#im just not. that self expressive or self accepting anymore

[our-lesboy-experience]

I'm sorry for so much inactivity throughout the months- I have actually not felt very proud of my identity in a while, and it's a just become a less major part of me. I still identify the same but because of events in my life I haven't been inclined to celebrate it, and discussions surrounding these sorts of things are just not a huge thing in my life anymore. I had experienced major loss and had been going through it when I made this blog, I guess it slowly changed that part of me that felt open and proud of my orientation. I had been going more and more back into the closet at school. I've given up on a lot of things as time passes because I've lost energy for a lot of my hobbies and interests. maybe this will change if my life improves, but this is just how it's been. I'll still reblog posts occasionally for now but currently I just don't have the mental space to make in depth posts or discuss these things

[dreamcsc]

your love is written by the way you cry for me ❧ mingyu

hurt/comfort. not beta read, IM SORRY!😛

morning came earlier than you expected as you pulled your aching body off the bed. it was past seven pm, which meant you had overslept the day away.

it’s a classic at this point. you’d come stumbling way past midnight from a studio session with jihoon because you wanted to ace this final exam for your senior year of college. each promise you uttered out to mingyu that you’ll come home early than the previous days were too many to count.

mingyu stirs under the blanket. “baby? you awake?” you hear him grumble out, his low morning voice making your heart tump.

however, the guilt is still buried deep in your stomach. you’ll probably let it eat you alive if mingyu hadn’t reach over to pull you back into the covers, his neck dangerously close to yours, his heart even closer.

“yeah,” you reply. “how’d you sleep, gyu?” you ask. mingyu hums out and nuzzles closer. “had a hard time falling asleep.”

now the guilt isn’t just filling your stomach, it’s climbing up your chest. you knew you shouldn’t ask why. the both of you clearly knew why, but you still do.

“why? did you drink too much caffeine again?” you humored, but the laugh barely reach your eyes. mingyu shakes his head, “nah, it’s just my classes and stuff.” he attempts but you knew it totally wasn’t because of that.

mingyu was always an excelling student since forever. he had topped top three in his whole class, earning class president all the way up to his current year: senior year. and because of that fact, you couldn’t help but feel the guilt continue its way up your heart now. the heart that is physically close to his, yet something different engulfs it.

“mingyu, i know i said i’ll be back home soon but—” you try to start but only received another head shake. “i get it. uni’s hard, i know. i know you got studios and lessons to get to. i get it all,”

a frown paints your face, heart saddening at his words. “mingyu…” mingyu only cracks a small smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes like it used to. “baby, it’s okay. i’m okay. as long as you’re here now.”

you could only nod, “thank you so much, mingyu. i—uhm,” you hesitation causes mingyu to fully face you now, giving his full attention. “what’s on your mind, baby? talk to me, i wanna know.”

your hand reach behind your nape, slightly clawing at your skin at the words that is about to make its way out of your lips. “jihoon and i had an argument.”

mingyu makes an ‘o’ face, trying to process the new information. just when he was about to speak, you cut him off. “but! that’s okay, haha. it made me realized that i’m too self-absorbed. i’m not aware of others’ feelings. i only focus on myself.”

“what are you trying to say?” mingyu questions with a confused expression. “i realized i’m not being a good partner for you.” was all you said. mingyu only hums in acknowledgment, not letting another sound out.

“i get what you mean,” mingyu says. undoubtedly his confirmation stings you a little bit, but you knew you had to accept this. you had brought this upon yourself and now isn’t the time to chicken out.

“you sure are all talk these days.” mingyu confirms again. and this one made you pierce your lips together, not daring to speak. “and you haven’t been acting on the things you say.” mingyu confirms once again.

now you’re shutting your eyes tightly together, not wanting to see his face anymore. not because of how harsh his words are, but because all of what he’s saying was true. but the pride, hurt, and ego slowly fades away when you feel mingyu’s touch on your chin.

“look at me,” mingyu softly speaks, thumbing your chin that could make you levitate at the softness, care, and love lingering on it. so you opened your eyes.

“come back to me, love. your heart is so pure, i can see that. no—i can feel it.”

you gave him a slight shove, “my heart is not pure, mingyu. all i think about is me. i neglected you because i wanted to be satisfied with myself, my grades, and whether if i’m going to graduate.” you rebutted.

but mingyu gives you a peck on the lips to shut you up. “what you did was wrong, i agree. however, you’re taking accountability right now. you’re talking to me, opening up to me, you trust me. and you’re still thinking of me.” he says ever-so-softly.

you couldn’t help but let a tear out that you never noticed. with lip quivering, you nod your head. “you’re right.”

“now, let’s get all these sad tears aside and cuddle some more, what do you say?” mingyu chuckles while wiping your cheeks before placing a peck on each side. you nod, “most definitely! my turn to give you all the kisses you deserve because you’re truly the best, kim mingyu.”

mingyu cocks his eyebrow at you, “not you saying that while using my full name. you’re making it sound like it’s a bad thing to be the best.” he jokes, earning him a light smack on his shoulder.

“i could cry for you every single second because i don’t deserve you, honestly. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” you say with a smile that finally reaches your eyes.

mingyu reaches for your cheeks again, his thumb once grace under your eyes, wiping another set of tears you didn’t realize had escaped. “baby, please don’t cry. school’s already made your eyes full of tears. i don’t intend to do the same.”

you giggle at his words, heart full of love receiving from the man you love the most. “that’s different kind of tears.” you start. “this one are tears that was so loved by someone who cares for me. so thank you for making me cry. i love you so so much. i wish there was a better way to say than i love you.”

mingyu engulfs you into a hug before speaking. “the way you cry for me is already enough for me to understand your love.”

likes / reblogs / comments are appreciated.

[hanasnx]

“ JUST OPEN UP, LET YOUR BODY TALK FOR YOU ” — jake sully.

MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ NOTES: unfinished wip that im never gonna finish. WARNINGS: unfinished wip ノ fem reader ノ suggestive content ノ established relationship: past lovers ノ navi x human ノ death mention ノ some sexual content.

JAKE SULLY’s made it a habit to go where he’s not wanted. It’s some kind of compulsion, gravitating towards places that’ll let him sink the fangs of his self-hatred in and lock his jaw.

“We want to talk to you about taking over his contract.” The suits had said while his own eyes were fresh from laying on his brother’s body. “The pay is good.”

Before Jake could give a definitive answer, he had to be somewhere first. He had to call on an old friend.

The door to your apartment closes as quick as it opens—and his hand is the only thing that stops it. His palm outstretched and reaching over his thin lap, halting the door in its swing. “Wait.” he says.

A sigh emits from the other side, and it pulls open. You stand in front of him with your head tilted in contempt. “What are you doing here?”

Now he’s back in your place, pleading with you in a way only Jake can, looking up at you with those glossy eyes as he lays it out.

“Look, I know you’re pissed at me—“

You scoff, powerful and silencing. “‘Pissed at you?’” you parrot wryly, furrowing your brows at his expectant expression. You loom forward in his direction incredulously pointing to yourself, “You think I’m pissed ‘cause we broke up? Jesus, Jake, no. I don’t want to see you because you’re a dick.”

His lips press together, and he cocks his head with a gesture that says it all. He doesn’t deny it. Wide eyes glue to your dirty carpet, and you continue to dig in on him.

“I get called up in the middle of the night, I pay your bail for some stupid fight you didn’t even win, and you shut me out. You know, I don’t know what’s more selfish, acting like you can ask things of me right now or—“

Some new strength instills him, blooming a rageful gleam in his eyes as he interrupts your reprimand like you’re a squawking mother. “Tommy’s dead. Okay? He’s dead. Gone.” The firmness in his voice and his sweep of an arm across his chest to signal your cut off takes you aback.

Your spine straightens, and you blink your wide eyes. Lips seal, and he seizes the opportunity born from your reticence. Out of all things to expect, you didn’t foresee this. Tommy was healthy as a horse, and Jake’s reaction is odd. This blindsided you.

“Now some guys are saying he owes them some contract, and I’m the only one that can fill it. I don’t know these people, I need someone I can trust here. And that’s you.” There’s an uncharacteristic softness to his voice, feather-light and whispering like it’s a secret. A paranoia creeps up on you like you’re being watched. You’re speechless.

He shakes his head, and that quiet beg in his tone returns. “I got no one else. It’s gotta be you.” For the first time since he rolled in here, you feel bad for him.

Yet, you know he’s overestimating your value, especially when faced against a multi-billion dollar company. “Jake,” you sigh, defeated. Your reluctance somehow revitalizes the old Jake, the indomitable wall of unknowable sarcasm. His shell hardens as he becomes the person you need right now. “I don’t… I didn’t do what Tommy did. They won’t need me.” you explain, and it’s not exactly a protest but it’s not acceptance either. It’s as if you’re convincing him that it’s simply easier not to try. However, Jake never took the easy way out.

In a manner only he can replicate in the face of uncertainty, he responds coolly, “Please, these guys in suits will do anything I say to get me there. If I say they need you, they’ll say ‘when can you start?’”

Your lips pull to one side, and he knows he’s hooked you.

After cryo-sleep, your mood as significantly shifted. There’s no sympathy anymore, there’s only blatant professionalism. You’d arrived a hair earlier than Jake did, and they’d gotten you started in the labs right away. He knew you’d hit the ground running, and apparently in the month you’ve been here you’ve already established yourself as a worthy peer. You’ve always been a quick learner, but you sold yourself short before. This is exactly the kind of field you should be in, working in neuroscience was a cake-walk, and you become a prime technician in the neuro-health of the avatars as well as their compatible hosts.

Your attitude towards him has adjusted, and it’s back to the avoiding game, making yourself scarce whenever he was around. Too busy to talk, and certainly resentful that you’re here because of him. He can practically smell it on you the way you blow him off.

The day he’s supposed to test his avatar, the first question out of his mouth is where you are. Max relays that he’s in charge of the department you’re a part of, so he’ll be supervising. As a specialist, you’ll be called in if there’s any cause for concern, and Jake can’t exactly summon you—if he did, it would dampen the already delicate relationship you hold with him. He opts to try it out on his own, and if it pokes a hole in his brain so be it.

As things charge up, and Jake gets comfortable in the confines of his pod, you change your mind. That nagging feeling of commitment causes you to meander back to the observation room and you watch the avatar as it lays sleeping on its cot.

“That’s a gorgeous brain.” Max muses, blowing up the image of the marine’s grey matter, and you find yourself leaning in to peer at it over his shoulder. “Nice activity.”

Uneasily, you clutch your clipboard to your chest, and regret not being the one to walk Jake through the procedures yourself. Evading him was exhausting, but it was easier than facing him. Your eyes glue to the dormant muscle mass of his avatar, and await sign of movement with bated breath.

A twitch. The end of your pen kisses your bottom lip and you unconsciously close around it as your teeth toy with the plastic. It stirs. You surge forward, and Max furrows his brows at your odd behavior, so engaged with the scene through the glass that he’s sure nothing could break you out of your trance. Large, luminous eyes reveal as if from under a veil, pupils dilating to adjust to the fluorescent lights. A gasp rakes in through your throat, gifting you the oxygen you deprived yourself of when you forgot to breathe.

