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It's 11pm and like. I don't WANNA go to sleep I wanna be working on art and characters and talking about Sofiaaaaaaaaa
I have. SO MANY ideas. So many. But alas, I'm also very tired
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Said the S5 finale for Miraculous Ladybug was the final nail in the coffin for me to decide to stop watching it, but ended up deciding to watch the new 'Shadybug and Clawnoir' special because I'm a sucker for the 'evil alternate versions of the main characters' trope. And ohhhhhgg ohhhhh my fucking good
#it was fantastic#i loved it. 100/10 no notes#THE best miraculous ladybug has EVER been. i feel satisfied in not continuing into season 6#as far as im concerned the shadybug special Was the finale. dont even talk to me#what a SHOCK dude. like i was expecting to like it but i didnt think itd be absolute peak ladybug like what on earth happened#not art#just finished watching it so now you get my 2am post about it. i loved it. AMAZING special
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its been a billion years since I posted anything meaningful about mcga but I'm thinking about Alex helping Magnus with clothes.
I think Blitzen would love to help style Magnus, but I think he might accidentally end up being a bit overbearing, albeit with good intentions. He wants to help, but would probably end up tripping over his own fashion opinions more often than not, and Magnus would want to make his friend happy too much to actually voice his own opinions consistently. But Alex would understand that identity through fashion is something slow to be discovered on your own. It's not instant, it's a slow process of trying things and finding out what makes you feel good physically and emotionally. You can't pressure a person finding their own style, especially someone who's never had much room to do so and will likely feel guilty about making that room. She's gone through the process, and she'd probably be more than happy to help someone with it too.
I'm thinking about them going around to different stores and finding that Magnus likes second hand and low-end boutique stuff more than anything. Alex letting him onto her etsy account and buying his first piece of jewelry, taking him around to all of her favorite stores where she's greeted as a friend. Yeah, they could do all this in Valhalla, but where's the fun in that?
I think Magnus would like earth tones and dark, muted colors. He would avoid synthetic materials for their unnaturally soft textures and blue would make rare appearances. Alex would parade him around in his first pair of White Guy Khaki Shorts in five years, glowing with a silly sort of pride and Magnus feeling something kindle back to life in his chest at a growing collection or flannels, just like his mom. I'm imagining Magnus learning what it's like to live with his body, rather than despite it, and feel comfortable with himself in his surroundings for the first time since he was a little kid, taking a hike in the woods. And I'm thinking of Alex holding his hand the whole time.
#feeling sooooo sos normal rn#and i dont mean to make this post and trample the people who feel clothing has no bearing on their comfort or self perception#i just want to talk about how much it can mean to someone trying to find who they really are and come to terms with that person#and when i say style i dont mean aesthetic or fashion. i simply mean personal preferences for comfort and look (if that matters)#your personal style can literally be cheap graphic tees and basketball shorts and if that makes you happy then have fun!! live your truth!!#this is just me noting that magnus seems to almost intentionally avoid clothes except to mention discomfort and i think he should get a#happier relationship with his outer appearance than he has especially considering the royal fuckery thats happened with his bodily autonomy#and confidence within the context of the series#i might be crazy and projecting but i just want to give him something kind. as a treat.#and alex does seem to enjoy sharing her passions with those she cares about!! its quality time without any kind of social expectations#regarding the nature of their attachment. she can just spend time with someone she likes doing something she likes no strings attached.#im sure its qlso fun to gently heckle things throughout the process with someone whos gonna just nod along 💀#im thinking way too hard about this#but im gonna hit post and know. i am still thinking.#magnus chase#alex fierro#mcga#mcga headcannon#raspberry rambles
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I have so many photos I need to post. 15 years worth!!! I started posting them on my old tumblr's side blog but never finished and then I abandoned tumblr for years. but tbh I feel like posting my work doesn't benefit me and it's just more pointless work for me 😭 especially instagram and twitter where my posts get maybe 1 like from a follower if i'm lucky and that's it. why do I even bother 😭 no one is excited to see my work so it'd hard to motivate myself to actually share anything when it doesn't benefit me and when no one else is excited for or looking forward to it. sometimes I lose that "I made a thing I want to share it like a kid hanging their finger painting on the fridge" mentality 😅 even kids can get discouraged and give up sharing if you don't ooo and ahhh over their work. does that make sense?
