#im just so lonely i feel like my soul is breaking

[stinkrascal]

not to be dramatic but im genuinely so lonely and its breaking my heart

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw: SH and su!c!de

[thedeathdeelers]

I finished my first rewatch of lovely runner🥲 and I'm still not over it heh (and I don't want to be 🫠😂) so I was rewatching the scene where Sunjae and Sol meet right after Sunjae remembers everything (God just the angst of that *chefs kiss) and oh my God the tremble in Sunjae's voice when he asks her if she cried like that everytime she was lonely. Byeon Woo Seok's so good! This drama just keeps on giving 😭

thank you for this because it gave me the chance to rewatch that scene specifically 😌 for science 😌

(but ayy!!! now onto the second rewatch!!) (but yeah i’m halfway through my rewatch but i’ve slowed down so i can avoid reaching the eNd again 🥲)

honestly everything about that moment was SO. WELL. DONE.

the lead up??? a masterpiece. the memories pouring in while sunjae tries to keep up, his eyes his facial expression feeling like it’s all too much but everything suddenly makes SENSE - the heartache the joy the confusion the undERSTANDING the despERATION

lying there on the street not even aware he nearly died- purely cause he’s drowning in everything sol!!! and then!! HE RUNS. HES RUNNING AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO!! he just needs to GET TO HER ASAP AND NOT LOSE HER AGAIN HE JUST HAS TO GET TO HER

i can’t even begin to imagine what he must’ve felt when he first lays eyes on her — like she’s not in his memories anymore- not the sol in all those different timelines, not the sol from this timeline when he didn’t recognise her

she’s here. she’s real. and he’s out of breath and his mind is a massive mess and his soul is exhausted but she’s here

and he’s starting to truly realise what she must’ve gone through…::repeatedly. having to see him die having to run around with all that burden on her shoulders

not telling anyone

making the decision to start all over again and keeping her distance from him- all alone. no one to confide in- not even him

his heart breaks - cause he knows what it feels like to live a life without her — both when he knows she exists and when he doesn’t

and he knows how horrible it is — but sol knew him and loved him and lived a life where he loved her too….and yet had to go through 15 years denying herself that joy and love and connection to keep him safe…such a massive selfless act..

all for him.

and now he’s staring at her out of breath with red eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks and he knows why. he finally knows the answer to the question he’s always asking her “why are you crying? did i do something wrong?”

he knows the answer…::and it’s not a happy one

AND NOW HE GETS TO SEE IT LIVE IN ACTION IN FRONT OF HIM- she’s obviously been crying and she’s trying to deny it and he realises this has been her life for the last 15 years….,.,,,…

“did you cry like that all the time? while missing that guy who forgot all about you?” screaming crying throwing up

(we have to give massive props to sol / hye yoon for the way she conveys emotion. it’s wild. insane. soljae wouldn’t exist without her and her incredible acting) (and the way she lets go of all the pain and longing and all those built up emotions that she’s been carrying with her the moment he says “sol-ah” istg)

like. i was fine before i started writing this but now im losing my mind a little sat at my desk in front of my excel sheet….

[belladonnamoonundead]

looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water maybe im too young to keep good love from going wrong but tonight you're on my mind so you'll never know broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it where are you tonight child you know how much i need it too young to hold on but too old to just break free and run sometimes a man gets carried away when he feels like he should be having his fun much too blind to see the damage he's done sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one so i'll wait for you and i'll burn will i ever see your sweet return will i ever learn lover you should've come over cos it's not too late lonely is the room the bed is made the open window lets the rain in burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him my body turns and yearns for a sleep that wont ever come it's never over my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder it's never over all my riches for her smile when i've slept so soft against her it's never over all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter it's never over she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever but maybe im just too young to keep good love from going wrong lover you should've come over yes i feel too young to hold on but im much too old to break free and run too deaf dumb and blind to see the damage i've done sweet lover you should've come over love well i've waited for you lover you should've come over cos it's not too late

[eighties-goth-suicide-note]

🎀

♥️

🔮

🌘

☂️

🍒

🍓

🥩

🥀

🌸

🌺

💖

💘

💌

💋

⛓️

🔪

answer to every single one or im using the last emoji to unalive myself

Hello my little Dove ♡︎

🎀 - How did you meet your Darling?

Well. . . . we met on a dating app ^___^' not our proudest fact but ... we fell in eachother personalities and were in a 3 day online relationship before seeing eachother!! thats so adorable

♥️- What's your favorite thing about your darling?

Beutiful, long eyelashes....and ocean blue eyes.. *blushes cutely* I also think that you have such kind and delicate soul but also the other half is filled with pure insanity and possesivness!!

🔮- What is your ideal date?

I just need your presence Darling, but im weak for forest, picnic dates, it would be so nice to admire the beauty of the nature with you! Juts imagine how lovely the birds would sing just for us, lonely in the woods. I have very good orientation in field, so taking you to a meadow deep in the forest wouldn't be a problem for me. We would have a delectable picnic with pastries I prepared all by myself and then I would try to paint you or play a song for you!! I also love museum dates . . . im a sucker for culture, I just find humans so interesing, I can watch paintings and wander what was the point behind it? Or watch some artifacts and imagine people, just like us, but many years ago living their little lives! Just like us now, we are also living little lives that take part in big history ! Ahhhh I can ramble for you for hours ! (´｡• ω •｡`)'

🌔- What is your ideal yandere/darling scenario?

