#WHY do i get sick every 2 weeks. because children snot on me all day every day thats why.

[foxcassius]

im not like mad that i came to busan with jenni, i'm glad i came, but i also should have planned to go home at like 11 am bc im so fucking tired and i am feeling so sick

[into-september]

I was t agged by @marrys-dream-world, thanks a lot! I've never been one to ignore the chance to talk about myself. 

I think all the MLB people I know to write fic have been tagged, so I’m passing this on to @subdee and @aella-a:)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 20

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 55980

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 13, if you count the Digimon series separately: Pokémon, Digimon 02, Digimon Tamers, Digimon Frontier, Digimon Data Squad, Gravitation, Hikaru no Go, Cardcaptor Sakura, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hetalia, Kyo Kara Maoh, No. 6, FAKE, Miraculous Ladybug, 

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Vagary

I Shall Never Know That Second Death

Baking Soda

Skinless

Homeward Bound

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I’m about to be politically incorrect, but here goes: Yes, I do, or at least I try my best to remember to. Sometimes because I honestly have things I want to discuss with the reader and chatting with my friends is always fun, but sometimes because I hung out at Fandomsecrets for long enough to know that there are a lot of people who get butthurt by authors who don’t appreciate the effort it took them to write a four word comment. Forgetting to reply for three weeks is bad enough; I don’t want a reputation of being an arrogant snot on top of it even though I personally don’t expect authors to reply to “omg this was so cute ^_^”

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

FUN STORY a year ago I sat down and rated the angst level of nearly every fic I’ve written, and did the stats and posted a graph and everything. 

The fic that prompted that particular embodiment of procrastination is currently the winner if we go by number of comments informing me that the reader is now crying in the middle of the night, but that has more to do with the size of the fandom and that kids these days apparently don’t go to Sunday school. 

My personal nomination is Sugar Sickness, because it is raw and desperate and hopeful and he finally understands that the person he truly wants is the boy and then bam, final line, he chose the girl anyway. (warning: I wrote that in high school and I am ESL and both kinda show, ngl)

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? idk the one with the literal happy ending hur hur

Another Digimon Tamers fic with a saccharine title - Cotton Candy Kisses. ESL high school warning applies here too and the opening is super messy and I’m 98% certain that no Japanese person would get into some public kissing contest. I still really like the way I managed to take something so externally insignificant and turn it into not only a monumental narrative win, but one that twists from cynical to sincere and leaves everything changed in its wake.  

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written? No amount of crazy can top Ace Attorney canon, and as of SoJ I maintain that it is completely on brand for Apollo Justice to have been adopted by a couple of intrepid Belgian journalists whose black-and-yellow fantasy monkey is innocently accused of manslaughter (no, I never finished it. Blackquill was the prosecutor because obviously Klavier was too much of a fanboy and he and Athena spent the entire investigation marveling at how Apollo never told them about his famous dads)

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? I wouldn’t count it as hate myself, but you know. Someone who read a summary and still saw fit to read the story and comment to inform me that kink is harmful and please think of the children. On a kink meme fill. 

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes, but almost all of was for kink memes in fandoms I weirdly didn’t write other fic for. No, I’m not hunting down those links. 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not fic, to my knowledge, but I remember that there was an apprenticeshipping fic that used the same situation and narrative device a few weeks after I wrote Awake (HS ESL yadda yadda why am I linking to these stories). It was more flattering than anything, haha 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? No

14. What’s your all time favourite ship? I can’t name just one. At the moment it’s the Love Square (four ships for the price of one!), but if history is anything to go by, there will come a day when someone else has all my attention

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I geneally only write oneshots and don’t post WIP, but honestly - the epic Kyo Kara Maoh fic I wrote maybe half of for Nanowrimo a decade ago because I really wanted that 50% discount for Scrivener. It started with Conrad becoming the king of Big Cimaron and went on to have Yuri kicked off the Demon King Throne because he never got his powers back, Wolfram reluctantly taking over, plotting to have Saralegui take over BC so Conrad could go home, and it ended with an epic display of brotherly love during the epic final battle. 

The real fun part was that I just added characters from other anime into the sizeable background cast. There was The Demon Queen from Maoyu as an intrepid academic, Rosette Christopher as a hypocrically demon-hating noble, The Samezuka High School relay swimming team as Conrad’s personal guard, Oscar Francois de Jarjayes as Wolfram’s right hand woman and Juliet Fiamatta Ars di Capulet as a Blue Wind copycat and his star-crossed love of which nobody ever spoke (not to worry, Romeo Candore van di Montague was the noble son driven to patricide of the story’s big bad). Also including: Kanba, Shouma and Himari Takakura as the victims of someone’s evil magical scheeming and Ed and Al Elric as the kids who escaped it but not unscarred. 

The funnies part was that I got to give all these characters German names thanks to the setting. Shouma Takakura became Johannes Habicht, because Shouma --> Shaun --> Jean --> Jehan, which in German is “Johannes”. 

It was years later that I learned that Shouma and Kanba are allusions to a children’s story wherein the two main characters are Giovanni and Campanella. 

“Giovanni” is the Italian version of Johannes, and I’m still not over that. 

So yeah. I put a lot of work and love into that fic, and the main reason I’m not putting any more is that there’se like five people left on the internet who would be interested in reading it. 

16. What’s your writing strengths? The irony is that I’m really great at smut, if I dare say so myself. (note: the above happy ending is not smut by my standards). I’ve als got a knack for capturing characters’ voices, though for some reason I struggle with this with MLB

17. What’s your writing weaknesses? Plot. I’m very good at having characters talk at each other and carry out lengthy introspective. Having them interacting with their environment and making decisions with consequences? no please

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic? You don’t look clever doing it, so cut it out. Using honorifics for Japanese dialogue is okay. 

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Pokémon

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? Here’s a story: 

I am not a fan of FAKE. It’s an okay manga - very trash, much garbage, but the chemistry between Ryo and Dee is REAL even though the rest of it is utterly useless. I could have forgiven that if I wasn’t alive in a time where people were misreading Gravitation in tragic attempts at what we later would call “performing woke”. I was very much a fan of Gravitation, and the way people would accuse it of ew evil uke seme and rape glorification and whatnot while simultaneously praising FAKE for not being that (sure jan) and also for having “great female characters” (uh huh) and everything else that was good and sacred in 2005...

yeah, I had very little patience with FAKE. 

That did not stop me from writing one thousand words of quiet, life-changing epiphany set in that universe. 

It’s not the best story I’ve written, but that epiphany feels like the most important thing I’ve told yet. 

[mtntopbakery]

HERBAL COLD CARE for KIDS

I’m NOT a doctor! I’m just a crunchy mom but want to share MY HERBAL ARSENAL! Several people have contacted me that my remedies helped them tremendously so I decided it was time to finally lay it all out in a post to share.

Once you have these on hand you can use one dose here or there, optionally when they have huge exposures like birthday parties, swim class, or travel for maintenance but you won’t use the whole bottles at a time! I want to emphasize this because I know most health care plans do not cover herbs/supplements and these high quality super foods are not cheap but I still champion them as the best possible heath care you can provide for your children. This investment will be your herbal first aid kit & they have very very long shelf lives. Follow directions for keeping and storing.

WHY COLDS IN SPRING?!

It’s always cold & flu season when people don’t stay home! I can never get over how many sick people I encounter in the world and have heard my own relatives tell me they are trying to pretend they are not sick when they are 🤣 Guys. Let’s stop this! Self-care isn’t only important for your longevity & mental health, but staying home is an act of love & consideration for your community.

Here are the old-fashioned remedies we use in our house to keep the kiddos healthy! They don’t have as much exposures as kids being sent to school with other sick kids because they are home with me, but they have definitely had long exposures to sick kids at play dates or have started to show symptoms and we have always been able to quickly win the battle with these natural remedies. The kids now only get sick about once a year and only for a few days. We have never used antibiotics or any pharmaceutical products on them.

Sometimes kids don’t realize they are getting sick & we can look for some symptoms as clues that it’s time to start herbs and rest: you discovered someone you were with was sick, crankiness after a busy week, pulling on ears, ANY nasal discharge (do not assume it’s “teething” as I have never even experienced my kids having any runny noses during teething, but I have had moms tell me their kids snot was from teething at play dates only to have my kids come down with a cold shortly after), red eyes, puffy eyes, voice changes (hoarseness), mild fever.