#also can we talk about how horrible social media is?#i was told instagram is so easy. you get many quick likes and followers. ive SEEN new accounts get thousands kf followers and hundreds#of likes in a couple weeks. ive been on there for years and have 20 followers and get 1 like sometimes#new accounts with one post will get 1k followers and 300 likes in a week. i just dont get it lmao im so confused 🤣#and twitter is now pay to win. i only got maybe 5 likes per post before. now i get none at all. which is expected...#so why am i bothering!#at least on tumblr my art will get maybe 20 notes and my photography maybe 10. so it doesnt feel as pointless to share 😅#i really want to open a shop for my art and photography and stuff but with the lack of attention im afraid to#because its A LOT OF WORK and i hate wasting my time and energy and money for no reason 😭#my last shop i opened got a grand total of 0 sales in the 2 years i had it open LOL it took me months to set it up and print everything#artist struggles#is there anywhere actually good to post your work online? (besides tiktok. i refuse) most social media has become useless!!!#lee text#sorry for whining 😅 just questioning my entire existence and why i even bother to do anything
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how to cure the sudden onset of horrible and inexplicable rage
#bobbi babbling#ive tried punching my mattress and screaming and jumping around and throwing pillows#im still furious#there’s literally no reason for it either#it’s just because i have fucking BPD#i’m so angry#my voice is too high i sound like a girl and i cant hit any of yhe notes i want#and the singer is a woman! and she has a deeper voice than i do!!!#i hate my voice!#and my parents dont give a shit about anything i have to say but they expect me to just listen to them#and be the perfect obedient little puppet of a daughter#they didnt even do anything actually. they just dont care about music or stranger things so they dont listen when i talk about either#but they don’t care about ANYTHING i say! they dont even care about ME or what makes me happy!#all my dad cares about is if im STUDYING#I DONT WANT TO STUDYY IM ANGRY#I HATE EVERYBODY AND I HATE MYSELF#i want everybody to just go away#i want them all to just fucking die!#no i dont. thats bad. i dont want them to die.#I HATE EVERYTHING#I WANNA JUMP OUT A WINDOW#I HATE EVERYONE#i hate having fucking BPD what is WRONG with me#WHY AM I SO ANGRY?!#bpd posting#and im so unremarkable#everyone is better than me#everyone is talented at SOMETHING#everyone else is special#why am i not remarkable at anything
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#personal#was gonna message today but then i DIDNT. IDK. IT DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.#I KNEE THE TOPIC BUT LIKE. WORDING ?????? WORDS???? IT WOULDNT COME#its okay tho. its okay. i literally have a fuckin note on my phone where i put shid i can talk to him about in the future NDNNDNDJXJDJDJDMD#GOD LMAO. IVE NEVER PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN. IM SO......#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its mostly been me messaging first but like he keeps it going....... GOD LMAO#it was like that in person too tho. like we would just stand/walk n not say anything JDJDJFJKFKFJXMXMX GOD#i wasnt made for this oml. i dont even talk to ppl that much. like idk. iDK.#i just... 1. i dont want him to forget about me 2. i dont want him to think i forgot about him#3. i dont want him to think im not interested in talking to him anymore#ok 2 and 3 are basically the same but JDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD#IM SO BAD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH. LIKE THIS IS SUCH A CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON MY PART. LIKE. I HOPE HE REALIZES????#also like. id love if hed message me first. hes done it before. but there was more to talk about while the sem was still going. now its#like... ok we can talk about exams n grades but now its christmas so like ??????#and like. GOD. is it like... is it TOO MUCH??? to say merry xmas to him?????? or would it be normal?????#im just ???????#GOD. i want him to know i like him but i also uh.... DONT??????? IDK IDK#i also kinda wanna see if we can even be friends outside school. but like HHHHHHHHHH i cant take it. I WANNA SEE HIM XJFIRKRIRFDIODDKHDJZJZ#hhhhhh god pls dont let me be the only one feeling this way istg#im just !!!!!@@@ i never expected this to happen to me ok. but if its Reciprocated. like TRULY. i think i'll actually like. break down#crying JDJDJDJKDKDKDKDKDKX#like Happy tears. like.... Disbelieving tears. hhhhhhhh#but..... n e way. i got this far. and when ppl dont like you they avoid you or come up with excuses. but rather hes moving like Toward me.#like i couldnt have gotten this far without him like.... Participatjng#god its all so new and weird. i just#if youve never felt this way. you probably will one day and wont know what the fuck to do. its all just too weird#literally went from like screamin about sj to like. a guy in my class JDJZKDKKZZMZMZ its fjne. its ok#know hes Cute tho.#thats another thing. i never imagined i could like have someone so Cute.... god. i'll die if he likes me back. hes so so Cute. not my usual#type. like. physically i mean. personality wise hes typical of me NFNFJFJFMFDMDM n e way. hit the tag limit 😳