I am drolling everyday at the thought of getting creepy letters.. .. ones are full of pure love, how my stalker wants to marry me, thinks im beautiful porcelain doll, they need me like oxygen, other with just lustful disgusting thoughts!! and the last - possesive, dangerous ones!! How im being stalked, how they love taking pictures of me, how they will kill all tthe people i talk to!! nhh g h g hh being followed would be sooo sooo scary i would be sooo terrifed that i would stay in my room and and then you would break into it because you will miss me soo much!!.. also kidnapping.. heh do i need to say more..

for me being yandere, i would find your scared face so adorable! You cant even imagine how awful i can get! i play the role of weak, petite doll for a reason, one day i will lock you up in my basemen . . . or maybe just put collar on you and chain you to the wall so i can see you right after entering living room. . . ahhh... . . to have my little pet waiting for me after a long day . . . i could do anything i want, the good and the bad, , that would be so fun to have you all defendless.. i could just put knife to your neck, scream at you . . ohh ho i would love that salty tears!! I would lick them off without second thought. And you would succumb to all my orders!!! you will be my pet and i will be your master ^__^ But with my harsh traning.. comes rewards, you will be the one reciving attention from me, i would shower you with kisses, make you homemade meals to watch your health ! It would be our little secret. I will be the source of all your happiness, sorrow and fear.

☂️- Do you have a rainy day plan for you and your darling for when you're stuck inside?

My darling playing brawl stars and hugged in his arm reading some good book and drinking hot tea ! (〃＾▽＾〃)

🍒- What are your yandere types (if you have them)?

I have them all in my bio silly... . but im both sadistic and masohistic... it just depends how im feeling :3

🍓- What is your favorite yandere trope or stereotype?

STALKER X VICTIM, the obsessive possesive ones, or when darling gets mad at yandere and they start crying, begging for forgivness on knees mnnn.

🥩- What is your favorite metaphor for love?

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?”  ִֶָ☾ ⟡ ݁₊

🥀- What would you gift your darling for a special occasion?

lego. or maybe some game... or flowers..because a beautiful boy like you deserve whole bouqet!

🌸- What is your least favorite yandere trope or stereotype?

really dense/oblivious love interests.. i like when yan hides for beggining, sends anonymous signs, ther darling gets so paranoid and then - yan catches them like a wild animal ^__^

🌺- What are you and your darlings respective aesthetics?

I adore gothic, dark academia, dark aesthetic... and my bf is just geek >w<

💖- Would you donate your organs to your darling if needed?

YES. But im afraid im to small for him >___<

💘- Do you have a future plan for you and your darling?

Yes, I can wait for you to finally be in the same uni as me and live together my love :3

💌- What was your first introduction to the yandere community/how did you find out you were a yandere?

Since I can remember I was a fan of dark fiction, I remember I found a stalker au usuk.... YES I WAS A HETALIA FAN. and also THE pregame saiouma fanfics... i have cluster B disorder so intense feelings for my favorite person was always a thing, but before my little lamb it was only platonic.

💋 - What is your love language?

Acts of service? Im busy girl so I always get happy when someone does little things for me. Quality time, I want to spend every second building great memories. Also getting long messages about devotion to me.

⛓️- What would break you?

Getting cheated on.

🔪- How far would you go to express your love?

Im capable of hurting myself or deleting everyone from my life just for one person. ( ❛ᴗ❛ )

Ahhh it got longer than i thought, I hope you enjoyed reading all of this sweetheart!! I hope you will send me more anons or repost more insane things i wuv you (〃＾▽＾〃)

[days-until-burnout]

could we mayhaps have some swedisdhbeans with a side of angst or whatver u like really.

one swedishbeans served cold! _____

�� Day 55 -

Characters - Iskall/Joel Words - 532 Time - 15 mins Content - Modern AU

Iskall knows he shouldn’t have come to the party. But the invitation was given, and the grapevine had told him he’d be there, so how could he not go? 

He knows, he knows so badly he shouldn’t have. And now he’s standing there, completely alone, apart from the few people he knows, watching him. Always watching him. There is something about him, he’s tried to explain to his friends. They’d sighed and rolled their eyes, but he knows there is something. How can someone be so magnetic? So majestic? Unreal and possibly a dream come true. There has to be something, a spell or voodoo or witchery, something that has stolen his attention and his heart, his very being and barely attached it to him. 

Iskall knows—it’s all pointless either way. 

The can in his hand goes warm, the beer no longer cool, no longer interested in it. It’s been a while too. How easily he blends into the crowd. He wishes he were braver, bolder, someone worth his attention, and maybe, just maybe his affection too. 

Joel can do better—Iskall knows. 

Joel’s been dancing all night, laughing and beaming that glee, that joy Iskall wishes to cause one day. Little smirks, pacing winks. Hands on hands, on bodies, Joel pulls whoever he wants into the dance floor. A pretty girl, a flustered guy. He holds them close, keeping them safe from the crowd around him, smiling at them like the world until they loosen up. And he can see it, in every single one of them, how their eyes change as the music changes, when distance grows between their bodies and Joel is dancing with someone else, Iskall can see how they fall in love like he did. 

