#im just very slow and lack time and energy

[cupidspup]

CG!Ticci-Toby x Little!Reader

All art credit above goes to the original artist!!

A/N (PLEASE READ!):

OKAY SO-- It's been a long while since I've done a fic (especially an agere one) SO PLEASE BE NICE (╥ᆺ╥；) I love writing but it takes a lot of courage and energy and when it comes to agere fics it's especially for littles who feel lonely and take comfort in reading a fic! I want my fics to be something that allows littles like me (who have a softer heart and need extra lovins) feel better and more little!! And I've decided to start writing again by being indulgent in what I write! Today's prompt is based off of what I remember from creepypasta when I was young and I'm not very well versed in any of their lore as much as I used to be skdksks if that's not your thing that's okay! I just hope you enjoy my writing! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ anywho! Back to the post!! Below are some trigger warnings if needed :3 I won't be including anything too graphic or anything but there *MAY* be a curse word or two or just more adult things since they're serial killers x) (I'm writing this all before I'm writing it lol)

- ꒰ა♡ Kewpie ♡໒꒱

Trigger Warnings:⤵

Strong language, mentions of blood (past tense/present), implications of death/murder via the presence of blood (past tense and very minimal), mentions of weapons, masc caregiver nicknames (daddy, dada, baba, papa, ect), feminine and gender neutral nicknames (princess, kid/kiddo, tiny)

Summary

Toby comes back to Slendermansion after a long day on the job only to find you asleep in bed! Oh no that won't do! He wants to see his baby!

Not a trigger warning but more so something to keep in mind: I know Toby is/was known for a stutter because of his tics BUT I will NOT write the way he speaks like people used to. I don't have Tourrettes myself but I also know that stuttering doesn't always happen when you have it. I also did do research on him a little and found that his tics are more physical rather than verbal! I would like to avoid doing it until im more knowledgeable about it just so i dont offend anyone on accident ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა If any of you guys feel that I need to change anything or would like to educate me please do in the comments or in private in a polite manner! ^^

It's dark out and you're already snuggled into your bed. Going to sleep alone isn't very uncommon and you've gotten used to it. You and your daddy have put together quite the bedtime routine to make up for your lack of tucking ins! As you're cuddled nice and warm into bed, there's a slight creak in the door.

Not enough to wake you up, it's slow and quiet. You hear footsteps make their way throughout the room, closer to your bed. This is what makes you stir and start to wake up.

The footsteps stop. They know you're awake now.

You groan as you sit up, squinting and looking into the darkness. "Dada?" You wait for an answer. The footsteps resume this time faster.

Finally, the mystery person comes out from the shadows. The gentle light from your nightlight shining on them and it's your one and only caregiver, Toby!

He excitedly makes his way back to your side of your bed, sitting right by you. Before he does anything else he makes sure to put his (now clean) hatchets away before hugging you close. Toby always gives the best hugs, even though his tics are unpredictable it doesn't mean the firm yet gentle squeeze isn't nice to sink into.

"Yes, princess? Did I.. did I wake you? I'm sorry if I did. I was trying to be quiet, but I was just, just so excited to see you! You, you're just so cute when you're snoozin away like that!"

His mind goes a thousand miles a minute, and his mouth can't catch up, especially with his tics. So there's a stutter here and there. Not that it's a very big issue. It's just how your daddy talks! And you love it when he talks.♡

You yawn and lean into him, your eyes closed as you try to wake yourself up more. It's very late, if you were big enough to read the clock you'd probably know but now? Clocks are for big kids and you? You're very small, so the moon shining light through the window is enough for now.

"C'mon, cutie I know you can hug, hug me better than that! You missed your dada, didn't you?" He says in a playful tone, squishing you slightly in his arms. You reach your hands up to him and give him your best sleepy hug. To which he holds you even longer, resting his cheek on the top of your head. When he does you feel this weird wet substance and it makes you fuss a little.

"Mmmm babaaaaa m no like itttt" you whine at him.

He releases you from his hug and takes his goggles off, looking at you confused. "What do you mean, baby? What's going on?" When you look him in the eye you see it, he's got a small cut on his cheek and it's leaking blood. He probably doesn't feel it due to his disorder that prevents him from feeling pain in the first place. You yawn and point sleepily at his cheek. "You gots messy on you face, dada"

He feels around his face before touching his cheek right above his muzzle before looking at his gloved hands. Sure enough there's a spot of blood on the fabric where he touched.

"Oh no that's no good, thank, thank you for telling me kiddo! Daddy wouldn't have known if it wasn't for you! Wanna make it all better and put some...some cute bandaids on it?" He says to you with a smile, cleaning the blood off of his gloves for the most part. You nod with a smile and start doing grabby hands at him, the lack of cuddling and holding already making you feel lonely.

He smiles at you wider than he already is and ruffles your hair a little before going off to the bedside drawer. He always has bandaids handy for you. You two are the perfect pair! A clumsy little with an even clumsier caregiver! What a match!

He carefully opens the box, taking out a few bandaids for you to choose from. Of course these are patterned all cute with your favorite characters on them! You smile at the selection and before Toby can tell you to choose one, you're already opening the packages to each of them.

"Sure we can put all of them on my ouchies! Be super super careful though, sweetheart. I don't want any of your cute pj's getting messy because of me alright?" He says with a cautious but still laid back and nice tone. You nod happily in response before sticking on all of the bandaids. Two actually did the job for what he had, but you also know Toby is never gonna say no to you when you put them all over him. By the end of it, Toby has some on his muzzle, his nose, forehead, even some on his fingers! Everywhere that your daddy has owies on or you know he might have some in the future. Extra love for him can never hurt!

He takes out his phone and looks at himself in the screen. Most people can't tell but because you're not most people you can see the little squint and grin across his face. He seems really happy with your bandaid makeover! He looks over his fingers fondly, chuckling at you trying to think ahead for him.

"How lucky am I to have such a..such a thoughtful lil one?" He says happily before sitting closer to you, his phone still unlocked in his hand. "I wanna remember this moment so how, how about we take a selfie together, cutie? I want to have something to see for when I miss you and you're not with me!" You smile and nod your head quickly at the idea, coming closer to him and cuddling up to his arm, nuzzling your nose into his neck and cheek.

"C'mon tiny, say 'Cheese!'"

"Cheeeee!!"

It takes a few tries to get a photo that isnt blurry from his tics but finally he takes the photo and looks it over. You look it over, too and you feel the swarm of butterflies flutter in your tummy. Being with your daddy always makes you so, so happy. Especially when he's so soft and sweet like this!

"Hey baby I found some, some filters! Let's take a few more!"

Once again you're snuggled up to your silly caregiver, posing for photos with him while he puts bunny ear filters and funny face filters. He saves each and every one and you can't help that fuzzy lil tingle in your chest when you see his gallery is basically only filled with you two. You smile and give him a lil peck on the side of his muzzle. To that he smiles from under it and puts his hand softly over the spot.

"Awe that was real sweet of you kid, what, what was that for?" He says with a happy tone.

Your face flushes a little as you twiddle your fingers, mumbling softly. Something about cute and loving your baba. He chuckles and pulls his goggles off, now seeing you much easier in the dim lit room.

Toby pulls his muzzle down just enough to lean in for a quick peck. He kisses your forehead softly and smiles at you before putting it back into place. ♡ His kisses always feel extra special when he does that. Toby doesn't like people seeing him without his muzzle, especially because of the gash on the side of his cheek. But with you, he knows that extra but of vulnerability goes a long way. You're his baby after all, if you trust him so much he should trust you just the same.

Once his muzzle is back on your stomach let's out a low growl. At first you're a little embarrassed but Toby isn't phased at all. As a matter of fact, Toby wastes no time picking you up and hoisting you to his hip. He rests you onto the side and carries you with one arm (because he's your daddy, of course he can carry his little one no problem!).

Carrying you is never an issue for Toby. It can only be a little difficult when he's has his tics or they come more than just once. But it never stops him! He just makes sure to hold onto you a little bit tighter and tries to move his head away when he does.

It's hard to predict when his tics will come but even when you're small you're understanding and patient. He's doing his best just like you are.

"Let's go get some midnight snacks for that lil tummy of yours huh? A midnight...midnight snack with my princess sounds delicious." He says as he tickles your tummy a little. He was about to start walking to the door before you started to fuss in his arms, squirming as you continue to whine.

"What is it baby what's wrong? Did Dada do something to make you upset? Are, are you sleepy? Hungry? Sad?" He questions as he bounces you gently. His questions come left and right as he continues trying to find the answer. You fussily point to your forgotten stuffie on the bed and turn back to whine at him. With that he finally gets the hint.

"Ooooh you, you just wanted your plushie! You silly billy you've gotta use your big kid words for stuff, stuff like that okay?" He goes back and retrieves your stuffie, snuggling it right into your arms before heading out the door.

This, of course, sends you even deeper into your little space. Even though he tells you to use big kid words, something about him babying you and talking to you that way just makes you melt. And he's fully aware of that too.

Finally, you're both out of the room and headed down the halls of the mansion to the kitchen. All the residents of Slendermansion are very aware of you and Toby and the different aspects of your guys' dynamics. They don't really care what you both do as long as you aren't making other uncomfortable and being civil they're all pretty on board! That or stick to themselves for the most part.

Once you and Toby are in the kitchen he finds a place to set you down by the counter. Before starting his snack preparations he turns to you. "Can you be a good baby for Daddy and sit, sit here for me? Be reaaally careful so you don't fall okay? I need both of my hands for this so that I can make you...make you the bestest snack ever!" You give him an affirmative nod and snuggle your plushie closer for comfort. You see his eyes squint as he smiles, he pets your hair gently before ruffling it.

"That's a good baby, so we'll behaved" He says affectionately, "I'll be...I'll be done in just a minute okay, tiny?" You nod affirmatively again and flush slightly at his praise and gentle touch.

Toby rummaged through the cabinet, taking out a cute bowl fit for a small child. With some more rummaging he finds some baby puffs along with an adult sized baby bottle. Of course, this one is decorated and themed to your liking. He fills the bowl with the puffs to an amount you both can share. He knows you enjoy sharing your snacks with him and honestly, baby puffs "smack" (according to him) and he'd eat them with you any day.

Once the bowl is filled he heats some milk with honey in the microwave (Toby isn't allowed to use the stove unless there's another person with him - regressed babies do not count). While the milk heats up he brings the bowl to you and offers a puff up to your mouth.

"Here sweetheart, say 'ahh' for me." He says happily.

You do as told and he pops in a puff. You chew on that and offer him one, to thar he quickly pulls down his muzzle and lets you feed him a few at a time. Not too many at once due to his gash. After a few more moments of you feeding each other, Ben walks into the room. He comes in without looking up, busy playing with his games on his phone.

" 'Sup." He says as he makes his way to the fridge.

"Hey dude, whatcha up to? Is, Is it snack time for you too? Whatcha gonna do after that?" Toby starts to bombard him with questions, always one to not only strike up conversation but carry that conversation too.

"Jesus Toby one at a time I can barely answer the first God damn question-" Ben says at first before looking at you. He stops in the middle of his sentence before lowering his voice.

"Didn't notice you had the baby with you." He takes a random snack from the fridge and closes it, leaning against the counter close to you while he eats it. Toby feeds you some more puffs, keeping you occupied as you wave at him politely.

Ben has seen you this way before so you don't mind being little with him that much. He's even babysat you before a couple of times, though most of those times were spent playing games (that he would let you win sometimes). Ben definitely acts like the big brother when he's around you. And because he's like your big brother he waves but sticks his tongue out at you right after. You stick your tongue out back at him before giggling a little.

"Hey you two be nice to each other," Toby says, piping up slightly, "I've still got to put them back to sleep Ben, don't rile them up too much either." Ben waves Toby off and rolls his red pupils.

"Yeah, yeah I know it's fine. We're just messing around." Ben responds, perfectly dismissing Toby's protective nature around you. Just when Toby is about to respond the microwave beeps, signaling that your bottle is ready! "Actually, I need a favor from you." Toby says as he takes it out, handing the bottle like it's nothing at all.

Ben looks at Toby with a curious look, waiting to hear what the favor is. Toby hands him the bottle. "Test that on your arm, I need to know if it's warm but not too hot for the baby."

