#and then we put the gender binary back down and its like well. i sure am attracted to some people sometimes

[normiewizard]

category 11 bisexual moment

[romanarose]

The Bikeriders as a metaphor for bisexuality

Now I ain't saying this was intentional because I'm pretty sure it's not but this is how I read the struggle between Johnny and Kathy for Benny just feels like Benny's internal struggle between homosexuality and heteosexuality, how neither of it fits him so he was always walking that line.

For the record Im speaking in terms of binary gender because this is just a simple movie theory. I am well aware of other genders but this is just how I see it.

Spoilers below

Kathy tried to get him to leave, he wouln't do it. It's like he wouldn't let go of that same/sex attraction, the queerness, the subversive side of him.

Johnny never tried to get him to leave Kathy for him, but his pull comes in the two times he tried to get Benny to take over the club. Benny refused, because that full commitment to the club, the lifestyle, would be rejecting the other side of him.

He didn't want to choose. he wanted to just be himself. I think his happiness came in accepting that.

Benny didnt give up riding because Kathy made him. He gave it up because Johnny was dead and that broke him. He was ready to settle down. Benny didn't choose "being straight", I think in his crying, his finally crying he and Kathy new what Johnny was to him and I think Benny accepted who he was. Then he was happy with Kathy, because he did love her. I think she was wrong that he didn't miss it. I think he did. But I think he misses it in a sense that we as people will always long for the past.

Another way I see it is that yes, he's happy. Yes he has a good life. But Maybe he was always going to end up with Kathy as the "settling down". Johnny didn't equal settling down. I think a lot of times, especially back then, homosexuality was viewed as a phase, like the trope of college girls going through a "gay phase" or concepts of homoerotic military men secluded from women. That its something you do for a while then you "grow out of it." But thats not how it really works. I stand by that Benny loves Kathy and is happy at the end.

He smiles, which is rare for his character. He's smiling when Kathy isn't looking, so he's not performing for anyone.

But I think when you look at it in the context of the time, she was the option if he wanted to settle down. That, as bisexual people, maybe you have some crazy times in college but then you find someone in a heterosexual relationship and settle and try to put that behind you. It doesn't mean he's not happy, as bisexual people in straightpassing relationships are happy. It just means, when the motercycle sounds echo for him, he still thinks about the past. the what if.

And thats just a human thing to do.

I saw The Bikeriders on Saturday and then twice, yes twice today (sunday). I was bawling at the end the last two times when the bisexual metaphore theory came to me. I read Benny as bi right away.

Johnny is said to have gotten his inspiration from Marlon Brando. Bando has talked about being bisexual. Another famous name and face of Brando's era was James Dean. Although Dean was more a car guy in the end, he was deffinetly into motercycles. Dean's sexuality is speculated but many close friends say he was bisexual.

I think it would be almost impossible not to have homoerotic subtext with this sort of thing if the movie was true to inspirations of the era. I don't know how you can watch it and think benny and Johnny dont want each other.

Personally, I don't think Johnny was bi, I think he was gay. I think because of how little emphasis on his wife there was, how she never quite seemed to get him, not in the way Benny got him, I think he was gay. I think he married and had kids because thats what you did.

Anyway all this to say I fucking love this movie. At first watch I wasn't a fan of Austin butlers performance but now I get it. Wow. I get it

I know its not anyone intention making the movie for it to be a metaphore for bisexuality but I can just see it see clearly.

This came out during pride month for a reason

[duckprintspress]

Meet Aether Beyond the Binary Contributor Zel Howland

We’re solidly through the first week of the crowdfunding campaign for our next anthology, Aether Beyond the Binary. We’re 55% funded (yay!) and inching toward our goal slowly but surely (I post daily funding goals and progress toward them on our Bluesky account, if you’re curious). The campaign ends on January 25th, 2024; between then and now, we need to raise $6,038 more to fund the publishing of this awesome collection of modern aetherpunk stories staring characters outside the gender binary!

Today, we introduce the fifth of our 17 authors: Zel Howland!

About Zel Howland: Zel (they/she) is a writer and artist currently living in Los Angeles with their partner. When not writing, they spend their time painting, embroidering, analyzing literature and tv shows, and playing Dungeons & Dragons. They are the author of many a fanfiction, as well as the novel The Shadow of Ophelia Walker.

Links: Archive of Our Own | Tumblr

This is Zel’s third publication with Duck Prints Press. Her short story Chrysopoeia (dark fantasy, f/f) is available at duckprintspress.com and her story The Lightkeeper and the Sea (dark modern fantasy, f/nb) is a Patreon exclusive. Both stories are in the Contributor Short Story Bundle campaign add-on! Learn more about Zel’s publishing career.

An Interview with Zel Howland

When and why did you begin creating?

I was always a voracious reader as a kid, and that sort of naturally lead to me trying to write my own stories. When I was about ten or eleven, I came up with a story that borrowed heavily from the Chronicles of Narnia, and I even managed to eke out 75 pages of bad, bad writing before getting discouraged. I still came back to writing though, and the intervening years of practice and failure taught me a lot about my craft and myself.

Are you a pantser, a planner, or a planster? What’s your process look like?

Planner, definitely! I spend as much time worldbuilding and outlining as I do actually writing. I usually have 3-4 outlines for each story (sometimes more for novels!), starting with a brainstorm outline, then getting gradually more detailed until the final outline functions almost as a first draft. They said make your first drafts shitty, and I really took that advice and ran with it.

What’s your favorite part of the creation process?

For writing, I love the first draft–or for me, also known as my final outline. I really love putting the story down on the page in all its messy glory, without the pressure of having to come up with the perfect turn of phrase or spending hours buried in a thesaurus. For art, rendering light and shadows will always be my favorite part. I love taking something flat and turning it into a three-dimensional object with just a little bit of time and care.

What are your favorite tropes?

I really love stories about the Other, whether they’re full horror or exploring other aspects of it. In school I took a class on Gothic Literature that stuck with me so much that I look for character mirroring and fear of the Other in everything I read or watch–there’s more than you might think, even in the most tame narratives! As far as fic goes, mutual pining is what I live and breathe–the kind where both characters are convinced the other doesn’t even like them. I love pretty much every trope that follows from that, from fake relationships to two person love triangles.

What are your favorite character archetypes?

I’ve always loved the manipulative types, especially hyper-competent ones. Characters that aren’t necessarily physically skilled or popular, but who have managed by way of a powerful intellect to pull all the strings so that everyone else is dancing to their tune. I especially love it when these characters aren’t unrepentantly evil, or even villains (although a good villain in this vein is pretty damn fun).

What are your favorite resources and tools for your craft?

I will always, always tout Scrivener as the best writing software available, period. It has so many different functionalities that I couldn’t possibly list them all, and probably don’t even know them all! My favorite functions are the corkboard for brainstorming, the split screen and reference pop-out for easy access to previous drafts or outlines, and the folders where I can organize my many, many outlines and resources without worrying about finding them again. For digital art, I’ve recently begun playing around with Rebelle, and I really love it. I’ve always been more comfortable with physical mediums, and Rebelle replicates both the feel and the look of mediums like oil or watercolor while maintaining the functionality of digital art (undo button and layers, my beloved). I’m still learning, but so far it’s been perfect for me.

What’s your favorite medium to work in? Why?

I love oil painting! It’s a very forgiving medium to work with–plus it has such a good texture, and there’s so much about mixing paint and doing glazes that are meditative and peaceful.

Which of your own creations is your favorite? Why?

I really love the story I produced for Aether Beyond the Binary. I came into writing it after three years of chronic illness that kept me from writing at all, and I think the silver lining was that I was able to come at the concept and the story from a different direction than I normally would have. Plus, it was my first time writing from the perspective of a character with the same gender identity as me, which felt like a boulder being lifted from my shoulders!

If you could give one piece of advice to a new creator who came to you for help, what would that advice be?

Learn the rules, and then break them! Understanding why certain conventions are popular and always recommended will ultimately help you figure out the best way to ignore the recommendations altogether, and find your own way of doing things.

Zel’s Contribution to Aether Beyond The Binary 

Title: Flower and Rot

Art – Zel did art to accompany this story (will not be included in the published anthology, but still, look at it, it’s so cool and shiny!!!).

Tags: bipoc, body horror (graphic descriptions), break-up (past), california, character injury (serious), death of a parent (past), found family, jewish, los angeles, magic use, modern with magic, mystery, natural disaster, non-binary, past tense, pov first person, private investigator, second chances, self-esteem issues, suicide (mentions of), systemic inequality, telepathic bond, trans man, undeath, united states of america

Excerpt:

Four dozen minds linked by Aether watched me through thousands of leaves and roots and flowers as I hurried away. Their attention bored into my back right up to the moment I switched off the Aethercoil and the flow of Aether abruptly stopped. The grove became just an unusually lush garden. I was alone once more.

The thing growing inside my eye stopped too, but I couldn’t afford to hope that it had shriveled away without Aether to feed it. My vision was still cloudy in that eye, and the whole area was delicate and tender.

Spitting rain formed halos around the streetlights as I reached the drugstore parking lot. I clumsily fished for my keys with my left hand, keeping the right firmly covering my eye. My shitty sedan was the only car in the lot, but I checked every line of sight around me before stepping into the driver’s seat. I was pretty sure I was alone.

I couldn’t take the chance that I was wrong.

I already knew what I would see, but I had to know how fucked I was. I pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror.

Rot.

Intrigued? You’ll have to buy the anthology to read more! Come check out our Kickstarter campaign!!

[wandaluvstacos]

Chapter 37 of Good Investment is now up on my Patreon!

Good Investment is available at the $5/month tier. People who pledge $5 a month have access to not only Good Investment but The Sponsors series (ongoing), Pretty Things (complete), May the Blood Run Pure (complete), and Kept Man (complete), along with the $1/month tier books, the Reflections trilogy (ongoing) and The Halfwife (ongoing).

Adri Schvaneveldt has always felt split between two worlds. In one world, they are the adopted child of a large and conservative Mormon family. In another, she is the CEO of a burgeoning fashion empire that pushes boundaries. But in order to be the latter, Adri first has to find the funding. After gaining a hefty following as a social media influencer/model, Adri has the potential customers– if they can get a reliable production model pounded out. And that means a bit of groveling at the feet of investors, most of who have never even heard the term “non-binary”.

But Adri lucks out with Gideon Snow, whose youth and open mind bring much needed funds to make Adri’s dream of diverse, accessible fashion a reality. Of course, lifting a newborn company to its feet is no small task, and late nights drive Adri to occasional stays at Gideon’s nearby house, where their relationship begins stretching beyond business. Adri knows they can’t put an entire business venture at risk for the turbulent whims of their heart. But reason doesn’t always win out.

Excerpt:

Adri crossed the space between them and took his head in their hands, planting a kiss on his forehead before pulling back to ask, “How invested are you in being straight?”  “Invested?” Gideon’s brows wrinkled. “It’s not about investment, it’s just how I am.”

“I think you’re invested in it,” Adri replied gently. “But I think that instead of trying to deal with the dissonance of being straight and also being in love with me, maybe you decide you are what you are. Maybe you’re a little queer. Would that be so bad?”

