#im just sick of waking up every day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pansyfemme · 1 month ago

Text

i dont want much i just i want to be left to rot

#i’m really sick of life #im sick of being in pain every single day with no solutions given. just ‘pain managment’#im tired of waking up feeling like theres no point in carrying on every single day #im tired and im doing the treatment and its exhausting and im tired of working so hard and still being miserable

40 notes · View notes

puppppppppy · 1 year ago

Text

man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

110 notes · View notes

definitelynotnia · 11 months ago

Text

day 3 of approx 4hrs of sleep per night lessgo

#this is like when i had just started 11th #and i would sleep just 4 or maximum 5 hours every night #and i did this for 3 months #and i kept getting sick much more often than usual but ignored it #and finally got terribly sick with a fever that just would not go #and then i slept for 3 whole days straight #only waking up to eat #3 whole days #and then i was not sick anymore in fact that was the first time in months i felt lucid #it was like a factory reset 💀#im gonna need to do this all over again at the end of this cursed exam season

8 notes · View notes

pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago

Text

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

#you know it's funny #i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this #on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and #the friend that i lost last year checked my account and #i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me #because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry #bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man #i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot #but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also #i dont fit in that friendship anymore #but im still really greatful #for checking up on me even like this #*most of my life #noticed a typo #idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself #all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday #im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations #trying to convince myself that its oka #it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im #terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi #g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul #i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda #hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not #that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m #friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread #knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb #i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps #anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but #i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much

4 notes · View notes

pepprs · 2 years ago

Text

june 27th give it up for june 27th

#purrs #delete later #sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two #back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO #<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2 #ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high #energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students #plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my #first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how #things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much #still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest #mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in #an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first #place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake #reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept #that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an #and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol

11 notes · View notes

maiteo · 2 years ago

Text

#it’s a lovely day im in a lovely mood all is well but I had a passing thought i just needed to get out…you know unleash it<3 #it’s really mind boggling to me how ignorant and gross ppl can be like just straight up evil just bc of where someone’s from or skin color #that superiority complex is one hell of a disease. saw someone mention how they ‘hate AA more than anything’…like you’re sick truly😭#along w ppl denying racism denying how every aspect of this game (n life!!) will favor you if you’re white. like wake tf up #I can just see it. ppl like this are miserable n just dark. they aren’t fulfilled by life and most likely never will be #so they make it everyone else’s problem. this is jumbled n messy but I see things and genuinely get taken aback bc SURELY #the gears in your head didn’t conjure this up?? surely they didn’t. it’s hard for me to wrap my head around #BUT like I said…passing thoughts…be easy muito beijos🫂🫶🏽😚

3 notes · View notes

bluebellhairpin · 2 years ago

Text

So it's gonna be one of those days huh, brain?

#im so mean and ugly #who wants to be seen with a skinny white bitch anyways #my eyes are so boring my hair is so boring and mu personality is blander than a piece of bread #its no wonder my only friends offline are family memebers who are obligated to see me and talk to me #even then i could just not leave the house ever and no one would even notice #why cant the ground open up and swallow me whoke #id rather die than live this life and yet every day i wake up and have to live it and im getting real sick of it #im off. gonna do something irrational

3 notes · View notes

checkyesifulikeme · 2 years ago

Text

realized that literalllllyyyyyyyy nothing & i mean NOTHING will change in my life until i get sober. like nothing. i didn’t realize i could get even worse but i did because i lack discipline and am incredibly hedonistic Lol i just cannot be a cute one glass of wine girl or one drink at the club, once it’s in my system i’m drinking until i can’t see it’s BAD!! like girl stop kidding yourself.....i’ll never wake up in the morning and do yoga or read my book or take the dogs for a walk &on&on&on&on if i’m hungover (pretty much) every day now!!! and i cannot build routine this way, at all, which i’ve been craving for so long!!!! it is also difficult because i’m not so sure i’ll be able to maintain the majority of my friendships sans alcohol as sad as that sounds (it’s very sad) because i don’t have any super close friendships in my life anymore that aren’t based around getting drunk together for the most part. but it’s okay it’s all for the best but i’m sick of the constant promise breaking and living in a forever hazy fog i want to feel fresh and clear and alert it’s simply not worth it to me anymore like i’m so serious not a damn thing in my life can be accomplished until i put my foot down w/ myself. MORE LIFE...!

