#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything

[pilotstreets]

god. not to be sad online. but im sad online

[vamptastic]

now that i know abt my blood sugar problems i'm thinking back to times as a kid (post-puberty cos it's from the pcos) and it's like ohh this may have been a problem for years. i used to throw up every time i drank an artificial cherry flavored drink and thinking back it wasn't actually every time and i'm guessing it may have been just that i rarely drank or ate things high in sugar so the few cherry-related incidents were hypoglycemia that i formed a false correlation around. i also get sick every time i take a plane ride, like almost immediately upon arriving at my destination or towards the end of the flight, and i think while some of it has just been genuinely being ill from my ass immune system it definitely could also be hypoglycemia from not sleeping or eating enough in advance of or when traveling. i also got into the habit of drinking something with ginger when nauseous which is usually ginger ale bc it's easier than brewing tes and while ginger does just generally help for nausea those bouts of random nausea could definitely be blood sugar and the soda would obviously help with that.

idk it's tough bc i only got tested for this once when i was 13, and they were mostly looking for thyroid problems and only incidentally tested for diabetes/insulin resistance markers, until my shit started getting bad around 17 and i finally got thorough testing. i also wonder if it was worse a year or so before the testing because i went on birth control the year before and with the PCOS being the main cause that could've helped with my blood sugar levels. i don't have enough data and what i do have i don't really know what it means other than that i probably will get diabetes if i don't actively try not to.

just looking back i started getting random spells of dizziness and nausea and hot flashes around age 11 with it progressively getting worse till i started dealing with it around 16 and i wonder if a lot of that illness wasn't from the underlying issue ive had the whole time. some of it was definitely hormones but i think i may have basically just been attributing it all to anything But hypoglycemia because the thought that i could have something as serious as diabetes wasn't even on my radar and i wasn't tracking anything in relation to when i was eating.

like diabetes is a slow process of the pancreas failing, right? i'm oversimplifying but like over time your body stops responding to and/or producing insulin properly. and mine already doesn't respond to insulin properly but just not to an extent where my body is fully incapable of producing and using insulin without external insulin pills/injections. and idk where that puts me in terms of am i or am i not diabetic and should i be dieting like a diabetic person and trying to manage my blood sugar like one or will that just make it worse.

[prettyboykatsuki]

best friend yuuji? you’ve just rang the dinner bell

i was just thinking like.

im adding this after writing but this is soooo fucking long lmao im sorry.

tags for fem!reader (reader is referred to as a girl many times, no explicit mention of anatomy), best friends to lovers, 18+ etc

okay. i feel like you and yuuji meet in a stereotypical way

yuuji is your best friend. you met when you guys were sat next to each other in school (classic case of quiet kid and loud kid) but yuuji is uber friendly so he naturally made friends with you. you guys always clicked. in a weird way. no one else could ever fully grasp it

but you just get each other. you have similar mindsets and find each other comfortable. so you grow up and into each other - and become best friends after a long while. he comes over a lot to yap while you study and while it looks one-sided - you often take care of and look after yuuji and make sure he's not carrying too much at once.

anyway . you have a really good relationship. you're not glued at the hip but it's like, you stick together so much people often ask where the other is when one of you is missing. you get older to around middle school and puberty starts to really . hit you know.

a lot of girls confess to yuuji in that time. it's normal. sure he's rowdy and loud but he's the kind of good guy you notice when you really talk to him. fundamentally good, and not crude and shallow like other boys your age. popular but not obviously. it's the first time in your relationship you are self conscious about being his best friend and just happening to be a girl

there's rumors and stuff. you and him never talk about it until some stuff happen (like yuuji seeing it cause problems) and then you talk. the gist of it is basically that - you're yuujis best friend in the world and nothing could change that. it doesn't matter who you are. he's just trying to show you he cares

and you realize right then you are in love with him.

years go by. you get a little older. you go through highschool much like middle school - with no boyfriend. yuuji dates infrequently but usually gets broken up with. this pattern repeats into college.

(what you don't know, because yuuji never bothered to ask - is that the girls he used to date broke up with him simply because he wouldn't shut up about you. everything he should've done with a girlfriend he did with you already. he even keeps pictures)

when you get into college and grow into adulthood, you and yuuji are still extremely close. you chose to stay home and so did he - so not much is very different. except now you're meeting all sorts of new people and having new relationships form.

you don't know how exactly it comes up. you're studying for an upcoming midterm, yuuji is talking about how he got turned out by the cute girl that he works with and he pauses and asks.

"you know, i know you study hard but you should have fun too," he says this laying in your bed like he owns it, turning his head to look at you where you're bent over your desk. "haven't you thought about getting a boyfriend now that you're in college?"

you are good at brushing this off. you've been doing it for years. you do not tell yuuji that you don't date guys even after you get asked out because you're in love. you just shrug and tell him straight.

"i already told you. im not going to think about dating until i'm finished with school and i've held my career for two years."

"but aren't you bored?" yuuji asks, sincere. he doesn't press you but he is being nosy. "i don't play around that much either but i don't know. a little is healthy. and you've always working hard. playing around with handsome guys might be fun."

"not gonna change my mind."

"don't you get i dunno," he lays on his back. "sexually frustrated, though?"

you pause. you flinch. you've never talked about this before.

you clear your throat a little. "don't be inappropriate. and i do the job myself just fine."

"i guess girls don't have to worry about losing their virginity as much as guys but,"

you try to move on as swiftly as you can from talking about this in relation to yourself. "you make it sound like you slut around, yuu-chan."

he laughs a little behind you. "well no but you know. it's nice laying with another person. only if we're together though."

"yeah, sure. good for you. stop pestering me about it then and go get a girlfriend."

"so mean," he replies, laying back on his stomach. "but do you really not care at all about losing it?"

you frown, swallowing the words explaining that you do care but not just anyone will do. you give him a half truth. a lie of omission.

"it's not that i don't care but it has to be with someone i trust a lot. i don't know any guys like that, so,"

"ehh?? what about me?"

you freeze. you're sure you're mishearing it. "what about you?"

"well... you trust me right? so i could help you with it until you do find a boyfriend,"

you turn around. surely not. surely you misheard. surely he did not tell you to have sex with him so casually. you turn around to verify he's fucking with you.

only to find the most blatant sincerity you've ever seen. he's never been entirely stupid but well. he has his moments.

"do you even know what you're saying? you have to get it up for me to do that."

"well sure. but im reliable and trusrtworthy. and maybe it'll relax you a bit."

you think at that point you're definitely losing your shit but no. unfortunately your guy is dead serious. and you know, yuuji is an idiot but he's not enough of an idiot to not know it's unconventional - but in the moment, in the second he asks, his reasoning is for good. he gets a weird little feeling thinking about you losing it to someone you don't trust you know?

you obviously debate with him on this. you refute him, even - telling him that there's no way he thinks that's a good idea. and you go back and forth and you stop him at some point. to just be like

"do you even think you could kiss me?"

and yuuji just stands to his feet, leans over your desk, and kisses you.

and well. after that, it's kind of like you can't keep your hands off of each other.

it's clumsy your first time. you have no experience. but yuuji is your best friend, and he's himself - so he's patient and gentle and sooo very helpful. he teaches you to kiss and breathe through your nose and open your mouth and all sorts of other things. he's big so it's kind of hard to put it in but he takes is time. the sex feels really, really good and is intimate - almost naturally because that's your very best friend in the entire universe.

and so like. you guys have sex. you dont really plan it or anything but somehow when you get alone - it just gets so, so tense and neither of you can seem to cool down.

and how could you, you know? you've always wanted to fuck yuuji and maybe, seemingly, he wants it too. he gets so red when you bend down on your knees and try to blow him and it makes you so confident. you just... start fucking all the time. and you guys have been so close that no one cares if you two are alone together or not.

and so like. you begin this intensely sexual relationship and miraculously unchanged relationship. like you hang out as normal. and you fuck alot. and it's amibigous and vague.

you're kind of torn up about it, but yuuji is the kind of guy to not hook up with more than one person - so it's not hard to delude yourself into dating. he's already sweet and cuddly and thoughtful. and you know, you've always been so, so strict with yourself. you're really on top of your shit you know? so you reason with yourself, fine. ill just do this and see what happens. it's not like you.

