#im just having a WEEK with disability shit

[whelpimnauthuman]

Day two of my body throwing a shit fit and having a seizure because... It felt like it

[naamahdarling]

You know what? You know what I think?

I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.

The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.

I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.

But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.

We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.

That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.

I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.

Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.

I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.

[theropoda]

People really truly lowball the amount of damage, fear and destruction ocd can bring into your life like that shit makes you UNWELL.

[healingheartdogs]

Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.

Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.

[mbat]

i think people should be fully allowed to opt out of working jobs and still be able to live comfortably no matter what their situation is and im not fucking kidding

[stephaniedola]

i know hes my childhood friend and like we def have fun talking about all kinds of things but also hes literally just sooo annoying sometimes about the stupidest things like i simply cannot relate to his level of insecurity and buying into societal rules

[gay-fordeath]

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[endofyourdecadence]

i have some news that i'm very excited about yet simultaneously terrified of sharing, but i really want to share it, so i am begging you to keep your opinions to yourself if you are going to invalidate my identity upon reading the post.

so, i had an (unrelated to gender) endocrinologist appointment today (basically it's the doctor i see for my diabetes but since she's an endo i figured i'd shoot my shot on this), and i worked up the courage to ask my doctor about going on estrogen, as i had my ovaries yeeted five years ago and stopped testosterone three years ago since it was making my dysphoria worse after a certain point. and she agreed to start me on a mid-level dose of estrogen!

i have had a hell of a journey to get to this point, trying to figure out how i'm comfy presenting and what my goals are with regard to transition, with some regrets and missteps along the way. for clarity, i'm cafab intersex and nonbinary. i identified as a binary trans man for years because i didn't know that dysphoric nonbinary people were a thing, and by the time i figured out i wasn't a dude, i had already legally changed my name and gender marker. the gender marker has been changed back to female to match my birth certificate since i'm no longer on testosterone so when i moved to a different state they had to go by my assigned sex at birth, and if they ever legalize marriage for people on the type of disability i'm on, i'll probably just change my first name and middle name when i change my last name to my fiance's. hopefully someday ohio gets an X marker for gender so i don't have to misgender myself on official paperwork.

i was on testosterone for seven years and while a lot of the changes were affirming, the big thing that bothered me was the body shape changes. i have never really wanted an inverted triangle body shape (not a judgment on anyone with that body shape, i just feel as if it's too overtly masculine for me to be comfortable having on myself), and seeing it in the mirror, watching my hips and ass seemingly disappear, made me incredibly uncomfortable. i wouldn't exactly describe it as dysphoria at first, but after a while, it did get to a point where i was dysphoric about it. i have always felt somewhat uneasy around men with broad shoulders and the inverted triangle body shape due to trauma (it makes me feel like they're going to hurt me since they look so strong), and seeing it in the mirror was extremely upsetting.

now, if i'm cafab, why do i need estrogen? well, first of all, by the time i was in my twenties, my ovaries were essentially non-functional due to the whole intersex thing. so at age twenty-two, i had a total hysterectomy where they took my entire internal reproductive system, including the ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix. i'm essentially a cafab eunuch. my body has basically no sex hormones in it anymore, because it is incapable of producing them in an amount that would have any effect on me.

anyway, i'll probably pick up my prescription on monday if my insurance doesn't pitch a fit over my chart still saying my sex is male since they changed it after i got my plumbing yeeted.

[kieren-fucking-walker]

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[transmonstera]

you can add your experience to the tags of something and people will really think you're telling people that's what they should always do huh anyway

[grymmdark]

eaaughhhhh siblings are so hard to have sometimes.....

[orcelito]

OK WAIT here's a ITNL chapter 14 section that's not really spoilers. just a sweet lil section

after this is where it's more Spoilers. but for now. HERE U go. happy birthday vash & also Uhhhh @ ITNL readers I PROMISE i am working on the chapter. things r just hard lol

[em0-snail]

Ramblings in tags

[agayconcept]

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[lunar-fey]

actually fuck this job forever 👍

[honexjams]

everyone who's disabled one way or another and simply has to keep going to work no matter how devistating it is on your body and/or mind, I see you and I love you. that shit is so rough and you're an absolute trooper for keepin it pushin