#i love him so much and dont want to live without him (or my other little babies) but i can feel the day coming
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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ok u know what maybe if the world isn't ready for sunrazer post that means that the world IS ready for Amoveous siblings post. This is Milo and Enho and theyre my DARLINGS and i love them SO MUCH. i have. SOOOOOOOO many thoughts abt them but after the previous post massacre i do not really feel like typing all of that xoxo love <3
#THESE DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LOL#meart#original character#robot oc#ily enho ily milo my darlings my angels my loves my funny robot guys.#ive posted abt Andromeda on here b4 if u remember her Enho is her best friend !!!!!#Enhos a battle robot who doesnt want 2 fight people..#hes the oldest sibling and theres a lot resting on their shoulders!#shes supposed to be this big metal protector but U.U she just wants to hide in his room.. and make music for the internet..#him and andy have this whole arc abt like. autonomy and identity and junk#being as andy is a government experiment who was raised to be a superhero who. has not yet realized that she HATES being a superhero lol#Enho inspires her!#milo um. does his own thing. he was the second amoveous bot and he is lucky to have been built without the responsibility of a battle bot#which means hes a LOT weaker. doesnt have a million weapons and lasers and such like enho does. no one expects much of him. he HATES IT!!!!#he wants to be POWERFUL! he wants to HURT PEOPLE!! he wants to be USEFUL!!! hes ANGRY ALL THE TIME#its EXSAUSTING.#yk that tinkerbell thing thats like. cuz shes so small she can only feel one emotion at once. and its so big it consumes her entirely?#hes that. he lives entirely in extremes. everything is 100% for him#he jumps to conclusions so quick and so violently.. hes incredibly impulsive and it gets him into a lot of trouble.#hes also a total NERD!!! GOOB!!! says mlady unironically. likes bad computer games. wears a stupid tie everyday. cartoonishly schemes 24/7#enho for the record is also a pretty angry person. they just dont rlly express it. they dont express much of anything lol.#shes semiverbal on a talkative day. he can be REALLY REALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THO. THAT MF CAN BE SO PETTY. GOOFY ASS#but shes TERRIFIED she'll lose control of her emotions and her body and that shell hurt someone someday. absolutely terrified.#enho is as afraid of his strength as milo is of his weakness. theyre both two ends of the same extremes in a lot of ways.#polar opposites and yet exactly the same. they resent each other a lot. they need to learn to meet each other in the middle.#anyway ''i dont feel like typing all that'' and then i ramble in the tags for ten million years lol ToT I LOVE THESE GUYS#theyre my oldest ocs in this universe and i have so many thoughts if you have any questions feel free to ask me lol
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 😍 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 👍#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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#thinkinn abt changing my name#i have thought about it for 3yrs#but honestly.... last year i got so sidetracked and everything in my life fell away#its just that i dont fkn care abt anything#but being in love and filling my life with that#was what happened bc it is what i need and want lol#but now im like ok... back into the empty hollow of my so called life#my id card expires in mid november#so i have to send the application for name change now if i wanna do it#the thing is...#im attached to this name in english#it is nice sounding in english yeah. but in swedish is sounds like absolute garbage#i like the other name i've thought abt changing to foryears. it was what my mom was originally gonna call me#it soyunds better in swedish too#but tbh im also attached to it bc...#idk... feeling like her (that name) with him felt right and sounded right#and i loved that name in his mouth and him calling me that and it was nice and i couldve lived in that forever#but now thats gone#and tbh i cannot stay there all alone while he is gone and had left and is w someone else#i cant like not change my name simply bc it is painful that i will never hear him call me my new name#and i really did feelcomfortable inthat name and being her with him#but im never even gonna hear his voice again#am i just gonna listen to his old voice messages and cry and enjoy him calling me my name#while he has left and is in lobve with someone else#and is calling her HER name. no. i cant#i wanna cry just thinking abt that. i dont wanna let him or us go#but he made that choice for me and i cannot do anything abt it#no matter how fkn bad it hurts. how much i dont want to#im gonna have to move on and live my boring empty ass life without him lol#so yeah.. i should change my name
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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Once, many moons ago while waiting for our food in a McDonalds parking lot, I asked Lo what she thought about Jonathan knowing anything about box dying hair after seeing a post asking about it. And she said, "You cannot tell me that emo boy did not box dye his hair black at least once at some point."