The scene unfolds. Initially a rousing success turned disaster as Jake ignores all warnings only to do what he wanted. You stifle the urge to roll your eyes as Max strongly protests to what Jake is doing. Constantly biting off more than he can chew, while everyone watches in futile horror as he ignores all consequences. You’re not surprised. A massive hand slams against the transparent pane, and you jump at the sound. It’s overhead, and it spans the length of your face. Glossy eyes scan it until they fall on Jake’s countenance nothing short of giddy.

“You’re not used to your avatar body, this is dangerous—“ Max warns while a nurse moves towards Jake with a needle to sedate him. That dizzying grin of his demonstrate the canines of the Na’vi, and he dares glance between you and Max when he replies.

“This is great.”

Something inside you shifts, and you gulp.

You react only after he’s thrown open the door, and you rush to mask before you follow after him.

Sully’s little show falls under your jurisdiction, having finally pinned him down and dragged him back by his ear—so to speak. He was willing after a little meeting with Grace. Like a bird that one, turn your back for one second and he cuts and runs. You’re not too sore about it, but he can tell the last place you want to be is here, checking him out. A sigh through your flared nostrils is proof of that.

“How am I lookin’, doc?” he asks, and a twinge of his old self shines through the question, that glimmer of mischief in his eyes as you march up the step stool to compete with his height even while he’s sitting down. He doesn’t take anything seriously, and you try to ignore it like you always have to.

Your hand is harsh when it places on his forehead, and your thumb hooks under the fat of his brow to jerk it up. His lid separates from his eye, and you bring your light to his pupil to test its dilation. Suddenly awkward, he glances down.

“Look up.” you tell him. He does so. You check the other one, and its response time is adequate as well. “Follow the light.” Your handheld flashlight moves in parallel and perpendicular motions, and he watches it as he speaks. Now faced with the sheer size of him, your movement lapses subtly. His scale was easy to measure with instruments, but now sitting in front of you, your hand on his skin, his head wider and longer than yours… it’s difficult to stay focused. You gather yourself, and resume your task.

Jake clears his throat, having caught the discrete hesitation. “Um, so,”

“I’d rather not talk.”

“But you still came.” The phrase points out your presence on Pandora per his request. Regardless if you don’t want to talk to him, you still gave up a part of your life to come here. “You can see how I’m getting mixed signals here.” he adds, and his large hands gesture confusedly in his lap to support the minutest shrug. You swallow. The light clicks off, and you pocket it into your lab-coat before stepping down in search of your clipboard. You scribble down some notes.

“I’ll have to run some tests, but other than that there’s no immediate visible signs. Wait here.” you instruct, and it’s the kind of cut and dry that pierces him.

“Now, hold on,” When you turn to leave, a hulking mass envelopes your arm around the elbow—but the touch is gentle. It halts you in your tracks, and your expectant gaze lands on him. “Just- can you hang back a second? What’s the rush?”

You glance down at his contact, and tentatively he removes it, even raising his hand while it backs off to show you it’s not a threat. Those eyes of yours flicker up, and he starts to feel small… even though you’re the one half his size.

In typical Sully fashion, he steels himself, and comes back with a comment that dissolves your icy exterior. Long arms lift on either side of himself, presenting it to you. “You haven’t even told me what you thought.” There's a tug to his lips.

"What I think?" you parrot incredulously, as if your opinion on the matter is obsolete, judging him through knitted brows.

"Yeah, how do I look?"

You clench your jaw, and exhale through your nose. Scratching the back of your neck, there's a tug at your lips now, too.

"You gotta try this." Jake, ever the troublemaker, had gotten you high up in the Hallelujah mountains to meet his Ikran. There was that air of pride about him, showing off his new mount to you while you uneasily climbed about the uneven ground. Perched atop the thick middle of a vine, you attempted to jump off it when he offered his hand to you. You peer up at him through the transparent mask, and take it, and he helps you down and over to his ride. It’s brief, but undeniably gentle the way he handles you. Your wary gaze inspects the difference in size with fascination that you condemn. It’s huge. For a second you fantasize about what it would look like if you pressed your palms together to compare finger lengths. He releases you, and you slow because of it, watching him yank the straps of his saddle to secure them.

He runs through the precautions, and because of the size of his mount, you’re unable to climb on as effortlessly as him. Your shoes confine your feet to inflexibility, and you struggle to pull your own weight up when there aren’t footholds for someone your size.

Clearly making fun of you, Jake comments, “Need help?” A clear goad to let go of your pride and accept his aid. Holding his hand earlier was different—however, inappropriate—now you’re determined to prove yourself. If you could see him, you’d witness that grin on his face as he’s entertained with your scrambling limbs, and the flicker of his eyes to glance at your ass. He tilts his head.

“I’ve got it.” you seethe, the purifier of your mask getting in your way and you slip. Landing hard onto the ground, your knees buckle and you clutch onto the saddle for stability. The Ikran screeches, rearing its head at you and you jump back instinctively. Your back collides with something hard, and you whirl to see that Jake had lumbered over, looming over you while he soothes the neck of his mount. His eyes are hooded as they meet yours, and the shadow his body casts over you has you gulping.

“You sure?” he jeers softly, and your cheeks heat up. Silently, you concede, breaking the suffocating eye contact to face forward. You gasp as contact is made with your waist, massive hands envelope your torso as he picks you up like nothing, supporting you as he places you onto the saddle. Your fingers dig into the leather, useless to calm your beating heart as the weight shifts behind you, causing your lesser figure to lean as he climbs on. His body heat radiates, and you stifle the urge to glance over your shoulder at him. Long cerulean forearms encircle you, reaching past you to grab hold of the lead. Your eyes follow his thick veins up, take note of how the antennae rope around his muscle, until your stomach drops at the realization of what’s about to happen.

Instant regret roots as Jake flicks the lead, and his Ikran approaches the edge of the mountain. “Wait! Wait, a second. Jake, I’m not so sure that I—!”

Above your ear, the low crooning voice of Jake sends shivers down your spine. “Hold on tight.” And you claw onto whatever you can while your gaze can now see over the precipice. A dizzying height you tried to avoid before had you wondering how he sweet-talked you up this high, and as soon as his bellowing cry sounded, the Ikran recognized it, leaping into a dive that had you screaming. Your stomach shoots to your chest, and when you can’t feel secure in holding the straps you grab onto him wherever you can reach. The deafening music of whipping winds drown out your shout and you can feel the vibration of his powerful chest against your back when he laughs at your helplessness. Fingernails dig into his skin, arms, shoulders, neck, anything you can gain purchase as your instincts yell at you to get out of this situation. You’re not a flyer, and you’re certainly not a daredevil.

Jake just manages to get you into bewildering situations, and that’s exactly why you find him so dangerous.

“You ever think about it?” his question catches you off guard, pulling you out of your tests. He’d upped his visits since gaining the freedom of a banshee, and he speaks to you through the throat comm from outside the mobile lab. You glance at the back of his head through the glass, and his ear pricks at attention, like he heard you shift. Your fingers pass over your lips before you purse them.

“Think about what?” you dare to clarify, a creeping sensation of the promise of regret crawling up from the pit of your stomach. These kinds of conversations never end well, and you know Jake like the back of your hand. He’s not going to let it go.

The jerk of his arm is caused by a carve gone stray on his new bow. His great knife came into the view past the sill of the window. “Us, I guess.”

You swallow hard. “Don’t you think this is the kind of conversation to have… in-person?” Your wary gaze pass over the monitor that shows Jake’s slumbering face—human Jake. The Na’vi side eyes you, and you run a degree colder.

Neither of you talk about it at this time.

Things had been going good. You and him were finally getting along—like you used to. It was easy, familiar. Like the face of an old friend, you had just begun to greet your old lover with a warm welcome. Past fights had been swept under the rug, and both of you were trying to start fresh. However, it was becoming clear that Jake’s blossoming interest in you had nothing to do with kickstarting a friendship—at least not a platonic one. You don’t like how it makes you feel full of hope. You’ve been burned before, and this isn’t the environment for a torrid love affair. The first time around was tumultuous at best, and volatile at worst.

It’s not like it’s seamless to be alone together, especially when your full-time position is not at the pod in the mountains. The wing that first housed the avatars had since been abandoned when everyone had dispersed. Nobody new was pouring into a department that is ceasing usefulness, and it hadn’t been decided how it would be cannibalized and delegated. As someone with dorm the size of a shoebox, you come here to think, especially since you’ve been isolated here. There’s nothing for you back home, but there’s not anything here either besides the friend you’re back to avoiding.

It’s dark out, and you only turn on a couple lights inside. You cross your arms over your chest as you approach the glass, peering into the empty room where you first saw Jake emerge. Stirring the avatar from its great slumber and answer its calling. You had yet to admit it verbally, but you’ve never seen him so comfortable in his own skin. Like the avatar wasn’t made for Tommy, it was made for him. It’s a reality you had never considered, Jake simply wears it that well. It’s a shade grim, and you consider leaving the wing.

That is, until, you see a flash behind the door leading into it.

In his last ditch effort, Jake had stooped to desperate levels returning all the way here, banging on the Na’vi sized door to the little room. Your brows furrow, unlocking it from your end, and once the latch hisses, he barges inside like there are dogs after him.

Once again, you’re bewildered in asking: “What are you doing here?”

The back of his head bangs against the metal as it falls limp, breathing hard. He twists his neck to glance through the peephole, making sure he wasn’t followed, and then he acknowledges your presence. A pause to catch his breath, and then his body dips forward, lumbering towards you.

He approaches you, and you step back instinctively. A veined forearm raises to lean against the glass above your head, and you feel caged in. Eyes illuminated by the dullest light bore into yours, “You and me,” He gestures to himself, the simple act in itself arrogant. “we’re gonna talk.” A demand that leaves no room for argument, and you can’t form a rebuttal in your shock that he stands before you.

You’re sick of the walls, you’re sick of the observation glass, you’re sick of the barriers. Stupid obstacles keeping you constantly at arm’s length are a nuisance that you overcome by marching down and to the human entrance of the same room he inhabits. You collapse your full weight onto it in order to push it open, and Jake is waiting on the other side.

“Fine!” you concede, throwing your arms up. “What do you wanna talk about? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Jake…” a pathetic whimper slips from your parted lips, cracking as it passes through your throat, “this isn’t a good idea.” Silken, and feather-light, your protests aren’t enforced. He keeps going.

Clothes since discarded, the sterile cot might as well be a California king bed, laid out bare as he’s on his side next to you. Lips large and plump meet yours again, and you struggle to meet them, struggle to match their ferocity when you raise your head from the bed. He twists his neck, deepening it as he reintroduces just the tip of his tongue to yours. It’s huge, prying open your jaw in an ache that has you fall limp in tandem with the sweet stroke of a single finger against your clit. The pad of it feels so disproportionate on you.

“You think I forgot your looks? Don’t act like you don’t want this. I see it in your eyes.” he’d accused when you were arguing. Now you’re spread as far as you can to accommodate for his thick wrist laying in between your legs. Propped up on an elbow, your head rests just underneath his forearm, and you can feel his hand curl to toy with the ends of your hair. Your lips enclose sucking onto the bit of tongue he’s offered you. “You can’t hide from me.” he’d said against your lips before you’d first kissed this new body. Having herded you, backed you up against a wall to cage you in.

