS to be rich)

I bet they both know each other so well that they had to add weird rules to their games. Like adding decks or disqualifying certain numbers/shapes. All to make it more fun for themselves and add a challenge.

GGAHWWH im chewing on them. I love them so much. My white haired idiots. I need to get off my ass and finish my first date fic I NEED TO FEED SOLOMAMS NATION !!! AAAAA

spoiler for last part of season 4 OG:

OKAY BUT TELL ME WHY !!!!!

WHY DOES ONLY SOLOMON REMEMBER MAMMON'S NAME !!!!! ONLY SOL !!! BECAUSE THEY'RE IN LO- *GETS SHOT*

help sorry for yapping so much anon but feel free to ever talk to me about them! this goes for anyone! i also have a side blog @solomams where it's meant to be a lot more organized I promise. My main is a mess LMAOOO OKAY BYE

[journey-to-the-attic]

hello!!

i just finished reading chapter 50 of jtta and oh my gosh. i don’t even know where to start.

jtta is SUCH an amazing work of art that my words fall short.. it’s rlly the best fanfiction i have EVER read and i’m sure it’ll continue to be my Number One forever. your writing style is absolutely beautiful and your choice of words is IMMACULATE. the way you describe certain scenes truly baffles me everytime like,, there’s people out there who are really able to write like this?? they can magically plant a mental imagine w colors and all in my head from??? Words only??? u r so amazing omf

i also have to say that ur work has rlly helped me with expanding my own vocabulary — i had to look up a A LOT of words (though i’m sure i forgot them all by now..) but it was always so fun to learn new stuff!

your mind fascinates me sm bc?? when i was reading some scenes from jtta i rlly thought ‘man.. if i was the author i’d have no idea how to solve this..’ but u managed to surprise me every. single. time. u outdid urself each time and my jaw legit dropped at some scenes bc i could’ve NEVER EVER thought of that,,,

i only discovered jtta last summer bc i was looking for a platonic obey me ff (i can’t see the boys romantically to save my life 😔) and ur writing was rlly the best thing that ever happened to me.

i swear everytime i read another chapter i dived into this World bc ur writing is so????? Perfect??? i cant put it into words

idk how many times i repeated myself by now but i just wanna give u this BIG word of appreciation (even if im struggling w it LOL) for everything. your characterisation of all the characters was always SO on point and the pacing of the chapters always elevated the reading experience and and and i’m just so overwhelmed by the quality of your work 😭🫶

and when i found ur tumblr??? oh i was FLOORED. like. not only r u absolutely GIFTED at writing, ure also good at drawing???11!?1? the writer & illustrator combo is INSANEEEEE

jtta got me all wrapped up in this universe that whenever i went back to read other obey me work or play obey me itself, i got sad bc the newspaper club and ik weren’t there 😭

normally i’m sad about things ending, esp when i indulged in it over a course of time but with jtta all i felt was a warmth (oh and the tears…..) in my body, it rlly couldn’t have ended better!! jtta made me elict all sorts of emotions while reading and it was just such a wonderful experience!

i feel like i just want to say more to u and sing more praises for u and jtta but i’m just at a loss for words,, my mind is COMPLETELY blank :c

writing is definitely your superpower and i’m forever grateful that i found your work!!!!!! T__T <3 can’t wait to see more of your work in the future 🥹💝

i need you to know that i had to look away multiple times consecutively just to compose myself because aAAAggkj

from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! i don't know what else i can say, everything you've said means so much to me! messages like this make everything about creating so worth it, all i can do is thank you twice <33333

[kaleidosouls]

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

[fictionfixations]

book 7 part 4 spoilers

im having intrusive thoughts (theyre UNWELCOME. ive been hit by so many emotions i cant stop myself from actually crying rn ) now that i finished it okay so

if there are any typos or wrong words that dont make sense im SO sorry i usually sleep around this time (i wrote confused instead of convinced im SOBBING) so my brain is slowing down on me

whbat if. what if if

we encounter the dawn knight

and silver's ring starts glowing

and they accuse him of being a traitor because it seems weirdly familiar (or the knight accuses silver of being a thief? IDK)

LISTEN im still convinced that the dawn knight and silver are connected in some way. i just dont know how yet. aghhhhh

ALSO WHEN is the conversation about them mentioning 'hey you keep calling me father..' (could be brushed off as 'you remind me a lot of my father'. cue probably mixed feelings) or '..hey what was that about you calling yourself a zigvolt when we first met?'

i mean sharing LAST NAMES (edit: i said nicknames wtf? im so sorry) without being related is normal. although i dont know how normal it is in twisted wonderland.

ALSO sebek also like doubled down like

baur: you dont have the signature scales

sebek: my mother has them!

baur: then why dont you?

sebek: ... (ashamed of his father. ashamed of his blood. poor baby. he really just ended up taking being called a 'human /neg'. to be fair i dont want to know reactions to a half-fae, because that would mean during the war between fae and humans, a fae got together with a human. and we know that that relationship was looked down upon even now in the future where the war is over, i think.)

(this book made me such a sebek apologist 😭)

like COME ON dont brush it off. i mean im going to cry for that conversation because its just going to be PAIN but like CMONNN????

where are the consequences?

then again this isnt real its just. a dream.

but...

also what if the dawn knight is silvers dad and lilia fucking idk kidnapped him and it started the war [although he'd be way too young in that case since this is 400 YEARS in the past] (but then theres the note lilia read him which means silver probably did get abandoned. .......or maybe lilia killed the dawn knight and his last words were giving his son over and that note about not wanting silver's eyes to cloud over in sorrow, and to instead be as clear as the jewel on the ring...)

or or or or

AHHH

i have. so many thoughts.

i STILL believe silver's at least related to the dawn knight. ...im just not sure how but i keep backtracking to son because yes.

and like itd also play into the 'fae stealing children' idea thingy. although i wonder if thats more offensive if that gets mentioned at all. if it was like some sort of propaganda bedtime story that humans told their children to make them terrified of fae and viewing them as monsters or something..

like

cuz

remember that merchant in the port town(?) area thing

first mistook us for monsters because of our masks (but thats fair)

realized we were like fae?? made a racket

this guard came over and the merchant accused US of threatening the guy to hand over his shit like what??? WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?? we dont even want your fucking spices or whatever wtf ???

i am also a believer that there's a huge misunderstanding between the fae and humans that caused this war.

but also.

