#im like how people talk about being pan as attraction regardless of gender but i also have access to man specific attraction. you know

[normiewizard]

category 11 bisexual moment

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey, so it seems that everyone is coming out to you so I though why not.

I’m not entirely sure if I’m Pansexual or Bi or something else entirely and honestly it’s kinda confusing (I’m female btw). I mean I don’t rly care abt gender but I find myself attracted to females ALOT more. So yeah idk. Maybe gender does make a difference. But then I don’t like the label Bisexual because it implies that you are attracted to males and females only and not people outside of that.

And also when it comes to coming out to people I kinda feel stuck. What do I say? All of my friends know (they’re also queer) but we never really came out to each other we all just kinda were like “hey! that girl looks good” and went along being gay af. But bc we all just knew abt each other we never really talked abt sexualities and stuff.

And on top of that I’m fairly sure my parents wouldn’t be supportive and no one I know irl can relate to that bc all of my friends parents are accepting.

I feel like I’m complaining over nothing. Im sorry 😫😫. But still love yah and hope you have a nice day 🫶

Hi! <3

I actually can relate to this first part SO much (as far as pan versus bi). When you say you don't care about gender, that sounds like pan to me. But then you say you have a preference, so is that still pan? I've wondered that for myself.

Here's what I have realized: Firstly, YOU are the person who decides who you are, so whatever label feels best (or none at all) is totally fine, even if it doesn't match someone else's definition. However, for me, I think it helped to think of sexual attraction as different than romantic attraction.

For example, perhaps you can find yourself sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender. BUT, romantically, you prefer girls? To me, that would still be pan, but perhaps you are homoromantic (meaning you only enjoy romantic relationships with the same gender).

Or it could be that you could possibly see yourself both sexually attracted to someone regardless of gender and having a romantic relationship with someone regardless of gender- you just are more likely to want those things with girls. That's okay, too, and could still be considered pan! It's okay to have preferences!

To make this more simplistic, if we stick to a gender binary (which we shouldn't, obviously, but let's do it for a second for simplicity's sake)- a traditionally bisexual person is rarely attracted to boys and girls at a 50/50 split. Maybe they like girls 70 percent of the time and boys 30 percent of the time. That doesn't make them any less bisexual. So, the same holds true with pan. Maybe you mostly see yourself with girls, but also think boys are pretty cool, and nonbinary people are sometimes attractive, and agender people can sometimes be cute, etc, etc.

All of this to say, pick whatever label feels good to you (or none at all! I also frequently just say to people that I'm queer.)

As far as coming out, I think some people are under the impression that it has to be a big thing. It only has to be a big thing if you want it to be. It seems like your friends already know that you're not straight. If that's all you want to say, you don't owe them any more of an explanation or a label.

BUT if you want to come out, go ahead! Sounds like they'll be supportive, so remind yourself that they are safe for you and bring it up in a more intentional way. "Hey, I have a crush on this girl, what do you think?" or "Hey, so you know I'm not straight, right? It's cool that we all are so accepting of that stuff." I think you'll find your friends will be receptive, since they're not straight, either.

As far as your parents, that's trickier. It sounds like you still live with them, so coming out to possibly unaccepting people who have control over you can be sticky. If it were me, I would first do a bit of testing. Mention queerness in a hypothetical way or in a "I know someone who..." way. See how they react. If they react positively, you could start dropping hints. If they react negatively, consider the pros and cons to telling them. Is it worth it to come out because you would be sharing your authentic self? If yes, have a plan if things go poorly. Have a support system to talk to and to go to. If you find that it's not worth it, there's no shame in that, either.

But it's important to know you are NOT complaining over nothing. This is tough stuff and it's hard to navigate.

I'm here to talk if you need me! <3

[mogai-sunflowers]

hiiii :3 I'd like to ask you a question I don't know many mspec monos unfortunately 😞

I'm considering using omni gay as a label so. what are your experiences with being bi lesbian? like what things made you think "oh I'm not bi or lesbian I'm bi and lesbian" and in general how did you think "oh this is me"

if you don't want to talk about it for any reason it's okay don't feel pressured to!! /g

heyyyyyyyy friend thanks so much for asking because i've actually been meaning to talk about this for awhile!

so yeah, for most people it's "mspec OR gay/straight", and that's perfectly valid.

but that doesn't work for me. i'm pretty much attracted to all genders in a pan way, but i use bi too. but, and i mean this in a non-spiritual way, my soul feels lesbian. like, i am attracted to men, no doubt. but the idea of being with a man doesn't fulfill me. im aroace, so ideally i wouldn't date anyone, but the thought of myself in a lesbian relationship and lifestyle feels RIGHT, like it's what just clicks with me. only lesbian relationships make me feel euphoria over my gender and sexuality, and i just feel like my mspec orientation is more of a basic descriptor of who i'm ATTRACTED to, but my lesbian orientation is who i am.

i don't want to have romantic relationships with men, and i don't think i'll ever want to. and i know that bi women can have preferences for women and that doesn't mean they're automatically lesbians, i get that, but for me personally, that's how it works. im bi-pan because i am attracted to all genders and most of them regardless of gender, but i'm a lesbian because that's how my soul is oriented. it's pretty hard to put into words, but for me it's basically that i don't pay any mind to my attraction to men. it's there, but it has no bearing on who i want to be or end up as, which is not the case with my attraction to other genders!

so i'm both bi/pan AND a lesbian because i use them to describe different aspects of my orientation- bi/pan is the whole picture, and lesbian emphasizes what's important to me and relevant to me in relation to my orientation. there's nothing wrong with non-lesbian wlw, i love them with all my heart, but for me both words work for me!

for me, another part of it is the 'ol Tism! i tend to struggle to process deep, complex information, especially personal information. how i've learned to cope with this is compartmentalizing information- i divide myself into different categories because it's easier to understand myself by understanding one simple category at a time, than it is to understand everything together. bi/pan is one category of me, lesbian is another! autism also makes it very difficult for me to understand what attraction actually even feels like and who i'm attracted to, so i also say im both bi and lesbian because it's easier to say im both than to go back and forth between the two a million times a week depending on how i feel one day to the next!

i hope this is somewhat understandable, if you have any more questions feel free to reach out :333

[s0lar-ch3ri]

(serious post) talking bout things i need to.

alright, this isnt going to be some "oh haha funni" post like i always do. i need to speak out or it feels like no one else will. you can not read this if you want, i just want to talk about them. (organized into paragraphs) there will be triggering topics i'll speak about and ill try to trigger them appropriately.

