#im kinda stressed financially but it is what it is

[sejmisland]

apologies for my recent disappearance! school is beginning to get tough and im heavily involved with theatre. i’m not doing well academically.

i will still be taking requests and commissions of course. they might take longer than usual but i still want to run this blog instead of taking a break since it brings me a lot of joy.

anyways thank y’all for the support and patience

💜

[storm-of-feathers]

I maintain that stress sickness is a stupid maladaptive response like oooohhh the numbers in my bank account aren't big enough so now my body is cooking itself. bruh.

[fatespalm]

solemn vow to never be complacent or meek around things i feel strongly about again — to at least start the conversation even if i don’t have the words to talk back exactly to a poisonous idea — in kind, to pick up the thread if someone else does the same — tired of letting evil shit unfold —

[some-random-fandom-chick]

.

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[heartsburst]

like do i want to go back to university? no. do i want to do science? yes i miss it so bad i still make up practice questions for myself when i get bored and don't even have anything to practice science for. do i want to go back full time? absolutely not. do i want to go back part-time? idk. maybe? do i think i can balance work and school? ummm not sure. do i really really really miss science and doind chemistry labs? yes so bad it's literally so silly. do i have to redo first year physics if i go back and switch into chem...? yeah..... fuck. do i still need my academic writing requirement class? yeah.... FUCK. do i only have my first year calc and elective credits done if i switch to chemistry? ..... yeah. do i hate academia with a passion? yes 💯. but do i miss science??? do i really miss science? yes. i miss doing science so bad it makes me look stupid. do i do temperature conversions for fun when im bored bc i miss doing science? yes. my coworkers think this is very funny. does being in university shut my brain off? yes. will starting adhd meditation help that? goddamn i sure fucking hope so. does going back mean i get free counselling w/ my favourite counsellor again? yes 🥰. does going back mean i get to continue to be a part of the indigenous community on campus? yes and i need that community so bad honestly. do i want to move back to where i was going to university anyway? ABSOLUTELY I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MOVE BACK ASAP. do i have a plan or know what i want to do with my life anymore tho? no 😭. do i feel silly abt hating university but wanting to go back for science especially when i've been so adamant about not going back? yeahhhhh...

anyway, somebody get me in a science class asap istg. please.

me for basically the last six months like: i will NOT go to university my first year was terrible and i hated it and the thought of staying fills me with dread

me last week: i will do anything to get a better job EXCEPT go back to university

me today: idk guys i miss doing science maybe i should go back to university... for chemistry

[thesweetestdevotion]

Hii can you please do the same reading for BTS taehyung future spouse as you were planned to do for jimin and jungkook. Thank you.

hey!

BTS Taehyung Future Spouse:

Dice: Mercury, Virgo, 5th House

Tarot:

Personality: Page of Cups, Ace of Coins Reversed, The World, Temperance Reversed, The Devil, The Wheel of Fortune, King of Swords Reversed, Page of Wands

They could be younger than him. They seem very fulfilled though, like they have it all even if I'm getting they could be struggling with financial abundance now. Theres a very strong sense of inner abundance in them, even when the material world isn't reflecting that. They could have dealt with or experienced poverty or have lacked the opportunities that many others have been afforded. They could also struggle with direction and picking one path to go down on. They seem to have seen lots of ups and downs so they could feel like any choice they've made hasn't worked out no matter what they did, so now they detached from the material world a bit. Which is why i think they've had the time to cultivate such a rich inner abundance, this reminds me of cinderella lol. A person who has struggled a lot but maintained a deep understanding of kindness and inner beauty, but their material world doesn't match it as of yet. I think they could've dealt with many dark energies before, lots of negative events and people. They seem like theyre able to look past them, they dont hold any grudges tbh, they could be highly spiritual to be honest. Maybe religious in some way, I’m not getting organized religion vibes though, more like a belief in some higher power. They’ve could’ve struggled with overindulgence or overspending at some point, maybe they’ve been too unbalanced with the energy they give to others vs the energy they give to themselves and their own growth, elder sibling vibes lol. Right now they could be trying to manifest or wish for better opportunities so that they can move on to something else more outwardly abundant. The Cinderella vibes are so strong here, i keep thinking of JTs City Cinderella album and also Cardi B, both women struggled a lot before they got the chance to make something out of their innate talents. Very humble and could be a strong creative force if they want to, they seem so sweet hehe.