He wishes he could see heartbreak too. Have someone with him too. Maybe they’d understand. Someone has to, one day, eventually. Can everyone love Joel, love him like he does, and be able to watch him make someone else smile and not have their heart shatter? Is everyone else stronger? Why can’t he be strong too? Maybe then, maybe if he changes, Joel will notice him. 

But someone is walking over, weaving through the crowds with purpose. Joel doesn’t notice, everyone else does. So they walk over, and Iskall knows his world crumbles when their arm wraps around Joel’s shoulders, how their hand glides behind his shoulders as they walk around, stopping in front of him. Smiles. It’s all smiles and looks, words only for each other. A hand on a hand. There has to be someone else breaking too, there has to. Iskall can’t be the only one. He can’t. 

The crowd keeps dancing, one soul less, and Iskall knows everything’s gone darker now without him. The light, the life of the party. Without him, things aren’t the same. And he knows, he knows someone else must feel it too. Maybe the murmurs he can’t hear are the saddened words of those who miss him, maybe those leaving are the lonely souls who lost purpose. 

But the party dies eventually, though it did long before sunrise for Iskall. He walks home alone, and he knows he shouldn’t have gone to the party.

_____

i was gonna work on a more complex request, but all my braincells went into this one au im cooking. it's consumed me. i am nothing if i'm not thinking about that au anyways, fun fact, i have another swedishbeans request, so if the other one is yours, i see you, and i hear you, i just dont have the brain to write it (i have a cool idea but you gotta bear with me for a bit longer) (i mean, also, that can be said for all the other asks. they are all lovely and i want to so badly. but circumstances. also, i kinda wanna do another art round. maybe ill do a request lighting round maybe maybe)

[inspector-m3]

Would you stay?

Im not quite sure what this is but I've been listening to some really depressing music so that what im blaming this on. The first chapter of immortal souls is in the works

Would you stay with me if I turned to a monster so different from how I used to be? I'm no longer human, I look so different. It's still me but I'm not the same, I'm a monster now, ugly and harsh.

Would you stay with me if I said I wanted to watch the world burn? leaving only us as the rest is used to keep us warm. Evil in a way that spurs the worst of chaos yet it's all for you. I'm not how I used to be, now a burning hot, filled with rage.

Would you stay with me if I said I could not feel love? If I said I could not feel love but I felt lonely without you? Would you stay through that loveless companionship? I'm not who I once was, there's no love, just emptiness and loneliness. Our so called love was just a charade to hide my loneliness.

Would you stay with me if I failed at everything? No matter how hard I try it all goes wrong in some way, a never ending cycle. I'm not the same anymore, consumed by the desire to succeed for once yet doused with failure after failure like its gasoline.

Would you stay with me if I descended into madness? My once calming laugh now echoes down halls and induces fear into most. Would you stay with me then? when I have to be tied up as to not tear my flesh from my bones, to stop myself from carving every inch of me to prove my love and desire for you.

Would you stay with me if no one else did? If everyone who saw me ran in fear and horror, would you stay? Whether it was my actions or looks that causes them to run all the way home so they can hide under their blankets. Would you stay by my side when I'm so disfigured on the inside and out that people cannot bare to look at me?

Would you stay with me if I never spoke a word to you? If all your questions and attempts at conversation were met with a cold silence, would you stay? If I only show my love through actions but never once utter the words "i love you"...would you stay?

Would you stay with me if I didn't exist? if our love was simply formed out of your loneliness and desperation to be loved by someone. Would you stay? When I dont appear in mirrors or photos or anywhere else but your head.

Would you stay with me even when I wouldn't? When I would leave myself at an abandoned bus station in a heartneat, loose myself in a crowd of people where I stand out so much but yet I'd look over myself, maybe I wouldn't even try to find myself. Would you stay with me when I dont understand how you could want to stay?

Would you stay with me even if I was not from this world? If I was unnatural and unbelonging of being on this earth with you. Would you stay? While I break the laws of nature and life to be here next to you?

Would you stay with me? When this is all over, all said and done...when I'm not quite the same as you remember me and yet I'm just about exactly the same. When my face doesn't look as young as it used to, but it shows the long times we had together. Would you stay when I grow old and forget your birthday? your name? your favourite flower?

Would you stay when all I can remember...is that I love you?

[bitchkay]

The court of darkness tag is looking lonely. Who’s your favorite consort and why?

I'm indecisive😶

I feel like this is common knowledge but I'm so deeply in love with Tino

kaytino is so real

He makes me so fuzzy inside🥰🥰

Tino is just such good soul, it genuinely hard to hate him like if you don't like Tino I don't trust you, im not talking hes just not your taste cus we all like different flavors no like if you genuinely dislike the man just say you hate green flags🙄✋🏽

Tinos just so considerate and accommodating and he has to be cus he deals with Lynt everyday who most notably takes life at his own pace but hes also so incredibly kind with these qualities to back him up

Tinos truely a nurturer at heart and takes great pride in taking care of the people he cares about but hes also a person you can really put your trust in an relax around, you wanna take care of him as much as he wants to take care of you

I think also because hes a person you can really trust is why I wanna fuck him so bad--

NO CUS--

Tino would never hurt me, not intentionally anyway plus Tinos a fucking freak in the sheets I would genuinely let him do whatever he wants to me