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is there anyone you ship ichi with? 👀
dragon quest collection for the nintendo switch 🥰🥰
#snap chats#its so he can play dq on the go !!!!!!! switch runs like piss but its ok the latest console in the 2000s was the ps2#plus it just the first three games ported he'll love it#OH BUT REAL TALK ?? yeah no one i guess#idk i just cant see ichi with anyone#Believe It Or Not i really dont ship characters on that note#'snap youre the biggest goddamn fucking liar' OK LET ME ELABORATE#I Really Dont Ship Characters BUT when i do I Fucking Do And I'm Incredibly Annoying About It#i cant tell you what'll get me to ship something it'll just happen. like i can list every ship i like on my fingers from every franchise#maybe on one hand even#like there's shit i'll go 'oh thats cute' to but very rarely something i'll have a rubix cube in my dome about#it's like me getting a favorite character i dont expect it to happen but next thing i know im rotating them in my brain like an SSBB trophy#sorry i suck#speaking of tho i gotta be annoying bout my fave dads BYE
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“you’ve got he/him in your bio but you don’t even try to pass 🙄”
this is because i (a man) love cross-dressing (as a woman) hope that helps
#everyday im lucky enough my agab lets me live the dream 😔#im going for a more humorous note here obvs so real talk ueah id like to look a more masc i love facial hair and sharp jaws#and i look fucking GOOD with them#but a) transitioning physically is a LOT of fucking koney and thats even IF you can land an appointment since every PP in the tristate area#is too full up in their hrt program to accept new patients#and b) no one should feel like they have to change their body if they’re happy with it just to suit what other people think that gender#should look like. its one thing to want to ‘pass’ to live more comfortably and easily in the cisnormative society we’re stuck with at#our jobs and schools and even families#but to hear ‘why dont you try to pass?’ as a blanket expectation of trans people whether or not they experience dysphoria?#congratulations you just invented cis binary gender expectations again 🙄 except THIS time we have to work even HARDER to meet them 🙄
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a bunch of my coworkers are 17 and 18 now so sometimes talking to them gives me psychic damage but today I was talking to one coworker in her 60s and another who's 17 and the 17 year old said he misses being emo ajhdksbs and i was like "it's never too late. join us." and my older coworker said "you'll go through phases" and I went "you say that but I'm 24 and I'm dressed like this" and she looked genuinely taken aback that I'm fully in my 20s and still identifying as an emo lmaoooo
#i was like babe i dont think you can call this a phase anymore.......#i was telling the 17 yr old and another coworker who's actually 22 just normal abt a new alternative/goth/emo store that opened today#and i later mentioned smth to the 22 yr old (age not relevant just dont wanna say his name) abt how i didnt expect to live to see 16#so every time im talking to the 17/18 yr olds and i realize im fucking 24 it punches me in the gut all over again#and he goes 'oh so you were REALLY excited about that emo store' LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO#i was like how dare you. but yes.#important to note im dressed ridiculously fuckin emo rn#i usually look more crust punk but i cant wear that stuff to work so i tend to wear more 2004 emo bullshit from hot topic
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#there's all this talk in the show about the power he had over people but none about the women who had power over him#note im not saying that it excuses his shit either im just saying the eshow never really holds the women accountable#as a woman that annoys me#esp as one with a mom who has often made me feel worthless#i also found the writers to get way too insecure in s5 about how people viewed their main character that they felt the need to double down#give mc a sympathic backstory and will feel bad for him what were they expecting?#heck i felt kinda bad for beatrice and i dont hate her but her dad sucked you cant help but pity her esp as an old lady#angela diaz#scary women#she was so damn convincing#for a show about accountabiity its justall on one mans shoulder and it just doesnt feel like it was that fair shrugs#dont believe me?#ana his publist sexually assaults BJ#this is ignored and brushed off as if it never happened#beatrice his biggest abuser next to his father is given the sad old lady treatment that he acutally ends up being kind too#diane fucks pb who is with pickles and is mostly absolved of any wrong doing on her end#pc agrees to work with vance gets bj to a doc that gives him the opiums and does nothing to stop him from hurting gina#angela is gay the whole time and still fires herb then berates and offers a man who is mentally unstable more alchhol#it also felt tacked on in ep 10 of s5 to me like it came of super insecure#oh he def did shitty sshit that is unforgiveable but it felt like they were just throwing a bunc of random x//a/s to double down
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These two remind me of Emma and Rose- it's so sweet 🥹