Career: Six of Cups, The Star, Ten of Swords Reversed, Ten of Cups, Six of Coins, Queen of Coins Reversed, The Chariot

I think this person could work with children? or families I'm hearing, something about nurture and family structures. Family therapist, professional nanny, caregiver, even a children's book writer. Im honestly getting they're a jack of all trades. I just keep seeing barbie and all her jobs hehe so maybe this person doesn't have one specific career field. They could work at a nonprofit, or even be a teacher. Im also getting they have the potential to be in the public eye in the future, i just heard "they would make a good celebrity" lol maybe they will get notoriety once they establish themselves more, or maybe after their marriage to taehyung. This could push them into the public eye, and I'm seeing they could be very good at handling it, even if they aren't used to it at all as of now. They like to take opportunities as they come and they sort of collect skills for fun! they just love to explore the world to be honest, they might have many different dream careers that they could definitely be good at, but as of now they're not going after any of them. They have a very childlike spirit, and they feel full of potential and energy. like i said they could be younger than taehyung, which makes sense with this energy. They don't easily get bogged down by struggle or stress, so I'm seeing they're fit to do so many different jobs and be successful. I think they’ve had stressful jobs in the past so they’re kinda good at handling it, it would take a lot to stress them. As of now though they could be in between jobs or just trying to see what their next steps could be. They seem chill about it though, not much can get this person down hehe.

Their Relationship: Five of Wands, Judgement Reversed, Eight of Coins, King of Cups, Death, Knight of Wands, Queen of Swords, Ten of Coins

I feel like their relationship will cause so much drama 😭. People will want to insert their opinions on taehyungs FS and i see a mixed bag of public perception of them. I honestly feel like a lot of fights will happen, people will have many different sides and some will fight in support of them and others opposed to them. Honestly this kinda gives me the impression that his partner does not fit into Korean culture in some way, and this will cause some tumultuous backlash. However in private their relationship will be very grounded, I honestly think neither of them gaf lolll. They’re focused on building a life together. This part of the reading reminds me of the other reading i did on taehyung here. I think their relationship will look exactly like the ‘as a husband’ part of the reading lol so cute. Honestly teahyung gives me the vibe that he’d look for someone who could fulfill that role and nothing else so this makes a lot of sense. It’s very romantic and also intimate and fiery hehe. They could both have very apparent tempers and could be that one couple that’s always arguing but i dont see it being bad lol just that they tend to butt heads. I honestly think they’d tussle just for fun hehe, they like the adrenaline and the excitement. They seem excited to build a life together and they may spend a lot of time strategizing and planning things. They honestly seem like such a good couple, they sort of work as one unit. Sorta traditional as well, and very family oriented so they may plan for children very early on. This relationship is not going to fit people's expectations tbh, idk why im getting so much info on that part of their relationship but it feels very relevant here. at first it will not be easy to navigate for them, but their both stubborn and driven as hell lmaoo they could be cardinal sign heavy in their synastry. They want to make it work no matter what comes at them.

How They’d Meet: Two of Swords Reversed, Five of Swords, The High Priestess, Five of Coins, Two of Wands, Seven of Wands, Knight of Coins Reversed, Six of Swords, Page of Swords, King of Wands, Nine of Cups

I don’t think they’ve met yet, but maybe they have connected spiritually, they could be unknowingly manifesting each other at the moment. Swang by JT(her again??) just came up. I also just heard “he ain’t my type…” LOL 😭 i think this person might not expect this meeting to happen, It could happen while they’re working or just busy dealing with other things and they’re like ‘ugh… not something else occurring’. One or both of them could have travelled to a different place, maybe for work. There’s a foreign energy here, so they could not be from Korea tbh. Not sure from where but they both seem ‘foreign’ to each other in some way. They could be wary of each other at first but i see someone, probably taehyung, saying something. This person is not feeling him though 😭 they’re busyyy, Idk if they could’ve started a new job and are focused on that, but they seem to want to recuperate some losses. They chasing that bag lol they think they don’t have time for romance. They could be a little stressed about it, or worried about another situation simultaneously. They seem kinda sad to be honest!! Im seeing there is a little interest though but they seem indecisive about it, taehyung was wary at first but then was driven to start communicating with them. They might not be each other’s current type but something will draw them to each other, especially taehyung he’s like a moth to a flame hehe. I think his person will eventually give in lol, but they’re not easy to get!! They sizing him up the moment he approaches, rip taehyung good luck cause they don’t play around!!!

These two are such a roller coaster ride, they the messiest couple I’ve read for so far 😭. Im rooting for them all the way though!! Hope you guys like this one hehe.

[shawtythatluvsurgut]

hey guys. i got back from seeing my dad (i was gone all of september doing that) and realized that im $150 short on rent for this month. i lost around 50 subs from that one month i took away and i totally understand and am not mad at anyone for unsubbing, but it’s put me in a pickle for paying my rent in november. by a pickle, i mean that im $150 short. it’s embarrassing to admit this, but i miscalculated when i bought my tickets to stay longer and thought id have enough for my upcoming rent. technically i should have had enough, but losing that many subs really put a dent in my finances. i’m kinda stressing right now so if anyone can send anything id appreciate the help so so much. i will also send personalized content as a thank you. you can also help by subscribing to my OF (im back to posting somewhat regularly) so that we both benefit.