So, now when I happen to stumble across a fic or art with Jonathan having black hair (usually from season 1 era), this is all I can think of. Clearly he is box dying it again 🤣🤣🤣
#this lives rent-free in my brain#thank you throttlegainwell for the initial post leading to this comment#a little funny for the moots#jonathan may not be Lo's favorite character but she gets my log3 for him#although she says the it is because i saw too much of myself#my other fav character is robin but i discuss her much less because it is way too hard to venture on that side of the fandom#without running into multiple things i do not want to see#so that love tends to just get saved for the roomies as a result#cause i also dont want to invite those people to my blog either#faith talks
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avoiding talking to my fp about feelings by ignoring them again peace and love on planet earth
#vent post#sorry i just#' let me be selfish this once ' i . always try#i dont know how to convince her that im not leaving#anytime i express happiness that fp2 talked to me ( which ties into a fear that i have about fps not speaking to me for days at a time )#( thanks jay )#he gets upset and immediately thinks ive just . replaced her as someone special in my life#when honestly at this point i dont think i could ever live without him ? really ??#i dont know what i can do to finally make her realize that no matter what im literally still always talking to him at the end of the day#even when we fight even if someone else had my attention even when i have a partner thats not him#i dont know what to do and its scary and people are so terrifying i dont want her upset over me time and time again#he really needs to find a new fp or just try not to care about me so much because 1 ) im not something that should be cared about in the -#- first place and 2 ) i clearly just keep directly upsetting her over and over so im not good for him whatsoever#even if im not doing it on purpose he splits directly because of me and when i split at her its because ive let things stack up without -#- handling them for too long so its more like misdirected rage because im such a high strung person#i dunno man im just#one of my fps hardly talks to me and the other is too attached to me im stuck in a hell of my own creation#might call the crisis line again its such a time#man i so totally really love december nothing bad EVER happens in december !!!!
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istg one of these days.......
#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game#one of my fave posts ever in the world#anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me#its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay#bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS#anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought#so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy#but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr#itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST#i wouldnt do that to him god forbid#buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am#this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night#need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves#i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good#ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone#muah all round#.diaries
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Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over
#miranda talking shit#Autism tag#I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them#As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot#But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao#The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived#Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed#Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him#But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you#I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things#As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people...#I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just#Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle#Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it#Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im#Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way#Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')
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#tw animal death#one of my rats is sick and im not doing well about it#i think he has an upper respiratory infection and its bad#i made a vet appointment but if im being honest i dont think hes gonna make it that long#and thres no emergency vet for exotics near me#his breathing sounds painful and its so hard to listen to#and hes not eating or drinking. ive tried hand feeding and watering him. he just wont accept it#today i picked him up. and normally he fights being picked up. but today he just let it happen#he let me cuddle him for half an hour. normally when hes out of his cage he doesnt stop moving#he only sits in his hammock. and it's so hard to see him pass like this#im trying to give him the best time that i can. ive been trying to feed him his favorite snack (goldfish crackers) and let him out often#i love him so much and ive only had him for six months and thats just not enough#i got him from a friend and im dreading having to tell her that he died#hes my little baby. when i picked him up today i gave him kisses and just kept saying 'i love you. youre my baby' over and over#watching him die is killing me. ive cried every day since he got sick. even broke down at work because#i didnt want to be away from him that long. every day i come back from work or wake up and im afraid hes gone#its 5am and i dont want to sleep because checking on him every morning is terrifying#i love him so much and dont want to live without him (or my other little babies) but i can feel the day coming#i just hope he had a good few months with me and knows how much i love him#edit: i can hear all his breathing but then all of a sudden i cant hear him anymore. and its happened a couple of times#I'm scared that tonight's the night. and i want to hold him for the last little bit. but he doesnt like to be held#he likes his hammock. so if hes passing then i want him to be comfy. i just dont want to lose him#i keep checking on him every time i cant hear his breathing. im afraid hes gone. this is so fucking hard#its past 6am but i cant stand the thought of not being there if something happens. i just love him so much