At this point it’s time to keep your child home. Cancel your plans! Ever heard of JOMO? The Joy of Missing Out is the new FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). If you ever needed an excuse for self-care or nurturing your little ones, now is the time. I have really found activating all the parent powers & herbal remedies full force at the onset of symptoms can have your babies feeling better in just a few short days instead of days of fever or weeks of lingering cough. Once you get into that territory you’re heading into emergency antibiotic treatment & steroids which should be avoid at all costs. The idea is to work with the immune system instead of suppressing the symptoms, and facilitate a total cleanse of the body at once to eliminate the bacteria or virus which has made your child ill.

When fevers arise I monitor them closely by taking temperatures every hour (or more) & make adjustments to clothing and room temperature to help make the child more comfortable, but I do not use fever reducers. When the body has completed the elimination of the bacteria or virus, the fever will subside on its own and I have found my children able to do this in about 4-8 hours. Reducing the fever artificially essentially keeps the body temp low aka hospitable for these new and unwanted pathogens consequently prolonging the presence of the pathogen. Therefore, ancient wisdoms agree fevers are constructive when your child is under care and close observation. A full recuperation, even after symptoms subside should generally be a week of rest and relaxation to avoid a secondary infection.

Don’t worry about feeding your child regular meal portions. The body is focusing on healing and will often self-regulate appetite in order to focus energy on healing & detoxing.

When one family member goes down, I start to administer herbs to the whole family as a precaution. Avoid tickling, rowdy play & dairy especially because it creates mucus in the body. Replace calcium sources with vegan options such as nuts, seeds, beans, kale smoothies, tofu and oranges.

We do the following things every two hours/daily for 24-48 hours as needed to clear sickness.

MAINTAIN A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT

1. Change bed & bath linens repeatedly

2. Wash hands as much as possible with basic natural soap & warm water (antibiotic soaps can cause thyroid issues please avoid)

3. Give child tissue box to encourage them blowing their noses & offer a small trash bag to contain their used tissues that you can take out a few times a day or use saline spray & Nosa Frida every two hours for baby

4. Herbal hand sanitizer can help with a very tired child who is taking less hand washing trips to the bathroom

5. Essential oil diffuser with oils like lavender, eucalyptus, Tea tree or “thieves oil” cleanse air & help set the scene for relaxation (you can also boil onions to help reduce airborne germs)

6. With a dry cough, especially in winter or high altitudes, a humidifier can help make the cough more productive

EVERY TWO HOURS

1. Elderberry syrup: Mix into small amount of water for your child to drink if it’s too sweet or thick by itself

2. Loquat syrup: Phenomenal blend of ancient Chinese herbs KIDS LOVE IT! So yummy

3. Echinacea Tincture: 1 drop per every 5 lbs body weight or 1 drop per every 2 lbs of body weight for more serious cold mixed with water or use a throat spray

4. Essential oils (tea tree/eucalyptus/oregano/peppermint/lavender): Blend with almond or coconut oil and rub on feet and ribs. An herbal petroleum-free chest salve is also fantastic for this

5. Sweet potato & fruit popsicles (no sugar added/organic): Help keep your unhapppy kid hydrated and acts as a vitamin C / vitamin A supplement

6. Cold care tea: Hot or cold this is delicious. Check the box and get one with yarrow & hyssop. Steep one bag for kids & two bags for adults

7. Vitamin D drops

ONCE A DAY

1. Probiotics: child powder or drops mixed into cold tea, juice or elderberry water

2. Colloidal silver drops: Clear & flavorless yet POWERFUL antibacterial/antimicrobial

3. Garlic-Mullen ear drops: Just one drop in each ear is fine when infection isn’t present. This will introduce garlic, a natural antibiotic, to the ear nose and throat areas immediately staving off nasty complications from ear infections (the ears are more prone then one would think to be the access point for germs, because they lack the normal heathy bacteria you produce in your mouth for example.)

4. Eucalyptus bath: especially with the addition of Epsom salt for the older kids

5. Pillows under mattress under the pillow area will help breathing & create more productive nasal drainage & cough

6. Zinc spray: these often come flavored or with added herbs for immunity and are so easy to administer to kids or to mix into a bottle

7. Multi vitamin: if your kid isn’t taking one daily already, now is a good time to cover any bases for nutritional gaps

For deep seated coughs in children over one, encourage child to eat one finely minced clove of garlic in honey. Follow with orange juice, carrot juice or sugar free organic popsicle. Here is a great video to share with your kids!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDavvGuwoRE

For deep coughs Onion Poultice is HIGHLY EFFECTIVE video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-J4mXTyLqk

If cough is keeping child from sleeping at night try lemon balm tincture in water or tea, a drop of CBD oil between the eyebrows, or mix a drop of CBD oil with massage oil or herbal chest salve and apply to chest and ribs. Alternatively older kids can take 1/4 tsp brandy with lemon and honey can be taken to help relax coughing muscles for sleep.

Consult medical care if fever doesn’t go down, redness in skin occurs, child complains of pain or stiffness. In an emergency, stay with your child. Hospitals may tell you it is their policy to not allow parents, but a policy is not a law. Your presence will bring comfort, safety and continuity in care your child very much needs. You also need to be present to monitor all potential interventions or procedures related to your child’s care.

[this-that-and-every-thing-else]

Superman’s Kingdom: Spawns of Satan

A/N: So I came to realize that there is very little Goonies fan fiction out there and even less revolving around Brand. So, I’m starting this series revolving around him and his family. I feel like this one really started out strong but got less and less as I went so I do apologize for that. This is the most I’ve written in well over a year. If anyone would like to be tagged in the series, feel free to let me know.  I may do a part 2 for this specific story if people want it. 

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: Brand has been away for two weeks on a business trip and his wife Sadie is left alone and pregnant to look after their normally well-behaved children...this time they’ve managed to turn themselves into the Spawns of Satan. 

Warnings: None really...its fluffy, some minor child annoyance. 

Sadie Walsh was a patient woman. She had no problem with waiting in lines, she had no problem waiting for food at a restaurant or waiting at the doctor’s office. She didn’t even mind waiting to go out if her husband was watching a football game. What she didn’t have patience for, were her children misbehaving in the grocery store. She was very close to losing her cool. Her normally well behaved children had somehow been replaced with the spawn of Satan. Bryon, her normally adorable youngest, was currently running circles around his 5-month pregnant mother, while her oldest, Mikey, was trying for the fourth time to add candy to their cart even though he’d been told that he couldn’t have any. Yes, they had truly turned into little monsters these past few days.

Sadie took a deep breath and turned to Mikey. “Take the candy out of the cart. I told you no three times already.”

Mikey, looking up at his mother with a defiant glint in his eye, reached out to the shelf, grabbed a random bag of candy, and proceeded to toss it into the cart. “What did I just say Mikey? No. Candy! How many times do I have to tell you?”  She was very close to just leaving the cart in the middle of the aisle and going home. Then again…they’d have no food for dinner tonight if she did that.

“But I want it! I want it and I want it now!” Mikey whined, stamping his feet and his face turning red. Sadie closed her eyes, counted down from ten and wondered who took her sweet 9-year-old and turned him into a 2-year-old demon.  “Mikey, enough! You are 9 years old! Act your age! Now, take the candy out of the cart, if I have to tell you again you’ll be grounded and won’t be going to camp next week. Understood?”

Mikey huffed, stomped his foot once, but reached into the cart and removed the candy. Sadie sighed, hoping that this was the end of the issues for the day. The sound of breaking glass broke ended that though very quickly. Sadie looked towards the end of the aisle where Bryon was standing, looking down at a pile of glass and what looked to be jam seeping onto the tiled floor. Bryon looked up at his mother and then back at the mess. Thinking he was in bigger trouble than he actually was, he burst into tears.  Not softly crying either, full on, large tears, snot running down his face and chest wracking sobs as if the world was ending. Yes, Sadie was losing her patience.

Sadie sighed, and proceeded to try to pick up her crying son, struggling to do so with her slight baby bump in the way, but eventually succeeding. She sat him in the cart and headed to the checkout where she continued to comfort her son and offered to pay for the broken jar. Thankfully the cashier was understanding and declined the offer. Small miracles do happen. She fought her way to her car, with one child still crying and the other trying to run into traffic. She quickly got them into the back seat and the groceries in the trunk before getting in the car herself and taking a moment to breath. Bryon was finally calm and Mikey was playing with whatever action figure he had left in the car.

