#im just scared that im going to fail at interacting or something

[sk3l3t0n444]

ok nope too much of a pussy to do it

ok here we go im gonna be so brave

[lenacosse]

False god

pairing; jake peralta x reader

word count; 2,500

cw; smut, arguing

summary; reader gets extremely insecure and jealous, instead of talking it through her and jake argue which leads to fucking.



a/n: im backkkk. so sorry for the lack of posting for the last two months, ive been so preoccupied but i hope to get properly back now. also omg try not to make a post about a ts song mission= failed. can’t resist.

‘and you can’t talk to me when i’m like this

daring you to leave me just so i can try and scare you

you’re the west village

you still do it for me, babe.’

════════════════

Your relationship with Jake wasn’t perfect, although to the eye of many that wasn’t obvious. You seemed utterly head over heels, and whilst that was the truth you, like any other couple had problems. But to the extent was not normal, most couples talk it out, that’s never been your method. The problem was Jake’s friendliness, before you got together you loved that about him, it was after all how you got together. You loved how he would talk to everyone, you loved how he made people laugh, but now that you sit in a crowded restaurant gritting your teeth watching your boyfriend make the waitress laugh, he told a joke, a joke first told to you, your gaze was fixated on him, the crease by his eyes as he laughed, the nod of his head as she spoke, but worst of all the prolonged eye contact they held and how her eyes glistened as they done so.

Swiftly you finished your wine, you cleared your throat and the waitress turned to you. You nodded your head to the empty glass, right away she excused herself with the glass to get you another.

“She’s lovely,” you grinned, the sarcasm seeping through your words.

“It’s the Peralta charm, she couldn’t help laugh at my joke,” Jake teased, resuming his meal. You near scoffed at the audacity of him, deep down you knew he was being harmless- a mere joke, but you couldn’t help the insecurity inside of you get the better of your mind. You and Jake have been together for two years, the longest you’ve both been with someone, your biggest fear is that Jake will get bored of you, so interactions like this had your mind running wild- reaching to the worst possible scenarios.

For the rest of your meal you were barely listening to Jake enthuse about his week at work, he talked about his perps, his drug busts and the banter within the precinct. Instead you were in your head, imagining the end of your relationship, more specifically Jake leaving you for someone much prettier and funnier. He’s never not been loyal, he’s never given you an reason to feel this way, yet you couldn’t help it. You couldn’t turn off your self sabotaging mind and that was a slow undeniable killer.

“Are you okay?” Jake said, snapping you back to reality, concern written over his face, his eyes gentle and comforting.

“I’m fine.” You replied. “Just tired.” You couldn’t shake the coldness of your words. Jake reached over the table to grab your hand, you sighed and moved your hand away, feeling too indifferent to talk about it. You could see the disappointment building in his eyes.

“Let’s go then.” Jake said as he stood up grabbing his jacket and pushing his chair in, you paid the bill and got into his car.

A deafening silence fell over you both for the first few minutes of the car ride, you didn’t know what to say, you were worried that if you started to talk you would end up fighting. The car stopped at the red light, you found your eyes wondering over to Jake, one hand on the wheel the other tapping on the dashboard as he starred out the window, his eyebrows were knitted together in a frustrated manner and his body was tense. He glanced at you and instantly your eyes hardened.

“What did I do to upset you this much?” Jake asked, his voice firm.

“Nothing.” You mumbled looking down at your lap.

“Then why are you acting like this? I don’t understand the night started great now you’re distant. Do you not like me anymore or something?”

The emotion in his voice had you heart aching, you couldn’t understand why your mind done this to you, from a rational perspective the interaction was harmless- maybe enough for you to sulk over, but not to this extent and you knew that. You nervously picked at you nails as you replied.

“Of course I do Jake- you know I love you. But it’s just..” you sighed, “I don’t know.”

He turned to look at you now, “just what?”

“You’re too friendly! That’s the problem.”

“Too friendly? What does that even mean?!” He laughed, you looked at him and instantly filled with rage.

“Don’t be stupid Jake. Don’t do that, you were flirting with that fucking waitress.”

The light went green and Jake drove again, his eyes were focused on the road as he spoke. “Flirting? Seriously. This again.” He sighed, “I’m not flirting with anyone.”

“Oh,” you scoffed, “it’s so fucking obvious! The fuck me eyes she was sending you, you’re not blind Jake anyone could have sensed it.”

“You’re seeing things. Seriously, tell me why would I do that?”

“That’s what I’m asking you!!”

“Maybe for once it’s not me, it’s you. You are the one causing the problem here not me.”

“As I recall you were the one flirting!” You fumed.

“Flirting or simply talking? Should I just stay away from all woman from now on?”

“You’re infuriating right now. Just fucking apologise.”

“For what?!” Jake raised his voice, “I didn’t do anything. I made me waitress laugh, you’re acting as if I asked for her number.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” You muttered.

“Really? You think I’d cheat on you.” Jake said as he parked the car outside his apartment complex.

You got out of the car slamming the door after you and Jake followed behind you. “Well would you?”

He punched in the code to open the complex door, you stood with your arms crossed walking with him. “What kind of question is that? Obviously not.”

You pressed the elevator button and stood beside him, arms crossed again and your body stiff with anger. “That’s not what I picked up on looking at you and that woman.”

“Y/N. I did not flirt with her. Get that idea out of your head.” Jake groaned, clearly becoming increasingly frustrated with you.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have that idea if you weren’t so fucking friendly!” You practically shouted. Your face flushed red with embarrassment as a couple walked out of the elevator, by the looks of your face you could tell they heard everything. The man gave Jake a sympathetic look which made you roll your eyes, his girlfriend elbowed him in response to that.

Jake walked into the elevator, you followed and pressed the floor number. “I don’t want to have this stupid conversation anymore. I didn’t flirt with her! And I’m not too friendly, there’s no such thing.”

“Oh yes there is. You are a prime example,” you scoffed as the elevator doors closed.

“You want to know what’s exhausting? This. I’m sick of you being so insecure.”

“Then break up with me.”

“What? No. Are you insane?”

“Go on. Do it. I know you want to, do it Jake break up with me.”

“I’d be crazy to break up with you.” Jake moved closer to you.

“I think you want to.” You starred into his eyes, deep down you’d be distraught if he broke up with you. But the thrill of keeping him on his toes outweighed that.

He grabbed your arm pull you closer to him. “Don’t say anything like that again. Ever.”

Your face flushed hearing him being so assertive, when Jake got this way you could swoon. You smirked and looked up at him. “Why? Does it bother you?”

“Everything you’re doing right now is bothering me,” he got even closer to you, your chest was pushed up against his front. “Trying to scare me off?”

“Is it working?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, you could feel Jake’s breath on your face, furthering the heat rising to your face.

“No.” Jake responded. He pushed you against the elevator mirror, your back hitting the rail. His hands firmly gripped your hips, sure enough to leave a bruise, your breath quickened as he lowered his head and smashed his lips to yours.

You got caught up in an intense moment, your hands went to his hair, pulling him closer as your leg rose to wrap around his waist. You were pushed right up against the mirror as you shared a hungry make out, his tongue fought and won dominance as it explored your mouth. One of his hands moved from your waist and hiked up your thigh and skirt. His finger edged to your panties, and started to slowly circle your clit. You gasped at the sudden pleasure, breaking the kiss. Jake kissed your neck however quickly stopped and moved away once the elevator door opened. You tried to fix yourself up and walk normally to his door, you impatiently waited as Jake opened the door, you could’ve swore he was being slow to tempt you. You walked in first, wasting no time you grabbed his tie, a rare thing to see Jake in and pulled him to you.

His hands met your waist, he smirked. “Eager?”

“Shut up.” You replied.

As you kiss Jake backs you into his room, pulling down your top to reveal your bra and down onto his bed. Using his tie again you pull him on top of you, you remove his tie and make a start at unbuttoning his shirt. His lips meet your neck as he marks you, his hand travels down your body resting in between your legs, he moved your underwear aside and shoves two fingers inside of you. You cry out at the abrupt movement but quickly it turns to an override of pleasure, Jake moves from your neck and watches your face as he roughly fucks you with his fingers, curling them to hit that perfect spot, as if that wasn’t enough he circles his thumb on your clit. The pleasure making your legs shake and vision blur, the sounds coming from your mouth were incoherent, your whole body was trembling in pleasure. The pleasure continuing to build you knew you were close, you felt yourself ignite and be overcome with pleasure but just as you were about to finish he pulled his fingers out.

“Jake-” you whined but was quickly stopped by his fingers going into your mouth. You sucked his fingers, you couldn’t help but heat up at the taste of yourself on his finger. Jake removed his fingers and kissed you hungrily, his hand moving to your breast and rolling your nipple in between his finger over your lacy bra. You pull his shirt off and break the kiss, to mark his collarbone.

“Marking territory?” Jake teased as his hand slipped under your and effortlessly undone your bra. As you pulled your head back he removed your top and bra.

“Seems as if I have to.” You scoffed, Jake grabbed your jaw.

“As I’ve said before I’d never cheat on you.”

You rolled your eyes in response, he let go of your jaw and moved to your ear. “We’re not leaving this bed until you realise it.”

His voice was enough to make you squeeze your thighs together but the words spoken had you stifling a moan. Jake kissed down your neck, you arched your back pushing your body up onto him, desperate for pleasure. You grab his hand and bring it in between your thighs, hoping for pleasure from him.

“What do you want?” Jake asks, his eyes bearing into yours.

“You.” You responded, biting your lip. You could see it in his eyes, he was tempted to take you right there but resisted, much to your dismay.

“Be more specific,” he slowly moved his finger to brush against your clit, you hissed at the sensation.

“I want you to make me cum with your fingers. Then,” you moved your hand into his hair, tugging. “I want you to fuck me.”

“So demanding. Not even a please?”

“Are you going to or not?” You raised an eyebrow, Jake smirked and inserted two fingers into you.

You senses once again filled with pleasure from Jake roughly moving his fingers, you moaned his name feeling the pleasure override you. Your legs trembled as using his thumb he rubbed your clit. A continuous thread of moans left your mouth as you came undone, you vision whitened as you released, your body going into a state of utter bliss. Jake removed his fingers and took your skirt off, your hands made quick work of removing his belt and trousers. You watched eagerly as his cock sprung out with the removal of his boxers.

You moved your hand down to slowly stroke him, he softly groaned in response. You then wrapped your legs around his waist and gripped his shoulders as he slid into you, your eyes rolled back in pleasure as you adjusted to him. Right away Jake began to pound into you, one of his hands held your thigh as the other gripped the headboard making him completely tower over you, you watched his face contorted in pleasure. The room filled with the sound of your bodies joining together and your lustful moans, you knew trying to conceal them wouldn’t work, so you let it happen, not that anyone would complain Jake loved the sound of your moans. Jake fucked you like he’s never done before you wouldnt’ve been surprised if your bodies left a permanent dent into the mattress, that was only furthered when he moved your legs to rest over his shoulders allowing him to go deeper. Your mind became numb with pleasure, the only thing you could focus on was the immense pressure between your thighs.

Jake pushed your chin up to look at him, your eyes were pricking with tears as you got closure to release. “Believe me now?”

“Not quite.” You moaned.

This only fuelled Jake more to the point where the bed was slamming against the wall and tears of pleasure were streaming down your face, you felt the pleasure override you.

“So close.” You moaned.

“Cum for me,” Jake said, his voice dripping with pleasure, that itself sent you over edge.

The euphoric sensation washed over you yet again, your vision blurred as your entire body shook, never had you felt this way before. Jake continued, cashing his own release as you slowly came down from that high, however it wasn’t long until you felt it building up again. Jakes movements got strained as he got closer, again you came and white hot pleasure overcame you. Jake came inside you, moaning into your ear. Slowly he pulled out and lay beside you. You both starred at the ceiling, catching your breath. He turned to you and tucked your hair behind your ear, you couldn’t help the smile that creeped onto your face as you turned to face him too.

“Believe me now?” Jake teased, stroking your cheek.

“I always did I was just in my head, totally worth it though,”

“Totally worth it though; title of your sex tape.”

“Jake.” You rolled your eyes, playfully shoving him.

[luvt0kki]

INTERLUDE | OPENING SEQUENCE

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧ s.w.m masterlist ୨୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ taglist ⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧

This scene that locked me up The sequence that's like forever Stay for me, stay for me, stay for me I can't get used to it, used to it, used to it

🎧: Opening Sequence - TXT

previous | INTERLUDE | next

pairings: ot8 x f!reader (san x reader)

w.c : 10k ( im sorry for any errors)

cw: mature, ,minors do not interact, nsfw, reader is afab, slow burn, polyamory, smut , bittersweet, angst, MC's background is inspired by Black Widow's background with the Red Room, reader is called sweet heart/baby, hints of abuse/manipulation, mc’s past, mention of their training days, injuries, scars, loss of virginity, first time, very very very longgggggg chapter I’m sorry

REMINDER: my works do not represent the irl members in any way, this is purely a work of FICTION.

a/n : surprise? SPECIAL CHAPTER!!!! I hope you guys like this one. I didn’t initially plan to write this but after posting chapter 005 I wanted to write something different or something else and this came about. I hope you guys like. Thank you for being so patient with me 🥺💗

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE, OR OTHERWISE REPURPOSE ANY OF MY WORK HERE. I DO NOT NOR WILL ALLOW IT.