i’m sorry that the disneyland plan didn’t work out. i was looking forward to eating good, way too expensive food, but my dad’s health took a turn. that’s why i made the last minute decision to cancel disney and extend my trip in north cal. i couldn’t get a refund because disney is full of cash cows, so im kinda screwed right now. i’m glad i recalculated before the first of november hit because i can at least try to see if anyone can help.

also, i have video ideas coming to my OF. right now i want to keep my weight somewhat consistent or maybe gain slowly because i, too, have been having some minor health issues (not due to gaining, but gaining isn’t helping right now). I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT OR PLANNING TO. I am just going to go easy on how fast i gain. i have a stuffing video planned for this month, along with my usual pictures semi-daily.

i just needed to be upfront and let everyone know what is going on with me. my dad is dying, i’m in school and i hate it, school has been taking up a LOT of my free time, i didn’t calculate my money correctly, and i got my meds switched. i feel like a zombie lately. and i may have lost a friendship/relationship that was very dear to my heart in the midst of this stress.

if i had other options, i would choose those first. but, unfortunately, i don’t. i don’t mean to sound like a bum asking y’all to help me financially or sub to my OF or whatever, but im kinda freaking out a little. so if anyone can help, even just an OF subscription, i would GREATLY appreciate it. even if it’s just for this month.

i feel so pathetic right now begging for help online, but hopefully my upfront honesty will relate to someone. sometimes saving is hard and i’m a blonde so ya know i can’t do math and idk im embarrassed. if anyone wants to buy a custom please message me on here or on OF if you’re subscribed. i’ll be putting in the work to try to bring y’all back and keep y’all satisfied. that’s a big priority for me and im sorry again to anyone who subbed to watch me eat at disneyland. i didn’t want to cancel that, but my dad was officially diagnosed with congestive heart failure on the day before i was supposed to fly down to LA and i couldn’t leave him. he’s put in the work to earn his spot back in my life and i couldn’t leave him the day he got that news. i love him and my mom despite any hardships and the last thing i could do was ditch him. i hope me being real helps you guys understand why i didn’t deliver on the disneyland content.

i understand if you are upset and you have every right to be! but i figured maybe being honest about what im going through could maybe help some of y’all build back trust with me. i feel very awkward and uncomfortable sharing such intimate information, but i think it’s what’s fair to all of you. thank you to all who have stuck around <3 and thank you to any/all who subscribe and/or send me money to help me out.

sending so much love to you all, as this has been a hard year for more people than just myself. the world needs a bit of honesty and transparency, and you all deserve that, so that’s what i’m going to give. <3

- Nico

[serenequeenofeverything]

What your teams of lights wants you to know? A self tarot reading.

Group i, ii, iiii, iv

But before we move on onto the reading, i want you to understand what teams of light is.

Now I won't go into details, but if you want a separate post on this, let me know in the replies. I would be more than happy to teach you more.

This is a direct quote from Laura lynne Jackson, the author of "signs: the secret language of the universe" :

" We all have a Team of Light on the Other Side. These teams send us signs.

These signs come from three distinct forces:

1. We receive signs from God energy, which is what I mean when I say signs from the universe. This is the highest and most powerful source of love, and we are each directly connected to it, and also to one another through it.

2. We receive signs from our spirit guides / the angelic realm.

3. We receive signs from our loved ones who have crossed."

Now here is the thing, you don't need me to deliver these messages to you. You receive them yourself everyday, but you might simply dismiss it. Im here to tell you what you already probably know but also probably choose to ignore or not pay much attention to.

Now shall we begin?

Just breath in and out. Let's begin.

Group i

You are not stuck as u like to think. You know your way out of this thing (a good majority of you already made it out of this situation) tbh i mostly see a relationship but it could also totally be something related to finances and just money in general.

Here is what you need to hear tho, whoever and whatever this situation was, you will do so much better without them. You are more than capable of handling this alone. And ur teams of light are more than willing to help you, to make this easier for you. So ask for help, but within not from the outside. U have so much within urself that the world outside is nothing but a failed attempt to reflect what you already have.

This song came in so strong, listen to it.

Group ii

Very similar message to group i, kinda the same theme but while theirs revolved around trusting the self, and working through their situation alone, yours is more about collaborating with others to solve this. Now i know this may have failed for you before, but this time try differently, maybe with a different person (s).

Ur luck is about to be better but here's what i (and you teams of light) need you to do, 1. Have stronger boundaries 2. Dont get emotionally attached to these people (person) this is business, not friendship. 3. Just this time try, i promise it will go better.

Group iii

Honestly this is the group that i feel most horrible for. This group seems to be going through a lot financially speaking, some of you might even be on the verge of going homeless. Listen up my babe, you know your situation better than i do, u actually know way too well that bad your situation is or can potentially become, and it's stressing you out beyond measures.