theres a surplus of youtubers who react to "fat tiktok" and its never any positivity. these videos get hundreds of thousands of views, and im pretty sure no one sees whats wrong with it. i am considered to be in a "plus size" range, and the videos fucking hurt. its stupid because the whole idea of that side of tiktok is to show that being okay with not being barbie is okay, and its always judged negatively. no, im not fucking over reacting when theres videos talking about how that entire side of tiktok should be gone. yes, there are toxic parts on that side, but i dont tell you to get off youtube or whatever your on because something you like has a toxic part of it. its fucking stupid that these guys (its like all guys) think they have the right to look at these videos and call them cringe over and over and over and then think theyve made a good video or done a good job. i agree, promoting obesity isnt that good a thing, but dont shame the entirety of a community because one person did it. no one who has done these videos has tried to apologize if theyre being offensive, theyre just like "dont hate us if these guys are cringe lol". its not hard, this is just restating the idea of barbie bodies being better. its not hard to let people be happy with how they look. like i said, "fat tok" is not an angel and has problems which can be addressed but judging the full part and saying it should be gone as a whole is just fucking fat phobic. can we stop mixing bisexual and pansexual? they have different names for a reason. bisexual and pansexual arent the same and yet theyre still mixed FOR NO REASON. bisexual is where you feel attraction for 2 genders (thus the prefix bi which means 2) and pansexual is attraction is regardless of gender. my sibling is the main reason i want to talk about this, being bisexual and being pansexual arent the same. if your bi, that doesnt mean your pan and vise versa. i struggled with labels for a shit ton of 2020-2021 and even this year, and hearing labels made so people can actually make sense of how they feel and know theyre not alone (i feel like it for me) getting mixed around with each other hurts. to me, its erasing identities by just saying theyre one. idgaf if you or someone identifies as both, thats fine. saying theyre one in the same is not. i hate those memes of "girls vs boys". they arent even fucking funny, theyre just cringe sexist stereotyping "jokes" put out to be consumed and for those who watch or see them to believe that theyre good and funny and okay. they arent. stereotypes arent cool, going "haha woman stupid" isnt funny, shut up. the boys vs girls memes always make the girls do something "stupid" first, then shows the boys being chads or some shit. for example, that boys vs girls time machine meme. the girls always go to see an ancestor of theirs, while the boys go do some crazy shit in the past. you may think theres nothing wrong, but there is. the way its shown and made is to show that girls are weird but boys are cool. the entire idea of the joke is that girls are stupid. its with every topic these memes have that the girls are in the wrong because theyre dumb for doing this or that. i know what some people think: "oh, your biologically a woman, so of COURSE this isnt funny to you and your just taking offense cause your a drama queen" or whatever shit. the reasoning there is fucking stupid, me being a woman that takes offense shows the joke is offensive and shouldnt be made. also, i bet some guys with brains would find the jokes uncomfortable. sexism isnt funny to anyone but 60 year old boomers that make "i hate my wife" jokes. if your wondering why its not that many, im shortening it so it can actually post. the other triggers will be added in the reply to this, dw.

[lemonynesser]

ok this is really funny so i thought i’d review each point and my thoughts on ‘em

———————————————————————

indented text means it’s from the original post

non-indented text means it my thoughts

———————————————————————

ok, let’s begin:

you’re a terf

ok this one makes sense, i wouldnt wanna interact with ‘em either

lgbtphobic (not including panphobic, see below)

annnd we’re already getting into ���what?” territory (in case i’m not clear, im talking about the parenthesized text here)

but let’s take a look at that “see below” now, shall we?

you’re pansexual or support pansexuality. pansexuality is rooted in transphobia and biphobia. i am not going to write a who explanation as to why just please go away if you’re pan or demi or whatever the fuck. if you call yourself pansexual you are literally just bisexual. it is the same thing. duplicate identities are not necessary especially if the copy is rooted in transphobia bisexuality includes attraction to all genders, not just two, and it always has

ok now, while this is the first entry that made me think: “wtf?” i’m gonna start this off by saying (at least in one part…): yes! i agree, bisexuality can include more than 2 genders, and always has. however, i feel that the original posters’ actual definitions of pan and bi sexualities are a bit off from mine. just so we’re clear, here’s what the definitions are to me:

Bisexual: Sexually attracted to two or more genders.

Pansexual: Sexually attracted to all genders/Sexually attracted to people regardless of gender.

so, in my opinion, it’s less of a “oh another one exists that already defines this one so i guess we don’t need this one!” and more of a: “i feel this one describes me better”/“i think it’s cooler”

to put it another way: all pan people could be described as bi (however not all of them want to be), but not all bi people are pansexual

also there’s that very out-of-pocket comment about pansexuality being biphobic and transphobic???? ok, biphobic makes sense. someone (like mx. wall of text up there) could (incorrectly) assume pansexuals are “erasing bi ppl!”, but transphobic?????? honestly i would have expected someone like this to think bi people are transphobic, considering how regurgitated the lie that is “bi people are only attracted to the 2 genders!!1!1!!” but i’m honestly confused on how the sexuality that says “i’m attracted to everyone! :)” could be interpreted as transphobic. i’m genuinely curious on how someone could end up at that conclusion, but they unfortunately said they wouldn’t elaborate on it so…

whew! i spent so long writing that, i forgot what the next one is, hopefully it’s not worse than what i just ranted about lol

you think that bi lesbians, lesbian men and shit like that are a thing. thats not how it works lol ( he/him lesbians and nonbinary lesbians are fine, one of my friends is a nb he/they lesbian ( hi skylar :] ))

ok, i’ve seen people talk about bi lesbians before but have no clue what it means, so i can’t exactly comment on that part (if someone could please tell me what it means i would be very grateful!)

however, i want you to put a pin on that part in parentheses, it’ll come up again later (if you don’t have a pin, here: take one of mine! 📌)

if you use the blue mlm flag, or as me and many others like to call it the toothpaste/listerine flag. just use the fucking rainbow flag dipshit!!!

ah yes, the classic “other people have the same opinion as me, so it totally isn’t trash!”

so, let’s go over a hypothetical: a femme-presenting nb person that uses she/her, she/they, etc. pronouns who likes men. what would you call that person? what flag would you give that person? calling them straight would be disingenuous, calling them gay would be technically correct but not only would that also mean that every nb person is gay no matter who/what they’re attracted to (i will elaborate on this point if someone wants me to), but if a femme presenting person says they’re gay and uses the generic rainbow pride flag, your average person might think they like women instead of men. the solution? the flag that this person so rudely despises. it easily says “this person likes men” without any ambiguity.

oh and it turns out the part that i told you to keep a pin in is coming back up sooner than i thought! (…now.) (…it’s now.)

📌 ( he/him lesbians and nonbinary lesbians are fine, one of my best friends is a nb he/ they lesbian[…])

so, this person is fine with nb people being lesbian (and also using the lesbian flag, i would assume) but not fine when someone uses the mlm flag to get their point across more clearly than the rainbow flag? i smell hypocrisy!

also they’re being kinda mean :(

racist

agreed.

a pedophile or support pedophilia

again, agreed.

are an “anti anti” or proshipper. if you ship underage or incest or etc shit get out of here fucker fiction affects reality dumbass

ignoring the excessive curse words, i agree with about half of what is being said (the incest part and the part about fiction affecting reality) but, saying shipping underage characters is bad makes me think that in this persons mind “shipping characters = you want them to have sex” which is not true even slightly. there are many ship dynamics, many of which don’t even involve sex or sexual desire at all!

also: i don’t know what “proshipper” means. ive seen it here and there, but not enough to form a definition in my head. if someone could tell me what it means that would be great! thanks!

you think it’s okay to age up characters that are minors so it’s “okay” to sexualize them, or make fankids out of them

ok, so. i think aged-up characters is more of a grey area than a lot of people say. i personally think it’s gross a vast majority of the time, but i understand why people say it’s not black-and-white as it is an of-age character at that point.

also about the fankids part (i know what fankids are don’t worry): i think it’s fine if it takes place after a timeskip or something of the like.

you’re a fan/watcher of any streamers/youtubers who are friends with or are dream. idc whatever your excuse is, i don’t wanna be near you. other mcyters are fine

i hate dream as much as the next guy, but this is a bit much, any yter who is even remotely associated with dream? does this person even know how many people are associated with dream? (answer: a lot)

i hate dream, and even according to this rule alone, i would be blocked (i watch Fundy, who was part of dsmp [also probably one of the best parts of it (ive seen clips)])

you like friday night funkin. the creators an asshole and one of the characters is literally from an insensitive game about school shootings. stuff like madness combat and other things that got famous because of fnf i also don’t like or trust (ENA is exempt from this)

in general if you have the “ng” letters emojis in ur twitter display name or have a link to your newgrounds with other stuff like twitter or tumblr i do not trust you. the sheer amount of creators on there that gladly support fnf and in general just other weird terrible shit on newgrounds makes me Not trust that. at all. very shitty community

great, another long one. been a while since we got one of these.

as someone who has been on newgrounds for (i believe, i haven’t checked) slightly less than a year, i would like to say a few things about the claims made in this section.

I havent seen much of the creators (and yes fnf was made by more than one person), but from that little ive seen of them, they seem like ok people.