#i feel like im being very dramatic but bitch this shit is SERIOUS!! i’m sick of my loser noncommittal behavior #i am my own jobless cheating lying stealing boyfriend #is how it feels every day that i wake up hungover #also i literally cannot raise this puppy with alcohol in my life which turns this into a: Ok keep drinking or rehome your new puppy #situation #which....no #apple is the straw that broke the camels back #now i just gotta be very real with myself and stick to it #i’ve said this even on here so many times but i really can’t break this promise to myself again i just can’t #addiction ain’t no joke baby!!!!#m

4 notes · View notes

foxcassius · 2 years ago

Text

im not like mad that i came to busan with jenni, i'm glad i came, but i also should have planned to go home at like 11 am bc im so fucking tired and i am feeling so sick

#WHY do i get sick every 2 weeks. because children snot on me all day every day thats why.#i want my bed i want my shower i want my bed.#i hate going places i hate traveling i NEVER sleep well and then i just feel like SHIT i hate it #jenni and i were both zombies today but we didnt even wake up that early it just sucks to sleep in Not Your Bed and its HOT #and neither of us had anything Planned we wanted to see or do so we were just wandering.#maybe im just bad at traveling. maybe if i made plans i would enjoy it more. maybe if i were stricter about my sleeping needs.#i just wanna go home 😭#t

4 notes · View notes

coyoxxtl · 2 years ago

Text

im not very knowledgeable about politics and i been wrong about a Lot in my life in regards to it but i don’t think it’s right to label criticism and anger towards the united states’ absolute joke of a left wing party as “fascist propaganda” like, i think that’s really fucking stupid

#we have had record voter turn out like. for every election since trump made people wake up a little #and we are Still in a full fascist swing like #im so sick of the Vote Choir at this point because CLEARLY we need MORE #yall are wasting Time Energy and Resources on the Voting Choir #and no im not some russian psyop or secret fascist because i dont forget the usa has been fascist since day one #and you Cannot vote fascism out of the united states #because its the foundation of this country. i promise that our centrist party isnt going to change that #anyway im just mad dont argue w me. i voted for biden and other dems ok that should satiate vote blue no matter who nerds.#i mean thats all we needed right?#txt

4 notes · View notes

boyslit · 2 months ago

Text

AND THE WORST PART ABOUT THE PHARMA FACTORY IS THAT I LOVED IT THERE I LOVED MY JOB I EVEN LOVED THE MAINTENANCE STOREROOM I WAS CROSSTRAINED FOR!!!!!!!!!! THERE WERE GOOD PEOPLE WORKING THERE!!!!!!! ITS A SYSTEMIC ILL BECAUSE THE PEOPLE SETTING THE PRICES ARE SO FAR REMOVED FROM THE PEOPLE MAKING THE PRODUCT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL NOT DO A THING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!

#sobs into my hands #i was so fucking traumatized from that one bitch making my life hell and my stupid damp apartment making me sick i just withered #until one day they're like we need you at 100% and im like imma keep it real with u chief i wake up at 40% every day #they should also regulate contractors and subcontractors too bc that shit is disgusting #i worked janitorial with a lady who had not seen a raise in all her 20 years of working there. i made 9/hr in 2015 #i guess we all did but jesus fuck. i was on goddamn food stamps! working fulltime! in a 300$ apartment!#SB if i ever meet you again im putting my hands around your scrawny smarmy throat #z.chat #traumadump ig idk

0 notes

dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 year ago

Text

#tw animal death #one of my rats is sick and im not doing well about it #i think he has an upper respiratory infection and its bad #i made a vet appointment but if im being honest i dont think hes gonna make it that long #and thres no emergency vet for exotics near me #his breathing sounds painful and its so hard to listen to #and hes not eating or drinking. ive tried hand feeding and watering him. he just wont accept it #today i picked him up. and normally he fights being picked up. but today he just let it happen #he let me cuddle him for half an hour. normally when hes out of his cage he doesnt stop moving #he only sits in his hammock. and it's so hard to see him pass like this #im trying to give him the best time that i can. ive been trying to feed him his favorite snack (goldfish crackers) and let him out often #i love him so much and ive only had him for six months and thats just not enough #i got him from a friend and im dreading having to tell her that he died #hes my little baby. when i picked him up today i gave him kisses and just kept saying 'i love you. youre my baby' over and over #watching him die is killing me. ive cried every day since he got sick. even broke down at work because #i didnt want to be away from him that long. every day i come back from work or wake up and im afraid hes gone #its 5am and i dont want to sleep because checking on him every morning is terrifying #i love him so much and dont want to live without him (or my other little babies) but i can feel the day coming #i just hope he had a good few months with me and knows how much i love him #edit: i can hear all his breathing but then all of a sudden i cant hear him anymore. and its happened a couple of times #I'm scared that tonight's the night. and i want to hold him for the last little bit. but he doesnt like to be held #he likes his hammock. so if hes passing then i want him to be comfy. i just dont want to lose him #i keep checking on him every time i cant hear his breathing. im afraid hes gone. this is so fucking hard #its past 6am but i cant stand the thought of not being there if something happens. i just love him so much