(Of course Toby and Ben's repeated use of "the baby" makes you feel even more babyish and has you regressing even further. Big kid vocabulary is out the window and it's semi-nonverbal time for you.)

"What?? Why?? I don't wanna do that do it yourself." Ben protests quickly, going back to his phone.

"Dude I can't, I feel numb all of the time how, how would I even know?" Toby rebuttals to Ben just as quick.

Ben huffs and takes the bottle in his hand, turning it over his wrist and letting it drip onto him. "Ugh fine gimme that." He waits a second for it to process and see if it's hot or not. Luckily the bottle was just right so he hands it right back to Toby, licking the milk off of his wrist. "Its fine you can give it to the kid now."

Toby takes it with a smile and batting his eyelashes at Ben while he puts the bottle in his large pockets. "Thank you Bennie~" he says with a sickenly, sweet voice. Ben, of course, rolls his eyes at this and keeps at his game.

"C'mon cutie it's time to put you to sleep. Say 'bye-bye' to big brother Bennie!" He says as he hoists you back onto his hip, walking away. You smile and wave at Ben, "Bai Bai Bennie!!" You say happily to him. He looks up and waves back a little at you, a little smile across his face. "Bye gremlin, sleep well."

Toby makes his way back to the room and sits on your guys' bed. He lets out a long sigh as he sits, now situating you onto his lap as he gets ready to feed you. With you rested into his arms and the bottle at the ready, you both were absolutely ready for bedtime. He takes his muzzle off and smiles, kissing your forehead. "Drink up tiny, it's time that... that daddy puts you sleep! I'll head to bed once you're snoozin away don't worry kiddo."

He brings the bottle up to your lips and before he can even tell you to open wide you already do so, guzzling down the sweet drink he made you. Toby absolutely melts at how cute you are, squishing you a little closer just to relish in you. And of course, you cuddle into him just as much.

He always does such a good job at taking care of you and doing all the little things. Even though his tics can get in the way or startle you awake again, you never get angry with him or fuss. Maybe it was new to navigate at first but you know that it was out of his control and he always does his best to keep them under control when it's necessary.

Finally, you finish your bottle and bury your face into his chest. Curling up and fully starting to fall asleep again. Toby puts your finished bottle on the nightstand and rests his cheek on top of your head for a few seconds. Just to savor this moment. He loves these moments so much. He softly rocks you as you drift to sleep, rubbing your back gently as he does.

"I love you baby. I'll head to bed too." He says before laying down fully with you in his arms as he pulls the covers over you both. With a quick kiss on your cheek the night is once again peaceful and you're together again.

♡

A/N: Waaah! It's finally finished!! It took me so, so long to do everything but its finished and I'm so proud of myself for sticking it out QwQ I really hope you guys liked this story, it's truly just so nostalgic to me and honestly has such a nice place in my heart 🩷 This is my first agere fic with a character and I hope I did well!! I was so anxious about this but I think I did well with balancing everything out hehe ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა I'm going to head back to sleep now but I'll have another fic up soon! ૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა if you have any requests or suggestions please comment or submit them to my account I love it when people do those! :3 (also maybe a sorta part 2 with Big brother Ben drowned? ८,,◐⩊◐,,ა ) hehehe okay bye for realsies now, stay safe everyone!૮ ᴖﻌᴖა🩷

[venusgirltarot]

What Would An Album About You Sound Like?

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.

Pile One

Ahhh okay this is so cute. Im going to try to explain this as best as I can, Pile 1. So this seems like a concept album. The idea of the album (not the sound but idea ya know) reminds me of “Melodrama” by Lorde. I’ll leave a quote here for a better description but it’s like a concept album about a single night

“Melodrama is described as a loose concept album that explores the theme of solitude, in the framework of a single house party with the events and moods that entail it”

The album about you is similar in the sense that it’s a “loose concept album” but it’s about the writer seeing you. It’s like you’re at this party that the songwriter is also at and they’re obsessed from the moment they lay eyes on you. You’re like this beautiful unobtainable being to them and they want to get to know you so bad but they just can’t seem to talk to you. This could also progress to a one night stand that never progresses to more because of a lack of communication to this album is going through the writer meeting you and watching you throughout the night and then goes into their regrets and what they wish they would have said to you the next day, if that makes sense.

They see you at a party and think you’re so beautiful but can’t seem to find the words to tell you that. I keep hearing “I like the way my bedsheets look on your body” from “hello!” By role model. (I believe that’s the right song but lmk if it’s wrong so I can fix it!) and I keep being reminded of this musician on TikTok “Chappell Roan” and their song “Red Wine Supernova” I think that’s similar to what this album would sound like and it also fits the aesthetic. I highly recommend you listen to this song because it fits your album so perfectly. I tried to find a lyric that resonates the best to include but they all work so well that I couldn’t choose.

Despite this entire album being about only you and just one night leading into the next morning, it’s still so diverse (I hope that makes sense) like you’d think there’s only so many songs you could write about a 12ish hour time frame and one person but this writer has endless things to say about you and the night you met them. I could see one song having a feature and it’s later in the album somewhere between tracks 7-12 or so. The aesthetic of the album is very neon lights, the dance floor on prom night after everything has died down and people are starting to go home, slow, melodramatic and just really pretty. Again, I highly recommend you check out “Red Wine Supernova” because it fits so well.

Track list:

1. Pretty

2. Blooming

3. missing you

4. Shinning Eyes

5. Dying Slow

6. Party Streamers

7. Old Fashioned (Feat. Another Artist)

8. Starlight

9. Nova’s Surprise

10. Sunset

11. morning after

12. You

Pile Two

Pile two, your album sounds like one written by Hozier, Noah Kahan or The Lumineers. It reminds me a lot of “Angela” by The Lumineers. Specifically the lyric “Angela, spent your whole life running away” and “vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you” it also reminds me of Ethel Cain in the sense that it’s a concept album about running away and starting a new life (but not as dark as ethel’s and with a much better outcome than she got. I heard “success story” it’s about leaving behind a difficult past and moving forward. There’s hope for the future in these songs, remembrance of the past and healing trauma. It’s a beautiful album with a good balance of different emotions. I could see this album coming with a short film or a series of music videos that piece together to tell a store. Similar to “III” by the Lumineers.

I keep hearing a few snippets from the deluxe version of “Stick Season” (that will be out June 9th 👀) like “Medicate meditate swear your soul to Jesus / Throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason” or “we ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” it’s such a beautiful album with so much soul and emotion.

I could see this album getting an acoustic live version that artists do sometimes like “Album, live from Wherever” you know? This album has very unique and catchy lyrics that stick with people, the type of lyrics people take and sell on things in their Etsy shop or use as a quote in their yearbook or put in their instagram bio. It almost feels like poetry. I also heard “escapism” this is the type of music that paints a picture and takes you somewhere else. This album will kind of chronologically tell a story about you moving forward and healing from trauma and finding a peaceful ending. Ending with a song like “Angelia”

Track list

1. movement

2. Adelaide’s Interlude

3. mother

4. farmhouse

5. leave me behind

6. baby blue

7. mustang

8. you’re gonna go far

9. more than this

10. peace

11. at your own pace

12. growing pains

13. at last

Pile Three

I feel like this album has a soft rock sort of sound? Like hozier with a rockier edge if that makes sense? It reminds me of the way hozier sings about love. He sings about a very deep and impactful love and his writing his like poetry and I think that’s what an album about you would sound like. I think this album could be about the writer/musician fighting feelings for you because they’re focused on career or are just concerned about the outcome of the relationship. They might have a fear of falling or something.

However, the last card I pulled was the 10 of cups so the outcome is very good. I feel like this album is coming from a reflective place like this is after yourself and your spouse have settled down and had kids or pets or whatever you would like and your partner is looking back at your relationship from the very beginning up until now and writing about it.

I keep hearing “I’m in love with an emo girl” I don’t think this is what the album will sound like but maybe that’s your aesthetic/vibe? This might just be conformation for you. I also keep hearing that Shania Twain song “you’re still the one” this is the kind of album that fans would dissect like narrow down the time you met your person and talk about every lyric and how that lyric relates to you and your relationship etc. this album talks about how devoted and in love with you your person is but also talks about the (I heard “trials and tribulations”) it took for you two to get there so it may include religious reference. Like religion by Lana Del Rey or Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift where there’s this slight aspect of religion/devotion to your partner.

You hear a lot about how you have to actively choose your partner everyday to make a long term relationship work and this album would definitely delve into that a little. It could also be produced by you and your partner’s mutual friends or people who have been there since the beginning or very early in in your relationship. I think this would be a longer album and there’s definitely 18+ songs on there 👀

Track list

1. October

2. Cosmic

3. Full Moon

4. Bourbon Street

5. She’s All Over Me

6. Starla

7. The Empress

8. Diamond Eyes

9. Find More of Me

10. Dreamscape

11. Escapades

12. Midnight

13. You’re All I Need

14. Mirror

15. Apartment 32

16. Deep End

17. Eternity

[cakepoppresent]

I'm Actually So Embarrassed for You

We love this energy

Previous - Next

Transcript Under The Cut~

Judith: Sweetie how long will you let these horrible rumors continue?

Blair: I'm worried about you Hun, do you want me to handle it?

Judith: It's not good to let this fester! The worse it's going to get. I saw what happened with your brother. What’s your game plan?

Luna: I appreciate the concern but it will be handled in a few days. I’ve been busy with some personal matters

Blair: It seems very calculated do you think someone is behind it?

Luna: Yes. Just a simple minded loser who doesn’t know her place. Nothing serious

Judith: Nothing is ever simple about people in the entertainment industry dear.

Blair: This takes me back! I’ve had a few people try to smear my name all over the tabloids. Brayden handled it very quickly, and never heard from some of them again~

Judith: It’s much more satisfying doing it yourself. Even better when you watch them suffer the backlash and then blacklist them.

Blair: Well doing the dirty work yourself is also a good option. Is that your plan Hun?

Luna: It’s actually happening today. Consider this a small inconvenience during the shoot it won’t take too long

Judith: Oh! It’s been boring for a while so this would be fun to watch

Luna: She should be here soon. You’ll notice her once she walks in

Blair: Oh Dear, I think I see her now...

Judith: Oh wow...who put her in the awful outfit

Luna: I did

Luna: Akira was it?

Akito : Its Akito actually.

Luna: Your outfit is something. I wasn’t aware the theme today was “Little House on the Prairie”

Judith: I guess the poor thing didn't get the memo

Luna: A bitch? Such vulgar words. This isn’t my photoshoot I can’t control what outfit they put you in

Akito: I thought the “Miss Luna Villeral” was supposed to be a beloved sweetheart. I didn’t realize you were actually just a bitch

Akito: You must think I’m stupid

Luna: I think you’re a little slow but that’s okay

Luna: You should be focusing on that outfit you aren’t on theme sweetie. Your personal assistant seems lacking if she can’t handle something like this.

Judith: You know you can get anything if you open your legs and give a bit of money

Blair: I thought this shoot was meant for well-established actors. I’m not sure who you are sweetie

Luna: Oh My... Don’t mind them they have no filter. You won’t take offence, will you?

Akito: I was expecting a bit more from you. Highschool level bullying is below you

Luna: Your expectations mean nothing to me Akira. We have bigger things to focus on like that ugly outfit

Akito: Its Akito

Luna: Whoops

Akito: How I got here isn’t important but I’m here now. It would be wise to treat me with some respect

Luna: Respect? You?

Akito: Doesn’t matter how you treat me Im here to stay Luna

Luna: Is that right?

Luna: *Giggling* I’m so sorry but you make me laugh. Whatever you have against me means nothing. These games are pointless, I’m actually so embarrassed for you

Aikto: You should treat me with some more respect Luna. We’ll be seeing more of each other from now on

Luna: Hmm...I don’t think I will. Actually, your time is over here you should head back to the dressing room

Aikto: What did they say about the outfit

Yuki:...They said you could take it off but...they said we no longer need to stay

Aikto: Is that right?

Akito: This doesn’t matter, how's the opinion of her online?

Yuki: About that...

Akito: What?