I havent seen nor played the game pico (the character the original poster was talking about) however i do know it covers the topic of school shootings. however, even though i don’t know how tastefully they covered that topic (especially considering it was made in the early 2000s) i feel like they must have had some level of tact with the topic. how else would pico become the newgrounds icon he is today (and yes, he is an icon. he’s been featured in multiple newgrounds related things, and is almost like a 2nd mascot for them behind tankman)

I also like where they say madness combat became famous from fnf, when it was already one of the most popular animated series on newgrounds, and i also like where they imply the same thing happened with ENA when the only ENA fnf mod i can think of is one that got like 12% finished before being scrapped.

also , while we’re on the subject, they’re making these sweeping generalizations about things that were “made famous” by fnf, only to exclude something little to no one would’ve thought of. but that brings up an important question, what would be considered being “made famous” by fnf mean with that context? anything someone has made an fnf mod about? because holy shit that’s a lot.

not trusting someone because they have an account on a website you dislike is a bit petty, even for someone like this.

the reason people support fnf isn’t because it has a school shooter in its character list or whatever, it’s because of the music, the art, the animations, and how much life and passion is in not just the main game, but most mods too!

the reason there is so much “weird terrible shit” (as they put it) on ng is because the admins only take stuff down if it’s illegal (beastiality, child porn, stuff like that) or for rare edge cases. this is why their slogan is “Everything by Everyone”, because the mods often leave stuff up.

also, there’s actually less of said “weird terrible shit” on ng because of the blamming system. for those who don’t know: when you submit something to newgrounds (after getting it age-rated for its content) it is in a state called “under review” where it is hidden from a lot of places including most of the front page and the “new releases” tab for any one type of media. when a thing is “under review” you can determine if it stays on the website, or gets “blammed” (aka deleted) off of it. how do you do this? by rating it, of course! you can rate something 0-5 stars (including half stars) and the higher rated something is, the better chance it has of staying. and if something of yours gets blammed, you are encouraged to make it better and post it again when it is!

“very shitty community” again with the sweeping generalizations, just because some teenagers made some edgy jokes on it, doesn’t mean the entire website’s like that. (bonus points if said teen that posted an edgy joke actually grew out of their edgy phase by doing that

sorry that that was a long one (i like ng if ya couldn’t tell :3)

following the above, if you’re one of those people super into “[insert thing here].exe” shit. creepypastas can be fun but now every time a creepypasta is made fnf bitches flock to make a mod out of it. if i see “OMG FNF” when the fun is infinite screen is mentioned one more time i will be so angry. plus iirc the creator of sonic.exe is a freak

first off, about the creator of sonic.exe being a freak, yeah but sonic.exe has been so far divorced from its’ creator at this point that i don’t even remember their name!

aside from that, i can actually understand where the op is coming from here. don’t get me wrong, i still think it’s judgmental and kinda mean, but i would be lying if i didn’t say that i, too get peeved by people who don’t know what something is from and say it’s from something else. however unlike this person, who seemingly shuts them all out, i do my best to inform them that said characters/concepts are from something entirely different. most people enjoy learning more about a character they like, so there aren’t any issues most of the time.

billie bust up fans. GET AWAY FROM ME I FUCKING DESPIIIISE THAT GAME iykyk if you dont Dont ask. Please.

huh? ok, i know about Billie Bust Up, never played it, know vaguely what it’s about & plays like. so i’m not sure what could possibly get someone to react this way. i was gonna say that maybe they saw some fetish porn of the characters but considering the say they despise “THAT GAME” implies they hate the game itself. i wish i knew more about why this person hates a (from what i can tell) fairly clean, kid friendly game but they said not to ask so oh well.

you like any of the obviously problematic material in general- omori, homestuck, steven universe, hazbin hotel / helluva boss(any vivziepop shit honestly), harry potter, GENSHIN IMPACT. FUCK YOU

so, not only do i not understand why half of the things here are considered “obviously problematic” but also, some of the reasons these things are “problematic” is because the creator(s) got into some drama/were bad people (omori, harry potter) however from what i remember, omocats’ situation (omoris creator) had more shades of grey than a novel in the adult section of a bookstore, and most harry potter fans are the people to denounce jk rowling the most.

i also understand that hazbin/helluva has murder, drugs, sex, etc. in it. however, im gonna say something that has been said multiple times in defense of these shows.

they take place in hell.

the people in hell are not good people.

that’s literally the whole point.

also about hating genshin impact: yes. i agree. it is a terrible, skinner box, microtransaction-infested disgrace of a game. but you shouldn’t demonize the people who play it. that’s on the same level to me as demonizing people who are addicted to drugs because “drugs = bad” it’s unproductive and ignores the root of the problem.

you use the words waifu / husbando unironically

thats just mean

you make genderbends or any variations of it ( genderswaps, cisswaps, whatever else theyre called nowadays. transgender hcs are cool though :D for instance transgender tails or sonic truthers are awesome. genderbent tails or sonic likers GO AWAYYYY you get the difference. hopefully. and hopefully i as a nonbinary person dont have to explain why genderbends are bad )

ok first off i wanna say that i don’t know what sonic “truthers” or “likers” are, from context clues i guess they’re people who like trans and genderbent sonic interpretations respectively. if i’m wrong, pls correct me thank you!

next is that, as someone who’s is currently questioning their gender, i don’t think there’s any problems with genderbent interpretation of characters, there very similar to trans interpretations if you think about it! most genderbends make it so that the character acts like they had the different gender and sex from birth, or as more of a “what if” scenario. and trans interpretations of characters seem more grounded in reality (wether the source material is or not)

if you ship date and ryuki. the age gap makes me uncomfortable, joking about him having a dumb crush is okay. just like. outright shipping the two is weird as fuck

ok, i have no clue who the characters they’re talking about are or what they’re from, so I’ll pass on most of this

just wanted to throw a line in that show this is a bit hypocritical. they’re ok with talking about them having a crush but not them being “outright shipped”? tell me if i’m wrong but …aren’t those basically the same thing? the only difference is in the latter, they’re in a relationship, and in the former, they’re not in a relationship yet.

nothing wrong with this one but if you’re a fan of the “tales of” series, specifically tales of destiny. or any crossover tales of content with tales of destiny characters in it. again, nothing entirely wrong with liking tales of, i just have bad associations and would rather not see anything about that specific game in the series

ok, now, even though i don’t know what “tales of” is, i don’t need to know, because their problem isn’t anything in the actual series, but outside associations (aka im pretty sure they saw porn of one of the characters).

now, i see where they’re coming from for this one. something causes bad memories to resurface? don’t look at it! however, i also feel this could’ve been handled better than a blanket “don’t interact”, because this also discourages ppl that have a passing interest in it from interacting.

a better way this could’ve been handled would be to make a separate section called, like, “don’t talk about” or something, which has the above “tales of destiny” stuff, and anything else they might not wanna talk about for one reason or another

…aaand we’re done. whew.

that took WAY longer than i thought it would

(i’m talkin hours spread over days spread over months)

[posi-pan]

Just thought I'd share that

As much as I dislike the new pan flag and think it's unnecessary, someone explained me that the new pan flag has better meaning than the old one.. Like the old one has "attraction to men, women, and nonbinary people" while new one has "attraction regardless of gender". I always thought that people who use new flag use it just because "eww the creator of old one thinks bi lesbians are valid!!" (which is such a dumb reason to use flag or to make a new one cuz i bet that if we would try to search, we would find any creator of queer flags being "problematic" at some point. Plus there's something like reclaiming and separating creator from their work) but I just met pan people that identify more with the second definition and thats why they use the new flag

So yeah I learned something today, and im happy for that

Of course I know that we can reclaim pan flag and change it's meaning, but ig some people just prefer the new one and im just happy not everyone use it just because they want bi lesbians to die. Makes me feel a little better

i wanna preface this by saying i'm not mad or annoyed with you anon or trying to be a debby downer. this is just a topic i've been seeing people talk about lately and i have Thoughts. so this is my obligatory "i'm not mad at you or being aggressive, this is just how i talk" disclaimer.

i don't agree that the exclusionist pan flag has a "better" meaning. i don't see anything wrong with the pan flag's meaning. and there is no need to "reclaim" the pan flag or change its meaning. what's wrong with women, nonbinary folks, and men? because "it makes nonbinary a third gender"? it doesn't though, and it's not like there could be infinite stripes for all the different nonbinary genders.

because "some pan people relate more to regardless of gender"? that doesn't make it "better" because plenty of pan people don't. and like, a flag's meaning doesn't actually have to be or include the label's exact definition or an individual's personal definition, as there are many definitions of each label and they can't all be shoved into the meaning of a flag.

panphobes say "pink for girls and blue for boys? ew" but don't say shit about the trans flag. or say "the pan flag has pink for girls and blue for boys and yellow for ~that other gender~" when that's not even where the creator was coming from. people projected so much shit onto the creator, and when that got debunked, they projected onto the meaning. it just feels like people are grasping at straws for reasons why the pan flag shouldn't be used and the exclusionist flag Isn't Bad Actually.