Gideon blinked at Adri for a second like they were speaking tongues. Was it truly something he’d never considered? “I’m not attracted to men. Like, at all.”

“You don’t have to be attracted to men to be a little queer. I’m not a man. But I’m not a woman either.”

“I’d say you lean much more heavily on the woman side though.”

Adri snorted, dropping their hands to Gideon’s shoulders. “I’m not ninety percent woman and ten percent man. I’m neither. I’m a secret, third thing.”

Gideon chuckled. “Yeah, okay. A secret, third thing that wears make-up and heels and acrylic nails.”

“Is that what you’re attracted to?”

“I mean…” Gideon’s eyes darted down to Adri’s feet before returning to their gaze. “Kind of. Not all of it. Some of it, for sure.”

“Is that the only thing you’re attracted to? My feminine traits?”  “Well, no, but—”

“I thought I was a woman for a few years, and I tried so hard to keep myself in that box because I knew it’d be easier. Obviously it was harder than being a cis man, but with hormones and all that, at least I could attempt passing. But the more I thought about it the more I realized I was putting myself in a box for other people’s benefit more than my own. Being nonbinary didn’t mean I didn’t have an identity or a gender, it just meant defining the boundaries was a pointless exercise. I didn’t care about the definitions or the limits imposed upon me. I only wanted to be me. I think we should see sexuality much of the same way. We all like what we like, and if we don’t feel pressured to define it, then we would all feel much more free.”

“That’s what my uncle would call hippy-dippy.”

Adri chuckled. “Maybe. But it’s my truth.”

Gideon leaned forward, his forehead resting on Adri’s collarbone as his arms slipped around them. “I get what you’re saying, but I’m afraid to say that the world out there doesn’t see things the way you do.”

“Who cares? It’s no one else’s business.”

“People will make it their business.”

Adri ran their fingers through Gideon’s hair. “I know.”

“I’m not really ready to give up on being straight.”

Adri smiled. “I’m not going to pressure you into anything. I’m just saying you should think about it.”

[starspaceace]

being on vacation with my dad has reminded me why i went a period of time no contact with him like. my brother put it like he’s 50 and like a libertarian which is kinda cringe get a real opinion old man. i’m going to rant because i need to write shit down

i kinda need to rant a bit like. i went no contact for a while over an argument with my brother living with him and him treating my brother like shit while that was happening but honestly i haven’t gone more than a day with my dad since i was 16 because when i was 16 i could just drive myself back to my moms house instead of doing like the weekend visits and getting into arguments every weekend but im on a week vacation with them right now

my stepmom saw that i like don’t shave my legs and wear clothes from the mens section so she’s like ‘well if there’s anything you want to tell us we support you :)’ which is. kinda funny in itself assigned gay by hairy legs but im like ok easy opportunity i guess to go well is this a gender question? they know im gay but this is a different thing im like sure non binary im not like a man but woman isn’t right yknow and she’s like well we support you :) but she i guess she tells my dad? and since that he’s upped like the “well you’re always going to be dad’s little princess��� like thats a thing he’s always done (which has been and would still be annoying as someone who still identified really female. my brother doesn’t get that treatment yknow?) but it feels more. bad. also my brother and his girlfriend call me carl as a nickname for carley and my dad was weird about that like ‘her name is carley! tell them to stop calling you carl’ and asked if i would change my name to something else. like. its just a nickname even if i would change my name it wouldn’t be to carl. carl is a fine nickname until im one of them they/thems? there was also some weird comment at one point about how everyone’s bisexual now (which? my brother is just a straight man so its not even like we’re both gay its literally just me) (should’ve picked an easier to nickname name all carley gets is carl sometimes) my brothers girlfriend is with us and put it well like my stepmom just enables my dad. idk

like i told my brother its so hard to misgender me but my dad’s managed to do it somehow. like i know i see myself nonbinary but im short and fat and my voice is feminine so im just going to be perceived female? i still use she/her pronouns so like. whatever. its a thing i’ve accepted about myself but as long as i feel good about myself generally it doesn’t matter. my brother said it didn’t seem like it’s purposefully malicious but its still. something. im not sure what kind of word im looking for it. i think its just disappointing. im just wondering if they’d be like this about me being gay if i actually was like. dating. if i was “/really/“ gay instead of theoretically gay or gone on a date with one girl once gay. but since im like here and queer! im not queer in an acceptable way anymore?

in related issues my dad has like a lot of opinions but like no fucking opinion at all on anything like ? all politicians are corrupt but also socialism is bad (not exact words but like. the gist. food stamps welfare etc etc ) vaguely racist ideas (ie easily deniable, not sure he even realizes the things he’s saying are such) and throwing out weird buzzwords. called the backseat of us in the car millennials when we’re pretty solid gen z (like does he not realize he’s? like 7 years older than the oldest millennial? not far from that man you’re gen x). like if you’re going to be conservative just commit instead of pretending you’re not

my brother has been really great to be with through this experience of dealing with our dad tho in both making fun of his opinions and my gender stuff. making sure he’s not misgendering me (like asked if id rather he said sibling, i think im still ok with sister. or like my pronouns) we’re funny about it tho he said if i changed my name it should be to wolfgang or maybe pull a power move and just change it to his name and we have to fight over it. been making me feel better about everything instead of being bummed out about everything.

anyways my brother was playing our beach playlist we made and he put on one mcr song we put on there and my stepmom was like well carley can have one song but this isn’t my cup of tea but we’ll listen to it for her and i texted my brother like damn i can’t even have my gay song. they also hated on international love by pit bull so maybe they’re just haters. it’s tuesday and we’re here until saturday morning and my dads birthday is tomorrow so here’s hoping to uh. nothing eventful. worst case we drove here seperately and leave :P

[transbastard]

@lillcarrionbird this is not at all what the point of the tweet is, and the fact you indignantly dismissed all queer art made in the 19th century as boring and more or less a waste of effort to seek out while categorizing today's cheap fast-food-quality entertainment as being fun and having a huge cultural impact is kind of exactly what they were talking about actually. the whole point is that the mass-market franchise entertainment of today is forever stained by the need for mass-market appeal, for the need to be profitable and safe and relatively easy to digest, for the insistence that spectacle is the measure of entertainment; that you need light and sound but no substance.

the whole point is that any "queer representation" put in the majority of these franchises is sanitized to hell and back so as not to scare the cisgender heterosexual audience members. that queer rep will forever have the curves and rough spots filed down smooth so they can fit neatly into the tiny square holes the producers have created for their token queers, nice and neat and uniform, because even many "tolerant" cishet audiences will just not watch if it gets to be a little *too* queer. that trying to "queer" franchise media like the mcu, or disney, or hp is a lost cause bc real, true, dyed-in-the-wool Queer is too fucking messy for the capitalists running those franchises. queer encompasses too much, and it is messy, and it doesnt have mass market appeal, so they wont do it. you will get A Gay. A Trans. binary, and typically gender-conforming, not to mention white. if you're very lucky (read: if they dont or cant fire the person fighting like hell behind the scenes for it) they'll be one of the protag's best friends. the point is that the people in charge of the franchises you want to "queer" do not want you in them bc your very existence makes other people not want to spend money on the product they're trying to sell, and they care too much about the opinions of bigots to give in even if you pressure them bc most of the ones running the show are bigots.

the whole point is also that there is queer media being made today, and there was queer media being made in the past, because queer media has always existed, but it gets looked over bc it ISN'T sanitized and easily digestible. the whole point is that if you want queer media you don't have to wait to have the tiniest drops of queerness fall from the end of the Mass-Market Content Spoon, you just have to seek it out. the whole point is that there is a lot of very fun queer media both modern and historical that COULD have huge cultural impact if you just sought it out and talked about it and shared it the way people do with mass-market media. the whole point is that we have to make our own if we want truly queer media and we have to support each other instead of sitting on our asses and waiting, waiting, waiting, to be validated by people who want us dead.

its also very important to realize at no point is the tweet ever hostile to people who do want queers in mass market media. it's not mocking the desire, merely speaking honestly and saying "the media you want exists, it has existed for hundreds of years, and you need to seek it out bc the bigots arent going to give you what you want, only cheap and exploitative facsimiles". this is maybe one of the least hostile bits of queer discourse i've seen come out of twitter in a while and i cannot fathom how you interpreted it as a "fuck you" on any level, the closest it comes to insulting anything is the mcu, which you stated that you hate. genuinely may be one of the weirdest responses possible. there are other replies that miss the point as well, bringing up media sponsored by streaming services or tv shows like.. steven universe is not on the level of harry potter. sens8 is not on the level of the mcu. nothing is on the level of the entirety of the disney mega-conglomerate, not drag race and sure as hell not fx's pose. there is queer media that is big but the arent disney-mcu-starwars big. not harry potter big. the whole point is that genuine and real and varied rep from franchises on that level of worldwide acclaim is unlikely to happen because the people in charge arent going to risk tanking their appeal with bigots for us. they value bigots over us, we are a demographic to exploit for a good headline and a few extra bucks so they can toss a lesbian kiss or a gay hand-hold in for about a second or 2, or they can do what disney did with strange world and not fucking market the movie at all so it dies on the vine (did you guys know that strange world came out in November 2022? do you remember seeing literally anything other than the "disney's fifth 'first openly gay character'" eyeroll coverage about it? did you know that it actually is their first where the gay is one of the leading cast who plays a major role and not just a side character with a split-second scene or two? no? thats the point.). the point is that they are not going to actually risk their empires for you. even if there's more money in it. because they dont care. your community cares and they show it in the stories they make, and you should show you care back by supporting them.

[aamethyst000]

Boredom (May 7,24 2:35pm)

I woke up at 12:50pm today, instead of in the morning, like i wanted but is okie. i can still work on waking up somewhat early. im feelig lazy now, i dont want to do anything or even think of what to make for dinner for tonight. i just wish mum can start cooking again but her artheritis keeps getting worse and worse every year. my little brother is learning how to cook, thankfully. even though he is being taught by just me, itd be nice if my mother can get in on teaching him too, insteas of just giving up so easily after having a third child (technically forth but i wont get into that right now).

I have been trying to find the papers for my name change and i cannot find it. im starting to get upset about it. my little brothers ID was a whole ass year late coming in, but since we went to rupert, they are making sure that the card is making it to the village here. i did not think that my name chane will be this difficult. i find it annoying, but i am tearing up my room trying to find my papers to send back to the agency. at the same time, i am very nersous about this name change. like, im going to have to tell any person i bump into, my name change and pronouns. it makes me feel like i want to shut down again, but then the feeling of letting these people win over the fact that its "easier" and more benificial for them to call me by my dead name. i almost just want to use up the rest of my money just to move out of here and start anew with my life. i so badly want that in my life, but this is a slow process that i can tolorate and my stubbornness can push through. I do want to mention though, ever since i found out that i have been trans almost all of my life when i didnt know that i can identify as 2spirit, rather than just choosing one gender binary over the other. all my life i have been calling myself a tomboy even though im not a famale or male. ive noticed that i tend to avoid mention that i identified as a woman/girl for a very short amount of my life. i never corrected anyone when i was mistaken as a man/boy for like a split second. i prefer to be a genderless blob and not to be precived as a person or just precieved in general lmao that would be nice, or be a cat living out there in the world or as a domesticated cat living the high life.

