have been struggling to find something out of pocket for jeremy to say on twitter dot com that would lead to him going go media training to perceive shawn & jean (so he can complain about it to laila and/or cat later)
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me: im so tired, im not going to do shit this year, just bare minimum and that's it.
also me: "heeeyy [name of the coordinator of my career]!! i have a proposal. I was thinking we could do more for the stand of the career on the festival week. I would like to work with some professors to create games or presentations so we can interact with potential alumni..."
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oughhhh how can i be laying in bed so tired my eyes hurt even when they're closed and yet i keep tossing turning can't fall asleep my legs r restless i need to turn on other side of body no i need to be on stomach no on my back no on my side again now im thinking abt smthn happened 5 months ago now im reacting as if im there now im imagining a scenario that never happened and what i would do and im getting really into it but no it's time to sleep turn off brain and turn over on other side again.
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i'm going to be embarrassingly open about something very personal right now: as stupid as this sounds, the finale of GOS2 has entirely reverted me to the moment in my life when i was a bright-eyed lovestruck teenager who put *all* my plans and hopes and dreams for a better future for myself into one relationship, and then got horrifically dumped in a way that made me feel entirely worthless as a person for a long, long time
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sorry to #vent on tumblr dot com but like literally 2 nights ago i started crying bc what if we never got crnaboo back. what if. I dont know im kinda losing my hopes on getting a satisfying conclusion or even a conclusion at all and I just cried for 30 minutes when i thought abt it. Fuck I miss cranboo so much I'm not kidding when I say that character is so fucking important to me and I just want to see a proper sendoff for them.
I'm going thru such a bad depressive episode rn and all I can do abt it is wait and pull thru it since taking any meds would make me worse. so.
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