(the creator even tweeted last year about how people claiming the flag's meaning is a "gross oversimplification" of pan is ridiculous and ?????? and that people can just say they don't vibe with the flag instead of making shit up to make them look bad to justify not using the flag.)

and as far as not every person using the exclusionist flag because they're exclusionists...........if they don't agree with hating mspec lesbians then why would they use a flag that was created specifically to express exactly that? if they want a flag with a different meaning, they could make their own or find a non-shitty alternative pan flag.

again, any annoyance is general, not specifically at you, anon. and i'm sorry if this feels like raining on your parade, since you were happy to know not everyone uses that flag because they hate mspec lesbians.

[chai-penguin]

I will say that when the lesbian masterdoc became popularized a lot of people (on social media) were posting things that to me, at the time, seemed very accusatory. As in “if YOU only like fictional men you may be a lesbian”

Now I’m talking about posts that weren’t directed at specific people, but it still felt very targeted to me. I mean, who are you to tell ME my identity? I read it regardless, it didn’t really do anything for me as my comphet was very *circumstantial*

I mean, sure, I only seem to like celebrities or 2D men, but what about that crush I had on whatshisname like 10 years ago? It didn’t click to me that this boy was the only kid who treated me like a human being at a time in which I was relentlessly bullied both by my peers and my so called friends, and I disliked most boys, so of course the joy of being treated with kindness and having a friend, who happened to be a boy, meant that I had a crush on him.

Around 2018-2019 I kept seeing these “comphet” posts. I had been bouncing around bi and pan for 4-5 years by then. To me, the “only liking unattainable men” bit made me queasy, specially because I realized my attraction to women because of unattainable women (Thanks Jenna Coleman and Natalie Dormer!) So of course, it did the reverse effect on me. it made me think that I was making up liking women (lol)

And having everyone constantly be like “comphet is [this], [this] is how a crush should feel like” only made it even more confusing for me.

It was only when a man I had been talking to (and never met irl) for months, whom I really really liked as a friend (and I was aware of that) “confessed” to me, that I was like “hang on, I don’t wanna be with a man, ew. Oh my god im a lesbian”

I’ve been IDing as a lesbian for almost 4 years now, and yes, I can actually appreciate the masterdoc whenever I look at Taika Waititi. He is a very attractive man, but I don’t like him like that i want his gender

What I’m trying to say is, people are so fucking different. We experience so many similar things differently. I am bringing this up because, even though the accusations were right (about me being a lesbian), I’ve seen actual bi/pan women express that these posts felt targeted to them…

I feel as though, at the time, people were treating the masterdoc as the “one and only truth”& that is why so many people were confused & having others take everything out of context and constantly going online saying stuff like “if u have a crush on [ficitonal] man ur a lesbian” did not help at all.

And to this day, the concept of attraction is something that my pea brain cannot fully grasp. And that is okay, for I am bitchless.

These concepts of invalidity of attraction when it comes “unattainable”, “fictional”, or “the idea of [person]” is also shared with the ace/aro community. Thing is, when your audience is full of literal teens/kids, these very harsh statements only cause even more confusion. I guess my conclusion is… don’t take anything to heart, if it’s confusing let it be. Of course you don’t know what a crush is supposed to feel like you are FOURTEEN.

[spitefulcrepechan]

Buckle up everyone yer girl's about to beat a dead horse.

Ok so one thing that kinda disappoints me is the fact that the cookie run fandom kinda forgot the fact that Moonlight's not a goddess of the moon, but rather an entity who guards a city of wizards via sleeping.

Yeah, she has a very apparent moon aesthetic but thats cuz the moon has heavy associations with magic, it doesn't mean she's from the moon or anything. Other than magic, the moon is also associated with sleep, and Moonlight is more powerful when she's asleep, so it'll only make sense to make a magic narcoleptic themed around the night.

Everyone just sees that Sea Fairy is attracted to the moon and believe that Moonlight is said moon.

And not only does Moonlight not have Sea Fairy in her relationships

Nowhere does it say she's from the moon or anything. She was probably made with moonlight, but again moonlight is associated with witchcraft and wizardry, and it says here that she was created by ancient wizards, presumably with moonlight, hence the bloody name.

While I do like seamoon, its pretty shitty to say that its a canon ship without even the slightest bit of evidence and bash people for not shipping it, when there's more evidence to support that Seamoon is and probably never will be canon then that they'll ever BE canon.

The only two forms of evidence i can find of Seamoon being even vaguely implied is the fact that Sea Fairy has Moonlight in her relationships, but as stated above, those feelings are one-sided and it never explicitly says that she's in love with Moonlight, just the fact that she trusts her.

Sea Fairy probably only likes her cuz she was made with moonlight, which uh

Dunno about you but that's kinda shotty

"Oh but trust obviously means they're in love, you're just a lesbophobic bitch who can't understand co-"

Yah wanna fucking explain this then?

Or this?

Hell, even with characters that we know arent children, I dont see people shipping people like Spinach and Carrot together GODDAMN

Can you use relationships as a basis to ship two cookies? Yes, yes, you can. But you also don't HAVE to, such as with the Angel x Devil ship where Angel trusts Devil while Devil sees Angel as a rival

But uh idk kinda common sense to not harass and call someone lesbophobic just cuz they don't ship seamoon and claim that its canon due to the "lesbian-coding" sea fairy has.

1. Sea Fairy has no such thing, she doesn't even have any links that so much as hint towards any form of love towards woman.

2. Either shit or get off the pot

Lesbian-coding imo, or sexuality coding in general, is kinda bullshit because if you want so badly to tell someone that this character is one thing, just flat out say it, quit feeding us breadcrumbs and expect us to be satisfied. Why do you have to make every single goddamn thing vague and implied? How hard is it to just flat out tell us that yes this character is not straight or cis? Sod off.

Devsisters doesn't even code their characters, they either leave it fully up to interpretation or flat out say that "yeah, these two are in a relationship", but even then yah don't have to follow canon, except when it comes to ages of course.

Moonlight nor Sea Fairy aren't coded to be together or even lesbians because nO SUCH CODING EVEN EXISTS AND EVEN IF IT DID IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT BECAUSE IT'S IMPLICATION NOT BLUNTNESS AND ITS VERY SHOTTY IMPLICATION AT BEST

If you wanna ship Seamoon regardless of all this? Go ahead, I'm right along with yah. If we don't have to folllow the canon that almond and roguefort have tension together, you don't have to follow the canon that sea fairy and moonlight aren't actually together and you can headcanon them to be lesbians if you wish.