11:27pm - we just had fries for dinner tonight, which is fine. thankfullly i didnt have to do much other than fry uup our din din. now i am just watching the metal family on youtube <3 i fckn love this youtube show. glam and dee are my favourite charaters <3 they are the reason why i came back to rock and metal bands, along with punk but i think that is a givin lmao

i know ive said this before but i really like writing my journal entries here on the laptop. i really love this. not to mention the fact that i can write whatever i want and whener i feel like it. even whe i cant sleep at night. it really does help me. i seriously wish we had a cafe here. not one that is directly connected to the rec centre or right inside the gymnaisium. im going to be 26 next month and i have a proper excuse to not be around any children. i dont like them, they are loud, messier than the adults and and too much for me to personally handle. so i tend to stay home a lot. not to mention that they are loud (i know i already mentioned that, i just said it again for good measure). anyway, this would be a good time for me to live in town. mainly in prince george. thats where id like to be at least, if i end up in rupert, that will be a good place to start. i would just have to put up with bumping into my so called father. fucking alcholic bitch ass, women beater. hes been my main motivation to not drink so much, thankfully. as well as my own little fear of drinking too much. so, either way, i guess i thank him for motivating me not to drink, while my mother and all my other fmaily members have unintenionally helped me decide that i deffinitely do not want kids of my own. i guess thats where my dislike of children came from, to be honest. anyway, i think im going to make this journal entry short tonight. i didnt do much today and didnt do much of thinking. sat and watched a bunch of episodes of 3 differents shows i really love. Have a good night, readers~

[cypr1anlatew00d]

sigh

the “t/rf accusations are over-used and stopping any form of REAL f/minism” being the emerging cr/pto narrative, especially in response to ppl rightly cluing into how they’re using algo-friendly content/accounts as an entry ramp to larger audiences, like, the exact alt-r/ght playbook, is such a good gambit I’d admire it if it was like a round of among us and not treating aspects of living people’s lives like chess pieces for the cruelest and stupidest possible outcome...

like A) it’s a great way to get people to again entertain the possibility that we lose something by being more disinclined to entertain & spread posts that make broad, essentializing generalizations about “men” (no matter how “inclusively” you try to phrase them, lol) or other not necessarily transphobic but frequently co-occuring reactionary positions often masqueraded as the hard core real ass “materialist analysis” “they” don’t want you to know about, ie sex negative, anti-porn, anti-sw, carcereal f/minisms (at least one of the above tends to be the “actual issue” if you investigate what the op is being “unfairly criticized” over). This hilariously sometimes expresses itself in an attempt at stoking nostalgia for like 2014 male tears mugs era tumblr. This Is What They Took From You ladies... the true high water mark of effective demands for womens equality.

What these “important” lines of argument mostly have in common is that they’re a well-critiqued element of “consciousness raising” f/minism, where personal traumas or even just icks are expanded fractally to explain all social and political phenomena as this sort of Ur-historical pattern of interpersonal cruelty inherent to “male” psychology... as early as the 70s this was identified as a great way to get an increasingly paranoid and standoffish clique/cult together that achieves little politically. But as a tactic it frequently comes back despite its ineffectiveness (I would even argue that it is and remains the main expression of f/minism in the US and UK at least, despite arguments that uh... caring about trans people or treating sex workers as human adults with jobs or whatever has put it on the back foot), because it is comforting to have some quasi-religious universal explanation for your suffering, even if it relies on reifying a binary & hierarchal narrative of gender much more than it takes steps to dismantle it. (in fact, especially to white or gender conforming or middle class or cis women, changing things too much or past a certain point can be “scary!”, an unexamined impulse that unites many libs rads and trads.)

There are actually a ton of practical political demands that don’t require or hinge on this language at all, and it’s not a coincidence that most of these supposedly “vital” arguments intersectionality has given us less of a taste for mainly propose policing interpersonal behvior rather than creating a scenario where power is more evenly distributed, where people have more autonomy over their life, so individual asshole sexists become less important and less able to flex power over people in their orbit.

And B), which is probably more importantly to address: it’s convincing because it flatters notatively f/minist cis women’s perceptions that it’s both overly-likely and self-evidently ridiculous that someone would call them transphobic, and also that there’s like, outsize risk or consequences for them if someone says this. Which of course, is the classic “I’m Being Silenced!!” line but from a slightly different angle. This feels like an innovation because it’s so obviously a bad faith tactic when you put it that way, but has, apparently, finally found a way to be phrased in barely-progressive terms that have people genuinely worrying again that The Down With Cis Bus will come for them. Anyways sigh. come back to this post in a year to see if I was right. I sure hope not.

[obsidianflow]

The Major Issues about anti Mspec Lesbian debacle

SO I’m a little insane and i decided I’d make an entire essay about this because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep!

I’ll preface this by saying that this isn’t room for Anti Mspec Lesbians to get in my notifs and send me shit like ‘ummm actually you’re wrong’ because this is literally just for me anyways, just putting it here so people can see and possibly share thoughts, idk. If you send me anything about how wrong I am that’s really short I’m just going to block you, as a fair warning lmao

1: The whole ‘Lesbian means Non-men loving Non-men’ argument

Now I dont think its hard to see that this is transphobic, but I’ll explain anyways because I like explaining! Now first off, the major thing that’s face value. Non-men is just. A new way to shove nonbinary people back into the binary (Which we all know is the opposite of the entire fucking point) This ‘non-men’ and its counterpart just completely ignores multigendered and fluid gendered people! As well as just.. People with more complex relationships with their masculinity/femininity than just ‘not a man’ and ‘a man’.

And another thing not relating to transphobia now, definitions of these labels _will _vary from person to person. That’s the beauty of queerness, we all define it differently for ourselves! And that’s _okay. _Queerness isn’t, and never has been, about being understandable. Its about comfort, the labels are just there to find other people that are similar to you, and have a community! We’re here for a good time, not laying down and being as understandable to the cishets as we can. Whether or not they can understand us isn’t going to change their feelings about us, a majority of the time. They just say ‘its too weird’ as a way to make fun of us, not an attempt to understand or learn or listen. They don’t care either way.

2: Men can’t be lesbians

I get it if this one feels a little weird, we’ll get through it.

Now, the issue with this is that this is just going to keep queer people out of their own spaces! This doesn’t acknowledge multigendered, genderfluid, people who identify as a man for their own safety, as well as trans men who just don’t feel comfortable identifying as straight (Which I don’t blame them, because a large part of our community demonizes straight people, who would want to be the butt of their peers’ jokes?)

And that’s only a few examples, there’s plenty of experiences I’m sure that aren’t encompassed here. But that’s the thing! There are 8 billion of us on this planet, we’re never going to document every single sexuality experience out there. In general, this is meant to exclude the ‘enemy’, which a lot of people have conveniently made the Male Gender their scapegoat, but it more often than not just excludes other queer people. Which, we understand excluding other queer people isn’t the best idea, right?

3: Men are going to infiltrate our spaces and harm us

Men who feel like they can ‘fix’ lesbians are going to infiltrate your spaces whether you like it or not, but they’re not going to identify as a lesbian to go about doing that. Have you ever heard a story of a man actually doing this to groom lesbians? Because I sure as hell haven’t, and I’m always open to hearing stories about stuff like that.

But unlike that what if, I have heard stories of ‘Cisgender’ men identifying as lesbians and subsequently finding out they’re trans at some point afterwards (or even stories of ‘cisgender’ men identifying as lesbians despite being openly trans!) I’ve Met people from these stories, I’ve talked to them about those stories! There’s an entire phenomena about it at this point, it happens a lot more than you’d think. 

When you base your identity off of being hurt, and only ever stay in that hurt, never look out to better things, you’re just going to harm others. It’s happened time and time again, I’ve seen so many communities that have this same issue. The term Lesbian and generally any other sexuality labels should be based in Loving, not hate of some identity group you’ve been hurt by.

If your sexuality is impacted by your trauma, and other factors of being hurt, that’s okay! What I’m saying is we shouldn’t be morphing entire identity labels to be based only in hate of their abusers, when the original definitions were always based in love and only love. It seems like a waste of a good thing, honestly

4: Just make a new label

I hate to tell you this bud, but making a new label isn’t really going to work for everyone when there’s already a label that’s perfectly applicable. Why would you make a new term if one already works? The only reason I think would be to avoid hate from people who dislike the label you’re using, but that’s more of ‘avoiding getting rocks thrown at you’ than being happy with yourself and defining yourself comfortably. And it’s not even really something you share with absolutely everyone, either. It’s for you primarily. Why should you be conforming to someone else’s ideals just so they’re comfortable, when opposed to you being even more ‘weirdly’ queer than them.

5: I’m not comfortable with someone identifying this way

That’s fine! You don’t need to be comfortable with their identity. But that doesn’t mean its inherently harmful to your identities, that doesn’t make their identity inherently lesbophobic. In general this is an issue that a lot of white queers have, automatically assuming anything that makes them uncomfortable is an attack on them. Not everything is against you just because you’re discomforted by it!!!

6: This is a new label coined by someone on tumblr in 2016

Well my first question, if you’re seriously saying this, is ‘Have you ever actually gone looking for the history about this label? Have you ever researched this label?” Because if you did do any research, you’d probably find that bi dykes have existed since the 80s

I use these posts as a general just place to look at some history stuff, just some stuff I’ve found myself! They include sources, and more information.

<Post 1> <Post 2>

I’d also like to add that if you’re going to argue history, the original definition of lesbian is much closer to the modern definition of sapphic than the modern definition of lesbian. Lesbian meant the queer attraction to women, or generally Not Adhering to Female Gender Roles. It’s very different!

7: Lesbians need to separate from Bisexuals

Yikes. Never got over the lesbian separatism movement, did we?

8: I don’t understand it

That’s fine. You don’t need to understand it! It’s complex, it’s different, it’s strange. Of course you’re not going to fully understand it. That’s okay. All we’re asking here is you open your eyes a bit, and try to be more open towards different experiences. Don’t give into the stupid echo chamber of ‘X is phobic’ without any complex explanation into it. Topics like these that have so much nuance can’t be explained so easily, that in itself feels like more erasure than the mlm flag being similar to the sunset lesbian flag.

Non rebuttals

I haven’t even finished with everything either, because it still goes deeper than just that.

A majority of the people I’ve seen who are anti mspec lesbians are white, which plays a very major role in the whole thing. It just goes on where white cis women are taken more seriously than black trans women, and it all cycles out of control. And the majority of mspec lesbians I’ve met have been POC, my own partner is a POC mspec lesbian! I think at the very least if your side is majority white and the other side is majority POC, there’s something wrong there, and you should be thinking harder about the whole issue. At least start by trying to hear the other side’s argument!

This is just history repeating it’s self, honestly. Queer history has been demolished because of homophobia time and time again, so we don’t know the history and are doomed to repeat it. It happened with trans people, it’s happened with nonbinary people, it’s happened with pretty much every queer identity under the sun. We find a new scapegoat and run off with hating on them, despite us all being queer together. The cycle of hatred is more than a little annoying at this point. Everyone preaches about being so inclusive, and in the same breath rants about mspec lesbians being an issue. That isn’t inclusive, if you’re wondering.