The drive home would only take her 20 minutes, 20 minutes that she hoped would be peaceful. She must not have hoped enough because as soon as she turned out onto the road, the boys began fighting. Bryon wanted to play with Mikey’s toys, even though he had some of his own. Mikey wasn’t having any of that and now there was a full on tug of war in her back seat with two screaming children. Maybe if she ignored them long enough they’d stop…

Just as she was a block away from their home, Sadie heard the tell-tale sound of a hand connecting with skin, hard. With it came the pained screams of her youngest. Gritting her teeth, she pulled over to the side of the road, unbuckled her seatbelt and turned around to face her children. Bryon was holding a tiny hand on his face, with fat tears rolling down it and an angry red mark peeking out behind his hand. Mikey had his arms crossed and was glaring at his brother.

“Brandon Michael Walsh! You do NOT hit your brother! How would you like it if someone went around hitting you? Apologize right now.” Sadie was at the end of her rope. Her back hurt, her feet hurt, she was getting a headache and her children were being holy terrors. Thank god Brand was returning home tonight.  

“But Mama he tried taking my army man! I don’t want him to have it!” The 9-year-old was now starting to sniffle, knowing very well that he was in big trouble.  “Then use your words! It won’t hurt you to share with your brother. When we get home you are going straight to your room until dinner. After dinner you’re going right to bed. Do you understand me? I’ve had it with your nonsense today, both of you!”

With that, she turned back in her seat, buckled her seatbelt and carefully pulled back out onto the road and heading home. Thankfully, they pulled into their driveway two minutes later with no more incidents. Mikey was sulking with his arms crossed, and Bryon was rubbing at his face, glaring at his big brother.

Getting out of the car, Sadie had both of the boys grab a bag or two of groceries, while she grabbed the rest. The kids had waited on the porch for her to unlock the door. Once she had, they dropped the bags in the kitchen and headed for the living room, Bryon grabbing his Lego and Mikey turning on the television. Sadie sighed and shook her head, clearly the message hadn’t gotten across.

“Mikey, turn that off and go to your room, I told you that you would be staying there and I meant it. Bryon, I think you need to go down for a nap, head on upstairs and hop into bed, I’ll be up in a minute.” Thankfully for Sadie, with the exception of Mikey huffing, they both listened and headed on upstairs to their bedrooms.

Sadie dropped the groceries off in the kitchen and made her way upstairs to check on the kids. Mikey was sitting on his bed with a book in his hands. She was okay with that, if he was being quiet, she was happy. Bryon was lying in bed as he was asked and was curled up on his side. Sadie pulled down his blinds and read him a quick story to help him fall asleep, which thankfully didn’t take long.  With both kids taken care of she was more than happy to make her way downstairs to put the groceries away…and then hopefully get to put her feet up, although she should start thinking about getting dinner ready.

When she finally got to sit, she did so in Brand’s favourite chair, curling her feet under herself and tipping her head back with her eyes closed and wishing he were here already. She couldn’t wait for Brand to get home that night. His presence these passed two weeks was sorely missed. The first week hadn’t been bad, the kids had behaved, looking forward to phone calls from their father every night, asking him all about Texas, was it as hot as they say? Was everything reallybigger there? Was the gym almost ready to open? When was he coming home? Did he buy them anything? The questions went on and on until he’d tell them to go to bed and he’d ‘read’ them their favourite book over the phone…because he was super dad and had it memorized. There’s a reason she called him her Superman…so many reasons actually.

The second week? It seemed like all hell had broken loose. He wasn’t able to call as much, the kids were constantly fighting, and Sadie was tired, she was sore, and she missed her husband. She never slept very well without him and he was a godsend when it came to the kids. She got lucky with him, he was very hands on with the kids both in keeping them busy, healthy and when they were sick he was right there, ready and willing to take on clean up, staying up all night and whatever else was thrown at him. And when the kids were misbehaving? He put on his stern face and made sure they knew why they were wrong in what they were doing, why they were being punished and just all around made sure they understood. He’d never been gone this long and it was taking its toll, on both the kids and herself. But, he had to be there to oversee the opening of the newest Walsh Fitness facility, it was only the third location to be opening and the first out of state.

The stress of the day, well really the last two weeks, caught up with her and instead of relaxing she found herself starting to cry a little. Overwhelmed, emotional and in need of a nap of her own, she was unable to stop herself. Later, she’d chalk it up to the pregnancy hormones, but for the moment she let herself cry it out.  Normally, Brand would be right by her side, taking a lot of the load off of her, sometimes it scared her how much she relied on her husband, but that’s what marriage was about, sharing the burdens, the highs, the lows, and of course loving each other unconditionally. But without him and their children being tiny little…well, assholes? Yeah, she was just a little emotional and deserved a bit of a cry.

The crying didn’t last long; she couldn’t let it last long to be honest. One of the kids could catch her and then they’d be upset, plus she didn’t want to look horrible when Brand got home. Lord knows that when she cries she ends up looking like a mess. So, once she got it out of her system she turned the television on, it was some kid’s movie, but that was fine, it wasn’t like she didn’t usually end up watching that anyway with the kids.

Surprisingly she found herself sucked into the plot, it may have been for kids, but damn, Disney was good and she couldn’t deny it if she tried. She got so into the movie however that she didn’t notice the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, or the front door being opened and someone kicking off their shoes. Nor did she hear the sound of a gym bag being dropped on the floor by the staircase. She did however hear the creak of the floorboard next to her as Brand came into her line of vision, coming around the chair to kneel down in front of her.

Before he could even speak she launched herself at him with a squeal of delight, finding a burst of energy somewhere within the depths. Her arms wrapped around his neck in a fierce hug as his wrapped around her waist, pulling her close as she toppled them over and onto the floor. Murmuring a quick hello and an ‘I missed you,’ Brand slid a hand up from her waist, brushing her bump and over her breasts before cupping her neck and pulling her down for a much needed kiss. God he’d missed this.

Breaking away after a few moments Brand was more than happy to just stare at his wife. His wife who had clearly been crying at some point and looked utterly exhausted. He cupped her face, rubbing his thumb along her cheek. “You look awfully tired for someone who said she was doing just fine Princess.” Sadie leaned into his touch, almost nuzzling his hand like a dog or cat would.

“I’m okay Superman, honestly, I may have almost killed your children today though.”  He frowned a bit, sitting them both upright but staying on the floor. With her arms wrapped around his shoulders and his around her waist, she told him what all went on this week with the children, from the attitudes to the near constant fighting and her just being tired and sore in general. The baby was certainly sapping her energy and taking care of the boys by herself clearly hadn’t helped. He felt horrible for leaving her alone, but he did have an idea to help her relax a little.

“Tell you what darlin’, why don’t you go on upstairs, get in a nice bath and just relax. I’m gonna ship the kids off to my parents or Mikey, get dinner started and we’ll have a weekend to ourselves. Just you, me and the bump.” Sadie just closed her eyes, resting her forehead against his and nodded with a smile. That sounded like a fantastic idea to her. Why she hadn’t thought of asking her in laws to take the kids in the first place she didn’t know. She’d blame that on pregnancy brain. The doctor said that might happen, and it had with the other two.

Speaking of doctors…

“Before I head on upstairs, I had that ultrasound appointment the other day.” Sadie was excited to tell him about this one, they’d wanted to find out the gender of this baby, just like they had the others and while she had wanted Brand to be there, well he had to work and he’d told her to go right ahead and she could tell him when he got home. Though, since there had been no girls born into the family for a few generations, it seemed like there was no reason to check, still they both agreed it would be good to know for sure.

“And? What’s the verdict?” He was looking at her with such anticipation on his face and was almost bouncing on the spot. She couldn’t hold back a grin.

“We broke the curse; you Superman must have super sperm because you’ve got yourself a little girl on the way.”

His eyes widened and he broke out in a huge grin, pulling her close once again and into a deep kiss, yes, he was definitely a happy man.

[sabrinaprotectionsquad-blog]

Au Yea August 9 - The Summer of our Discontent

@auyeahaugust

Day 9 - Summer camp

writing one fic per day? haha I’m sure I can do that, haha... well, still going strong anyway. Still having a lot of fun with the challenge anyway.

Alix and Sabrina are camp counselors. Alix finds herself annoyed that Sabrina's spending a lot of time pampering to the needs of some snot nosed bratty princess wannabe just because she yells loudly.

Link to Ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/15631410

“BRINA! I WANT A JUICEBOX!” the squealing high pitched voice of a pampered 7 year old rang out into the cafeteria. Alix had gotten sick of hearing the little demon princess’ voice within the first half hour of her arrival, here on day 2 she felt like every utterance from the snot-nosed whelp was another nail into her skull.

Some children were rotten, spoiled little brats, Alix had known that when she signed up to be counselor, and honestly the black haired little runt wouldn’t bother her much if it wasn’t for Sabrina.  