i know twisted wonderland is very tragic and everything

but if the dawn knight and the ironclads kill malleus' mom im going to hate them so much. more than i already do [well i hate the ironclads, not the dawn knight, since one bad apple doesnt make them all bad apples]. (look they probably killed raverne but..... malleus' parents man. one is better then none. :( )

god

imagine though that the dawn knight is silvers dad (in whatever twisted time loophole age gap thing whatever the fuck even if it doesnt make sense)

and the dawn knights kills maleanor . . .? i. cant remember (OKAY maleanor is malleus' mom.? and maleficia is like grandma. i think... i. bro the overuse of mal is confusing me so bad sob)

just. imagine silver spiraling into a sort of self-hate. like. im the child of your enemy. my dad ("your dad is LILIA." says someone) killed malleus' parents...

and it probably feels worse then. idk. being a human in a land of fae. like so much more out of place

and so horrible

ahh im worried

..then again maleanor (i almost said maleficia oops) is super strong right? so she'd probably win.. (but also. its a lot harder to fight with something to protect. that being your precious little eggwhich you would probably die for to keep safe) ALSO SHE DIED SO LIKE ???

hhh i dont know what to think

JP SPoilers now

also really fucking worried because JP server's all the way in like idk pomefiore and im just like

how did you even get there. whAT? THIS ENDS?

like i know it'd have to end eventually but i just cant see an end in sight...

:((

i hope we can bring lilia with us. but there might be a chance he'll be made to fall into a deeper sleep where we cant assist since the whole point of his overblot was about lilia and wanting to keep him 'alive' and there

so.....

im just. sad.

[hamliet]

am the guy that has sent u svirdgailov and stavrogin asks, now im back after finishing the idiot and im interested in ur thoughts on the final scene + rogohzin as a character :D, specifically if u think he felt guilt at the end. rogohzin i feel like we are left with a feeling of sympathy for him even if very slight. most of that might just be myshkins decision to stay with him throughout the night but also just some of his outbursts during the scene that to me shows that he is regretting what he did, and to compare to svirdgailov and stavrogin, we dont get any of that(well i guess stavrogin had hallucinations and couldnt ascertain whether it was a manifestation of guilt or not but i felt like he did not overall regret what he did). both of them as you said could not run from themselves and it feels like rogohzin at the end accepted his punishment, i guess as im writing this he is reminding me a lot of raskolnikov lol, but ig my question is ur thoughts on him LOL

Rogohzin is interesting for sure. He's kind of the polar opposite of Myshkin--if Myshkin represents all that is beautiful and pure in humanity, Rogozhin represents everything corrupted and toxic. But both are intrinsically very, very human.

I don't know if I think he felt remorse in the true sense. I do think he was upset she was gone and upset with himself for that. And I think a key difference between him and Raskolnikov is their motive--Rogozhin wanted to crush those already beneath him in society, the weak, which are the people Raskolnikov wanted to protect from people like Rogohzin. I do think this isn't a minor thing for Dostoyevsky; people who take advantage of women and children don't get redeemed if they do so with cruel intent. That said, Raskolnikov had to realize he wasn't ultimately much different than Rogozhin.

I do think Rogohzin loved Nastasya to whatever extent he could actually love, but his love was self-focused, and that's kind of what happens in a lot of humans. So instead of that making him bad, it's kind of key to what makes him human. He loved Nastasya in terms of what she could do for him, and he loved the idea of destroying her on a subconscious level. Why? It's not clear, but I do think there's a tendency throughout human history to, as Dostoyevsky says in "The Dream of a Ridiculous Man" :

...everyone began to love himself better than anyone else, and indeed they could not do otherwise. All became so jealous of the rights of their own personality that they did their very utmost to curtail and destroy them in others, and made that the chief thing in their lives. Slavery followed, even voluntary slavery; the weak eagerly submitted to the strong, on condition that the latter aided them to subdue the still weaker.

But once mankind has destroyed those weaker, then what do they have left?

(Actually, I think that quote sums up pretty much Rogozhin's character.)

I think that's how I see Rogohzin's ending: empty. He will go to prison, while Myshkin, the best of humanity, goes to an asylum. The corrupt world is the ultimate villain, not allowing them to heal each other, considering purity and goodness as sickness and driving it out of people with its cruelty, while at the same time punishing people for caving into this very cruelty. It's a trap, in other words, and it's impossible to navigate this world and not participate in the cruelty to a degree. Kind of like a mirror to how Nastasya was trapped: damned by the very person who was supposed to protect her, leaving her waffling between madness and salvation and cruelty and self-destruction. Because in our participation, we also sow our own destruction.

Yet I'll leave you with the ending quote of "The Dream of a Ridiculous Man":

For I have seen the truth; I have seen and I know that people can be beautiful and happy without losing the power of living on earth. I will not and cannot believe that evil is the normal condition of mankind. And it is just this faith of mine that they laugh at. But how can I help believing it? I have seen the truth--it is not as though I had invented it with my mind, I have seen it, seen it, and the living image of it has filled my soul for ever. I have seen it in such full perfection that I cannot believe that it is impossible for people to have it. And so how can I go wrong?

[tera-91]

Half-cooked thoughts part 2

So I wrote up that last rant over several days. Most of which is still right.

Pupper 1 is healing from surgery and is not being a very good patient. Taking the medication has become better once we figured out how to hide them in food. But also said pup is definitely feeling better and is trying to do things which should be done at a later stage in healing. We still need to just walk and take things slow, but this little tazmanian wants to just run and play.

The other needs a recheck. Im hoping that we having gained much weight back. Because of pup 1 I havnt been able to take pup 2 on as many walks that we probably should be going on. We had been doing so well with losing or at least maintaining weight and not gaining. But now that I have typed this, when I take the pupper in for a weight check it will be higher …

The part from the last rant that is kind of wrong has more so to do with my job. I listened to other people both family and co-workers, I tried to speak to the manager to see if we could come to a better understanding as it one put it there is mis-communication on both sides. I am in a position I absolutely hate. This manager seems to just focus on insignificant parts and talks in circles. So I might still have a job and I might not. It was clear as mud in the conversation. I wont know until the next schedule comes out and even then it sounded like it wouldn’t be back to “normal” amount of hours, just something to keep me on payroll as the manager said they have to speak to another manager.

I guess if I keep my job and we come to a little bit of a better understanding cool but if not I feel like that conversation sort of justified my leaving in the first place.