(but it's hard to be strict with yourself when he makes you cum six times you know.)

so weirdly, in a weird way - you're kind of fine. you're a bit numb, a bit adjusted to it.

BUT YUUJI? OH YUUJI IS GOING THROUGH IT.

look. i mean what i said about yuuji being sincere and dense about this whole thing. he really does just want to help you and he doesn't think anything of it. sure sex is for someone you love, but yuuji does love you so it's fine to him.

the problem? the problem is you go from looking like a vague, amorphous and wonderful friend whose appearance he rarely thinks of (outside of beautiful, because of course you are - you're his best friend)

and instead become the most insanely fuckable person he has ever laid his eyes on and it is . ruining his life.

again. it's not as if yuuji ever thought you were unattractive. beauty is bigger than appearance to him, always has been - and you've always been the most beautiful girl in every room because you had a lovely character to you. he adores you. as a friend.

he never.... saw you in any other way. not even when other people kept assuming he did. you're a girl so he knew people would try to box you into that with him regardless but it was never like that. or at least, in his head it was never like that.

sure, whenever he dates someone - he is subconsciously compares them to you and sure, no matter what the person he has the most fun with is you but that's normal right? best friends is a big deal after all

you have sex for the first time and it's like. all of a sudden he's seeing all these aspects of you completely different. it's such a dramatic shift for him. like.

but it's not.... just your body really. of course not. he's not just lusting after ou but there's just something different about how you look in his eyes. something about how you readjust your sweater, how you wipe the corners of your mouth. something about the way you look at his place with shorts and a comfortable shirt just barely riding up your stomach and matching fuzzy socks (that are kinda matted from being worn)

all of this is just so, so fucking sexy now. he gets the weirdest fluttery feeling and just . can't help but be on you. you don't even know what you do to him either, and how could you? but god it destroys him. really ruins him to see you all doe eyed. know how you feel when you cling onto his biceps.

for the longest time - he can barely figure out whats doing it to him.

and then like. one day you're finished having sex and you're both so tired you fall asleep. and you're at his place - naked in his bed. he wakes up in the middle of the night. he moves the covers you know, to get up and get a towel - wipe you down.

and then you sort of hold onto him. still asleep. you let out a very soft whiny nooo, and he just. finds it so cute. so without thinking, he leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead and tells you to keep sleeping which you comply with bc ur not awake anyway.

and then when he sits up again he's like. oh. shit shit shit. shit.

that's when it hits him that he's in love with you which is. troubling to say the least. not only because he feels guilty for ruining your friendship but also because he knows himself well enough to know there's no way he could hold himself back.

but he thinks about and... does he have too? he knows it won't be right away but you do this with him too. so maybe, just maybe, there's a chance right?

for what its worth, i do think you two end up together with a minimal amount of angst. but the amount of heavy ass pining...the months it goes on of you two getting insanely, unbearably intimate and then not talking about it. and like. yuuji tests the waters with you. kisses you before he leaves, and does all sorts of stuff but you always go with it. you both cover it up but eventually it all spills and i think that's mostly cause yuuji is so open ......

anyways.... best friend yuuji.... he is on my mind....

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

@miss-scarletletter Like. Just the concept of an MC that's slightly older. Comte in the background blending in as usual, noticing but thinking "ah, well, maybe she'll find somebody she likes here." And then he notices eyes on him from time to time, only to see her hide behind her hair the second he looks over. The first few times he's like ????? Maybe I was mistaken.

But then it keeps happening. Snatches of burning curiosity and intent, easily concealed the next moment with a smile directed at whoever she's chosen for the day. Until he's like . oh. OH--IT'S MY TIME

His lowkey giddiness???? Inviting her to his office, ever discreet but intensity humming beneath the skin. Trying to seem mature but so clearly delighted to be the subject of her attraction. Saying that he's simply "coming out of retirement," but then that side eye when he says he can't bear to see her looking forlorn--the implication that he certainly wants more than one night, so long as she does too. The way she tries to submerge her real feelings until she can't find them (whether because they're forbidden or she's just repressed), only for Comte to parse and unearth them with such eager reciprocation.

AUHGHGHGHGHHGHGHH KILLING ME SOFTLY--

I hope MC knows how iconic she is in this event for being like "No I want him to be a little bit fucked up actually" in Comte's story because GIRL SAME. S A M E

[kaceythecrunch]

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

[jasperstorage]

my love ❤︎︎ .

genya x f!reader hellooo! this is pt 2. So, if you haven't seen pt 1 go check it out now!

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Genya was sitting at the dinner table with his brother, he was still stuck on what you said. Did you really want to go on a date with him? so many things were going through his mind at once that he didn't hear his brother shouting at him to get his attention.

"Are you going to eat or what?!" Genya then quickly looked up from the plate of food to his brother. Sanemi looked pissed off, "sorry nemi. I zoned out."

"Tch, whatever. Just hurry and eat so I can start washing the dishes." Genya nodded his head; he watched his older brother throw his dish in the sink and walk upstairs to his room. Then there he was, all alone.

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The next day, genya checked his phone once he had gotten out the shower. There he saw, was a text from you! It read, "Hey genya! so, about the picnic date, I'll come around to your house around 4, okay? we can walk to the park together."

Genya realized he had forgotten all about the date, he then started frantically running around his room. He wasn't sure what to wear, what to do, what to say, he didn't know what to do at all. Genya checked his phone again and the time was about 10 am.

He started thinking about what to do till then, then he thought about giving you something. Maybe flowers, chocolate, your favorite snacks? what could be the best decision?

Genya sat down, he needed to take a breather. Everything is going to be okay. All he needed to do was inhale then exhale. He then got up; Genya decided today was the day he was going to be bold! well, that was until it was time for you to be coming to get him. He was a wreck all over again, and then...

DING DONG! was that..the doorbell? He was an even bigger wreck then before. How could you already be here? at that moment he wished all time would pause. Then his door creaked open, and there you were. You looked prettier than ever.

"Hey! so...Sanemi had let me in, I hope that's not a problem." Then that soft smile of yours appeared on your face, Genya felt like he was going to faint there right at that moment. But tried to keep himself together. "T-Thats fine..so do you want to start heading there now?"

"Well, I checked the weather, but it seems like it's going to start raining any minute now. so maybe we can hang out here, If that's okay with you!" Genya froze, a girl in his room? His face started heating up. After what you said, you realized that genya was doing that thing again. Where he would freeze up and his face would go bright red. You giggled at this and put your bag down, you walked up closer to him and touched his hand gently.

He then snapped back into reality; he didn't know what to say, a beautiful girl was touching his hand, and not just any girl. It was you!

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You then got closer; you held his other hand. You put both of his hands to your chest, " Genya, I'm not sure if you even feel the same way. But if you don't just promise me our friendship won't change." Genya knew where this was going, so you really do like him. He smiled softly and nodded his head, "promise." You put your head to his chest. "Genya..I like you. I like you so much, I don't even know how to explain it."

Genya then let go of one of your hands, making you look up and then..he kissed you! You then put both of your hands on his cheeks. His soft skin felt comforting. He put his arms around you, then you broke the kiss. You giggled, and then his face got red just like before.