“How long do you think before they find us here?”

The young assassin paused, his heart dropping. Never has he ever heard you, YOU, out of all the graduated students of the Academy, sound like this.

You were always so sure of yourself but now, he was hearing a completely different person yet so familiar. When was the last time he heard you like this? He was quick to recall it and that ache in his chest began to feel as if he was burning from the inside. This small, unsure, and weak voice belonged to the little girl he grew up with before the academy changed everything and he never heard you like this again.

Til today.

He was scared to turn around.

If your own resolve was shaking then the situation was worse than he thought.

San shook his head and continued to look around the padded room looking for any signs of a possible escape. Even if you two did get out, you two would have nothing but your knives and your fists.

“No one’s going to come for us, aren’t they Sannie?” You choked out his nickname so softly, that he felt his heart broke. “At the end of the day…” you went on, the fears of a little girl that San had failed to protect breaking through the facade the Academy molded and chiseled you in. “I’m just one of their many weapons. The other girls in the Academy…they’re good. Better. I will be of no use soon.”

San’s hands were beginning to tremble uncontrollably as he reloaded the gun. You were the Academy’s proudest creation, you had set the standard. Though those things were true, these were your fears. They were just as real.

“We’ve sent a Morse code to them. They’ll find us soon. They won’t let you go as easily.” San swallowed the lump in his throat trying to maintain composure and not let the impending doom of you both get to him.

What made him sadder was that he was right. The Academy won’t let you go. You were chained to them in a way, he wasn’t.

“Sannie…”

They could afford to lose him. He was a part of the top three of those who graduated with him but he wasn’t the first of the batch.

“They’ll come for you.”

The room that confined you two was dim. The skylight let some moonlight shine through to illuminate what it could in the darkness you two were submerged in. Did your captors really believe the Academy would buy their ransom for two of their assassins? They would come with a brute force that would leave them nothing in ashes. If no one came for the two of you, they’ll kill you both or worse, sell the two of you off to the market.

San would kill them before they even thought of selling you as a slave.

“Sannie, it’s cold.”

His composure broke then.

Gone was the weapon the Academy created.

Without any hesitation, San went to where you had been sitting (on the white sheet mattress in the room they threw you two in) then pulled you onto his lap with his arms wrapped around you. Your skin was cold to the touch and his desperation to hold you only grew. He cradled you so gently in his arms, scared that if he embraced you tighter you’d shatter.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, resting his chin on the top of your head as he kept his gaze up, fighting back tears and the urge to press his lips on the the crown of your head. “I’m here. I'm not going anywhere.”

You were taught to never take anyone’s words seriously. Always doubt them, they once said. Doubt them until they prove it because you can never know what they mean and yet, you believed every word San said.

Every promise he has ever made, he kept them. Everything he said he would do, he did. But even if he didn’t prove to be a man of his word, the part of you that you pushed in the dark, would believe him blindly.

His strong arms held you in a way you never knew you needed to be held and the warmth of his body was giving you, melted away the armor you didn’t have the luxury to take off.

“Sannie,”

He loved it when you called him Sannie. Since you two met, he was your Sannie. If you asked him now, just once, to be yours, he’d be yours forever.

“Yeah?” He caressed your back in gentle circles, taking note of how your shivering lessened and your breathing calmed.

You didn’t continue your thought. It got stuck in your throat. How could you possibly say what you wanted to? Instead, you opted to bury your face into his neck. You’ll think about it for a bit…because what if it was the wrong time to say it?

“Can I hold your hand?”

Your voice was such a soft whisper, that San almost didn’t hear it. It was like you were embarrassed to have even asked, even though he’s held your hand so many times in secret during your training days when it was an evaluation day.

San hummed in response and carefully, still cradling you in his lap with your head leaning on his chest, slipped his hand with yours. He stared at your hands as he did. His hand was bigger than yours and his heart dropped when he realized you had taken off your gloves. Such delicate hands were bruised at the knuckles and hands that only ever touched or brushed him so gently.

He knew in your head you could only see how stained your arms were with blood.

“Your hands are cold,” he pointed out, pouting a little at the fact and like he did when you were younger, he took both your hands and brought them close to his mouth to breathe warmth into them.

You felt your heart thump particularly strong in your chest. The feelings you’ve had for San that you had hidden away because you were told you could never be loved nor love for you were only a weapon, returned.

Because you are a weapon, you would only ever hurt the people you love.

“How are you so warm?” You chuckled, falling into a comfort you denied yourself for so long. “If I remember correctly, you were such a small petite thing when we were younger. I was afraid you wouldn’t make it past the selection.”

He laughed softly at the memory. “I didn’t want to be left behind. I need to be with you no matter what.” He let himself speak freely and honestly, letting his hands warm yours.

“I would’ve purposely failed if that was the case. I wouldn’t want to continue on without you.” You admitted, feeling the ache of your muscles finally hit you.

“They would’ve known if you did.”

“That’s true.”

“I would catch up to you no matter what. To be by your side…” San paused, afraid to say what he wanted to in fear that you may not feel the same. “For a long time, I believe that’s where I belong.”

His words caught you off guard. Did Sannie know? Did he know that you loved him? There was no way he could but the possibility of attraction between the two of you could not be ruled out so easily. It was there. You both knew it. You two just never spoke of it.

“Do you still believe that?” You asked, feeling a little braver and desperate.

What if this was it? It had been four days since the enemy got the upper hand and immobilized you and San and sealed you two up in this room. What if the Academy did abandon you both? Weapons are replaceable.

“I’m here with you now, aren’t I?”

He’s always been there.

You lifted your head off his shoulder to gaze up at him.

Gone was the little boy you worried about whenever you two trained separately. The one who was easily thrown and bullied around by his much stronger contenders. You were afraid of losing him even then because you had wondered why someone with such a gentle heart could ever hurt people. For goodness sake, he continued to let himself get beaten up just because one of the much younger trainees out of desperation and hunger, stole a piece of roasted sweet potato.

Before you now was a man. San still had the handsomeness he’s had since he was younger except it matured and bloomed into sharp features and a striking beauty that lost all the softness of his younger self. His body was no longer frail and sickly. His back and shoulders became broad, lean muscles had grown and given him more shape that reminded you of the prowess of a black panther.

But when he smiled.

He was the Sannie you cared for and loved so deeply…so quietly.

“Can you promise me something?” You asked, feeling your heart begin to ache.

“Anything for you.” He smiled softly down at you and you wished he hadn’t because it’d made your heart want him even more.

“If we get out of this alive…” you felt tears begin to form in your eyes. “Promise me you’ll leave the academy.”

“Y/N—,” he began to protest, sitting up a little bit you shushed him gently and changed your positions.

You cupped his face gently with your hands and looked straight into his eyes.

“When we get out of here, you need to disappear. Leave this life behind.”

San has never seen you cry since the Selection. Your eyes which were usually blank and cold, and that only ever warmed when you looked at him were glassy with tears and there was fear in them. Pure fear and hurt.

“P-please, Sannie. Leave the Academy.”

Why were you asking him something so difficult?

“You deserve more than this life. You should be able to live freely and to love freely. Leave all this behind. Leave me behind.” You were begging him now, your hot tears falling onto his beautiful face. His eyes were so gentle as they looked up at you.

“Don’t ask me of this, Y/N.” He tried to be stern to mask the breaking of his heart. “You know I can’t do that!” He wrapped his arms around your waist. “I can’t. I can’t…I can’t.” His voice was trembling, both your fears breaking you down.

“Do it for me, Sannie.” You wiped his tears away with your thumbs, fighting the urge to kiss the beauty mark on his upper cheek. “If one of us gets to be free, it should be you.”

“That’s not fair, Y/N.” He grabbed you by the back of your neck while his other hand brought your leg to be able to wrap around him, consumed by the need to be close to you. He pressed your forehead against his.

“We both deserve to live. If we’re talking about who should be free, it should be you.” He said through gritted teeth, still not letting all his composure go. How could you think so little of your life? “You’re not a weapon.”

He took your hand and placed it over where his heart would be. “We both have hearts that beat. We both have tears to cry. You breathe just like I do. You feel just like I do…you can love just like I do.”

San’s words echoed in your head, they rang like an alarm as those words breached the codes that the Academy programmed into you.

You couldn’t think straight. None of you could.

‘You can love just like I do.’

Could you, really?

Your bleary eyes searched San’s glimmering onyx orbs. You were scared to find nothing but conviction and such surety that made you believe him that you could. The hope in his eyes frightened you.

You didn’t know how to love. You only assumed to know that love was a precious emotion you could never have. The Academy said love was a weakness but all the training and programming they did, seemed to not exist at this very moment. Neither did it for San.

Well in his case, you had always been his exception to every rule. He’d break rules, laws, and bones for you.

“I don’t know if I can,” you sobbed softly. The fact you don’t even know how to love makes you feel as if you weren’t human.

Love was different from lust. You knew that. Everyone, even those under the Academy, had needs and everyone was left to handle it themselves as long as it didn’t compromise their abilities or get in the way of missions.

To put it simply, they just fucked for the feeling of it.

But no one touched you. You wouldn’t let it happen. You couldn’t. The other girls were nice enough to tell you how to do it yourself and you wondered if San has ever needed to get those needs out of the way…and the thought of who it could’ve been with made your chest ache at the thought.

“You can.” He smiled, so soft and gentle, it made you wonder if anyone else in the galaxy could look at you that way. So fondly and not the monster and killer you really were.

San held your hand that was against his heart tightly, still smiling up at you so sweetly you didn’t think you could handle that look. It was so foreign to you.

“Y/N, if you’ll let me,” San didn’t care anymore. If you two were going to die tomorrow and if he was going to do as you made him promise, he’d hold you and speak as if this was his last night in this life. “Let me make you feel. It doesn’t have to be love. But please, let me make you truly feel.”

You knew you could say no and it would be okay. All your time in the Academy, you realized the only time you ever felt safe was when you were with San. You didn’t have to keep your guard up with him and you didn’t have to lie to him.

Throwing all caution out the window and focusing on San, just him, you exhaled softly, unaware that you had been holding your breath.

“O-okay.” You held his face softly once more, telling yourself he was real. That he was here, he had never left you not once and he wouldn’t leave you til you told him to. “P-please Sannie.” Your voice quivered. “I want to feel alive.”

“Don’t cry, my darling,” he cooed, wiping your tears away. “You know I’ll do anything for you, right?”

You nodded, letting yourself enjoy the soft touch of his hands in your hair and on your face, and the warmth of his embrace.

“Can I kiss you?”

You felt heat bloom in your cheeks at the question. San knew you’d never been kissed. Well, he knew because first of all, he was your closest friend in the Academy and you told him everything, and secondly, he may or may not have scared off anyone else who wanted to.

“O-okay.” You’ve never felt so shy.

“I won’t ever hurt you, Y/N.” He leaned closer, your heart racing you felt as if it was going to jump out of your chest. “With everything I am and as long as I’m around, I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Your lips parted the slightest bit as his sweet words overwhelmed you with a sensation you’ve only ever felt in tingles whenever you were with him and now they were bursts of warmth that radiated throughout your body.

The plumpness of your lips and that innocent and pure way you gazed at home made him lose all his resolve. Softly as if handling the finest and most fragile porcelain, he pressed his lips against yours, their softness and their warmth, and the closeness of it all, made him feel as if the world had stopped.

You didn’t know what to do but when his lips gently moved against yours, a part of you made you do the same. It’s like your body needed to reciprocate his actions naturally. Maybe it was because you had thought about kissing him and wondered about it late at night til your face was hot and you were flustered at the imagination of what it’d feel to be closer to Sannie in a different way…

Gently, San helped you sit comfortably on his lap, supporting your back as he kissed you, tasting the sweetness of your lips that had a hint of metallic taste from the small cut on your lower lip. He’d kiss away all your cuts and bruises if you’d let him. He’d kiss them to make you forget the pain.

San was still holding back though.

He didn’t want to do anything you didn’t want.

But the way you had begun to kiss him back with the same need as he did, only made it harder for him to not lose himself.

Pulling away reluctantly, he looked at you. Your pretty lashes fluttered so prettily as you blinked dreamily at him, your lips were a glistening pink and your cheeks were glowing.