I guess on the bright side. While I hurry up and wait anyway. It will give me a little bit of distance and I can try to accomplish other things. Which would be great as I just found out it is unlikely for me to qualify for aid as I go to school to try for a better job. Im going to start the process to appeal it to get someone to give it a second look but the first year wont really be a problem for me as I don’t need many classes so the cost wont be crazy. At least I hope. I have some saved up. But when I get into the actual program, if I understand it correctly is like 10k. I’m not sure if that is total or per semester. Which if its total I may be able to do a semester or two but otherwise without somekind of financial help I wont be able to do.  So I either need this job or figure something out in the next handful of months if the appeal doesn’t pan out.

I wont be twiddling my thumbs the whole time as I wait to find out. Or at least I say that. I have lists upon lists of things that I need to do or ideas I can pursue. I need to just not procrastinate and do them.

The problem sometimes though is I don’t know if I’m actually procrastinating or if I’m just burnt out. Like sure I have a list of all the videos I can make of the current recordings I have. I also have a list of chores that need to be done around the house to keep it clean and upkeep. I have a third list of items I need to buy at the store. I could probably make a list of video ideas that I would have to write scripts for. I could also probably write a list of stories with basic info of how it should go. Plus I need to finish my book. I made a promise to someone that I would have that thing finished and published in just over a year from now.

But honestly.

Right now my brain wants to do all those things to a point of I don’t know where I want to start. To edit I need time. Which I need to wait for the pupper to be taking a nap. To write I need other projects to not be bugging my mind. To clean/upkeep I need to figure out a place to start. I am bad at time management I never know how much time something will take me. Usually how it goes is if I feel like something will take me a long time, it doesn’t. If I feel like something will take me a short time, it doesn’t. But If I think something will take a short time so I decide it will take a long time, it doesn’t, I was right the first time it doesn’t take that long.

So then I just get to a point where all I want to do is to binge watch TV shows or Youtube videos.

Well anyway. Today is a new day. I have already written almost a thousand words.

I only have one more shift before I am in limbo. At least it’s a short one so I have the rest of the day to work on things.

Maybe I can look over my lists and make a small list. Get at least one item from each list done. The weather is nice. Might get a thing or two done out there. The weather lately has made it really difficult to keep the outside from being chaotic. Right now part of the yard has been taken over by wild flowers. Normally I would really like this, to feed the various insects and animals. But these flowers are really tall ones and I know I have a snake taking up residence in that area. A good snake, but still I would like to see it for when my pups are out there so we can keep a friendly distance from each other.

[makahimetenshi]

Falling or not - Paladin Danse x Sole Survivor Fanfic

This is the 1 part of a series of fics im writing lately, the order will be:

Falling or not?

May I use your shower?

Volver a tener algo

Addicted to Chems

Fooling around together

Traumas at the Commonwealth

Being awake

Since im in a rampage writing with this new ship I want to make some announcements

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

They were travelling together since Nate joined the brotherhood, and now since they were prepairing to build the teleport machine walking around all the Commonwealth was pretty normal, to the north to direct south, no things to do in the middle, a lot of walking, they could use ventibirds but that was a privilege that Maxson give sometimes to some people and Nate as miserly as he was, didnt want to abuse of that chances afraid of running low and needing it…and it was true, even Danse wasnt permitted to travel on ventibirds as much he wishd with years of service and a life dedicated as paladin, it was okay, part of their mission was also patrol the land and help other brothers in distress. Also Nate stop to help some of his Minutemens he encounter on the way, it was fine.

Both were heading to Sanctuary Hills, Nate needed some supplies and change some guns with others he had at…home…despite everything the man said that if he started to paid a loan for that rooft it didn’t matter if the bombs fall, it was still his home.

Danse didn’t have a problem, he feeled safe around Nate and getting some supplies for an specific task was a valid reason to move a little…and he needed to stop by a power armor station too, his power armor was low in state and needed the maitenence

Its been two weeks since Nate had the wonderfull idea to flirt and joke around a bit after Danse confessed his worries about being a good squat leader.

“you gave me something to think” said the paladin making the bombs fall again inside the knights brain

What the fuck, hows that of something to think what are you meaning with it? What are you gonna do with that info? He just ask if he was going to lean his shoulder over when he need it and wont disappear or die to not let him alone because he cared and Danse took it so personally and deep…

He said it joking like bros but the first flirt took him by surprise and really messed up with his head nononono this wasn’t his intention he said it chill and why it was still such a big thing for him too….

Ah…he may be falling? Just like that? Just with a little of reciprocate interest? Nate was unsure of his feelings but knowing that the paladin wasn’t closed to it…

He had…Nora…

He will always be Noras…

Why he would have interest in anyone in the Commonwealth? They were sick, dirty, mean, low intelligence….well that sound a bit racist but besides the Cobes family who the hell have a good life in this hell of time? He was nice, of course, he wouldn’t say those things, he understanded very well that no one can cahnge the situation and make it better enought, the destruction was too much to even try to make something on large time, they didn’t chose to be born in this horrible world and cant be misjudged by that but…

He didn’t want to be here neither, he was just in a crusade to save Shaun, letting himself go forward witout thinking much just until finding him and then…well no idea but he will figure out something, for his sake.

But there he was, getting all clumbsy because a man say yes to him in a not so clear way…wow…just right there he thought about how suppressed his feelings were…to not feel…to not love…

Will Danse say yes maybe to a third flirt? Should Nate stop thinking in such things? Just the possibility make his heart ache in confussion and make a mess but…it would be so bad?

Yes, it would be, Nora was still there, in Sanctuary Hills, waiting him and Shaun to return.

-Theres some people were we are going that you should meet, and I want you to be open mind and not shoot them please –Nate said to Danse, they were close walking in Concord, passing just the place where his…veterans event should have place if the bombs didn’t fall…

-What do you mean? –hell no more surprises

-Along with human citizens of the Commonwealth there is a supermutant named Strong, my handyrobot Codsworth, a raider name Cait…

-Why the hell you choose that company to leave in your hometown where theres people you want alive

-Shup up I paid Codsworh expensive with my credit card and 200 years later it was worth every penny, Strong is there because he likes to smash things and around Sanctuary Hills theres two points that often catchs raiders attention as a pottencial base, Concord, were we are walking now  and a mine no so far away.

-But theres no raiders around here –Danse looked everywhere, he see bodies, yes, bodies of raiders, bodies he cant care any less and wouldn’t even give a look to inspect more, their lifes were worthless for him, still it wasn’t a rampage of bodies like you see next to buildings in the Commonwealth.