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bc you have things to say doesn't always mean you needa say them let alone it also doesn't always mean it's your place to say them kwim
#some ppl rlly think they have a little too many rights to decide what's okay for someone to do at what age#like shaming people for what they do with themselves n their bodies in movies in socials in works in their Lives bc age this age that#go touch some grass come back when ur ready to accept u dont have a say on anybody else. not a minor and much less an 18+ person#like that one cancelling attempt over noah liking a video about his own body. or that one scene in wyfstw that had people going like;#':o oh my gawd how can he do this. how is cinema not 24/7 tame and extremely family-friendly always?? he is like 10!' and it's a 20yo#or like millie getting engaged because they're in love and ppl being like but but but she is 19!!!! well. she is also Not You and Not Yours#she and her fiance made a choice to marry. bitch you made a choice to talk and i wasnt complaining when u did it was i#/ like people's choices with who they fall in love with. like people's relationships that very much do Not include you#/ also very important; like shaming sex workers for whatever the fuck ur reason is im about to grab you by the ear and rip it off#NONE of that above and More is there for u to be without anyone even asking u all like Okay here's my veredict- girl No#ur freedom of speech hand it over.jpeg#this other day i saw this thing abt this married couple that met cause he was a 21yo#and she was 18 and she liked him and he knew and was like wanna go out or sum and now years after theyre literally married making a family#and ppl were like sorry but that mortified me i cant be the only one thats so disturbed and girl#i know you aint shaming a happy couple rn because of age difference#people turn their heads and gape like it's illegal when they hear age difference and i think yall getting a little too comfy with judging#people for who they love. for judging what u personally dont understand. if u aint been thru it u literally just dont get it#just using someone else's ongoing relationship to victimise urself get out pls and thanku#like i Know the risk that comes thru age differences no matter how big how small but risks come from many more places than one#grooming is a Very real thing and that doesnt mean you get to stamp it on everything. how about dont throw around serious terms#guilt-tripping an older person and victimising and infantilising a young person both in a relationship they want to be in#when said people aint even /you/ dont make you hero.#then again ppl tend to twist 'younger people need to feel safe' in so many ways but thats another story#like im not gonna get into guilttripping people that want to portray real feelings wants and acts onto fictional characters that make You s#mortified you start throwing Real srs allegations that you should Not be allowed to have in your vocabulary if thats how you gon use them#u Know what im talking about#sense the level of seriousness. try and be conscious of what people go through regarding said dangers#stop pointing fingers at people that have made it so far just because they could have Not made it
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drunk in love - remy lebeau
Request: nope Pairing: remy lebeau x reader Summary: remy is comes home drunk, so you take care of him Warnings: mentions of alcohol, language, mentions of sexual themes/making out but not actually the real thing dont worry, remy being a whiny lovesick puppy, one mention of throwing up but no actual throwing up Word count: 1.7K A/N: currently binge watching x men 97 PLEASE give me more gambit content pls marvel I'm willing to beg you on my knees. based on a screenshot I saw of a comic page. enjoy!
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you're sitting on the couch, reading your book. it's dark outside, and the clock on the wall tells you it's way too late for you to be awake. you weren't a night owl, but this book was just too good. every time you want to put it away, a chapter ends in a cliffhanger. you couldn't bring yourself to close it without finding out what happened next.
the story is so good and you're so focused on it, you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear the door knob rattle.
it was late and remy wasn't home. he went out drinking with some of the other x-men. it wasn't often they were all free and in the same city, so you knew if it did happen, remy would usually stay out til late. not coming home til long after you'd gone to bed already.
you weren't expecting him to come home this early, so you're immediately on guard. slowly, you put your book down and creep closer to the front door. you grab the closest thing you can find to use as a weapon. you don't know how much damage a tissue box could do, but at the very least you could throw it at the intruder and run away.
remy had tried to teach you some self defence tricks in case something happened and he wasn't home, but he was nearly always right there with you, so you never really learned it.
you wish you had paid him more attention now.
as you get closer to the front door, you see a shadow silhouetted against the glass. and then you hear a voice, cursing while trying to open the door.
'merde... why won't this fucking key fit... fuck off...'
you unlock the door and open it. maybe a little too quickly, because remy all but stumbles into you. you barely manage to catch him.
when he looks up at you, he gives you a dazzling smile with his eyes half closed. 'hello, mon amour.' he says.
you laugh softly and roll your eyes as you shake your head. of course he'd stumble home drunk. you already know your evening is far from over when he's like this.
'come on.' you say. 'let's get you inside.'
remy does a spectacularly bad job at getting up. and he's heavy.
'remy.' you say, holding on to him. 'work with me here.'
you manage to get him inside and lock the door again. remy is looking at you with a smile on his face.
'I hadn't expected you back yet.' you say, walking into the kitchen.
remy follows you and grabs one of your hands with both of his.
'I missed you, chéri.' he says, pulling you close and nuzzling his face in your neck.
'we live together, remy. I saw you this afternoon.' you say.
you feel his lips press against the side of your neck. you briefly close your eyes and allow yourself to revel in the feeling. then you gently push him away.
you hear remy whine and turn to see him pout at you.