Akito: This doesn’t matter, how's the opinion of her online?

Yuki: Chantel made a tweet apologizing about the interview with Luna that really turned people's opinions. The articles on SMZ have already been removed

Akito: Hah!

Yuki: Your father called. We need to head back to Mt. Korembi...he found out what we’ve been doing

Akito: Did he say anything else?

Yuki: We have until the end of the week or else he’s sending someone to get us

Akito:...Lets go

[lynnlovesspidahman]

this is me trying.

peter parker x reader

part 2. || part 1.

masterlist.

warnings : angst, mentions of violence, swearing, lots of self-doubt (peter im sorry)

word count : 2.7k

summary : There’s always two sides to a story. An apology is put into place.

Peter felt like he was living three different lives at once.

Each taking so, so much energy every single day.

His job, an assistant for Dr. Octavius at Octavius Industries. He felt guilty for arriving late every day, and still somehow having a job.

Peter was smarter than Doc, they both knew that. So that meant he would be called to office very, very often.

Usually because of some mistake Doc had made while working on the new prototypes of prosthetic limbs.

But the pressure it brought could get to be too much sometimes. One small mistake could cost millions of lives — or dollars — if not noticed early enough.

But he knew it would help the world someday, in so many ways. The exhaustion was totally worth it.

Spider-Man. Peter had loved and genuinely enjoyed playing his alter-ego.

Constantly, day and night, he was out. Out saving people everywhere. Sure, his work wasn’t appreciated by everyone but it was 100% worth it — to him.

But Spider-Man came with considerable costs. His everlasting lack of sleep. Peter can’t remember the last time he really got his 8 hours. The bags under his eyes made that apparent enough.

The physicality of the job, how many times had he stopped a car with his bare hands? He lost count years ago.

The bruises, cuts, broken limbs, brought immense pain, even to Spider-Man. Sure, he can heal faster — a nights rest, a heating pad, and your some soup is more than enough — But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

And the emotional weight it brought.

The crimes haven’t slowed, if anything they’ve gotten much more prominent all around the city.

The overwhelming amount of times he has to swing across New York to fight off large groups of thugs has become too much.

And honestly, he’s so sick of it.

And so, Peter stopped pulling his punches as much.

The guilt didn’t come until later.

He climbed through your apartment’s window after a long, long night of patrol.

You were sitting there — unaware of his presence— watching TV, all cuddled up on the corner of the couch with your mini Spidey plush.

“Hey, beautiful.” He called out to you.

“Holy shit-” You jumped and turned around to look at him. “You can’t just pop out of nowhere like that, you scared the hell out of me.”

You got up and walked towards him, “Was patrol okay?”

“Uh, yeah it was alright, kicked my ass tonight though. I’m worn out,” He stretched his arms above his head.

“Hm. Why?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Uhm, I mean I fought bad guys all night?” He scoffed, a stupid question, he thought.

“Or was it because you practically killed someone tonight?” You bluntly said.

You had taken a step away from him, like he was a danger to you too.

“They were a criminal!” He shrugged.

“Why does that matter? You can’t just completely take someone’s life away. That’s not who you are. Before you say you didn’t, you came real close to.” You stood your position.

It felt like you shot him straight in the heart.

He should’ve listened to you. But instead, he took a shot right back at you, a shot to kill.

“Again, they’re criminals. I’m sorry I had to calm things down somehow. I’m sorry I needed to do something to catch a break for once in my damn life. And you’re not exactly helping that.” He looked away from you. He felt ashamed.

You were right, he knew that, even then. But his pride couldn’t let him admit it.

“What is wrong with you? You love Spider-Man. And you always talk about how killing sickens you. You’ve changed, Peter.” You spat back at him.

He should’ve just ended it there, stopped the excessive violence, stopped the fight. Maybe then he wouldn’t have been in your kitchen on that faithful Tuesday.

It had been two days since that argument.

His almost perfect rep was officially ruined (Jameson had a field trip that day, too). The stress was at an all-time high.

He almost couldn’t handle it. He didn’t want to anymore.

He was still so angry at you for being right. Because you always were.

You were the one who kept him balanced, who took care of him no matter the time of day or night.

He hadn’t been back to your apartment since the fight, either.

But he would return to it after a tough night the day after. And the next.

And you forgave him, so fast (He took you to see the Barbie movie, paid for every snack and drink you could’ve wanted. It was indisputable on your end). The guilt from what Peter’s put you through has just stacked on and on.

Now he really couldn’t handle it anymore. 

And so, there he was. Sat atop a random rooftop rethinking everything.

He debated his life. His three lives, more like. Which parts were worth it, and which weren’t. (It was really fucked up, who measures parts of their life in worth and just decides which to throw away?)

He couldn’t lose his job, how would he make money?

He couldn’t stop being Spider-Man, he knew that.

And there was you. The biggest and undoubtedly the most important part.

But you were also easy to throw away, he thought.

So much stress and time would be lifted off of his shoulders.

(Little did he know, it would be the complete opposite. His injuries didn’t heal all the way like they did when you took care of him. Every time he was hurt, it would linger for days at a time. He missed how much you’d worried for him. He really took you for granted.)

And so, he decided in the next couple of weeks, he would break it off.

And he did. On the Tuesday the following week.

He looks back on it — to this day — and realized everything he had said to you that evening, wasn’t directed at you. It was directed at himself.

Of course he enjoyed loving you. He didn’t enjoy being himself was what.

He needed to be his best for you because he couldn’t be with anything else. He failed at being the friendly and reliable Spider-man. Him and Doc didn’t get the grant they’d been needing for so long.

And when he did try to improve when you called him out that night, it just wasn’t enough.

He didn’t deserve you.

He took everything out on you, he didn’t mean a word he said. But you didn’t know that.

Peter never had an outlet to take anything out. He couldn’t leave you with every burden of his life, Doc and him weren’t that close, and May couldn’t know he was Spider-Man.

He snapped that Tuesday.

And there’s nothing more that he regrets in his entire life.

But he couldn’t burden you anymore. He wouldn’t.

He did nothing but keep you up late at night, hurt your feelings, and make you do everything for him.

Peter loved you. And he couldn’t let himself torture you like this.

So he forced himself to let you go. You would move on, anyways. He couldn’t.

He listened to every single one of the voicemails you sent.

Every. Single. One. He’s never heard you sound so down (Because of him, nonetheless).

It took so much out of him to not respond. More than what he had to give.

And after five weeks, he finally caved.

He texted you.

9:52 PM

Hey, beautiful.

You wouldn’t forgive him quick this time, he knew that. This time wasn’t just some fight. He tore your heart apart.

But he would work for your forgiveness, he swore to himself, God as his witness.

You read the message immediately. He knew you had gotten off of work, so it wasn’t completely abnormal.

But you didn’t respond. He checked his phone all night and the next morning (He was desperate for something, even if it was an angry text. He hated nothing more than you ignoring him).

So he texted you again. He just went straight for it this time, no holding back anymore.

1:16 PM

Can we meet up?? I think we can agree there’s still some loose ends we need to revisit, together.

Read 1:18 PM

He was patient this time. He tried stepping in your shoes, and it broke his heart. He couldn’t imagine you snapping on him like he had.

He couldn’t live if you were angry at him like he was at you. And if you weren’t going to respond again he was debating on just showing up to your apartment. Can’t ignore him that way.

2:12 PM

Y/N 💞 : “Loose ends” is a funny term. You mean when you randomly showed up to my apartment and broke up with me for the stupidest reason?

He cringed. This was a dumb decision.

2:12 PM

I know, trust me. I just want to talk. And explain myself.

Explain my biggest mistake. I’ve never regretted anything more than leaving you and taking the anger at myself onto you.

He debated on sending the message, but he didn’t.

You would just see it as him trying kiss your ass into forgiving him. It worked before.

2:14 PM

Y/N 💞 : Peter, why? Why are you only just know texting me? Why are you trying to meet up when you tore my heart into pieces? Why are you seeking forgiveness randomly?

Why are you asking such hard questions, he wanted to ask.

2:14 PM

Idk, I miss you?

I miss you and still love you. I regret that night so much.

Can you just hear me out? Please?

Nothing sounded right. But he just went for it, again. At this point, he was pacing across his rooftop, anxious for your response (If you even gave him one).

2:15 PM

Y/N 💞 : Peter, I swear. If you make me regret this, I’ll come for you. Worse than any enemy you’ve ever faced and ever will.

He laughed at that one. You wouldn’t —right?—

2:15 PM

I won’t, Y/N. I promise. Tomorrow, Micks at 3?

Read 2:16 PM

You left him on read, but he counted that as a success — you didn’t refuse his offer so.. —

He would come back from this. He has to.

Peter was late. Fuck him.

Why did you even give him your time of day anymore? This man could tear you apart and you still gave into his words.

3:13 PM

Peter 🕸️ : Babt, I’mso sotry. I got caugjt up with worl, I’m bloxks away I sqaer.

You could barely understand him, but you were used to his usually proper grammar slipping while he was swinging.

How dare he? How dare he beg you to come out here and he gets to show up late??

He practically busted the restaurant’s door open. He rushed to your table.

“Baby I-”

“No,” You interrupted. “You don’t get to call me that. Fuck you, asshole. You ask me to meet you and you show up late? Are you kidding me?” You crossed your arms and stood up from the booth you were sitting at.

“Y/N, I’m so, so sorry. I got caught up with Doc at work. Huuge internal wiring problem. I don’t even understand how he could’ve messed it up so badly,” He talked with his hands, he was so cute when he did that.

You took a step towards him, and slapped the shit out of his stupidly attractive face.

“You don’t get to break me and show up late when you wanted me here.” The tears were back. You were livid. You shoved your finger into his face as you scolded him.

“I know, I know. I keep fucking up and I’m sorry. Lets just sit down and let me explain everything. I promise you, it’s worth it.” He put his hands on both of your shoulders to keep you from leaving and tried to calm you down.

“Hands off,” You pulled his hands away from your shoulder and slumped back into the booth.

You wanted to go home.

“Okay, okay.” He sat down and stared at you.

“Well?” You waited, “Let’s hear this explanation,” You rolled your eyes.

“Well, uh-” He paused for a moment, “I don’t know how to start.”

You waited for him to continue, arms still crossed. You really didn’t want to hear him out.

“Do you remember when I almost beat the life outta that guy? Like a month ago or something?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You rolled your eyes again, not exactly a good moment to bring up.

“I feel like that’s where it started,”

“Mhm..” You nodded for him to keep going.

“I started slipping. I stopped pulling my punches and I was so stressed out every moment of my life. A-and one day I just got so sick of it,” He started choking up, you almost felt bad for him.

“So I sat down and tried to organize my life. I wanted to rid myself of stress and try to free up time for myself in order to y’know, rejuvenate.”

You sat there, you were expecting plain excuses. But it seemed he had something real going here.

“I couldn’t rid myself of my job — how else would I be able to live? — and obviously Spider-Man isn’t a choice. And there came you. The best and biggest part of my life.”

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

“I was stupid, I thought that by taking a break, I’d feel more free. And feel more.. well less stressed out. If I had something to myself then I would be better and feel okay? I don’t know.”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Don’t look at me like that, please. I was so overwhelmed with everything. I’ve been so behind on rent, and crime just never stops around here. Its like it raises more and more every week.”

“I thought-” He took a deep breath, “I thought that if I had one less chore — trust me you are not a chore to me — life would get easier.”

You’re guessing he tried to rephrase his words he said before, he’s almost repeating himself.

“But it didn’t. At all. I was in pain all the time — emotionally and physically — it didn’t help at all. I said I didn’t enjoy loving you. I lied. I didn’t enjoy loving myself- or being me.”

Your heart clenched for him. He hurt you so bad, but hearing how he truly felt made you slightly reconsider things.

“I didn’t enjoy the stress of my life, and I don’t have any outlet for my anger. And you forgave me so easily the last time we fought. And I guess I took advantage of that. I took all of the hate I had for myself onto you. I think that will forever be my biggest mistake.”

Your eyebrows scrunched.

“I love you. So much, Y/N. More than words can describe. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life and I can’t ever be away from you, again.”