The red headed girl’s attitude towards Chloé back home had always struck a nerve with Alix, always low-key annoyed her to see someone so utterly spineless following someone so blatantly heartless. However she’d always felt like it wasn’t her place to say anything, let the two idiots live in their strange little bubble for all she cared.

She’d been a little disappointed to meet the glasses wearing mouse as part of introductions to the camp. She’d hoped to get away from Chloé and the drama back home, not get closer to one of the common causes of said drama.

Her first conversation with Sabrina at camp had brought a glimmer of hope, “I think Chloé and I could use a few weeks apart.” She’d said smiling “It’s going to be really fun to be a counselor right? I’m glad there’s someone I know here, makes it a little less scary right?” It had given Alix hope that there was more to Sabrina than a lapdog, and for a few hours there had been.

The first few hours of the campers arriving had featured a smiling, welcoming and pedagogical Sabrina, the kind that would really help Alix take care of the rowdy runts and even seemed like she could possibly be fun to hang with.

That was until she arrived, Carmilla, a 7 year old who seemed to believe the world revolved around her to such an extend that her ego might actually have enough weight to create its own orbit. Her annoying high pitched voice had demanded immediate respect or retribution, and before Alix had gotten a chance to bury the girl’s face in the dirt, Sabrina had already started following the girls’ orders.

Alix felt her nails digging into her arms, watching Sabrina happily smiling as she offered another juicebox to the pouting princess. “I WANT APPLE!” she yapped, ignoring Sabrina’s assurance that they didn’t have more apple juice “I DON’T LIKE ORANGE!” she scowled, ignoring Sabrina’s attempts to bring to attention the empty orange juice box that she’d already drunk.

Sabrina stood up, looking around the cafeteria, she locked onto Alix, smiling and waving her over for some reason. It dawned on Alix that she herself was holding an unopened apple juice, having not had a chance to drink it since she had to pull double duty with the kids, since Sabrina had made caring for Carmilla a fulltime job.

Alix felt her blood fuming, that was the last straw. She stomped towards Sabrina, she stood in front of her with her arms crossed, in her head telling Sabrina not to dare say what she knew she was going to say.

“Carmilla wants apple juice but there isn’t any more, could she have yours?” Sabrina smiled at her innocently; the idiot really didn’t see her own idiocy, which just made her more idiotic.

Alix raised an eyebrow looking down at Carmilla, who was scowling at her, as though her only thought regarding Alix could be ‘why hasn’t the juice been transferred from you to me already!?’

Alix looked at Sabrina with as much of a resting bitch face as she could muster “no, we’re out, she’s gonna have to deal.”

Sabrina’s smile wavered “but I mean, you have one and…”

Alix poked the straw through the box, looking down into Carmilla’s confused eyes as she drank the juice, emptying the small carton quickly, then crushing it and letting it fall on the table in front of the devastated child.

Sabrina closed the door behind her, Carmilla’s loud wailing could be heard clearly through the door. Alix could clearly see that Sabrina wanted to get done with this quickly so she could go pamper and help the impossible little brat.

“I can’t believe you Alix! That was really immature!” Sabrina puffed herself up, her face red with anger and disappointment. It was strange seeing the mousey girl with something resembling righteous anger, refreshing even, but of course, incredibly misplaced.

“I’m immature? Right. What about you!? You pamper that little princess wannabe every hour of the day. You’re supposed to be a counselor, not a personal maid!”

Sabrina pouted “she needs a lot of help, you’re a bad counselor if you don’t wanna help the children.” She stated factually, childishly.

Alix snorted “she doesn’t need to be treated like that. You’re going to end up creating a little Chloé-clone. Is that what you want?”

Sabrina paused for a moment, her eyes showing a hint of weakness. “There’s… there’s nothing wrong with Chloé.”

Alix cocked an eyebrow at Sabrina who shrank a little, “you can’t honestly believe that right?”

Sabrina bit her lip “it’s complicated. Chloé’s actually really nice, she just has a hard time being open with people after her mom left. She’s better when it’s just the two of us, it’s taken a long time to build up that trust.”

Alix rolled her eyes “but why do you bother? You spend all your time trying to help someone who barely ever treats you nicely.”

Sabrina sighed, she looked down into the floor “it’s because… I guess I acted really shitty too for awhile after my mom…” she looked like she was going to start crying.

Shit Alix didn’t know what to do, she hadn’t expected things to go in this direction and crying people made her really uncomfortable. “um… there there?” she half heartedly patted Sabrina’s shoulder.

Sabrina snorted, smiling sadly at Alix “that’s the best you got? How did they make you a camp counselor? What are you going to do when a child’s upset, poke her with a stick?” Sabrina wiped a forming tear from her eye, smiling despite herself.

Alix thanked the heavens “hey fuck you I’m great with kids. They never cry long after I start beating them!” she smiled jokingly at Sabrina, more than happy to hear the orangehaired girl laugh at her crass joke.

“You’re terrible” she chuckled, pushing at Alix’ shoulder.

Alix chuckled back “now for that Carmilla girl” Alix found a large soup ladle, picking it up and testing it’s weight against her hand “I say we show her some tough love”

Sabrina shook her head smiling at the absurdity “you’d kill her for sure.”

Alix smiled cockily “even better! That way everyone’s happy!”

“Except for us, we’ll be caught for sure.” Sabrina crossed her arms, bringing her hand up to her chin, contemplating “although, maybe we can pin it on André, that snot-nosed punk tried to put gum in my hair. Two flies, one child murder.”

Alix’ eyes went wide, she smiled broadly “My God, the girl can be morbid, hallelujah.” She chuckled.

Sabrina looked suddenly embarrassed “no I mean… you started it…”

Alix cocked her head to the side and smiled “I don’t get you ‘Brina. You seem like you could be cool but you hold yourself back.”

Sabrina brushed her hair behind her ear, looking away. “No I couldn’t, shut up! You think cause you’re awesome it’s easy for others, but it’s just not. Some of us are just weird.”

Alix rolled her eyes “It’s gotta take real effort to say something so wrong in so little time.” She thought for a moment “except for me being awesome, you’re right about that, go ahead and say more of that.” She smirked.

Sabrina scoffed “yea right. Your ego’s already so large that if I started feeding it you might explode and take out the entire camp.”

Alix chuckled “please, if your words could overfill an ego then you’d be serving for Chloé’s murder.”

Sabrina laughed “I guess that’s true. But it really does help her. She needs love and support.”

Alix rolled her eyes “she needs a smack on the head! I get that she needs therapy but you’ve gotta be able to see that she needs some tough love, not constant pampering. Same with that brat in there! If you do everything for them they won’t be grateful, they’ll just take you for granted and demand more!”

Sabrina sighed deeply “so what do you want me to do? Ignore their cries for help?”

Alix shook her head “maybe split your focus a little. Carmilla doesn’t need all of your time, you could help the other kids more, and you could maybe help her by showing her that everyone can’t always drop everything because she wants a lollipop.”

Sabrina nodded thoughtfully “I… guess maybe that’s true… I can try.” She smiled “thanks Alix.”

Alix rubbed the back of her head “don’t go all mushy on me, I just hate when people don’t know they are being dumb. Let’s get back to the others aight?”

Sabrina nodded. As Alix turned towards the door she felt a hand on her shoulder “Alix wait um… there’s one thing…”

Alix turned around impatiently, imagining the third counselor who’d been tasked with keeping an eye on the dining children all alone for much too long. “what?”

Sabrina bit her lip, clearly struggling to get herself to say something which hung at the tip of her tongue. Alix sighed, putting a hand on Sabrina’s shoulder “hey, you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone, cause I’m 100 percent sure I won’t care.”

Sabrina scoffed, smiling at Alix’ comment, though her serious face didn’t fade, “I just… I wanted to know if you were gay.” Sabrina was looking away, a heavy blush on her face. It didn’t take a genius to read her intentions, and Alix was no genius!

Alix shook her head “I’m not.” But someone in here probably is.

“Oh…” Sabrina looked into the floor with clear disappointment. “I was just… curious like… with the hair and…”

Alix scoffed “right… anyway I’m not straight either. I’m like, nothing, I’m aroace. I’m not into that stuff at all.”

Sabrina took a moment to process, disappointment clearly plastered across her face.

Alix sighed “if it helps, if I was forced at gunpoint to choose I guess I’d rather date a girl than a boy.”

Sabrina looked up at her “really?”

She shrugged “they don’t smell as bad and they’re prettier to look at.”

Sabrina half-smiled at her, but Alix quickly shot her down with a scowl “don’t get any ideas though, as I said, I don’t do that mushy stuff, not any part of it, got it?”