'you don't love me anymore?' he says.
'of course I do, my love.' you say. 'but you're drunk. you need to drink some water and go to bed.'
you grab a clean glass and walk over to the sink. as you're filling it up with water, you can sense remy's presence behind you. seconds later, you feel his hands on your hips and his chin on your shoulder.
you mange to turn around in his arms and hand him the glass of water.
'drink up.'
'can I get a kiss afterwards?'
you roll your eyes. you don't want to admit you think it's adorable when he's this handsy and affectionate. you would only encourage him and you really meant it: you wouldn't do anything when he's drunk. he'd do the same if the roles were reversed.
'sure, love, you can get a kiss afterwards.'
you have to hold back your laughter as remy's eyes light up and he downs the glass in one go. you smirk and blow him a kiss before he can lean in.
'hey, what the fuck! no fair!' he exclaims, frowning.
'come on.' you say, holding out your hand to him. 'let's go to bed.'
he all but stumbles over his feet in his haste to grab your hand and follow you.
'yeah, let's go to bed.' you hear remy say behind you. you can tell by the tone in his voice you two have different ideas about 'going to bed'.
'to sleep, remy.' you clarify.
he sighs so loudly you can feel his breath on the back of your neck. you smile to yourself, amused at how fast his moods change when he's drunk. and about the fact he's such a love sick puppy when he's had a few. that is, more of a love sick puppy than he normally is. god, he really loves you.
when you get to your bedroom, you motion for remy to sit down on the bed. you kneel down to untie his boots.
'loving this view, mon amour.' comes remy's voice from above you. 'you know I love it when you get on your knees for me.'
'I'm just taking off your boots.'
'sure you are.'
'I am, remy.'
'are you sure?'
'yes, I am sure.'
remy sighs dramatically and lets himself fall back onto the bed. you glance up at him and see how tight his pants are. of course he'd not only be overly affectionate, but also turned on.
you tug off his boots and socks, raising to your feet.
'stand up for me, please.' you say.
remy opens his eyes and smirks at you from his position on the bed.
'now this view, I like.'
'it's literally so late remy, come on, I want to go to bed.'
he takes a hold of the hand you offer him and lets you pull him to his feet. you reach out to undo his belt.
'wow, chéri, buy me dinner first.' remy mumbles above you. you can tell by his quiet voice he's ready to go to sleep but fighting to stay awake. you wonder how much of this he'll remember tomorrow.
after undoing his belt and helping him out of his pants, you tell him to put his arms up so you can pull his shirt over his head. he does what you ask and doesn't even make a flirty comment about it. that tells you his tiredness is really kicking in.
you briefly step away to get a pair of sweatpants and a shirt out of the closet. as you hand them to him, you allow remy to rest his hand on your shoulder as he puts on the pants you've given him. you let your eyes linger on his muscular chest as he puts on the shirt. you really did get lucky with him, even if he can't keep his hands off of you when he's drunk.
you gently guide him to the bed and help him lay down. you get into the bed next to him and feel how remy pulls you closer, burying his face in your neck.
'you will kiss me tomorrow, right?' he mumbles against your skin.
you run your hands lazily through his hair. 'if you aren't hungover as fuck, which I think you will be, then yes, I'll kiss you, my love.' you say.
'oh fuck yes.' he says, making you chuckle softly.
'goodnight, remy.' you say.
'sweet dreams, mon amour.' he says.
just as you expected, remy falls asleep within seconds. you lay there for a while, absently running your fingers through his hair and thinking about how much you love him, before you eventually fall asleep as well.
when you wake up in the morning, your chest feels heavy. you open your eyes to see remy has somehow put his entire body on yours during the night.
you stay like that for a while, until you can no longer deny you really want breakfast.
with some effort, you push remy off of you so you can get up. he's still asleep as you lean in and press a kiss to his cheek.
as you make breakfast, you're softly humming to yourself while you're in the kitchen.
your morning is quiet. you decide to let remy sleep for as long as he wants, maybe it would make his hangover less extreme.
just as you're making your lunch, you hear remy coming down the stairs. he stumbles into the kitchen, grumbling something in thick accented cajun you can't understand.
then he all but leans his entire body weight on you as he's standing behind you.
'why does the world hate me?' he says.
you laugh. 'good afternoon to you too, my love.'
'morning.' he mumbles. 'your voice is so loud, chéri.'
'this is the thanks I get for taking care of your drunk ass last night?'