0 notes

fiendishartist2 · 1 year ago

Text

when you apply for animation programs there should be a disclaimer saying "youre going to have to work 12 hour days every day just to get a project done on time" with a therapists number underneath

#im genuinely drained of my energy and will to get through this semester and its only the third week #lord in heaven give me strength im being so serious at this point i need divine intervention #my design teacher got a bad stomach flu so maybe god has stepped in already actually #im just feeling really tired and kind of hopeless #and im trying really hard not to fall into certain types of thinking bc ive done that before and its not healthy for me #but when you wake up every day knowing youve got 12 hours of work ahead of you you just. shut down a little bit i think #animation programs pride themselves on being difficult and stressful but like why does it have to be that way #make due dates more flexible make it easier to contact professors make sick days easier to get lessen the workload

0 notes

leadmeastraylittlefairy · 1 year ago

Text

.

#don’t read this if you don’t want to hear about weight loss (unintentional due to health issues)#i’ve been struggling really bad to eat for the latter half of this year which is something i’ve been having issues w the last couple years #but with weed i was still able to eat decent meals and snacks in the evening and i had been slowly gaining weight until this summer #and i’ve always been a little chunky #but i’ve lost at least 30 pounds in the last ~6 months bc i am just unable to eat really at all #everything makes me nauseous or want to gag and when i cook meals i can make myself eat a couple bites so im not starving any more but #i can’t finish anything #and i can only eat in the evenings #from the time i wake up till about 8pm i maybe have a box of apple juice #and ive had a couple appts w my primary care dr and she straight up doesn’t care i asked for an appetite stimulant previously and she just #upped my migraine med instead….and then when i went back and had lost more weight she said she couldn’t even give me #an appetite stimulant and that i would need a referral for a nutritionist…….#and that she wouldn’t be concerned at all if i weren’t losing weight…#and today i was complaining to my mom about how loose my leggings were and i really don’t want to buy new clothes and she was like you know #that’s actually a good thing #you starving every day for fucking months is a good thing actually :)))))))#i’m just so sick of it…i’m sick of my coworkers complimenting me when i am starving and can’t do anything about it….sick of my doctor not #caring bc im still overweight so since i don’t look like im dying it must not be a problem #i don’t know what’s causing this and i don’t know what to do……i miss enjoying food it was one of the very few pleasures i have in life #im tired of unintentionally being an asshole at work bc im so hungry and i feel like shit but if i try to eat ill vom #cant watch food videos on youtube anymore bc they make me ill #cant read anything that mentions food or describes what people are eating anymore bc it makes me gag #im just sick of this #maybe i’ll try to find a new doctor #as if i can afford to go

0 notes

lizeon · 1 year ago

Text

hhhh man i stayed up way too late last night playing stardew and watching hakka's karaoke stream, and then i dozed in bed after waking up til like noon today, and while out getting groceries i started feeling Not Great so when i did get home i just relaxed in bed for like.... 5 hours which is fine it was nice to do nothing but now it's 1am and i am Not Tired but i dont want to fuck up my sleep schedule for work on monday but uuugghhhh

#its like i do this almost every weekend #stay up too late sleep in later than i mean to then i have to spend most of the next week readjusting to waking up for work #wash rinse repeat forever im so tired can we please have 4 hour work days / 4 day work weeks and ubi please please please please #liz liveblogs life #by Not Great i was feeling very low energy and my head was hurting and just generally starting to feel blah #so i was wondering if i was starting to get sick but just laying back in bed for that long i feel much better #asdfdsa and like it was like almost 3 hours ago but i caught the end of bettels death stream and i was laughing so much at #those chucklefucks + the awesome cover released after the stream got me so hyped up that im still thinking about it now 3 hours later lol #also because of this my brain is now back in tempus mode and i am this 👌 close to being annoying about it on main #should i? should i go ham on the tags? its my blog and i post what i want but sometimes i dont because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway..... i should sleep.......