"I-I like you too (y/n), more then you could ever imagine."

You two then shared a tight hug, you never wanted to let go of him.

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hello!! I really hope you enjoyed this. if you have any requests lmk! (im sorry this is so short btw :(

[jknox11]

jeremy put on another fake smile on his face, hoping it was convincing enough to everyone there. the fancy and big dinners organized by his family always felt like a chore, today wasn't different. jeremy could see his older brother glaring at him from across the room.

he had showed up vibrant and charismatic as always. he wore the suit tailored for him, he hid his natural curls the way his mother liked, he complimented and smiled to everyone in there. he engaged in conversations. he did everything he was asked to do. and even then, nothing seemed enough to his family.

he knew part of the disapproval this time was due to his new blonde hair. it was the first time jeremy showed it to anyone who wasn't his friends and team. and his family clearly wasn't happy about it. they made sure he knew that, the day he got home with his hair dyed. and they made it clear they expected him to have it dyed back to "normal" the day the current dinner he was at came.

he didn't.

tired of feeling like a deer caught in headlights, he excused himself out of the house. the night air touching his face. he barely had time to properly enjoy his five seconds alone when a voice said behind him.

"running away already?"

jeremy froze, already regretting his decision. at least inside the house his brother wouldn't have how to insult him.

"i just needed some air." his voice sounded so small even to his own ears. he hated feeling like this. this wasn't him.

"so you can lead a whole team different seasons of the year with no problem, but can't spend more than an hour at least pretending to like your family?" his brother's voice raised a bit. jeremy hated how he flinched. "what? not gonna say anything? you out of all people? the one who never knows how to shut up? you who has ruined this family exactly for never shutting the fuck up."

his brother was closer now, his anger made jeremy feel dizzy. he knew this outburst wasn't just because of today. he knew his brother was waiting for an opportunity to get him after jeremy's many successful attempts of sneaking out of the house to not have to talk to him.

"bryson, please, i don't wanna do this now."

"you can't keep running and hiding like a coward forever. look at me." jeremy did, carefully. like any wrong move done by him would start a war. "you always have been so pathetic. i never understood why this family even cared about protecting you in the first place. why they even bothered to help you after everything you caused that night."

jeremy tried to walk away from his brother, but he was faster and grabbed his arm. jeremy did his best to not wince, knowing his brother would thrive from the sensation of hurting him.

"you are such a pest in this family. ruining everything with your stupidity that one time was not enough, you keep on embarrassing yourself. embarrassing us."

"i haven't done anything. i can't and won't change who i am. it doesn't make me ashame-"

"SHUT UP." the grip on his arm tightened. but jeremy went on. he was so tired of accepting the insults, dirty glares and accusations towards him without defending himself.

"you say i'm a coward because i've decided to live and be who i really am and still find happiness in it, while you hide yourself behind this family day by day. hoping to be given the crumbs they're willing to offer you disguised as the promise of a successful future that you never even got to choose yourself."

"im warning you, shut up. you're nothing but a disgusting fa-"

"that's enough, bryson. leave him alone." a third voice interrupted them. their sister. his brother gave him one last glare before letting him go with such force, jeremy almost lost his balance for a bit.

"i despise you. i wish you had gone through with it that night. i wish you successfully had killed yourself."

"bryson!" his sister's voice was almost hysterical now. she went to jeremy's side and their brother finally walked away and entered the house again. "hey, jeremy..."

jeremy didn't notice he had started crying until he felt his sister's fingers on his face trying to wipe away his tears. if possible, that just made him want to cry more. it had been so long since she showed him anything else other than indifference or disapproval.

"he didn't mean it." jeremy's hands were shaking as he gently removed his sister's hands from his face.

"we both know he did. it's okay." do you feel like that, too? do you also wish i wasn't here anymore? was what he wanted to say, to ask.

his sister opened her mouth, but closed it again. there was nothing else to be said. there hadn't been anything to be said between them anymore for a while now.

"get back inside, i'm sure everyone has noticed your absence by now." he tried to give her a smile, his shaky hands searching for his phone in his pocket.

"you're not getting back in?"

"i can't." he could feel his sister ready to argue with him, but whatever she saw on his face made her change her mind. jeremy wondered if he was hallucinating the tears that filled her eyes.

"text me when you get to them safe?

that was the first time the whole night the smile that grew on jeremy's face was genuine. them. laila, cat, jean. jean.

"okay."

his sister nodded and hesitated for a second before walking past him and getting inside the house.

"jeremy? everything okay?" laila's voice filled his ears as she picked his call.

"i'm going home."

"jeremy's coming!" laila warned to probably a very curious cat and jean sitting next to her. "we're waiting. hurry! jean made us a french dish for dinner, can you believe it? this giant ass french man is finally warming up to us!"

giving one last look at the big mansion beside him, jeremy scrubbed on his face to make sure any trace of tear on his cheeks was gone. his hands undoing the gelled hairstyle he had and finally freeing his curls again.

home. he was going home.

[veilkeeper]

The Sacrifice of Souls, Part 2

alt title: why im putting corentin in the torment nexus

this is the second instalment of a 2-part essay series. the first part focused on the events of emmrich's quests, as well as my analysis and critique of his quest line overall. this part will focus specifically on the effects these choices have on the romance, as well as my thoughts on how i'm handling the events for my emmrichmancing rook, corentin.

spoilers ahead! beware that both essays are going to assume you have completed The Sacrifice of Souls and at least one of the follow up quests, Heir to the Dead or Will and Testament. if you have not, i suggest returning to this later and playing it out yourself.

so let's start with the most important question of the day:

what happens to the romance after the sacrifice of souls?

good news! no matter what you pick, the romance can continue on unabated. there's just some long-term details and tone changes that need to be considered.

if you choose to save manfred, be prepared for parenthood. previously, the game had poked at the idea of manfred being emmrich's kid, but now that manfred is talking and progressing at a rapid pace, he is in full "magic-flinging skeleton son" territory, and a romanced rook is going on that journey with emmrich. there is also now a near certainty that rook is going to outlive him—regardless of your personal headcanons, the game assumes that rook is younger than emmrich, and now that he's locked into a mortal lifespan that's something that needs to be considered. especially since, as discussed in part one, emmrich's fears of his own mortality haven't really been addressed at all.

but if you're into co-parenting a rambunctious skeleton with an older, gentlemanly necromancer (which, let's be real, is what most people signed up for when they hit those first flirt options anyway), then this path is probably exactly what you were looking for.

that said, let's talk about the lich romance angle. i was worried when i went down this path that the romance would just immediately end, but it actually doesn't! emmrich certainly wonders if it will—before he undergoes his rites, he has a conversation with rook about how they'll navigate a relationship once he's undead. he says that his senses will change, the way he feels (not about rook, but literally the way he feels) will change, and his body will be different. but they agree they can make it work, so hell yeah.

and if you like the whole "immortal lover" trope, there's some stuff here to like. the lich lords, when you arrive to bear witness to the rites, refer to rook as "challenger of the gods, volkarin's beloved", and emmrich waxes poetic about how even after rook passes, the way he feels about them will be immortalized alongside him. there's also a very sweet kiss before he goes into the rite, and rook has the opportunity to tell him they love him, just in case he doesn't come back out. and afterwards, they have a powerful, immortal skeleton boyfriend, so for the monsterfuckers in the audience.... nice.

so what's the catch?

if you're looking for a fairly unambiguously "happy ending", and if you like the idea of your rook parenting for the foreseeable future, saving manfred is your easy option. on this path, rook and emmrich will have many good years together before he dies. there's absolutely still room for angst here because of emmrich's unresolved issues, but there's definitely a more... domestic, low-key quality to this path.

the lich romance has some pretty glaring obstacles, and that's probably a big part of why a lot of people doing the romance might not pick this. first of all, he wasn't joking, he's literally a skeleton. he can put on a glamour for polite company, but he is a skeleton. realistically, intimacy is going to be complicated by that. on top of that, as a lich for the mourn watch, he's going to have certain duties that he can't get away from. myrna herself asks if they're going to be seeing less of emmrich now that he's a lich, and his answer is basically not yet. at some point, some time in the future, he is going to have to go into the necropolis to begin his lich duties and he won't really be coming back out after. so in a very real way, there is an invisible timer on the relationship where it'll basically be dead in the water unless rook makes some serious lifestyle changes* to accommodate that (assuming they're allowed to). so there's some built in angst with the lich romance that may or may not be your preferred flavour, because his job might end their relationship long before rook's mortal lifespan even becomes a consideration.

