#im just tired of trying to enjoy something
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"happy birthday", feat. prototype! viktor.
summary: it's your birthday today, why not enjoy it sleeping with your partner?
word count: 360.
content warning: established relationship, reader has longish hair (enough to twirl it). and fluff! :p (and it might be a bit ooc im sorry for it
author notes: this one is a little birthday gift for a mutual ( @zerun0 ) bcs today is her bday and i wanted to do something! im sorry if its tiny, i needed to write it quickly :(. but anyway, hope u like it!! :DD ((and again im writing til 5AM oh fuck
behind the windows, the faint sunlight peeked from in-between dark curtains, making the room a only bit brighter, but enough to disturb viktor's sleep. he rolled to the side, yawning and rubbing his eyes, trying to pry away from his slumber.
he looked to the ceiling, blinking continuously, pupils still adapting to the light that now bathed the room, reflecting and projecting itself upon your sleeping form. and, janna, what an angelic sight.
first, he was just admiring you, he didn't want to wake you up early this morning, it was your birthday, you should decide things today. but he couldn't help it, his hands quickly found their way to your messed up hair, adjusting to it's typical placement, so it wouldn't bother you. soon he was playing with the ends of your hair, twirling it around his finger, amazed with how it curled against the metal.
“vik?”, when he heard your voice, he stopped his movements. you looked at him with tired eyes and furrowed eyebrows, it was uncommon for days to be this bright in zaun.
he let go of the hairlock he was toying with, placing the same cold, metallic hand over your cheek, caressing it, observing how your body relaxed and searched for more of his affection, “didn't think you would wake up this early, love. but, since you are already up –”, he got closer to you, kissing the top of your head, “happy birthday, my darling,” throwing a lopsided smile at you, now, kissing the cheek he wasn't holding.
“oh, thanks vik,” you placed your hand over his, warming a bit its cold exterior, “but may i make a wish now?”, he eyed you with curiosity, tilting his head to the side, making some grey strands fall over. you reached for them, smothering back to its place with your free hand, “what about just five minutes more, hm?” you playfully smiled at him, adjusting the blanket over you both, while hearing viktor's laugh being suppressed by his hand.
“quit laughing! i want to sleep!”, you said jokingly, trying to act as serious as possible.
“sure, anything you want, love. the day is yours.”
#—swe writes#arcane x reader#viktor x reader#viktor arcane#arcane#oh fuck its 5am i love my life#but happy bday zero!!! :DDDDDD#my mind is wonky. theres long time since i’ve written smth :(#still hope u like ur bday gift :]#thinking bout writing for other viktors skins ........#bcs the prototype one is just >>>>>
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Something that I see often on the revalink tag here is hate for revalink under the ship's tag- which is messed up.
I get it if you don't like revalink, if its not your thing, but leave that shit out of our tag. We're all out here just trying to enjoy a ship that doesn't deserve hate.
I have issues with Sidlink, but I'm not about to go tagging that in this post or if I ever made a post about my issues about it.
Basically, just let people enjoy their ships as long as they're not actually messed up. If you don't like seeing a ships content, filter it, or just don't interact, don't hate on something that makes someone happy.
#less organized ranting about to commence#look not liking a ship is perfectly fine#i dont like sidlink#i dont like miphalink#or there are other ships i dont like#but i just filter the tag#we have that function on this app#USE IT#besides 99% of the hate i see towards revalink is the fact that “revali is a dick”#but if you look at the subtext of the game#and the original translation#hes more insecure than anything else#besides enemies to lovers is one of the most popular fic tropes#so if thats your reason for hating on revalink?#hypocrite#anyway rant over#im just tired of trying to enjoy something#only to have to see people bashing something that makes me happy#revalink#the legend of zelda#breath of the wild
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How would you redesign Headmaster Magneto? Just out pf curiousity because while he served it didn’t feel like… Erik.