But uh I DON'T KNOW maybe don't attack people for not having the same headcanon as you??? And maybe don't throw "Lesbian-coding" as the bullshit evidence of that ship being canon?? Cuz there's no evidence of Sea Fairy nor Moonlight being lesbian coding???? The fuck's wrong with you people-

Unless you can prove to me with screenshotted evidence that seamoon is explicitly canon, it's all just fanon and heresy that sea fairy and moonlight are together. Leave Seapirate shippers alone, leave seafire shippers alone, leave every single shipper where they don't ship Sea Fairy or Moonlight cookie, regardless of their pronouns, alone. And before you go on a tangent about them being shipped with men, he/him lesbians exist, gender does not equal pronouns, you can go by they/them pronouns and still identify as a cisgender woman, and even if the shipper has the cookie shipped with either Moonlight or Sea Fairy headcanonned as a male, WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER

WLW representation needed??? BITCH WE HAVE ALL THE WLW REPRESENTATION WE NEED and what about stuff like Pan or Poly representation too? Don't polymorphic people deserve some kind of representation too? Bi people? Asexual people??? You're so concerned about lesbians having representation that you're forgetting about all the other sexualities that could also fit into wlw as well. It's woman loves woman, not lesbian loves lesbian.

So long as people ain't shipping children with adults(looking at you, proshippers. Go to hell) let people ship whoever the fuck they want.

God one minute im talking about an overseen moonlight fact and then im talking more about how people shouldn't gatekeep i promise I'll post something more lighthearted next-

[traceofexistence]

since you are open for discussion, here's what is my take on this discourse.

first just to get it out of the way, I don't know how old are you and what's your level of exposure with older media, and I'm not going to assume. I will just speak from the perspective of an older queer who has experienced the older baldur's gates games (1&2), the books, and other forgotten realms IPs. (mostly books)

you touch on the aspect of, how it feels for the game to make them all bi, and not give some variant to play with.

and you are free to okay boomer me lol but here's the thing, bg3 did something that was not possible in the previous games or the books (granted I haven't read all forgotten realms books, but when you read about the matriarch society of the Drow, and there is not even a hint of some of them being lesbians, or bi, or anything other than straight, something doesn't sound right, and I will never think of Quenthel Baenre as straight or even bi, no matter how the book tries to twist it. and it will forever be a scene of orgy with her priestesses when her assassin tried to kill her, for me)

they got rid of sexual orientation. all together, we call them bi/pan because that's what we can translate it into.

but besides the companions, the way queerness is treated says way more of what they wanted to accomplice with leaving it open, than what they would if they just pick and choose.

and yes appeasing the players also plays a part, im not going to deny it. but that doesnt seem fair for the studio

considering that many members of the cast, and crew are openly queer, and in fact many of them also played the companions as openly queer. Shadowheart's actress confirms that shadow does like women, and her scenes with Karlach and Lae'zel have sapphic approach all over the place. that was a conscious decision made by the actor and the performance directors and the writers who agreed to it.

Karlach's actor said they played romance with Karlach as if they were talking to a woman every time, even though the actor themselves is not attracted to women. the studio actively put a sex scene with Karlach using her hand on the player's genitalia regardless of the player's gender. she tops you and that's it. but then Karlach has lines of her thinking fucking all baldurians who will have her regardless of gender. and she has lines for astarion and wyll that imply sexual desire.

the devs showed that you can romance companions in bg3 by showing astarion and halsin getting it on.

so yeah devs have shown time and time again that queerness just exists and it's a no issue, just like everyone can be anything regardless of gender and race. like you can climb 50 boxes to jump in an area you are not suppose to be.

it is like how Karlach's endings feel as if they are less than.

when other companions have 5-6-7-8 endings good and bad, karlach only has 3 bad ones because she was added last minute and much of her content and good endings were at the part of the map that was cut.

it is not like terminally ill Karlach is not a good story telling, it is, it's amazing, it's amazing rep for gamers who deal with chronic and terminal illness, directly and indirectly. but this is a game, where everything is possible, so Karlach only getting bad endings feels like something is missing. and likewise having specific sexualities for different companions would limit the enjoyment, like the fewer and only bad endings limit the enjoyment for some.

and to be completely honest with you, I haven't seen any gay/lesbians complain about companions being bi/pan. I have only seen the straights™ (specifically cis-het dudebros) complain that everyone is bi/pan and nobody is just straight, or the infamous "Karlach just pegged me" reddit post.

and then some bi people complaining that some people call Karlach lesbian and Astarion gay.

so on one hand some people want more specific sexualities so the bi rep feels more concrete, than it feels casual, and then you have some bi people complaining because some people have headcanons.

at the end of the day there is no winning formula, there will always someone who feels like they have not be represented.

and to go back to the original point, that this game is a unique example in the IP. You could only romance Jaheira in the old baldur's gates if you had a man character, for example. I can assure you there was nothing queer in those stories, maybe hidden between the lines, that I queer person would understand. but nothing in the open. nothing concrete.

and if we can be honest here, this is possibly the only way that can be done, without angering anyone.

imagine if you could only romance a white cis vampire if you had a man tav. but not the black guy.

imagine if you could only romance a white petite lesbians in shadowheart, but not Karlach who is both butch, and non white.

or lae'zel was the only straight woman that men tavs could romance lol (and I don't give a flying fuck about cishet dude bros but can you imagine the RAGE)

it would be way worst to have mods changing their sexuality, because then the men tavs would be able to romance a canon lesbian, and the women tavs, romance a canon gay man. which is a problem with erasure, all the oldies like me have dealt in older fandoms for ages.

if the baldur's gates universe, had no other representation in random characters around the map, then I would 100% feel like the bi/pan choice for companion was to appease the fans.

but as I mentioned already the game makes sure to show multiple shades of queerness, everywhere

especially in the city

having this casual queerness treated as absolutely non issue, is a breathe of fresh air.

and it is a step in the right direction.

maybe next game everyone will be gay and you can only romance them with the same gender OR if you chose to play enby LOL

I wouldnt mind Lae, Karlach, Shadow as big ass lesbians, Astarion, Wyll as gay, and Gale and Halsin as bi.

so the cis het dudebros couldnt romance anyone with their self insert tavs LOL

but that's just me.

I hope this wall of text makes at least a tiny bit of chance lol

Hey girlies (Gender Neutral) it's me again at your doors to ramble about more discourse, this time on playersexuality of BG3 and the discourse of everyone being Bisexual

TL;DR version - Everyone's cannonically some way/variant of Bi, get over it, but also I understand the frustration and feeling of lack of rep with how it's used more as a mechanic - as well as a theoretical What If for each romancable character if they weren't bi for mechanics sake.

Honestly I've been thinking a while on this ever since I got the game a month ago how character's sexualities tend to wrap specifically around your character's identity/preferences and it sort of has made me wish that Bisexuality wasn't used as a mechanic, and that characters could specifically be of other sexualities for it to feel like actual representation than "well they will fuck you regardless."

It just feels like they chose to make everyone Bi just so people wouldn't complain that they couldn't romance one character or another that playthrough- or have to take that L if for whatever reason they didn't want to play the preferred gender said character liked. It makes the use of "Oh well they're Bisexual/Pan." Feel less like "hey these people are real and do exist!" and more just.... "Yeah don't worry about it they all love you, don't think about it."

It comes off as.... lazy representation to me? Like, genuinely, I feel the bisexuality rep would feel more real and genuine if there were like... one companion of both sexes each that specifically was gay or straight, or even ace. (SO 2 companions ig, though I'd be happy with 3 to just have all 3 in the hole of ig commonly known sexualities??)

It'd make the bisexuality be there more because oh, player picked female/male/NB, so the character has to like that, so just make 'em bi. And less oh everyone's got their preferences and sometimes they don't align with your preferred way of representing yourself and that's okay!!! It's okay to be friends with someone who isn't interested in you, and you still be invested in their life and story!!!

I know at the end of the day people would make mods to overwrite this but we've already got bad mods making everyone just white european beauty models (which..............why. explodes you) so it'd be whatever. It'll happen regardless, even if I wouldn't be happy/keen on it.