A very major thing I think the Anti Mspec Lesbian side needs to realize is that you can’t make such bold claims as another queer person being against your identity without at least hearing their argument first and genuinely listening. You have to make an effort to listen to them, and deconstruct your own thinking to see if it truly is such. We recognize that people shouldn’t be put in jail without a fair trial, we should probably extend that to each other outside of the courthouse! I personally don’t think someone putting an identity label on themself is phobic of another identity, I think it’s a little absurd that even came around as a concept. It feels like reaching for straws, really.

In general, this doesn’t even go over everything either. Throughout this entire thing, all the arguments I went through, white supremacy is riddled throughout them. The need to have things be understandable, the need to separate, etc. It all very easily comes down being white supremacy.

Anywhoo! That was long. If you have any thoughts, feel free to add on, but here’s my essay

[hollandsmushroom]

could i request a boyfriend!peter fic where reader comes out to him as bi and genderfluid, but they're so nervous to do so cos they havent told anyone else and he is rlly supportive? and helps them get new clothes and cut their hair? and its fluffy and hugs and stuff?

if u dont feel comfy writing this, its ok i totally understand :) i just love ur writing so much <3

Be True To Yourself || P.P.

Peter Parker x afab(previously using she/her pronouns)Genderfluid!Reader

Word Count: 1375(I am pretty sure this is my fave thing I have every written)

Warnings: Fluff, the pain of coming out, fear, anxiety, brief mentions of break up(in passing not with intent) and I swear to fucking god, if anyone comes in my inbox angry that I didn’t trigger tag this for lgbtq content i will scream so loud your ear drums burst. 

A/N: So I don’t really talk about this much on here but I am a mostly gender nonconforming They/she, I come from a very very lgbtg family, I am a safe place, I promise!

♡✩♡✩♡✩♡✩♡

It was something about yourself that caused turmoil, it turned in your stomach as you tried to grapple with who and what you are, you knew that there was nothing wrong with your feelings, how certain forms of gender expression didn't feel right at certain times. Your mind floods with anxious thoughts as you sit on Peter’s bed, waiting for him to get back from patrol, to finally share your true self with the person that you love. Your hands twisting around each other, ringing out in a corporeal demonstration of your gut wrenching worry. 

“Y/n?” Peter’s voice breaking through the metaphysical walls of your disquietude. Your eyes drawing upwards, trailing up the black webs of his red spandex, reaching his face in time to catch as his gloved hand tug at his mask, the eye lens blinking as he pulls off his face covering. The moment seems to soften as you glance at his hair, soft locks expanding from the confines of his secret identity. “What are you doing here?” His speaking again brought you back the reveries of your hands in his hair as you laugh giddily, his body holding yours tight to his as you ignore a movie you were supposed to be watching together. 

“Hi Petey” you smile at him, tenderness in your gaze as you pat the bed next to you, signalling for him to take a seat next to you, a silent queue that he followed with much complacity. “Um, I need to talk to you about something” your eyes ducking down, an action that made Peter’s heart stop, a nervousness spreading through him rapidly as he began to feel much as you did, off kilter, as if his world was tilting beneath him. 

“Y/n, you’re kinda of scaring me” he utters, reaching out for your hand only to find it already entangled, fingers linking with fingers in a never ending exhibition of unease. 

“It’s nothing to be scared of, Petey, well I might need to be scared but it's something, well it’s something about me that I need to tell you and I haven’t told anyone and- well, Peter I am scared, I am really fucking scared” you let a tear you didn’t know you had spill, letting it fall down your cheek as you contemplate your words, silently reeling through every option you have on how to voice your being and identity to the person you love with the possibility that it could change how he loves you. 

“My sweet, you know you can tell me anything” he assures, desperately trying to get a grip on the conversation. 

“Peter, I...I can’t be your girlfriend” you murmur, quickly realizing you had chosen your words wrong as you see him freeze out of the corner of your eye, his body going rigid as the beautiful dusted rose drains from his cheeks. 

“Wha-” he starts but you cut him off immediately. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I want to be with you, I want to be yours but I can’t be your girlfriend because I-I’m not a girl, well I am sometimes and I can be your girlfriend at those times but I’m not that all the time, honestly I am whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it and well, I don’t just like boys, I like girls too, but not just girls and boys, I like everyone but not now obviously because I am with you and I would never ever do anything unfaithful to you no matter how many genders or orientations I am attracted to. Peter I can’t keep pretending to be something that I am not and I don’t want that to change us but I understand if it do-” you start giving him the spiel about how it was okay if he didn’t know how to be with you now that you have become fully yourself but his lips didn’t give you the chance, cutting you off before you could manage to put into words how easy it would be for him to leave when that was the last thing that he wants, no matter what your pronouns or who you found attractive because that didn’t change who he fell in love with, he fell in love with you, not how you expressed yourself, you, his partner, his love. Pulling away your eyes remain closed, processing the amount of emotional knowledge had been lifted from your shoulder, your chest still tightened with the love at the amount of lack lecher passion Peter had let flow into your lips. 

“Nothing could change the way I feel about you, Y/n, nothing in this world” he assures, lips still ghosting over yours as you finally manage to pry your eyes open to meet his chocolate honeyed gaze. “Is there anything that I can do to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin?” He was soft, so gentle a presence that you felt like warm milk on a cold night, he was calming your soul of your innermost turmoil. 

“I was,” you drop your eyes, examining Peter's fluttering pulse that beats at the juncture of his collar bones. “Well I was hoping to go shopping and get a haircut cause how I currently have my hair and how I currently dress doesn’t always make me feel the best” he watches you with an attentive adoration, wanting to learn how to best be your partner and ally while you learn and grow into being fully and comfortably you. “Sometimes I don’t mind it but sometimes isn’t always and in the times its not I feel like my own existence makes me itch” 

“Well we can’t have you being itchy” Peter squeezes your hips softly, tugging you closer to him as you fall back on the bed. “So I guess we shall have to go to the mall this weekend, get you a haircut, some new clothes, sound like a plan?” Peter offers and you smile unabashedly.

“The best plan” you nod sleepily into his chest, forehead grazing the emblem on his suit as you let your eyes fall shut, absolutely exhausted from the emotional strain of baring your soul to the person you love most with a possibility of getting it spat back at you, but Peter would never, he loved you more than he could understand, more than he cared to, not wanting to taint the complexities of his adoration for you with the binary idea that he could ever understand something so powerful and all encompassing. 

---------------

You stood in front of a rack of t-shirts, hangers dawned with fun patterned graphic tees as you, searching for something new to complete your style, something that felt more true to you when you didn’t feel like wearing any of the clothes that you already owned, something that would go along well with the way your hair was now styled. Peter was not standing with you, having wandered off minutes before to go find something that he thought you would enjoy. The feeling of someone near you making you turn to face where the sensation was coming from, your eyes finding your grinning boyfriend. I

"I have an idea!" Peter smiles excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he fiddles with a pack of bracelets in his hand. "So um, I was thinking we could assign each bracelet pronouns so I know which ones to use when to use which pronoun" you felt like you were glowing, fully understood for the first time in your life and there is nothing more valuable than that, than feeling totally and completely seen and accepted for who and what you were. Tears flood your eyes without your consent as you smile stupidly back at Peter whose face was falling, hand reaching out to cup your cheek. "Baby, did I say something wrong?" you shook your head, nuzzling deeper into his palm.

"No, no Petey, I just feel good in my own skin for once in my life" you blubber.

"I just want my partner to be happy" his thumb brushes over your orbital bone, wiping away a fallen tear. "Because I love them with everything I have”

“I love you too Petey, so much”

let me know what you thought

♡Taglist♡

@iluvdeja @quaksonhehe @lovehollandy12 @thollandneedy @prancerrparkerr @parkerpeter24 @hollandsour @evermoreholland @harmqnia @thehumanistsdiary @samaraaaaa @itscaminow @alinastarkrovs @marvelsbitch8 @celestialholland @kasidy409 @parkerdarling @scarletspideyy @capital-koreasofia @marvelhasmyheart235 @hackerholland @tom-softie @hollandsjen @tomhollandsbitch8 @bi-lmg07 @reawritesthings @tomsholland2412 @lowkey-holland @cocoamoonmalfoy

[treesandtheirberries]

Dad!Harry talks to his daughter about her questioning sexuality

A/N: might make this into a blurb series? so presh. if you have any concepts around this, send them my way. 

wc: 2,249

June was Harry and Y/N’s first baby, their biggest accomplishment before they were soon having another child. June was currently 13, the awkward age of Middle School, puberty, and overall questioning of identity. Y/N and Harry wanted this weird stage to be a smooth transition. They always encouraged her to express herself, with clothes, in hobbies, with their conversations. Although their first child, they both felt as though they managed to get through the difficulties of becoming a parent easily (thanks to the massive amount of parenting books, from birth to adolescence, that Harry kept buying while June was still in the womb). 

Yet, there is only so much you can prepare your child for, and surely you can’t be there to guide them through every difficulty. Harry and Y/N weren’t sure if June would question her sexuality as both of them weren’t straight, they didn’t know if the process was the same for heterosexuals. But they never skirted around the topic. If anything, they encouraged watching same-sex couples in movies and such, even having many friends who had families with someone of the same gender (or a partner that was non-binary). 

Harry hoped that this would be an excellent way to acclimate their children to the varying diversity of the world. Y/N grew up with racial diversity, but anything deviant from heterosexuality or cisgender was heavily frowned upon. They hoped that with their lack of omission of the varying aspects of identity their children would have the opportunity to understand themselves easier rather than constantly question their identity. 

They forgot to take into account that this was simply a stage in adolescence they had to endure though, as Eric Erickson put it: a fight between identity and role confusion. And June was currently right at the center of it.

June, even as a child, was usually calm and they rarely had problems with her being fussy like they do with the twins, Mazzy and Mick (named after the artists constantly playing on their home turntable). Thus, any changes were quickly noticed in her behavior. 

-------

Picking up the kids from daycare and June from school was on the top of Y/N’s list of things to do for the day. She adored seeing everyone’s faces after a day at work and seeing their warm smiles and tight hugs always brightened her mood. 

Today, things seemed different. 

June jumped into the front seat with a grunt, a frown, and even went as far as throwing her bag onto the floor of the car forcefully. This was generally out of character, except Y/N and Harry have noticed these bursts of anger more recently. 

“What’s eating at ‘ya bug?” Y/N calmly asked, wanting to maintain a balance of emotions although knowing June was perhaps all over the place as most teenagers are. 

June rubbed her hands on the top of her thighs and noticeably took a few deep breaths; a calming tactic her father taught her when she was younger to calm herself. She took a few more breaths until facing her mother to talk. “Sage didn’t want to hang out this weekend,” she finishes, the frown being found on her face once again.

“Oh, is she busy? Thought you two were having a sleepover at home?” Y/N inquired. She knew Sage and her daughter were best friends since the beginning of sixth grade, and she hoped they would maintain their friendship although she knew the ups and downs adolescents faced it might not be possible.

“She said she’s going to the mall with Rye.”

“As in the bread?” Y/N chuckled, trying to lift the mood.

June rolled her eyes, another behavior that has risen in frequency. “No mom. A boy. That she likes.” She grumbled crossing her arms and sinking further into the seat.