i have to keep it 100 i have no idea without just. rerunning his original design but with a palette swap LOL but we try around here
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#snap sketches#CAUSE LIIIKEE i want to keep SOMEE elements of the headmaster look obviously#i like its design intent. or how i see its design anyway idfk .... idk what im sayin im sleepy#just gotta. throw a few more things on there .... maybe... again i dont know 😔#the bigass M just makes me think of megaman gigamix i cant even lie#having/wanting to keep this as a one piece/leotard with that big ass m is probablyl whats stumping me if im so tbh#for some reason the lack of 'underwear' and helmet really is doing a lot for it Not feeling like magneto#the helmet i get Thats His Symbol ATP but the underwear ..... girl idk Strong Man or something like that#its just awkward because headmaster magneto is Supposed to be more tame or . 'domesticated' i guess vjALKE#not less powerful but he shouldnt be as intimidating/outwardly powerful if. that makes sense???#the first thought seeing him shouldnt be 'hes going to stomp me to death' it should be. Not That LKVJAEKj#BUT AT LEAAASSST in the back of the mind being likek 'he could probably stomp me to death'#SOME power but not to a threatening degree idfk what im saying my TUMMY IS RUMBLIGN AGAIN#what did i eat todasy. i ate like five hot pockets today thats what i ate. and some grapes#idk im tired. maybe ill try this again down the line#anyway enjoy if you can. saturday is upon us which means i can DOODLE AGAIN
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darkraiiiiii
#art#i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to#feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood#and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am#and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept#so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently#smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno...#and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic#so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say#but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain#i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually.#also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely)#+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight#pokemon#darkrai
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For your consideration.
(Reminder to vote in the poll)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#ouyang zizhen#red vs green saga#Well not quite yet. There are a few more days in the poll to go.#I have no true way of knowing who's winning unless it's over so I'm wishing both the best of luck#In my head Red was Ouyang and Green was Zizhen. But only one can be Ouyang Zizhen. Does this make sense#I wanted to do a bigger and sillier thing for the 4th month anniversary but I am just a bit to tired this week#Still gonna do it but maybe for next week or post-pone for next month#unofficially the red vs green boy sacrifice poll is now my legacy for the 4th month blog anniversary#I love them equally so this is balanced propoganda#I hope we all enjoy the next handful of comic where they get to co-exist </3#trying out something with my art here re:texturing but it does *not* scan well so Im mixed on the results
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?
I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice
#its just bygging me bc i know rationally they dont matter i knoe they dont#but i still feel it in my bones that im not good enough because my work doesnt circulate on platforms#i paint for fun and then i post and i get these feelings and theyre so goddamn annoying#i know to just keep posting anyway and try to enjoy the ride but my Depression Brain is such an asshole#i wish it would be quiet#i never used to feel this way either until likes and reposts/reblogs became so integral to social media#on top of needing commissions to get by while looking for work and attending school soon#idk maybe this is just a vent and ik no one can Fix it that simply#i guess im just speaking 2 the void rn and maybe others feel the same#*bugging#and i really am so grateful just to know anyone likes it or comments on it and reading feedback really really means so much#but i feel like unless im pumping out specific fandom stuff that doesnt really happen#but the negative thoughts and feelings can b rly strong sometimes and im just tired#im sure this is a depression thing too#hoping i can get into therapy thru school but it depends on finances as everything else in this world does 🫠#ill keep going tho#and please if you are someone who does comment or reblog and say something about the work please do not ever stop#it means so much to me and others im positive it does#i see you and i appreciate you so so much#thank you and thank you to anyone who reads or comments some ideas
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i think its weird how artists and especially youtubers will 'redesign' characters from media they deem problematic as though slapping a new coat of paint on the character erases all the issues they were rooted in to begin with. or as though redesigning the character makes them Better than the original creator, because now its THEIRS
#pine prattles#as a dude who has redesigned canon characters into ocs many times for personal benefit (drawing blorbo making silly stories)#i've never once been like yeah. i'm Better than the original/canon because i wrote something else#i see the 'problematic' media 'fixes' with hh/hb and stuff like yansim a lot#and i see the 'mine are better' 'redesigns' with stuff like su and mlp#and im just like. man. can yall just... draw fanart normal style#and understand that its okay to enjoy smth AND be critical of it#without HAVING to 'make it yours'#like if you wanted to make your own Hell Based Character Designs. you dont have to take hh/hb. you can just make new ocs#or if you wanted to make mlp ocs. no one is saying you have to draw Canon MLP Horse So Redesigned You Can't Recognize Them#or... like ppl try nd 'reclaim' HP sometimes and it makes me tired. just make a magic school. your own magic school. without the jk stuff.#idk! im tired#im surprised i've never stumbled on a 'redesigning south park characters bc theyre sorta yikessss....'#but then again. isnt that what panderverse is. they did it themselves
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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Flames,, blanket boy, my beloved