'sorry. was I being an asshole?'
'no, just the usual. you couldn't keep your hands off of me.'
'you're used to that.'
'I am.'
you turn around. remy wraps his arms around you and drops his forehead to your shoulder.
'is this what dying feels like?' he mumbles.
'no, my love, this is what being extremely hungover feels like.' you say. 'you want coffee?'
'dear god no, the thought of it makes me want to throw up. I'll just lay on the couch.'
'you're so dramatic.' you say, gently taking a hold of his face and holding it in front of you.
remy closes his eyes and leans into your touch. 'this is making me feel better already.'
you lean in and press a kiss to the tip of his nose. when you pull back, he opens his eyes and smiles briefly at you. then he sways a bit on his feet and sucks in a sharp breath.
'still want to kiss me like you said yesterday?'
'oh, mon amour, I think if I stand really still and you don't move, the world stops spinning.'
you laugh at him as he groans, pressing one hand to his forehead. you decide to take it easy for the rest of the day. the two of you alternate between taking naps and you reading your book out loud to him. as the day passes, you can't help but to think that maybe a hungover remy isn't so bad. you secretly love how he refuses to leave your side when he's hungover.
A/N:If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost, steal or translate my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit
#remy give me a chance pLEASE#x men#xmen#marvel#remy lebeau#gambit#remy Lebeau x reader#remy lebeau x you#remy lebeau fanfiction#remy lebeau fanfic#remy lebeau fanfics#remy lebeau fic#remy lebeau fics#remy lebeau oneshot#gambit x reader#gambit x you#gambit fanfic#gambit fanfiction#gambit fanfics#gambit fic#gambit fics#gambit oneshot#xmen fanfiction
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can u PLEASEEE do an smau w oscar x american! reader who’s super gothy and witchy and they go to salem for halloween pleaseee!!
salem date | oscar piastri
pairing; oscar piastri x witchy!reader
summary: oscar loves his witchy girlfriend, and takes her wherever she wants to go, even if it means missing work
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 619,026 others!
yourusername: my favorite thing about moving to monaco? getting to decorate a whole new space and exploring cute new witchy stores 🐈⬛🖤
view comments below!
oscarpiastri: is living with me not your absolute favorite thing about moving to monaco?
yourusername: no. walking abracadabra on the beach is my favorite thing, living with you is like top 10
user1: i still can’t belive they named their cat ‘abracadabra’
user2: it’s so on brand for yn, but for oscar? not so much
user3: please, yn has that man wrapped around her finger. if she told him to change his name to halloween, he would do it
maxverstappen1: yn i need my cards to be read again, when are you free?
yourusername: i’m free friday next week, that okay?
maxverstappen1: perfect!! thank you :D
user4: in doing tarot readings for the drivers is so dear to me
landonorris: wait i want my cards read too :(
yourusername: sorry lan, im not free for another 2 weeks after that
landonorris: ugh max ruins everything
maxverstappen1: you snooze you lose, loser
user5: im in monaco, yns in monaco, i have a chance to met yn ln. holy poop
user6: omg i need an apartment tour????
user7: weird question, do you ever get looks by other people? i know you dress quite alternately and was wondering how accepting europeans are?
yourusername: i get looks all the time, but I've become quite used to it, im not bothered by it as i used to be. but i definitely get more looks in places that aren't so touristy, than places like france. key is simply ignoring them 🖤
user8: they just can't handle your swag
charles_leclerc: leo wants another playdate with abra, when are you free?
maxverstappen1: you aren't tricking ANYONE. you keep using these playdates so yn can read your cards without you needing to make an appointment
user9: appointment?? 😭
yourusername: is that true charles?? you've been using leo??
charles_leclerc: NO YN DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, HE IS JUST JEALOUS OF LEO'S AND ABRACADABRAS RELATIONSHIP.
yourusername: i can't belive this charles, i just, i need a moment.
charles_leclerc: yn... it's not what it looks like...
oscarpiastri: am I interrupting something???
user10: you're interrupting the friendship breakup of the century 💔
liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, and 793,073 others!
yourusername: we are all halloween ready
view comments below!
user11: my favorite time of the year <33
yourusername: you and me both
charles_leclerc: leo misses abra
yourusername: does he? or do you just miss my card readings?
charles_leclerc: little bit of both, i got him a halloween costume, you don't want to see it?
yourusername: of course i want to see it
charles_leclerc: i'll be over in 10 minutes!!
yourusername: DO NOT expect that i'll read your cards
charles_leclerc: i don't 😞
user12: they're back!!!!