And Tino usually nervous and unsure of himself so when he takes control I'm like😳✨✨✨

I need him carnally

Baby girls can also be Daddys🙄✋🏽

Another obvious one but I love love love Rio, hes my man

My man my man my man

Hes so friends to lovers coded and I love me some friends to lovers

Hes so sweet and nice but also so open minded and sure of himself

Hes also a foodie, you cant go wrong with a boy that keeps you fed

Sometimes I feel like we go a little bit far with the whole him being oblivious thing cus hes not fully oblivious, at least to the definition of oblivious like yeah I love my himbo king and I love them when they're a little bit stupid but hes not child, I'd be more concerned with him not understanding the basic mechanics of sex as a grown adult then him just not getting the jist of certain things or cues the first time around

Sometimes it's funny, hilarious even but I digress

I feel like I've said this a bunch of times already but Rio just gives off this nostalgic feeling of new experiences almost like young love but not

Its like a growing feeling, like a love that can only get deeper with age, a love that started from nothing but a seedling into a well nurtured flower

Not just growing but growing together, figuring it out, helping eachother

Hes also so gentle like Rios 6'2 and buff, he knows his strength and doesn't wanna hurt you

My gentle giant♡

I would sit on his

That too anyway--

I would sit on his back while he does push up

And I'd praise him saying hes so strong

I'd be like Rio you're so strong☺️☺️

and hed be like thank you sunbeam and flex his biceps for me♡

Rios also good with kids

Rio would make an amazing father

I would know

Anyway

I also wanna fuck

Rios sexy yall

And hes also a person you can really trust like Rios not the type of person to betray someone trust if anything I think Rio would treat other people's trust as a gift and holds it with pride

In others words if he wanted me to do a split on it IMMA DO A SPLIT ON IT‼ 🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️

Anyway lastly Lance

My husband

Need it say more I love Lance with all my heart

Its pretty much all here

I love his mind and the way he thinks, I feel like Lance doesn't think hes a good person but in his heart he is, perhaps he doesn't follow the rules all the and talks back but his moral compass has never been wrong

Listen when I say I like bad boys I don't mean the leather jacket motorcycle vandalism type, I mean, would overthrow the government if he had the chance, questions authority and would break the law for a person in need

The leather jacket and motorcycle stuff is a plus tho--

Lance's worldview comes largely from the fact that he spent a good portion of his childhood raised by his mother living out of a beat up tent in the desert and really poor, he was apart of the resistance before he found out he was the son of the king and even then hid the fact that he was a prince from the resistance so he can still help them

Something I really like about Lance is his unexpected kindness, lance is mean, hes rude, he has impenetrable walls built up around himself but hes also respectful to those that deserve respect, and theres not one time where he sees someone that needs help and doesn't do it

He likes animals and animals like him too, children like him, I'm sure old people like him aswell

He kinda reminds me of Ryoji Ryukai from bad boys do it better but with less teenage angst lol and a little less of a tsundere

Also I wanna try Lance's smokes🤭🤭

Irian cigars👀👀

What's their weed like

You're telling me the smoke is purple⁉️⁉️

Lance dosen't smoke much after getting with MC which is understandable however I wanna try it like

I happen to be an enjoyer of oui'd

We can exchange 💨💨

You hit my dap I'll hit your pipe we give each other feedback

I'm talking as if I'm a stoner guys I swear I'm not

Don't do drugs kids😠☝🏽

Anyway

Me and Lance are actually pretty similar in the way we operate and carry ourselves

Very independent and like our own space but a good listener and open minded, opinionated but susceptible to change.

Something I really like about Lance and Mc is that MC is the yapper and Lance is the listener, and I think that's really beautiful I think every yapper needs their listeners and it's cute cus even if he may look uninterested he really is hanging on to every word she says♡

I wanna be his listener♡

I know lance doesn't express himself as much but I know he also has things to say and I wanna be the one to listen to him

Maybe he doesn't have much to say I'll still ask him how his day went♡ I'm interested in you baby, I like to hear your voice♡

I also Lance's I love voice, like every time I hear it I'm like😩😩

I hear on the title screen and I'm done for😵💫

No cus all hes saying is 'Makai Ouji to miwaku no nightmare' but his voice us so deep and sexy I want him

Lance's voice actor really deserves that raise, they feeding the girlies good😌

I also wanna fuck him

Like

Lance is in fact the hottest character in this game I'm sorry I had to tell the truth

If I was to rank the characters on attractiveness I would in fact put Lance at the top yes I would

Cus lance is so fineee

I wanna oil him up and throw him on the bed😩

Or the other way around👀

Either or👀

Lance has never disappointed in an epilogue that's my man right there

Freak in the fucking sheets

It started with his mischief ending.

[arkiwii]

Little prompt I wrote after Lone Trail. Silence's new life is a huge change to her, and it's something that impacts me a lot in her character. There's normally no spoilers other what is said in her alter's files. I wrote it at the first person, from Silence's point of view. I post it here completely because it's short, so it's alright.

I cried writing this so I hope everyone will cry equally, or else im a little wussy baby

"Just a dance"

Flashes of light and deafening noises took away my senses. It took me more than a minute to get used to the new environment behind the door. I knew I could not turn away or hide myself. Silent as my name, I now became the center of their conversation, the rising star they look up to.