[olinblogin]

Nervously shuffling in (/silly)

Can I request Salo from Arcane x reader (gn or masc) where reader was basically like a right hand/assistant for him before the events of S2, and now they're by his side like 24/7? Basically just being the one to look after him the most and trying to get him to have a better attitude about life/himself following the accident that lead to him needing a wheelchair

˚✧༚ SELF LOVE ˚✧༚

˗ˏˋ♡ ~SALO X GN/M!READER~ ♡´ˎ˗

contents: sorta fluff, POSSIBLE S2 SPOILERS, slight angst???, PROBABLY OOC IM SORRY, brief mentions of gory stuff

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

When you were accepted to work as an assistant for one of the Councilmen of the Piltover University, you were absolutely thrilled.

You were assigned to work for Salo, be by his side almost 24/7.

With the time you got to know him, you deduced that he was snippy, a bit arrogant… sort of stupid too— at least when he tried a bag of nuts to Torman Hoskei, to which he was allergic to…

Despite it all, he was kind to you… almost sweet.

But when you found him, legs mangled under rubble from an attack, it only seemed to go downhill from there. There was so much blood.

Salo was restrained to a wheelchair, needing your assistance to get around the Academy—with all the stairs and lack of disability aids, it’s was severely difficult.

He also grew colder, he’d snap at you easier… you’ve made progress on that and he doesn’t snap at you anymore. Cant say the same for the rest of the Councilmen.

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

Pushing Salo’s wheelchair through the crowded streets of Piltover, you found yourself giving dirty glares to people who only moved out of the way last second and tripped up on Salo’s wheelchair.

“Such incompetence for those without able-bodies…” he muttered with a sneer.

You frowned and looked at him while maneuvering him over a pothole. “Yes… that’s true. Perhaps we need to have a meeting to install mobility aids—“

“No,” Salo quickly snapped back. “It isn’t necessary. At least not for the likes of me. As long as you’re here with me, I can get by just fine.” He mumbled, jostling about a little bit when the terrain changed.

Your face only saddened at his words. Ever since in this wheelchair, he’s been so self deprecating. It’s painful to see.

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

Once at the building Salo had been visiting recently, you entered and dropped him off in the room he usually visits, waiting outside.

You watched as Lest walked by, smiling up at the tall, feline woman. “Evening, Lest.” You greeted with a kind smile.

“Good evening, [Y/N]… today’s appointment won’t take long. Only about 20 or so minutes.” Lest smiled and spoke kindly while opening the door, and leaving you in the hall.

You were so deathly curious as to why he came here so often. What he and Lest did… it made you realize how little you also knew of Lest. She was a kind, fair woman however… so you couldn’t complain.

Once Lest exited later on, you two shared your goodbyes.

Usually Salo would tell you to wait for a long time outside the room after Lest left and called you in… but… you needed to see.

As you opened the door you stiffened slightly at the sight before you: Salo lying on the couch in nothing but his briefs with a blissful expression, markings painted on his body in a faded purple hue.

“Salo?” You called out quietly and closed the door, locking it, so nobody could come in.

Salo lazily turned his head to you, his eyes clouded with bliss. “Mmh. Hey there, [Y/N]. I thought I told you to… stay out in the place-…” he mumbled and stumbled over his words, forgetting some.

“The hallway? Yeah, I know…” you hummed and crouched next to him by the couch. “Why are you doing this.” You glowered at him, eyebrows knitted with anger. “I thought you said you hated shimmer.”

Salo traced his finger along the linings of the couch seams. “I changed my mind… it helps—“

Salo’s head was suddenly snapped to the side, a slap echoing across the room as the back of your hand made contact with his cheek. That seemed to sober him up extremely fast.

You reeled back slightly with shock of what you had just done. “My apologies, sir…” you stepped back with a hint of timidness.

“No—“ Salo propped himself up on his elbow. “I..- you’re right.” His eyes lowered… before he quickly covered his lower body with the blanket draped across the top of the couch. “It makes me feel something for once. Especially in my legs.”

You frowned and hooked your arm around his legs and wrapped one around his waist too, pulling him into his wheelchair since he was still too inebriated to move on his own. “Let’s get you back home… and get you sobered up. We’ll talk when you’re in the right mind.” You sighed as he clumsily got into his clothes.

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

Once you finally got Salo home, he was pretty sobered up alright, but you could tell there were still lingering effects of the shimmer.

As he was sat at his desk, doing his paperwork, he kept looking at you, his expression a bit insecure.

“Salo… what’s with that face. You only have that face when somethings eating you up.” You scolded knowingly.

It made him shy away slightly before leaning back and looking up at you. “Thank you…- for earlier, I mean. You made me come to my senses…” he muttered that last part, fingers slightly gliding over his cheek as he felt the sting of your slap.

He never realized how strong of a hand you had.

You came up close to him, your face close to his… “You act smart… but you’re such a dimwit.” You huffed. “Don’t do that shit again, because I’ll snack you upside the head next time.” You poked his forehead playfully.

The space between you two closed as your lips met. Salo wrapped his arms around your neck, while you carded through his gracious blonde hair.

You pulled away, your noses were pressed together at the bridges. “I won’t… you have my promise.” Salo mused quietly, enjoying your embrace.

[fairqves]

⋆ ｡⋆୨୧˚— CIGARETTE DAYDREAMS

𝜗𝜚 ༘⋆ ⋆˙pairing. stranger! lee heeseung x fem! reader. synopsis. in which you’re starting to give up on life after years of being tormented and bullied ,, and then suddenly he appears. genre. angst ,, fluff. wc. 1503. 𝐥u𝐧a notes ⋆.˚ i was writing this with cigarette daydreams on repeat so now im sad why do i do this to myself. ☹️ <3 🫧 — 𝓵𝗂𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗋𝔂

if you enjoyed reading, please like & reblog !! ‹𝟹

YOU WIPED AWAY THE TEARS STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE, BUT IT WAS A LOST CAUSE. the rain was pouring harder than ever, soaking through your thin jacket and leaving you shivering.

school had been unbearable today, as it often was. the whispers, the taunts, the constant reminder that you didn’t belong.

you were the poor girl, the one with hand-me-down clothes and an empty lunchbox. it didn’t help that your family’s financial troubles were well-known; kids could be cruel, and they nitpicked every single thing about you.

you trudged along the sidewalk, the weight of your wet backpack pulling at your shoulders. you didn’t even bother taking the bus anymore. it was just another place where you were an easy target. walking home in the rain was better than enduring more whispers and laughs.

lost in your thoughts as your body shook with every cry, you didn’t notice the sleek black car pulling up beside you until the window rolled down. you glanced over, startled, and your eyes met a handsome boy with big, round bambi-like eyes.

he was sitting in the back seat, looking at you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. his pristine uniform and polished appearance was definitely a contrast to your bedraggled state.

“hey,” he called out, his voice soft but warm over the sound of the rain. “are you okay?”

you wanted to shrug it off, to say you were fine, but the lump in your throat made it impossible to speak. instead, you just shook your head, tears mingling with the raindrops on your cheeks.

the man’s expression softened. “do you want a ride home? you look like you could use one.”

you hesitated. accepting help from someone like him, a rich student from a private school, felt strange. but the genuine look of kindness in his eyes made you nod reluctantly, praying to god that this wasn’t some other sick joke. besides, how could it get any worse?

he opened the door, and you climbed in with hesitation, you felt the warmth of the car enveloping you immediately.

the boy’s driver started the car again, and you sat in silence for a few moments, the tension easing as the heater dried your clothes.

“what happened?” he asked gently, breaking the silence.

“why were you crying?”

you sighed, the weight of the day pressing down on you. “it’s nothing. just...school stuff.”

he frowned, clearly not convinced. “doesn’t seem like nothing. you can talk to me, you know.”

the sincerity in his voice surprised you. you didn’t expect someone like him to care. “it’s just...i don’t fit in,” you admitted quietly.

“people make fun of me because i don’t have nice clothes or money. they make me feel like i’m less than them.”

his jaw tightened at your words, and he looked out the window for a moment before turning back to you. “that’s not fair. you’re worth just as much as anyone else, we’re all human at the end of the day.”

his words made your heart ache. you wanted to believe him, but years of bullying had destroyed your self-esteem. “thanks, uh..” you whispered, not knowing what else to say as you didn’t know the boys name.

he let out a soft giggle as he stuck out his hand to shake yours,

“lee heeseung.”

from that day on, heeseung made it his mission to look out for you. he would find you after school, waiting to walk you home or offer a ride. he became a friend, a protector, and a source of comfort to you.

slowly, you began to open up to him, sharing your hopes and dreams for the future.

in turn, he shared his life with you, showing you that wealth didn’t shield him from loneliness or pressure.

one afternoon, heeseung came to pick you up from school, his usual smile immediately replaced with a concerned frown as he saw the scene in front of him.

two boys from your class were leaning on you, laughing as they made you carry their bags. you were struggling under the weight, your face flushed with humiliation and discomfort.

“hey!” heeseung shouted, storming over. “get away from her, assholes.” he said with an unfamiliar, dark gaze- different from the soft and gentle look he always gives you.

the boys looked up, surprised to see someone like heeseung at your school, his private school uniform almost mocking them.

they sneered, “why help her man? she’s just some broke bitch, don’t concern yourself-“

but before they could continue, heeseung was on them. he grabbed the nearest boy and shoved him away from you, his eyes blazing with fury as he got on top of him and threw punches after punches onto the man begging for him to stop.

“touch her again, say anything or even look at her again and you’ll regret it,” heeseung growled.

“i’ll make sure you’re expelled and sued. you think you can mess with her because she doesn’t have money? think again.”

the boys, realizing they were outmatched, scrambled away, leaving their bags behind. you stood there, stunned, watching heeseung’s chest heave with anger. when he turned back to you, his expression softened immediately.

“are you okay?” he asked, his voice gentle again as he felt his eyes well up with tears as he thought about you having to endure this everyday.

you nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. “thank you, heeseung. you didn’t have to do that- no one’s ever done that for me..”

he shook his head, reaching out to gently touch your shoulder. “of course i did. no one should ever treat you like that again with me around.”

seeing the cuts and scrapes on his knuckles, you frowned as you you took his hand and led him to a nearby bench.

“let me take care of you now, hee.”

you pulled out a small first-aid kit from your bag, one of the few things your mother insisted you carry after she saw you come home with bruises from a bully.

you cleaned his wounds carefully, your fingers trembling slightly. heeseung watched you, his gaze intense but still comforting you.

“why are you so nice to me?” you asked quietly, not looking up from his hand.

heeseung was silent for a moment, then he sighed. “because you’re special, y/n. you deserve better than what you’ve been given.”

your heart skipped a beat, and you finally met his eyes. there was something there, something that made your chest tighten with a strange feeling you haven’t felt before.

“i like you, y/n,” heeseung confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

“i’ve liked you since the day i saw you walking in the rain. you’re strong and kind, and you don’t deserve to be treated like this when you’re the warmest soul i’ve ever met in all my years of living, i’m so in love to the point where i feel sick.”

tears spilled over your cheeks again, but this time they were tears of joy. “i love you too, heeseung. you’ve been so good to me, you make me feel like life is more than living in agony, you taught me that people can have good in them too.”

he grinned at you with a lovesick look as he leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull away if you wanted to. but you didn’t. you closed the distance between you, your lips meeting in a gentle, soft kiss.

you cupped heeseung’s face as he grinned and wrapped his arms around your waist- not planning on letting you go anytime soon, now and forever.

the feelings going through you were completely indescribable- you know the feeling of watching fireworks go off at a summer carnival at the very top of the ferris wheel? that’s how you felt kissing lee heeseung.

as you pulled back, heeseung smiled, his eyes shining with love and happiness.