*theoretically a mourn watcher rook is going to have an easier time with that particular adjustment, but i'm speaking from my perspective as a LoF rook

decisions, decisions

this is the part where i start talking about my rook, but do us both a favour and keep reading, because believe it or not there is still some emmrich analysis in this part, and it might inspire you to do your own dissection for your rook, too.

so my rook is corentin laidir, and from the moment emmrich said the word "lich" he's been quietly freaking out about it. largely because of the whole "you're going to leave me to be a lich in the necropolis" thing.

i had hoped that resolving emmrich's quest line would give me a very clean solution to the lich freak out issue, and it does! ....if i liked the ending where we save manfred. which i don't. controversial opinion, but i don't actually care about manfred enough for corentin to be his second dad, and from a roleplay perspective i don't think corentin would advocate for bringing manfred back.

but on the other hand, the lich!emmrich option is quite literally corentin's nightmare. what corentin wants, at his core, is for emmrich to accept both manfred's death and his own, whenever it may come. he wants emmrich to understand that running from his own fear of death like that is beneath him. is it honouring death to defy it like that, even (supposedly) in the name of service? corentin would argue no, if he could bring himself to argue with emmrich about anything.

selfishly, corentin is also afraid of what eternity means. sure, emmrich says now that he'll always remember corentin and what they have, but what about a thousand years from now? he's afraid of being replaced, and of becoming insignificant to someone who is so, so important to him right now. in this life.

so the question becomes: do i choose an imperfect, happier ending that maintains emmrich's mortality, or do i throw corentin into an emotional blender?

why i'm putting corentin in the torment nexus

one of the problems of being a creatively-minded person while playing decision-based games is that there comes a time when you have to make a choice:

do i work with the options available to me, or do i pull out my scalpel and gut this thing?

and in moments like this, where neither option is quite right, i have no choice but to get surgical. pick what's interesting, and frankenstein that thing into something that works well enough to carry me to the end.

and the fact of the matter is, the lich path is just more interesting to me in this case because it's an angst machine, and because it makes sense for him to get stuck in it. if i dig into corentin's character, in that exact moment when a decision is made, there's no world where he's going to tell emmrich to give up on his life's work just to bring manfred back and stay mortal. but there is a world where he'd recognize that telling emmrich to give up on his life's work for a guy who loves him who he met five minutes ago is a dick move, and then he'd get completely caught off guard when emmrich says he's going to start preparing for his rites now.

so where does this leave corentin?

here's how i'm handling the situation for the time being, unless something comes along that completely revolutionizes how i feel about all this.

every time emmrich has talked about becoming a lich, it's always been a vague future thing with no real timeline attached. in hindsight, it's pretty clear that the only thing delaying the process was himself—emmrich was uncertain if he was willing to risk the danger of the rites. this uncertainty, however, has left corentin with the impression that even if he was 100% sure and raring to go forward, there would be tests and preparation that needed to happen first, and there would be time before the rites could happen.

so when the question of whether or not to save manfred comes up, corentin does what any good boyfriend would and he tells emmrich that he's dedicated his life to potentially becoming a lich, and he needs to be really certain before throwing that away.

corentin is allergic to being a bummer; even when he's really struggling with something, he feels like he can't talk about it if it'll upset someone else. emmrich is desperately afraid of death, and corentin is desperately afraid of being alone, so he's gotten very good at keeping himself... palatable. so when emmrich responds to his encouragement by saying that he'll start preparing for the rites immediately? well, corentin feels locked into the supportive boyfriend schtick. he feels like he has to be unerringly supportive and not question emmrich's decision, even though it is definitely something that effects him, too.

the whole time emmrich's preparing to become a lich, corentin is thumbs up "you got this babe!"-ing his way through it, all while frantically trying to squash down the feeling of impending doom. because he is 100% completely convinced the other shoe is going to drop at any moment and emmrich is going to go to the Lich Corner Store for cigarettes and never come home.

though it should be noted, the skeleton part of "skeleton boyfriend" is really the least of his concerns. it's just everything around that.

and where does this leave emmrich?

he doesn't know it, but it leaves him with a pretty miserable boyfriend. they're going to have to reckon with corentin's issues at some point.

just like they're going to have to deal with emmrich's. becoming a lich is maybe not 100% a good thing, at least not right this second. he says that he "thought he knew its price," and in keeping with that banter i linked in the first part, he seems unprepared for the reality of losing people. it feels a little like he's rushing into it headfirst before the grief can hit him full force and he can get cold feet.

i'm really curious how he's going to feel if something happens to corentin (or almost happens), and it gives him a reality check on his boyfriend's mortality. losing manfred is already unimaginably hard... is he prepared for what it's going to be like when he loses corentin?

because i don't think he's realized that he isn't, yet.

[gunnrblze]

I'd like to know a naughty Elias thought that you haven't told us…👀🙏🏼

May I suggest nasty old man pervert Elias?👁️ (im sorry in advance lmfao)

Retired Elias or something who attempts to find something to fill his days with now that he isn’t barking orders and what not, tending to the shit he swore he’d never miss, but now does.

At first he takes the time to relax, but he’s a fast paced man, that gets boring quickly. He’s not quite made to just laze around. Not on his own, at least.

Enter you, somehow. He meets you, gets to know you, and bless his heart, he’s obsessed.

The man is older now, early 50s aren’t too kind on one’s lower back. So when you’re over at his house one day and he asks you to bend over for him, pick something up he dropped, of course you oblige.

Except he’s not quite the average 50 year old. In better shape than a lot of people with less years weighing on them. But the way your ass fills out your pants is almost too good to be true. The smile on your face and the way your shirt rides up to reveal a sliver of your lower back has him acting as if he’s never seen a woman before.

He asks if you’d help grab some stuff out of the attic with him-old photos of his boys you’d wanted to see-and watches the way your neck slicks with a sheen of sweat from the warmth upstairs. Plucks a box from a shelf with ease as he silently imagines licking it off your neck, the sound that’d come out of your delicate throat if he were to trail his tongue down between your legs. He’d lick up every square inch of you, if only you’d ask…

He’s aware of what he’s doing, but his poor dick has started to think for him again now that you’re around. He’s not a young soldier anymore, can’t get it up to the mere sight of just anything.

But you’re not just any other sight.

He almost wants to beg to be let out of retirement, instead of being let out of his cage like some old dog. An old dog who’s got you keeping him company, you sweet thing.

You help cook dinner with him, he pours you a glass of wine and himself a bourbon. He doesn’t even try to hide the way he shamelessly stares at you, smiles every time your tipsy giggles and hiccups get the best of you. He watches your lips wrap around a fork and tries not to wonder how they’d feel kissing down his chest, nipping and biting all over.