Dressed in a way too luxurious black dress, I stepped carefully in the big hall. At my side, Saria was here, equally beautifully dressed. Many faces looked at us, different expressions, joyous greetings, and I replied to each of them individually, a forced smile on my face.

I could smell the alcohol, the perfume, as an orchestra concert added to the cacophony. Yet, I never had been one to enjoy attending parties.

It was now a common occurrence. On special occasions, me and Saria needed to attend these celebrations, as the representative of Rhine Lab. We could decline them, surely, but for our image, and to get the chance to create links and give birth to interesting collaborations and projects with other companies, we had to. It was not pleasing, and neither of us enjoyed it. Well, surely Saria has more experience - but me, I used to be nothing but a researcher.

I can't recall how long I spoke. It felt like words flowed from my mouth without ceasing. Many different voices, many new faces, a flow of questions, I had to keep up. I could feel my throat getting dry, and my chest vibrating from my voice. Drinks were turned down, worries were dismissed, my image had remained flawless.

Sometimes, I ask myself if I appreciate my new life. Working as the executive advisor of Component Control, as well as Rhine Lab's representative on the Scientific Ethics Consensus Committee, is… Different. This is not a simple work as a researcher like I used to. This is no longer a matter of entering a laboratory only for results to leave.

There are times where I wonder if I am suited for this. Shy, introverted, social interactions are always the greatest of difficulties to me. Crowds scare me, eyes on me make me feel heavy.

These waters are brand new. And it was an ocean. One I stepped in, voluntarily. I was - no, I still am afraid. I feel like I have no idea where I was heading to. But I continued to step forward, deeper and deeper in the waters. Without looking behind.

I can not look behind. I must face the future. For Rhine Lab, for Trimounts, for Columbia. For science as a whole. Because, if I did not, if it was not me, maybe it would have been someone else, maybe it would never have happened. Limits would have continued being pushed, lives would have been taken away again and again, morality and ethics broken. I am the only one suited for this.

More than once I wanted to break down.

"Would you like to dance?"

But I never did.

I took her hand. I thought that perhaps, a moment to take my soul away would do me good. I never had been a great dancer, so I let Saria take the lead. Her face remained neutral, her eyes fixed on mine. Yet I could still find comfort in this never changing person.

It felt as if the world around us faded away. It was only us, for this moment, alone. Addictive. I did not want it to stop. On the left, on the right, my arms around her neck, her hands on my waist. No words were told from the moment I accepted her invitation. We did not need them.

I understood why I kept going. It's because she's here. She has been my lighthouse, from the very first moment we met. I am where I am today, thanks to her. Because I followed her steps, I looked up to her, I wanted to be like her. Stronger, able to protect those I care, able to step forward to the future. And despite the never constant chances in my life, she remained the same as ever, familiar, comforting.

It hurts to say that I need her. But I know she needs me equally.

I closed my eyes. I let her steps, her movements guide me. Even in the pitch darkness, I could still see the light.

It was just a dance, to the outside view.

But it was the world, to me.

[blade-that-was-broken]

"There's some kind of burning inside me It's kept me from falling apart And I'm sure that you've seen what it's done to my heart But it's kept me from falling apart"

Its parts specifically breaks me everytime I think about Jd, like????? Its literally him in every way, Im think i gonna puke actually

ldfgblrksnglandglsndl AHHH dlkfnglkngskd I can't even /melts into the floor//

Okay for real I love music. So some songs just kind of "remind" me of him, whether or not it makes sense, some of them are specific parts and others I just straight up think he could sing, as a character.

Now, not everyone might see it but idk I guess I do so here's some snippets of songs that I listen to sometimes that you know. Just hit. At least for me

"Living on a landmine, oh Giving you the hardest time, oh I promise there'll be time to save this I'm still figuring it out"

"There's a black hole in this town I like the way it draws me close and drags me down 'Cause I'm the boss, the best around At what cost? I'm still a clown

And I'm waiting on a sunrise I'm waiting on a sunrise

Something's gotta break, something's gotta give I hope it ain't my heart, I hope it ain't my will"

"Fell so deep, we couldn't see Maybe we were never meant to be One day I'll just be a memory, and you'll be better Better off without me."

"All this pressure has gone to my head I can't carry the weight of your heart I could drown in the tears that I've shed If I fall, then we both fall apart"

"Yeah, been this way so long It feels like something's off when I'm not depressed I got some issues that I won't address I got some baggage I ain't opened yet

I got some demons I should put to rest I got some traumas that I can't forget I got some phone calls I been avoiding Some family members I don't really connect with

Some things I said I wish I would of not let slip Some hurtful words that never should of left my lips Some bridges burned, I'm not ready to rebuild yet Some insecurities I haven't dealt with, yes

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lonely soul And the last to admit I need a hand to hold Losing hope, headed down a dangerous road Strange, I know, but I feel most at home when I'm

Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem Go up in flames acting, like I don't Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully That that's the furthest thing from how I

Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who Who I'd be if I was happy"

[st-danger]

thankyouu! :)

first of all wanna early last month or dec i bought one of the readings on etsy and it has opened my mind a lot, really put things into perspective, so thank you for that…

and my question for now would be… so i have exams and im really worried about the first one, im feeling really tired and can rarely concentrate, any tips for dealing with that bcs i need to do well on this one

again… thankyou 🖤

AHH I'm so glad it was helpful for you! Well, my friend, let's get into it.