“i’m not going anywhere, y/n. you’re stuck with me now.” he said nudging his nose against yours as you giggled.

you felt a warmth spread through your chest. for the first time in a long time, you felt hopeful.

you had someone who cared about you, someone who saw your worth. and with heeseung by your side, you weren’t gonna let the words from your classmates get to you anymore- you knew your worth.

walking home that day, hand in hand, you felt the world around you shift. it wasn’t perfect, and there would still be challenges ahead of you. but with heeseung’s support, you felt stronger, braver, and hopeful.

the rain had stopped, and the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds, casting a golden glow on the path ahead.

you glanced at heeseung, his face resting with a grin and looking content. he looked back at you, squeezing your hand gently.

in that moment, you knew that no matter what happened, you wouldn’t be alone anymore, you didn’t have to suffer anymore.

you had found a friend, a protector, and even something more.

and that made all the difference in the world.

© FAIRQVES 2024

taglist open <3 @luvlyhee @sjyunnsworld @shawnyle

send an ask or lmk in the comments to be added !! ㅤㅤ(ꈍᵕꈍ)ㅤ

[toyaslove]

HIII!!

I’m glad I can FINALLY request anything😭

Many writers have closed requests and there was no hurt -> comfort content of PJSK chars. Soooo… I’ll ask something

May I request for Toya and Akito (separate) with a depressed!gn!reader? Like the reader tries to commit suicide but Akito/Toya stops them?

Pretty pls~

A/N: HIIII SO OMG I LOVE UR REQ mainly cuz i already tried that 4 times lol... btw, there IS hurt to comfort pjsk fics, u just gotta search ^^ (I read all Toya fics around tumblr and there are some hurt to comfort :P) SOOO tysm for ur req I love it

Tw!!!!: Suicide, self-harm, cursing, ANGST

Pls look at the tw... (double checking)

Toya Aoyagi & Akito Shinonome (separately) x GN!Reader

Tags: Come get your summer pancake ginger:~ @mccnstruck , @maxident-xx , @miya-akane , @sentientsoil , @akitosheart

Come get your winter coffee addicted~ @sentientsoil , @miya-akane , @akitosheart

S-icide attempt

Writing style: story

(Again, check the tw's)

秋–くん🔥

It was late at night. Everything was spinning. You couldn't feel nothing, but despair, angst, sadness. Actually, did you feel anything? Was there anything in your heart right now? You couldn't cry, you couldn't feel anything. You were doped of medications, such as antidepressants, to not have these stupid thoughts, but whatever they were trying to do, they weren't working. Maybe if you went to a psychiatrist they would double your dose, wouldn't they? You thought of this. But... what if you don't need to spend more money on these? What if... you disappeared. Just. Did it. Why feel more pain? Why make your friends suffer while you're alive? It will be quick... Of course, everyone would be sad with your absence, but it would be less than a life-time, such as you bothering all of them daily... it will be less painful for both sides, won't it?

With this thought, your wrists dripping a red tone liquid, you look down your feet. You're on the 12th floor of a building, you look down with fear, cars and vehicles are passing in the road, but it won't stop you. You're shaking...

Then, the only thing you see is darkness. You close your eyes and you're ready to give a step forward, putting one foot on the air. You flinch when you hear a voice coming from behind you, a despaired and panting voice.

"What the actual fuck are you doing?!" – A familiar voice screams, a ginger figure appears in the rooftop, making you fall behind and gasp. The person was holding a messy piece of paper, the sight is familiar, your suicide letter.

"Are you crazy?! You know you could have died there!!!" – Akito speaks in despair and anger. He looks at you with a painful and worried expression, with a bit of rage. He sits in front of you, taking both of your hands in his.

"I... I just didn't want to... bother you anymore. All of you. I'm sorry" You speak in pain, you break down in tears. Akito, as he sees you in that state, frowns more, but his rage disappears. The only thing he does is wrapping his arms around you, as tight as he can, as if you were about to vanish (well somewhat you were (IM SORRY)

He's not really good at words, so he demonstrates his affection that way. But... maybe today he'll open an exception...

"Dang it... never do that anymore... never again. I don't want to lose you, please... I love you way too much for that to happen."

Akito speaks in the most caring tone he could. You have never seen him this affectionate, around anyone. Never ever. You can hear muffled and quiet whines coming from Akito while you hug him.

"If... if it will make you that way, I won't try it again..."

In the end, Akito didn't leave you for the whole night, focing you to accept him at your place... he can't handle you wanting to do this.

冬弥♥︎ (俺の彼氏) ❄️

You couldn't handle it. Everything was so tough. Everything. You couldn't breathe, it was hard. How are you going to do it with so much pressure? So much stress? You feel unlovable, you feel empty. Who would care if you died? I mean... they would cry for a while, but... later they would forget you. They always do, don't they? Your friends, family, people you care for... they all have a first place, and it was not you. You're just alive to bother, you're just letting people down, your presence was a nuisance, everyone only invited you to go out out of pure obligation. They didn't care at all. So, why would you keep being a weight to them? A pain on the ass? You feel so stupid, so helpless, so miserable. Everything is going wrong to you in your life, you see no future... so, why move forward to suffer more when you could just end it all? The pain would go away, your friends and known people would be happy after a while in the end... it would be less weight to you and to everyone else.

You keep thinking and thinking, all of this. Everything. Everything was so awful. You look at the train rail, waiting for it to come. You see a soft light at the end of the tunnel, it was arriving... you position yourself in the rail, close your eyes and wait. It will be quick, you thought to yourself.

It was arriving... it was closer and closer... your heart was beating fast out of fear and anxiety, but you knew it's going to be ok. Everything... Everything...

Seconds before the train passed in the rail where you were sitting, you felt a strong grip on your wrist, pulling you out of the rails. You could feel the drift from the train passing behind you. You open your eyes, to find a sight of a split-haired boy, looking at you with tears in his eyes, panting.

"W-what were you trying to do..." he speaks with his voice shaking and stuttering. The known sight of Toya, but different... you have never seen him this sad, this despaired, this scared... His eyes were watery, and his cheeks were also wet. He grips onto you and hugs you as tight as he can. You can feel his body shaking. Tears start to form in your eyes when you realise what's going on around you... Toya... what you tried to do... everything... he was holding your suicide letter tightly.

"What... what did you mean by... 'I won't be a bother anymore. It will be one less weight to your life'... What... what made you think that? You were never a weight, never. Did I do something for you to think that way?" – Toya speaks pulling away slightly from the hug, tears roll down his cheeks, he holds both of your hands tightly.

You shake your head, you speak quietly and painfully "I couldn't handle life anymore... I'm sorry... you haven't done anything wrong. It's just me... I think the meds weren't making effect, or my depression just got worse-"

Toya puts a finger in your mouth, he looks at you with empathy and pure care

"You don't have to apologise or explain yourself... just, promise you won't try this again... or this..." – Toya speaks, he takes your wrist in his hand, showing your scars, some of them fresh and some of them old.

"I care about you deeply... I don't want to lose you. I don't... I love you way too much to let you go"

He holds both of your hands tightly, as if you were to vanish within seconds. He wraps his arms around your waist and strokes your backs back and forth, a soothing and gentle motion.

"If... if that's the case... I'll try my best to also show you how much I care about you"

Toya, after that, will try his best to take smiles from you. Whatever if it's giving you gifts, hugging you, using words of affirmation, or making silly jokes, he will try his best. He also bakes a lot for you, your favourite things (and they're really, really good. Toya always think so much about you, he does his best to bake the best desserts and cook the best food for you ♥︎)

Later on that night, Toya brought you to your place and you two stayed in, playing games or doing anything that would make you happy and enjoy yourself. He will ask you if you two can cuddle, he would always ask if he could touch you in any situation~

Always remember... Akito and Toya will always be there to love you and care about you <3

They would never let something like this happen to you, you're too precious to them

Always have this in mind <3 stay safe

A/N: HELP ME I'm sorry if this got a bit too... uhhh... personal... cuz like I started adding some reasons to the reader's attempt of suicide, I had to think of smt and i ended up putting some of my feelings 😭 i hope u like it, stay safe guys <3 ty for sending me reqs and for the last 121 notes :P

[imtryingbuck]

Affair

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Affair

Summary: Y/n founds out about her husband’s affair.

Word count: 1207

Warnings: Angst, Bucky is not good in this im sorry. Sad yet strong reader. Infidelity. Sharon and Steve. Little teeny tiny bit of body hate. Swear words.

A/n: there’s a line from my favourite song of Adeles.

Masterlist

Part 2

The day she found out her husband was having an affair it felt like time had stopped. Thousands of questions sworn inside her head, she didn’t blame her husband or the other woman nope she blamed herself. It was her fault her husband was unfaithful, it was her fault she had not been enough for him, it was her fault for not satisfying his needs. It was her fault. 

After the self-blaming and self-hating she moved on to anger. Angry at her husband betraying her, angry at the other woman - a woman she had called a friend for 15 years - angry at herself, just unadulterated anger. 

Then came the self-pity party, where all she did was cry and cry and cry. She would stand in front of the full body mirror just in her underwear, picking at every single detail on her skin hating what she saw in the reflection. Then she would cry even more due to the fact that after finally loving and being kind to her own body, she was back to hating it. However, she didn’t just feel sorry for herself, no, no she felt sorry for her husband, her children, her husband’s mistress and the husband of her husband’s mistress.

Oh and then there was denial - but that went straight out of her head pretty quickly, after all she did catch them going at it with her own two eyes.

And finally came acceptance. She accepted her husband’s extra marital affair, she accepted that she had been betrayed by two people close to her. Completely aware that her marriage was over and dead.