Sabrina scoffed defensively “what? I mean… I was just curious you know? I wasn’t trying to hit on you or anything…!”

Alix looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a harsh expression, it didn’t take more than a second for Sabrina to crumble “don’t… don’t tell anyone…!”

Alix shrugged “I can’t imagine a world in which I would feel the need to tell anyone that you like girls. I’m not a gossip and I honestly, HONESTLY don’t care.”

Sabrina looked at Alix like she couldn’t believe that someone was just apathetic to her queerness. Alix could kind of understand, before she started being more open about it, she’d struggled a lot with her asexuality and aromanticism and what people might think.

Like Sabrina, she’d had to learn that it was a part of her, but it wasn’t actually a big deal to anyone else. That fact was both comforting and a little annoying, she’d been very ready to fight anyone who didn’t take her orientations seriously, but she’d yet to actually meet anyone who strictly opposed her, she had high hopes for a chance at kicking Chloé’s ass once she found out though.

“You can talk to me about it, being queer. I have some experience and I think I know more than you” Alix felt herself practically choking on her words, why couldn’t everyone just be stoic and cool like her, why was she inviting someone else to share their mushy feelings with her? Alix resisted the urge to audibly groan.

Sabrina’s eyes lit up, it was clear that she’d needed someone to talk to, someone to just not judge her. The girls smiled at one another, Sabrina’s blush giving Alix pause “ok but as long as we’re clear that we’re not going to date. This?” she pointed between the two of them “not happening. This” she pointed to herself “doesn’t date, ever.”

Sabrina chuckled “are you going to talk down to me and treat me like garbage?”

Alix’ head tilted to the side confused “what?! Of course not!”

Sabrina smiled sadly “then I don’t think you’re my type anyway.”

Alix’ shoulders dropped, “oh hell no” she found the words shot out of her mouth involuntarily. Still, the idea of Sabrina pining for Chloé who abused her so terribly immediately broke any of Alix’ apathy. She looked at Sabrina with a determined scowl “I’m getting you a girlfriend.”

Sabrina did a doubletake “wh… what?”

“I don’t care who, literally anyone would be better for you than Chloé and I’m going to find someone and you’ll date and you’ll be happy!” she growled.

“You uh… don’t have to do that…” Sabrina said defensively.

“Oh but I do, like it or not, you’re my friend now. And I take care of my friends. And you need a supportive girlfriend, someone who cares about you and who is NOT a blonde asshat. So I’ll find you one, if you like it or not!” Alix grit her teeth, her demanding tone easily breaking down Sabrina’s barricade.

Sabrina smiled at her nervously “… ok… ok yea!” her nervous smile slowly turned more confident. She leaned down and hugged Alix tightly “thank you. Friend.” She smiled happily.

Alix groaned, how did this keep happening to her!?

[krat395]

Toriel’s “Annoying” Tickle Torture (Chapter 4)

Now that Toriel's hour-long tickle torture is over, it's finally time for Frisk to try to convince her that there's nothing wrong with having big feet. NOTE: Roughly 40% of this chapter is going to talk about the unpleasant incident I mentioned in my DeviantArt journal, “New Story + New Character Info." Now, some of you may be wondering what this has to do with trying to convince Toriel that there's nothing wrong with the size of her feet. Well, if so, the only thing I'll say to you is that you'll just have to read the chapter and find that out for yourselves. Undertale(c) Toby Fox.

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Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

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TORIEL'S "ANNOYING" TICKLE TORTURE

Chapter 4: There’s Nothing Wrong with Having Big Feet!

 Frisk: Ok Mom; now that Toby’s gone, what exactly did you mean when you said that you needed to be punished for other things?

 There are several other things Toriel did that she believes she needed to be “punished” for. Most of these things have to do with all of her negative actions towards Asgore and the Kingdom of Monsters in the past (By leaving Asgore after he declared war on humanity in a fit of anger after losing both Asriel and Chara, Toriel abandoned her kingdom during their time of desperate need). But she’s not planning on talking about any of those things with Frisk because she knows very well what she did wrong and Frisk knows that she’s been doing her absolute best to make up for them. So instead, she’s wants to tell Frisk about how sorry she is for getting angry at her every time she told her that her feet were big.  

 Toriel: Because every time you told me that my feet were big, I kept getting mad at you. And no mother should ever get mad at her child for something silly like that.

Frisk: It’s ok Mom. Everything I said to you was uncalled for. I take it all back.

Toriel: Well you shouldn’t, my child.  You did nothing wrong by telling me I have big feet.

Frisk: Actually Mom, that’s something I want to talk to you about. Why don’t you like being told you have big feet? I thought that out of all monsters and humans, you would be the most proud of your big feet.

Toriel: *sigh* You might want to take a seat Frisk. It’s a long story.

Frisk: Sure Mom. *sits on the chair next to Toriel’s footrest*

 For the next while, Toriel explained to Frisk why she doesn’t like being told she has big feet. Toriel has had rather large feet ever since she was around 9 years old (At one point in her life, Toriel’s feet were larger than Asgore’s!). And when Toriel was in school, several of her peers often teased her for having larger feet than normal and the teasing continued until she was about 16 years old. Toriel’s peers knew that teasing her about her big feet bothered her to absolutely no end and the comments made by them were almost always exceedingly harsh and horribly insulting to her that more often than one would prefer, she would return to her home in tears at the end of her school days. The teasing really took a toll on Toriel as a child and a teen. Fortunately though; it was around that time she met Asgore, and he was someone who never once teased Toriel about the size of her feet. Asgore was nice to Toriel ever since Day 1 and even though he was incredibly shy around her at that time, seeing him was enough to make the teasing from the other students much more tolerable. Whenever someone comments on the size of Toriel’s feet nowadays, it makes her think of all of the teasing from her not-so-fellow classmates so many years ago and all of the incredibly sad feelings she felt afterwards. Sure the horrible teasing from her peers stopped completely when she was around 16 years old, but the damage had already been done.

 Frisk: Oh Mom, I had no idea.

Toriel: Well, now you know Frisk. That’s why I don’t like being told that my feet are big.

Frisk: But Mom, most women with large feet, primarily human women, say they don’t like having large feet because they have a hard time finding shoes that fit them. But you don’t wear shoes Mom. So you don’t ever have to worry about anything like that.

Toriel: *has a moment of realization* Huh, I never looked at it that way.

Frisk: And on top of all that, you have boss monster feet! Not ugly human feet like mine!

 Frisk doesn’t actually think her feet are ugly. She’s just saying that to see if Toriel will acknowledge it in some say.

 Frisk: Boss monster feet are BADASS! I’m sorry for using language like that but in my honest opinion; having feet like that helps make you look both cool and cute. I really wish I had feet like yours! (Actually, I wish I could be a boss monster like you, Dad, and Asriel.)

Toriel: Um, thanks Frisk. And by the way, your feet ARE NOT UGLY! They’re cute! Why on earth do you think your feet are ugly, my child?

Frisk: Well; to be honest, I don’t really. I just think boss monster feet are much better looking in comparison. And the bigger they are, the nicer they look. After all, having big feet certainly didn’t stop Dad from chasing after you.

 After realizing that she called Asgore “Dad” in front of Toriel, Frisk immediately covered her mouth with both of her hands and looked at Toriel with an extremely worried and ashamed expression. Ever since Frisk started referring to Asgore as her father, her biggest fear was accidentally calling him “Dad” in front of Toriel. The reason for this is because she thought doing so would make Toriel feel uncomfortable since she and Asgore are still separated. And now that Frisk has finally slipped up, she’s worried about what her mother’s reaction will be.

 Toriel: *has a surprised look on her face* Frisk, what did you just say?

Frisk: Nothing! Forget what I just said!

Toriel: I will do no such thing, my child. You just called Asgore “Dad”, did you not?

Frisk: *sigh* Yes, I did. I’m really sorry Mom.

Toriel: You’re sorry Frisk? What’s there to be sorry about?

Frisk: Well; I thought that calling Asgore “Dad” would make you feel uncomfortable since the two of you are still separated.

 During the past seven months, Frisk and Asgore gradually developed a relationship just like that of a father and daughter. And even though Toriel didn’t say anything at the time, she was no stranger to witnessing how Asgore and Frisk’s friendship turned into the father-daughter relationship that it is today. And despite no longer being married to Asgore, Toriel doesn’t believe that there’s any reason why Frisk shouldn’t be able to refer to him as “Dad”.

 Toriel: Frisk, it’s your life. You can call Asgore whatever you want. If you want to call him “Dad”, then who am I to stand in your way?