“Oooooh I see what’s going on here, Sage is going on a date!” She rose her voice to a pitch of puppy love, which didn’t sit well with June. 

“We promised we wouldn’t date boys in Middle School. They’re all so stupid and ugly. I don’t get why she’s ditching me for him.” 

Y/N was a bit surprised by this. Harry and she have talked about the day they’d have to worry about June’s infatuation with others and they were dreading it. Hearing that June didn’t have interest in it now was a relief, but of course, this whole conversation was concerning. 

“I understand, not the nicest to make plans with someone when she already made some with you. But June-bug, you guys are teenagers. Of course, she’s going to take an opportunity to go on a date with a freaking boy!”

“Language momma!” Mick yelled, the three-year-olds’ well acquainted with naughty words.

“I guess. Just rude s’all.” June finished with another grumble. She wasn’t known for throwing huge fits, and her outbursts were usually this short. 

Still, Y/N knew that this would be something that would affect her for the rest of the week. Her daughter is calm but incredibly sensitive, and the two parents have learned how to work through her internal struggles. She decided to ask the usual question during June’s turmoils: “wanna talk to dad about it?” 

“Yes please.”

--------

Harry was finishing washing the plates as Y/N was getting the twins ready for bed. The small domestic moments like these reminded Harry of how lucky he was to have a family like his. He noticed June’s mood as soon as everyone entered the house, and once Y/N confirmed they would need to talk later, Harry was preparing himself to support his daughter through her problems. Y/N and he were definitely lucky with their firstborn being like June. Sometimes he’ll credit his efforts in teaching June meditation early, and depending on the day, Y/N agrees. 

As he dries the plates to put back in their cupboards, June walks in. 

“Hiya bug. C’mere give Poppa hug.”

June rolls her eyes (he’s having a hard time adjusting to these teenager habits) and walks closer to her father. Although she’s extremely close with both of her parents, there is a timeless connection she has with her father. “Not a child anymore dad. And please, do not call yourself poppa again. You’re not that old yet.” She mumbled in his chest, clearly needing the affection.

“Mom said you wanted to talk? Want her there?”

“Uhm. Maybe we could just talk in my room please.” 

“Of course, let me just put these plates all back” Harry smiled, only letting go of the hug once he felt June move away. A small trick he learned from his mother after she attacked him with countless parenting trips: never let go in a hug with your child, let them determine when the hug is over. It gives them more comfort and stability in their lives and although he saw this as minimal, he understood its significance.

“I’ll help.”

----

As they walked to June’s room, they caught Y/N walking back from the twins’ room. “Hey baby, twins are done for. I’ll be in the room. “ She pecks Harry quick on the lips and turns to June to wrap her in a hug. “Love you cutie,” she winks at June as she goes to her room.

“Love you momma” June smiles, happy that she has a supportive family like this one. 

“I’ll be there in a bit,” Harry smiles, his arm going back to June’s shoulders, giving it a squeeze. 

Once they get to her room, both take a seat on June’s bed. Her back is on the headboard while Harry sits at the edge facing her, cross-legged. Every once in a while June would request to speak to Harry, Y/N,  or both of her parents on the issues bothering her. Harry and Y/N were proud of having a daughter that felt comfortable enough to communicate with her parents, and they always were looking for new ways to enrich themselves with the issues kids have a different ages. 

“Speak to me June, what’s on your mind lady?” Harry starts, initiating the push. He can tell that she’s struggling to bring her thoughts to words.

“Did you....well. How did you ... realize you didn’t like ... uhm, just girls?” She hesitantly asked, too flustered to look at her father on such a strange topic. 

Oh, it’s happening, Harry thought. “Well, I was pretty young, I guess around your age, and I realized that I just wasn’t fully straight. It developed from there I guess, I talked to a few friends about it, spoke to your grandma, and eventually met a boy I really liked. It was really scary, I’m not going to lie, figuring out my feelings at that point. After that, it wasn’t a big deal and everyone in the family understood. I just knew something like gender wasn’t a big deal to me, and if I liked someone I liked them. But it’s different for everyone. Your mom can tell you how she found out she’s bi.”

June was soaking in the information her father gave her. She knew both of her parents weren’t straight, but hearing how they found it out was something entirely different. It wasn’t that she was foreign to the concept, but in personal terms, it was utterly confusing. 

She finally looked to her father, giving him a small smile at the personal information he shared. They were a very open family, but something about this felt even more personal. “But, did you ever think you were faking it?” 

“Not really, but you already know how pretentious your father is,” he chuckled, lighting the mood. “Your mother, as she’ll tell you, had a completely different experience. Said she struggled for years thinking she was either faking it or actually completely gay! She once told me that she just couldn’t disclose it with anyone, and that led her to a lot of contemplation. But if you’re feeling this way too, I need you to know your mother and I are here to support you in any way we can.”

“Dad,” June scrunched her eyes looking down at her crossed legs. “I think I might like girls. Or at least, I think. After Sage told me she’d ditched me I just realized I don’t like her just as a friend.” 

At this moment, tears began to form in her eyes from all the confusion. Instantly Harry brought her into aa encompassing bear hug, keeping her safe in his chest. It hurt him to see her going through this dilemma, the inter-workings of adolescents were never fun. 

“It’s just,” June suddenly choked on a sob, grasping her dad’s hoodie. Harry began to rub her back for support. “I like her I think. Like really like her dad. I don’t want her to date a boy, I want to date her. But she won’t like me and...I don’t know! Why did this have to happen to me!” She continued, clearly soaking his hoodie.

“Oh baby, please don’t ever think this is a bad thing. Sexuality is a spectrum, many of our friends are somewhere on it, and you already know Elizabeth and Mary are married. This is a beautiful thing to discover baby. But yes, I won’t lie to you, it’s going to be hard. There may be times you like someone who doesn’t like girls but bug, that’s simply life.”

“What if I am dad. I don’t know if I like boys at all.”

“Then you are. As simple as that. You can label how you feel or not, it’s all about what feels most comfortable to you. As you know, your mother and I will be here to support you in any way we can. If you like girls, so be it, you’re still our daughter and you know that. If you like boys, which I mean yuck,” he imitated a gagging noise, rising a laugh out of June “then okay. Both or everyone? It’s all okay bub. I do want you to think about it, It might take some time to accept it but we’re accepting you any way you are. You’re so beautiful and strong, and your sexuality doesn’t diminish that in any way.” He made sure to hug her tightly as he said this, expressing his full support. 

“Dad, thank you.” June exhaled, releasing herself to wipe her tears. 

“Of course, June. I’m so happy you were able to tell me this, I know it must’ve been hard.”

After a deep breath, June looked calmer after her small crisis. “I knew you guys would be okay with anything but it’s just, much harder than I expected to really like your friend who doesn’t like you.”

“It’s hard, so so hard. Ask your mum, seriously I swear she told me she also liked one of her friends at your age. Universal gay experience perhaps?” Harry pondered. 

June gave a small laugh to that. “Yeah, I’ll ask. I don’t want her to think I left her out of this, it’s just that I’ve heard about your sexuality in the media more.”

“Pesky things, but I understand. It was so hard for your mom in comparison to me. Do you want me to let her know first, is it okay that I let her know you might be questioning?” He gave her daughter a sincere inquisitive look, valuing consent over everything. 

“Yeah, of course. Probably talk to her tomorrow after we drop the twins off. I really appreciate it, dad.”

“No problem bug. Let’s get you tucked away.” 

__________ part 2

OH MY GOD this is my first I HOPE YOU LIKE. please any feedback would be so sexy. 

[mayasaura]

hung up on the implications of Ianthe going to see a man about a queen (+ the Third presumably being one of the only houses that uses monarchical titles to begin with) but Corona referring to herself as a king in ayu. No idea what the hell these implications are but I’m definitely hung up on them.

I’m going to frame your ‘Ianthe went to Sarpedon to find Judith+Corona’ analysis on a wall, I hadn’t even considered Sarpedon being Judith’s dad.

The other thing I’m hung up on (the other thing that’s not Yanthe scheming theorizing) is the implications of Judith’s guessing that it was Corona who came up with the whole ‘let’s just pretend we’re both necromancers and Ianthe necromances for the both of us’ thing combined with how without Ianthe covering for Corona, Ianthe would’ve been the default Crown Princess of Ida, instead of Corona. Feel like that’s its’ own layer of Third drama but with the king/queen dichotomy, I feel like titles/future titles are going to have Some significance, esp considering Corona’s uh semi-exemption (not really accurate but idk how else to put it) from the necromancer/cavalier gender binary and (if I’m remembering right), Corona referring to herself as a king very near to when she says she could be a god, if only the job opportunity was open. After I’ve written this out, I’m also obsessed with the differences in titles that Yanthe and Corna use to refer to Corona if you’re right.

Sorry for dumping my collection of red pins and string in your inbox! the tl;dr is that I really liked your theorizing and it’s giving me new and exciting brain worms

Are you kidding, thank you for your red pin collection! There are few things in the world I like better than red pins and string! And thank you for your compliments on the 'Ianthe went to Sarpedon' thing; the credit is really at least half due to the anon who asked me about the line in the first place. If they hadn’t pointed it out, it would never have occurred to me to do a side-by-side reading with As Yet Unsent. Speaking of which!

Now here's a juicy chunk for us to chew on. I looked into your king/queen/god thing, and found out it's not Corona who says it. It's Judith.

Image has alt text

Corona hasn't chosen a title yet. And now that you've pointed that out, I'm gonna be keeping an eye on that too. Not to mention how interesting it is that the person to most clearly connect Corona to prospective godhood is loyal soldier Judith Deuteros. Makes me wonder where she'll land.

I agree w you that it's also interesting that Judith is convinced it was Corona who came up with the scheme to pass her off as a necromancer. I'm not sure how far I trust Judith's judgement in general, and she has been in love with Corona for twelve years, but I definitely see her point. The Corona in As Yet Unsent, who is already internally mediating a ten-thousand year old war and planning the fate of the Nine Houses according to her final judgments, is a long way from the Corona who backed down immediately over challenging Camilla to a duel and was left sobbing on the floor of a lyctoral laboratory. Though it is worth noting that Judith was not present for either of those shows of submission from Corona; for the duel she was helping Marta back to their rooms, and she was slowly dying next to the transmitter when Ianthe ascended.

Well. However right Judith is and whatever she decides to do, I think we can definitively conclude one thing from the evidence. Judith clearly thinks the sun shines out Corona’s ass.

You've given me a lot to think about, my friend. Our brain worms are vibing.

[peterrparrkerr]

Trans character - read on ao3

Okay so this was somewhat depressing to write because its so fresh. I kind of took my own coming out story to my mom and copy and pasted it with Tony and Peter. (What aunt May tells Peter is almost word for word for what my mom told me) it was kind of therapeutic to write honestly, but anyway here you guys go!

I wrote this in Tony's POV instead of Peter's because I wanted to write the switch. You know, where Tony no longer thinks of Peter as a he, but as a they. I really liked how it came out.

Also if anyone comes at me saying non-binary isn't transgender I will throw hands.

*-*

Its hard to say what exactly is wrong with Peter when he first walks into the lab after a long holiday weekend.