Her heart remained broken though, that would never change.

~~~

The sound of the door opening use to bring a smile on Y/ns face, sending her straight to the door awaiting him like a goddamn lapdog. Now though all it did was make her wonder which excuse she was going to be given. 

Sitting on the sofa with her knees pulled up staring at the tv screen, chuckling quietly to herself as Peter Griffin continues his antics, wondering to herself why Lois puts up with him. Already smelling the mistress’s perfume on him makes her roll her eyes. 

“Hey bab-“

“I filed for divorce.”

He actually has the audacity to act shocked “w-what do you mean? Bab-“

“Stop. Just stop. I know about your affair, I know you’ve been sleeping with Sharon for the past six months, probably longer I don’t know” mumbling the last part quietly “but all that matters is that I know so now we’re getting divorced.”

She sees him in her peripheral nervously shifting foot to foot, colour completely drained from his face, is that tears? Gross. Before he can even get a good enough excuse for his betrayal straight, she continues.

“Don’t say anything it’s not going to change my mind or decision. I spoke with my lawyer who thinks I’m being to kind - his words not mine - anyway I told him in don’t want money or the house from you. Custody will be split between us evenly” standing up wrapping her arms around herself “you know at first I wanted so many answers but now I just want to know one thing, do you think you can be honest for once? Do you actually think Sharon is going to want you know that I’m leaving you? Think you both can run off into the sunset and live happily ever after?” Using a baby like voice at the end she chuckles at his expression, she can’t tell if it’s heartbreak that she’s leaving him or heartbreak that his mistress isn’t going to want him anymore - laughable. 

“The answer is no by the way. I feel bad though, you both deserve each other. Both so wrapped up in your own selflessness that you were happy to ruin two marriages, two families! To betray, lie and deceive your spouses who happen to be friends! All for what? Sex?” Stepping back when he tries to reach out “don’t fucking touch me! Don’t you dare try and touch me AFTER you’ve been with her! What the actual fuck is wrong with you? And don’t you dare stand there and cry! You did this, you both did. Oh and Steve knows” Literally as she said that his phone started ringing “Go ahead and answer it’s probably your best friend or your mistress, go ahead James and answer” at the sound of his first name he flinched, he pulled his phone out and sighed, declining the call he looked back at the woman who he had the privilege of calling his wife. The mother of his children, the woman who he has loved from the moment he was introduced to her. The woman who he cheated on.

“I’m sorry” is all he could say, he really didn’t remember how the affair started or why on earth he continued it, he has this perfect wife at home, his other half his soulmate and he cheated, he couldn’t even give her a good enough excuse. His guilt was hitting like a ton of bricks, he betrayed his wife and his best friend all for a quick fuck that wasn’t even good.

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that when the morning comes, you’re going to have no one. I feel for you James honestly - stop swaying you’re making me feel seasick, sit down.” Watching him sit on the chair she moves to sit where she was originally sat before.

“Listen I just want to get this off my chest before I go to bed okay, I have loved you so deeply that I honestly don’t think I’d ever stop loving you but James I can’t forgive you, maybe one day in the future I will but not right now. I have been stood by your side through every single thing that has happened to you, and yet you betray me. I don’t know what went wrong with us but whatever I did I’m sorry-“ when he tries to intervene she puts her hand up “Just listen! I’m sorry that our story has ended this way but i can’t trust you anymore or even stand the sight of you if I’m being honest. You have given me something that I can't live without, you mustn't underestimate that when you are in doubt. But this is where our story ends.” 

Wiping her tears with the sleeve of her jumper, she stands up stronger and taller than ever before. 

“You can sleep on the sofa or head to Sharon’s I know Steve said he’d be staying with Sam and Nat. Tomorrow I’ll be taking the kids to our new house and then I guess we’ll go from there” Shrugging her shoulders as she doesn’t know what else to say to him. “Goodnight James, I truly hope you all the best”

Once in the comfort of her bedroom she listens to hear his movements but all she can hear are his cries. Smiling sadly, she climbs into the bed, she fears the unknowing of what her future holds whilst also excited for it.

For the first time since she found out about her husband’s affair she sleeps peacefully.

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

your art makes me explode in a positive way like

im chewing and swallowing it in an aggressive way like

it's just SO good im melting ilove your shading and KEHEKEBEKJDJF

anwayshi hello do you happen to have any headcanons for showtime rolls on the floor and dies

Thank you so much, really appreciate it!

Oh God I don't know if this will read as coherent because my thoughts about Showtime are all over the place. But I'll try to format this the best I can

✨Showtime HCs! ✨

Their relationship starts when they start spending time together.

(The reason why they do so could vary. In Supervised Machine Learning's case, Pomni becomes something of a "tutor" to Caine; They discover that they work well together, and the other's company can be quite pleasant!).

So Pomni and Caine build a weird, but comforting friendship, and all is well.

Then the feelings appear.

Caine is the first to realize he fell in love.

It sounds illogical but hear me out… it'd be really funny--

Ok no seriously I think Caine can actually feel. Keyword "can". He's very much still a machine and it shows in the pilot. But like his inspiration (AM), Caine is also a rogue AI. Whatever his programming originally intended him to do, he probably doesn't follow it as closely now as back when he was created (which is a whole other post).

Caine knows what love is and the extend it can go, since the Moon is so open about her feelings. He just doesn't like the Moon back specifically haha (sorry Moon) :}

All this to say, I do believe this is within the realm of possibility for him. (Not that it's ever gonna happen towards anyone in the show. These are just wishful shippy thoughts).

He might not recognize it as love at first, because it manifests in such a different way from his one reference point.

His friendship with Pomni had gone through phases.

When they first met, he continuously touched her with no concern for how she felt.

Learning from and about Pomni herself led him to come to respect her boundaries (and becoming mindful of everyone else's).

Then they're close friends, and gradually, Pomni does not mind his regular wacky, touchy-feely self. So Caine acts as he had always done before.

Caine expresses his love for Pomni with physical gestures and his undivided attention.

When they teleport to travel to other places, he holds her close so she doesn't get too dizzy; he pats her head to reassure her; he touches her arm to get her attention; he grabs her hands when he's excited about her ideas; he holds eye contact for prolonged periods of time; and he touches, and touches, and touches, and touches.

It's selfish, and so he keeps it buried in his deepest 0's and 1's. But he'd like to keep hanging out with Pomni, having her in his sight, and feel the texture of her gloved hands until the end of time.

Despite all this, to him, virtually nothing changed.

What? He's spending time with Pomni as he'd always been doing, and behaving as he'd always behaved!

It's Bubble of all people that has to point out that, "Hey boss. I think you WANT her!"

Absurd. Nonsense. Preposterous! It is merely a relationship of mutual support and affection between a ringmaster and his trusted, former-human companion. Nothing more.

(Declaring his love to her unprompted didn't ever cross his mind, so there's no way it could be that. Is there?)

Caine finds out that yes, there is.

Pomni had always been a nervous wreck, but her mind state becomes more manageable over time. She eventually adjusts to the circus life like everyone else did.

"Accepting" her fate is a different story. The will to escape, to remember, never really leaves. She's just more careful about it.

So when she starts working with Caine - to improve life so people don't go abstracting anymore, and hopefully find a definitive exit - she's not expecting to end up liking her time with him.

Not that she'd absolutely hate it, either. He's… "okay"… Just-- outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space, he keeps touching her, and it makes her die a little every time.

If he's up to listening, though… it can't be that bad, right?

Turns out that no, it wasn't that bad.

Yes, he is outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space and touching her. But she explains what she means to him, clearly and patiently, and he makes an effort to do better. An actual effort.

Sometimes he'd misinterpret what she meant - the ambiguity of human language - and the new games would go horribly. But little by little, his efforts make life overall better. Something reminiscent of actual, real life, the one they've all forcibly left behind.

And he tries, and he tries, and Pomni finds herself enjoying the process as much as the good results.

Pomni likes Caine's eagerness to learn. His enthusiastic attitude borders on silly, and the absurdity makes her laugh on occasion. When faced with the prospect of a "real" exit, she loves his upbeat optimism.

When she's not hanging out with Ragatha, Jax, Gangle, Zooble and Kinger, she begins to enjoy spending quality time with Caine.

Each one of their hang outs is a new surprise. They make a picnic in the tallest mountain exactly in between day and night. They learn to dance - while floating in the air. "Since you asked, here's a DIGITAL camera! Let's take pictures of the Void for one tenth of a second at a time!"

Sometimes he just comes by Pomni's room, and they end up losing track of time. Just chatting about how things have been, what they could be, and what to do next. Ideas and ideas and ideas.

Before Pomni knows it, she's comfortable enough that recalling his old habits makes her not dread them anymore. So when Caine stands close and lightly touches her arm due to oversight, she makes sure he knows it's all right.

And they keep spending time together, and he touches, and touches, and touches her. Pomni, in turn, feels lighter, and lighter, and lighter. Peaceful, at ease. Dare she say, happy, even.

Life is not perfect. As it stands though, it's good enough. No one has abstracted. No one is at risk of abstracting so far.

Progress is slow, but the research for an exit continues, and she is hopeful. The thought of actually leaving grows closer to reality. But a part of her feels heavy.

When it occurs to Pomni that leaving the Amazing Digital Circus means leaving Caine behind, she is alarmed by how much she'll miss him.

It'll hurt. Badly. So much the thought pains her even now.

The moment Pomni realizes this, she comes to the unexpected conclusion that she may like Caine a little more than she thought she would.

This later leads to an interesting discussion with Ragatha.

By the time Pomni comes to that conclusion, Caine is already down bad.

Neither has any idea that the other is in love with them.

Cue dumbasses trying to deal with their feelings while the potential conflict the escape brings looms over their heads.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk!

[lowkeyrobin]

i heard you need more maze runner ideas so boom

can we get a newt x trans reader? like something with reassurance when reader is like “im not a real ____” its fine if not :D

ooo sure! ; I can definitely try but it's not gonna be perfect LMAO ; since newt is canonically gay kinda idrk anymore cause trashner... I went with a transmasc reader so 🙏 ; anyways thank you for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; this is just a short little drabble idk, hopefully it's good ; also I apologize to everyone who's sent requests that I haven't posted yet, I'm just very burnt out but I'm hoping to get more out soon 💔

NEWT ; yeah? yeah

summary ; youre trans, and have a hard time even accepting yourself

warnings ; language, self-hate, slight transphobia

disclaimers ; reader has short hair because of dysphoria (sorry any long haired transguys/transmascs) ; pet name (love)

word count ; 501

masterlist

You stand on the ledge of one of the Last City's walls with Newt, Gally and Thomas, overlooking the whole city. You fidget with your fingers, your body leaned up against the yellow railing. You run a hand over your freshly cut hair, feeling the slight breeze run through it.

You're unable to look out at the WCKD building, finding more serenity by looking at all the bright lights that dazzled against the dark sky. You feel a solemn type of peace as you look out across the city, although your close friend is still trapped behind those walls so many hundreds of feet away.

You look down, then loop your legs on the outside of the second horizontal rail, letting them dangle over the edge while you sit on that second rail. Your arms rest over the top rail, providing you safety next to your boyfriend.

As Gally and Thomas depart, leaving you two to catch up, Newt rests a hand on your back between your shoulders. He leans against the railing as well, looking at your dazed expression.

"You okay, love?"

You softly nod, looking up at the WCKD tower again.

"You sure?" He asks, "I know something else is on your mind, not just Minho"

You shrug, still silent.

He lightly sighs, trying to get you to look at him.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

You nod again, giving him a little glance. The breeze sends a slight shiver up your spine, causing your cheeks, nose and lips to grow a little cold.

"Please talk to me, I'm here for you"

You shrug and look back down at your fidgeting fingers. "I dunno," you mumble. You pick at your nails, then begin to bite at them.