“I broke it off thinking it would cause me less stress, but I understand now that it was you who took the pressure away. Being away from you, Y/N,” He laughed (At his own pain, seemingly). “I’ve never felt shittier in my life.”

Your tears flowed. Your expectations were well exceeded. He’s fucked up so much, but he makes up for it every time. And this time, it wasn’t done by kissing your ass and spoiling you, you recognized that.

“I can’t explain how sorry I am. I regret what I did to you that night so much. More than anything in the world. I just hope you can understand that.”

“I hope you can understand me.” He kept eye contact, his eyes were watery. “I know how complicated I can get,” He let out a breathy laugh.

“Pete.” You just about whispered his name.

“Yeah..?” He wiped his eyes on his sleeve before answering you.

“I forgive you.” You smiled, still crying from his well thought out (you had to give him credit) apology.

“Wait- Really?”

“Yeah. I do.”

He stood up and hugged you from across the table.

“But..”

“But..?” He repeated you, curiously. He let go of the hug to look you in the eyes.

“You’re gonna have to pay for the meal if you really want me back.”

He laughed.

“I love you.”

He grabbed your cheeks and pulled you in for a kiss. He’s never kissed you so hard.

Stunned, but pleasantly surprised, you sat there for a moment. Unsure of whether you should kiss him or not.

But you grabbed his collar and melted into the kiss.

No matter how hard he had broken you, his words brought you back to him.

And you wouldn’t regret it, you knew that.

part 2 is finished 🥹

just wanna explain a few things just in case:

peter is a lil ooc w the excessive violence and it’s not him to be like that but i feel like every body gets to that point where everything can be just too much. even spider-man.

i also feel like he needs a healthy outlet for his feelings, being spiderman, he’s constantly busy. not exactly easy to make friends. but also being spiderman, he doesn’t wanna leave y/n with all of his problems, he’s supposed to be the hero. so he bottles it all up. to the point where he just burst one day and took it out on her. (not good!!)

also i felt like him being a man, he’s going to feel insecure if y/n’s the one taking care of him all the time. he’s the man, it’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. and that’s okay!! often times, old traditions still lies deep within all of us. men’s mental health matters too!! men can still feel insecure!! EVERYONE DOES. but that doesn’t mean we (as people) can take out our insecurities or anger at ourselves onto other people. most times, they don’t deserve the hate we bring onto ourselves.

that being said, not everyone can be perfect. (peter is a great example) we’re all going through something in life and are constantly being tested. but, the biggest thing is to always persevere no matter what. you’re never going to have more on your plate than you can handle. if you’re struggling, always remember to reach out to someone. a loved one, a professional, or even me. my dms are always open. i love you all. 🩷

anyways,

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated!!

i hope you all enjoyed this story as much as i liked writing it 💗💗

[themulitipurposechannel]

Dynamics: Part 2, <Next!>

For Apocalypse F! Mikey: Now see Uncle Tello content is great and I love it. But consider this, it’s alr everywhere AND think bout Master Michelangelo /Uncle Mi/ lowkey unspoken Dad!Mikey supremacy ✨👀 think bout uncle Mi being the warm/comforting/ steadying presence that Cj clung to when Leo and April are stuck being the sole two pillars of leadership for the entirely of sentient life on earth and Donnie is off doing his mad scientist things(No hate to D but we know our boi has low empathy and tends to get hyper fixated to the point he ignores everyone. Not that he wouldn’t absolutely try for Junior cuz he would but ya know what I mean) which leaves the Mikey cuz our poor Raphie and Casey Sr died early.

Like Cmon guys hear me out Mike alr has Dr feelings and his ole mediator shtick. you can’t tell me that as he grew and matured it didn’t not grew stronger. Plus he defo Leaned into the whole mediator thing esp with the apocalypse cuz someone defo needed to be the calm mediator in the chaos that was the kraang. Plus he was ALR the most mentally/emotionally stable out of all the fam and a child in a chaotic environment (cough the apocalypse cough) is gonna unconsciously gravitate towards that. And mikey being mikey is then absolutely gonna white knuckle his “I’m emotionally healthy” even more cuz we got a kid now. We gotta make sure he grows up with SMTH.

Plus I like to think everyone had diff roles in raising Cj. Eg: Cj spends time with tello if he wants to hang out and blow shit up or wants to brainstorm tangible solutions. but if he needs/wants emotional support or emotional safety he goes to Mikey and if he wants all of the above plus advice in general it’s Leo and Comander April lmao (but 7/10 times it’s Leo). Side note: Before Raph died he and mikey used to tag team M’s role and April’s role was formerly Cassandra’s but welp we all know what happened 😭. Also I just wanna make it clear that these roles weren’t always hard and fast rule. It’s just generally the common status quo but was still subject to change depending on the circumstances cuz ppl are ppl and ppl are complex. Like if Cj was feeling particularly scared for Dee or April’s mortality I can guarantee he glomped them. And they let him.

Edit: In any case, their dynamic is basically all round calm, slow and cozy vibes. Cuz like I said, Mikey was acting as Cj’s living sentient equivalent of a warm, weighted blanket. Plus mystic overuse/cursed aging gave Mikey a lot of chronic fatigue and plus Mi leaning hard into the whole mediator thing rlly made him mellow out esp when he had to be responsible for a kid. So most of their hanging out was either sitting around talking about their day, making up stories bout random objects they found like ‘I bet that cup has a chip in cuz an alligator got it’ ,Cj ranting, mystic training, lots and lots of snuggles or (big shocker I know) Mikey reading to Cj (don’t Judge Cj, he finds Uncle’s Mi voice calming. And as tor Mikey, options are limited when you’re old, physically frail and in an apocalypse) or them reading whatever they can find in comfy silence with the occasional comment of ‘man this character is so stupid’ and ‘I know right!’ Or ‘im pretty sure this accident report is faked.’ Also In the earlier days when resources weren’t so scarce and Mikey had more energy they used to draw on the walls tgt using chalk but well.. stuff like that don’t last very long in the apocalypse.

.

For Past/present time: Once Cj starts to properly distinguish between future and present and feels a little more ready to start properly interacting with P!fam. He starts to build a stable relationship with Mikey. their dynamic is one of more equal standing cuz of the lack of age difference aka the big theme for this dynamic is all abt growing up tgt. This creates a more free and unrestrained dynamic where both feel more encouraged/safe to try new things cuz they don’t have to worry bout any hovering from any older siblings (sorry Leo he tries but even he can’t fully escape the big brother instincts even towards Case. Which is hilarious cuz Cj is the most self sufficient out of everyone XD ) and cuz they don’t have to worry bout looking stupid in front said older siblings if they fail/ being coddled if they fail. Initially it was a very big whiplash for Casey to adjust to the fact that someone he used to look for answers/ be a pillar was just as clueless as he was AND the fact he could freely argue back with said someone due to the lack of age difference.

But once both parties settled in, they have alot of fun just being kids and messing around. Honestly their dynamic is adorable. With Mikey’s more adventurous and more hopeful personality helping Cj start to relax a little more and start acting more like the 15 year old he is. And Cj’s more serious and sensible mindset helps Mikey become a little more thoughtful/cautious as he’s more open to Cj’s criticism cuz it feels alot less condescending than the rest of the fam due to the age similarity.

This dynamic also plays a part in Cj’s adjustment to the past. Due to said adventurous behaviour, Mike always wants to show Cj new things. And his emotionally intuitive nature helps him pick up when Cj is uncomfortable but doesn’t always feel comfortable saying it or can just generally quickly pick up the warning signs of a trigger. So after some trial and error Mikey gets pretty good at knowing when to push and pull Case out of his comfort zone or just out right cancel an outing cuz Dr feelings can sense the ensuing panic attack/ PTSD triggers. Which Casey rlly appreciates. On the flip side, Cj is the biggest advocate (second to Leo) for letting Mikey do his thing cuz he knows what Mikey is capable off and isn’t blinded with older sibling instincts. Which Mikey greatly appreciates. We stan mutually supportive siblings.

And as the youngest, they both bond (mostly Miguel talks, Cj listens oh how the tables turn) over how frustrating it is to see the rest of their family (for Cj it’s him using his experience with F!Fam to relate to P!Mikey cuz the P!Fam don’t rlly baby Casey the same way/the obvious extent they do for Miguel. For Mikey, it’s more they water down info either intentionally/unintentionally or try to stop him from doing stuff cuz they want to protect him. And for Cj, it’s more them trying to be extra subtly careful of his sore spots. Like Legit cuz of Cj, everyone at some point had independently googled ‘how to care for war-torn ptsd riddled relative’ and ‘how to help someone with material insecurity issues’ or ‘how to support someone going thru bereavement’. For once it wasn’t only Mike reading psych stuff lmao) trying to water things down for them like dums dums XD.

They also tag team the rest of their family with the combined powers of their puppy dog eyes and shared status as “baby’s of the family” to get out of trouble/get what they want like the gremlins they are 😂. Generally when hanging out they’re either doing things action driven stuff (a stark contrast to F!Mikey and Cj. Cuz P!Mikey is younger, less traumatised and hasn’t been peepawed) like graffiti (Mikey sprays full on masterpieces and Cj loves spraying colourful doodles cuz he’s delighted to play with all sorts of bright colours and see the pretty art Anglo makes that Cj didn’t have the luxuary of seeing in the apocalypse, so despite the huge skill gap, which is rapidly becoming smaller, they still have fun tgt), skateboarding, playing video games, parkour or Mikey kidnapping Cj to show/get him to try smth he didn’t get to do in the apocalypse, *cough the occasional arson cough* Like I said they’re awesome lmao

On a side note: both Cj and Mikey are very happy to have a cool brother/friend who is the same age as them. For Cj it’s cuz fellow kids were very rare back in his time. Meaning the kids that were round him were either much older or much younger so same age friends is very much a novel experience lmao. As for Mikey, although he does call Cj baby brother( he doesn’t actually enforce that unless in certain situations like Cj in distress or trying to get Cj to do Miguel’s part of chores lmao) most of the time he’s happy to not be alone in his age grp of family/friends cuz it can get a little lonely sometimes. Raph, April and Casey have each other, Donnie and Leo have each other and now Mikey and Cj have each other! Yaayyy

[kivaember]

Not sure if anyone's asked you this yet but PLEASE drop the walt/mich essay!!!

OKAY i went crazy and did an actual essay. im not joking this fucker is long. i'd open the read more in another tab, just to warn you.

ALSO ALSO! This was just me sitting down and rambling about things. It's a summarisation of my thoughts, and I pared it down since it was hitting 5k (it's about 4.4k words long lmao). If this essay has you thinking of specific questions and the like, feel free to ask and I'll try to answer them!

Now without further ado, my ramblings below:

THE WALTER/MICHIGAN SHIP ESSAY!

INTRO

That's right baby, I'm giving this an intro and everything. Alright, this essay is all about exploring and explaining my version of the Walter/Michigan ship using the characterisation I gave them for the APV verse. First I'm going to drill down into the individual characters, what makes them tick, their backstory, etc, before finally going into detail about how they mesh together as a ship and why they're both good yet terrible for each other.

THE WORLD LORE

To understand Michigan and Walter, we need to understand the type of world they were born into. Furlong Dynamics is a major powerhouse on the Jupiter colonies, owning several shipyards and carving a specific niche for themselves as the weapon-dealer for interstellar craft. They may not be as well-known or successful as Arquebus or Balam in the defence industry in terms of MTs or ACs, but if you're arming an interstellar craft, you sure as shit are going to use Furlong Dynamics weaponry.

Problem is in post-Fires age, that corner of the market is stagnating due to a lack of new interstellar craft being built. Prior to the discovery of Coral as an energy source, humanity had to do long-stasis and slow-walking their way across the galaxy, which meant trade and the like was incredibly limited between extrasolar colonies. With Coral, however, they were able to make tremendous technological shortcuts to create what they called the "C-Wave Drive". It functions a lot like the hypothetical Alcubierre Drive, with Coral producing the insane amounts of energy required and running the equally insane amounts of calculations needed to ensure the craft doesn't crush itself into a singularity (also, Coral has a very strange relationship with spacetime, the scientists found...). An added bonus as well was that these "C-Wave Drives" required no refuelling.