0 notes

ninikrumbs · 21 days ago

Text

fluff with boyfriend satoru. thats it.

boyfriendsatoru who's weary and exhausted from the weight of the world on his shoulders, fighting curses day in and day out.

boyfriendsatoru who's favorite part of the day is coming home to you, to the soft hum of your cozy apartment. Your warm smile and open arms a perfect remedy to melt away the exhaustion in his bones, along with the smell of a freshly made meal or takeout depending on how tired you were from your own missions.

"Welcome home, Toru!" The tender tone in your voice made his heart warm. Despite your tired eyes, you still stood up to greet him by the door. You wear wearing his shirt and nothing else with your hair up in a messy bun. And to him you looked so beautiful it almost hurt. How did he ever deserve you?

He closes the distance between you two, wrapping his arms around your smaller frame, hugging you tightly like someone was gonna take you away.

Tucking his head in the crook of your neck, he breathes you in and melts into your embrace. "Im home."

boyfriendsatoru who's house is now so full of life ever since you came in the picture, apartment now filled with cute trinkets, scented candles, plants and cozy throw pillows. A stark difference from his once cold and empty house that he only uses to sleep for a few hours before carrying the mantle as the storngest once more.

boyfriendsatoru who makes up for his absence due to long missions every chance he gets. He now demands for days off like other sorcerers and spends those days trailing behind you like a little puppy.

boyfriendsatoru who doesn't know what personal space is when it comes to you. Wanna shower? he's right there with you. Reading a book in bed? his using your chest as a pillow, purring like a cat every time your laugh reverberates from your body, might even offer to reenact your favorite scenes. Need to pee in the middle of the night? You get startled when he opens the door, sleepy face yawning as he scratches his toned tummy while he waits for you to be finished. Claiming that he can't sleep without you. Doing skincare? He's right beside you, waiting for you to pat in your toner and moisturiser on his face. Honestly, he's just a baby who loves you and wants to be included in everything.

"Toru, not that I mind..."

He looks up from his place on your chest, looking so sleepy and satisfied that you almost didn't wanna disturb him.

He yawns before answering you, voice laced with sleep. "What is it, sweets?"

You thread your fingers through his fluffy hair, giving him head scratches here and there and he basically purrs like a kitty on catnip. "You know you don't t have to spend every waking moment with me. I know you feel like you have to make up for the time we're apart, but its okay to make time for yourself you know."

In typical Gojo fashion, Satoru juts his lips out as his eyes water comically. "Does that mean you don't want to spend time me?"

"What? No!" You were somehow panicked and amused at the same time.

"You should've just shot me instead, that would have hurt less!" He cries, tightening his arms around your waist.

You shake your head at his theatrics, laughing fondly, "I didn't mean that you big baby."

Sparkly blue eyes stare back at you, "But Im your baby."

You snort in response. If only the world could see him now, the stongest so soft like this. But truly you felt lucky that monly you could see this side to Satoru. A side to him that you could keep all to yourself. The world can have the strongest, you only ever wanted Satoru. "Toru, I only meant that you might get tired of me if you don't have your personal space."

He scoffs, looking so offended. "First of all, there's absolutely no chance of me getting sick of you and second Ive had enough alone time to last me a life time."

The way he said the last part made it sound like it was no big deal but the thought of him coming home to an empy house with no one to turn to made your heart ache. "Toru.."

Seeing the look on your face, he quickly gives you a smile, "Don't look at me like that, sweets. Im fine, really. Its all in the past."

You were unconvinced but you didn't want to breach deeper into such a sad subject so instead you made a promise to yourself to make sure he never feels alone ever again.

You pull him up and wrap your arms around his neck, he snuggles into you but makes sure not to crush you under his weight. His warmth seeps into your skin as you caress his back. You murmur softly into his neck, "You have me, Toru. Always."

Gojo had to blink back the tears and stop his voice from shaking when he spoke, "And you have me."

--

"Just to be clear, you don't like personal space?" You ask, teasing lightly as you looked down at Gojo on you lap.

He gazes up at you, arms circling your waist, smirking cheekily as he answers, "I like your personal space."

972 notes · View notes