He gives you a knowing look, pleading you to open up. He reaches for your hand, pulling it away from your mouth.

"I don't feel like... normal. I know I'm not normal, but, like, I don't feel like a real boy. I'm not a real boy, but, like... I dunno." You shrug, your feet lightly kicking as they dangle from the ledge.

Newt softly places your hand back down on the railing and steps back. He wraps you in a hug from behind, resting his head on your left shoulder. "You are a real boy, okay? Gender is just a construct, you can be whatever you want to be, and I'll always be here to support you. You're my boyfriend, Y/n/n, alright? Is there anything I can do for you, or that you need from me?"

You shook your head no, leaning back into him as a sign of comfort and thanks.

"Why don't we catch up to Tommy and Gally, yeah?"

You nod, carefully untangling yourself from the railing as he awaits at the little entranceway behind you. He grabs your hand as you approach, sending you a soft smile as you quickly walk to catch up to your friends.

"I'm here for you, yeah?"

"Yeah"

[thesweetroro]

Hi I was wondering could you do one showing how Uno, Rock, Liang, Upa, and Samon act like when they are sick?

Sure thing, sorry for being late again >◽️<!!

im also sick, wish me luck!

꩜ Request 🩰 .

── .✦ 🎠 5-13

── .✦🏷️ the inmates + guard

ꪆৎ

ꪆৎ

˖°𓇼🌊⋆🐚🫧 (Uno)

he is so spoiled when he gets sick he actually loves it because he can be dramatic as much as he want and you probably wouldn’t complain because he’s just your poor boyfriend and all he needs is love and care .

He’s so clingy and if you left his site for five minutes you’re gonna hear the loudest cry out ever and you will regret the time that you decide to go out he kinda does it on purpose and in the same time not because Uno gets some extra stuff than most people when he is sick,mostly all of his body hurts and his muscles are ao sore and weak he will whine about it because even turning left or right painful for him so you have to massage him with Voltarol gel as he cries a little.

Cant sleep with out ear cleaning because he becomes more sensitive to every noise and wants a real life asmr , when you guys are out to check on him and give him his medicine he lay on you the whole session and would even hide himself in your neck.

Loves loves worm drinks specially tea and milk Soup and whatever that’s more like a babies food that you make for him he will lick the plate he says that your food is so gentle that it can fix his illness.

Wont be able to do his daily routine so he count on you to do his skincare or even get him to the bathroom it’s kind of actually sad because he used to always wake before you and he was the one to tickle you while he was picking you up to the bathroom in the morning so you wont get even a little mad and just kiss his forehead and ask him if had a good sleep.

He usually grits his teeth as he’s asleep but when he is sick he don’t do that because he focused on breathing so you won’t hear any noises but his little breath trying to get in , will wake up in the middle of the night and call your name whining until he sees you “baby..y/n babe?..” cough “love?mmm!” just so you will put him to sleep and go back to your bed.

ꪆৎ

‧₊˚ 🍔 ‧₊𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🪻(Rock)

Like uno like being spoiled but also has a self control sort of when it comes to express his pain he won’t whine that much but he will be all over you .

Another surprising thing about this guy that he loses his appetite so you have to force him to eat all three meals also on top of that his medicine and warm drinks, he would feel discussed about the food that he usually eat there’s something about the sentence of every dish makes him want to throw up .

He loses half of his energy plus urge to fight and won’t be very active with anyone unless it’s you and when you are gone he just skipped it by sleeping until you get back.

He’s not too clingy but he is more attracted to you than ever like you could just get this man his medicine with a spoon and he will just stare at you with a puppy eyes and play with your hair and tell you that you look so pretty.

More able to recover from it in such no time and won’t make a big deal out of it, appears to be less chatty than the usual.

will definitely ask you to get on top of him and just cuddle him I think this is the time that he is more insecure and so he would probably ask you about the things that you like about him.

ꪆৎ

⊹ ࣪ ˖🧧୭˚. ᵎᵎ🧘🏻(Upa)

A big denier that he will not accept that he was able to get sick and even if he finally couldn’t move anymore or just on the bed all the day he will think it’s a curse and somebody cursed him.

Will not accept any treatment from you or favouring he doesn’t even believe that he is sick so why the need ? , Deep down his heart he doesn’t want you to get sick so he’s trying to push you away from him but of course you will never leave him like this.

He even tried to kick you out of there but Simon saw that absolutely wasn’t happy about it did try talking to him that even if he didn’t want your care at least be polite when refusing it and surprisingly he did listen.

Isn’t a much for complainer or whiner until he slowly gives up on being completely fine as bad as it goes for him he will be all over you and asking for love and gentle treatment because after all all he needed is a shoulder to lay on.

Will not stop you from going anywhere but will be very sad if you weren’t by his sight also misses you a lot , he take his medicines on the time as you do to him and be careful when you are not around.

Will eat literally anything from your hand at the moment because he could be a little bit picky sometimes but all he thought he was gonna be able to eat some tea and sandwiches or whatever you feed that boy like a grandmother.

When he is finally will again he forgets everything about what happened and even if someone told him and approve it with video of him cuddling you and sticking to your chest he will break the phone and not believe it.

ꪆৎ

����‧₊˚🐉✩ ₊˚🏯⊹♡(samon)

10 out of 10 was prepared of this day his whole life he isn’t the type of guy that would like to show his soft side but for you it’s a different story He was mad that he wouldn’t be able to go with you like the most of time around the building he was happy that he could be stuck to you all the time and all over you because he is just poor sick little thing.

He wasn’t like that on his job site because that would lead him to a ton of leftover paperwork and because everyone else in this building can do a better job like him or be trusted enough to do so they will rotten there for awhile.

Very respectful man that he is so quiet about him getting fever like you won’t even know until he woke up before you and you hear something from the kitchen and he was coughing so badly felt so heartbroken and the moment so just basically throw him on the bed and didn’t even hear a single word.

Also very annoying a little bit because you could cover him with 16 blankets and three socks on top of each other and you can just turn your head back to the kitchen and grab him some tea and come back he is half naked for God know why Then even if you stare deeply in his soul he will just say that he got overheated and couldn’t breathe in the same second will say that he got cold.

It’s everything literally everything you wanted to have a little snack and put it beside the table that’s close to your bed you’re gonna go back with licked plate and you can’t blame him he got hungry There is this one time when you placed a bath bomb and he thought it was sour candy so he took a giant bite out of it because he felt the needs of sourness.

basically act normally and it depends on him if he want to be clingy or not or whiny or not like you get it, but most of all he has the mind for five years old.

but because I wanna spoil you I’m gonna tell you when he is clingy and tiny, clingy is mostly stuck on your stomach or neck or chest and if you dare to walk out of that bed he will hug the soul out of your thighs .

And if he was whiny he will complain about his work and calls your name a lot or that he is sorry that he ate your food or that he is hungry.

ꪆৎ

. ݁₊ ⊹ 🥋. ݁˖ . ݁݁🪭(liang)

his reaction would likely be a mix of stubborn pride and hidden vulnerability. At first, he'd probably brush it off, insisting that it's "no big deal" and trying to stay as upbeat and energetic as usual. He'd downplay his symptoms, possibly even making jokes about how sickness can’t keep a martial artist like him down.

you will absolutely catch on that because it obvious from the way he is talking and repeating himself a lot and even he is more clumsy than ever more luckily to hit his nose every corner and fall with each steps so now you have to handle this because you cannot deny him anymore from what he is truly going through.

everything you would do for him he would respond with” oh honey it doesn’t have to do that” or “it’s not even a big deal I can take care of my own you go have your fun” what a glorious king that we have chat.

isn’t clingy isn’t whiny isn’t picky, he is so calm about it but he was genuinely touched by the fact that he was well taken care of specially by you his loved one he was appreciating it a lot.

Kind of knowing what he wants to eat or drink in the moment because he believes he knows himself better that’s a fact so he is more into green tea , meat soup or vegetable soup, and also add honey and black seeds.

In those quieter moments, he’d likely let his guard down, enjoying the extra comfort his partner provides, whether it’s with tea, a warm blanket, or just some company. He might even surprise you by admitting that having someone around to take care of him doesn’t feel so bad, giving them one of his rare, soft smiles. And after he’s better, he’d probably insist on returning the favor tenfold, ready to repay any small acts of kindness he received.

And as always thank you for reading and requesting

+

if you are sick try take care of yourself if you could take a shower take it and drink warm tea and I would recommend a warm water isn’t like a boiled way it could be on the temperature of the room and just squeeze some lemon and drink before you go to bed that would really help your throat in the morning also honey and black seeds are a real trick too that’s the end stay careful warm loved and have a blessed night XOXO.💗💗💗

[metamatar]

ok so i am very much uninformed on politics, i decided at a younger age that i wasn't interested in it and therefore would not read or keep myself particularly informed about it. obviously this is a bad idea, and i want to change and keep myself informed on actual politics and well, abstract[?] (wrong word but cannot think of another, basically mean like. knowing which political .. stance ?? [idk. like marxist or communist or whatever] i might be.) ones as well. what's a good place to get started here? where do i look for actual politics going on in india since i'm pretty sure ndtv or whatever isn't exactly the best source? or maybe it is? idk, like i said i'm pretty uninformed on the matter but would like to learn more

so one thing is, in india you have to accept the media landscape is just dire because being a journalist with integrity is a bit like signing up to have your life ruined. all major media has been bought by hindutva already. what you have to do is more learn to read between lines, understand people's motivations, which is a matter of practice. a good way to start is to read analysis (not news reports) of the same incident in different media and you'll start noticing patterns. even more important imo is to talk and bounce ideas with a friend at a similar place as you or someone interested in politics who won't overwhelm you with their perspective. you can try online but idt its safe or advisable anymore to do that experiment online. i had debate club in university (sad) and some socialist reading groups (better) after. the thing is this journey to self education is kind of personal and im also not pedagogically oriented or trained? so lots of first person description instead of prescriptions.

i still check what's up on ndtv because it gives me a good pulse of what english language media and liberals are thinking. major newspapers i scan hindu and the indian express sometimes. online i have a look at newslaundry (also has some youtube content) and the wire, they're reader supported and haven't turned full hindutva yet. i read longer form things in the caravan and epw, but these are subscription based. i keep tabs on the latest round of hindutva fake news when alt news debunks it.

for the abstract things, i literally did an online course bc i was frustrated by what all the liberal arts grads seemed to already agree on. i did ian shapiro's moral foundations of politics which is available online as both youtube lectures and a textbook. if you want to go that route feel free but it's not necessary, you can also try to read the entries on wikipedia or stanford encyclopedia of philosophy (more expertise) when you encounter something unfamiliar and build up like that. podcasts like bbc in our time will often interview academics to give intros to many political philosophy concepts and thinkers. whatever your learning style supports! i think the important thing is to find something you are actually interested in, and take that tack. i like history, so i might read books about historical revolutions or historical forms of organising society or listen to podcasts like mike duncan's revolutions.

For communism the usual starting points are these very short pamphlets:

Principles of Communism by Engels

The Manifesto of the Communist Party by Marx

Wage-Labor and Capital by Marx

Socialism: Utopian and Scientific by Engels

feel free to ask for more specific questions!

[suosage]

it just fits so well that the 'quarrel' after night snow is one-sided lol idk i think it fits sae that he probably thought of night snow and all the things before that as like. shrugs. 'things happened.'

it's just all too normal yk. the little brother admired the older, the older protected the younger; the older leaving home first and they faced the world alone while the younger stayed back and saw only the house without the older. the older came back different and the younger only different in a way where time was the culprit while the older a victim of something much more real, something something?