What made San fall even harder in that moment was the way you shyly looked away when he had been staring.

“Sannie…” you murmured, squeezing his shoulders nervously and completely aware that you were sitting on his lap, straddling him.

You just had your first kiss. San had just kissed you.

“Can I touch you?”

You felt your ears grow hot. “Aren’t you already?” You murmured. His hands were already on your waist and when they weren’t there they were in your hair or caressing your face.

“Let me rephrase that,” He chuckled and pressed his lips onto the corner of your mouth. “Can I…” he kissed your cheek, each kiss making warmth bloom wherever they touched you. “Touch…” He caressed the curve of your spine, your lower back tingling at the gentle touch. “All of you?”

“Y-yes.” You had uttered out so quickly and softly, that you felt embarrassed. You didn’t even think twice.

“You can touch me too,” San began to kiss along the column of your neck, the sensation making you shiver. “You can touch me however you want, Y/N.” He gripped your hips just a little bit tighter, enjoying the way you cutely squirmed.

“Sannie,” you softly called out to him, making him part from your neck which he had been kissing and licking.

His brows rose at your call, waiting for whatever you needed to say but in all honesty, you just needed to feel his lips on yours again.

So without a word, you cradled San’s handsome face in both hands before crashing your lips onto his, surprising not only him but also yourself at how greedy you had become. You didn’t know you could feel such sensations and the kiss just sparked a flame you never knew could come alive, and now that it was lit, it began to burn.

“T-touch me,” you whispered desperately between kisses, his own lips hungrily kissing you back.

San felt as if he was dreaming when those words slipped past your lips and even more so how prettily you moaned when caressed the underside of your breast with his thumb. He was surprised with how sensitive you were. You were still in your cat suit and yet you reacted so quickly to his touch.

His lips and your lips messily danced with desperation to drink each other's heat and passion. Your own hands had begun to tug at his armored protective suit while he also made quick work of your catsuit. San not wanting to leave the warmth of your lips, took his time to unzip the front of your suit. He wanted to be gentle with you despite the lust that was burning him from the inside out he just wanted to feel you and make you feel.

His lips finally left yours only to attack your neck with hot kisses, making you moan out softly. Gently he laid you on the worn-out mattress, parting from you completely so he could kneel between your thighs. Your eyes remained on him as he removed his protective vest, discarding it somewhere in the room before he peeled off his long sleeve over his head. His muscular chiseled body was illuminated by the moonlight, every ridge and ripple of muscle was accentuated by the shadows of the room. You felt a familiar heat pool in your lower body the more you stared at San’s physique and you blushed and turned away when he caught you staring.

The edge of San’s mouth twitched into a small smile, finding your timidness to be rather adorable. He liked how flustered you became because of him. San reached for your hips to pull you closer, your eyes widening when he did.

San found the zipper of your catsuit again, his heart thrumming in his chest as he slowly pulled it down. His breathing grew heavy as yours quickened with how the suit slowly opened revealing glimpses of your naked skin beneath. The rise and fall of your chest along with the sight of the valley of your breasts and hints of your body before him, made his throat dry.

He wanted to take his time but at the same time, his long infatuation that had turned to something more over the years made it difficult.

When the cold air kissed your bare skin, you felt your nipples pebble and harden against the fabric of the suit, making you want to rub your thighs together but that was impossible when San was knelt between your thighs.

“Can I keep going?” He asked you, pausing the pull of your zipper before it could go lower than your belly button. He searched for any uneasiness in your eyes but instead, he found such a sweet yet sinful look in them.

You nodded. “Y-yes, please.”

Gently, he helped you slip your arms out of the suit, his breath hitching at the sight of your bare pretty breasts bouncing free as he bunched the specialized Kevlar-like fabric at your waist. His palms were at least a micro-centimeter away from your skin. Almost afraid and hesitant to truly feel you. An assassin without their suit was just as deadly as them having one but with you, he felt as if without it, you were just a woman. A woman who wanted to be loved…a woman he loved.

Kissing you drove him crazy enough but to get to touch you? He’s going to crumble.

It seemed you had noticed his hesitation and driven by your silent desire, you took his hand and splayed fingers and pressed his palm over the middle of your chest, close to where your heart would be.

You didn’t say a word as his eyes snapped to meet yours. All it told him was that this was consensual, that you wanted him to touch you, and that he could keep going.

If this was truly yours and his last night in this world, none of you wanted to hold back.

“Sannie…” his heart stopped when you softly called out his name. Your eyes looked into his as if he brought you peace, there was no turmoil nor anxiety in them. The cold and dark blankness that they held when you’re on a mission or on Academy grounds was absent.

Right here, before him was just you. The young girl he once knew that the Academy caged and programmed to be a weapon in their beck and call, a woman who did not have the time to love or be loved, nor was allowed to. But if you were to tell him you were incapable of loving, he’d prove to you that you were wrong.

Maybe you didn’t know it then but the compassion you had shown him during your trainee days when he was nothing but the runt of the litter of kids with no future chosen by the Academy to be given a chance, that in its own way was love.

The way you stuck by him, took time to check if he was okay and to defend him from higher ranking assassins, even if it was platonic or more, it was love.

You slipped your fingers into his, intertwining them.

“Keep going.”

There was a hint of sadness in your smile despite the way you looked so longingly at him as if he were the warm shining sun.

He continued to unravel you. Gently, he rolled the fabric to slip past your hips. Despite your line of work, your skin was close to perfect in his eyes. No deep scars nor wounds that left a memory of your missions plus the Academy took good care of their favorites.

But the sight before him proved him wrong.

His heart dropped into his stomach and he felt your hand squeeze his.

Below your belly button and not fully hidden by the waistband of your black underwear, a long jagged scar curved along your lower abdomen. The scar was healed but it left its mark. It sickly smiled at him in a deeper shade than your complexion with pinkish hues.

“W-what is this?” He held your hip gently, his thumb caressing your hipbone afraid to touch that area skin, should you not like it.

He felt his heart break when you only looked at him sadly. “Y/N, w-what is this?” He croaked out hoarsely, his heart breaking when you looked at him that way and continued to hold his hand in yours.

“My graduation.”

The world stopped and he heard nothing but a dull ringing in his ears.

The Academy.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it didn’t matter. Why should I speak of something that I could never get back.”

“D-don’t talk like that. Y/N you should’ve told me.”

You sat up, heart breaking when you heard his voice crack. San didn’t even realize that tears were falling from his eyes as he stared at that mocking smiling scar. Just when he thought the Academy couldn’t take any more from you, they took everything.

Well, almost everything. But not him. They were not taking him away from you. Never.

“Sannie, don’t cry.” You smiled, wiping his tears away. “I didn’t tell you 'cause I knew you’d cry.” You took a deep breath, finally telling your closest friend of so many years the secret you’ve kept from him. “This is why you should leave the Academy and live a life you truly deserve. You have a chance for a future you want. Mine…well…mine was taken from me. It was a silly dream I had when we were kids.”

“When we spent time around the towns and I’d see people getting married and having families, I thought I could have that. I thought I was going to marry you and have a family. At twelve years old.” You laughed softly at the childhood memory. “At twelve years old, I looked at you, my best friend, and thought ‘I’m going to marry San’ and that we’re going to be as happy as the families I’ve seen. That I would have a child and give them the life I never had…but then the Academy happened.”

San’s tears streamed down his handsome face and you held his face in your hands once more, making him look at you.

“I don’t want to think about that tonight. I don’t want to think about what I went through to stay alive.” You leaned down to kiss his jaw and your breath was hot against his ear as you uttered words that shattered his heart even more. “So don’t touch me like I’m made of glass. You can’t break something that’s already broken. Make me forget, Sannie.”

You kissed him again then took his hand that was on your hip and guided it to cup your breast, your body tingling and warming at the touch. The simple gesture told him one thing. Throw caution out the window. Nothing else mattered now except you and him. If both of you were going to die tomorrow, you both wanted to feel love and act on desires that both of you held back on.

Driven by the love he harbored for you for so long, he attacked your neck with heated kisses and caressed your bare torso with such a need to feel your skin.

Your warmth and your scent, he could die in it.

Sloppily, he licked and nibbled at the juncture of your neck and shoulder before going lower, and hungrily taking the soft peak of your breast into his hot mouth.

You gasped and moaned at the sudden and new sensation, your body tingling over and your hips mindlessly grinding on San’s thigh. You shivered at the spark of friction and loosely wrapped your arms around his head, your fingers combing through his hair as his tongue flicked and swirled over your sensitive nipple while his other hand gave your other breast attention. He squeezed and massaged them just as greedy as his mouth was latched onto your right tit.

Soon, clothes were haphazardly thrown away and you were on your back completely on display for San’s eyes and his eyes only. The coldness of the room was forgotten as your bodies began to burn with lust and yours continued to grow hotter as he kissed along your inner thigh, his slit cat-like predatory gaze never leaving your face.

Your thigh was hooked over his left shoulder and San took his time kissing your soft plush thighs, nipping and biting where he wanted and enjoying the way you squirmed and trembled. But when he came face to face with your pretty pink pussy before him, he felt like he could cum untouched.

His gaze was hot as he stared at your core and you wanted to close your thighs but it was impossible with San’s position. He rested his hand over your lower belly as he licked his lips.

“You’re dripping,” he said lowly, eying your slick pink folds and your little pulsing hole that pushed more arousal out the more he teased you. He brushed his thumb over your clit and your hips bucked.

Fuck, he swore to himself. You were so sensitive.

Biting his lip, he collected your arousal and messily spread it all over your cunt. You could feel the warm sticky slick over your skin and you only grew more needy for his touch. You’ve touched yourself plenty of times when you needed to…but it was different when it was someone else, it was different that it was San.

“Fuck,” he hissed softly, feeling how wet you were and how easily his thumb was able to circle around your sensitive clit, enjoying the reactions he was eliciting from you. “Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

You nodded, shamelessly.

“Have you ever been touched here?” He asked, wondering if you were like the other assassins who deal with their desires by sleeping with another assassin. If you answered yes, he’d be jealous. He’s already jealous at the thought of someone else being as close as he was to you right now.

But your answer was more than he expected.

“N-no. Just me.” You breathily replied, biting back a moan when he pressed a little more as he massaged your clit in slow languid circles.

“Yeah? Just you? All alone?”

“Mhm Hm.” You bit your lip, your hips bucking into his hand for more.

You were driving him crazy. He was imagining you touching yourself in your room. Pretty little hand in your panties playing with yourself underneath the covers and biting back your moans like you were right now.

“You know…there’s something better than just your fingers,” he inched closer, his breath fanning over your pussy, the heat of it making you clench around nothing. He hooked his arms underneath your thighs to hold you down and keep your hips still.

“Your fingers?” You guessed, blinking at him and watching his every move. You found it rather embarrassing that he was this close to your intimate area.

“Definitely,” he chuckled at your response. “But not that, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of your pubic bone. “Something even better.”

Before you could ask what, his pink tongue peeked from his lips and licked a long stripe from your dripping hole and up your clit. You moaned at the feeling, squirming in his hold. Not one second did his eyes leave yours, the intensity of them made you need him more, and when he slowly flicked his tongue around your clit, tasting you, the pleasure went straight to your head.

“A-ah, Sannie,” you gasped but it didn’t end there.

As he had done with your breast, he latched his hot lips onto your core and began tasting you.

San moaned against your pussy at the sweet taste of your cunt, slurping and hungrily licking at your arousal as if he didn’t want to let a single drop go to waste.

It was downright dirty. Pornographic.

He kissed and made out with your core like he had with your lips. You never knew that you could feel such mind-numbing pleasure like this. His tongue was so hot and his lips were so soft, and just when you thought it couldn’t get better, you felt the tip of his finger tease your entrance.

It was almost too much.

You gripped his dark hair and tugged when you felt him slip a digit inside of you. His finger was thicker than yours, longer too. A rush of arousal washed over you when you heard him moan against your pussy when you pulled his hair.

“You’re so wet, fuck. You taste so good.” He briefly left your clit then licked at the pearl before saying. “My finger slipped in so easily, sweetheart. I think you can take another one already. Can’t you?”

“Y-yes. San, please. I-I need more. Please.” You panted breathlessly. Just as you asked, he delivered.

He added another finger into your hole, slowly slipping them in and losing his fucking mind at how tight you were sucking his digits in. He could only imagine how heavenly it must feel when it was his cock instead.

“So fucking tight, sweetheart.” He bit his lip, slowly beginning to pump his fingers in and out of you, his fingers completely covered in your slick. “You like that, darling? Love how my fingers are filling you up?”

You nodded, gripping the mattress below you as your hips moved on their own, and words you’ve never thought you’d say out loud slipped past your lips. “W-want to feel you deeper. M-more please.”