Your mark is left on him otherwise though, that’s for sure. He puts on a boring old movie for the two of you two watch after dinner and lets you cuddle into his side, a heavy arm slung around you. He revels in it -poor guy doesn’t get anything like this anymore, nothing as breathtaking as you- keeps you wrapped up, massages a hand over your hip, enjoys that little squirm you do. Would you squirm the same way if he slid his fingers inside of you and massaged those tight walls, too?

And your scent only lingers on that shirt you left in his bathroom after he accidentally splashed water on you while washing dishes… leaving you no choice but to change into one of his. He didn’t mind letting you borrow one, darling. He didn’t mind you forgetting to change out of it either.

And when you go home at the end of the night, giving him a peck on the cheek and flashing that sweet smile, it’s more than enough.

He only waits long enough to ensure you pull out of his driveway safely before he snags that shirt from the bathroom (if he stored it under the sink after you left it there, being the reason you forgot all about it in the first place, well that’s on him) and heads to his bedroom.

Just the thought has his worn out cock swelling up faster than he thought possible these days. Damn near ripping his belt buckle open, shoving his cargos down as he sprawls out on his duvet, all he has to imagine is your pretty little self.

A hand wrapped around his length, squeezing and stroking and groaning into your soft shirt, clenched in his fist and near trembling…he figured heaven may be real after all.

He inhales your scent, burying his face in the fabric while he touches himself. Just picturing the sight of you in his t shirt from earlier, had him panting and moaning into the quiet of his room. Truly a dog, if there ever were one.

He’d groan your name without a care, unable to help the way he imagined your pussy wrapped around him instead. How your tits would bounce if you rode him. He let himself pretend it was okay, you’d never know after all, just enamored with the nice older man whose company you enjoyed. He was so sweet to you, too. Couldn’t help but come back for more.

Cum splattered all over his lower stomach from where his shirt had lifted, he kept tugging his softening cock, wincing at the sensitivity. Near pleading for you, as if you were still there.

He could feel almost feel your lips ghosting over his cheek again, feel the warmth of your body pressed to his side. All he wanted to do was stare into your sparkling eyes and ruin you just enough to gloss them over a bit.

For now though, Elias would suffice for the soft sound of your voice as you called him, letting him know you’d gotten home, but asking if you’d left that shirt lying around…?

[mono-dot-jpeg]

[12:32am]

a/n; just a cute platonic fic before i wonder for another hour if i decide to write something else or not. im reading through the u20 v bllk arc (i think im like halfway through) im like, i could write some good shit with this rq. someone probably wrote something like already potentially but it's rotting my brain rn so. this is totally ooc for rin probably im so sorry

also small bachira mom cameo slay

[platonic] [younger sibling! reader]

your brothers.. are cool.

rin and sae, your big older brothers who loved playing soccer. you watched them play everyday and they always looked like superheroes in your young eyes.

you grow up alongside them, just a year or two younger as you try to find what you want to do. do you want to win with them? do you want to live a peaceful life?

what do you want to do?

you don't know. you're lost without the guidance you wanted. you've been watching your brothers all this time that you lost track of yourself.

you come to realize that what rin talks about.. rings true for you as well.

that sae is just so far away from you both. but you feel far from rin too.

when did that happen?

you can only watch as your brothers fight in a colosseum called soccer where everyone in the audience is thirsty for a fight. where the new recruits meet the pro gladiators and then the pros crush them under their experienced swords and chains.

but this was different. you could feel it in the intense air. you were not even close in terms of seating to see your brothers. even with the seat you were offered from a really nice lady, you could barely see them. but you know that chilling air anywhere.

it felt like you were back in that school field with your brothers again. when he came back home from spain.

everything cracked.

"get lost rin. you're not necessary in my life anymore."

you watched as your brothers broke everything you believed in. how you three would stay together, how you would be there to cheer them on every match you could, how you would happy with them by your side.

your parents weren't even here to see the destruction they caused. the absolute pain they unintentionally inflicted on the three itoshi siblings. you came here on a whim, you wish you could say.

if you were really being honest, you really missed them. sae was always busy, and rin was in blue lock the whole time. so that left you alone.

"are you here with your family, dear? where are they?" that nice woman from before sits beside you, worried that you're all alone in this stadium.

"n-no. i'm alone." you're flustered by the sudden attention from her. "i'm here to.." you paused for a moment, "..to support my brothers."

"oh! that's so sweet! i'm supporting my own son! your brothers must be really good as well."

when was the last time you felt warm like this?

from just a simple talk with a lovely mother has you boiling with pain and longing.

why couldn't you feel this warmth with your family?

"yeah." you nodded curtly.

when the timer ticks down, you watch with dull eyes as rin and sae fight on the field again. you almost thought they would get cards for how aggressive this was. and before you know it.

blue lock wins.

and you don't know how to feel.

you saw the monster that rin was, tearing every person apart against their strongest assets. and you saw the monster that sae was, constantly calculating his way to win optimally.

today was the day that rin finally beat him.

and today was the day soccer changed japan.

the two week rest was now given to the blue lock members, and you haven't seen much of rin. that still hurt.

but you did catch him one day.

"rin.." you encounter him on a late night, hearing a set of heavy footsteps before you went to bed. "rin." you don't address him as your brother anymore. you wonder when you started making that habit.

"what?"

"you did well." you don't know what to say when you finally manage to have a chance at a proper talk with at least one of your brothers. he scoffs at your weak voice but you continue, "i saw everything. i attended the match."

"then you should know that i didn't do enough."

"i don't think like you and sae, i don't know as much as you two do-"

"i'm still far away from him now." you stay silent as he trembles with frustration and anger. "i'm gonna beat him and that stupid isagi.. "

your mouth is dry with confusion. you can't find it in you to talk to him like you once did as a kid. but you manage, "does this mean i'm gonna be alone again?"

it's his turn to go silent. his back faces you while he stares at his bedroom door.

"how long am i gonna be alone again?" you ask.

"until i beat our good for nothing shitty brother and that idiot isagi."

".. okay." you reach to open your bedroom door, "when you see sae again, tell him i said hi. i miss seeing you and sae." you confess.

"i don't understand how you miss him."

"the same way i miss you." you open your door, looking out at your bland bedroom. not a single trophy seen, not a single sign of any sports prowess, nothing that defined you. "you're both too far away from me. and i can't catch up." you sigh. "i'm just the talentless third kid after all."

"with that attitude, you deserve it." he opens his bedroom door and it's the complete opposite of yours. littered with awards and trophies and a single photo frame of the last time you've seen rin and sae happy.

"i know."

[theforesteldritch]

my ramblings on transness, intersex-ness, childhood and growing up

i'm four. somewhere around there. i tell my mom i hate my name. i want to change it to robin, i say. she tells me i can when i'm an adult. i tell her i want my name to be robin now, today. not later. i don't get to change my name. eventually i forget wanting to be robin, or drop it, or stop talking about it. either way, i don't ever get to be robin.

i'm five. i feel wrong. i feel out of place in my own skin, i think. i feel like a poor shadow of a girl. i decide i want to be a princess when i'm older. in my mind, to be a princess, i need to wear a dress every day, even when it snows and i have to stuff the skirt into my snowpants to play outside. princesses must feel like real girls. if i was a princess, i would stop feeling like a snake writhing around in my own skin, desperate to shed. i tell myself that. at recess, we play some running game. i don't remember which one. boys vs girls. i don't want to play anymore.

i'm six or seven. i still feel wrong. i've stopped trying to be a princess. i'm off in my own world a lot of the time. i use the classroom scissors to cut tiny holes in the sleeves of my long sleeve shirts or to clip off a tiny chunk of my hair. during carpet time, i try to touch the hair of the people in front of me without them noticing. my best friend tells me she's a tomboy. i say i want to be one too. she tells me im too girly.