user13: salem this year???
yourusername: im still not sure, oscar cant make it this year and it feels weird going without him :((
user14: "it feels weird going without him" OSCAR IF YOU DONT GET YOU AND YN ON A FLIGHT TO SALEM RIGH NOW ISTG.
user15: im going to salem this year in honor of yn not being able to go ✊
maxverstappen1: abra looks so cute!! jimmy and sassy need one of those hats right now
yourusername: i'll make more max, what colors?
maxverstappen1: blue and orange please!
user16: cat lovers bond in the weirdest ways
oscarpiastri: thank you for re-decorating love, i just love waking up to a fake skeleton on our ceiling 🧡
yourusername: put some respect on sir bones name oscar. i’ll have you know that he’s there to protect you.
oscarpiastri: from what?
yourusername: the spiders
oscarpiastri: and how does sir bones protect me from said spiders??
yourusername: he scares them away. duh.
landonorris: yeah duh oscar. gosh get with the program.
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 620,726 others!
yourusername: salem we love you 🖤
view comments below!
user17: SALEM DATE 3 YEARS IN A ROW!! THATS RIGHT BABY 🕺🕺
maxverstappen1: you’re telling me i could have skipped media day?
yourusername: would you be interested in going to salem?
maxverstappen1: um, to skip media day? yes!
user19: max and his hate for media day will live down as the longest rivalry in f1
user20: need myself a man who would call in sick just so he can take me to some random town for a couple hours
user21: random town??? put some respect on salems NAME.
user22: do you guys think the FIA knew he was missing media day for this, or do you think he told them he was like sick or something 😭
landonorris: i can confirm that they did not know about salem. and he is now in trouble.
user23: NOOO OSCAR
user24: omg oscar just got a fine
user25: HOW MUXH???
user24: they didn’t disclose. all they said was “we have been made aware that a certain driver decided to go on vacation instead of fulfilling their duty.”
user26: that’s so funny
user27: #free oscar
oscarpiastri: the fine was worth it 🖤
yourusername: 🖤🖤🖤
user28: omg wait. do you guys think this was a surprise?? because yn said before that oscar wasn’t going to make it??
yourusername: yes, oscar did suprise me with tickets to salem this morning!
user29: OMG THATS SO CUTE AHHHHH
user30: they’re perfect for each other
charles_leclerc: group trip to salem next year?
georgerussell63: we have practice that day
maxverstappen1: so? we’ll all call in sick or something
f1: 🤨
maxverstappen1: you didn’t see that
. . .
notes: thank you for requesting!! this was fun to make ;))
#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri social media au#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#formula one x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x reader#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x female reader#f1 social media au#f1#formula one smau#formula one x y/n#formula one x reader
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sometimes you make aus just to see how far you can push your favorite fictional little guy within the bounds of their canon characterization before they’re straight up an entirely different character
#listen i dont mind if a character is ooc so long as it doesnt straight up disregard canon#you gotta stick with that little kernel of original characterization and so long as you make sure to do that you're good as far as i care#anyawys. thinking about my au linebecks.#just barely manages to keep qualifying as linebeck on the grounds of very different environments. its fun anyways#we got. space au linebeck as a v skilled bounty hunter who struggles to find a purpose outside of bounty hunting#crimson king au linebeck finding himself in a country mouse/ town mouse situation living a double life#multiple au linebecks who struggle with feeling useless and unneeded in his group of friends and risking himself to feel needed#ough. i got a linebeck who is broken by years without support and with constant anxiety and fear and trauma who manages#to drag himself to the top to give himself a good life and to challenge what caused him so much agony in the first place and#finds that the status is empty and that he cannot move past the one person who he relied on before they disappeared for so long#and now works for the thing that shattered both of them and now finds himself stuck in a position causing him more stress#and while he's figured out that he truly wants freedom and to support the people he loves he can't tear himself from his current path#as he tears himself apart for the person he is obsessed with and for the sake of others he doesnt even know because he cannot#get himself to stop what he has started and finds himself in a dangerous spiral even as he finds support and success#sorry. this is what happens when i have gut's theme on loop for too long#im thinking so fucking hard about that last au. you bitches arent gonna see that thing written for years sorry#salty talks#the relatability of this post tanks when you read the tags#most of my aus start with the idea of 'what if linebeck was in x situation' and it goes fucking insane not long after#dont mind me just basking in the experience of being able to create stories. also enjoying wrangling linebeck's character into fun shapes
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