San could only smile at your reaction before he latched his mouth again onto your clit while fingers curled inside of you. You swore at how easily he found that spot you desperately tried to find on your own in the privacy of your room. His fingers were thicker and your chaste walls welcomed them so easily. The way he touched you and pleasured you felt so good, you didn’t care about the lewd squelching sounds your pussy made as he fucked his fingers into you. You could even feel your arousal drip from your hole and onto the mattress.

His eyes were peacefully closed shut as he tasted you. It was as if he was savoring every single bit of you and this kind of attention was making a familiar warmth bloom in your chest.

“S-San, w-wait, I-I’m,” you stuttered out, feeling your core tighten, the familiar sensation of being on that edge far more intense than when you touched yourself alone.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay,” he murmured against your core, releasing your overstimulated clit with a soft wet pop. “Cum for me. Be a good girl and cum for me.”

Something about what he said and how he flicked his tongue against your clit as his fingers mercilessly pumped and curled inside of you, sent you over the edge. You gasped as your hips trembled and your walls convulsed around his fingers, your climax making you shake and your mind go blank momentarily.

San hummed deeply, the vibration of the sound along with how he slowly lapped your release and moved his lips as he did, made some part of your brain melt.

He couldn’t get enough and he quite literally was acting as if this was his last meal on earth.

“S-Sannie, wait—ah!” He prolonged your organs with his lazy kisses and languid kitten licks.

Once he had gotten enough (though he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough), he parted from your lower lips to look at you through hooded eyes full of hunger and lust. It made your heart race.

With his eyes locked on yours, he thought his two fingers that had been inside of your heat to his lips and licked your essence off of it, a sudden heat passing through your body at the visual.

“You taste like heaven, sweetheart.” He moaned deeply, taking his time to taste you on his fingers.

“H-how about you?” You asked, your voice breathy and higher than its usual tone.

He caressed your thighs, lovingly as you came down from your high. “What about me sweetheart?”

Your hands caressed his toned stomach, tracing the lines of his abs and stopping before the waistband of his briefs.

“Do I get to taste you?”

San’s cock throbbed at your question that sounded so innocent from your lips. He wants to make this all about you but you were making it difficult for him to not be selfish and focus on making you feel good.

Still lightheaded from your orgasm, you sat up and crawled to San, the man before you gulping at the visual of you on your knees and seeing the beautiful shape of your back, it was like looking at a cat. You knelt by him, meeting his height before placing your hands on his shoulders and moving him to sit on the mattress with his back against the wall.

“I want to taste you, Sannie.” You purred, sitting a top of your folded legs, his own legs spread to make room for you.

He raised a brow watching you, amused at your actions. Even like this, he looked so attractive.

San smiled softly at you and caressed your cheek as you looked at him with round wide eyes. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”

You nodded, experimentally teasing the imprint of his length in his briefs. His breath hitched at the mere touch of your fingertips, his excitement making his thighs tense.

“Teach me how?” You looked at him through your lashes and the sweet determined look you had turned him on even more.

You were rather shy that you asked him to show you but little did you know, that just sent his mind places. Was he really your first?

Curiously, you palmed his length making a shaky breath leave him. “Did that feel good Sannie?”

“F-fuck… y-yes. It felt good sweetheart.”

“Can I take it off?” You tugged at the waistband lightly and he nodded eagerly.

You pulled down his boxers and once the garment was down past his hips, his cock sprung free from its confines. It slapped against his hard abdomen and you felt your mouth water at the sight.

Not knowing what it’d do to him, you slowly wrapped your hand around his length to gauge his size and San hissed at the warmth of your soft palm. He was hot and stiff, and the pink head was glistening with a slick liquid. With your other hand, your fingertips spread his precum all over the bulbous round tip.

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re torturing me.” He groaned the more you massaged this sensitive tip.

You felt your core tingle at the sight of his furrowed brows and his parted lips as you touched him. You wanted to make him feel good too.

“What do you want me to do, Sannie?” Your voice was so sweet.

“F-fuck, baby, spit on it a-and then wrap your pretty hand around me, okay?” His hand gently cupped the back of your neck.

A little hesitant but doing as he said, you spat on his cock, and the dirty sound and act of it made his cock twitch. You were guessing that you should spread it around and when he hummed, it told you, you were doing something right.

“Such a good girl, sweetheart.” He cooed. “Now wrap your hand around me. Fuuuck. Just like that.”

Feeling excited with all the praise he was giving, you kissed his neck slowly, doing as he did to you earlier.

“M-move your hand up and down, sweetheart.”

“O-okay.”

Your saliva mixed with his precum gave lubrication for you to easily glide your hand up and down his shaft.

“That’s it, baby. That feels so good. Fuck.” He moaned. “Come here, let me kiss you.”

You do as he says and kiss with his, moving your lips with his, and your core clenched when you could taste a sweet yet slightly salty flavor on your lips. Was that you? The fact you were tasting yourself on his lips turned you on.

The two of you stayed like that; making out while your hand pumped his cock, feeling his girth and his length. You couldn’t help but wonder how he’d feel inside of you but you wanted to taste him first like you said.

You pulled away from his lips and they pouted at the loss of them but he couldn’t stay disappointed for long, not when your tongue just did a kitten lick on his sensitive tip.

“Fuck, sweetheart, are you really sure?” He moaned, not wanting to force you. He was happy enough that you had been jerking him off. You really didn’t have to return the favor if you didn’t want to.

“Mhm.” You hummed, following your instincts and taking his leaking tip in your mouth, while your hand continued to move up and down his shaft.

His taste made your head spin and your clit throb. You liked the taste of him, it was a little salty but it was just him.

“Shit-,” he threw his head back, his other hand gripping the mattress as you licked and suckled at his tip. “That feels so good. Fuck. Don’t stop. Such a good girl using your pretty mouth on me. Do I taste good?”

You hummed so cutely as a yes. God, he’d do anything for you. How were you this cute?

“Do you think you can take more of my cock in your mouth? You think you can take it?”

His dirty talk made you even wetter and you were sure that you were dripping at this point.

Could you take it? There was only one way to find out.

Breathing through your nose and flattening out your tongue, you slipped his cock deeper almost choking when the hot tip touched the back of your throat but you against your gag reflex and tried to mimic what your hand had been doing. You slowly moved your head up and down, bobbing rhythmically on his cock.

San moaned breathily. This was your first time taking cock in your mouth? “You’re a fucking natural, baby. Fuck. That feels good. You look so pretty like this. Could cum just watching you.”

What you couldn’t take in your mouth, you made up for with your hand, earning more moans from San. You liked this. You liked making him feel good. You liked having his cock inside your mouth, you wanted to taste more than his cock.

You wanted more.

“Fuck,” he swore when he felt you bravely take a little deeper, feeling the way the start of your throat constricted at the intrusion of his cock. “Sweetheart, if you keep doing that—,”

You bobbed your head faster, not caring that you were making such lewd slurping and sucking sounds. He had done the same for you and at that moment you understood why he had enjoyed tasting you.

San’s thighs began to clench and his core tightened further. His knuckles were turning white at how hard he was gripping the mattress in one hand while the other grabbed your ass, making you yelp and take more of him deeper in your throat, which pushed him over the edge.

There was a cute surprised squeak that came from you which was the cherry on top of him spilling his load inside your mouth. Your eyes widened as you felt his hot release go down your throat and they fluttered close as you savored the taste of him.

San was losing it when he felt your throat move as you swallowed his cum. He didn’t know you were going to do that. What’s making his head spin further and making his hazy orgasmic bliss last longer was how you kept him inside your mouth, just the tip, and licking the slit of his cock head.

You pulled away, his cock falling on his stomach, still hard and you sat so cutely in between his legs as he panting and coming down from his high.

You wiped the edge of your mouth and licked what was left of him on your lips.

“Sannie tastes good.”

You didn’t know you had said that out loud in such a soft manner that made San swoon.

San like a cat, pounced on you.

He was once again all over you. Your back was against the mattress as he found his place between your thighs. You eyed his cock, still hard and glistening from when it had been in your mouth. Your walls clenched when San wrapped his own hand around his pretty cock and pressed the head against your clit making you whimper.

San rubbed the tip of his cock through your slit, spreading your slick and coating himself with it. You were so drenched that it was driving him crazy, he wanted to bury his cock deep inside you so bad but when his eyes met the long scar smiling from one hip bone to the other. He wanted to take his time. For you.

“Y/N,” he said softly, holding your hips with care. Even though you told him that he couldn’t break what was broken, he wouldn’t want to think of breaking you. In fact, he wanted to make you feel full, whole, and complete. He wanted to care for you in a way you deserved. “Am I your first?”

The sudden question threw you off. It made you realize that he was going to be your first. Concepts like those shouldn’t matter to you especially since you didn’t have the time to think of such a thing.

“Y-yes…” you admitted, relaxing a little. “You’re the first person to ever kiss me too. I want you to be my first, Sannie.” Your heart was aching while your body burned for him. “And if this is our last night alive, I wouldn’t have imagined anyone else being my first and my last. I’m glad…it’s you.”

San didn’t know if this was the right time to say the three words he’d been dying to say to you for so long. “For me…” he slowly moved his hips, rubbing his length between your slick folds, making your face relax into that flushed blissful expression.

“It’s always been you.”

You didn’t have time to think or question what that meant. Not when the tip of his cock teased at your entrance, just pressing against it.

Slowly, he let the head pop inside your cunt, both of you gasping. The girth of his cock stretched you out more than you could ever with your two fingers and there was a slight sting as he entered, making you bite your lip and whimper.

But he was attentive.

San intertwined his fingers with yours while his other hand held your hip still as he slowly, little by little, inch by inch, pushed his cock deeper into your tight wet heat. The velvety warmth of your walls made his head spin and the way they hugged his cock was heaven. The carnal part inside of him wanted nothing more than to thrust deeply into you and have you falling apart for him.

“S-Sannie, m-more.”

He growled lowly. Despite this being your first time, the wetness of your heat made his cock slip in so easily. Both of you watched as his cock split your lower lips apart and how his length slowly disappeared into you. You were bewildered that San was inside of you. You never knew just how badly you wanted to be close to him until tonight.

The circumstances were dire, it was hopeless but you had him.

“I want to feel more.” You squeezed his hand as he pushed his hips a little further. “Y-you’re so thick.”

San must be dreaming.

You brought your free hand over your mouth as the sensation of being filled up was such a pleasure you’ve never felt before. It was too much and not enough at the same time.

“You’re taking me so well, sweetheart. You’re doing so well.”

He cooed and praised you for each inch you took of him and there was something about the heat of him inside you, spreading apart your chaste walls that made your thighs shiver as he bottomed out.

San let out a long exhale, cursing as he felt his whole length be snuggly embraced by your velvety warm walls. He could even feel your arousal coat him and drip out of your entrance. He was ascending. He was the closest he could ever get to the person he’s only ever seen as the love of his life.

You looked so beautiful before him. How could you be so bashful yet exuding such allure? Your hand squeezed his as you adjusted to his cock inside of you, he could even feel the way your walls squeeze and contracted as you did. Fuck. He was your first. The first man to ever have the privilege to be this close to you, to feel you, and to see you in a state so vulnerable that you hid from everyone.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” San asked, massaging your hips to help you relax. You were squeezing him so tight. “Does it hurt?”

His sweet voice and the care in them made your heart crack. What did you do to deserve someone like Choi San?

“N-not really. It’s just…new.” You whimpered when the head of his cock that was in your mouth earlier was snug against your cervix. “I-I can feel you.”

That made San’s head spin. “Y-yeah?”

“Mhm.” You nodded, holding his hand and looking into his eyes. “I…feel…you.”

Each word held so much weight and emotion that San couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and crashing his lips on yours. He could feel you too and he loved the feeling of you. He drew his hips back just a little, slowly giving you shallow thrusts to get you used to him. You gasped at the sensation of his cock gliding and scraping your walls, the friction so sinfully and mind-numbingly good.

San continued to kiss you, his tongue delving into your warm wet mouth, the two of you kissing messily as his cock eased its way out of your walls leaving only the tip in. You squirmed. The first taste of the motion of his length inside you sparked a rush that felt addicting and when he easily slid back into you again, it confirmed that growing addiction.

“S-Sannie!” You cried out, arms wrapping around him, holding onto him as he stroked your walls deeply.

“F-fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.” He groaned, burying his face into your neck, kissing the spots he hadn’t marked with love bites.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, your lust mixing with greed as you needed more of the feeling that San was giving you. You’ve never felt so much in your time of being alive. It was new. It was something you never had before.

The deep passionate rolls of hips with every intention to make you feel pleasure, the hot kisses on your neck, the sweet nothings he’d whisper, and the gentle caresses on your body. It made you dizzy, you’ve never lost yourself in something so…euphoric.

As San continued to glide his cock in and out of your tight heat, with his forehead against your chest, his eyes met that scar on below your belly once more, his heart aching. Why did they take that away from you? It was so cruel of them.