i'm nine. i've sworn off dresses. i reject pink clothes and sequins. i'm wearing a hat that covers my hair and the school custodian calls me young man in the hallway. i don't know why i like that so much. i try to fit in with the boys. i play grounders with them every day after school. i don't know why, but they don't like me. they make fun of me. i still play grounders with them every day.

i'm twelve. the girls around me have started growing breasts and getting their periods. they start getting acne and thicker hair on their legs that they shave off. none of these things are happening to me. i ask my mom for a bra. i don't want to be the odd one out. i feel a mix of relief and shame when i get one. now, i can pretend i'm like them. now, i can try to hide the growing feeling gnawing inside me that something's wrong, that i'm a freak.

i'm thirteen. i still haven't gotten a period. my mom is convinced it'll come any day now. she got hers at eleven, i must be a late bloomer. she makes me bring pads to summer camp. they lie unused in my bags. she does this next year, too, and the next. i try to feel normal. i sneak and use my mom's razor to shave the baby hairs on my legs that still haven't darkened and grown thicker like anyone else. i want to feel normal.

i'm fourteen. the girls in the locker room stare at me with funny expressions on their faces when i say i haven't gotten a period after they badger that information out of me. i ask my parents for deodorant, like the other kids. they tell me no, i don't smell enough to need it. i steal my dad's old spice amber deodorant. it smells like how i want to be seen, i think. i read magnus chase. i see myself in alex, how his gender shifts and changes. for the first time, i have a word, maybe, to describe myself. i'm like her, i think. i'm genderfluid, maybe, like alex fierro. i test the waters and come out to some friends as genderfluid, and then a boy. but i find myself still feeling the same itch under my skin. i'm not just a man, or just a woman, maybe i'm both. i go back in the closet.

i'm fifteen. my doctor is starting to get concerned that i haven't gotten a period yet. he orders blood tests. they think the results are a mistake when they see the testosterone levels. i don't have the symptoms that should come with those levels. i should be going through a male puberty with those levels of t, but i'm not. they do them again. it comes back the same. i'm diagnosed with complete androgen insensitivity syndrome. i feel alone, and like a freak. my doctors want me to get a gonadectomy. i push away how i feel like a snake ready to shed my own skin for a moment. i can't search myself for my gender when i'm trying, i'm trying so hard to get through this. knowing that going on testosterone hrt wouldn't work on me, it would break me right now to admit to myself the truth i already know.

i'm sixteen. i'm sexually assaulted by my doctor while under anesthesia for a biopsy of my gonads. without any hint of remorse or even knowledge of what she did to me she tells my mom that my vagina is still very short, but not as short as she thought on an earlier examination. i will continue to see this doctor. i push her assault down. i push this down. i feel like a freak. i feel so alone. god, i feel alone.

i'm seventeen, i'm eighteen. i know now why i feel like a snake trying to shed a skin. i'm not just a woman, i'm not just a man. i'm both and something in between. but i'm too male to be a girl and too female to be a man. i'm not allowed to be either. i cry sometimes. over how unfair this feels. over how i'll never look in the mirror and see myself staring back. i don't know how i'll get through this. i have to get through this. i have to live for the kid who wanted to change his name to robin. the need to live for her weighs me down like atlas holding up the sky. i know that one day, my grip will slip and the sky will fall. but i'm trying desperately to make that day not today.

[love-byers]

Hi!! I binge-read some of your byler analysis, along with other users', and I can't help but STILL feel on the fence about hoping for byler endgame. I guess I just don't want to get my hopes super high only for them to be crushed by whatever CGI fest the düff3rs got in store to "go out with a bang" (while, obvs, sticking to the status quo and what they think the GA wants to see). I've seen so many intelligent people write media criticism pieces and analysis in support of the ship, but I still dread that the writers cry plausible deniability on all the clues they DID lay, that the people behind the N*f1ix social media accs confess that they've willingly posted queerbait to boost their engagement and thus get a bigger paycheck (I wouldn't blame them if they did, obvs; besides, it still means that some higher-up approved those misleading posts) and, worst of all, that this whole thing may end up blowing up negatively like the JohnLock conspiracy or the Voltron shenanigans or, y'know, the Supernatural fandom after Castiel's introduction and up until that lame ass final season. In your opinion, what makes byler different? Is there real hope for a satisfying mlm relationship from a show made by het men that capitalizes on 80s nerd culture nostalgia?

Sorry for coming off so jaded: I do wish for a byler ending, but it's been hard to keep my hopes aflame against these worries :c

i think everyone has some amount of doubt, which is totally understandable.

lgbt representation has come a long way, but a lot of us fans who are a bit older grew up consuming media that either had no representation or shitty representation. we sought ourselves in the media we loved and never found it, and corporations exploited that. nowadays there's way more representation that isn't left up to interpretation or censored, but a lot of the time that's in shows that are about romance and drama, high school a lot of the time. which is great, but stranger things is a sci fi show with romantic sub plots. it's easy for queer characters to end up being left out of a show like ST, but they haven't been at all.

one of the big messages of ST is embracing weirdness and being different. loving whatever it is you love, unashamed. when a character strays from being their true self or pushes away the things they love, there are consequences for the character. they become less likable to the audience. the entire theme of s4 is living in the truth, not hiding things, embracing love, being misunderstood simply because you're different. all of that is very queer coded. and it happens to be the season where will's love for mike fully comes into light.

there has been so much thought put into stranger things. the duffers have said there are no coincidences. they put thought into everything, thats why it takes so long to make a season, because they care so much. there are endless details i could point out not related to romance. they've also said they've been set on the ending for a while and will not be changing it to please people. i believe they said some people might not like the ending, but they don't care because they're making the story THEY want. which so far has uplifted queer people and promoted being different. so some antis may call be stupid for trusting them, but im choosing to. i believe they'll do these characters justice.

and my favorite quote from them is "The best plot twists don't make the audience say "wow I never saw that coming!", it makes you say "I should have seen that coming."

as a writer and a creative writing major, i definitely look up to the writers of ST. they are all incredibly talented and i hope one day i can put this much thought and love into a project. and, as a writer, i cannot see them throwing mike and will's relationship down the drain.

so, what makes byler different? there's very few shows where this much thought is put into everything. its not debatable that they do that, they've said it and its evident if you watch the show. so i refuse to believe all of these things between mike and will are just coincidences or accidents. there's just no possible way. i definitely had a klance phase and i can confidently say voltron writing is nowhere near the level of ST, and neither is supernatural. supernatural is one of those shows that has a lot of seasons and has gone all over the place in terms of writing and plot. the duffers have known the ending to this story since season 1. and unlike those shows with lots of seasons, ST only has 5. it won't be dragged on and beaten like a dead horse like some shows.

you don't have to completely eliminate your doubt. even i have doubt even after all i've said and posted. there is simply no way to confirm what'll happen before s5 releases, and they want it that way. just hold on until s5 friend

[xzinbdg]

zerobaseone as songs from my playlist!