Don't leave yourself out in the cold, or hang yourself out to dry. Right now, it's incredibly important that you ask for help and take people up on offers of support. You trend towards being a more independent soul who likes to do things on their own, and bravo to you for that- but it shouldn't be at the expense of your well-being, physical or mental.

While upright, our friend is wandering the streets, unclothed and clearly unprepared. The eye that peers out sees them, ready to welcome them in from the lonely road should they just knock. Reversed, we see an emphasis on needing to make that connection happen.

Such a focus on breaking isolation says to me that you've been putting in tons of time into studying and preparing for this exam. You've been working really hard, but you're going to burn yourself out. Take a deep breath, and step away for a night. Go do something with friends, or go do something on your own- but get out of the house and library for a bit. It sounds cheesy and trite, but the worried expression the figure wears needs to be cast off and replaced with a happier look. Where the mind goes, the body follows- remind yourself of how much time and effort you've been putting in, and try to tell yourself things will go well. Even if it seems fake. Even if it seems like you're lying to yourself. Just say it, repeatedly. Think positively- again, I know that can be wickedly irritating advice, but the mindset change is strongly threaded through this card.

Preparation is important, but you do need to dedicate time towards looking after yourself, even if that means a little less time with your nose to the grindstone. If you run yourself down, you're just going to handicap yourself. Being well rested and less stressed will put you in a far better position to achieve success. Keep working hard- regardless of how well you do or do not do on the exam, there's an opportunity here for academic growth. As far as other ways to prepare, reevaluate how you are studying, and see if you have other resources available to you that you have not yet used. I pulled another card (sneaky sneaky!) and it shows that you have some other tools, whether people or materials, that can help prepare you more effectively. The exam is going to be challenging, but as long as you're working smart, you'll complete it.

[b4theworldends]

this time last year I broke up with the boy I thought at one point I was going to marry but, from one moment to the next the floor fell out from under us, he didn't wish me happy birthday, he wanted to leave me behind I could feel it in every molecule of our interactions. I've been re-reading my diary from the months before... every other entry was about how I thought he hated me, how short he was with me... I remember when this like curandero that we would go to one time unprompted told me I was so broken and sad and lonely and how I needed to let the universe in, and how one time this self proclaimed Buddhist gifted me two little opals bc he said I didn't;t value myself and I didn't let the universe gift me things and that I needed to practice, p funny that everywhere I turned 'it' told me that he wasn't for me, he didn't love me, and there was something else out there for me. I also started my Saturn return just as we were breaking up, my soul's journey could not allow me to meander in illusions, and it's been a bitch ever since, I've trekked thru the sludge and the mud and I've fallen in a way where I thought it was next to impossible to get back up again... but I have actually, and I know I have lessons yet to learn, and chains yet to break, but I finally feel like im on the path I should've been on since like.. 2015, there was a divergence the last mirroring eclipse season, and this upcoming eclipse I know will heal some old wounds, by the process that I've always healed these wounds, by reopening the half hearted stitches, and going back to them to stitch them in a skillful way, maybe a loop stitch or a couching stitch, what would keep, what would hold best. like with most people that have left my life, my ego took over mostly and brooded about why I wasn't good enough for them to stay but I do I care anyway? all of them, even the boy who actually tortured me for 5 years, imparted wisdom of some kind. anyway I had a great day yesterday actually and im going to have a great day today and live life the way I want to of course, kisses

[meet-at-tycho]

ahem.

no i fucking adore them both like WOW.. their laughter, i remember? one time i joined call with them and they were laughing when i joined from a joke and. it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world like i nearly dropped dead on the spot. it feels embarrassing to love them so much? but i do i really do!!!! like SORRY.. i cant help it, ive never been happier alright the least i could do is express it. its.

IT IS EMBARRASSING THOUGH, whenever im lonely i just pretend theyre with me. when im downstairs i talk quietly, to myself but in my head im telling them what im thinking about and my opinion on which fnaf game is truly the best okay like. when i sleep at night i pretend we have a sleep over because i think thats so sweet!!! infected my mind like a fucking PLAGUE actual vermin alright. SICKENING

i KNOW its. i know its weird and probably unsettling honestly but. ITS JUST HOW I COPE OKAY theyre so far away from me, i dont know if ill ever get to see them, yknow? NO NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH MY BESTIES..... BREAK MY HEART its the worst. this is how i cope with that 😞 IDK like

MAN i could go on and on and ON about it, the way im constantly having fun? and even when nothings happening at all, im just happy to be there. happy to share the silence with them, happy to listen to what they have to say, hear about their days, their feelings ETC like

theyre the kind of people you feel like youve known yr whole life yknow? people who have just cemented themselves in yr life so certainly, people who are imbedded in my soul right. I KNOW IM BEING SAPPY but im allowed okay im SAD.. i see them in all the things i do, i mutter their words to myself, im literally constantly saying i miss them in the middle of conversations with my sibling, they get annoyed BUT I DO...

yknow whats funny? anytime i go downstairs with my other friends on call i completely forget which ITS JUST IN MY NATURE alright once i focus on something else im GONE okay im coming back 45 minutes later one of thems gone the other one is asleep like. OOPS.. i was analyzing fnaf to my sibling thats my bad. but with them? its at the top of my mind. cant stay and talk longer, need to go back upstairs they are waiting for me!!!