 After hearing what Toriel just said, Frisk thanked her mother by giving her a giant hug. She’s just so relieved that she can now call Asgore “Dad” without a fear of giving Toriel an uneasy feeling.

 Toriel: I love you so much, my child.

Frisk: And I love you Mom.

 20 seconds later…

 Frisk: *stops hugging Toriel* Now; before we get too off topic, I’d like to continue reminding you that having large feet is nothing to be ashamed of. Large feet are better for lots of reasons. Like for example, do you recall that kickball tournament we had two weeks ago?

 During the first week of May, the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth grade classes had a kickball tournament. All of the teachers and students participated and Toriel’s sixth grade class was the one that came out of top. And there’s a perfectly good reason why they won too. ;)

 Toriel: I do, my child. Our class won that tournament. That was such a fun day.

Frisk: It sure was. Now tell me, why do you think we won that tournament?

Toriel: Um… because you, Chara, and Asriel are in such good shape?

Frisk: Well yeah, I guess that’s part of it. Undyne’s fitness training helps out with that nicely. But don’t you think your big feet had something to do with it? If I’m not mistaken, you kicked nothing but homeruns that day.  

 Frisk is right! Toriel was the reigning champion of the kickball tournament that day. :D And after hearing what her daughter just said, Toriel was rendered speechless because she ultimately realized that her big feet were indeed one of the reasons if not the reason why her class triumphed over the others. With help from her big feet, Toriel kicked nothing but homeruns that day and it made all of the teachers and students from the other grades super jealous, but in a good way.

 Toriel: …

Frisk: Mom?

Toriel: …

Frisk: Mom! Is everything alright?

Toriel: Yes! Yes, everything’s fine! But oh my goodness Frisk, you’re absolutely right! My feet did play a large role in getting us that victory!

Frisk: Heck yeah! That’s because big feet are much better for *makes a few kicking gestures with her right foot* kicking! And that’s not the only thing they’re better for. Do you remember the little *bleep* that tried to steal Marnie Kidman’s stuffed lizard?

 Marnie Kidman (A human child with red hair like her mother) is the 6-year-old daughter of Mrs. Monica Kidman, MK’s fifth grade teacher. MK is like a big brother to Marnie and she has a stuffed lizard, which was hand-crafted by her own mother, that kind of looks like him (It’s yellow and has spikes like his :)). She brought this stuffed lizard to school for show and tell one day and on that same day, she took it to recess with her and got it snatched it out of her hands by some little rotten snot-nosed brat that gets a sick thrill out of tormenting children younger than him. Normally at Toriel’s school, the younger kids (Kindergarten-second grade) have recess first and then the older kids (third grade-sixth grade) have it immediately after them. But on this day, the students had one of their rare all-grades recesses instead, meaning that it gave the brat a perfect opportunity to pick on younger children. In addition to wanting to pick on a younger kid, the brat secretly wanted a stuffed lizard for himself so he thought that stealing one from a sweet innocent girl like Marnie was the best option for him (The brat also wasn’t smart enough to realize that her mother had evidence to prove that the lizard didn’t belong to him if he actually managed to steal it from her and take it home with him). And to add insult to injury, the brat consistently teased Marnie by calling her names (The meanest thing he said to her was that she was a pathetic whiny little *bleep*-faced loser that should just drop dead in a shallow grave), pushing her to ground multiple times, holding the toy just out of her reach, making her beg to give the toy back, etc. He ridiculed Marnie all because he thought that doing so was hilarious. But it wasn’t hilarious because all he did was hurt Marnie’s feelings to the point that she started sobbing uncontrollably in front of her friends and everyone else watching. Marnie is one of the sweetest little girls in existence and she is by no means a pathetic loser. And as soon as MK found out what was going on, he stepped in and threatened to beat the brat up if he didn’t give Marnie her toy back. MK was VERY ANGRY with this brat for making Marnie cry and this was angriest he’d ever been in front of anyone. And for good reason too! Nobody messes with MK’s “little sister!” And MK’s threat appeared to work because immediately afterwards, the brat nervously apologized for his actions and then he walked slowly towards MK to supposedly hand the toy over to him. But instead of giving back the toy, the brat stomped on MK’s left foot with all his might (which made MK fall to the ground in excruciating pain) and then took off running with blazing speed in the opposite direction. That kid was just such a rotten little *bleep* that would’ve done just about anything to prevent Marnie from getting her toy back. The brat decided to do things the hard way and when it appeared that he was going to get away with everything he did, Toriel stuck her big right foot out from around a corner and managed to trip him with it. :D Another advantage of having big feet is that it’s easier to trip someone. Especially naughty little boys! And with big feet like Toriel’s, it was hard not to trip over one of them. ;)

Toriel: I do, my child. He was one the naughtiest kids I’ve ever dealt with!

Frisk: Oh most definitely! I HATED how he went completely out of his way to torment that poor girl! And poor MK too! Getting his foot stomped on like that looked incredibly PAINFUL!

Toriel: Oh yes, I imagine so! If I had known that that was going to happen, I would’ve stepped in much sooner!

 When Toriel found out that the brat was tormenting Marnie, she immediately started heading towards the two of them to give the brat piece of her mind. But because MK beat her to the punch, she decided not to intervene unless absolutely necessary. So she then stood back and out of sight to witness MK in action. And if the brat had actually listened to MK, then his punishment afterwards for what he did to Marnie would’ve been MUCH LESS worse than what it wound up being. It’s one thing to tease a child and call them extremely hurtful names, but causing physical harm to one of them is literally asking for punishment! And when the brat stomped on MK’s foot when all MK was trying to do was stand up for his “little sister,” Toriel knew that the brat needed some SERIOUS PUNISHMENT, which she was VERY WILLING to give him.  

 Frisk: I know you would’ve Mom. But fortunately for them, you made that little *bleep* fall flat on his stomach before he could get too far. And then immediately afterwards, you made him give back the toy and then you walked him to your office and gave him a well-deserved punishment. You may not know it, but there were so many kids cheering for you that day. Especially MK! And once again, you have your big feet to thank for that.

 Once again, Frisk is right. With help from her big feet and mama bear (or in her case, mama goat) instincts, Toriel managed to subdue the brat that tried to steal Marnie’s cherished stuffed lizard in just a matter of seconds. At Toriel’s school, the teachers take turns supervising recess. And on that particular day, it was Toriel’s turn to supervise and the brat was well aware of it too. However, he still thought it was ok to torment little kids because he didn’t believe that Toriel would be a huge threat to him. (OH HOW WRONG HE WAS!!!) It wasn’t Toriel’s first choice to trip the brat and the only reason she tripped him was because she wasn’t expecting him to take off running so suddenly. (At least she didn’t trip him on cement.) But Toriel didn’t stop there though. Immediately afterwards, she stuck her big left foot under his stomach and pried him up off the ground to roll him over onto his back. She did this because she wanted the boy see the incredibly ashamed and terrifyingly furious look in her eyes as she lectured him about how wrong it is to torment little kids, or anyone for that matter. And with help from her big feet, it was easy for Toriel to accomplish that goal. Then after that, she held him against the ground with her big right foot and kept him held down until he was ready to apologize to both Marnie and MK. The brat of course didn’t listen to Toriel at first and he did everything he possibly could to get out from under her right foot due to how frightened he was of her. Toriel may be a strong woman but one cannot argue that the large width and long length of her massive foot holding the boy against the ground was enough to prevent him from escaping due to it covering a great deal of his torso. Bigger feet also provide better balance and this was something that Toriel showed a great deal of when the brat squirmed, thrashed, fidgeted, and bounced up and down frantically while trying to escape from being trapped under her large foot. It took about eight minutes for the brat to finally calm down and after those eight minutes were over, he gave up trying to escape entirely and was finally ready to cooperate. He just couldn’t take one more second of being trapped under such a massive foot and the furious look in Toriel’s eyes certainly didn’t make him feel any more comfortable about it either. After that, Toriel pulled him up off of the ground and then she walked him to her office while holding onto his ear (and she didn’t let go of his ear until they got to her office). But first, she made him give Marnie back her stuffed lizard and apologize for each and every mean thing he did and said to her and MK. The little *bleep* very likely didn’t mean anything he said when he apologized to them and MK wanted to punch him in the stomach so bad for making Marnie cry and for stomping on his foot with full force. Almost everyone who saw the entire incident wouldn’t have blamed MK at all for hurting the child, but doing so however would’ve also gotten him in big trouble. Fortunately though, MK managed to resist hurting the child by giving Marnie some much needed and well deserved hugs instead. And in turn, Marnie told MK to have her mother kiss his foot so she can “make it feel all better.” X333 Justice was served that day and Toriel has her big feet along with her motherly instincts to thank for that. :)

 Toriel: My god. But I wouldn’t say my feet were the only reason why I was able to subdue that child so easily.