The interstellar craft needed crude fuel for sublight travel and other functionalities on the ship, but as for long-distance travel? There was no need to make pitstops or set aside cargo space for fuel, so many ships got used to just carrying a small amount that would allow them to travel as needed locally, as it would be easy to refuel when arriving at their destination as and when was needed.

Post-Fires changed this landscape drastically. Overnight, the interstellar craft market was rocked by the realisation that the previously thought limitless and abundant miracle substance that made FTL travel easy and convenient was now extremely finite had them all scrambling. The UEG openly seized every single galactic store of Coral from the corporations, citing "galactic security", and all orders for new interstellar craft - amongst other Coral technologies - instantly halted.

By Young Jupiter time (ten years post-Fires), Furlong Dynamics is beginning to feel the strain. They built their empire on focusing predominantly on interstellar craft - their designs, their weaponry, their engines - and their frantic R&D into solving the energy problem the Coral had shortcutted wasn't going very well. All that could be done was continue to maintain the existing ships that existed, as theoretically the C-Wave Drives could run indefinitely until some sort of mechanical failure happened due to wear and tear. As for new ships, the only ones being built were those utilising the old "slow-walker" engines, which meant bigger, bulkier, slower ships, with less room for ammunition fabrication and storage, and more for stasis compartment and fuel storage. Corporations that had specialised mostly in stasis technologies enjoyed an unexpected windfall, while those like Furlong Dynamic began to languish.

But as they say, shit rolls downhill. With the Corporations struggling to adjust to the Coral shortage and the UEG viciously hording the few galactic stores that remained, the working class found their workload increasing - heavily.

Factories that had benefited from the automation of Coral technologies found themselves in the position where they needed heavy reliance of human productive power. Yet they didn't want their productivity to lower thanks to human limitations, and neither did they want their profits to dent by either hiring too many workers, or paying the few higher wages to make up for the harder work. The few worker protections that had been steadily built up over the past few decades were immediately torn down and rescinded, and the working class were forced to work to maintain the corporations' and the UEG's productivity in their factories and fabrication facilities on basically starvation wages.

So, we have a world that has suffered from a fatal blow to the comfortable status quo. Furlong Dynamics is desperate to try and stem the bleed from their profits that the Coral shortage had started, and the boot has never been heavier on the working class's neck. It's an atmosphere that creates considerable tension within the various stratas of society, and the Jupiter colonies especially - known as the industrial powerhouse of the solar system - have become a bubbling pot. Any socialist talk or gatherings are viciously cracked down on by the corporate and government forces, and the workers are becoming increasingly frustrated and antagonised.

So it makes sense why Walter and Michigan initially have a bit of a rocky start, coming from these polar opposites of society. Michigan, the son of a Furlong Dynamic's director, and Walter, a Rubiconian refugee clawing his way out of the slums.

But alright, world context has been laid down, it's time for the character context. First up:

MICHIGAN - THE PRINCE WHO WANTS TO BE A PAUPER

So, Michigan. G1. Hell On Four Legs. Where did he come from, and who is he? To answer that, we need to look at his family... and Furlong Dynamics' leadership.

Every corporation is unique in its structure and the way it handles leadership. For example, Balam is well-known for its unusual meritocratic selection process for its CEO, though that hasn't exactly escaped the nepotism that pervades the upper echeleons of corporate society. Those with advantageous beginnings normally win the meritocratic race: they just have to work a little harder than most. Furlong Dynamics, however, are upfront about their leadership roles being hereditary.

Five families sit on the board for Furlong with one presiding as a CEO, a role that rotates every five years in a set pattern between the five families. This is a system that has worked for almost as long as Furlong Dynamics had existed (almost 300 years by this point), and needless to say that those five families were old money. They're the equivalent of an aristocracy in a hypercapitalistic galaxy.

One of these families is Rivera, which Michigan was born into as Gabriel Rivera. It was expected of him to succeed his father and sit on Furlong Dynamics' board as a director, so from a very young age he was prepped for this eventuality. His father dictated everything in his life, from his hobbies to what he wore and right down to what he ate. He was drilled in everything to do with business, politics and the interstellar industry, as his father was keen for Michigan to be ready and prepped for when he succeeded him, especially as Furlong Dynamics was entering a critical slump for the first time in its long history due to the Coral shortage. He didn't want his son to be the weak link.

Michigan despised this. He hated the people his father forced him to interact with, he hated the two-faced communication and backstabbing schemes he was encouraged to learn and inflict on others, he hated how boring yet stressful this kind of life was. Contrary to his personality later in life, Michigan was reclusive and anti-social when he was young - a direct result of his father's overbearing and relentless micromanaging - and when possible would hole himself up in his room and escape by watching classical films.

Classical films being... war films and action movies.

Though plenty of media had been lost when Earth suffered from ecological devastation, many had been salvaged throughout the centuries. It had begun from Michigan pilfering from his father's collection, something to put on display and boast about possessing rather than watching, and found himself hooked.

Brave soldiers heroically saving their comrades, taking charge of their destinies, denying fate, overcoming the odds, starting from the gutter and rising to the top from their own merits, making fire-forged friends that were genuine and not shallow transactional facades... this type of fantasy entranced Michigan, giving him a craving that he couldn't quite itch with his luxurious yet empty life. He desperately wished he had been born as some poor bastard whose only option was to join one of the corporate militaries, and distinguish himself by commiting acts of heroism, have people awed by him because of his own merits, and not because he is a Rivera and surrounded by brown-nosing sychophants.

It was a delusional dream driven by an intense desire to escape and forge a genuine connection with anyone, and after years of burying himself deeper and deeper in the propaganda belched out by these old action films (the message of 'war is hell' from the more solemn ones flying miles above his head), Michigan decided: he was going to disown himself and become an MT pilot.

Which he managed. To cut a long story short, Gabriel Rivera became just Michigan, the Rivera name used sparingly and only for legal reasons. He left behind the comfortable executive life to start at the very bottom of the pilot ranks, working his way up with grit and determination, denying any advantages or opportunities that came his way due to his blood or name. He wanted to emulate those heroes that he had watched in those films, he wanted to start with nothing and become something, all with his own efforts, and leave behind the Rivera name and reputation for good.

He started acting more like those gunslinger heroes, loud voice, boisterous personality, easy-going nature and possessing a masculine charm. He's always seeking that big, heroic event, that euphoric moment of victory and achieving the impossible against the odds... but he never really found it. Even after abandoning Furlong Dynamics entirely to jump ship to Balam, he realised that it was just more of the same, his battles against downtrodden workers protesting against their inhumane treatment, or furthering corporate interests over some useless moon in the middle of nowhere. There was no glory or higher purpose - just the company's bottom line.

Michigan started his piloting career as a rich kid craving adventure, naive to the true gritty nature of the galaxy. After decades of piloting under his belt and with an intimiate insight on both sides of the corporate ladder - both at the bottom and the top - to say Michigan was jaded by the time he landed on Rubicon would be an understatement.

He learned that there's no such thing as big damn heroes in this shitty galaxy. All the titles and medals he earned were just window dressings to whatever shitty advertisement his corporate master touted to bolster its reputation or sales. He hated his "Hero of Jupiter" title, and he took great pleasure in launching his "medals" off a cliff and into the ocean like they were frisbees. He hated that in the end his father had been right, that becoming a pilot wouldn't let him run away from the corporate lifestyle, it'd just throw him down to the very bottom and get him trampled

In short, Michigan's a man who tried to forge his own destiny by following a childish dream. His naivety resulted in him being trapped in a life that only had one escape - crawling back to his father and retaking the name Gabriel Rivera - and he viewed that worse than being a corporate attack dog with no real freedom. He'd rather die in some shitty hole in a random ditch somewhere over some pointless resource that meant nothing to him. Was it pride by that point, or stubbornness? He really didn't know.

He just knew that he was just another guy suckered in by the corporations' glitzy and false promises.

WALTER - THE AVENGER WHO KNOWS HE'S DIGGING A GRAVE FOR MILLIONS

Walter, meanwhile, was born to a privileged family of a different sort.

A good few decades before the Fires, Rubicon had done the unthinkable in human history: it had broken away from the UEG and declared independence, becoming a self-sustaining colony with a distinct identity - and able to negotiate with the fuming UEG on equal footing due to its sole access to Coral and its development of the C-weapons. The UEG couldn't take Rubicon or its resources by force (though it surely contemplated it from time to time), and so begrudgingly dealt with them as a peer, legitimising Rubicon as an independent colony and allowing it to forge its own desinty on the galactic stage.

While UEG and its many colonies functioned as a hypercapitalist ogligarchy, Rubicon became a technocracy, with the Rubicon Research Institute having considerable sway over the Rubiconian central government - to the point where it was understood that despite the elected 'president', it really was the Institute that was in charge. This gave rise to the 'intellectual elite', the scientists and academics who ran the Institute - the class that Walter belonged to before the Fires.

His parents were both scientists that worked on the Xylem and lived on-site. They were passionate about their work with the Coral and highly respected within their community, but while they clearly loved Walter, he was always second priority to their research and ambitions. Walter was the only child growing up in the labs (at least, the only one that wasn't a test subject of some kind), and only ever interacted with adults - all of whom were scientists or the security staff. He had never left the Xylem either, his concept of the 'outside world' being the small, sanitised courtyard with the lone tree, and the street he could see past the bars of the labratory's secure and gated exit. While he had some freedom of movement within the facility, there were areas he was barred from entering due to sensitive experiments, or to minimise his interaction with detained test subjects.

As a result, Walter became scarily self-sufficient from a young age, and came across as taciturn or emotionally stunted. He spoke like an adult but struggled to navigate social situations in general, unable to sugarcoat his words and coming across as rude or abrasive when speaking to others. While he found himself occasionally curious about interacting with people who weren't harried scientists that barely tolerated his prolonged presence, Walter genuinely found himself unbothered about his isolation. He was lonely, yes, but he occupied himself well enough, and filled the long stretches of time in furthering his education - determined to become a scientist like his parents and continuing on their work, as what was expected of him.

Then his father began the augmentations and everything went terribly wrong.

His mother volunteered to be Gen Zero, the prototype used to present to the Institute to have the augmentation project greenlighted. Initially, things went well. His mother suffered no significant drawbacks, and demonstrated an incredible boost in mental acuity and calculation power that current neural implants couldn't even begin to compare to. Once the Gen Ones were well underway, however, with a significant death rate at that, his mother began to rapidly degrade, physically and mentally. Walter's last memory of his mother was her unable to recognise him and talking to people who weren't there, knowing that it was the Coral's fault somehow.

His father was driven to perfect the augmentations to ensure his wife's sacrifice wasn't in vain. In Walter's words, he began a carnival of horrors within his labs, killing and mutiliating hundreds within his labs in his pursuit of the refining the augmentation process, with the Institute pumping unlimited resources, funding and test subjects into the project. The glimpse of the future Gen Zero showed them had them eager to achieve that perfection, no matter how many bodies they had to stack up.

It disgusted Walter. While he had never been emotionally close with his parents, he had still respected them, and to see his mother reduced to a crazed husk of herself before dying and his father turning into a monster, destroyed the pedastal he'd put them on. Walter found himself fostering a near irrational hatred for the Coral, rationalising that none of this would've happened if Coral had never been discovered - if it had never existed. He wished, vehemently, for it to disappear.

He got his wish with the Fires.

While the augmentations had made Walter view the Coral with a negative lens, seeing the damage it could do in the wrong hands, the Fires cinched it as a traumatic avatar of destruction in Walter's mind. The Coral was too dangerous to exist in their galaxy, not with how greedy humans could be, and blind to the dangers in pursuit of power. But his motivations weren't noble: he absolutely despised the legacy it represented, how he couldn't hear the word 'Coral' without thinking of his father, his mother, and how everything was robbed from him. It seeded in him an obsession, a hateful, vengeful obsession, because focusing on that, on gunning for a tangible entity that you've vowed to destroy, is far easier to stomach than processing the fact that your life was utterly ruined by selfish ambitions and a freak accident.