Now, I fully accept all the Baldur's Gate 3 guys as Bi/Pan. There's no argument, Yes Astarion likes Women, yes Shadowheart likes men, stop trying to tell people otherwise. But I like to have a sort of like... What If things were different/the Bisexuality wasn't there just so the player could romance whoever they wanted regardless of character, who I'd have liked to see with what preference.

Lae'zel I haven't gotten far with her romance yet (Working on it) but from what I've seen- has the energy of Pansexual. Like girl? Get it.

Shadowheart is one I would slot as a He/Him Lesbian. She(He) has several dialogs expressing interest in the likes of Karlach, and I am not immune to the tensions between her(him) and Lae'zel being very .... girls just kiss driven.

Karlach I can see as Bisexual with a preference for Female presenting? but in a way of "women pretty..." She's just as willing to be with a man as she is a woman, but is probably more likely to warm up to your character if you play as a woman (is this self projecting? what about it. Bisexuality isn't like a 50/50 equal interest, sometimes it's 70/30 but you still like both sexes)

Minthara I've not gotten far enough on a evil play through to know her romance yet. But honestly get it girl.

Wyll I can see as gay and potentially sitting in the ace spectrum (Maybe Demi?) as well? I've gotten pretty far into act 3 but haven't fully finished his quest (because the undersea area gives me massive anxiety- I'LL DO IT EVENTUALLY BUT MANS....) But in my mind, he doesn't really want sex to be a major thing in his relations and prefers just having the company of a husband. A happily ever after is him, his beloved, both under an apple tree reading a book together and holding hands.... you know??? (Also? Make him Trans-Masc. That blade is a scabbard actually... horrible joke, anyways.)

Astarion I can see as Panromantic, though trauma based Asexual with how he was used by Cazador and how he had to sell his body against his will. I can see him being open to sexual relationships with only someone he trusts deeply.

Gale I've also not gotten far with his romances but I can see slotting into Bisexual with a leaning towards Men- similar to Karlach? Though also falls towards a more demi-sexual relationship. Guy wants to know you so much more and know he can trust you before opening up about his desires. He just is stuck with a bomb in his chest and feels he has to rush things to experience love...

Halsin is Pansexual, no preferences, he's happy to take whatever nature makes, and thinks everyone's beautiful. No thoughts, head empty, he's thinking about where to put his nuts (Acorns) in the winter. Also he uses any pronoun because he genuinely does not care. You think he's She/Her energy? he says get it girlie.

Now, despite all these theoreticals/What ifs.. again, All characters in BG3 are canonically Bisexual or some variant of that. This is not to be used to deny any pairs or preferences. It's more a fun thought in a place of "Hey what if there was more variety in how characters displayed themselves?"

Don't treat Bisexual people as someone indecisive either. Just because they choose someone of a specific gender doesn't make them automatically whatever strict binary sexuality you could put to them (ala Bi man dating men does not make them a gay man. Bi woman dating a man does not make them straight) it's like a spectrum fellas.

I'm also open to discussion on this post! I'd love to hear other people's "what ifs"

[royalty-subway]

heyo!im so happy to find someone who also likes sordward and shielbert the same way as emmet and ingo!^^

also,do you have any lgbtq headcanons for any of them?it’s alright if not,im just being a curious critter :]

*cough cough* I love your art btw *cough*

aaaaaaaaa thank you very much! ;w;

But yeah, I have a few headcanons for that. I know I mentioned a few of them here and there. I even made a drawing of it right here (I was thinking of remaking it though. So I made some below this post- ;w;). But I sort of updated it a bit. Especially for Sordward because at the time I couldn't think of anything for him. I even made headcanons for other characters like Elesa (I suppose I could talk about my headcanons for her as well- ;w;).

But I decided to go into detail on how they feel about their own orientations and such. Just to give a better idea of what they are like. And I’ll point out at least three headcanons for each-

So Sordward right? Well… he’s a bit confused about his own self. I mean, he believes that he’s straight and nothing more. But I feel like he’s actually abrosexual and demiromantic. Like, he prefers dating a woman. At least he thinks? Ah. It’s all confusing and complicated for him. Since sometimes he’s pan, then ace, then straight, and all that. He just doesn’t know how he’s feeling or if someone else can understand what he's experiencing. But he can still date, which is where the demiromantic part comes in. Like, he can date anyone romantically. But he needs to have a very close bond with that person if the relationship would work. If there’s no close bond, then the relationship won’t last. He’s not picky with dating, mind you. He’s just trying to figure things out as he mixes his “crushes” and “squishes” a lot. And I feel like he’s non-binary as well. He usually goes by he/they pronouns.

I can see Shielbert as bisexual. Like, he can date either a guy or a woman. Although funny enough, I can see him being gay too. So maybe he prefers dating guys, or maybe once thought he was gay during his teenage years? Like, where he had a crush on a guy, but never confessed to them since… he feels like he was going to get shit for that (or at least he thought, he doesn’t really know if anyone would care since it’s no one’s business but his). But during adulthood, maybe he figured out that he was actually bi? Like, he’s cool with either group. But like, I can see him being genderfluid too, but like, he’s cool if people just want to stick with he/him. Mainly because he doesn’t want to be bothered telling everyone that he’s going by they/them and then she/her after 5 minutes.

I feel like both Subway Bosses are at least in the asexual spectrum. And I think Emmet is asexual and panromantic. Mainly because he doesn’t know what sex is. Nor process the concept of such. Even if someone were to tell him about it, it won’t work. Even if he knew, he’d still be ace because WHO THE FUCK CAN THINK SUCH A HORRIBLE THING?! Anywho, he’s not exactly attracted to any genders at all. He can date anyone, regardless of gender. So he’s panromantic. Although, if he were to have a crush on someone. He would be blind to it since he doesn’t bother with dating at all. He’s not even exactly interested in that sort of thing, but he can still date. By the way, this man doesn’t go by any pronouns. Like, he doesn’t see himself as a girl or boy. Just something that exists. You can refer to him as whatever you want chief; he/him, they/them, she/her, anything. Although people just go with he/him which it’s okay in his book. So I guess he’s agender as well.

As mentioned, I feel like the Subway Bosses are in the asexual spectrum somewhere. I feel like Ingo is sort of demisexual (a bit close to asexual too)? Like, he doesn’t usually feel any of those sorts of feelings. And even if he does (which is VERY rare, he would need to have a close bond with the person), he prefers to ignore it entirely or do something else. He’d NEVER initiate such things upon the person he’s dating (even if he wanted to, which he wouldn’t), nor let the person he’s dating do such things to him. While he’s also biromantic. As in, willing to date either male or female. As long as they can accept him for who he is; him being ace to the max and in love with his job. While his gender identity… it would maybe be demiboy. Much like Emmet, he doesn’t see himself as a specific gender. But because everyone in his entire life sees him as a man, and he’s kinda willing to be seen as one and going with the term demiboy instead of identifying as a man fully. Like, half boy and half… something else. Still, the pronouns doesn’t change, it’s still he/him.

… But here’s a funny thing, I can also see Emmet and Ingo being aroace (or aspec). So perhaps they’re both aromantic as well or instead? But they can still date people. It’s just very unlikely due to one of them being blind to his own feelings and the other one is married to his job. And they’re both not really THAT interested in dating. They can happily live their life as single people.

Elesa, right? I mean, I could see her either being polysexual or a lesbian. Polysexual is when someone is attracted to multiple genders but not all, it shouldn’t be confused with polyamorous (which it’s basically more than two people dating each other- ;w;). And well, we already know what a lesbian is. So maybe she prefers to date women than men? But she’s not against the idea of dating a guy if she does genuinely like them and if they’re close to her (if she's poly, that is). And I can also see her as being trans. She doesn’t exactly have a preference for pronouns? I think those who are close to her, or even chums, may go with she/he/they. But outsiders are they/them.

And now, here's my cringe.