Frisk: Yeah, you’re right. You have your motherly instincts to thank for that as well. I really loved the way you pretended that Marnie was like one of your own children.

Toriel: Well it was quite easy Frisk. She’s such a sweet little girl. It certainly isn’t difficult to see why MK cares about her so much.

Frisk: Yeah; she’s a real cutie, isn’t she? And MK’s such an awesome “big brother” to her! But we can talk more about that again later. There are still a few more reasons I want to share with you as to why big feet are better.

 Frisk then went on to tell her mother a few more reasons as to why large feet are better than smaller feet. And one of the topics Frisk brought up just happened to be about swimming. Because people and monsters with large feet are considered to be better swimmers, Frisk felt the need to ask her mother if she was a good swimmer back in the day, to which she responded yes. When Toriel was younger, she used to do extremely well in swimming competitions. She didn’t always come out on top but her big feet certainly gave her edge 100% of the time. And that’s something she’ll be able to demonstrate when she goes to the beach and the local swimming pool with her family and friends some time during the summer. :D

 Eight minutes later…

 Frisk: And one more thing, *with a big grin on her face* bigger feet means longer foot rubs!

 Frisk then attempted to give Toriel a foot rub. But what followed was a reaction that Frisk probably should have seen coming.

 Toriel: AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHAAAHAHHAAHAHA!!! FRIHIHIHIIHIHIHHIHIHISK, STAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAP THAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAT!!! *SNORT* AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHA!!! I’VE BEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEN TIHIHIHIHIIHICKLED ENHOHOHOHOHOOUGH FOHOHOOOHOOHOHOHOR *SNORT* ONE NIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIGHT!!! AHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *SNORT* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!

 Frisk is not trying to tickle Toriel at all! Like Asriel and Asgore, Toriel’s feet are so ticklish that even foot rubs tickle her! And Frisk is kneading her thumbs into Toriel’s balls and arches as hard as she possibly can in an attempt to prevent that from happening too! It obviously it’s not working since Toriel is currently laughing, squealing, and shrieking mess. :/

 Frisk: *still trying (and failing) to rub Toriel’s feet without ticking her* Wow Mom, your feet really are ticklish like Azzy’s! I have the same problem whenever I try rubbing his feet too!

Toriel: AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! *SNORT* EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!! *SNORT* WOOHOOHOOOHOOHOOHOOHOHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! *SNORT*

 Frisk then tried a few different methods of rubbing her mother’s feet. First, she tried rubbing them with her palms; then, she tried rubbing them with her knuckles; and then she tried rubbing them with the backs of her hands. But in the end, all three methods proved to be complete failures because no matter what happened, Toriel continued laughing, squealing, and shrieking in a very hysterical manner.

 Toriel: AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! *SNORT* EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!! *SNORT* AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHA!!! WOOHOOHOOOHOOHOOHOOHOHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! *SNORT* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

 After one minute, Frisk gave up trying to rub her mother’s feet entirely.

 Frisk: Ok, ok, I give up! I’ll stop now! *stops trying to give Toriel a foot rub*

Toriel: *breathing a bit heavily*

Frisk: Oh man, you ok Mom?

Toriel: *catches her breath* I… I don’t know what to think right now. You’re making so many excellent points Frisk. Thank you so much!

 Despite getting tickled like crazy moments ago, Toriel knew what Frisk was getting at when she talked about receiving foot rubs. That being, bigger feet means longer foot rubs! :D Toriel’s already has big feet so the only thing she needs in order to receive a relaxing foot rub is someone who can manage to rub her feet without tickling her like crazy. And as soon as Frisk stopped rubbing Toriel’s feet, she wondered to herself, “Who on earth can possibly manage to rub Mom’s feet without tickling her?! Frisk may not know it, but someone like that actually exists. ;)

 Toriel: My goodness, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize just how much these… *looks at her feet and then wiggles them a little* “things”… have helped me accomplish so much in life.

Frisk: You’re very welcome Mom. That’s why I kept telling you that your feet big all the while Toby and I tickled you. I wasn’t trying to insult you or anything. That was just my way of telling you that there’s nothing wrong with having large feet.

Toriel: I am aware of that Frisk. Well, at least I am now anyway. But please, try not to do excessive amounts of teasing, ok? Even though I now understand the advantages of having big feet, it’s still going to take some time for me to get used to being teased about them, even when it’s just friendly teasing like yours.

Frisk: I completely understand Mom.

Toriel: I knew you would, my child. Now *stands up*, let’s go upstairs and get a good night’s rest. Since I’m going to be spending time with Asgo… *clears throat* I mean… your father tomorrow; I’d like to make sure I’m well rested.

 After hearing what Toriel just said, Frisk almost started crying tears of joy because she found it so heartwarming that her mother addressed Asgore as her father rather than just one of her guardians. By doing this, Toriel is proving how much her views of Asgore have changed over the past seven months and that she supports the idea of Asgore being a father figure to Frisk. And even though Toriel wouldn’t have minded it one bit if Frisk cried in front of her, Frisk managed to contain herself and then she calmly said to her mother,

 Frisk: Sure Mom. That sounds great.

 And with that, both Toriel and Frisk kissed and hugged each other and then went upstairs to their bedrooms to get some well-deserved sleep. And in addition to being surprised by how Toriel addressed Asgore as her father, Frisk was also surprised that her mother didn’t tickle her back at all as playful revenge for driving her insane with laughter for an entire hour and for teasing her about the size of her feet. Little does Frisk know; Toriel is planning to do just that the following morning (She’s too exhausted from the hour-long tickle torture to get revenge on Frisk tonight). And since Asgore will be bringing Asriel with him tomorrow, she can tickle him too! :D

 THE END.

[gaiatheorist]

Domestic Abuse Consultation.

(I’ve been ‘quiet’ for a few days, the work-thing has taken a turn for the terrifying, and I’ve been in shut-down self-preservation mode.)

It’s the first Saturday of half-term, which doesn’t really ‘count’, because I’m still off sick, but the ‘school holidays’ and the UK PM’s announcement of plans for a 12-18 month consultation on streamlining laws on domestic abuse have struck a chord with me. Work-head wonders what will happen in those vulnerable families, while there’s no ‘school’ to get involved. Now-head remembers how cut-off I used to be during school holidays. Before-head, long-before-head remembers what it was to be a child in a family where DV was ‘normal’.

The ex wasn’t physically violent, but the relationship was coercive. “It was just the way he was raised.” is excusing him, but it doesn’t excuse me, and I need to be very careful not to fall into battered-wife territory, I terminated and exited that relationship. I am better than my mother. I had frequent conversations with my son, about ‘not all relationships are like this’, in an attempt to prevent him seeing the alpha-male-skew as ‘normal’. I tried, but it was difficult to balance the not-asking-him-to-pick-sides element. He was probably 16 when I told him I wanted to end the relationship, and asked him whether he wanted to live with me, or his Dad. That was awful, and his response at the time was utterly perfect. “Neither, really.” 

Unpicking 20 years of ‘this will have to do’ is futile. I married a man who thought the world revolved around him, when I was in no way mature enough to make a for-life decision. I jumped, from my abusive and dysfunctional ‘family’ life, and tried to make a new one. I wasn’t ready for that, I wasn’t ready for the wedding, when we’d been together just over a year, or the pregnancy that happened six months after that. 20 years of ‘this will have to do’.

He was always right, and what he said was what was going to happen. He was used to having his own way, and, as I grew into myself, extracted myself from his shadow, I started to resent that, and him. “Get out.”, that’s what people say to people who disclose imbalanced relationships like mine, it’s not always that easy. “Talk to him.” is another thing people say, but that didn’t work, either, because it would always end with him telling me he wasn’t happy, and asking me to ‘try one more time’. “Suck it up.” is another prevalent theme, the woman wanting a divorce after 39 years of marriage-that-isn’t in the news has spurred a whole slew of articles on ‘try to work through it’. The ‘empty shell’ relationships, and the accusations that the ‘wife’ in question is motivated purely by financial gain, that her unhappiness counts for nothing, because she signed a bit of paper nearly four decades ago.

No marriage, no relationship is 100% happy all of the time, there will be peaks and troughs, and decisions on whether to keep trying, to live in companionable isolation, or to end it. Each couple will make the decision between them.