Overnight Walter went from part of the very prestigious intellectual elite on Rubicon, to a penniless refugee on one of Jupiter's colonies: Ganymede. It was a shock to the system to find himself in a world where food wasn't simply there whenever he desired it, that shelter wasn't a given, and that clinical cleanliness was a privilege, not a right. He fortunately had Carla with him, though, and while the first few years were rocky, they managed to find their footing by creating a scrapping service in the Ganymede slums, Carla using her previous experience in R&D at the Institute, and Walter his education, to repurpose old tech and mechs or salvage somewhat valuable tech to sell on.

From there, they began to plot, to focus their shared hatred and distrust of the Coral to really make sure it was gone for good, that it wouldn't come back. In the filthy slums beneath Ganymede, with a promise made between two emotionally exhausted yet furious Rubiconian refugees, Overseer was born.

But that's its own story.

Walter's endless conga line of misfortune did well to harden him and make him adaptable to unpleasant surprises. He always expects shit to go wrong at the most inconvenient times, he doesn't trust a single person to do the right thing even if he's known them for years (Carla, who all but raised him, he only trusts to a certain extent), and he realised how hypocritical most people could be. Though he was born as one of the intellectual elite, witnessing and experiencing first hand the oppression and indignity the working class suffered in UEG territories genuinely sickened him - and cemented in his mind that this galaxy couldn't be trusted with the Coral at all.

He had to destroy it for good. He had to make sure it could never come back and hurt anyone else. He had to erase every drop of legacy his shit-for-brains father had built and let history bury him forever. Walter, for all of his outwardly cold and emotionless masks, feels deeply and intently, and all of it is bitter rage.

Walter just doesn't know how to process his emotions well - he was never taught, and he missed those vital milestones with his lonely childhood, locked away in an ivory tower filled with nothing but scientists and test subjects. He feels so much over his father, the Fires, the Coral, but has no idea how to sort through it all. So he stuffs it away. He keeps his gaze fixed on the horizon where his mission to destroy the Coral hangs. He tells himself that once he destroys it for good, it'll all go away: these incomprehensible, heavy and painful emotions. The source of them all will be gone.

Imagine that: condeming millions to death because of crippling, unaddressed daddy issues.

THE SHIP ITSELF

Right, with all that context given, onto the part people really care about: so, why does the Walter/Michigan ship pair well? Or at least, why does APV Walter/Michigan pair well.

Michigan's POV:

From Michigan's side, he's fascinated with Walter. Everything about him just doesn't make sense. He's a 'sewer rat', a working class drone that managed to claw their way out of the muck and elevate his social standing through stubborn grit and determination - but his demeanour belies that. Walter demonstrates a level of education and sophistication that the working class just don't have. Michigan has grown up on Ganymede, and despite the high-ranking executives living in their gated communities and busying themselves with the day-to-day running of their businesses, they do keep an eye on what the working class are up to.

The corporations have perfected subjugation and propaganda to an artform. They can only achieve this if they know their target audience. Michigan knows, as any self-respecting Rivera knows, how the working class tick, their current worries and desires, the statistical trends of their few purchases and which style of propaganda they're most receptive to. Walter fits none of the established norms for Ganymede working class - he doesn't even have a recognisable Jupiter colony accent - so he already presents himself as an interesting puzzle for Michigan to break down.

There's also some genuine respect there too. Michigan acknowledges that Water had to work hard to get where he was, and he appreciates that Walter doesn't mince his words or beat around the bush. He's blunt, direct and isn't in the business of brown-nosing or fawning to ingratiate himself. You always knew where you stood with Walter, or so Michigan felt, and admittedly, Walter reminded him a lot of a certain character achetype in his precious films: the underdog, the guy you ended up rooting for just because he worked so fucking hard for what he wanted.

So, to Michigan, Walter's interesting, he's mysterious, and he's a representation of what Michigan wanted for himself. He wants to be like Walter: a poor as shit refugee making something of himself, with a whole future to distinguish himself and build his own reputation, to forge himself in fire! Michigan is mildly envious, but thinks as well that if he sticks close to him, he'll be able to live vicariously through him, to get a taste of dream he really wanted to achieve...

And because he's so fascinated with Walter, he starts to learn all of his tics and mannerisms too. He begins to understand the minute shifts of Walter's expressions, what he leaves unsaid and knowing when Walter is feeling but just doesn't know how to express or word himself. Michigan is the more emotionally intelligent of the two, and very perceptive despite how he acts. Combined with his easy-going nature and his respect for Walter's hardworking nature and competency, this helped him break through a few of Walter's walls - despite Walter doing his best to rebuild them as fast as possible.

Not to say they don't butt heads: they butt heads a lot. Arguing is their favourite pasttime. They challenge each other, and Michigan knows that he can say whatever and Walter can dish it out right back. Walter doesn't give a shit about any potential ties Michigan may have to the Rivera family - he just gives a shit about Michigan waking him up at 6am and asking him to go running with him. He snaps at him, argues with him, insults him... he treats him as Michigan, and this is what Michigan cares about the most.

Walter's POV:

Meanwhile, Walter's feelings towards Michigan are very complicated. He's irritated by what he sees as Michigan's nosiness towards his private affairs, and he doesn't appreciate him trying to figure him out. Mostly because he doesn't want him figuring out his true identity. Walter wanted to sever any and all ties between him and his father's legacy, and he and Carla took great pains to have no one realise that he was the famous Dr Kohler's son. And the disowned heir of the Rivera family? Definitely in the best position to connect the dots.

But Michigan's also the first person to ever just... treat him normally and roll with his verbal punches. People are usually scared away by Walter's cold attitude and sharp words, but Michigan gave as good as he got, and always shrugged off Walter's meaner comments. It left Walter at a bit of a loss, and after a while he slowly desensitised to Michigan's presence. He rationalised that it's just pointless wasting energy trying to chase off Michigan, but the fact was he... ended up liking his company. He had no idea socialising could be so enjoyable, once you learned to tolerate their more aggravating parts.

There's also a colder and more pragmatic side too: Michigan is useful to him, as a son of an executive, disgraced or not. Walter is aware enough to acknowledge that a small chunk of his tolerance is proportional to Michigan's use for him, but in his mind he sees it as an expected part of their relationship. It's transactional, what they share (or so he tells himself). He offers entertainment to Michigan, who in turns offers the same - and lets Walter take advantage of the few perks being "friends" with an executive's son offers.

He tells himself he can't get attached - he has his mission after all - but by this point Walter's good at ignoring his feelings and burying himself under six feet of concrete denial. He clings to the rationalisation that they're just "friends with benefits" for years, that from the beginning they were only making use of each other - there wasn't really anything there. Even to him that sounded hollow when he finally cut ties and left, to pursue his hopeless and doomed mission. He never really stopped thinking about Michigan, the what-ifs.

He hated it.

...

Also they both share a hatred of their respective fathers, so they Get That. They're part of the Dads Suck club.

CONCLUSION

So basically........ they're gay, your honour.

[thetriggeredhappy]

I adore your writing style and especially your dialogue! I was wondering if you had any advice for writing dialogue, especially accents and incorporating colloquialisms without it sounding schlocky?

Im having trouble beating my head against the wall of my wip rn and though u might have some wise wisdom 😅

short answer, if it’s a specific character, try to reread and/or relisten to any dialogue that that character has and riff off of the way that they already speak. an amount of it’s intuitive—scrub back and forth from reading what you wrote and listening to their dialogue. eventually you’ll get the hang of that character’s voice!

unhelpful answer, when i was younger and did theater i put in a lot of effort in my free time to start learning how to do accents and vocal tricks, and that later carried over into writing dialogue for characters from different regions and backgrounds.

very long, in-depth answer:

the thing about accents is that, in technicality, every single person in the world has an “accent”—for purposes of, mostly, speech therapy (be it for people who are the victims of strokes or head trauma, or for people who want to train their way out of a speech impediment) there’s a “standard” version and accent of every language and region. in english, the main ones are “north american standard”, “british standard”, and “australian standard”. but the fascinating thing about those is that nobody speaks that way.

“no, i’m american and i don’t have an accent! i talk exactly like north american standard!” no you don’t! every single region of the united states has, at minimum, one speech quirk that may or may not be found in other parts of the united states! the two that are most prevalent are the lack of pronunciation of two ‘r’s in the middle of a word—mirror pronounced “meer” instead of “meer-ror”, horror pronounced “whore” instead of “whore-ror”corridor pronounced “core-door” instead of “core-rih-door”—and the lack of pronunciation on two ‘t’s in the middle of a word—mitten pronounced “mih’en” instead of “mitt-ten”, button pronounced “buh’un” instead of “but-ton”, bottle pronounced “bodle” instead of “bot-tul”. then you have regional term variants—“pop”, “soda”, “soda pop”, “coke”; “water fountain”, “drinking fountain”, “bubbler”; “server”, “waiter”, “waitstaff”.

“but that’s just how i talk in casual settings! i use north american standard and the proper word when i’m at work/at school/academically/professionally!” exactly! that’s what an accent is! the way you talk in a casual setting is your natural accent! the way you talk to other people where you’re from is your natural accent! and, crucially, there are some contexts where your accent lessens!

when writing a character with an accent, it’s possible that they won’t have the strongest or most noticeable accent or dialect—in particular, in writing—when talking to people who don’t share that accent with them. when talking to people with accents that differ from our own, or when concerned about our clarity, or if generally invested in propriety, we tend to slow down, speak more deliberately, and use less “unclear” speech quirks. the more familiar we are with someone, or the less concerned we are about being misinterpreted, the more we might talk in our more natural mode of speech.

and even within the same accent, there might be variations and quirks specific to the person talking in terms of how much slang they use, how much they shorten sentences, how many region-specific figures of speech they use. if you’re trying to nail down a character voice that doesn’t have very much material to reference, it can help to find a different individual or character with more material who has a similar pattern of speech. it can be a twitch streamer, podcaster, youtuber, central character in a television show, anyone who talks casually for longer durations of time and with variations in their emotion, speed of speech, energy level.

there’s also a massive amount of variation in terms of who’s being spoken to! we tend to tighten up and speak more “properly” around authority figures, when in front of larger groups, around strangers, that sort of thing. conversely, when around a group we would consider “natives” to the type of dialect we prefer to speak, we might loosen up. this is sometimes called (to my recollection) a “sociolect”. in the real world, the comparison can be drawn to a “blaccent”, or to the “gay accent/gay lisp”, or to using “Esperanto”. this divide can be based on race, queerness, culture, generation, type of employment, or any other number of things, often in a combination.

when you encounter a word in a dialect you don’t speak and you don’t know what it means, try looking it up and comparing it to other usages you can find—don’t assume you understand the meaning at a glance, and don’t trust the very first source you hear it from. “bless your heart” seems so nice, but is in fact more brutal than a gunshot wound when said in the right tone. meanwhile, in australia, being called a “mighty cunt” is one of the friendlier terms someone might refer to you with. and consider a person’s region within the context! in the american midwest, a native saying that someone else there is “really nice” is a nothingburger. everyone is really nice. that’s considered a baseline expectation. but saying someone in Paris, France is “really nice” is absolutely buckwild and something very strange is happening. in Mexico, a native saying someone is a “good man” in a serious tone is rather kind, but in Poland, a native saying the same thing about someone in the same tone of voice is an extremely high compliment to be giving and implies a level of closeness between the speaker and subject rivaled only by siblings.

ultimately, when in doubt, find more material to reference! you don’t need to reinvent the wheel—and when that fails, try a beta reader. the back and forth with another living person is so incredibly helpful, and a ton of your revisions will happen in the four seconds before you send the document over, or will come as you’re frantically editing it hoping to outpace the speed they read at.

i hope some of this is helpful and i haven’t horribly misquoted anything!

[dyke-quixote]

Very well, bio headcannons time. Also going off anon jumpscare. Yknow how a lot of earlier media makes vampires undead? Was thinking about if that part of vampire lore would apply to bloodfiends at all, and well…

To get to the headcannon: bloodfiends being some manner of undead is actually a common misconception based on a couple things, but mostly because bloodbags are some form of undead. To put it simply, blood within a human turned body becomes a sort of semi concious entity that moves on its own, and is the source of many bloodfiend instincts. There’s also a lot of energy stored or created in their blood just via emotion so it can run hot.