His emotions were all mixed up. You two might not live to see another day after this night and the two of you acting on your emotions and passions that had been suppressed for so long were both overwhelming. Plus the truth of what happened to you during your Academy days hurt him.

All he knew was he wanted to you to feel all of him. To make you feel his love and desire for you with every touch, every kiss, and every strong drive of his hips.

The passion and the way you two had been showing it to one another became more carnal as the lust muddled both your brains with nothing but unspoken love and the need to just fuck.

San’s hips picked up their pace. He thrusted and drove into you so deeply, each scrape and glide of his length inside you made his fat cock head kiss your cervix and pound into that one spot that sent you shivering and moaning.

San liked those sounds of yours. Accompanied by the lewd wet squelching and the sound of skin slapping against skin, it was driving him crazy.

“You feel that, sweetheart?” He placed his palm just below where your scar was, where he was fucking you. “That’s me.”

“C-can feel you, Sannie! Oh god,” you cried out, nails digging into his back. You could feel him waking up every fiber of your being with pleasure. “Want to feel more of you. D-don’t stop, please. Want you. I want you.” You were rambling mindlessly too lost in the pleasure, too lost in the heat of his thick cock filling you up.

“I won’t stop, baby. Can’t stop. I need you so bad. You need me to right? Fuck,” he felt you squeeze him tighter. “I’ll make you feel good, Y/N.” He moved his palm lower to find your sensitive pearl all puffy and sticky with your arousal.

Your back arched into him as he massaged your clit.

“You look so beautiful,” he whispered, fucking you til you both get your fill. Even if you both came now, he doesn’t think he’ll have enough of you. He wanted to fuck you so passionately. He wanted to drink what he could of you as this might just be your last night together. “Are you close, sweetheart?”

“Y-yes!” You croaked out, panting with each thrust of his cock. “W-wanna cum, Sannie. P-please.”

“Don’t worry, pretty. I’ll make you cum. I’ll fucking make you cum.” He growled, his hips picking up their pace. Your mouth fell open. The new pace had his cock hitting your g-spot at such a rapid pace you couldn’t think at all. All you knew was you wanted him to keep fucking you.

“H-harder. Need to feel you deeper.” You whined, hugging him close and your words only made the man before you go feral.

The snap of his hips shook your whole body with pleasure that only crescendoed your bliss further into euphoria. That tight knot within your tummy was reaching its limit. With how San was moaning and groaning against your neck, and how his fingers on your clit glided so easily with your slick was sending you over the edge.

You chanted his name over and over so breathlessly, your nails digging deeper into San’s back.

Snap!

Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as your walls clamped down around San, your thighs and hips convulsing uncontrollably as pleasure swooped through your body. You couldn’t help the way your nails clawed down his back which made the man before you moan brokenly as his hips stilled and glued against you.

Heat began to fill your walls and your womb as you came hard. San’s thigh muscles were taut as he emptied what he could into you. It was driving him crazy. Your walls were sucking him in a way where his cum just kept flowing til he had nothing more to give you.

“S-Sa—,” you didn’t have to finish calling out for him before he leaned forward to capture your lips. The kiss was slow and lingering…it was gentle and deep.

“I’ve got you,” he said briefly leaving the kiss to take a moment to straighten his back to look at you before him.

You were glowing. Your beautiful skin was covered with a thin sheen of sweat that made you glisten beneath the moonlight and your face was flushed. Your eyes looked up at him hazily, blinking prettily as you were still in your high. His eyes then drifted to where the two of you were still connected. Your puffy lips were split around his cock and you couldn’t help but look down there too.

Slowly, he slid himself out inch by inch. You whimpered at the loss of fullness but when you saw the pink cock head slip out and his length slam against his abdomen coated in your slick and pearly white release? Your walls clenched around nothing. With his thumb, he pulled one of your lower lips gently to get a good look at your pink pussy and his eyes darkened once more when he saw his cum leak out your pulsing hole.

San spread his release all over your pussy, his cat-like eyes curious and staring deeply at where he ‘marked’ you in his way.

“M-more.”

Did he imagine that?

“S-Sannie,” you spread your lips apart for him, making him swallow the lump in his throat. His eyes went to your face, his head spinning when you looked at him with such want and need. Could you look at him like that forever? “M-more. Need to feel you more.”

With San….you never had to ask him twice.

With the same passion and desire as he did earlier if not more, he was on you again. This time the two of you didn’t care about being gentle. You two were desperate for one another. Utterly desperate.

Then you found yourself locked against San with his arm around your waist, your back pressing against his body as he fucked deeply into you without thought. Your bodies were sticky as your shared heat kept you both hot, the cold forgotten as he pounded into you.

You moaned over and over for him, the sound a beautiful melody to his ears.

“I-I don’t think I can stop.” He rasped against your ear, slamming his pelvis against your ass filling your cunt up to the brim with his cock. “I don’t want to stop,” San growled while you cried as he slammed particularly deep, the new position making him reach that spongy spot inside you so fucking easily.

He’s gonna make love to you til you both are absolutely spent. Til he was empty and til you fell apart and had enough of him.

In that little walled-off prison you two were in, the two of you indulged in ways you both could never have during your time in the Academy. Boundaries they programmed into you were broken, lines were crossed and two beating hearts were fully awakened…and for the first time, truly, alive.

Then…when it was done…when that night passed and dawn broke. Those two hearts remained in each other’s arms, embracing one another as they feared for what the morrow would bring.

Not knowing that San would have to keep the promise he kept you.

“You deserve more than this life. You should be able to live freely and to love freely. Leave all this behind. Leave me behind.”

But he wasn’t going to leave you behind.

He could never.

-- feel free to scream in my askbox!

TAGLIST : @endeav0rsb1tch @eastleighsblog @scarfac3 @deadgirlwalking3 @ddaeing @lexiigom @lesyeuxdeanna @ja3hwa @prettyjewel93 @dear-dreamie @ashrocker123 @kookibuns @i2hyun0 @kpopismyescape23 @alex-tinyy @hyukssunflower @honeypaintedskies @jinnieboosworld @dawn-iscozy @moonchildushine @asjkdk @voicesinmyhead-rc @not-everything-is-so-primitive @atinytinaa @songmingisthighs @sanniesbum @angellluh @teenyfinds @vannabanana1995 @huachengsbestie01 @lovinghologramtrash @anxiousskylar @megseungmin @chnt1 @dezmybelovedddd @khuyyn @trippoverrt @liniiiaa @caityelise99 @mismatchfluffysocks @venn-ie @unlikelysublimekryptonite @staytinyville @tinybada @awkward-fucking-thing @bloomingsann @cheesemonky @nakiiko @littlestarwoo @sharksandminhos

[bee-ina-boat]

aight y'all, i got ideas buckle up.

au where bill is just a chaotic neutral cryptid monster thing that's haunted gravity falls since its existence.

i imagine he'd be this shapeshifting lizard/snake thing rather than just a triangle. one of those creatures that can shapeshift into something that vaguely resembles a human but is still so wrong and freaky and monstrous.

he's not explicitly dangerous unless provoked, most of the horror stories the locals have of him come from him being bored and messing with people for funsies

ford hears about him and immediately invested and starts looking into it and trying to find him because of course he does.

bill sees fords efforts and gets curious about him and his lack of fear (or self preservation) and starts watching him more closely. at some point they do meet face to face and ford isnt scared in the slightest, hes bursting with excitement instead and trying and failing to contain it. the interaction doesnt last long and no words are said but ford is ecstatic and bill is even more curious about this odd guy

they end up slowly becoming buddies in a weird way, everytime ford is out on his walks in the woods he knows that bill is watching him, ford eventually starts talking to him, airing out his thought processes and rambling about nothing- bill never says anything back but he enjoys being included.

theres a moment where ford just sits to take some notes and bill lazes in a tree in his view, watching him, ford takes the opportunity to sketch him. when its done he shows bill, who seems pleasantly satisfied with how it looks

at some point during the cold months, bill starts coming in fords house. ford hears the thumps in the night and sees silhouettes in the shadows but doesnt mind. he starts to leave snacks out at night and finds them gone in the morning. bill in turn leaves "gifts" for him too! you can use your own imagination for how that goes

bill just sortof becomes his cryptid friend, he wards off/kills any threats, they chill together, and eventually he starts curling up on fords bed to guard him while he sleeps.

not eeeeentirelyyyyy sure how the plot would go given the fact theres no villain or portal- but when the twins come to visit gravity falls for the summer, stan is there in addition to ford. bill hides himself from the kids for as long as he can while still watching over and protecting them from the nonsense (and also messing with them because hes a little shit) eventually they figure it out and bill becomes their creepy cryptid friend too

listen im a monster hugger at heart and the researcher/cryptid dynamic will never fail to melt me. somebody bully me into making art of this istg im going insane

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading in jp 12 - trimax ch 1 and 2 time HBRBRHBRHBRHBR

last we left off, vash meets wolfwood and i smashed out a bunch of nonsense saying how wolfwood brazenly climbed over one of the walls vash has.

i think more of this happened in trimax ch 1 and 2. there's something going on with the framing here.

being buck naked

so previously in post #10 ive mentioned how meryl and milly stumbling into a half naked vash is him showing them the most open and vulnerable self he has. in trimax ch 1 this happens again

except he isnt half naked this time, hes buck naked and just took some bullets right in front of wolfwood and his ruined salad grub.

theres also this scene where vash talks pretty openly about how he feels about the fifth moon incident. hes scared, and he declares it to wolfwood. buuuut, check out the bubbles ive highlighted here:

i think this might be a problem stemming from DarkHorse's work bc in the JP its actually like this:

❗Vash doesnt say "I chose to retire"❗

Wolfwood says "So ya chose to retire." (more directly: so ya chose to live on the down-low?) the Tell here being the kansai dialect in the bubble.

i dont like nitpicking over translation mistakes. id probably slip up here and there if i did trigun too bc the japanese level in here is higher than what Shounen Jump has. also no hiragana aid in trimax cry

anyway

this then implies wolfwood has sussed out vash pretty well enough for vash to continue spilling more information. i suspect if wolfwood didn't, the conversation miiight have ended right there.

these panels, man. wolfwood is looking with half of his expression covered. meanwhile, vash doesnt meet him and just wants to hide. maaaybe run? idk. interpretations ahoy.

thats a fun dynamic. on another note

that vash in trimax ch 1-2 seems to be using Ore with wolfwood throughout their interaction. i suppose its a continuation of how vash seems to have some trust towards wolfwood, as he did watch him give whats little of his money left towards kids previously.

but if im understanding how nightow is now framing this whole concept correctly, the whole pronoun usage here is to drive home how multi-faceted vash is. that is to say, all of these parts are him, and we as the viewer see it all laid pretty bare.

the characters meanwhile do not, and certainly not wolfwood... yet. though if you wanna interpret the nakedness it might be that the TriGang have seen the rawest part of what drives Vash.

aside, boku is still around. internally when hes reflecting and feeling unsure, Boku is used in this scene:

....hmm 🤔

otherwise hes using Ore and seems pretty resigned to confronting the situation with knives as wolfwood delivers his colt back.

The threat

ok this is fun. so take a look at the last bubble in the JP side. (all EN versions here are from OH)

rubby hands. hey Boku is back. and theres a heart sakldfjasdlf anyway okay so my sloppy/direct translation of all of these would be

I won't give you even a moment to reload. I won't kill you, but I'll entrust you with one request. Soon, I will leave this town. And after! If I find that something happened to my family or this town... I'll have you take all responsibility, okay❤️? "

god this is so good its chilling more of this nightow pls

Whua-?! Protect them from the other thugs. Sweet deal, isn't it?! And hey... Fail, and know that I have every intention to chase you down to the very depths of hell.

HBHRBHBRRBHRBR. so many things going on even in the EN version.

he also says family. i cant find this in the EN version but he does reciprocate the familial feelings Sheryl and Lina has towards him.... ;w; ... hhh.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hello<3 can you do Masky, Toby, Jeff and Ben with a mean teen readerr? Like there just mad all the time but its because of trauma or something?:0 I LOVE YOU SMM TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MLLL!!<33

Jeff and Tim are NOT gonna take that shit 😰

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masky

Honestly the dad in him comes out a bit

Like his whole thing is "what makes you think you get to act like that?"

He gets it, you've had a rough life but so has EVERYONE ELSE HERE

Just because your life sucked doesn't mean you get to be an asshole

He will treat you like a baby

Partly just to tick you off, and partly because if you act like a baby, you're gonna get treated like one

He'll put you in time out, he'll take things away, he'll put hot sauce in your mouth, etc

And the thing is, you can't even tattle to slender because slender agrees with Tim!