… I get that a lot of these headcanons are kinda in the asexual spectrum (that being asexual, demisexual, aromantic, demiromantic and abrosexual), but eh, I have no explanation for that. I mean, maybe it’s because I’m a bit aroace myself- ;w;

[dammjamboy]

Hi, I saw the exclusion discourse going around and no one seems to be having like... direct conversations about it? And I'd really like to be more informed but I can't really do that unless i can actually talk to someone. I specifically want to talk about pansexuality- I do not hate pan people, nor think they're bad people, and harassing them isn't ok- but from what i know the pan label is deeply rooted in transphobia and biphobia. i could explain but you might already know of this (1/2)

look the idea of pansexuality being bi or transphobic is rhetoric started by exclusionists. yes, certain misinterpretations and misconceptions of pansexuality were spread that were bi and transphobic bc some people used pansexuality to mean attraction to "all three genders (men, women ans trans people)" and it was more inclusive than bisexuality which was attraction to just two genders. or some people would try to use pansexuality as "oh im attracted to personality" as if to imply bi people were only attracted to physical appearance. and YEAH these definitions are bi and transphobic, but these aren't what pansexuality has or does actually mean, it's just how people twisted and interpreted it. bisexuality has dealt with similar false misconceptions and definitions, where a lot of people would blatantly ignore or ommit the " or more genders" and took it to only mean "attraction to only men and women" when that's obviously not the case at all.

bisexuality is attraction to two or more genders, pansexuality is attraction regardless of gender. sure, of course there's going to be overlap between them, but that does not mean they can't coexist! that doesn't mean the differentiation isnt meaningful to some people. i have identified as pan for years, it was my first step into self discovery and it's one of the few aspects of my identity that hasn't changed.

i have seen and dealt with so much shit from panphobes and it's genuinely pretty fucking disgusting how they'll act sometimes, so excuse me for being a little mad and hateful when i see this vitriol being directed towards my friends and mutuals in this community. pan and aphobes sent death threats to a minor for making a post informing their followers and mutuals of someone in the fandom who has said some hateful fucking shit. so yeah im pissed, and im over this kind of behavior. to any pan or aphobes reading this, you're not being cool or edgy by hating on people for their identities. you're just being an asshole and you're making people, especially children and minors, feel threatened and unsafe in spaces where they shouldn't be having to worry about facing harrassment or death threats for identifying under labels and in ways that make them feel comfortable and happy.

[wazzuppy]

BYF (OLD)

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hello!! this is a big masterpost for information about my blog, including DNI list, a list of my triggers and sqicks, my other blogs, and more! PLEASE read this before you follow, or if we're mutuals.

DO NOT INTERACT:

do NOT interact with me if you support or are any of the following things!

if there is an "x" next to it, i've linked something that explains why i don't support it and don't want people who do to interact with me or my blog.

if you have any questions, feel free to ask! i'm happy to elaborate <3

maps/pears/pedos

s*xual agere

terf/tirf/swerf/radfem/super straight

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if you think fiction doesnt effect reality

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abuse

ableist

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support pewdiepie

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support the game grumps

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incest

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against anyone using their desired pronouns, regardless of gender (example: lesbians using he/him, nonbinary people using neopronouns or binary pronouns)

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bi/pan lesbian

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if you're an nsfw account (i'm a minor)

SOFT DNI

if you romantically self ship with donnie (rottmnt), i'd prefer if you didn't interact. its genuinely nothing personal, its just for my own comfort.

BASIC INFO/ABOUT ME:

hi!! my name is tara, but i also go by the names wazzup, fennie, duck, lolly, and minnie; please feel free to use any and all of them! i use she/her pronouns primarily, but also use they/them and squi/squish-- which pronouns i'm using at the moment will change, so check my bio every once and a while if you wanna be sure (i also have a pronouns page if you wanna check it!!) i'm 16 years old. im asexual and pan-fictoromantic (i consider myself aromantic bc im not attracted to like. actual ppl dhgjdhfj), and i am afab bigenderflux (fem & squishmallowgender). i have anxiety, depression, gerd, and adhd and autism (although i have not been officially diagnosed with adhd or autism due to a lack of resources, i am very certain i am not neurotypical). also, i use tumblr mobile!

some important tags are: "#tara says stuff", which is for when i talk about whatever is on my mind; "#vent" which is for when i make vent posts; "#stuff i made" and my old tag, "#tara makes a thing", which is for content that i create myself (such as edits, memes, ect); "#important" which is for things such as donations and carrds and urgent news. some things will also be tagged as "#thing tw" (for example: blood tw, flashing tw, bright colors tw). i also will put "#ask to tag" if i'm worried something will be upsetting but am unsure of how to tag it. so, if you'd like me to tag something, ask me and i will!! 💕

TRIGGERS & SQUICKS

mutuals PLEASE tag posts that contain any of these as "#tara dont look" (with or without a ' sign, both are blocked). 💕

steven universe

truancy

being taken away from your parents (only applies to parents that are good to you or that you actually consider family)

my birthday (i have really bad chronophobia and gerascophbia, so it tends to be extreamely difficult for me to handle)

calling characters that show signs of neurodivergency dumb, stupid, weird, or annoying

animal death or injury, especially pets

high-pitched/shrill sounds

the x files

referring to me as ze/zir

douxie casperan (tales of arcadia), krel tarron (tales of arcadia), katsuki bakugou (my hero academia), mark beaks (ducktales), shadow the hedgehog (sonic), hatsune miku (vocaloid), and especially donnie (rottmnt) and red son (monkie kid) being shipped with anyone.

shipping the any of the triple threat (henry stickmin) together.

shipping kenning flugslys (villainous) with anyone but especially miss heed

comparing red son and donnie to each other

MY FANDOMS/INTERESTS:

note: i'm critical of all of them, although some more so than others.

note #2 (electric boogaloo): if the text is in bold and italics, that means it's my current hyperfixation. if it's pink text, it's my special interest.

101 dalmatian street

ace attorney

animaniacs

animal crossing

barbie

big time rush (the show not the irl band hdgjhdgjhd)

crash bandicoot

darkwing duck (1991)

disney channel/disney xd sitcoms (primarily mighty med and lab rats)

ducktales (2017)

epithet erased

fashion

henry stickmin

ikenfell

kagerou project

kingdom hearts

kirby

legend of zelda

madoka magica

mario

milgram

monkie kid

ninjago

owl house

phineas & ferb/milo murphys law

pokémon

pretty cure

psychonauts

sanrio/san-x

aggretsuko

sonic the hedgehog

studio ghibli

tales of arcadia

teenage mutant ninja turtles (especially rottmnt)

undertale/deltarune

villainous

vocaloid

watcher/buzzfeed unsolved, they r the only youtubers i would ever be in a fandom for

MY OTHER BLOGS:

note that some are much, much more active than others.