i think its cuz.. to me, every single moment is precious. admittedly i am still scared to lose them, its just.. instinct at this point. i want to remember every day i spend with them, every conversation and. GRRRRR. i love them so much 🥳🥳 THEY CALL ME CIRCUMBINARY THE WAY I BE ORBITING TWO PERFECT STARS like wow. OKAY...

arent i the luckiest guy in the world? to have not one, but TWO people who understand me so deeply, who go out of their way to know me, to spend time with me ? it makes me tear up when i think about it IM FUCKEDDD man its so over for me. ive always been an outcast, feel like i never fit anywhere but. i fit HERE, this is where i belong!!! thats how they make me feel every single day :]

knowing them has me seeing sunshine and rainbows for the first time in my entire life like. i worked fucking hard, i got myself out of hell but after that i was alone again... not anymore!!! happy.. im happy. all theyve had to do was be here and im more than content, all they had to do was EXIST!!!

stars align in the weirdest ways, but im glad they did 🥳🥳🥳 peace and love on the planet earf

[liliallowed]

I hope sans doesn't hate us now hey hey Crimson you know sans well right do you think he hates us?????? :(

angst below

"don't worry darling he won't blame you as long as I'm around. in fact I can make it so he'll like you more by training you to fight me. he'll be so happy to see you eventually take me down"

"wh-what?"

"you know. like how cats bring dead birds as gifts? or like, just rip out my heart. I think he'll like that. probably kiss you or like cuddle. it's adorable how docile he gets around you. I'd imagine it's like watching a zookeeper snuggle with tiger cubs they raised while the other would rip other people to shreds."

"okay wtf are you talking about. why would you... WANT him to like me? is this part of your evil plans?"

"mm. well, would you believe me if I said I just wanna see you somehow succeed without being discarded in the dumpster in sans's basement?"

"no."

"hehehe. yeah I'm planning on ruining your marriage at the last day. I want to be the worst wingman ever."

"I don't understand. why are you so sure he won't hate me? he... he wants to kill me."

"that's BECAUSE he loves you silly. it's his... way of making sure you're "safe" instead of becoming someone else's exp. kinda like a twisted way of giving his greatest mercy."

"he is going to kill you too right? doesn't that mean he'd love you too?"

"psht I WISH! nah he doesn't give me a fast out. makes sure it's as painful as it can possibly be before I run out of hp. then again it's pointless since I literally can't feel anything. that's not his mercy. that's straight up spite." they shrug.

"he really does care about you you know. it'd be a waste to die to him. DON'T LET HIM TAKE YOUR LIFE. he'd be lonely without you." they frown. "least with YOU he won't be left for dead in a ghost town if I'm gone. call it a plan B in case I actually don't come back. make sure you'll take good care of him"

"what? what do you mean?"

"I've stayed with him cuz leaving him would be too cruel. killing him would leave ME alone. but with you in the mix everyone is happy."

"then why did you give me the reset!?"

"so he can't push you away using the old (you wouldn't understand resets) bullcrap. such a drama queen honestly."

"liar. you just want entertainment."

"true. that too. can't a person just enjoy both being an asshole and being empathetic?"

"you're NOT going to start getting any sympathy from me because of this. you're manipulating me! I'm just a second in command pawn for you aren't I? you're replacement to torment THE ONE PERSON WHO GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!"

they stayed silent for a moment...

before pinning you down to the ground and slicing through your souls shield, poking their knife to your throat.

"of course I am. you're so fucking dumb to think I actually GIVE a shit about your dumb relationship with my rival. you almost seemed to forget you're a hostage here that I've had the GENEROSITY to teach self defense."

your eyes widen as you flinch feeling the tip break through the skin.

"I can hurt you room I can BREAK you too. I just don't WANT TO because it'd be too predictable. don't forget your place y/n. if you really are set on those ideals then whats stopping you?"

their grip loses from your hands as they place the blade in your hand.

"go on. then. slay me if you think Im SO evil. I mean hehehe... I'd still come back but if this is going to be your first kill might aswell be me right? "

your hand shook on the blade as they forced your hand forward into their chest.

"STICK TO IT THEN COWARD. FUCKING KILL ME. GO IMPRESS HIM! or are you gonna just make the excuse of killing people is bad? I'll kill sooooo many more people if you don't stop me here hehehe... I'll turn you into a monster too."

your hands shake. you can't. you can't you CAN'T. YOU HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY. THERE HAS TO BE.

[stayconnecteed]

Hi Mars!!! How are you!!! So as you may have realized the moment I see certain things on my TL I run to your ask box immediately and this time is no differet

https://twitter.com/feelfeli/status/1612164988587614208?t=OG_EGMefNl9O3scQdpD4tA&s=19 (Link to support the artist)

Apparently this masterpiece is a year old and IM FREAKING ON LOVE❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Han in this pic also reminds me a ton of Skater Boy Jisung from that fic, istg I can't stop thinking about him or that fic help)

No because this picture is so...AH idk it's just so EVERYTHING!!! In a matter of seconds it became my favorite picture in my phone😭 (I have so many too so that says something) I'm so in love with this!!! Everything about Minsung is just so everything!!! I really wish I had the words to replace the word everything but everything is literally the best word to describe them!!!