I think maybe here and there he'd ask you why you're always so angry, and what he can do to help, and if you don't answer, he doesn't mind because he understands

But if you do answer, your relationship begins to grow, and he learns how to help you out better

He doesn't want you to be mad all the time, because even though it might not seem like it sometimes, he does care about you

But as much as he cares, he also isn't gonna let a literal child bully him

He's way too old for that shit >:/

Toby

He's kind of scared of you

He just stays out of your way

His relationship with you is similar to his relationship with Jeff

He and Jeff are friends, yes, but they aren't close

And most of the time, Toby will choose to avoid Jeff rather than hangout with him

That's how he sees you too

You're a good kid! He just doesn't wanna upset you

The very few interactions you have with him are typically just him sucking up to you, or him doing his best to tiptoe around everything that could upset you

And because of this, you do take advantage of him sometimes

"Toby go get me a snack"

"I dunno y/n, don't you think you could go...get it yourself this time?" As he says this almost every word has a whistle or click after it, showing how nervous he is

You will slowly turn your head to look at him with a glare "I know you aren't calling me lazy"

"No, no! I-I would never! I'm just saying-"

"OH! So you're calling me fat then?"

"No!"

"Then go get me a snack before i make you regret the day your mommy queefed you out"

He REALLY needs to learn to stand up for himself smh

And typically he is pretty good at standing up for himself but yk

Kids scare him

Jeff

With his explosive anger issues you will not last more than 3 seconds around him omg

He is not above fist fighting a child btw

I mean yk, he'd get punished for it but that doesn't stop him

The second you try anything around him he checks you real quick

If you back off, he will get a boost of pride and say some shit like "Yeah, that's what I thought"

If you double down with it, it will likely turn into an all out screaming match

Until someone pulls him away and is like "dude you can't be fighting with little kids :/"

He will always call you names and always be sour around yo

Crotch goblin, little shit, failed abortion

you know, the usual <333

Honestly im gonna be so real with you for a second, the way I see yalls relationship going is only to one drastic side of a spectrum

You could bond over your anger issues and become best friends/siblings with an unbreakable bond

OR you could become so sour towards each other that the caretakers of the manor literally have a meeting about changing your schedule a bit to get around Jeff's

No in between its only one of those two

Yeah, Jeff doesn't take no shit from anyone

Even children, gotta teach em young <333

Ben

Ben, being so chill genuinely does not care what you do to him

Since he doesn't have a physical body, you can't fight him either

So sometimes he will pick fights with you just to make you mad

I'm desperately trying to make Ben's section more than 3 bullets long

I'm telling you he literally does not care, does not react, NOTHING.

You could be screaming at him and he will just continue about his day like you aren't even there

Which of course, makes you more mad

But again, he doesn't care

Making you try harder and harder just to get a reaction out of him

The only reaction you will get is out of Jeff, and we already talked about his dramatic ass

[hyunchksoul]

✧Love Sick✧

hey guys, this is my first time writing and posting something (kinda nervous lol). I am not a full time writer so I don't write much and won't post a lot. The idea of this piece has been lingering around in my head for a while so I thought I would put it into words :)

Please interact, share and let me know how you guys like it <3

Pairing: Im Changkyun (I.M) x reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none

_________________________________________

You've been friends with Monsta X for about 3 years now. You all love hanging around with each other every now and then. As a singer yourself, you have helped them around in the studio to record their songs.

You always had a thing for Changkyun. The way he acted all soft and flirty around you made you feel things. His aura and voice always made you feel weak. You have always been a huge fan of his rapping and would catch yourself staring at him whenever he would record his rap.

There were times where you wanted him to be your man but you were scared to put your friendship in danger.

Changkyun works a lot and everyone knows it. He would always work on his solo project alongside the group projects.

He was working on a new song to add to his album. He was almost done with his part of the song but he found the song to be incomplete. He was looking for a voice to make it complete. Changkyun always admired your vocals and music and was ready to ask you to feature on his song.

"Hey Y/N, you know i've been working on my album and I am stuck on the last song, Love Sick. I've been searching for a voice to make the track complete and no one fits better than you. I would love to have your voice in it Y/N. Come over to my studio tomorrow and we'll work it out ;)"

This text sent you to cloud nine. You were jumping up and down and giggling like a baby. You were reading the text over and over again and smiling so much that you almost forgot to reply to it. You were in seventh heaven as your dream to collab with kyun was finally coming true.

The next day, you tried to dress up cute as you were going to his studio for the first time, you've only been to the studio they have at starship. It kinda felt like a big deal to you as he never invites anyone to his studio except his hyungs.

You had butterflies in your tummy and kept fidgeting. Just as you reached his studio, you stood at the door took in deep breaths and knocked.

He opened the door and greeted you with a soft smile. He pulled you in for a hug and guided you inside. You have hugged changkyun a lot of times but somehow it felt different today.

Changkyun was telling you about the song but you just couldn't keep your eyes off him. The way his long hair was falling on his face and the usual purple shirt with some sweats never failed to make you flutter.

"....and that's about it, now I just need you to bless this song with your voice", he said insistently. You smiled at his words, "You have no idea how long I have been waiting to make a song with you kyun, believe me today is my day to shine", you said. He laughed at your cuteness and guided you over to the recording booth.

You put on the headphones and drank some water. Changkyun asked you if you were ready to start and you gave him a thumbs up.

You took and breath and started singing your verse.

Changkyun seeing you from the outside lost his mind to your voice, he just couldn't get enough of your soft yet sultry vocals. Hearing those love-filled lyrics made his heart race.

Changkyun stood up from his chair and walked to the booth standing beside you, seeing you sing. You had your eyes closed and were singing your heart out, swaying to the beat.

You got done with your verse and opened your eyes to find him beside you. You let out small gasp and he smiled.

"How was it Changkyun?", you asked him. Rather than replying with words he just took off your headphone and let them hang around your neck, tucked your hair behind your ear and leaned in towards your lips.

"May I?"

Instead of answering him you just took his face towards you and kissed him deep. You snaked your hand into his hair and he held onto your waist. It felt like his kiss was all you ever needed in your life. You couldn't believe what was happening and got lost in the moment. Changkyun explored your mouth and linked his tongue with you. You left feather soft touches on his jaw which made him sigh into your mouth.

He finally let go and you both caught your breath. Your lips were now just as slick and pink as Changkyun's. You blushed and smiled at him.

"Wow, I-, I-, kyun that was-" , you stuttered. Changkyun let out a small laugh and rest his hands at your waist. "I am so glad you feel the same way for me Y/N. I was going to ask you out later today but I just couldn't hold myself back", he confessed. The rush of feelings filled your body and you just stared at him lovingly.

"Changkyun, I like you too, I have liked you since day one", you let out your feelings to him.

Changkyun blushed and gave you a soft peck to your lips and hugged you tightly. The scent of him filled you up and calmed your racing heart. You never wanted to let go of him.

"Do you wanna grab some coffee?", he asked pulling away from you.

You nodded a yes and you both grabbed your coats.

"Wait, what about the song??", you asked while putting on your coat. He smiled and responded, "You can come to my studio anytime you want...babe", he said cheekily and did a wink.

Those words made you punch his chest softly and giggle.

He laughed at your shyness and you both made your way out to the cafe.

_________________________________________

This turned out be longer than expected lol. I hope you guys enjoy <3

Stay safe and happy y'all.

xoxo

[nvuy]

your writing style is a dream of mine, and the pacing & humor in your fics are some of the many reasons i decided to follow you !

i'm trying to write fanfics myself & potentially even run a writing blog! could you share a few writing tips?

you are so cute.

i’ll let you in on a secret: i started actually publishing my fics in 2020, but i since abandoned them because they’re embarrassing. however, here’s one as a starting point. i look back at it and cringe A LOT, but it was my foot in the door, and 15 year old me was very proud of it, so i didn’t want to straight up delete it.

i didn’t start out on tumblr because i get nervous being forced to interact with people because im a pretty abrupt person and i talk about the things that i like too much and im aware that can scare people away. it was about halfway thru writing old habits before i actually posted something. that was this and i posted it because i knew what little audience i had knew ME because i wrote a scaramouche fic. so. scaramouche content.

and because of the tumblr tagging system, people saw it, they liked it, and some people wanted more.

i then interacted with other writers slowly even though i was scared and frankly still am. you dont have to go around asking to be moots or spamming hearts left and right and putting their dicks in ur mouth, but being nice and having a scope around on what other people do on here helped me develop this ugly little blog i have.

i got really into hsr so i write a lot of hsr. i get a lot of people that ask if i could write more genshin impact, and i could, but at the end of the day, it’s my blog, and if i dont want to, i dont have to. i lost interest, so i dont really have to care about it, nor pay it any mind. do i still write it? sure! rarely, but i do. i don’t play wuwa anymore, but im down to write a piece or two if i get an idea, etc etc.

another thing is: don’t write in the hopes that you’ll post it on tumblr. same way i don’t think artists should draw just for the sake of posting. i have so much shit laying on various docs that won’t even be shown on this site, because it doesn’t need to be here. not because it’s bad, or it’s weird, but because i don’t have to post it, because it’s my blog.

the thing is you just be yourself and write whatever the fuck you want. i write horror & weird shit; my audience is probably well aware of that by now, and im not really worried to post anything super weird because its sort of what’s expected of me.

i know horror and romantic cannibalism connotations and yanderes and unsubtle sexy threats is not everyone’s thing, and that’s ok! they don’t have to like what i put out, and i don’t worry about it, because people who like your shit will interact, and people who don’t will not. and people that don’t like ur shit and still interact are losers. hit the block button & move on.

someone is always bound to like your works.

i guess the ‘funny’ comes from the fact that i try to write dialogue how real people would speak. in fictional context, someone like kaedehara kazuha could wax poetry for three hours without stuttering in game, but realistically, nobody can probably do that without pauses, stammers, messing up words, etc. so i try to incorporate a sense of realism into everything, even if it’s a fanfiction in a world where a small boy in white tights is a god and everyone gets tiny little orbs that give them magical elemental powers.

i remember that even though these characters are fictional, i write them as though they could potentially be real people that do things real people do: fidget, stutter, blush, try and be funny and fail, they have problems large or small, etc. you have to mould your personality and writing style to make these characters alive on what you put out—childe seems like a great husband on paper, but is he all that good when he has unchecked mental health problems and has violent outbursts and desires? think about it.

another thing: don’t doubt your skill and prowess, especially in comparing yourself to posts with like 10000+ notes. most of them are note farming bullshit anyway—and a lot of the reader community is more likely to click on porn fics than normal fics. its why the popular posts on the x reader tags are usually porn. it’s half the reason why confiteor is infinitely more popular that old habits when im pretty sure scaramouche is a bigger character on the popularity charts.

strictly nsfw blogs that people make i can guarantee you are a lot more popular than their main blogs.

which brings me to: dont hop on trends. don’t do it. youll burn yourself out. just write what you want. fuck everyone. do whatever the fuck you want. if porn is popular but you’re extremely sex-repulsed or not comfortable, don’t write it. dont write to please people; it’s your blog and your time you’re putting into to do what YOU like, and you’re sharing your work for FREE on a public platform. a lot of people can’t do that. there’s people that follow my blog that openly admit they don’t like yandere/horror/whatever content. am i going to change what i post because of these people? no. not my problem. don’t care. i don’t exist to please everyone, and neither do you. stick to what you like.

don’t write for fandoms you don’t give a shit about just because they’re popular. even if what you like has a small, non-existent fan base, i promise you’ll enjoy writing for that more than something that you’re creating for clicks. notes are nice, but again, you don’t have to post everything you create. half the joy in writing is rediscovering old shit you don’t remember writing for a fandom you actually like. it’s like a reward.

[findjackwalten]

"bon"?

TWF 4 SPOILERS// prepare for some slightly disjointed rambling on twf 4

i keep thinking of how "bon" reveals snippets of things we don't know just yet about him, like what exactly "bon" is or if he's a spirit or not. that is to say; if he's a spirit we know.

"bon" introduces himself to susan as a sort of receptionist or caretaker in Wonderland. He's friendly and explains it to her with what seems like genuine care and concern. his voice has a robotic but almost loving quality. he speaks as if he's narrating a storybook.

this is our first hint that "bon" might have once been something else. if he 'would know' about how a spirit doesn't pass on as fast as the body does- is he referring to himself or someone else? there seems to be nobody else in Wonderland other than Susan, himself & Edd and Molly. of course, we only know what we're shown- but what we're told here seems very important, too. so important that "bon" mentions it again later:

he's sympathising with Susan; sharing to make her feel better about it. he could be lying, but i don't think so. "bon" was scared too. we have a confirmation now that "bon" seems to be talking about himself here. or maybe what he was before Susan came around.

there is a notable absence of Jack here. is he in Wonderland? we don't know. but we know that "bon" has been there for a while.

i find it interesting that "bon" is in quotes at all. he is consistently in canon media reffered to with the quotation marks- as if he is something fake or that the name is a lie. It could be that Bon, the rabbit animatronic, is simply the main Bon we should be concerned about- and "bon" is lesser, as he doesn't have anything else but the ability to control Bon. Or maybe "bon" is simply what Bon actually is- that "bon" is the AI within Bon corrupted and warped by circumstance.