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@fitia not only did I not say any of this, I also don't believe this in the slightest. maybe its on me for not putting a star and saying "obv not all X or Y" but my post is complaining about a specific experience with a specific type of person because i was ranting about what I'd just witnessed/experienced. like idk maybe that context and the other personal contexts i'm speaking from dont matter to you and that other person but youre also very much reading an ideology that i do not hold and that frankly doesnt exist in the original post
#angel posts#that thing about making a rant that u expect to get two notes and then it blows up lol#reblogs off just cause i dont want to fill the dash w this#and yeah its only like one response and one rb of that response. but at the same time.#i didnt say that.#and i dont think that.#im talking specifically about one type of person#which other people understood#and the people who know the context of me being Nigerian know Exactly what I'm Talking About
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Im so surprised my mcs art that i made in like maybe 5(?) hrs got more notes than my other drawings w leander that took longer (even the howls moving castle trace look longer lol)
#i guess i shine in my comfort zone#meta#redstrewn talks#litchrally only expected like MAXIMUM 20 notes cuz theyre not the LIs#very surprised. it was only supposed to be a break art for fun#might have taken less time bc i dont remember working nonstop. i posted a wip 5 hours before posting the final version#but then again maybe it only felt like less than 5 bc of hyperfocus 🧐#head-on perspective. no clean lines. no color. fr just speedran that compared to the others#im NOT complaining though im happy people like any of my art at all and im glad my mcs are getting love
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i havent rlly kept up with techno's dad but i saw his ign and just had to check
someone gave him youtube rank fkjhsdgk
#wonder where he got that ign from#im sure he explained it somewhere but i never heard it#keeping up with him is. a bit rough for me tbh. so i dont expect to#i see him in my recommended from time to time tho#i still desperately wanna contact him and figure out if techno's API can be opened up#surely he could tell an admin he wants the profile public and they could just Do That right...#i've given up i'll never know all the questions i have but i am also wondering like. What If one day ya know#chat#making this nonrebloggable bc i dont wanna talk about him. talking about his dad is very He's Dead like there is no way around it#it would flood my notes should this post get outside my circle and i dont want that so it stays here 👍
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#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao#a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head#sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so#i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet#at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me#location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take#measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring#at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which#was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im#just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for#and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do#something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move#like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which#would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data#processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for#vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to#without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding?#idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and#that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it?#anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so#when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok#but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we#just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece#pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked#hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done#unrelated
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played a bit more psychonauts (i just wanted to finish the level i was on bit like. its fun so i ended up walking around on the campgrounds some more) and. i now have been witness to the kind of jokes that make me go “ahhh a game of the 2000s”
#it was a fat joke and the. main characters name is raz. theres a word that rhymes with that huh. it sucks a bit#just back to back...#theres been some other stuff thats made me 🤨design wise and another character i just dont think is that funny#but its been fine mostly. i expected this after all#its something i knew going in obv & that i think the sequel improves on (what with being from 2022 and not 2006)#on a lighter note. the kids are all fun so far (exception mentioned above aside) and i really like the band kids.#theres a lot of dialogue you can hear by just standing nearby... theyre good friends and make music together : )#one of them mentioned a nightmare which makes me curious raz mentioned reading about going into those earlier#so i assume its a thing you can do. ok......#im sleeping now#rosa talk
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