In bloodbags their “living blood” (blood is already alive but it’s good shorthand for what im describing) fights the human body and kills the brain, with the rest of the body only being alive because the blood moves through the heart on its own and forcefully pumps it. It’s easy to tell the difference between this and a normal heartbeat because it’s frantic and inconsistent, stopping, slowing or starting again at sudden intervals as the blood runs wild out of control in there. Their lack of higher consciousness beyond going after humans and following bloodfiend orders is also cause whoops brain dead, so their blood does all the thinking. The crystals on bloodbags start as hardblood esque scabs replacing dying flesh in areas, but the blood doesn’t really know when to stop doing that so more blood just keeps getting in, thus it crystallizes.

By contrast in bloodfiends the brain lives and supplants the will of the “living blood” and thus they essentially become one conscious organism. Their body stays alive, and their blood generates energy without exterior input, thus why they have little need to eat or drink. They’re also capable of higher thought obviously, and their still living heart now serves more of a purpose to keep the blood in their body under control. Any attempted pathogens or other illness causers are basically consumed the moment they enter the bloodstream of a bloodfiend, so bloodfiends actually normally can get away with having lower natural body temperatures than humans with little consequence, though this can make them less energetic by default. However they kinda need the gap as their body temperature can also increase a lot more than humans as like I said earlier, their blood can very much run hot due to emotions. In the literal sense. As they get all their energy from emotions, emotional deficits by the brain fuel bloodfiend hunger while emotional fulfillment combats it. The idea of blood and mind sort of being separate sources of bloodfiend consciousness is actually the principle by which I imagine rocinante functions too.

As a very powerful bloodfiend Quixote is capable of such well controlled blood manipulation that he’s able to separate out a good portion of his blood into a new semi consciousness that functions like the “living blood”. By using rocinante as a mental stop gap of sorts between the two sides of a bloodfiend Quixote can essentially filter out a lot of the impulses in his blood that don’t interact with his brain, along with some physical symptoms. As his kindred some it is even more effective on Sancho as the first kindred’s blood carries power over her both physically and mentally. And I think that’s everything! Quite a lot, honestly.

Oh I love this. I definitely can see it and may adopt parts of it... I already thought about blood being pretty close to this for Bloodfiends. We love when there's an almost parasitic thing happening in there... ugh so good... I love this. Weird living blood... the nature of a Bloodfiend literally being fiendish blood... blood is their everything...

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen, i just followed you and this is really random but ive seen some of your posts helping younger people and it really struck a cord and i need to just let the words fall out of me.

ive been having issues with my girlfriend she cheated on me but this situation is very complicated and we're both fucked up people but i know she still loves me and i really love her. but my anxiety and our lack of communication is really bad right now and im so worried she might not love me the same anymore

ontop of this im 18 and for the past id say 5ish years my mental health and family life has been getting worse, getting diagnosis is hard especially with mentally ill and just overall bad parents that somehow dont understand or believe. i know im deppresed and have been i have anxiety, sever paranoia maybe bpd and bipolar and autism and everything is just so much. now the one person i had is something thats making everything hurt more and i just don't know where to go, im trying to get help but its so slow in this country and i feel so lost and tired i barely eat now and when i do its ether rare or unhealthy and everything is so much i want to collapse.

i hope this isn't to much to randomly send anonymously but you just seem really kind and helpful. thank u for your reply if you do

HI and please accept my apologies for the delay on answering this. I am sorry you are going through so much. My kids are adopted from foster care and I had many kids in my home for up to 5 years who eventually went back home. That is to say I have a lot of experience with mental illness, the systems that treat them, trauma and kids who came from unstable home lives.

At the ripe old age of 18 you have plenty of time to find love and contentment but right now might not be the time. I understand there might be odd circumstances that caused your girlfriend to cheat on you. If you feel betrayed and lost trust that is a feeling that is next to impossible to overcome for people with no comorbidities let alone a teen trying to figure herself out and deal with navigating the broken mental health/care system.

It is actually quite normal for young love to change and get redefined into friendship even when the circumstance are the best. Her cheating on you might very well be a sign that your relationship is in flux and not what you thought it was. A romance that has run its course is not a failure, relationships do not have to last forever to be important and real and worth having had.

It might be scary to think of not being with her, of not having your "one" person that you can count on but I do believe you can get farther working on yourself if you put time and energy into you and not dividing it up between you and her.

There is a lot of precedent set for women to set aside their romance and intimacy in order to be just friends while one or both does some work on herself. Sometimes it is necessary to stay involved for emotional support or financial support, that is just the reality of our world. Living single can be very difficult.

Please consider letting go of the relationship in its current form and putting your energy of yourself. Letting go of the stress of trying to repair what you had with her will remove so much pressure from you and from her that you will feel much more ready to tackle your mental state.

I promise. You are not a failure, she is not "the bad guy" in this story. Take all the wonderful things you shared with her keep those with you when you want a reminder that it loving her was worth your time even if it didn't end like you planned.

Seek mental health help but starting small. A therapist can help you begin to talk through things and often she can help you find additional resources like a medical Dr, public subsidies for insurance or free clinics to assist you in getting medication and mental health support. Most counties have a social services office and those employees are a wealth of information.

[katya45kg]

Weightloss tips u may not know about or do but don’t know the science behind them 🩷🫶🏻

1. After a 48hr fast your dopamine receptors reset. For example: a mars bar gives u a dopamine hit? Gone. Try eating fruit now, it will taste better, sweeter & its more healthy for u. - source “Fast like a girl by Dr Mindy Peltz”

2. The reasons why people can’t stop themselves from binging is because of sugar and flour. Eating those foods or food containing them MAKE u hungry. The best way to satisfy yourself after a meal is to cut those products out. I eat only fruits and vegetables and i find that after lets say 2 tomatoes or a banana, i feel satisfied. Some days all i eat is a piece of fruit for snack and a salad for dinner & im fine. - source “Bright line eating by Susan Peirce Thompson”

3. After 3 days of fasting, the hunger goes away. Push through it & you’ll notice it gets easier. When u break your fast ALWAYS do it with something healthy like fruits or vegetables. Going back to like ice cream will ruin the dopamine receptors and you will crave unhealthy foods again. - source I can’t remember but ive heard it heaps on YT videos & ive tried it and can vouch for that tip.

4. After 2mins of running or high intensity exercise, your body runs out of energy & begins to fuel you by producing cortisol to keep u going. High amounts of cortisol results in your body storing BELLY FAT. So if u happen to notice that u store belly fat mainly, that could be the reason. Source - Autumn Bates on YT (i forgot which vid but i think maybe it was a tik tok, sorry.)

5. Starvation mode is a myth. Look at prisoners of war for example. They are so emaciated due to lack of food, if “starvation mode” was true, they wouldn’t end up like that. Maybe u may not loose for a few days but that is your body holding water or possibly gaining muscle, if it prolongs further than this see my next tip. Source - i forgot im so sorry, possibly a podcast?

6. Your body has a natural rhythm known as the circadian rhythm. This in short like an internal clock that regulates our sleep-wake cycle and other bodily functions. It helps us feel awake during the day and sleepy at night. It's influenced by factors like light exposure, hormones, and daily routines. It means that your body doesn’t digest food the same at night, if at all. It isn’t supposed to. If u feed yourself after 6-8pm, the digestion process is slower, much slower. This can cause to hormones being released at the wrong time, storing fat, keeping u awake etc. It is best to not eat after 6pm (if u heard this tip from ur mother growing up, it is actually science backed, its not so u “eat less & that makes u loose weight” its because u stop eating after a certain time. It is actually because your body isn’t designed to digest food late in the night and so u loose fat easier.) Source - “Change your schedule, change your life by Dr Suhas Kshirsagar”

7. Birth-control whacks out your hormones. If u are on BC & find u have all these cravings & can’t seem to restrict, thats most likely the reason why. A lot of doctors will tell u “its just water weight” but thats not the case. The constant stream of synthetic hormones keeps your body in a state that similarly reflects how u feel the week before your period (bloated, craving, tired etc) and u feel this way continuously. Im not saying go off birth-control but if you are puzzled as to why u may feel like this & u are on BC this may be the reason. Source “Your brain on birth control by Sarah Hill”

8. Also on the topic of hormones, if u aren’t loosing weight no matter what u do or its very slow progress, it can be due to a hormonal imbalance. Exactly which one im not sure, it depends on you and your body. U can see which hormones are out of balance via online tests (idk what to google i read it in a book). Completing tests online can give u a rough idea of which hormones may be unbalanced and then u can go to your doctor and request certain tests to medically check. Your dr can then advise you on what to do to balance them. You may also have hyperthyroidism which can make u constantly tired, unable to loose weight and sensitive to stress. Source - “Hormone repair manual by Lara Briden”.

That is all i can think of rn. I have read all books i have sited & many many more. There is definitely a huge science to weight loss and i may make another post in the future stating what i have learnt. Most books are written by drs or people of similar qualifications. I applied all these to my life and loose weight continuously. My mother is also a certified nutritionist, personal trainer and life coach & she also follows all these things & has read the same if not more books. She is almost 50 & bmi 18.3 & has consistently been this way for my whole 21yrs of living even after having 3 kids. She doesn’t loose weight due to her high calorie intake (like 3k cals a day) but she also doesn’t gain weight so if u follow these examples by restricting u will see major weightloss. I also have lost 5kg in 8 days from following these tips this relapse & last relapse i lost 30kg in 4ish months from these tips.

[pinkmoonastro]

12th House Transit, anyone?

I've been going through 12th house transits for over a year now and im spiritually tired but also feeling like I'm almost finished with the marathon. The 6th and 12th house have been giving me the ick. My career path has been stressing me. I left one field a while ago and have yet to find my footing somewhere else. The jobs i've had haven't worked out or haven't been what i expected. Its been so disappointing. My love life has been a confusing mess of delusion and hurt. Ive done things i never thought i would've. I ended a situationship thats been going on for 2 years. Ive met new people that lowkey i wish i hadn't. Its been interesting... My creativity has been lacking, feeling uninspired quite often and also unattractive. Which is kinda new for me ima aries being conceded is literally just in my dna. I havent had a interest in posting on social media like that. I deleted my socials a multiple times during this year. A month hiatus was the longest stretch. This is the first time in my life ive actually been serious about getting a therapist. My mental health has been a rollercoaster. Lonely has also been a theme. Ive always been introverted my sun is Natally in the 12th but this is a different kind of lonely. Ive resisted meditation so much which makes zero sense. Just sulking in the sorrow but there's been many times where i felt like i needed faith and hope so i had to stop running from myself. I dont think people talk about 12th house transits enough. Its very similar to the 8th but the 8th is like getting your finger chopped off and the 12th is like getting a flesh eating bacteria that slowing claims your finger. Anyways, its been unpleasant but mars goes direct soon and my planets enter the 1st house shortly after. I'll be glad to be working with less serious energies. I've learned a lot about who I thought I was and my mental has shifted a lot too. Letting go of thought patterns that have kept me in a mental prison. Lowkey I could've ended up in a actual prison during this transit. It been like that... Meditation is not optional with 12th house transits. Trust me, just do it.

Luv of Marz

[forecast0ctopus]

yoooo do you have any tips for loosening up figures in art :O my people in my drawings are WAY too stiff (prolly bc I learned to draw by drawing poses from historical portraits lol)

i'll warn you that i am not the best with words, but i'll do my best to kind of explain how i go about things!!

okay so, to keep things loose, when im sketching i really try to focus on only the general shapes and lines of motion. in the drawing of merlin and arthur i just did my very first sketch looked like the one on the left, before being refined to the one on the right!! i do. probably too much refining of my sketches. but i figure i should still show how i got there haha

honestly for a lot of my first sketches i zoom in a ton and draw them reeeally tiny because it gives me less pixels to work with and therefore i actually cannot do any detail or it would all be lost haha. then i just scale them up to do some more refined sketching on top.

one of the most important things for me is to use quick, long strokes because then your lines form a more natural curve!! if you're using short, slow strokes it can impede the flow and make things look stiff. this is super important to maintaining that energy in linework too (and the edges of colors, if youre working lineless) ill give this sketch i never finished as an example

long strokes help to keep the flow of the initial sketch without getting lost in the details (which you can see me getting a little lost and repeatedly drawing over pacifica’s skirt, it lacks the energy of the rest of the sketch lmao)

an unfortunate reality of course is that just drawing things a gazillion times will help you loosen up your sketching a lot because you'll form your own sort of shorthand for things in your sketches. its tedious as hell but it sure does work lmao

anyways none of this is like. the end all be all of art or anything, its just what works for me!!