Except in the case of coercive control, where one partner is dominant for whatever reason, whether that’s emotional, financial, or physical. I’m not going to woe-is-me about having no assets or savings, or support network, I allowed that to happen, and it took years to gather the strength to say “No.” Some people never find that strength, some of those are the 2 women a week killed by domestic violence or ex-partners, and some are still existing in the wraith-state I inhabited for so long. 

Yes, the PM’s plan is encouraging, that, at the end of the 12-18 month consultation there will be co-ordinated resources and support, but the controlling nature of domestic abuse means that a huge proportion of victims won’t report it. I saw years and years of my mother not-reporting. I was one of those children that flinched at raised voices, and knew that my mother and father would both beat my brother and I relentlessly, physical violence was their normal, so it became mine. I was probably five, or six, when I wrote “My Mum has a black eye, my Dad gave it to her.” in my ‘daily diary’ at primary school, my teacher tore the page out of the book, and told me “We don’t say things like that.” Thank you, Catholic Church, for instilling non-disclosure as the norm, leading to me not-disclosing other things for far too many years. The 1980s, the ‘behind closed doors’ mentality, which did seep-through into the 1990s, where the police would be reluctant to intervene in incidents they viewed as ‘domestic’. 

‘Hidden harm’ wasn’t a consideration, as my brother and I watched our mother covered in blood and snot, as our father, and then our step-father beat her. We watched her cover the bruises in make-up, and not-report, because that was her version of normality, and our father’s and our step-father’s. Women were chattel, and, if dinner wasn’t ready, or right, if she’d spoken to another man, or, if they just felt like it, she would be battered. Then she’d batter us, because she didn’t know any other way. I can’t remember exactly how old I was when my brother attacked me, I nearly lost a front tooth, which still causes me pain when the weather is cold. My mother kept me off school until the worst of the swelling and bruising had gone down, an echo of all the scars I have from childhood, when my dad wouldn’t let her take me to the hospital with wounds that could have done with stitching. 

Children don’t come through that unscathed. Even where there are no children to consider, the abused party doesn’t come through that unscathed. I can’t assume to know why my mother continued to be a victim, I have my theories, but it should never have been down to my brother and I to call the police, and then try to stop our step-father getting back into the house when they let him back out. Toxic triangle right there, folks, domestic violence, alcohol misuse, and poor mental health on my mother’s part. (Most likely on the father-figures’ parts, too, it’s not ‘normal’ to batter another human being like that.)

Every victim of domestic abuse will have their own back-story, their own ‘reasons to stay’. I’m a very mild case of that, his perceived-superiority knocked me down into a state of half-believing myself inferior. Only ever half, though, and that’s why I’m out, I identify as ‘survivor’ not ‘victim’. I had nowhere to go, years of money-issues have left me with nothing, I wavered for far too long, wondering if I could pay the bills. I had nobody to turn to, because his controlling-tantrums if I mentioned anyone’s name more than a couple of times meant that I cut-off anyone I could have asked for help, rather than face another night of hissed-accusations. I had no faith in myself, because he eroded it all away, my job wasn’t a ‘proper’ job, my books were ‘clutter’, my ideas were ‘stupid’. He had a need to be alpha-dominant, and all the years I spent playing-wife fed into that, no wonder he was so put out when I ‘stopped trying’.

We, as a society, can’t keep up the ‘behind closed doors’ mentality, but it’s not an easy thing to change. There was a case, at work, years ago, where someone raised concerns about a ‘jumpy’ female colleague, and we, collective of concerned human beings, and professionals, couldn’t do a thing about it. No complaint, no concern. There is absolutely no precedent for initiating that conversation, that “Are you scared of him?” (In this case it was a hetero-partnership, and it was the female that was flagging concerns.) conversation. ‘We’ just had to lay the bait and wait for her to come to us. She didn’t.

The PM’s assertion that she will bring together the fragmented bits of law that can be applied, to make the framework more robust, and actions more clear and timely, it’s admirable, but it’s also vast. It’s very easy for someone on the outside to say ‘get out’, or ‘ask for help’, but, when you’re in an imbalanced relationship, it’s not that linear. That feeds the monster, and, every time you ‘try again’, every time you ‘take them back’, because you don’t know how else to live, your position is weakened. The perpetuation of that cycle leads to poor mental health, and quite frequently poor coping mechanisms. On it goes. Some wit will link domestic abuse to the ‘50 Shades’ phenomenon, and the un-battered, un-gaslighted moral majority will pipe up that people should ‘just leave’, to be countered by the ultra-moral argument that marriage is meant to be for life. It will be the usual bun-fight, while global events continue to terrify us all.

12-18 months to consult on something that causes significant harm, and life-long suffering. 

[beingamom-blog1]

Ramblings of a single mom

Today I am annoyed. Well, I’m not sure how that’s different from most days. Grayson is sick. I am sick. There is snot on my shirt. On my pants. On my face. On my hair. It’s lovely. Besides that, I’m still doing this not-treating-PPD-thing. It’s cool. We are managing. I in no way recommend that as a solution. Seriously. Get treatment. Get help. There is no shame. I’ll do another post on PPD, but in the mean time Seriously, go get help. I just can’t. Not right now. I found that I was feeling more frustrated and depressed the harder I tried to find help. But I’m still working on it. So, go get help.

That part aside, I’d like to share the things that annoy me.

1. Unsolicited advice. This is the advice that everyone wants to give you about raising your child. Because obviously every single thing you are doing is wrong and how is your child ever going to survive and grow into a well balanced adult that isn’t needy or whiny or (insert other bad traits here). Shut up. Ok? Maybe I’m not doing it the way you did. Or would. What I am doing is researching and deciding what is best for us. I am not doing anything that I believe could put my child at unnecessary risk emotionally or physically. I am parenting the way I want to parent. Oh, you did this and your kid was fine so why don’t I do that? Well, because I don’t want to. Or, that was 40 years ago. Car seats were barely a thing. Gosh, we’ve made it so far. Girl, bye. 

2. Unsolicited advice from people that aren’t parents. Similar to above. Except worse. To be fair, I may have been guilty of offering advice pre having children as well. Though, I’d like to think that for the most part, I only offered that advice when asked (as in, for my job or if a friend was frustrated and wanting advice). And any advice I gave was not based on a feeling of how I might raise my kid. It was based on research and facts. So when someone who doesn’t have a kid comes and tells me I’m doing something wrong or I’m spoiling my 7 month old, I want to tell them to stfu.

3. Judge-y people. I try to be a really open, loving person. I try not to look at someone and thing “oh that person is (insert over simplified mean thing or generalization)”. I try to look at people and think “what a nice purse”. And leave it at that. I have left the house in my pajamas when a skunk sprayed Zechs. I have taken my child out without a sweater a time or two when I thought it was warm enough and it probably wasn’t. I don’t want people to look at me and think “wow, she’s trashy” or “what a terrible parent”. I’d prefer “wow, she looks like she’s having a rough go today” or “being a mom is hard sometimes predicting the weather” and then smile at me because we have all done it. Every single one of us.

4. People that are/were friends. Let me be slightly more specific. Obviously. I’m talking about people who don’t get it. Or don’t care to. I’m talking about people that use you or people that take you for granted or people that refuse to or care not to understand how different life is now that there is a baby. I can’t just drop everything and go frolic in the sun with you today. And probably not tomorrow either. If you give me enough advanced notice, I might be able to make an attempt. But truthfully, it has to be something good. And in that moment, it is nothing against that person. But, for me to go out involves the following things: a. Finding a baby sitter. This is usually my mom. But. She is not the healthiest person in the world. And, she takes care of Grayson 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. And I don’t pay her. b. Changing my pumping schedule. I have to change my schedule because I won’t be where I need to be when I need to be. It’s inevitable. We will either be in the middle of a movie or we will be hiking up a mountain about to reach the top. c. Figuring out where/how to pump. Often, this means hand pumping. That means I’m actually pumping just to say I did it because for the life of me I can’t make tat stupid hand pump work as well as my double electric. d. Making sure there is enough milk out. The longer I’m away,  the more milk he needs. Logic. Except, while he may be on a schedule M-F from 7a-6p, after that, he does whatever he wants. Schedule be dammed. e. Accepting that I’m going to be tired in the morning. Less sleep = more tired.

Aside from that, if  I feel like you’re taking advantage of me in any way. I don’t have time for you. I have a baby that only loves me for my boobs. I don’t need another person in my life that only likes me for my (insert awesome quality or super cool item).

5. People at my job who act like jerks to me. I’m doing my job. I’m sorry if you don’t like the way that impacts you. But, I do what I’m supposed to do. This is a much longer story, but totally not worth my energy