-That’s Strong work, if he sees leather and spikes, he smashes, same with the mine, we clean and a few weeks later some other new group appears, I honestly don’t like to kill them, I try to persuade them when im with Strong to leave, but raiders doesn’t ration, they don’t get reasons, they don’t wanna negociate…so Strong smashed –even for Danse, Nate sometimes have a dark mind about the value of life for…some people…he didn’t like to kill but he had a really quick way to decide that if someone is pissing off, bullet on the brain goes- im not always around, I cannot let some random raiders take my home, as far as I investigated with Cait the ones that often comes are non organized groups, from other parts of the Commonwealth, clearly they are not getting the news about the Supermutant doing purges on Concord and the mine...so if they are not listening to reasons when im around…let Strong smash

-Arent you afraid of the supermutant loosing control or anything? They are not very sm –Nate quickly moved his head, denying.

-Strong is a smart supermutant, the first one I know besides Virgil, a poet who lives in a post here in the commonwealth try to spread a word to educate them in philosophy an lectures…it worked just on him, the rest of his mutant family imprisioned both, knewing totally what they were doing…I came in a distress help from the poet in the radio and…we killed all his supermutant family…together…just to get out of there…-Nate sounded a bit his nose, knowing that at telling his story he zooned out a bit, sometimes, he zooned out, speaking of this horrors was good for the soul, he liked having someone to talk to that would understand the situation, like first hand, it wasn’t a fantastic tale for Danse like it was for Codsworth, sometimes he tries to express his things to some other person and it sounds like fantasy, difficult to imagine and understand, so many horrible details and non real situations…but they were very real…

And Danse understand, imagine and if he doesn’t get it he really tries, he doesn’t avoid the subject, he values his experiences at least to make a lesson or an opinion…

Danse have field experience, he see things and can perceive them as possible and sometimes even normal, unlike people, human people, normal people who just try to survive everyday and work just…understanded that this things can happen…but tries to avoid them, tries to not live and suffer them, most of them just live with the filth and the poberty, but try to avoid the danger.

Nate cant do that, he was always on the mouth of danger, at least until he find Shaun…

-Have you ever do another thing with the supermutant? Other that doesn’t involve killing or the promise of killing –even if there was always the promise of killing in every corner of the wasterlands….

It wasn’t like Danse was trowing mean vibes or wanted to discuss the man but you can keep a low intelligence individual by promising things that will offer instant gratification and it will obey as long it last…

-He does other chores, yes, sometimes the residents ask him help or I send him to other settlements –Danse noded a hmmmmmm pretty surprised-So he is one of the things I will ask you to not be mean at, Strong saved my life a lot of times, supermutand and all but he is a good partner

What a definition of good partner was that, Danse smiled, he could get jelous

-Tell me about the other two…

-Well Codsworth is a handyrobot I bought as a surprise gift for Nora when she was pregnant at home with Shaun,  I was away still on service so I wanted to…make my presence…Codsworth was the first face I see at exiting vault 111…it was a relief to see him at home but…it was all an illusion, nothing was right –Nate was talking with a shady voice again, it was hard for him to talk about the prewar most of the times…-I know in the brotherhood we are not fond of robots, since I didn’t see many on service or helpers, but Codsworth is my robot and he has an awesome personality, so please, be nice, don’t shoot, hell be respectfull with you –Danse noded, again not convinced but oh well it was just a robot…

-Then a rider? Any other surprise?

-Well not for today…as I know, I haven’t been here in three weeks…Her name is Cait, I found her in the combatzone and we had…such a strange encounter…-the paladin raise an eyebrow- I have to confess, if you wanted to shoot someone, but please do not, it would be her…she is…strange…

-What kind of strange are you talking about? A smart supermutant is strange to me

-She is always making weird sexual jokes and mocking at me…and she gets mad fast, really low tempered…we travel a few times to do some works and I didn’t like the vibes…so I gave her a house and a nice place to stay…

-That doesn’t sound smart from you, what if she is violent?

-Theres Preston and Sturges around, also Codsworth has a really nice knifes –didn’t he said he was only a handyrobot?- I think she is just weird, I cant give her a psycologist but at least good conditions to rest and chill…as I said we worked together a few times and we have each other back so…consider it a payback if she is still there…the last four times I was here she was staying, doing things around up and there for the settlement and the neightbords…so…she is a help, I just don’t like being around, you know, people some times have or not chemistry with other people

-Things can happened –said Danse, resting a bit of importance, despite the supermutant it wasn’t that bad, just a misbehaved asshole, nothing he didn’t handle before

-We are close, don’t stop by red rocket, we have our own power armor station in Sanctuary –Nate said at looking at the big red rocket at the distance, it was a very nice reference to find his hometown, Danse nodded next to him and in a few minutes they were crossing the bridge to Sanctuary, hands up.

It was strange coming up home with your hands up? It surely is but Sturge set up those torrets at the entrance to do that exact thing, it you are hands up you may not be necessary pacific but at least you cant shoot at no one, it was also a safe code for all the people that lived here that they were part of the community and not outsiders, outsiders are obliged to raise their hands and come in peace and they…just do it for practicity.

-Looks who is back –a woman voice emerged from behind a scrapped wooden door, passing trought running Dogmeat appear, jumping directly to Nates arms to hug, and lick, and jump and play around him at how happy it was.

Danse liked dogs, he liked seeing Dogmeat too, he never had a dog before but they were wonderfull creatures and the way his tail moved from happiness at seeing Nate was cute, it makes his heart happy to see that.

-Its that the way to receive the general? –Nate was on the floor caressing and playing with Dogmeat, grabbing his nose and pocking it .

-Are you going to say anything to Preston?

-I can, im the general –Danse looked at them talking…it wasn’t that bad…

-You were away from a long time!

-Well the castle is pretty far away from here…

-You know who is going to have a blast now you are here? Longfellow! I don’t know why that old gag gets so happy around you

-Because he uses every special ocation as an excuse to drinks

-Touche, lets get in

So this was the raider Cait? She wasn’t that bad.

-Well be staying here for a few days

-Who is your friend? Another one you recluted for Sanctuary?

-No, he already has a home, his name is Paladin Danse –Nate pointed at him and Danse saluted politely, the redhead came a step closer to him and took a look from toes to head.

She was cute, cute factions, cute face, very delicate.

-Theres nothing like the smell of power armor grease and testosterone –she said, making Danse smile at how occurent that comment was.

-The aroma is rather…pungent…

Nate, who was in the middle of them became…STILL…FROZEN…

Nononononononono were they flirting? Nonono he didn’t ask for that nooooo hes been daydreaming with the paladin and he make the mistake to introduce him to a hot chick he said he didn’t like…

Calm calm down…he said some nasty things he doesn’t have to like her…

That last one stay on Nates mind as he walked inside the settlement, letting them talk not wanting to be there anymore…

And what if he does? Danse wasn’t his...and he was Noras…

What a terrible mistake! He should go to another settlement! He didn’t have it clear with his own feelings to now feel bad about…loosing? Danse but…what was he loosing? He didn’t do…No…he did…but no enough. If he chooses the cute girl…well he didn’t have a chance neither in his sleep!