Or that he isn't really "bon" at all. that the difference between "bon" and Bon is much more important than quotes can convey. To get floppy with it and start something of a theory- "bon" is eerilly simmilar to Jack in a disjointed, warped kind of way. The shape of the suit in the fog and his height and vague face shape reads just too close to me. I don't think they're the same 'person' but i think "bon" could be trying to mimic Jack. we see him talk to susan in a friendly, familliar manner- and saying things i think raise flags about what could be going on

he calls Susan his friend, and says he knows things about her

granted, these could all be learned easilly if we imagine that "bon" has been inhabiting Bon the animatronic for a while, watching people around and learning information to be able to put it to use. or maybe he can't help it- a programmed learning algorithm that keeps learning and learning until it learns everything it isn't supposed to.

I've always had the idea that Bon had something of a computer learning algorithm, a fascinating example of Cyberfun Tech's ingenuity being turned into something wrong and predatory.

The facial recognition AI and walkaround AI we see in twf 4 is very clearly a database and learning AI; we see susan and charles talking about how Banny has to pathfind around objects

this seems pretty clear to me that Banny (and therefore all the other animatronics) are supposed to learn how to recognise objects and pathfind around them for the best possible interaction experience. Banny here, fails the test which according to susan just means they'll have to 'test this out again until we get this right'.

The facial recognition can be altered, too. we see Boozoo recognise Edd and Molly, even though he shouldn't have. I think this is an example of the ghost interferance with the AI actually making it fuction when it shouldn't. What im getting at here; is what did Bon learn?

did he learn that violence we see him enact on Susan? If so, from where? did he witness a murder? see someone brutalize someone else and in his programming, think 'how can i improve this and enact it better?' because getting better, more efficient is what every AI programme in the animatronics aims to do.

the segment where Susan is killed by Bon has a title screen:

'the first', referring to the day Susan died being on the day the first birthday party at Bons Burgers happened. I wonder if it could also be refferring to Susan being perhaps 'The First' to have been killed like this, by Bon and "bon".

this is admittedly pushing it a little but we have like 0 information on Jack atm and i'm not confident Bon killed him. or even "bon". the assumption we are led to make from the episode is that "bon" possessed Bon

and was the force behind Bon killing Susan at all. btw bon makes such a cute pose i really am enamoured by Bon in this episode. But if "bon" is the force behind killing Susan, and perhaps any violence Bon enacts at all; what is "bon"??

we know these things:

-he apparently knows what it's like to be scared [of death? of wonderland? of being a spirit?]

-he knows Susan

-he wears a suit

-he possesses Bon

-Edd and Molly are scared[?] of him

If "bon" is a spirit, like we seem to have been hinted at, is he Jack? Him being in Wonderland before Susan obviously means he must have 'died' before her, but Wonderland is simmilar to 'The Lobby' we see on Anthony's Findjackwalten page here, since 'Alice in Wonderland' REPLACED 'The Lobby' on that page.

which we know is a purgatory of sorts, from the other Findjackwalten page /ghosthaunt

So if "bon" CANT be only an AI, but died before susan- what if he's both? What if the ghost is also an AI? Could it be that Jack is not mostly possessing Bon, but is in a strange situation where he's fragmented across objects? Jack is most often depicted on a TV or through analog rather than ever being shown with Bon like any other of the animatronics- like susan or charles whose faces are overlaid directly over their suits.

If Jack is split across multiple outlets for his 'spirit', maybe "bon" is actually able to possess Bon because of Jack's spirit- rather than having his own at all. AI and ghost in a sort of terrible parasitic relationship where the AI can use Jack's spirit to exist in Wonderland and the real world in a way it could not before. Think of it a little like possessing a spirit in a weird way.

With this in mind, i think "bon" seems to fit into his politely sinister persona- not threatening, but goal-oriented. "bon" has learned things from Jack and can better replicate him to further his vague goal of. i suppose 'recruiting' spirits to continue to possess their vessels rather than pass on.

[weirdenbyferret]

Party and Sad clowns

ignore the fact that i forgot the nose on the sad clowns anatomy

Tips and such on the party and sad clowns below 👇!

Party clowns and sad clowns are two of the most common and similar types of clowns, and they can sometimes be mistaken for one another, but usually you can tell the difference as party clowns usually have brighter colors and poofs on their legs, meanwhile sad clowns usually have poofs on their arms and dimmer colors.

Party clowns are often the clowns you think of when you think of parties, and they tend to be the ones at parties as they are usually the ones most capable of dealing with parties, able to keep everyone entertained without losing too much energy.

You should not get one just for a party, then get rid of them, as they are living thinking beings just like you, they should be treated with respect, and their purpose is not only entertaining people at parties.

If you dont want to keep a party clown but still want a party clown, you can hire someone to bring their party clown instead of buying one yourself.

If you do that, you should pay both the owner and the clown itself, for the owner money of course, and for the clown many treats and perhaps some praise as well.

There are many types of party clowns, though the most well known is the common party clown. Though, there are also some types that do well for specific kinds of parties, like the common party and scare clown mix, the halloween party clown, which as you could probably tell usually does well at halloween parties!

Party clowns are usually the best clown to go for when you are a beginner, as they are usually the easiest to take care of out of most kinds of clowns.

Party clowns and sad clowns may look very similar, but they are very different.

You may feel some sympathy, seeing a sad clown sitting, sighing in a sad tone and frowning softly, but dont worry, it is perfectly healthy for them to be like that.

You only really see them smile whenever they are truly very excited about something or when they feel very cared for and loved, though it is a small one, but you can always tell.

Though you should make sure that they are a healthy amount of 'sad,' you should still interact with them, preferably in a gentle caring way.

Usually, just sitting together in silence is enough, but whistling a tune together or reading a book or two together would also be good.

They also tend to like helping, so its a good idea to bring them with you when you go out shopping, as they tend to like helping with simple things like that.

They also tend to dislike feeling like they arent doing anything around the house, and feeling like they are being lazy, so its a good idea to let them do some chores.

They also tend to like doing tricks where they purposefully fail, so you should try to keep them from things such as tight ropes, acrobatic equipment, trampolines, and the such as their natural instinct is to fail and trying to fail a trick on any of those could result in injury.

Though they are Sad clowns, there is such a thing as being too sad for them.

Signs of being too sad are the signs of depression, attempting to starve themself, hurting themself, and developing an interest in smoking and drinking, which are just as unhealthy for sad clowns as it is for anyone else.

If this ever happens, you should try taking them outside a bit more, giving them more of their favorite items and foods, perhaps some hugs or cuddles, and you can also give them bubble blowers as a substitute for cigarettes. In case you dont know what im talking about:

These often give good results, as sad clowns tend to find much enjoyment in blowing bubbles from these, and if you have others clowns they tend to like blowing bubbles at them and watching the other clown/s chase and pop the bubbles.

If you were planning on getting one of them, or if you are now, hope these tips and such helped!

[girlnadian]

i think kenrrot has a lot of interesting potential because, like. while they dont hate each other (they fact that they care about each other is obvious re: ken sacrificing himself for parrot in proton and ken being the first person parrot thinks to invite to the end civilization) i think they are… diametrically opposed to each other in a lot of ways. i think parrot makes ken anxious more than anything, and sometimes that anxiety comes out as frustration or mockery

ken is very, very calculating. they like to be sure-footed and they dont like to be caught off guard. ideally they will plan all their steps out ahead of time, but failing that they will take one step, and then another, and then another, logically mapped out one at time. its not that ken is scared to take risks, its that ken only takes risks they have already run through the math on. ken doesnt want to be in danger and they dont want anyone else to be in danger, and that want to keep people safe will always override any pride or ideals she may have. at the same time, ken kind of struggles with people. she can bully and talk down to strangers all she wants and she interacts with her friends like wato and wifies and avatar etc fine, but faulters specifically with people she doesnt know well but wants to be on the good side of—and that happens to be where parrot falls (see: ken initially trying to hide the fact he designed proton because he "didnt want parrot to be mad")

parrot, unfortunately, is like if someone was designed in a lab to stress ken out as much as possible. he is not careful, he goes in head first, he doesnt take steps as much as he cannonballs directly into the problem. parrot is not stupid but he is reckless. he will always put his pride and ideals first because he buys into his own hype. parrot does not want to be resigned or wait, he wants to always be in motion—ken thinks that if youre always in motion you are bound to crash into something eventually, and it will hurt. ken is confident with what she does, she generally believes in her ability to get out of a situation, but she believes that because she can weigh up, logically, what shes capable of. parrot seems to think everything will turn out fine just because. thats why she gets frustrated and nervous when hes involved, because even if hes usually right (plot armor) it doesnt make sense

and whatever. normally that would be whatever, ken would brush him off as annoying and move on, but the problem is that—despite it all!—ken still wants to care about him. and she does! and they dont know how to deal with it, so it feels like theyre always misstepping around each other. theres a part near the end of the end civilization video, right before everyone flies off, where ken starts to say something like "if you guys need a place to stay…" and parrot butts in (kind of snaps at him) to say "at least you have somewhere to go back to" and ken clams up, because what the fuck does she say to that? parrot comes by the farmer civilization and tries to convince them to go along with him, but he talks like an asshole and he still doesnt have a real plan, so ken makes fun of him. they care about each other but they have no damn idea how to talk to each other

anyway all this to say i think it could be interesting, because they would have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to navigate around the other. theyd fumble and divorce like seven times before they got there but i genuinely do think theyd balance each other out a lot, ken needs to get out of her own head and parrot needs to get into his more. also im sooo serious that parrot needs a girlfriend to make fun of him so he stops being a little bitch

[transgenderdoctorwhomst-old]

I eat up fics so much when they touch on the issues! Like given how much the doctor has been possessed/taken over I feel should def give them PTSD or a traumatic response to telepathy. Eg: 13 scared to contact the master after their only interactions with telepathy in the past years being hostile or life threatening.

Let them beat daleks to shit with their bare hands for everything they've done, including the war and such. (In my mind the doctor did destroy Gallifrey I'm sorry I hate the retcon they did in the special that they saved it because it devalues somuch of them imo)

Also I was thinking more about Mr clever (I'm saying that and not cyberplanner bc it's silly) and like how that'd affect the doctor and the story. And just the process of the doctor losing more of themselves, maybe small behaviors and quirks up to wardrobe changes and such. And I think what could be interesting ish is like Mr Clever is hiding how much he's taken over from River or something but what gives it away is how well he pilots. Because obviously the cyberplanner would pour over memories and books and learn the most optimal ways to pilot a time machine. And then you get that sweet sweet realization from River of that's not who I think it is. That is not the man I know. (I love those reveals)

Anyways im so normal sorry for rambling

i think it's incredibly funny that moffat unblew up gallifrey and then chibnall just went and blew it up again. the tradition of writers fighting over whether or not gallifrey is blown up continues and i am eating it up. the doctor definitely blew up gallifrey though even if they went back and changed it. time is an illusion everything is canon even the tv show

also TASTY TASTY angst yes!! he's a robot/ai designed to optimize everything possible, of course he's going to try and optimize piloting. the doctor just kind of wings it, and it works, but the cyberplanner wants fast and reliable results.

i also think its really funny that the cyberplanner mantains the cyberman belief that emotions are weak and bad and need to be removed, and completely and utterly fails to recognize the fact that he has gained very strong emotions and very little ability to process and manage them. like, he's super excited to have a time lord body, he gets angry and starts yelling when things don't make sense, he takes great joy in fucking with people, he's absorbed a lot of 11's physical mannerisms and expressions of emotions. dumbass mr clever has completely not realized that, and i think would continue not to.

so river would find the "doctor" is actually putting effort into piloting the tardis efficently, without the typical loving affection, isn't exactly hiding his emotions that well (11 is. very good at this actually), and is in general expressing what his feelings should be about people just wrong for the doctor. because he can see what those emotions and feelings are, but doesn't understand the complexities of it. 11 struggles to be intimate. he isn't good at using his words for his feelings for people. the cyberplanner assumes the correct tactic is to spell out what feelings he's supposed to be expressing, which is a notable tip off for river.

there are just all these things slightly wrong with the doctor that she's slowly realizing.