Your teams of light is clearly saying "go there" "go back", it's something about relying on another person or maybe even the government, maybe a shelter or a father figure (I definitely see a dad) to help you in this. This is the best thing to do. Trust me, this time reach out for your own sake and safety.

Group iv

Wow and here I thought only group iii situation was bad. um.. so do u struggle with some sort of addiction? Or do you feel like you are in a home or a situation that's crumbling to the group but u r stuck and you cannot get out? If that's not you then this is not your group(altho i still suggest u read the advice section in case it might somehow be exactly what u need to hear).

Okay, if you know this is your group, then let me tell you that there's a way out. Something will come up, idk what it is but it will be big. Most probably a guy will come in, they will offer you something, an idea maybe? (Altho be fucking careful, this whole situation is very effy). I genuinely dont know what's happening... like legit this group confuses the fuck out of me, so idk if u should take this offer... dont get desperate and i know u r desperate but it's almost like the cards are telling me to tell you to not trust this person but to use their idea. Almost like listen to their advice and take their advice but not with them in the plan..

Im gonna give u an example so u understand; you live in an abusive household, and u wanna escape it. But u cannot find the way out, then boom this guy comes in and is like I'll help you but long term if u go with them u will end up in a very bad situation. But here's another way to do it, this person tells u how they will help you, like their plan to get u out, what i need u to do is do as their plan minus them( the guy).

Hopefully this makes sense, english is my third language so i find it hard to tell u exactly how it is.

-----------------------------------------------

Anyways, this is it. I hope this helps you.

Also follow me bc... im too good.

And also u can totally suggest what my next reading should be on by simply replying to this post (altho i dont take personal readings right now)

[crushedsweets]

emptying my askbox :3

half is creepypasta related half is random chatting

ahhh. i used to roll you guys around the playground

i feel like theyd be pretty evenly matched actually.... but im on kates side anyway

THE PLUG COSTUME IS INSANEEEEE BUT ALSO TRUE HE WOULD GO TO SPIRIT HALLOWEEN W HER AND GRAB THAT SHIT AND SHED GET SO HEATED HAHAHA

i also see liu as older!! swapping jeff n liu would be crazy. i think i already kinda talked about it but i cant remember ? ! something along the lines of jeff trying to protect liu but also toughen him up and he ends up just being an asshole T_T

if he told me to get out of bed id be scared as hell that this random grown man is in my home

iim so grateful. i needed this

what r these depressed ass men being toxic about....

please be wary this will lead to infection

yes i have but its not super my thing!

me when im buff as fuck

i love her music

the way i said id do this and then got nervous and stressed with school. i wanna open comms with only 1 slot at a time. LMFAO

?!??! DO WHAT

thank you anon!! <3 i hope ur doing good

this is so funny to me but also im glad u get to enjoy the beast

i like when i get asks that have nothing to do with me/creepypasta/my blog and i just have to be a little confused about it

please this man is not good for you please pleas eplease be cautious

dont do this to me

please.

i SWEAR i responded to this but apparently i didnt???! anyway i see it i hear it i understand it i think itd be funny to make a tiktok w a breaking bad audio

true.... i shouldnt be embarrassed to let this man eat..

WHY R U HATINGGGGGGG

i just know ej is pretentious as hell abt fast food

he's drooling EVERYWHERE. he's sick and just staring blankly at a wall with a paper towel under his cheek n its hella wet. GGROSS

please financially compensate me

ok so i cant draw this cuz im sleepy and also i think it would be hard to draw BUT. nina would fail and hurt herslef. toby would fail but keep doing it over and over and over until he does it, and now hes really good at backflips.

thank you.

thank u sm anon!!!!!!! :3 i like loser toby too he's goofy

THANK YOUUU TEDDY BEAR ANON such a cute emoji tysm

i really think youre onto something here anon.. i really do

[indie-ttrpg-of-the-week]

Hardwired Island

90s nostalgia isn't cool anymore, its all about that early aughts nostalgia, so I propose we have transparent plastic prosthetic limbs, like those bootleg PS2/Wii controllers Touchstones: Bubblegum Crisis, 90s Cyberpunk Anime in general

Genre: Cyberpunk What is this game?: Hardwired Island is a cyberpunk game about being broke citizens in the first space station city on earth 

How's the gameplay?: Hardwired Island uses a 2d6+Bonus system, inspired by PBTA, but the game itself isn't exactly that. Hardwired's character creation is one of its big draws, being fairly simple but allowing many different character concepts, maybe you're an android street fighter, wanting to enter the big leagues, or an ex-military drone operator, wanting to atone for your crimes, character creation works by picking a background, Occupation, and 2 traits, which lets you get really flexible with your character! Backgrounds have misc abilities and determine your character's skills (which you get to create yourself, so if you want your character to be really good at niche internet drama, you can!), Occupations give you powerful abilities that make you really good at things that other people can do worse, and traits are just random abilities and events in your character's history. The Big Thing about Hardwired is its financial shock system, whenever your character makes a big purchase, such as for example a prosthetic, they might get more financial stress, which can end up leading them into a crisis, where they might need to reach out to a friend to get a place to stay, or move back with their parents, or make shady deals with the mafia, and so on. Hardwired's mechanics are Narrative-first, meaning they exist to create interesting drama for characters, and that makes it a very fun system for just making cool stories