Oh this was bad bad bad, just a few hours ago he was wondering about that time he flirted twice with Danse asking himself if it was okay to take it to seriously and now…he enter in panic because he get jelous at the minimum interaction with someonelse suresuresure he was okay about Haylen because DANSE ITSELF said she was just a member of his squad but oh my he never thought in third parties…

He looked back, and at seeing them still talking in front of the door his hands went to his hair, taking a big sight before accelerating his steps.

-Come on boy, lets talk to Preston –he called to Dogmeat and walk away from the scene, he didn’t wanna see that anymore, cant deal with it

Danse do as Nate told him, move around, use the facilities, talk to people and feel comfortable, because why the hell not, if he invited the man to the Prydwen where all his family, reputation and life was why he cant be around his hometown? So he did, he eat some because everybody knows that Nates friend are everybodys friend and are fucking kinda obligued to be nice apparently, use the power armor station, take a look at Nate collection of power armors…

What a waste…so many scattered around the Commonwealth, repaired and everything but out of use because Nate wont find himself comfortable inside one…and because he had the power fist or GRA or something he didn’t paid to much attention…

-So you are relying on the supermutant help only? –Danse was trying to be nice, not be despitefull as he smashed some aluminium to repair his power armor chest.

-I know what you are trying to do, so im going to be patient to you –Sturges approatched him while he was repairing some turrents that went down the other day- we are still here okay?

Yeahyeahyeahyeah of course not everycorner of the Commonwealth was militarized like the Prydwen and that didn’t make them shitholes…but they were…but he cant say it because people gets offended…I mean Nate shared those thoughts but never said them loud, in fact apparently they get along because the man have high standars that right now the Prydwen have less or more to satisfy, like hot showers. Of course, high standars for him and all the habitants of the wastelands, for Nate it was basic lifestyle before the bombs fell, but right now they were highstandars, if you let the man talk he was so hatefull of life in the wastelands in general…

He had reasons tho, he understanded and was able to imagine  despite being unable to do anything about it, imagine living in one word and waking up in another totally different…

And then see your wife getting shot and kill.

And your baby kidnapped.

Nate was a hard man, difficult to understand, luckily, for him it didn’t turn out so harsh to do.

-Yes, theres Preston, you, Longfellow, Cait…some other settlers...

-Some Minutemens that often come by, we may rely a lot on Strong but we are thought too

-I don’t doubt it but neither of you have military training and the equipment you have here is…

-We scrap as much we can, this are the resources the Commonwealth  gives us, the general helps a lot too –Danse slurpred some saliva, better talk carefull around a man who respect his superior.

-Most of you all don’t know how to shoot a different type of gun, you are not gunners or an organized group

-Well we haven’t been here for a lot of time neither, it takes a lot of work to build practically from 0 with your bare hands, Preston and his old team were the ones that help us to not die when out home was attacked by gunners, now that you mention it

Danse take a breath, he wasn’t handling well the conversation.

-Im just saying that you may want all to learn some training about shooting and avoiding, not rely on the help of a supermutant

-Strong is a good fella –not like Sturges was denying his point but he will stand for the creature that was keeping their home safe.

-How can you trust that his damaged brain by the VEF will always stay like this? One day he could lost the reason and…

-We trust –Sturges said, looking back at him –We have a way to trust him, don’t expect you to understand –how could he explain a foranger that Mama Murphy told him that everything will be right with the supermutant? That she has visions that are always alright? That she wants to be constantly drugged to have that visions? It didn’t sound right to explain to an outsider, no matter how much of a friend of the general he was

Danse didn’t feel comfortable, didn’t understand the way of people who didn’t use the reason and possibilities…when there was danger in everycorner, everybody should be more carefull.

-You need to finish the wall on the river right? –Sanctuary had fences in process to be finished all around the old neighborhood

-What about i?

-Why didn’t you fence the water area?

-Oh Nate didn’t want to cut around the water, he preffer to expand that leaving the river out, I said that doing that we may have the river increasing one day in a rain and have a problem but he said that the fences we made may not be enough to seal the waters, not hermetic enough, that we need to find concrete to make real walls, dig very very down the earth to really seal…I suggested that the gunners have those kind of walls for strategic and shooting points so the proyect of finishing the fence is delayed until we figure out whats best, if stealing a camp of runners or finding a place with that much concret and cement…which I believe is difficult, is a short resource, its really a treasure to find a bag of concrete ready to make so his idea has a really difficult execution…like I said, delayed

Rest of the afternoon he repaired his power armor and went to take a bath of…cold water…they have a purified water machine so at least it wasn’t radioactive but it wasn’t a pleasant bath and the nights at the Commonwealth were cold, at least they managed to make clean beds and sheets, cleaner than in the Prydwen even.

He didn’t saw Nate until night, he was talking to the old gag Longfellow, just talking, in the settlement they all eat together in an oriel they put at the street so first, they don’t waste much wood, they don’t make much lights or smoke, they can count properly the quantity of food used each day for inventory purposes.

If they are eating in the street they can keep an eye everywhere and not be exposed to a surprise attack while they were enjoing the evening, poor? Sure, efficient? Well…not so much…the best thing they can do with the little amount of people they have? At least give them that credit to have…

The night fall, Danse see the supermutant for the first time walking around Sanctuary, according to what Cait said to him he went nearby the settlement. It was huge, and it reminded him of Cuttler, his old friend…the ticking on his hand to grab his laser rifle and shoot him were huge but…he wouldn’t do it, he was ask to not, people trusted that thing and he had no right to…impose the brotherhoods ideals…

Then he saw Nate, talking chill in a table full of diverse people, sharing a meal.

He may be dissobeing the brotherhood by letting that evening happen, by letting that supermutant alive just because a vault man ask him…

Lets just say he was in a Minuteman territory and preffer to obey and take in consideration their rules on their land to not cause a diplomatic problem…yes…that could work…after all the Commonwealth wasn’t the Brotherhood territory…there were here just to help and fight the institute…

He was getting soft around that man.