(also you can ramble as much as you like, i love rambling-)

[imraespace]

omg hi pookei im like Alive. and like YOURE ALIVE TOO OMG IHIHIHIHI I LOVE THE NEW THEME BTW I LOWK GOT JUMPSCARED THIS BC I WAS TWEAKING ON WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS U BUT ANYWAS HOW AREYOU mueheuheh i missed you

So. I did fail my history test. WELL IT WAS LIKE BORDERLINE FAIL I GOT …. 33/50 on the multiple choice part and the written part id assume i did horrible as well ……… BUT some ppl did worse than me so ITS OKAY I THINK MY PARENTS DONT CARE THEY SAID JUSt do better on the next one

LIKE OKAY STORYTIME BUT ITS NOT REALLY A STORY it was like the night before the test and i was studying and i realized holy flip how am i gonna memorize all of this and i already studied like yesterday and the day before but i was TWEAKING and i was like ok lets go on tiktok and i remembered oh i havent visited this one account recently let me go check. Tell me why they posted that their sibling died. LIKE I HAVENT ACTUALLY INTERACTED W THEM LIKE EVER BUT IM JUST LIKE WHAT. BC IT WAS SO SUDDEN YKWIM and i got sad over it and i was like on the verge of tears but then my dad came into my room and he gave me water and i didnt wanna look at him or id start sobbing but then he started staring at me so then i acc sobbed my eyes out and i blamed it on my history test and he started teaching me about whatever i had to study

after my history test i was lowk grieving the death of who it was but i was so confused on why i was affected BC I LITERALLY DONT KNOW THEM THEY DONT KNOW ME AND I LEGIT NEVER INTERACTED W THEM EITHER SO I WAS LIKE HUH but i feel a little better now i hope that the person who posted about it is okay tho ☹️

umumumumu Nothing has been happening other thna me rotting on my phone and avoiding history and some of my other subjects hw……… will be crying bc i actually have to lock in today

OH YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE MALL WITH MY PARENTS TO BUY JACKETS WHY THE HELL WAS EVERYTHING 250+??? LIKE OK I GET IT JACKETS ARE PROBABLY HARD TO MAKE OR WHATEVER AND THE SUPPLIES FOR IT YADADDADA BUT LIKE I SWEAR JACKETS WERE 50 DOLLARS BEFORE. i told momi ill just freeze this winter and ran into indigo again to find bluelock manga even tho i got all the manga available here (1-14 i am desperately waiting for the sae manga i need him so bad but hes coming out feb 25 next year LIKE WHAT) i found episode nagi manga 1 and i… i bought it. it was. 20 dollars. there are 5 volumes. 20 x 5 assuming they stay the same price is 100. i did more calculations including manga all the way up the volume 31 of bluelock and the figures/plushies and tell me why my estimate price is basicallt 900 dollars on bluelock stuff within 3-4 years. im gomna be on the streets homeless with bluelock merch but its okay bc my glorious blue eyed kings itoshi sae and itoshi rin will be with me …..

IALSO WENT TO GO GET SUSHI WITH MY FRIEND YESTERDAY SO YAYAYYA it was all you can eat and best believe i ate everything like i am literallt kirby i inhaled the whole menu. when it came to desserts i got every flavour of ice cream + mousse cake so i got like …. 9 mousse cakes with different flavours ice cream plus deep fried banana with condense HELPME I THINK KMGONAN BE SICK LIKE THE SECOND I GOT HOME I RAN TO THE TOILET AND MY STOMACH WON THE BATTLE I DIDNT.

OKAYAYA DAILY QUESTION TIME BC I ACTUALLT HAVE NOTHJGN ELSE TO SAY

UMUMUM which bllk character would eat everything at a buffet like they would lick all the plates clean.

- 🐙

HAI POA9AKIE HRUUU IM DYING MY HAIR IS MESSY AND UTS AO HOT I REGRWT WALKING WITH MY JACKET TODAY

HELOMEE EVERYONE GOT SCARED maybe next time I should say something..🤫🤫

I MISSED YOU TOO HRUU?!?!?

oh well.. I partly passed my accounts test bc apparently I wrote the wrong formate even tho she gave us it so😂😂😂😐😒😒😒 we're twinning!!

HELP SAME WITH MINE unless it's like.. end of term if I do bad ill get the talk yk last time I got it I was so scared my mommy is so scary when it comes to school but then she was like open the chocolate for me please! IN YBE MIDDLE OF THE TALK? she gave me chocolate tho so hehehehehe

idek how to study for history I don't think I ever passed it when I used to do it

HELPAME WHAT I also go on tiktok for studying as well I have a collection or whatever you call it

aw that's understandable to cry when you're frustrated I hate that sm BUT THATS SO CUTE my mommy is just like girl idk ask google! (im joking kinda)

oh. idk how much that is in tt and rn.. it's too hot for me to think so.. 😨😨😨

omgw please giveme the winter it's so hot IT SOS HOT SOSOSOSOS HELPPME I CANT FOXJS IN CLASS ITS THE rainy season AND NOT ONE DROP OF RAIN HAS FELL I wanna experience snow as well heheheheheh

there's no bllk mangas here.. only kny here n spy x family hrhehe i might buy jt

I'm giggling the calculating is so me with my money it's okay ill find you on the streets and take you in!!

ALSO.PMG SUSHIII MY FRIEND HATES SUSHI AND ONE TOO SCARES RO TRY IT LIKE WHAT?

omf I would be kirby as well fr I barely eat sushi if it's infront if my face I will yum yum it

OMG? I WNAT THAT OAMSHSH

HELP oh nvm good luck popo

ERM THE ANSWER IS ME I'm in bllk today

[kit-scrolls]

Hi! I just read your old BSD fic, Altschmerz, and I was wondering if you could provide me with a sorta outline of how the story was gonna go? It's really well written, in-character, and I'm really invested in where the story will go from here. If it's no trouble, of course! :3

ITS BEEN A LITERAL YEAR SINCE YOU SENT THIS ASK IM SO SORRY

i was fully prepared to send you my whole outline, but i. don't know where it went?? i don't have the last chapter of altschmerz stored anywhere in my docs i literally have no idea. where did. what????

i can give you my best guess, but please keep in mind it has been over 2 years since i've actually thought about it at all. on that note, please, please, please feel free to pick it up if you'd like! i don't mind at all, and if you're interested in working w/ me, feel free to DM me so i can link you to my current tumblr acc. :)

spoilers!!

chapter 5

what i definitely wanted: confrontation with the port mafia, but more specifically mori, similar to the canon meeting between the ada/pm. security in front of mori's door yields to him and calls him by his executive honorifics. there's taunting between the two of them, and at some point dazai threatens mori's life in reference to the reason he quit the PM (something along the lines of "why, 'cause you were scared i'd slit your throat just like you did all those years ago?"). throughout the chapter, kunikida finally puts the pieces together and dreadingly realizes that dazai is, in fact, the demon prodigy.

what i kind of want now: a kunikida/dazai confrontation in the same location as the iconic oda/dazai scene in the dark era, where dazai fails to grab onto oda's coat before he goes to fight mimic. possibly interactions with chuuya later down the line, but i can't write skk for the life of me so maybe not?

chapter 6 onwards

i'm fairly certain yamada hanako is revealed to be the one who sent the note, with the actual name of fumiko enchi. irl fumiko enchi was the author of masks, a japanese novel surrounding the ideas of sexual deception and revenge. the story mr. yamada tells about her eloping with the demon prodigy isn't entirely untrue—it was part of a mission dazai had with the port mafia (yes, possibly while underage) and he obviously ends up dumping her when the mission is over. she never gets over it—hence the motive. i think this is meant to tie into the fic's title—altschmerz—where neither dazai nor fumiko are able to rid themselves of their past.

i also have some vague memories in the back of my mind that they might actually recover the footage from the PM which does in fact show dazai delivering the ransom note (in this case, masks would give her the ability to change her appearance, and so she is dazai in disguise) but i can't entirely remember if i actually planned that. if so, i think past me also missed out on some opportunities for fun shapeshifting hijinks to occur earlier on. like, maybe during the kunikida/dazai confrontation, it's not dazai at all—its fumiko, who ends up saying some pretty nasty things + injuring kunikida and therefore raises the stakes for dazai quite a bit.

final chapter

i'm fairly certain i actually wrote this one out, which is a wee bit frustrating. i think this fic was meant to end at oda's graveyard, once the mission was over. maybe fukuzawa sent dazai on break after all was said and done. kunikida finds dazai sitting with his back to oda's gravestone, and they talk through things. for some reason, my memory is insisting ranpo was involved too, but i can't remember why. i think the resolution to the fic is meant to be one focused on morality, the value of changing your ways and doing good, and moving on from past mistakes. and trust.

.

to be honest, i can't say for certain i'll return to this fic, or writing fics in general, again. this isn't a bad thing! i've hopped around fandoms, somewhat moved on to working on my own characters and stories, and changed monikers a couple times (some of you might have interacted with my alt accs without ever having realized). for the number of you all who've been interested in my well-being, i'm 100% fine, promise.

thank you for everyone who's been sending nice messages to my inboxes—i do read every one, even if i sometimes don't have the time or energy to reply. i will say, this is the most invested i've been in altschmerz in a long time and who knows? maybe i'll come back to it one day. till then though, signing off,

kit-scrolls.

[aftonfalk]

GROWTH IN NATURE

Holy shit. The last few days have been insane. We drove 10 hours to get to Styrn in Norway. I had no idea that we could get this kind of scenery in our neighbouring country! Feels like Im in Lord of the rings, Vikings or Game of thrones or something.

I have done things these days I thought was almost impossible to do beacuse of my health anxiety. I realize how priviliged it is to worry about things like this when I have it as good as I do.

A month ago I had anxiety about traveling here (being far from a major hospital) but I did it.

I have had symptoms, but nowhere near as many as back home. I have climbed a mountain 2x times and ignored my intrusive thoughts about heart issues and having a heart attack doing it. Everything went fine, of course. I feel stronger and have so much more confidence than before. Im in a period of finding myself after 2 years of stress and pain. Finally, I feel like Im healing.

The day before yesterday we visited a glacier, packed with weird ass tourists. Kinda spoiled it for us. Some people are so moronic they think its okay to walk up to a strangers dog and start msking faces and petting it. Our puppy is only 9 months old and she has some sort of social issues (she has always been so scared of other people and dogs and are often on high alert around new people). Everything is going great when she just walks beside us and no one is interacting with her but some dumbass teenagers and kids and a retarded middle age man thought it was fun running up to here and making noises. Me and Carl Carl had to literally swat away peoples hands and Carl got into a verbal fight with a french family that was too persistent. So yeah, supercool glacier but the tourist just maked everything feel off.

Yesterday we did the big hike. 4 hours up the mountain. We went out around 12 and it was too hot to handle. The perks of being at a place where there is no one else is that you can kinda do whatever you want. Both me and Carl were more comfortable walking topless. I felt so free, like a prehistoric woman or something hahah. Felt really connected to nature and myself. When we reached a valley and sat down to take in the scenery I cried tears of joy over how beautiful it were and the otherwordly experience of not seeing another living soul for miles.

Today is a lazy day at the cabin, I did my morning pilates on the lawn, looking out over the mountain. (I have never felt so blessed) after breakfast me and Carl have been out on a walk (tried to fish in a pond but failed) and now we sit in the sun eating chips, Carl is drinking beer and Im gonna take some time for myself and write on one of my short stories.🌻

[quodekash]

bro, you told him to sit on the seat

his final project of NUDE PAINTINGS

i know its not supposed to be dirty, that its about human beauty and suffering and also classism, but the immature gremlins sitting around a fire in my brain will continue to find it funny

HIS SMILE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

there it is

and also staring. which is required for the drawing part but still

hmm... idk yok, maybe itll make him feel better if you get naked, too.

IM SORRY, THAT WAS THE IMMATURE GREMLINS AROUND THE FIRE, IM SORRY IM SORRY PLEASE IGNORE ME

his gay ass is now in full view (im so sorry)

lmaooo

you know what the first (FIRST) three letters of assume are?

once again, i am sorry

HES SO SWEET

first kanaphan's smile will never not be one of the most beautiful things on this planet

this entire interaction is so lovely and beautiful i love them so much

YOK IS SO TALENTED OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS

OH NO HES CRYING

"i just feel like i'm confessing my sins. i did something wrong before. but i can't go back and fix it again. i tried to reclaim justice, but i failed. in the end, i could do nothing." AND THE DRAWING OF THE TEAR HOLY HELL

i am curious as to what he did wrong tho.

i do have suspicions. my thoughts are thinking. but there isnt much evidence for my thoughts and im a little too scared to share them just now, so i will wait

HES SO TALENTED??????

i dont think it was first who did that. but whoever did that, you are amazing, and for now i will say that the character of yok is freaking awesome and so freaking talented

THEYRE SO TENDER

AND HIS COMFORTING LITTLE SMILE???

you are rubbing charcoal all over his face <3

THE HUG???

THIS IS SO COMFORTING AND SO PRECIOUS AND THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

AAAAAAAAAAAAA