He smiles the same, walks the same, even makes the same quips and terrible jokes. But there's something off about him that has Tony glancing at him a little longer than necessary when the teenager isn't looking.

"You alright, kid?" He had asked, casually when the silence between jokes grew a little too expansive.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Peter had responded, waving a hand in Tony's general direction before getting back to work.

Tony hadnt pressed the issue. He must be tired. He doesn't press for the whole afternoon he's with Peter.

But he comes back with that same offness to him the next day, holding the strap of his bag the same as he's done before.

It takes Tony half the day to figure out what's wrong -well, not whats wrong, but that he's upset. Trying desperately to hide it.

"Lets take a break," Tony said, setting his tools down. Peter's head snaps up to meet his eyes, his own wide with surprise. Tony never offers to take a break when in the lab.

"Uh, are-are you sure?" Peter asked, hesitantly setting his own tools down. "I'm not finished-"

"We'll get back to it, I'm hungry."

So Peter follows him up the stairs and into the kitchen. He sits on a stool at the island while Tony putters around the kitchen, getting stuff around for sandwiches.

Tony pretends to put all his attention on making sandwiches, but he sneaks glances at Peter, noting his somewhat drooping shoulders.

He picks at the counter top with a slight frown. He's chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Tony finishes the sandwiches and claps once, jolting the kid. "Done!" He says, watching as Peter immediately changes his features.

The smile is back, wide as ever, eyes glittering and shoulders raising.

"What kind of chips do you want?" Tony asks, instead of asking what he really wants to.

"Uh, plain is fine," Peter said, still scratching his forefinger against the granite.

They both sit across from each other at the island, eating silently. Tony waits until Peter's got most of his food eaten before he decides to start pressing.

"Whats got you down?"

Peter blinks at him, caught off guard. "Huh?"

"You've been off for the last two days. I can tell you're upset about something."

"You can tell?" Peter asked, sounding even more upset. Tony sighs, shoving his empty plate to the side so he can fold his arms on the counter, leaning forward a little.

"I may come across as uncaring at times, or oblivious," he confesses. "But I notice when it counts. And something is bothering you."

And just like that, Peter's walls crumble. Its depressing, honestly, that all it takes is someone taking notice for Peter to break.

"I came out to my aunt this weekend," he said, looking down at his finger, still picking away at Tony's kitchen counter.

"It didn't go well, I take it," Tony sighed. Peter instantly looked up, eyes wide.

"No, no i-it went good," Peter said, shaking his head.

"Then why are you so upset?"

Peter's shoulders sag once again, and he slouches closer to the counter.

"I don't know," he confessed sullenly.

"Is she not supportive of you being gay?"

"Uh, I didn't come out to her as gay," Peter corrected. "I mean, I don't know if I'm gay or not. I'm still- still trying to figure it out."

"Thats alright," Tony said. "Its okay not to know right away."

Peter gives him a small smile.

"But you gotta give me something, kid. Tell me what happened."

Peter lets out a long sigh. One Tony's made many times before.

"I came out as non-binary," Peter said, eyes never leaving the counter. "I've already come out to my friends, and they support me, but, uh, I didn't like lying to Aunt May. I already have to hide the fact that I'm spiderman, I didn't want to hide anything else from her."

Tony stays quiet, nodding along. Peter's gotta tell him more, and Tony doesn't want to ask a question and drop the ball.

"She- she wasn't upset when I told her," Peter continued. "She said she'd always love me, which-which was what I needed to hear," Peter continued. "I thought she'd kick me out or send me to some conversion camp, or just- I don't know, tell me I was wrong."

"But she didn't," Tony said. Peter shook his head, seeming to slouch even closer to the counter.

"No," Peter said softly. "She- she said she wasn't mad, and that what I was feeling was okay, but. But she said she wasn't going to use my pronouns, and that she was going to continue calling me her nephew -which is fine, there's not really a gender neutral term for it- but she- she just, doesn't want to switch how she thinks of me, and- and that kind of sucks."

"That does. I'm sorry, kid," Tony sighed. There's a moment of silence shared between them while Tony processes a little. "What pronouns are you using?"

Peter glances up at him. "Uh, they/them," he said. "But, uh, you don't have to, you know. Use them," he added lamely.

Tony shakes his head. "They're your pronouns, Peter. Of course I'll use them."

Tony watches as Peter blushes, dropping their eyes to the counter once more.

"Do you have a preferred name?" Tony asked again.

"Uh, no not really," Peter shrugged, looking up again. "I like Peter."

Tony nods, smiling at them encouragingly. "If you ever decide your birth name doesn't fit you, I'll call you whatever you want."

Tony must say the right thing because Peter lights up like a Christmas tree. They climb off the stool and rushes around the island.

Tony turns in his chair just in time for the teenager to crash into him, hugging him tight.

"I'm sorry about your aunt, kiddo," Tony sighs against the top of Peter's head.

"Its okay," they said, voice muffled in Tony's shirt. "She was just- raised differently."

Tony shook his head, tightening his hold on Peter. "Its not okay, Pete. We were born in the same generation. Its not about being raised a certain way, its about her mindset."

Peter pulls back a little, looking up at Tony. "I just- I'm okay with her just knowing," they said softly. "It made me feel better to tell her, but- but I respect her enough not to- not to force her to use my pronouns. Its just- I can compromise."

That gets Tony really scowling.

"Kid," he sighed. "Listen, respect is a two way street, and thats not respect. She should have respect for you enough to accept you."

"She does," Peter said, eyes widening.

"She doesn't," Tony countered. "If she accepted you, she'd use your pronouns no problem. She may still love you, and she probably won't think of you any differently, but refusing to use your preferred pronouns is disrespectful."

Peter looks torn, and Tony smooths his features, trying not to show his anger towards Peter's aunt.

He pulls Peter back into his chest, and they go willingly, tucking their head under Tony's chin.

"I'm sorry about your aunt," Tony repeated, holding the teenager tight.

This time, Peter only nods, hugging Tony back just as tightly.

The rest of the week, Tony notices Peter's mood changing. Its a slow change, starting out with disappointment, and working its way to acceptance.

They're still not happy about coming out to their aunt, but Tony thinks talking with them seemed to help a lot.

Peter decides to turn their focus on other things. On his friends, on the avengers, on Tony and the project they're working on together.

It doesn't make the problem with their aunt go away, but it helps. Tony knows when they're old enough to move out, life will be much easier on them. They'll be able to express themselves completely in their own home -not just with their friends.

But until then, Tony thinks Peter's okay with the slight crack in the foundation of their relationship.

All Tony can do is be there for the kid, let them rant about their feelings and offer a room for them when they need time away. He wishes things were different for Peter, but they've both accepted that its not.

[diamondsableye]

Every single time I see a TERF or GCer tell a medically transitioned trans person that “you’re still your [insert birth sex here]”, it just reveals how piss poor their understanding of biology is. Granted, I don’t have a degree (because college is time and money expensive, and I’m in short supply of both) but I basically binge watch college level lectures regarding a multitude of different biology subjects, so I’d like to think that my words here carry a bit of authority. Not saying it replaces a degree, but I sure as hell know more than the average person if I’m being blunt.

First thing’s first, sex is determined by 5 categories: chromosomal sex, gonadal sex, hormonal sex, internal and external genitalia, and by extension one’s phenotype. All of these barring chromosomal sex are modifiable to some degree, some of which (like hormonal sex) are able to be completely flipped to cis standards. Honestly if you’re gonna argue that you can be 4/5 for one sex and say “actually your sex is based on the 1/5” when chromosomal sex is... dubious at best, then I’m sorry but you’re just.... wrong? Anti intellectual? You don’t like science? I’ll break down some common arguments here.

“If it’s surgery it doesn’t count/because hormones are not naturally produced it doesn’t count, you’re still your bio sex”

This usually results in a thought process where we apply our understanding of intention to the human body. The body is a biological computer, it is a complex machine that can grow and change in a multitude of ways and is very much in constant change, but it doesn’t really “know” what’s going on. It doesn’t care that HRT is man made, all the body does is revive these chemical signals which activate different processes within the body. Legit 90% of your physical makeup is all determined by hormones. If you have the hormonal sex of a male, it doesn’t matter if it’s the result of HRT or not, the body interprets this the same way it would if it was natural and the resultant biological processes follow suit. It is a biological computer following the hormonal code it’s been given, and if the receivers are active then it’ll adjust its software and to the best of it’s abilities it’s hardware accordingly. Same goes for surgery to an extent as well, the body incorporates modifications to itself typically to whatever hormonal instructions have been given, it doesn’t care if it’s “real or not”, your bio sex HAS BEEN MODIFIED. Trying to argue against the fluidity of sex is partaking in biological metaphysics, and is not reflective of what we understand of reality.

“No matter what your cells will always be (XX/XY), every cell is sexed inside you”

For starters, the SRY gene in the Y chromosome determines your birth sex, not your actual chromosomes. Anyone competent at biology will know this. Secondly, being XX or XY with properly functioning SRY genes or lack thereof doesn’t determine as much as TERFs will have you believe. The SRY gene is an activator gene, it doesn’t technically code for a whole new body, it just determines embryonic development. All of us have genetic code for both male and female phenotypes, and we all start out sexless at first. If the SRY is activated, and the proper hormone receptors are working, and the following “hormonal code” runs as it should, then the embryo will change course and develop as male. (Any interruption during this process can result in an intersex condition, and there’s a myriad of ways this can happen. Sex is a tricky and complicated thing, not some stupid binary). If there is no SRY gene activated, or there’s an issue with androgen hormone reception, or an issue with carrying out said hormonal instructions, then typically the embryo will resume “default development” which is female. So in reality, chromosomes are almost meaningless when it comes to determining sex and even SRY presence/absence isn’t straightforward either. You can have XX or XY chromosomes and have your body actively following blueprints for male/female respectively thanks to how hormones interact with the body and our genes. In any event, additionally it’s proven that our genetic code is literally in constant fluctuation and modification. You don’t need to be hit with radiation to have DNA changes, commonly it’s being constantly effected by one’s environment. Literally genes linked to increased risk of depression can be “turned on” even if one was born with their activation absent is introduced to high stress environments. Basically our bodies are never static and trying to argue that your sex is based as what you were born as is just... wrong. Saying that one is male/female based on chromosomal sex alone is just flat out admitting that you’re either ignorant or anti-intellectual when it comes to biology and you should be ashamed.

Also just in general genes are weird. We’ve got fossils of prehistoric retro viruses inside us which make up 5% of our DNA as opposed to our 2% of DNA which codes for active protein creation. We’re literally more genetically fossilized viruses than what codes us specifically as human, and we all have more bacteria on and within our bodies than our number of actual cells. Literally trying to prescribe complex modes of human interaction and existence from our biology is, to put it scientifically, very fucking stupid.

That’s all I really have for now, this was solely discussing medically transitioned trans people and I didn’t get into the intricacies of sex/gender in terms of their historical social and cultural meanings, and how sex need not align with gender. For most situations outside of medical needs, gender within its social context is the only thing relevant to our day to day interactions, and it cannot be accurately determined through scientific means how much of it is socially constructed vs how much of it is Innate or to what extent it may be immutable.