[wttcsms]

sorry if you're not comfortable answering this, but I saw you say that you've been diagnosed with depression. how did you know when to seek help?

tl;dr: from a young age, i never lived a healthy lifestyle with an easy pace. i (and maybe even my family) put too much pressure on me, and i never really coped with it in a healthy manner. my attempt at handling things "with ease" and "not stressing" was actually just me bottling up my emotions, and it's not until things started getting really bad that i finally sought help.

nothing uncomfy abt it at all! discussion of mental health is pretty important! tbh, i never thought i would have depression or be diagnosed with it; i started showing symptoms for around a year before i started really thinking to myself, hey, i think there might be something up with me mentally and this isn't just some silly, quirky thing i'm going through. ever since i was around 18, i went through great lengths to ensure i would achieve maximum academic success but while being a full-time college student and consistently working 60+ hours a week (70+ during the summer bc my junior year internship was so intense; i also went to college 2 years early, so i think that's when the internal pressure to "do well in life" began) was taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically. i would survive off of 4-5 hours of sleep, consume concerning amounts of caffeine, i was losing hair, i was losing drastic amounts of weight, i was breaking out and breaking down, and even when i got better, i still wasn't fully ever healed from that experience purely bc my schedule just never slowed down.

i am still a full-time student, i am still working 7 days a week, leading to 60+ hours (40 hours internship, 20 hours at my weekend part-time job). on top of that, i am in the second to last semester of my grad school, i help out around the house bc after my older sister moved out, i took over the eldest daughter duties, i am still holding myself to a very high standard academically (already planning to apply to phd programs, studying for the cpa exam, already have another summer internship lined up). i knew things were getting bad because 1) i am finally older (im abt to turn 21! yay!) and i realized that the lifestyle i'm living isn't healthy and 2) a lot of my behaviors didn't feel "normal" to me anymore. it finally hit me around two months ago, when i realized that i sort of lost my love for fanfiction. i've been in a weird mood where i didn't want to read any fanfic whatsoever, but i chalked it up to being "too busy" and focused on other things. when i couldn't even find the energy to read my own mutual's fanfic, i knew something was up bc i always try to power through and remain enthusiastic on my friends' behalf. more behaviors that were a cause for concern:

my disinterest in everything that brought me joy previously. sweet treats at the end of the day, coffee before work, buying makeup from sephora, cleaning my room (sounds silly, but i love having a clean living space and cleaning my room used to be a source of peace and joy for me), writing fanfiction, reading books, watching youtube videos, catching up on shows that would release weekly and that i used to count down the days to watch — none of it held my interest. i wasn't excited, i didn't care.

it wasn't just a lack of joy from things i loved, either. rejections from programs i looked forward to/rejections from opportunities, abysmal grades in class, looming deadlines that i most likely wouldn't make, growing assignments on my work to-do list; none of this elicited a reaction from me. there was no stress (that i was feeling; subconsciously, i think the stress was still there and i just refused to acknowledge it), but there also wasn't disappointment or sadness. i had no emotional response to anything, and that was very concerning to me, and the main reason i contacted my sister and then her boyfriend (who is a licensed psychiatrist)

i could sleep for 12+ hours a day. there are many days in the week where all i want to do is rot in bed. not even in a "go on my phone and dick around in bed" type of way, either. i would have certain days where i couldn't leave the bed. sometimes, i wouldn't even feel tired, but i would just sleep. my internship is wfh and if it was a slow day with no assignments, i would clock in and spend that whole day in my bed, sleeping. it got to the point where i wish work was busy so i would have something to force me out of bed. yes, i would be aware of my tiredness sometimes, but this felt different altogether. i just wanted to basically hibernate lol.

i had constant headaches. i thought it was because of the nature of my job, where i look at computer screens all day, or maybe it was bc i wasn't drinking enough water. i would also get unexplainable cramps sometimes.

tmi, but little to no pleasure and an extreme decline in interest in sex

i had extreme issues with focusing on work and studying; a lot of my work (and school materials) centers around thinking through problems and applying tax law or guidance to certain situations.

my diet fluctuated; some days, i wouldn't want to eat, yesterday, i gorged myself on food, eating to the point where even i had to pause and go wtf.

not very often was i randomly sad, nor did i ever want to kill myself or self-harm; when i was a teenager (17/18) and probably showing signs of depression, i was very irritable, angry, sad, and had suicidal thoughts, thought i was worthless, an idiot, etc. however, i mostly just feel empty and apathetic during my episodes now.

what helped me seek help was knowing that my behaviors and how i was feeling didn't feel healthy, but also, my best friend recently shared her diagnosis with me and i would have never thought she would be depressed. my sister's bf was also a major help in getting me comfortable to consider the possibility of having a mental illness and also in finding someone to talk to. hope this helps!

edit: forgot to mention it, but i exhibited many/all of those symptoms for around the past 3 months before ever seeking help. those behaviors started manifesting tremendously and seriously disrupting my daily life, and i knew i needed to do something to get my life back on track.

[hqryrp]

just watched all the films and i’m

PLEADINGGG for a drarry rp

i’m not picky, assuming this’ll get any reach..? be at **least** eighteen if you’re going to dm!! i won’t pry for an age if it’s not public, but i am trusting you and would appreciate that you do not take advantage of that.

i don’t really wanna do any ships outside of drarry atm.. but i’m open to any mxm ship, usually.

haven’t made a partner-search post in a longgg time, so i’m definitely rusty. i’m an adult, though i don’t feel comfortable disclosing my age, and a student (PST), which means i’m free a lot of the time, but i can get pretty slow whenever i get backed up, sorry! in writing, i will always use proper grammar & capitalization, (this post is meant to be casual so i did not care to include it) and expect the same of any partner :] i write anywhere from semi-lit to novella, just depends on your energy (i mirror)

i am very familiar with all themes in the film, however my knowledge on the books is lacking atm.. currently rereading :]

once again, i’m not picky!! u don’t have to be in the same time zone or be any sort of professional. i don’t have any plot ideas and am open to literally anything right now. i’d love to hear your thoughts!

ALSO

i use discord as my primary rp platform, so it’d be soo great if we could more there.

all else fails, i hope i find someone i can talk to about the franchise since im getting so into it again </3

this tagging is so weak umm yeah thank you for reading !!!!!!!!

[hollowfaith]

1, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

QUESTIONS FOR MUN

1. Who has been your favorite muse to play?

ughhhh this is hard...im gonna cheat and go for nostalgia ok

although i think i missed the mark with her muse in some places i have a special fondness for dahlia hawthorne and her specific brand of caustic sarcasm.

i don't think i've ever come up with so many different creative insults during her runtime...also she had the neatest mix of relationships with random muses, not just in AA cast (tho i remember her tormenting at least 3 different feenies??) but beyond, notably izaya and edward cullen comes to mind.

i also really liked my run as kasen kanesada because he's a very lyrical sword (or at least works hard to cultivate that image) so i had to express that in writing and ended up having a lot of fun doing flowery replies and making up poetry and generally going big ham. (it did take a lot of mental energy though so i started losing steam later on.)

i remember he had a thread with FGO Shakespeare that was pretty nice cause we got to be nerdy and talk about eastern/western literature lolololol, then for his challenge he had to kill like 5 ppl in 24 hours so i actually got 5 volunteers to get decapitated and RP'd mini threads with them all, which was wild (and again a very, very random mix of muses including X-Files Fox Mulder)

i didn't RP OCs back then but i like them a lot now too! the lack of art is an unfortunate reality but the amount of customization you get in exchange...so powerful.

5. What is the most difficult thing about writing your current muse?

stupid guy won't just kiss klaus and marry him that would solve 99% of their problems hey klaus are u listening u need to seduce this idiot or something so his brain has nothing but u all day to keep him out of mischief hey hey klaus

ahem

also his unspoken obligation to be lawful good (in his POV) really limits his ability to "act out," so sometimes i need to find different ways to de-escalate situations before he hits moral event horizon. you know, flattery and adoration goes a long way in wrapping him around your finger, i'm surprised more people don't try (i guess they can't stand him long enough to get there lol)

7. Who was the very first muse you ever wrote?

i remember answering this question on another meme maybe...?

there's a more accurate answer now: pre-tumblr, i remember RPing a Lopmon on some digimon forum once upon a time. also remember the mod that was RPing with me called me out for "slight godmodding" because i was describing how my digimon was crossing a bridge and apparently that was taking things too much into my own hands LOLOL

8. Have you ever written a novel? If not, does it interest you?

i've started written novels but i haven't finished any except for like, a couple of original oneshots. technically Veoc is a supporting character/love interest (spoilers: he's not the canon pairing) in a sci-fi story where i have the general plot laid out but y'know, actually writing it is... *flops down*

9. Do you write fanfiction, or have you in the past?

i definitely wrote more in the past but i've slowed down to a trickle since then. uhhhh i want to start up again, maybe with drabbles/oneshots, but i need to catch up on canon first before i try to do the characters justice

10. Do you like stylized icons and formatted text or do you prefer to keep things simple?

god a part of me regrets giving Aury his fancy brackets b/c i have to copy/paste that thing in every reply

so yeah i am never doing that again i just wanna open up a post and type my reply and be done with it, bless.

same with icons as long as they show a face and expression (or even body part) im happy wheee i've got plots to write

11. When did you start roleplaying?

i can't remember...gotta be probably early to mid high school cause i didn't know RP existed back then

12. Have you roleplayed anywhere other than tumblr?

forums, emails, tried a LJ group but my app got rejected so i didn't even get in (ROFL), tumblr has been the most stable medium with most long-term interactions though

[1kroolkroc]

More Jevil headcanons :D

Source: idk im bored lol

Also, flashing warning and volume warning for some of the videos I've linked

Jevil plays Maple Leaf Rag on the piano at breakneck speed, then transitions it into the fast part of Hungarian Rhapsody no. 2, then throws in a Freedom motif out of nowhere, and transitions it into Slider from Super Mario 64! Then as the cherry on top, he transitions it into a 100,000 note cover of UN Owen Was Her, and in the middle, finish it all off by turning it into the ending part of Battle Against A True Hero! On top of that, he plays an accordion with his feet, a triangle with his tail, the piano with one arm, the trumpet with another, and drums with a pedal

Keep in mind that he does all of this, both to troll the music snobs, and because he's bored, but mainly to troll the music snobs

He calls the Creation from Frankenstein "Frankenstein" on purpose

He intentionally pronounces and spells "mischievous" the exact same way you would "devious" ("Mischievious")

Jevil is a night owl and will stay up until the crack of dawn, then wake up at around 1 to 2 PM

He gets random bursts of energy at night and will pace around the entire dungeon cell, which is part of the reason he has a hard time sleeping at night

He's up to date on memes, but will misuse them on purpose just to see how many people he can make cringe, how hard he can embarrass them, and how quickly they beg him to stop

When he cries, his eyes burst with large waterfalls of tears, he hiccups and sobs very loudly, and his limbs flop like noodles! If you want to comfort him, the best way is to just be there beside him and let him rant

If Jevil doesn't get the joke, he'll crack his own joke instead; nobody has to know that he didn't get it, and nobody ever will know

He doesn't have much people to talk about nihilism with; in his experience, most people are usually either depressingly sad over life's lack of meaning or annoyingly angsty and edgy about it. He doesn't really get to talk to many people about the freedoms that this philosophy provides for him, because people are generally really obsessed with meaning and purpose, to the point where they can't imagine a life without either of those things

If a mind-reader tried to read Jevil's mind, they would immediately be bombarded with a mish-mash of several noises, all of which overlap each other and jump from one topic to an entirely different one, with absolutely no rhyme or reason to any of it, whatsoever! They'd experience a heavy dose of sensory overload and would never be able to make sense of it! Not even Jevil himself can tune out, slow down, or decipher the constant stream of chaos in his head