What's the setting (If any) like?: Hardwired takes place in the far future of 2020, on a giant space station city, where the rich prosper and the poor toil. Hardwired is really keen on the "boring dystopia" aspect, there's definitely interesting stuff! but players are assumed to be common laymen trying their best to get by, of course this doesn't mean their ADVENTURES have to be boring! a package delivery gig could end with dealing with the strange Dreamers, bizarre AI with weird powers, or an investigation on an anonymous street artist could end in inciting a riot against a local bank, and so on!

What's the tone?: Hardwired will try to crush your players, it is not a pleasant world, there's kindness everywhere, and good people to be found, but the world is overwhelmingly against you

Session length: 1-2 hours is realistic enough

Number of Players: 4-6 is the recommended amount by me!

Malleability: Hardwired's mechanics are kinda rooted in its setting, but a crafty GM could likely do something interesting with them, I've been working on a hack for my own cyberpunk setting, for example!

Resources: a Google Sheet is available, and that's honestly kinda all you need, its not a very complex system. There's two or so expansions, one of them includes a playable cat occupation!

So I hesitated a lil on posting this game because i know people have Opinions on this game, but this game's great and im tired of pretending its not. It's a definite must play for any cyberpunk fan, in my opinion

[softpascalito]

Double Shift - 2003!Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Joel is in over his head with the amount of shifts he's picking up at the construction site and Christmas coming right up. You help out.

Relationships: 2003!Joel Miller x Reader WC: 1800 Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Christmas, Crying, Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak Joel (The Last of Us), Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Established Relationship, Financial Issues, This is pretty sad yall im sorry Read on AO3 full advent calendar (updated daily)

notes: hello loves! sorry this is kinda late, my week is so incredibly stressful and im super behind on writing but hey we're only 5 hours late! i hope you still enjoy this and please READ THE TAGS. this one is a lil sad!

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Joel doesn't even remember the last full day he has taken off. It seems to him that he knows the house they’re building better than the one waiting for him at the end of his shift. And he hates it.

He spends every possible second on the construction site, every other possible second with Sarah, helping her with math homework in the evenings, taking her out on the weekends when he can.

And every second at night, when it's too late to be out working and when Sarah is asleep, he spends worrying about money.

It's been a rough year, both financially and emotionally. But he doesn't have time to dwell on it, to complain about it, hell, he doesn't even have time to grieve. He has a daughter at home and that's the one thing he knows, the one thing that keeps him going. It's always her.

That's his thought anyway when you meet during the summer and it's his reasoning for keeping you away for a while. But as the leaves turn orange and the air crisp, he brings you home more. Sarah and you get along great, the girl instantly taking a liking to the way you do things differently than her father or her uncle.

Joel finds himself thankful to have someone to watch Sarah on weekends, someone to also spare him awkward conversations about tampons and boys (or girls) - though he always insists Sarah is still too young for the latter.

By the time Christmas rolls around, the three of you have settled into a routine, with you watching Sarah twice during afternoons, often staying for dinner on Joel's demand. It’s almost like a little family night.

Today, a text lets you know there'll be no such luck.

Have to finish the flooring tonight, will take a few more hours. Tell Sarah she can order some food. See you next week, baby.

It's past ten when the truck finally pulls up in the driveway, Joel letting out a heavy sigh as he sits in silence for a moment. It takes him every ounce of strength not to cry. He’s tired and it’s Christmas week and he still hasn’t ticked off more than one thing off Sarah's Christmas list. He knows this will be a sad one, the few presents he has waiting in the linen closet, wrapped in the daily paper. The thought has been looming over him for weeks. He sees lights on in the living room. It looks like something dim, definitely not the big light - maybe the TV.

When he opens the door to the kitchen and hears music drifting from the living room, he’s certain about what he’ll find. Sarah asleep, curled up on the couch with the TV on and some leftover food in front of her.

Last week, he found her having a can of ravioli for dinner- something they usually only keep stocked for their camping trips. It was the moment he realized he may not have been as sneaky about keeping their financial struggles to himself as he would have hoped.

It's the only time he curses when thinking about how smart his daughter is.

Joel damn near passes out when he does enter the living room. Because yes, Sarah is there, asleep on the couch. But she’s curled up against you, your hand gently stroking her back. And yes, the TV is on. But the source of light he’s seen from outside is a Christmas tree in the corner, decorated with colorful lights and bulbs and a golden star on top.