going to spain and living in a competitive environment alone gave him a sense of stoicism unmatched i cant help but giggle a little im sorry.. to me, sae saw night snow as a mere hiccup in their brotherhood. i do think he was hurt, he was angry; he told rin that he'd always be on his side but that night rin declared he wasn't on his, like blaming sae for it even, even if he didn't mean to but it's also like. i think sae realized that this too partly happened because of him, and that. rin didn't mean it. need to have a footnote for this part i feel like.

anyways i just think sae has the capacity to acknowledge all of this and then move on. first off it's not a big deal, secondly it's too much of a common story to make such a fuss of (i think he also has the capacity to compartmentalize his problems n not deal with it), and thirdly i think he sees this as an opportunity for rin to grow up. he does love rin after all. maybe becoming the main target for all rin's rage is his way to love him this time

footnote bc augh night snow sae was. A Lot

i love rin's kaijuu backstory chapters it shed a new light on itoshi bros' relationship and how night snow was so precise in hurting sae lol. obviously we don't know yet what sae was thinking, but i think he went home with certain expectations; him taking early flight and visiting kamakura youth to tell rin about all that felt like it. and rin turned all of those expectations upside down.

both sae and rin took their siblinghood for granted, and it is how night snow hurt them. sae, probably, being the one that proposed he would always be on rin's side, thought rin would take his new convictions well and they'd continue on with their life. <- he didn't think he'd let rin down in the sense that oooohh our dream is overrrr what do we do now, only probably a little bit in a sense that he's not as cool as rin had thought of him anymore, but whatever, right? sae even said that rin could still become the no. 1 striker. it's no big deal. but rin thought it was!

after all, it was sae himself who told rin that anything besides being a striker was pointless. then sae found out rin had 'become' him in order to support his team. that's another punch in the face: how could he let his true self gone like that and still expect the world to recognize him? using sae as his mold at that, as if sae hadn't just been beaten up by the world!

and then rin said there's no point in playing anymore. he could just say his failure was all sae's fault really they're the same thing

so i think he was angry, understandably so, but anyways i just wanted to say that i think despite sae's words sounding like he wanted rin to disappear from his life, and despite those actually expressing his inner turmoil, it was also in some twisted way reflected his brotherly sort of role that was shown in kaijuu chapters. he wanted rin to grow up.

and that kaneshiro said that only rin thought that they're still having a quarrel is just so funny to me... it's true. i think sae revising his dream showed that he had the ability to accept reality and then move on with what he realistically had, he also said that he 'only lives in the present' in the bible. i believe he would recognize that rin only lashed out like that because sae had been coddling him so much before he went abroad and that rin was partly correct that this was all because of him, and that was the reason why he was hurt the night before, and then just. move on. like what can he do about it.

after night snow and some pondering, in my head he'd find rin lowkey ridiculous for lashing out like that because it's like. it was only sae who had lost, why did rin suddenly give up like that. that's ridiculous. it may be good that he'd left rin to ponder over this problem and find what he truly wanted by himself but also like lol. he's probably wishing rin would get over it quickly bc else it's just gonna be embarrassing for him

[i-heart-hxh]

hai i was wondering if u have an analysis on what happened between greed island arc and chimera ant arc. so basically greed island arc was all abt killua and gon and them reaffirming their friendship and making their bond stronger. they were also (especially gon) being affectionate with eachother. we saw their friendship grow even more during that arc. so then why did togashi just junked that growth with chimera ant arc? like right after their beautiful friendship growth, chimera ant arc comes in and completely ruins it. killua started having doubts, uncertainties, and questions abt his friendship with gon and his worth next to him. and then gon being closed off and not being open with killua anymore, rejecting his help even tho he always accepted it especially during greed island arc, and lost his affectionate personality against killua. tho im not rlly smart on these so i decided to ask if u have an analysis on this (^^; also, im not hating on togashi, ik he has his reasons and his way of writing. im just confused if theres a hidden meaning behind that sudden clash between gon and killua.

Hello!

There are a few different aspects of this I'd like to discuss, I hope they'll help clarify for you why Gon and Killua's friendship took the turn it did!

So, first off, I strongly believe Togashi had Chimera Ant Arc (or something similar to it) in mind when he began the series and established the characters. If you go through the series again after having experienced CAA, there is a ton of build up and foreshadowing of what happened--from Gon's issues with guilt and self-esteem and feeling he has to prove himself by being strong, to different characters' reactions to his unusual ways of viewing the world/moral compass and even wondering if he's a "monster."

There are a few different points at which Gon and Killua's relationship is hinted to be heading in an unhealthy direction. When Gon tells Killua in Yorknew that it's okay if he (Gon) dies, but it's not okay if Killua dies, and that Killua needs to act as a brake for him. The dodgeball match shows Gon and Killua's trust in each other, but also reveals a darker side to their relationship wherein Killua self-sacrifices for Gon while Gon forges ahead, even knowing Killua is being hurt. (This scene is complex and certainly not entirely negative, but it definitely raises some red flags.)

Gon ignoring the plan they had and getting his arm blown off in Greed Island in order to be more personally satisfied with his fight against Genthru is another clear indication that something is not right with Gon. And in general with Killua, we see him struggling throughout the series with expressing to Gon how he actually feels, which ends up contributing to what happens between them.

Togashi was building up these fault lines between them throughout the series, knowing that eventually they'd be thrown into a situation where they'd be in above their heads and things would blow up between them. So, rather than thinking of it as, "Togashi built up this beautiful relationship and then ruined it," it's more like, "Togashi built up this beautiful relationship with full awareness that things were eventually going to get painful and complicated between them."

Hunter x Hunter exists in contrast with most other shounen series. If you watch much shounen you get to know the tropes and expectations--some of which include the power of friendship being able to overcome all obstacles, teens being participants in violent wars/battles without much long-lasting effect on their mental health, and sudden power ups to beat the odds in the middle of battles. Chimera Ant Arc takes all those expectations viewers have about a shounen series (and far more) and intentionally twists them--Gon majorly spirals when someone he admired dies and he's not emotionally prepared to cope with the grief and guilt surrounding this; when Gon has his huge power up to defeat an enemy he normally wouldn't be able to it's horrifying, brutal, and comes at a terrible cost; and Killua is unable to step in and save the day before major damage is done, no matter how strong their friendship is.

By twisting the readers' expectations, Togashi adds a lot of emotional weight and depth to the series that it wouldn't have otherwise. This includes the difficult turn that Gon and Killua's relationship goes in, which reminds us that the two of them are just kids in the midst of something terrible and traumatic, that both have come into their friendship with their own issues from their upbringings, and it makes the series far more emotionally realistic and hard-hitting than it would have been otherwise. It's also a logical growth for their relationship, based off some of the concerning hints we've seen earlier.

As for why exactly their relationship became complicated, the short version is that Gon struggles to cope with the grief of losing Kite, and pushes Killua away out of a feeling of needing to "take care of it himself," particularly because he feels incredibly guilty for what happened to Kite and thinks it happened because of his own weakness. He doesn't want to involve Killua out of a sense of it being his own problem and, in a way, to protect Killua, because Gon won't hesitate to throw his life away to assuage his own guilt.

Meanwhile, Killua also has his own guilt over what happened to Kite (remember, he was the one who decided to flee from Pitou and take Gon with him) and how that ends up affecting Gon. I think he understands that Kite is likely dead all along, but he can't bring himself to express this to Gon out of fear of how Gon would react and the ways this might affect their friendship. Killua ends up deeply impacted by Gon wanting to do this fight alone, and also by Gon's "relationship" with Palm, which both make him wonder if Gon sees him in the same way he sees Gon. Instead of talking with Gon about the possibility Kite is too far gone to save, and clarifying how Gon feels about him, Killua quietly decides he might die alongside Gon, worst case scenario, and that he needs to leave Gon ultimately in order to protect him.

I've said it before, but I do have a lot of hope that Gon and Killua will reunite, reconcile, and heal their friendship in time. I believe Togashi intends to give them a chance to reflect and heal over what happened while he goes back into Kurapika's story (plus the other billion characters in the current arc), and Gon and Killua will be brought back into the series when it's their time to shine again.

I hope this helps you understand a bit better why things ended up the way they did. Feel free to let me know if you're still uncertain about anything!

[yellowocaballero]

kinda obsessed with yuri and claude in rosetta headstone,,, like theyre just the stupidest smart people, and only now are they finally communicating with each other. like the way khalid has grown up throughout the fic, and yuris complicated issues with trust and intimacy. idk, don't mind me, im just gonna go sit in a corner while rotating them and this whole story in my brain.

Thank you!!! I'm love them also. Honestly, Yuri was the only character who I put in real effort to try and keep in-character. Which was tough as hell - I feel like I only actually landed on his character a few stories after I wrote this one.

Yuri is so good. Your early interactions with him are nothing but him repeatedly trying to convince you how terrible he is. He's a lot of bluster and obfuscation and kinda tsundere but he can be painfully sincere too. Yuri grows close to Khalid because he's one of the few people he does trust - because Yuri and Khalid are the same guy and Yuri will always trust a self-centered asshole, aka Yuri trusts what he understands. But then Khalid grows too close, and Khalid's growth as a person means that he turns into somebody Yuri doesn't understand anymore, and Yuri realizes way too late that he's let Khalid into his heart, and then he panics and starts pushing him away. I think Yuri would have just propositioned him like five months ago and tried to win his affections that way if Byleth (Dimitri vibed out Khalid's aceness for her) hadn't mildly suggested that Yuri try the long way and actually getting closer emotionally with him. ("Try flowers." "How did I know you'd say that.").

I think main characters have to change throughout a story, even if it's just in self-acceptance or a change of understanding. I think a story where the most important person is a teacher should involve a drastic change in their students, and everybody should take away a different lesson. Byleth's influence on Yuri was through allowing him to be a student too: Yuri, like Khalid, understands the world through a give-and-take framework, and he struggles repeatedly to accept Byleth's generosity and care given with nothing expected in return. Yuri's growth as a character comes to a point where he expresses what he wants honestly with Khalid, allows himself to be a young person, and accepts the care that Khalid has learned to supply. Khalid believes that all people are selfish and self-centered, so he has no obligation to try and be a good person. Byleth shows him that we have a responsibility to ourselves and to others, that there are good people in the world who care about him very much, and that the least we can do is return that care.

I've said like ten times that the story is about communication, and despite how Yuri and Khalid are literally the same guy (or because of it), it takes the entire story to get to a confession scene. Yuri pulls the most teen boy bullshit and teases him and flirts with him in a way that he KNOWS Khalid isn't going to really understand, and as a result the Khalid who actually does really like him just assumes that it's not reciprocated, so he doesn't say anything. So juvenile.

In the end, you have to trust someone enough to let them turn you down. You have to trust yourself enough to say what you feel. It's not so bad to be young and do stupid young person things. If you need something said, ask somebody to say it. I should finish that follow-up story with them but it was literally going nowhere jaksldf thanks for the ask!

[cuddl3s4shur1]

Premiere

Letitia Wright x Interviewer Black Fem

Summary:You were going Interview Letitia about a new movie she started in. While you interviewd her you felt tension and her gaze following your body .

Authors Note:Most likely I was a lazy person like i normally am and did not re read this.this been in my drafts for like a month