main: @wazzuppy

self ship blog: @blushxblush

kin blog: @madohomu-kins

editing blog: @wazzuppy-edits

kagepro blog: @lets-daze

rottmnt/tmnt blog: @donnies--jacket

monkie kid blog: @funkie-monkie

barbie/childhood blog: @disastersapphicbarbie

epithet erased blog: @mollywollydolly

milgram blog: @mahiruuu

other: @wazzuppy-reblogs

~~~~~

thank u for reading until the end ily 💕💗💝💞💓💘💖

[phantomswolf]

OKAY GOOD EVENING IM AWAKE NOW

ITS TIME FOR THE STORY SO SIT DOWN OR STAND UP OR WHATEVER im personally laying down coz i have a stomach ache. i’ll also be sharing the gender fuckery for the whole queer image

ANYWAY

ITS LONG SO HERE’S A READ MORE.

the year is 2014. mid august. i’m browsing the dash of my personal blog a bit obsessively, but that was par for the course. i had a vague understanding of queer identities, enough where one of my first ships was a gay polycule and i thought it was awesome and made sense (don’t ask me what ship unless you want a really long winded explanation, but i do still ship it today and it’s still awesome.) REGARDLESS. there there were 2 on there that i didn’t actually recognize!

being pan and aro.

now, if you know anything about me as i am today, you’d probably assume “oh, so you realized you liked every gender?”

WRONG.

I FUCKING HATED THE IDEA OF DATING SOMEONE.

However! it did clue me in on a new gender identity i hadn’t yet heard of at that point; being agender/nonbinary. but that isn’t relevant. for now.

i remember excitedly running down the stairs as SOON as i was like “THERES A WORD FOR IT.” and waking my mom the FUCK UP from her nap to tell her that i had figured out Everything. (not gonna get into how my family was growing up, just know that i wasn’t nervous about telling them at all)

so, a few months go by. in december, i decided that i was going to go by strictly they/them and that lasted… all of a month. because i opted for being GENDERFLUID BABYYYY.

now, this is where it gets fun.

i started kinda feeling like i had to be romantically interested in people (but i certainly didn’t want to). i mean, a lot of my peers began talking about it and dating at that point. it was stressful and confusing and i landed on the label demihomoromantic (SPOILER: this won’t be the last time you see this). it was particularly fun because “hey phantom, weren’t you genderfluid which direction did the homo lean if any?” WOMEN.

author’s note: a safe assumption to make from the beginning is that i was incredibly disinterested in sex. asexuality will persist throughout. i’ll let you know if that changes during this.

a few more months pass. i really didn’t know how to feel about everything and still didn’t really feel attraction. everything was so wild and confusing. i ended up winding back to being agender and aromantic until i was 15. but i will let you know, i cut my hair really short when i was 14 (my hair used to be INSANELY long, like down to my asscrack long. so that’s a fun fact)

the year was 2016. a year i hardly remember in the grand scheme of things, but at least i remember this.

the age i became trans full on! i belieeeeeve i got a binder at this point? i’m pretty sure anyway. and i fucking HATED my body. and i still HATED the idea of dating, but again. pressure. i don’t actually remember what i identified as during this time. stressed?

during this time i was full on sex repulsed. this was an incredibly noteworthy thing about myself during that time. any sexual remark made and i would PARRY that shit.

age 16. this is where it gets funky again. i kinda felt like i REALLY had to date someone. BUT AGAIN: DIDN’T FEEL ANY ATTRACTION, BUT I WAS LIKE “HUH. MEN SURE ARE COOL.” which you’ll find is relatively consistent going forward!

now, a fun thing to acknowledge here is talking about attraction and how it’s relevant to everything here. i really didn’t know what attraction felt like. i was thinking it was like when you had a friend you really liked and wanted to spend forever with. THIS IS INSANELY RELEVANT LATER SO MAKE NOTE. i had a hard time differentiating platonic feelings and romantic ones. what i was feeling here were platonic.

17. more or less the same thing as 16. not much to note here, but it was a pretty fucked up time for me. hurrah!

NOW. FOR THE BIG OL’ 18 YEAR OLD PHANTOM.

JANUARY 2020. My gender just fucking EXPLODED. so i will NOT be detailing that going forward. just know that it’s the same as it is today, but i’m more like. weird with it now.

i also decided during this time that i probably was NOT in fact aromantic. i was in fact very lonely! but still unsure of the whole romantic orientation situation.

But dear fucking god if I didn’t figure that shit out on April 26th, 2020.

why is that specific date so important?

That’s my anniversary, baby!!!

I FIGURED THAT SHIT OUT. I LIKED MEN, BUT MORE SPECIFICALLY I LIKED MY BEST FRIEND. ALL IT TOOK WAS A BORDERLINE GODDAMN BLOOD OATH.

the final verdict:

demihomo (MEN.)

man people thinking my gender identity process was weird aren’t ready for the absolute 180 that was figuring my sexuality and romantic attraction out

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[weedle-testaburger]

Me again. I hope you don’t kind me asking this. But how did you figure out that you were pansexual (and no binary)? If you don’t mind me asking? (I figure it may help me figure out my own sexuality, to determine if im bisexual or something else).

I don't mind at all dw! This is gonna be a bit long, but I hope it'll help. And once again good luck with figuring that stuff out <3

To be honest back when I was first realizing I wasn't straight, I thought for a while I might be bisexual because I felt like it was a more understandable term (I sometimes still tell people who aren't familiar with pansexual as a term I'm bi to keep it simple lol). But after I looked up the difference between the two and found that bi means attraction to two or more genders and pan means attraction regardless of gender, I realized pan fit me better, because I don't really feel different when I'm attracted to a guy versus a girl versus someone who isn't either- attraction is attraction to me. I also feel like I can be attracted to people of any gender, and while some bi people feel that, not all of them do, so that's also something that made me realize I'm pan.

As for realizing I'm nonbinary, I wasn't familiar with that term for a really long time tbh. Looking back I've had weird feelings and fantasies about gender since I was like 12 or 13, but it eventually clicked for me because I realized I didn't like being seen as a man, and also didn't feel confident about the idea of being seen as a woman (both because of how difficult, expensive and dangerous transitioning is and because I didn't feel like I am totally a woman despite how people perceive me). For a while I thought I might be genderfluid, but since I can't really safely or confidently present as female even when I do feel femme it kinda didn't feel right to me. When I found out what nonbinary gender identities are, I realized I liked not just being a man or a woman, and while I know now that genderfluid doesn't have to mean rigidly one gender at one time and rigidly a different gender at another, I feel like nonbinary fits me better because I have the same gender identity all the time, that gender just isn't really male or female. Also, I used to say I was OK with any pronouns but people would default to he/him because I mostly present as masc and am AMAB, and it felt like they were ignoring that I'm not a man. Since I still don't feel super comfortable with being seen as a woman (I like it better than being seen as a man but not enough to actively identify with it if that makes sense), I eventually decided I wanted to just go by they/them, and that's how I ID now.

Sorry that that was such a ramble XD, I hope it at least helped and tbh it was nice to talk about it to someone! <3

[ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity]

(1/2) Hi! I'm panromantic asexual and I'm very happy with my labels, spending time on deciding what felt right for me really was worth it as I now feel really comfortable with them. Problem is with coming out. When I came out to my LGBT+ and supportive friends, I used the labels pan and ace because I knew they were aware of the labels and what they meant. However, for the last few coming outs to my religious friends and such I've simply described myself as 'gay'...

(2/2)... due to a past bad coming out experience when I initially thought I was just ace, not pan (same group of religious friends). They were very confused and I tried to explain, cried and ran away. Since then I've described myself as 'gay' in many situations, even with my LGBT+ friends for simplicity. I feel like I'm starting to erase my own identity in a way. Gay isn't comfy for me, but 'pan and ace' isn't always convenient. This is more of a vent I guess, have a nice day and stay safe :)

Hi there!

Coming out can be difficult and complicated no matter how you go about it. It’s okay to use an umbrella label if it’s easier for you/if you don’t want to explain your other labels/for any reason you may have, it doesn’t mean that you’re any less of your other identities. It can be harder to come out when dealing with a bad experience/bad experiences but regardless you don’t owe anyone any more details than you’re willing to share. If it’s easier for you to just say gay then that’s perfectly fine and it doesn’t erase your other orientations. I get that it can be easy to feel that way though, especially if it’s not often you get to express your other labels. If gay isn’t comfortable for you, then it’s okay to stop using it. If you don’t want to constantly explain being Pan/ace you could just use one of those when coming out, or you could also avoid labels completely if that’s easier.

You could say “I’m open to dating any gender Im just not attracted to people sexually” as an explanation, or you could use that as a simplified explanation of your labels. If you’re comfortable with the word queer that’s also an option but it’s perfectly fine if that’s not comfortable either! If all else fails you could just simply say you aren’t straight and leave it at that, and when you feel it’s convenient you could talk about your pan and ace labels. It’s hard to know how people will react when coming out unfortunately but you deserve to have a support system and a place to talk about your labels. Hopefully this gives you some stuff to think about!

-Mod Elle