Oh and minor footnote before I gotta go back to my work, non medically transitioned trans people are valid nor should you have to medically transition to be recognized as your gender. This was merely a post discussing how TERFs have no idea the complexities of biological sex and have an outdated binary based view of how sex is actually categorized and recorded.

[dathen]

Word Search

Characters:  Jonathan Sims & Sasha James Word count:  1,172 Spoilers:  None Other Tags:  Nonbinary Sasha, Nonbinary Jon, Agender Jon, Autistic Jon, Autistic Sasha Link on ao3

Summary: 

Despite the unwelcome shift his promotion brought to their interactions, rambling about linguistics with Jon was an easy pastime to fall back on. -- Featuring burgeoning Jon and Sasha friendship, mutual infodumping, and Fun with Gender (or lack thereof).  Set during early season 1; written for the @t4tma event.

Sasha fidgeted with her jewelry.  It wasn’t the usual nervous energy that she rode like an ocean wave while chasing down a lead or digging into a subject that snagged her attention.  No, today, she just felt...off.  Was it the new outfit?  It was a bit dressier than her usual trousers-and-cardigan style, with a full length skirt that she’d finally found to be long enough for her height, and a scarf that she bought for the soft texture alone.  Maybe it was the jewelry…?  But that was the same as she usually wore, and yet each time she passed the mirrors in the break room or washroom that off-balance feeling returned.  Finally, she gave in to the impulse to take off her earrings before snatching a file from her desk and marching towards Jon’s office.  A distraction would help.

“Found that statement you said was missing in the sequence, Jon,” Sasha announced as she opened the door and poked her head in.  (Oh good, he wasn’t recording.  Though she was pretty sure the others were exaggerating how grumpy Jon got when interrupted; he never seemed too bothered when she dropped by out of unannounced boredom.)  “Looks like it’s still missing a page, though—no translation with it.”

Sasha was surprised that Jon’s answering sigh didn’t send papers flying off his desk.  “If it was translated at all.  Nothing about the state of this place would surprise me,” he answered.  Jon took the offered file and peered at it with what was now a too-common scowl, but the sourness radiated exhaustion.

Oh, he was wearing earrings again today.  Small silver hoops not too different from a pair she saw Tim wear sometimes.  I wish I could look like that when I wear earrings.  She stomped on that thought with a short shake of her head.  Where on earth did that come from?    

“Looks like my staples were a good idea,” she pressed on with as much brightness as she could muster.  “At least if we get a translated copy, we can be sure it won’t get separated from the rest.”

The tired scowl melted into a tired smile. “Thank you, Sasha.  That has been a very helpful solution.”

The gratitude in his voice stifled the usual irritation she felt at being called "helpful" by someone she’d seen fidgeting before his first interview with Mr. Bouchard.  How someone who’d been hired during her fourth year here ended up with her dream job...no, she wasn’t in the mood to wallow in that on top of everything.  Instead, she flopped down into the chair across from him.  “Mandarin, looks like.  Don’t we have a sister institute in Beijing?  The Pu Songling Research Centre?  Maybe it’s from their archives.”

Jon hummed.  “We can inquire if they originally lent it to the Institute; I don’t know if they translate to other languages in their collection, but perhaps they could put us in touch with someone who can…?”

“Either that or run it through the ol’ google translate.  My Mandarin is a bit rusty.”  At that Jon laughed, a tight-lipped huff of a thing.  He used to laugh a lot more before his promotion, and she found she missed it.  Sasha grinned before she continued.  “I did try learning some once!  When I was sixteen.  I thought the writing was so nice, and wanted to impress my Gran.  Didn’t last long, though.”  

“I���ve heard it’s remarkably difficult to learn,” he said.  

“Oh, for sure.  Switching to French was easier, though I wasn’t a fan of memorizing word genders for everything.”  Her thoughts skipped ahead a step or two, and she found herself adding, “Did you know that Mandarin only has a single pronoun for all genders?”

Predictably, Jon brightened and sat up in his chair, suddenly looking like someone who’d slept sometime in the past few days.  Despite the unwelcome shift his promotion brought to their interactions, rambling about linguistics with Jon was an easy pastime to fall back on.  “Is that so?”  

“Yup!  I won’t pretend that the rest of the grammar wasn’t brutal, but that almost made me jealous, you know?” Sasha answered, toying with the edge of the cardboard folder.

Jon’s attention was like a physical weight.  “Jealous how?”

“Dunno, I kind of wish English had something similar, you know?  Instead of needing words that say right out ‘I’m a woman’ or ‘I’m a man!’”  She kept her voice light, but shifted in the stiff-backed chair.  Sasha hadn’t expected the sudden discomfort, but saying the words aloud felt suddenly vulnerable, like pressing a finger just beside an old bruise—just enough to ache.

The Encyclopedia Look immediately fell over Jon’s face (apparently, according to Tim, Sasha had one too; she wondered if it was as obvious as his).  “You know, even in English some people use singular ‘they’ for their pronouns.  It’s been used as a singular gender-neutral pronoun for hundreds of years; examples easily date back to the fourteenth century.  Did you know that ‘you’ used to be plural as well?”

“I did know that!  And formal, too—it’s funny to think how ‘thee’ and ‘thou’ were the informal means of address.”  Sasha forced down the urge to continue the thought; English shedding the formality divisions in its grammar was a subject she could talk about for hours, but she was curious where this was going.  “Still, I had my papers marked up with enough use ‘he or she,’ not ‘they’! back in secondary to know I can’t get away with it now.”

“That’s changing,” said Jon with a sudden fervor.  “And besides, people aren’t research papers.”

Sasha hesitated, that off-balance feeling suddenly returning.  It wasn’t discomfort this time, but why did it suddenly feel so personal?

Jon seemed to notice her faltering.  “O-of course, it’s not the only way to depart from the binary,” he rushed on.  “I mean, I still use 'he/him' because those are comfortable for me, and—“  He froze, eyes flicking towards the wall before he picked up the statement and held it in front of him like a shield.  “A-anyway, ah...yes.  If someone asked me, I’d have no issue using ‘they’ for someone who asked me.  Regardless of what the Chicago Manual of Style has to say about it.”

It didn’t seem to be a pointed comment (except a grudge against the style guide), but Sasha felt the sudden conviction it was meant for her, even if Jon didn’t mean it for her.  Sasha felt the familiar bite of curiosity that she knew wouldn’t let go, but for once she wasn’t sure if it was directed outwards or inwards.  But Jon looked a bit flustered, still feigning interest in the unreadable document in his hands, and it was getting near the time that she agreed to meet Tim for lunch.  “Good to know,” she answered easily, then tapped the top of the statement. “I’d best get back to work—let me know if you hear back from the Research Centre.”

She had some thinking to do.

------

Thank you to the Magnus Writers discord for answering the absurd amount of questions and fact-checking I somehow needed for a 1k word fic, to evanescentjasmine and Ixempt for the beta reads, and to TheDeafProphet for inspiring the concept! Also an extra shout-out to the Magnus Writers mod team for being my own Linguistics Mutual Infodumping Squad. 

[inkmyname]

The Ember Island Players: performing toxic masculinity and narrative complicity in propagating misogyny

Initially I wasn’t going to respond to concerns about Katara’s racist/misogynistic portrayal in the Ember Island Players with anything more than snarky tags, but apparently I can’t keep my mouth shut, so I’m posting my response as a standalone meta about how the writers’ insistence on creating drama for drama’s sake leads them to--in lieu of actual character development--fall back on lazy narrative shortcuts whereby a performance of toxic masculinity against a gendered heternormative background is used to create tension in a romantic relationship, presumably with the goal of keeping the audience invested.

The Ember Island Players is problematic for a lot of reasons, not least of which is the pervasive tone-deaf misogyny, including racialized misogyny, directed at Katara. There’s a lot of meta on this, so I’d like to focus on something different: Aang’s relationship with gender and romantic attachments.

Aang seems so uncharacteristically chagrined the whole episode: “I’m not a woman!” Based on his previous characterization up to this point:

The Fortuneteller. This is the same Aang who makes a necklace for Katara when she loses her mother’s. Observe how he responds to Sokka’s jibe about jewelry-making, which can be seen as a feminine pursuit: Sokka: Great, Aang. Maybe instead of saving the world, you can go into the jewelry-making business. Aang: I don’t see why I can’t do both. Femininity isn’t presented as being mutually exclusive with narrative pursuits like saving the world which have traditionally centered male protagonists (especially if we take the entire canon of anything every written in any genre that’s not specifically, say, something like shoujo or jounen which are directed and young girls and women, the narrative focus on male personalities is overwhelming).

The Warriors of Kyoshi. Oh, and this is the same Aang that dressed up in full Kyoshi gear, kabuki makeup and all, without complaint. Why would he? After all, she was him in a past life. (There’s a whole meta here about gender-critical analysis of kabuki productions where male actors typically assumed female roles and how Avatar both takes inspiration from this real-life kernel and subverts it in Rise of Kyoshi where Kyoshi’s signature look is not only an homage to her parental heritage but also a reimagining of who can inhabit what roles. Her legacy, though imperfect, is also notably feminist, taking face paint worn typically by men IRL and expanding it into war paint for women warriors.) (There’s also great headcanon-adjacent meta here about gender non-conformity and non-binary identities in Avatar. Avatar was not overtly explicit about its feminist or gender-progressive mindset outside of episodes like The Warriors of Kyoshi or The Waterbending Master, but it was still way ahead of its time. If anyone was to be presented or headcanoned in such a way, it would be the Avatar who’s lived a thousand lives, inhabiting a thousand skins and a thousand identities, including gender identities. There’s also cool crossover meta here about the Legend of Korra depicting a female Avatar in Korra with masculine tendencies and visible muscle vs Aang as a male Avatar with a gentler pacifistic spirit and gender nonconforming tendencies.)

The Cave of Two Lovers. Aang wears a freaking flower crown and is generally wholesome and adorable, even leading up to the “let’s kiss lest we die” scene with Katara. He’s not pushy or overly concerned with appearing masculine and it is in fact Katara who suggests the kiss and Aang makes a fool of himself. From the transcript: Katara [Shyly, blushing.] Well, what if we … kissed? Aang [Very surprised.] Us … kissing‌? Katara See? It was a crazy idea. Aang [Dreamily.] Us … kissing … Katara [Fake-jokingly.] Us kissing. What was I thinking? Can you imagine that‌? Aang [Fake-jokingly.] Yeah. [Awkwardly laughs.] I definitely wouldn’t want to kiss you! [Beat.] Katara [Insulted.] Oh, well! I didn’t realize it was such a horrible option. [Angrily.] Sorry I suggested it! Aang [Realizing his mistake.] No, no, I mean … if there was a choice between kissing you and dying … Katara [Disgusted.] Ugh! Aang [Desperately.] What? I’m saying is I would rather kiss you than die - that’s a compliment. Katara [Enraged.] Well, I’m not sure which I’d rather do! [Slams the torch into his hand and storms away.] Aang [Miserably.] What is wrong with me … Aang, sweetie, this is not what you say to a girl you want to kiss, but generally, this is Wholesome™ and narratively, this is Good™. Eventually, they do kiss and that’s perfectly acceptable because there’s a whole conversation beforehand with humorous romantic framing. There’s consent and communication and initiative by the female protagonist. So solid A on the sensitive writing.