⭑.ᐟ jiwoong

apocalypse - cigarettes after sex

it's the softness of the song for me! like it feels very calm and that's how also jiwoong feels..

older - isabel larosa

jiwoong may be a bit older than the rest of the members but this man is so fine!!! aging like a fine wine 😵‍💫

babydoll - dominic fike

this gives jiwoong in a suit 😵‍💫 oh lord it fits him so much omg " babydoll I can't move on" yea me too

⭑.ᐟ zhanghao

360 - charli xcx

hao is a brat!!!!! like he owns brat summer let's be real!!!!!

symphony - clean bandit, zara larsson

i absolutely love this song!!! and a big part of it is this beautiful violin!!! it almost seems like the violin is singing as well and that always makes me think of hao 🥹

new flame - chris brown, usher, rick ross

"you gon' be my baby, love me, love you crazy" i love this song for hao so much 😭😭😭 it's so cute in it's own way

⭑.ᐟ hanbin

agora hills - doja cat

"baby let me lick on your tattoos" INSANE BUT I ALWAYS THINK OF HANBIN WHEN THIS PART COMES ON 😵‍💫

daddy issues - the neighborhood

now....i had to sorry...he feels very warm to me and the way he treats the younger members is 🫠🫠🫠 him saying that he's rising yujin was my 13 reason

that's me right there - jasmine v, kendrick lamar

"yea that my man" 🤭😋 he may not be my bias but he definitely is on my mind a lot

⭑.ᐟ matthew

souvenir - selena gomez

"you're giving me chills at a 100 degrees" and he would...his whole being is so attractive i cannot

save your tears - the weeknd

now why do I feel like he would slay a cover of this song like it has his vibes!!!

everytime - ariana grande

"why oh why does god keep bringing me back to you?" so you see everytime I have a bias wracker this man comes to remind me who really is the bias here

⭑.ᐟ taerae

please please please - sabrina carpenter

"i beg you don't embarrass me mfucker" except it's him talking to his members 😭😭😭😭

super lady - (g)-idle

HE OWNS THIS SONG LIKE EVERY TIME I HEAR "lady, lady call me super lady" ALL I SEE IS TAERAE WITH THEM TROPHIES

duvet -bôa

taerae pls for the love of god cover this song 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 like his voice would sound heavenly 😭

⭑.ᐟ ricky

role model - brent faiyaz

"i can be your role model" i think is pretty obvious why i choose this song 🤭🤭🤭 it does give off that "rich" vibe tho

heartbreaker - justin bieber

"don't tell me you're my heartbreaker" he may look cold but that man is the softest person on earth and gets hurt really easily :(((

i'm yours - isabel larosa

"you're so pretty it hurts" and he is....insanely pretty and everytime i see him he just gets more and more pretty it's crazy

⭑.ᐟ gyuvin

see you again - tyler, the creator, kali uchis

"can I get a kiss? and can you make it last forever?" YES YES YES YES SO GYUVIN!!!!

i don't do drugs - doja cat, ariana grande

i think it's more the instrumental and overall mood of the song but it does fit gyuvin in my opinion 🥹

paris - sabrina carpenter

"but i already have love in la" it's like he's your biggest bias wrecker (he is for me) but you're trying TRYING to stay loyal to your bias 😭😭😭

⭑.ᐟ gunwook

nun id change - yeat

this right here is peak gunwook vibes, it's the boys planet entry gunwook that everyone was afraid of 😋

ta ta ta - bayanni, jason derulo

please it's a crime that I haven't seen an edit of wook with this song (if anyone have seen it send it to me rachel) it's soooo wook im gonna cry

500lbs - lil tecca

"it's like you don't know your a star tell her that I'm still adjusting" and i feel like he did adjust, wook was confident from the very beginning but now he's just glowing with that confidence!!!

⭑.ᐟ yujin

baby i - ariana grande

"everytime i try to say it words they only complicate it" here's our shy baby yujin!! it's honestly crazy to me that he's younger than me! MY SON!!!!

glue song - beabadoobee

"I've never known someone like you" yujin to me is so special like i truly never seen an idol with his personality! just a kid being a kid and i love it!

misery - nimstarr

"ima walk how i want cause you'll never be like me" he truly is a once in a million idol to me! imagine being this talented and successful at his age!!

zerobaseone masterlist

[goodboywritings]

hello! could you write a billy x m!reader where the reader it's the new kid and takes billys throne and reputation. billy goes all 😡😡 and they fight at a party. i leave the rest to you! I'm sure you'll make a great work! (maybe smut if you feel like it?)

Knocking down the king.

sub!billy/dom!reader smut (no real sex)

oh it's always gonna be at least a lil smut if im the one writing it <3 sry for taking so long with this one! writers block :')

cw: graphic depictions of violence, blood, light degradation and exhibitionism (like its mentioned once), no actual sex

He'd been there for a month. A month. And Billy was already left in the dust.

High-school wasn't easy for anyone, nonetheless Billy Hargrove. He had moved, changed schools and changed classes (plus an annoying new "sibling" and being stuck with his shitty dad). There were so many new things in his life, so many obstacles he had to get through. So school? That was the one place where he wanted to feel confident.

Billy pushed everyone down. Everyone were ants beneath his shoes, his playthings. Girls were toys, boys were enemies. He could practically flirt or threaten his way out of any situation, no matter how serious.

So after a while? He had quite a reputation. The other boys knew not to get too close to him during gym, unless they wanted to get tripped or hit. And the girls? They mostly swooned from a distance. Billy was known as a heartbreaking destroyer, far above everyone else.

Until him.

Y/N started at Hawkins High a few months after Billy did. The new kid always gets attention, everyone knows that, but no one had as many eyes on them as he did. Good looks, a party animal and a mean smirk. A deadly combination, all mixed together to make a sexy cocktail.

He pushed even further than Billy did. Y/N skipped loads of classes, barely participated in gym (and everyone were thankful for that) and mostly talked to people and partied. The gossip going around was that he had cheated on his old girlfriend, but she had stayed with him because he was just that hot. Some even said that he had multiple girls, some of them older. Or that he went to juvie for almost killing a guy.

All this; the rumours, the good looks, the neverending invitations to parties he seemed to get... It infuriated Billy. Y/N had grown an empire in an even shorter time than he had. He acted as he was God, didn't even look or talk to Billy most of the time. He grouped him together with everyone else, a background character that wasn't worth his time. Billy fucking Hargrove, a background character!

And it made him so. Fucking. Mad.

So Friday night, things escalated. There was a party going on, some random kid in school with a big house and his parents gone had invited everyone at school. So Billy and Y/N were bound to meet.

Red cups and bottles littered every surface. People were pressed tightly together, bodies sweating. It was hot and loud, the way every party should be. Billy walked through the crowds with a feral grin, a choir of voices yelling at him.

"Kegstand! Come on!"

He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. He couldn't deny them, of course not. The crowd had to be pleased.

He walked outside into the cold night air. The herd followed him, all eager to see. The kegs stood on the lawn with a group of people already surrounding it. They were loud, cheering for whoever was currently drinking.

Billy stopped dead in his tracks. Of fucking course.

Y/N got down from the keg, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. He was soaked in sweat, grinning from ear to ear. There was that same feral glee that Billy had in that smile. Something that rialed him up.

At the sight of the blonde he chuckled, shaking some beer out of his hair.

"Hargrove! Here to challenge me?" He asked.

Billy put on that same cocky smile as always, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hardly a challenge with you L/N."

The other boy rolled his eyes playfully.

"Come on, don't trashtalk me when you haven't even seen my skills!"

Well he was definitely going to see his skills now. Billy walked up to the keg next to Y/N's, rolling his shoulders in preparation. More people gathered around them, all eager to see how this would end. Some kid started counting down as to make things fair, staring at his watch to time them.

"3, 2, 1... Go!"

They both flipped upside down. Balancing on the keg was the easy part, drinking the beer was harder. Billy chugged as much as he could as he tried not to fall. Y/N did the same, the boys trying their hardest.

There was always some sort of competition between the two, everything a pissing contest. They did all they could to one up the other. To prove themselves. Yet neither of them knew if it was friendly competition or if the other actually hated them.

Billy was the first to fall, yelling angrily as his feet hit the ground. He could feel the familiar buzz of alcohol under his skin. Y/N laughed in sadistic joy, the crowd cheering around them.

"Sucks to lose Hargrove! Come back when you can actually handle it." He taunted, glaring Billy down.