Your head turns as you feel his presence in the doorway and a small smile spreads over your face. Your voice is barely a whisper, trying not to wake the girl beside you, “Surprise.”

It’s the second time Joel wants to fucking cry tonight. He makes his way over to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips before turning towards Sarah, “I'll take her to bed.”

You give a small nod, shifting slightly to allow him to pick his daughter up. You watch him as he carries her up the stairs, moving carefully to make sure not to bump her head.

It barely takes a minute before you hear him closing Sarah's bedroom door and coming back downstairs. He stops in the middle of the room. And he looks so lost.

“You did- uhm- you did this?” He asks, a little choked up and you yawn a little as you let your eyes wander over to the tree, “I know I should've asked but Sarah told me last week that she really wanted a tree and I thought...” you drift off, carefully watching his reaction.

“What, so you made my daughter conspire against me?” It comes out a lot rougher than he intends, if your face is anything to go by.

“Are you mad?”

Something about the way you ask so quietly, so softly, draws a sigh from Joel's throat. God, he’s an asshole.

Whatever words he prepared a moment ago are washed away and he shakes his head, “No. No, I'm sorry, it's just been a long day.”

“It hasn't just been one long day,” you say gently as you climb off the couch to stand in front of him, wrapping your arms around his slightly stained shirt. He smells like wood and paint and sweat. The mix of those scents smells like home.

“Look, I’m not- I’m not trying to overstep my boundaries. I just want her to have a nice Christmas, that's all.”

“I do too,” Joel mutters, bowing his head a little, his eyes wandering over to the tree in the corner. He blinks a few times but it doesn’t help. The tears still come.

“I don't want to fail her.”

The lights blur in his vision, the colors dancing around in long stripes as the tears gather in his eyes. It looks so beautiful. It would look so beautiful. If his heart could only stop hurting, if his chest would stop being so tight.

And then you're there. Making yourself a little taller than you are, one hand pressed to his back, the other pulling his head into your shoulder.

“You're okay. Come on, you're okay.”

You whisper the words into his ear. It hurts to see him like this, it always does. He rarely shows emotion, no matter if it's about Sarah or you or the grief.

The only time you've seen him cry is the night the hospital called. He hadn't cried on the phone, had only nodded along, taken some notes, asked a few questions. Then, he had gone to Sarah's room. Her sobs alone had made you cry, despite the fact that you weren't even a part of this family. Not yet, at least.

Joel had held the small frame of his daughter, letting her tire herself out with crying, shushed her whenever the sobs got too loud, stroked her hair for what must've been hours.

He had insisted that you could go home for the night. You had insisted on staying.

His tears hadn’t come until you were both in bed, when his body began to shake and you felt him beginning to cry silently beside you, forcing himself to make no noise in case Sarah could hear.

You had let him sob into your chest, tucked him so close to you it almost felt impossible to have your bodies so flush together. It was the only time you saw him cry.

Until now.

You pull him onto the couch with you, still holding him close. When he has calmed down enough for you to lean over, you reach for a small package hidden behind the couch, “I was gonna make this a surprise for both of you. But maybe- we should make it a surprise for her rather than that.”

Joel frowns a tiny bit, reaching out to lift the lid of the small box- and being met with three tickets to a Halican Drops concert. He knows what they are worth. He’s been starting at the price on the ticket office poster every time he passes it.

“You shouldn't-”

“But I will. In fact, I already did,” you smile gently, putting the box back into its hiding place. “I got her some other stuff too. And I will get you some proper Christmas paper to wrap everything in, by the way. But this we could- it'll be from both of us.”

When he continues to stare at you, you go on, “I got a small Christmas bonus. You know I don't have anyone else to spend it on. And I want her to have this. And you. I want you to have this, Joel.”

“I want to have this,” he whispers back. You're both not really talking about the concert anymore. It doesn't matter. You’ve always been good at speaking this way, both reading between the lines, knowing what the other one means. Noone has understood you that way until him.

“I don't know how I got so lucky,” he mumbles, sighing a little as he looks around the living room once more. There’s the tree and some garlands, a few dried orange slices dangling in front of the window, “And the decorations are-?”

“Well, the bulbs are yours. I just got some new lights. Pretty sure the old ones were a bigger fire hazard than your cooking.” It draws a small chuckle from his throat. “Sarah had the idea with the oranges. I think they turned out real pretty,” you explain as you reach to touch one of them.

“Yeah, they did.”

You’re halfway through whatever Christmas movie is on during the night when Joel looks over at the tree again, pondering something for a split second before he speaks.

“I'll get you a key for Christmas.”

You frown a little, “I have a key. You know that. I wouldn't need it if Sarah didn't forget hers every day but-”

“No,” Joel interrupts, shaking his head a little.

“I meant, I'll get you one if you want. For you. To use it. So you can-” He swallows a bit, turning his head to find your face next to him. Soft, brown eyes, so close that you can see the patterns of his iris. There’s a speck of gray in the brown.