Waiting and hoping I someday have something as special as what they have, or special all in its own because they're literally just so amazingly everything❤️❤️❤️🥺🤧

KJASHKAJSDKASDH i love to see you on my inbox, cubbs <33

this is one of my favourite minsung masterpieces too, there's people out there that just draws like an angel i swear. i wish i could do that. and yeah aksjdhkjasdh the best way to describe it is just... everything. everytime i think about them, i'm speechless.

it's not the first time i think that too, that hopefully some day in the future i will have the luck to find a person that complements my life and fill it with joy and understanding in the same way minho and jisung do for each other. i know that living those experiences together truly creates a bond that it's difficult to break. just the day-to-day of the trainee period is so stressful, you need to rely on your group members a lot. you become a family. you create a dynamic of blind trust and comfortable silences and complicit glances and moments of calm and evenings of laughter. you suffer with them and cry with them, but you also celebrate your victories and share your joys.

i have never in my life experienced that kind of soul connection, maybe just recently with a few people, but never at that level. and my heart aches to live it. because sometimes you can really feel so lonely... so i hope you get to have that bond with someone, cubbs <33

[goldmanguyperson]

(idk how to tag this so im just going to put a break in. i talk about sexual trauma but in a way that is not at all detailed; i am simply speaking of why people, especially kids, might not talk about it. Cept for the last part which i have put a special and very large warning for)

i think it’s weird that many people expect minors to be completely pure and have no sexual thoughts or desires. not to say that they should publicly express them!! that is dangerous and also i do not want to know about it (and neither should any other random adult).

but i do think that acting like they can never be sexual makes it a lot harder for minors to accept that feeling such ways is completely okay. Especially since the age range the term “minor” is about, includes the ages when theyre experiencing such things for the first time, and trying to figure them out. They deserve to feel safe to talk about it with people they trust, and should not be shamed for doing so. Even when it turns out poorly for them because the person they trusted turns out to be not trustworthy, that still does NOT mean that it was their fault and they should go back to being “pure”. it means it was the trusted person’s fault. (Please note i am not saying it is okay for adults to engage in explicit talk with minors. i mean it should be safe for them to ask questions about what is okay and to search for reassurance. and it definitely should be okay for minors to speak amongst others around their age, so long as everyone is safe and comfortable, just like anybody else).

demonizing these feelings among minors also can make it harder to discuss things that have happened to them or things theyve seen that they may be uncomfortable about, if they are sexual in nature. It is vitally important to be able to speak about scary and uncomfortable things that may have happened to you, and making that as a cultural baseline harder to do is fucking nasty.

There is definitely a lot of questions and concerns to be had about teens communicating about such things online. I do not deny that. But I do also think it worth considering that many people do not feel comfortable speaking about many things with others in person, or they may have a tough and unaccepting in person life that makes it difficult to speak to others in general, and they do not deserve to feel lonely in any aspect. This is not to say that talking online is fully safe, and no harm can come from it. It isn’t, and it can. And yes, it can totally be easier for minors to be exploited online, in large part because you cannot tell who is on the other side of the screen. But life offline is also not perfectly safe. It offers a few more tools to know who to avoid, but can also be more dangerous to being physically safe, and liars and exploitative people always have the potential to lie and exploit, no matter where they are.

(suicide attempt CW, no detail and not mine, in this next paragraph. Also sexual harassment, when i was a child, that was done to me! awesome /sarcasm. and obviously, you dont need to read this next part.)

I speak from experience. we all were young once. my most traumatizing online experience was not a sexual one, but it was still extremely distressing, and it did involve a different but similar taboo. Someone almost killed themselves when I was trying to help them over DM. If my mom were any less supportive or understanding of those with mental health issues, I likely would not have talked to her about what had happened. I only got support in what happened because i grew up around those who attempt to destigmatize mental health. I cannot imagine how i would deal with an experience like being sexually taken advantage of or otherwise traumatized or significantly discomforted in a sexual way online. i dont think i would have told a soul, for many reasons, the significant one being that it was so often implied to me that to be sexual is wrong. it took me years of help from my friends to stop being so scared of myself in this aspect.

I actually literally did get sexually harassed once, in person, by an at the time fellow teen. i was slapped in an inappropriate place and taunted about it. I told nobody until years later; in part because of the idea that to be sexual is to be bad. I only even realized that this fit the definition of sexual harassment much later. If I had not been steeped in the idea that nobody my age could have possibly done such a thing, if i had not been steeped in the idea that minors can never feel sexual or want power in a sexual manner, if i had felt able to speak, maybe some action could have been taken. maybe i would at least have not had to fucking deal with that kid at camp again. Or maybe i wouldve just been pulled out of that camp because of course, it’s always the victim’s fault, isn’t it? But anyways. yknow the only people i ended up telling? one girl who thought the guy was into her, to try and keep her safe; and my online friends i have had for probably like half a decade now (a lot to all of us cuz we are all young and around the same age) because they were the only people i really trusted about stuff like this.

in ending. Fucked up shit! stigma is bad, people, it fucking sucks! I will not let you perpetuate it. especially not in the name of progressivism, not in the name of keeping kids safe, not in the name of anybody. you help nothing and and up ruining lives