That's it.

Soon Y/N's back hit the ground, Billy on top of him. The blonde saw red, adrenaline pumping through his body, pushing him even further over the edge. He punched him straight in the nose. Blood smeared all over the others face, wide blown eyes looking up at Billy. The crowd buzzed in excitement at the display of violence.

Y/N quickly punched back, moving Billy's face with the force of it. In his disoriented state he barely even noticed when Y/N flipped their positions, straddling his hips and keeping him down on the ground.

"You're fucking pathetic!" He growled, glaring down at Billy. His hands grabbed his wrists and held them above his head, the blood from his nose dripping down his chin. He punched him again in the face, making him wince.

Billy on the other hand was rock hard beneath him. The situation was just too perfect — Y/N fully in control, cock against ass, degrading him in front of everyone. He could almost cum from just this.

If Y/N noticed his rialed up state he didn't know as he just glared at him, making sure he'd submitted to him, before getting off of him. To make sure he stayed down he received a final kick to the stomach.

"That's right, you're beneath me. Stay down."

Billy just groaned, covered in the others blood and sweat, pitching a tent.

[xoioel]

QUESTIONS FOR THE UNIVERSE

parings; hinata x 8th member fem! reader

genre; fluff and slight angst??

warnings: none?!

synopsis; you’ve been having your doubts about why you debuted with XG, because you dont have as many talents as the other girls. And plus the age gap, you being a foreign member so the language barriers, it makes you think you need to go on a hiatus to work on yourself..

authors note; hey guys im back from my god knows how long break😭 this is so sweet bc hinata is such a cute patootie

— i speak my mind and don’t think first

It's very difficult being a maknae, especially when you haven't trained as much as the girls. Before the debut and internship only a year passed and boom, debut at 15!

How sometimes you want to stop time and improve yourself, maybe just to restart and try again, if only get closer to their perfection.

It’s so nice to have hinata in the same room, you don’t have to clean it and no one will mind, everyone lives in their own comfort, you can not only laugh with her, but also have a heart-to-heart talk, but sometimes you don’t say a word when returning from the another group photoshoot.

Today is just such a day when everyone, having returned home, scattered to their rooms and went to the shower. having waited your turn, you needed into it. Finally, you can take the weight off your shoulders. People say that the older you get, the less you start to beat yourself up about things, but even after almost two years.

At the age of 16 you start comparing yourself even more. On the way home, you decided to look at your fancam, is that really how you look as you dance. Why are there so many mistakes, but your voice, is it really true? It’s so hard, everyone has their strengths, but what are yours? the comments mostly talk about how cute you are and that's it, but is that really all?

Many tears begin to flow one after another. after standing there for a good 10 minutes, you go back to the room, the light is no longer on, only one lamp near your bed is on, Hinata already seems to be sleeping soundly, turning to the wall, you change into pajamas and go to bed, now you can finally sleep.

But the sobs continue to break out as soon as your head hits the pillow. Your trying to drown it out, as you sit up and start breathing, everything seems to stop.

"Are you okay? what's happened?" Hinata’s voice comes from somewhere on the side, slightly lower than usual and you hear the rustling of comforters, “Sorry, I’m already going to bed” You were about lie down. “I asked what happened to you?” her voice sounds rougher than before.

“I...I just, umm” your hands bury themselves in the hair and head falls to the knees. “come here,” She says nothing more and opens the many blankets, moving back, inviting you to lie with her in it. Doing what she asks, you settle down on her bed, pressing your back to her chest.

Her hands find your hair and begin to stroke and scratch your scalp “well, what’s going on, I noticed in the car that something was wrong”Hina says to you as she continues to play with your hair, “I’m just not sure that I fit in the group, all that they say about me is just how cute I smile or I’m mistaken, how cute my voice trembles, they don’t say that I dance or sing well. It seems to me that I got into the group too early, should I have taken someone else and not me?”

“Stop saying that,” She switches to a whisper, “why are you listening to what they say about you on the Internet? they always divide everyone into beautiful, talented, cute or those who don’t do enough” She breathes loudly, and her hand leaves your hair and squeezes your shoulder.

“You are unique, as unique as we all are, do you think we would have gotten into the group if we weren’t like that? Our group is not just work, we are family and will always support each other, right?”

- nod -

“Then next time, please tell me and the others on how you feel or if you really need just talk to Jurin-chan, if you want to improve your skills, let’s practice together, the main thing is to say, we will definitely cope with everything no matter what happens, okay?”

“Yes, thank you so much Hina unnie, I love you, all of you”.

A long night in the arms of your sister, what could be better and easier, it really helps when family is always nearby.

© xoioel — do not copy or translate my work.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

sending in my first ask woot woot 🥳

okok so since rereading your aeon pregnancy au fic i can't help but think about the twins all grown up living their best lives with the coolest aeon parents until we get to their preteen/teenage years.

annnnnnnd i leave you with this ask: do you have any hcs about soft twin going through a little rebellious phase when she's older??? 👀

(yes yes this ask is for soft twin porque ella es preciosa, and we need more hcs for soft twin!!!)

idk why but i keep leaning towards soft twin acting out after her classmates made her feel a certain way for not being ‘cool enough’ like her sis. maybe soft twin isn't used to hearing those comments about her when she's so used to being praised as a good kid compared to her sis (not that she would ever listen to those praises or agree w/anyone who talks bad about her fam >:(

and now that she’s older, soft twin suddenly gets the complete opposite experience from fighty twin at school.

maybe the comments from her peers make soft twin have a mini identity crisis for being a 'goody two-shoes'? maybe she tries smth out of character partly to prove them wrong, partly to explore other sides of her personality she never really got to explore as a kid?

ANYWAYS what do you think would be soft twin's first 'rebellious act'? would fighty twin be involved somehow? how would soft twin feel after it happens? would she try smth like it again? how would Ada and Leon react to all of this???

dis for you hehe

ALSO I SWEAR YOU HAVE SENT ME ONE BEFORE but

yayayya

OMG A REREAD i should probably do that myself lol find more spelling and grammar errors i've left in there by accident sjkfbskjfksbf

YES YES I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS but since nothing is canon in my head, i just have THEORIES. AEON TWINS THEORIES.

YES THERE ISN'T ENOUGH LOVE FOR SOFT TWIN i also have wonder if people already know which is which lol

i like to think she has a small one, mostly in her early teens. probably earlier than fighty twin has a rebellious phase. but i haven't really thought about what she would fight about lol

AH YES YES i see what you mean. i do think they're both very smart. i mean they have leon and ada as their parents, you KNOW they're gonna be all types of smart. i do think that soft twin can be a lil clumsy sometimes. she's shy and quiet and just generally deemed the awkward one since she's not as open to being extroverted like fighty twin

I FEEL LIKE even if she were to rebel.. she would do it in the way that like. introverted kids do. either something extreme like a overt personality change... OR she just runs and hides.

i can see her finding herself just needing to escape. but ofc ada finds her. she doesn't make herself known right away but allows leon to talk to her. i do think that soft twin is a daddy's girl and although she loves ada. she just needs to softness of leon when she needs comfort. with ada, she does get some but sometimes she needs the lovely dovey kind. almost smothering lol

i don't see ada being overbearing or smothering her

SORRY MY THOUGHTS ARE EVERYWHERE AND IM NOT PROOFREADING THIS LOL

i can DEF SEE her chopping her hair short. i like to think that ada keeps the girls hair long since she sees it as a privilege that she never had. something something about safety but also just being allowed to be a girls girl lol. soft twin probably has a really big attachment to her long hair and ends up just chopping it all off at some point

she regrets it and spends a few years growing it back out lol

I DUNNO I HAVE ALOT OF THOUGHTS STILL