“So you can come here. After work.”

It takes you a second to follow his train of thought. And then you realize what he's saying.

“Are you asking me to move in with you? Because if so, you're doing an absolutely horrible job at it.”

“But will you?”

You smile a little at how nervous he suddenly seems, his hand sliding over your thigh and squeezing slightly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I will,” you mumble, leaning in to kiss him, sighing against his soft lips when they part for you.

“Merry Christmas, Joel.”

“Merry Christmas, darlin’.”

[celestie0]

i've always wondered have you ever given the y/n in your fics a personality description? like everything about her just ties the whole story together yet the reader can actually, embody her in some way?? that's one of the things that makes your writing so enjoyable to read and i've always wondered if you see yourself in her when u write ;

IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT i hope u know what i mean 💔💔

love u loads btw you're like my comfort writer as we speak

GASP i have neverrr actually, i dont think i’ve formally sat down n really given any of my characters personality descriptions i just kinda have a vibe of them in my head haha but this has intrigued me 🤔 I KINDA WANNA MAKE EM NOW!!! (i hope this is what u mean by character descriptions btw hahah)

kickoff reader.

i think she is a little self conscious at times, easily affected by things going on in her life, definitely tries to bite off more than she can chew, and she’s an anxious avoidant until she can’t take it anymore and becomes overtly confrontational instead alskdjdh i think this can be seen in the way she confesses to gojo, in her interactions w kai, and then also her turning down the newsletter job before she realized it was actually a good opportunity, etc etc. when i write for her, i kinda wanna give the vibe of tired college student that has a lot going on in her head n in her heart, but she’s slowly starting to learn to live again and is looking forward to life after college (aka me all of my senior year loool) i think she has a pretty neutral personality overall :0

in holy matriphony reader.

omg i haven’t written much for ihm reader yet but i already ADORE her so so so much based on what i’ve got planned for the series, and i think i understand her the most of the oc’s i’ve made. she is someone that gets crazy tunnel vision, can only really focus on one thing at a time, often neglects her other responsibilities if it means getting The Main One done, she is hella jaded because of all the financial stress, work stress and caretaking stress which means she doesn’t have much of a filter anymore, she’s very cynical and pessimistic and easily irritated and prideful BUT…..deep down she’s a huge softie and is actually very self aware of her flaws n just really wants to get better but she just can’t find a moment to breathe…im gonna enjoy writing for her bc i think she’ll come off irrational and a bit over the top at times, but in those soft moments, she’ll be very down to earth :)

in another life reader.

aww i haven’t had too much written for ial reader yet, but in my head i picture her as a veeeery soft spoken, sweet natured woman in her older age (she’s engaged to nanami, who i imagine has mellowed her out in comparison to when she dated bad boy choso lol), idk i think she’s kind of basic 😭 not that that’s a bad thing at all, i kinda wanted that dynamic of crazy rock star lifestyle choso mixed w simple lifestyle reader (for when they meet again later in life). when she was younger, she was highly impressionable, often thought she was more mature than she actually was, n loves veeeerryy deeply, so much so to where old scars hurt even after years and years. i think she always tries to do the right thing, but bc of her conflicting emotions, she has the capacity to cause a lot of hurt

AHH idk this is just the vibe i get from them or try to encapsulate while i write them, and i also totally think readers can have diff interpretations of them than me and still be accurate about it (idk as the author i don’t feel like i even know everything ab my own stories sldkdjdh at times i feel some of my readers know more than me haha)

i think kickoff reader is the most confusing in my head, but i like it that way because i suppose she’s the youngest and she’s in college and it makes sense for her since she’s figuring herself out

i definitely do see myself in all of them!! i have certain attributes i share n some that i don’t. for example i don’t think i’m as brave as kickoff reader (to pursue passions or confess to a boy so brazenly or slap tf outta someone at a bar LOL) and i don’t think i’m as crass or no-filter as ihm reader for example, but i definitely relate to certain aspects like the tunnel vision, anxious avoidance, and stuff like that!! but i still try to make them their own characters i suppose, but it really depends on how i want their personalities to mesh w the love interest as well

GOSH THIS IS A LONG FUCKIN ANSWER MY BAD i was just so intrigued by this ask xD i’m soooo sososoossooo happy to be your comfort writer and that you enjoy my works 🥺💕you guys keep my passion alive n i’m always so grateful for you all <33 have a wonderful day/night!! 🧚‍♀️✨ilyy

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[riddlemethisjeremy]

i was thinking about this maybe a lil too hard but

dont you think its kinda strange how so many victims of the statements are minorities?

I did

and then I thought about it.

Minority groups are kind of already insecure and afraid in a world where they are systemically put down. They experience higher levels of stress and yknow other unhappy emotions because of this. Life is generally harder and they're already so full of fear.