The next day Nate expend the morning in bed, rolling around looking at the open ceiling. Yes, he was tired, again it was a long trip, yes, he deserved the rest, yes, everybody will understand if he expend the day on bed and not ask him if he was sick or hurt or in pain or anything…he gave Preston the command to please not be disturbed…

His mind keep thinking about yesterday…nononono what did he do…he cant force the man to like him, he wasn’t even sure if that’s what he wanted but definetly he didn’t want to loose a chance! Even a small chance…

Why was his brain doing that to him…only a few interactions and a pinch of jelousy made him terrible unsure if he wanted to forget about the man or marry him…

It was even okay to have this kind of feelings? To let himself grow a feeling? Love was a necessary human feeling, and the Commonwealth since he wake up wasn’t a place for sentimental creatures but…to be loved and cared…Kellogg took away that possibility when Nora was shoot in front of him…he missed it…he missed her…god he was a mess..

But Danse…he didn’t plan to die on his arms and let him alone, he find him to be a good partner with experience in fighting and surviving…it was a worry less wich is a lot, of course, he worried, he cared,  but how different it was to be serene around someone you know it wouldn’t die so easy that someone you don’t know…or don’t trust on his habilities…or know his lack of habilities. He needed that calm over his shoulders to move forward in this hostile word…He needed someone strong, not to rely, but at least to trust they were going to be okay.

Ah…he may be falling? Yes yes yes hell yes he was…he falled…completely unsustented but he falled…

He wanted Danse, but there wasn’t a how or when…it just have to develop…

A heavy feeling pressed on Nates chest, making difficult to breathe even completely relaxed in his bed looking at the ceiling, this had happen before.

He sighted and went up the bed to dress, he knew how to deal with this.

Afternoon, Danse was looking for Nate not because he had a reason but its been 24 since they separated and…well it wasn’t his home he didn’t feel completely comfortable in a place he didn’t know with a people he didn’t actually like…Looked everywhere, the place wasn’t that big, looked in everysingle house, even being uncomfortable around…

There was a woman this time at the entrance of Sanctuary, Dogmeat was with her, she had a rifle and apparently was patrolling at the gate.

-Hello –Danse called, she watched at him-do you know if the general come out? –he wouldt leave him…

-He is still around here, Preston tells me when we are waiting for someone familiar, despite the minutemans –Danse saluted and went back, ok, Preston was the second in command so it was a good idea to ask him.

The man was inside the house he claimed as his, even if he made guards and watchs frequently around.

-Welcome to my place –said Preston, it make Danse a bit unconfortable they keep the illusion of doors…and windows living in a place where everything was open with a lot of leaks and seethroughts…

-Oh actually I was just looking for Nate, figured out I can ask you –Preston hold the door a moment, since he wasn’t coming inside.

-Sorry, the general isn’t avalible right now –Danse raised an eyebrow, ok he didn’t expect that

-What do you mean?

-That the general is not receiving visits right now –no kidding

-Did anything happened…? –bussy Nate? Here? The only reason he could be off is only if he was jacking off but he wasn’t on his house

-The general doesn’t need to give explaitions –so we are getting like this? My god

-There are less than 20 people here do you really wanna do this

-Do you have full access to your superiors whenever you want back there in the Brotherhood or…-touche, still, he had a secret card to play

-You know is not a good idea to leave Nate alone right? –this time, Preston raise an eyebrow

-Because…?

-Of his chems addiction…-the man went to press his forehead with his fingers, sighting. That surprised Danse, he didn’t know that the thing about chems was something he let the others know…but pretty much anyone worked with him so at some point it becomes noticeable

-I thought we were past this…-cool, this was cool, his secret card was basically “don’t you know the general has a problem with chems? We shouldn’t let him alone!” or…”He is lately having a lot of that problems of you know…chems…” it was a bit of testing to see which one fitted right but you can play with people knowledge or ignorance, in any case neither wanted Nate dead by his own stupid addiction…saving people from their stupid acts often unites interest.

-Yeah I noticed while we were camping…he uses two or three dosis at day whenever he thinks he is alone…

-Look im not supposed to tell you where the general is

-Its okay, whenever he is I can act all surprised like…oh you were here? I don’t know I was just exploring…to no say it was you…

-Yeah he is gonna know, when you arrive there you will get why

-Then why don’t you go?

-He was pretty clear about not wanting to be disturbed

-Clearly a chems problem

-I cant discuss what my general want to do on his spare time

-But you know he has a chems problem

-What do you want me to do? Follow him like I was his boyfriend? –Danse close his lips, he was right, but still, wanted to find the man. Preston sighted looking up, tired, he didn’t know this man well, the fact it came with Nate didn’t mean anything to him, he didn’t want to put in danger his general neither by letting him alone and vulnerable…there…-ill go just right behind you, don’t try anything weird

Danse didn’t know what that mean but okay, Preston went inside the house a moment and came back with two baseball bats

-Are we going far?

-Less than 200mts, but we are never sure when the croaches end down there, you know those fuckers bite hard

Danse didn’t know what to expect, but he followed Preston lead.

Getting inside a vault from the main door was…weird…pretty uncommon in fact, most of the times a situation like this appeared he was chased by some monsters but this vault was…abandoned but in a pretty good state actually.

-Why are you keeping an operational vault? Where does the energy comes from…

-Shhhhhh we are not being prescisely quiet! –Preston didn’t want to be here, if Nate asked him for some time he will but at the same time didn’t want the man killing himself on grieve and overdose…-listen up! Im just right behind you! Don’t try anything weird on the general!

Ok Preston was here because he didn’t trust, Danse can respect that, he was taking care of his superior, both were but Preston didn’t have any obligation to trust him and it was okay, they didn’t know each other and he didn’t have much intentions of knowing him either…

An operational, abandoned, energized and uncontaminated vault…what a gem…

Nate have a lot of excepcional secrets and things to discover really.

Unlike what everybody was thinking, Nate actually wasn’t doing drugs.

Didn’t feel like it. Not in the mood, not wanting.

Preston was the only one that know where to find him when he wanted to be isolated, hell just be right here…sometimes when he is overwhelmed this is the only places where he wants to stay in the entire world.

In front of Noras frozen body.

Hell just sit right in front of her, looking at her dead face…she didn’t even die in her sleep like everyone around, she died in pain with a bullet as the cryo chamber closed again, pausing in time her face full of pain…

Life drifted away from her.