General Air Nomad culture. We don’t get a lot of Air Nomad culture in the show (and what little we do get what presented in such a misguided way, especially the whole commitment to forgiveness/pacifism which was handled in such an amateur black-and-white way from a writing perspective in season 3). But I digress. I really, really don’t think that Air Nomads who were so concerned with the spiritual side of bending and general existence had stringent notions of gender and romantic relationships–at the very least, they had very different notions of these issues compared to, say, the Northern Water Tribe. Canonically, even though AN philosophy emphasized detachment, Air Nomads practiced free love. Same-gender romance was freely accepted unlike in the homophobic Earth Kingdom (which even Kyoshi, a bisexual woman, wasn’t able to change) and the militant Fire Nation (Sozin outlawed homosexuality after declaring world war, essentially). And though the temples were gender-segregated, it seems that the burden of raising children fell to the entire community instead of just the women. Both male and female Air Nomads are revered. In the case of the former, Guru Laghima who unlocked the power of flight through achieving complete detachment from the material world. And in the case of the latter, Avatar Yangchen, who has statues everywhere because she came to be revered as a deity not just among Air Nomads but in the physical world in general. Nowhere in Air Nomad philosophy is the concept of gender, romance, love, sexuality, relationships etc. etc. tainted with jealousy and possessiveness (especially towards women) or rigid binary heternormativity.

So this was Aang for the better part of the first half of the series. Not overly concerned with gender roles. Pretty much fumbling his way through his first crush like a lovesick puppy and it’s all very wholesome. Supposedly a classic product of Air Nomad upbringing.

Meanwhile, Aang in EIP:

Checks out Katara’s butt as she’s sitting down.

Gets mad at being portrayed by a woman.

Accuses Katara of being the racialized misogynistic version of herself depicted on stage ([sarcastically]“Yeah, that’s not you at all.”).

Nods in agreement when the misogynistic stage production of Katara presents her as the “Avatar’s girl.”

Unable to differentiate between fiction and reality and puts the onus on Katara to do the emotional labor to justify something she never said (”Katara, did you really mean what you said in there? On stage, when you said I was just like a … brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.”)

Assumes they would just… fall into a relationship… just because he forcibly kissed her at the invasion and again pressures Katara to do the emotional labor to justify why their relationship is not how he wants it (“But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.” / “Aang, I don’t know.” / “Why don’t you know?”)

Forces a non-consensual kiss on her even though “I just said I was confused!”

So, there’s so many things wrong with this, most of which are a laundry list of behaviors typical of toxic masculinity:

Ogling

Outdated misogynistic humor (what’s wrong with being a woman?)

Verbal abuse

Offloading emotional labor

Gaslighting

Pressuring a potential romantic partner

Lack of direct communication about romantic desires

Lack of sensitivity

Lack of active listening

Lack of emotional intelligence and empathy

Lack of consent and sexual assault

I could go on and on.

My question is Where and when did he learn these toxic behaviors? What happened to the wholesome boy making necklaces, wearing flower crowns, and generally being adorable in a kid with a first crush kind of way when it comes to romance?

Now, you can argue that EIP players Aang has been through a lot, including being shot by lightning and actually dying, and after the failed invasion, he’s stressed out with the weight of the world on his shoulders and maybe not expressing himself or his desires in the best way and taking out all of his frustrations on Katara.

Except… that is all just conjecture because the actual writing of the show doesn’t put in the hard work and make those connections. Instead, they fall back on misogynistic tropes and toxic heternormative romance tropes and a forced love triangle subtext and they just, to put it politely, fuck it up, two and a half seasons’ worth of work, gone, in the space of one episode. And even if it weren’t conjecture, it would still be wrong of Aang to act the way he did.

Let’s list Aang and Katara’s interaction in relation to each other in season 3:

The Headband. “Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now,” Aang says as he pulls Katara into a dance. I have qualms about the writing of this episode: the creators wasted a golden opportunity to flesh out the Air Nomad genocide because they were too busy playing footloose in a cave, they wrote Katara–the same Katara would said fuck you to Pakku, freed enslaved earthbenders from a Fire Navy prison, and became a spirit goddess ecoterrorist to help a village in an enemy nation–as uncharacteristically shy just so Aang could sweep in and pull her into a dance. But like fine, whatever. It’s cute and really well-chreographed and there’s actually appropriate romantic framing here for once and at the end of the dance, look at Katara’s face–she’s happy! Positive Kataang interaction, and I don’t actually mind it. 7/10.

The Day of Black Sun Pt.1. He forces a kiss on her on the mouth, taking her completely by surprise. A chaste kiss on the cheek and a wistful pining last look and “Be safe” might have been acceptable, but given Katara’s shocked and uncomfortable body language, the kiss on the mouth was not. Worse yet, the show just… forgets… to follow up on it for several episodes and when it’s brought up again, it’s used as a sledgehammer to punish Katara for not magically being with Aang. 0/10.

The Painted Lady. Let’s look at the transcript: Katara [Using a disguised voice.] Well, hello Avatar. I wish I could talk, but I am very busy. Aang Yeah, me too. I hate that. [Looks at Katara’s face from behind the veil.] You know, you’re really pretty, for a spirit. I don’t meet too many spirits, but the ones I do meet, not very attractive. [Looks at Katara suspiciously. Tries to look under the hat.] Katara [Giggles nervously.] Thank you, but- Aang You seem familiar too. Katara A lot of people say that. Aang [Suspicious.] No, you really seem familiar. Katara Look, I really should get going. [Covers her face and runs, but Aang uses his airbending and blasts her hat up into the air, exposing her.] Aang Katara? Katara [Guiltily.] Hi, Aang. Aang [Shocked.] You’re the Painted Lady? [Pointing at Katara.] But how?Katara I wasn’t her at first, I was just trying to help the village. [Takes her hat off.] But since everyone thought that’s who I was anyway, I guess I just kinda became her. [Drops her hat on the ground.] Aang So you’ve been sneaking out at night? Wait, is Appa even sick?Katara He might be sick of the purple berries I’ve been feeding him, but other than that he’s fine! Aang I can’t believe you lied to everyone, so you could help these people. Katara I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have … Aang [Happily.] No, I think it’s great! You’re like a secret hero! Katara Well, if you wanna help, there’s one more thing I have to do. Aang gives her a curious look. Cut to the Fire Nation factory. Aang and Katara run along the river’s edge toward it. Aang looks at the polluted water. Aang You wanna destroy this factory? Katara Yes. Sokka was just kidding, but he was right. Getting rid of this factory is the only way to help these people permanently. He helps her blow up the Fire Nation smelting plant! Yes, he does call her pretty, but more importantly, this is one of the few times he acknowledges her faults (lying, deception, putting the mission at risk to help the enemy nation etc.) and still thinks she’s so fucking cool. He calls her a secret hero! There’s a lot of admiration and support here from Aang. He’s raising up Katara (instead of putting her down as in EIP) not because he sees her as a potential love interest but because he admires her and her compassion! This is great. Solid wholesome Kataang interaction. 10/10. But all good things must come to an end…

The Southern Raiders. I’m not going to spend too much time on this because there’s a million pieces of meta on this episode. He’s completely out of line asking Katara to be forgive her mother’s killer, the source of her greatest trauma as a victim of targeted ethnic cleansing. Given that he’s a victim of ethnic genocide himself, although he personally wasn’t there for it/didn’t actually witness it unlike Katara, he should have understood. He does say “You need to face this man,” which is good and supportive and he should have stopped there, because he continues on to say, “But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.” Stop. Stop stop stop. No one should tell a traumatized victim of ethnic cleansing how to deal with their trauma. By the end of the episode, Katara doesn’t kill him–but she crafts a third path as the conclusion to her hero’s journey and it is not the path of forgiveness that Aang preaches. Ironically, it is Zuko, who also confronts Ozai, the source of his greatest trauma, who never tells Katara what to do but follows her lead instead: even though he redirects lightning at Ozai and could have killed him, he doesn’t go through with it. He understands Katara and he understands that she needs to this. Kataang interaction rating: 0/10.

So that’s where we are with Aang and Katara in Ember Island Players. Some positive interactions that are appropriately romantically framed and some that are just wholesome and good… but all ruined by forced kissing and moralizing about Katara’s trauma instead of offering understanding. So that still doesn’t answer when Aang would have learned all of the toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors he displayed in The Ember Islands Players.

The only answer, I’m forced to conclude, is bad fucking writing, where the creators were not only tone-deaf in portraying Katara in a racist/misogynistic way or, you know, in writing solely for the male gaze because fuck half the audience, I guess, but they just wanted to create drama for drama’s sake. They completely disrespected their female lead and I would argue they disrespected Aang’s character too in making him a stereotypical self-insert Gary Stu who displays toxic masculine behavior without consequences because that’s what’s expected of a toxic heternormative romantic plot device.

And worse yet, they never follow up on this, just like with the kiss at the Invasion. In the last five minutes of the finale, Katara looks up at him with admiration for saving the world and then kisses him. This is not only a missed opportunity for character development for Aang, but also a big fuck you to the female audience because the message is clear: the guy gets the girl as a trophy for saving the world, and fuck input from the female half of the partnership because that’s just not important and is not worthy of screentime. But I guess screentime dedicated to displaying toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors without ever condemning such behavior as a follow-up is just fine! :)))

If the EIP was supposed to make an argument for Kataang, then it failed. but more important:

By the show’s own high standards, The Ember Island Players is a failed episode, full of bad writing and worse characterization. For a show that was so ahead of its time, this episode is a narrative black mark, a failure of progressive representation and a disservice to its main characters.

There’s some wholesome Sukka and Zuko/Toph interaction, but even that doesn’t manage to save this episode, especially given there’s no resolution to the central conflict: the relationship between Aang and Katara. The entire unnecessarily OOC and forced Kataang drama drags it down.

We know Aang is capable of lifting up Katara and being supportive of her, as he was in episodes prior. We could have had honest, supportive, and open dialogue between Aang and Katara that actually followed up on the Invasion kiss, with Aang clearly expressing what he wants, Katara expressing that maybe she didn’t want that right now, and Aang completely respecting that and them hugging at the end because their friendship/connection is much more profound than pre-teen romance. This is an instance where Aang could have chosen to center Katara’s feelings, for once, instead of his own out of selfless love. If this happened, I would have been okay with a Kataang ending. But that isn’t what we got, obviously.

Part of what appealed to me about Aang as a male protagonist in media aimed at young audiences is that he–at least initially–did not start out as a toxic self-insert Gary Stu lifted from every problematic heternormative romance film ever. In fact, given his playful trickster archetype, general kindness/gentleness, and his stance against violence (a typically masculine trait), he both subverted expectations of and expanded the boundaries of what a male protagonist in children’s media can look like. Unfortunately, the creators don’t go all the way with Aang. In fact, they took a step back with his portrayal in The Ember Island Players, where the creators not only rely on misogynistic tropes to create drama but also make him complicit in propagating said misogyny. And that’s just a damn shame because we could have had a wholesome Kataang storyline and a sensitive male protagonist who cares not about your outdated gender roles and respects his partner’s autonomy!