I gotta draw more art like this of him, he's such an odd creature I love him so much
There's so much to his character that I never talk about aaa I'll make a lore post eventually
#i have thoughts about this guy#he's so hungry for affection and that social and physical contact he see's all the people in his city get#he's takes up so much after them in so many ways#maintenance on this guy... mechanics working on checking all the wires and circuits and touching all the sensitive nerves and neuron flies#its nice that his entire structure is well taken care of but he also wouldnt be able to focus on anything else#he's so used to working in perfect undisturbed conitions..must be so distracting when something changes#he'd have his overseers watching as they plug things in and test stuff and poke around in his guts#and maybe he'll enjoy it a too much and he'll beep when a cable is pushed in.. its not like the sounds are unusual#the structure is alway whirling and buzzing.. whats a few extra clicks and hums when a particularly sensitive component is touched#its not like they would know unless they were really paying attention to the sounds and looking for a reaction#trying to please their beloved supercomputer#he longs for the same love they're capable of but it does quite work out. They can't hug him in a way that feels the same#does affection mean anything to him when its so little. They cant love him in a way that properly means something#i guess flames eventually getting into a relationship fills that affection hole#someone who speaks the same language. someone who he can relate to and understand#someone capable of touching all his systems in just the right way#ajfjsj went off i the tags here uh im so tired im kinda losing consciousness as i was typing oops#rain world#iterator#rain world oc#iterator oc#oc four blue flames#drawins#suggestive
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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Do yall like, know how to enjoy something w/o constantly criticizing it? don't you want to enjoy something-- anything for what it is? if it gives you joy and makes you happy, you dont have to be critical and pick a part about it to be a 'real' fan of the thing, or to show you're aware of the whatever problems it has.
just liking and enjoying it is enough.
#this has been on my mind for awhile cuz man#a lot of yall online really like to shit on others for simply enjoying any form of fiction especially if theyre not up for debating you lma#i dunno im coming from a place where im seeing so much awful legit bad things in the world that not only affect me#but people i love and strangers who are like me#i think it's good i escape in any form of fiction if it helps me digest my situation better#or even distract me from the awful stuff in the world right now#i just want to live without being overly critical and i guess so self-hating on myself for enjoying things#all for clout points or even pats on the heads by strangers who wouldnt give me the light of day if i said the wrong thing out of ignorance#or simple misunderstanding#dunno im just im not in a good spot mentally and im kind of tired of people trying to tell me how something is bad when i say i like it#even if you say you like it it's still annoying when youre nitpicking the thing#and no this isnt me doing hot takes this is me being genuine and actually concerned on the online culture of being critical#about everything
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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fandoms don't make theories anymore it seems. instead they get an idea of what they want to happen in their head and then use confirmation bias to try and prove that it will happen. they ignore any evidence that is contrary to this idea and will warp or say something is evidence to fit their narrative when really it's got nothing to do with it. it's kinda frustrating when you actually want to get into the theorizing side of fandom because it's so blatantly obvious that people don't actually know how to theorize and instead are just making shit up and calling it a theory.
#text#fandom#it's like the one part of fandom that should have people thinking deeply about the story characters and picking up on forshadowing is just#not doing that at alll#they are creating forshadowing that does exist they are claiming the tiniest things are evidence of something that isn't there#i legit saw someone say that mk would lose his eye in monkie kid and their evidence was...images of hm winking.....#im so tired of fandom spaces i really do try to enjoy myself but people in these spaces are unbearable
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Bleh.
#idk. experiencing that fun dooming feeling of knowing im too weird and sensitive to engage in proper fandom.#so i just watch everyone else have a fucking blast and i sit here in my 'i feel way too much way too hard' corner#i want to be able to engage in stuff more. to talk to people more. to ENJOY things more#instead i live in fear every fucking day of what thing is gonna accidentally upset me#and ill have to deal with the mental torment nexus that follows for the next 8 hours#like this cannot be normal. this has to be a thing that can be treated#but i have no money or resources to look into that#i just wish i was normal.#im so tired of making friends while wearing a mask#and realizing i can never take it off because they'll leave as soon as i do#be nice be agreeable be kind you have to you HAVE to or you'll have no one#idk i wanna give up im so tired all the time.#my ideas all feel like shit. all being creative has done is make people drop me and hate me.#im loved until im not what they want they thought i was.#im always needed never wanted.#i keep! trying to find spaces i feel like me in. that i feel GOOD in#and its the same fucking story no matter what. i never do it *right*.#i don't do ships right i don't do trans right i don't do bi right i don't do aro right.#every community has made it clear that im not what they want.#im tired of floating and being lost. what would it matter if i was lost forever that seems to be what the universe wants for me anyway.#im tired of living based on what everyone else wants#I'd rather die finally doing something just for me.#vent
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...
#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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