Nate sobbed, looking at her

-Im…feeling lost again Nora…-a monologue, it was a monologue, always a monologue, never ever a response from her-still looking for Shaun like I promised you but…I feel like whenever Im lost have to come back at you –he was in this exact position all the afternoon, looking at her, trying to talk, to look for some advice or calm- it has only been months, awfull months but do you think I deserve…im allowed…might feel love for someonelse? –he laughted at himself, he didn’t know if he was in love or if he needed in his persona again a strong feeling like love to keep him carry on,  did he wanted someone or did he wanted the motivation that love gives you everyday? He bited on his lip, didn’t know-you are still here, and you always be, never think on something elsebut…its difficult to stop this feelings from growing and you know how that turned for us so…-Nate laughted low, taking a bit mouth of air-i don’t know if its possible in this world to ever be happy again…but I know I want to love again, to at least feel love��

Walk inside a clean, untouched, empty but in a good state vault was such an experience…Preston was leading the way but at somepoint he stopped, looking back at him, the man apparently know well the place.

-You heard that? That’s the general, whatever you need to tell him do it, but don’t tell him I bring you here...-Danse nooded, looking at the direction the bat of the man was ponting, it was true, there was a human voice- ill be around but not on sight, remember, don’t do anything weird or youll regret it-Danse couldn’t physically feel that as a menace since he was so much a better fighter than him but okay, he dindt plan on hurting Nate either, so he went forward, letting the man behind.

When he enter to the room he saw Nate sitting on the floor, looking down, there was no chems or alcohol around…he was just there…sitting…the man looked at him a bit confused.

-How did you get here? –Danse was about to answer, looking around –Did Preston tell you anything?

-No –he said firmly, not wanting to be a jackass to the man who was supposly watching them-nono I came here on my own –apparently Nate has been crying, his eyes were all big and irritated

-Yeah right, Preston is the only one that knows this place, I wonder if im really a general here sometimes –the paladin looked around, there was a lot of cryo pods around and the one Nate was in front of…oh god…

-I was just worried, haven’t see you in all day and you didn’t left Sanctuary neither, I went to look for you –where all this people Nates neightbords from before the bombs fell?

-This is incredible I cant fucking ask some time for myself this is a terrible lack of respect…-Ok Danse get it, he was mad, interrupted on his grieve, he looked down, embarrassed, after all it was true he didn’t have a real reason to be bothering him, he was in right to disappear for a while if he needed.

-Im sorry, but believe me it wasn’t Preston, I came here by my own –Nate rolled his eyes and put a hand on his face- I just wanted to check if you were okay –clearly he wasn’t, but not for the reasons he thought…

Nate was mad, really angry, being disturbed in this place…his body was shaking and he had such urges to get up and smash anything…being molested while Nora was there watching him…

She isn’t really there.

-I don’t need anybodys help! Im not in danger and have for far much more experience being alone that neither of you! –Danse was surprised when the man get up and approatched him, very angered, that’s it he couldn’t let this pass as a paladin and a commander officer, he had to step on and put his best mean face to gain some authority back.

-Preston is not here! I told you! I tought you were in danger and came down here…

-You are the ones in danger here! –out of nothing and completely paralyzing the paladin Nate took out a laser pistol…his heart stopped for a moment, he never even dreamed with the man poiting a gun at him and yet…this was wrong…and he…couldn’t just fight back the knight…never thought on the possibility…less with a baseball bat…-You two have no chances down here with me, go and put those sticks onto your assholes! Im fully armor to the teeth…as I always have to be! Everymoment! –the paladin wanted to react, really react, protocol and everything he was told say that this was insubordination, that menacing an officer deserved a punishment, that this wasn’t something easy to pass but…he saw the faces of all the people on the cryo pods around and them see him, crying, yelling, trembling…

Danse sighted, not moving his eyes from him, raising his hands to let him now he wasn’t a menace

-Take as long as you need soldier-said slurping saliva-Im leaving, hoping to see you for dinner

-Just fucking leave me alone

The paladin never expect this…episode…from his knight…

Danse walked all ashamed and…frightened…to the entrance…just like they walk in how he will walk back…Preston was right, he shouldn’t try to stick his nose that deep…He meet the man at the entrance,  had a sad face on, clearly heard the conversation…

-Im really sorry general, take all the time you need –said Preston as he pushed the botons to get out

-Hell have to came out eventually right? –his body still tremble at the memory of the man pointing at him, yelling…

-As far as I know, he can lock himself in the vault forever and its his right to do so…-he was gratefull that the brotherhood man  really keep his word and didn’t snicht on him, even if their intentions were good…he knew this was delicate for Nate…this was a sacred place for him.

The paladin bite his tongue, he pushed his limits this time.

This was a lesson, he learned bad way to respect the boundaries, ways and rules outside the brotherhood. Not because a place was poor executed they were less than him…you are nothing while vulnerable and the disavtange of having a baseball bat vs a real gun…really make his  spine shiver and hands tremble…

Never underestimate Nate again…deep down he knows that the knight wont shoot him but…it was scary to imagine a bullet on the head shoot by him…

The memory of the woman in the cryo pod came to his mind again.

This was a place for laments, pain, and sorrow. After all Danse cant imagine being sealed in a tomb like this for eternity.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14237736/1/Falling-or-not

[astardanced-underthatwasiborn]

I am suspicious when he starts with something I can relate to. I also sometimes turn the wrong way! I also had a weird teacher who gave me specific rules for writing! This must be a normal, straightforward *realistic* plot. I see you Gaiman. Can’t trick me this time!

Hey I also live in IL now. I had to Google Decatur though.

I have never seen ovaltine in person so why do I think I know how it tastes?

“That’s where it all begins” aha! Have I caught the switch between my world and the fantasy this time?

Don’t split up and walk into the weird fog please.

I thought he was clever for the money in the shoe bit. I guess listening to your mom is smart still.

Ok the change wasn’t a subtle as Im used to. I don’t feel tricked so that’s okay.

Ooh I wasn’t expecting that to be what came out of the rip.

(Im technically working right now or I wouldn’t be stopping so much while reading)

Yep. No I take it back. I didn’t see any of this coming. I thought it was just a slightly alternate dimension with weird a McDonald’s

What’s with the Js?

Ok wait but why didn’t the mom recognize him?

Did he learn to explicitly give permission to pee the hard way? 😂

I wish my tattoos did that.

He will power them? Is this like the whale ship in doctor who? 😭

Another Harker? Or another Joey Harker?

💇‍♂️ and 👆are not the same ma’am.

Oh I REALLY wish my snake tattoo could do that. (It’s a nod to Crowley, so it’s (deep down) a nice snake)

Stopping here. I usually read too fast and analyze later. Trying to take my time with this and not just finish it in one go.

I’m back already because the real world is sad and I have no self control when it comes to a good book.

This book isn’t exactly happy though either

Oh. It is like the space whale.

Ok duh. That’s why mom didn’t know him but teacher did. Fair enough.