And, if you think about it, a lot - not all - but a lot of the big names in the Avatar World tend to be financially well-off white guys who like causing fear to the masses. Now im not implying that these avatars are purposefully targeting minorities, im just saying that its probably easier for them to target people who already live lives where fear is routine.

And even deeper into it, certain regular insecurities and fears for certain minority groups have become part of one of the main Avatars.

How many trans people are involved in Web Statements? Or were trapped in the Web Fear Realm in the Apocalypse? They were afraid of not having the choice, not being able to choose who or what they could grow up to be. They were stuck in situations where their choices were limited because of who they were. And the Web used that to taunt them, because wasn't it so easy?

The Garden of Flesh specifically grew to target people with dysmorphic or dysphoric tendencies. And it ridiculed them for their fear. It's not like Jared could ever be afraid of having an imperfect body, so such a fear was laughable to him, and so the people suffering from these issues simply suffered, twisted into gruesome shapes by their own fear of not being who they wanted to be. Of never making it out of the body they'd been shoved into, never being able to overcome their own disgust in themselves.

The Lonely's Attempt at an Apocalypse was literally tailor-made to target Millenial students and use their reliance on technology, their fear of strangers, their fear of failure and rejection, simply to isolate them on a massive scale.

It's everywhere. The fears target minorities because its the easiest way to feed.

[oohaena]

happy opening! genevieve (s/h, 21+) here, writing for han haena. (way) more about her under the cut, but i do also have a little profile & background for her if you're not reading all that. i’m available on ims and discord, so just drop a little heart if you’re interested in plotting!

the importance of financial independence is hammered into haena from a young age- soy sauce over eggs and rice, while a really fucking good meal, gets pretty stale when it's all that's in the pantry a week before mama han gets paid. the meagre cheques her father sends quarterly bounce more often than not, and her mom likes to lament that her marriage to him was the biggest mistake she made in her life.

marriage and education are just about the only viable ways out of the working class. with the way her mom talks about her ex, haena decides to work towards the latter. it's at yonsei business school she meets kim hyunwoo, who loves her drive until he realises he'll always be below her career in her list of priorities when she misses their wedding cake tasting for a meeting. he spirals, realises he feels unloved by her, has a quarter life crisis, and moves out of their shared apartment on a thursday afternoon.

he's not the focus of the story, so back to haena, who sells all his crap on karrot the next week. unfortunately, that's still not enough to cover all the cancellation expenses AND her current rent. coincidentally, she finds a flyer advertising an apartment for rent nestled between her windshield wipers. she views it her next day off and moves in the next weekend.

tldr: the brunette career-focused hallmark movie villain, but also living like the do you think a depressed person could make this meme.

has been here 2 months and is already considering breaking her lease early and moving out, because what is up with these vivid ass dreams omg. she wakes up mad as hell at her ex and goes and posts a hate comment on his yoga facebook page. forget kendrick, SHE is the biggest hater. she's chalking it up to the stress of ending such a long relationship + her being considered for a promotion at her job, but the deja vu will start soon...

works odd hours, because her boss dgaf when/how long she works as long as her projects get done. sometimes she's in the office 8am-12am, and sometimes she's at home working 3pm-2am. she codes and shit... don't ask me what she actually does. idk either. she loves her job, but it's also really challenging to go on as normal when her personal life is in shambles. does come off a bit deranged when you interact with her, but she's just an intense person.

her mom still doesn't know her engagement's off, because haena can't quite bear to break the news that her precious daughter's not living the life she's always wanted haena to live.

and honestly, haena's kinda putting it off because telling her mom makes it feel real. it's not that she's in denial--- if her ex came back to her, she'd probably have to go to jail for aggravated assault--- but that she hates that she couldn't have her cake and eat it too. it's just that it's all she hears: how women have to give up their careers for marriage. by getting engaged, she thought she'd beat the odds; unfortunately she doesn't even make it down the aisle.

do not get married just because it seems like the natural conclusion to a long-term relationship. what a lesson to learn the hard way, but haena's always liked her challenges.

power T. does her best to relate, but she's also a triple aquarius, so you should also know not to approach her for anything feelings-related unless you'd like to be smacked in the face with a verbal hammer.

possible meetings: haena's moving furniture @ 3am. your muse knocks on her door, because have some decency? she claims the feng shui here's awful and they get to talking about these weird dreams they're having / your muse runs into haena accosting mr 'excuse me SIRR!!!!!' and badgering him about carbon monoxide alarms, because there is something real weird happening to her / she's passed out, face-down unmoving in the lobby after a work dinner and your muse thinks she's dead

sorry i yapped so much, but anyway. if you're up for your muses to be the other charas in her Big Hallmark Movie Sequel where she gets her redemption arc after being Transformed by People, please hit the like! i'm big on chem & brainstorming, so i'd like to see what we can come up with, instead of set dynamics :^)