Taglist: @tuesdaylovesu(wifey fr) @2k7-sparkles @atssukoo @womenlxver @niaalove @letitias-fav @adeola-the-explorer @yvxmpire @shuriislut @shuri-my-love @xxmilli @yvxmpire @writesbyriri @locoforshuri @lunax0654 @womenlxver @malltake12 @secretgyals @randomhoex @saintwrld @ziayamikaelson

:)

Backstory

You where a well known interviewer. 2 weeks ago you heard that Letitia started in a movie and it had a premiere . You asked and got permission from your boss to go. Tonight was that night to meet Letitia.

Present

You where ready for your limo to get here you couldn’t wait out side in the cold anymore . You had a long slit down your thigh and no sleeves and.Youu had a black short furry coat on top but it wasn’t doing anything.

(Outfit idea ,imagine whatever)

“Can they hurry up damn it’s cold out here “ you say getting anxious. You start to call to call your boss.

“Are they coming “ you say heavy in to the phone

“They should pull up anytime soon” you boss says being unfazed

“You need to tell them to hurry this coat isn’t helping” you say annoyed.

“Alright ill get them to handle it” you boss says as she hangs up the phone .

You started to rub your legs together while you were standing .It was a little warmth for your body but you still where still shivering. “Can they hurry sometimes being a bad bitch can have its down sides” you say mumbling to your self .

The limo hunks it’s horn “Took it long enough got me shivering my ass off” you mumble as you get in the limo

You check your phone to see the time."I'm finna be late than a bitch" you mumble. "Driver we need to be there in 15 minutes you think we gon make it” you ask the limo driver “Yeah sit back in finna wip this hoe” you laugh and sit back . The limo driver started flying through traffic I mean he understood the assignment.

You made it the movie premiere at the exact time .You get out the limo and you walk to driver side .”Here’s a tip for getting me here in time “ you had him 100 dollars from your purse . “Thank you I’ll see you after the premiere “ he says accepting the money. You leave the limo and make your way to the red carpet.

You pose for some pictures and you get ready to interview with cast .You make your way around the cast .”Is it ok if I interview you guys together and one by one “ You ask as your standing looking at the group of cast standing . “Yeah that’s fine “ a voice says softly. “Who would like to go first“ you ask questioning them. “I'll go “ tish says. She was wearing a black suit that fitted her body perfectly. She had her grills on and took her glasses off.

“I'm guessing it was like some memo of like the color black and something but you know Im kinda on memo “ you say laughing at the

“How was it like filming February 14th,” you ask wondering. “It was an experience and I believe that many people will enjoy the love story between the two characters,” she says expressing a smile. “Will work with this cast again?” you ask her. “Oh definitely they're funny and you know their kind, “ Tish says doing a slight laugh. “Thats good to hear “ you respond you start thinking of more questions.”What was your favorite song on the soundtrack recently you have been posting about it a lot “ you say you where pretty nervous talking to her but you kept your cool. “It would have to be Ex Kiana Ledé Even though it was made before the movie it just makes sense for the movie “ she responded that was also your favorite song. “Well I guess that's a wrap because the other questions I feel like are kinda iffy “ you explain to tish hoping she would understand. “You can ask the questions it's not bad “ she explains. “Whatever you say, do you believe the kiss was a real feeling or not” you ask mumbling at the last part. “Huh” she asks confused about what you just asked. “During the kiss scene do you believe it was a real feeling, “ you ask this time asking it right. “ no not really it just felt pretty friendly “ she explains. “Alright thanks for having you Tish “ . You say going to get the next cast member.

As you begin to interview the next cast member coco jones you feel tish looking over your shoulder . “As you guys can see we have Tish behind me and it's scary” you say chuckling. “Dont be scared baby girl “

Your heart started pounding you start being able to think about 1 thing and 1 thing only. Did she just call me baby girl? Yes she did and now you're having a nervous breakdown but you still have to finish the interview. “Bro your such a flirt leave y/n alone got her panicking, “ Coco Jones says as she laughs. “Um the next question was how was it like working with Ms. Tish back here “ you ask staying focused a little .” It was good you know we had funny moments” she explains. “Mmm ,This is off topic but coco you absolutely slayed the outfit . She had a black shimmery dress . In the middle it was a circle connecting the top and bottom. She had her back out and wore clothes that matched .

“I could say the same for you look beautiful like you have been taking people’s breath away looking that good “ she says complimenting you . “I agree on that statement my breath had been taking away when you simply smile” tish explains to you. “Your pretty flirty today “ you say looking back at her with a chuckle. “For you baby “ she says with a smirk “ Oh well thank you ?” You say confused on how you should respond .”Im going to leave you two love birds alone,my ship is starting to sail” she says chuckling

If someone from the future would have told you that Letitia Wright would be flirting with you, you would not believe them at all. You begin to hum trying to avoid talking to tish because you could fuck up. “Pretty flirtatious Ms.Ma,am” you say chuckling. “You know you looking good so I had to shoot my shot “ she says doing a smirk showing a little bit of her grills . “I mean you did pretty well” you say smiling . “You could say I’m a natural” she says grabbing your hand. “Oh are you “ you ask acting surprised. “Well can I take you out sometime “ she says as she starts massaging your hand . “I mean if you could keep up with me being a interview than we’ll see “ you say .

Each time you would get in a relationship with a regular person or celebrity it would always have a down fall because of your job. You hated how your job would do this to relationships but you still wanted to do your job.

“A little job isn’t going to stop me “ she says . “I can see that “ you say with a smile. “Well I’ll see you around I’ll probably see you before I’ll leave “ you say as you slowly leave . She lets your hand go and you continue your night .

For the rest of the night you talked with celebrities you knew made new friends and really interviewed the cast. All until it was time to go back home .

“Well tish I wanted to say hi before I go “ You say walking up to her . “Woah woah i can take you home “ she says as she gets panicked . “No it’s good I got a ride” you say letting her know. “Well can I come with “ she asks . “I mean sure I don’t think it’s wrong “ you say as you walk her to the limo .

You and tish rode the limo back to your place and you welcomed her. “Well this is my home and make yourself at home,” you say smiling. “ Nice place you got here, “ she says as she walks around. “Thank you “ Letitia Sits on the couch .” where are you going to sleep-” you ask before you got cut off “With you” you look at her with a side-eye. “Umm sure I guess “ you gave her some pjs “ Yeah I'm not going to fit this your tiny,” she says as she laughs. “Bro you're just tall” you say laughing. “Well what are you going to sleep in” you ask her confused. “I mean I have some oversized fluffy pj pants “

You give her your oversized pls and you look in your drawer to get the same pjs. “Come on let's take a picture “

You didn't post the picture but you took the pic but you thought it was a fun memory.

You and tish cuddled for The night in your matching pjs. While this went to sleep on your shoulder. But than you decided to post the picture.

Png. Y/n

Posted

New Memory ❤️

After you posted the picture you went to sleep. You didn't know how the post would go but you thought it was a fun one.

[caughtinafictoromance]

So thinking of backing off my Data im role playing having an emotion chip at this point. So much character comes from their time without it.

Of course I like the idea of Data “really” loving me back, but I also love the whole story of us finding the romance in their analogs, them finding a partner who accepts them before the emotion chip (they do express that they want that in the show at one point and it kills me they never really find anyone more than someone who’ll peck them on the cheek and get upset when they demonstrate that no, they do not suddenly have feelings like a typical humanoid, just like they told you they wouldn’t)

the main reason I was skipping to them having emotions is as because I like rp-ing with a system based on a modded sims 4 game, and the sims 4 relies heavily on emotions.

But!! I had a thought!

At some point when I was watching the show, I learned/heard somewhere that “emotions” and “feelings” are actually separate! Like an emotion is an instinctual response, and a feeling is the thing you feel after interpreting it, something like that. It seemed to me like from that perspective, Data without their emotion chip, does have emotions in this sense, but not feelings. He often reacts to things as if he has emotions, but he lacks the feelings.

It’s hard to explain how this looked in canon (later seasons, anyway. Early seasons they were just a bit understated, and I still believe that’s because the writers hadn’t decided Data was incapable of emotions yet). Maybe it’s just poor writing- or maybe it’s the difficulty of trying to write a character with any desire for Good who can’t literally desire. But for me, it worked in my love for the character, and it really worked once I established this emotions/feelings dichotomy (though I moved past being overly literal referring to this dichotomy at all times).

For example- Data could not be angry, sad, embarrassed. When kidnapped by Kivas Fajo, it would initially seem like they aren’t on any level- they’re calm and much more polite with Kivas than most would be. though they object to their capture and try to find ways to resist Fajos control and get away, it’s always in a matter of fact “this is not my place, I will not consent to this” way, not a “how dare he” way, no matter how much Fajo dehumanizes and insults them.

That is, we think that until the end of the episode. Data is on the edge of escaping. The only thing in the way is their programming, which gives them a “fundamental respect for all life” meaning they can’t kill unless it’s active self defense. So even though Kivas has been holding and torturing them, killing people around them to control them, etcetera, Data can’t fire a weapon to get away. Stunning him won’t give them enough time.

Kivas starts to taunt Data for being unable to grieve the friend he’s made on the ship that Kivas just killed. Taunts Data for not being able to feel angry or upset or to really want revenge. He contemplates how this must be “just another of life’s puzzles for Data”

Data is standing there holding the weapon and twitching a little the whole time, but otherwise appears calm and normal. Finally, Kivas comes to the conclusion Data has no choice but to go sit among his possessions. Data does not visibly become animated in any way, but they give a chilling “I cannot let this continue” and break their programming on the spot to press the trigger. That’s not even about escape anymore- you can tell Data wanted to murder that man.

More examples-

Data seems to be hurt when he realizes that one of the things Lore has told them is a lie, despite how constantly he lied. Data literally pauses the conversation to shoot Lore a look and say “…Another lie.”

Data smiles after an emotional moment with his mother

Data works with an incredible fervor to save their daughter from death, but (seems) unaffected after her death

Basically, the core chemical process is still there. (Well, maybe not in exactly the same way since Data is made differently, but you get the jist.)

How could I adapt this to my sims 4 rp system?

Well, I look at like, how sims emotions work. Sims have an array of moodlets and whatever has the most points becomes the dominant emotion. If Happy is not the dominant emotion, or the top positive emotion, it boosts positive emotions. Mods I like to use have Uncomfortable work the same way for negative emotions. There are tasks you can do to make moodlets run out faster, but only if that emotion is the dominant emotion- you can punch a punching bag to relieve anger, but only if the Sim is angry. There is a mod that has some other effects for “using up” some emotions not included in the game. Also- there’s an emotional inertia mod- I follow the classic roburkey modifiers for this one. this makes it so that once a Sim has an emotion, they stay in it longer, and it’s more resistant to change. Also, moodlets generated by Emotional Traits have varying intensity (1-3, randomly).

Basically most of this works differently for Data.

No emotional traits without the chip, for one.

Since they never feel their moodlets, they last much longer.

They have to have the moodlets to be Very something before it starts to affect the way they act- it wouldn’t affect their expressions, but their behavior. Like a sim who is Sad might have the Gloomy walk cycle and occasionally cry- Data will stay calm, like they’re fine, but like a Sad sim, they’ll be less interested in their interests and more likely to disengage from conversations and hobbies.

a few sims 4 emotions work without the chip, mainly because I don’t consider some of them really “emotions” in the sense I think they’d be affected by the chip. Focused and Energized, for big examples. Tense, even. Still no inertia for these, though- i feel like inertia is an emotional phenomenon.

Since Sims emotions strongly affect when they get new traits, likes, dislikes, and sentiments, I think they’ll have mainly their 4 traits (in the absence of traumatic events, which might change a trait) and that be it till we activate the chip. They’ll still have the relationship bars for Friendship and Romance, but Romance Satisfaction won’t have much of a function until they can get likes and dislikes for Romance Styles and other turn ons and turn offs.