Not me wondering why this was published in 2007 and the teenager somehow knows who Errol Flynn is…. I was a teenager in 2007 & know Errol Flynn is. That’s not even wibbly wobbly. Kid just likes old movies.

See. I somehow went from a-hah! Odd mist leads to an alternate universe is a little odd to just accepting a boundless bright colored plane with things made of yellow. Snuck up on me a bit.

Why do I want a pet mudluff now?

The enemy’s gate is down.

That’s not better alcohol. That’s just drugs.

Yeah. The something is he’s you.

Star Trek forever and always has done it first.

He hasn’t heard them say hocus pocus - they something about bananas gorillas and nutmeg. They’re professionals.

13? (I looked that up. Sorry)

Duh.

Sir. You are too young to know how a filling feels when it falls out. Brush your teeth kids! (Seriously wish I had been better at that when I was young)

Is squid a J too?

Again. Duh.

Don’t get lost again

Not a dream. Great idea. Why don’t they do that already?!

Managed to keep myself busy enough tonight to not finish it at once. I’m glad it’s a trilogy though. Doesn’t seem like enough pages left

Are these even real words? Some must be fake right?

It’s probably 13. Just a guess.

Umm…here’s the thing about octopi…

Not me getting mad at the pity party like I don’t talk to myself the same way. Well played.

Uhmm. What did he do wrong??

Ok but I love printing tricks like that. Adds to the story.

KEVIN?!?!

Now I definitely want a pet mudluff!

I am begging you to brush your teeth here.

🤞 wibbly wobbly 🤞🤞

Should have made him do a thank you dance

FREE WILLY!

Nope. Too creepy. Die already

⚖️ though?

Hmm. Odd but not wrong.

I’d say it would make a good show but they’d ruin it by focusing on the special effects.

This was weird for me. I usually plow through books. Even though this took me less than a day it was kind of fun to write down my thoughts as I went. Will have to do this again.

Season 2 wasn’t the happy little escapism show I thought it would be. Got myself a new Neil Gaiman book to take the hurt away. (Yes new to ME, not in general. I’ve been saving the rest of his works for when I really need it).

[purecantarella]

Everything Is Blue

short fluff piece again!! i'm trying to cover all my bases with the blackpink girls!! i got rlly excited so im hoping to post these all at the same time because i couldn't finish the reaction i had lined up for this week :"") i hope you all enjoy, my lovelies 💓 disclaimer/s : none, pure floof!!

Kim Jennie wasn’t the type to question her skills and charms, much less the unbridled love and support of her fans. But with all eyes hot on her after the dozens of alleged scandals coming her way as of the last few months, she couldn’t help her confidence from faltering.

The girls weren’t much comfort given that they were wrestling with their own anxieties, she didn’t want to burden them with her issues on top of hers.

Then there was you.

Her loving and devoted girlfriend who was willing to drop everything at the drop of a hat if she so needed you to. The rapper’s heart fluttered at the idea of the comfort you brought her. You had so much pride in her and it overflowed, so much so that there was enough belief in you to flow into her. If only you were there beside her, not in another timezone attending to your father’s business.

As quickly as your name brought her joy, it faded just as fast. In its place was an acute sense of your absence. She sits defeatedly in her make-up chair, the anxious energy now diminished. Jennie gingerly plucked her phone from the counter, eying your smiling face on her phone screen, not a single notification from you to wish her luck. She knew that you were probably asleep but it still didn’t make her feel any better.

“Ten minutes to places, ladies.” A stage manager called from the door before dashing off to head to another artist. The rest of the girls nodded off and began preparing themselves for the first time back on stage together in a year.

Jennie again stood up and faced Lisa who was running the steps back again quickly with Rosé and Jisoo who was warming her throat up. The rapper closed her eyes and breathed a heavy sigh in a useless attempt to recenter herself. ‘What would Y/n tell me to do right about now…?’

A rhythmic knock on the door pulls everyone's attention to it, Jennie’s focus broken once again. She knew it probably wasn't the staff's fault but they were likely set to perform a little later and the rapper felt a bit of frustration at the blow by blow report.

“Oh my God.” Rosé’s Aussie accent reverberated before the room was filled with slow and building laughter. Jennie’s ears perk up as she pulls herself off the make-up chair, cracking an eye open.

The first thing she notices are the large blue roses neatly collected in familiar hands. Then she finally looked up and her heart jump-started again. Her lip trembled as she fought off the smile from breaking when she saw you holding a bouquet of deep blue roses in one hand and a basket of baked pastries in the other.

Oddly enough, Jisoo and Rosé were the first to approach you, wrapping you in half hugs before snatching the bag of warm goodies and handing some over to the staff. Jennie walked up to you speechless. Her eyes glanced down at the flowers in your hand then lovingly in your eyes.

The dam finally broke and her lips upturned into a big, bright, gummy smile. Her hand raised and caressed your cheek gently, her thumb delicately trailing the outline of your jaw.

You smile, leaning into her touch, “Surprised?”

“Pleasantly.”

Jennie’s heart swooned as you handed her the roses, ones that bore a striking resemblance to the ones her mother would get her on her birthday. “I know you normally get these once a year, but I knew how much you loved them, and how homesick you’ve been—”

Before you can finish your thought, her lips are on yours in a delicate and loving manner. Soft and quaint. She wasn’t trying to make a show of it, she merely wanted to show you just how much she appreciated you. You pull away reluctantly as another knock at the door reveals a staff member.

“Blackpink, on stage in five minutes.” 

Jennie breathed another shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself. You look back at her and take the bouquet from her hands, placing it on a nearby table. Her hands are in your warm ones in seconds. “You know you’re going to be amazing right? All those blinks are ready to see you girls, and I know you’re going to kill it.” You place a feather-light kiss on her nose before nuzzling against it.

“And I’ll be right here afterwards.” Jennie smiles before leaning up again and kissing you. “Thank you. I needed that reminder.”

You wrap your arms around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly, whispering in her ear, “And I’ll be here to remind you every single day of your life.” You peck her cheek before they’re ushered to the stage by awaiting staff.

Before she’s out the door, Jennie takes one last look at you, as you stick your thumbs up and offer her the dopiest smile you had. The rapper giggles and is filled with a sense of calm as she takes the stage.

And she was magnificent, just like you knew her to be.

so this was written back in august while i was sick and i never got around to finishing it HAHAHAH but i hope you all enjoyed this short fluff piece!! i am on christmas break so i'll try to be more active. i hope you're all taking care of yourselves and i love you all vv much!! see yall soon 💓 - r